Oops, they did it again – A (Very Late) Mini-cap of Glee’s “Britney 2.0”

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Oh, my dear Gleeks . . . it’s that time again . . . you know . . . the time when McKinley High School makes its annual pilgrimage to Spearsylvania.

And why not?  Spearsylvania is a happy place . . . a place where every song is about That Boy You Boned, and popping your bubble gum, while thrusting your hip out suggestively, is the Language of Love.

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Except, this time around, it appears that something is VERY rotten in Spearsylvania . . .

OMG!  What’s a Gleek to do?

Can the Glee kids save their Happy Place from becoming a world filled with bald heads, bad relationships, and Cheetos binge sessions?  Tune in to this mini-cap to find out . . .

Tough Love is a B*TCH!

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Personally, I’ve never been a fan of the whole concept of “tough love,” or “brutal honesty.”  I’ve always kind of viewed it as an excuse for your friends and loved ones to say obnoxious and hurtful things to you, under the guise of “caring” and “concern.”

Call me crazy.  But when I’m feeling blue, I’d much prefer my friends to lie to me about how awesome I am, and how great everything is going to turn out, even if I know, deep down, that they are just blowing smoke up my ass.

Given my opinion on this subject, I found myself 100% relating to Rachel’s frustration with Finn’s idea of “giving her space” . . .

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. . . and her annoyance with Cassie July’s notion of “student motivation” . . .

I also wasn’t necessarily on board with Sue Sylvester’s “brilliant” idea to kick Brittany off the Cheerios squad for failing ONE test during her second senior year, considering that Girlfriend has most likely failed EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY TEST she has ever taken since kindergarten . . .

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You would think (given her own family history) that if anyone should understand that Brittany’s learning problems go way beyond laziness, and a much-too-tight high ponytail constricting blood flow to her brain, it would be Sue Sylvester.

But . . . as it turns out . . . not-so-much . . .

And yet, Brittany and Rachel aren’t the characters I’m most concerned about right now on Glee.  You know who’s worrying me most?  THIS GUY . . .

What’s going on with you, Lord Tubbington?  Suddenly, you’re self-medicating?

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(Somehow, I don’t think she’s talking about cigarettes . . .)

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And hanging out with a “bad crowd?”

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Now, you can’t tell me these aren’t loud meows for help!  In other tough love news . . .

They are sexy, and they know it!

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In true Glee fashion, Unique and Tina use a song to gently break the news to new girl, Marley, that new boy, Jake, is probably “just not that into her,” because he’s already been inside everyone else, if you catch my drift . . .

Musically, the number wasn’t one of my favorites.  However, I did enjoy the choreography, and the way Jake’s Army of Scorned Females grew throughout the song, until the triumphant finale, in which they filled an ENTIRE GYM!  Now, that’s impressive!  Be honest, Puck . . . you’re just a little bit proud of your baby bro for that one . . .

Speaking of Puck, guess who flew all the way in from LA, just to have a two-minute conversation with his baby long lost brother?  (Guess his Pool Cleaning Business has a Frequent Flyer Program?)  In what was probably the most random scene in the entire episode, the Sexy Mohawk-wearing Man convinced his Mini-Me to join Glee club, simply by revealing that he (Puck) had engaged in his first threesome at the ripe old age of seven . . . wait . . . WHAT?

Yeah, it didn’t make any sense at all, and . . . to be honest . . . was a bit disturbing.  But hey, the guy still looks gooood .  . .

You can clean MY pool anytime, Puckerman . . .

Speaking of things that don’t make any sense, how about a gay man singing this to a lesbian . . .

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I know . . . I know . . . Brittany is technically bisexual.  But still, it was a little weird.  And yet, not quite as weird as a SUPER religious Christian guy singing about “threesomes” and “living in sin,” without adding the words “will get you a first class ticket to HELL,” to the end of the song.

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That said, of all the Britney covers in this episode, “3” was probably my favorite.

