You Better Knock on Wood! – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “The Murder of One”

“Hey Rebekah, would you mind if we finish reenacting your favorite scene from Fifty Shades of Grey, later?  I kind of have to pee.” 

Greetings, Fangbangers!  Our favorite vampire show has become quite the merciless tease, hasn’t it?

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The promos promised us Open Season on Originals . . . a veritable Vampire Bloodbath . . . our heros, armed with more stakes than they had targets. “The odds ever in their favor.”

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What we got was one lowly kill, of a character who’s claim to fame was literally being a Creepy Mama’s Boy.  Also, dude couldn’t fight worth a sh*t.  (Let’s face it, my grandma would have put up more of a fight than Finn did.)  Then again, in his defense, if you had spent the last 900 years napping, you’d probably be a bit off your game too.

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Additionally, the promos promised us intensely erotic Delena kisses.

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What we got was a Dream Sequence . . .

. . . oldest trick in the book . . . And yet, I manage to fall for it Every Single Time.

Shame on me.

Petty frustrations aside, there WAS definitely some fun to be had during “The Murder of One.”  For starters, we were treated to a rather clever twist on the concept of “Vampire Family.”  (So, which Original do you think sired Rose?)

Mommy? 

In related news, our Scooby Gang reached new levels of stupidity, when it willing ARMED the serial killer . . . again.  (They really would have been better off hiding the stake in the soapdish . . .)

So, stroke . . . er . . . I mean sharpen your woody . . . and chain up your half-naked pet vampire.  Because it’s time for another TVD-cap . . .

(As always, special thanks to my expert screencapper, Andre for the filled with awesomesauce screencaps you see here.)

“Shhh . . . be very, very quiet.  We’re hunting Originals.”

“Elena, please stop hounding me for sex.  You are starting to sound a little desperate.” 

Truth be told, Damon is acting a little cagey, when Elena pops by the site of Alaric’s “house arrest,” to drop off the latter’s Breakfast of Psycho Killer Champions.  The dark-haired vampire seems unusually eager for the love of his life to leave.  In fact, he pretty blatantly rebuffs her attempts to cross the threshhold into the apartment.

(And we all know how much Damon and Elena generally enjoy their bedroom rendezvous.)

Something is definitely UP, but what could it be?

Perhaps, Bad!Alaric has gone on a rampage, and destroyed the house?  Or, maybe the two bromantic buddies are having a dance-off.  Maybe, Damon and Alaric are watching a Lifetime movie together.  And they have just reached the part where Tori Spelling finally escapes her wife beating-shrew of a husband, and finds her way into the waiting arms of the mildly attractive B-list actor, who loved her all along . . .

“Funny . . . I always thought the most dangerous weapon in the world was in my pants . . .” 

It isn’t until after Damon closes the door in Elena’s face, that we find out what he’s really hiding . . . It’s his morning wood . . .-en stakes, that is.  That’s right, boys and girls!  It turns out that Psycho Killer Alaric Saltzman is a whiz with a buzz saw!  (Take that, crazy family from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.) 

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And Damon?  Well, he can whittle like nobody’s business!  Their Herculean efforts (combined with Stefan’s griping and complaining about his wood not being sufficiently erect) turn an old lame wooden bridge sign, into no less than TWELVE lean, mean, Originals- killing machines . . .  (Though part of me thinks they could have had more, if they made them a little smaller.  Silly men – always so preoccupied with the size of their sticks . . .)

Then, because five whole minutes have passed in the episode without anyone having done anything stupid, Damon and Stefan convince Psycho!Alaric to not only NOT turn himself in to the cops, but also to wear his “Jamaican Me Crazy” ring, for sh*ts and giggles.  Then . . . they actually GIVE this lunatic a stake!!!  Can you believe it?

Speaking of Psycho!Alaric, Elena tells Caroline that she should TOTALLY forgive him for murdering her father.  After all, it’s not his fault that he has REALLY bad taste in jewelry!

“It could be worse, he could have a Jamaican Me Crazy Nipple Ring . . .” 

Just like it’s not Caroline’s fault that she used to sometimes drink her favorite B Positive Blood from peoples’ necks, instead of using a straw, like the rest of us . . .

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After all, everybody knows that if Elena chose to turn her back on her friends and lovers JUST because they were serial killers, she wouldn’t have any friends at all!  (Plus, she’d pretty much never, ever get laid.)

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Caroline is super impressed by Elena’s Mother Theresa-esque attitude toward supernatural murderers.  So, she vows to be more tolerant of her father’s stake-wielding, cold blooded killer, in the future.  All  together now: Awwwww!

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As it turns out, Elena and Caroline aren’t just frolicking in the woods for their health.  They have a date with destiny!  Stefan has gathered the entire Scooby Gang . . . and Matt . . . in order to indoctrinate them into Team Kill Originals.

“No, Damon!  Everytime you make us play shirts versus skins, Vampire Killers, you always make us be skins.  It’s not fair!” 

“I can take off my pants, if that helps.  (I’m not wearing any underwear.)” 

And why shouldn’t everyone get to play?  There are plenty of stakes to go around!  Plus, since Mommy Original Witch’s spell has succesfully linked the family’s lives together, all the group needs to do is manage to kill ONE Original, and the rest of them will die shortly thereafter.

Now, surely, this stalwart crew of monsters, murderers and  . . Matt . . . can manage to kill one measley vampire, right?

Well . . .

On one hand, I adored the lighthearted nature of this “training” scene.  I smirked when Elena got to “roleplay” Klaus.  And I smiled again, when Caroline, (a.k.a. Klaus Bait) got to roleplay Rebekah.  My only gripe with this scene was that I thought there should have been a whole lot less planning, and a whole lot more .  . . STABBING of things.  Just sayin.’

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Finn Mikaelson . . . you are The Weakest Link.

Little does the Scooby Gang know that an Originals-Killing opportunity is closer at hand, than they think.  As it turns out, The World’s Most Self-Loathing Vampire (though, it could be argued that his vampire-eating, father hated himself more), did not actually leave town, as initially suspected.  In fact, he’s wandering around the Mystic Falls’ town square, RIGHT NOW.  It is here, where brother and sister dearest, Klaus and Rebekah corner him, and drag him back to their family lair.

“Check out those pects!  Have you been working out?” 

But Klaus and Rebekah are no dummies.  They know, full well, that they can catch more flies with honey, than with Finn-egar.   (See what I did there?)  Knowing that Finn will not guard his  life, to save his own siblings, they opt to offer him another reason to live  .  . . a.k.a. his lover girl, Sage . . . the boxing mind raper.  (Well, we all know who wore the pants in THAT relationship.)

Personally, my impression of Finn has always been that the only woman he’s ever dreamed about being horizontal with, is the one who breast fed him.  But hey, at least cares enough about Sage to put off whacking himself, long enough to accompany her to the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls for some bottom shelf tequila.  Ahhh, true love!

“He always shouted out, ‘Mommy,’ whenever we had sex.  I thought it was a cute pet name . . . until that time, when his mother tried to climb into bed with us  . . .”

Well, hello, there, Bondage Damon!

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Damon and Alaric (Wait . . . they are letting the Psycho Killer out of the house now?  What happened to house arrest?)  . . .

Then again, maybe some fresh air wouldn’t hurt . . .

 . . . are busy hiding their Originals-killing stakes.  When Damon decides to hide his in the fire kindling, Alaric hilariously reminds him of the “Moonstone in the Soapdish” incident.  Crazy Train is right, Damon.

Hiding valuable objects in plain sight might not be the best idea, in this instance.  . .

Unfortunately, Damon is about to have bigger problems than merely choosing a poor hiding place for his surrogate weiner.  Suddenly, Alaric has been knocked out cold, by an unseen force.

Alaric: “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

Alaric’s alter ego: “Suck it up, loser!  We’ve got people to kill!” 

Next thing you know, Damon is being staked in the gut, to the point of unconsciousness.  “Hello, lover,” coos Rebekah, as she drags her “ex boyfriend” out of the house.  Well, that’s one way to let a guy know you are interested . . .

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This is another . . . 

Sometime during the commercial break, Rebekah, the sadist – who was none too happy to learn that Damon had used her body for sex, and then mind-raped her too boot (I don’t know, sounds like a pretty great time to me) has taken the opportunity to chain Damon to her ceiling.

Now, that’s a lot of heavy hardware to have just “lying around” your new mansion.  In fact, it made me wonder where one goes to purchase such a contraption.  (Something tells me an S&M sex shop wouldn’t do particularly good business in an old-fashioned town, like Mystic Falls.  Then again, considering about ¾ of the people we’ve met who live there are bloodthirsty vampires, witches, and werewolves, perhaps some intrepid entrepreneur capitalized on what he saw as a good business opportunity.)

Question, fangbangers:  Does the fact that I was turned on by the sight of an open-shirted Damon chained to the ceiling make me a bad person?  I strongly suspect that it does.  Then again, unless this is the first recap of mine that you are reading, you probably already knew I was a bad person, anyway, and have decided to withhold judgment against me for it.  So, thank you for that.

You know what’s nifty about the Salvatores?   (Yes, I just used the word “nifty.”  1954 has been calling me ever since I typed it, asking that I return the word to its proper decade.)  They even bleed pretty.  Back in “As I Lay Dying” the makeup department did a pretty awesome job  of making the gorgeous Ian Somerhalder genuinely look like a sickly vampire, mere moments away from suffering the True Death.

But this time, Bondage Damon just looked like a gogo dancer at an S&M themed strip joint . . . one who’d been splattered with red body paint to accentuate his perfectly muscled abs.

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Klaus must have noticed this too.  Upon seeing Damon Salvatore, The Extra Large Christmas Tree Ornament Version, he suggested that Rebekah HANG HIM UPSIDE DOWN.  Now, that is something I would have liked to have seen!  (I suspect Ian and his agents would likely have disagreed to that though.)  The implied method to Klaus’ awesomeness madness is that an upside down Damon can be bled for vervain much faster than one that is right side up, which would make him a quicker candidate for compulsion.

Rebekah balked at the idea . . . not necessarily because it was a bad one . . . but, more so because it was Klaus’ idea.  And Rebekah can torture her ex boyfriends just fine, without his help, thank you very much.  Also, I suspect, based that Rebekah was much more interested in torturing Damon and making him bleed, than actually .  . . oh, I don’t know . . . making him do something useful for the Original’s cause.  Such motivation (or lack thereof) is kind of consistent with who Rebekah is as a character, I think.  She’s never really been one to concern herself with mundane things like “goals, plans, and  . . . logic.”

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In other words, it’s all “id” all the time, for this chick . . .

Mystic Falls, we have a problem . . .

Unlike Bonnie, who never seems to pick up her cell phone, or return anyone’s calls (It looks like someone got a bad cell phone plan at Witchmart), Damon is usually rather chatty.

So, when Alaric has no clue where Damon has gone, and the latter is not answering his phone, Stefan knows that something is drastically wrong.  He tells Elena to hold off on staking Finn in the town square, because the Team is in trouble.

Upon hearing about that Damon might have been captured by the enemy, Elena immediately campaigns for a rescue mission.  “Please Stefan,” she says “Rescue your brother, because I strongly suspect he is half naked, and, back when you were chained to a ceiling half-naked by older vampires, he dropped everything to go out in the rain and rescue you.   Also, I’m in love with the guy, and would very much like to bone him” Elena says (more or less).

Stefan replies, “Meh, maybe later.  Killing Originals is wayyyy more important than my brother’s life. He’ll understand” (failing to realize, of course, that because Damon has been captured BY AN ORIGINAL, this would be an excellent opportunity to kill two birds with one stake.)”

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*clears throat*

Elena pouts in frustration.  But will she defy her exes instrustions to rescue his brother?  Only time will tell . . .

Damn you, promo makers.  DAMN YOU!

Rebekah may not be her brother’s equal, when it comes to Concocting Plans of World Domination / Vampire vervain draining, but she can definitely hold her own, when it comes to psychological torture.  Later on in the episode, we see a fully drained and rather pale Damon, still chained alone in the grand hall area, when a “mysterious female figure” approaches him.  It’s “Elena.”  “Elena” looks at Damon with obvious concern, as he weakly motions for her to free him from his chains.

“If you wanted to be kinky, Damon, a pair of fuzzy handcuffs would have been much cheaper.”

Damon’s body collapses into Elena’s, as the two stumble dramatically toward the exit, calling to mind a similar situation that occurred back in “As I Laying Dying.”  But Damon is too weak from loss of blood, and he falls to the floor, zapped of strength.  “I’m not leaving you,” Elena says heroically, cupping her lover’s face in her hands, as she offers him her wrist.  “Drink, she says.”

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And drink he does.  It’s so sweet and erotic, that you really can’t blame the pair for wanting to make out, afterwards, despite the fact that they are minutes away from being discovered and killed by ORIGINAL VAMPIRES.  (What can you do?  The tongue wants what it wants.)

Then, Damon awakens to a triumphant looking Rebekah, who clearly planned the entire hallucination.

Well . . . that BITES! I throw my shoe at the television, in disgust . . .

