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Sam and Quinn are adorable. But . . . what the Puck? – A Recap of Glee’s “Duets”

“Quinn, what the f*ck?  He’s not even a natural blonde!  At least with me, you already know what our babies will look like  . . . With him, it’s a total crap shoot.”

Let me start by saying that I ADORED this week’s episode of Glee.  Sure, before last night, I had never heard about 75% of the songs the cast performed.  (Who knew my lack of knowledge about Barbara Streisand, and 70’s musicals, would be such a handicap, when recapping a show about singing high schoolers!)  Yet, the episode was FUN, the performances – stellar, the dialogue — witty and realistic . . . well . . . at least about as realistic as dialogue on this show could get.

HOWEVER . . .  I had two BIG problems with “Duets.”  Here’s one . . .

“The horror!”

 . . . and here’s the other . . .

“This is SO uncool, man.”

For Puck’s part, his absence was explained away, early in the episode.  According to Mr. Schue, he’s in JUVIE.

Just don’t drop that soap, pal.  I hear those communal showers can be a little .  . . HARD.

Puck’s infraction?  Something having to do with a convenience store and ATM.  Unfortunately, I was too busy screaming, crying, and throwing my shoes at the television to really hear the explanation.

I REALLY should have forked over the extra cash for that warranty . . .

Now, as my mother calmly explained to me, as I proceeded to have a nervous breakdown to her over the phone, during one of the commercial  breaks, Puck’s temporary absence was necessary, plotwise, to enable the inevitable, Quinn / Samm (Quisamm?) relationship to blossom.

It starts with holding hands, it ends with holding *&$%s.

Besides, Mark Salling (who plays Puck) is busy finishing up and promoting his new album, Pipe DreamsSo, in all fairness, the guy is probably entitled to a day off or two.  But SUE?  Well, her absence was just inexcusable . . .

Glee staff writers, HOW,  I repeat, HOW could you create an episode that was both SUE-less AND PUCK-less?  Need I remind you, that this is the last episode before Glee enters a NOT ONE, but TWO-week hiatus?  Given that fact, this week’s TOTAL and COMPLETE lack of “Bad Boy” and “Bad Woman” was just majorly CRUEL!

See, you’ve gone and made Mr. Schue, CRY!  You should be ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!

*takes a deep breath*

OK . . . I’m better now.  Let’s get on with the recap, shall we?

Meet Sam I Am (Gay?)

When the episode opens, Will begins glee club practice by making three anouncements.  The first concerns the absence of Puck .  . .

GRRRRRRRR!

The second involves the introduction of New Kid, Sam, to Glee Club.  Sam hails from an All Boys Boarding School . . . and all that implies.

Coincidentally, do you think all that “communal showering” Sam did back at board school can account for his OBVIOUS penchant for walking around HALF NAKED throughout most of this episode?

Not that I’m complaining . . .

So, anyway, Sam introduces himself to the Gleeks by making a VERY lame Green Eggs and Ham reference.

Said reference proved precisely TWO THINGS about this character.  (1) He can read up to at least first-grade level, putting him leaps and bounds above SOME other Glee club members . . .

“Sam I Am?  Brittany I am!”

 . . . and (2) just in case any of you out there thought this guy was “too cool” to be a Gleek, he’s DEFINITELY NOT!

While he is in front of the class, Chatty Cathies Kurt and Mercedes take this time to size up the “Fresh Meat.”

“He’s on Team Gay.  No straight boy dies his hair to look like Linda Evangelista circa 1993,” whispers Kurt knowingly.

Coincidentally, 1993 was probably also the year the Kurt character was BORN.  (Watch those pop culture references, Glee writers!)

And, yet . . . the kid DOES have a point . . .

For his third announcement, Mr. Schue announces that New Directions will be having a “Duet Competition.”  The winning pair is to receive a dinner for two at The Olive Garden Breadsticks . . .

 . . . a restaurant, whose big claim to fame is . . . you guessed it . . . All You Can Eat Breadsticks . . .

OK . . . Is anyone else REALLY hungry right now?

To Couple, or NOT To Couple

Within moments, we are treated to our first of many obligatory Shirtless Sam shots, when Kurt accosts the Newbie in the men’s locker room and practically demands to be his “duets” partner.

“*sings*Gimme a head with hair.  Long, beautiful dyed hair.  Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen . . . Oh . . . I’m sorry Kurt.  Were you trying to ask me something?”

