We feel your pain, Callie! We didn’t want you involved in a Bad Pregnancy Storyline, either . . .
Sucking up . . . Kissing up . . . Brown nosing . . . Kissing ass . . . whatever term you have for it, it’s a skill! It might not necessarily be an admirable skill, or an ethical skill, but it is a skill, nonetheless. “Sucking up” is something that doesn’t come naturally to most people. For one thing, it involves some serious acting. And not everyone can be an actor. But, perhaps, more importantly, sucking up well requires a certain amount of pride swallowing, which NOBODY likes to do . . .
. . . least of all, a bunch of over-achieving, super smart, and extremely arrogant, doctors! (Is it any wonder, Seattle Grace is filled with so much HOT AIR?)
Well . . . yes . . . THAT too . . . but I was more referring to this kind of “hot air.”
Like it or not, nearly every single character on this show was forced to swallow a bit of their pride this week. And not all of them succeeded in doing so . . .
McDreamy Sex, Peeing on Sticks, and Poop-Covered Babies . . .
When the episode begins, Meredith and Derek are seated on the edge of their bed, woefully examining the evidence of their non-pregnancy. Somewhere inside Meredith’s lower abdomen, her Hostile Uterus is pumping his fist in triumph to the theme song from Rocky . . .
“I am the champion, my friends. And I’ll keep on fighting ’til the end.”
Rather than suck up her pride, and admit that Hostile Uterus is a worthy contender, Cristina suggests that Meredith “battle” said Uterus, in the same way that little kids “battle” the Boogey Man under their beds: i.e. “Simply pretend it doesn’t exist, and maybe it will go away!” Yes, boys and girls, DOCTOR Meredith Grey thought she could beat Hostile Uterus into submission by buying TEN PREGNANCY TESTS, and peeing on ALL OF THEM!
Neonatal Surgeon, Addison Montgomery, does NOT approve . . .
Later, when Meredith complains to Cristina about how gosh darn exhausting it is to pee on sticks all day, Cristina wisely notes that Poop-Covered Babies are much MORE exhausting . . . “What makes you think my baby will be Poop-Covered?” Meredith asks, defensively.
Oh, Meredith . . . you have so very much to learn . . .
Meredith’s and McDreamy’s Future McBaby
Meredith isn’t the only one failing miserably at swallowing her pride this week. Arizona, herself, is forced to admit that she (gasp!) has FAULTS, when Callie (1) refuses to forgive her for going to Malawi; and (2) pretty much treats her like crap for the entire episode. It all starts when Arizona buys out Callie’s subleters overnight, and moves back into the apartment they once shared together.
(You’ll notice that this is the second time that Callie has woken up to find that Arizona has been lurking around her home, while she slept. It’s a little creepy . . . I’m not going to lie.)
After calling her “self-centered,” “selfish,” and a whole bunch of other VERY mean names, Callie decides to REALLY let Arizona know how she feels about her. “I don’t want to see you. I don’t want you in my life. Get your crap out of my apartment.”
Ummm . . . Ouch?
Far from being put off by Callie’s 85,00th rejection of her since she’s returned, the
clearly deluded optimistic Arizona remarks to a very embarrassed Mark, who has quietly watched the entire exchange, “It’s good that she’s mad. It means she feels something.”
(Oh . . . she feels something, all right. She feels like she wants to CUT YOU!)
Be afraid, Arizona. Be VERY AFRAID!
When Arizona explains to Mark that she doesn’t know any of her own flaws (aside from being a workaholic and smoking sometimes, of course), Mark seems more than happy to help her out . . .
Throughout the course of the episode, while Arizona and Mark argue the merits of putting cadaver bones versus human bones in some teen’s face, so that she can play sports (Don’t ask. I didn’t really get it either.), Mark tells Arizona that she is patronizing, passive aggressive, stubborn, doesn’t listen, and basically has a whole host of other things that are wrong with her. (Because, clearly, this was Poop on Arizona Day on Grey’s Anatomy).
But the biggest FLAW Arizona has, is that she is a “bailer.” In other words, when the going get tough, the tough get going, and Arizona runs away like a little b*tch. Well . . . at least that’s what she’s done, up until now . . .
In the final moments of the episode, Arizona conveniently barges in on Callie, as the latter rides on the WORLD’S SLOWEST ELEVATOR. Speaking of said elevator, it used to be completely void of any artwork, whatsoever. Now, it conveniently features a conspicous PICTURE OF A BABY . . .
(I haven’t been this creeped out by an image on a wall, since someone told me there was a ghost of some dead kid in the film Three Men and a Baby . . .)
That’s right, kiddies. Arizona finally apologized for walking out on Callie, declared her love, and begged for forgiveness . . . and Callie . . . well, she told Arizona that she was pregnant with Mark’s baby . . .
Watch out, Callie! Lexie’s coming after you for screwing her man. And she’s armed and dangerous!
Speaking of inappropriate relationships . . .
