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A Midwinter Night’s Dream – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “It Girl Happened One Night”

BLAIR:  Is that my soulmate acting like he’s madly in love with the personality-free Special Guest Star?

DAN: I’m afraid so . . . Is that MY soulmate, acting like she’s totally cool with spending Valentine’s Day drinking cheap beer at a sleazy bar, with the ex-con waiter, who very well may be a sociopath?

BLAIR:  Sure is!

DAN:  I feel like locking myself in my room, and watching a horror movie.

BLAIR:   I think we’re already watching one . . .

Did you read Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream?  You know, the one where there’s a big party in the forest.  And the evil King makes the Big Gay Fairy put spells on all the couples, so that they fall madly in love with all the WRONG people, for all the wrong reasons.  If I recall correctly, someone even falls in love with a DONKEY’S ASS . . .

“Hee-Haw!”

Yeah, that’s kind of how I felt about this week’s Gossip Girl Valentine’s Day Addition.  (Don’t worry, Dair fans.  I’m not here to attack your ship, today.  My wrath, instead, is directed at two new so-called couples that I think we ALL can agree SUCK ROYALLY.)  Specifically, I’m referring to the BIZARRO pairings of Serena/Ben and Chuck/Raina, and how each of the aforementioned Gruesome Twosomes behaved, during this wild and wacky hour. 

Seriously, GG writers, I haven’t been this confused by two members of the Non-Judging Breakfast Club, since Chuck boned the Raccoon Zombie . . .

 . . . and Serena dated the odious Aaron Rose . .  .

Remember THIS douchebag? 

Because, here’s the thing.  As teen drama fans, we inherently accept the notion that the couples we worship can’t ALWAYS be together.  TV watching probably wouldn’t be much fun, if they were.  After all, sometimes the “getting together” and “getting BACK together” of our favorites ships is the best part of the show! 

And, for that reason, we put up with the random Special Guest Star, who plays the Love Interest, for three or four episodes, before going back into the Anonymous Hole from which he or she came.  Correction, we put up with it . . . WHEN IT’S CONSISTENT WITH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. 

Here’s looking at YOU, Miss Duff!

So, for Serena, we accepted her dalliances with Carter, Trip, Professor Hotpants, and yes, even the odious Adam Rose.  Because these were individuals who had things in common with Serena, and reflected the life path she was on, at the point during which she dated them.  And we (sort of) accepted Chuck’s relationship with the BLAND Eva, because we knew he was in pain, after all that happened with Blair, and being shot in Prague.  We knew that Chuck chose Eva, dull as she was, in attempt to shun everything about his life that had caused him such heartache, during the prior season.

But I CANNOT, for the life of me, understand what would possess Serena to fall in love with CREEPY BEN, who’s CREEPY SISTER, ruined Serena’s life, and nearly killed her, AT HIS BEHEST.  And I CANNOT fathom how Chuck (a guy who took SEASONS to finally tell Blair he loved her) could fall SO completely head-over-heels for the lackluster Raina Thorpe within TWO episodes, that he would be willing to build her a Creepy Loveshack Room in one of his party halls, or betray his entire family, to try and please her Evil Dick of a Dad.

But like the strange happenings in Midsummer Night’s Dream, I chose to chalk all this weirdness up to a Big Gay Fairy, and some Black Valentine’s Day Magic . . .

So, with that being said, let’s get on with the recap, shall we?

Damn the Man!  Save the Empire!

When the episode begins, Chuck has scheduled a meeting with the Eeeevil Russell Thorpe.  He wishes to make one last valiant attempt to save Bass Industries by . . . you guessed it . . .  THROWING A BIG PARTY.  Coincidentally, here are some other problems Chuck Bass would likely solve by Throwing a Big Party:  (1) He had a bad day.  (2) He had a good day.  (3) He lost his favorite shoe.  (4) He lost his favorite bathrobe.   (5) He lost his favorite bong.  (6)  He lost his favorite Blair.

*clears throat*

Chuck feel that the Bass name has equity.  And he somehow believes that throwing yet ANOTHER big party (cause he hasn’t done THAT in about a week!) will show Russell that this is true.  Chuck also REALLY wants to get laid on Valentine’s Day.  So, Eeevill Russell (who likes to boogie, as much as any mid 40-something Hotel Tycoon) agrees to refrain from killing Chuck’s company for 36 hours, while the latter plans the Best Valentine’s Day Bash EVER!  *insert Cupid eyeroll*

Meanwhile, over at the offices for W Magazine . . .

Have It-Girl, Will Travel

Blair, who has VERY REALISTICALLY risen from stapler-grabbing intern to Second-in-Command at W Magazine in about TWO days, is brainstorming with her “staff” as to which “It Girl” the magazine should follow around on Valentine’s Day for an “Expose Article.”  Since the Hiltons, the Kardashians, and every other socialite with a sextape is busy that day, someone suggests Serena van der Woodsen.  But Blair has an even more boring better idea.   Why doesn’t the magazine cover Raina Thorpe?

I mean this girl is SO THRILLING to watch on television!  So you can imagine how RIVETING she would be on paper! Zzzzzzzzzzz

Of course, as per usual, Blair has ulterior motives for selecting Raina as the subject of the magazine piece.  After all, she knows that Chuck has been wooing Raina, as part of his Master Plan to save Bass Industries. And, seeing as she still luuuuuuves him, doing this piece will conveniently allow Blair to keep tabs on her man, during Valentine’s Day. 

In a classic game of Telephone, Blair mentions her devious plan to Serena, who inexplicably tells Chuck.  Chuck then tells Serena that he actually does LOVE Raina, and as of five minutes ago is no longer “faking it,” as Blair had initially suspected.  *cough bullsh*t cough*

So, of course, rather than immediately confronting her bestie, BLAIR, about this recent development, Serena makes the incredibly stupid wise move of telling Raina, who had already agreed to do the publicity piece, that she should back out of it.   Violating EVERY GIRL CODE IN THE BOOK, Serena blabs to Raina about how much Blair still loves Chuck, and how seeing Raina and Chuck together on Valentine’s Day would break Queen B’s heart . . .

With that Stupid Love Stuffout of the way, Serena and Raina can talk about more important matters . . . like which Overpriced Dress they should each wear to Chuck’s party

“Does this dress make me look like a Total Slut?”

“Isn’t that what all clothing dresses are for?”

When Raina calls Blair up to cancel the Expose, just moments after she has just finished hanging out with Serena, Blair puts two and two together, and realizes that she’s been sabotaged by her bestie.  You know what that means right?  It’s time for the Blair Waldorf Weekly Revenge Special!

Meanwhile, back in Brooklyn . . .

Dan the Man to the Rescue!

