The Ick Factor – A Recap of Big Love’s Season Finale “End of Days”

I had mixed feelings about tonight’s Big Love season finale.  On one hand, it was certainly eventful.  There were a lot of twists and turns during this episode that I didn’t see coming.  Plus, a lot of questions that had been left unanswered throughout the series were finally resolved, although not necessarily for the better (cough, Tommy and Barb, cough). 

On the other hand, watching “End of Days” was a highly unpleasant experience for me.  A lot of the scenes and plot points were just plain uncomfortable to watch.  When you’ve come to know and care about characters during the course of four seasons, as I have with the Big Love cast, there are some situations you just don’t want to see them in.  The episode’s game-changer ending will definitely send the show in an entirely new direction next season.  I am just not entirely sure that I like where it is going . . .

So, let’s take a look at where we are going, and where we have been, shall we?

Ding. Dong, J.J.’s Dead!

“I’m MELTING!  I’m MELTING!”

One of the questions that was resolved during the season finale was what the heck J.J. was doing to get everybody pregnant.  In fact, the J.J. storyline was entirely resolved, because awesome Adaleen set his house on fire, burning that crazy mother-f’er and his wife to a crisp in the process.  So, the prospect of J.J. returning to Juniper Creek is highly unlikely.  Unless, of course, he comes back from the dead all burned and disfigured a la Freddy Krueger, which I wouldn’t put past him.  (They both have that “terrorizing children” thing in common, after all . . .)

“I will haunt your dreams, and force you to carry my creepily deformed babies to term.”

When news breaks that the polygamist compound in Kansas is rife with inbred babies, all signs point to J.J.’s involvement, seeing as he runs things down there.  Wanda comes out of her catatonic state long enough to admit that J.J. has inseminated Adaleen with Wanda’s egg (and his own sperm) in order to impregnate her.  Wanda just so happens to be J.J.’s biological sister  . . .

J.J. then tricks the infertile Nikki into coming to his “doctor” son’s office, in order to impregnate her with an egg belonging to Cara Lynn, Nikki’s own daughter with J.J.  I don’t even want to KNOW how he got that egg!

Fortunately, Bill finds Nikki just in time, and rescues her from the clutches of the evil creepy J.J.  Then Adaleen ties J.J. and his wife up, douses their home with gasoline, and watches it go KABOOM!  Who knew drippy weak-willed Adaleen Grant would turn out to be such a . . .

“Come to think of it, Mary Kay Place could totally pass for an older version of Drew Barrymore.  Don’t you think?”

At the conclusion of the episode, Nikki cuts her compound-style braid, and agrees to carry Margene’s non-incestually deformed baby to term for the Henricksons.  Ummm, yay . . . I guess?

Margene, Goran, and Anna sitting in a tree . . .

“Come and knock on our door.  We’ll be waiting for YOU!  When the kisses are HERS, and HERS, and HIS, Three’s Company Too!”

Margene’s storyline this evening would have fit really well into a swinging 70’s era sitcom.  For the past few episodes, Margene has been waffling back and forth between her marriage to Barb, Nikki, and Bill, which will result in the inevitable loss of her jewlery business, and her greencard marriage to Goran.  When she talks to Anna about it, Margene confesses that she feels guilty about marrying Goran, because she is attracted to him.  This attraction makes her feel like a Big Ho-Bag, seeing as Goran is actually in a (committed?) relationship with Anna.   

Huh?  Where did this “love interest” come from?  There was no evidence of Margene’s “attraction” to Goran throughout the entire season.  The guy seductively grabs her knee once, and all the sudden she’s in love with him?  Wasn’t it only a few episodes ago that she was talking about her romantic feelings for Ben?  It just plain didn’t make sense to me . . .

Weirder still was Anna’s response to Margene’s confession.  She was totally cool with it.  Anna told Margene that she already knew that Goran and Margene had feelings for one another.  So, why couldn’t the three of them just be happy together?  Is this the same Anna who, just last week, lectured Bill about his hypocritical one man-for-many women ways?  Truthfully, I always sensed a bit of a lesbian subtext between Margene and Anna.  However, both characters’ actions during this episode seemed inconsistent and unrealistic to me. 

