Tag Archives: Dr. McSteamy

“If You’ve Got It, Flaunt It” – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Can’t Fight Biology”

Well, hello there, Shirtless Jesse Williams!  My, have you “grown” since that Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie!  In fact, I’d very much like to travel in YOUR pants.

Ahh, biology.  It’s just not fair.  You see a picture like the one above, and wonder where YOU were, when they were handing out the chiseled arms and insane abs, in Heaven.  I mean, seriously!  Doesn’t it seem like some people have ALL THE LUCK, gene-wise, while others . . . well . . .DON’T?

It kind of reminds me of this old movie I used to watch, when I was a kid .  .  .

This week’s installent of Grey’s, not surprisingly, given the title, was all about doctors and patients trying to . . . for lack of a better phrase .  . . “fight biology.”  Let’s see how they did, shall we?

You’ve Gotta Fight, For Your Right to Potty!

So, what do you think Meredith is charging for rent, nowadays?  Given the revolving door of roommates she’s had since Season 1, that girl must be making a FORTUNE!  That being said, do you think she’d let ME move in?  I mean, I’d even be willing to sleep in the attic, next to the Christmas Ornaments, like Lexie . . . or on the roof, or in the shower.

They call it a “Frat House.”  I call it a “Fun House.”  It’s all a matter of how you look at things . . .

Unfortunately, Lexie doesn’t agree.  She wants Jackson and April gone . . . well, mostly April . . . she’s not blind after all.  Granted it does seem a bit unfair that April, who moved in after Lexie (presumably, shortly after The Shooting), gets Izzie’s room, while Lexie is stuck in the attic, with the moth balls.

“Why does April get to be New Izzie?  I am so much more like Izzie than April!  April is a TOTAL George!  She’s even socially awkward and celibate, like he was in early Season 1”

Interestingly enough, however, Lexie’s beef is NOT with the room arrangements, but with April, herself.  “I find her annoying,” gripes Lexie.

‘Really, because I find you, much more annoying,” says Christina, matter-of-factly.  (Awww, I love Old Snarky Christina!  I’ve been missing her a lot lately, especially during all this depressing PTSD-stuff.)

COME BACK, Hilariously Grouchy Robot Surgeon, COME BACK!

Meredith, however, kindly tells Lexie to “suck it up.”  After all, Big Grey has got her own problems to deal with.  And those problems come with a name: HOSTILE UTERUS.

According to the obstetrician Meredith and Derek visit at the beginning of the episode, it was likely the hostility of Meredith’s uterus, and not the trauma of The Shooting, that caused Meredith to miscarry.  Therefore, without proper treatment, she very well may miscarry again.

Ever the ray of sunshine, Derek is not the least bit bothered by this news.  “How would you feel if she called your penis, angry or snide?”  Meredith retorts.

‘Touche!”

Back in Newlywed Land, Owen and Christina are searching for a new apartment, when they come upon an Old Firehouse with which Owen becomes immediatley smitten.

“It has a fire pole.”

“See, honey, you see a ‘Fire Pole,’ I see a ‘Stripper Pole.’  It’s all about how you look at things!”

Meanwhile, over in Lesbi-land, Arizona is getting majorly P O’ed, because Mark keeps nosing his way into her “Happy Time” with Callie.

Arizona’s obvious dislike for Mark puts Callie in a tough position, because he is her Bestie with Benefits.  When Callie questions Arizona about her McSteamy Hate, she explains that he “has abs where his soul should be?”  (And that’s a BAD thing?)

As if being soulless wasn’t awful enough, Mark “like totally stares at Arizona’s boobs, like all the time.”

THE HORROR!

Seattle Grace has a new face . . .

Poor Chief Webber!  It has been only a few days, since he resumed the position of “Chief” at the hospital.   And, already, Seattle Grace is having an Identity Crisis.  Who knew The Shooting would be so bad for morale?  Fortunately El Jefe has some ideas about how to bring Seattle Grace back to Numbero Uno. 

The first is to create a wing for Bariatric (a.k.a. weight loss) Surgery.  But in order to create such a wing, Webber would have to tear down the Dead Denny Memorial Clinic.

“Hell to the NO!  I’m not having that man’s ghost haunting me.  Did you SEE what did to Izzie?  He completely ruined her character.

