When Boob Tube Meets Silver Screen – 5 films that could probably “cut it” on the small screen

This past Friday, IGN Entertainment released THIS trailer, to promote an upcoming television series, based on the popular, and EXTREMELY profitable, Harry Potter book and film franchise . . .

Of course, if you recall, this past Friday was also April Fools’ Day.  And the above – trailer for the new FX series, The Aurors, set to premiere this summer, ended up being a FAKE (not to mention a Big Fat F-YOU to Wizard Lovers, EVERYWHERE)!

And yet, you have to admit, if a series like this actually DID air on FX, there’s a good chance it would be fairly successful.  After all, The Aurors, has all the ingredients for a television ratings darling, including:

(1) an allegiance to the Harry Potter brand, and the massive geek-chic cult following that comes along with it;

“When I wave my magic wand, millions of dollars in advertising revenue will appear, right before your VERY EYES!”

(2) a savvy nod to the world’s current obsession with All Things Supernatural;

(3) action adventure; and

Might I suggest some prune juice, Harry.  I hear it helps with your . . . condition.

(4) that Crime Procedural Mumbo Jumbo, which tends to bore the STUFFING out of me, but seems to be genuinely popular among most of the American viewing public (as evidenced by the success of the 85,000 versions of Law and Order and CSI currently clogging our television sets).

Don’t shoot!  I swear, I didn’t mean it!

This got me to thinking about other popular films that have the potential to make the transition from the Big Screen to Your Screen.   And so, without further adieu, here are my top five picks (in no particular order) for movies I’d like to see take that oh-so-dangerous small-screen leap  .  . .

1) Inception

I don’t think I’ve ever had as many in-depth, and complicated, conversations about a film, as I have had about this psychological action thriller.  The idea of being able to enter people’s dreams, and by doing so, altering their perception of reality, is just so inherently intriguing and ripe for discussion.  And for a television show revolving around a crack team of insanely attractive and ridiculously well-dressed, “dream engineers” — hired to basically control people’s minds from the inside-out — the possibilities are literally endless.  

Episodes can revolve around a different “dream hijacking” each week, or can slowly unravel an extensive “dream heist” throughout the course of the season.  Of course, at the show’s core would be the brilliant, but deeply troubled, Dream Makers, each of whom has their own extensive backstory, as well as specific, but complicated, rationalizations for choosing this, admittedly morally ambiguous, career path.

Speaking of morally ambiguous career paths . . .

2) The Town

Back in September, I fell in love with a film about a small town called Charlestown, Massachusetts, where children were raised to be bank robbers, con artists, and criminals, with the same intensity and efficiency that other towns invest in growing bankers, doctors, and lawyers.  Everybody loves a “brooding bad boy with a good heart” (especially when he takes his shirt off often).  And The Town had a whole cast of both Brooding Bad Boys and Hard-Nosed, but still hot, Cops to love.  Most notably, it had THIS GUY . . .

Oh, yeah!  That’s Ben Affleck!  And, upon seeing this picture, I totally took back, all those jokes I made about that awful Gigli movie.  Because THIS guy could ABSOLUTELY kick my ass!  Let’s find  a “kinder, gentler” picture.   Shall we?

That’s better!

And THIS guy . . .

A television series based on The Town would boast an extremely unique location, the likes of which has never before been depicted on television.  It would also undoubtedly feature a cast of scorching hot twenty and early-thirty somethings, each with their own idiosyncrasies, family dramas, romantic subplots etc.  And of course, the crime capers depicted in each episode would put the ones in those Ocean’s Eleven movies to SHAME!

Speaking of Ocean’s Eleven (and one of it’s stars, i.e. Matt Damon) . . .

3) The Adjustment Bureau

Ever wonder if the Universe has a specific plan in store for you?  The Adjustment Bureau was a romantic drama / action flick that dealt with the question of “fate” and “circumstance” in a way that  absolutely caters to the self-absorbed and egocentric world in which we live. 

Yes, Joe and Jane Average Citizen, SOMEONE “up there” has BIG PLANS for YOU . .  . and for your life.  In fact, you can find those plans in a BOOK, filled with multi-colored SQUIGGLY LINES that resemble those mazes they put on the back of Happy Meals at McDonalds.  (Those of you who saw the movie, know what I mean by this . . .)

Not only that, the world is crawling with Cute Men in Funny Little Hats who’s LIFE’S MISSION is to make sure that YOU reach your destiny . . .