“Just imagine all the hijinks we can get into now!  Wait until we tell Mr. Roper!”

At the conclusion of this storyline, Goran is seen happily hugging Anna and Margene, while fondling both of their asses.  Somewhere up in heaven, Jack Tripper is raising his fist in triumph  . . .

“Goran, I salute you!”

Barb and Tommy are Splitsville . . . But what about Barb and Bill?

“I’m going to miss you, and your sexy sweat lodge too!”

I had high hopes for Barb and Tommy at the opening of this episode.  She adorably mothered him, by trying to get him to eat a healthy and well-balanced meal, after a stressful day.  He confided in her about his family troubles (apparently, Tommy has some bad seed drug dealers in his family).  Together, they worried about how Tommy’s screwed up family history may adversely affect the casino.  Barb then vowed to help Tommy, promising him that he wouldn’t have to go through this alone.  They shared plenty of longing looks, and another sexy hug . . .

Then Bill had to go and screw everything up!

Well, in Bill’s defense, Barb made quite a mess of things herself, by offering the results of Anna’s paternity test, which showed that Bill was the father of her illegitimate child, to a local news network.  Barb did this in hopes that doing so would keep Bill from winning the Senate seat that has been slowly tearing their family apart.  Then, ostensibly, Bill ratted out and fired Tom and Jerry from the casino, to save face.  However, I thought the move had “revenge against Barb” written all over it. 

“Wow, this just occurred to me . . . probably because I never remembered the Jerry-character’s name.  Why the heck did the writers choose names like these for a pair of characters that would constantly be discussed in the series together, and in this exact order?  Seriously!”

Barb apparently thought Bill made a dick move too.  And when she FINALLY stuck up for herself, and told Bill, “I don’t think I need you anymore,” I cheered for her. 

“You go girl!”

But will she have the guts to leave him now that he is a State Senator?  Only time will tell . . .

Don, Don, Don, Don DONNNNNNN!

Yeah, this wasn’t a big part of the show at all.  I was just happy to see my favorite sidekick, Don, back on Big Love for the finale, even if it was just to kiss Bill’s ass again.  Despite the fact that Big Boss Man ruined Don’s life and turned his kid into a juvenile delinquent (who throws rocks through people’s windows) Don still showed up to watch Bill make his State Senate acceptance speech, and actually seemed HAPPY when Bill won . . .

Build for Bill (more like Demolish for Bill)

Meet Bill Henrickson, the family values Senator from Utah, and his family (Not pictured: illegitamate child, fourth wife, and illegal alien second husband)

Perhaps the most cringeworthy moment of the entire episode came at its conclusion, when Bill won the State Senate seat, and came out as a polygamist. As a bunch of his former supporters stormed out in anger, Bill made matters worse, by calling each of his wives up to the podium with him, singlehandedly destroying their lives along with his own.  Although the foursome held hands together at the conclusion of the speech, in a show of solidarity, each wife looked like she would rather be pulled apart by two horses running in opposite directions, than be there with Bill.

And that was it for this season.  So, what did you think of the finale?  Are you excited for a Season 5 that  revolves around Bill as a polygamist Senator?  Are you hoping that Barb leaves Bill’s ass for Tom (and Jerry)?  Are you hoping Margene leaves Bill’s ass for Anna and Goran?  Were you as happy to see Don as I was?  Were you as happy to see Marilyn and J.J. GO as I was?

 

Escape from Crazytown: A Recap of Big Love’s “Next Ticket Out”

 

Welcome back Big Lovers!  Can you believe the season finale is just one week away?  It seems like only yesterday we were driving around Utah, with Roman Grant’s frozen dead corpse in the back seat . . .

Ahhh, memories . . .

It has been a bit of an uneven season — one filled with some jaw-droppingly amazing moments (Margene’s romantic encounters with Ben, Dale’s tragic suicide, and Nikki’s heroic rescue of Cara Lynn), some truly bizarre moments (anything involving J.J.), and some teeth-clenchingly annoying moments (anything involving Marilyn, and the entire bird-smuggling / Mexico storyline – up until Hollis got his arm chopped off . . . that was cool). 

