(The following post will eventually be cross-posted at Agony Booth.com. Please check out all the cool movie reviews and TV recaps they have there!)
Given the company’s recent decision to shift their business model away from previously-released films, and toward more original programming, I suspect we will be seeing a lot more “television series” like Easy on Netflix, in the near future. The show itself — an eight-episode compilation of VERY loosely related stories, each involving some aspect of sex and romantic relationships in the 21st century — struck me more as a slyly disguised abbreviated pilot season for the entertainment platform, than an actual comprehensive Season 1 of an ongoing television series.
Each episode features an attractive, more or less likeable, cast of B minus / C+ list Hollywood actors going about the sexy business of their respective upper middle-class lives. Orlando Bloom, New Girl’s Jake Johnson, and Dave Franco are probably the most recognizable faces you will see in Easy, which should give you an idea of the level of “star power” you will find here. Though there are definitely other faces and voices you will recognize. In fact, I think most of the fun of Easy is trying to pinpoint the failed television series or supporting role in a romantic comedy that has caused you to remember the visage of a particular Easy cast mate.
That being said, you’ve got to imagine that the good folks at Netflix created Easy under the assumption that one or more of the episodes would receive a more favorable review by critics than the others, and that cast and storyline can get its own show. (One cast of characters finds themselves at the forefront of two episodes in the series, while the rest of the work-a-day schlubs only get one a-piece). And hey, if none of the episodes end up being well-reviewed, well there is always the option for an Easy: Season 2, with an entirely different cast and story lines.
As for the individual episodes themselves, I found most of them, if not particularly memorable, at least pleasant and inoffensive enough (except for one episode, in particular, which featured, WAY too much female body hair for my liking. But I think that’s just a matter of personal preference. Maybe y’all really like looking at body hair, while sitting on your couch eating your Saturday morning cereal breakfast!) I certainly didn’t despise any of the characters featured in Easy. And there definitely wasn’t an episode of the series I watched, where I found myself saying, “Wow, this is so awful. I have to turn this off.”
If anything, part of me wishes some of the episodes were MORE controversial. I didn’t particularly feel like Easy had anything new and groundbreaking to say about sex and romance in the 21st century. In fact, in a post- Sex and the City age, I feel like most sex-related topics, including many of the topics covered in this series, have become part of the television mainstream.
So what sex topics are covered in Easy? You may be wondering. Well, in one episode, a forty-something husband and father struggles with the fact that his wife has recently become the breadwinner in the family, and that makes him feel sexually emasculated. In another, a lesbian couple tries to navigate a budding sexual relationship, despite the fact that the two lovers have vastly different recreational interests. In a third episode, a happily married couple attempts to spice up their relationship, by using a Tinder-type dating app to find themselves a companion for experimentation with menage a trois. In a fourth tale, a middle-aged graphic novelist famed for detailing his sexual escapades in his works is nonplussed, when his most recent, millennial, lover documents her rendezvous with him in a slightly more modern, and definitely more invasive, form of media. In still a fifth story, one half of a Spanish couple –who speak mainly in subtitles throughout the episode– (GASP!) has an extramarital affair with an old flame.
These are all topics that, had they been featured in a television series, say ten, or maybe even five years ago, may have seemed taboo, or at least titillating, but now, come across as commonplace, at best, and a bit ho-hum, at worst.
Ironically, probably the best story of the bunch, which also happens to be the one featured twice in the series, is also the most chaste, sexually speaking. It’s the one about two brothers, one straight-laced, the other a stoner, who decide to open a bootleg bar and brewery together, much to the dismay of the more conservative brother’s very pregnant wife.
Easy
In sum, while I wouldn’t recommend you drop everything this instant, and binge-watch Easy in its entirety (I’m sure you have much more exciting things to do with your Saturday nights, like laundry or toilet bowl cleaning, for example.), it may be worth a try, if for no other reason than to brush up on your character actor recognition skills, and to try and predict which of the eight of the episodes is destined to become Netflix’s next original series . . .
Is it just me, or would Sue’s “wedding dress” look fabulous with a pair of those sneakers Steve Martin made for his daughter in that “Father of the Bride” movie?
Do you LOVE weddings? Does the mere sight of taffeta and lace make you go gooey? Do you weep with joy, every time you receive a calligraphy-adorned envelope in the mail, with your name on it? If so, this was the Glee episode for YOU! After all, this week’s installment of Glee offered not one, but TWO weddings!
Despite the episode’s title suggesting otherwise, Kurt and Finn didn’t actually marry one another, during Furt 😦 . . .
Well . . . actually . . . one wedding, and one rehearsal. But still, you’ve got to admit, that’s a whole lot of HOLY NUPTIAL for a single hour of television!
As for those of you who HATE weddings . . . well, at least you got to watch a couple of guys beat the crap out of one another . . .
I mean, that’s gotta count for something, right?
And so, without further adieu, what do you say we strap on those high heels, pick up that bouquet, and get ready for that long slow saunter down the aisle? (But since it’s a Glee Wedding, that “long slow saunter” will be more like a cheesy skip-hop, performed while waving streamers in the air, to the tune of a Bruno Mars song.)
Wheeeeeeeee!
An Indecent Proposal
“Ohhhh, Indecent! Sounds kinky!”‘
Question: What is the LEAST romantic location for a marriage proposal?
If you answered in a high school classroom that reeks of chalk and body odor, you are clearly not part of the Hummel family! The episode begins with Kurt’s Super-Adorable-I-Just-Want-To-Pinch-His-Cheeks-Every-Time-He’s-On-Screen Daddy, and Finn’s Ridculously Sweet Mommy invading McKinley High.
(Is there no security at McKinley High? So, basically, anybody could just waltz into this school, without so much as a “full body scan” or a groin-groping pat down?)
Principal Sylvester FAIL!
Anyway, Happy Couple, Burt and Carol, arrive at school to share some good news with Kurt and Finn. Apparently, Burt just proposed to Carol in the SAME SCHOOL CLASSROOM WHERE THEY FIRST MET! How lame romantic! As luck would have it, the duo need to be married by the end of the week. (Did anybody else get a whiff of Shotgun Wedding from this scene? Because I did!)
Mini Kurt: Coming Soon to a Glee near you?
Since Burt has already spent his life savings satisfying Kurt’s endless requests for Barbara Streisand tickets and designer hats, the couple wants to “save their money for the honeymoon,” Burt and Carol cannot afford a wedding planner or a real band. And, so, they hire the next best things . . .
Wedding Planner Kurt . . .
and . . .