“This is my ‘I’m Hitting on You’ Face .  . . Coincidentally, it is also my ‘I Just Sucked on a Lemon’ Face”

Wanna know the definition of awkward?  How about being forced to be roommates with your ex-girlfriend’s Creepy Ex Con Boyfriend, and having to listen to him yammer on about his LAME-O (i.e. nonexistent) Valentine’s Day plans with the girl who’s supposed to be YOUR Valentine?  And yet, Dan still manages to be a pal to Creepo Ben.  When he finds out the dude is unemployed, Dan refers him to a catering job that HE used to have.  (You know . . . before his dad started boning Lily van der Woodsen, and he became filthy rich . . . like everybody else on this show.) 

Now, of course, Ben LIES to Serena about how he plans to spend Valentine’s Day, telling her that he is “tutoring” a student that night (because that’s what we call a “Convenient Plot Device”).  Now, personally, if I was Serena, I would feel better about my former teacher boyfriend, who had a crush on ME, back when I was underage, catering on Valentine’s Day, than “TUTORING,” if you catch my drift.  But no one ever said Serena was the sharpest tool in the shed . . .

“I did NOT have sexual relations with that student (but I thought about doing it A LOT).”

Having successfully set Ben’s and Serena’s moronic plotline into motion, Dan dashes off to W Magazine.  If you recall, a couple weeks back, the now-LONG GONE Epperley had promised Dan that SHE would pass his article on to Details magazine.  Now that she’s left the building, Dan wishes to seek the same treatment from the “new Epperley.”  And I bet you all can’t guess who THAT is? 

It’s Blair.  SURPRISE!

At least, initially, Blair doesn’t seem all that interested in helping Dan get his article published.  After all, she’s still a tad pissed at him for initially getting her fired from her internship, before he, ultimately, got her rehired.  She’s also pretty insistent on the fact that her and Dan are “not friends.”  And yet, considering that her “friend” Serena has just ROYALLY screwed her over, Blair may want to start rethinking who earns that title.

Speaking of Serena, Dan casually mentions to Blair that he gave Ben his catering job.  You can almost see the wheels turning in Blair’s head, as she calls up the catering company to make certain that Ben will be working Chuck’s Valentine’s Day Bash.  She then slyly convinces Serena to attend the party as well.  (As if we believed, for a SECOND, that Serena would EVER be capable of staying home on Valentine’s Day!)

“I was thinking of wearing THIS to the party?  Do you like it?”

Back in Boring Corporate Storyline Land . . .

All Hail the Captain (Well . . . maybe not)

Nate’s Less Than Proud Papa sort of redeemed himself, by telling Chuck that (1) even though he continued to work for Thorpe, he ethically recused himself from all matters relating to the takeover of Bass Industries; and (2) despite this, he had “accidentally” become privy to information about the company.  According to the Captain, Bass Industries would be worth more if it were kept whole, than if it were broken down, and sold for parts.  So, WHY was Russell Thorpe intent on destroying it?  And WHY had he lied about giving Chuck a 36 hour reprieve before takeover proceedings were to begin, when that was clearly not the case?

It had a little something to do with this Little Tartlet . . .

My LORD!  Lily slept with RUSSELL THORPE TOO?  And she left him for BART BASS?  But wasn’t she boinking RUFUS right before she started dating Bart?  Geez!  I feel like I need an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of  all of Lily’s conquests . . . Like mother, like daughter, I guess!

Without pausing for a single second to ponder how all this information so conveniently landed in his lap RIGHT when he needed it, the normally much more clever, Chuck Bass calls an impromptu board meeting Valentine’s Day morning to fire Lily from the Board of Bass Industries, due to a “Conflict of Interest.”  Upon hearing this, Lily is understandably pissed, and vows to give Chuck a piece of her mind at . . . you guessed it, the Bass Valentine’s Day Bash . . .

Smile, Serena!  You’re on Date-a-Waiter Camera

At the party, a vengeful Blair accosts her new It-girl Serena, flanked by reporters, to interview her for her W Magazine piece.  “Who’s your Valentine?”  Blair inquires, in a voice that is sickeningly sweet.

“Ummm .  . . hummun . .. uh . . .” Serena responds eloquently.

That’s when Blair lets the other shoe drop, by pointing Serena toward Ben, in his waiter outfit, and joyously announcing his EX-CON status to the world, as the cameras catch every cringe-inducing moment of this Valentine’s Day Couple’s reunion.  Ben, of course, runs out of the party, crying like a b*tch, as he is wont to do.  Serena, meanwhile, angrily confronts Blair for her vindictiveness, FINALLY explaining to her, why she “sabotaged” the Raina Interview, in the first place.  “Chuck really loves [Raina].  It’s not just about the business,” Serena admits to a disbelieving Blair .  . .

But Blair refuses to believe Serena.  After all, it is so utterly unbelievable that Chuck could start loving this random Guest Star, after only having boned her for a week.  Right?  RIGHT?

So, Blair stalks off, with a dogged Dan on her heels, whose still trying to get her to publish his damn story in the magazine.  Dude is nothing, if not persistent . . .

Voyeurism at it Most Heartbreaking .  . .

Wandering the party, Blair and Dan come upon the Creepy Love Den, Chuck has supposedly “built for Raina.”  (Those architects must work FAST!) Fortunately, Blair missed THIS “lovely” sight.  (Dan saw it THOUGH!)

I’ve never even DATED Chuck Bass, and this image had me vomiting in my mouth.

What Blair did witness, however, was far worse.  Lily storms in to call Chuck out on firing her from the company, after all she had done for him, by adopting him, and helping to save Bass Industries with him.  Upon hearing what Chuck has done to his step mother, Raina stalks out in disgust.  Enter Russell Thorpe, to glibly tell Chuck that, without Lily on the board, nothing stands in the way of him dismantling Bass Industries.  “Now you have nothing.  No family.   No company.  And, from the looks of it, no girl.   I think you know how much family means to Raina.  And now she knows how LITTLE it means to you,” monologues Russell, before letting out a maniacal laugh.

“I’ll get you, My Pretty, and you’re Creepy Little Love Shack too!”

(Well, this guy ended up being a real two-dimensional villain, didn’t he?  Thorpe makes Mr. Burns look like Maggie Simpson.)

“If it were me, I would have least let him finish screwing my daughter one last time, BEFORE, I ruined his life.”

It should surprise precisely NO ONE that Thorpe had TOTALLY planned for the Captain to find that information about Bass Industries and leak it to Chuck, so that the latter could dig his own grave . . .

As Blair watches sadly, Chuck chases after Raina, and tries in vain to salvage their relationship . . .

Chuck really starts laying it on thick here, telling Raina how SACRED she is to him (barf), how much he luuuuuuuuves her (gag), and how their relationship has changed him for the better (puke).   But Raina ain’t buying what he’s selling.  So she leaves his ass at his own party. 

Still, Dan is impressed by the drama of it all.  “Oh he’s goooooood,” Lonely Boy notes with amusement.