 Yes, it has definitely been a wild ride.  None of the Henricksons have had a particularly easy go of it this season.  Is it any wonder that this latest installment of Big Love focused on the theme of escape?  After all, who wouldn’t want to run away from this family of wack jobs?

Auf Wiedersehen, Sara!

“You are OUT!”

Near the end of Godfather III,  Michael Corleone utters the iconic line: “Everytime I think I’m out, they pull me back in!”  (The line was practically the only good thing about the film, which was a major disappointment, especially following the awesomeness that was the first two Godfather movies.)

I bring up the quote, because I imagine that this was how Sarah Henrickson felt, throughout most of the Big Love series.  Having been raised for most of her young life in a “normal” two-parent home, Sarah never really bought into the whole “polygamy” thing.  And I was always under the impression that her hasty  marriage to Scott was simply a way for her to distance herself from her family and their religious beliefs, permanently.

My suspicions were confirmed in the opening moments of this episode, when Sarah announced that she and Scott had put a downpayment on a home in Portland, Oregon.  The couple would be leaving Utah ASAP.  Now, I understand that this was somewhat of a plot contrivance, given that Amanda Seyfried wanted out of the show to pursue her burgeoning movie career.  However, I also happen to think that Sarah’s actions were consistent with the overall development of her character throughout the series.  And, I can’t help but be proud of my girl, Sarah,  for FINALLY escaping the utter craziness of the rest of her gene pool . . .

“Sayonara Suckers!”

Although the family initially balked at her decision,  the Henricksons ultimately came around to supporting Sarah.  Even Bill ultimately caved, arriving at Sarah’s home late at night, with a pizza pie and $5,000 as proverbial olive branches.   Sarah returned the favor, by publicly supporting her family during a television interview for the Senatorial campaign.  At the conclusion of the episode, the Henricksons gave Sarah an admittedly sweet parting gift, a quilt made from various family members’ attire and prized belongings.

Although I wasn’t particularly keen on her “baby napping” storyline this season, I must say that I overall enjoyed Sarah’s character during her run on Big Love.  Sarah was a relatable island of sanity amidst the show’s sea of craziness.  She will be missed . . .

Goodbye and Good Riddance, Marilyn . . . Oh, wait . . . You’re still here.

Last week, I compared Sissy Spacek’s devious and highly annoying lobbyist Marilyn to an itchy rash that just wouldn’t go away, no matter how much Benadryl you slathered on it.  This week, she proved herself to be exactly that.  When Barb comes clean to Bill about Marilyn’s double-crossing of the Casino, by hiring right-wing extremists to terrorize them, Bill immediately fires Marilyn’s ass.  I literally pumped my fist in the air in triumph.  Hurrah!  The Wicked Bitch of the West is finally gone!  I cheered.

And then . . . The Rash came back. (Boo!)  Marilyn popped up at Margene’s office, accusing the latter of having “an affair” with Bill.  (har de har, har)  When that didn’t work, she called Barb in the middle of the night to tell her about the affair.  The character’s motivations are becoming increasingly less clear as the season progresses.  I’m starting to think it all comes down to one thing:  BITCH IS CRAZY!

“I will not be ignored, HENRICKSONS.  And I will not leave, FANS, no matter how much you all want me to!”

When Barb doesn’t react to Marilyn’s claims that Bill is cheating on her, Marilyn puts two and two together and criticizes Barb for her unhealthy polygamist way of life.  At the conclusion of the episode, Tommy, who has been digging up dirt on Marilyn throughout the episode, informs Barb that Marilyn has waged a personal vendetta against the Henricksons, going as far as to stealing all of their personal financial information.   Someone’s not getting the bid for fourth wife anytime soon . . .

