Tag Archives: Ivy Dickens

Gossip Girl is DEAD . . . and a Donut?! – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s SERIES Finale

baby bass

“I’m Mini Bass.”

My dear GGers.  I know I’ve been a bit remiss this season about recapping the trials and tribulations of our favorite Upper East Siders.  (OK . . . I haven’t recapped them at all.)

natefacepalm

However, seeing as Gossip Girl uttered her final XOXO earlier this week, I felt I couldn’t possibly bid the series a fond adieu, without at least offering up some final words .  . . consider it a eulogy, of sorts.

gg dead

Source

In which Bart Bass proves that Evil Old Men can fly . .  . and die.

YOLO my ass

Source

Here’s a philosophical question for you. If a man falls from the roof of a heavily populated skyscraper, onto a busy street, and no one sees him go splat (or is squashed by him), did it really happen?

natefused lola rhodes

Last week, we all laughed inappropriately at the sight of Chuck Bass battling his Big Bad Dad on the roof, as “SCARY” Music swelled awkwardly in the background.  We marveled at how a single push from Chuck, who, let’s face it, has never exactly been the athletic type . . .

bass ket

Bass-ketball, anyone?

. . . was enough to send NotDonaldTrump soaring over the side of the skyscraper, like an inept super villain in the final pages of a comic book.

hanging

Source

“Just hanging out . . .”

Then, we giggled as Blair and Chuck did all but throw the man a Going Away Party as the Big Bass-tard plummeted to his death.

dying bart bass

Source

Hey, that was actually kind of fun to watch.  Let’s see that again . . .

dying bart bass

I know.  I’m a terrible person.  Moving on . . .

Perhaps, all the hot air that filled Bart Bass’s head facilitated a surprisingly smooth landing.  Because, not only did the real estate magnate’s dive-bombing body not cause ANY damage whatsoever to the streets below, the sheet that is now covering it is conspicuously free of blood.  Talk about a classy way to go!  Then again, Bart Bass is what some would call an Expert Die-r.  He’s done this before . . .

funeral2

Reporters are now on the scene.  And police are questioning everyone on the Upper East Side, even going as far as to stop limos leaving the party where Bart Bass was last seen.  Of course, they are only checking the back seats of those limos . . . not the trunks.  After all, why would someone who just committed murder hide away in the trunk of a car?  That would be silly!

in the trunk

Possible conception spot for Henry Bass?

Yes, boys and girls, Chuck and Blair are ON THE LAM!  (I’ve always wanted to say that.)

They’ve turned themselves into a modern-day Bonnie and Clyde.  You know how I know?  Because the song playing in the background on Gossip Girl says so!

In which everyone finds out Bart Bass is dead, and Chuck is a suspect, except . . . you know . . . THE GUY WHO OWNS THE NEWSPAPER!

Oh dear sweet Nate, with your permanently glassy (but still very pretty) blue eyes from a decade of pot smoking ./ . . and your equal opportunity boning of tweens and cougars alike . . . you must seriously be the WORST NEWSPAPER MAN EVER!  OK . . . OK, I know you are dating a 17-year old.  And she probably told you that using pretty-colored handwritten index cards to study once helped her earn a B+ on a very hard exam about the Civil War.  But seriously?  This is how you choose to solve the mystery of Gossip Girl’s identity?  No wonder it took you five years!

5 5 sad nate

Also, hey I majored in journalism   write a blog  watched Newsroom a few times on HBO!  I know that all major news outlets get blasts on the wire, before everybody else.  Not Nate though.  He has to get a call from Ivy/Charlie/CallMeSerena telling him to turn on the television, where Bart’s death has made prime time.  Nate Archibald, you’ve just been scooped . . . again.

I like how uniformly uncooperative the rest of the Non-Judging Breakfast Club, and their respective parental units, are when the police come snooping around for C and B, especially since it seems like most of them are 100% certain their friends / children are guilty of murder.  Now that’s what I call true friendship.  If I had to choose a favorite brush-off of the po-po, however, I’d probably have to go with Nate.  I mean, it takes a real true blue friend to tell a cop.  “Yes, there’s a rather young looking woman in my bedroom.  And yes, it’s quite obvious I’m sleeping with her, which I know is statutory rape.  But no, she can’t talk to you about Chuck Bass, Mr Policeman, because she is much too young.

nate and sage

“Do you think we can hurry this up?  Spongebob Squarepants is on in three minutes.”

Speaking of super sneaky legal loopholes . . .

“It’s twisted, but very you . . .”

1 8 bed head chuck

“Peekaboob!”

Chuck and Blair are holed up in a hotel . . . ON THE LAM (Twice in one recap, WOO HOO!).  And who should pop in with a tray he stole from room service (probably after schtupping the maid), but a surprisingly twiggy looking Jack Bass?    (Oh, seeing these three individuals in a hotel room together, brings back bad memories.  No me gusta.)

uncle jack

Source

Turns out, the dude put a tracking device on Chuck Bass’ limo, just for sh*ts and giggles.  You know, because that’s not creepy at all . . .

love both

Source

Anywhoo, since Blair is the only person on the entire planet who saw Chuck, not so much kill Bart, as huff and puff and blow his body off the building, Jack comes up with the idea that the two should get married!

happy elena

This will enable the pair to take advantage of the spousal privilege laws that prevent husbands and wives from testifying against one another in court.  It will also serve as a massive apology to Chair fans, who have suffered through Blair’s ill-fated pseudo-romantic relationships with the likes of a Louis-bot and  a certain doughy pastry, who shall remain not-so-nameless.

twisted but you

“It’s twisted, but it’s very you,” Jack Bass muses.

(It’s also the Graysons on Revenge.  Spousal privilege marriages are SO the new Greencard Marriages.)

Chuck is bothered by this.  He wants the love of his life to have the wedding of her dreams.  Blair reminds him that she did that already, back last season when she married the cyborg with the weird accent, thus proving that dreams are usually VERY overrated.

blair post

She also reminds Chuck of this memorable moment between them . . .

Upon being reminded that he and Blair aren’t a boring couple .  . . like say Louis-bot and Blair . . . or Blair and You Know Who, Chuck decides to propose again.  And why not?  He knows this is the only realistic way to get him and Blair married off and spawning during this abridged final hour of television, amidst about 30 minutes of those cloying Carrie Diaries commercials loves this woman, and wants to spent the rest of his life with her.  The ends therefore, definitely justify the shady means . . .

will you marry

Source

Meanwhile, on some private jet . . .

