Greetings, Werebangers! After last week’s game-changer of an episode, this week’s Teen Wolf shifted its focus away from Derek’s wolf pack, and towards its much scalier counterpart. As a result, “Frenemy” was by far the “lizardiest” ((and, yes, I did just make up that word) episode to-date . . . Keep this up, and we may have to change the series’ name to Teen Kanaima . . .
Let’s review, shall we?
[As always, special thanks to Andre. If there was an Academy Award for “Best Screencaps in a Supernatural TV Series,” he’d win it, in a heartbeat.]
We’re off to see the Lizard . . .
So, remember Jackson’s “boring” solo sex tape?
Well, thanks to Danny and his tech savvy, it just got a lot more interesting . . .
Of course, Danny doesn’t know that, because he DIDN’T WATCH IT?!
OK . . . so, you guys are all my friends right, Werebangers? Good, because I’ve got a confession to make. If any of you give me a sex tape with you in it, and tell me not to watch it, I’m SOOOO WATCHING IT, ANYWAY.
I don’t care who you are . . . gay, straight, fat, skinny, animal, vegetable, mineral. Curiosity will eventually kill the Recapper, and I’ll get to see your junk on the small screen. Sorry, if that makes me a crappy friend. But I’d counter that it also makes me human.
See? He gets it!
The fact that Danny didn’t watch is undoubtedly admirable. And yet, arguably, also unrealistic . . .
I don’t know, Danny. For someone who claims he didn’t watch the video, you sure look a heck of a lot like you’re watching it . . .
Anywhoo, Danny drops the unwatched Paranormal Activity Porn tape off in the trunk of a car, as instructed, and heads out to a nearby nightclub with his conscience clear. Meanwhile . . .
For all you comic book geeks out there, who just love pitting your favorite superheroes and villains against one another, to see how they’d fare in a fight, this opening sequence was definitely for you. Kanaima . . . versus . . . Alpha. BRING IT ON!
Then, Papa Argent randomly enters the fray. Wait! How did he get there?
And Grandpa Argent . . . and Scott . . . they are both there too.
Who sent out e-vites to this battle? It’s like a supernatural flash mob!
Now, of all of these aforementioned warriors, you would think that Grandpa Argent . . . a.k.a. Mr. “I Cut Bodies In Half for Fun” would be the most bloodthirsty. But, oddly enough, that’s not the case. Instead, Not-John McCain and Lizard Thingy just stand around eye f*&king one another, until Scott intervenes, and cock blocks them both. Weird . . .
And just like that, the “Second Kanaima” /
Master “Friend” of Kanaima betting pool just got one person larger . . .
Elsewhere, in Mushy Gushy Feelings Land . . .
. . . Allison informs Lydia that the reason she can’t tell her why the Really Hot Guy, and his three high-school age minions stalked her /seemed to want her dead is because . . . wait for it . . . she just LOOOOOOOOVES Scott too much.
I’m with you, Lydia. It pissed me off too.
A Lizard and a Werewolf walk into a Gay Bar . . .
Elsewhere, Scott and Stiles contemplate why, if Jackson is the Kanaima, he was still paralyzed by his own venom.
Scott suggests that this is because, when Jackson is Jackson, he isn’t the Kanaima. Wow! That’s quite a deeply philosophical thought for the D student. Color me impressed.
But now’s not the time to talk about ids, egos, and reptilian identity crises. It’s time to go CLUBBING! Can I get a fist pump?
Since Lizard Thingys are scent-free, Scott is forced to use another familiar scent to track down Were-Jackson . . . namely, the delectable odor of Best Friend Danny’s Armani cologne.
Upon entering the club, “Genius” Scott notices that something is amiss . . .
Scott might very well be the “Alpha” of his own pack. But here in Funkytown, it’s Stiles who’s wielding all the power . . .
. . . that is until that pesky Lizard Thingy has to harsh on Stiles’ game, by literally eliminating all his prospective suitors from the picture. (Well, that’s ONE way to get your man.)