To Marry or Not To Marry, That is the Question

The Henricksons might NOT be getting a fourth wife this season.  However, it looks like a  second husband is definitely in the cards for them.  Initially, Bill refuses to condone Margene’s green card marriage.  Margene’s a part of this family, dammit!  And she’s going to have to give up her career, life, and happiness for Bill, just like everyone else!  When Margene assures him that the marriage is only a paper one, Bill asserts that a legal document now binds Margene to Goran.  Margene counters nicely, arguing that if legal documents are so important, than Bill’s marriage to Barb would be more real and binding than his marriage to Margene.

Later, Anna, who has oddly become the show’s moral compass (go figure), again calls Bill out on his hypocrisy.  When Bill whines that a woman can only have one husband, Anna laughs in his face.  “Do you even hear what you are saying?”  She inquires.  “You people are crazy!”

“I LIKE her . . .”

Bill’s tune rapidly changes when Marilyn threatens to expose the Henricksons as polygamists BEFORE the election.  Now Bill NEEDS Margene to marry Goran to reduce suspicion and keep the dogs at bay.  In a passive aggressive move that made me smile, Margene takes the liberty of inviting her new husband to the Henrickson home, arguing that doing so is necessary to make their marriage seem more believable.  Bill responds by getting into a classic pissing contest with Margene’s other husband, and knocking him violently in the head with a tether ball.

“Those homo sapiens . . . so unevolved.”

There’s such a thing as the Women’s Movement?  Who knew?

“Wake up and smell the new millenium, Barb!”

After being fired from the casino by Bill for putting Crazy Marilyn on the payroll, a frustrated Barb speaks to a group of local female voters about the challenges associated with being a woman in the 21st century – one who is expected to be perfect at all times.  She then makes an offhand comment about women solving their problems by becoming addicted to prescription medication. 

The statement backfires on Barb, when Bill’s senatorial opponent mischaracterizes it, asserting that Barb believes the woman of Utah to be a bunch of drug-addicted freaks.  Bill reprimands Barb, demanding that she retract her statement, regardless of its original harmless intent.  A distraught and newly unemployed Barb seeks solace from Tommy, who offers her a few words of encouragement and the steamiest hug I have ever seen!  Can these two hook up already?  Please!

“Stick with me, babe, and the only PILL you’re going to need is birth control!”

At the conclusion of the episode, Bill redeems himself a bit by sticking up for Barb on national television regarding her statements about prescription drugs.  Too little, too late, as far as I am concerned . . .

Nikki Loves Bill!  Alert the Media!

One of my favorite storylines this season has been the evolution of Nikki Grant from a shallow, immature, self-centered Daddy’s girl, and devout polygamist, to a sympathetic, caring, and strong woman coming to terms with the shortcomings of both her family and her religion.  Sure, she has had some missteps along the way.  Like, for instance, there was that time when she dressed like this . . .

However, ultimately, it has been rewarding to watch Nikki come into her own this season.  In the opening scene of this episode, Nikki appears at the family dinner in a modern and stylish, if slightly revealing, dress.  She continues her fashion-forward trend later that evening, coming to Bill’s bed dressed in sexy lingerie.  It is there that she comes clean to Bill about her difficulties conceiving a child and her visits with a “fertility specialist”  a.k.a. J.J.’s creepy son.

When Barb accidentally spills the beans to Nikki about Joey killing her father, Nikki rushes to Joey’s home to confront him.  However, instead of lashing out in anger, as the old Nikki was wont to do, Nikki finds herself immediately concerned for the safety of Joey’s fragile and  unstable wife, Wanda, who is nearly catatonic when Nikki finds her.  Just as she did with Cara Lynn a few episodes back, Nikki gallantly rescues Wanda from the compound.

“Think Bill will like my new outfit?”

Clearly in the rescuing mood, Nikki makes a pitstop at her brother Albie’s home.  As a result of Dale’s suicide and the resulting investigation into the latter’s finances, by the UEB, Albie appears to be having some type of nervous breakdown.  He is sweaty and shaking.  He keeps having hallucinations involving his father.  And he has become (gasp) a bad dancer!  Albie is bopping around his home to 80s music, when Nikki arrives.  (What is it with the Grants and the 80s?)

“What?  Those were good times!”