Wedding Band, New Directions.
Upon hearing that he has been given the opportunity to create the Poor Person’s Version of Wedding of his Childhood Dreams, Kurt becomes so ecstatic, that he stops spitting out little pink purses every time he speaks . . .
. . . and starts puking veils, rings, and something blue?
Marital Masturbation?
There is a difference between “loving yourself,” and “LOVING YOURSELF,” if you catch my drift . . .
When we first see Sue, she has just learned that her ex-boyfriend, Smarmy News Anchor, Rod Randall, is going to marry his Prissy-80’s hair wearing co-anchor. “You are going to die alone,” 80’s Hair sweetly tells Sue.
80’s Hair’s comment about the prospect of Sue dying alone clearly impacts the Cheerios’ coach. And so, our favorite track-suit wearing diva decides to take action . . . by doing something that will ABSOLUTELY ensure that her rival’s prediction will come true. (Hey, if you can’t beat em,’ join em’ right?). Sue makes a proposal of marriage to the ONLY person genetically capable of putting up with her unique brand of Crazy. HERSELF!
Like Burt and Carol before her, Sue seems to be in a major rush to get herself to the altar. Invitations are hastily drafted, and sent out into the world . . .
One of those invitations goes to Sue’s mother, a woman named Doris, who looks suspiciously like Carol Burnett.
The resemblance is uncanny . . .
Apparently, Doris has been so busy “Nazi” hunting, that she hasn’t had time to do insignificant little things like . . . oh . . . raising her two daughters. And so, because this is Glee, Mama Sylvester does what every cast member on this show does, when they want to justify being an MAJOR A**hole to the people around them . . . she sings about it.
The only difference is that, rather than sing a cool song, Mama Sylvester sings a lame one entitled “Ohio,” with Sue chiming in for the two-part harmony. Personally, I would have preferred something a little snappier like “Mama Mia,” or “Mama, I’m Coming Home,” or “She’s a Bad Mama Jama,” or “Mama Said Knock You Out,” or . . . well . . . any song aside from “Ohio.” But, hey, you can’t get everything you want in this world, right?
At the “wedding rehearsal,” a very unsupportive Doris says so many AWFUL things about Sue, and her life choices, that Sue actually ends up disinviting her from the wedding! Now Sue will not only be the bride, groom, and officiant at her own wedding, she will also have to be the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE! Gee, I wonder who’s going to end up catching the bouquet? Sue? Sue? Or Sue?
This is Sue Sylvester’s world. The rest of us are just living in it . . .
Well, Bully for YOU!
Sue wasn’t the only cast member coping with a MAJOR A**hole this week. Kurt barely had time to rejoice over the fact that he was FINALLY, after 16 long years, going to get to be . . .
. . . when that Mean Ole Bastard, Karofsky, is all up in his grill, and snatching his bride and groom cake toppers right out of his hand, just because he can.
Will, who witnesses the Great Cake Topper Massacre firsthand, accompanies a clearly traumatized Kurt to Principal Sue’s office, where she does a surprisingly good job playing the role of school administrator.
I KNOW! Crazy, right?
As it turns out, Sue, was also bullied quite a bit, back when she was in high school. So, she is surprisingly sympathetic to Kurt’s plight. And yet without proof that Karofsky has committed any actual physical violence to Kurt (beyond just pushing him into a locker and raping his face, with gross slobbery Neanderthal kisses), Sue’s hands are tied. However, the new principal promises Kurt that the minute Karofsky lays a hand on Kurt, or anyone else at the school, for that matter,, he will be immediately expelled.
On the way out of the meeting, Kurt callls issue with Sue’s repeated insistence on calling him “lady.” “That’s bullying too,” Kurt explains matter-of-factly.
“A Bully? Moi?”
“As an apology, I’ll allow you to choose from the following nicknames: Gelfling, Porcelain or Tickle-Me-Doughface,” Sue concedes.
(Yeah, I didn’t know what the f*ck a Gelfling was either. But, according to Google images, they look like this . . .)
Kurt ultimately decides to go with Porcelain. Although I, like Sue, would have much preferred “Tickle-Me Doughface.”
Clearly, Tickle Me Elmo agrees . . .
Behind Every Great Man there’s an Even Greater (and sometimes much more annoying) Woman . . .
Upon hearing about the HORROR that was Great Cake Topper Massacre, Rachel commandeers Quinn, Brittany, and Tina to help Kurt. “All of us have boyfriends on the football team,” Rachel explains.
Wait . . . Mike Chang is on the football team? Brittany is ACTUALLY dating Artie? How did I not know ANY of this?
Rachel’s master plan is for the girls to deny their “boyfriends” sex, until they agree to beat up Karofsky on Kurt’s behalf. The only problem is that Rachel doesn’t put out. So, her boyfriend, Finn, sits back and gets his toenails done while, “Rising Star of Popularity” Sam, along with Mike and Artie, do the dirty work, in the coolest, most disturbing, and unintentionally hilarious Boys Locker Room Fight Scene Ever!
Mike (apparently he IS on the football team!) Chang and Artie are up first. They defend Kurt’s honor, by exchanging constipated facial expressions with Karofsky. But then Karofsky PUSHES OVER ARTIE’S WHEELCHAIR!
OK . . . now that’s just friggin EVIL!
So, in steps Alpha Male Macaulay Culkin Sam to SAVE THE DAY, by kicking Karofsky’s closeted ASS!
Oh, don’t worry, Macauley! Your doppelganger is OK. He just got a black eye.
And besides, Quinn found out what Sam did for Kurt, and she’s actually wearing his promise ring now . . .
You know what that means, don’t you? Sam is TOTALLY going to get laid NOW!
EXPULSION!
Burt Hummel is at the school again (see what I mean about the lack of security!), taking wedding dance lessons from Kurt and Terrible Dancer Finn, when Karofsky pops by and “limp wrists” Kurt. Burt sees this happen, and quickly figures out that Kurt is being bullied by this D-bag. So, Burt PUSHES KAROFSKY INTO A LOCKER AND THREATENS TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM!
Then, Karofsky’s dad, Doc Arzt from LostI thought he died in a plane crash! is called to the school to explain his son’s bullying ways.
“The smoke monster made him do it.”
Arzt admits that Karofsky’s been acting out a bit of late. And when Sue expels the Douche for terrorizing Kurt and BEATING UP ON POOR ARTIE, Arzt seems to accept his son’s fate, at least at first . . .
“Marry YOU!”
Burt and Carol’s nuptials had EVERYTHING a Wedding Fangirl could ask for: tear-jerking speeches, dancing, glitz and glam – THE WORKS!