Danny, who had just recently been making his ex-boyfriend VERY jealous, by grinding up against a hot piece of A, is now down for the count. See, Danny? That’s what you get for NOT watching sex tapes. You brought this on yourself . . .
Oh, and Derek’s at the club too now.
I don’t know, Derek. If you want to impress the gay guys, I’d probably go with a look that’s a bit more . . . natural . . .
And, suddenly, Jackson’s outside the club . . . back in human form . . . naked.
My straight-girl Gay Guy Fantasy is now complete. Well . . . almost.
Sheriff Stilinski is on the scene now, which leads to an . . . awkward . . . conversation between father and son. Apparently, Stiles’ dad doesn’t believe he’s gay, because of the way he dresses.
Small towns lead to small minds, I guess . . . even in otherwise awesome dudes, like Daddy Stilinski.
Now, for the record, I think Stiles is an AWESOME dresser. He always wears the coolest t-shirts.
But Daddy-o is right about one thing. Stiles is NOT gay. Anyone who’s watched the way he reacts to Lydia can see that . . .
Though . . . I guess he could be bi . . .
Anywhoo, Stiles and Scott manage to shove Jackson in the back of a police paddy wagon. And off they ride into the night . . .
Never trust a man who steals your purse dog . . .
Did you know Lydia has a “purse dog,” who she named after a company known for its high-quality purses. Clever right? But just because Prada is expensively named, doesn’t mean he’s immune to a man with beef jerky in his pockets
or a werewolf with the power to mind control dogs, like we saw Scott do in the pilot episode (Come on! We all know that’s how he got the dog to run off, right?)
That’s right, Werebangers! Creepy Dude from Outside the School Shrink’s Office strikes again. And this time, he’s claiming to be Lydia’s “new neighbor.” How convenient!
In the words of Gotye, Creepy Dude definitely looks like “Somebody that I Used to Know” . . .
And as if the connection between Creepy Dude and Uncle Alpha wasn’t obvious enough, his cheesy methods of seduction involve a failed kiss . . .
. . . and . . . wait for it . . . a gift of wolfsbane . . .
The question is, what are Creepy Dude’s motives for wanting Lydia to carry wolfsbane around with her at all times. Is it for protection from Derek’s pack? Is the wolfsbane what keeps Lydia immune from the Kanaima’s venom? Or does Creepy Dude have a more sinister reason for wanting to get under the red head’s skin.
Then again, he could always just be a horny teen looking to get laid . . .
Up close and personal . . .
Over in Argent land, Grandpoppy suggests that the Kanaima could be useful in culling out, and eventually killing Derek and his Wolf Pack.
At first blush, I’d say that this really isn’t such a bright idea. After all, the Devil You Know is always safer than the Devil you don’t. And this Kanaima sure does seem a lot more dangerous and deadly than broody Derek and his pitiful wolf pups. Unless, of course, the Kanaima IS the Devil that Grandpoppy knows better. Once again, the notion that Grandpa Argent is somehow connected to the Kanaima is dangled tantalizingly in front of us fans . . .
Elsewhere, even though Jackson is technically Stiles’ hostage, that doesn’t mean he can’t be a good host, right. After slipping Jackson into a pair of pants, while he was passed out (Now, THAT’S a deleted scene I hope they put on the DVD), Stiles kindly offers Jackson some gas station sandwiches and scintillating conversation . . .
. . . but no bathroom, which, after the sandwiches, could be a real problem . . .
Speaking of Stiles’ hostage hosting skills, he’s even gone to the trouble of texting Jackson’s adoptive parents from his cell phone to let them know he’s OK.
This, of course, ends up backfiring big time, because Jackson never says anything nice to his parents . . . or anyone for that matter . . . by text or otherwise. So, now, Jackson’s dad is super suspicious, and decides to go to the cops.
Over at school, Principal Not-John McCain creepily fondles his granddaughter’s neck to determine if she’s lying about the missing Jackson’s whereabouts. I bet he does that with all the girls . . .
“My, Allison what big
boobs neck muscles you have!”
