Bite into that BIG Apple! It’s Time for Nationals! – A Recap of Glee’s Season 2 Finale “New York”

“Man, it is really hard to find a bathroom in this city!  Every place you try to go, they say you have to buy something first.  No wonder there is so much public urination in the Big Apple!’

Greetings Gleeks!  After weeks of speculation, the moment we’ve been waiting for all season, has finally come and gone.  The Glee kids came, saw, and conquered New York City . . . or at least a squeaky clean, sparkly, neutered version of it.  Speaking of neutered . . .

“Where the heck did my balls go?  I know I had them earlier in the season, back when I was in JUVIE.  Is it possible that when I was taking a shower in the communal . . . ?  Uh oh!”

Times Square:  The One Place Where You Can Still Buy Tickets to See Cats

“These tickets all say ‘SUCKER’ on them.  Ooh, maybe that’s one of the Cats’ Names!”

The episode begins with the Glee kids arriving in the usually bustling (and sometimes pretty scary) Times Square.  Although Times Square is typically, by far, the busiest part of Manhattan, the Glee kids find the area eerily void of humanity (AND DIRT!).  Seeing this reminded me of the opening dream sequence of that Really Bad Tom Cruise Movie (well . . . at least I thought it was really bad).  You know  . . . the one where he goes to Times Square, and learns that he’s the Only Man Left on Earth.  Talk about a HORROR FILM!

“L. Ron Hubbard predicted this would happen.”

Anyway, the Glee kids all start belting out “New York, New York,” on the steps near the TKTS Broadway ticket booth.  And I cringe inwardly, waiting for one of them to get mugged.  Then Rachel actually DOES . . . well, sort of.  Standing in front of the rest of the Glee Club, Little Miss Barbra Streisand 2.0 excitedly informs her pals that she got them all tickets to see “Broadway’s Longest Running Show . . . Cats.”  It is then up to Quinn, of all people, to break it to Rachel that the show has actually been off Broadway for ELEVEN YEARS!

 

“Oh, Febray!  Say it ain’t so!”

(By the way, was anybody else bugged by the fact that RACHEL, the Human Broadway Show Encyclopedia — who usually spends at least 5 minutes per episode spouting out useless facts about the Great White Way — DIDN’T know Cats was dunzo, but QUINN did?)

Anyway, the kids quickly head to the hotel, where Cheapskate Mr. Schue only manages to secure them TWO ROOMS (which has GOT to make the Bathroom Situation an absolute NIGHTMARE!).   Oh, and I’m pretty sure the “self-sacrificing teacher” somehow managed to get a room all to himself. (Real nice, right?)

“Well, if I roomed with the kids, I couldn’t watch 8 hours of hotel porn, now could I?”

I have to giggle a little bit when Puck and Zizes try to get served at the hotel bar (They order a Manhattan, har de har har.), and the bartender actually QUESTIONS whether these two are of drinking age.  This, of course, is despite the fact that both Puck and Lauren each look about 35-years old, and, by Glee’s timeline, have probably been chugging back shots of tequilla, since they were twelve . . .

PUCK:  “Hey Sweet Cheeks, what time are you getting off from work?  I’m sharing a hotel room (and two double beds) with five other guys.   We can show you a REAL good time . . . and my girlfriend can watch.”

As if Mr. Schue hasn’t already proved himself to be the Worst Chaperone EVER, he then decides to lock the Glee kids in a SINGLE hotel room, so that THEY can pen the songs they SHOULD have come up with weeks ago for the National Competition, which is less than 24 hours away.  Meanwhile, HE goes off to promote Matthew Morrison’s upcoming album pursue his Broadway Dreams . . .

“On stage, we call this an ‘Inspired Performance.’  In the potty, we call this a Bad Bout of Constipation.”

 A Stagehand happens to catch Will Schuester performing “Matthew Morrison’s Hit Single ‘We’ve Got Tonight'”  on an empty stage, in the theater where April Rhodes’ CrossRhodes (not to be confused with the terrible Britney Spears film of the same name) is set to debut.  Stagehand is quick to compliment Will on his “obvious talent.”  He then tries to sell Schue some leftover tickets to Cats . . .

“They say there’s a sucker born every minute.  When’s your birthday?”

Nothing Says Loving Like a Street-side Serenade Outside Sardi’s

ARTIE:  “Just think, at this time last night, real, honest to goodness, hookers could have been occupying this very spot.”

SAM:  “Hey Puck!  Put down the friggin accordion!  You’re TOTALLY destroying our game!”

PUCK:  “What?  I want the ladies to know I’m good with my fingers!”

Cooped up in the hotel room, Artie and Brittany offer up THEIR suggestion for an Original Song the Glee kids can sing at Nationals.  It’s called “My Cup.” 

I can’t be the only viewer who found this song a little dirty, right?  I mean, come on . . . “In the middle of the night, I’m in bed alone.  Don’t care if you’re paper, glass, or Styrofoam” ????

Santana TOTALLY gets it!

You can listen to this masterpiece (emphasis on the “master”) in its entirety, HERE:

Though Britney and Artie are the first ones to suggest an actual song, it’s QUINN  . . .

(She of the “Last week, I said I was going to do something evil to Finn, and ruin Nationals for the Glee kids, when all I actually did was cut my hair short and scowl a lot.”)

 . . . who comes up with the most INSPIRED performance idea.  Bad Apple Quinn easily convinces the Glee kids to disobey Will’s wishes and spend the night running rampant around the city, instead of working on their Original Songs.  “We don’t have to write Original Songs,” says Quinn.  “New York City will write them for us.” 

(You know, I hate to break this to you, Quinn, but I’ve been trying to get New York City to write my next novel, for about a year now.  The City is just too damn lazy!)

Reality Checks notwithstanding, the Glee kids frolic around Central Park, while rocking out to an inspired “I Love New York / New York, New York” Mashup.

(Just out of curiosity, does anybody else agree with me that THIS mashup, along with Kurt’s and Rachel’s later duet from Wicked, would have, ultimately, been better choices, as Nationals performance numbers, than the songs the Glee kids actually ended up singing?)

Back in the boys’ hotel room, Finn, once again, suggests that Rachel and him singing a duet together would be a great strategy for getting in Rachel’s panties winning Nationals.  The rest of the boys agree, and egg Finn on to invite Rachel out on a romantic New York Date .  “You know, like the ones in those romantic comedies, that make men grow a vagina, if they watch them all the way through,” Puck adds.

Did Puck just really say “vagina” on Fox?  (And did I just type it . . . twice.)

 (Taking this statement into consideration, one can’t help but wonder whether this is what happened to Puck, after he went on his first date with Lauren Zizes to see “Something Borrowed,” starring Kate Hudson.) 

Speaking of girly movies, when Finn texts Rachel to ask her out on their Romantic Date, she looks like she’s trapped in the “Girl Bonding Montage” of a Chick Flick, herself . . .

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RACHEL: “If one of you ends up getting a Makeover to Increase Your Self Esteem, I’m SO jumping off the Empire State Building . . . Oh, wait . . . Quinn actually DOES that, in the next scene?  Just kidding!”

Finn takes Rachel out to explore the sights of New York.

“I guess going skinny dipping is out of the question, huh?”

The pair end up at Sardi’s for dinner, causing me to wonder what kind of High Class Paper Route Finn runs at home, because that place is NOT CHEAP!

“I hope you like washing dishes.  Because that’s how I’ve arranged to pay for this meal.”

“Seriously?  Now, instead of having Jazz Hands on stage tomorrow, I’m going to have Dish Pan Ones!”

At Sardi’s, Rachel encounters her idol, Barbra Streisand Patti Lupone (I guess Barbra was busy?).  Lo and behold, Patti has some Sage Advice for Rachel.  She tells her to . . . wait for it . . . “Follow [Her] Dreams.”

Oh my goodness!  I have never heard such inspiring words before.  My life will never be the same again.  Thank you, Glee!

Outside Sardi’s, Rachel tells Finn that the only thing that would make this night more perfect, would be if the pair were serenaded.  So, of course, Finn’s posse magically appears, and starts singing “Bella Notte” to the Happy Couple . . .