He’s going to have to think about it . . .

Meanwhile, in Sort of/ Kind of Lesbi-land, Brittany and Santana are laying on Brittany’s bed and TOTALLY MACKING ON EACHOTHER! 

HOLY MACK-ERONI!

And, I mean, they are really going at it.  In fact, I haven’t seen this much girl-on-girl action in a show about high schoolers since . . .um . . . ever.

Observe the telltale Post-Sex Head.

Things seem to be going great for “Brittana,” what with Brittany cooing over “Sweet Lady Kisses,” and Santana making surprisingly naughty (especially for 8 p.m. on Fox) references to “scissoring.” 

But then, Brittany mentions the duet competition.  Suddenly, Santana halts the Massive Makeout Session, and gets all huffy.  (That’s NOT WHAT I MEANT!  Get your mind out of the gutter!) 

“I’m not making out with you because I want to  . . . sing about making lady babies.  It’s just that with Puck gone, I need to get my mack on,” scoffs Santana.

Poor Brittany looks totally crushed by her lover / bestie’s massive KISS OFF.  In fact, it’s probably a good thing she ISN’T a guy, otherwise she would TOTALLY have a pair of THESE right now . . .

Rather than lead Brittany on more than she already has, Santana opts instead for an unlikely duet partnership with Mercedes, since the two share such complementary voices and styles.  If you recall, these two ALREADY sang one duet to the song “The Boy is Mine” last season, back when both divas were battling for PUCK’S affections.  (See, it always comes BACK TO PUCK!  WE WANT PUCK!  WE WANT PUCK!)

Meanwhile, Finn badgers Kurt about ruining Sam’s reputation, by performing a duet with him.  Later, in one of their trademark touching scenes, Kurt’s dad (who seems to be recovering quite nicely from his heart attack, by the way) surprises Kurt, by calling him out for aggressively trying to “out” people who may not be ready to do so.

Kurt, in a surprising show of self-sacrifice, ultimately gives up the opportunity to partner with Sam, leaving the new kid and his INSANE abs free to pair up with Quinn.

Meanwhile, in the Oddest Pairing of the Century, Brittany starts dating Artie . . .

  . . . she does this despite the fact that, for while, she thought he was a robot . . .

“Before we duet, we are going to do it,” says Brittany, in her trademark emotionless deadpan.  

And with that, the Dumb Blonde lifts Artie up, and carries him to the same bed where she was macking on Santana, a few scenes ago.  And then they . . . ACTUALLY DO IT!

So, just in case you were keeping score, that makes our final couples for the Duet Competition:

(1) Rachel and Finn (duh!)

(2) Mike and Tina (double duh!)

(3) Mercedes and Santana

(4) Quinn and Puck Sam

(5) Brittany and Artie

(6) Kurt and . . . um .  . . Kurt

Let’s see how they did . . .

Rachel and Finn – Like Grease 2, only with Nuns . . .

It seems that the Glee writers have been reading our recaps, in which we all bitched and moaned about how utterly detestable Rachel has been since the beginning of this season.  Because this week, they had to go and make her a SAINT . . . well .  . . at least a nun.  (I wonder how long THAT’S going to last!)

It all started while Rachel and Finn were practicing their first choice of song for the duet’s competition, “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” (originally performed by Elton John and Kiki Dee).

When it was all over, Rachel surprised Finn (and the ENTIRE VIEWING PUBLIC) by wondering if the performance was simply “too good.”

Self-absorbed, personal recognition-grubbing diva, say WHAT?

Apparently, some time between this episode and last, Rachel randomly decided that she is . . . SELFISH.

 So, she decides she wants to be a better person.  Being a better person apparently starts with improving the Glee Club’s moral.  And, in order to do this, she and Finn must THROW THE DUET COMPETITION!

“Clearly, the apocalypse has come to McKinley High.  I never should have eaten that Grilled Cheesus.”

Of course, I commend Rachel for her new found generosity.  And, yes, Iagree with her that, lately Glee New Directions has become “The Rachel Show,” so change was definitely needed.  However, I have to say, I was surprised by who Rachel selected to “win” the competition. 

Why the New Kid?  Wouldn’t it make sense for one of the more seasoned, and more frequently shafted Gleeks to get a chance to shine?  Like . . . say . . . MIKE CHANG . . .

Nevertheless, Finn and Rachel begin concocting their “evil” plot to foil the competition.  Suddenly, Rachel has an idea.