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One of viewers’ main complaints about the first Britney tribute episode, was that each of the songs featured was little more than a color-by-numbers cover performance . . . the sound, the costumes, the dance moves . . . each performance came off like a less vibrant copy of the original Britney Spears music video on which it was based.  This time around, Glee seemed to take that criticism to heart, gamely reinterpreting Britney’s iconic (and some less-than-iconic) songs through mash-ups, different interpretations of the lyrics, and, in this case . . . actually going acoustic.

I don’t know about you guys, but I actually like this version of “3” better than the original . . .

Since we are on the subject of sex, it seems a certain dance teacher doesn’t think Rachel is sexy enough to dance the tango . . .

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NO ONE calls THE RACHEL BERRY un-sexy . . .especially not a has-been, whose Broadway career ended ten years ago, because she made an ass of herself on YouTube . . .

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So, Rachel does what any of us would do in this situation.  She hires her hot older friend . . .

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 . . .to perform a “dance number” with her, that basically involves her grabbing her crotch a lot, while said “hot older friend” repeatedly paws at her boobs and straddles her.

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Oh Rachel, you naughty minx!  No wonder you’ve got your dance teacher suddenly asking you to help her with her “stretching exercises” . . .

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 . . . and your “hot older friend,” giving you orchids and getting a massive boner thinking about kissing you, every time he sees you . . .

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Uh oh Finn!  It looks like someone might want to reconsider that whole “space” thing, if HE doesn’t want to end up being permanently replaced . . . both on that stupid painted-over apartment wall (Seriously?  Who does that?) and in Rachel’s heart . . .

Elsewhere in Love Triangle Land . . .

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They’ve only known one another for two episodes.  And yet, when it comes to Olympic Eye F*&king, Jake and Marley are already gold medalists . . .

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She looks great in his leather jacket!  And they make beautiful Britney Spears / Aerosmith mash-ups together!

It’s a match made in TV Shipper Heaven!  Except . . . welllll . . . there’s one teeny tiny problem.  Stop me if you’ve heard this one before . . .

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BAD KITTY!  You’ve gone and made this storyline even more of a cliche!  No toy mice for you!

Why don’t you go join Lord Tubbington’s gang, and leave Jarley alone?

But wait!  Isn’t this episode supposed to be about Brittany?

You’re right!  I almost forgot!  So many subplots, so little time . . .

Anywhoo . . . when we last left Brittany, she had just been kicked off the Cheerios, leaving her not only without a high ponytail, but also without any clothing.  (You know . . . since all cheerleaders have only one item of clothing their closet . . . their uniform . . . which they wear to school every day . . . and, sometimes, even on weekends.)

Fortunately for Brit-Brit, someone’s fat grandma likes to hang out at McKinley High, where she, occasionally performs strip teases for fun.  This stroke of luck allowed Brittany access to this super fashionable t-shirt, which she plucked out of the Lost and Found . . .

Also in the Lost and Found? A razor . . .

 . . . and a rather large green umbrella . . . perfect for beating the crap out of one Jacob Ben Israel in the hallway, and NOT getting suspended for it . . . you know . . . like Santana did, for lightly tapping Golden Boy Finn on the face for OUTING HER TO THE ENTIRE TOWN, last season

Deserves a hug . . .

Deserves EXPULSION!

Interestingly enough, none of these actions . . . not wearing Fat Grandma Clothes . . . nor carrying deadly weapons to school . . . nor brutally beating her classmates with rain gear . . . were considered loud enough cries of help from Brittany to get the attention she so direly deserved.

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No . . . for Brittany to earn the help of one William Schuester, she had to do something far worse.  She had to LIP SYNC!

OH THE HUMANITY!  Brittany has gone TOO FAR now!  SHE MUST BE STOPPED!  It’s time to take drastic measures.  It’s time to SEND IN  . . . THE OTHER BLONDE  . . .