 You can LISTEN to the song, in its entirety, here:

Personally, I would have liked the scene much better, if the Boys started singing the Lady and the Tramp Song, back at Sardi’s, while Rachel and Finn were playing meatball hockey with their noses, and accidentally making out with one another, thanks to one Very Mischevious Strand of Spaghetti . . .

 Speaking of making out, while the Boys are still singing, Finn tries to plant a wet one on Rachel.  But, alas, Finn’s Love Interest of the Week runs away, because she ate some bad Chicken Carbonara has to go “Follow Her Dreams” . . . or something.  And because they have NO TACT WHATSOEVER, Finn’s boys actually continue to serenade him, even after he’s been FLAT OUT REJECTED . . .

AW-KWARD!

(Needless to say, at the exact same moment when this is happening, about 200 men, forced to watch Glee at home with their girlfriends, spontaneously sprout vaginas . . .)

 A Stagehand Saves the Day: Part 2 (Electric Boogaloo)

“We’re not in Lima, anymore, Toto . . . er . . . I mean, Rachel.”

Kurt wakes Rachel up the following morning, so that the pair can have Breakfast at Tiffany’s (or, perhaps, more accurately, breakfast OUTSIDE of Tiffany’s).  The aforementioned exchange made me wonder if Mr. Schue had followed the concierge’s advice, and assigned rooms based on “sexual orientation,” after all . . .

(Then again, had he done that, Santana would have been sleeping with the guys . . .)

Anyway, Rachel confesses to Kurt that she and Finn love eachother.  However, she knows she’s destined to go to school in NYC and be on Broadway, and blah, blah, blah, Boyfriend Emergency, blah. 

So, Kurt comes up with the “inspired idea” of breaking into the theater where the pair’s favorite Broadway Show, Wicked (Remember when they sang the duet to “Defying Gravity” together?  Ah, memories!), is performed.  This way, Rachel can see what she might end up missing in the long run, if she starts dating the Finn-ster  and actually ends up dating him for longer than a two-week period, this time . . . 

“But we’ll get in trouble,” Rachel squeaks.

Have no fear, Little Berry, SUPER STAGEHAND is here to let you Live Out Your Broadway Dreams (provided your dreams only last fifteen minutes) . . .

“Ta-da!”

With Super Stagehand’s permission, Kurt and Rachel perform a GORGEOUS duet to Wicked’s “For Good,” with the set of the play, flanking them on all sides . . .

“Woah, Kurt, how much hair product did you use this morning?  I’m worried your Snookie Poof will set this set on fire!”

“Hey!  I resemble that remark!”

You can watch Kurt’s and Rachel’s impromptu performance, here:

At the end of the duet, Rachel seems to have made her  “Sophie’s Choice” . . .

 Meanwhile  . . .

Quinn Cuts Her Hair, Will Cuts the Chord . . . on his Dreams

Back in the hotel room, Quinn has a mini freakout, because her, Santana and Brittany “don’t have a chance at true love.”  Umm  . . . Quinn?  You’ve been single for LESS ONE EPISODE.  You are act like a heinous bitch, about 95% of the time  Please allow me to serenade you, with my tiny violin, regarding your Tragic Lack of True Love . . .

 As for Brittany and Santana “not having love,” well, the former just dumped her boyfriend for calling her “stupid.”  And the latter is faux-dating her fellow beard, Karofsky . . .

So, take that QUINN! 

My personal annoyance with Quinn, notwithstanding, Brittany and Santana are surprisingly sensitive to their erstwhile-pal.  They even attempt to bolster her foul mood, by treating her to a ridiculously overpriced New York haircut.  And, as much as I dislike Quinn, I have to say, girlfriend looks quite fierce in her new do’ . . .

 

Downstairs at the hotel bar, Mr. Schue meets up with Vocal Adrenaline coach, Dustin Ghoulsby . . .

. . . (who, unfortunately, is wearing a bit more clothes in the scene, than he is in the above picture).  Dustin has conveniently heard through the grapevine that Schue plans to leave teaching to pursue his Broadway Dreams.  Dustin thinks that’s a fab idea, remarking how much HE would love to stop teaching Show Choir, considering how much he DESPISES his students.  “But I love my students,” Will remarks, as I throw up a bit in my mouth.

Insert shallow attempt at humor here  (I’ve got nothing.)

Will’s undying love for his underage students notwithstanding (See how I just made something Sickeningly Sweet and Innocent sound Disgustingly Inappropriate?), Dustin immediately rushes to go rat out Will to his students. 

However, when Will arrives at the hotel room to collect the Glee kids for the Nationals competition, rather than bitch him out for NOT GIVING TWO CRAPS ABOUT THEM, THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE NEW YORK TRIP, they actually encourage Will to give Broadway a try.  And yet, Will (who has clearly never met Patti Lupone) is not about to give up his  love of teens for something as insignificant as a Once-in-a-Lifetime Opportunity at Fame and Fortune.  Andhe  tells his kids as much. 

(So, much for leaving us with a Cliffhanger, Glee writers!)

Happy to have their Steadfast Mr. Schue for at least one more season, the Glee kids join their teacher in a Big Fat Group Hug.  Puck enters the embrace first . . . because he has a vagina.  (Ummm . . . yeah, I’ve used this word WAY too many times in this recap.  It’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable, to be honest.)

Anywhoo enough about vaginas (DAMN!  I did it again.), it’s NATIONALS TIME!

The Big Kiss . . . and The Even Bigger Kiss Off . . .

RACHEL:  “Finn, is that GUM, in your mouth?  How many times have I told you not to chew GUM on stage?  It’s unprofessional.”

FINN: *blows bubble in Rachel’s mouth*

 At the Nationals Competition, Some Random Girls’ Choir, wearing short slutty dresses, performs Usher’s 2004 hit, “Yeah.”  And while their singing is “OK,” the dancing is ridiculous, and reminds me a bit of the Glee kids’ bizarre lunchroom dance to Salt n’ Pepa’s “Push It,” back in Season 1 . . .

You can listen to the song, here:

In the bathroom at Lincoln Center, Rachel and Sunshine Corazon come full circle from their Season 2, Episode 1, Potty Sing Off . . .

.  . . when Rachel, upon hearing Sunshine RALPH in the toilet, finally apologizes for sending her to a crackhouse for Glee club auditions. When Rachel learns that Sunshine HATES Vocal Adrenaline, and is petrified of performing in front of the crowd(Can I smell a transfer BACK to New Directions for Sunshine in Season 3), the newly reformed diva even goes so far as to offer to give Sunshine the “thumbs up sign” when she’s on stage, so the youngun won’t be nervous.   “But don’t you want to win?”  Sunshine inquires, without the snarky edge she COULD have used with that line . . .

“How was the old crackhouse, by the way?  I’ve been meaning to get back there for a refill, but I’ve been so busy not preparing for Nationals, that I haven’t really had the chance.”

“Guys like us have to stick together,” Rachel replies, pulling Sunshine in for a hug.  (All together now, “AWWWWW!”)

Sunshine performs an original song entitled “As Long as You’re There.”  And, while her voice is amazing, I must admit, I was mighty underwhelmed by herVocal Adrenaline backup dancers, who basically did the same dance to this WILDLY DIFFERENT number, as they did last year to “Bohemian Rhapsody during Regionals. 

But don’t take my word for it.  Watch the performance here, and judge for yourself . . .

During New Direction’s performance, a Smouldering Jesse St. Douchey-But -Still-Hot-James arrives, sneaking into a conveniently empty seat next to Schue to watch the show. 

“I’m here to collect my payment for hitting on Rachel, and not helping you prepare for Nationals at all.”

Though Jesse claims to be only interested in the performance, it’s pretty obvious he’s there, because he’s still in love with Rachel.  And Schue glibly calls him on that fact. 

(So, am I the only one that’s still kind of rooting for Jesse?  What can I say?  I have a thing for Raging Asshats!)

Asshat Lovin’ = Good Lovin’

The first New Directions Number is an Original Song written by Finn, called “Pretending.”  Not surprisingly, it’s a Finchel Duet. 