(BTW: Albie’s wife, the traitorous Laura, announces Nikki’s arrival.  Based on his interaction with her, it appears that Albie has not, in fact, put two and two together, regarding her role in Dale’s demise.  It seems unlike Albie to be so dense.  Is it possible that he DOES know and is merely waiting for the right moment to seek revenge?  I am intrigued to see how this will all play out. . . )

Nikki offers to go away somewhere with Albie, so that he can escape the toxic atmosphere of the compound.  Unfortunately, Crazed Albie is not exactly in the vacationing mood.  He violently pushes Nikki away, harshly ridiculing her new wardrobe and lifestyle.

Later, Nikki again confides in Bill that, after all these years of marriage, she has finally come to love him.  Compound living had taught her not to love, but only to obey.  Now, that Nikki truly loves Bill, she no longer wants to share him with Barb and Margene . . .

“It looks like monogamy is coming to get you, Mr. Bill.  Be afraid, be very afraid.”

The Devil You Know Versus The One You Don’t

In other Grant news, Nikki’s mom, Adaleen, has just learned that J.J. is crazy.  (Shocker!)  But not just your garden variety crazy, so crazy that ROMAN didn’t want J.J. around J.J. ‘s OWN daughter!  Apparently, prior to his death, Roman did, in fact, sign off on young Cara Lynn’s “sealing” to the dirty old man from a few episodes prior. 

However, as it turns out, Roman did so, not to seek vengeance against Nikki, as we once thought, but to rescue Cara Lynn from J.J.!   Now, when Roman Grant thinks your an evil nutjob, you KNOW things are bad .  .  .  I have a feeling this J.J. storyline is going to come to head next week in a major way!

That’s a wrap Big Lovers! Tune in next week for the grand finale, where, HOPEFULLY, Barb and Tommy will hook up, and we will FINALLY see the last of that pain in the ass, Marilyn . . .

Oh no, Mr. Bill (Henrickson)!: A Recap of Big Love’s “Blood Atonement”

OHHHH NOOO!  Things aren’t going so well for the Henrickson clan!  But, hey, at least they have all their limbs in tact, which is more than I can say for SOME people on this show. . .

When I think back on this week’s installment of “Big Love,” the first word that comes to mind is “bizarro.”  In fact, if there was a camera on me while I was watching “Blood Atonement,” I probably would have looked a lot like this . . .

Yeah, I’m a monkey.  Got a problem with that?

But if I HAD to pick a theme for this episode, it would probably be “family”  — more specifically, the lengths a person will go to

save it . . .

seek vengeance on its behalf . . .

or prevent it from running her mildly successful jewelry business into the ground, by outing her as a polygamist.

So, without further adieu, let’s check in with our favorite family to find out who got married, who got knocked up,  who almost got blown up, who has an “unhappy uterus,” and who is no longer capable of clapping . . .

Oh Baby!

Apparently, Nikki will not be having one of these any time soon . . . but someone else will.

For some time now, our favorite second wife, Nikki Grant, has been receiving pressure from her sister wives to conceive.  At first, Nikki was hell bent against it, even going as far as to sneak birth control pills behind Bill’s back.  Now, however, Nikki is suddenly desperate to conceive.  Unfortunately, Heavenly Father has other ideas.   

Nikki’s doctor informs her that, having reached the ripe old age of 30ish, she has suddenly developed  . . .

 . . . an unhappy uterus (thus proving you can find ANYTHING in Google Images).

Speaking of uteruses (uteri?), you know who has the most cheerful uterus in the world?  Nikki’s Mommy, Adaleen, of course!  Given that she has a 30ish daughter, I’m guessing Adaleen is probably somewhere in her 50’s, just a wee bit past prime child-birthing age.  And yet, lo and behold, she is pregnant.  It’s a MIRACLE! 

Or is it?  J.J. was acting very strangely when discussing Adaleen’s pregnancy with his sister.  Plus, I didn’t trust that baby-faced “family doctor” to whom J.J. sent Adaleen (Nikki visited him later for help with her own infertility woes) as far as I could throw him.  