 Between a Rock and a Klaus Place

Damon may not be having the best day, but it might give him comfort to know he isn’t the only Team Scooby, who’s stuck being an Original’s b*tch, this week.  Klaus has Bonnie, who he has been holding under duress to perform the spell that will unlink the Original siblings lives.  When Bonnie claims not to know any such spell, Klaus threatens Jeremy’s life (via Kol, who’s secretly watching the future serial killer), and the life of her errant mother.

This recap has been brought to you by Apple iPhone . . . 

Suddenly, Bonnie’s memory returns to her.  (It’s a miracle!)  She mumbles a bit over the blood of the Originals, and it starts to escape in separate directions.  And, just like that, the spell has been completed.  Well, that was easy . . .

How many friggin candles does this chick have?  Seriously, she must light about 30 in every episode.  And they are always these boring white ones too.  A little color wouldn’t hurt, ya know?

On the way out of Klaus House, Bonnie catches sight of Bondage Damon, and opts to leave him there rotting, when Klaus reminds her of what he did to her sorry excuse for a mother.

Clearly, someone hasn’t been attending the Elena Gilbert School of Supernatural Forgiveness.   Once Bonnie is outside the house, she calls Elena to let her know that Klaus still has her lover boy.

After that, the stresses of the day overtake Bonnie, and she cries until snot pours out of her nose . . . literally.  I guess this means that snot and tears are the new nosebleed.  Look on the bright side Bonnie, it will save you a lot of money on dry cleaning.  And hey, life could be worse: SOMEONE COULD HAVE LEFT YOU CHAINED TO THE CEILING, HALF NAKED, AND ON THE VERGE OF DEATH!

The Wild and Wacky World of Vampire Genetics

It’s too bad the Scooby Gang doesn’t watch The Vampire Diaries.  If they did, they would have known about the whole separation spell having already been completed.  It would have saved them a stake . . .

Over at The Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, lovebirds, Sage and Finn, are enjoying shots of tequila.  Apparently, the 1,000ish year old Finn was a “tequila virgin,” up until this point.  (Yikes.  What a way to live!  No wonder he was always wanting to die!)

“The more of these I drink, the more you look like my mother.” 

A few shots later, Finn has decided to save his own life . .  . which, of course, means he’s about to get shanked . . .  That’s just how this show works. But before Finn can be killed, we have to endure a discussion between Finn and Sage about how many people they’ve each turned.  Finn seems to suggest he turned ONLY Sage, and did so out of loooooooove.

Sage, on the other hand, was a vampire-turning slut, converting humans left and right, whenever the mood hit her.  She even recently turned some dude in the bar, on the way to the bathroom . . .

With the help of Plot Device Matt, Stefan slips some vervain into Sage’s and Finn’s tequila.  When they go outside to investigate.  Stefan stakes Finn, and he goes kablooey.  Sage cries, and snots, like Bonnie did earlier.

“Listen honey, I know you’re hot for me, but this is just ridiculous.” 

And Stefan leaves, triumphant, thinking he’s just killed Klaus.  Sucks to be him . . . But hey, it could be worse, he could be CHAINED TO THE CEILING HALF NAKED . . . or . . . even worse than that . . . he could be Finn . . .

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila . . . floor.” 

Who will save YOUR soul?

When Stefan learns from Elena, via Bonnie, that Klaus is not-so-much-dead, he’s furious, and finally ready to retrieve his brother, so that he can personally kill Klaus.  (Well, it’s about damn time!)  Shortly thereafter, Sage arrives to avenge her loverboy Finn’s death, along with that random vampire she turned in the bar.  Fortunately, for Stefan, the pair start coughing up blood, and die,  before they can do any real damage.

This looks like the before picture in a Botox commercial. 

Maybe she died of a broken heart, mused Caroline “B Positive” Forbes, who was there for moral support.  Nahh, if vampires could die of a broken heart, all the vampires on this show would have been dead a long time ago . . .

Eventually, Elena and Caroline figure out the “loophole” to their little plan.  Apparently, when an Original dies, he takes his entire bloodline along with him.  Well, hello BIG TWIST!

Of course, this means that ONE of the Original’s holds the key to the Salvatore Brothers’ and Caroline’s mortality.  After all, these three vampires come from the same “bloodline.”  Damon’s blood turned Caroline.  Katherine’s blood turned Stefan and Damon.  And Rose’s blood turned Katherine.

The question is . . . which Original turned Rose?   Because that’s the one our Scooby Gang can’t kill.  Personally, my money’s on Elijah, the Original, who’s continued existence for all eternity is the least likely to have a negative impact on the Salvatore Brother’s lives.  (If you recall, both Rose and Trevor were working for Elijah, during their first appearance on the show.)  This also gives Daniel Gillies, a “get back on the show” free card for the rest of the program’s run, which makes me very happy.

In other news, Tyler clearly comes from Klaus’ bloodline, which kinda sucks for Caroline, who’s pretty much destined to lose two love interests in a single episode.  But hey, at least she’s not CHAINED TO A CEILING, HALF NAKED. 🙂  Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

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Meanwhile, over at Klaus House, Stefan comes to rescue Damon.  “This went much differently in my head,” the Elder Salvatore brother jokes.

It went differently in my head too . . .

Stefan admits to killing Finn, and offers to make a deal with the Devil.  Eight Original Killing Stakes in exchange for Damon.  (Sounds like a good deal to me!)

But Klaus is smarter than I am, and knows there must be more than eight stakes left over.  So, he evilly compels Damon to try to break free from his chains, causing the poor guy excruciating pain . . . scratch that  . . . MORE excruciating pain.

Someone needs a nap . . . 

It really has not been a good episode for Damon.  Has it?  He then compels Damon to tell him the actual number of stakes remaining, which, as we know, is eleven (since the stake in Finn is gone, gone, gone).

Interestingly enough, it’s actually scorned lady Rebekah, who ultimately shows Damon mercy, offering up Damon’s freedom as a sign of good faith, while Stefan retrieves the remaining stakes, and brings them back to Klaus.  Drats, foiled again, Scooby Gang.  But hey, look on the bright side, Klaus might end up being your “daddy,” and then you’ll be glad you didn’t kill him / commit suicide.

Heart-to-Bloody Heart

In the aftermath of this twist of fate in Kill Klaus games, Rebekah balks at Klaus’ complete inability to mourn his brother’s passing.  Klaus calls Finn pathetic, and better off dead.  (Well, we certainly won’t be having HIM speak at the funeral.)  Rebekah notes sadly that, for all their manipulations the Salvatore brothers are willing to  risk their lives for one another, whereas the Mikaelsons only seem to give two craps about one another, when they are magically linked.

Klaus pouts,  promising Rebekah that he will make his own family, who are magically inclined to love him, no matter how many people he kills, or cheesy horse pictures he draws.  That’s the spirit Klaus!  Everyone knows there’s no better friend than a love slave . . .

Speaking of love slaves, Stefan’s kind of bummed that he can no longer focus all his life energy on killing Klaus, anymore.  This means, he’ll have to finally cope with what a douchenozzle he’s been to everybody this season.  That makes Stefan sad.

Stefan is also finally going to have to cope with the consequences of his recent actions . . . and one consequence in particular . . . the fact that his departure paved the way for Elena to fall in love with Damon.

“Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t feel something for him,” says Stefan solemnly to his lady love.

Elena claims she doesn’t know what she feels.  But everyone else in Mystic Falls does . . .

Bad!Alaric strikes again.

Earlier on in the episode, Caroline had an awkward, “It’s OK that you killed my dad,” conversation with Alaric, who was supposedly “cured” from being a serial killer by some of Bonnie’s magic “Serial Killer Be Gone” soup.

“It’s OK, Alaric.  My father will always live on in my memories.  We shared so many good times together.” 

During that conversation she talked about the folks that she killed, back when she first turned vamp . . . like that random high school kid Connor, and her mom’s police boy partner . . . “We all have blood on our hands,” Caroline mused. sympathetically.

“Was it as good for you, as it was for me?” 

But Alaric’s got bigger problems now than “blood on his hands.”  He’s also still got psychopath on the BRAIN.  (Bonnie Soup = FAIL!)  Alaric comes to THIS painful realization, when Damon comes to collect his Originals killing stake, and Alaric learns that he’s stolen it . . . from himself.  (Don’t you just hate it when that happens?)

Maybe it’s hidden in your Chunky Monkey. 

Two weeks from now, on TVD, Elena will finally admit her feelings for Damon on a Vampire Road Trup.  Then, the two will share a bed together, and have “finger sex.”  *sigh*

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(This better not be another dream sequence, or someone’s going to get a stake up their ass, courtesy of one very angry TV Recapper.)

Dead Rose will also appear, thanks to Ghost Whisperer/ Future Psycho Killer Jeremy.  In other news, Tyler’s back.  And he’s wasted no time reuniting his tongue with Caroline’s.

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But is he still Gay for Klaus?  Only time will tell . . .You can check out the trailer for that episode here:

Until next time, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

The “Save Elena” Games . . . – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “All My Children”

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Greetings, Fangbangers!  It was Original versus Salvatores versus Witches, this week on TVD.  And though the various sides were fighting with one another for any number of reasons: love,  honor, retribution, redemption, natural balance intestinal regularity,  freedom, etc. . . . at the heart of it all, was one girl.  She was the trophy . . . the badge of honor . . . the prize at the bottom of the cereal box.  And that girl, of course, was  . . . Elena Gilbert.  Isn’ it always?

So make yourself a salt pentagram, douse yourself in gasoline, and throw some horse pictures in the fire, because it’s time for another installment of The Save Elena Games  TVD-cap . . .

Figuratively (and literally) Fondling Damon Salvatore . . .

The episode begins with a sexually frustrated Elena waking up alone in bed, her arms drawn tightly around a certain teddy bear.  Hmmm . . .  that teddy bear looks very familiar.  Where have I seen it before?

Ahhh . . . it’s all starting to come together now. 😉  Having not had anyone declare their love for her in the past six hours, Elena is feeling mighty lonely.  And so she calls her men for a little love and affection.

“Worship at my altar, vampire b*tches!’

Stefan is too busy writing in his diary to pick up his phone.   And while Damon does pickup Elena’s tenth call of the night (Oh sweetie!  We all know you love him, but you should really try playing a little harder to get. ;)), he only does it, so that he can tell her he’s “over it,” and hang up on her ass.

“No more phone sex for you, Buster!  (At least not until the next time I get drunk.)” 

Now . . . this wouldn’t have anything to do with that little “your love for me is a liability” comment Elena made last night, does it Damon?

Nahh  . . . I didn’t think so .  . .

Tired of not being totally and completely doted on by her Salvatore boy toys, Elena stomps over to La Casa de Rich and Awesome, only to be greeted by a mostly naked Damon Salvatore (yay) . . . and guest (boo).

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“Oh hey, Elena!  You’ve met my good friend, Jealousy, right?”

Count on Elena to give Damon a self-righteous lecture for his extra-curricular activities.  She even goes as far as to ask whether her lover has been compelled to sleep around.  Far from being angry, Damon looks rather pleased with himself.  And why shouldn’t he be?  After all, Elena is clearly falling right into his little love trap.  Come to think of it, he should have done this a long time ago . . .

But this little morning meeting is about more than sexual politics, Elena wants to fill Damon in on Mommy Witch’s plan to murder the entire Original Brood.  Elena thinks this is a problem, mainly because of the awesomeness that is Original Elijah.

She also conjectures that Damon, having had a taste of the forbidden fruit that is Rebekah, might actually give a flying fig whether she lives or dies.  As it turns out?  Not so much . .

“There’s more where she came from!”

You know who else has tasted Rebekah, but doesn’t seem to care about her continued existence on Planet Elena?  Stefan.

(Poor girl . . . she’s had thousands of years on Earth to practice.   And still, her sex skills are apparently not up to snuff.)

 At least you’ll always have eachother . . . *clears throat*

The younger Salvatore Brother appears, seemingly out of nowhere, to join Damon’s chorus of “Just let the Originals die, already.”

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Outnumbered and outwitted, a pouty Elena stomps off, now even more sexually frustrated than ever  . . .

As for Damon, he’s ready to offer his brother a bromantic high five for a job very well done.  “I like you on my team,” he say congenially.

But Stefan’s never been much of a “Team Player.”  It simply isn’t in his broody, loner, eternally angsty nature.  So, instead of high fiving,  Baby Salvatore just stares longingly at Damon’s blood cup, like he want to make out with it, and snidely echos Klaus’ sentiments that Elena would be much better off without both of them.

(Truth be told, I think Elena’s Teddy Bear would strongly disagree with this statement.  Thanks to the state in which our Salvatore Brothers left Elena the night before, it is now pregnant.)

Aside from wishing to live out the rest of his life as a celibate bunny muncher, Stefan is also concerned that Elena’s conscience will get the best of her, and cause her to eff up Mama Original’s kiddie killing plan.

What?  Elena?  Ruin plans?  NEVER!

Our brother the martyr . . . Our sister the strumpet . . .

Meanwhile, Rebekah and her sex hair have returned to the still-frighteningly unfurnished Originals house.  So, of course, every sibling wishes for a chance to get a dig in at her expense.  Kol, gets the first shot in, by very eloquently calling his sister a strumpet.  To this Rebekah responds that she wishes to systematically remove his teeth from his mouth   . . . which, in Original Vampire world, is likely a form of foreplay.