In which Serena forgives Donut way too quickly, despite never actually receiving an apology (or a retraction)

4 19 ridiculous dan face

Call me callous.  But if someone published really crappy things about me in Vanity Fair for the world to read.  And then he sent me some nice words about me that he never planned to publish, I would probably use the paper containing those “nice words” as toilet paper, the next time I really had to pee.

But I guess Serena is a better person than me . . . or at least a dumber one.  Because all it takes is a few kind paper words from Donut Dan.  And, suddenly, girlfriend has abandoned her private jet to LaLa land (must be nice), and returned to the “villain’s” apartment for “answers,” and, I suspect, a hopeful shot at makeup sex.

terrible at goodbyes

“I also have very little self respect.  Shhh!”

Source

Now, maybe it’s just because I’m not a big Dan Fan.  But, honestly, I didn’t find the guy’s apology all that “apologetic.”  Basically, Dan’s explanation for why he wrote terrible things about Serena was because he developed a crush on her sophomore year, to the tunes of Rihanna’s Pon de Replay, and has been stalking her ass ever since?  That sounds more like a confession of guilt to me.  But hey, at least it gave us the opportunity to see Flashback!Chuck and Flashback!Nate in HIDEOUS wigs, and hear Flashback!Blair utter the words “Happy Barf Day!”

serena flashback

Source

Elsewhere in Manhattan . . .

Ivy Dickens, Queen of the Swamp People, star of “Nobody Gives a Damn”

sexy pose 123123

Question: If a woman who is always boning younger guys is called a cougar, what do you call a young woman with a penchant for humping fogies?  Cougarthritis?

4 21 blushpink call me s

Maybe you just call her Charlie/Ivy/CallmeSerena . . .

Yeah, poor St. Ives . . . She thought the death of Bart Bass meant a beginning of public bliss for her and the perpetually sniveling Dr. VDW.  But, in a classic case of Turnabout is Fair Poison Ivy, the good doctor — who once tried to poison his ex wife, in order to get her to love him again — was only using Ivy to get to Lily, just as Ivy was using Rufus for the exact same reason . . . well sort of . . .

ivy dickens story

Be careful, VDW.  This chick has bunny burner written all over her . . .

bunny burner

So you could imagine how mortified / miserable Ivy became when Dr. VDW denied their relationship ever existed, in front of none other than Miss Lily herself.  “You’re a Lifetime movie called ‘Nobody Gives a Damn,’ the Ivy Dickens story.  Actually, I think I saw that one before.  Didn’t Tori Spelling star in it?

Just as hilarious is Dr. VDW’s assessment that Ivy’s Florida roots made her “Queen of the Swamp People.”  There is always a certain type of New Yorker, who believes that any residence outside of the five boroughs is basically Hillbilly town.  VDW is definitely one of those dudes.  He’s a total douche, but at least he’s damn funny.  Maybe they should have made him Gossip Girl . . .

The Quick and The Wed

big kiss

Source

I don’t know about you.  But if I had a bunch of cops out looking for me, and I didn’t want to be found, the absolute last place I’d go would be the local courthouse.  But that’s where Chuck and Blair go to get their quickie marriage license.  (Now, come on.  I know it’s not Vegas. But there’s gotta be at least one of those crazy drive-thru chapel’s in Manhattan.  Just saying . . .)

chair wedding

Once their marriage is legal, Chuck and Blair decide to make it official, inviting all of their friends for an impromptu wedding over at . . . of all places THE MET!  How fitting!  Chuck even gives Blair an Egyptian Snake ring to seal the deal.  It’s no Harry Winston.  That’s for sure.  But in a way, like the circumstances surrounding their marriage, it’s . . . wait for it . . . “twisted, but totally them.”

At the wedding Dan magically gives Worst Newsman Ever Nate a Vanity Fair piece on Gossip Girl, and Nate acts like he’s just received inside information on the taking down of Osama Bin Laden.  (Knowing Nate, he probably isn’t even aware that’s happened yet.)  He gets his high school girlfriend to publish the scoop on his behalf (because, you know, Nate’s “staff” only consists of people he porks), and turns his attention back to the wedding.

4 22 mini mes those two chicks

When the Newsie overhears Mini Blair and Mini Serena (remember those two?) on the steps of the Met complaining that Gossip Girl never published their scoop on Chuck and Blair’s quickie wedding, Nate FINALLY puts two and two together, and figures out that . . . DAN . . . IS . . . GOSSIP GIRL!

BabyScared

But then the girls end up reporting C&B to the police.  (INGRATES!)  And now it’s race against the clock to get them “kiss the briding” in time.  Chuck dips Blair into a triumphant kiss, uttering his trademark, “three words, eight letters” line just moments before the cops take him and his new bride away.  Part of me kind of wishes that, when the cops came for “Blair Waldorf,” she would have announced “I’m Blair Bass,” in true “Mrs. Chuck” style.

im chuckbass

But she didn’t.  I guess Blair isn’t really the type to take a man’s last name, even if it’s Chuck Bass’.  Oh well . . .

It’s Donut Dan’s Coming Out Party, and YOU’RE Invited

dan little mermaid

Source

Hilarity ensues, when Nate’s cheeseball newspaper outs Dan Humphrey as Gossip Girl, and we get to watch all the show’s past guest stars react.  “I always thought it was Dorota,” exclaims Mayor Michael Bloomberg.

nanny

(Sure, blame the maid.  Typical New York politician . . .)

“That B*TCH!” Announces Agnes, that chick who once burned Little Jenny Humphrey’s fashion designs in an outdoor trashcan  . . .

Juliet and Vanessa are also shocked,  but not quite as shocked as Rachel Bilson and the voice of GG herself, Kristen Bell, who in a highly meta scene, play themselves auditioning for the film version of Dan’s book, Inside.  “Gossip Girl is real?”  Bilson exclaims, as Kristen Bell offers an exaggerated wink at the camera.

is real

big wink

Source

Oh Veronica Mars!  I haven’t had this much fun watching you on my screen, since that one time when you killed Sookie Stackhouse .  . .

. . .  or that other time when you got really, REALLY excited about a sloth . . .