“Pretending” sounds and looks pretty much like every other Finchel Duet we’ve seen since Season 1, from the “Walking Slowly Toward One Another from Opposite Sides of the Room” Bit to the “Staring Intently Into One Another’s Eyes While Holding Hands, and Making Teary Constipated Facial Expressions at Eachother” Bit.  The only difference HERE is the ending, in which Finn (despite Rachel having reiterated her “I’ve got to follow my dreams” dumping of him, prior to the start of the performance) abruptly shoves his tongue down Rachel’s throat.

The audience is stunned into silence. (probably because they skipped last week’s episode, and thought Finn was still dating Quinn).  After a few moments of uncomfortable awkwardness, Schue offers the couple a tepid Slow Clap off the stage.  Poor Jesse looks heartbroken.  But hey, that’s what you get for making breakfast on your girlfriend’s head in Season 1 . . .

Watch “Pretending” and the Controversial Kiss that Ended it All here:

“Pretending” was followed up by another Original Song.  This one was entitled “Light Up The World.”  And, while it was peppier, and definitely more fun to watch, than “Pretending,” I didn’t find the song itself particularly memorable, or the dancing that accompanied the song all that different from what we saw at Regionals with “Loser Like Me.” 

You can check out “Light Up The World,” here:

The Big Shock of the Evening (though, considering the meh performances, it actually didn’t seem all that shocking) is that New Directions doesn’t end up placing in the Top Ten at Nationals.  (It comes in twelfth.) 

Oh, the humanity!

Though everyone is pretty bummed about the loss, no one takes it harder than Santana.  The former Cheerio has a little Lima Heights Adjacent Style Freakout in the dressing room.

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Once she is back home from New York, Santana even goes as far as to create a Yellow Cardigan- wearing-Rachel Voodoo Doll to torture.  (Many of the Glee kids, Santana included, blame the loss on how mediocre they performed the inappropriateness of the on-stage Finchel Kiss.)

So, of course, it is up to Brittany to cheer Santana up.  During a very sweet little locker scene, Brittany tells Santana how much she loves her (but just as a friend .  . . for now, at least), and how lucky the two of them are to have found “family” in their fellow Glee clubbers.  Brittany’s surprisingly wise words do wonders for Santana’s spirits.  And Santana tells Brittany as much . . .

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I, for one, adore these two togther, and very much look forward to the mature progression of their relationship in Season 3. 

Speaking of couples I adore, Kurt and Blaine finally exchanged “I LOVE YOU’S,” this week!

As dramatic as the multiple Finchel Moments were in this episode, I loved the quiet sweetness of this single Klaine moment.  No over-acted overtures, extravagant gestures, or big speeches were necessary.  This was just another day for Kurt and Blaine. 

The couple was just having coffee together, sharing stories, and enjoying one another’s company.  And then, seemingly out of no where, Blaine said it . . . the three words that Kurt undoubtedly has been wanting to hear, since he first met the guy, earlier this season. 

It was perfect!  Kudos to Darren Criss and Chris Colfer for the understated elegance of this memorable moment.

Oh, yeah, and I almost forgot, Finn and Rachel got back together.  (SUPRISE!)  After all that hemming and hawing about “following her dreams,” it turns out Rachel has an ENTIRE YEAR LEFT OF HIGH SCHOOL, before she even has to think of applying to NYU.  Talk about an hour’s worth of unnecessary drama! 

That being said, the couple’s second kiss on the floor of the library was way more adorable and genuine, than their overblown stage one, at least, in my opinion . . .

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Speaking of couples, you know who else is secretly dating in Glee Club World because heaven forbid any of these folks date someone who isn’t remotely involved in the show choir ? SAMCEDES!

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Hmmm . . .  it could work! 🙂 

And, there you have it folks!  Two seasons of Glee down, and hopefully, at least a few more to go.  So . . . how did you like the finale?  Did you think the Glee kids deserved to win Nationals?  Are you down with Samcedes?  Feel free to sound off in the comment section below . . . 

Have a great summer, my Gleekies!

[www.juliekushner.com]

Sookie Stackhouse is getting MARRIED?! — Just kidding . . . It’s just the trailer for her new film, “The Romantics.”

So, did you guys see that new episode of True Blood?

You know, the one where Sookie . . .

 dumps Vampire Bill . . .

 . . . and runs off to marry some guy who works in upper level management at this fancy Las Vegas casino . . .

 .  . . a guy who can take his shirt off IN THE SUN . . . without getting burned?

Unfortunately, Vegas Casino Guy might still be in love with Joey Potter . . .

Because, who ISN’T still in love with Joey Potter?  We all know HE is . . .

 . . . and THIS GUY definitely is . . .

 So, why not Vegas Casino Guy too?

Also, during this episode . . . Sookie finds out she has a FAIRY Godsister . . .

 But the little fairy just keeps whining about having to give up Puck’s baby for adoption . . .

. . . and about losing Sectionals to this TOTAL  A -hole, Jesse James . . .

 . . . Sorry . . . I mean Jesse ST. James . . .

It’s a pretty bizarre episode.  You see, not only has Sookie dumped Vampire Bill.  She’s also kicked to the curb, her two best friends, Tara . . .

 . . .  and Sam . . .

 . . . and replaced them with TWO NEW best friends:  Frodo Baggins . . .

(who promised he’d lend her a ring to use for the wedding, but hasn’t been seen or heard from since ) . . .

and Seth Cohen . . .

(who’s deathly afraid of vampires, but REALLY wants Sookie to join his Comic Book Club) . . .

Oh, and that mean girl from 27 Dresses is there too . . .

She knew that Sookie really wanted to wear Gram’s old wedding dress to her wedding . . .

. . . but thought the fabric would look much better as a TABLECLOTH for her apartment . . .

So, she STOLE it from Sookie’s closet, and had it “altered.”

And I have NO IDEA what heck Murphy Brown was doing in this episode!

*      *       *      *

So, basically, there’s this movie coming out this weekend, called “The Romantics.” It stars ALMOST all of the people I just mentioned (Anna Paquin, Josh Duhamel, Katie Holmes, Dianna Agron, Elijah Wood, Adam Brody, Malin Ackerman, and Candice Bergen).  In other words, it has the BEST CAST IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!

Unfortunately, the trailer for the film is kind of dull . . .

So, I’m more than a bit torn as to whether I am willing to pay the price of admission, to go see it.  The film is actually based on a book of the same name, by a guy named Galt Niederhoffer.  (Try to say THAT name three times fast!)

The book (which I haven’t read yet) is about a group of friends who attended Yale University together.  

They reunite, six years after graduation, to attend the wedding of TWO members of their elite social circle: Lila (played by Anna Paquin) and Tom (played by Josh Duhamel).  Tensions quickly rise within the wedding party, due to the fact that the Maid of Honor, Joey Potter Laura, ALSO used to date Tom.  Obviously, these two still have some unresolved feelings for one another.  

OMG!  Really?   Because I TOTALLY never saw that one coming . . .

  The rest of the film’s cast will play Lila’s mother (Candice Bergen), her little sister (Dianna Agron), and her various friends (Elijah Wood, Adam Brody, Malin Ackerman), respectively.  Rounding out the cast are Jeremy Strong , who actually attended Yale in real life (probably around the same time his fictional character did) . . .

.  . . and Rebecca Lawrence . . .

On the surface, The Romantics has a pretty promising premise . . . an indie film mashup of The Big Chill . . .

St. Elmo’s Fire . . .

. . . My Best Friend’s Wedding . . .

. . . and every chick flick ever made . . .

Yet . . . I don’t know.  Something about the trailer just seemed a little . . . dry . . . to me.  But, perhaps, I should let you judge for yourself . . .

Were you as underwhelmed by this trailer as I was (DESPITE the overwhelming awesomeness of the cast)?  Or did you catch something in it that made you want to immediately gorge on the film, like a hungry vampire chomping on a fairy?

The Romantics walks down the aisle September 10th, in New York and L.A..  However, it will “honeymoon” in wide release, shortly thereafter.  Will YOU see it?