And there’s a good chance that one of those “Cute Men in Funny Little Hats” probably looks a lot like Roger Sterling from Mad Men.

Because all of us like to believe we were put on this earth for a “reason,” and because we all find the idea of Cute Men in Funny Little Hats chasing us around the City all day, monitoring our every move, oddly appealing (or mildly creepy, whichever you prefer), a television series revolving around the titular Adjustment Bureau would likely be a fun-filled hour of escapist fantasy for the masses.

  Like the Inception series suggested above, The Adjustment Bureau series would work well as either a serial drama, in which a different “guest star’s” fate was adjusted each week, or a long-running storyline, in which the future of a particularly Important Person (like the politician Matt Damon played in the film) is systematically modified in every episode to achieve a specific goal. 

High concept mind benders, philosophical discussions, and crime capers aren’t your thing?  Fear not!  I have two more prospective television series ideas that might be more to your liking . . .

4) Adventureland

This past summer, I rented this fun coming-of-adulthood “period piece” (The film took place in 1987.)  about a recent-college grad, (played by The Social Network’s Jesse Eisenberg) who, without any immediate prospects for his future, was forced to take a summer job at a small-town amusement park.  Working the “ring toss” with Jesse, was none other than Twilight’s Kristen Stewart (playing a character who kind of, but not exactly, resembled Bella Swan), and 2010’s Sexiest Man Alive, himself, Ryan Reynolds . . .

Yes, I DO find every excuse to put pictures of hot, half-naked men in my blog.  Thank you for noticing!

In addition to having an all-star cast of up-and-coming actors, intriguing characters, and some stellar script writing to its credit, Adventureland boasted a refreshingly fun sense of time and place. 

As an 80’s baby, who spent most of the decade clad in Care Bears underwear, I’ve always been a bit jealous of those folks who actually got to experience this admittedly awesome decade as teenagers, and early 20-somethings.  From the killer music, to the amazing made-for-teen movies (John Hughes anyone?), to the care free days spent making out and getting high behind the Tilt-a-Whirl at your local theme park, the 80’s just seems like it was a great time to “come of age.”

An Adventureland television series would allow us to do just that!  Along with its “youngish” (and indubitably attractive), cast of characters, viewers could “travel back in time” each week, and experience the slings and arrows of early adulthood, all while enjoying a kickass soundtrack, drinking some cheap beer, and riding that old broken down Ferris Wheel for the 25,000th time . . .

5) Scream

At first blush, this one might seem like an odd choice for a television series.  After all, half of the fun of watching horror movies, like Scream, is seeing the characters get killed off, one-by-one, in increasingly gruesome (not to mention, patently ridiculous) ways, while trying to figure out who the killer is, right?  So, how does that translate to an entire season of small screen viewing, you ask?   And I say, how does it NOT?

“Do you like SCARY movies television shows?”

Think about it.  What is the BIGGEST, MOST SHOCKING, thing that can ever happen to your favorite television drama?  The one thing that’s CERTAIN to get ratings buzz for your favorite program, and ensure that EVERYBODY will be talking about what they saw the next day . . .  Of course, I’m referring to the DEATH OF A MAIN CHARACTER.  On most shows, this Major Television Viewing Event only happens about once or twice every season (typically, around sweeps week). 

But imagine the fun and excitement of MAIN CHARACTER DEATHS (along with “fun” Celebrity Guest Star Cameo Deaths”) occurring EVERY SINGLE WEEK!  Nobody is safe!  Everyone is a suspect!  And everyone is at risk! 

The “killer’s identity” would presumably be revealed in the Season Finale.   Or, perhaps, the mystery could be carried over into subsequent seasons, with new cast members regularly replacing the “old dead” onces.  Sure, it’s a gimic!  But look how long they’ve taken to reveal that darn MOTHER on How I Met Your Mother? 

OK . . . just keep smiling and pretend you actually know who “The Mother” is . . .

 If they can do it, so can WE!

So, there you have it folks, five sure-fire television success stories, based on five popular films.  So, which movies would YOU most like to see transition to the small screen?

[www.juliekushner.com]

Missing Your Favorite TV Shows This Summer? No Problem! Just Watch Other People Make Fun of Them on YouTube!