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Don’t worry, Brit-Brit!  Sam understands your pain.  He doesn’t know how to spell either . . .

Together you two beautifully unintellectual people will stage a Britney Spears-inspired comeback like the world has never known . . . one President Mistaken for an Oscar-Award Winning Actress at a time . . .

Worry not, my fellow Gleeks!  Spearsylvania shall be SAVED!

And that’s what you missed on Glee!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

“A” is for Attention Whore (and A-hole) – A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “Can You Hear Me Now?”

Damn that “A”!  She’s like a pesky little toddler — you know, the one who is always standing on her head, doing cartwheels, and annoyingly tugging on your shirt, while continually screaming, “Look at ME!  Look at ME!”  . . . during a funeral service  . . . for her Grandma.  As the weeks progress, “A” just seems to get more  and more insistent on keeping the girls’ attention, with her mean-spirited messages and evil tricks. 

This week, the girls actually did what I thought they should have done in the first episode (well . . . after calling the cops, of course).  Namely, they made a concerted and unified effort to cut off all communication with the mysterious “A.”  Well, it turns out, when it comes to Stalker Teens, I’m not nearly the expert I thought I was.  Because this actually ended up being a HUGE MISTAKE!  

Let’s revisit, shall we?

Spencer Ruins Saves the Day!  (And the girls sexually harrass Mr. Fitz.)

The first moments of the episode, feature our favorite cyber-stalking victims, gathered on a park bench. (Well. . .  the first few moments, aside from Hanna’s SUPER lame, blink-and-you’ll miss it, run-in with the cops, which I refuse to recognize as an actual scene, due to its sheer pointless ridiculousness.  “So, you STOLE and totalled someone’s car, Hanna the Infamous Shoplifter?  No big deal!  At least you’re not fat anymore . . .),.

The purpose of this bonding session?  To create a memorial for Alison, the same “Dead” Chick who currently seems to be making all their lives a living hell.  And, based on the flashbacks shown, Alison more or less made their lives a living hell, while she was alive too.  

“Kiss my psycho stalking ASS, BITCHES!  If you don’t, I’ll never make you cheap ugly friendship bracelets AGAIN!”

(SERIOUSLY!  Even BEFORE she died, Alison seemed like a majorly annoying, judgmental b*tch!  Why did these girls bother hanging out with her, in the first place?  I can understand Emily, because she obviously had a BIG lesbian crush on the girl.  And Hanna needed Alison to make her popular, despite her weight.  But Aria and Spencer?  I just don’t get it . . .)

So, anyway, the girls fight a bit about which one of them should get stuck holding on to Dead Alison’s fug bracelet.  Fortunately, Spencer, who clearly enjoys stealing other people’s things (like, for example, their term papers and their boyfriends), gallantly offers to take the ugly piece of fabric back to her place for some “good loving.”

For SALE!  The one and only friendship bracelet that spent time in an ACTUAL coffin and LIVED TO TELL THE TALE!  If you sniff closely, you can even SMELL the rotted flesh!  It can be yours for the price of $29.99 (plus shipping, handling, and a small portion of the corpse’s estate tax.)

Then, Spencer, who apparently takes her laptop EVERYWHERE (including the bathroom), randomlywhips it out (no pun intended), and uses it to prevent herself from receiving texts, calls or e-mails from any and all unknown numbers.  (Who knew small town parks had such excellent WiFi?)  The other girls borrow the computer from Spencer and quickly follow suit.

While they are doing that, Mr. Fitz rides by on his bicycle.  Fitzy is looking Super Femme, with his ghostly pale stick legs and tight ass bicycle shorts.

“LIVE STRONG, underage minors that I will eventually screw!  LIVE STRONG!”

