Tag Archives: flash sideways

Missing Your Favorite TV Shows This Summer? No Problem! Just Watch Other People Make Fun of Them on YouTube!

 

I’m not gonna lie!  It’s hard to be a TV Recapper during the summer months, because . . . well . . . there isn’t all that much to recap.  Now, if this had been, say five years ago, I would be forced to spend my non-recapping months doing things like: reading the classics, doing volunteer work, learning to play the cello, and becoming a productive member of society . . .

Fortunately, thanks to the advent of YouTube, I can simply continue to be the directionless miscreant I have always been (only tanner)!

 

Now, during the proper television viewing season, I generally enjoy watching and recapping shows like: Gossip Girl, the now-defunct Lost, Glee, The Vampire Diaries, and Mad Men.  (I also have kind of a thing for vampires, and will often make desperate attempts to throw “fangy” references into all my posts, even those that have absolutely nothing to do with “undead.”)

It was a love for the above-referenced shows (and vampires) that sent me to YouTube in search of videos I could watch that would dull the pain of summer hiatus.  Granted, the video clips I found weren’t quite as satisfying as seeing new episodes of my favorite television shows themselves.  But, hey, at least they made me giggle. 

So, without further adieu, I proudly present to you:  YouTube Videos That Make Fun of Television Shows I Like To Watch!

1) Glee

Have you ever watched Glee, and thought to yourself, “Wow that Rachel chick sure is a nutjob!  I’d hide my pet bunny, if she was ever in my house!”

If so, this film is for YOU!

2) Mad Men

Speaking of sick and twisted, remember that scene from Season 3 of Mad Men, where that annoying British guy randomly got his foot run over by a lawnmower right in the middle of the office?  Ever wonder what that scene would sound like when replayed to the tune of Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek, a.k.a. That Song TheyAlways Play on Teen Dramas Whenever Something Dramatic Happens?  Wonder no more . . .

3) The Vampire Diaries

Somewhere, in an alternate universe, Stefan and Damon Salvatore are NOT vampire brothers fighting for the love of the same girl.  Rather, they are ambiguously gay roommates, with an annoying habit of breaking into song at inopportune moments . . . (Thanks to Amy over at ImaginaryMen for sharing this FABULOUS video with me!)

[Click the internal link to watch.  You’ll like it, I promise!]

4) Buffy the Vampire Slayer / The Twilight Series

 

Perhaps in that SAME alternate universe, where Stefan and Damon are living “homosexually ever after,” Edward Cullen is NOT the “cute and sparkly” vampire who won Bella Swan’s heart.  Rather, he is a creepy stalker vampire with a dangerous hard-on for a certain slayer we all know and love . . .

5) Gossip Girl / Supernatural

If you are anything like me, you were beyond depressed during the Gossip Girl Season 3 finale, when Chuck Bass threw away his chance at happiness with Blair Waldorf, for a paltry tumble in the hay with that skanky hobag, Jenny Humphrey.  Of course, we ALL want those two crazy kids, C&B, to reconcile pronto.  However, if Blair absolutely MUST get involved with a rebound guy, at least let him be someone manly, someone who is not afraid to battle a few demons (both internal and external) to protect the heart of his lady love . . . someone like Supernatural‘s Dean Winchester.

6) Lost

And, finally, this one goes out to all of you folks that were really mad that the flash-sideways world on Lost ended up being nothing more than purgatory (even though the writers promised it wouldn’t be).  It’s for you folks who would have preferred a more “scientific”explanation for all that on and off island “time shifting” the castaways suffered through for six seasons.  This is also for the select few of you who shelled out the big bucks for those ridiculously over-priced Lost Happy Meal toys.  Apparently, someone out there put them to better use, than YOU did . . .

Well, that’s all, folks . . . at least until the next time I inevitably run out of things to recap . . .

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Filed under Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Glee, Gossip Girl, Lost, Mad Men, The Vampire Diaries, Twilight

Happily Ever After or Happy in the Ever After? – My Initial Take on Lost’s Series Finale “The End”

 

After six years, and a fun and enjoyable, if not exactly “informative” two hours, one of the most innovative, intelligent, and well-acted shows in television history, Lost, has come to its final conclusion.  And aside from an open-ended, and fairly controversial ending, and a few (OK . .  a LOT . . . of unanswered questions), I think the producers did a great job of giving fans what they wanted, at least on an emotional level.  After all, for what could sometimes be a fairly dour show (I mean, it did revolve around a plane crash, and I’d say at least a third of the episodes featured SOMEONE dying), this may have been the happy-go-luckiest season finale of all time . . .

See?   Look how HAPPY he is!

While, I would have to be absolutely effing nuts to attempt to do a comprehensive recap of this ENTIRE finale (I do work, you know . . .), I thought it might be fun, (for me at least, if not necessarily for you) to discuss some of my favorite moments from the episode, before I attempt to tackle . . . THE ENDING, which I plan to do in a separate post.  I’m going to try to break these down by character, so that there’s at least some organizing principle to this stream of consciousness mish mash of a so-called recap . . .

Vincent

So what if they never explained his island significance, his seeming omniscience, or how he managed to survive all this time (Are we actually supposed to believe he was with Rose and Bernard during ALL those missing years?).  So what if he never got reunited with his real owner (Walt).  He’s a cute dog.  And EVERYONE likes cute dogs!  So the fact that our little Vincent got some screen time during this finale, including being featured in the third to last frame of the ENTIRE show, was both adorable and awesome. 

Boone

Ian Somerhalder looked positively yummy during his half-a-second of screen time in this finale.  I thought it was funny / sweet that he was willing to get his ass kicked for the sake of LOVE .  . . even if it wasn’t HIS own love, but rather the love between his sister and Sayid.  I was also happy that he made it into the “temple / church” at the end.  Because some other Losties who appeared in more episodes than he did (cough, Michael, cough), apparently didn’t rate.  My one gripe is that we didn’t get to see his “realization of island life” moment, as we did with the other castaways.  Clearly, I’m a bit biased for Damon Salvatore Boone.