 

I’m not gonna lie!  It’s hard to be a TV Recapper during the summer months, because . . . well . . . there isn’t all that much to recap.  Now, if this had been, say five years ago, I would be forced to spend my non-recapping months doing things like: reading the classics, doing volunteer work, learning to play the cello, and becoming a productive member of society . . .

Fortunately, thanks to the advent of YouTube, I can simply continue to be the directionless miscreant I have always been (only tanner)!

 

Now, during the proper television viewing season, I generally enjoy watching and recapping shows like: Gossip Girl, the now-defunct Lost, Glee, The Vampire Diaries, and Mad Men.  (I also have kind of a thing for vampires, and will often make desperate attempts to throw “fangy” references into all my posts, even those that have absolutely nothing to do with “undead.”)

It was a love for the above-referenced shows (and vampires) that sent me to YouTube in search of videos I could watch that would dull the pain of summer hiatus.  Granted, the video clips I found weren’t quite as satisfying as seeing new episodes of my favorite television shows themselves.  But, hey, at least they made me giggle. 

So, without further adieu, I proudly present to you:  YouTube Videos That Make Fun of Television Shows I Like To Watch!

1) Glee

Have you ever watched Glee, and thought to yourself, “Wow that Rachel chick sure is a nutjob!  I’d hide my pet bunny, if she was ever in my house!”

If so, this film is for YOU!

2) Mad Men

Speaking of sick and twisted, remember that scene from Season 3 of Mad Men, where that annoying British guy randomly got his foot run over by a lawnmower right in the middle of the office?  Ever wonder what that scene would sound like when replayed to the tune of Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek, a.k.a. That Song TheyAlways Play on Teen Dramas Whenever Something Dramatic Happens?  Wonder no more . . .

3) The Vampire Diaries

Somewhere, in an alternate universe, Stefan and Damon Salvatore are NOT vampire brothers fighting for the love of the same girl.  Rather, they are ambiguously gay roommates, with an annoying habit of breaking into song at inopportune moments . . . (Thanks to Amy over at ImaginaryMen for sharing this FABULOUS video with me!)

[Click the internal link to watch.  You’ll like it, I promise!]

4) Buffy the Vampire Slayer / The Twilight Series

 

Perhaps in that SAME alternate universe, where Stefan and Damon are living “homosexually ever after,” Edward Cullen is NOT the “cute and sparkly” vampire who won Bella Swan’s heart.  Rather, he is a creepy stalker vampire with a dangerous hard-on for a certain slayer we all know and love . . .

5) Gossip Girl / Supernatural

If you are anything like me, you were beyond depressed during the Gossip Girl Season 3 finale, when Chuck Bass threw away his chance at happiness with Blair Waldorf, for a paltry tumble in the hay with that skanky hobag, Jenny Humphrey.  Of course, we ALL want those two crazy kids, C&B, to reconcile pronto.  However, if Blair absolutely MUST get involved with a rebound guy, at least let him be someone manly, someone who is not afraid to battle a few demons (both internal and external) to protect the heart of his lady love . . . someone like Supernatural‘s Dean Winchester.

6) Lost

And, finally, this one goes out to all of you folks that were really mad that the flash-sideways world on Lost ended up being nothing more than purgatory (even though the writers promised it wouldn’t be).  It’s for you folks who would have preferred a more “scientific”explanation for all that on and off island “time shifting” the castaways suffered through for six seasons.  This is also for the select few of you who shelled out the big bucks for those ridiculously over-priced Lost Happy Meal toys.  Apparently, someone out there put them to better use, than YOU did . . .

Well, that’s all, folks . . . at least until the next time I inevitably run out of things to recap . . .

Vampires Get Puffy Eye Bags Too – A Vampire Diaries Recap of the Episode “Unpleasantville”

            Tonight’s retro, 50s themed episode of The Vampire Diaries was a sock-hopping, soda-popping, poodle skirt-wearing good time, for a number of reasons.  For one thing, we got to imagine what the stars of our favorite gothic teen drama would look like if they had, instead, been cast in a remake of Happy Days.  Starring Damon Salvatore as “The Fonz”!

Eyyyy!

            Secondly, this episode introduced us to a brand new piece of refreshingly recognizable eye candy, in the form of the always-yummy Sean Faris, who plays the hopefully recurring beverage-slinging “washed up ex-jock” / potential love interest of Bonnie / evil vampire, Ben McKittrick.

          Finally, we maintained the recent trend established in this show of one senseless death per episode.  Oh, Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire, we hardly knew thee . . .