Although I was fairly unimpressed with the whole “Fitz and Bicycle” package, the girls apparently liked it just fine.  Spencer and Hanna, in particular, took joy in hooting and hollering at Fitzy, with all the class and tact of an overweight construction worker, or a middle-aged Wall Street type, trying desperately to “score some hos” at an overpriced, slightly seedy, Titty Bar.  Noticeably silent during this love fest, were Closet Lesbian, Emily, and Aria, who totally could have totally shouted out “I’ve tapped that” . . . but didn’t (unfortunately, because that would have been funny).

Just when the girls are beginning to celebrate their newfound freedom to sexually harrass their professors without killjoy “A” looking over their shoulders, an “Alison is Lost” flyer conveniently falls in their laps.  “Ding Dong the B*tch is Dead!” is scrawled across the front in marker.

My sentiments exactly . . .

Re-Learning To Kill a Mockingbird, as taught by a Very Pissy Professor

“That Scout character seemed kind of cute.  Think she would date me?”

At school, Aria once again visits Ezra Fitz in between classes, to tell him how much fun her friends had objectifying his man parts at the park the other day.  Fitzy’s eyes noticeably lightup, as he mulls over the possibility of a Pretty Little Fivesome, with himself as centerpiece.  But, for now, he will have to settle for being a One-Cradle kind of Robber.  He tells Aria that they need to “talk,” and invites her over to his studio apartment for some noodles and sex.  Aria, desperate to learn what’s underneath those bicycle shorts, promptly agrees.

Fitzy and Aria start talking about how Aria thinks her dad is probably boinking the teaching assistant again.  When Fitzy gently suggests that she let her parents work out their problems in their own way, Aria gets WAY TOO UPSET!  Suddenly, she’s going at Fitzy like a pit bull in heat, only not in a hot way.  In fact, Aria actually kind of reminded me of Joe Pesci in that famous scene from Goodfellas.  Except, instead of repeatedly asking Fitzy whether he thought she was efffing “funny,” she continually demanded to know whether he thought she was effing “immature.”

“So what?  You think I’m a BABY!  A f*&king BABY?  Like I’m immature?  Do I look like a wear a f*&king poopy diaper to YOU?”

Aria then storms out of the house, leaving Fitzy to clean up the trail of poopy and spitup his baby left behind . . .

The next day in Mr. Fitz’s class, the group get into a discussion about Harper Lee’s classic novel, To Kill a Mockingbird.

And the whole scene made me feel as old as dirt.  I read the novel my freshman year of high school (which wasn’t THAT long ago, mind you).  However, upon viewing this scene, I quickly realized that, while I recalled a few general things about the characters in the story, I remembered next to nothing about its plot.  It truly shames me to say that, before I wrote this recap, I headed off to Wikipedia, and read the To Kill a Mockingbird entry, in hopes of truly understanding what went down here. 

First off, you just knew Fitzy was in a BAD MOOD, when he started calling Atticus Finch a hypocrite.  Now, like I said, I don’t remember that much about the book, but I KNOW that NOBODY messes with ATTICUS!  That’s like the literary equivalent of kicking the Pope in the nuts.

“You are going DOWN, Fitzy, you muthaf*&ka!”

Fitzy’s point, I think, was that, while Atticus looked down his nose at his hometown, for its failure to provide justice for Tom Robinson, he was more than willing to help Boo Radley escape the arm of justice, after the latter had killed Bob Ewell.  Aria then makes some lame argument about there being an equal “exchange,” and Atticus’s son Jem having been “raised right.” 

Fitzy interrogates Aria, like a scorned lover, in front of the ENTIRE class.  Then, when another student tries to offer his opinion, Fitzy jumps down his throat for no reason whatsoever.  Later that night, Aria, scolds Fitzy for his bad behavior.  They kiss and make up . . .

 The Femme Ranger rides AGAIN!

But then, Aria comes home to find that “A” has spilled the beans to her mom about her father’s affair through a letter.   The letter seems to suggest that Aria knew about the affair all along (which she did).  Aria’s mom looks PISSED!