Lapidus

I’m starting to believe this guy’s sole purpose on this show was to fulfill the “Cooky Pilot” role.  Did you notice how Lapidus was MIA during most of the series, but was always conveniently on hand whenever any of the castaways needed to hop on a plane?  However, I was really happy he didn’t, you know, DIE in that submarine accident, along with Sayid, Jin and Sun, as I had initially thought he did.   If I were him, however, I would have been a tad annoyed that none of the other castaways seemed to give a damn about my mortality, until they needed a ride. . . .

Richard Alpert

Ditto on the whole, “YAY!  You’re not dead!” thing . . .  Other than staying alive, Mr. Guyliner didn’t have much to do during this episode, except for  .  . . AGE!  That’s right folks, once our Big Baddie was dead, apparently, Richard Alpert wasn’t immortal anymore.  He even got a GREY HAIR!

  For a few minutes there, I was worried that the centuries old Alpert would begin to decay and instantly disintegrate, vampire style.  He didn’t.  Alpert gets to get old and wrinkly, slowly and painfully, just like the rest of us.  Lucky him! 

Rose and Bernard

It was nice to see these two still alive and playing house (with their pet Vincent) on Lost island.  And, can I just say, that Dharma food must be REAL good . . . because Bernard was looking more than a bit on the tubby side . . . (Oh, and I’m pretty sure he and Crazy Claire share the same island stylist.)

Hurley

A few weeks back, I proposed a drinking game that revolved (among other things) around Hurley’s repeated use of the word “dude.”  Apparently, someone on the writing staff was listening, because Hurley LITERALLY said “DUDE” at the beginning or end of EVERY SENTENCE he uttered during this ENTIRE finale . . .  It actually got a bit annoying, toward the end.

 I was also amused by the “ceremony” in which Hurley took over the Candidate position from Jack of “Guarder of the Giant Island Light Bulb.”  Hurley looked as disappointed as Lost fans probably were, when Jack scooped up muddy water from a random puddle, put it in a used Poland Spring bottle, and told him to drink it. 

That’s it?  THAT’S what makes you The Candidate?  Drinking dirty water?  Haven’t ALL the Losties been drinking island water for six years now?  Who knew that Jack’s utterance of the classic phrase “Now your like me,” REALLY meant, “Now you’re suffering from an intestinal parasite, and a BAD case of Montezuma’s revenge . . .”

Jin and Sun

Tonight’s series finale was just FILLED with virtually identical sappy scenes in which two characters, who were “coupled” on the island, touched one another, and instantly “remembered” their island past.   This was inevitably illustrated by a “love montage” between the two characters, to the tune of overly dramatic music. 

Now, I’m a girl.  So, although I recognized their almost nauseating cheesiness, these scenes actually worked for me.  But if I had to choose my favorite of them, it would be the one between Jin and Sun, which was poignant on so many more levels than just the “We luuuuve eachother” one.

In this scene, Juliet, (I’ll get to her in a bit), is showing Jin and Sun their baby’s sonogram.  When  Juliet puts the gel on Sun’s belly, she remembers the same thing occuring in island world, and tears of happy recognition run down her cheeks.  A few seconds later, when the sonogram picture appears on the screen, Jin remembers seeing pictures of Ji Yeon when he was on the island.  Then the two look at eachother and collectively remember their Titanic ripoff on-island death scene, which resulted in their child being an orphan in island world, and also REALLY PISSED ME OFF. 

But this is Flash-Sideways World, so all is good!  Juliet asks the teary couple if they want to know the sex of the baby.  They answer in English, which, of course, they both just remembered how to speak, that they know it is a girl, and that her name is Ji Yeon.  Awesome!

Ben

Before, I tell you what I LIKED about Ben in the series finale, let me start with a little gripe.  The producers of the show teased that Ben was supposed to get some loving, before the series ended.   In Flash Sideways World, it was sort-of hinted that he would eventually find love with Rousseau . . .

 . . . but, ultimately, the producers didn’t deliver in this respect.  And I was sad . . .

In happier news, our resident flip-flopper, who seemingly has more personalties than United States of Tara, ultimately redeemed himself AGAIN during this episode.  Instead of covering his own ass and taking the easy way out, Island Ben agreed to stay with Hurley as Vice Candidate Protector of the Giant Light Bulb. We know he did a pretty good job of it too, as Hurley ultimately tells him in Flash Sideways World, “You were a great Number 2.” 

Speaking of Flash Sideways World, there, after Ben remembered his island roots, he apologized to John for basically making his life a living hell for many seasons of Lost.  “I was jealous of you.  I wanted what you had.  You were special, and I wasn’t,” he explained. 

Ultimately, Ben didn’t enter the “Temple/Church” with the rest of the crew.  And I don’t recall seeing Alex or Rousseau there either . . . but here’s hoping they all eventually found their way there . . .

Sawyer

Why oh WHY, were you completely dressed during this ENTIRE FINALE, Josh Holloway?

Excess clothing aside, it was fun to spend this final two hours with the World’s Sexiest Lostie.  And while, as a Skate fan, I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed that my side of the love square ultimately didn’t win out (Sawyer ended up with Juliet / Jack ended up with Kate), I have to say I ADORED this small scene between MY COUPLE!

Sawyer: “I’d invite you along, but then I would miss out on all the fun of telling you that you can’t come.

Kate: “Guess, I’ll have to overcome the urge to follow you anyway.”

Classic! 

Carlton and Damon, remind me why you didn’t put these two togther, again?  Oh, well . . . at least we’ll always have Bear Cage Sex . . .

Crazy Claire

So, it looks like Sane Claire is here to stay, and Kate’s willing to stick around and help care for Aaron, just in case she falls off the “Non-Loony Tunes” Wagon.  (Although I was a bit annoyed that they never explained “the sickness” Claire had, or how SHE was able to give birth on the island when no one else could, or what made Aaron “special.”)   I had to laugh a bit when the Losties invited her off the island and she initially replied, “Look at me!  The island’s made me crazy!  I can’t take care of a kid anymore!”

And if this wasn’t “The Happiest Series Finale EVER” I’d be inclined to agree with her statements.  After all, Crazy isn’t like a cold.  It doesn’t just go away after 9 days.  But, fortunately for Claire, Kate . . .

 .  . . agreed to help Claire be a mother to Aaron (and reteach Claire how to use a hairbrush).  Holding hands like school girls, the two hopped aboard Lapidus’ plane and left the island (and Crazy?) behind them for good.