[www.juliekushner.com]

Oh, We’re Jammin’ – A Brief Look at Disney’s Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam (contains spoilers)

This weekend marked the premiere of Camp Rock 2, a follow-up film to the 2008 Disney-produced Jonas Brothers / Demi Lovato vehicle of the same name (without the 2, of course).  The made-for-TV movie received pretty stellar ratings for a film of its genre, earning 8 million viewers on opening night, as well as the designation of “2010’s Top Cable Movie.”  Although the film lacked a bit of the heart, and felt somewhat less genuine, than the original movie, it still made for an enjoyable two hours.  For me, a lot of that enjoyment could be attributed to two key performances in the film  — both of which I will touch on in just a bit . . .

“Are they ACTUALLY doing the funky chicken?  Is this supposed to be a musical number, or a scene from my 55-year old, Uncle Marvin’s 4th wedding?”

It’s a brand new summer.  And our main character, Mitchie Torres (played by Demi Lovato) is gearing up for yet another “awesome” camp experience. 

On the surface, things look pretty perfect for Mitchie.  She has a great group of friends as bunkmates.  No longer does she have to hide the fact that she (gasp!) is part of the cooking staff at the titular Camp Rock.   And . . . she has a boyfriend.  Well . . . at least in the Disney Channel’s “we hold hands, and make googly eyes at eachother, but that’s about it” highly neutered definition of the term. 

Did I mention he’s a FAMOUS ROCKSTAR?  That’s right boys and girls.  Last summer, Mitchie won the heart of the floppy-haired, tight-pants wearing Adonis, Joe Jonas Shane Gray . . .

  . . . of The Jonas Brothers Connect 3!

(Sidenote:  Also featured in Camp Rock, is Jonas Brothers’ little brother, Frankie Jonas, who plays one of the younger campers.  Poor Frankie has been designated by fans with the unfortunate nickname, “Bonus Jonas”  — a moniker that will be sure to earn him YEARS of therapy, once he reaches adulthood.)

Frankie “when’s it going to be my turn” Jonas

Mitchie must be REALLY good at hand-holding and googly eyes, because Shane has convinced his band to take an ENTIRE SUMMER off from touring, just so he can “get to know her better.”  (Really, Shane?  That’s your idea of a fun summer?  No bikini-clad groupies, or all-night keggars?  Just summer camp, with your sort of / kind of girlfriend?  I guess “Shane” wears a purity ring too.) 

Aside from some “transportation problems,” on the part of Connect 3 . . .

You know, I really HATE IT when my tour bus falls off a cliff.  Don’t you?

. . . Shane arrives at Camp Rock, with no trouble at all . . . Well, unless you count the massive chicken sitting on his head . . .

But trouble DOES arrive soon enough, in the form of an invitation sent to Camp Rock from the mysterious Camp Star, which was conveniently built right across the lake, seemingly overnight.  It turns out that Camp Star is run by the EVIL music producer, Axel Turner . . .

Um, yeah .  . . this guy NEVER has to worry about being typecast as a villain.

. . . who’s been holding some long-standing grudge against Camp Rocks’ owner and director, Brown Cesario . . .

. . . since Brown kicked Axel out of his band, back in the ’80s. 

So, the EEEVVVILLL Axel Turner lures the entire staff and all of the campers from Camp Rock to Camp Star for a “bonfire.”  There, the group is treated to a flashy music number, and offers of immediate enrollment.  Axel even goes as far as to offer to double all Camp Rock counselors’ salaries, for “making the switch” to Camp Star.  Most of the Camp Rock counselors jump ship, along with some of the campers.  Most notable among the defectors is Tess (Meaghan Jett Martin), the resident mean girl and “villain, ultimately redeemed,” from the previous film.

Suddenly, without a staff to properly run it, and with the threat of massive future camper desertions looming large, Camp Rock faces possible bankruptcy.  Fortunately, Mitchie has a plan.

Why can’t the older CAMPERS be COUNSELORS?  (This actually makes a lot of sense, seeing as most of the film’s cast seem WAY TOO OLD to be campers, anyway.)

Camp Rock also decides to challenge Camp Star to a televised sing and dance off.  Our protagonists believe that winning such a contest will help Camp Rock to establish itself as a worthy camp, and, therefore, maintain its enrollment. 

The stress of preparing for this big event puts a major crinkle in the “quality time” (read: more hand holding and googly eyes) that Shane wants to spend with Mitchie.  The fact that Mitchie has undergone a complete personality transplant since the first film — going from shy, sweet, unassuming, and slightly insecure  — to raging Type A, diva taskmaster, certainly doesn’t help matters . . .

I won’t tell you how it all ends.  (Though I’m sure if you think hard enough, you can figure it out.)  Needless to say, a lot of singing and dancing is involved.

But what really made this film for me, was not its main plotline — which basically served as a mere framing device for the various musical numbers — but its clever subplots, and three-dimensional supporting cast.  My two favorite moments of the film came from actors Matthew “Mdot” Finley, and Nick Jonas, respectively.  Finley plays Luke Williams, the ambitious and arrogant (but with good reason) ingenue of Camp Star. 

Those of you out there who are Glee fans can probably understand Luke’s character best, this way:  If Camp Star is Vocal Adrenaline, with its’ “all work, no play” attitude, snooty performers, and over-produced, automaton-esque, musical numbers, then Luke is Jesse St. James.

And yet, while there are definitely things about the Luke character that seem borrowed and cliche . . .  (He also dresses and dances a bit like Usher, circa 2001.)

 . . . Finley manages to give the role a certain complexity and inherent likeability.  Even when the character is being a total douche, he’s somehow extremely charismatic.   Plus, Finley and Meaghan Martin (who plays Tess) exchange their fair share of witty and biting banter during the film.  The pair have excellent chemistry, which crackles and pops, during the few scenes they share together  — chemistry that could have downright sexy, if this wasn’t a Disney film.  So much so, that I found myself wishing the pair had more screen time. 

Finley’s solo rendition of the very danceable “Fire,” was impressive, and showed extreme talent and skill, on his part.  For me, it was the second best performance of the entire film.  (I’ll get to the first in a moment.)  See for yourself:

As I mentioned earlier, my other favorite performance of the evening, belonged to Nick Jonas, and his character, Nate Ericcs.  Nick actually had very little to do acting wise, in the first film.  So, it was nice to see him really get a chance to perform here. 

Throughout most of the film, the shy and intelligent Nate finds himself pining over fellow performer, Dana Turner (played by Chloe Bridges), who just so happens to be the daughter of Camp Star’s EEEEVIL director, Axel Turner.  (Kudos to Disney for NOT going the way-too-obvious Romeo & Juliet route here.)

 You see, Nate obviously likes Dana.  And Dana obviously likes him.  But the BIG FAMOUS ROCKSTAR is SHY!  And he doesn’t know how to talk to girls.  (Stop laughing!  It could happen!)  So, he sort of / kind of stalks her, through the first half of the movie, ogling her from behind bushes and peering at her from beneath overtuned canoes . . .

Finally, Dana confronts Nate, telling him to buck up and CONVERSE with her.  “I don’t even know anything about you . . . aside from the fact that you like canoes,” she whines.

Who doesn’t?

So, Nate, who has always been someone who can best express himself through song, serenades Dana with the quirkiest and sweetest little ditty ever, appropriately titled,  “Introducing Me.”

(If you’re a fan of things like cute little puppies, teddy bears, and candy Conversation Hearts, click on the internal link, which will surely satisfy even the most stubborn of sweet tooths.)

If the rhythm of the above-referenced song sounds slightly familiar to you, you are not alone.  Many have noted the similarity between Nick Jonas’ “Introducing Me” and Jason Mraz’ “I’m Yours.”  But I’m going to keep my opinions on this matter to myself, for now, and let you decide.  You can listen to an acoustic version of “I’m Yours” by clicking here.

Both “Introducing Me” and “Fire” are available for download on ITunes, as is the rest of the Camp Rock 2 soundtrack.  As for the film itself, your best bet is probably to Netflix it. 🙂

[www.juliekushner.com]

A Very, Very, VERY Sentimental Journey – A Recap of Glee’s Season Finale “Journey”

I’m not going to say that the The Sopranos finale was the first time I heard about or listened to the band, Journey, but it was pretty darn close.  Just in case you were curious, THIS is Journey . . .