Creepy Toby strikes again!

“Emily, after Chem Lab, I would very much like to eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.  Sound good?”

Like I said, I don’t remember much about To Kill A Mockingbird.  But I DO remember the characters.  Particularly, I remember reading about Boo Radley.  I  remember how,  for most of the book, I was absolutely certain the dude was a child molester.  And then, at the end of the novel, Boo ended up being kind of a nice guy. . . just misunderstood (Sorry for spoiling it for you, if you haven’t read it yet.)  It’s highly possible that the writers wanted us to feel that way about Toby Cavanaugh by the end of this episode — namely, that he is a nice guy who is simply misunderstood. 

That might end up being true.   But you know what?   He still creeps the crap out of me!  I wouldn’t be at all surprised if, next week, we learn that Toby chopped off the heads of the kids who put shaving cream in his locker this week, and used their teeth to make a neckace . . .

 At the beginning of the episode, Emily is flirting with her almost-girlfriend, Maya, when the latter gives the former a bright red leash scarf.

Emily seems flattered by Maya’s gift.  However, she is so embarrassed by the prospect of people knowing the two of them are “an item,” that she takes it off, anytime anyone seems to be watching her.  So, of course, Emily’s new lab partner, Creepy Toby, has to make some awkward comment about how “nice” it looks on her, even though he only actually saw her wearing it for a split second.  Emily freaks out a bit when she opens her chemistry book, and finds in it those missing pictures from last week of Emily and Maya making out in the photobooth.

When Emily confronts Maya about this, she denies having anything to do with putting the photos in Emily’s book.  However, she doesn’t appear to be particularly concerned about their being made public.  Later in the episode, Emily more or less “dumps” Maya, claiming she needs “her space.”

Toward the end of the episode, Emily confronts Toby about the photos, when she finds him lurking around late at night near her garbage can. (Oh, I’m serious!)  Toby also claims not to have put the photos in her chemistry book, and basically denies ever having even seen them.  He then makes this long drawn out speech about “being yourself” and “not caring what others think of you,” that, again, was supposed to be nice, and, again, I found INSANELY creepy . . .  Hide your pet bunnies, Emily!

Open Wide, Hanna  . . .

Be careful, Hanna!  I read that excessive tears can cause weight gain!

So after enduring that pesky little grand theft auto issue (notice how it took WEEKS of Hanna’s mom screwing Deputy Douchey to expunge Hanna’s record of her minor shoplifting offense, but the car theft is just a blip on the radar), Hanna needs some time to unwind.  She is excited to receive a call from her long absent pompous ass of a father.  Convinced that her dad wants her back in her life, Hanna practically sprints to her father’s car.  However, she becomes suspicious when her father makes some snide remark about her “poor driving skills.”  (Haha, this guy’s a LAUGH riot!  He should really get his own comedy show . . . Yeah, I’m being sarcastic.  Papa Marin sucks!) 

“Did you come here because of the car?”  Hanna inquires, eyes blinking back tears.

“No, that would require me to actually give two sh*ts about you, which I don’t.”   Hanna’s father doesn’t admit or deny her daughter’s accusation.  Instead, he takes her to dinner in order to reveal to her the real reason for his visit.

Apparently, while Hanna was busy stealing clothing, crashing cars, making out with her possibly gay boyfriend, and dieting, Papa Marin was getting his screw on with his Stepford Wife-esque new fiance, and fathering her instantly unlikeable daughter, Kate.  Understandably, Hanna doesn’t take the news too well.  She copes with the situation by more or less threatening to murder Kate at sea, while the latter theoretically teacher her how to sail. 

 (Honestly, can you blame her?  Just looking at this self-righteous chick makes me want to revise my current views on gun control!)