In Flash Sideways World, Kate helps Claire give birth at a Driveshaft concert, and it is the CLEANEST, LEAST BLOODY and EASIEST delivery EVER!  Just minutes after giving birth, when Claire’s va-jay-jay is all exposed, she reunites with and remembers her love for a totally gothed out, Rocker Charlie  . . .

OK, obviously this picture does NOT show Rocker Charlie . . . But rest assured, the Charlie on screen today could have used some mascara application lessons from Richard Alpert . . . Less is more, dude!  Less is MORE!

Sayid and Shannon

The makeout scene between these two was hot . . . just saying.  It was kind of creepy that Shannon’s brother was ogling her the whole time though (especially since we know that Bro and Sis once DID IT!)

Locke

OK . . . so in island world, Locke imposter, MIB, FINALLY DIED!

How, you ask?  Well, the temporary turning off of the Giant Light Bulb made him mortal again, which gave Kate the excellent opportunity to finally successfully shoot him, after failing to do so about 80 times this season (“I saved you a bullet, A-hole!”)  He also fell off a cliff . . .

But in Flash Sideways World, Locke was warm and fuzzy.  He came through his operation with flying colors, waking up and wiggling his toes immediately.  He also made lovey dovey eyes at former nemeses Jack and Ben.  And those of you who also watch Glee, like me, probably got particular joy out of the scene where he gets up from his wheelchair and instantly begins to walk upright. (Artie would have been sooooo jealous!) 

I half expected Locke to start doing the Safety Dance!

Jack

Obviously, the crux of this episode revolves around Jack’s journey.  And a discussion of Jack’s journey would inevitably lead to a discussion of “The Ending,” which, as I mentioned earlier, I am saving for another post.  For now, suffice it to say, that I was happy about the following strands of Jack-centric plotlines:

*In Flash Sideways World, David Shepard (Assuming this kid actually exists, seeing as . . . well, more on that later), is the son of both Jack and Juliet. These two seemed to have had the most amicable divorce EVER, especially seeing as they are both doctors in the SAME hospital (awkward).  Still, nice touch writers . . .

*It was cool to see Jack FINALLY reunited with his dad, Christian Shepard, who was actually nice to him for a change . . . Even though . . . well . .  . nevermind . . .

* I loved the scene where Hurley told Jack he was “right,” and Jack said, “There’s a first time for everything.” 

(Yes Jack, for six seasons you were ALWAYS WRONG about EVERYTHING!  It was high time you finally bucked up and admitted it.)

* I was glad that Jack got to spend his final moments with Vincent.  Because if any guy needs Man’s Best Friend it’s Dour Jack . . .

Well, that’s ALMOST all folks . . .Tune in sometime tomorrow, when I attempt to broach the controversial last ten minutes of this episode, and some of the series’ most infuriating UNANSWERED questions . . .

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“The Last Recruit” a.k.a. The NOBODY-Centric, Connect-the-Dots Lost Episode

Up until this point, Lost has had more loose (and dead) ends than Bat-Sh&t Crazy Claire’s hair . . .

Someone get this girl a flat iron!

But that all changed (sort of), during this week’s nobody-centric Lost installment.  Because someone in the writing department FINALLY decided to tie together all those darn flash-sideways scenarios that have been plaguing us for weeks on end!  Here’s how they did it . . .

If you recall, at the end of last week’s episode,  heretofore mild-mannered Desmond the Time Traveling Know-It-All . . .

(Maybe HE will be able to explain this to us when it’s all over . . .)

 . . . shocked EVERYONE by running down Wheelchair Locke . . .

. . . with his car in Flash-Sideways world.  Now, most of us would agree, that purposefully mowing over paraplegic substitute teachers with your motor vehicle is not a very nice thing to do.  But as it turns out, there was a method to Desmond’s madness.   Our pal Dessie simply wanted Locke to make some new friends . . . which makes the hit-and-run TOTALLY OK!  (Seriously, Desmond?  You couldn’t have just sent the poor dude a Facebook invite?)

Anyway, massive overreaction aside, Sideways Locke is carted away in the ambulance, with his new pal, Professor Ben riding along side him.  (I thought only FAMILY was allowed to do that.  But what do I know?)

And I have to say, I am totally in LOVE with this slightly effete, curmudgeony, skittish, BIG NERD version of Ben.  The only time I could ever imagine Island Ben . . .

 . . . riding with a virtual stranger in an ambulance, is if he wanted to steal that stranger’s heart . . .

No . . . I mean LITERALLY rip out his or her heart and STEAL IT . . .

Anyway, as Locke is being wheeled into the hospital, he is met by another patient on the adjoining gurney, namely Pregnant Sun, who is accompanied into the hospital her doting Boyfriend / Baby Daddy Jin . . .

When a half-conscious Sun sees a completely unconscious Locke lying next to her, she COMPLETELY FLIPS OUT!   WHY?  Is it because a part of her remembers his evil, voice-snatching island alter ego, MIB, from another dimension?  Or is she simply shocked to learn that Mr. Clean is, in fact, a real person . . .

Later, we learn that Sun pulled through the operation, and gave birth to a healthy baby girl, who may or may not be named Ji-Yeon in this timeline.

Meanwhile, Buddy Cop Bromantics, Sawyer and Miles . . .

 . . . are hanging at the police station, having just arrested Running Kate.

As Sawyer interrogates Kate, the sexual tension between them sends sparks pff the screen and into your living room.  You can tell Sawyer totally just wants to handcuff Kate to the wall and make a “bad cop porno” with her.  After all, it’s not as though these two haven’t done THAT before . . .

Honestly, I kept waiting for the “bow chick a wow, wow” music to start playing in the background, and for Sawyer to take off his shirt . . .

But alas, all clothes remained disappointingly ON.  The scene wasn’t a TOTAL loss though.  Kate hinted that the reason Sawyer passively helped her to escape the FBI agent on her tail back at LAX, was that he didn’t want to call any attention to the fact that he had taken a secret impromptu trip to Australia.  Sawyer doesn’t deny this.  In fact, he tells the possibly murderous Kate, “I like YOU.”  (Well DUH!)

Cockblock Miles totally ruins the moment, however, by telling Sawyer that they have to go an arrest Bad Ass Sayid for shooting Keamy and all those other goons, who were responsible for putting Sun in the hospital.