She randomly recalls how inferior Grease 2 was to the original Grease, and attributes that negative comparison to Grease 2’s poorly written songs.

Now, while I’ll admit that most of the songs in Grease 2 did, in fact, suck, I will ALWAYS love me some C-O-O-L-R-I-D-E-R!  Come on, tell me that was NOT classic!

And so, in a move that would make those guys from The Producers proud, Rachel and Finn decide on a performance that is so “offensive” they can’t possibly win.  The song they choose is called “With You I’m Born Again,” and it was originally sung by Billy Preston. 

Yes, it was bad.  But, honestly, at first, I didn’t really get what exactly everybody thought was so “offensive” about it.  And based on the message boards I perused after viewing the episode, many of you didn’t, either.  So, I did some research. 

As it turns out, “With You I’m Born Again,” is all about spiritual awakening through . . . sex.   So, yeah . . . a song about sex, sung by a nun and a priest, who can’t have ANY SEX . . . ever . . . well . . . I guess that could be construed as kind of offensive. 

Then again, wasn’t that what the ENTIRE Sister Act movie was about?

Tina and Mike – MIKE CHANG FINALLY SANG! . . . sort of.

Now, if you’ve read my Gleecaps before, you know I was particularly excited about this plotline.  After all, I’ve been giving Good Ole Mike Chang quite the hard time for failing to sing (or talk much) throughout the show’s entire first season.  But hey, I guess can complain no more!  After all, in his duet with Tina this week, Mike Chang had more “speaking” (and “singing”) lines than he had ALL FIRST SEASON combined . .

When we first visit Tina and Mike, we see that things haven’t been quite so rosy, since the couple left Asian Math Camp.

Mike’s awesome abs, notwithstanding.

You see, Mike’s really big into his culture.  And he shows this, by repeatedly taking Tina on dates for Dim Sum.  Did I mention that HIS MOM always comes along?

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Tina wants to do is just once eat a salad that doesn’t have Chicken Feet in it, and Mike wants to go to ASIAN COUPLES THERAPY?

“I bet I’m starting to look REALLY good now, aren’t I Tina.”

To further complicate matters, Mike, who can dance like a dream, REALLY CAN’T SING, which is ironic since GLEE CLUB is for SINGING PEOPLE.  And yet, Tina and Mike make this work to their advantage by performing their duet to song “Sing” from “Chorus Line.” 

During the song, Mike basically talks to music about how he can’t . . . sing . . . and Tina finishes his sentences.  Through it all Mike does an awesomely comic little dance.  In short, I loved it.

This almost makes up for an ENTIRE season of laziness, Mike . . . almost.  Just stop taking your mom on your dates, will ya?

Santana and Mercedes – Rockin the Tina Turner Tune

In terms of a recap, I really don’t have much more to say about this duet.  Santana and Mercedes rocked out to Tina Turner’s “River Deep, Mountain High,” another song I had never heard before this episode.  The song highlighted both girls’ vocal range extremely well.  But, of course, it was the duo’s sexy sassy dance that really made it their own.

By the way, does it bother anyone else that the Cheerios ALWAYS wear their uniforms? 

Sometimes when I see them, I feel like I’m watching some cartoon where the characters always wear the same thing — like Charlie Brown or The Simpsons. 

 That CAN’T be hygenic.  I mean seriously, how many versions of that leotard to those girls have.  Is it like Ronald McDonald, and those wacky suits he always wears?

Do you think that when you open up Brittany or Santana’s closet, and it’s just filled with Cheerios uniforms?   Finn and Puck are athletes, and you don’t see THEM wearing their smelly uniforms everyday. 

I just don’t get it . . .

Britt and Artie are SO NOT Lady and The Tramp

Remember that iconic scene from The Lady and the Tramp where the titular couple goes on their first date to the Italian restaurant, and they share that one strand of spaghetti?  And then Tramp pushes the last meatball with his nose over to Lady so she can eat it?

Come on!  Who of you out there DIDN’T hope to reenact that scene with your significant other one day?  Well, apparently Brittany was no different.  In fact, her dream was to win the duets competition, and take Artie to Breadsticks so they could “do it” together. 

But then Santana came along, and had to f&*k everything up.

She told Artie that Brittany was using him for his voice, and that the only thing he could get her that she didn’t already have was “super choice parking.”