But Blair sees some bad plot devices truth behind Chuck’s words.  And she can’t deny the pain in Chuck’s eyes over the loss of his of-the-minute “true love,” Raina.  And so, she dashes off to a nearby couch to sob, over what will likely go down in history as her WORST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER!

Sympathizing with the intense pain his friend is obviously suffering, having gone through the same thing with Serena just a week prior, Dan gently grabs for a distraught Blair’s hand.  But Blair is not yet ready to accept his sympathies.  So, she yanks her hand away, and staunchly refuses to look at his Puppy Dog Eyes . . .

Good Riddens to Valentine’s Day!

Back at La Casa de Waldorf, Blair attempts to apologize to Serena, who, after all was “worried about [her] heart, not [her] job” (and rightly so), by giving her a box of chocolates.  (Really Blair?  Does Serena look like the kind of girl who eats chocolates . . . or any food besides lettuce and liquor, for that matter?)  The “Besties” then kiss and make up.  

So of course, rather than stay and comfort her CLEARLY depressed supposed-best friend, who is OBVIOUSLY suffering from a broken heart, Serena rushes off to send the last few moments of her LAME Valentine’s Day at a LAME Bar, with her LAME boyfriend, Creepo Ben.

As for Blair, she gets a text from Dan, that he plans to keep sending her drafts of his article, until she agrees to submit it to Details.  But, wonder of wonders, Blair has actually ALREADY read it . . . and submitted it to Vanity Fair.  She calls him, to inform him of the good news.

“Yippee . . . I’m the NEXT Hemingway!  Well . . . except for all that suicide stuff.” 

Then, in a sweet, if slightly uncharacteristic (for Blair, at least) final scene, the newfound pair of lonely, Type-A personality, buddies decide to watch the decidedly UN-Valentinesy film, Rosemary’s Baby, on their laptops, in their respective beds, as they cleverly snark about the film, over the phone.

Source

Do these two actually have the SAME bed sheets?  Or is it just me?

In other news . . .

Drug Dealing Damien (who was looking FRIGHTENINGLY orange this week, by the way) is manipulating Mini VDW (a.k.a. Eric)  to do his dirty work again.  His weapon of choice, this time?   BLACKMAIL.

Also, the Captain, before being unceremoniously fired from Thorpe’s company, managed to retain all his key cards to the office.  I smell WATERGATE 2011!

I’m going to be GREAT at Breaking and Entering.  I got the high score in Grant Theft Auto TWICE!”

And that’s all I’ve got for this week’s installment of Gossip Girl.  Next week, things really get intense when Blair . . . FAILS TO MATCH HER WARDROBE!

The HORROR!

You can check out the promo for next week’s episode of Gossip Girl, “While You Weren’t Sleeping,” right here:

Until then!  XOXO!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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Filed under Gossip Girl

The Cold Can Be VERY HOT! – Cozy up with 7 Heart-warming Wintery TV Moments

What is it about those cold wintery months that puts all of us in the mood for romance? 

Well . . . most of us, anyway!

Are we simply looking for a warm body to hold close, when the temperature drops to the single digits? 

Do we just not want to be alone for the holidays? 

Perhaps, the desire to couple in winter is innate and primal, something akin to hibernation or mating rituals. 

Or, maybe there’s something more to it than that . . .

In light of the fact that I am VERY COLD RIGHT NOW . . .  and, also in light of the fact, that there is currently TWO FEET OF SNOW outside my window, I thought it might be nice to write a post based on the “softer” (and sexier) side of wintery weather . . .

So, get into something “more comfortable” . . .

 . . . and grab those warm winter blankets . . .

Because we are about to get started . . .

Winter Helps us to Remember the Good Times . . .

For most of us, most of the year is a blur.  We rush around, day-in-and-day-out, maneuvering through work, or school, and our mundane daily tasks.  We rarely have the time to stop and take a breath, or think about the things and people that really matter to us. 

But around winter time, things slow down.  Suddenly, we have all this spare time to think about ourselves and others.  We have time to make major decisions about what we want out of life.  We have time to . . . FINALLY GET LAID!

In this first clip from Dawson’s Creek, it takes a wintery class ski trip and a conveniently “hidden” wallet condom, to help Joey realize that Pacey’s “TOTALLY-Puts-Every-Boy-On-The-Planet-To-Shame” Boyfriending Skills are MORE than worth the cost of her much-coveted V-card!

Winter Forces Us to Remember the Bad Times . . .

While for many, winter is time of comfort and joy, for others, it’s a time for sadness and severe depression.  Because all that time spent alone thinking, can be MIGHTY LONELY.  It can also dredge up some painful memories.  But just when you feel like all hope is lost, that’s when you come to realize that you aren’t so alone after all.  Because the thing you thought you were missing, might just have been by your side all along . . .

In this second clip, from Gossip Girl, Serena’s snowstorm car crash, dredges up some painful memories for Chuck Bass, regarding his father’s untimely death . . .

Winter Makes Things That Would Normally Be Really Annoying, Seem “Festive and Poignant”

You wouldn’t know it from this extremely sappy post, but I’m actually a rather jaded person, when it comes to love and romance.  Things that make most women go, “Awwwww” tend to make me roll my eyes, and throw up in my mouth a little bit.  And yet, this time of year that all changes. 

For a few months, I’m all about those cheesy ABC Family Christmas Specials, mistletoe, heart-shaped boxes, sappy love songs . . . and watching When Harry Met Sally when it airs on TBS for the 85,000th friggin time.

“I’ll have what she’s having.”

I suspect I am not alone in this. 

By way of example, I give you yet another clip from Gossip Girl — this one from a couple that usually makes me a little nauseous.  And yet, whenever I watch this winter-themed scene of them in action, I can’t help but soften toward the pair a bit, if only for a few moments.  Of course, I’m talking about Dan and Serena, and the latter’s “very special” Christmas gift to the former, during the holiday episode of the show’s first season.  (And no, I’m not talking about Serena’s body, as that is a gift that’s been given on the show MANY, MANY, MANY times over, to many people!)

Serena is kind of  like Santa.  She visits ALL THE LITTLE BOYS, during the holidays.  (And she’s very TIRED!)

Winter Gives You an Excuse to Make Out with People You’ve Secretly Always Wanted to Make Out With, But Haven’t Yet Had the Guts to Do So . . .

Blame it on the mistletoe!  Blame it on too much champagne!  Blame it on wanting to make that other guy (or girl) jealous!  Blame it on a joke . . . or dare!  Tell him (or her) it was just a “friendly holiday” kiss! 

The winter months are jam-packed with parties . . . and, perhaps more importantly, BOOZE.  This means they are also jam-packed with solid excuses to lay a wet one on the person you’ve been ogling in silence for all those months.  The good news, is that, for a limited time only, you can do so, without fear of suffering embarrassment or rejection.  And, hey, if the person you’re smooching doesn’t respond in kind, you can always tell him that Santa made you do it!  Because NO ONE messes with SANTA on Christmas!