How convenient that the Argents, despite having just moved into town a few months ago, have such an influence on the Beacon Hills public school system. Within a day, Grandpa has installed video cameras all over the school. And I bet you will never guess who he hired as Allison’s new substitute teacher . . .
Out of all the Argents, I still think this one is the scariest of them all . . .
Oddly enough, like Principal Not John McCain, Mama Argent seems to be working at the school for no other reason than to torture Allison. After class, Mama Argent praises her daughter for being “strong” and staying away from Scott.
But Allison isn’t fooled, what might sound like praise coming from normal moms, is clearly a threat coming from this one. In other words, “stop dating Scott, or he dies.”
Nothing much new here. Though it did make me giggle a bit, when Mama Argent cleverly noted that Allison was exchanging quite a few text messages with “The Odd One” a.k.a. This Guy . . .
Speaking of Stiles, it seems his hostage-taking skills leave a bit to be desired. For one thing, he’s forgotten about a little thing called “GPS” that police can use to TRACK THE CELL PHONES OF MISSING PEOPLE.
Speaking of technology, remember that sex tape that Danny shoved into the trunk of a car unwatched? Well, feel free to check for it on YouTube next week because it’s GONE!
It’s not easy being green . . .
Outside the paddy wagon, Stiles, Scott and Allison argue over how next to proceed. Arguing for the “Let’s not kill, Jackson” side is Scott, champion of all supernatural creatures, who wonders, as many fans have postulated, whether the Kanaima might only be target “bad people” . . . like killers . . . and stuff.
But Stiles, who’s personally felt the wrath of the Kanaima on more than one occasion, is all, “Nah . . . he’s evil. Let’s kill him!”
Funny how quickly your tune changes, when you find out the Kanaima isn’t the hot red-head you LOOOVE, but, rather, the jock douchebag you hate, isn’t it Stiles?
Loyal Wolf Pup Scott isn’t convinced, however. He claims that his Scooby Gang should feel obligated to save Jackson because nobody else likes him enough to do it for them (well . . . except maybe Danny).
Jackson overhears this, and gets depressed. Cue the Single Manly Tear!
Then, Stiles heads off to chat with Lydia, so that the two lovebirds can make out some more. We’re treated to a “scintillating” conversation about how Allison wants to be with Scott FOREVVEEERRRR, despite the fact that they are only sophomores (?), and the fact that with Scott’s grades, he might not actually graduate high school until he’s 55. More nuzzling and smooching ensue . . .
Gag! Puke! BLEEEHHH!
I don’t know. Usually, I’m such a goopy girl romantic. And Allison has really been growing on me as a character these past few weeks. But there’s something about these two together that just bores me to tears. Does anyone else feel the same way?
The only interesting part of this conversation, was the suggestion that perhaps Lydia’s “immunity” to werewolf bites could be used to cure Scott of his “condition.” Well, they may have squeeze it out of her first . . .
Wait, I lied. There was another interesting part of this conversation. It was the one where Scott and Allison started boning. And Jackson used that opportunity to turn into the Kanaima and escape. Serves those horndogs right!
Now, completely out of options, Stiles decides to come clean to his dad about the town’s little “supernatural problem.” Scott and his yellow eyes tag along to help make Stiles’ story a bit more “credible.” Unfortunately, by the time they arrive at the sheriff’s office, a very smug looking “human” Jackson is already there with his lawyer dad. And they’re ready to sue!
You know, because lawyers and law suits are so much scarier than getting your face ripped apart by a lizard thingy . . .
Allison’s ready to come clean to her parents too. But before she can, she runs into Lydia, who, understandably, is desperate for answers.
She’s also conveniently fluent in Archaic Latin. It’s time to break out that trusty old Bestiary again . . .
Here’s an interesting twist. Either that school counselor chick really sucks at Latin . . .
. . . or she’s hiding something, because her translation of the piece about the Kanaima was missing one very important piece of information. Accoring to Lydia, the Kanaima isn’t looking for a “friend,” it’s looking for a “MASTER” to control it . . .
Ahh . . . the plot . . . it thickens! Until next time, Werebangers!