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Jealous that Rebekah is getting sex with someone other than him and he isn’t, Kol commandeers Klaus to go with him to the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, in hopes that he can remedy his little problem . . .

Klaus agrees, because . . . hey . . .why continue to draw pictures of Caroline with a horse, when, instead, you can ride her, like a philly?  But, of course, Kol isn’t quite done with Rebekah yet.  He still has THIS to say . . .

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 I’ve gotta say, I’m loving this guy’s sense of humor.  TVD writers, please somehow insert a scene into the show in which vampire comedians Kol and Damon face off against one another with a delicious round of “Yo Mama” jokes .  . . 😉

With Kol and Klaus out of the house,  Elijah confides in Rebekah that their mother has been acting weirder than usual .  . . Some of the weird things she’s been doing include conducting privacy spells in the house, and looking at her children, as if she wishes to chop off their heads and wear them as hats.  Rebekah sees nothing at all strange about this.  Then again, she’s probably still too busy nursing her war-torn vajayjay to worry about much of anything.

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Besides Rebekah wasn’t the one who had to suffer Elena lying to her face.  (At least, when Elena screwed over Rebekah, she did it in her back.)  So, Elijah decides to pay his pretty little liars a visit . . .

Tales of a Vampire Gigolo

Elena has invited Bonnie and Caroline over to listen to her b*tch about Damon having sex with other women.  You know, because his love for her is such a liability, and all . . .  Well played, Damon.  When it comes to turning on the object of your affection, screwing Rebekah seems to have been your most effective manuever since Miss Mystic Falls.  You can almost hear her panties falling, throughout the episode . . .

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Bonnie tries to conduct Mama Original’s privacy spell.  But clearly, she isn’t working hard enough at it because (1) it isn’t working; and (2) her nose isn’t bleeding.

That’s better!

Then, Elena finally manages to stop drooling over Damon long enough to hear about Bonnie’s and her mom’s little pact with the Original Witch  to kill all her kids that very night.   Ruh-roh!  Talk about burying the lead!

Both Bonnie and Caroline don’t seem to think it’s Elena’s fault that Elijah will be included in this bloodbath.  I disagree.  And then, like magic, the gentleman vampire himself appears at Elena’s front door . . .

“Are you there, Elena?  It’s me, Elijah!”

Ever the romantic, Elijah decides to take Elena for a little trip down memory lane.  (Silly Elijah, doesn’t he realize the way to get into Elena’s pants is by sleeping with his sister?)  As they travel through forests, trees, and various grassy knolls, Elijah is able to recount, from memory, all the things that used to exist in that very spot, once upon a time.  They stop at an opening to a cavern, which apparently has an intricate network of tunnels that run directly below Mystic Falls . . . in other words, the Perfect Makeout Spot.

This is where Elijah chooses to drop the bomb on Elena that he knew she was lying about Mama Original’s motives all along, due to her telltale rapid heartbeat.  But, of course, Elijah being Elijah even manages to make this accusation sound like a compliment, by peppering it with phrases like, “I admire you.”  and ‘You have compassion.” and “It is not in your nature to be deceitful.”

 “That’s not going to work!”

It works like a charm!

The next thing you know, Elena is a blubbering,  quivering mass of puddy in Elijah’s hands.  She confesses everything.  “I just wish there was something I could do,” Elena whines.

“Be careful what you wish for,” replies Elijah, before literally stamping out the ground beneath him, hugging Elena toward him, and traveling through the floor with her Reverse Superman Style.

One word: HOT!

The battle lines are drawn

While Elena tries in vain to get cell phone receptions, Damon calls Alchy-ric, who likely hasn’t left his seat at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, since last week, when he got out of the hospital, after that whole “death” thing.  He’s with Crazy Nanny Carrie, who never seems to mind that the only thing these two ever do on dates is get wasted.  (Clearly, she’s just as big of an alcoholic as he is . . .  perhaps, intoxication helps dull the crazy.)

The Bromantic Buddies exchange some much-deserved barbs with one another.  Alaric gives Damon a “hard” time about his Originals Sex, which, of course Elena told him about, because she tells Daddy everything. 😉

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Damon, in turn, notes that Alaric is still screwing a psychopath serial killer.  (Given what happens at the end of the episode, Damon probably should have been a bit more concerned about that.)  Of course, the Elder Salvatore Brother has bigger fish to fry, at this point.  His lady love is missing.  And Damon rightly suspects that foul play was involved.

Meanwhile, Bonnie and Abby have kept their date to meet with Mama Original, who’s just filled with syrupy compliments for the two witches who both almost maimed members of her family.  She also shares a bunch of hippy dippy philosophies about “restoring the balance of nature,” by using the direct descendants of Esther’s former bestie, Ayanna.  Through it all, Mommy’s golden child Finn continues to stare at the witches, as if they are lunch.  It’s all highly unpleasant.  But after last week, the Bennetts are so happy to have an actual plotline in this episode, that they keep their mouths shut.

“Just nod and smile, baby.  Just nod and smile.” 

Underground, Elena runs into Rebekah, who’s still rocking a major grudge, as a result of the whole “backstabbing” thing.  What’s nice about Rebekah is that she seems to be the only individual on the show, who’s completely immune to Elena’s charms.  After chasing her around the cavern, roughing her up a bit, and forcing her to make a humiliating “ransom video” on her cell phone (But how did she get reception?), Rebekah kindly explains to her captive, Elijah’s diabolical plan for her.  The plan?  Rebekah gets to murder Elena, if the Salvatores don’t find a way to stop the Originals from dying.

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Over at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Elijah explains the same thing to Stefan and Damon, who seem reluctantly amenable to Elijah’s requests.  Anything for Elena!  (Man, how many times has THIS happpened!  For folks who claim to want Klaus dead, the Salvatore brothers sure seem to like saving his life, a lot!)

Back in the tunnel, just to prove that she means business, Rebekah actually douses Elena with gasoline, when the latter holes herself up in a vampire-free section of the cavern.  Hurry up, Salvatores!  Or else, Baked Elena might end up on the dessert menu at the next Originals Family Ball!

Speaking of balls . . .

The Original Hybrid Pickup Artist

The plan of the day is to play “divide and conquer” with the Originals, so a non-vampire can dagger one.  Each participating Scooby Gang member gets a mark.  Caroline, of course,  gets Klaus.  But Kol clearly likes her too , and chooses to show it with construction worker-type cat calls.  Though, I guess  the words “She looks tasty,” have different connotations depending on whether a construction worker, or an original vampire are uttering them.

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Either way, Klaus isn’t cool with Kol leering at his Vampire Barbie.  “Say another word, and I’ll take your liver,” Klaus threatens.

First his teeth, now his liver.  I’m starting to think Kol is that guy laying on the operating table in the game “Operation.”  Everybody just takes what they want from him. (Personally, I’d go for the eyes and the lips.)

This is Kol . . . 

When Caroline gives chase, Klaus runs after her gamely.  *insert whipping sound*

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 “Get to know me, I dare you,” says Klaus, as the two get comfy on a park bench.

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But just because Caroline needs to keep Kol from Klaus, doesn’t mean she’s going to go easy on her mark.  In fact, when asked about her “hopes and dreams” (oh, Klaus, you really have been a bit out of practice, haven’t you?), she says this:

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Back in the bar,  Kol is busy trying to make it on top of the pool table with Crazy Nanny Carrie.  (Kol, here’s a hint for you . . . some meals are just not worth tasting.)  So, busy, in fact that he barely sees Alaric come at him with the white oak dagger in the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls.  It’s like a game of Clue!

All around Mystic Falls, Originals begin to drop undead .  . . except for Klaus . . . who just gets a stomach ache.  But I guess that kind of makes sense, since he’s the only Original who, as a result of his hybrid status, is immune to the white oak dagger.  Klaus’ Spidey Sibling Sense immediately tells him that Kol is hurt.  So, he abandons that Jezebel Siren Caroline, and rushes to intercept and de-dagger Kol, who’s currently being dragged away by Alaric and the Salvatores . . . though, honestly, I’m not sure they were all needed for this part of the plan.

A scuffle ensues, and Kol  is destaked in the process, thereby reanimating the rest of the Originals.  Alaric doesn’t fair quite as well, suffering a cracked rib, and major blow to the head.  He probably would have gotten much worse.  But Elijah has appeared to put an end to the fighting, and get everyone focused on the plan at hand.  i.e. “Stop Mommy Dearest, from eliminating us permanently, or Rebekah will have a lesbianic underground interlude with painfully disembowl Elena.

The Salvatore Brothers know exactly what they have to do . . .

Heads I win, Tails Bonnie loses . . .

Over in witchland, Mommy Original has fashioned a pretty little flaming pentagram out of salt.  The idea is for Finn to die in the middle of it,  while all the witches chant, and permanently erase the rest of the Originals.  (Honestly, I think it might all be for theatrics, especially considering how seemingly easy it was to “stake” all the Originals by staking Kol.)  Anywhoo, after a brief hiccup caused by Finn “acting” momentarily staked, the Dead Originals show is once again on . . .

Outside the festivities, Stefan and Damon are discussing how much they both love Elena, and are fighting over which one of them will “stop the spell” by “breaking the Original Witches’ connection to the Bennett line, by “breaking one of the Bennetts.”  Neither one wants to do it.

 

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But only because it would piss off Elena, and possibly, temporarily make her love the killer less, not because they give two flying figs about the Bennetts.  They actually do a coin toss to decide which brother will end up in the doghouse.  We don’t get to see who wins . . . yet.

Elijah and Klaus arrive at the Salt Pentagram, so that Original Mother can tell them in person what abominations she thinks they really are . . . even Elijah, who’s a better vampire than most people are humans.  But really, the Originals should be expecting this.  After all, on this show, if you do have a parent, that’s a good indicator that he or she is probably going to try and kill you at least once.  The best way to survive Mystic Falls is to be an orphan . . .like Elena . . . and the Salvatores.  Which reminds me, have we met Alaric’s parents yet?

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Inside the witch house, Stefan accosts a now-tearful Bonnie, coldly explaining to her what’s going to happen . . . and all for the love of Elena.  But then, in a surprise move,  Damon pops up, and vampirizes Abby, thereby breaking the Original Mother’s connection to the family line because  . . . wait for it . . . witches can’t be vampires.

In a moment of unintentional hilarity, Original Mother instantly feels the witchy connection severing.  “Don’t abandon me, sisters,” she yells.

Oh, silly Original Mother?  Have you not by now realized that these witches are some fickle b*tches?  I mean look at their track record: they supported Abby . . . they abandoned Abby . . . they supported Bonnie . . . they abandoned Bonnie . . . they tortured Damon .   . . they stopped torturing Damon . . .they tortured Klaus . . . they stopped torturing Klaus . . . they hid the coffins . . . they made the coffins appear.

Anywhoo, both Finn and Original Mommy evaporate into thin air.  But we know we’re not lucky enough for them to be actually dead, right?

The Aftermath . . .

Rebekah eventually lets hostage Elena free, but not before the two have a little heart-to-heart about how Rebekah is REALLY mad at her, because . . . wait for it . . . she hurt her feelings, by not really wanting to be her friend.  (Because telling someone why they are mad at you isn’t patronizing at all!)  Rebekah agrees though, (She is Klaus’ sister, in every sense of the term . . . and these two really do seem to have a soft spot for the ladies, and an almost desperate need for companionship.  She also reminds Elena that Revenge is a decent show on ABC a dish best served cold.  So, Elena can expect to get hers in small doses.  How sweet!

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Speaking of cold . . . shoulders, Elena goes to see Bonnie, and is sent away by Caroline, who rightly tells Elena, that it’s kind of her fault that Bonnie’s mom is a vampire.  (Grams would have hated that!)  And that Bonnie’s getting a little tired of playing the “Save Elena Games,” and ending up crying as a result.  (However you might feel about Bonnie, Abby and forced vampirism, you have to admit, girlfriend has a point.)

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized, in order for someone to save Elena Gilbert . . . 

Elena leaves sobbing, and, on the other side of the door, Bonnie is sobbing too.  Something tells me Damon going to be getting a lot of cell phone calls tonight. 😉

“What are you wearing?” 

Meanwhile, back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Damon and Stefan have a heart-to-heart about Stefan returning to the bunny diet after that heinous Bridge Incident, and Damon taking the fall on the whole “kill Bennett” thing, despite having won the coin toss.   There goes Damon again, doing the martyr thing, and all for his little brother’s love of Elena.  On one hand, it’s frustrating . . . and a little annoying.  On the other hand, Damon did say this “I’m better at being the bad guy.”

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Now, with this, I agree.   Once again, I’m brought back to Damon’s and Stefan’s conversation in “The Last Dance,” when, again Bonnie’s “life” and Elena’s psychological well being were sacrificed to save Elena from an Original.  Back then, Damon told Stefan that he would be the one who kept her alive.   And he was willing to play that role in her life, even if she ended up hating him in the process.

Somewhere along the line, Damon lost a bit of that edge.  He just started to love Elena way too much for her to hate him in return.  But I actually think it’s this so-called “bad Damon,” who Elena fell in love with,  in the first place.  And something tells me that, while Damon’s unquestioning support of Elena scared her away to some extent, his loving and protecting her from afar, while pretending not to care, will drive her right back into his eternally waiting arms . . .

