Tag Archives: jon snow lives

GAME OF THRONES: A Shaggydog Story (S6: Ep 3 Recap)

naked and adraid he is

This week, we bid farewell to the most adorable of Shaggydog(s) and the most odious of Olliepops. Also, Jon Snow has a small dong. Dany meets a Dothraki Regina George. And Bran realizes that playing Back to the Future could have Butterfly Effect consequences Ashton Kutcher never dreamed of!

Let’s review, shall we, Westeros?

[A special thanks to my pal Andre for what everyone knows is the best part of any recap . . . the pretty pictures]

Jon Snow: Naked, Afraid, and Not Quite As Well Endowed as We Had Hoped


Jon Snow . . . no longer dead, but still very, very naked!

There is nothing like being murdered in cold blood, and awakened from the great beyond by a really, really ridiculously old lady to make you appreciate the importance of a good pair of pants.


Or at least a nice pair of leopard undies!

When John first attempts to stand on his feet, he collapses instantly, and has to be positioned upright again by his old friend Davos. This is because Death can be hell on your physical fitness regimen. Fortunately for Jon Snow, being Dead also apparently does wonders for your six pack abs! Weird!

naked and afraid

Once Jon has acclimated himself to the World of the Living once again, Davos says to him, what we’ve all been thinking. (Or, at least, what we WOULD all be thinking, if we hadn’t been totally certain the GOT writers wouldn’t permanently kill off this very important character, with so much of their series still remaining . . .)

dead not dead 1

dead not dead 2

As for that religious nut, Melissandre, she, of course is most interested in learning whether there is, in fact, life after death . . . but not in the “Jon Snow was dead, now he’s alive” sense . . . more in the Heaven or Hell, sense.

lord let you come

To this Jon responds, “Girl, are you kidding? I just spent these past few days binge watching Girls on HBO. And if watching Lena Dunham get naked on screen and dance badly for hours on end while contemplating her navel isn’t enough to prove to you that Heaven just doesn’t exist, I don’t know what will.”

hannah dancing

This is actually what Hell Looks Like . . .

Eventually Jon emerges from his hidey hole to reveal his rebirth to his fellow Knights Watchmen (at least the ones who didn’t recently temporarily succeed in killing him) and erstwhile allies, the Wildlings. Tormund, my absolute favorite Wildling (sorry Ygritte and Gilly), approaches Jon first. Jon Snow’s rebirth from the grave and possible zombification does not scare Tormund. The ginger Wildling knows that his former friend is not evil. After all, Evil has a Big Penis, and Jon Snow, well . . . he has . . . a really nice smile . . .

pecker that smalll

Jon’s loyal confidant Ed is less certain. Though Jon’s eyes aren’t blue like the zombie white walkers, he does seem to be sporting a trait he never exhibited during his life time . . . a sense of humor.

hold off on burning

hold off two hold off three

And that’s a good thing, because when you have a small dong, being funny is the only shot you are ever going to have at getting laid . . .

Speaking of not being able to climax . . .

More Blue Balls for Bran

tower of joyless

This week’s flashbacks bring Bran to his father’s storied battle with the well-renown swordsman, Ser Arthur Dayne. We find a younger (hotter, gingerier) Ned’s Stark and his men, including Meera’s dad, Howland Reed, galloping toward the oddly named Tower of Joy to rescue Ned’s sis Lyanna from the “evil” clutches of one R. Targaryen.


Bran is surprised at how crappy his dad is at fighting in comparison to the Great Dayne (no pun intended). But, spoiler alert, he knows his father lives on at least long enough to give birth to a few spawn, start to resemble actor Sean Bean, and get his head chopped off by the Lannisters. The question is: how did Ned manage to beat a swordsman who was so much better than he?

The answer arrives not long into the flashback, when the presumed dead Howland rises to stab Dayne in the back, saving Ned from a fate of certain death.

Ouch! Ned Stark may have lost his head (literally) in the Game of Thrones, but, at least, up until this point, his honor was beyond reproach. Now, not so much . . .

But Ned has little time to ponder the morality of an unfair fight, as he hears the cries of his sister coming from on top of the Tower of Joy. Is Lyanna crying in agony? Is she crying in ecstasy? Is she giving birth to a baby Jon Snow, as many fans have suspected? Flashback Hot Ned rushes to find out, and Bran calls out to him, almost on impulse, because he’s just as curious as the rest of us as to what’s inside that tower.

There’s this odd moment when Ned appears to hear his son’s cries, and turns in their direction, causing us fans to wonder just how passive our young protagonist is during his milky-eyed warging jaunts. If people can see and interact with Bran, while he’s time traveling, can he change the future? Can he stop his dad from being beheaded, his older brother from being brutally murdered, his sister from being raped? Can he stop himself from becoming paralyzed from the waist down? The possibilities are endless.

father hello


But those are all thoughts for later. Right now, Bran (and us viewers) REALLY want to get to the top of that tower! So, of course, you can count on that old dude in the tree to pull us back to dull flaccidity, just when we are about to come . . . to a satisfying conclusion.