In this next clip from Bones, Temperance Brennan uses the OLDEST holiday trick in the book — strategically-placed mistletoe — to engage in a rousing round of tonsil hockey, with her sexy as hell co-worker, Seeley Booth.  You GO GIRL!

Winter is a Time for Bold Romantic Gestures . . .

Helpful tools like mistletoe, a bottle of champagne, or a “spin the bottle,” are fine for those simple sneak-attack kisses.  But when you REALLY want to start something special with the object of your desires, it’s best to go au natural.  Now, is not the time to be tentative. 

Be BOLD!  Be ROMANTIC!  After all, you’ve got the cold winter weather, and the holidays on your side.  And there’s no better aphrodisiac on the planet than those two things, as far as I’m concerned . . .

In this Season 1 clip from Grey’s Anatomy, Alex lays a most awesome Ambush Kiss on Izzie, just when she has completely written him off as a romantic partner, following a VERY LOUSY first date the two recently shared.

Winter is The Time to Tell that Special Someone How You Feel About Them

This one is kind of self-explanatory.  And if I give you any more intel, I’ll likely ruin the impact of the next clip, if I haven’t done so already.  Suffice it to say, this one features Rory and Jess from The Gilmore Girls . . .

But When You Think About It, Winter is Really Just a State of Mind . . .

Now, where I come from, I get more winter cold than I could POSSIBLY EVER WANT!  But that might not be the case for you.  Perhaps, you live in a tropical climate, where it’s NEVER cold, and NEVER snows.  (Just so you know, I HATE YOU . . . Just kidding 🙂 . . . But not really.) 

Well, just because you don’t have excuse to wear big puffy jackets, or drink hot cocoa by the gallon, or cuddle up under down comforters, doesn’t mean you can’t make the romantic spirit of winter work for YOU too!  With just a little improvisation on your part, you can be feeling the Sexy Winter Fever, in no time! 

Just ask Seth Cohen from The O.C.  He lives in Orange County, California. where it NEVER SNOWS!  And yet, season after season, Seth made the winter months special with his trademark Christmukkah cheer, and a seemingly endless supply of ugly Christmas Sweaters (most of which, he probably sweat through, within minutes of putting them on.  Because, let’s face it, it gets pretty friggin hot on the West Coast!) . . .

In this clip, Seth and his perky girlfriend Summer embody the Romantic Spirit of Winter, by simply putting on those hideous brown caps my mother lovingly refers to as “Schmucks with Earflaps.”

So, there you have it.  Seven doses of wintery TV romance from one Freezing Blogger.  Now it’s your turn.  What’s YOUR favorite Hot Winter TV Moment? 

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Television Super Couples, Winter TV Moments

The post where I pretend to have a Twitter Account, and help Jimmy Fallon host the Emmys

 

As you probably already know, the 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards will be airing live this Sunday night (August 29th), at 8 p.m on N.B.C., with Jimmy Fallon acting as host.  What you may NOT know, is that YOU have the opportunity to write some of his jokes!  And who do we have to thank for this groundbreaking opportunity?  Why, Twitter, of course!

You see, unlike during other Emmy specials — where you spend half the time cringing at the lame one-liners the hosts come up with to introduce the show’s various celebrity award presenters — this year, you get to write them, YOURSELF!

Here’s how it works.  When you click on this website, you will be directed to a list of all of the presenters for this year’s Emmy awards.  Do you have something funny, amusing or poignant to say about a particular celebrity?  Do you have an existing Twitter account?  If you have answered “Yes” to both questions, simply click on your favorite actor or actress’s name, and you will be directed to a place where you can tweet about them to Jimmy Fallon and his writing staff. 

If Jimmy and his staff like what you wrote, there’s a chance Mr. Fallon will read it LIVE ON TV (giving full credit to YOU and your creative Twitter handle, of course)!  You can tweet to Jimmy throughout the Emmy Broadcast (or, at least until your choice presenter has presented).  Pretty cool right?

Well . . . here’s the problem.  I don’t have a Twitter account . . .

 . . . and I don’t plan on opening one just for this contest, cool as it may be.  So, here’s what I decided to do.  I’ve written a Twitter-sized Emmy intro for EACH of the presenters.  You can read them.  If any of them don’t make you groan or roll your eyes, feel free to tweet them to Jimmy Fallon.  If you do that, and throw at least partial credit to “KJewls” or “TV Recappers Anonymous,” I will be your best friend for life! 

If not . . . well, at least I tried. 

So, without further adieu, my Emmy presenter introductions:

1) Ann Margret

You might remember her from classic films like Bye, Bye Birdie, The Cincinatti Kid, and Viva Las Vegas.  But what really stands out in my mind is her brilliant performance in The Santa Clause 3.  It’s Ann Margret!

2) Anna Paquin

On HBO’s True Blood, she plays the coolest fairy to ever date a boy that doesn’t age, since Tinkerbell.  It’s Anna Paquin!

3) Alexander Skarsgard

Bite into America’s favorite Swedish meatball  . . . It’s Alexander Skarsgard!

4) Betty White

Before Twilight, or True Blood, or The Vampire Diaries, before the wheel was invented, America’s first true vampire was a Golden Girl.  Please welcome the immortal, Betty White.

5) Blair Underwood

Barak Obama was busy tonight, so we got the next best thing.  Set to play the President of the United States, in the upcoming NBC Drama Series, The Event , it’s Blair Underwood!

6) Boris Kodjoe

He’s sexy.  He’s bald.  He’s black.  He’s beautiful.  I’d do him.  Everybody welcome, Boris Kodjoe!

7) Christopher Meloni

Question:  If Detective Elliot Stabler from Law and Order SVU fought convicted murderer, Chris Keller, from Oz, who do you think would win?  Only this guy knows . . . It’s Christopher Meloni.

8 ) Claire Danes

When Jordan Catalano broke up with Angela Chase, I cried.  When Beth died in the Little Women movie, I cried.  When Juliet died in the Romeo and Juliet movie, I cried.  Stop making me blubber like a baby, Claire Danes!

9) Edie Falco

Last night I had this dream that Carmela Soprano was getting high in the on-call room with Nurse Jackie.  Thanks for the memories, Edie Falco!

10) Emily Deschanel

If this lovely lady is leaning over you and stroking your face, it probably means you’re dead!  She plays Temperance Brennan on Bones.  It’s Emily Deschanel!

11) Eva Longoria Parker

Though perhaps best known  for playing the delectable Gabrielle Solis on Desperate Housewives, our next guest REALLY won my heart as Flight Attendant 3 on Beverly Hill, 90210.  It’s Eva Longoria Parker!

12) Gugu Mbatha Raw

She bears the distinction of having the hardest name to pronounce in Emmy history.  Dr. Who is she?  It’s Gugu Mbatha Raw!