Is it just me, or does the one on the far right bear a striking resemblance to Sue Sylvester?

Yet, now, between that controversial fade-to-black “Tony Soprano loves onion rings.  Let’s listen to Don’t Stop Believing, before we sort of, kind of, quite possibly die” series finale, and Glee‘s Journey extravaganza at Regionals, the aforementioned 80’s hairband has officially become the Lords of the Primetime Finale!  And having watched this season’s final episode of Glee (appropriately entitled “Journey”), I can certainly see why . . .

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Cry, Cry (and cry, and cry, and cry) . . . AGAIN!

The episode began with a SHOCKING revelation! 

Well . . . at least . . . it would have been shocking, if it wasn’t revealed during the episode promos.  You see, the winner of the Regional Glee Club competition was to be decided by a panel of four “celebrity judges.”  (Why four?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to have an ODD number of judges, in the event of a tiebreaker?) 

WHO is the fourth judge, you ask?  None other than THIS lovely lady . . .

 . . . who, seemingly, hates the Glee kids’ little singing and dancing butts.  This, of course, complicates matters, seeing as, Glee must “place” at Regionals, in order to retain school funding for their club.

Understandably, hearing that news bums out our Glee kids, who have already spent a majority of the second half of this season bummed out about something or other.  Lucky for Quinn, she gets to escape to Hot Porno Flashback land — specifically, the time when she and a still Mohawk-ed Puck did the nasty in her bedroom, while she was drunk on wine coolers.  Of course, she was still wearing her cheerleading uniform at the time.  Obviously, Quinn is too young to remember Monica Lewinsky, and the important life lesson she taught us, back in the day: “Sex acts are for the NAKED ONLY.  Clothes just get in the way, and, eventually get you into trouble.”

“I did NOT have sexual relations with that cheerleader!”

While the Glee kids are at Mr. Schuester’s house for pizza, they all cry about how much they will miss Glee club, once it’s gone.  Will tries to keep his composure during the meeting, for the kids’ sake.  However, later, while driving alone in his car, Will hears “Don’t Stop Believing,” and can no longer fight his emotions.    Kudos to Matthew Morrison for making this scene raw and real, and not feeling the need to “cry pretty.”  Because, let me tell you, for a cute guy, that was some UGLY ASS crying  . . .

“I don’t understand, he was eating onion rings, and everything was FINE!  Then it just ENDED, without explanation!  If only Meadow Soprano was better at parallel parking, things might have been different!

Upon witnessing this heartfelt, teary scene, I couldn’t help but be reminded of ANOTHER male actor, who is also highly adept at UGLY CRY FACE . . .

“I wish they played Journey music, when Joey Potter dumped ME.  It would have helped to ease my pain!”

Then, because it’s the season finale, and ALL Would-Be Couples must make out in the season finale they truly believe they can lead the Glee Club to greatness, Finn and Rachel decide to makeout in the middle of the high school hallway.

Just moments later, having been energized and inspired by his Ugly Face Cry, Mr. Schuester informs the kids that they will be doing a Journey medley at Regionals . . .  because the “journey is more important than the destination,” or something like that.  We all know how insufferably cheesy Mr. Schue can get, when it’s time for him to reveal the “Lesson of the Day.”

“Hey look!   It’s Will Schuester’s Dad, Mr. Rogers!  It all makes so much sense now.”

Welcome to Regionals, Baby!

As promised, at the Regionals competition, OUR Glee group, New Directions, sings a Journey medley containing, three songs: “Faithfully,” “Anyway You Want It,” and, of course, the song that first made this show legendary, “Don’t Stop Believing.”  The entire performance was phenomenal, and certainly exceeded all of MY expectations.  Even Finn’s awkward dancing was slightly less irksome tonight.  (Props to the script writers for not-so-subtly pointing out how VERY BAD he actually is.)  Oh, and you know who FINALLY got a solo?  THIS Guy . . .

I know, I know.  That was a totally lame excuse to include a Shirtless Mark Salling pic in this recap.  But, COME ON, this is my last opportunity to do this ALL SUMMER!  You can’t honestly blame me for trying to make the best of it.

Immediately, after New Directions finishes its performance, Quinn’s estranged mother approaches her, and tells her VERY pregnant daughter that she wants her back in her life.

I would love to say that Mama Fabray’s “change of heart” came from a completely unselfish place.  However, I imagine it had a lot to do with the fact that Daddy Fabray ran off with some “tattooed freak.”

Sound familiar?

Speaking of Jesse James, or, rather, Jesse St. James, while Quinn is being rushed off to the hospital to give birth (her water breaks, while she is reuniting with her mother),  Jesse and his EVIL crew, Vocal Adrenaline, perform their medley of songs by Queen.  We actually only get to hear “Bohemian Rhapsody.”  However, we can assume that, at some point, the group performed “Another One Bites the Dust,” also by Queen, seeing as we heard that one in last week’s episode.  Personally, I would have preferred to see this uptight bunch rock out to “Fat Bottomed Girls”  . . . but that’s just me.

I realize that Jonathan Groff is supposed to be this “big time” Broadway star, so I’m going to chalk this up to his interpretation of the “Jesse” character.  However, it must be said that this dude makes some truly WEIRD and PISSED OFF faces, when he sings and dances . . .

The Constipated Pianist

 “Bohemian Rhapsody” is a notoriously LONG song, that has about a MILLION different parts to it.  However, either Vocal Adrenaline are the World’s Slowest Singers, or Quinn gave birth to Mutant Speedy Pop Out Baby (It would certainly explain Quinn’s rapidly expanding, decreasing, and expanding again waistline).  Because, while Vocal Adrenaline was singing, New Directions had time to:

 (1) drive Quinn to the hospital;

(2) watch her go into labor and give birth;

 (3) complete all the legal paper work necessary to process an impromptu adoption (more on that later);

(4) drive back to the competition in perfect hair and makeup; and

(5) be ready and waiting on stage for the award announcements.

But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here.  You see, the writers brilliantly (or disturbingly, depending on how you feel about these sort of things) juxtaposed Quinn’s giving birth . . .

“They’ve only been singing for about two minutes.  You have PLENTY of time to give me an epidural!”

 . . . with Vocal Adrenaline’s preformance of “Bohemian Rhapsody.”  So when Quinn gave birth to Baby Beth . . .

 . . . Vocal Adrenaline symbolically “gave birth” to Jesse . . .

EWWWWWWWWW!

 . . . which left me wondering, which Vocal Adrenaline star was lucky enough to play the “afterbirth?”

“I’m melting!  I’m melting!”

Speaking of that heartless witch of a Vocal Adrenaline coach, Shelby Corcoran, Rachel approaches her biological mom after the competition, and suggests she “team coach” New Directions with Will.  But Shelby HATES the idea.  She wants to have a NEW KID, so she has absolutely NO TIME to waste on her VERY VERY OLD ONE.  So, of course, Quinn and Puck HAVE to give Shelby their kid, because screwing up ONE childhood, is clearly not enough for this broad!

“I’ll get you my Quinney!  And your Baby Beth too!”

And the Winner Isn’t . . .

Meanwhile, Sue Sylvester and her panel of “celebrity” judges . . .

Yeah, I was confused too  . . .

 .  . . duke it out amongst themselves to determine who should win Regionals.  Surprisingly, Sue keeps her mouth shut through most of the deliberations, except to deflect some insults thrown her way by the other judges, Olivia Newton John, Josh Groban, and that random news guy from one of the early episodes, Rod Remmington.  And when Sue Sylvester is the NICEST one in the room, you know you’ve got a pretty unlikeable bunch.    The other three judges seem split exactly down the middle, with Olivia Newton John preferring the porn-name sounding “Aural Intensity,” who performed a cover of one of her songs, Rod enjoying Jesse and his Vocal Adrenaline kids, and Josh seeming to prefer OUR New Directions kids.

Soon after deliberations are complete, we learn that New Directions finished THIRD in the competition, with Vocal Adrenaline bringing in the win.  Of course, the kids are crushed, believing their Glee club dreams are finished . . .