Chief Webber’s next idea to save the hospital’s image is a new advertising campaign.

Hmmm .  . . not bad.  But you know what would be even better?

Now THAT is a place I would go to get my appendix removed and my panties!

What Jackson Avery and Vampires have in common . . .

“You WILL finish reading this recap.  And tell all your friends how many shirtless pictures of ME are in it.  I compel YOU!”

Like most of the doctors at Seattle Grace, Jackson hasn’t quite been “himself” since “The Shooting.”  He’s been repeatedly dropping his pants things, making mistakes, answering questions wrong, and making sloppy notes in his attending’s files.

“You just got called a dumb blonde,” sneers Karev, when he and Jackson overhear Teddy griping about the breathtakingly beautiful doctor. 

This gives Jackson an idea . . .

I bet you didn’t know this, but the Grey’s writers Jackson Avery just so happens to be a BIG fan of vampire television shows, like True Blood and The Vampire Diaries.  And, if you’ve ever watched those shows (and you should, because they are AWESOME), you know that just about once every episode, there’s a scene, where the beautiful vampire will stare directly into the unwitting victim’s eyes, and MAKE him or her do whatever the vampire says.

Well, Jackson may not be a vampire at least, that we know of, but he sure is beautiful enough to be one!  So, he decides to try to mind control Teddy into giving him surgeries.  And  IT WORKS . . .

 . . . at least for about 3 /4ths of the episode.   Teddy gets wise to Jackson’s evil vampire tricks, when she finds him partially nude in the locker room at work . . . obviously, waiting for her to find him like that.

Teddy is TOTALLY turned on PISSED!  She starts peppering Jackson with surgical questions.  And when he answers them correctly, she REALLY lets him have it!  (But not in the way, any of us, were secretly hoping she would 😉 ).

“You are more than the pretty face you make yourself out to be,” Teddy lectures.

She goes on to tell Jackson that, while flubbing up during rounds is not a fireable offense, flirting in the OR IS,which means this WHOLE CAST should have been canned a LONG TIME AGO.  “Put your shirt on, and scrub in,” she seethes, before stalking off.

Teddy is officially my hero  . . . except for the part where she told Jackson to put on his shirt.  That sucked.

“Men Don’t Discriminate, When It Comes To Jugs”

“And women don’t discriminate when it comes to &*^s.”

Speaking of objectification of the human body, throughout the episode, Arizona continues to avoid Mark like the plague — throwing out her best B*tch Face, whenever he tries to talk to Callie in front of her.  This isn’t surprising.  What is surprising, is who ends up putting a stop to it . . . THIS GUY!

Alex explains to Arizona that Mark saved Karev’s life during The Shooting.  he did this, even though, at the time, Karev was sleeping with his girl.  “That doesn’t sound like someone without a soul, does it?”

“So, what if he stares at your boobs?”  Karev continues.  “They’re good boobs.  I stare at them.  Sure, maybe they are lesbian boobs.   But guys don’t discriminate when it comes to boobs.  You should be nice to him, because you love her.”

And so, that was how Arizona came to ask Mark out on a date.  I smell a threesome . . .

Men DO discriminate when it comes to legs . . .

Speaking of Alex, telling Arizona that she had nice boobs wasn’t the only nice thing he did this episode.  (TWO nice things in one hour?  Surely, this has to be some kind of a Karev Record.)  It all started when Alex was doing his Pediatric Rotation with Arizona.  One of the patients he met there, was a young male ballet phenom, who was suffering from bone cancer.

In order to prevent the cancer from spreading, normal medical procedure would suggest that he would need to have his leg amputated.  The young ballet dancer was inconsolate over this suggestion.  Even if he was given the best prosthetic leg that money could buy, he would never be able to dance again.  To prove his point, the ballet dancer performs for Alex and the other doctors, right there in the hospital room.

The dance was touching.  But was even more touching was the boy’s big manly beefcake of a dad’s excited and super proud reaction to it.  Coolest . . . Patient’s  . . . Dad  . . . EVER!  I got teary just watching him.

Alex was affected by the performance too, which was why he HAD to find a way to rescue the dancer’s leg.  Enter April . . .