Sayid tries to make a run for it, but Sawyer, who is cleary the BEST COP IN THE WORLD, catches and cuffs him, just like he did earlier to Kate.  The only difference here, is that Sawyer and Sayid never had Bear Cage Sex in another dimension . . .

Meanwhile, Sane ALSO Pregnant Claire . . .

 .  . .  is heading to the adoption agency to make plans to give up her baby, when she is encountered by an increasingly creepy Desmond, who, seems to have been following her since he ran into her at the airport earlier.  Desmond invites Claire  to accompany him while he goes to visit his lawyer.  Claire, though clearly SANER in this timeline, is just as STUPID as ever, and agrees to Creepy Dessie’s request.  And who’s Dessie’s lawyer, you ask?  Well, Undead (but still boring) Ilana, of course!

Turns out Ilana was LOOKING for Claire.  You see, she was having a meeting with Dr. Jack and his previously nonexistent son . . .

 . . . to read Christian Shepard’s will, which happens to mention Claire in it, because, like Dr. Jack, Pregnant Claire was also Christian’s child. 

 Unfortunately, this dysfunctional family reunion can’t last too long, because Dr. McDreamy Jack gets called away on an impromptu brain surgery (Don’t you just hate it when that happens?). He takes his son along for the ride, and asks him if he minds “hanging out” for a while.  (YEAH!  Because brain surgeries take NO TIME AT ALL!)  Of course, in case you haven’t guessed by now, Jack’s patient is none other than Locke, who Jack suddenly seems to recognize, as he observes him on the operating table.

But where the heck was HURLEY?

MEANWHILE ON THE ISLAND . . .

(1) Sawyer, Kate, Lapidus, HURLEY (There he is!), Sun, Jack, and Crazy Claire (who only got to come because Idiot Kate — who Claire recently tried to KILL — insisted that Looney Tunes be included, because she’s clearly “such a nice girl.”) . . .

“It will be like a SLEEPOVER!  We can put on mud masks (I am already wearing mine), and braid eachother’s greasy, unwashed hair!”)

 . . . anyway . . . the group ditched MIB, and hopped aboard an abandoned yacht in search of a quick and painless island escape.  Wishy Washy Jack, however, ultimately opted to jump ship and return to the island, because  . . .  who the heck knows what his crazy rationale was for doing that!  Something about the island “not being done with him yet.”  WHATEVER!  Jack obviously attends the same Island Academy of Stupid, as Kate and Claire.

“I CAN’T Leave NOW!  It took me WEEKS to establish this even of a base tan!”

(2) Even though MIB left Desmond alive in the well, Zombie Sayid, may or may not have KILLED him at MIB’s request.  I’m guessing NOT . . .  because I think there is hope for Sayid’s humanity, yet.  As the always optimistic Hurley said, “People DO come back from the darkside.  Look at Anakin!”)

“OK, Hurley.  I love you.  But maybe that was a bad example.  You DO know those were PREQUELS, right?”

(3) Jin and Sun FINALLY reunited!  

And Sun remembered how to speak English!  And at first it was SWEET, and then it got kind of nauseating . . . And then, Sawyer gave Kate this longing, unrequited love-type look, and I melted into an ooey gooey puddle all over again.

(4) Oh!  And Widmore’s Team Subbie . . .

 . . . led by Zoey (Why the heck is this mediocre actress getting SO MUCH play on this awesome show, when she is SO NOT TINA FEY?)  . . .

IMPOSTER!

 .  . . busied itself by generally being crappy to EVERYBODY.  First, it broke its promise to Sawyer’s crew, by holding it at gunpoint.  Then it BLEW UP MIB’s crew!  These guys are SO EVIL they make Crazy Claire look like Alice in Wonderland  . . .

This is a photo of Claire, after a LONG overdue visit with her personal stylist . . .

(5) MIB (possibly) secured Jack as his titular “Last Recruit.”   He did this by, first, informing him that the image of Jack’s dad — who Jack kept seeing on the island — was none other than Smokey himself;

and, then by rescuing him from being blown to bits by the Team Subbie bomb.  MIB LITERALLY carries Jack on his back to get him out of harm’s way.  “You’re with ME now,” explains MIB, as he leans (lovingly?) over a dazed Jack in the episode’s chilling final moments.  (Long term romantic relationships have begun over much LESS  . . .)

“Yes, I’ll marry. you.  But, just so you know, I DON’T DO WINDOWS!”

That’s all she wrote folks.  Tune in next week, when we will HOPEFULLY find out what happened to Sideways Hurley and Libby (if anything), as well as Island Desmond.  I’m secretly hoping they will also finally OFF that annoying Zoey character, next week, and replace her with something more exciting to watch, like, for example, paint drying on a wall  . . .

 

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Filed under Lost

Everybody Loves My Inappropriate Sense of Humor a.k.a My Thoughts on Lost’s “Everybody Loves Hugo”

“WILL ALL YOU CRAZY DEAD PEOPLE SHUT THE F UP?”  Charlie and I are trying to make a Burp Remix of ‘You All Everybody,’ and I can’t hear myself think!  Now I know how Dr. Dolittle feels . . .”

If Desmond-centric episodes represent the “Thinking Man’s Lost,” Hurley-centric episodes are the “Funny Man’s Lost.”  They generally never cover a lot of ground, storyline-wise, but rest assured, there will be a lot of laughs along the way.  Except . . . you may just find yourself feeling a bit guilty about what you are laughing at . . . (fat jokes, food jokes, jokes about people exploding into smithereens . . .)

Oh, and did I mention watching Hurley-centric episodes of Lost are a TERRIFIC excuse to get wasted?

So, here’s what I liked about the episode:

1) Ilana Goes Boom-Boom (and Bye, Bye)

Does it make me a bad person that I giggled a bit when Ilana got blown up by a randomly-placed stick of dynamite, just as she was self-righteously lecturing the Losties about following Dead Jacob’s orders?  The girl may have been Jacob’s “Candidate Protector.”  However, when it really came down to it, she ended up being nothing more than a glorified redshirt on this show. 