Olenna to Cersei: “You Can’t Sit With Us!”

not cool

Meanwhile, over in Kings Landing, Cersei is also not getting any satisfaction. When she and Jamie try to sit on their own son’s King’s Council, that BAMF Olenna tosses them both enough SHADE to render them Vitamin D deficient for a lifetime. First, she chides them for not having a direct line to their son on the throne. Then, she plays the incest card, because, really, Cersei and Jamie just make it too easy. They even have the same haircut now!

bit confusion

But the absolute worst slap in the face for the Lannister twins comes when the entire King’s Council up and abandons them to have their meeting elsewhere. Cersei and Jamie, if Kings Landing was a Facebook page, you’ve both just been Bulk Unfriended!

cant sit

Speaking of massive dips in popularity . . .

Dothraki Widows to Dany: “On Wednesday’s we wear black . . . also Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.”

regina g

When we last left Dany in Dothraki territory, she was busy learning the tough lesson that being the Mother of Dragons and having perpetually salon-styled hair, even in desert-level humidity, does little to help you make friends and influence people, especially when those people are the kind of people who eat horse hearts for shits and giggles. (But probably more of the former, than the latter, because Stallion hearts cause major indigestion . . . or so I hear.)




When Dany first encounters the Dothraki widows, those nasty bullies strip her of her trademark blue gown, and replace it with a black dress. And I’m not talking about a little cute black dress either. I’m talking about a “your husband died, and now nobody should look at you like a sex object for all of eternity” black dress.


But being unpopular with the mean girls, and forced to dress like an uncool nun are the least of Dany’s problems. According to the head Dothraki widow (who kind of reminds me of what Regina George will look like in 35 years, after her fourth divorce, and twenty-fourth failed round of plastic surgery), Dany would be LUCKY to lead a sexless existence with the Dothraki ladyfolk. As it turns out, by leaving the Dothraki after Khal Drogo died in exchange for greener, dragonier pastures, Dany has broken an oath, and the punishment for such oathbreaking may very well be death . . .

In Which We Finally Figure Out Who Those Friggin Birds Are that Varys is Always Talking About

Speaking of oathbreakers, while a bored Tyrion attempts to convince his teetotaling pals, Greyworm and Missandrei to engage him in a raucous round of “Never Have I Ever,” Varys, thanks to his “little birds” has managed to track down a conspirator of the Sons of the Harpy, who he offers passage to freedom, in exchange for who happens to be funding them.

history of world

convos in elegant


The traitorous snitch reveals that the Sons are funded by not one, not two, but three of Mereen’s neighboring cities. Varys is going to need a lot of birds to put down a rebellion like that.

mad var

Fortunately, Varys’ little birds just so happen to be the cast of Sesame Street, so there are literally thousands of them at his disposal.


Unfortunately, Cersei has found those birds too, and has decided to use them to be her own spies in Kings Landing. This way, she can have her zombie friend, the Mountain, continue to murder anyone who has the gall to speak against her.

want birds

Looks like little birds may not be enough for Varys to get what he wants this time. This seems like a job for a Big Bird!

big bird

In Which the Actor Who Plays Sam Tarley Perfects His Vomit Noises On Camera

sam and gilly

For those of you who felt like there wasn’t nearly enough puke on Game of Thrones, there’s an entire scene dedicated completely to Samwell Tarley’s seasick upchucks! Apparently, Sam is on a boat headed first, to his childhood home to drop of Gilly and her baby for safekeeping, and then, to Old Town, where he will learn to become a Maester.

At first, Gilly is cross with Sam for making her and her kid go to his boring house with the Durstleys, rather than cool Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Maester-dry. But ultimately she relents, because Sam is her family. And family members don’t blame you for puking on their only pair of shoes, and shipping them off to the worst chapters in every Harry Potter book, while they go off on their Gryffindor adventures with Ron and Hermione. They just don’t.

The Eyes Have It!

once was blind

Over at Burgerless White Castle, we get to watch Blind Arya get the crap beat out of her repeatedly by that red-head chick for the third week in a row! But this week, things are different, now Arya gets to get the crap beat out of her by a red-head chick, while reciting the Cliff Notes version of the Arya-stark centric chapters of the first few Game of Thrones books, and sniffing pots.

When Arya is done doing this Jagen Hgar rewards her by letting her drink from the fountain that kills people. (If I were Arya, I would have probably asked for some chicken nuggets and fries instead of the Death Water. But that’s probably because I’m not NO ONE, I’m just a nobody blogger with a hankering for fast food.) Arya is apparently NO ONE, however, and the death water actually succeeds in helping her to regain her vision.