13) January Jones

We can’t really blame Betty for dumping Don Draper on Mad Men.  Her people are Nordic.  It’s January Jones!

14) Jeff Probst

He’s been on Survivor for TEN YEARS, and NEVER once been voted off the island.  Everybody welcome, Jeff Probst!

15) Jim Parsons

In order to invite Dr. Sheldon Cooper to present this award, we had to disinvite Leonard Nimoy and Stan Lee.  They both have restraining orders against him.  Sorry guys!  It’s Jim Parsons!

16) Joel McHale

Joel McHale is the nicest, smartest, hottest, and most wonderful man on the planet.  Shh, I’m only saying this, because I don’t want him to make fun of me on The Soup.  It’s Joel McHale.

17) John Krasinski

For our next presenter, we wanted to get the hottest paper salesman at Dunder Mifflin.  But Dwight Schrute was unavailable, so we settled for Jim Halpert.  Everybody welcome, John Krasinski!

18 ) John Lithgow

What is this world coming to? The world is at war, the economy is a mess, and the dad from Harry and the Hendersons is a serial killer!  Say hello the Evil John Lithgow!

19) Jon Hamm

The Dapper Don Draper is here.  An attendant will be stopping by to retrieve all the panties that just dropped on the floor.  Everybody welcome, Jon Hamm!

20) Julianna Margulies

Women scorned by slutty manwhore hubbies the world over, can take a page out of this lady’s book.  She plays Alicia Florick on The Good Wife.  It’s Julianna Margulies.

21) Keri Russell

Please give a big round of applause for the gal who played Felicity Porter . . . or she might cut her hair again.  Ladies and gentleman, Keri Russell!

22) Lauren Graham

She went from playing the fast talking, coffee swigging Lorelai Gilmore, to the bartending, teacher smooching, Sarah Braverman.  It’s everybody’s favorite MILF, Lauren Graham!

23) Laurence Fishburne

Our next presenter is the only guy who could possibly explain The Matrix movies to me.  It’s Laurence Fishburne!

24) L.L. Cool J.

Someone tweeted me this really funny L.L. Cool J. joke.  But when I told him about it, his mama said knock me out.  Please don’t hurt me, L.L. Cool J!

25) Mariska Hargitay

This next presenter could totally kick my ass.  She plays Dr. Olivia Benson on Law and Order:  SVU.  It’s Mariska Hargitay!

26) Matthew Morrison

On Glee, he plays Will Schuester, a teacher who can Bust a Move, Alone, Like a  Gold Digger, Somewhere Over the Rainbow.  He also looks great in a thong.  It’s Matthew Morrison!

27) Matthew Perry

He’s the Friend who got it on with Courtney Cox BEFORE David Arquette.  Could he BE any luckier?  It’s Matthew Perry!

28) Maura Tierney

Nurse Jackie learned everything she knows about addiction from this next presenter.  She played Dr. Abby Lockhart on ER.  It’s Maura Tierney!

29) Nathan Fillion

I had this great idea for a mystery novel.  So, I tweeted it to Rick Castle.  Then I realized he’s not a real person.  Thanks a lot, Nathan Fillion!

30) Neil Patrick Harris

If Barney Stinson gave relationship advice to Doogie Howser, M.D.  and Dr. Horrible, they’d all look a bit like this guy.  Please don’t steal my job, Neil Patrick Harris!

31) Ricky Gervais

When I made that comment about Dwight Schrute being the hottest paper salesman at Dunder Mifflin, I really offended this guy.  Everybody welcome, Ricky Gervais!

32) Sofia Vergara

I’ll admit, I don’t always understand what she’s saying on Modern Family.  But it always sounds beautiful.  It’s Sofia Vergara!

33) Stephen Colbert

I’m proud to present the next President of the United States, Stephen Colbert!

34) Stephen Moyer

He’s the only person in the world who can make the name “Sookie” sound like a sex act. It’s Stephen Moyer!

35) Ted Danson

This man needs no introduction, because he only goes where “everybody knows his name.”  It’s . . . shoot  .  . . what’s that guy’s name again?  Oh yeah!  Ted Danson!

36) Tina Fey

She’s a writer, producer, actress, and an Emmy and Golden Globe winner.  Thanks for making us all look stupid and lazy, Tina Fey!

37) Tom Selleck

I’m so excited about this next guest.  He’s been such a role model for me throughout his distinguished career.  Everybody, put your hands together for Tom Selleck’s MUSTACHE  . . . oh, and Tom Selleck too, I guess.

38) Will Arnett

Our next presenter is perhaps best known for his role as magician GOB Bluth on Arrested Development.  Well, if you’re such a great magician GOB, why don’t you make your show reappear!  It’s Will Arnett!

There you have it, 38 celebrity Emmy presenters, and 38 introductions for Jimmy Fallon.  I sure hope he appreciates it!  See you at the Emmys!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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So, Who’s on YOUR Celebrity Freebie List?

Last night, on HBO’s new critically acclaimed series, Treme . . .

 . . . two characters, currently in a romantic relationship with one another, were discussing the concept of “Monogamy with Exceptions.”

NO!  Not YOUR type of “exceptions!”  Nice try, Tiger!

The “exceptions” to which this couple was referring were “celebrity exceptions.”  Namely, the couple agreed that each of them could choose three famous individuals that, if given the opportunity, they could proposition for sex, without being considered to have “cheated” by the other person.  Their discussion was highly intriguing (for me, anyway).  And, while watching it, I couldn’t help but be reminded of ANOTHER show, where a television couple entered into a similar sort of “agreement.”

(Click the internal link to view this fun clip from the Friends episode entitled “The One with Frank Jr.”)

So, obviously, this got me thinking about which five celebrities I would include on my “Freebie list.” (I decided on FIVE celebrities, like in the Friends version, as opposed to THREE, like in the Treme version, because . . . well . . . because I’m greedy, that’s why!)  Now, fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on whether you are a glass half-full or half-empty type person), I am currently single.  Thus, the creation of such a list for me is really a moot point.  After all, without a boyfriend to prevent me from doing so, I can sleep with ANY CELEBRITY I WANT!

Assuming they’d be willing to sleep with me . . .

Darn  . . . I forgot about that part . . .

However, I recognize that there may come a time, in the future, when I do have a significant other.  And said significant other may not, in fact, be willing to permit me to sleep with “any celebrity I want.” (MEANIE!)  Therefore, I realize that it might be wise for me to have my “freebie list” pre-prepared, and ready to be “whipped out,” at a moment’s notice.  And, I have to say, when it came down to creating my list, I had a lot more in common with Ross from Friends, than the characters from Treme.

Yeah, YOU!  Don’t look so excited . . .

Specifically, I had A LOT of trouble narrowing down my list to ONLY FIVE celebrities.  If you’ve visited this blog before, you know that (1) it is FILLED with pictures of shirtless celebrities; and, (2) I want to SLEEP WITH ALL OF THEM!