A Kiss, Two Songs, A Truce, MUCH MORE Tears . . .

Back at school, Will finds ex-girlfriend Emma (now dating a dentist) screaming at Principal Figgins about his decision to disband Glee club.  (Not that Principal F has made ANY decisions this year, without someone’s hand up his ass, making his mouth move . . . I’ve seen slugs with more gumption than this guy!)  Will sees this exchange, and apparently finds it SUPER HOT, because he promptly tells Emma he loves her, and makes out with her because that’s what ALL Would-Be Couples do during season finales he really cares.

His mouth still wet from Emma’s super sanitized spit, Will enters the school auditorium to find his entire Glee club sitting before him.  In a scene that ACTUALLY had ME crying, the kids tell Will how much he has meant to them as a teacher.  They further explain that, even if there is no more Glee Club, Will’s lessons will always be in their hearts. The crew then sing “To Sir With Love.” And, by the time, they are finished, there is truly not a dry eye in the house.

Not even the eyes of Sue Sylvester!

Through flashbacks, we find out that, in a surprising show of decency, Sue HAD actually voted for New Directions to win at Regionals (which makes it all the more confusing that they LOST, especially considering that (1) Josh Groban also seemed to be on board with them winning; and (2) the other two judges each had a different favorite candidate.)

Feeling a bit guilty about the loss of New Directions, Sue strong-arms Principal Figgins (see what I mean about the hand up the butt?) into reinstating Glee club for ANOTHER YEAR!

Upon hearing the good news, Will decides to call a temporary truce with Sue!

 

Take note, Middle East!  If THEY can do it, so can YOU!

Will is so happy, he sings “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” with Puck, which was touching and sweet, if not exactly “manly.”

“Hey, Puck!  When we’re done here, do you wanna go shopping with me?  There are these ruby red slippers at the new mall that I’ve just been DYING to try on.  It’s right up the yellow brick road . . .”

So, there you have it, folks.  Our first season of Glee has come and gone, and a long, hot Glee-less summer awaits.  Something tells me, I’m going to be singing to myself A LOT more in the coming months . . .

See ya next year, fellow Gleeks!

The One Where Jesse Conveniently Turns Evil, and Everybody Keeps Saying the Word “Funky” – A Recap of Glee’s “Funk”

Awww, I’m sorry Jesse St. James!  Drawing on your face like that was immature and wrong (not to mention, bad for your complexion).  You know what else is “immature and wrong?”  Quitting the school you just transferred to a week or so ago, because people were “mean to you” there, and cracking eggs on your ex-girlfriend’s head because YOUR FRIENDS told you to . .  . Guess that means, we’re even.  Here’s hoping your face breaks out from all the scribbling I did on it . . .

Don’t you hate it when your boyfriend transfers schools to get away from you, and then breaks up with you in front of ALL of your friends, by singing a Queen cover song, that not-so-subtly implies you were just another notch on the bedpost for him?  Yeah, we really feel for you Rachel!  But whatever you do, PLEASE don’t break out the Suicidal Beanie Baby dress again!

You and that lamb on your head have so much to live for!

There was a lot of talk amongst Glee fans this week, about how the show’s producers switched this week’s episode, “Funk” with last week’s “Theatricality,” so that the Gaga-themed episode would coincide with the American Idol Finale.  Many attributed that random switcheroo to the off-putting weirdness that ultimately developed into what I would hereby like to refer to as “Jesse-gate.”  However, seeing as Jesse didn’t appear AT ALL in “Theatricality.”   And, in the episode prior to that, he was being all sorts of sweet to Rachel, and even told Ms. Corcoran he cared about the head Gleek, I’m not sure that switch was completely to blame here.  Simon Cowell agrees with me . . .

 . . . but Randy and Paula clearly don’t.  (Hey Paula!  You’re not even on Idol any more!  You no longer get a say in these types of disputes!)

Exploring Jesse-gate

As I’ve already suggested above, this week’s installlment of Glee opens with our Glee kids’ nemesis, Vocal Adrenaline, breaking into their auditorium.   The purpose of the break-in, you ask?  Well, it appears that Vocal Adrenaline heard a rumor that New Directions was poised to beat them at Regionals, and wanted to psych out their biggest competition.  This also gave Vocal Adrenaline’s not-so-former star, Jesse St. James the opportunity to be a poorly constructed plot device inform the Glee kids that he was back working for the enemy, and that he and Rachel were totally dunzo.  And just in case Jesse’s big speech wasn’t enough to nail the final coffin into his temporary relationship, he had to go and do this . . .

Careful Jesse!  Something tells me microphones aren’t the ONLY thing that girl has had in her mouth, recently . . .

Now, don’t get me wrong, “Another One Bites the Dust” was good.  It just wasn’t my favorite Vocal Adrenaline performance.  For that, I’d have to go with “Highway to Hell.”  In this song’s defense, the fact that I was shouting four letter words at Jesse the entire time the group was performing, probably didn’t help matters . . .

As if this whole abusive and completely illogical scene wasn’t hard enough to watch, later on in the episode, Rachel receives a call from Jesse, telling her to meet him the parking lot.  She runs out all happy and slow motion style, which, by the way, I DON’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL, seeing as the dude COMPLETELY humiliated her just moments earlier.  And that’s when THIS happens . . .

There were two things (aside from the obvious, of course) that really irked me about the “Rachel egging scene.”  First, how FRIGGIN OLD do those Vocal Adrenaline kids look?  Aside from Jesse, these guys seriously look to be pushing about middle age!  It’s like that Chinese Olympic gymnast controversy in reverse.

“Yeah, if you believe those Vocal Adrenaline ‘kids’ are 16, then we’re 45!”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m ALL FOR twenty-something’s playing teens . . .

 (Yes, I’m looking at you, my sexy Puck Man!)  However, when your “high school kids” look like they are about ready to register for AARP benefits, THAT is a problem!

My second issue with the scene came into play when Jesse said “I loved you” to Rachel, before cracking that egg on her head.  Jesse, what exactly did Rachel DO to make you NOT “love” her anymore?  I mean come on!  The beanie baby dress wasn’t THAT bad!

Hmm .  .  . then again . . .

Will Schuester has a cute butt.  Alert the media!

 I guess one positive (depending on how you felt about this particular plotline) of Rachel getting her heart stomped on by the conveniently turned-evil, Jesse, was that it inspired Will to seek revenge on Sue Sylvester.  His maniacal plan of genius?  To get her to FALL IN LOVE with him . . .

 . . . only so he could DUMP her before her Cheerleading Cheerios were set to compete in Nationals.  This whole plotline was BIZARRE on SO MANY LEVELS.  For one thing, it seemed so ENTIRELY out of character for Will to even CONCEIVE of pulling this off, let alone actually do it.  For another, Sue just doesn’t strike me as the type of gal who would fall in love, over little more than a few good butt wiggles and some free protein powder, particularly with the guy she seemed so intent on MURDERING in EVERY OTHER EPISODE.  On a positive note, the plot device did bring us THIS . . .

Thanks MikkoBayani!

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve EVER seen as tight and adorable an ASS as the one Matthew Morrison was showing off in this scene.  I know some pretty fit girls who couldn’t pull off wearing THOSE pants . . .   Then again, should I have expected anything less from this guy?

Eventually, Sue succumbs to the Charms of the Hot Ass, and agrees to go on a date with Will.  But then he pulls a Jesse, and stands her up.  And suddenly, Sue is so heartbroken that the guy she hates,  hates her back, that she holes up in her house, and cancels Cheerleading Nationals.  The Cheerios got pretty torn up over it, which, in itself, provided for some light comedy, in the form of Brittany’s inside out cheerleading uniform and ridiculous “I’m sad” hair-do.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t manage a screencap on that one.  So you will just have to take my word for it. 

Ultimately, Will apologizes to Sue.  She gets out of bed, and goes on to win Nationals with her Cheerios.  And they all lived happily ever after?

Funk Master Puck is SOOOO NOT a Loser!

