Anatomy of a Trailer: Black Swan

Of all the film trailers invading my television screen, lately, the one that intrigues me most is the trailer for Black Swan, starring Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.  Not only is there already Oscar Buzz surrounding the film’s two stars, there is also much tongue wagging about an “agressive, ecstasy-fueled, sex scene” rumored to take place between them, during in the film.  And you know how much I love my Aggressive Ecstasy-Fueled Sex Scenes!

Aside from that, the trailer for this intense psychological thriller, about a ballerina who (possibly?) loses her mind during rehearsals for a performance of Swan Lake, looks pretty darn amazing.  Let’s check it out, shall we?

:14 – “I had the craziest dream last night . . . about a girl who was turned into a swan.  But her prince falls for the wrong girl.  And . . . she kills herself.”

Hey!  Way to spoil the ending of the movie, Natalie!

:21

Ooh!  This scene reminds me of a scene from another movie.  Does anybody else remember Center Stage?

 I’m guessing this movie is going to be ten times better than that one.  I’ve actually seen Center Stage about 15 times.  I also own the DVD, and have the film’s soundtrack in high rotation on my iPod.

:23 – “He promised to feature me more this season.”

That’s Vincent Cassel.  He, or somebody who looks just like him, played the Bad Guy in every action film I’ve ever seen.  He was also the only cool part of that Ocean Twelve movie aside from the INSANELY HOT CAST.  I highly recommend watching the film on mute.  It’s a much better experience.  Trust me.  (Click on the embedded link below, to see what I mean.)

:25 – “He should.  You’ve been there long enough.”

BURN!  You’ve gotta love passive aggressive moms who make not-so-subtle comments about your being OLD.  Barbara Hershey may be looking pretty evil now.   But I cried like a baby when her character died in Beaches. 

Then again, I was REALLY young the first time I watched Beaches, so it’s possible I was just upset that my favorite Fluffy Bear stuffed animal got lost under my bed.

:26 –

That’s the face I made when I lost my Fluffy Bear Barbara Hershey died in Beaches.

:32 –

As far as directors / producers go, Darren Aronofsky is pretty A-list.  Those of you who (like me) had nightmares for weeks, after watching Requiem for a Dream (a movie that doubled as the most effective DON’T DO DRUGS PSA I have EVER seen!), can think him for that. 

He also directed the Oscar award-winning The Wrestler, starring Mickey Rourke. 

But, just in case reading this has made you overly jealous of Darren Aronofsky, he just recently divorced Rachel Weisz.  

So, at least we know he’s not perfect  .  . .

:39 – “I’m Lily.”

That’s Mila Kunis.  She’s awesome.  Some of you might remember her as Jason Segal’s love interest in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. 

Others might enjoy her “voice,” as Meg, in The Family Guy. 

But, for me, Mila will always be the shallow, self-absorbed (but still oddly likeable) Jackie from That 70’s Show. 

Jackie spent most of the show in an on and off relationship with Ashton Kutcher’s dim-witted character, Michael. 

But, sometimes, she fooled around with Danny Masterson’s Hyde. 

And then, randomly, the writers made her end up with Wilmer Valderrama’s Fez?

WTF!

:44 –

Both Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman were rumored to have lost 20 pounds a piece to better “embody the bodies” of ballerinas.  Honestly, they were both so thin to begin with, I’m not sure how that is scientifically possible!

:45 – “I watch the way she moves, sensual.  SHE’S not faking it.”

OOOH!   Burned again, Natalie!  TWICE in one trailer!

:57 – “Feel my touch.  Respond to it.”

YES, PLEASE!

1:00 – “Someone’s hot for teacher.”

Hot for Teacher = An excellent Van Halen song (and music video) . . .

1:23 –

Rough sex?

1:12 “They made me your understudy.”

For those who haven’t read up on the film, the basic premise is this:  Natalie Portman’s character, Nina, is cast as the lead in Swan Lake, a part which requires the dancer to assume the roles of both the innocent White Swan, and the seductive Black Swan.  While Natalie’s Nina seems ideal to play the White Swan, her new nemesis, Lily (Mila Kunis) better embodies the darkness of the Black Swan.  As an understudy, Lily is quite literally, Nina’s doppelganger.  And you know how much I LOVE doppelgangers . . .