Plothole, Schmathole.  It’s the FINALE!

post from me

Source

OK.  Now despite having never been a Dan Fan, there are some things I really like about his character ending up being Gossip Girl.  For one thing, unlike that goopy love letter he wrote to Serena that somehow ended up in the New Yorker, during Season 1, or that crap Dair fanfiction we know better as Dan’s first “novel” Inside,  the fact that Dan, even at the young age of 16, was able to so seamlessly mimic the voice of a snooty Upper East Side female actually makes him a GOOD writer.  This show has always been telling us, ad nauseum, that Dan had talent, but this is the first and only time I actually believe it.

laughing dan

And yeah, that “talent” also makes him a sociopath . . . one that most likely has multiple personality disorder.

crazy bitch

It’s the only possible explanation for his sending blasts to Gossip Girl, and acting visibly surprised when they hit his own e-mail, despite being alone at the time he received them.  Or how about that time when Gossip Girl outed Dan for porking a teacher?  Or the time when Dan porked the Hillary Duff character, and Gossip Girl knew she was an actress back when she first appeared, but it took “Dan” weeks to figure it out . . .  Let’s not forget that the whole time Dan dated Blair, Gossip Girl thought she was a better match for Chuck . . .

emails gg

now im crazy gg plotholes

Source

It’s actually pretty clear that the writers hadn’t decided on the identity of Gossip Girl, until at least early Season 5, despite their protests to the contrary.

lindsey lohan

Source

But hey, now we just have another reason to re-rent those DVD’s and prove them wrong right?  From a marketing perspective, choosing Dan as Gossip Girl was actually pretty genius . . .

Oh, and I did like the idea that Little J knew that Dan was Gossip Girl, and used it to her own advantage, like when she wanted to challenge Blair as Queen B, and when she wanted to leave town, after her unfortunate virginity slicing rendezvous with Chuck . . .

In short, those Humpty Dumpty’s really were the ultimate scheming social climbers .  . . something we’ve really always secretly suspected,  back in Season 1.

penn

But what I don’t understand is why everyone but Blair was totally cool with it, especially considering how many times Gossip Girl ruined each of their lives, while Donut Dan sat idly by and feigned moral anguish?

I guess considering the guy has already lambasted the entire Upper East Side crew, first in a national bestseller, and then in Vanity Fair, nothing would surprise them about this douche.

And yet, when Dan triumphantly announced that Gossip Girl is dead, part of me wishes the entire cast pulled out their carving knives and killed him.  Now THAT would have been a cool ending . . .

you are dead

A Derena Wedding and the Most Adorable Mini Bass EVER

argument invalid

Source

Flash forward five years into the future.  Chuck and Blair are happily married with the best-cast child star EVER as their kid “Henry Bass.”  (a clever nod to Chuck’s days living in Europe under the pseudonym “Henry Prince”).

But where was Monkey?

5 3 cuddle chuck honey sponge

mad monkey

“I’ve been replaced by a child star.  GRRR!”

Blair has taken over Waldorf designs, with none other than Jenny Humphrey herself, as her prime fashion designer . . .

j by waldorf

(She’s come a long way since her days as a rabid raccoon . . .)

4 3 sad jenny

(Though, honestly, these two’s fashion senses couldn’t be more disparate, so I’m not really sure how that works.)

Lily is married to Dr. VDW again.  And Rufus is married to . . . wait for it . . . Lisa LOEB.  Remember her?

All those years, and girlfriend never bought a new pair of glasses . . .

Jack Bass hooked up with Georgina Sparks, which kind of works, considering they are pretty much both the same person.

georgina and jack

(Though I do wonder what happened to Baby Milo and that “Nice Guy” she used to call her husband.)

georgina hubby and milo

drunk interesting

Nate is single, but running for MAYOR?!

surprised-face

(And you said Gossip Girl wasn’t funny!)

Eric VDW is back from the set of Revenge, and spouting some facial hair.  But he’s single too.

And how could we forget Charlie/Ivy/CallMeSerena Dickens?

ivy league

ivy dickens story

He’s PSYCHIC!

Oh, and it took five years, but Serena finally married Gossip Girl.  Ahhh . . . a gay wedding, in more ways than one . . .

derena

Even Donuts deserve love . . .

In the episode’s final moments, Kristen Bell reprises her role as the voice of Gossip Girl one more time, only this time around she’s the voice of a NEW GENERATION of Upper East Siders.  And so what was once old has theoretically become new again.

rid of dan

never rid of me

All in all it was a flawed but fitting end to a series with which us fans, I suspect, all have a pretty complicated relationship . . . much like the relationship it’s main characters have with one another.  We loved it. . .

We hated it . . .

eye roll s

We were aroused . . .

We were nauseated . . .

blair waldorf frown

We wanted more . . .

We wanted it to end . . .

4 4 ridic

But through all the ups and downs, Gossip Girl will remain an important part of my TV viewing history . . . one that I suspect will send me clamoring back to YouTube for nostalgia’s sake, for years to come.  And for that I have the show’s cast, its crew, its costume designers, and, yes, even its writers to thank.

5 1 cute hug

They all know we love them, and will miss them terribly.  XOXO,

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever 2]

8 Comments

Filed under Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl Season 5 Through the Looking Glass – A look at where all our UES’ers left off, and what this means for the show’s final season . . .

Source 

Greetings Upper East Siders!  Well, it’s been a long and bumpy ride (complete with about 50 bad decisions, 30 meta-references to previous seasons, 25 questionable fashion choices, 3 different Gossip Girls, a car accident, a dead baby, a cyborg wedding, and Dan’s hair).

But we’ve made it to the end of another season of Gossip Girl. 

With only ten episodes (and one retrospective) remaining in the entire series, “The Return of the Ring” was arguably GG’s most important episode to date!  After all, where each of these characters landed at the end of the episode will undoubtedly play a major role in determining their Ultimate Destination.  For some characters, their futures are looking quite bright . . .

For others?  Not so much . . .

Let’s review, shall we?

Nate Archibald

For the Upper East Side’s resident genius . . .

. . . Season 5 (like every season before it) was mainly about the ladies.  First there was the Cougar . . .

Then, the Imposter . . .

And, finally the Ingenue . . .

But with Diana out of the Country, Ivy still largely persona non-grata with the NJBC, and Lola headed out of town to be a Flying Monkey or something . . . Nate’s sure to find himself with a pair of these, this summer . . .

And yet that newfound loneliness will give him all the time and energy he needs to set his sights on yet another lady . . . one who’s arguably more important to the Upper East Side than all of Nate’s other  recent women combined . . . Gossip Girl.