When called out for her mean spiritedness, Hanna replies by passive aggressively saying, “What?  It’s a joke.  And this is a fork!”  (Apparently, Hanna hopes to one day add “homicide” to her growing list of criminal offenses.)  When Hanna’s father informs her that she will be paying off the cost of Sean’s car repairs by working at his father’s dentist office, she takes the opportunity to make another jibe at Kate and her rather large, fake teeth . . .

And yet, by the end of the night, it’s “A,” who gets the last laugh.  While Hanna is driving home from dinner (Wait!  They are still letting her DRIVE?), she learns that someone has made a dedication to her on the radio!

But it’s from A . . .

The song is called “I Don’t Need You Anymore,” and it more or less adequately describes the way Hanna’s father is treating her.  Ouch A!  Under the circumstances, threatening to kill Hanna at sea, or making fun of her horse teeth would have been WAY more humane!

And the Reward for Most Adorable Drunk Ever Goes To . . .

So, depending on how you look at it, Spencer is either having the best or the worst day ever.  On one hand, Spencer has been nominated for the prestigious Golden Orchid writing award.

. . . but it’s for a paper she STOLE from her sister.

She’s home alone, because the rest of her family went away to Europe and left her there to rot.

And SOMEONE BREAKS INTO HER HOUSE!

But it ends up just being Drunk Wren who LUUUUUUUUVES her and wants to hug, kiss, and squeeze her, forever and ever.

Except that while Spencer and Wren are getting their flirt on, some creepo is videotaping them from outside Spencer’s house!  Oh, and did I mention Wren dropped a  FLOWER POT on Spencer’s floor?

When Spencer leaves Drunk Wren off at the hotel, the two of them make out with one another hardcore!

And when she comes back, someone has cleaned up her flower pot mess for her . . .

But the flower pedals are arranged in the shape of the letter “A,” and a video camera is inside.  SOMEONE is (or was) in the house!

And then SOMEONE wrote “It won’t be that easy, b&tches,” on Spencer’s mirror, in the color of lipstick that Alison always wore!

And that’s all I’ve got folks.  What did you think of this week’s installment of Pretty Little Liars?  Think you are any closer to learning “A'”s identity, or that of Alison’s killer?  Were you as turned on by Drunk Wren as I was?  Are you a fan of Fitzy’s legs?  All important questions . . .

Separating the Men (and the Women) from the Babies – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Hook Line and Sinner”

This week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy was all about making choices.  The episode also featured a lot of “baby talk” . . .

  . . . and not nearly enough shirtlessness and/or sex for my taste . . .

A Shirtless Justin Chambers is a TERRIBLE thing to waste!

As is a Shirtless Jesse Williams, for that matter!

What choices did our characters make this week?  Let’s analyze, shall we?

To Grandpa, or Not to Grandpa . . .

In the past, Mark Sloan has been known throughout Seattle Grace as the Resident Man Child, a walking Mid-Life Crisis in Scrubs, if you will.  The moments he wasn’t in the operating room (and, let’s face it, we almost NEVER see this guy operate), Mark could typically be found trolling for women . . . .

 . . . making sexually suggestive (and slightly creepy) comments to anyone who would listen,

“Hey baby, did I ever tell you about the big yacht I own?  It’s IN MY PANTS!”

 . . . and starring in sex tapes with actresses and call girls . . .

(Oh, wait . . . that last one only happened in REAL life)

However, lately, viewers have begun to notice a “softer side” of Mark Sloan.  During the last few episodes, Mark has been toying with the idea of settling  into a serious relationship, and starting a family.  This idea was first brought to the forefront a few episodes back, when Mark’s long lost 18-year old daughter, who he heretofore never knew existed, arrived on the scene and announced she was pregnant.

Mark and his daughter (Little Sloan) had previously discussed Mark raising his grandchild on his daughter’s behalf.  However, Little Sloan got cold feet, and decided to put the baby up for adoption.  In the opening scenes of this episode, Little Sloan arrives on Mark’s doorstep about to give birth.   Fortunately for Little Sloan, Mark lives in Doctor Central.   So, she didn’t even need to go to the hospital to deliver her baby.   Dr. Teddy Altman . . .