        With those three things in mind, let us sharpen up our fake fangs, smear some ketchup on our lips, and get on with the recap, shall we?

More Baby Mamma Drama for Elena

            Early on in the episode, Elena confronts Aunt Jenna about her revelations of the past week. 

(By the way, the writers kind of glossed over exactly how Elena broached this sensitive subject to her current guardian.  Perhaps it went something like this:  “Hey Auntie, my vampire boyfriend found out I was adopted, because he rescued me from the car crash that killed our parents, using his superhuman strength.  He then stalked me at the hospital to make sure I wasn’t his long-undead girlfriend from the Civil War era, who happens to look just like me.”) 

          Aunt Jenna confirms that Elena was, in fact, adopted.  According to Jenna, Elena’s biological mom was a teenage runaway who the Gilberts took into their home.  Elena’s dad, a doctor, delivered Elena, and when the runaway disappeared, the Gilberts, who had, up to this point, been unable to conceive a child, doctored the birth certificate and raised Elena as their own.  When pressed for further details, Jenna offers that Elena’s biological mother was named Isabel and that she had grown up right in their home town. 

            Later, we find out that Alaric’s wife, the woman tragically (killed?) (turned?) by Damon, was also named Isabel.  Coincidence?  Probably not, given how this show has progressed thus far.  And yet, this development raises some intriguing questions that will likely come into play as the series progresses.  Could Alaric be Elena’s biological father?  Could Damon?  (Ick, I hope not.)  How is Isabel (and, by extension, Elena) related to the currently entombed vampire Katherine?  Perhaps Isabel is still alive . . . or maybe even undead?

                Speaking of Alaric, he used his time as chaperone of the school dance to interrogate Damon as to the latter’s reasons for being in town.  Instantly suspicious, Damon tries his mind bendy trick on Alaric to ascertain his true intentions.  At first, Alaric’s interest in Damon seems genuinely innocent, and Damon is led off the scent.  However, later, we find that Alaric’s hands are filled with crushed vervain, making him immune to Damon’s hypnotic charms.  This begs the question, how much exactly does Alaric know about the Salvatore brothers?

Unlike Druggie Jeremy, Stepford Jeremy Doesn’t Do Vampire Love

            It appears that the total 180 Elena’s little brother has done, personality-wise, since Damon did that little mind-bendy thing on him, after Vicki’s untimely undead death has, in fact, stuck.  The former rebel is now getting A’s on extra credit papers, kissing up to teachers by offering them up precious and rare family heirlooms, and serving un-spiked punch at school dances.  In short, he’s become a nerd . . . and a celibate one at that.

            In fact, throughout the episode, Jeremy diligently fends off the advances of the increasingly needy-seeming home-school history buff, Anna.  However, it isn’t until Anna shows up at his school dance uninvited, and insists that he steal back his ancestor’s journal from his history teacher, so he can give it to her instead, that I started to really worry for the youngest Gilbert.  Visions of Fatal Attraction and boiled bunnies danced in my head. 

 

“I will not be ignored . . . Jeremy!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYpeKbHKVbU

            Then of course, Amy got those tell tale black lines on her face. And her eyes got all puffy and rimmed with dark circles.  Apparently, on Vampire Diaries, this is a sign of vampiric hunger.  But for me, that’s just what I happen to look like when I wake up in the morning.  Go figure!  As it turns out Amy is a “bad vampire” who teamed up with the Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire who tried to kill Elena in last week’s episode, in order to free Katherine and the other vamps eternally locked underground in a tomb. 

Geez, how slutty was this Katherine?  Because apparently there wasn’t a vampire in Virginia, male or female who didn’t “hit” that one . . .

“Oh my God, you killed Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire!  You Bastard!”

 

            Like another well-known slow walking, hoodie-wearing character, this episode introduced us to a guy who knows how to die, but can’t seem to stay dead.  When we first met this Vampire (i.e. he already died once), he had just been hit by Elena’s car, and appeared to be dead (again).  Then, he tried to kill Elena, before being stopped by Damon.  He starts off this episode by stalking Elena via cell phone.  In an effort to protect his girlfriend, Stefan provides her with her own family heirloom (Way to regift, d-bag!), a pocket watch that points out the whereabouts of nearby blood suckers.