The wedding featured not one . . . not two . . . but THREE musical numbers! The first was a dance down the aisle to the Glee kids cover of “Marry You.” The cover, though admittedly cheesy (I could have done without the bad down-the-aisle YouTube video inspired dancing and the streamers), was pretty awesome!
Next came Will Schuester’s cover of Michael Buble’s version of that classic pre-sex song, “Sway.” Although, it wasn’t the best version of the song I’ve seen, how could you not LOVE the image of a Pre-Sex Schuester?
But it was the third song that REALLY put the icing on the Wedding Cake that was this episode. In it, Finn pays tribute to his new brother, Kurt. In doing so, he officially forms the new holy union of “Furt” — a union that will hereby join the “Power Couple” ranks of Finchel, Puckleberry, Squinn, Mina, Bartie, and whatever other random couple Glee decides to make up in the future!
“No one has showed me, as much as you, what it means to be a man. From now on, I’ve got your back,” explains a teary-eyed Finn. It’s about damn time, You Lazy Stepbrother, YOU! Finn then breaks into yet another Bruno Mars hit. This one is the super sweet, “Just the Way You Are.”
Speaking of Finn, did I mention he loves Rachel too much to tell her he actually DID have sex with Santana, while the pair was on a break — even though doing so might make him more popular?
Oh yeah, that decision is going to TOTALLY end up biting him in the ass later . . .
Kurt abandons McKinley, heads to Hogwarts Dalton
Back at school, Kurt is about to receive some bad news from Principal Sue. As it turns out, the school board dismissed her decision to expel Karofsky. (She has resigned in protest. Welcome back, Principal Figgins.)
“Come on! Don’t act surprised! You guys knew it was only a matter of time . . . I’m still on contract with Glee for 8 more episodes!”
But with Karofsky still at the school, ready to terrorize Kurt at a moments notice , Kurt no longer feels safe at McKinley. And so, conveniently, just in time for next week’s Sectionals Extravaganza. Kurt’s Pa and Step Ma use all their “Honeymoon Money” That must have been one HUGE HONEYMOON they were planning, because private schools are FRIGGIN EXPENSIVE to transfer Kurt to a school, where there is a No Tolerance Against Bullying Policy — a school where boys don’t use their fist; they proudly sing, prance, and play with wands . . . Hogwarts School of Wizardry Dalton Academy!
Killing Voldemort, one show tune at a time . . .
(Note: Kurt STILL hasn’t outed Karofsky for kissing him, which he REALLY SHOULD, especially since he isn’t planning on returning to the school. It would serve that closeted Asshat RIGHT!)
You know what this means, don’t you? Kurt is going to be a Dalton Academy WARBLER! And the Warbler’s are AGAINST New Directions at sectionals!
“Quinn, what the f*ck? He’s not even a natural blonde! At least with me, you already know what our babies will look like . . . With him, it’s a total crap shoot.”
Let me start by saying that I ADORED this week’s episode of Glee. Sure, before last night, I had never heard about 75% of the songs the cast performed. (Who knew my lack of knowledge about Barbara Streisand, and 70’s musicals, would be such a handicap, when recapping a show about singing high schoolers!) Yet, the episode was FUN, the performances – stellar, the dialogue — witty and realistic . . . well . . . at least about as realistic as dialogue on this show could get.
HOWEVER . . . I had two BIG problems with “Duets.” Here’s one . . .
“The horror!”
. . . and here’s the other . . .
“This is SO uncool, man.”
For Puck’s part, his absence was explained away, early in the episode. According to Mr. Schue, he’s in JUVIE.
Just don’t drop that soap, pal. I hear those communal showers can be a little . . . HARD.
Puck’s infraction? Something having to do with a convenience store and ATM. Unfortunately, I was too busy screaming, crying, and throwing my shoes at the television to really hear the explanation.
I REALLY should have forked over the extra cash for that warranty . . .
Now, as my mother calmly explained to me, as I proceeded to have a nervous breakdown to her over the phone, during one of the commercial breaks, Puck’s temporary absence was necessary, plotwise, to enable the inevitable, Quinn / Samm (Quisamm?) relationship to blossom.
It starts with holding hands, it ends with holding *&$%s.
Glee staff writers, HOW, I repeat, HOW could you create an episode that was both SUE-less AND PUCK-less? Need I remind you, that this is the last episode before Glee enters a NOT ONE, but TWO-week hiatus? Given that fact, this week’s TOTAL and COMPLETE lack of “Bad Boy” and “Bad Woman” was just majorly CRUEL!
See, you’ve gone and made Mr. Schue, CRY! You should be ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!
*takes a deep breath*
OK . . . I’m better now. Let’s get on with the recap, shall we?
Meet Sam I Am (Gay?)
When the episode opens, Will begins glee club practice by making three anouncements. The first concerns the absence of Puck . . .
GRRRRRRRR!
The second involves the introduction of New Kid, Sam, to Glee Club. Sam hails from an All Boys Boarding School . . . and all that implies.
Coincidentally, do you think all that “communal showering” Sam did back at board school can account for his OBVIOUS penchant for walking around HALF NAKED throughout most of this episode?
Not that I’m complaining . . .
So, anyway, Sam introduces himself to the Gleeks by making a VERY lame Green Eggs and Ham reference.
Said reference proved precisely TWO THINGS about this character. (1) He can read up to at least first-grade level, putting him leaps and bounds above SOME other Glee club members . . .
“Sam I Am? Brittany I am!”
. . . and (2) just in case any of you out there thought this guy was “too cool” to be a Gleek, he’s DEFINITELY NOT!
While he is in front of the class, Chatty Cathies Kurt and Mercedes take this time to size up the “Fresh Meat.”
“He’s on Team Gay. No straight boy dies his hair to look like Linda Evangelista circa 1993,” whispers Kurt knowingly.
Coincidentally, 1993 was probably also the year the Kurt character was BORN. (Watch those pop culture references, Glee writers!)
And, yet . . . the kid DOES have a point . . .
For his third announcement, Mr. Schue announces that New Directions will be having a “Duet Competition.” The winning pair is to receive a dinner for two at The Olive Garden Breadsticks . . .
. . . a restaurant, whose big claim to fame is . . . you guessed it . . . All You Can Eat Breadsticks . . .
OK . . . Is anyone else REALLY hungry right now?
To Couple, or NOT To Couple
Within moments, we are treated to our first of many obligatory Shirtless Sam shots, when Kurt accosts the Newbie in the men’s locker room and practically demands to be his “duets” partner.