 . . . (who Sloan just so happened to be screwing, while his daughter’s water was breaking all over his Welcome Mat), delivered the child, with nothing more than a pair of scissors and a bunch of towels.  Once the baby was born, a highly hormonal Little Sloan began to have second thoughts about giving it up for adoption. 

And despite the fact that Little Sloan had Bad Mommy written all over her (Her idea of “baby gifts” was a messy purse filled with enough lame dollar store doodads to LITERALLY choke a baby!  These “bite-sized” toys might as well have had “Swallow Me and Die” written on their surfaces), Big Sloan seemed to think it was a GREAT idea!  He was thrilled at the prospect of being able to have a grandchild in his life.  Fortunately, Arizona stepped in to show him the error of his ways. 

In a heart-wrenching scene, Mark is forced to hand the child over to his new adoptive parents.  Once it is all over, he and his daughter vow to remain a part of one another’s lives.  So, it seems as though Seattle Grace’s most immature resident may have FINALLY grown up.  (Oh, and did I mention that Little Sloan was significantly less annoying this week, than she has been in past episodes?)

Oh Baby or No Baby . . .

Speaking of Arizona . . .

 . . . she and Callie seemed to be having baby issues of their own this week, since Callie wants to have a child, and Arizona doesn’t.  Throughout the episode, Callie tried a number of tactics to get Arizona aboard the Baby Train.

First Callie tried guided imagery.  “Picture a beautiful baby,” she prodded.

“I’m picturing a trip to Spain, a glass of Sangria, and you in a bikini,” replied Arizona.  “Oh, wait.   We can’t go to Spain . . . or DRINK, because of the BABY!”

Callie then tried to psychoanalyze Arizona, patronizingly explaining to her that the real reason Arizona didn’t want a child was that she was afraid it would get sick and die, like Arizona’s own brother, or the babies she treats at the hospital each day.  Arizona is offended by Callie’s insinuations.  “I’m not broken.   . .  I just don’t want a child,” Arizona explains, before storming out of the room.

And even though the couple seemingly made up at the episode’s conclusion, I am not entirely sure that this is something they will be able to overcome, in the long term.

To Be a D-Bag, or NOT to be a D-Bag . . .

Remember all those times, when Seattle Grace was in financial trouble, and Derek self-righteously lectured Chief Webber on the importance of not letting the interests of money and prestige override the need for a comfortable work environment, where doctors can work together as a team?  Remember that “Back to School” episide, where Derek tried to demonstrate that Seattle Grace was, above all, a “teaching hospital”?  Well, it appears, that “power corrupts,” because the Derek of this week’s episode has completely turned his back on everything he once believed.

For what seemed like the umpteenth time in the past few seasons, ANOTHER “Cardio God” entered the hallowed halls of Seattle Grace.  And, once again, the typically tough-as-nails, Cristina Yang, turned into a puddle of sycophantic mush around him.  Karev was right when he said she treated well-renown doctors like trading cards . . .

Collect them all!

At least Cristina is not afraid to ADMIT her flaws.  (I loved when she called herself a Cardiothoracic Whore!)  This, unfortunately, is more than I can say for Derek . . . 

Apparently, Seattle Grace is still in need of a Head of Cardiologogy.  And while, Teddy, who has been performing the job on temporary contract, would seem to be the most likely choice for the job, the prospect of getting a bigger name (in this case, “Dr. Evans”) to fill the position, put dollar signs in McDreamy’s puppy dog eyes.