At least, I hope so . . .

In other news, Elijah left town, leaving a Dear John-esque parting letter for Elena in his wake.  Turns out, he wasn’t just blowing smoke up her ass, so that he can kidnap her.  Elijah really does admire and envy Elena’s compassion.  How adorable!  Now, get the f*&k back to Mystic Falls, so that you can hit on, and sacrifice your life for Elena, just like everyone else . . .

Also, Klaus burned some pictures of Caroline and that horse.  There were a SCARY amount of pictures, actually.  So, is this the end of Klaroline? I’m thinking not . . . once again, giving a lady her space is the absolute best way to remind her of what she might be missing . . . even if what she’s missing just so happens to be a sociopathic vampire, with a bit of a stalking problem. 🙂  He’s still super pretty though!

Speaking of Klaus, Rebekah pops by to tell him that she’s been spending a lot of time reading cave paintings, and one of them told her that White Oak Ash trees still exist.  This means the Originals lives are still at risk . . . a little factoid I’d be a bit more concerned about, if we hadn’t by now seen them all staked and de-staked, by white oak ash daggers, about 82 times a-piece, this season . . .

Oh Crazy Nanny Carrie . . . you weren’t fooling ANYONE except, perhaps, Alaric.

In our lame, predictable, disappointing Big Bad Cliffhanger, Alaric awakens in Crazy Nanny Carrie / Meredith’s messy house to find that the good doctor has been collecting evidence about the Mystic Falls Serial Killer, including one of the murder weapons.   “You shouldn’t have seen that,” says Meredith . . . even though SHE KEPT IT COMPLETELY IN PLAIN SITE FOR HIM TO FIND.

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Then she shoots him, which, I guess is supposed to make us think she’s the serial killer.  But that would just be too easy.  As for whether Alaric was wearing his ring, and whether it will actually work to bring him back to life, this time.  That remains to be seen.  But something tells me that our favorite History Teacher will live to drink and drunk dial, another day . . .

Unfortunately, that’s all the TVD she wrote, at least for another month-long-hiatus . . .

But hey, next week’s episode is a DAMON SALVATORE ORIGIN episode, which is as good a way to make up for lost time as any, right?

And until then . . . we’ll always have fanfiction, Fangbangers! . . . 😉

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls forever]

The Tougher the Vampire, the Bigger his Balls! – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Dangerous Liaisons”

You are invited to dance with, screw, and possibly be murdered by some of the hottest vampires in Mystic Falls.  R.S.V.P., A.S.A.P!

Howdy fangbangers!  This week on TVD we had a BALL . . . multiple balls, in fact . . . depending on your definition of the term. 😉

It was also a very good week for dancing, shipping, and, of course, surprise “back door entrances.”  So chug back a glass of Petrova Doppelganger blood, slip into your fanciest finery, and prepare for some “Dangerous Liaisons.”

My Knight and Shining Elijah

You’ve really gotta hand it to Kevin Williamson and Co.  Somehow, they can take even the tiredest of TV and Movie tropes, and give them a fresh twist to make them seem new and interesting again.  Case in point: you’ve probably all seen the “someone’s hiding in the backseat of your car” scene, about a few dozen times before tonight.

“Hey, would you mind lowering that axe, I can’t see out of my review mirror . . .” 

And that’s precisely what I, and I suspect many of you, thought was coming, when the writers made a point of spending FIVE FULL MINUTES on Elena having a seemingly useless conversation with Matt outside the hospital, and SLOWLY getting her car ALONE, all the while, with the distinct feeling that SOMEONE WAS WATCHING HER.

What we didn’t expect was that the stalker in question wasn’t actually in Elena’s car, but rather, behind it, and then, subsequently, under it.  That’s right, folks.  Elena HIT and Ran Over her stalker.  But when she emerged from the car to check out what had happened . . . wait for it . . . NO ONE WAS THERE . . .

Until SOMEONE HAD HER UP AGAINST THE WINDSHIELD OF A CAR . . . and not exactly in a hot, foreplay, way either . . .

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Well, maybe in a little bit of a hot, foreplay, way . . .

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But, worry not!  The Gentleman Vampire Elijah is not going to let anything happen to the woman who shares a face with his first (and second) love, even if it means going against his sister .  . .

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“You are pathetic,” Rebekah seethes.

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Umm . . . yeah, if by “pathetic” you mean “AWESOME!”

Cue TVD’s resident recapper Elijah’s filling in Elena, off screen about what happened in the last scene of “Bringing Out the Dead.”  Now, that was a conversation I would have liked to have seen!

“Was it as good for you, as it was for me?”

Anyone Else Feeling Used?

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Aside from that time, when she de-staked Elijah and didn’t tell anyone . . .

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 . . .  this might be the first time Elena knows something about the supernatural world, before Damon and Stefan do.  It’s kind of cool to see her schooling them, like that.  Damon, in particular, is annoyed that the Scooby Gang did all this work to open the Fourth Coffin, only to find that it’s contents were nothing more than a Family Reunion Party in a pretty little package . . .

After all, if all Mama Original plans to do with Klaus, is kiss and make up with him . . . well that’s really not going to help him DIE, now is it?

And yet, as those of us who have already watched the episode know, Damon’s view of the situation is a bit myopic . . .  And I mean that in the nicest way possible, TV Boyfriend . . .

Knock, Knock . . . Who’s there?  No one?

Apparently, despite being thousands of years old, the Original Family has still not outgrown the game: “ding, dong, ditch.”  Elena finds an invitation to the Michaelson’s (that’s the Original Family’s name, BTW) Ball.  (I guess Damon’s and Stefan’s got lost in the “ditch.”)

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On the back of the invitation is a little love note from Esther Original.  It says, “Come and play with me at the party.  I promise I won’t send Ghost Vicki to burn you alive in your car again, like last time. LOL.  XOXO – Esther.”

Or something like that . . .

Elena wants to attend the sitdown, suspecting that perhaps it might help in the whole “Kill Klaus” thing.  Stefan seems to agree with her (either that, or he just thinks that agreeing with her will help him get into her pants faster).  But Damon thinks it’s a terrible idea . . . probably because it is a terrible idea.

This isn’t the first time Elena has gotten involved with an Original, and Damon has disapproved . . . while Stefan sat back and watched, hands folded across his chest.

The difference, of course, is that back then, Stefan’s constant agreement with Elena, was his way of showing her love.  Now, he’s agreeing with her to hide those same feelings.

“That’s your job,” Stefan says to Damon, regarding the responsibility of caring for Elena.  This would be fine, if we DIDN’T just hear Stefan admit he was in love with Elena, last week.

Which version of Ripper Stefan are we going to get next week?

Make up your mind, Buddy!

At the end of the scene Damon promises to check out the whole Mommy Dearest thing for Elena.  He assumes this means that he will get to go to the ball, while Cinderella Elena, and the trusty mouse that helps dress her (Stefan) will stay home.  Silly Damon!  What makes you think Elena would ever give up the opportunity to dance with you?

Meet the Michaelsons

In last week’s episode, all of the Original “kids” (if you can call them that), all seemed pretty united in kicking Klaus’ ass .  . .  both physically, and emotionally.  But this week, we really got to see the various dynamics and alliances between them . . .  For example, Kol seems to have an almost incestuous affection for his sister . . .

. . .  has little love lost with his mother, and really, really, really does not get along with Klaus.  (Now, we know why Klaus feared facing him alone.)

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In some ways, Kol is scarier than Klaus, because he genuinely seems to lack anything resembling empathy . . . His only concern is himself (and maybe Rebekah).  As for Klaus, as impulsive, calculating, and sometimes downright evil he can be, we all know that inside, he is made of mush, fatherly neglect, a need to be loved, and a deep, deep attraction to blonde baby vampires named Caroline . . .

Klaus’ mother, on the other hand, seems all goopy sweetness and light, which, at least on this show, makes her entirely suspect . . .

Speaking of suspect . . .

Fondly Klaus

At Caroline’s house, we see her get a phone message from Tyler.  This is actually Tyler’s only appearance in the entire episode . . . a disembodied voice in the iPhone.  It’s sad, really.  But I was glad that Tyler saw fit to call Caroline about her dad’s death, and that he’s trying to “cure” his sire bond for her.  Caroline seemed touched as well.

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 . . . just not in the way he wanted to touch her, if you catch my drift.

Ding, Dong, Ditch, again!  Like Elena, Caroline just landed herself an invitation to the Michaelson’s ball.  But the little love note on the back of her card isn’t from Goopy Sweetness and Light, Esther.  It’s from Klaus . . .

Did I mention he also bought her a dress?   Oh Tyler.  Get thee back to Mystic Falls pronto.   Your hours and hours of sacrifice and excruciating pain are no match for the likes of Tiffany and Vera Wang . . .

Over at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, Elena and Caroline discuss the freaky weirdness that is the Michaelson’s ball.  “It’s some freaky Cinderella fetish,” Caroline muses.

There is some discussion as to which Salvatore will be escorting Elena to the ball, since one of them recently lost his “feelings” chip, and the other one, MADE OUT WITH HER, LIKE A BAMF!

Yeah . . . apparently,  Little Witch Bonnie is fairly lame, when it comes to the whole “secrets keeping” thing.

Caroline is more than a bit hurt that Elena didn’t tell her, herself, especially considering how quickly Elena told Caroline the first time she and Matt kissed.  It’s funny how vampires and a supernatural lifestyle can mess with your priorities.  Speaking of Matt, he actually seems to be the only one who actually gets his invitation to the ball handed to him, by Rebekah, no less . . .

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“Is it about moi, then?” 

Caroline and Elena look on with concern, and decide that they should attend the ball, after all, if only to prevent a guy they both dated, once upon a time, from being eaten . . .

Cinderella Fetishism at its Best . . .

It may be the Michaelson’s dance, but the place it’s held looks suspiciously like Tyler Lockwood’s house.  Am I wrong?  I guess it’s just easier to use and reuse this set, everytime Mystic Falls has one of it’s big fancy parties.

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Also, the place is packed!  What’s the population of Mystic Falls, anyway, especially considering that about three humans and three random supernatural characters seem to get killed here, at least once a week?  I mean, if that’s not population control, I don’t know what is?  Additionally . . . THEY ONLY HAVE ONE BAR / SOCIAL ESTABLISHMENT. .  . New York City, it clearly, isn’t .  . .

But i digress . . . Damon — who may or may not have gotten his own invitation — is flirting with Carol Lockwood, who claims she is playing nice with the vampire neighbors, in order to keep her town safe.  Enter Kol, who, in about two minutes, manages to disarm Tyler’s mom, and brutally insult Damon, in one quick shot.

This town doesn’t have a prayer . . .

Generally speaking, our man Damon doesn’t take kindly to insults, particularly by vampires.  But fortunately for Kol, Damon is a bit distracted by a recent occupant of the ballroom.  It’s Elena.  And between her curled hair, vampy makeup, and big poofy black sequined ball gown, she’s looking more than a bit Katherine-y.  Damon most definitely approves . . .

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I’ll never get over the way Damon looks at Elena, particularly when she’s dressed up.  What girl wouldn’t want to be looked at that way, by the man of her dreams?  And Elena gets to be looked at that way by two men?

B*TCH! 

After expressing annoyance with Elena for disregarding their wishes and attending the ball, both Damon and Stefan offer themselves up as her escort . . . one sexy suited vamp per arm.  It just doesn’t get much better than that, folks . . .

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While our main love triangle is already enjoying the festivities, Caroline is still at home, trying in vain to find something to wear to the party that isn’t the dress Klaus purchased for her.  We know she owns at least other ballroom gown . . . the one she wore to the Miss Mystic Falls pageant.  But it’s NO Klaus Gown, and Caroline knows it.

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The box remains on her bed, taunting her . . . teasing her . . . “Wear me!”  It says, in Klaus’ accent.

Caroline sighs, having no choice but to obey  . . . blame it on the “sire dress” bond, or whatever . . .

Caroline seemingly arrives at the dance, about two seconds later.  I’d say this was an editing problem.  But vamps do have superhuman speed after all.  One look at Klaus’ face, as he sees Caroline enter the room, clad in his dress AND his bracelet, and we know, for certain that the Big Bad Original Vamp isn’t the one holding the cards in this relationship.   “Love is a vampire’s greatest weakness,” Klaus has been quoted as saying.

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Well, Bad Boy . . . get ready to get weak!

“I need a drink,” are Caroline’s first words to Klaus, as she sidesteps him, and heads to the bar.  (a.k.a. the party version of I can’t go out with you, because “I’m washing my hair.”)

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But Klaus isn’t giving up so fast . . .

Finn pops by Elena to remind him that her invitation didn’t come with a “plus one,” and it certainly didn’t come with a “plus 2.” He reminds her that, if she wants to hang with the Original Witch, she’s going to have to go in there alone.  Well, of course she does!  The question is, will Damon let her . . .

Speaking of Damon, he finds Elena again, just as the Michaelsons request that their guests join them in a waltz.

Sly little doobie that he is, Damon manages to keep Elena from traipsing after the Original Mother by reminding her how orgasmic the pair can be on a dance floor.  “It would be rude not to dance,” whispers Damon in her ear, as he delicately grabs hold of her arm.