She of the Energizer Virginity (It keeps going . . . and going), and the Chore Wheels, and the Squeaky Voice.  It is SHE who recalls reading an article about a cadaver bone, which was used as a replacement for a cancerous human bone.  Alex is so overjoyed, he even gives April his fries!

Lexie is PISSED!

Maybe April is the New Izzie, after all . . . 😉

Although they don’t have a cadaver bone, Alex and Co. are able to remove the dancer’s leg bone, clean the cancer out of it, and reinstert it back inside the dancer.  So, the dancer will be able to dance again.  And everybody lives happily ever after . . .

Except Lexie . . .

You see, Girlfriend, has a BAD case of the Green Eyed Monster.  And everytime, she sees Meredith and the rest of the crew paling around with April, you can almost see the little tufts of steam rising out of her ears.

And when Lexie finds out that Meredith told April about her trip to the obstetrician and not her, she EXPLODES!  In fact, she’s pretty sure she’s going nuts, like that crazy lady from Six Feet Under, who drove her car into a laundromat, because her ex husband was in there, washing his new girlfriend’s “delicates.”

WOW, someone REALLY doesn’t like granny panties . . .

Fortunately, Meredith is able to calm Lexie down, by convincing her little sister that “you’re not crazy, you’re a Grey” (i.e. YOU’RE REALLY CRAZY!)

Ultimately, Lexie apologizes to April for being a total BIATCH to her for the past hour.  The pair even manage to reach some sort of a truce, as long as April doesn’t do anything crazy . . . like put up a Chore Wheel in the Meredith Grey Frat House of Love . . .

The part where patients’ suffer, so Meredith and Christina can work out their personal issues . . .

Who needs therapy, when you have a whole hospital full of patients, chock with “life lessons” right at your fingertips?  Christina’s life lesson comes from that lawyer with Aspergers from Boston Legal.  Only, now he is a professor, who eats worms.

*sings*  “Nobody likes me.  Everybody hates me.  I guess I’ll have to go eat WORMS!”

Apparently, the Professor was eating these worms, as part of his research toward finding a cure for asthma.  Ummm . . . eating worms . . . for asthma?  That kind of reminds me of those pharmaceutical commercials that sell medicine for Restless Leg Syndrome.  You know, the ones where the side effects are dry mouth, stroke, heart attack, loss of limbs, and BRUTAL PAINFUL DEATH?

But the Professor, man, he LOVES HIS WORMS!  He loves them so much, in fact, that he would rather risk his own life, than have a vital surgery, because said surgery might kill the worms!  Eventually, however, the Professor finds himself completely out of options.  Worms be damned.  Surgery is a MUST.  So, the Professor pleads with Christina to save the worms.  “When you love something, you will do anything for it,” he says.

Unfortunately, Christina is unable to save the Professor’s precious worms following surgery.

Wow, I can’t believe this show actually has the power to make me cry over DEAD WORMS! Way to go, Grey’s!

But her talk with the Professor, convinced her to return to surgery, FINALLY reminded her of how much she loves Owen.   In fact, she loves him so much, that she got him the apartment with the stripper fire pole!

YIPPEE!

For Meredith’s part, she meets a patient, who is just starting to show signs of Huntington’s disease.  However, rather than spend her last few “normal” months going to doctors and getting tests, she decides to take a trip to Brazil, and do lots of fun slutty things with Hot Sexy Latino Men.

MY KINDA LADY!

This gets Meredith to thinking about her mother’s struggles with early onset Alzheimers, and whether she too has the gene.  Meredith decides to let Christina take her blood and test her for it.  However, while the results are sitting at the lab, Meredith tells Derek what she has done, and he feels differently about it than she does.

Derek doesn’t want he and Meredith to spend the rest of their sort-of young lives fearing the inevitable.  He wants to have LOTS OF SEX (yay!), and work, and drink, and do all those other things we typically associate with “normal” life.  “Let’s just live,” concludes Derek.

Do YOU agree with him?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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10 Things I Learned from Watching Grey’s Anatomy’s “Shock to the System”

“Is this going to be on the exam?”

I suspect that there are many of you out there who only watch Grey’s Anatomy for the “mushy-gushy relationship stuff” .  . .

 . . . the bizarro plotlines involving psycho serial killers . . .