            Later, as Elena prepares for the school dance, the pocket watch starts going haywire.  Elena understandably freaks out and calls Stefan, only to have Damon pick up the phone.  When Damon informs her that Stefan is on the way to her house, Elena relaxes, convinced that the pocket watch is merely illustrating the presence of her lover . . . that is until she finds Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire lounging around on her ceiling.  Stefan quickly comes to her rescue, and the undead dude gets away.

            Stefan calls Damon. Then, the newly-formed Scooby Gang (every teen show has one) plot their revenge.  Recognizing that now that Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire has been invited into Elena’s home (he posed as a pizza boy), and that he will not stop until he kills her, the trio decide to use Elena as bait at the dance in order to confront the guy.  Elena reluctantly agrees.  So, off to the dance we go.

            Things start off fairly normal, with Elena and Stefan sharing a slow dance, and Elena teasing Stefan about his age.  “You’re so teaching me the hand jive,” she insists.  (Elena, honey, I was still about three decades away from being born during the 50’s, and I know how to hand jive.  Like most self-respecting women, I learned from watching Grease.  And you call yourself a girl  . . .)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcZjpGeHhR4

            Stefan soon leaves Elena alone and heads off to pursue a guy he thinks is Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vamp.  (It ends up being a ruse).  Once alone, Elena receives a cryptic phone call, informing her that she must meet Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire, or her brother dies. Elena walks into the trap and is attacked by “the hooded one,” who she stakes with a pencil, but to no avail.  (Aren’t they supposed to like, disintegrate, or something?  I mean it worked pretty well for Vicki and Lexi, right?)  Then both Stefan AND Damon come to the rescue, each taking turns fatally staking Hoodie Dude with available pointed objects.  The problem is . . . dude just won’t die.

            And so, the Scooby Gang takes this opportunity to interrogate the staked vamp about Katherine, who the latter claims to know.  According to this vamp, they will need Bonnie’s ancestor Emily’s Grimindor (sp? – Every time they mentioned this word on the show, I found myself thinking about Harry Potter’s House at Hogwarts, very similar name, right?) to free Katherine from the tomb. 

 

(If you recall, earlier in the episode Stefan agreed to help Damon free Katherine, provided the latter let the other entombed vampires die, and left town.  Later, an unusually devious Stefan revealed to Elena that he had no intention of helping Damon with his nefarious plan.)

            With one last staking Creepy Hoodie-Wearing Vampire FINALLY dies and all is right in the world.  Or is it?

A Date with a Vampire

            After setting her sights on the older man (the question is how much older, years . . . or centuries), Bonnie strikes up some flirtatious conversation with Ben McKittrick, a former high school football star who now tends bar in town.  Eventually Bonnie gets the courage to ask her crush out  . . . for karaoke night?  (Note to Bonnie:  unless you are Jordin Sparks, this is a terrible — I repeat, terrible — idea for a first high school date.)  McKittrick declines the opportunity to be the next Vampire Idol, but agrees to date Bonnie elsewhere. 

            However, just in case you were getting excited about the blossoming romance between these two, moments later McKittrick is attacked by none other than Jeremy’s creepy home schooled vamp friend, Anna.  However, instead of killing him, she kisses him.  As it turns out, these two are a blood-sucking vampiric item, equally intent on freeing Katherine from her underground grave.  So much for a healthy relationship, Bonnie . . .

Caroline Gets Her Man

            In the “living” relationship world, Caroline finds herself repeatedly frustrated by her “friend” Matt.  Apparently, Matt’s inability to get over Elena, and his seeming unwillingness take things to the next level with Caroline, are becoming a major buzz kill for the blond vixen.  When Matt gives Caroline the cold shoulder, Caroline confronts him.  Matt explains to her that he is not ready to enter into another relationship, using the classic cop out line, “It would just ruin our friendship.” 

          Having, personally, both said and received this line, I can tell you firsthand, it usually isn’t taken well.  And this time is no exception.  Caroline declares the pair’s friendship over and storms out.

            Moments later, in a move that seems custom-made for teen dramas and romantic comedies, Matt follows Caroline out with his car, and before she can yell at him some more, he pulls her in for a romantic kiss right in the middle of the street.  After doing this, he says, “This will never work,” before kissing her some more.  Yeah, we know, Matt . . . but it is fun to watch, anyway . . .

            And that was our show, in a nutshell . . .  Tune in next week, when we go further back in time to analyze Slutty Vampire Katherine’s origins.