Teddy is quickly learning that her No Frills Insurance Marriage to
Henry Sick Noel from Felicity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Two more episodes, and these two will be boning one another. Mark my words! For starters, the Chief found out about the couple’s little “arrangement,” and has been totally reaming Teddy a new one, ever since.
CHIEF: “How dare you marry Noel! He’s meant to be with Felicity!
TEDDY: But Felicity ended up with Ben, remember? They went to med school together. And then Felicity went back in time, and found out that if she chose Noel, back in college, Noel would have died in that dorm fire.”
CHIEF: “Went back in time?! What the heck are you talking about?”
TEDDY: “I know right? It was a good show, but it pretty much had the WORST FINALE EVER!”
To further complicate matters, Noel’s tumors are attacking his insides. And, in the course of a single episode, he needs both his kidney,
his dignity, and a good portion of his pancreas removed. Teddy learns about all of Noel’s complications, at about the same time she learns that he has put her down as his “Emergency Contact” on his insurance forms.
This kind of pisses Teddy off. Marriage? NO PROBLEM! Emergency contact? NO EFFING WAY!
“Our vows said, ‘In Sickness and in Health’ . . . ‘Til Death Do Us Part.’ The whole “Emergency Contact” thing was kind of implied in there. Don’t you think?”
Seeing the obvious distress on Teddy’s face, Noel explains that he is 42-years old. (NO WAY, NOEL! You graduated from college in the 00’s. You’re in your early 30’s, TOPS!) His parents are dead. His sister is in Europe, and he’s been too sick to make many friends. So, Teddy is basically, Noel’s only friend now
(Sucks to be him!), hence the “Emergency Contact” thing. To be honest, it’s kind of a depressing story. But it ended sweetly, with Teddy and Noel clasping hands in “friendship.” (But it’s going to be MUCH sweeter when they screw, sometime within the next two episodes . . . Trust me!)
But you know who’s already screwing? THESE TWO!
Way to GO, BAILEY! It’s high time the Nazi got some nookie in the on-call room. (Everyone else on this show has!) Naughty Nurse Eli is precisely what Bailey needs to lift her out of the funk her character has been in, since The Shooting . . . I hope they continue to go at it like bunnies . . .
. . . for a VERY LONG TIME!
(The more often they do it, the more likely it is that we will get to see Daniel Sunjata NAKED! The way I see it, it’s a win-win!)
In other news . . .
The Race for Chief Resident is ON (like Donkey Kong!)
The fourth year residents were SUPPOSED to be kissing the asses of the First-Year Med Students, who were at Seattle Grace on a “field trip” this week. Doing this would impress upon the Chief that they were “Chief Resident Material.” But, as I said earlier, the Seattle Graces docs don’t kiss ass all that well. So, their competition basically erupted into a game of Abuse the
Special Guest Star Student.
Sloan drew on this poor guy’s head with permanent marker . . .
Evil Warren from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (who has apparently taken a break from World Domination and Creating Robot Girlfriends, in order to attend Med School), accidentally made Cristina (who’s TOTALLY back to her hardcore self, by the way) look bad, by undermining her authority to the Chief, and spilling the beans to a patient about his dire medical condtion. So, she got back at him, by nearly shoving his head inside a gross tumor, and making him faint . . .
Avery bodily pushed Johan Hill’s Twin Brother (Seriously! The resemblance is uncanny.) out of EVERY surgery, in which he was involved. He then pouted when Jonah Hill 2.0 conveniently offered up information that saved a patient’s life at the last minute . . .
This chick had the gall to try to make friends with Meredith, and TEXT her boyfriend, while inside the hospital. So Meredith totally b*tched her out.
Out of all the
Special Guest Stars First Year Med Students, Ashleigh from Greek fared the best, by far, because she got to screw Alex Karev . . .
Having heard it directly from the Chief, we all KNOW that Ashleigh gave Karev a good review, for “Playing Doctor” with her at Seattle Grace. (Alex was the only resident who “aced” his first “Race to Chief Challenge,” as a result. Everybody else BOMBED IT!)
However, we can only guess as to what she told Casey and her friends at the ZBZ house, upon arriving back home . . .
An Interesting Casting Note: Fans of the show Greek, might recall, that for a few episodes at least, Ashleigh and Casey fought over which of them would be the first to bed a mysterious man, known to them only as “The Hotness Monster.” And I bet you will never guess who played the Hotness Monster on the show . . .
It’s DOCTOR AVERY!
Talk about your coincidences, right? It really is a shame that Ashleigh and Avery didn’t get to hook up! (Not only would Greek fans have gotten a kick out of it, it also would have been REALLY HOT!) Clearly, Shondra Rhimes is saving Avery’s virtue for ME! That’s the only possible explanation as to why she’s been keeping the Hotness Monster (now Dr. Hotness), as celibate as MONK for OVER TWO SEASONS! (Not that I’m complaining. ;))
Speaking of screwing, the episode ended up Meredith and Derek “practicing” their Mad Baby-Making Skills . . .
Take THAT, Hostile Uterus!
“I’ll get you My Pretty, and your little McWeiner too!”