“*sings*Gimme a head with hair. Long, beautiful dyed hair. Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen . . . Oh . . . I’m sorry Kurt. Were you trying to ask me something?”
He’s going to have to think about it . . .
Meanwhile, in Sort of/ Kind of Lesbi-land, Brittany and Santana are laying on Brittany’s bed and TOTALLY MACKING ON EACHOTHER!
HOLY MACK-ERONI!
And, I mean, they are really going at it. In fact, I haven’t seen this much girl-on-girl action in a show about high schoolers since . . .um . . . ever.
Observe the telltale Post-Sex Head.
Things seem to be going great for “Brittana,” what with Brittany cooing over “Sweet Lady Kisses,” and Santana making surprisingly naughty (especially for 8 p.m. on Fox) references to “scissoring.”
But then, Brittany mentions the duet competition. Suddenly, Santana halts the Massive Makeout Session, and gets all huffy. (That’s NOT WHAT I MEANT! Get your mind out of the gutter!)
“I’m not making out with you because I want to . . . sing about making lady babies. It’s just that with Puck gone, I need to get my mack on,” scoffs Santana.
Poor Brittany looks totally crushed by her lover / bestie’s massive KISS OFF. In fact, it’s probably a good thing she ISN’T a guy, otherwise she would TOTALLY have a pair of THESE right now . . .
Rather than lead Brittany on more than she already has, Santana opts instead for an unlikely duet partnership with Mercedes, since the two share such complementary voices and styles. If you recall, these two ALREADY sang one duet to the song “The Boy is Mine” last season, back when both divas were battling for PUCK’S affections. (See, it always comes BACK TO PUCK! WE WANT PUCK! WE WANT PUCK!)
Meanwhile, Finn badgers Kurt about ruining Sam’s reputation, by performing a duet with him. Later, in one of their trademark touching scenes, Kurt’s dad (who seems to be recovering quite nicely from his heart attack, by the way) surprises Kurt, by calling him out for aggressively trying to “out” people who may not be ready to do so.
Kurt, in a surprising show of self-sacrifice, ultimately gives up the opportunity to partner with Sam, leaving the new kid and his INSANE abs free to pair up with Quinn.
Meanwhile, in the Oddest Pairing of the Century, Brittany starts dating Artie . . .
. . . she does this despite the fact that, for while, she thought he was a robot . . .
“Before we duet, we are going to do it,” says Brittany, in her trademark emotionless deadpan.
And with that, the Dumb Blonde lifts Artie up, and carries him to the same bed where she was macking on Santana, a few scenes ago. And then they . . . ACTUALLY DO IT!
So, just in case you were keeping score, that makes our final couples for the Duet Competition:
(1) Rachel and Finn (duh!)
(2) Mike and Tina (double duh!)
(3) Mercedes and Santana
(4) Quinn and Puck Sam
(5) Brittany and Artie
(6) Kurt and . . . um . . . Kurt
Let’s see how they did . . .
Rachel and Finn – Like Grease 2, only with Nuns . . .
It seems that the Glee writers have been reading our recaps, in which we all bitched and moaned about how utterly detestable Rachel has been since the beginning of this season. Because this week, they had to go and make her a SAINT . . . well . . . at least a nun. (I wonder how long THAT’S going to last!)
It all started while Rachel and Finn were practicing their first choice of song for the duet’s competition, “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” (originally performed by Elton John and Kiki Dee).
When it was all over, Rachel surprised Finn (and the ENTIRE VIEWING PUBLIC) by wondering if the performance was simply “too good.”
Self-absorbed, personal recognition-grubbing diva, say WHAT?
Apparently, some time between this episode and last, Rachel randomly decided that she is . . . SELFISH.
So, she decides she wants to be a better person. Being a better person apparently starts with improving the Glee Club’s moral. And, in order to do this, she and Finn must THROW THE DUET COMPETITION!
“Clearly, the apocalypse has come to McKinley High. I never should have eaten that Grilled Cheesus.”
Of course, I commend Rachel for her new found generosity. And, yes, Iagree with her that, lately Glee New Directions has become “The Rachel Show,” so change was definitely needed. However, I have to say, I was surprised by who Rachel selected to “win” the competition.
Why the New Kid? Wouldn’t it make sense for one of the more seasoned, and more frequently shafted Gleeks to get a chance to shine? Like . . . say . . . MIKE CHANG . . .
Nevertheless, Finn and Rachel begin concocting their “evil” plot to foil the competition. Suddenly, Rachel has an idea.
She randomly recalls how inferior Grease 2 was to the original Grease, and attributes that negative comparison to Grease 2’s poorly written songs.
Now, while I’ll admit that most of the songs in Grease 2 did, in fact, suck, I will ALWAYS love me some C-O-O-L-R-I-D-E-R! Come on, tell me that was NOT classic!
And so, in a move that would make those guys from The Producers proud, Rachel and Finn decide on a performance that is so “offensive” they can’t possibly win. The song they choose is called “With You I’m Born Again,” and it was originally sung by Billy Preston.
Yes, it was bad. But, honestly, at first, I didn’t really get what exactly everybody thought was so “offensive” about it. And based on the message boards I perused after viewing the episode, many of you didn’t, either. So, I did some research.
As it turns out, “With You I’m Born Again,” is all about spiritual awakening through . . . sex. So, yeah . . . a song about sex, sung by a nun and a priest, who can’t have ANY SEX . . . ever . . . well . . . I guess that could be construed as kind of offensive.
Then again, wasn’t that what the ENTIRE Sister Act movie was about?
Tina and Mike – MIKE CHANG FINALLY SANG! . . . sort of.
Now, if you’ve read my Gleecaps before, you know I was particularly excited about this plotline. After all, I’ve been giving Good Ole Mike Chang quite the hard time for failing to sing (or talk much) throughout the show’s entire first season. But hey, I guess can complain no more! After all, in his duet with Tina this week, Mike Chang had more “speaking” (and “singing”) lines than he had ALL FIRST SEASON combined . .
When we first visit Tina and Mike, we see that things haven’t been quite so rosy, since the couple left Asian Math Camp.
Mike’s awesome abs, notwithstanding.
You see, Mike’s really big into his culture. And he shows this, by repeatedly taking Tina on dates for Dim Sum. Did I mention that HIS MOM always comes along?
As if that wasn’t bad enough, Tina wants to do is just once eat a salad that doesn’t have Chicken Feet in it, and Mike wants to go to ASIAN COUPLES THERAPY?