That’s right!  Thanks to a  surprise video tip from Diana, our pretty little intrepid journalist might just be hot on GG’s trail.  The question is what will he do when he finds her?  Take her down?  Or take her to bed?  The answer to that question will likely comprise Nate’s journey through Gossip Girl’s final season.

Who are we kidding?  We know he’s going to f*&k her.  XOXO, indeed!

As for Gossip Girl herself, I have a little theory on who she might be . . .

Penelope Shafai

Lately, I’ve been concocting this theory that Minion #1, Penelope has been Gossip Girl, all along. Think about it. She’s the only character that’s been on the show consistently since the pilot episode, who isn’t part of main cast. For five seasons, she’s been close enough to the NJBC to obtain the information she needs to do the job, but distant enough from them to avoid detection.

As further evidence of my case, in this, the latest episode of Gossip Girl, Penelope was found with her well-manicured fingers all over Blair Waldorf’s precious diaries.  Later, she allied with the Queen B’s frenemy Serena, to keep Blair from attending the Shepard’s Divorce Party,  and possibly reuniting with the Donut.  Wouldn’t it be ironic, if the same minion Blair has hired time and time again, to put out the fires Gossip Girl has set on her life, actually ended up being Gossip Girl, herself . .

However, while I’ve been long suspecting Penelope of being the Girl Behind the Laptop, many of YOU have set your sights on another of Nate’s ladies . . .

Lola Rhodes

Never one to be fully comfortable with the World of Wealth and Privilege her family and Nate inhabited, for Lola, the absolute last straw was learning that her Aunt Lily, had sabotaged her mother’s legal defense, by hiring an attorney to take on and subsequently botch her case.  So, this week, Lola decided to turn over her recently inherited share of Grandma Cece’s estate to, her former imposter, Ivy, of all people.

Source 

(And why not?  Cece bequested it to HER, in the first place.)  Lola’s only precondition to the payout?  That Ivy use it to bring down the Malevolent Lily van der Woodsen  Bass Humphrey Bass . . .

As for Lola herself, after turning down Nate’s invitation to move in with her, she ended the episode by heading off on tour with the Broadway show Wicked as a “swing” . . . a.k.a. a perpetual Flying Monkey or munchkin.  Rumor has it, we won’t be  seeing her again any time soon . . .

Ivy Dickens

Source 

Unlike her pseudo alter ego, Lola,  Ivy always seemed to fit quite well into the Upper East Side world.  In fact, girlfriend was so desperate to fit in, that even after being shunned by the entire VDW clan, a few weeks back, Ivy willing volunteered to play a major part in one of the NJBC’s classic takedown schemes . . . playing a hooker no less.  With cash at her disposal, and Revenge on her menu, something tells me Ivy will be a major player on the Upper East Side in Season 6 . . .

Source 

Speaking of people with something to prove . . .

Rufus Humphrey

Source 

Spurned by his wife for the Upper East Side’s undead answer to Montgomery Burns, the UES’ favorite house husband, will probably spend much of the summer holed up in Brooklyn, licking his wounds, and using his recently filed annulment papers as some very expensive toilet paper.

But wimpy as he might be (he is Donut Dan’s dad, after all), something tells me the Elder Humphrey won’t be going down, without a fight.  My prediction?  He and Lily will reunite, once and for all, in the series finale . . .

Lily van der Woodsen

From her petty (not to mention incredibly greedy) attempts to sabotage her own dead mother’s will . . . to her icy cold treatment of her newfound niece Lola .  . . to her intolerance for living anywhere that isn’t the Upper East Side . . . to her callous dismissal of her husband . . .to the malevolent way she sabotaged her own sister’s legal defense, Lily van der Woodsen has been a nearly impossible character to root for this season.

And her recent decision to annul her marriage to Rufus Humphrey, in favor of Comic Book Super Villain Montgomery Burns Bart Bass certainly doesn’t help matters.

However, I predict that Season 6 will be Lily’s Redemption Story.  And that Chuck Bass will play a major role in that.  After all, Lily’s care and support of her adopted son is one of the most relatable aspects of her usually chilly character.  (It could even be argued, that Lily is a better mother to Chuck than she is to Serena or Eric.)

I’m thinking that when Lily finds out the true story of how Bart vindictively ripped the Empire away from the same son, who recently saved his life, she won’t be keeping the Bass bed warm much longer.  Speaking of Bart . . .

Bart Bass

This asshat’s in for a major takedown, NJBC-style!  I mean, here’s a guy who used his own son’s lifelong love for a woman to rip the business the latter spent years building right out from under him!  That’s just cold!

With the Empire back under his sole control, his lady by his side, and the man who tried to have him killed behind bars, Chuck’s dad seems to be riding pretty hight right now.

But the higher they rise, the harder they fall.  And with his son and his uncle plotting his demise, something tells me, Season 6 isn’t going to end all that pleasantly for the elder Bass . . .

Speaking of falling from grace . . .

Serena van der Woodsen

Source 

The pilot episode of this series began with a UES exiled and drug-addled Serena VDW staring forelornly out a dirty bus window, after getting caught screwing her best friend’s boyfriend on top of a bar at the Shepard’s wedding.

Source 

The season 5 finale had Serena making a similar mess of things . . . first by inadvertently leaking her bestie Blair’s diaries to Gossip Girl . . . and later by seducing Blair’s then boyfriend Donut Dan . . . you guessed it . . . on top of a bar at the Shepard’s wedding (She even videotaped it, for heaven sakes).  Rejected by her best friend, a prospective employer, and the object of her affection (Donut . . . no accounting for taste), all in one episode, Serena has once again truly hit rock bottom.

Source 

And if the final scene of this episode is any indication, she’ll spend the summer snorting nose candy, and getting felt up by drug dealers on trains.

Source 

 My prediction for Serena in Season 6?  An emergency intervention led by all her friends, who, mad as they might be at her right now, love her too much to see her throw her life away like this . . . again.

Source 

 Oh, and hopefully she’ll end up with Nate.  I always really liked those two together . . .

Speaking of people who recently f*&ked Serena . . .

Donut Humphrey

Five seasons, and Dan still hasn’t managed to cut that ridiculous hair.

The Season 5 finale was a “hard” one for the Donut, in more ways than one.  Of course, it was no suprise to any of us, that Blair ultimately (FINALLY) ditched Humpty Humphrey for the real love of her life, Chuck Bass.

But Donut didn’t see it coming, deluded as he was by the notion that if he whined hard enough, and gave Blair a sufficient number of ultimatums, she would be bullied into choosing him instead.

