Tag Archives: eggs

Talking about My Generation (on ABC)

Hello, fellow TV Watchers!  Welcome to Fall!  It’s a time for Back-to-School Sales, cooler temperatures, and multi-colored leaves that crunch beneath your feet while you walk.  But, more importantly, it’s time for the networks to bring back all the Good Ole’ Television Shows you became obsessed with last year  — thereby, preventing you from doing anything remotely productive between the hours of 8 and 11 p.m. (at least, until winter hiatus).

Fall is also a time when networks try to sneak new shows into their preexisting program lineups, in hopes that you will stick around, and watch them too.  More often than not, this “little scheme” fails miserably, resulting in a sizeable percentage of shows not making it past the Pilot stage, and a significantly larger percentage of new programs not surviving the first season.

Having been burned a few times by shows that were canceled, just as I was starting to warm up to them, I’ve become a bit more picky about which new Fall shows, if any, merit a coveted spot on my television viewing roster.  Yet, as luck would have it, the ONE new show I deemed worthy of an “audition,” just so happens to air opposite my absolute FAVORITE show, The Vampire Diaries.

Faces (and bodies) this beautiful simply MUST be viewed in “REAL TIME.”

Of course, I am “talking about My Generation,” the new hour-long mockumentary-style drama, which is set to air Thursday nights, at 8 p.m. on ABC.  (Just in case, you neglected to read the title of this post.)   The show is actually based on a successful Swedish television program, entitled God’s Highway, which had a similar format and premise.  For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, you can catch the latest promotional trailer for the show here:

As you might have noticed from watching the trailer, My Generation focuses on nine fictional characters, all of whom graduated from the same high school in Austin, Texas, during the year 2000.

Not surprisingly, all obligatory high school stereotypes will be showcased, in their two-dimensional glory.  Prepare to make snap judgments about the following archetypes:  the Brain, the Beauty Queen, the Jock, the Nerd, the Rich Kid, the Overachiever, and the Wallflower (Ummm . . . Wallflower?  Did anyone actually use this word in the year 2000?  Has anybody actually used this word since 1952?  Let’s just call her “Shy” and be done with it, OK?) 

In short, it is a cast of characters that would be at home in any John Hughes movie.

(R.I.P. Mr. Hughes.)

Using a compilation of interviews, photographs, and live-action shots, the show then chronicles the characters’ lives in present day.  Ten years after their high school graduation, these native Texans, now facing down their late 20’s, are forced to grapple with war, worldwide recession, and other unique challenges that characterize the 2010 American Experience.

In terms of the show’s cast, you will find a lot of suitably attractive, and vaguely familiar — if not immediately recognizable — actors and actresses.  Quite a few times, while I was watching the trailer, I found myself squinting at an actor I thought I recognized, only to look him up later and learn that he played “Guy at the Bar” in a movie I watched on HBO the week prior.  

However, in the actors I DEFINITELY recognized column, I would include Michael Stahl David . . .

. . .  who starred in J.J. Abrams Shaky Cam Extravaganza, Cloverfield.

Michael plays Steven Foster on the show.  Steven starts high school as “The Overachiever,” the kind of guy who, even at 17, wore a suit to school everyday, carried a briefcase, and owned a Blackberry LONG before everybody else did.

10 years later, he’s become Sam Merlotte from True Blood . . .

Oh, how the mighty hath fallen . . .

Learn more about Steven Foster here:

I also recognized Mehcad Brooks . . .

. . . he of the INSANE abdominal muscles.   You might remember Mehcad as the tragic Eggs Benedict (Yes, that was actually the character’s name.) from Season 2 of  True Blood.

Mehcad plays Rolly Marks, a high school jock, who enlists in the Army post 9/11, and ends up fighting on the front lines in Iraq.  You can learn more about Mehcad’s character here:

Additionally, I WAS VERY happy to see Julian Morris’ name on the cast list!

For those of you unfamiliar with his work, Julian played the adorable (and WAY  TOO SOON departed) cradle-robbing, sister-swapping British med student, on ABC Family’s summer smash hit, Pretty Little Liars.

That’s him with the magic fingers on the left.  As for the girl on the right?  Well, I like to pretend that’s me!

Julian plays Anders Holt, a “Rich Kid” who, from the looks of it, becomes a “Rich Adult.”  Listen to what Julian has to say about his character here:

Rounding out the rest of the main cast are:

Daniella Alonso,

Kelli Garner,

Jaime King,

Keir O’Donnell,

Anne Son,

and Sebastian Sozzi.

Refreshingly enough, age wise, all the show’s cast members are actually within three or four years, of the characters they are playing.  (Unlike we’ve seen in similar shows about 20-somethings, Grandmas and Teenagers  needed not apply for this casting call.)  As a twenty-something myself,  it is particularly nice to see a show — which is supposed to be about people I could have gone to high school with — where the characters are played by actors that I could have actually gone to high school with.  You see that so rarely nowadays!

Though early reviews of the show have been mixed,  for me, My Generation stands out, as one of the most promising new programs of the fall season.  The show has the potential to be a daring portrait of the trials and tribulations that face Generation Y (which is, after all, MY GENERATION).  And while I may not necessarily be watching it LIVE (see The Vampire Diaries comment above), I will still most certainly be watching it.

My Generation premieres Thursday, September 23rd on ABC.  Will YOU be watching?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under My Generation, Spoilers and Sneak Peaks

Bill Compton’s got moves that will make your head spin! – A Recap of True Blood’s “It Hurts Me Too.”

“Hey, Sookie!  Did you see what your boyfriend just did to that chick’s head?  That was some freaky sh*t!”

“Yeah.  I know I’m supposed to be all mad that he like totally cheated on me.  But I just keep rubbing my neck, and thinking, ‘Better you than me, b*tch.  Better you than me . ..'”

Boy, did Alan Ball and Co. reap the benefits of being on “pay cable,” and having a “Mature Audiences” rating tonight!  Tonight’s True Blood installment featured no less than THREE hard core sex scenes, each one more raunchy than the next, three pretty gruesome dead bodies, and one . . . burning bush.

Did I mention we got introduced to THIS GUY?

I’m starting a little betting pool on how many more episodes before we get to see this hot werewolf without his shirt on.  Any takers?  I’m willing to bet it happens next episode.  Sookie and Alcide have to SLEEP eventually.  And if you looked like THAT, would YOU wear clothing to bed?  I think not . . .

So, let’s try to “wrap our heads around” this episode, shall we?

 Ooops!  Sorry, Lorena!  I guess that was in poor taste, under the circumstances . . .