I decided I needed to have some guiding principle by which to narrow down my choices.  So, I excluded from my list any celebrity that was married, engaged, or in a serious long-standing relationship.  My rationale for doing this should be fairly obvious.  Basically, if I’m going to be limited to only FIVE “Get Out of Adultery Free” Cards, I’d really like to make them count.  And “making them count” requires that there be at least a small chance (no matter how infintesimal) that, were I actually to proposition my celebrities of choice, they would ACTUALLY SAY YES! 

 Granted, in this day in age, “marriage” and “monogamy,” in celebrity world, are not necessarily synonyous with one another.

 

And yet, those two terms are still synonyous in MY WORLD, even in the hypothetical context of this “list.”  Therefore, the following celebrities, each of whom would have LIKELY made this list, were excluded, do to their respective current relationship statuses:

Joshua Jackson

(Currently in a long-standing relationship with Diane Kruger)

John Krasinski

(Currently engaged to Emily Blunt)

Thanks to Best Week Ever for the above pic.  I am neither clever enough, nor sufficiently adept at Photoshop, to come up with something like this .  . .

Josh Holloway

(Currently married to Yessica Kumala)

And Matt Damon

(Currently married to Luciana Bozan Borroso)

I am happy to report that I have sufficiently narrowed down my choices, using the above-referenced principle.  Below are (in no particular order), the five male celebrities that comprise my Freebie List:

1) George Clooney

As far as I am concerned, any female who doesn’t put Clooney on their Freebie List is missing out on an EXCELLENT opportunity.  After all, I’m pretty sure this guy isn’t settling down any time soon.  (Would YOU?  If you were HIM?) Seriously, he is gorgeous, cut, majorly sexy, smart, and funny.  Plus, Mr. Clooney has been known to have a thing for younger ladies of the non-celebrity persuasion, JUST LIKE ME!  (OK . . . perhaps, a little bit hotter than me . . . but still . . .). 

2) Ian Somerhalder

Why Ian, you ask?  Just watch ONE episode of The Vampire Diaries, and you will know why this guy HAS to be on my list!  Better yet, check this out!

3) Ryan Kwanten

Why Ryan?  Did you LOOK at the above-picture?  If that hasn’t sold you, this fan-made video should do the trick (assuming you are a heterosexual female . . . and you have a pulse).

4) Bryan Greenberg

I don’t know what it is about this guy, but I REALLY LIKE HIM.  There’s just something very relatable about him.  Maybe it’s his self-depracating charm, or the fact that he can SING, as well as act.  Or, perhaps, it’s the fact that, even though he is “all famous and stuff” now, he’s still not above posting quirky, refreshingly awkward, videos of himself on YouTube.

(I seriously want to reach through the screen and pinch those cheeks!)

5) Vincent Kartheiser

You’re all going to think I am REALLY bizarre for this.  But I have a thing for Pete Campbell on Mad Men!   A BIG ONE!  Yes, I know!  He’s smarmy, and self-centered, weasely, and a wee-bit square.  But . . . he’s just so . . . PETE!  I don’t know.  Maybe I just have a weakness for the bad boys.  But Pete showed some real vulnerability in Season 3 of Mad Men!  Plus, he has a real soft spot for Peggy.  Check out this video if you don’t believe me . . .

So . . . there you have it:  My Freebie List.  Who’s on YOURS?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Whatever Happened to TV Theme Songs?

Remember back in the olden days, when television shows had catchy theme songs, and opening sequences, typically featuring pictures of cast members and scenes from the show?  Whatever happened to those?   When was it exactly that television programmers decided that theme songs were “dorky” — that cast pictures and opening credits were just plain unnecessary?  Perhaps, it happened around the same time that producers made this  . . .

Call me out of touch, but I, for one, miss my TV Theme Songs.  After all,  “jingles” were the soundtrack to my childhood and adolescence.  The opening sequences that accompanied them allowed me the few precious moments I needed to get revved up for my favorite shows.  (Not to mention, they allowed me to drool over adorable close-ups of whatever actor I happened to be crushing on at the time.) 

This is why today, I would like to pay homage to the theme songs and opening sequences that made me the TV Recapper I am today.  These opening sequences that I am about to show you will probably be as close as I will ever come to writing an autobiography.  My list begins with the first two television programs that I recall watching, back when I was still in diapers, and runs all the way through to present day.  (Don’t worry, I only chose ten shows . . .)

So, without further adieu:  My Life as a Series of Television Theme Songs . . .

Sesame Street

For most of us, this was probably the first television show (and theme song) to which we were exposed.  I’m pretty sure my mom was already making me watch Sesame Street, when I was still in her womb.  And even though I haven’t watched the show in . . . well  . . . a LONG time, its theme song still gets my toes tapping, and its colorful opening sequence still brings a smile to my face.

(Unfortunately, I couldn’t find an opening sequence on YouTube that corresponded to a time when I was actually watching this show.  All the available examples either aired too early, or too late for Baby Me.   Plus, apparently, Sesame Street changes their opener ALL THE TIME!  Fortunately, the song always stays pretty much the same.  And the  above opener came closest to how I remembered the sequence, i.e. MORE pictures of puppets and LESS of random kids that I don’t know, or care, about . . . So you can get the basic idea.)

Fraggle Rock

I have very vivid memories of this HBO show. (Can you believe HBO used to air children’s programming at night?  Things SURE have changed . . . )  The extent to which I remember this show is strange considering that, based on the time frame during which it aired, I had to have been more or less a toddler when I was watching it.  I distinctly remember, however, that its characters were awesome!  Let’s see . . . there was Red, the sporty tomboy Fraggle,

Mokey, the artsy-fartsy, hippie-dippy Fraggle,

oh . . . and that other Fraggle that talked, acted, and sort of looked like Woody Allen.

Then there were the DOOZERS, blue collar workaholics that were ACTUALLY BLUE!

And, let’s not forget Fraggle Rock had one of the most kickass opening sequences of ALL TIME!

Full House

This is one of those shows that, back when I was a kid, I thought was AWESOME.  However, now, sometimes, I watch it in reruns, and wonder what I was smoking back then  . . .  Yet, back in the day, Full House was part of TGIF, ABC’s kid-friendly Friday night lineup.  And everyone who was anyone (and who didn’t have a sleepover party to attend that weekend) was watching. 

D.J. Tanner was the big sister I never had, but wish I did.  Little Me wanted to be just like her when I grew up, (or, rather, merely aged a few years).  I even had my room decorated the way her character did on the show (same bed sheets)!  Apparently, I would have been one stalkerish little sister . . .  It’s probably a good thing that I was an only child.   

Home Improvement

Honestly, I shouldn’t even be including this one, because the theme song had NO WORDS, and, actually, was kind of lame.  However, Home Improvement was a very important show for me, because it marked my ascent into womanhood.  After all, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, the middle child on the show, was my FIRST EVER television crush!