1:19 Let the Doppelganger Hijinks Crazed Lunacy and Latent Lesbianism ensue . . .

By the way, if you look closely, you’ll notice that the girl in black is NOT Mila Kunis, it’s Natalie Portman.  But wait . . . so is the girl in white.  I’m confused!

1:27 – Ladies, here’s the image you can use to get your boyfriends to go see this film with you.  I have four words for you (and them) “Ecstasy-Fueled Hate Sex.”

1:25 – Look!  It’s Winona Ryder!

1:28 – Not your best look Natalie . . . I’m not going to lie.

1:35 – Here, Natalie does her best impression of Kevin from the Home Alone movies . . .

1:36 – *Sings* Paranoia, paranoia, everybody’s coming to get me . . . and ruin my artwork.

1:39 – “What happened to my sweet girl?”

Sweet Girl is not home right now.  But if you leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message, she’ll get right back to you as soon as she finishes breaking mirrors, freaking the f*ck out, and going on a murderous rampage as soon as possible.

1:53 –

First of all . . . ewwwww!

Second of all, don’t you hate it when you start growing black swan feathers out of your back?  Then again, maybe that’s just an ingrown hair . . .

1:54 – Visine – It gets the red out.

Black Swan swims into theaters December 3^rd.  Will YOU see it?

[www.juliekushner.com]

Anatomy of a Trailer – Burlesque

The way I see it, Burlesque, the upcoming movie / musical starring Christina Aguilera, in her big screen debut, will either be truly spectacular . . .

 . . . or ridiculously bad.

The film follows Ali (Aquilera), as she escapes from whatever podunk town she came from, and heads off to Hollywood with big dreams and little cash.

View from a dirty bus window.

She finds a job as a waitress at a struggling night club, called Burlesque Lounge, run by Tess (Cher).  And . . . well, I’ll let you see for yourself .  . .

:32 – “When you are putting on your makeup, it is like you’re an artist.  But instead of painting a canvas, you are painting a face.”

 . . . or, in Cher’s case, a face made of canvas.

So, after seeing Cher in this trailer, I’ve come to two conclusions: (1) She looks pretty good.  Her face really hasn’t changed that much since the 90’s . . .

(2) The reason Cher’s face hasn’t changed since the 90’s, is that it hasn’t moved since then.  Did you watch that scene where she was putting on her makeup?  I felt like I was watching an expert ventriloquist!

Bet you can’t guess which one is real?

:49 – “Great enthusiasm, terrible timing.”

It looks like Stanley Tucci will be playing the role of the “man behind the older woman” . . .

 and the “staunch supporter / behind the scenes mentor” of the younger one. 

It’s The Devil Wears Prada all over again.

:57 – Kristen Bell is in this movie!

I heart her, even when she plays mean and unlikeable characters . . .

  . . . and it seems like she will be playing one here too.

1:02 – “The question is, do you have the talent?  Because you’re on . . .”

Hey, that was Cam Gigandet!

What?  You don’t remember CAM?  Sure you do!  He was the douche responsible for Marissa Cooper’s death on The O.C.  . . .

 . . . and the douche who wanted to beat Sean Farris to a pulp in Never Back Down .  . .

 . . . and the douche who wanted to eat Bella in Twilight . . .

In fact, Cam’s “Douching Schedule” was SO uncompromising, that he rarely had time to put on a shirt . . .

 .  . . which is why I love him!

1:12 – “What happened to all the great dancers in L.A.?” 

             “They’re all Dancing with the Stars.“

I think this was meant to be somewhat of an inside joke, as Dancing with the Stars’ Julianne Hough is said to have signed on to  this film.

It seems a little odd that they didn’t put her in the trailer, though.

1:17 – “What is she doing up there?”

The Genie in a Bottle dance, perhaps?

1:27 – “Nobody can tell you.  You gotta make me believe that you belong on that stage.  That it’s yours, and that nobody can take it from you.  Now you want to show me something?  Show me THAT!”

WOW, Cher, I’m so inspired now!

I might even start taking violin lessons — on a tiny violin, kind of like the one I heard playing in the background, during that speech you just made.

1:46 – And there are those infamous Aguilera pipes we’ve come to know so well. . .

Too bad she’s dressed like a bachelor party stripper . . .

1:48 – OMG!  It’s Alan Cummings!