“I bet I’m starting to look REALLY good now, aren’t I Tina.”
To further complicate matters, Mike, who can dance like a dream, REALLY CAN’T SING, which is ironic since GLEE CLUB is for SINGING PEOPLE. And yet, Tina and Mike make this work to their advantage by performing their duet to song “Sing” from “Chorus Line.”
During the song, Mike basically talks to music about how he can’t . . . sing . . . and Tina finishes his sentences. Through it all Mike does an awesomely comic little dance. In short, I loved it.
This almost makes up for an ENTIRE season of laziness, Mike . . . almost. Just stop taking your mom on your dates, will ya?
Santana and Mercedes – Rockin the Tina Turner Tune
In terms of a recap, I really don’t have much more to say about this duet. Santana and Mercedes rocked out to Tina Turner’s “River Deep, Mountain High,” another song I had never heard before this episode. The song highlighted both girls’ vocal range extremely well. But, of course, it was the duo’s sexy sassy dance that really made it their own.
By the way, does it bother anyone else that the Cheerios ALWAYS wear their uniforms?
Sometimes when I see them, I feel like I’m watching some cartoon where the characters always wear the same thing — like Charlie Brown or The Simpsons.
That CAN’T be hygenic. I mean seriously, how many versions of that leotard to those girls have. Is it like Ronald McDonald, and those wacky suits he always wears?
Do you think that when you open up Brittany or Santana’s closet, and it’s just filled with Cheerios uniforms? Finn and Puck are athletes, and you don’t see THEM wearing their smelly uniforms everyday.
I just don’t get it . . .
Britt and Artie are SO NOT Lady and The Tramp
Remember that iconic scene from The Lady and the Tramp where the titular couple goes on their first date to the Italian restaurant, and they share that one strand of spaghetti? And then Tramp pushes the last meatball with his nose over to Lady so she can eat it?
Come on! Who of you out there DIDN’T hope to reenact that scene with your significant other one day? Well, apparently Brittany was no different. In fact, her dream was to win the duets competition, and take Artie to Breadsticks so they could “do it” together.
But then Santana came along, and had to f&*k everything up.
She told Artie that Brittany was using him for his voice, and that the only thing he could get her that she didn’t already have was “super choice parking.”
(I’d put an “Oh Snap” here, if that line wasn’t so gosh darn offensive . . .)
Artie is understandably crushed. After all, Brittany took his virginity for crying out loud. He dumps her, and quickly drops out of the competition. In a sad and pathetic, but still kinda funny final scene, we see Brittany eating at Breadsticks alone, pushing her meatball to NOBODY. I guess that’s what you get for being such a TRAMP. (pun intended).
Kurt and Kurt (and, later Kurt and Rachel)
If you recall, Kurt gave up Sam as a partner, leaving him with none. So, Kurt decides to sing with the Glee club member he likes best . . . himself. Kurt performs “Le Hot Jazz” from the play “Victor Victoria,” dressed in half drag. (Though admittedly the “girl” side looked more “Guy who REALLY likes Makeup” than “Female.” Maybe this is because, on Broadway, the song is typically performed a by a woman.)
Anyway, once Kurt starts singing, magically, all these professional dancers appear on stage to perform with him. You know what I call that? Cheating.
Though, I have to admit, they did put on quite the show . . .
Toward the end of the episode, Lobotomized Nice Rachel approaches Kurt and lets him know that the rest of the Glee Club loves him. She sweetly tells him that even though he is lonely, he isn’t alone.
OK . . . that’s it . . . tell me what you’ve done with the REAL Rachel!
Together the pair sing a mashup of “Come on Get Happy” and “Happy Days” are here again. Sources tell me, this same mashup was sung by Judy Garland and Barbara Streisand on network television some time back. Whereever the song came from, it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
And the winners are . . . Sam and Quinn
From the moment Quinn started washing that Slushee out of Sam’s hair, the chemistry between those two was pretty intense. Things only got hotter when he tried to teach her how to play guitar by groping her and grazing her breasts with his hands delicately placing her fingers on the strings. But when Sam tried to kiss Quinn, she FREAKED OUT.
Why? Well clearly not because she’s a virgin . . .
Actually, Quinn had good reason to be tentative about jumping into a new relationship. She has been through a lot this past season. So, she was eager to return to just being a normal teenager / cheerleader / Mean Girl. Quinn abruptly tells Sam she doesn’t want to sing with him, and takes off.
Later, with the matchmaking help of Rachel and Finn, the pair reconcile. Together, they sing Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat’s “Lucky.” And, in the words of Santana, the performance is “so friggin charming,” it just had to win.
Don’t believe me? See for yourself.
So, off Sam and Quinn go to Olive GardenBreadsticks.
At dinner, Sam tries to “charm” Quinn by talking Navi . . .
“Dude, are you serious? I speak fluent Navi, and even I know THAT doesn’t work.”
. . . and doing a REALLY BAD Matthew McConaughey impersonation.
Hey LOOK! It’s Linda Evangelista’s hair, circa 1993! Now we know who Sam got the idea from!
Granted, this is the same guy who introduced himself to a group of high schoolers, by using a Dr. Seuss reference. Can we really be surprised?
Then Sam tells Quinn he has to confess something to her. Of course, she immediately assumes, as Kurt did earlier in the episode, that Sam is on Team Gay. He’s not. Sam just wants her to know that he dyes his hair like Linda Evangelista.
Quinn is so overjoyed by this news, that she . . . MAKES SAM PAY FOR THE FREE MEAL THEY WON!
Ummmm . . . how romantic? Brattiness of that request aside, these two are cute together, and I truly wish them the best at least until Puck comes back. But I couldn’t help but wonder, are those Breadsticks coupons still up for grabs, because I’m REALLY hungry!
Here at TV Recappers Anonymous, we love ALL of our sexy television and movie men. But, admittedly, some of them get more love than others. Lately, Ian Somerhalder has been getting the MOST love of them all! Right now, you probably know him best as Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries.
On that show, he is the “big bad,” quite possibly sociopathic, definitely vampiric, 160 plus-year old, older brother to Paul Wesley’s Stefan Salvatore.
In his role as Damon Salvatore, Ian plays a man with a serious thirst for blood, a penchant for the ladies, and a soft spot for one Elena Gilbert.
Did I mention he owns a mansion, and enjoys dancing around it half naked?
(Click the internal link below, to view the video)
Now while all of this is FABULOUS for us fans, The Vampire Diaries only airs once a week. In fact, there are only TWO more episodes in the season. Very soon, Somerhalder fans will be faced with a summer-long draught of open-shirted, brow-furrowed, snarky commenting, fabulous dancing goodness. After all, there are only SO MANY Damon Salvatore fan videos you can watch on YouTube!