It may be too soon to tell what the heck is going on here.  However, my guess is that J.J. paid off that squirmy doc to inseminate Adaleen, in some strange and complicated ploy to either screw with Nikki or somehow become Prophet.  That being said, I am more than a bit worried for Nikki right now.  With J.J. watching her every move, an  “Unhappy Uterus” is  the least of her problems . . .

Holy Nuptials!

In other pregnancy news, erstwhile fourth wife Anna still has a bun in the oven, and Barb is still trying to get her holier-than-thou mitts on it.  “The Crazy Lady wants me to drink the Kool Aid again,” explains Anna in Russian to her vaguely attractive, but kind of dirty- looking fiancé, when Barb barges into the couple’s home for what feels like the 20,000th time this season, and begs Anna to reconsider her decision.

Anna explains that her fiancé, who is studying to become a doctor (yeah because this guy has PROFESSIONAL written all over him . . . PROFESSIONAL HITMAN), is in danger of being deported.  Therefore, the two of them must leave the country ASAP.  Seeing the writing on the wall for her jewelry business, should Bill win the Senatorial election and out the entire family as polygamists, Margene comes up with a thoughtful, if not entirely altruistic, solution. 

SHE will marry Anna’s fiancé!  This way, he and Anna will get to stay in the country!  Anna’s fiancé can become the doctor he always dreamed of being!  (Ha ha)  Bill and Barb can get to screw up yet another child!  And, most importantly, Margene can continue selling cheap bracelets on the Home Shopping Network!  EVERYBODY WINS !

Except, I’m not sure Barb would agree.  Then again, she has her own crap to deal with — or, as they say in the casino world . . .

Oh Craps!

Remember last week, when I warned Barb to beware of evil little women bearing sweet gifts?

She didn’t listen.  Back at the casino, Barb and Tommy (I hate to say it, but these two are actually really hot together and they haven’t even kissed yet) have their hands full with a right-wing extremist group that is loudly boycotting the casino.  Unfortunately, now that they actually need her, their high- priced media whore publicist, Marilyn, is no where to be found.  Things really get out of hand when the casino receives a bomb threat and has to be evacuated.

In an effort to reach some sort of compromise, Barb contacts the head of the extremist group, while the latter is on business in Scotland.  However, the Right Wing Nut Job denies playing any role in the bomb fiasco, and refuses to help.  When Barb learns that Marilyn is also in Scotland, she puts two and two together, and figures out that Marilyn is in cohoots with the Right Wing Nut Job. 

Her and Tommy have been set up!  Marilyn is EVIL!  I’m SHOCKED!  (NOT!)

Aye Chihuahua!

“We’re not in Utah anymore, Tito.”

While Barb is busy mucking things up at the casino, Bill and Joey are traveling down to Mexico to rescue Ma and Pa Looney Tunes and Bill’s oldest son, Ben, from that dastardly polygamist, Hollis Green and his wife, who reminds me of someone, but I can’t quite place her . . .

Oh yeah, that’s the one!

Anyway, Ma, Pa, Ben, and Pa’s other wife, Jodeen, are holed up in Green’s Mexican compound awaiting “trial,” while Bill and Brother Joey try to come up with a plan.  Joey, still peeved at the Greens for their role in his almost-wife Cathy’s death, literally wants to go in with guns blazing.  (He found Pa’s stash in the trunk of his car.  Apparently, Ma and Pa Looney Tunes were not ONLY smuggling birds across state lines, but weapons too)  Bill, however, has other ideas . . .

Leaving a very angry Joey behind, Bill sneaks onto the compound and almost manages to escape with his brood, when Hollis and his wife catch them.  Hollis deems the escape the ultimate betrayal, and wishes to execute Ma, Pa, Ben, and Jodeen ASAP.  In an odd moment of self-sacrifice, the typically self-absorbed Bill offers to give his own life for that of his family.  Just when it looks as though Hollis is about to . .  .

 . . . his arm falls off .  . . no really, it does.  Ma Henrickson may be a bad parent; she may be really lousy at bird smuggling, but, apparently, she has a unique talent for swordplay.  The now One-Armed Hollis crumples to the floor, and Pat Mrs. Green truly appears anguished over her husband’s agony.