In fact, this very picture, which was probably cut out of some Teen Bop magazine from the early 90s, hung on my childhood bedroom closet door for an embarrassingly long time.  Just in case, you were curious, my first movie crush was Macauley Culkin from Home Alone.

It seems kind of creepy for me to be saying these things now.  But, rest assured, these were both age appropriate crushes for me at the time . . .

Fresh Prince of Bel Air

A rapping, super cheesily dressed, teenage Will Smith?  How could I NOT include this opening sequence in my list?

Friends

After listening to this theme song EVERY Thursday night for TEN YEARS, I can’t even hear the first few bars of “I’ll Be There for You” anymore, without wanting to slit my wrists.  But there was a time, not too long ago, when I LOVED the song, and LOVED the show!  Honestly, who DIDN’T want to be one of the Friends?  They were all just SO COOL!  (Well . . . except for, maybe, Ross.)

Dawson’s Creek

Ahhhh . . . Dawson’s Creek.  My lifelong obsession with Pacey Witter and his gal pal, Joey Potter began with just a few simple words, belted out by Paula Cole, “I don’t wanna wait!”   (Sadly, I own, and still, on occasion, watch, the DVD’s for the ENTIRE series.)  Oh, and by the way, just a note for The Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity: here’s living proof that you DID NOT invent “shaky cam.”

The O.C.

The O.C. has been off the air for a few years now, but I am still going through a bit of withdrawal.  Benjamin McKenzie’s Ryan Atwood was the ULTIMATE brooding bad boy (and pretty easy on the eyes too, I might add).

Oh, and Seth and Summer? They gave hope to EVERY nerd out there who ever had dreams of dating the prom queen.

Plus, the show’s opening sequence, put a modern spin on a musical classic . . .  What could be better?

Veronica Mars

Adorably snarky teen super sleuth?  CHECK!  Twisty turny and surprisingly dark seasonal mysteries (and slightly less twisty and dark episodic mysteries)?  CHECK!  Super sexy, mildly mutually abusive, “LoVE” / Hate relationship between two hot twenty-somethings playing teens? CHECK!  Catchy, yet ultra hip, theme song and title sequence featuring The Dandy Warhols?  TRIPLE CHECK!

True Blood

Well, folks, we have traveled long and far (20 some odd years, to be exact), but we have finally made it back to present day.  And, like I said, for the most part, theme songs and opening sequences have, sadly, become a thing of the past.  But fear not, because all hope is not lost . . .

While it does not technically fit the opening sequence mold (no pictures of the cast are shown here), True Blood’s “Bad Things” title sequence is everything a slightly raunchy, often funny, and fangtastic show about vampires, and other assorted supernatural creatures from the South, should be . . .

So, there you have it — my life summed up in ten television theme songs . . . Something tells me the next generation won’t be able to write a blog entry like this one . . .

[P.S.  Did I forget to include YOUR favorite TV Theme Song in this list?  If so, maybe I caught it in the sequel to this post, which features 10 more awesome TV Theme Songs.  You can find that post here.]

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Happy-Get-Lucky: A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Perfect Little Accident”

Remember back when Grey’s Anatomy was a HAPPY show, one filled with hot cast members, snappy one-liners, and adorable on-call room hijinks?  A show that was light on the medical mysteries but SUPER HEAVY on the sex?  That was the Grey’s I loved . .  . the one that made me squeal with delight, as I settled in front of the television, every Thursday night, for my weekly dosage of McDreamy goodness. 

 As the seasons progressed, however, I started to see less and less of that Grey’s.  Eventually, I began to wonder whether I would ever see it again . . .

But just as I was about to write off the series as being past its prime, Grey’s goes and airs an episode like this one.  It was a feel-good episode, one where doctors joked with and smiled at one another, and the patients you cared about actually survived.  During “Perfect Little Accident,” our favorite Grey’s characters didn’t just get screwed, they got lucky.  Everybody came out a winner last night, the fans included.

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, just thinking about it . . .

So, without further adieu, let’s let the happy healing begin, shall we?

Happy Vah-jay-jay Day!

At least at Seattle Grace, yesterday was a great day NOT to have a weiner . . .

“Hey!  I resemble that remark!”

During “Perfect Little Accident,” it was the women who scored, both in the ER and in the bedroom.  Throughout the hour, the members of the fairer sex uttered the funniest lines, doled out the best advice, and had the most fun.  In short, “Perfect Little Accident” was just chock full of GIRL POWER!

Hey look!  It’s Victoria Beckham and . . . those other girls who’s names I can’t remember.

Even the typically mopey Meredith and dour-faced Christina appeared positively perky and well-adjusted last night.  Did I mention that the episode ended with a “Girls’ Night,” during which the entire female component of the cast bonded during a lighthearted game of softball?  It doesn’t get much more women’s lib-ey than that!

But if I absolutely had to pick a winner for the “luckiest” female character from last night’s episode, Lexie Grey would have taken the prize.  Ever since she ditched old fogey Sloan (we’ll get to him in a bit) and dyed her hair blond, Lexie has literally been getting lucky all over the place. 

In the episode’s opening moments, Lexie is nude in bed, trying to decide on a seductive pose with which to greet her latest sexcapade partner, Alex the Uber Slut.  This seems like a lot of wasted effort to me.  After all, a rotten banana could probably seduce Alex without trying that hard . . .

“You’re asking me what my ‘type’ is?  Do you have a pulse?  Then, we are good to go.  Wait . . . no pulse?  I’d be willing to negotiate . . .”

(By the way, don’t get me wrong.  I love Lexie’s glamorous new look.  But don’t you think the makeup department is overdoing it just a bit with her?  While the rest of the female doctors on the show sport natural, no-fuss, looks, that appear at home in an ER — lately, Sexy Lexie looks more like she’s ready to attend some snooty awards gala than change a colostomy bag . . .)

Back at the hospital, Meredith and Christina warn Lexie about getting too up-close and personal with Dr. McManWhore.  “Emotionally, Alex is like me three years ago,” explains Meredith.

When Lexie assures the girls that she does not have romantic feelings for Alex, neither of them buy it.  “Your heart lives in your vagina,” argues Christina (yes, they actually used the word VAGINA on ABC . . . like three times, actually – I was shocked!)

Unlike Nikki from HBO’s Big Love, Lexie has a Happy Vagina, and, likely, a Happy Uterus, as well . . .

Despite the girls’ taunts, Lexie proves herself true to her word.  When Alex accuses her of becoming overly emotional, and blabbing about their sex life to her ex —  Lexie really lets him have it.  “If you can’t handle being used for sex, then, please, just tell me, so I can find a guy who can,” demands Lexie.

Well, that’s all it took.  Alex was seduced . . . AGAIN.  The pair found an on-call room in which to screw eachother’s brains out, mere seconds later.