In order to retaliate for Vocal Adrenaline’s acts of violence against the Gleeks, Puck and Finn decide to put their differences aside and band together to get revenge.  Their plan?  Slash the tires of the ENTIRE Vocal Adrenaline team, all of whom just so happen to drive identical Range Rovers with super obnoxious “Voc Ad” vanity plates.  (Man, what a perk!  No wonder these 40-year olds don’t want to graduate!)

In a surprising show of decency, Bad Mommy Corcoran . . .

 . . . gives up the opportunity to have Puck and Finn expelled from school, provided they pay for the damages they caused.  So, these two Bad Ass Dudes get jobs working at Sheets’ N’ Things, working for none-other-than the Former Mrs. Schuester . . .

 . . . who kind of seems like she has the hots for Finn, because he looks like her Ex-Husband did when HE was 27 16.  Pretty random, right?  But at least it gave us the opportunity to see this . . .

Thanks bangbangxo!

“Losers” never looked so pretty!  Later, Finn and Puck perform together AGAIN (along with Mercedes) in the Glee choir room.  This time, instead of a Beck song, they choose one by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch . . .

 . . . and during the number, Puck got so excited, he started HUMPING THE FLOOR!

And while it wasn’t a BAD performance, it just didn’t feel true to its roots.  After all, when covering a song sung by a former underwear model, isn’t shirtlessness kind of required?  To prove my point, here is the music video for the ORIGINAL “Good Vibrations.”

Thanks highwishs!

Quinn Febray and the Case of the Disappearing, than Reappearing, than Disappearing Again, Baby Bump

Someone once said that you could judge how well the stock market would do in a given year, based solely on what length of women’s skirts was in fashion at the time.  Using that same logic, I’ve come to believe that you can judge the success of a Glee episode based solely on (1) the size of Quinn’s baby bump that week; and (2) which Glee cast member she was bunking with at the time.  This week, Quinn’s baby bump was fairly small for her solo number “It’s a Man’s, Man’s Man’s World.”  Then it looked insanely large / about to pop during the finale number, “Give up the Funk.” 

Watch and compare for yourselves . . .

Thanks Mr. GleeMusicTV3!

(Oh, and in the words of Artie . . . the “Unwed Motherhood” Backup Dancers?  “Kind of disturbing . . .”)

Thanks again MikkoBayani!

Oh, and Quinn is randomly living with MERCEDES now . . . her fourth home since the season began.  Make of that what you will!

That’s all she wrote folks!  Tune in next week for the Season Finale, when, given the recent trend in their personalities, Jesse and his Middle-Aged Vocal  Adrenaline team mates will probably start devil worshipping and try to offer Rachel up as a human sacrifice .  . .

All snarky comments aside, I CAN’T WAIT!  My Gleeks better WIN THIS THING!

 

 

Will Schuester and The Case of the Mysterious Glist – A Recap of Glee’s “Bad Reputation”

So, what exactly is a “Glist?”  Well, according to Sue Sylvester, it’s a “weekly ranking of  . . . Glee club members, based on a hotness quotient of sexual promiscuity . . . You get a point for each act of perpetuated depravity.” 

As you can see from the above screencap, in the Glist’s premiere week, Quinn, Santana, and Puck topped the list, with Brittany, Jesse, and Finn, taking positions 4, 5, and 6, respectively.  What you cannot see from this screencap (because I couldn’t find a SINGLE shot that fit everything in), was that Rachel rounded up the rear, with a score of -5!  And Mercedes, Kurt, Tina, and Artie didn’t make the Glist AT ALL!

Which begs the question?  WHO CREATED THE GLIST (and why)?  This was the mystery Will Schuester was tasked with solving at the beginning of this week’s installment of Glee, entitled “Bad Reputation.”  As for the Glee kids, they were less concerned with figuring out who made the Glist, and more concerned with “moving up on it.”  “Maybe if we seen a little more dangerous, people will stop flushing my glasses down the toilet,” suggested Artie, hopefully.

(Poor Artie!  Having your glasses flushed down the toilet HAS to suck!  Then again, doesn’t  No Glasses-Artie look a bit like a young Harry Connick, Jr.?)

It’s almost uncanny, right?  They are even wearing the SAME SHIRT!

This week’s episode was all about what it takes to revive (or create) a “bad reputation.”  And while the characters were all struggling with that, in their own way, they were also singing songs.  What songs, you ask? “Awesomely Bad” Songs, of course!  Songs that were once “great” (at least according to Mr. Schuester), but had since fallen into disrepute. Like, for example, Ice, Ice Baby, which was originally sung by this guy . . .

Now we know where Puck has been getting his hair care tips!

Let’s see how everyone did, shall we?

Rachel Berry

Goal: To cast aside her squeaky clean reputation, and move up from last place on the Glist.

What she did: Tricked the three men in her life into starring with her in a music video, in which she was cast as the slutty siren, awakening all three men’s hidden sexual desires for her, in the process.

What she sang:  Run, Joey, Run by David Geddes and Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

I’ll admit that sometimes the “Rachel” character really irks me.  However, she was all kinds of awesome in this episode!  From her flirtatious dalliances with Puck (“Did you know when we were together, people called us Puckleberry?”  “Dating me  . . . gave you a sense of humanity.”) . . .

These two were SO HOT together tonight, that I almost forgot that Puck is with Quinn, and Rachel’s with  . . . that other guy.

. . .to the calculated trickery she employed to get all THREE main Glee guys (Puck, Finn, and Jesse) to star opposite her in what I am pretty sure was the most self-aggrandizing, campiest, music video EVER MADE .  . . and, ending with her angsty belting of Total Eclipse of the Heart, which she sang after all three men promptly deserted her for her selfish behavior.

As far as the Rachel and Jesse “break up,” (which occurred in the last few moments of the episode), I’m not really sure how I felt about it.  On one hand, I’m still pretty positive that Jesse’s REAL reason for transferring to McKinley, was to “narc” out the Glee kids to their main competition, and his former teammates, Vocal Adrenaline.  (Notice how, even though Jesse’s “sole” reason for coming to the school was to “be with Rachel,”  he decided to stay  at the school, even after they broke up?)  And yet, I also believe that as the season progresses, Jesse’s feelings for Rachel will eventually become real.    To further complicate matters, Jonathan Groff’s portrayal of Jesse, which heretofore has come across as a tad overblown and artificial, in my opinion, was significantly more understated and genuine this week.  So, while I wanted to not care about Jesse’s feelings being hurt this week, because I don’t trust him, I found myself caring, in spite of myself . . .

True Love?  Or Truly Convenient Plot Device . . .

Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, Tina and Brittany

Goal: To be featured on the Glist (or, in Brittany’s case, to break the top three)

What they did: Wore ugly pants and sang a cheesy song in the library; admitted to being the source of Sue Sylvester’s public embarrassment

What they sang:  You Can’t Touch This, by M.C. Hammer

So, this episode marks the THIRD time our Glee kids chose to break out into song in, of all places, THE LIBRARY! 

 I’m not exactly sure what made these guys think that wearing balloon pants and singing the Anthem to ’90’s Musical Ridiculousness would up their coolness quotient.  Whatever their thinking was, their plan TOTALLY backfired, when the school librarian loved the performance!  She even  invited the kids to perform the song for her church! 

 Kurt’s plan to admit to Sue that he had posted her private Let’s Get Physical (more on that later) video on YouTube, similarly backfired when she THANKED him for doing so.  However, given Mercedes’ kickass performance of Christina Aguilera’s Beautiful at the school pep rally, and Kurt’s football heroism earlier this season (he won the game for his team by distracting the opposition with his dance to Beyonce’s All the Single Ladies), I can’t imagine these two being invisible at McKinley High School for much longer . . .

Sue Sylvester

Goal: To redeem herself, after having become the school laughingstock

What she did: Made a music video with Olivia Newton John featuring sexy shirtless men!

What she sang: Let’s Get Physical by Olivia Newton John

The first time we see Sue Sylvester in this episode, a miniaturized version of her is shaking her booty and doing the Cabbage Patch, from inside the screen of a laptop computer, to the tune of Olivia Newton John’s Let’s Get Physical.  One of my main gripes with this episode is that WE NEVER GOT TO SEE THE WHOLE VIDEO, which CLEARLY would have been hilarious! 