This guy kinda scares me.   But I can’t remember why . . .

Now I remember . . .

1:51 – McSteamy ALERT!  McSteamy ALERT!

Hold on to your panties, ladies.  Because they are about to fall . . .

2:07 – “Clearly, one of us has underestimated the other.”

Oooh!  I smell a Cat Fight!  And I don’t know about you, but my money is on Veronica Mars!

She’s small, but scrappy.  Then again . . .

This could actually be a real toss up.

2:16 – Aww Cam!  I knew you wouldn’t let me down!

2:24 – “Alice?  Well, welcome to Wonderland.”

Burlesque dances into theaters on November 24, 2010 (Thanksgiving).  Will YOU see it?

[www.juliekushner.com]

Freaks and Geeks – The Best Show You Probably DIDN’T Watch (and neither did I), But We Should Have

Before Katherine Heigl got Knocked Up, before Jason Segel spent an entire Hawaiian vacation Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and before Steve Carell endured the ignominious label of The 40-Year Old Virgin, there was a funny New Yorker named Judd Apatow, and a little  television show called Freaks and Geeks.

Although the show aired roughly ten years ago, I didn’t come across it until fairly recently.  I was looking for a prospective candidate to fill my ever-dwindling Netflix queue, at the time.  The show was described as a “period piece” of sorts, in that it took place at a Michigan high school during the 1980-81 school year. 

Now, as you can probably tell from this blog, I LOVE my high school dramedys.  Plus, I have always been a bit obsessed with the ’80s as a decade, despite the fact that I was itty bitty during most of it.  (The Breakfast Club was the first R-rated film my mother let me watch on video.  It is still one of my favorite movies of all time.)  So, I figured this was right up my alley.

The Pilot episode opens with a clichéd jock and his clichéd cheerleader girlfriend engaging in a vapid discussion about the nature of their relationship, while cuddling on the bleachers at the high school football field.  Within moments, the camera pans beneath the bleachers to reveal the show’s real stars: a group of stoners smoking weed, and a trio of nerds discussing Star Wars.  I was instantly hooked.

The series follows the lives of Lindsay Weir (played by Linda Cardellini of ER), a shy overachieving mathlete who becomes disillusioned with her dull life and quickly falls in with a “bad crowd,” and her younger brother, Sam (John Francis Daley of Bones), a good humored and intelligent, but diminutive and undeveloped (his voice still hasn’t changed) high school freshman.  Lindsay hangs with the titular Freaks of the show, played by James Franco, Busy Phillips, Jason Segel, and Seth Rogen (all of whom have gone on to become regular staples in Judd Apatow films).  Sam’s friends comprise the Geeks, who are played by Sam Levine and Martin Starr. 

Rather than creating a glossy and stylized version of high school, as most teen dramas tend to do, Freaks and Geeks portrayed a more realistic version of the teen years, one rife with awkwardness, discomfort, growth spurts and acne.  Unlike most teen shows airing during that time, the actors here actually looked like real teenagers (even Cardellini, despite the fact that she was already 25 when the show started taping).  They even talked like real teenagers — their speech rife with the trademark inarticulate umms and uhhs that characterize “teenspeak” (and, on occasion, my own “speak”).

Freaks and Geeks  stood out from other teen television shows, in that it was primarily NOT about romance.  The “couples” in the show weren’t portrayed as soul mates, star-crossed lovers, or adults trapped in young bodies.  Instead, the Weirs’ respective relationships much more closely resembled those of  my limited high school dating experience.  Namely, they were frightening and cringe-inducingly uncomfortable. 

I love, for example, how Lindsay’s “love interest,” Nick (Jason Segel of How I Met Your Mother), is not smooth or cool at all.  In fact, he is kind of smothery and more than a tad creepy at times.  Lindsay generally sticks with him because he is part of her social circle, and because she wants to have a boyfriend.  Unforunately, I too have been there . . .

Freaks and Geeks also took risks with its storylines.  One episode dealt with a hermaphodite student in a way that was surprisingly tasteful and heartfelt.  In another episode, viewers spent a good deal of time watching the Geeks watch a pornographic film.

So, if your Netflix queue has been looking a bit anorexic lately, and you are in need of some quality programming, I highly recommend Freaks and Geeks.

Oh, and did I mention James Franco looks really hot in it?