This is where I come in . . . You see, believe it or not, before The Vampire Diaries, Ian Somerhalder was actually in OTHER STUFF!
Shocking, I know! The purpose of this blog entry today, is to help guide YOU toward Ian Somerhalder YouTube Nirvana. This way, once The Vampire Diaries is on hiatus (after you’ve broken the virtual “Play” button on your “Damon and Vicki Dancing Webclip,” and after you have watched every single Damon Salvatore fan video known to man), you have some other places to look, in order to satisfy your Somerhalder-sized cravings . . .
Young Americans (2000)
This short-lived WB series (pre-CW) about an all-boys boarding school wasn’t around that long. In fact, the show (a spinoff of the popular teen drama Dawson’s Creek), only lasted about eight episodes. And yet, in that brief amount of time, it managed to REALLY push the envelope with some surprisingly risque storylines. Most notably (of course, otherwise why would I include it here?) was the plotline involving Ian Somerhalder’s character, Hamilton Fleming, the All-American son of the school’s dean. In the pilot episode, he meets a “boy” named Jake Pratt. The two quickly bond and become friends.
The problem? Heretofore straight Hamilton soon finds himself attracted to Jake, who Hamilton thinks is gay (Jake tried to kiss him near the end of the first episode). So, of course, Hamilton begins to wonder whether he is gay too.
Hamilton may very well be gay. But here’s the thing: Jake is a GIRL! For reasons that I never quite understood (something about getting revenge against her absentee mother) “Jake” a.k.a. Jacqueline posed as a boy to attend the all-boy school. In the below scene, which was highly reminiscent of the prom scene in that old 80’s flick, Just One of the Guys . . .
(This film is VERY dated. But it’s a good Netflix rental, if you’re ever in the mood for a gender-bending good time . . .)
. . . Jacqueline finally comes clean to Hamilton about her . . . um . . . sex.
This exchange actually occurs during the fourth episode of the show. So I really haven’t spoiled all that much for you. What’s nice is that, on YouTube, someone was kind enough to distill the entire series into ONLY the Jake and Hamilton parts from each episode, and post them online. So you can see the couple’s ENTIRE story in under a half-hour’s time. Somerhalder’s excellent acting skills and the “Jake” character’s androgeny makes these clips WAY more erotic than they should be . . . It’s definitely worth a look-see, in my opinion.
The Rules of Attraction (2002)
This film, which was based on a very jaded and dark, but oddly insightful, novel about college life, written by Bret Easton Ellis (Less than Zero, American Psycho), featured a fairly impressive cast of hot up-and-coming early twenty-something actors, most notably: Dawson’s Creek‘s James van der Beek, playing a decidedly un-Dawson like role . . .
(Joey Potter would not approve.)
. . . Jessica Biel . . .
. . . and Kate Bosworth (who, coincidentally, also starred in Young Americans with Ian Somerhalder)
Here, Ian plays the bisexual and sexually frustrated Paul Denton, a man who seemingly has only two favorite pasttimes: sex and dancing. Lucky for him (and us), he gets to do both throughout the movie . . .
Unfortunately, for my purposes at least, the creators of The Rules of Attraction don’t allow embedding on ANY of their original webclips on YouTube. However, there are literally a TON of them out there. Just type “Ian Somerhalder” or “Paul Denton” and “Rules of Attraction,” and you are bound to find them all. Not surprisingly, most of my favorites of these involve a shirtless Somerhalder dancing and jumping on a hotel bed in his boxer briefs.
Remind you of anything?
Lost (2004 -)
Those of you who have read this blog before, know that I am a big fan of early Lost episodes, particularly those from the show’s first season. Of course, THIS GUY had a lot to do with that . . .
Boone Carlyle was everything you’d want in a guy. Kind-hearted, loyal, intelligent, brave, resourceful,well-to-do, athletic, and dead sexy. So, of course, the Lost writers had to crush him with a plane and kill him near the end of Season 1. But before that happened, we got to watch him, through flashbacks, engage in a VERY inappropriate sexual relationship with his younger stepsister, Shannon.
And, you know what? As much as you REALLY didn’t want to like these two together (Aside from being his relative, Shannon was a manipulative bitch, who basically treated Boone like crap his whole life, and used his feelings for her to con him out of $50 grand.), you just couldn’t get away from the fact that they were both so DAMN HOT! The chemistry between Maggie Grace and Ian Somerhalder was so smoldering, they practically burnt a hole in your television, every time they were on screen together. Watch this clip, if you don’t believe me . . .
Need more? Type “Boone and Shannon” and “Lost” into your YouTube search bar, and you will find plenty more where that came from . . .
That’s all for now, Somerhalder fans. Just a little something to whet your appetite during those long HOT Vampire Diaries – less months.
When I heard that this Thursday’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy was going to be a “flashback episode,” one that intermingled the characters’ present day experiences with events of the past, in order to shed some light on the characters’ current behavior, I found myself struck with an overwhelming sense of deja vu. I couldn’t kick this feeling that I had been here before. That I had seen this before . . .
Oh, yeah . . . now I remember . . .
In an effort to differentiate himself from former Chief Webber McBoozy (although after 45 days of sobriety, I guess it is no longer appropriate, nor fair, to call him that), and to make a name for himself as the “touchy feely” Nu-Chief, Dr. McDreamy Shepherd reinstitutes Lecture Day at Seattle Grace.
“See? I’m the sensitive one. Look into my puppy dog eyes, and tell me I’m not sensitive. Just don’t make me cry, because I’ll punch your lights out, if you do.”
As guest lecturers, Shepherd commandeers Bailey, Callie, and Chief McBoozy Webber (sorry, force of habbit). Webber takes a bit of extra persuading on Shepherd’s part. After all, learning that you have just been demoted from “Chief of Surgery” to just plain “surgeon” does not exactly make one feel all “happy-go-teachy.” Nonetheless, Webber ultimately agrees to guest lecture, and what appears to be the entire staff of Seattle Grace packs a rather large auditorium to see him do so.
(Seriously, Seattle Grace? Your entire staff? This is why you aren’t ranked in the top ten! This is why your patients die all the time! Doesn’t anyone practice medicine here any more?)
But I digress . . . Here’s what we learned from our three lecturers:
Webber’s Lesson: “When I was your age . . .”