(I’d put an “Oh Snap” here, if that line wasn’t so gosh darn offensive . . .)

Artie is understandably crushed.  After all, Brittany took his virginity for crying out loud.  He dumps her, and quickly drops out of the competition.  In a sad and pathetic, but still kinda funny final scene, we see Brittany eating at Breadsticks alone, pushing her meatball to NOBODY.  I guess that’s what you get for being such a TRAMP.  (pun intended).

Kurt and Kurt (and, later Kurt and Rachel)

If you recall, Kurt gave up Sam as a partner, leaving him with none.  So, Kurt decides to sing with the Glee club member he likes best . . . himself.  Kurt performs “Le Hot Jazz” from the play “Victor Victoria,” dressed in half drag. (Though admittedly the “girl” side looked more “Guy who REALLY  likes Makeup” than “Female.”  Maybe this is because, on Broadway, the song is typically performed a by a woman.)

Anyway, once Kurt starts singing, magically, all these professional dancers appear on stage to perform with him.  You know what I call that?  Cheating. 

Though, I have to admit, they did put on quite the show . . .

Toward the end of the episode, Lobotomized Nice Rachel approaches Kurt and lets him know that the rest of the Glee Club loves him.  She sweetly tells him that even though he is lonely, he isn’t alone. 

OK . . . that’s it . . . tell me what you’ve done with the REAL Rachel!

Together the pair sing a mashup of “Come on Get Happy” and “Happy Days” are here again.  Sources tell me, this same mashup was sung by Judy Garland and Barbara Streisand on network television some time back.  Whereever the song came from, it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

And the winners are . . . Sam and Quinn

From the moment Quinn started washing that Slushee out of Sam’s hair, the chemistry between those two was pretty intense.  Things only got hotter when he tried to teach her how to play guitar by groping her and grazing her breasts with his hands delicately placing her fingers on the strings.  But when Sam tried to kiss Quinn, she FREAKED OUT.

Why?  Well clearly not because she’s a virgin . . .

Actually, Quinn had good reason to be tentative about jumping into a new relationship.  She has been through a lot this past season.   So, she was eager to return to just being a normal teenager / cheerleader / Mean Girl.  Quinn abruptly tells Sam she doesn’t want to sing with him, and takes off.

Later, with the matchmaking help of Rachel and Finn, the pair reconcile.  Together, they sing Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat’s “Lucky.”  And, in the words of Santana, the performance is “so friggin charming,” it just had to win. 

Don’t believe me?  See for yourself.

So, off Sam and Quinn go to Olive Garden Breadsticks.

At dinner, Sam tries to “charm” Quinn by talking Navi . . .

“Dude, are you serious?  I speak fluent Navi, and even I know THAT doesn’t work.”

 . . . and doing a REALLY BAD Matthew McConaughey impersonation.

Hey LOOK!  It’s Linda Evangelista’s hair, circa 1993!  Now we know who Sam got the idea from!

Granted, this is the same guy who introduced himself to a group of high schoolers, by using a Dr. Seuss reference.  Can we really be surprised?  

Then Sam tells Quinn he has to confess something to her.  Of course, she immediately assumes, as Kurt did earlier in the episode, that Sam is on Team Gay.  He’s not.  Sam just wants her to know that he dyes his hair like Linda Evangelista.

Quinn is so overjoyed by this news, that she . . . MAKES SAM PAY FOR THE FREE MEAL THEY WON!

Ummmm .  . . how romantic?  Brattiness of that request aside, these two are cute together, and I truly wish them the best at least until Puck comes back.  But I couldn’t help but wonder, are those Breadsticks coupons still up for grabs, because I’m REALLY hungry!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Vampires Get Puffy Eye Bags Too – A Vampire Diaries Recap of the Episode “Unpleasantville”

            Tonight’s retro, 50s themed episode of The Vampire Diaries was a sock-hopping, soda-popping, poodle skirt-wearing good time, for a number of reasons.  For one thing, we got to imagine what the stars of our favorite gothic teen drama would look like if they had, instead, been cast in a remake of Happy Days.  Starring Damon Salvatore as “The Fonz”!

Eyyyy!

            Secondly, this episode introduced us to a brand new piece of refreshingly recognizable eye candy, in the form of the always-yummy Sean Faris, who plays the hopefully recurring beverage-slinging “washed up ex-jock” / potential love interest of Bonnie / evil vampire, Ben McKittrick.