Thank goodness. Now, we maybe we won’t have to watch her get beat up so much, anymore!

Please Stop Killing All The Adorable Direwolves on This Show!

got em

Meanwhile, over in Winterfell, the new Lord Bolton, Ramsey, is convening with the Carstarks. They are much like the actual Starks, only Car-ier, also way bigger dicks. To prove this, one of the Carstarks offers Ramsey the gift of Rickon Stark and Meera, who have been missing for roughly a gagillion seasons . . . i.e. long enough for Rickon Stark to turn into Justin Bieber.

rickon defiant

“How do I know that this is actually Rickon Stark, and not just some boy bander, you plucked off the concert circuit?” Ramsey wonders out loud.

Carstark then offers Ramsey the head of Rickon’s direwolf, Shaggydog, who is now looking way less like Shaggydog, and way more like Decapitated Dog.

surprised monkey


What the heck? Carstark, you prick! What did the Justin Bieber Lokalike’s direwolf ever do to you?

You know what direwolf murderers like you deserve? You deserve to be OLLIEPOPPED!

Please Continue Murdering All The Little Shits Like Olliepop on This Show!

olly pop

carlton dance

Back at the Wall, Jon Snow is about to prove to us viewers for the second time since this show started that we are terrible human beings. Remember that time when that little shit Joffrey got poisoned, and his face turned all purple, and he died a terrible, horrible death, and then his parents boned on his casket, and we all cheered so much?

dead joff


Well, GOT fans, I present to you, Little Shit Death 2: Electric Boogaloo.

It’s time for Jon to hang those asshats who stabbed him to death last season. There are only five guys strung up for all to see, even though I distinctly remember more people than that doing the stabbing. Perhaps, GOT needed to conserve its hanging people budget for more scenes with the dragons . . .

Before Jon kills his betrayers, he diplomatically offers them all the opportunity to give their last words. Thorne, even facing his own demise, remains self-righteous to the end in his insistence that he made the right decision by killing Jon, which I weirdly respect. Olliepop on the other hand, that little shit, just has this constipated look on his face the whole time, and says nothing.

So, when Jon hangs them all with one fell swipe of the sword, of course, it’s Little Shit Olliepop’s purple wide-eyed corpse face the camera lingers on for a full five minutes, before the camera cuts to something else. It’s positively glorious. And those of you who say you didn’t enjoy watching it are lying to yourselves.

It makes Jon Snow sad though, because Jon Snow is a way better person than I am. This is probably why, when I go, there for sure, won’t be any old lady washing my naked body, and bringing ME back from the great beyond.


When it’s all over, Jon offers Edd his cloak, and leaves Castle Black for good, claiming, “My watch has ended,” which, for any of you planning to quit your job in the near future, is pretty much the coolest phrase to say, while doing it.

watch ended

A few fans have sagely pointed out that while Watchers on the Wall pledge their lives to Castle Black, Jon Snow’s “death” offered him up a pretty nifty loophole to save him from this fate.

So, what is next for Jon Snow, you wonder? Only Big Bird knows . . .


Until next time, Westeros!

Cross posted at Happy Nice Time People.com

[Shameless self promotion alert: Do you like stories with snark? Romance? Friendship? Awkward sexual encounters? Vengeance? Drag queens? Puppies with two wheels for back legs? If so, please feel free to check out my new novel, Snarky Goes to Hollywood. It’s only a $1 on Kindle, Folks … the same amount of money you occasionally give homeless people on the street, when you can no longer avoid making eye contact with them .]


Filed under Game of Thrones, Uncategorized

Game of Thrones: Please, Don’t Eat the Help! ( Recap S 6: Ep 2)

dragon meeting

This week on Game of Thrones, Jon Snow LIVES! Roose Bolton DIES! Tyrion doesn’t get eaten by dragons. And Hodor expands his vocabulary, sort of. One of the benefits of posting a late recap, is I can spoil big plot points right off the bat, while only feeling mildly guilty about doing it.

So, let’s do it, Westeros!

[A very special shout-out and thanks to my spectacular screencap provider / friend Andre. He alone has the power to make Jon Snow’s naked corpse-like torso shine like the top of the Chrysler Building!]



Bran’s back, you guys!

cersei eye roll

Wait! Don’t leave! It’s a good storyline, this time, I promise . . . well, I mean, it’s a slightly better storyline than the Uber Depressing, Nature Walks with the Permanently Disabled of seasons past!

So, Bran’s doing that thing he does, where his eyes get all milky, and he gets to see stuff through the mind of a bird, or a wolf, or a blade of grass or something. This time, he gets to be a flesh and blood real boy! Oh Pinocchio would be so proud!

with legs

Bran Stark . . . now with even more usable legs!