And suddenly, it’s the Miss Mystic Falls pageant all over again  . . .

“You look stunning, if it isn’t obvious,” says Damon, admiring his dance partner with a reverence and awe, bordering on religious.

When it comes to dancing, Damon and Elena possess a language that is all their own.  It is in the way that they look at, and touch one another  . . . and how they glide across a dance hall together, incredibly in sync, as if they are meant to be doing nothing else.

Stefan looks on with obvious jealousy.  Well, well, well, look who decided to wear his emotions this week?

Speaking of Stefan, I thought it was interesting that he “cut in” at the dance, by twirling Elena toward him, since that’s precisely what Damon did to him, back in “The Last Dance.” 

The parallel to that episode is quite fitting, when you think about how, back then, Damon accused Stefan of being too emotionally attached to Elena to make the hard decisions regarding Klaus’ death, and her safety.  “I’m the one that’s going to keep her alive,” he said memorably.

Now, it’s Damon, playing the role of the emotionally attached, and Stefan, in the role of cold-hearted protector.   It’s for this reason, at least partially, that Elena seeks a private audience with Stefan, whereas, at this time last year, she might have chosen Damon . . .

Her specific request is for Stefan to help Elena get in to Mama Original, without Damon following her, or trying to stop her.  “You care more about boning killing Klaus than anything,” am I wrong?  Elena inquires of her ex.

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Stefan hesitates for a few moments, but ultimately agrees.  At this point, both parties know that Stefan’s whole “I have no feelings” thing, is totally a charade, but they decide to go along with it, anyway.  Elena muses that Stefan’s tendency to allow Elena make whatever stupid decision she’s decided to make for the week, without argument, is something she loved about him, while they were dating, and still loves now.

It would seem that Elena, like a certain Vampire Katherine, before her, prefers her boyfriends to be pliant and obedient  . . . Go figure!

Meanwhile, Klaus and Caroline are doing their own little flirtatious waltz.  Though our first official introduction to this duo, was the whole “arm sucking / life saving” thing, this is the first time we’ve really had the opportunity to see these two interact on a sort-of even playing field.

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 It’s fun to see how disarmed Klaus is by Caroline.  He’s in total wooing mode, and not quite sure how to handle her wariness, or feistiness.  This is a woman he can’t control through fear.  And while he could theoretically compel her (assuming she’ not on vervain), that wouldn’t be nearly as much fun, as what he’s doing now . . .

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Speaking of Caroline’s wariness, and feistiness,  this is really the first time we’ve seen a woman interact with Klaus who isn’t deathly afraid of him.  (Though some might argue, she probably should be . . . she most of all.)  Elena, Bonnie, Katherine, even Klaus’ own sister, to some extent, all treated the Original Hybrid with a certain degree of terror and disdain.  But Caroline’s almost stupidly brave around Klaus, having no qualms at all about sassing him, or insulting him.  And it’s that aspect of her personality that seems to intrigue him, all the more . . .

Like Tyler, Klaus begins by apologizing about Caroline’s dad’s death, but Caroline won’t hear it.  So, he instead smugly remarks on her choice of dress and jewelry, despite her protestations that she is “spoken for” by Klaus’ very own sire, Tyler.

But I think my favorite exchange between these two, was when Klaus noted that Caroline was a good dancer, and Caroline explained that she was Miss Mystic Falls.  “I know,” responded Klaus with a grin.

Apparently, not even Original Hybrids are above Googling the objects of their affection . . .

In which Elena pisses me off THREE TIMES in under twenty minutes . . .

Elena texts Damon to meet her in the study.  And when he arrives he’s attacked from behind, by his own brother, who BREAKS HIS NECK.  Elena looks sad about this, for all of one second, before dashing upstairs to meet the Original Mother.  – Time Elena Pissed Me Off  this Week # 1

En route to Mommy Dearest, Elena runs into Elijah, who’s seemed more than a bit smitten with her of late.  Memories of Tatiya, I guess.  (Man, is there anyone on this show, aside from Klaus, who isn’t head over heels for this girl.  It’s frustrating!)  Elijah admits to Elena that he’s not quite sure of his own mother’s motives for bringing the family together.  And it’s causing him to ask questions, he never thought he would ask.  “Can I depend on you to tell me what she says?”  Elijah asks.

Elena agrees.  Poor Elijah.  You might be honorable.  But the girl to whom you are speaking just convinced her ex boyfriend to break his brother / her sort-of lovers’ neck.  Now to me, that does very little to render her statements to you, at all trustworthy . . .

When Elena arrives in the Original Hybrid’s bedroom, Finn is there.  And there’s just something weirdly incestuous about the relationship between these two, as well!  It’s a little gross.  I’m not going to lie.  Apparently, this is the part of the episode where the Original Mother answers our questions about how the f*&k she came to be here, in the first place.

According to Mama Original, when Klaus killed her, Ayanna her witchy friend, preserved her body, so that she could leave it, and traverse the spirit world for over 1,000 years, without her corporeal form rotting away.  (That’s how she got in touch with Ghost Vampire Vicki in Ghost World.  It’s also how she still has witchy powers, even though, we’ve been told that vampires can’t be witches, and vice versa.)  Apparently, Ayanna was a Bennett, and that’s why the Bennett Mother /Daughter duo were the only ones capable of opening her coffin.

Oh, and did I mention that she wants to KILL ALL HER KIDS!!!!

Yeah, apparently, she’s decided they are an abomination, or something . . .  Right, because a 1,000 year old woman, who’s body has been preserved for 1,000 years, and is trying to murder all her children isn’t an abomination at all . . .

She also apparently threw this whole entire ridiculous ball, just to get her kiddies to drink some cursed champagne.  Now, that’s just silly, Mama Original!  Your children are perpetual twenty-somethings.  You don’t need a big fat ball to get them to drink liquor!  They probably do it on their own, every day.

Mama Original explains that she needs the Doppelganger’s blood in the champagne toast, in order to bind the Original Siblings together.  (“One drink ring to rule them all, one ring to bind them.” It’s Lord of the Rings all over again!) Elena gladly offers her blood, without knowing exactly why she’s giving it.  The Original Mother conveniently explains it to her, afterword.  “Kill one Original, kill them all.”

Yeah, this woman sucks ass, in a big way . . . worse than her husband, even.  Why are the parents on this show so universally despicable?  What message does that give our youth?  Just sayin’.

Back in the library, Damon awakens to Stefan standing over him, with a smug smile on his face.  Let the brotherly ass kicking begin!  Name calling is involved.  I seem to recall both brothers referring to one another a “controlling dick,” which makes me think dirty thoughts.  Stefan accuses Damon of “caring too much,” an accusation that erstwhile villain Damon finds both ironic and offensive, and so do I.

Damon then storms off, in search of his errant lady love . . .

Much like Katherine, before her, it seems that screwing up the Salvatore brother’s relationship  is one of Elena’s greatest talents.

DON’T DRINK AND DIE!

Elena is standing next to Elijah at the time that the Original Hybrid makes her dreaded champagne toast.  Before it happens, Elijah asks Elena what his mother said to her, and she lies through her teeth, claiming that all Esther wanted to do was apologize to her for the whole “lock you in a burning car” thing.  Elijah believes Elena, seemingly, without question.   And his unfailing faith in her lying ass, makes me incredibly sad.

But I’m about to get angry. . .

For a few hopeful seconds, it looks as though Elena might prevent Elijah from drinking down his cup of death.  It would be so easy to do.  All she’d have to do is trade glasses with him .  . . or accidentally/on purpose knock the cup from his hand . . . or say, “Don’t drink that,  I think Klaus peed in it.”

But NOOOOO!  She just lets Elijah drink his own death warrant.

What a heinous b*tch! – Time Elena Pissed Me off This Week # 2

A horse is a horse, of course, of course . . .

After the Death Toast, Klaus finds Caroline admiring a horse.  She’s a fan of the animals, because they are cute.  He likes them because they are loyal.  Klaus then tell a nice little story about how his father killed his horse / only friend as a warning.

Oh Klaus, you really know how to sweet talk a girl.  There’s nothing like severed horse heads to get a female in the mood . . .

In true Elena fashion, Caroline lectures Klaus on the importance of ironing out differences with your daddy, no matter how many of your horses he has slaughtered.  This way, when he dies, you will have no regrets.  .  . well, aside from regretting that he’s dead, of course.  And, in Klaus’ case, regretting that YOU killed him.  (But, hey, no family relationship is perfect, right?)

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Caroline then gets all sassy again, by telling Klaus that she likes horses AND people.  But that people also like her too, probably because she doesn’t try to use them in sacrifice rituals . . .

Later Klaus takes Caroline to his personal art collection, and offers to take her around the world . . . anywhere she wants to go.

Caroline seems entirely tempted, in spite of herself.  Evil as he might be, Klaus has really been on his best, and most charming behavior, when it comes to Caroline . . . well, except for the whole “trying to get Tyler to kill her” thing . . .  (I’m honestly not sure why Caroline hasn’t made that connection yet.)

Did I mention that Klaus is an artist, himself?  And that he tends to draw pictures of the women he “fancies” . . . women like Caroline?  Who knew!

But things go south a bit, when Caroline remarks annoyedly of her future boyfriend’s tendency to snap his fingers to get what he wants, and turn them into hybrids when he needs new “friends.”  She then pointedly asks Klaus to break the sire bond, between him and Tyler.

After all of Caroline’s remarks, it’s this one that seems to piss Klaus off the most.  “I think it’s time for you to leave,” he says petulantly, like a little kid who’s childhood playmate has started calling him names.

But Caroline isn’t done with Klaus, quite yet.  “You don’t connect with people, because you don’t try to understand them,” Caroline yells, tossing the super expenive bracelet to the floor, before stomping off.

The assessment seems to affect Klaus deeply, and cause a lot of brooding, on his part.

But Klaus recovers quickly enough to leave Caroline yet another secret gift.  This time it’s a handdrawn picture of her next to a horse.  Out of context, this seems like an odd, and potentially offensive gift.  But given Caroline’s and Klaus’ pony bonding moment, it’s actually a really sweet gesture.

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Oh, and there’s also a note . . .”Thank you for your honesty,” it says.

WOW, Klaus must REALLY like being insulted. 😉  At least, now we know how to get into his pants!

Toward the end of the episode, Caroline calls Tyler and begs him to return home.  Now, we KNOW she’s falling for Klaus.  If she wasn’t, I suspect she wouldn’t be quite so insistent on her boyfriend’s presence as a buffer between them.

Choices . . . choices. 

Speaking of buffers . . .

“I’m mad at you, because I’m in love with you.”

When Elena runs into Damon, after getting Stefan to break his neck, she has some serious explaining to do.  They are in eachother’s faces again.  His hand is on her arm.  Their eyes and mouths are inches apart from one another.

In the heat of passion, Damon tells Elena he loves her, for the third time, in their relationship.  (Though, in her defense, she still doesn’t remember the first time.)

“Well, maybe that’s the problem,” Elena says coldly.

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OK . . . WHAT . . . THE . . . F*&K!  SERIOUSLY, ELENA! – Time Elena Pissed Me off This Week # 3  through 1,022!

First of all?  Coldest, most callous response to an “I love you,” EVER!  Second of all, since when does Little Miss Touchy Feely Elena accuse someone of being TOO EMOTIONAL and caring.  Hasn’t she just spent the past three seasons TRYING to get Damon to “be the better man” and feel?

Ugh!  Who peed in Elena’s cheerios this morning, and made her such a heinous b*tch?  We’re totally in a fight right now, her and I . . .

“I care too much . . . I’m a liability . . . How ironic is that?”  Damon scoffs.

How ironic, indeed!

Matt’s Knight and Shining Damon

Elsewhere in the party, Kol and Rebekah decide to kill Matt for sh*ts and giggles.  They figure it will piss off their mother, and hurt Elena at the same time.  But then Matt chivalrously offers Rebekah his coat, and all bets are off.

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(Wow, girlfriend must REALLY have never had a guy be nice to her to be so incredibly easy to win over.  A cheap ratty coat . . . for a vampire?  Seriously!)

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Kol, however, is super jealous of Matt, because his sister might actually want to bone him not quite as needy for affection as his sister.  So, he accosts Matt on the balcony later that night, and proceeds to break his arm . . . literally.

But worry not, Matt fans!  It’s Damon to the rescue!

He throws Kol OFF THE BALCONY, jumps after him, and starts pummeling the pretty boy’s face, like it’s his job.  But, of course, when the rest of the party guests emerge from the house to investigate the commotion, Damon, being Damon, just stomps away, instead of explaining why he did what he did . . .

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Quite the bad ass martyr, that Damon . . .

Through the back door .  . .

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Back at the mansion, Elijah lets his mother know he has done damage control, on the whole vampire fighting thing.  “I wish the others were more like you, Elijah,” coos Mother Dearest.  (Yeah, Mommy.  If you have your way, they will all be like Elijah . . . DEAD.)

Inside mommy’s chambers is her boyfriend / husband, Finn, to whom Mama Original complains that Elijah is too “moral.”  “Morality is a vampire’s greatest weakness, apparently.”  (Good ole TVD, always teaching us the tough life lessons.)