Did you notice how NONE of the Losties seemed remotely upset by her demise?  Talk about INSENSITIVE!  I mean, I can laugh, because I don’t really know the girl.  She’s just a random TV character to me, and a BORING one at that.  (BTW, I’m sure the actress –who is alive and well, by the way — is a lovely person . . .)  But . . . THESE GUYS?  Not even kindly HURLEY shed a tear for this one.   Maybe these uber self-absorbed folks are in HELL after all?

2) Rich Hurley, Poor Hurley – Same Difference

I loved that the writers didn’t go the typical route, and make Hurley a douche in flash-sideways world, just because he was lucky and financially successful there.  In fact, Rich Hurley was EXACTLY THE SAME as Poor Hurley, and BOTH are awesome!  I also loved how, despite all of Hurley’s great philanthropy and the accolades he received at that museum dedication ceremony made by DR. MARVIN CANDLE  . . .

Good one Lost!

Hurley’s mom still only cared about the fact that he didn’t have a girlfriend.   So typical!  Despite his immense success, Hurley was still just as insecure and nervous around girls, as always . . . ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!

Speaking of girls . . .

3) Hurley and Libby Sitting on a BEACH, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

These two were FABULOUS together, during this episode!  I loved how Libby was on a field trip away from the mental hospital, when she confronted Hurley about “knowing him in another life.” And yet, even though he didn’t remember her (at least, initially), he STILL wanted to go on a date with the loony lady!  I also loved that these two literally crazy kids FINALLY got to have their “Beach Date,” complete with an assortment of cheese (“Because everyone likes cheese,” says Hurley), and a surprisingly sexy kiss.  Said kiss was SO INTENSE, it brought back all of Hurley’s Lostie memories.  Kudos to Desmond, for making good on the promise he made during last week’s episode, to bring about the Losties’ awareness of Island World, by promoting generalized lovey-doveyness.

Speaking of Desmond . . .

4) Desmond go down the HOLE, Locke go under the CAR . . .

How PISSED did MIB look, when Desmond told him that he wasn’t afraid of him?  You just knew right then that Smokey was up to no good!  And of course, there was that WELL Smokey was showing Desmond.  If we’ve learned anything from our Lost writers, it’s that they will NEVER pass up the opportunity for a good Alice in Wonderland reference.  Down the rabbit hole, anyone?

(Speaking of scary children’s tales remade by Tim Burton, did you catch the Willy Wonka tunnel speech, in next week’s previews?)

Still gives me the chills!  No wonder Willy Wonka scared the stuffing out of me, as a kid!

So, it wasn’t particularly surprising that MIB threw Desmond down the well in Island World.  What WAS surprising, however, was that Flash-Sideways Desmond appeared to REMEMBER it!  So much so, that he didn’t have any qualms at all about running a wheelchair -bound Locke over with his car!  (Odd that the seemingly omniscient Desmond never caught on – – as everyone else on the island seemed to, instantly upon meeting him — that Nu-Locke and Old Locke weren’t the same person . . .)

“Peggy Bundy is going to be PISSED!”

By the way, did you catch how flash-sideways Ben TOTALLY thought Desmond was a major pedophile, because he found him parked in the high school parking lot, leering inappropriately?

5) Hurley takes charge!

It is HIGH TIME these Losties took Hurley, seriously!  I loved how Jack and the rest of Team Jacob (well . . . except for Miles, Ben and Richard Alpert) were willing to follow Hurley on his mission to talk to MIB, and prevent the other Losties from using the plane to leave the island.  Jack didn’t even seem to mind that much that Hurley had lied about “seeing Jacob” to get the others to go along with his plan.  Old Jack would have totally kicked his ass . . . It looks like our Man of Science has become a Man of Faith, after all!

“You’ve come a long way, BABY!”

6) From a Whisper to a Scream . . .

“There’s no place like the island, there’s no place like the island, there’s no . . . CRAP!  I’m still here!”

So, first we thought the “whispers” in the jungle were the Others.  Then, we thought it was the Smoke Monster, NOW we FINALLY know its the collective voices of dead people with “unfinished business.”  Sound familiar?

No wonder they won’t leave Hurley alone!  As far as Big Answers go, this one’s a bit cliche.  However, it DOES dovetail nicely with the rest of the Lost mythology, at least in terms of consistency.  After all, when you think about it, the WHISPERS were always heard right before a character was either about to DIE or be faced with his or her own mortality . . .  All, in all, I give the “answer”  a “B”

What I didn’t like:

1) That was it?!!!!

ONE ANSWER?  There isn’t much time left, Lost writers!  You MIGHT want to be more forthcoming with the info, in the near future!

2) Glee Robber!

OK, OK!  I guess it isn’t really Lost’s fault that the first half-hour of the season premiere of Glee coincided with this episode.  But the untenable TV conflict still made me mad enough to throw a slurpee at some ABC execs . . .

See ya next week, Losties!

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“DUDE! It’s Me, Hurley!” – The Drinking Game!

Everybody loves Hugo!  Don’t believe me?  Just check out the episode title for next week’s installment of Lost.  And, really, what’s NOT to LOVE about Hugo “Hurley” Reyes?  After all, he’s cuddly  . . .

and funny.

He’s good with kids . . .

 . . . and dogs.

No matter where he is, Hurley can always be counted on to bring the party . . .

. . . and the good food.

And our main man Hugo is ALWAYS down for a good road trip (even if you forgot to take the Dead Guy out of your van).

Speaking of dead people, did I mention that Hurley sees (and talks) to them?

Or that he’s a lotto winner?

So, in honor of this week’s Hurley-centric episode, I propose, for all you Lost fans out there, a little Hurley-themed drinking game.  The game should last throughout the duration of “Everybody Loves Hugo” (assuming you don’t pass out before then).  All you need? An alcoholic beverage of your choice,

(Beer or wine will work best.)

a bottle of hard liquor,

and your favorite snack (or snacks).

Here’s how to play:

(1) Every time Hurley says the word “Dude,” you take a shot.  To get an idea of just how many shots you will likely have to take, check out this lovely video.

(2) Every time Hurley says “The Numbers,” or utters any of those ever-important numbers, recite the numbers out loud, and take a sip of your alcoholic beverage.

If you forget to recite the numbers, or fail to recite them correctly, take a shot.