Source 

Given that, it’s not surprising that Humpty Humphrey spent the second half of the episode getting wasted with Serena, and humping her at a Divorce Party, of all places.  After all, when the going gets tough, the tough get f*&ked by their ex’s best friends.

Now, you would think that the Donut would be at least somewhat remorseful of his actions.  After all, since Blair hadn’t publicized her choice yet, at the time Dan was screwing Serena, he technically cheated on her.  But nooooo . . . Donut remains just as self-righteous as he was in the pilot episode.

And by the episode’s end, he’s literally making a deal with Devil, i.e. Georgina, to evicerate his former Upper East Side friends in a nonfiction expose.

Hey, at least, with Georgina as his snarky co-authoress, Dan’s new book will be better than that lame Dair fanfiction he wrote last year  .  . .

In other news . . .

Jack Bass

Who knew the man most known for having Hep C, whore mongering, and his hotels-for-chicks imbroglio was actually a closet romantic?

After being similarly shafted from the Empire by his much older brother, Jack Bass came to a necessary, if uneasy, alliance with fellow shafted family member, Chuck Bass.

Together, the two hit the casinos in Monte Carlo to win big money, and plot their mutual takedown of the malevolent Bart Bass. But first, Jack has some matters of the heart to take care of .  . . Chuck’s heart . . .

Of course, I save the best TWO for last . . .

Chuck Bass

Source 

It’s been a roller coaster of a season for our dear Chuck . . .  starting with that whirlwind summer he spent in LA, risking his life on a daily basis, and trying in vain to shield himself from the pain of lost love.

Chuck’s return to the Upper East Side brought with it the reopening of old wounds . . . but it also allowed Chuck to open his heart to someone very special . . .

What followed was Chuck’s redemption story.  Early on in the seaon, he vowed to become the man Blair needed him to be, even if she never got the chance to experience it herself.

Eventually, however, Blair DID see Chuck for the changed man he was.

And the two shared a blissful, if short, romantic reunion, one that, unfortunately, ended in the tragedy of Blair’s lost baby, and almost ended Chuck’s life.

Following the accident, Chuck lost Blair again, for patently ridiculous reasons.  But it didn’t stop him from supporting her, or for paying the dowry that got her out of that sham of a Cyborg marriage.

As if all that wasn’t enough, Chuck went through a series of weeks, where every day he had a new father, and a different mother.  Weird!

But with Blair’s help, Chuck finally figured out his real deep dark family secret  . . . His father had been alive all this time!  In two weeks time Chuck went from, thinking his father wasn’t his father, to finding out his father was alive, to avenging his father’s fake death, to losing his business to that same father!  My head spins just thinking about it.

Given all that he’s been through this season, can you blame Chuck for initially being a bit skeptical of Blair’s decision to FINALLY choose him?

Source 

But worry not, Chair fans.  We all know it’s not REALLY over until Gossip Girl says, “XOXO!”

Blair Waldorf

Lost and found . . . that’s the way I’d describe Blair’s character arc this season.  More than any other character, Blair seemed to have lost her way throughout Season 5.  Through her weird, dull, and at- times infuriating courtship with Louis-bot . . .

. . .  to her ridiculous and uncharacteristically brief foray into religiosity . . .

. . .   to her shocking change of style . . .

. .  .to the bizarre way in which she magically decided she loooooooved a Donut, and then just as magically decided that she didn’t . . .

Source 

. . .  Blair seemed to spend much of the season stumbling around in a fog, trying desperately to reconnect with the sexy, spunky, smart,  sassy, and strong woman she’d been for twenty years.

Source 

But by the end of Season 5, Blair finally found that woman again.

Source 

She used that strength to make positive changes in her life . . . first by agreeing to take on her mother’s business . . . then by ditching deadweight Dan . . . and finally . . . by following her heart.

Source 

After watching Chuck chase Blair all season, mostly to no avail, it was so satisfying to see Blair finally come to him, with her heart in her hand, ready to begin their future together.

Source 

For Chair fans, like myself, there was nothing more satisfying than watching Blair, in the final moments of the episode, refusing to take no for an answer, and deciding to bet it all on the love of her life.

My prediction for these two, next season?  The beginning of a well-earned Happily Ever After . . .

XOXO!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

17 Comments

Filed under Gossip Girl

Why You Should Always Be Kind to the Elderly . . . – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “The Princess Dowry”

It looks like no one bothered to tell Cece Rhodes that Wakes aren’t typically the kind of “party” for which one sends out invitations . . .

Character development . . . it’s what savvy TV viewers expect from their favorite long-running shows.  If a viewer has been watching the same television show for four or more years, there’s a good chance that she’s grown and changed quite a bit, since the pilot episode aired.  Therefore, she naturally expects her favorite television characters to have evolved during that time as well.

The way I see it, there are four essential elements to solid character development in a television series: (1) believability; (2) subtlety; (3) consistency; (4) and maintenance of the essential characteristics that helped viewers fall in love with the characters, in the first place.

Clearly, there’s a significant portion of the GG fanbase (myself included) who have been frustrated with the show of late.  Those who are satisfied with the show, in its current incarnation, will tend to blame OUR dissatisfaction on the fact that we are Chair fans, and our ship currently isn’t on “top”, storyline-wise.  That’s true.  🙂

However,  I also think such a summation over-simplifies the issue a bit.  I would argue that, as GG fans generally, and Chair fans specifically, our main gripe with the show has less to do with the fact that Chuck and Blair are “broken up” right now  (We are used to that. :)), and more to do with issues related to “character development.”

Source 

On a more positive note, I will say that, as a whole, I found “The Princess Dowry”  though admittedly a bit predictable in some of its so-called “plot twists” to be markedly more enjoyable than the two episodes that preceded it.  Interestingly enough, much of the credit to that goes to a character that spent the entire episode in a mahogany box.  That Grandma Cece!  She sure knows how to throw one hell of a wake (no pun intended). . .

Source 

Let’s review, shall we?

Where there’s a will, there’s a wake . . .

We begin our story at the office of an anonymous funeral director.  Lily thanks him for seeing her on such short notice.  So, Funeral Director Guy jokes that in his business, there tends to be little in the way of “advance notice.”  (Ahhhh . .. nothing like a little DEAD PEOPLE humor to put you in the mood for a GG episode . . .)