“Lessons in Good Housekeeping” by Sookie Stackhouse

Poor Sookie!  For a girl who seemingly spends every episode cleaning her house, she sure collects a lot of interesting stains on that carpet of hers.  (Maenad-induced orgy juice anyone?)  When we last left our favorite Merlotte’s waitress, she was hanging out with Eric.  And the two crazy lovebirds were engaged in their own unique brand of foreplay.  You know the drill.  Eric makes sexual innuendos; Sookie fends him off passionately; they stare angrily / lovingly into one anothers’ eyes; someone tries to kill Sookie . . .  the usual.

The higher the body count, the hotter the love . . .

This week’s candidate for a Viking Vampire Ass Whupping was a random nameless werewolf hopped up on vampire blood.  He apparently hailed from that pesky Jackson, Mississippi-based were-gang that has been bothering Vampire Bill for two episodes now.  Sookie tries to shoot him herself, but in a  brash show of machismo (“No way I’m letting my lady do my murdering for me!”), Eric dives in front of the bullet, and valiantly takes it in the chest, before literally chewing the were’s head off. 

 “I got your carpet wet,” admits Bloody Eric apologetically, his speech garbled by the bits of man-dog still lodged in his teeth.  (He’s been alive for centuries, and still NO ONE has taught him not to speak with his mouth full.  Someone clearly needs a Mommy!)

Eric and Sookie then head back into Sookie’s already corpse crowded backyard to bury the latest Trophy of Love.  Sookie is not so much bothered by the fact that someone died in her house, as she is by the fact that Eric killed him before she could “mind read” him in to giving up Bill’s whereabouts.  And you just KNOW that Eric’s got it bad for the spunky barmaid, when he actually responds to her ungrateful idiocy by APOLOGIZING! 

My heart really went out to Mr. Macho Vamp, as he sheepishly admitted to Sookie that he might not have been strong enough to save her from the V-strengthened werewolf, had they held off any longer on killing him.  Talk about having your metaphorical balls cut off!  That admission really had to hurt. 

On their little romantic post burial stroll back home, Sookie tells Eric that she must go to Jackson to find and rescue Bill.  “Do us all a favor and stay out of trouble,” warns Eric.  “You are no good to anyone, if you are killed.”  (Awwwww!  He so LUUUUUVES HER!)

The next afternoon, after putting together an impromptu funeral for Tara’s Eggs . . .

Sunny side DOWN . . .

 . . . Sookie is scrubbing up her bloody floor, when a mysterious stranger approaches her from behind. (Wink, wink!)  She hears the stranger thinking about how pretty and blonde she is, and immediately runs into the house.  But the stranger is faster and more powerful.  He wraps his big sexy arms around her waist, and says “Eric Northman sent me.  I’m here to look at your boobs after you.”

Clearly Eric has a lot of confidence in his “stamina” to be OK with Sookie going on vacation with a guy who looks like this.

Typically, werewolves and vampires don’t mix.  However, Alcide apparently owes some sort of debt to Eric that is in need of repayment.  So, off head Sookie and Alcide to Lou Pines, a hardcore werewolf biker bar.

Lou Pines?  Really?  Is that the best you can do, Alan Ball?  I could think of about a thousand cooler names for a werewolf bar than this.  How about, for example, “The Hair of the Dog (that Bit You),” or “No Fleas,” or “WERE’S the Beer?”  (Get it, “were,” like in WEREwolf . . . never mind.)

Anyway at Lame-O Lou Pines, Sookie puts on her dumb blonde act, in hopes of getting some information on Mr. Bill.  She reads one dude’s mind and figures out he was one of the were’s that kidnapped Bill in his car.  (Sheesh!  How many werewolves were IN that car, anyway?  Because I’m pretty sure we’ve met at least six already.   Bill must have one of those clown cars, I used to see in the circus . . .)

“We’ll all be expecting our SAG cards in the mail, thank you!”

Random Clown Car Werewolf catches wind that Sookie is not the brainless bimbo she seems, and starts attacking her.  In typical True Blood male fashion, Alcide tries to jump in and rescue her.  He gets in a few good punches, before the rest of the werepack starts beating the crap out of him.  Luckily, the owner of the bar (Lou Pine, I presume?), breaks up the fight and kicks out the offending weres.  Then, in a complete non-sequitur moment, the bar owner tells Alcide that his ex-girlfriend is gettting engaged to Coot, head of the Evil Werewolf Clan, the following day, at the bar.  (WAY TO STAY CLASSY, Alcide’s ex!)

Hmmm . . . so Alcide’s former girlfriend went from dating this  . . .

 . . . to this . . .

Color me impressed!

Creepiest O Face, EVER!

Apparently, Sookie and Eric aren’t the only human / vampire pair turned on by random acts of violence.  When we last saw Tara, she was punching the stuffing out of some drunkards, while “new in town” vamp Franklin Mott gallantly held them still for her.  Now she’s in bed with the new vamp, and the poor girl looks like she’s having a seizure! 

Now, I don’t know if this was done on purpose. (Rutina Wesley gave some FANTASTIC O Face, back when she was getting it on with Eggs in Season 2.  So I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt here.)  But, watching this, I honestly couldn’t tell if Tara was enjoying herself, or literally having the life f&*ked out of her.

While doing the deed, Tara begs Franklin to bite her and he refuses.  When she asks him why, he replies, “Because you want me to.”  (OH NO!  That’s never a good sign!  RUN TARA!  RUN LIKE THE WIND!)

During the post-coital cuddling session, Tara basically blows Franklin off, telling her she can’t be in a relationship now and blah, blah, blah.  But, of course, this wouldn’t be True Blood, if Tara wasn’t being beaten up, mind controlled, and abused.  So, when Franklin visits Tara at Sookie’s house, where she is staying for the time being, it didn’t surprise me at all they he compels her against her will to let him in.  Here we go again . . .

(Sidenote:  If Vampires can COMPEL or GLAMOUR humans to invite them into their homes, why don’t they do it all the time?  Isn’t that the ultimate loophole?)

Vampire Jessica just got in over her HEAD . . .

“I’d rather be taking my SAT’s, than dealing with this sh*t.”

The Good News is Vampire Jessica’s “dad’s” house doesn’t have that awful smell anymore.  The Bad News is that Jessica’s lost something you can’t exactly pick up at the local Lost and Found. (And NO, I’m not talking about her eternal virginity). 

In a classic little scene, Jessica calls Vampire Pam to ask for advice on her little problem.  Just like her maker, Vampire Pam apparently never learned not to talk with her mouth full.  She picks up the phone right in the middle of doing something that rhymes with  . . . bug crunching?

“Oh, don’t be such a prude, TV Recapper!  I was eating out!  What’s the big deal?”

Vampire Pam basically tells Jessica not to worry about the whole Missing Person Thing.  “No body, no problem,” she says, more or less.