          Finally, we maintained the recent trend established in this show of one senseless death per episode.  Oh, Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire, we hardly knew thee . . .

        With those three things in mind, let us sharpen up our fake fangs, smear some ketchup on our lips, and get on with the recap, shall we?

More Baby Mamma Drama for Elena

            Early on in the episode, Elena confronts Aunt Jenna about her revelations of the past week. 

(By the way, the writers kind of glossed over exactly how Elena broached this sensitive subject to her current guardian.  Perhaps it went something like this:  “Hey Auntie, my vampire boyfriend found out I was adopted, because he rescued me from the car crash that killed our parents, using his superhuman strength.  He then stalked me at the hospital to make sure I wasn’t his long-undead girlfriend from the Civil War era, who happens to look just like me.”) 

          Aunt Jenna confirms that Elena was, in fact, adopted.  According to Jenna, Elena’s biological mom was a teenage runaway who the Gilberts took into their home.  Elena’s dad, a doctor, delivered Elena, and when the runaway disappeared, the Gilberts, who had, up to this point, been unable to conceive a child, doctored the birth certificate and raised Elena as their own.  When pressed for further details, Jenna offers that Elena’s biological mother was named Isabel and that she had grown up right in their home town. 

            Later, we find out that Alaric’s wife, the woman tragically (killed?) (turned?) by Damon, was also named Isabel.  Coincidence?  Probably not, given how this show has progressed thus far.  And yet, this development raises some intriguing questions that will likely come into play as the series progresses.  Could Alaric be Elena’s biological father?  Could Damon?  (Ick, I hope not.)  How is Isabel (and, by extension, Elena) related to the currently entombed vampire Katherine?  Perhaps Isabel is still alive . . . or maybe even undead?

                Speaking of Alaric, he used his time as chaperone of the school dance to interrogate Damon as to the latter’s reasons for being in town.  Instantly suspicious, Damon tries his mind bendy trick on Alaric to ascertain his true intentions.  At first, Alaric’s interest in Damon seems genuinely innocent, and Damon is led off the scent.  However, later, we find that Alaric’s hands are filled with crushed vervain, making him immune to Damon’s hypnotic charms.  This begs the question, how much exactly does Alaric know about the Salvatore brothers?

Unlike Druggie Jeremy, Stepford Jeremy Doesn’t Do Vampire Love

            It appears that the total 180 Elena’s little brother has done, personality-wise, since Damon did that little mind-bendy thing on him, after Vicki’s untimely undead death has, in fact, stuck.  The former rebel is now getting A’s on extra credit papers, kissing up to teachers by offering them up precious and rare family heirlooms, and serving un-spiked punch at school dances.  In short, he’s become a nerd . . . and a celibate one at that.

            In fact, throughout the episode, Jeremy diligently fends off the advances of the increasingly needy-seeming home-school history buff, Anna.  However, it isn’t until Anna shows up at his school dance uninvited, and insists that he steal back his ancestor’s journal from his history teacher, so he can give it to her instead, that I started to really worry for the youngest Gilbert.  Visions of Fatal Attraction and boiled bunnies danced in my head. 

 

“I will not be ignored . . . Jeremy!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYpeKbHKVbU

            Then of course, Amy got those tell tale black lines on her face. And her eyes got all puffy and rimmed with dark circles.  Apparently, on Vampire Diaries, this is a sign of vampiric hunger.  But for me, that’s just what I happen to look like when I wake up in the morning.  Go figure!  As it turns out Amy is a “bad vampire” who teamed up with the Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire who tried to kill Elena in last week’s episode, in order to free Katherine and the other vamps eternally locked underground in a tomb. 

Geez, how slutty was this Katherine?  Because apparently there wasn’t a vampire in Virginia, male or female who didn’t “hit” that one . . .

“Oh my God, you killed Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire!  You Bastard!”

 

            Like another well-known slow walking, hoodie-wearing character, this episode introduced us to a guy who knows how to die, but can’t seem to stay dead.  When we first met this Vampire (i.e. he already died once), he had just been hit by Elena’s car, and appeared to be dead (again).  Then, he tried to kill Elena, before being stopped by Damon.  He starts off this episode by stalking Elena via cell phone.  In an effort to protect his girlfriend, Stefan provides her with her own family heirloom (Way to regift, d-bag!), a pocket watch that points out the whereabouts of nearby blood suckers.