Apparently, Kurt found the incriminating video amongst Sue’s hormone replacement pills, in a locked drawer in her office.  However, it was Finn’s idea to post the video on YouTube for the world to see.  News of the video spread like wildfire, and Sue soon found herself to be the subject of “slow motion laughter” and public ridicule.  Fortunately for Sue, Olivia Newton John herself got wind of Sue’s dance moves, and decided to remake an updated version of the music video for the song, in which she and Sue ultimately sang alongside one another. 

The music video was a hit!  And, while it was cute, I STILL would have preferred to see Sue’s embarrassing solo jazzercise version all the way through .  . . but that’s just me.

In other news, Emma . . .

 . . . learned of Will’s recent slut-capades with April and that Vocal Adrenaline coach from Sue Sylvester (who apparently rigged his home with hidden cameras?).  And, in a moment of highly uncharacteristic fury, our favorite OCD guidance counselor responded, by publicly berating him for his whorish tendencies.  Now Will has a reputation for being a Man Slut.

And if he wasn’t raking in the ladies before, they will certainly be coming out of the woodwork NOW!  After all, we all know how the ladies LOVE their Man Sluts!

Oh, and you know who ended up being responsible for creating the Glist?

Quinn!  Did you see that one coming?  You SHOULD HAVE!  She was, after all, Number 1 on the list.  Plus, the former Queen Bee’s popularity has taken a serious nosedive, since the whole “teen pregnancy thing” got out.  In a heartfelt moment, Quinn confides in Will about her feelings of loneliness and depression, regarding the loss of her peak social status.  Will comforts her, explaining that high school is only temporary, and “social status” really has more to do with self-confidence than anything else.  And I guess that was supposed to be the “moral of the story”  . . . or something.

All in all, this was a fun episode — probably my favorite one post-hiatus.  It offered the deft plotting, and solid character development, that, honestly, seemed a bit lacking in the last few episodes.  Sure, most of the songs wouldn’t make my “Must Download” list, but perhaps that was the point.  Like the characters in this episode, Glee had a reputation to revive this week, one for good storytelling.  And, in that respect, it certainly succeeded.

Too DIVA-licious? – A Recap of Glee’s “The Power of Madonna”

“Psst!  Sue!  I don’t really know how to tell you this . . . but your HIGH BEAMS are showing . . .”

Could there ever POSSIBLY be such a thing as TOO MUCH MADONNA?  The Verdict is still out for me on that one.  But one thing is for sure, Glee definitely put this question to the test,  during last night’s episode .  . . With a total of EIGHT musical numbers from the Madonna catalogue, and countless other Madge songs blaring in the background throughout the episode, there was literally little room for anything else during the hour.  In fact, the plot took SUCH a backseat during “The Power of Madonna,” that I felt less like I was watching a musical teen dramedy, and more like I was at concert featuring my favorite Madonna cover band . . .

In terms of the musical numbers, Glee TOTALLY outdid itself last night!  I have NO DOUBT that the show’s inevitable Madonna-themed album will remain in high rotation on my iPod for perpetuity.  And, as if that wasn’t enough, some of the costumes and choreography on these numbers were (dare I say it) BETTER than the original music videos on which they were based!  Here were my four fave performances of the evening . . .

1) Express Yourself

The first singing number of the evening, was a Girl Power-Infused, Pastel-Colored, Beltfest, that would have made the Divine Miss Madonna, herself, PROUD!  Sure the “rationale” behind the song, “BOYS are MEAN, GIRLS RULE!” was a bit cliche and juvenile, but the flawless performances by our female Gleeks, more than made up for this.  Once again, while, unfortunately, I can’t show you the musical number in its entirety, you can at least listen to it, HERE . . .

2) The Borderline / Open Your Heart Mash-up

While, the on-screen chemistry between Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff is admittedly sizzling, there is just something about the screentime she shares with Cory Monteith, that is incredibly honest and sweet.  Plus, now that these two have that sort of “unrequited love” thing going for them again, I may just have to go back to rooting for this couple to “re-couple.”  The “story” behind the mash-up, is that Rachel has just admitted to Finn that she is still dating Jesse St. James, star of Vocal Adrenaline, and the Gleeks’ arch rival.  Finn sort of/ kind of tries to be supportive, but more or less just ends up sulking.  (After all, don’t all boys only want what they can’t have?) 

 I imagine the number was supposed to be a sort of dream sequence, taking place jointly in the minds of both characters.  Otherwise, the Madonna music video-attired class mates bustling around in the background, and the LOUD SINGING IN THE LIBRARY  .  .  .

 (Really Glee?  Again?  McKinley High doesn’t have other places for its students to break into song . . . like, say . . . THE BATHROOM )

. . . would just be completely bizarre.  You can listen to the lovey-dovey, brooding fabulousness HERE . . .

3) Like a Virgin

Not to toot my own horn or anything  . . .

. . . But I TOTALLY called the use of this song, the minute Emma “came out” as a “Big Ole Virgin,” during last week’s episode.  In terms of a natural and seemless meshing between storyline and singing, “Like A Virgin” clearly won the award last night.  Three virginal Gleeks: Rachel, Finn, and Emma, all decided to do the DEED last night, with their respective sort-of significant others Jesse, Santana, and Will.  Only Finn actually did it.  (But he lied to Rachel, and said he didn’t.)  Conversely, Rachel DIDN’T DO IT, but told Finn that she did. 

Emma also didn’t do it (not quite sure WHY though . . . of the three relationships on-screen, this one seemed the healthiest, Will’s Man Sluttiness aside).  However, she DID decide to get “counseling” for her problem.  (I’m assuming when she says “problem,” she’s referring to her OCD, and not her Virginity, as the latter is SIGNIFICANTLY easier to “kick” than the former . . . just saying.  Also, it would kind of be a dick move on Will’s part, to refer Emma to a counselor, just so he could get laid . . . ).  Anyway, here’s the song . . .

4) Like a Prayer

Sure, the finale ensemble number had no correlation to the episode’s storylines whatsoever.  But, in this case, it sort of didn’t have to.  It just worked.  I LOVED how Kurt and Mercedes got oodles of solos, during this episode.  After all, my girl Mercedes kind of had a point when she griped that, lately, all they have been letting her character do is “belt the high notes at the end.”  (Something tells me — with these two now on the Cheerios, and a romantic storyline for Kurt on the horizon — that we are going to be seeing a lot more of this dynamic duo, in the coming weeks.) 

Oh, and are any of you ACTUALLY buying that Jesse St. James transferred schools and joined the Gleeks, just to be with Rachel (who he really just met), and not to please his Nazi Vocal Adrenaline Glee Coach, Ms. Corcoran?

A close (and very smart) friend of mine commented on how IDIOTIC Will Schuester was for BLINDLY going along with this.  And I think she has a point.  On the other hand, in a SANE world, who in their right mind would go so far as to TRANSFER SCHOOLS just to commit an undercover Glee Sting Operation for your coach?  REAL PEOPLE in the REAL WORLD simply wouldn’t even consider this an option to be concerned about.  Then again, this IS a school where teachers rufie their principals, so that they can blast Madonna through the speakers during school hours . . .

 . . . so maybe Mr. Schuester should have seen this one coming . . .

Speaking of Shady Glee Narc D-Bags, in addition to seeing Kurt and Mercedes in the forefront, during the final song, it was nice to see Jesse St. James withering away in the background.  Two weeks and that dude is already starting to grate on my nerves .  . .

In other news, we FINALLY learned the source of Sue Sylvester’s obsession with berating Will’s hair.  Apparently, following the release of Madonna’s 1986 True Blue album, Sue, then “age 6” (I’m thinking more like “age 16”), tried to bleach her hair and had a terrible accident, as a result.  This Hair Catastrophe has forced Sue to keep her hair short, ever since.  So, when it comes to Will’s highly-gelled coiff, Sue is simply jealous.  While this surely sucks for Sue, I can’t help but agree with Will, that her current ‘do is TOTALLY Florence Henderson!

A Very Brady Haircut!

Well, that’s all I’ve got!  See ya next week, Gleeks!