Later, however, Vampire Jessica is visited by that Pesky Vamp, Franklin Mott . . .

 . . . who, apparently, has a gift for her . . . the severed head of that Missing Dude she killed!   (Hoyt found the rest of his body, buried in Bon Temps).   Mott basically plans to blackmail Vampire Jessica — keeping her murderous tendencies a secret, in exchange for information on Vampire Bill. 

(Uh . . . Franklin, that was a nice “gift” and all, but I think she would have preferred a necklace . . .)

Miscellaneous Plot Points

Before I get to the episode’s “Big TWIST,” let’s get the other minor storylines out of the way . . . . 

First, Jason Stackhouse is HOT!

But, you knew that already . . . What you didn’t know was that he wants to become a cop!

NO!  Not an angel!  I said a COP!

But he couldn’t go through with the application process, because he kept seeing bullet holes in people’s heads, as a result of his guilt over killing Eggs.

Sheriff Budd randomly quit the police force, because he got tired of looking at dead bodies.  That means that this guy will probably end up in charge . . .

Arlene is pregnant, which means the stupidest baby in Bon Temps is about to be born . . .

But it’s not Terry’s . . . which begs the question, “Who else, in their right mind, would screw Arlene “So I Married a Serial Killer” Fowler?”

Sam’s family is a bunch of alcoholic hicks . . . and his biological brother and dad hate him. 

But at least he looks nice with his shirt off . . .

Finally, Eric gave Lafayette a hot new car, so he could conduct his V-dealing business in style.

Lafayette is thrilled.  Wouldn’t you be?

Vampire Bill is Turning Heads Everywhere He Goes!

Back at the Big GayVampire King of Mississippi’s house, Russell “stops, drops, and rolls” burning Lorena up in an expensive rug. 

Talbot is PISSED!

King Russell then more or less threatens to harm Sookie, if Bill doesn’t leave Queen Sophie Anne’s “kingdom” in Louisianna, and pledge “fealty” to him in Mississippi.  That morning(?), while Bill is sleeping, he flashes back to his early “baby vamp” days, when he visited his wife (that chick who played Ryan’s one time GF Lindsay on the O.C.) . . .

 . . . and learned that his son died of “the pox.”  When Bill cries tears of blood over the loss of his child, his wife freaks out and shoots a hole in his arm.  Giving Bill her best “I told you so,” face, Vampire Lorena, convinces him to glamour his wife so that she forgets about his reappearance.  “Vampires will only cause humans pain.  The only way we can show love for humans, is by leaving them,” she says, more or less.

Pained by the memory of his wife, Bill walks downstairs and immediately agrees to be Vampire Russell’s b&tch for all eternity.  When Lorena comes by to gloat . . .

. . . Vampire Bill screws her, while trying to rip her head off.  But instead of breaking her neck, he ends up twisting her head around, like she’s some perverse pornographic Gumby doll.

It’s gross!  But Lorena doesn’t seem to mind.  In fact, mid screw, she tells Bill, “I still love you.”

Except, Bill can’t hear her . . . because her head’s on backwards . . .

Tune in next week, when Alcide will, hopefully, takes his shirt off, and allow me to recoup on my bet.  Because I could really use the cash . . .

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Filed under True Blood, Uncategorized

“Conscience Off! Dick On!” – A Recap of True Blood’s Season 3 Premiere “Pack of Wolves”

“Hey, look at me.  I’m naked on TV!  That never happens!”

Welcome back fellow Fangbangers!  Another season of True Blood is officially upon us.  And from the looks of it, the town of Bon Temps is, once again, about to get very bloody (not to mention slutty).  Tonight’s premiere episode, may not have given us all that much in the way of plot development.  However, it did offer a ton of biting, a prospective new group of villians, some great one liners, and more hot shirtless men than a Gay Pride Parade. 

Speaking of gay pride, am I the only one who was TOTALLY shipping a Bill and Sam coupling, after this episode?  Those two are SPICY!  And with a cool shipper name like BAM, it’s pretty obvious that this is a couple destined for greatness . . .

“I’ve always admired a man with big ‘belt buckle.'”

But, perhaps, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here . . . let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

He’s My Boyfriend, and I’ll Whine if I Want To . . .

Bon Temps has installed a new security security system.  Here’s how it works.  These two nag and yell . . . and all men are instantly repelled.

The episode begins pretty much right where the Season 2 finale left off.  Bill has been kidnapped, and Sookie is desperate to find him.  And let me tell you, hell hath no fury, like a nearly-engaged woman jilted.  After chewing out the female police officer investigating the crime scene, and interrogating a very distracted (and for good reason) Vampire Jessica, Sookie heads out to Fangtasia to put the moves on question Eric.  But before she can speak to him, she has to get by Pam first.

Have I mentioned lately how THRILLED I am that this fabulous femme has been upgraded to “season regular” status?

“I don’t recall telling you that purple was my favorite color,” coos Pam, making Whiny Purple Dress-Wearing Sookie noticeably uncomfortable.  (But Sookie, I thought you were bisexual? Or, maybe I’m mistaking you for the actress that plays you.)

“I don’t have time for any lesbian weirdness from you,” replies Sookie.  (Awww!  Poor Pam!  Foiled again!)

After pushing past Pam, (“She overpowered me!”), Sookie finds Eric in the midst of a LONG screwing session with new Fangtasia dancer, Yvetta.

I’m not usually one to notice high production value, but I ADORED the way this encounter between Sookie and Eric was shot.  With it’s soft lighting, and hazy pastel hues, the scene felt more like an erotic dream than a television show.  Alexander Skaarsgard’s blatant nudity certaintly didn’t hurt either. 

The tension between these two nearly hits a boiling point, when Sookie shamelessly accuses Vampire Eric of orchestrating Bill’s kidnapping.  Eric gamely denies these allegations.  However, he does take the opportunity to berate Vampire Bill’s sexual prowess (“Is Bill’s stamina not up to snuff?”), and flirt with Sookie (“I want what is his.”).  After securing Vampire Eric’s “promise” to find Bill, Sookie heads to the police station to yell at more cops, before heading back home.  There, she encounters fellow Spurned Sister on the Rag, Tara . . .

Tara’s Eggs are No Longer Sunny Side Up . . .

“Bacon just isn’t the same without Eggs . . . “

Now don’t get me wrong.  I feel for Tara.  If my boyfriend looked like this .  . .

 . . . and was shot dead, after confessing to a series of murders he committed while “not in his right mind,” I would be pretty bummed too.  But it’s really hard to like Tara, when she spends all her time screaming at everybody.  I mean, it’s always OK to yell at Arlene, because she’s dumb, annoying, and more than a little racist.  But cute, cuddly, Andy Bellefleur?  Unacceptable! 