Our first flashback took us all the way back to 1982 – a time when the medical profession was very much an all-boys club, an all white boys club; a time when doctors were largely ignorant about and frightened of immune system-related diseases and homosexuality. It was also a time when people dressed like this . . .
Back then Webber was a just teetotaling, ambitious young resident trying to make a name for himself at Seattle Grace, while, at the same time, boinking Meredith’s Mommy, Ellis Grey, in the on-call room. Yes, apparently, they did that in the 80s too. Talk about sexually transmitted diseases . . . How often do you think they sterilize that place?
“28 more years of this and we will ALL be under quarantine . . .”
When Ellis and Webber encounter a patient with a rare bacterial infection, they begin to suspect that he may have GRID, Gay Related Immune Deficiency Disorder, or AIDS, as it is now commonly called. This was a highly sensitive subject for any doctor to broach during that time, let alone a young resident with minimal job security. After all, few cases of the disorder had been discovered at this point, and very little was known about the disease.
Apparently, homosexuality was just not something you talked about back then, it being a time before
Will and Grace and . . . well . . .
Grey’s Anatomy!
Initially, the patient takes Webber’s inquiry into his sexual orientation very badly. He leaves the hospital in a huff, refusing treatment. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, he returns, now extremely ill and desperate for help. The problem is that, now that his secret is out, most of the doctors and nurses at Seattle Grace are afraid of infection and unwilling to help him. THIS MUST BE A JOB FOR . . .
. . . no, not them, just Young Webber and Young Ellis Grey.
The dynamic duo risk their careers and, as far as they know, their lives, to save this patient. Fortunately, the surgery goes well. (Yay!) But . . . then the patient dies anyway (Boo!) But, not before Webber learns of his own fallibility and the importance of maintaining your humanity as a surgeon. (Yay!) Then, afterwards, Ellis bullies the future Chief McBoozy into taking his first alcoholic drink. (Boo!) But, before, that, we got to see how adorable Meredith looked at age 5. (Yay!)
Needless to say, it was a very emotional rollercoaster-esque lecture. Yet, at its conclusion, Webber gives a rousing speech about the importance of doctors adhering to the Hippocratic Oath. He then raises his right hand and recites the Oath himself. Admittedly, it was some pretty powerful stuff, and really served to highlight Webber’s true love of medicine. Clearly affected by his own speech, the Old Chief ultimately decides to accept McDreamy’s offer and return to work. (Yay!)
Bailey’s Lesson: Shark tales, a.k.a. The Birth of the Nazi
Before Miranda Bailey became the Nazi; before she turned into a strong, smart, powerful, but often angry, woman who looks like this . . .
Bailey was an overachieving but painfully shy and polite-to-a-fault intern, who looked like this . . .
The year was 2003. While medicine had come a long way since 1982, there were still many obstacles for women who wanted to succeed in the healthcare industry. And for many women, their biggest obstacle was one another. That’s right. Mean girls, unfortunately, stuck around long past the 80s . .
This movie came out in 2004 . . .
Despite the fact that Mean Girls wasn’t due out in theaters for another year, one of them had managed to sneak into Seattle Grace. Bailey’s resident “advisor” is a bitch with a Capital B. And, like any two-dimensional villian, this 30-something year old woman tortured Young Bailey with the zeal, intensity (and maturity) of a 16-year old cheerleader who just found out that her boyfriend has decided to go to prom with the class nerd.
Be careful Bailey! This never ends well for people like you . . .
Fortunately, for Bailey, she is due for a major personality transplant and stat! And who performs said transplant, you ask? None other than Superman Webber of course! “Surgery is a shark tank, and sharks have teeth. Be a shark, not a minnow,” the then-Chief instructs Bailey.
And I bet you know what happens next . . .
That’s right! Our Neo Nazi Bailey solves a difficult medical mystery. Then, in what we now know was the first of her eloquently angry, yet rousing, monologues, Bailey hands her bitchy resident advisor her ass on a platter for ordering countless unnecessary surgeries for a patient, who merely required medication. “You are going to be a brilliant surgeon one day,” commends Webber (and we know that he is right!)
In addition to being an awesome surgeon, Bailey is also terrific public speaker. She owns both the stage and her audience, awarding them for class participation with chocolates. And as a nearly perpetual student, I can tell you that candy bribes WORK and work well!
Callie’s Lesson: “Everybody f&*ks Alex.”
You know who’s not so hot in the public speaking department? The typically loud and brash Callie. After vomiting up her breakfast in anticipation of the big event, Callie stumbles around stage, head tucked inside her notes, mumbling almost incoherently about the club footed patient her and Alex cared for back in 2006, when she was a new resident.
With Alex’s help, however, Callie ultimately recovers nicely. She recounts for the group the immensely gratifying experience of repairing the leg of a 28-year old student who was told he could never walk. When all of the other doctors discounted the patient, and berated Callie for mismanaging his expectations, Callie refused to give up. As a result, this formerly bed-ridden man can now roam freely (with the help of some crutches, of course).
And this wouldn’t be Grey’s Anatomy if the story didn’t end with an on-call room boink fest between Alex and Callie . . .
“I am so much better at doing this than public speaking . . .”
Apparently, Alex has screwed the entire staff at Seattle Grace, and most of its patients. That is one dirty boy!
Not only is Alex a slut, he is also, apparently a liar. And Callie catches him in a real whopper. As punishment, she forces him to perform the surgery he claimed to have already done by himself in an elevator shaft, even though that surgery was actually completed by Callie’s ex-hubby, the now deceased, George.
R.I.P. Dude! The show hasn’t been the same since you left . . . really.
So, there you have it, folks. A love letter to medicine, with three flashbacks, two sex scenes, lots of chocolate, and a shout out to an old friend. Not bad for a single episode.
Watch your backs, Big Lovers! Tonight’s episode was all about betrayal. Not a single character made it through the hour unscathed. In fact, one character didn’t make it out alive.
So, without further adieu, let’s take a look back at this blood bath of an episode, to find out who stabbed who, and which wounds were lethal . . .
She’s Baack!
While at a restaurant schmoozing a potential campaign contributor, Bill and Barb run into a very pregnant Anna, a.k.a the fourth wife that almost was . . . but wasn’t. Doing a bit of mathematical calculation in their heads, Bill and Barb become instantly convinced that the bun in Anna’s oven is Bill’s. Of course, the self-righteous Henrickson clan is certain that Anna should want nothing more than to rejoin “The Family” with her new baby.
Despite Anna’s pleas that the Henricksons leave her alone, the following evening, Bill and the wives arrive at the restaurant where Anna works to re-plead their case. As far as they are concerned, the situation is a clear win-win. After all, who wouldn’t want to join a family as healthy and functional as this one?