 . . . the hot hallucinatory Ghost Sex . . .

. . . and the abundance of Sexy Shirtless Men . . .

(NEWS FLASH:  Nearly Naked Dr. Avery!  Coming Soon to a TV Near You, October 14th!  Never has the invention of HDTV been more appreciated . . .)

And while all of the above are perfectly valid reasons to watch this long-running show, what many fans fail to realize, is that Grey’s Anatomy is also a treasure trove of life lessons for us all!

So, without further adieu, let’s look back at the lessons we learned from this week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy, “Shock to the System.”

1)  If you wish to fake an emotional breakthrough with your shrink, so that he will clear you to return to work (or, at least, trade those LAME anti-depressants he currently has you on, for the AWESOME uppers you’ve been eyeing since you started therapy), bad mascara and crumbly tissues are not enough . . .

Particularly if, even after crying, you still look like you belong in a Banana Republic magazine advertisement . . .

Drastic times call for drastic measures.  And in this situation, Ugly Cry Face is required.  Here are a few examples of what I mean:

Then again, if your name is “Meredith Grey,” and you are on a show called GREY’S Anatomy, you’ll be back at work after two episodes, anyway.  So, you might not even need to resort to this . . .

2) Those who lie down with criminals  . . .

 . . . wake up smelling like pee . . .

(and sometimes unwittingly attract new boyfriends named “Vito.”)

3) It may come as a shock to you, but there are some TV Watchers and (patients at Seattle Grace) . . .

 . . . who stopped watching Grey’s Anatomy after the third season.

Shocking . . . yes . . . but entirely plausible.  As a result of their Grey’s -watching negligence, these individuals may truly believe that Christina Yang is still involved with Dr. Preston Burke . . .

 . . . and that Isaiah Washington was never fired from the show . . .

“Well, THAT was awkward!”

While we are on the subject, here are some other aspects of the show about which these erstwhile Grey’s fans might be confused:

“Who are half these people?”

“Where the heck are George and Izzie?”

 

“So, Callie is a lesbian, now?”

4) When trying to convince your colleagues that you aren’t Bat Sh*t Crazy . . .

 . . . screaming at them “That’s ME, I’m the CRAZY ONE!” and running around the hospital muttering loudly to yourself, “She never saw it coming!  She never saw it coming!”  OMG!  She never saw it coming!” will probably not help your cause. 

Oh . . . and while we are at it . . . just because one of your patients is crying . . .

 . . . doesn’t mean it has to do with YOU and YOUR PROBLEMS.  Strange as it may seem, THE WORLD DOESN’T REVOLVE AROUND YOU!!!!!

Regardless, of what HE might lead you to believe . . .

5) If you play a lesbian couple on a show that predominately caters to straight females . . .

. . . the best you can hope for in a storyline is some comic relief-esque banter involving room decoration and paint swatches.

Thanks for playing!  Better luck next time!

6) If Miranda Bailey is touching your boobies, in the middle of a hospital hallway .  . .

 . . . your secrets WILL come out . . .

. . . even if she has to wrench them from your body with a pair of barely sterilized tweezers!

7) When THIS GUY says you are not ready to do surgeries . . .

 . . . you are NOT READY TO DO SURGERIES!

No “ifs” “ands” or “buts” about it, MISSY!

8 ) Are you single?  Feeling lonely?  Unappreciated by the men (or women) in your life?

Worry not!  Getting the objects of your desire to notice you is EASY!

Just get STRUCK BY LIGHTENING, along with all the men of your dreams!

You’ll be beating them off with a stick in NO TIME!  (No really . . . you’ll probably end up wanting to physically beat them.)

9) If your boyfriend is a shrink, and most of your dates are spent with you just talking, and him just “listening” . . .

 . . .  you’re not in a “relationship,” you’re in “therapy.”  Then again, with healthcare plans being what they are today, WHO CARES? 

But, if he ever sends you a bill for his “services,” it’s probably time for you two to have “the talk.”  (The phrase “quid pro quo” might come in handy . . . just saying.)

And finally . . .

10) If you lost your husband’s baby during a tragic accident . . .

 . . . and haven’t told him yet, just bite the bullet and DO IT!