 The worst, however, is when Tara lays into SOOKIE (who put a roof over her head, and saved her LIFE) for letting Eggs “see” the many murders that he committed, while under the influence of the maenad.  “You basically signed his death warrant, you b*tch,” growls a Rabid Tara at her “former” best friend!  (Someone shoot this girl with a tranquilizer gun, and put us ALL out of our misery, please!)

Tired of babysitting his unruly witch of a cousin, Lafayette passes Tara off to her self-centered, crazy, former alcoholic, born-again Christian MOTHER.  BAD MOVE!  After just a few hours with this unbearable woman,  Tara is in the bathroom trying to OD on pills. 

Of course, we already know she’ll survive.  So, there’s really not much suspense here.  After all, based on the promos we’ve seen, Tara has to LIVE, so that she can have some very NOT HOT vampire sex with THIS BLOODSUCKER . . .

Hey, Bad Kisser Guy!  Do us all a favor, and bite off her tongue, will you?”

First Sign of the Apocalypse: Jason Stackhouse can’t get it up!

“My weiner is depressed.  Kiss it, and make it better?”

Thank heaven for Andy Bellefleur!  Without his taking the rap for shooting Eggs, Jason Stackhouse would most certainly have been put in jail for murder.  And while he would undoubtedly look cute in an orange jumpsuit, a SHIRTLESS Jason Stackhouse is a terrible thing to waste.  Andy visits Jason at his house, in an attempt to keep him in line and to keep their “shooting story” straight. 

And then, suddenly, and out of no where, it seemed as though Andy Bellefleur had been possessed by female True Blood fans everywhere.  Because, for no rational reason whatsoever, Andy stopped talking about the dull “murder thing,” and started talking about how important it was for Jason to get laid . . .

“The Fangirls’ wish is my command!”

In order to “eliminate suspicion” and “keep up appearances,” Andy instructs Jason to act as he did BEFORE he shot Eggs (and BEFORE he joined that religious cult too, I guess).  That means LOVING THE LADIES, and LOVING THEM LOTS! 

“Conscience off!  Dick on!”  Andy commands.

Now THAT is a Jason Stackhouse motto, I can LIVE with!

Later, Jason hits up Merlotte’s with new roomie, Hoyt.

Welcome back, Jim Parrack!  LOVE the new buff bod!  Not such a fan of the new hair, though . . .

The two quickly and effortlessly pick up these pretty, but kind of dense, recent NYU grads, both of whom randomly have a thing for dogs.  But when they bring the girls back home, Hoyt is too busy whining over the loss of Vampire Jessica to do much screwing, and Jason keeps picturing the girls with bullet holes in their heads.   NOT a turn on!  (Note to the men out there:  If you TELL a girl that you keep seeing bullet holes in her head, she WILL think you want to murder her.  Some things are better left UNSAID.) 

Needless to say, neither of these sexy men get laid during this episode.  This is too bad.  Because I was REALLY hoping for some Jason Stackhouse Post-Coital Dancing . . .

“WOW!  Look at the size of that bullet hole!  Just kidding . . .LET’S BOOGIE!”

The Miraculous Tale of Vampire Bill, the F-U Crew, and Some Old Lady . . .

Well, the writers sure didn’t make us wait too long before telling us who took Vampire Bill.  Although his captor referred to his Band of Bumbling Idiots as the “F*&k You Crew,” those who have watched the promos, undoubtedly recognized him Werewolf Biker Badass, Coot (played by Grant Bowler). . .

Coot and his DOGS are trying to drive Bill to their secret lair.  The only problem is that they can’t seem to stop eating him.  (Don’t you hate it when that happens?)  So, the car goes off road, and Bill manages to escape.  Having been drained of quite a bit of blood, Vampire Bill wanders into some Old Broad’s home, feeds on her, and leaves, but not before glamouring her, and extracting some very important information for the viewers at home.  It turns out, our pal Bill is in Mississippi!

The Shirt Off His Back . . .

“Vampire Bill, I’m so upset!  I had the lamest plotline of this ENTIRE episode!

“Let’s f*&k!”

“OK, Vampire Bill.  That would make me feel much better.”

It’s a real shame that Vampire Bill is in Mississippi, and not Arkansas, where Sam is, because that would have undoubtedly improved this portion of the episode.   Sam’s storyline tonight was a MAJOR snoozer.  Apparently, he’s on a hunt for his biological trailer trash Mommy, and deadbeat brother .  . . blah, blah, blah.  Now on to the good stuff! 

So, if you recall, last season, Sam was stabbed in the chest, and was seriously wounded as a result.  If not for his massive intake of Vampire Bill’s blood, he would have died.  Of course, taking a lot of blood from a Vampire has its consequences.  For one thing, it makes you have sexual feelings for the Vampire you drank from, regardless of your previous sexual preference. 

So, one night, while Sam is sleeping, he has a dream that someone has visited him at his hotel.  THIS Vamp . . .

After being invited in, Vampire Bill asks Sam for some clothing, and Sam literally gives him the shirt off his back.  But Vampire Bill doesn’t put it on.  Instead, after admiring Sam’s physique, he asks to use his shower.  He then invites Sam to join him, and Sam AGREES!  “We are going to have a great time,” replies Bill.

And just when these two crazy kids are about to make out, Sam wakes up . . .

I WANT MORE BAM!  And I want it NOW, dammit!

Vampire Blood for Sale!  Get it While it’s Cheap!

So, it turns out, Vampire Eric wasn’t being entirely honest with Sookie, when he was asked if he had anything to do with Bill’s disappearance.  In fact, HE had hired people to kidnap Bill TOO!  Except, the F-U crew got there first!  Pam instructs Eric to tell Queen Sophie Ann about Vampire Bill’s disappearance, since Bill is the only other vampire aware that the Queen and Eric are selling vampire blood on the black market. 

Eric scoffs at this idea.  However, soon after, Queen Sophie comes to HIM, along with that creepy dude who played J.J. on Big Love . . .

Apparently, there is some sort of two-for-one special on HBO Series stars.

I don’t recall what position “J.J.” holds in the vampire community.  However, I assume it’s high ranking, and has something to do with “law enforcement.”  (If you recall, this was the guy that forced Vampire Bill to “make” Vampire Jessica, as punishment for his killing another vampire.  “J.J” also seems to be higher up than Queen Sophie Ann, because he was bossing her around quite a bit, throughout this scene.