Interestingly enough, Funeral Director Guy’s not particularly funny joke actually doesn’t apply to Cece.  As a matter of fact, Grandma has known of her inevitable demise long enough to plan a funeral with as much flare and gusto as most women put into their weddings!  She even scheduled her own wake . . . to occur at Lily’s house . . . the morning immediately following her death . . . which is . . . wait for it . . . RIGHT NOW.

Talk about getting the last laugh!  Grandma Cece really is the best Master Manipulator on this show.  Please GG writers, have her haunt the characters from beyond the grave, this season.  I can think of a few characters in particular that could use a good haunting . . .

Meanwhile, over at the Empire Hotel, Lola and Nate are engaged in a post-coital morning cuddle.  (Well, that was fast.  She’ll fit RIGHT in, here on the Upper East Side.)

(Screencaps for this recap have been provided by Home of the Nutty.)

Nate casually slips in that he took the day off from work to be with Lola.  This reminded me that Nate actually seems to be the only Upper East Sider who’s currently gainfully employed.  (I guess Chuck’s employed too.  But the only kind of work I can actually picture him doing, is taking Monkey for a walk, and occasionally rolling around on his bed amidst massive piles of his own money .  . . with Blair . . . naked.)

Nate is clearly one of those guys who interrupts sex to ask you about your “feelings.”  He wants Lola to “talk” to him about this new family she recently discovered that she had.  But Lola doesn’t want to talk about her “feelings” or her “family.”  In fact, she thinks her new family sucks monkey balls.  She’d like to go back to having sex, thank you very much.  Unfortunately . . .

“RING, RING, RING”

Lola: “Hello?”

Serena: “Hi, New Family Member.  I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Lola: “Nope.  Just boning one of your many ex-boyfriends.”

Serena:  “It was bound to happen sometime!  Listen,  I know you said you don’t want anything to do with your new family, and stuff.  That’s cool.  I just called to invite you to hang out with me today . . . at my house . . . where our grandma’s wake is . . . I absolutely promise you there will be no family members at our grandma’s wake.  P.S. I always lie.”

Lola: “OK, I’ll come, but only because the plot requires me to be a total idiot, and not think things through AT ALL.”

Serena: “Welcome to my world!”

Out in the kitchen, Chuck is helping Nate make espresso.  (Don’t they have servants for that?)

Because this isn’t homoerotic at all  . . .

He’s super excited, because he now knows that Dan sent that video to Gossip Girl that ruined Blair’s royal wedding.  Chuck knows that trust is super important to Blair.  So, he figures that once Blair knows Dan for the trust betraying, scheming, Donut that he is, she won’t let him eat her face, anymore.

Source 

 Seems like a pretty fail safe plan, right?  WRONG!  But for now, let’s just allow poor Chuck the only happy moment he experiences in the entire episode . . .

Speaking of scheming, trust betraying, face-eating, donuts with no sense of style, Humpty Humphrey arrives at Blair’s house to kidnap her for another “fun date” . . . one that will likely be spent watching the kind of dull, pretentious, films that people only pretend to like, when they want others to think they are intelligent.  Blair promptly declines the invitation (Golly gee, I wonder why?).  She then informs the Donut that she has to stay home and wash her hair / fantasize about sex with Chuck wait for her step dad to call about a possible loophole in her prenuptial agreement with Louis-bot.

“Psst telemarketer.  I really want this annoying Donut to leave my house.   So, if you pretend to be my stepdad, while I talk to you in French for a few minutes, I promise to buy your entire month’s quota worth of Pajama Jeans.” 

Having had to compete with the likes of Sexy Studly Chuck, Pretty Nate, and scores of richer, more attractive, guest stars for five seasons, Donut Dan is certainly no stranger to rejection.  It’s just another day in Humphreyland!  No big deal!  Besides, now that he’s dateless, he can go check out that Super Cool Wake, he’s heard so much about . . .

“I love wakes and funerals.  Whenever I go to them, I’m always the life of the party.” 

Hurricane Georgina rides again

Dan isn’t the only one eager for Dawn of the Dead: Upper East Side Edition.  Georgina Sparks is also psyched to go to the hottest wake in town.  After all, spending hours in front of the computer as Gossip Girl, has put a major crimp in her social life /world domination plans, of late.  (“I’m beginning to feel like a stay-at-home mom,” moans the teenage mommy.)

Interestingly enough, Georgina’s gripes about the “job” in question actually offer a surprisingly big clue as to who the real Gossip Girl might be.  Being a 24-hour a day, seven day a week gossip columnist takes TIME, and patience.  Clearly, Gossip Girl is not one of these Upper East Siders, who spends all their time partying with the main characters of the show.  Rather, this person likely spends most of their time alone in front of their computer, reading countless e-mails from people who wouldn’t give her the time of day, if they passed her on the street.

Just some food for thought . . .

Anywhoo, even though Georgina might be “so over” being Gossip Girl, she clearly cares enough about the position to not want to leave it unattended, while she’s off wake crashing.  And so, Georgina decides to leave GG responsibilities to her adorable oaf of a husband, Rufus 2.0.  Looking back, Georgina’s instructions to her house boy on how to be Gossip Girl might have been a bit oversimplified.  When she told the guy to post any e-mailed tips he found interesting, she wrongly assumed he’d know to paraphrase them . . . or, at the very least, remove the e-mail address from which they were sent before posting them.

Here’s hoping Baby Milo gets his mother’s brains, otherwise he’s going to have to be one of those kids who spends his entire life wearing a helmet, because he can’t stop walking into walls  . . .

Interestingly enough, Georgina’s date for the wake is none other than Faux Charlie / Ivy / Call Me Serena, herself.  Apparently, the latter has kept that damn napkin with Georgina’s phone number printed on the back for over a Season.  Now,  that’s just unsanitary . . .

Then again, so is this  . . .

Anyway, something tells me this female duo won’t be winning Prom King and Queen at this wake . . .

Wakey, Wakey . . .

Now, I’m not Irish.  But, if I ever had a wake, I think I’d probably like it to look something like Cece’s, with bagpipes, and the band, and everyone chugging beer, and shots of whiskey.

 “OK, here’s how you play the Cece’s Wake Drinking Game.  Take a shot everytime someone says the words, ‘You should leave.’

It’s not at all the kind of “Goodbye Party,” I would have expected from the Rhodes Matriarch.  And yet, that’s precisely what makes it so much fun.  Actually, that’s not true.  What makes it so much fun, is how utterly uncomfortable the entire affair makes the stuffy, straight-laced, Lily.