(3) Every time Hurley is shown eating, take a bite of your snack and two sips of your alcoholic beverage.

(4) If Hurley is shown running, run in place for ten seconds, and take a sip of your drink.

If you FAIL to run for ten seconds, take a shot.

(5) If Hurley sees or talks to a dead person, take a shot.

If the DEAD PERSON is JACOB, take two shots.

(6) If Hurley makes a meta-reference to science fiction or the mythology of Lost, cup your hand to your chin, and say “Hmmm, verrrry interesting,” with a European accent.  If those comments are made to MILES, take a bite of food, and a shot.

(7) If a reference is made to Mr. Cluck’s Chicken, stand up, do the funky chicken for ten seconds, and stuff your mouth with a wad of food.  (Oh, and take a shot, of course.)  For those of you who don’t think this will come up, check out the faux-commercial that debuted at this past year’s Comic Con.

And for those of you out there who DON’T watch Lost, but suffered through this post anyway (There may be one or two of you out there.), here’s a little treat for YOU!  It’s those old school Muppet Babies, with a Hurley-inspired twist . . .

Happy Drinking!  See ya Tuesday, DUDES!

[Note: My pal, Amazon Annie, says, “Play ‘Dude!  It’s Me, Hurley’ at your own risk . . .”]

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Lost’s “The Package,” a.k.a “That Snoozy, Filler, Jin/Sun Episode” – Cliff Notes Version

 

Congratulations Yunjin Kim!  Not only did you, apparently, get hitched a couple of days ago, you also got this week’s entire episode of Lost to yourself (well .  . . HALF of the entire episode).  You are officially having the BEST WEEK EVER!  Yay you!

Back by popular demand (or, rather, back as a result of my own recapping laziness), below please find some of the questions that were answered during this installment of Lost.

1) This episode was called “The Package.”  That’s kind of a generic name for an episode, don’t you think?  I mean, last week’s episode title was in Latin.  And the week before, the episode was about HOT SAWYER.  So who even cared what the title was?  What WAS “The Package” supposed to be, anyway?

This . . . was the package . . .

I’m serious!  The package was a PERSON!  It was Desmond Hume!  What?  You thought I was making a joke, just so I could list “Shirtless Desmond” in my tags, and get more hits on my blog?  No way, Jose.  (Not that I WOULDN’T do that . . . I just didn’t do it this time.)

2) So, that guy Charles Widmore, that girl Zoey (who everyone says looks like Tina Fey) and the rest of the people who arrived at Hydra Island on the submarine, what is THEIR DEAL?  Why are they here?

If Charles Widmore was telling the truth when he spoke to Jin tonight (which I am not entirely convinced of yet), the crack team that I lovingly refer to as “Team Subbie” is here to prevent MIB / Smokey from leaving the island.  According to Widmore, if MIB gets free, Jin’s daughter, Ji Yeon (who Jin hasn’t yet had the chance to meet), Widmore’s daughter, Penelope, and Sun will somehow cease to exist.  If true, this would mean that, in terms of goals, Team Subbie is actually aligned with . . .

What the heck Desmond Hume has to do with all this, I still have no idea . . .

3) So, is Kate one of Jacob’s “candidates,” or isn’t she?  MIB certainly seems to think she’s important . . .

Kate used to be one of the candidates.  But, for some reason, is no longer on the list.  However, MIB needs Kate to help him get all of the CURRENT candidates off of the island.  According to MIB, this is necessary in order for HIM (or IT) to leave the island.  This idea sort of jives with what we learned in Ab Aeterno.  Jacob’s original purpose, and that of whichever candidate ultimately becomes his replacement, is to keep MIB, and his evil Smokey powers from leaving the island.  No Jacob, and no Jacob’s replacement = no more island prison for MIB.

4) What about Crazy Claire?  Was she ever on Jacob’s list?

NO!  (That was an easy one . . .)

5) One of the candidates on Jacob’s List is “Kwon.”  No one seems entirely sure whether that last name refers to Jin or Sun.  Seeing as this was a JIN AND SUN episode, did we get any closer to figuring this out?

You would think so, wouldn’t you?  Unfortunately, Lost writers are still sort of playing “hide the ball” on this one.  However, there were some hints given in the episode that would seem to suggest that JIN is the candidate. 

First, there was Widmore’s extreme interest in getting Jin to the Hydra.  Second, during this episode, the writers highlighted the fact that Sun’s maiden name was “Paik,” not “Kwon.”  (Note: In flash-sideways world, Sun and Jin are lovers, but not married.)  Third, Widmore’s cryptic comments about Sun “ceasing to exist” if MIB escapes the island; coupled with the flash-sideways images of Sun, shot and bleeding from the stomach, don’t bode particularly well for her . . .

But, then again, this is Lost, so all of this may end up meaning absolutely NOTHING!

6) Speaking of Lost stuff that initially SEEMS important to the overall mythology, but ends up meaning NOTHING, what was the deal with Room 23 — that place from back in Season 3, where Ben imprisoned Carl and forced him to watch that bizarre brain washy video?

Yeah, this was a bit of a cop out on Lost’s part, if you ask me.  The Room was mentioned during this episode, seemingly, only to be explained away in a few hastily written sentences.  Widmore inexplicably decided to keep Jin in Room 23, during this episode.  When the familiar video images pop on the screen, and majorly freak out our poor Korean gangster, Zoey explains that the “Dharma Initiative” used the Room to “experiment with subliminal messaging” . . . LAME!

7) In Sayid’s episode, Sundown, his flash-sideways world featured Jin bound and gagged in a restaurant freezer.  Was that explained tonight?

“Why is everybody always picking on ME?”

Good question, Jin.  And, yes, as it turns out, in flash-sideways world, Sergeant Keamy . . .

was hired by Sun’s daddy to kill Jin, for, literally, screwing, with the boss’s daughter.  Keamy never got a chance to do this, however, because RAMBO SAYID shot his ass before he got the chance . . .

I’m still not entirely sure, why all of this had to go down in a restaurant, though.  Seems kind of random, to me  .  . .  What exactly do you have against RESTAURANTS, Lost writers?  What did they ever do to you?

8 ) Remember that awesome patch-wearing dude Mikhail, who never EVER seemed to die, no matter what anybody did to him?  Why does he have to wear an eyepatch all the time?