If he’s anything like Dr. McDreamy, he’ll be totally cool with it!  And if he’s not . . . well . . . you wouldn’t want his Ugly Ass Baby, ANYWAY!

So, there you have it —  Ten Lessons learned from this week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy.  Consider yourself SCHOOLED!

[www.juliekushner.com]

 

 

 

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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Physician Assisted Suicide are NOT FUNNY AT ALL – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Suicide is Painless”

Depression hurts.  Television recaps don’t have to  . . .

I’m going to be honest.  I’ve been putting off writing this week’s Grey’s Anatomy recap.  The episode aired two days ago now, and I’ve been staring at blank screen. 

It’s not that the episode wasn’t a good one.  It was.  It’s just that when I write these recaps, I like to try to make them a little bit funny.  And, really, there is NOTHING FUNNY about patients dying of cancer, or physician-assisted suicide, or PTSD, or war flashbacks involving explosions, punctured cartoid arteries, and lost limbs.  Sure, I could TRY to make some jokes about these things.  But that would probably just make me look like a total Poopyhead .  . .

 . . . and NO ONE likes a Poopyhead.

Then again, this past week, I had precisely the same problem with the most recent episode of Lost (Dead wives during the late 19th century, and philosophical discussions about Heaven and Hell / Good and Evil are not really funny EITHER!)  But my recap of THAT EPISODE remains my most popular blog posting to date.  So, I’ve decided to suck it up, and give it the “old college try.” 

Below, please find some of my thoughts on this “Very Special” episode of Grey’s Anatomy.  I’ll try not to bring you down too much . . .

What I Liked About The Episode . . .

(1)

Sara Gilbert was spectacular as this episode’s fairly big-name guest star.  Her performance as a young woman dying of cancer, who has made the decision to end her life through physician-assisted suicide, was understated, moving, and beautifully heartbreaking.  Gilbert transformed herself so much for the role, that you could almost forget she was once tomboy goth Darlene from Roseanne . . .

 . . . almost.

(2)

Kevin McKidd also did an excellent job portraying Dr. Owen Hunt’s struggles throughout the episode, as a doctor whose PTSD symptoms were re-emerging and once again beginning to adversely affect his work and personal life.  In the character’s highly Lost-esque war flashbacks, you truly experienced the doctor’s anguish and guilt over having submitted to his army superior’s request to let the latter bleed out, following an explosion, after the pair waited for hours, alone in the desert, for help they truly believed would never arrive.  Of course, moments after Hunt’s superior passes on, a helicopter does come.  Hunt is understandably both heartbroken and traumatized.

(3)

Say what you will about Dr. Owen Hunt, but his character has truly brought out the best in Christina Yang, in a way that the pompous and sleezy Dr. Burke never did.

“Shhhh, I’m an ASSHAT.  Don’t tell anyone!”

Formerly known for her hideous bedside manner, and frequent inability to connect with patients on any level, Dr. Yang supported Sara Gilbert’s character in a manner that was uncharacteristically warm, quiet, and appropriately sensitive to the patient’s difficult situation.  Some might have felt her honesty with the character and her husband regarding, the extra tests the hospital conducted on her, was brash and unnecessary.  However, I felt it truly illustrated her respect, and sympathy, for these individuals, as well as for her superior Teddy, who truly believed that what she was doing for her patient was the right thing to do.

(4)

Not-So-In with the “In Crowd”

I LOVED Old Chief Webber’s feeble attempts to fit in with the other residents.  “She’s hot!  I’d totally hit her,” says Old Chief.  (Never have unintentional references to domestic violence been so hilarious!)

(5)

Seriously?  I could watch this guy on the screen for an entire day and not get bored.  Why won’t the writers give him MORE TO DO?  Talk about a waste of awesomeness!  Dr. Avery’s speech to Meredith, which included not one, not two, but THREE mixed Dr. Seuss metaphors was PURE GENIUS . . . not to mention, adorable.  Come on, how many hot guys do you know, who can talk about . . .

and

while still seeming manly?

What I DIDN’T Like About the Episode . . .

(1)  See complaint above re: the writers not giving Dr. Hotness enough to do . . .

 . . . just in case you had forgotten what he looks like.