I must admit, initially, I wasn’t overly impressed with Evan Rachel Wood’s portrayal of Queen Sophie Ann during Season 2.  I just found her to be too over the top, and not nearly “queenly” enough.  However, Wood went a long way toward redeeming herself in my eyes tonight.  Watching her manipulate “J.J.” into thinking she was unaware of the marketing of Vampire Blood was pure poetry.  And seeing her strong arm the typically unfazeable Vampire Eric into selling off all of his black market vampire blood at a major financial loss to him, was even more satisfying.

This classic scene was followed up by another equally pleasurable one in which Vampire Pam, on Eric’s orders, pressured Lafayette to sell off his “goods.”  “Are you picking up what I’m putting down?”  Pam whispered in the ear of a terrified Lafayette.

Clearly, no further elaboration was necessary.  When Vampire Eric makes a request, Lafayette listens.  End of story . . .

Cartoon created by the folks at  www.campblood.org

16 and Pregnant?   And a Vampire?  (Well . . . not exactly)

When we last left Vampire Jessica, she had taken a major bite out of some D-baggy trucker dude, she picked up at a bar.  Now, with Papa Vampire Bill nowhere to be found, Baby Vamp Jess is forced to pick up the pieces all by herself.  She tries to revive the nearly dead dude, but does so to no avail.  Eventually, he dies (or does he?).  And in impulsive decision that, while misguided, was surprisingly astute for such a young vamp, Vampire Jessica feeds the maybe dead guy her own blood.

We don’t know yet whether he was actually turned into a vampire.  All we know is that he’s stinking up Bill’s house.  If I recall correctly, in True Blood world, the “transition” from human to vampire takes a few days.  It’s also possible that if this guy was TOTALLY dead, it would be too late for him to actually “drink” Jessica’s blood and change over.  So, we can’t really be sure whether Vampire Jessica has just made herself into a “teen mom” and Vampire Bill into an “absentee grandpa.”  Only time will tell.   But I’m excited about this plotline, nonetheless.

At the end of the episode, Sookie, having noticed that Vampire Pam can “feel” her maker, Eric, “call her,” approaches Vampire Jessica, wondering whether SHE can do the same thing.  Apparently she can.  Unfortunately, just like the airing of award shows, Vampire Jessica’s “sense” of Bill is on a time delay.  So while, she was able to help Sookie find Bill’s crashed car and the dead F-U crew member in it, she was not able to find his current location, which is in the middle of a pack of ravenous werewolves.

It seems that they used REAL wolves in filming this scene, which makes the above picture all the more adorable, fangs and drool, notwithstanding.

So, there you have it folks, my first True Blood recap of the season.  What did YOU think of the episode?  Was it worth the wait?

 

 

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True Blood Minisode 6 – Jason Stackhouse freaks out, reminisces a bit, freaks out again (yet keeps his shirt on – WHY?)

 

It’s time to curl up in bed with a good minisode starring The Hot One . . .

Welcome back Fangbangers!  It’s Wednesday!  (As in, NOT Tuesday.  As in, HBO waited until the LAST minisode to prove my entire “Tuesday Minisode Internet Leak” theory wrong.  Or, perhaps, the whole “national holiday” thing simply got in the way, and I was right after all.  I like the latter argument much better.  So, let’s stick with that, OK?)

Anyway . . . today marked the online premiere of the LAST MINISODE EVER to air, before True Blood kicks off its Season 3 premiere on June 13th.  And what better way to end off our “mini” season, than with a video starring this guy?

If you recall, during the Season 2 finale of True Blood, Jason Stackhouse a.k.a. “The Hot One” shot and killed Tara’s one time beau, Eggs.

(I couldn’t decide between making a cheap shot at the Dead Guy’s unfortunate name, or objectifying the Dead Guy, by including a shirtless shot of him.  Then, I  figured, “Hey, I look like a poopy head either way.”  

So, I opted for both!  EVERYBODY wins!)

Acting on impulse, Jason committed murder, in order to protect his bromantic buddy, Andy Bellefleur, from perceived harm . . .

 . . . and if that’s not love, I don’t know what is!

This minisode pretty much starts right where Jason left off in Season 2.  So, without further adieu, lets BRING ON THE STACKHOUSE! 

(Oh, and before you push play, here’s a little hint for you.  Pay VERY close attention to the final frame of this video.  I have a feeling it will have MAJOR importance to Jason’s storyline this season . . . ;))

(Thanks again to ShirtlessLocke for posting this.  I’m pretty sure I got a majority of these minisodes and True Blood trailers from you . . . In short, YOU RULE!)

SIX MINISODES and ONLY ONE shirtless male castmember image?

WTF HBO!  (In case you were curious, I’m referring to Sam in Minisode 4,  both as man and dog . . . Wait . . . does that count as one or two?)

Excess “shirt-age” aside, I think Jason’s minisode was a great “finale” to the Drop of True Blood minisode series.  Kudos to Ryan Kwanten for giving a surprisingly intense performance, in the absolute last place we would expect one.  God, Jesus, Mary Magdalene and Allah all appreciate your efforts.  As do . . . “Confusion” . . .

Scientology,

Aliens,

and the Lion from Narnia.

“Awww man!  Why couldn’t you put me next to the Fortune Cookie?  Haven’t I been through enough?”

You know, until I watched this, I never realized how many DEATHS Jason had been implicated in since Season 1.  R.I.P. Maudette, Dawn, Granny, Amy and Eggs.  Something tells me you’ll all be in good company NEXT SEASON . . .

So, there you have it folks.  SIX Weeks and SIX Minisodes.  It’s been a long and hard wait, but June 13th is nearly here . . .

  I’m so excited I could almost bite someone . . .

In fact, I’m pretty sure I am a danger to others.  You might have to put me in handcuffs, to protect the masses . . .

I know, I know, I’m shameless, aren’t I?  OK.  I’m stopping now.

You may think I’m being annoying, with my excessive (and not always post-related) shirtless picture posting.  But you’re going to miss these, when they’re gone!  Trust me!

(Speaking of “missing” . . . if, by chance, you have missed any of the previous True Blood Minisodes, you  can find links to all of them here.)

That’s all folks!  True Blood Season 3 premieres June 13th at 9 p.m. on HBO (as if you needed reminding!).  Be there .  . . or Jason Stackhouse may never take his shirt off AGAIN!

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True Blood Minisode 3 – CATFIGHT! (Sookie, Tara & Lafayette)

Welcome back, fellow Fangbangers!  It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means . . .  You got it!  The third of six True Blood Minisodes has just been “leaked” online. 

(Seeing as how one of these puppies has been “leaked” every Tuesday, since April 27th, I’m pretty sure that this has been HBO’s grand plan all along.  Just a little something to get us nerdy bloggers all riled up about the show, and feeling special.  After all, WE (and everyone else with a computer who knows how to use a Search Engine) get to see the minisodes, before HBO ACTUALLY airs them on Sunday nights.  Still, it’s a pretty ingenious marketing tool, if you ask me . . .)