Somewhere up in Heaven, Cece Rhodes is already laughing her ass off . . . and the party is just getting started . . .

All hail, Chuck Bass.  He has arrived at the wake ready to win back his lady love.  (You know, because funerals and wakes are great places to pick up chicks, just ask Will Ferrell’s character in Wedding Crashers.)  Once Chuck learns that Blair might have found a way out of her prenup, and into the flanneled arms of that soggy stale Donut Dan, he quickly sends Gossip Girl an e-mail encouraging the latter to out Dan for his little excursion into documentary film making.

You would think, by now, these people would learn to contact Gossip Girl using anonymous e-mail addresses, or at least be smart enough not to SIGN the blasts.  Of course, most days, this doesn’t matter, since the REAL Gossip Girl, and even Georgina were both smart enough to know how to redact personal identifiers from GG blasts.  Not Rufus 2.0 though.  Dim Bulb simply copies the entire contents of Chuck’s e-mail (e-mail address included), and publishes it on Gossip Girl.  (In Rufus 2.0’s defense, he might not actually know how to read.)

Chaos erupts amidst a wake, which is already filled with Rhodes’ bickering over silverware and antiques. Blair (who I guess decided not to stay home, after all .   . .  sorry Donut Dan) is already stomping over to Chuck, demanding an explanation.  She doesn’t believe what she’s reading.  Not Humpty Humphrey!  He wouldn’t do something so awful, would he?  (That would require him to have a personality.)

Ah, but he HAS done it.  And he’s willing to admit it too.  At this point in the story, I’m leaning forward in my chair, eagerly awaiting a long overdue Dan Humphrey Smackdown.  Then, two minutes later, I’m slumping back in that same chair, having already tossed my pillow at the television screen in disgust.

SHE FORGAVE HIM?  JUST LIKE THAT???  REALLY?  Is there no justice in this world?

While the dull pair is having their not-so-argument, Georgina takes this opportunity to steal Dan’s phone.  Does the fact that part of me was hoping she’d slather said phone with Ebola Virus, instead of just stuffing it in her purse make me a bad person?

A Tale of Two Charlies

Meanwhile, Lola has arrived on the scene.  and she is super pissed about having been tricked into attending her grandmother’s wake.  (Damn those inconsiderate dead family members, for interrupting Lola’s sex life!)  There’s a bit of a running gag, during which, every time Serena tries to introduce Lola to her “nice, down-to-Earth” family, they do and say something even more ridiculously greedy and money grubbing.

That said, Lola’s perpetual pussface does little to redeem the character in my eyes.  We have enough self-righteous, judgmental folks on this show, thank you very much . . .

What does endear Lola to me, a little bit, is the surprisingly understanding way in which she handles the presence of Charlie/Ivy/Call Me Serena.  While the rest of the VDW/Rhodes’ shun the red head, repeatedly asking her to leave, Lola willingly allies herself with her former imposter, in hopes that together, the two of them can finally figure out, why Lola’s AWFUL mother would go through so much trouble and expense, to hide Lola from the rest of her ostentatious and snobby family.

Take that 1%ers!

Answers may come for Lola, sooner than she thinks.  Not long after she arrives, Dr. VDW enters the building.  As it turns out, Cece chose Lily’s first of many ex husbands as the executor of her will.  Go figure.

“Hey Cece!  Good to see ya.  You’ve never looked better!”

For a guy who was willing to play fast and loose enough with his medical license to convince his ex wife she was dying of cancer, Dr. VDW sure seems to be a stickler for the rules of trusts and estates.  When Faux Charlie comes to sit in on the precedings, and the rest of the family wants her out, Dr. VDW insists that she stay, because “it’s what Cece wanted.”

“I swear!  Just ask her . . . oh, wait . . . nevermind.” 

Dr. VDW also doesn’t bat an eyelash, when he reads the provision of the will that provides that Cece more or less left her ENTIRE fortune (save for a few antiques and lame ass trinkets) to .  . . wait for it . . . IVY DICKENS.

That’s right, boys and girls.  Grandma Cece knew all this time, that Ivy was an imposter, who weaseled her way into the Rhodes family, intially for money, but ultimately for acceptance.  And Cece LEFT HER EVERYTHING ANYWAY.   Wow,  she must really hate her family, A LOT!

Like I said in the title of this blog, if you learn anything from this ridiculous episode of Gossip Girl, let it be this: respect your elders.  After all, you never know when they might be filthy rich, and willing to write you into their will . . .

Part of me wishes Cece was a bit more descriptive in her will, regarding why she chose to do what she did.  For one thing, the fact that she left no explanation for her actions, whatsoever, makes her will a whole lot easier for the VDW/ Rhodes to contest legally.   For another, part of me is just really curious, what happened between these two women from disparate generations (Ivy and Cece), during those last crucial few months, that made Cece experience such a drastic change of heart.

Perhaps it was the gin talking . . .

I mean, sure, Ivy needed the money far more than the VDW clan.  But that’s not a good enough reason to do what Cece did.  I’m hoping we get another flashback to flesh this storyline out a little more.   But I’m thinking we probably won’t . . .

Whatever Cece’s reasons for so royally screwing over her family, I can’t IMAGINE she suspected that Ivy would end up unceremoniously evicting Lily from her OWN house, on the day of the wake, claiming that the property now belonged to her.  Really?  Charlie/Ivy / Call Me Serena?  THESE are the actions of a woman who “fell in love with the Rhodes” family?  I know they were mean to you, when they found out the truth, Ivy-kins, but still  . .. that’s a pretty darn evil thing to do.

My guess is that Ivy won’t actually end up doing it.  And that the gesture was just her way of asserting authority against the Rhodes.  But hey, what the heck do I know?

In other news, Dr. VDW, who apparently never met a Rhodes he didn’t wanna f*&k, just learned that he’s actually Lola’s father, and will owe a crap load of money in back child support payments, if he doesn’t become Carol Rhodes’ b*tch . . . again.  That makes Lola, more than just Serena’s cousin . . . She’s also her HALF SISTER.  Predictable.  Shocking, I know . . .

“Is there anyone on this show I’m NOT related to?” 

“ME!  Well, at least I hope I’m not related to you . . . It certainly wouldn’t be the first time someone committed incest on this show.” 