OK . . . OK.  This was a bit of a stretch.  Of ALL the questions posed by the show Lost during the course of six seasons, I highly doubt that THIS was the one that was keeping you awake at night.  However, you have to admit, it was pretty cool of the Lost writers to pay homage to “Patchy” again, after all this time. 

This guy is AWESOME!

If you recall, in the original timeline, Mikhail was a hard core Other who just WOULDN’T die!  The dude was blown up, beaten up, shot and/or electrocuted, in every SINGLE episode in which he appeared, but he just kept coming back for more.  In flash-sideways world, Mikhail is a multi-lingual emissary of Keamy, and by extension, Sun’s father. 

Toward the end of the episode, Mikhail is shot dead by Jin, but also sustains an eye injury.   Mere coincidence?  Or, is there, perhaps, some real and lasting connection between the flash-sideways world inhabited by the Losties, and the original timeline?

Well, that’s all I got, folks.  Tune in next week, when we will hopefully be treated to much more Shirtless Desmond Hume and his super sexy Scottish brogue . . . oh, and maybe, get some more questions answered too.

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“Keep Your Shirt Off, Sawyer” – A Recap of Lost’s “Recon”

Woo hoo!  A Sawyer-centric episode!  This means I get to use my favorite “Josh Holloway Shirtless” picture again!  Never gets old . . .

Tonight we got to spend an hour with our sexiest Lostie — watching him do the four things that he does best: flirt, screw, brood, and con.  Additionally, we observed  Smokey working more of his manipulative magic, as he tried (in vain?) to recruit both  Sexy Lostie Sawyer and Spunky Lostie Kate to the Darkside.

“This Black Smoke stuff will sure come in handy, when I’m trying to vanquish my enemies aboard the Death Star.  It’s going to be  SO much more efficient than that oversized glow stick I usually use .  . .”

We also learned a bit more (but not too much more) about Team 3, in what is sure to be one heck of a Final Island Showdown. 

Two weeks ago, we met Team Smokey.  Last week, we focused on Team Jacob.  This week, we got a peak at Charles Widmore’s underwater crew, which I would hereby like to dub . . .  TEAM SUBBIE!

OK, OK . . . So, it was actually a BLACK submarine.  You really can’t go wrong with a Beatles reference, though.  Can you?

So, without further adieu, let’s do some “Recon” . . .

Brokeback Cop-land

“I wish I knew how to quit you, Sawyer!”

To be honest, Sawyer’s Flash Sideways bugged me.  For one thing, homoerotic undertones aside (Miles gave Sawyer enough longing looks during this episode to melt the Polar Icecaps!  And don’t even get me started on that “locker boyfight” scene), I just didn’t buy the Miles / Sawyer Bromance.  Perhaps, it was because neither of the typically snarky duo said anything particularly funny in flash-sideways world.  Or maybe, it was because my dream Lostie Buddy Cop Show always featured Miles and HURLEY!

“Sure, dump me for the Hot Guy!  But Sawyer won’t keep you warm at night, like I will.  And HE won’t be able to warn you when the dead person your ‘touching’ has dirty hands!”

Additionally, up until this point, the flash-sideways episodes were all about the characters seeking redemption for wrongs committed in their current timeline.  Here, by becoming a cop instead of a criminal, Sawyer was, theoretically, already redeemed, before the episode started.  Plus, the meat and potatoes of his story, i.e. whether he actually KILLS Anthony Cooper to avenge his parents deaths, wasn’t even shown during the episode.  If Sawyer commits a cold-blooded murder like this, can we truly say he has redeemed himself, just because he did it while wearing a badge?

Get Out of Darkside Free card?

But I am getting ahead of myself here.  Let’s backtrack a bit.  In “Recon,”‘ Sawyer’s flash-sideways ironically begins in precisely the same way his flashback in”The Long Con” began.  Namely, a deliciously Shirtless Sawyer . . .

Oh come on!  Tell me you didn’t want to see that again!

 . . . is lounging around, in a state of post-coital bliss, with a beautiful woman when Oops! a suitcase filled with cash pops open on the floor.  The difference here is that Sawyer’s current Gal Friday has a con artist husband, and, therefore, unlike his previous conquest, knows she’s being played for a fool.  Or does she?  When Mrs. Long Con pulls a gun on Sawyer and demands answers, his apartment is suddenly swarmed with cops, who instantly arrest her.  As it turns out, Sawyer wasn’t involved in a “Long Con” after all.  It was an undercover police sting operation.

“Put your shirt on, Sawyer,” remarks Sawyer’s police partner Miles.  (And, can I just say, “Worst advice EVER!”  Don’t make me show that pic again Miles, because I WILL DO IT!)

Back at the office, Miles asks Sawyer some probing questions about his recent “trip to Palm Springs,” when us viewers know he was really in Australia the whole time.  Sawyer fends off the inquiry long enough for Miles to set Sawyer up on a blind date with his “friend.”  And, who is this mysterious “friend” you ask?

It’s Charlotte Lewis.  Back from the dead and actually wearing makeup!

Charlotte and Sawyer seem to hit it off pretty well.  And after a few drinks, these two end up in bed together.  (Who knew archeaologists were so slutty?)  This is fabulous, of course, because we get treated to more of Shirtless Sawyer.  However, things go off the rails, when Sawyer heads off for a glass of water, and Charlotte uses her alone time as an opportunity to snoop around his bedroom.  First, she finds . . .

Apparently, both on and off the island, Sawyer screws like a bunny, and reads about them too . . .

She also comes across Sawyer’s BINDER OF VENGEANCE – complete with clippings about his parents’ tragic murder / suicide and the elusive Anthony Cooper, whose actions brought about their death.  Sawyer finds Charlotte reading the binder,  promptly freaks out, and kicks her the heck out of his apartment.

WTH Sawyer!  Overreact much?  Is this because I found out that you read books about furry little animals that talk?  Because I promise I won’t tell anyone!

Later, Sawyer feels guilty about his behavior, and arrives at Charlotte’s apartment with makeup sex on his mind.  His weapons of choice?  A giant sunflower and a cheap six pack of beer.

Foreplay?