This week’s installment of  “A Drop of True Blood” features our three favorite Bon Temps girls: BFF’s Sookie and Tara (who, quite honestly, have been seeming a lot less chummy, of late) . . .

They just found out I spilled the beans about the whole “Tuesday internet leak” thing.  Don’t worry ladies, I promise to keep it between just us girls . . .

 . . . and, of course, the inimitable Lafayette . . .

You take off those earrings girl!  (I’d rather not have them in my soup . . .)

Now, initially, I was under the impression that these minisodes were supposed to take place at some point in time, between Seasons 2 and 3.  Here, we see that this is not necessarily the case.  This minisode, in particular, seems more like a deleted scene from the Season 2 finale than anything “new.”  For one thing, check out the dress Sookie is showing off to Tara at Merlotte’s.  Does it look familiar to you?

Of course, there’s a second, much more obvious, reason why I think that this scene had to have occurred chronologically before the Season 2 Finale concluded.  But, I’ll let you figure that one out for yourselves . . .  Roll the clip . . .

(If, for any reason, this video disappears before you get to see it, you can also catch it at Dread Central and Jivid.com.)

Now that I think about it, there’s a third reason this scene had to take place before the Season 2 finale ended. Did you pick up on it?  I’ll give you a hint.

By the way, how much do you love Lafayette, in this scene?  “B*tches you both is pretty!” –    Classic!

While we’re sharing, HBO has also released its newest promo for the show today.  And if big blue dogs, and bad CGI graphics (sorry Alan Ball) are your thing, you’re going to love this one . . .

If this promo is any indication, I’m thinking there’s a good chance that the next True Blood minisode will feature Bon Temps’ newest visitor and werewolf, Alcide Herveaux, played by Joe Mangiello, of One Tree Hill fame. 

Here’s hoping the video clip somehow involves this guy being shirtless . . .

(For more on the new cast members signing on for Season 3 of True Blood, click here.)

And if, by any chance, you missed any of the True Blood Minisodes that have already aired, you can catch the first one, which features a tracksuit- wearing Vampire Eric and a bisexual Vampire Pam auditioning new dancers for Fangtasia Bar, here . . .

 

 . . . and the second one, which involves a casino-hopping and hungry Vampire Jessica, here.

Thirsty for more, True Blood goodness?  Check out the show’s newest fan, Lola at Lovely Entropy, and her take on Vampire Bill’s penchant for that hideous hillbilly shirt he always wears.  (I laughed until I peed!)

True Blood premieres Sunday, June 13th on HBO.  Be there, or be eaten by vampires . . . and werewolves, of course.

 

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The Ick Factor – A Recap of Big Love’s Season Finale “End of Days”

I had mixed feelings about tonight’s Big Love season finale.  On one hand, it was certainly eventful.  There were a lot of twists and turns during this episode that I didn’t see coming.  Plus, a lot of questions that had been left unanswered throughout the series were finally resolved, although not necessarily for the better (cough, Tommy and Barb, cough). 

On the other hand, watching “End of Days” was a highly unpleasant experience for me.  A lot of the scenes and plot points were just plain uncomfortable to watch.  When you’ve come to know and care about characters during the course of four seasons, as I have with the Big Love cast, there are some situations you just don’t want to see them in.  The episode’s game-changer ending will definitely send the show in an entirely new direction next season.  I am just not entirely sure that I like where it is going . . .

So, let’s take a look at where we are going, and where we have been, shall we?

Ding. Dong, J.J.’s Dead!

“I’m MELTING!  I’m MELTING!”

One of the questions that was resolved during the season finale was what the heck J.J. was doing to get everybody pregnant.  In fact, the J.J. storyline was entirely resolved, because awesome Adaleen set his house on fire, burning that crazy mother-f’er and his wife to a crisp in the process.  So, the prospect of J.J. returning to Juniper Creek is highly unlikely.  Unless, of course, he comes back from the dead all burned and disfigured a la Freddy Krueger, which I wouldn’t put past him.  (They both have that “terrorizing children” thing in common, after all . . .)

“I will haunt your dreams, and force you to carry my creepily deformed babies to term.”

When news breaks that the polygamist compound in Kansas is rife with inbred babies, all signs point to J.J.’s involvement, seeing as he runs things down there.  Wanda comes out of her catatonic state long enough to admit that J.J. has inseminated Adaleen with Wanda’s egg (and his own sperm) in order to impregnate her.  Wanda just so happens to be J.J.’s biological sister  . . .

J.J. then tricks the infertile Nikki into coming to his “doctor” son’s office, in order to impregnate her with an egg belonging to Cara Lynn, Nikki’s own daughter with J.J.  I don’t even want to KNOW how he got that egg!

Fortunately, Bill finds Nikki just in time, and rescues her from the clutches of the evil creepy J.J.  Then Adaleen ties J.J. and his wife up, douses their home with gasoline, and watches it go KABOOM!  Who knew drippy weak-willed Adaleen Grant would turn out to be such a . . .

“Come to think of it, Mary Kay Place could totally pass for an older version of Drew Barrymore.  Don’t you think?”

At the conclusion of the episode, Nikki cuts her compound-style braid, and agrees to carry Margene’s non-incestually deformed baby to term for the Henricksons.  Ummm, yay . . . I guess?

Margene, Goran, and Anna sitting in a tree . . .

“Come and knock on our door.  We’ll be waiting for YOU!  When the kisses are HERS, and HERS, and HIS, Three’s Company Too!”

Margene’s storyline this evening would have fit really well into a swinging 70’s era sitcom.  For the past few episodes, Margene has been waffling back and forth between her marriage to Barb, Nikki, and Bill, which will result in the inevitable loss of her jewlery business, and her greencard marriage to Goran.  When she talks to Anna about it, Margene confesses that she feels guilty about marrying Goran, because she is attracted to him.  This attraction makes her feel like a Big Ho-Bag, seeing as Goran is actually in a (committed?) relationship with Anna.   

Huh?  Where did this “love interest” come from?  There was no evidence of Margene’s “attraction” to Goran throughout the entire season.  The guy seductively grabs her knee once, and all the sudden she’s in love with him?  Wasn’t it only a few episodes ago that she was talking about her romantic feelings for Ben?  It just plain didn’t make sense to me . . .

Weirder still was Anna’s response to Margene’s confession.  She was totally cool with it.  Anna told Margene that she already knew that Goran and Margene had feelings for one another.  So, why couldn’t the three of them just be happy together?  Is this the same Anna who, just last week, lectured Bill about his hypocritical one man-for-many women ways?  Truthfully, I always sensed a bit of a lesbian subtext between Margene and Anna.  However, both characters’ actions during this episode seemed inconsistent and unrealistic to me. 