(2)

McDouche

It seems like every time they redeem a formerly-asshole character (McSteamy and Old Chief), they have to bring another one back down to D-bag status.  Dr. Shepherd’s “Is that all?”  comment when Meredith came to tell him about the complex surgery she was awarded, literally caused steam to come out of my ears.  Then, to make matters worse, he was a TOTAL PRICK to Old Chief and STOLE the complex coveted surgery from Meredith and “Second Shepherd” or whatever it is they call that sweetly dorky attending, nowadays!

And how much punishment did McDreamy receive for his bad behavior?  NONE!  Old Chief responding by giving Derek chiefly advice on how to balance surgeries with administrative work.  He even offered to SIT WITH HIM AT LUNCH.  (Then again, it’s not like Loser Boy has a whole lot of options . . .) 

But what really got my goat was Meredith!  Her surgery was stolen right out from under her nose, and she LAUGHED IT OFF!  I know Dr. Hotness Avery is charming and all, but even WITH his mesmeric Dr. Seussical advice, the OLD MEREDITH would have put a cap in Shepherd’s ASS for treating her that way!

Dark and twisty?  Or Stepford Wifey?

(3)

Dr. Owen HURTS

I know that I praised Kevin McKidd for his performance during this episode.  My beef here is definitely not with him.  I get that the Dr. Hunt character is supposed to be all complex and layered, and stuff.  But come on!  Lighten up a bit, would ya?  Life is good!  Izzie is gone!  This means that you’ve probably just been promoted got a raise!  Take a chill pill dude!  Attend a yoga class, have some sex with Yang . . . whatever it takes!

Speaking of sex . . .

(4)

“Why are we PG?”

Don’t fade to black just before we can get to the good stuff, Grey’s.  If you haven’t figured it out yet, most of your fans tune in for the hot people and the sex (the medical stuff is just gravy . . .).

(5)

Another baby storyline?  Meh . . . See my complaint above.  Lesbian sex is cool too, and might even up the male-viewing quotient.

That’s all folks!  See you next week!

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Happy-Get-Lucky: A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Perfect Little Accident”

Remember back when Grey’s Anatomy was a HAPPY show, one filled with hot cast members, snappy one-liners, and adorable on-call room hijinks?  A show that was light on the medical mysteries but SUPER HEAVY on the sex?  That was the Grey’s I loved . .  . the one that made me squeal with delight, as I settled in front of the television, every Thursday night, for my weekly dosage of McDreamy goodness. 

 As the seasons progressed, however, I started to see less and less of that Grey’s.  Eventually, I began to wonder whether I would ever see it again . . .

But just as I was about to write off the series as being past its prime, Grey’s goes and airs an episode like this one.  It was a feel-good episode, one where doctors joked with and smiled at one another, and the patients you cared about actually survived.  During “Perfect Little Accident,” our favorite Grey’s characters didn’t just get screwed, they got lucky.  Everybody came out a winner last night, the fans included.

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, just thinking about it . . .

So, without further adieu, let’s let the happy healing begin, shall we?

Happy Vah-jay-jay Day!

At least at Seattle Grace, yesterday was a great day NOT to have a weiner . . .

“Hey!  I resemble that remark!”

During “Perfect Little Accident,” it was the women who scored, both in the ER and in the bedroom.  Throughout the hour, the members of the fairer sex uttered the funniest lines, doled out the best advice, and had the most fun.  In short, “Perfect Little Accident” was just chock full of GIRL POWER!

Hey look!  It’s Victoria Beckham and . . . those other girls who’s names I can’t remember.

Even the typically mopey Meredith and dour-faced Christina appeared positively perky and well-adjusted last night.  Did I mention that the episode ended with a “Girls’ Night,” during which the entire female component of the cast bonded during a lighthearted game of softball?  It doesn’t get much more women’s lib-ey than that!

But if I absolutely had to pick a winner for the “luckiest” female character from last night’s episode, Lexie Grey would have taken the prize.  Ever since she ditched old fogey Sloan (we’ll get to him in a bit) and dyed her hair blond, Lexie has literally been getting lucky all over the place. 

In the episode’s opening moments, Lexie is nude in bed, trying to decide on a seductive pose with which to greet her latest sexcapade partner, Alex the Uber Slut.  This seems like a lot of wasted effort to me.  After all, a rotten banana could probably seduce Alex without trying that hard . . .