Bill explains to Mrs. Green that her husband should be able to live, and may even be able to salvage his arm, but only if she gets him to a doctor ASAP.  That means setting the Henricksons free.  Fortunately, Mrs. Green chooses her husband, because I REALLY couldn’t take another Mexico-based episode of this show . . .

So, what did you think?  Were you  getting as sick of Mexico as I was?  Will Hollis be able to reattach his arm?  And what the heck is the deal with Preggers Adaleen?

 

 

Et tu Barb? – A Recap of Big Love’s “Under One Roof”

Watch your backs, Big Lovers!  Tonight’s episode was all about betrayal.  Not a single character made it through the hour unscathed.  In fact, one character didn’t make it out alive.

 So, without further adieu, let’s take a look back at this blood bath of an episode, to find out who stabbed who, and which wounds were lethal . . .

She’s Baack!

While at a restaurant schmoozing a potential campaign contributor, Bill and Barb run into a very pregnant Anna, a.k.a the fourth wife that almost was . . . but wasn’t.  Doing a bit of mathematical calculation in their heads, Bill and Barb become instantly convinced that the bun in Anna’s oven is Bill’s.  Of course, the self-righteous Henrickson clan is certain that Anna should want nothing more than to rejoin “The Family” with her new baby.

Despite Anna’s pleas that the Henricksons leave her alone, the following evening, Bill and the wives arrive at the restaurant where Anna works to re-plead their case.  As far as they are concerned, the situation is a clear win-win.  After all, who wouldn’t want to join a family as healthy and functional as this one?

 

Clearly smarter than she looks, Anna blows them all off.  Later, however, she approaches Bill at his office to inform him that she has changed her mind.  Apparently, fifteen-hour restaurant workdays are not exactly healthy for a mother in her third trimester.  Anna proposes that Bill provide her with some monetary help.  In exchange, she will arrange for Bill to have some visitation rights, once the baby is born.  Anna conditions the agreement on Bill’s promise to keep the other wives out of the arrangement, because, frankly, they scare the crap out of her.

“Oh HELL no!  I absolutely refuse to become part of that loony family!  I’ll stay in your tummy forever, if I have to!”

Anna suggests that they hire a lawyer to draft a visitation agreement.  However, Bill assures her that such formal measures are not necessary.  He may be a D-Bag, but he’s no dummy.  After all, bastard children and political campaigns do not exactly mix.  The less evidence against Bill, the better  . . .

“Yeah, no sh&t, Sherlock!”

When Barb learns about what transpired between Bill and Anna, she is livid.  After all, any baby conceived during a Henrickson marriage is Henrickson property, as far as she is concerned.  (women and children apparently equal chattel, here in Big Love land).  Barb barges into Anna’s apartment and demands that she reconsider.   She is shocked to find another man there.    “He is my fiancé,” explains Anna.

According to Anna, her fiancé is aware that the baby Anna is carrying is Bill’s.  However, he is allowing Anna to receive help from Bill because he wants what’s best for the baby.  (Do you want to see a paternity test?  Because I sure do!  No man is that understanding.)

Barb remakes her lame argument about the baby being born out of “their” marriage.  This is the moment Anna chooses to drop her bombshell.  “The baby was NOT conceived during the marriage.  It was conceived before [Bill and I] were married.”

“Oh Billlllyyy!  You have some explaining to do!”

The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave . . .

The Henrickson’s not only had to deal with the woman who had abruptly re-entered their lives, they also had to cope with the one who just wouldn’t leave.  Evil publicist Marilyn, still intent on signing Bill’s casino to her client roll, finagles yet another meeting with Bill’s partners to make her pitch.  She goes one step further by approaching Barb with girl talk and sweets wrapped in a red bow.

 Beware of evil women bearing goodies, Barb . . .

Marilyn does a fairly good job of getting into Barb’s head, regarding the latter’s lack of equal standing at the casino, despite her being a full partner.  Marilyn then informs Barb about her pitch for representation of the casino – a pitch to which, of course, Barb was not invited.  Ultimately, Barb goes behind Bill’s back and signs Marilyn as casino representative, on his behalf.  Apparently, Bill is not the only one who can make agreements that affect The Family without the rest of The Family’s approval.