“Just imagine all the hijinks we can get into now!  Wait until we tell Mr. Roper!”

At the conclusion of this storyline, Goran is seen happily hugging Anna and Margene, while fondling both of their asses.  Somewhere up in heaven, Jack Tripper is raising his fist in triumph  . . .

“Goran, I salute you!”

Barb and Tommy are Splitsville . . . But what about Barb and Bill?

“I’m going to miss you, and your sexy sweat lodge too!”

I had high hopes for Barb and Tommy at the opening of this episode.  She adorably mothered him, by trying to get him to eat a healthy and well-balanced meal, after a stressful day.  He confided in her about his family troubles (apparently, Tommy has some bad seed drug dealers in his family).  Together, they worried about how Tommy’s screwed up family history may adversely affect the casino.  Barb then vowed to help Tommy, promising him that he wouldn’t have to go through this alone.  They shared plenty of longing looks, and another sexy hug . . .

Then Bill had to go and screw everything up!

Well, in Bill’s defense, Barb made quite a mess of things herself, by offering the results of Anna’s paternity test, which showed that Bill was the father of her illegitimate child, to a local news network.  Barb did this in hopes that doing so would keep Bill from winning the Senate seat that has been slowly tearing their family apart.  Then, ostensibly, Bill ratted out and fired Tom and Jerry from the casino, to save face.  However, I thought the move had “revenge against Barb” written all over it. 

“Wow, this just occurred to me . . . probably because I never remembered the Jerry-character’s name.  Why the heck did the writers choose names like these for a pair of characters that would constantly be discussed in the series together, and in this exact order?  Seriously!”

Barb apparently thought Bill made a dick move too.  And when she FINALLY stuck up for herself, and told Bill, “I don’t think I need you anymore,” I cheered for her. 

“You go girl!”

But will she have the guts to leave him now that he is a State Senator?  Only time will tell . . .

Don, Don, Don, Don DONNNNNNN!

Yeah, this wasn’t a big part of the show at all.  I was just happy to see my favorite sidekick, Don, back on Big Love for the finale, even if it was just to kiss Bill’s ass again.  Despite the fact that Big Boss Man ruined Don’s life and turned his kid into a juvenile delinquent (who throws rocks through people’s windows) Don still showed up to watch Bill make his State Senate acceptance speech, and actually seemed HAPPY when Bill won . . .

Build for Bill (more like Demolish for Bill)

Meet Bill Henrickson, the family values Senator from Utah, and his family (Not pictured: illegitamate child, fourth wife, and illegal alien second husband)

Perhaps the most cringeworthy moment of the entire episode came at its conclusion, when Bill won the State Senate seat, and came out as a polygamist. As a bunch of his former supporters stormed out in anger, Bill made matters worse, by calling each of his wives up to the podium with him, singlehandedly destroying their lives along with his own.  Although the foursome held hands together at the conclusion of the speech, in a show of solidarity, each wife looked like she would rather be pulled apart by two horses running in opposite directions, than be there with Bill.

And that was it for this season.  So, what did you think of the finale?  Are you excited for a Season 5 that  revolves around Bill as a polygamist Senator?  Are you hoping that Barb leaves Bill’s ass for Tom (and Jerry)?  Are you hoping Margene leaves Bill’s ass for Anna and Goran?  Were you as happy to see Don as I was?  Were you as happy to see Marilyn and J.J. GO as I was?

 

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Awesomeness Incarnate: A Recap of Lost’s “Sundown”

“I see dead people (because I killed them).”

Tonight’s installment of Lost, in my opinion, truly harkened back to the show’s iconic first season.  Back then, the show was less about mythology, time travel, scientific theory, and zombies, and more about castaways.  At its core, early Lost was about PEOPLE, just like you and me (only hotter, less hygenic, and more often shirtless).

Yeah . . . Sawyer wasn’t actually in this episode.  I just felt the need to share this picture with you, because it’s yummy.

During the first season of the series, we watched the Losties battle their inner demons, justify their pasts, and struggle to survive the island elements.  As the series progressed, and its mythology grew more complex, Lost lost some of that simplicity.  “Sundown,” in my opinion, brought it back in a big way.  It was a simple episode.  One that even a non-fan of the show could have understood and enjoyed, which is not to say that it didn’t have its action-packed OMFG moments . . . . 

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

In one of the series’ early flashbacks, a young Sayid cared for and protected his older brother by committing an act of violence (killing a chicken), when his brother could not do so.  In his flash sideways . . . well . . .

In virtually all of the flash-sideways that we have seen thus far, the main character has had the opportunity to experience some form of redemption, righting the wrongs of his or her past in an alternate present.  Sayid’s flash sideways is unique in that it is NOT about redemption . . . at least not entirely. 

Like Locke, following Flight 815’s safe landing, Sayid travels to a suburban neighborhood, and is greeted with a hug at the doorstep by the woman he loves.  Unlike Locke, however, the object of Sayid’s affection belongs to another man, namely his older brother, Omer.

Although Sayid is often away on “business” (i.e. killing and torturing people) it becomes immediately apparent that he is very close with his family.  Sayid is a beloved uncle to his niece and nephew, and a close confidant to his sister-in-law.  Based on the looks Nadia and Sayid give one another across the kitchen table, you can immediatelly tell there is something serious between them.  This fact is not lost on big brother Omer, who eyes the pair with jealous suspicion.  Nor does it escape the notice of Omer’s children, who quickly find a photograph of Nadia packed away in Sayid’s suitcase.

Once alone, Nadia confronts Sayid about why the pair never acted on their obvious mutual affection for one another.  She has opened her heart to him in letters, and he has continually pushed her away.  Sayid stares at Nadia regretfully, recalling all of his past misdeeds, and replies, “I do not deserve you.”

In this way, the Sayid of Flash Sideways World HAS redeemed himself.  Having had to live with the regret of knowing that his murderous lifestyle resulted in Nadia’s untimely death in the “real world,” Sayid is able to prevent her demise in this world.  He does this by remaining apart from her, no matter how much doing so kills him inside.  Sayid seems to be continuing on this redemptive path, when his brother wakes him in the middle of the night begging for his help. 

Omer apparently has bargained the family fortune and is now indebted to some highly unsavory characters.  In no uncertain terms, he asks Sayid to beat the crap out of these people, so that they will leave Omer alone.  Sayid declines, claiming that this part of his life is over.  The next day, Omer is put in the hospital, after having been beat down by the goons to whom he is indebted.  At the hospital, Nadia begs Sayid not to intervene.  She instructs him instead to go home and be with her children.