Apparently, Finn is in on his mom’s whole “kill her kids” plan.  “I’m ready to die,” says Finn, who must agree with his mother, about the whole “vampires are abominations” thing.

Great . . . just what our pop culture lexicon needs, another self-loathing vampire . . .

It’s frustrating really, because, if I was a vampire, I would love the sh*t out of myself.  No joke.  Vampires are awesome . . .  particularly, the non-suicidal ones.

To complete spell, we see Finn cut his hand, and drip his blood on a piece of paper, which maps out a bloody family tree across him and his siblings’ names, etch-a-sketch style.  I guess this is like the paper version of Bonnie’s nosebleeds . . .

Back at the Gilbert house, Stefan walks Elena home, while she informs him of the Wicked Original Witch’s nefarious kid-killing plans.  The former reminds Elena that she has nothing to feel guilty about, in terms of killing Elijah, because Klaus has brought nothing but darkness into her life.  (Ummm . . . maybe . . . but Klaus isn’t Elijah.)

The pair also both admit to one another that they were mean to Damon, and that this might explain why he went after Kol the way he did.  If only they knew . . .

As Stefan is leaving, Elena calls him back to the site of the epic Delena kiss. (That is sacred ground, Elena.  Don’t you dare kiss him, or I will hack off your lips, and send them to you via Fed Ex.)  She wants to know how Stefan can “not feel,” and wishes that she could do the same thing.  Well, Elena, for what it’s worth, I thought you were pretty unfeeling to Damon!   So, that’s progress in the “becoming heartless” department!  Stefan then pretty much admits to Elena, that the reason he’s seemingly turned off his humanity, and has been pretending not to care about Elena, is not to protect her, but to protect himself from the pain of reliving what he did last summer . . . and, of course, reliving his BITING of Elena.  (No word on reliving that time, when he tried to drive her off a cliff.)

Elena seems heartened by this, somewhat .  . .

Over at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls a gloomy Matt ignores Rebekah’s apologies and romantic advances, because her brother BROKE HIS ARM, and he doesn’t have health insurance.  (Apparently, the only health coverage Only Bar gives it’s employees is a lifetime supply of vervain.)

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 “I should have killed him,” pouts Rebekah.

Be afraid, Matt.  Be very afraid.

Enter Drunk Damon, who’s chugging whiskey straight out of the bottle that he’s conveniently brought to the bar from home.  “Rejected by the high school football captain,” he says sliding into the seat next to her.  “Welcome to adolescence.”

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After tossing back a shot or two, Damon reminds Rebekah that she would have crushed Matt in bed anyway, and that she should find someone more . . . ahem . . . durable.

Next thing you know, Damon and Rebekah are back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, throwing one another against walls, ripping eachothers clothes off, and . . . butt humping?

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Oh, CW!  You naughty, naughty channel . . .

This isn’t the first time, Damon has dealt with mistreatment by Elena, through sex with others.  We’ve seen it happen with Caroline, Katherine, Rose, and Andie, before Rebekah.

The difference, of course, is that Elena REALLY deserves this one.  And I can’t wait until she finds out that her erstwhile vampire lover has been schtupping the woman who wants her dead.  Revenge is definitely sweet, but it also might give you a VD . . .

Next week on TVD, Elena gets more of her just desserts, when Elijah finds out about her little fib, and responds by kidnapping and holding her hostage.  Yep, the honeymoon period is definitely over between these two.

Until next time!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

A Poison Kind of Love – Ten Deliciously Naughty Moments, Starring The Vampire Diaries’ Katherine Petrova

Source: Petrova GIFS, original home of ALL the lovely screencaps you see here, unless otherwise noted. 

If you’ve read this blog before, you probably know that I have an almost unhealthy obsession withThe CW’s The Vampire Diaries.  And that obsession leads me to dedicate an awful lot of computer space to analyzing the richly complex, and ever evolving, characters on that show.

“Good lord!  That’s a lot of Shirtless Damon pictures!”

For the most part, I’d like to think that I have a pretty good handle on most of the main characters of the show, in terms of their various motivations, fears, and insecurities . . . what makes them tick . . . and what turns them on . . .

This turns ME on . . .

So does this . . . 

However, there is one character that has always been a bit of an enigma to me.  Vampire Katherine Pearce, a.k.a. Katerina Petrova, a.k.a the Petrova Doppelganger #2, a.k.a. The Kat, a.k.a “You’re not Elena,” is a walking contradiction, in skinny jeans and stiletto heels . . .

She is charming, yet coldly calculating . . .

 . . . ladylike, yet monstrous . . .

 . . . loves others fiercely,  yet is incredibly selfish . . .

 . . . desires constant companionship, yet trusts no one . . .

. . . seems vulnerable, but is remarkably strong . . .

 . . . comes off as vapid and shallow, but is actually incredibly logical and intelligent . . .

 . . . is willing to help Elena defeat her enemies, but also might want her dead . . .

 . . . claims to adore both Salvatore Brothers, yet takes great pleasure in causing them pain.

For these reasons (and because my friends, Serendipity, natalie robertson, and Brittany-Marie suggested it), I have decided to dedicate this post to Vampire Katherine, in hopes of coming a bit closer to understanding this enigmatic character.  What follows are my Top Ten Favorite Vampire Katherine Moments from the first two Seasons of The Vampire Diairies.  After sharing each scene with you, I will take a few moments to tell you why that particular scene made the list, and analyze what I THINK that scene says about Katherine, as a character.  Sound good?

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I love you too, Katherine.  Now, let’s get started . . .

(By the way, regarding the videos, though I have provided links to all of them for you to enjoy, unfortunately, the CW won’t let me directly embed them in this post.  Those BASTARDS!  But if you want to watch them, all you have to do, is double click on the internal link that comes up in the center of the YouTube screen, after you press “Play.”  Now, that’s not so bad, is it?)

10. Katherine (posing as Elena) tosses Stefan in the bushes.

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Episode: “Know Thy Enemy” – 2.17

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “Nice dress.  Mind if I borrow it?”

KATHERINE: (to Damon, on the phone) “You’ve got some serious explaining to do to the [Anti-Vampire] Council about John being not-so-dead.”

KATHERINE: “Where the hell is she [Elena]?”

KATHERINE: “Sorry Stef, but I can’t have you following me.”

Why it Made the List:

OK.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love my Steffy.  But as a staunch Delena fan, I would be lying if I said I didn’t get a teensy thrill watching “Elena” call Damon on the phone, and then proceed to toss Stefan in the bushes.

By now, we’ve experienced a few moments in this series, in which Katherine has come face-to-face with her doppelganger, while attempting to impersonate her.  However, the jarring effect it has on me, whenever I see it on screen, still hasn’t worn off.

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This scene showcases Katherine at her naughtiest.  In under 2 minutes, we see her successfully: knock out Elena and possibly steal her clothing (though from the looks of it, Katherine is already wearing a purple dress, by the time she arrives), impersonate Elena with both brothers (though with Damon, only by phone), stab Stefan with vervain, toss him the bushes, and drive off in his car, all without messing up her hair or makeup!  Now, that’s impressive!

Though, admittedly, not quite as impressive, as pulling out two hearts at once . . . ELIJAH!

What it says about Katherine: 

At first glance, you might thing this scene actually says very little about Katherine, apart from the fact that she can, pretty much, NEVER EVER be trusted.  I mean, one minute she’s telling the Salvatore Brother’s she’s on their team, the next she’s vervaining them, and throwing them in bushes . . .

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She is also “Elena” for much of the scene.  And yet, I was able to mine quite a bit from this short fun scene.  First, it shows us a very nice contrast between Elena and Katherine.  Here is Elena speaking eloquently and humbly on her deceased mother’s behalf at a charity auction, and here is Katherine wreaking havoc on the lives of many, and enjoying it.

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Katherine’s competitive Mean Girl spirit comes out to play full force, when she gleefully, faux politely, comments on Elena’s outfit, before  strangling her, and ripping it off.  (We’ll see Katherine’s “fashion sense” come into play in another scene I have posted for you, further up on the list.)

Something tells me if Vampire Katherine went to high school with Regina George . . . she would have eaten her.

Then we see Katherine TRYING to impersonate Elena, but she doesn’t quite pull it off.  For starters, she’s wearing more eye makeup than Elena would ever wear.  She’s also a little funnier and snarkier than Elena is, with her comment on the phone to Damon about John being “not-so-much” dead.

And I actually think it is THIS comment that finally gives Katherine away to Stefan.  Not just because it’s funny (though that would have clued ME in).

Don’t worry, Elena.   I’m sure Damon will teach you how to make jokes, one day . . . among other things. 😉

But because that’s just NOT the way Elena thinks.  Elena would see a man fall down the steps (even a man she’s sort of / kind of hates like Uncle Father / John), and wonder if he’s in pain, or needs to be taken to a hospital, or something.  It doesn’t matter that she KNOWS he wears Ring of Immortality.  This would still be her first instinct, as a caring human being.  She WOULDN’T be thinking about what impact it would have on the Anti-Vampire Council, when they see him miraculously come back to life.

“Dammit!  I should have known better!” 

We also see a glimpse, even amidst all her scheming, of Katherine’s genuine affection for Stefan.  One could argue her “apology” to Stefan was just more faux polite meanness on Katherine’s part.  But I actually saw some regret there, as she drove away in her car.  After all, this WASN’T her plan, it was Isabel’s (who, under compulsion, ended up screwing her over in a BIG way, by turning her over to Klaus). 

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“You made me THROW HIM IN A BUSH!  You are seriously messing with my game, b*tch!”

And had it been her plan, she might have done things a bit differently.  Plus, she called Stefan, “Stef,” which is seriously adorable . . .

9. Katherine bites (and compels) Stefan, for the first time.

Episode: “Lost Girls” – 1.06

Potent quotables:

ELENA:  “So, he [Damon] stole her from you, not the other way around?”

STEFAN: “Turns out, she wasn’t ours to steal.”

In flashback . . .

STEFAN: “I will love you forever.”

KATHERINE: “Forever is a very long time, you know.”

STEFAN: “Not long enough.”

And the next day . .  .

STEFAN: “Your face . . . it was like a demon.”

KATHERINE: “But you’re not afraid.”

STEFAN: “Get away from me.”

KATHERINE: “It doesn’t change the way you feel about me.  You will not tell anyone.  We will go on exactly as we have.”

STEFAN: (under compulsion) “Yes, we will go on.”

KATHERINE: “You have no idea of the future I have planned for us Stefan . . . you, me, and Damon.  No rules.”

Why it Made the List:

Even though Katherine and Elena are played by the same actress, Katherine’s sexual chemistry with Stefan REALLY IS much hotter  different than his chemistry with Elena.  This was a gorgeous sex scene, straight out of a Harlequin Romance Novel!

And yet, as gorgeous, and perfect as it was, there was something raw, and animalstic about Stefan’s and Katherine’s obvious need for one another, that was incredibly erotic.

I also liked how they didn’t romanticize Baby’s First Vampire Neck Bite.  As sensual as the sex scene that proceeded it was, Katherine’s vamping out, and chomping down on Stefan’s neck, was horrifying, and extremely UGLY.

Plus, you know me.  I love a good compulsion scene.  And this one was as good as they come!

What it says about Katherine:

Before I discuss what these scene says about Katherine, please allow me to take a moment to tell you what it says about Stefan.  He’s a BIG FAT LIAR!

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It’s pretty obvious from this scene that we just witnessed the FIRST time that Katherine bit / compelled Stefan.  And he told her he loved her BEFORE all that happened, not after.  Plus, if you listen to the words of Katherine’s compulsion, she DID NOT, I repeat, DID NOT, tell Stefan he was in love with her, but rather that her being a vampire wouldn’t change the way he already felt about her.

“I’m really sorry I told you that your face looked like a demon, earlier.  Please don’t let that prevent you from continuing to have sex with me.” 

We can contrast this to Damon’s compulsion of Andie the following season, in which he DID explicitly compel Andie to fall in love with him.  Not that he needed to do so.  I mean, this IS Damon we are talking about here.

OK.  Back to Katherine.  Once again, I really think we are seeing the Big Bad Kat exhibit some raw and real affection for the younger Salvatore Brother here.  When Stefan first tells Katherine he loves her, she looks surprised and a bit taken aback.

There’s a part of her that seems to WONDER whether Stefan would still love her, if he knew WHAT she was.  But then he starts kissing her neck, and she gets so caught up in the throes of passion, that she loses all rational thought.  The camera focuses on her face, so we can see that happen to her.  And there’s nothing cold or calculating about it.

In fact, I THINK it’s her passion, as opposed to any rational decision on Katherine’s part, that causes her to vamp out and bite Stefan, in the first place.  We’ve seen Stefan react similiarly the first time things got hot and heavy between him and Elena.

And when the morning comes, Katherine DOESN’T compel Stefan right away, though she could.  She wants to assess his true feelings for her, first.  Her line, “But you’re not afraid,” is clearly NOT one of compulsion, since Stefan is obviously still VERY MUCH afraid of her, after she says it.

And it’s not until she KNOWS for sure, that Stefan WON’T be able to love her as she is naturally, that she compels away his fear.  This is also the moment she chooses to reveal her threesome fantasy to him.