In Derek’s defense, a skittish Teddy was screwing up all over the place, this week, sneezing on patients and failing to recognize that they were suffering from sepsis, before operating on them.  And, yes, the DULL Dr. Evans did seem like a “good surgeon.”  However, he was a Crappy Teacher, forcing Cristina to sit on the sidelines and watch a surgery she had scrubbed in on, while he performed the entire thing on his own.  Not to mention that the absence of the well-liked Teddy would have certainly caused a good deal of upheaval amongst many of the doctors — most notably, Mark Sloan who she is currently screwing.  Under normal circumstances, a doctor’s popularity and good teaching skills should not be the sole reasons for her getting a job.  However, for a Chief who got HIS job on a platform of “education and togetherness,” such reasons should certainly be persuasive ones.

Fortunately, for Teddy, she ultimately got to keep her job.  However, at the end of the episode, when Old Chief Webber makes a point to congratulate Shepherd on his decision to award loyalty over prestige, Derek defiantly admits that he had originally offered Dr. Evans the job, not Teddy.  However, Dr. Evans passed on it.  I’m not a fan of what “chiefing” is doing to Derek’s character  . . . Here’s hoping that Old Chief Webber resumes his post REALLY SOON!

“Sober up quick, Chief McBoozy!  We need YOU!”

To Threesome, or Not to Threesome . .  .

In other D-baggyish news, Owen came VERY close to cheating on Cristina, by almost making out with a vulnerable Teddy, in an admittedly sweet elevator scene.  Interestingly enough, THESE actions are NOT the ones with which I take issue.  After all, Owen ultimately DID NOT cheat (only because his pager went off . . . but still).  And, Owen and Teddy do have chemistry and a strong history together, so I can understand his moment of weakness. 

What I COULD NOT abide, was what Owen did NEXT.  In a highly uncharacteristic move, Cristina plays the Girlfriend Card with Owen, asking that he plead Teddy’s case to McDreamy, so she can keep her job.  Owen AGREES to do this.  However, once he gets inside the Chief’s office, he pleads DR. EVANS’s case instead, asserting that Teddy would be “just fine” if Derek didn’t choose her for the position.  One could argue that Owen truly believed that Dr. Evan was the “better man” for the job.  However, I think this had more to do with Owen’s own concerns that he won’t be strong enough to not make out with Teddy, the next time the two of them are stuck in an elevator . . .  And, if that ‘s the case, that seriously SUCKS for BOTH Teddy and Cristina!

To Grow Some Balls or NOT to Grow Some Balls . . .

In still MORE D-bag news, Alex treated his sort-of girlfriend Lexie like total crap this entire episode, berating her, making fun of her, and STEALING her surgeries.  When Lexie solves a medical mystery and ALMOST allows Alex to steal her thunder, it takes a tough love speech from Bailey (Doesn’t it always?), for Lexie to finally realize that she is being mistreated.  At the end of the episode, Lexie confronts Alex, by giving him a serious “I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR” – type talking to. 

Alex seems impressed.  He even gives Lexie a beer.  And you KNOW how boys hate parting with their beer.  But was it too little, to late?

Finally, in Bat-Sh&t Crazy News . . .

 . . . April continued to awkwardly fawn over the married Dr. Shepherd, much like the creepy school girl she played in that Glee episode a few months back . . .

I LOVED how Dr. Avery, a.k.a. Dr. Hotness . . .

 . . . totally called her out on her freak show behavior, not to mention skewered her with a few spot on impersonations.  “Oh, Chief Shepherd, you can spank me if I’m wrong. And I DO hope I’m wrong!”  He mimicked.

(Could somebody in the writing staff PLEASE give the funny and adorably sexy Jesse Williams more to do on this show?  A storyline?  A relationship?  A surgery?  ANYTHING AT ALL?  Need I remind you what he looks like with his shirt off?)

Anyway, methinks the slow boil of Bat Sh&t Crazy April is about to bubble over REALLY soon.  So, Derek should definitely hide his meat cleavers  . . .

 . . . and his BUNNIES . . .

 . . . both in the literal AND the metaphoric sense.  You can spank me if I’m wrong.  And I DO hope I’m wrong . . .