Surprisingly, Sayid does as he is told.  Unforunately, the goons pick Sayid up outside Omer’s house.  In what was, in my opinion, the only weak point in the episode, the goons, who were led by none other than Charles Widmore’s mercenary, Martin Keamy, from the original Lost  timeline,  bring Sayid to an abandoned restaurant.  Here, they proceed to throw at him every mafia cliche in the book, from the faux polite offers of food, to a dude held hostage in the meat locker (but we will get to him later . . .)

“Get the f&*k outta here!  Posers!”

Paulie Walnuts Martin tries to bully Sayid into forking over the cash his brother owes.  However, Mob Man’s tune quickly changes when Sayid, without a moment’s hesitation, pulls out a gun and shoots his two minions.  Martin, now fearing for his life, tries to reason with Sayid, offering to immediately forgive Omer’s entire debt.  However, Martin’s plea is met with nothing more than a bullet in his chest. 

Poor Sayid, you try to be a nice guy, and, what happens?  You end up committing triple homicide.  It just isn’t fair!

“Every time I think I’m out, they pull me back in!”

Oh, and did I mention that Sayid found Jin stuck in the restaurant’s meat locker?

Bad to the Bone

Back in real time, Sayid confronts Dogen at the Temple, seeking answers.  Of course, he doesn’t just want answers, he wants the TRUTH!

“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH, SAYID!”

 . . . sorry.  I couldn’t resist.

Dogen explains to Sayid that he had hooked the latter up to a machine calibrated to measure good and evil.  Unfortunately for Sayid, his scale “tipped the wrong way.”  This is why Dogen has been trying to kill Sayid.

Good and evil.  Light and dark.  Dogen’s monologue brought to mind Locke’s infamous backgammon speech from season one.

Having provided Sayid with the requested “answers,” Yoda Dogen then proceeds to attack Sayid.  After performing some crazy Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon– type moves, the spry Dogen pins Sayid to the ground, while holding a knife to his neck. 

Then, oddly enough, a baseball rolls to the ground, and, upon seeing it, Dogen decides to spare Sayid’s life.  (He must really like baseball . . .)

“If you build it, you can LIVE!”

Then, Crazy Claire comes to the Temple and tells Dogen that Nu-Locke (or Man in Black or whatever the heck the cool kids are calling him these days) wants to talk to him.  Dogen refuses to leave the Sanctuary of the Temple, claiming that Nu Locke can kill him out in the jungle.  Claire then suggests that Dogen send someone Nu Locke will not kill.  Dogen sets his sights on the man he just decided not to kill: Sayid.  Claire is then tossed in an underground sort of prison made specially for island loonies just like her .  . .

Just hanging out . . . killing some time . . . among other things.”

Offering Sayid a chance to prove his “goodness,” Dogen gives the former his knife and tells him to kill Nu Locke, who he describes as “evil incarnate.”  (Because nothing says “goodness” like premeditated murder).

“I have been waiting for you Obi Wan.”

Nu-Locke soon appears just outside the Temple.  And, Sayid, who clearly loves a good kill,  immediately stabs him in the chest.  Nu-Locke then surprises Sayid by extracting the sword easily from his stomach, without leaving so much as a pinprick behind.  Instead of teasing Sayid for his clearly crappy mercenary skills, Nu Locke offers Sayid the chance to see his beloved Nadiya once again, if he agrees to deliver a message on Nu-Locke’s behalf, thereby selling his soul to Evil Incarnate, himself.

Here’s the basic gist of the message Sayid delivers to the inhabitants of the Temple: Jacob is dead.  Leave the Temple by Sundown, and join Team Evil Incarnate, or Nu-Locke will kill YOU. 

After delivering the message, Sayid drowns Dogen as punishment for the latter’s failure to warn Sayid about the whole “Nu-Locke can’t die” thing.  Sayid then kills Dogen’s sidekick, Lennon, for . . . ummmm . . . just being Lennon . . . I guess.

“Aufwiedersehen, Lennon and Dogen.  You are OUT!”

Meanwhile, Kate returns to the Temple and finds Crazy Claire in her underground hidey hole singing to herself the iconic and oddly creepy song “Catch a Falling Star,” the same song Kate had sung to baby Aaron while mothering him off the island.  When Crazy Claire explains that she is here to retrieve her baby, whom the Others have kidnapped,  Kate explains to Claire that SHE has been the one taking care of Aaron all of these years . . .  not the Others.

“Hmmm . . . maybe it wasn’t such a good idea . . . telling her that.”

If you recall, last week, Crazy Claire told the currently MIA Jin that if she found out that Kate had, in fact, taken her child, she would KILL Kate . . .   Claire then cryptically informs Kate that “He’s coming and you can’t stop him,” before Kate is dragged away by the Temple guards.

 Losties Ben, Sun, Lapidus, and Ilana, arrive at the Temple, and reunite with Miles, moments before Sundown.  Just in time for all Hell (no pun intended) to break loose.  Ladies and Gentleman, Smokey has entered the building . . .

  . . . can prevent Evil Incarnate fires!

Within moments, the Temple is filled with deadly smoke, and people are running every which way to avoid being disintegrated by it.  It looks like something out of a badly scripted and poorly acted, but big budget, apocalyptic blockbuster.

“Yeah, just like that . . .”

Ilana finds a secret porthole in the Temple and ushers the rest of her Lostie gang to safety.  Ben finds Sayid staring morosely at the darkened waters, and beckons him toward the porthole.  “There is still time,” he pleads.

“Not for me,” replies Sayid.

 Ben, who is nothing if not good at saving his own ass, quickly retreats, leaving Sayid by his now-evil lonesome.  But you know who is not good at saving her own ass?  Kate!  In the midst of all this chaos, Kate actually decides to go back and rescue Crazy Claire, who just doesn’t seem to want saving“You’ll be safer down here,” offers Nutjob, and Kate actually listens!

This is not exactly the kind of gal you want in your foxhole with you.  For starters, the girl hasn’t showered in THREE YEARS!  The smell alone might kill you . . .

Fortunately for Kate, the Smoke monster passes right by Claire and her, leaving them virtually untouched.  Then, just as soon as it began, the Smoke vanishes.  Kate follows Claire out of her hidey hole, surveying the destruction and carnage around her in horror, as she exits the Temple. 

In the last few moments of the episode, Kate watches, awestruck, as Claire and Sayid join Nu Locke and the rest of his new creepy zombie minions out in the darkness of the jungle . . .

Frankly, the episode’s conclusion frightened me . . . a lot!  I need someone to give me ahug.  Where’s Shirtless Sawyer when you need him?

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