Dr. Feel Good

Lexie may have been having the BEST no-frills sex last night, but her ex, Mark Sloan a.k.a Dr. McSteamy, was having the MOST.  Within the episode’s hour, he was seen banging a pharmaceutical rep, a nurse, and the daughter of a patient who came in for leg surgery, but ended up getting her hearing fixed by the God of Plastic Surgery, himself (I’m still not quite sure how the latter medical miracle happened, but, as a plot device, I guess it worked). 

And yet, despite all the Luuuve, Sloan was the one person in this episode who wasn’t particularly happy.  If Lexie’s heart is in her vagina, Sloan’s brain is in his penis.  Despite the fact that McSteamy was “spreading his seed” all over the damn place, he still didn’t want his ex Lexie doing the same thing (well, not spreading her seed exactly, because she’s a girl, but . . . oh, never mind!).  So Sloan did what all “Real Men” do in situations like this, he whined like a bitch.

“Who you calling a bitch?”

When Sloan wasn’t getting it on with some floozy during this episode, he was callously and immaturely berating fellow male slut, Alex, kicking him out of surgeries, and generally peeing all over him.  At the end of the episode, Sloan confronted Alex and sort of apologized for his misbehavior.  And, yet, doing so didn’t make him look like any less of a WEINERHEAD.

“OK.  Now you’re just making me mad!”

Three’s a Crowd .  . . Pleaser

“So, this is what smiling feels like?  I like it . . .”

You know who wasn’t a weinerhead at all during this episode?  Christina Yang!  My girl, Christina, was just filled with mature and well-adjusted awesomeness last night.  It all started when she encouraged her boyfriend, Owen, to become friends with Dr. Teddy, even though the latter is obviously still in love with the former.  Owen, clearly tired of the awkwardness between him and his former best friend, gratefully complied with Christina’s request, by inviting Teddy over for dinner with Christina and him. 

It would appear that the threesome is heading down the road to a healthy and happy friendship, except for the fact that Christina appears to be a bit enamored with Teddy, as well.  “I’m in love with Teddy,” Christina admitted to Meredith, in what was an unusually candid moment between the pair.  “I can’t help it, my heart is in my scalpel.”

Christina’s realization came after her and Teddy saved the life of a young lung cancer patient, who was seemingly a lost cause, by performing a highly experimental ex vivo lung transplant on him.  The process involved taking the damaged lungs of a recently deceased patient and repairing those lungs during the bypass surgery.  When it comes to Christina Yang, nothing is more seductive than a complex and high profile surgery.  The thrill she experienced as a result of her victory more than made up for the faux pas she committed when misdiagnosing medical legend, Dr. Harper Avery . . .

We Don’t Know Jackie . . .

 

  . . . but we wish we did!

 . . . and we fear we may never get the chance!

 Christina wasn’t the only doctor who got a bit tongue-tied when Dr. Avery, a surgeon so famous they named an award after him, arrived at the hospital, as a patient.  Most of the staff at Seattle Grace appeared to be just a bit starstruck by this brilliant, if slightly pompous and ornery, man.  (The role was handled with aplomb by the inimitable Chelcie Ross, who you may remember as the successful, but slightly pompous and ornery, Conrad Hilton on Mad Men). 

“I thought your grandchild’s name was Paris?”

Unlike the rest of the staff, Jackson Avery (a.k.a Pretty Boy, a.k.a. the Hotness Monster, a.k.a the only Mercy Wester I can actually stomach) was far from starstruck by the legend’s arrival. Instead, he was annoyed and uncomfortable.  After all, Dr. Harper Avery is none other than Jackson’s grandfather.  And Jackson would like nothing more than to live outside of his Pop Pop’s admittedly large shadow.  To further complicate matters, Dr. Avery (1) needed surgery; (2) wished for it to be performed on him while he was still awake; (3) and wanted the newly sober Dr. Webber to perform the procedure during his first non-Chief day back on the job.

Nu-Chief Shepherd was adamantly against the idea, but Webber seemed determined to go through with it.  Off they rushed to the Operating Room, with Jackson and Meredith Grey (herself no stranger to having to live up to the medical legacy of a famous, but obnoxious relative) both providing assistance.  Apparently, Avery is just as big of a pain in the ass on the operating table as off it.  The dude just WOULD NOT shut up! 

More like a sports caster than a patient, Avery felt the need to detail the play-by-play of his surgery to the doctors performing it.  Knowing that Meredith was Ellis Grey’s daughter, he interrogated her regarding whether she would accept a prestigious medical internship from her now-deceased mother, an option Jackson turned down, when it was offered to him by his grandfather.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, Dr. Avery went as far as to critique the type of tools Webber was using to perform the surgery.

Although the initial surgery appeared to go off without a hitch, Dr. Avery experienced some adverse reactions during recovery.  Webber, fearing that he had botched surgery on a legend, offered to step back from the case, before Avery went under the knife a second time.  However, Nu-Chief Shepherd wouldn’t have it.  Believing that regaining confidence in his surgical abilities would help ensure Webber’s continued sobriety, Shepherd urged Webber to get back on the proverbial horse, and complete the surgery himself. 

Ultimately, the doctors learned that Dr. Avery’s post-surgical complications were the result of his being allergic to the surgical tools that he, himself, had demanded that Dr. Webber use.  Thus, it was Dr. Avery who effectively botched his own surgery, not Webber.  Fortunately, the second surgery was a successful one.  After it, Meredith confrontedJackson, urging him to make peace with his grandfather, study with him, and learn from him, all things that Meredith never got the chance to do with her mother  . . .

NOOOOOO!  Don’t leave me Doctor Hotness!  Let Grandpa Avery take your annoying and sniveling Mercy West friends instead . . .

Here’s my issue with Meredith’s “sage advice.”  A couple of reliable entertainment sources have informed me that TWO former Mercy West doctors will be leaving the show ASAP.  Since Sarah Drew’s character, April, JUST returned a couple of weeks ago, the actress will likely stick around for at least  a little while longer.  That leaves three other possibilities for the imminent departures:

 . . . this girl . . .

 . . . this guy AND

Dr. Hotness.

Two will go, but only ONE will stay.  Who will it be?

It’s probably no secret, by now, which one I want to keep around.  And yet, Dr. Hotness can’t very well be hanging around Seattle Grace while “learning” and “training” under Grandpa Conrad Hilton Harper Avery, now can he?

Here’s hoping that this article is correct, which would mean that I am worrying myself over nothing.  Because, if things don’t go my way, I might just feel the need to send Shondra Rhimes the fashion accessory shown below:Any questions?

Well, that was our show!  What did you think?  Are you a fan of the Christina, Owen and Teddy threesome?  Do you like Lexie’s new super-coiffed Surgical Barbie look?  Are you as freaked out by the prospect of a Dr. Hotness departure as I am?

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