Sure, it’s selfish and a bit misguided for Katherine to believe that she could have two brothers in love with her for all eternity, and NOT have them hate one another because of it.  It’s also an oddly childish way for a 500-year old to think.  All feelings of love and passion aside, at her core, Katherine is a spoiled brat.  And she will probably always be one . . .

8. Katherine dances seductively with Stefan  / murders Slutty Girl #1 at the Masquerade Ball.

Episode: “Masquerade” – 2.07

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “Dance with me.”

STEFAN: “No.”

KATHERINE: “Fine, than tell me who I should kill.  Him?  Mmm.  She looks delicious.”

KATHERINE: (about Jenna) “Lucky girl . . . clumsy . . . how does one, stab one’s self?”

KATHERINE: (after being told Stefan won’t give her the moonstone) “I’ve got a better plan.  How about you fetch it, and I will try not to kill anyone in the meantime.”

KATHERINE: “I love your necklace. Oh, it’s twisted . . . here.  (breaks Amy’s spinal cord) Paralyzed from the waist down . . . and dead.  The moonstone, Stefan.  Tick, tock.”

Why it Made the List:

Remember when I told you, we’d get to see Katherine have a second Mean Girls moment in this post.  Well, here it is!  Poor Amy Slutty Girl #1.  She never did get the knot out of that necklace of hers . . .

And we thought Katherine was bad news, when she was just tossing people into bushes, controlling their minds, and eating their necks.  Killing random extras in front of hundreds of party guests, just reaches a whole new level of mean!  What was great about this scene was how TOTALLY unexpected it was.

Here I was enjoying the witty mean-spirited banter and sexy dancing of Stefan and Katherine, when, BAM, someone gets their spinal cord ripped out.  I literally gasped out loud, when it happened.  I also kind of found the scene funny, in a sick, twisted way.  Does that make me a bad person?

What it says about Katherine:

Damon once told Katherine that he’s better than her at the enigmatic one-liners.  That’s probably true.  Because no one beats Damon when it comes to engimatic one-liners.

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OK . . . maybe that line was more literal, than enigmatic.  But you know what I mean.

But Katherine definitely gives Damon a run for his money in the “Isn’t murder hilarious?” quip department.  This vampire has a comeback for everything.  And, if you are speaking to her (and she hasn’t killed you yet) chances are she will lodge her zinger at you, before you’ve even formed your snarky comment.  You can just imagine how helpful having this kind of skill could be in your day-to-day life.

“Yes, I’m bad ass.  And I know it.  That’s why I wiggle my tushy when I walk.” 

Two things struck me about Katherine in this episode.  The first is how smart and oddly nerdy she is.  And I’m not just saying that, because Katherine seems to have a medical school knowledge of the paralyzing effect spinal cord-ripping has on the human body.  Unlike Damon, Katherine isn’t exactly a fly by the seat of her pants, kind of girl.  She’s a BIG planner . . . someone who painstakingly maps out her moves about 18 steps in advance.  And this almost compulsive need to manipulate and control everything and everybody in her orbit, made Katherine’s downfall at the end of the hour, all the more shocking and satisfying.

The second thing I noticed about Katherine is how MUCH fun she has being naughty.  Up until that Moonstone made her choke, Katherine was having a GREAT time during this episode.  She LOVED flirting and dancing with Stefan.

She LOVED compelling Matt to kill Tyler.  She loved taunting her boys inside the Lockwood mansion.  And I think, a part of her even loved being STABBED, because she knew it was hurting Elena.

In many ways, Katherine is the ultimate feminist.  She is comfortable in her skin, and confident in her sexuality.  And with one important exception (Klaus), she NEVER allows men to control her.  Unlike Damon and Stefan, who have both shown a certain tendency toward self-loathing, Katherine is someone who LOVES herself  and her eternal existence unconditionally, evil warts and all.

7. Katherine gets drunk on tequila and rocks out in Alaric’s apartment.

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Episode – “Klaus” – 2.19

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: (to AlarKlaus)  “Wanna drink?  Come on!  It might loosen you up!”

Why it Made the List:

Man, this scene was fun to watch!  Up until this point, we’ve only seen Katherine be either scheming and calculating, or victimized, as she had been by Klaus, pretty much, up until this point in the episode.  So, it was fun to see our girl Kat be a little uncharacteristically goofy here . . . getting wasted, and unself-consciously dancing with a lamp!  (And she’s a pretty good dancer too!  Almost as good as . . . well . .  . you know . . .)

I also loved the part when AlarKlaus arrived home, and Katherine had to pretend to be sober, so that Klaus wouldn’t know how happy she was about Damon having secretly slipped her some vervain, so that the Original Vamp could no longer mind-control her into obedience.

“Uh oh!  Dad’s home.  Hide the booze!”

“I’m not feeling so good.  I hope I don’t puke on Alaric’s couch.”

Anyone who’s ever had to fake sober for the parental units, after a fun night of underaged drinking can relate to Katherine in this scene.  And, on top of that, she’s gotta pretend to be compelled, or he’ll TORTURE her.  That’s a lot of complicating thinking to do, after you’ve downed half a bottle of tequila and, quite possibly,  copulated with a light fixture!

What it says about Katherine:

I mentioned after the last scene that Katherine loves herself unconditionally.  But she also loves LIFE (even though, technically, she’s not alive anymore . . . at least, not in the traditional sense).  I mean, here is a girl who is TRAPPED by the same guy who she’s been running from for 500 years.  And though she’s now free from his mind control, she STILL CAN’T LEAVE!  And she STILL has to pretend to be compelled by him, and submit to his torture.

That’s enough to put ANYBODY in a bad mood.  But not Katherine!  It just makes her want to DANCE!

6. Katherine flirts  with and antagonizes BOTH brothers / tells Stefan she’s been stalking him for the past century.

Episode: “Masquerade” – 2.07

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “The three of us together.  Just like old times, the brother who loved me too much, and the one who didn’t love me enough.”

DAMON: “And the evil slut vampire, who only loved herself.”

KATHERINE: “What happened to you, Damon?  You used to be so sweet and polite.”

DAMON: “Oh that Damon died a LONG time ago!”

KATHERINE: “Good.  He was a bore.”

KATHERINE: “Does Elena enjoy having both of you worship at her altar?”

KATHERINE: “Everything I feel, Elena feels.  So, go ahead.  Or better yet, kiss me Damon.  She’ll feel that too!”

KATHERINE: “We could play charades!”

KATHERINE: (to Damon) “Have I mentioned how inconvenient your little obsession with me has been.”

DAMON: “You and me, both.”

KATHERINE: “In 1987, you were in Chicago, at a concert of all places, with that wench, Lexie.  Come on, Stefan, don’t look so surprised.  Of course, I checked in on you over the years.  You were standing in the front row dancing all night.  You were watching Bon Jovi, and I was
watching you.”

Why it Made the List:

Man, the back and forth between Katherine and Damon was EPIC in this season!  When it comes to barbs, that really hit where it hurts, these two are actually pretty evenly matched.  (Hence the INSANELY long “Potent Quotables” section for this scene, above.)  In the season finale, Damon told Elena that, had she met him in 1864, she would have really liked him.  You have to wonder if Katherine had first met this “mean, impolite” Damon in present day, whether she would have developed stronger feelings for HIM!

Speaking of Elena, my only complaint about this scene is that Damon DIDN’T take Katherine’s advice and kiss her, so that Elena would feel it.  I just would have LOVED to see the expression on her face, when she suddenly experienced the BEST KISS OF HER LIFE, without even opening her mouth.

As a psychology minor, I also really loved the dynamics between these three individuals that was on display here.  How Damon was all bitter, and snarky, because Katherine had rejected him for Stefan.  How Stefan was all business, trying to goad Katherine into giving up information about her plans.  And how Katherine was annoyed by the lack of affect her sexuality was seeming to have on Stefan, and kept trying her hardest to get under his skin.

And of course, Katherine’s surprise take down by her supposed ally, Witch Lucy, was darn pretty amazing too! 😉

What it says about Katherine:

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“Locked alone” in a room with her two ex-lovers, with nothing to do but “talk,” Katherine gradually lets her defenses down, and begins to reveal parts of her true self, that she might not want her lust objects / nemeses to see.  Though on the surface, Katherine’s just toying with the boys, and continuing to play her game, certain vulnerabilities begin to shine through.  We see her jealousy, at the fact that Elena may very well have replaced Katherine in BOTH the brother’s hearts, as the main object of their affection.

We see Katherine’s frustration at the fact that Stefan doesn’t seem to be responding to her advances the way he used to, and continues to ask her questions that she doesn’t want to answer.

We see Katherine’s vulnerability when, unwilling to admit to Stefan that she faked her own death, because she’s been running from Klaus and Elijah for 500 years, the Petrova Doppelganger ramps her flirt quotient up to about 50, when she launches into a kind of romantic, but also oddly creepy, description of how she’s been STALKING Stefan since 1864.

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Oh, and by the way, I can’t really picture Stefan dancing to Bon Jovi.  Can you?

5. Katherine rescues Damon, and tells Elena it’s OK to “love them both.”

Episode: “As I Lay Dying” – 2.22

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE:  “Well, it’s me you should be thanking.  I mean . . . I’m the one who brought the cure.”

KATHERINE: (to Elena) “I thought you were dead.”

ELENA: “I was.”

DAMON: (to Katherine) “You got free.”

KATHERINE: “Yep . . . finally.”

DAMON: “And you still came here.”

KATHERINE: “I owed you one.”

ELENA: “Where’s Stefan?”

KATHERINE: “Are you sure you care?”

KATHERINE: “He’s paying for this.  He gave himself over to Klaus.   I wouldn’t expect him anytime soon . . . He just sacrificed everything to save his brother . . . including you.  It’s a good thing you have Damon to keep you company.  Oh, it’s OK to love them both.  I did!”

Why it Made the List:

What it says about Katherine:

For someone who claims to have always ONLY loved Stefan, Katherine REALLY went out of her way to save Damon’s life, when she just as easily could have saved herself, and left him to rot.  Sure, according to Katherine, she’s only doing this because she OWES Damon, for giving her the vervain, back when she was trapped at Klaus’.  But WE all know, that Katherine isn’t exactly a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch your back,” kind of girl.”  And Damon knows it too.

And for someone who is typically SO selfish, it was really refreshing to see Katherine acting so protective and maternal to Damon, while she was feeding him the cure.  Watching her lovingly cup Damon’s face, you can see the sort of elusive softness about her, that drove Damon WILD for so many centuries.

Katherine’s always been jealous of Elena, and the boys’ newfound affection for HER . . . an affection that she feels she has claim too.  But she also sees herself in Elena, and, I think, in her way, is trying to give her a little sage advice from an elder who’s been there.  Katherine wants Elena to admit her love for Damon, and stop holding herself out as the holier than thou human she still thinks she is.  The question that remains, of course, is whether Elena will take Katherine’s “advice” next season, and submit to her desires . . .

4. Katherine tells Stefan she came back for him.

Episode: “The Return” – 2.01

Potent quotables:

STEFAN: “You haven’t changed at all, have you?”

KATHERINE: “But you have.  You’re stronger . . . meaner . . . sexy.”

STEFAN: “Don’t flirt with me Katherine.  I’m not Damon.  I haven’t spent 145 years obsessed with you.”

KATHERINE: “Based on your choice of women, I’d say otherwise . . . though, I’ll admit, it does bother me that you’ve fallen in love with someone else.”

STEFAN: “I was never in love with you, Katherine.  You compelled me.   None of my feelings were real.”

KATHERINE: “Believe what you want, Stefan.  But I know the truth.   And, deep down, so do you.”

STEFAN: “Well the truth is that you are the same lying, selfish, manipulative b*tch that you have always been.  So, whatever it is that brought you here, let’s just get on with it and leave town.  Because, if you don’t, I will hunt you down, and I will rip your heart out.

KATHERINE: “You want to know why I’m here, Stefan.  I came back for you.”

STEFAN: “Well, the problem Katherine, is that I HATE YOU.”

KATHERINE: (stabs Stefan with a candlestick) “You hate me, huh?  That sounds like the beginning of a love story, not the end of one.”

Why it Made the List:

This was really the first time in the series that us fans were treated to the off-the-charts chemistry that Stefan and Katherine STILL have, in the present day, despite having been apart for 145-years.  Every word, look and touch, oozes sexuality, and unresolved feelings of angry sexual frustration.

Stefan is different around Katherine than he is around anyone else.  He’s meaner, tougher, and more inclined toward harsh words sexual innuendo.  A darkness emerges from him, that we otherwise never see, at least not while he’s on the wagon.  Katherine sees it.  And she knows that when he says he never loved her, he doth protest WAY too much.

If Stefan REALLY didn’t love Katherine, he wouldn’t get so hot and bothered every time he was around her.  She wouldn’t be able to bring out the worst in him (or the best, depending on how you view things .  . . I’m of course, in the latter camp.)

Katherine is different when she’s around Stefan too.  But we’ll get to that in the next section . . . 😉

What it says about Katherine:

Have you ever crushed on a guy so hard that you found that you couldn’t be yourself around him?  You might be a real big talker, but when you get around him, you clam up.  You might be soft spoken, but when you get around him you find yourself talking obnoxiously loud, for no reason, whatsoever.  You might consider yourself a strong, and self-assured woman, but come to inches from him, and suddenly you’re a giggly little girl.