            Later, as Elena prepares for the school dance, the pocket watch starts going haywire.  Elena understandably freaks out and calls Stefan, only to have Damon pick up the phone.  When Damon informs her that Stefan is on the way to her house, Elena relaxes, convinced that the pocket watch is merely illustrating the presence of her lover . . . that is until she finds Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire lounging around on her ceiling.  Stefan quickly comes to her rescue, and the undead dude gets away.

            Stefan calls Damon. Then, the newly-formed Scooby Gang (every teen show has one) plot their revenge.  Recognizing that now that Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire has been invited into Elena’s home (he posed as a pizza boy), and that he will not stop until he kills her, the trio decide to use Elena as bait at the dance in order to confront the guy.  Elena reluctantly agrees.  So, off to the dance we go.

            Things start off fairly normal, with Elena and Stefan sharing a slow dance, and Elena teasing Stefan about his age.  “You’re so teaching me the hand jive,” she insists.  (Elena, honey, I was still about three decades away from being born during the 50’s, and I know how to hand jive.  Like most self-respecting women, I learned from watching Grease.  And you call yourself a girl  . . .)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcZjpGeHhR4

            Stefan soon leaves Elena alone and heads off to pursue a guy he thinks is Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vamp.  (It ends up being a ruse).  Once alone, Elena receives a cryptic phone call, informing her that she must meet Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire, or her brother dies. Elena walks into the trap and is attacked by “the hooded one,” who she stakes with a pencil, but to no avail.  (Aren’t they supposed to like, disintegrate, or something?  I mean it worked pretty well for Vicki and Lexi, right?)  Then both Stefan AND Damon come to the rescue, each taking turns fatally staking Hoodie Dude with available pointed objects.  The problem is . . . dude just won’t die.

            And so, the Scooby Gang takes this opportunity to interrogate the staked vamp about Katherine, who the latter claims to know.  According to this vamp, they will need Bonnie’s ancestor Emily’s Grimindor (sp? – Every time they mentioned this word on the show, I found myself thinking about Harry Potter’s House at Hogwarts, very similar name, right?) to free Katherine from the tomb. 

 

(If you recall, earlier in the episode Stefan agreed to help Damon free Katherine, provided the latter let the other entombed vampires die, and left town.  Later, an unusually devious Stefan revealed to Elena that he had no intention of helping Damon with his nefarious plan.)

            With one last staking Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire FINALLY dies and all is right in the world.  Or is it?

A Date with a Vampire

            After setting her sights on the older man (the question is how much older, years . . . or centuries), Bonnie strikes up some flirtatious conversation with Ben McKittrick, a former high school football star who now tends bar in town.  Eventually Bonnie gets the courage to ask her crush out  . . . for karaoke night?  (Note to Bonnie:  unless you are Jordin Sparks, this is a terrible — I repeat, terrible — idea for a first high school date.)  McKittrick declines the opportunity to be the next Vampire Idol, but agrees to date Bonnie elsewhere. 

            However, just in case you were getting excited about the blossoming romance between these two, moments later McKittrick is attacked by none other than Jeremy’s creepy home schooled vamp friend, Anna.  However, instead of killing him, she kisses him.  As it turns out, these two are a blood-sucking vampiric item, equally intent on freeing Katherine from her underground grave.  So much for a healthy relationship, Bonnie . . .

Caroline Gets Her Man

            In the “living” relationship world, Caroline finds herself repeatedly frustrated by her “friend” Matt.  Apparently, Matt’s inability to get over Elena, and his seeming unwillingness take things to the next level with Caroline, are becoming a major buzz kill for the blond vixen.  When Matt gives Caroline the cold shoulder, Caroline confronts him.  Matt explains to her that he is not ready to enter into another relationship, using the classic cop out line, “It would just ruin our friendship.” 

          Having, personally, both said and received this line, I can tell you firsthand, it usually isn’t taken well.  And this time is no exception.  Caroline declares the pair’s friendship over and storms out.

            Moments later, in a move that seems custom-made for teen dramas and romantic comedies, Matt follows Caroline out with his car, and before she can yell at him some more, he pulls her in for a romantic kiss right in the middle of the street.  After doing this, he says, “This will never work,” before kissing her some more.  Yeah, we know, Matt . . . but it is fun to watch, anyway . . .

            And that was our show, in a nutshell . . .  Tune in next week, when we go further back in time to analyze Slutty Vampire Katherine’s origins.

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