Not Without My Daughter!

Nikki’s “fashionable” new look

Nikki is appalled and disgusted when she learns that her “ex-husband” and the father of her child, J.J.,  is being “sealed” to her mother at the same creepy run-down motel where she lost her virginity at age 14.  When J.J.’s sister calls her to inform her that J.J.’s whole family is coming down for the “sealing,” Nikki begins to fear for her mother and her daughter’s safety.

To prove her independence, Nikki crashes the “wedding” dressed in “modern” clothes.  Or rather, she dresses in clothes she assumes are modern, seeing as she has basically  dressed like a pilgrim since birth.  Her sideways ponytail and short jean skirt were admittedly hilarious.  However, I think 1984 probably wants them back.  In all honesty, I haven’t seen Chloe Sevigny so poorly dressed since . . . this.

But I do feel a bit bad about harping on Nikki’s clothing, seeing as she was definitely the hero of this episode.  When Nikki learns that her 16-year old daughter is to be sealed to an older man, much like Nikki was sealed to J.J. in the past, Nikki breaks into the motel and gallantly comes to her daughter’s rescue. 

Getting Loco Down in Mexico

Things are going slightly better (at least, at first), for young Ben, as he bonds with his Crazy Grandma and Grandpa down in Mexico, while they attempt to carry out their “bird-brained” scheme to bootleg parrots across state lines.  Ben lies to his family, telling them that he is nursing his Grandmother’s broken foot.

Meanwhile, Ben and Grams are having a grand old time dancing (on both feet), eating shrimp cocktails, and talking about living together in Mexico.  Unfortunately, when they go to market to collect their parrots, things do not exactly go as planned.  Apparently, Ma and Pa Henrickson aren’t the only ones involved the bird racket.  The creepy mafia-esque polygamist Greene family like their birds as well, and aren’t big fans of competition . . .

Blind (and Dumb) Ambition

Much to the chagrin of the entire Henrickson family, Bill is determined that they come “out” as polygamists upon Bill’s election to Senate.  Under the flimsy rationale that it will help his campaign, he begins making rash decisions on the family’s behalf.  First, he decides to rebrand his “local family” casino by placing billboards for it outside of his voting district.  Then, he makes plans to purchase a larger campaign headquarters, despite the financial burden it will undoubtedly place on the increasingly cash-strapped family.

After meeting some unexpected opposition from his wives, Bill reveals his new “campaign headquarters” to his family.  These “headquarters” are not located in a stodgy warehouse, or office, but rather, inside a stately mansion.  Bill informs his wives that this is where he plans to move with them, after they come forward as polygamists.  According to Bill, it has always been his dream to have his entire family living under one roof.

Love Hurts (and Sometimes Kills)

Juniper Creek Trustee, Dale, and Albie are still involved in their heated love affair at the episode’s opening.  Unfortunately, their relationship cannot stay a secret for long.  Soon, Albie’s wife, Laura, finds the couple leaving their clandestine hideaway together.  Heartbroken, Laura begins to tip off the other trustees as to Dale’s sexual orientation. 

In a heart-wrenching speech, Dale confronts his religious leaders about his struggles with homosexuality.  He complains that although he has lived a righteous and religious lifestyle, he cannot change his sexuality, no matter how hard he tries to do so.  Still not satisfied, Laura approaches Bill about Dale and Albie. 

Bill meets Dale in secret to confront him with this new information.  Although he is sympathetic to Dale’s troubles, Bill has no choice but to ask him to resign, due to the obvious conflict of interest this presents with respect to the trusteeship.

Shoving the final nail in the coffin, Laura then confronts Dale’s wife and children with their patriarch’s secret.  In the last few moments of the episode, Albie enters the couple’s secret hideaway to find a dead Dale hanging from the rafters by his tie.

It doesn’t get much more intense than that, folks.  Tune in next week, to find out whether Bill can rescue his crazy parents and fairly sane, but Oedipal, son from the Mexican firing squad . . .