“You’re asking me what my ‘type’ is?  Do you have a pulse?  Then, we are good to go.  Wait . . . no pulse?  I’d be willing to negotiate . . .”

(By the way, don’t get me wrong.  I love Lexie’s glamorous new look.  But don’t you think the makeup department is overdoing it just a bit with her?  While the rest of the female doctors on the show sport natural, no-fuss, looks, that appear at home in an ER — lately, Sexy Lexie looks more like she’s ready to attend some snooty awards gala than change a colostomy bag . . .)

Back at the hospital, Meredith and Christina warn Lexie about getting too up-close and personal with Dr. McManWhore.  “Emotionally, Alex is like me three years ago,” explains Meredith.

When Lexie assures the girls that she does not have romantic feelings for Alex, neither of them buy it.  “Your heart lives in your vagina,” argues Christina (yes, they actually used the word VAGINA on ABC . . . like three times, actually – I was shocked!)

Unlike Nikki from HBO’s Big Love, Lexie has a Happy Vagina, and, likely, a Happy Uterus, as well . . .

Despite the girls’ taunts, Lexie proves herself true to her word.  When Alex accuses her of becoming overly emotional, and blabbing about their sex life to her ex —  Lexie really lets him have it.  “If you can’t handle being used for sex, then, please, just tell me, so I can find a guy who can,” demands Lexie.

Well, that’s all it took.  Alex was seduced . . . AGAIN.  The pair found an on-call room in which to screw eachother’s brains out, mere seconds later.

Dr. Feel Good

Lexie may have been having the BEST no-frills sex last night, but her ex, Mark Sloan a.k.a Dr. McSteamy, was having the MOST.  Within the episode’s hour, he was seen banging a pharmaceutical rep, a nurse, and the daughter of a patient who came in for leg surgery, but ended up getting her hearing fixed by the God of Plastic Surgery, himself (I’m still not quite sure how the latter medical miracle happened, but, as a plot device, I guess it worked). 

And yet, despite all the Luuuve, Sloan was the one person in this episode who wasn’t particularly happy.  If Lexie’s heart is in her vagina, Sloan’s brain is in his penis.  Despite the fact that McSteamy was “spreading his seed” all over the damn place, he still didn’t want his ex Lexie doing the same thing (well, not spreading her seed exactly, because she’s a girl, but . . . oh, never mind!).  So Sloan did what all “Real Men” do in situations like this, he whined like a bitch.

“Who you calling a bitch?”

When Sloan wasn’t getting it on with some floozy during this episode, he was callously and immaturely berating fellow male slut, Alex, kicking him out of surgeries, and generally peeing all over him.  At the end of the episode, Sloan confronted Alex and sort of apologized for his misbehavior.  And, yet, doing so didn’t make him look like any less of a WEINERHEAD.

“OK.  Now you’re just making me mad!”

Three’s a Crowd .  . . Pleaser

“So, this is what smiling feels like?  I like it . . .”

You know who wasn’t a weinerhead at all during this episode?  Christina Yang!  My girl, Christina, was just filled with mature and well-adjusted awesomeness last night.  It all started when she encouraged her boyfriend, Owen, to become friends with Dr. Teddy, even though the latter is obviously still in love with the former.  Owen, clearly tired of the awkwardness between him and his former best friend, gratefully complied with Christina’s request, by inviting Teddy over for dinner with Christina and him. 

It would appear that the threesome is heading down the road to a healthy and happy friendship, except for the fact that Christina appears to be a bit enamored with Teddy, as well.  “I’m in love with Teddy,” Christina admitted to Meredith, in what was an unusually candid moment between the pair.  “I can’t help it, my heart is in my scalpel.”

Christina’s realization came after her and Teddy saved the life of a young lung cancer patient, who was seemingly a lost cause, by performing a highly experimental ex vivo lung transplant on him.  The process involved taking the damaged lungs of a recently deceased patient and repairing those lungs during the bypass surgery.  When it comes to Christina Yang, nothing is more seductive than a complex and high profile surgery.  The thrill she experienced as a result of her victory more than made up for the faux pas she committed when misdiagnosing medical legend, Dr. Harper Avery . . .