That’s the problem with dating ridiculously good looking guys, they never really learn how to work for it.  Charlotte, though slutty, is clearly a stronger woman than I am, because she denies Sawyer’s ass.  Dejected, our hero leaves the sunflower outside Charlotte’s door (but takes the beer back, of course). 

You better watch it, Sawyer.  Just because they call it a “six pack,” doesn’t mean you get to keep yours if you keep drinking them like they are going out of style . . .

Upon returning to the police station once more, Sawyer has a run-in with Lostie Charlie’s rockstar brother, and is then assaulted (sexually?) by Miles.  Sawyer assumes Miles has pushed him up against the locker because he wants a quickie is angry at Sawyer’s shoddy treatment of Charlotte.  However, Boyfriend is actually super insulted at having found out that Sawyer lied about going to Palm Springs.  Later, Sawyer comes clean to Miles about the BINDER OF VENGEANCE and his plans to hunt down and murder Anthony Cooper. 

But before these two can hug it out, a car sideswipes them out of no where, and the driver gives chase.  Sawyer chases the hoodlum down a dark alley.  When he gets close enough to ID the perp, he finds out that it is . . .

Kate!  (Which reminds me, if Sawyer is a cop in Flash-Sideways world, why did he help Kate evade that federal agent back at the airport?)

Promises, Jungle Love, and the Smokey Mission

Back on Lost island, a frightened Jin awakens and tells Sawyer that the two of them better get the hell out of dodge, before Crazy Claire and Nu Locke return from whereever they are.  Sawyer then shocks Jin by telling him, “I am with Locke now.”

However, our favorite good-hearted bad ass, later qualifies his statement, explaining that all he wants to do is get off of the island, and Nu Locke can help him do that.  When Jin expresses reservations about leaving the island without Sun, Sawyer promises him that if the two of them find her, they won’t leave the island without her.  When the rest of the Smokey clan arrives at camp, Sawyer and Kate have the heartfelt reunion Skate fans have been longing for all season.  And you KNOW these two still have the hots for eachother!

Nothing says loving like hot bear cage sex.

 Nu Locke is currently playing nice with the Smokey clan, assuring them that he will protect them from the Evil Smoke Monster that killed all of their friends.

 . . . can avoid Evil Temple Fires!

However,  Sawyer isn’t buying it.  He calls Nu Locke out in front of the group for promising to get him off the island and not delivering.  Nu Locke pulls Sawyer aside and admits to being the Smoke Monster, but claims that he only did what he had to in order to escape Lost island. 

Sure, I’m a supernatural mass murderer, but that doesn’t make me EVIL.  It just makes me HOMESICK!

(BTW Dude, you are a PUFF OF SMOKE!  If you want to get off the island, can’t you just blow yourself off?)

Nu Locke then sends Sawyer out on a mission.  He is to head to Hydra island  (locale of the infamous bear cage sex romp), and do recon work on a group of folks there that are intending to do the Smokey clan harm.  Nu Locke strokes Sawyer’s ego, claiming that he chose Hot Stuff for this mission, because he’s the best liar in town. 

 Crazy Moms and the Folks Who Fear Them

Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, when the wind blows, I’ll  . . . MAKE YOU SLEEP WITH A DOLL MADE OUT OF A DEAD CARCASS!

While Sawyer is on his mission, Kate FINALLY begins to question Claire’s sanity, after she finds the nightmare-inducing dead carcass inside Aaron’s baby bassinet.  “It is all I have left,” explains Claire.

Later Claire jumps Kate and tries to kill her, while Evil Sayid stands idly by and watches, looking bored.  Oddly enough, it is Nu-Locke who comes to Kate’s rescue.  Nu Locke later pulls Kate aside and apologizes for Claire’s bat sh&t craziness.  He feels partly to blame.  (Partly?  Try fully!)  According to Locke, without Aaron, Claire had lost the will to live, and to keep her going, Locke told her the Others took her baby.  This anger, he claimed, helped her to survive.  And now, Claire has transplanted that hate to Kate.

Nu-Locke admits that he was once a REAL PERSON with a bat sh&t crazy mom.  SPOILER ALERT:  Scroll down to find out who Nu-Locke’s mom is . . .

*

*

*

*

This explains so much . . .

Kate asks Nu-Locke why he has confided this in her.  Nu Locke explains, “Because Aaron now has a crazy mom.”

Aha!  So Locke is trying to use Kate’s love for Baby Aaron to get her to join the Darkside.  Very crafty . . .

Smelly Dead People, More Promises, and Gun-Toting Submariners

Meanwhile, Sawyer sails off to the Hydra, and is immediately overcome by its smells, both good ( a ripped portion of Kate’s sexed-up bear cage dress), and bad (a pile of rotting bodies next to a nearby downed airplane).  At the plane site, Sawyer meets a woman named Zoe who claims to be the only survivor of the tragic flight.  Sawyer offers to take her back to his Smokey people, but becomes suspicious when she asks him whether his “people” have guns.  Suddenly, Sawyer is surrounded by a bunch of gun-toting mercenaries who take Sawyer down to their submarine where he encounters  . . .

Charles Widmore!

Instinctively recognizing that Widmore is here to off Nu-Locke, Sawyer makes a deal with the Team Subbie leader.  He will get Nu Locke onto the Submarine, so that Widmore can kill him, in exchange for free passage off the island for him and his friends. 

Careful Sawyer.  Remember the last time someone tried to broker this sort of “deal?”  It didnt work out so well for HIM . . .

(Sawyer = Member of Team Subbie?)

Later, Sawyer returns to the island, and provides Nu Locke with a boatload (pun intended) of information about Widmore and his gang, including the faux-deal Sawyer brokered with Widmore regarding Nu Locke’s life.  Nu Locke thanks Sawyer for his loyalty.

(Sawyer = Member of Team Subbie?) (Sawyer = Member of Team Smokey?)

At the episode’s conclusion, Sawyer tells Kate his real plan.  “Let these two Evil Doofuses duke it out amongst themselves.  You and I are going to escape Lost island . . . via submarine!”

(Sawyer = Member of Team Subbie?) (Sawyer = Member of Team Smokey?)   Sawyer = Member of Team Skate!!!!!! 

That’s all she wrote folks!  Tune in next week, when we finally find out how Richard Alpert has stayed so young-looking all these years (and what kind of eyeliner he wears).

 

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