“You are the only good thing in my life,” Lola pouts to Nate. .  .  the man she met just one episode ago, as the two head back to the Empire to make up for lost sex time.  How’s that for pathetic?  But Lola might just find that she’s very wrong, indeed, about that assessment.  Toward the end of the episode, Dr. VDW calls his long lost daughter, to take her up on her offer that he help her investigate her family secrets.  However, something tells me that HIS particular paternity secret, will be one he won’t offer up so freely . . .

Don’t do it, Blair .  . .

Have you ever watched a horror movie at home, and spent half the time screaming the following things at your television:  “DON’T GO IN THERE!”  “LOCK THE DOOR!”  “HE’S GOING to CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF.”  “DON’T JUST STAND THERE, LOOKING SCARED, RUN, YOU MORON.”

Well, that’s kind of how I felt, watching Blair in “The Princess Dowry.”  Throughout the entire hour, I watched her move ever closer, to a Donuty Doom.  I knew it was coming.  And I dreaded it like the plague.  But no matter how loud I screamed at the television screen, I couldn’t protect Blair from acting like a brainwashed Stepford Wife . . .  It was quite frustrating, really.

Anywhoo . . . when we last left our Queen B, she had just forgiven Donut Dan for trying to ruin her wedding and her life, with that video.  Enter Blair’s Minder with a convenient way out of this mess of a wedding.  As we learned from last week, this French twit is actually in LOVE with Louis-bot . . .

“See Blayerrrrgh, evaan roboths geth layeeed.”  (Translation: See Blair, even robots get laid.)

 . . .  making it in her best interest to see this wedding annuled.

Elsie the Minder’s theory, is that Blair is such a public relations disaster, that any other prospective wife (even a fellow robot like Elsie the Minder) would look good to the press, by comparison.  Therefore, provided Blair agrees to not speak to the press about the annulment,  Elise the Minder suggests that the Grimaldis will just let her out of the contract.

“Even though I am lying through my teeth, you believe every word I say, because my British accent makes me sound more trustworthy than I actually am.” 

Well now, that certainly doesn’t sound the Grimaldi’s I met this summer . . .

Rhymes with Ditch . . .

Nonetheless, Blair blindly and stupidly agrees to this, never once considering the possibility that she might be getting setup.  And setup, she ultimately is, when Chuck and Georgina send “Gossip Girl” i.e. Rufus 2.0 a picture of Dan raping Blair’s face on Valentine’s Day, in complete violation of Elsie the Minder’s so fake “annulment settlement terms.”

“AHHHH!  He’s suffocating me!  Make it stop!”

OK, so let me get this straight.  Chuck did this to KEEP Blair married to  Louis-bot and/or potentially bankrupt her . . . just because he doesn’t want her to be with Donut Dan?  I don’t buy it.  After all, wasn’t Chuck the one who offered to pay off the entire dowry, in the first place, because he knew Blair’s family couldn’t afford its exhorbitant sum?

Anyway, it takes next to no time for Blair to learn that the photograph in question came from Chuck and Georgina, not from Dan.  At the same time, Minder chick informs her that there was never really a settlment position on the table, in the first place.  (SURPRISE!)  Now, Blair doesn’t know WHO to believe.  So, Chuck digs the knife in, even deeper, by accusing Donut Dan of repeatedly keeping him away from Blair, so that the Donut could have her all to himself.  It’s an accusation which Dan readily accepts!

Source 

And when Blair finds out, she’s so incredibly hurt and betrayed that she says. . . NOTHING?  Again, what the heck is wrong with this girl, lately?  The REAL Blair Waldorf wouldn’t have taken ANY of these injustices lying down.  But this one just pouts and walks away.  Come on, Blair, even Nate could have done better than that . . .

Toward the end of the wake, Blair sadly tells Chuck Bass that she LOVES him, but isn’t IN love with him . . . a sure sign that Blair has clearly lost her marbles, this season.  Here we are, finally, with no obstacles between these two individuals.  But Blair is inexplicably throwing in the towel on her own.  No me gusta.

Speaking of Chuck, he seeks out Lily for comfort shortly after his dumping.  “It’s different this time.  She’s had her brain devoured by Zombie Dan changed,” remarks Chuck sadly.

Well, that’s the understatement of the century!  Unfortunately, Lily has little intel to impart on the subject of Stepford-Blair Waldorf.  However, she does manage to offer up some other fairly pertinent information.  It turns out, as many of us suspected, Jack Bass was the one who actually saved Chuck’s life, by ensuring that the Dark Knight received a blood transfusion, following his car accident with Blair.

Source 

The question is, was it actually Jack who made the pertinent donation . . . or was it Diana, who we all know Jack called just moments after Chuck was admitted to the hospital, and who many (myself included) have speculated is Chuck’s REAL bio mom . . .

In other news, Georgina calls somewhat of a truce with Blair, agreeing to fly to Monaco to end Blair’s sham of a cyborg marriage (using blackmail intel she learned during her Gossip Girl days, naturally), in exchange for a favor from Blair to be announced at a later time.  Blair mindlessly agrees, a decision (like the one in which she STUPIDLY chose Dan over Chuck ) that I am sure she will come to regret in a few weeks.  Oh, and did I mention that, before she left, Georgina shipped her entire GG laptop to SERENA, of all people?

Serena as Gossip Girl . . . again?  Gahhhh . . .  is this a repeat episode of Gossip Girl?

Toward the end of the episode, Blair goes to the Donut’s loft, determined to start what will undoubtedly be an incredibly boring, unfulfilling relationship, characterized by abysmal sex.  Hooray!

“Please don’t make me kiss him again.  Last time, my lips bled for hours afterward . . .”

Then, they eat eachother’s faces, for a while, and in between mouthfuls, Donut Dan explains how excited he is that Blair actually used his real name, for the first time since they met.

Yes, Donut Dan.  She knows your name.  Now, if that’s not the foundation for a successful relationship, I don’t know what is  . . .

And that was “The Princess Dowry,” in a nutshell.  When Gossip Girl returns in April, we will learn why Donut Dan is such a slug in the sack  . . . not that this is much of a surprise . . .  After all, the guy can’t even manage to walk to the nearest Supercuts to fix that awful hair of his.  How can we possibly expect him to navigate the delicate contours of a woman’s body.

Slug or Stud?  You decide . . .

 That said, the sex-pisode in question, actually looks kind of humorous (especially if you enjoy making fun of Donut Dan, as much as I do).  You can check out the trailer for the episode, here . . .

Somewhere on the Upper East Side, Chuck Bass is pumping his fist in triumph.

Until next time!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

13 Comments

Filed under Gossip Girl