We Don’t Know Jackie . . .

 

  . . . but we wish we did!

 . . . and we fear we may never get the chance!

 Christina wasn’t the only doctor who got a bit tongue-tied when Dr. Avery, a surgeon so famous they named an award after him, arrived at the hospital, as a patient.  Most of the staff at Seattle Grace appeared to be just a bit starstruck by this brilliant, if slightly pompous and ornery, man.  (The role was handled with aplomb by the inimitable Chelcie Ross, who you may remember as the successful, but slightly pompous and ornery, Conrad Hilton on Mad Men). 

“I thought your grandchild’s name was Paris?”

Unlike the rest of the staff, Jackson Avery (a.k.a Pretty Boy, a.k.a. the Hotness Monster, a.k.a the only Mercy Wester I can actually stomach) was far from starstruck by the legend’s arrival. Instead, he was annoyed and uncomfortable.  After all, Dr. Harper Avery is none other than Jackson’s grandfather.  And Jackson would like nothing more than to live outside of his Pop Pop’s admittedly large shadow.  To further complicate matters, Dr. Avery (1) needed surgery; (2) wished for it to be performed on him while he was still awake; (3) and wanted the newly sober Dr. Webber to perform the procedure during his first non-Chief day back on the job.

Nu-Chief Shepherd was adamantly against the idea, but Webber seemed determined to go through with it.  Off they rushed to the Operating Room, with Jackson and Meredith Grey (herself no stranger to having to live up to the medical legacy of a famous, but obnoxious relative) both providing assistance.  Apparently, Avery is just as big of a pain in the ass on the operating table as off it.  The dude just WOULD NOT shut up! 

More like a sports caster than a patient, Avery felt the need to detail the play-by-play of his surgery to the doctors performing it.  Knowing that Meredith was Ellis Grey’s daughter, he interrogated her regarding whether she would accept a prestigious medical internship from her now-deceased mother, an option Jackson turned down, when it was offered to him by his grandfather.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, Dr. Avery went as far as to critique the type of tools Webber was using to perform the surgery.

Although the initial surgery appeared to go off without a hitch, Dr. Avery experienced some adverse reactions during recovery.  Webber, fearing that he had botched surgery on a legend, offered to step back from the case, before Avery went under the knife a second time.  However, Nu-Chief Shepherd wouldn’t have it.  Believing that regaining confidence in his surgical abilities would help ensure Webber’s continued sobriety, Shepherd urged Webber to get back on the proverbial horse, and complete the surgery himself. 

Ultimately, the doctors learned that Dr. Avery’s post-surgical complications were the result of his being allergic to the surgical tools that he, himself, had demanded that Dr. Webber use.  Thus, it was Dr. Avery who effectively botched his own surgery, not Webber.  Fortunately, the second surgery was a successful one.  After it, Meredith confrontedJackson, urging him to make peace with his grandfather, study with him, and learn from him, all things that Meredith never got the chance to do with her mother  . . .

NOOOOOO!  Don’t leave me Doctor Hotness!  Let Grandpa Avery take your annoying and sniveling Mercy West friends instead . . .

Here’s my issue with Meredith’s “sage advice.”  A couple of reliable entertainment sources have informed me that TWO former Mercy West doctors will be leaving the show ASAP.  Since Sarah Drew’s character, April, JUST returned a couple of weeks ago, the actress will likely stick around for at least  a little while longer.  That leaves three other possibilities for the imminent departures:

 . . . this girl . . .

 . . . this guy AND

Dr. Hotness.

Two will go, but only ONE will stay.  Who will it be?

It’s probably no secret, by now, which one I want to keep around.  And yet, Dr. Hotness can’t very well be hanging around Seattle Grace while “learning” and “training” under Grandpa Conrad Hilton Harper Avery, now can he?

Here’s hoping that this article is correct, which would mean that I am worrying myself over nothing.  Because, if things don’t go my way, I might just feel the need to send Shondra Rhimes the fashion accessory shown below:Any questions?

Well, that was our show!  What did you think?  Are you a fan of the Christina, Owen and Teddy threesome?  Do you like Lexie’s new super-coiffed Surgical Barbie look?  Are you as freaked out by the prospect of a Dr. Hotness departure as I am?

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