Clearly smarter than she looks, Anna blows them all off. Later, however, she approaches Bill at his office to inform him that she has changed her mind. Apparently, fifteen-hour restaurant workdays are not exactly healthy for a mother in her third trimester. Anna proposes that Bill provide her with some monetary help. In exchange, she will arrange for Bill to have some visitation rights, once the baby is born. Anna conditions the agreement on Bill’s promise to keep the other wives out of the arrangement, because, frankly, they scare the crap out of her.
“Oh HELL no! I absolutely refuse to become part of that loony family! I’ll stay in your tummy forever, if I have to!”
Anna suggests that they hire a lawyer to draft a visitation agreement. However, Bill assures her that such formal measures are not necessary. He may be a D-Bag, but he’s no dummy. After all, bastard children and political campaigns do not exactly mix. The less evidence against Bill, the better . . .
“Yeah, no sh&t, Sherlock!”
When Barb learns about what transpired between Bill and Anna, she is livid. After all, any baby conceived during a Henrickson marriage is Henrickson property, as far as she is concerned. (women and children apparently equal chattel, here in Big Love land). Barb barges into Anna’s apartment and demands that she reconsider. She is shocked to find another man there. “He is my fiancé,” explains Anna.
According to Anna, her fiancé is aware that the baby Anna is carrying is Bill’s. However, he is allowing Anna to receive help from Bill because he wants what’s best for the baby. (Do you want to see a paternity test? Because I sure do! No man is that understanding.)
Barb remakes her lame argument about the baby being born out of “their” marriage. This is the moment Anna chooses to drop her bombshell. “The baby was NOT conceived during the marriage. It was conceived before [Bill and I] were married.”
“Oh Billlllyyy! You have some explaining to do!”
The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave . . .
The Henrickson’s not only had to deal with the woman who had abruptly re-entered their lives, they also had to cope with the one who just wouldn’t leave. Evil publicist Marilyn, still intent on signing Bill’s casino to her client roll, finagles yet another meeting with Bill’s partners to make her pitch. She goes one step further by approaching Barb with girl talk and sweets wrapped in a red bow.
Beware of evil women bearing goodies, Barb . . .
Marilyn does a fairly good job of getting into Barb’s head, regarding the latter’s lack of equal standing at the casino, despite her being a full partner. Marilyn then informs Barb about her pitch for representation of the casino – a pitch to which, of course, Barb was not invited. Ultimately, Barb goes behind Bill’s back and signs Marilyn as casino representative, on his behalf. Apparently, Bill is not the only one who can make agreements that affect The Family without the rest of The Family’s approval.
Not Without My Daughter!
Nikki’s “fashionable” new look
Nikki is appalled and disgusted when she learns that her “ex-husband” and the father of her child, J.J., is being “sealed” to her mother at the same creepy run-down motel where she lost her virginity at age 14. When J.J.’s sister calls her to inform her that J.J.’s whole family is coming down for the “sealing,” Nikki begins to fear for her mother and her daughter’s safety.
To prove her independence, Nikki crashes the “wedding” dressed in “modern” clothes. Or rather, she dresses in clothes she assumes are modern, seeing as she has basically dressed like a pilgrim since birth. Her sideways ponytail and short jean skirt were admittedly hilarious. However, I think 1984 probably wants them back. In all honesty, I haven’t seen Chloe Sevigny so poorly dressed since . . . this.
But I do feel a bit bad about harping on Nikki’s clothing, seeing as she was definitely the hero of this episode. When Nikki learns that her 16-year old daughter is to be sealed to an older man, much like Nikki was sealed to J.J. in the past, Nikki breaks into the motel and gallantly comes to her daughter’s rescue.
Getting Loco Down in Mexico
Things are going slightly better (at least, at first), for young Ben, as he bonds with his Crazy Grandma and Grandpa down in Mexico, while they attempt to carry out their “bird-brained” scheme to bootleg parrots across state lines. Ben lies to his family, telling them that he is nursing his Grandmother’s broken foot.
Meanwhile, Ben and Grams are having a grand old time dancing (on both feet), eating shrimp cocktails, and talking about living together in Mexico. Unfortunately, when they go to market to collect their parrots, things do not exactly go as planned. Apparently, Ma and Pa Henrickson aren’t the only ones involved the bird racket. The creepy mafia-esque polygamist Greene family like their birds as well, and aren’t big fans of competition . . .
Blind (and Dumb) Ambition
Much to the chagrin of the entire Henrickson family, Bill is determined that they come “out” as polygamists upon Bill’s election to Senate. Under the flimsy rationale that it will help his campaign, he begins making rash decisions on the family’s behalf. First, he decides to rebrand his “local family” casino by placing billboards for it outside of his voting district. Then, he makes plans to purchase a larger campaign headquarters, despite the financial burden it will undoubtedly place on the increasingly cash-strapped family.
After meeting some unexpected opposition from his wives, Bill reveals his new “campaign headquarters” to his family. These “headquarters” are not located in a stodgy warehouse, or office, but rather, inside a stately mansion. Bill informs his wives that this is where he plans to move with them, after they come forward as polygamists. According to Bill, it has always been his dream to have his entire family living under one roof.
Love Hurts (and Sometimes Kills)
Juniper Creek Trustee, Dale, and Albie are still involved in their heated love affair at the episode’s opening. Unfortunately, their relationship cannot stay a secret for long. Soon, Albie’s wife, Laura, finds the couple leaving their clandestine hideaway together. Heartbroken, Laura begins to tip off the other trustees as to Dale’s sexual orientation.
In a heart-wrenching speech, Dale confronts his religious leaders about his struggles with homosexuality. He complains that although he has lived a righteous and religious lifestyle, he cannot change his sexuality, no matter how hard he tries to do so. Still not satisfied, Laura approaches Bill about Dale and Albie.
Bill meets Dale in secret to confront him with this new information. Although he is sympathetic to Dale’s troubles, Bill has no choice but to ask him to resign, due to the obvious conflict of interest this presents with respect to the trusteeship.
Shoving the final nail in the coffin, Laura then confronts Dale’s wife and children with their patriarch’s secret. In the last few moments of the episode, Albie enters the couple’s secret hideaway to find a dead Dale hanging from the rafters by his tie.
It doesn’t get much more intense than that, folks. Tune in next week, to find out whether Bill can rescue his crazy parents and fairly sane, but Oedipal, son from the Mexican firing squad . . .
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