Though some of it might be purposeful on her part, I think that last example describes Katherine in this scene.  For a kickass vampire who eats people like it’s her job, Katherine is surprisingly kittenish and vulnerable around Stefan.  She laughs, giggles, and twirls her hair, which is something you don’t see when she’s around Damon.

When she sees that her flirtation is not having the desired impact, she gets very upset.  Though Katherine tried to brush off Stefan’s claims that he never loved her, you could tell that it deeply affected Katherine.  She immediately got pouty, and their might have even been a little tear peaking through her heavily mascara-ed eyelid.  And then when Stefan says he hates her, she loses all her cool, stabs him, and rushes off like a petulant child.  It’s kind of cute, in a weird way . . .

The fact that Katherine ultimately ended up having lied about her true reason for returning to Mystic Falls does nothing to belittle the obvious affect Stefan’s presence has on her in this scene.

3. Katherine has Dream Tomb Sex with Stefan.

Episode: “By the Light of the Moon” – 2.11

Potent quotables:

STEFAN:  “The pleasure I get watching you suffer, is greater than any pain I will ever feel.”

KATHERINE: “It’s stuffy.  I’ve been in this dress for days.  Wanna help me get out of it?”

And later . . .

KATHERINE:  “Come on, Stefan.  Don’t be such a grump.  We’re here together.  We may as well make the best out of it.  Do you really think Damon is going to rush to get you out?  He’s got what he wants.  Elena . . . Hey . . . given what’s most certainly going on out there, I’d say you’re free to do whatever you want in here.   Nobody will EVER know .  . .”

STEFAN:  (growls) “Stay out of my head.”

KATHERINE: “Maybe I can do eternity in here, after all!”

Why it Made the List:

Aside from this scene being a TOTAL tease, because the CW trailer made it look like these two were going to have real, honest-to-goodness FULL ON SEX, it was still pretty awesome.  Because, remember, a vampire can affect what you SEE in a dream, but it can’t really affect how you behave in it.  There was a part of Stefan that couldn’t resist Katherine, and that part made this scene SUPER HOT!

Plus, let’s face it. It was REALLY funny, seeing Stefan shoot up from his “bed” at the end of the scene, all freaked out, and trying to hide his Very Happy Man Part. 😉

What it says about Katherine:

Honestly?  Not much.  After all, this was Stefan’s dream, and Katherine’s manipulation of it.  She had all the control, and held all the cards.  This was Katherine at her very best and most powerful.  She was embracing her sexuality, and using it as a weapon of the most dangerous kind . . . a weapon of the HEART.  It’s nothing we haven’t seen before from her, personality-wise . . .

But you know what DOES say something about Katherine?  THIS deleted scene . . .

For the record, just because the producers of TVD decided to delete this scene DOESN’T mean I will ever stop considering it canon.  And because it takes place in Katherine’s dream, and because her defenses are completely down while she is in it, we get to see Katherine at her most raw and truthful.  Stefan COULD NOT have made up those lines that Katherine said in that dream.  They came directly from her heart.

Here we see Katherine admit that not only has Katherine been STALKING Stefan over the years, she has also never stopped loving him, much as Damon never stopped loving her.  I mentioned in my preview of this post that Katherine loves fiercely, and we can see it here.  Through all the stakings, stranglings, tricks and tomb-trappings . . . despite all the evidence that Stefan’s heart may very well belong to another, Katherine still harbors hope in her heart that Stefan will one day return her love again.

She claims she’s willing to change to get that love back.  And she’s willing to wait for it FOREVER.  And as we know, according to Katherine, forever is a VERY LONG TIME . . .

2.  Katherine has almost-sex with Damon, before breaking his heart . . . AGAIN.

Episode: “The Return” – 2.01

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “What, no goodbye kiss?”

DAMON: “Why don’t I kill you instead?  What are you doing here?”

KATHERINE: “Nostalgia, curiosity, etc.”

DAMON: “I’m better at the enigmatic one-liners Katherine, what are you up to?”

KATHERINE: “Trust me, Damon.  When I’m up to something, you’ll know it.  Come on . . . kiss me, or kill  me . . . We both know that you are only
capable of one . . . (after pushing him to the floor, and straddling him) . . . My sweet, innocent, Damon.”

DAMON: “Wait  . . . brief pause . . . I have a question.  Answer it and it’s back to fireworks, and rockets red glare.  Answer it right . . . I’ll forget the last 145 years I’ve spent missing you.  I’ll forget how much I loved you.  I’ll forget everything, and we can start all over.  This can be our defining moment . . . We have time.  That’s the beauty of eternity.  I just need the truth.  Just once.

KATHERINE: “Just stop . . . I already know your question, and it’s answer.  The truth is, I’ve never loved you.  It was always Stefan.”

Why it Made the List:

As the hardcore Damon (and Delena) lover that I am, I should really HATE this scene.  I should hate Katherine for doing this to Damon, knowing, full well, how much it hurts him, what it causes him to do (the Jeremy Neck Snap Incident), and the impact that it has on his relationship with Elena for the ENTIRE first third of the second season.

But still, I can’t help but LOVE this scene.  For one thing, it’s one of the sexiest sex scenes we have on TVD.  It’s hard, angry and edgy . . . which, is just how I like my sex scenes.  (I’m not quite sure what that says about ME!)

And, of course, the acting on both Nina’s and Ian’s part was absolutely flawless here.

In the deleted scene we saw Katherine say that she would be willing to wait forever for Stefan to love her again.  Here, we see that Damon is just as patient, and just as hopeless of a romantic as Katherine is.  (A much more JADED soul than I would say he’s just as pathetic.)  We know the havoc Katherine has wreaked on Damon’s heart for the last 145 years.  And we recall the grudge he held against Stefan for wrongs HE committed that long ago.  So, it’s surprising, and a bit heartening, to see Damon, desperately beg Katherine to, just once, say that she loved him, even if it’s a lie, so that he can go right back to loving her again, like nothing ever happened.

I was also surprised to see Damon STOP SEX to ask Katherine about her feelings for him, knowing that doing so would inevitably spoil the mood.  This is undoubtedly a different Damon than the one we saw boning nameless sorority chicks, compelling Caroline to be his meal / love slave, and breaking Vicki’s neck on a whim.  This Damon is a lovesick puppy dog.  And, suddenly, it’s 1864 all over again . . .

When Katherine breaks Damon’s heart yet again, by telling him that she never loved him, our heart breaks too, in a very big way.  Never before has Damon Salvatore been so vulnerable, and so sympathetic.  So, it’s a real shame  that he had to go and break Jeremy neck after that, thereby destroying all that good will he had engendered in us, as fans.  (Don’t worry, Damon.  I still love you, you Big Ole Psychopath!)

What it says about Katherine:

I’ve actually given this one a lot of thought.  And I’m still not 100% sure I’ve come to a definite conclusion.  I kept wondering WHY Katherine couldn’t just tell Damon she loved him.  After all, that was always her big plan, wasn’t it?  To keep Damon and Stefan by her side, forever.  By telling Damon that she loved him, she would, at least, be guaranteed ONE of the two.

And it’s not as though Katherine DOESN’T love Damon.  She DOES, though probably not as much as she loves Stefan.  We’ve seen it in her decision to turn him, back in 1864, and her decision to rescue him, in present day.  And we KNOW she loves HAVING SEX with him.

So, why not just tell Damon what he wants to hear?

Has Kat somehow developed a morality bone we don’t know about?  Does she feel GUILTY about sleeping with Damon, and letting him think she loves him THE MOST, when she loves Stefan more?  (I mean, he was just going to ask, if she EVER loved him, not if she ONLY loves him.  So, what’s the big deal?)  Was Katherine, perhaps, so overwhelmed by Damon’s outpouring of emotion that she couldn’t, in good conscience, sleep with him, knowing how much more it would mean to him than her?  Did she do it, to somehow garner Stefan’s affections?

Or was there a darker reason for Katherine’s actions?  Did she somehow know that doing this would send Damon over the edge, and take a measure of sick pleasure in causing him pain?  I’m inclined to think one of the former, less evil, explanations is more likely.  But I’m not sure.  What do YOU think?

1. Katherine (posing as Elena) kisses Damon, chops off Uncle/Father John’s fingers, and (seemingly) kills him.

Episode: “Founder’s Day” – 1.22

Potent quotables:

FAUXLENA: “What are you doing here?”

DAMON: “A failed and feeble attempt at doing the right thing.

DAMON: “You know, I came to this town, wanting to destroy it, and tonight, I found myself wanting to protect it.  How does that happen?  I’m not a hero, Elena.  I don’t do good.  It’s not in me.

FAUXLENA: “Maybe it is.”

DAMON: “No, that’s reserved for my brother . . . and you . . . and Bonnie.  Even though she has every reason to hate me, she still helped Stefan to
save me.

FAUXLENA: “Why do you sound so surprised?”

DAMON: “Because she did it for you, which means that somewhere along the way, you decided that I was worth saving.  And I wanted to thank you for that.”

And later . . .

UNCLE / FATHER JOHN: (after his fingers are cut off) “Katherine?”

KATHERINE: “Hello John . . . Goodbye, John.”

Why it Made the List:

Oh my lord, was this the most SHOCKING TWIST EVER, on a television show.  Here, us Delena fans were waiting for an ENTIRE season for Damon and Elena to kiss.  So, this scene comes, near the end of the finale.  And we get this brilliant heartfelt speech by Damon (so, heartfelt, in fact, that this made my Top Ten Delena Moments of Season 1 list, despite the fact that ELENA WASN’T EVEN IN THE SCENE.)

Then it ACTUALLY HAPPENS!  THEY KISS!  And it starts off tentative, with a chaste kiss on the cheek.  But then, suddenly, “Elena” gives in to her desires, and it isn’t so tenative, anymore.  It’s AWESOME and REAL.  Except . . . it isn’t  . . . not really, anyway.

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Because, suddenly, “Elena” is vamping out at the kitchen counter, chopping off UNCLE / FATHER JOHN’S FINGERS, and trying to KILL HIM!  I mean, HOLY CRAP!

 

And as disappointed as I was, that I was going to have to wait an ENTIRE EXTRA SEASON for Damon and Elena to ACTUALLY kiss ( it didn’t happen until the Season 2 finale), the final moments of “Founder’s Day” were still an exhilarating wild ride. And I loved every second of it . . . (Well . . . except for the part where Useless Aunt Jenna cock blocked Fauxlena and Damon. That SUCKED!

If looks could kill, Useless Aunt Jenna, you would have died an
ENTIRE season earlier than you actually did, from the collective glares of
Delena fans, during this very moment.

What it says about Katherine:

What’s interesting about this scene is that, the first time you watch it, you assume it’s Elena.  And you are so caught up in the drama of her heart-to-heart with Damon, and her subsequent one with Uncle / Father John, that you don’t notice how ODD she is acting.  Watching the scene a second time, really allows you to capture the brilliance of the show’s writing, of Nina Dobrev’s acting, and, most importantly (for our purposes anyway), of VAMPIRE KATHERINE.

Katherine’s been out of the loop for a VERY LONG TIME.  And when she arrives on Elena Gilbert’s porch, after having stolen her clothing and personal belongings  (She didn’t think to straighten her hair, though.  A surefire sign of Katherine, if there ever was one.), she has very little idea of what she’s getting herself into.

Suddenly, there’s Damon on the porch, “sweet innocent, Damon” as she once called him.  He’s babbling on about not being a hero, and not being a good person, but wanting to save the town, anyway.  And Katherine’s clearly confused by how much THIS Damon has changed.  After all, we know she’s checked in on Stefan over the years.  But we can’t be too sure, whether she has done the same with Damon.  It’s very possible that she hasn’t.  She’s also noticing that Damon seems EXTREMELY enamored with her . . . only she’s NOT herself, she’s Elena.  And that confuses Katherine too.

So, while Elena, at least at this point in the series, would probably be talking Damon’s EAR off about how he IS good person, and he CAN be a better man, if he just tries, etc. etc., Katherine’s suspiciously quiet.  She responds vaguely and generally to Damon’s inquiries, so as not to give herself away.  And when he kisses her, she’s undoubtedly, surprised, but decides to go with it anyway, because she’s Katherine.

After Useless Aunt Jenna breaks up the fun, and invites the vampire into her home, Katherine’s evasive tactics work once again, when she simply tells her doppelganger’s guardian that she “doesn’t want to talk” about The Kiss.  But when Kat talks to Uncle / Father John, that’s when things get REALLY interesting.  Because Katherine HAS a history with John.  She KNOWS the story he’s telling, even though Elena doesn’t.  So, she’s biding her time, waiting for a moment to strike.  And she picks a great one, right when Uncle / Father John’s defenses are at their weakest, because he believes his biological daughter is finally giving him the time of day.

And it all just goes to show you that those who dare to underestimate Vampire Katherine do so at their peril.  Take note, Salvatores and Originals.  Because something tells me The Kat will return in Season 3, and she will do so with a VENGEANCE!

Well, that’s all I’ve got on Vampire Katherine.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Special thanks again to the Petrova-Gifs Tumblr, for the excellent gifs.  And see you on Thursday, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]