Bran’s LSD tripping travels this week take him back to his father’s childhood at Winterfell. Bran’s uncle is there! Also, Bran’s sassy dead aunt on his dad’s side, Lyanna (. . . not to be confused with his creepy dead aunt on his mom’s side, Lysa, who breast fed her kid until he was like 20, loved Littlefinger and got thrown to her death from something called a “moon door). P.S. Start using different letters than “L” and “M” to name your second-tier female characters, George R.R. Martin!


dying lysa

But Bran’s real find on his Virtual Reality for the Middle Ages journey is a then-fully communicative young Hodor. What happened to him to make him lose all his words? Did he fall off a very high horse and hit his head really hard? Did he experience something so traumatic that it robbed him of his capacity for speech? Did he watch the scenes of Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy one too many times?



The world may never know . . . or at least they won’t find out this week.

Fun-Fun with Wun-Wun

So, do you remember that scene from last season, when the Wildings are battling the White Walkers, and a real scary looking one latches itself onto the Giant, Wun-Wun’s neck, and Wun-Wun swats it off its body, like it’s nothing more than a pesky fly? Now, imagine what a guy like that could do with a troop of wimpy, non-magical power having, Jon Snow murdering, cowardly traitors?


For those of you (like me), who’ve been wondering how long it would be for Jon Snow’s allies, Davos and Edd, to seek the help of the Wildings in avenging the “death” of Jon Snow, you all got your wish this week! Just when it seems like Team #Dead Jon Snow (including Ghost) is a total goner, holed up in a small room with limited weapons and manpower, as Thorne’s Knights Watchmen gradually bash down the door that’s keeping them protected, in walk the Wildings, led by Wun-Wun and kickass Ginger Dude Tormund, to crash this party. (Jon’s ill-fated lady love, Ygritte, for sure would be loving this!)


“Kill those douche nozzles, Wun-Wun and Tormund. Kill them hard! Especially that little rodent, Ollie!”

As Wun-Wun starts boredly tossing those Knight’s Watch Weiners into the Castle Wall (Please toss that little sh*t Ollie! Please toss that little sh*t Ollie!), these men, who are supposedly ensuring the safety of Westeros, start running away like little b*tches, which, by the way, says very little about the “military of Westeros.” I don’t know about you guys, but I’d absolutely prefer Wun-Wun and the Wildings to watch over me at night, rather than these backstabbing losers . . .


Ultimately, the Wildings and those Knights Watchmen Still Loyal to Jon Snow gain the upper hand, and all the asshat Front-Stabbers of Jon Snow (including that little sh*t Ollie – YEAH!!!) get dragged away like the mangy dogs they are.

But who will lead this rag tag crew filled with men and one Giant, whose name rhymes with Fun-Fun? Davos has an idea . . .

idea davos

“Sup Melissandre?” Asks Davos, later that evening.

Melissandre is wearing her necklace now. So, Davos is looking at her like she’s a late thirty something hot chick, as opposed to the Estelle Getty character from The Golden Girls. mixed with The Crypt Keeper that we all now know her to be.


“I’m sexy and I know it.”

“You seem like the kind of girl who does creepy things, like drink poison for sh*ts and giggles, and pull murderous black shadow babies out of your hoo-hah. Do you think you could maybe amorously wash the corpse of a definitely dead sexy man, until he comes back to life, and subsequently leads us all toward World Domination?”

“Maybe,” replies Melissandre, noncommittally.

Well . . . it isn’t a “no!”

F*ck Everyone Who Isn’t the Lannisters!

Jamie’s inspirational (not to mention aspirational . . . especially, considering the fact that Jamie may well never have actually f*&ked someone who “wasn’t a Lannister” before) comes into play, in earnest, this week, when The Mountain stomps around town murdering anyone who has the gall to speak ill of Cersei Lannister. He even kills the drunken lout, who unconvincingly brags to his friends about boning Cersei immediately after her naked walk of shame. (Because nothing makes you super horny, like utter humiliation, am I right ladies? *insert eyeroll here*)

mountainn dont take that

Feminists come in all shapes and sizes . . .

And yet, all is not well in Kings Landing. For starters, King Tommen is not letting Cersei attend the private funeral viewing of her own daughter! (And we all remember how much fun Cersei had at the funeral viewing of her last dead kid!)

corpse sex

Speaking of funeral sex, Cersei’s lover Jamie is not fairing much better. His not-so-thinly veiled threats to murder the High Sparrow, for tearing apart his family and ruining its (well not exactly “good,” but not nearly as bad as, say, the Bolton’s, because they are the ABSOLUTE WORST) name, crashes and burns, when the High Sparrow brings all his fellow cult followers to the fight. And Jamie One Hand finds himself to be not so much of a match for them.

face off

“Can’t we just get along and have sex on top of this corpse instead?”

In slightly better Lannister news, mother and son, Cersei and Tommen, eventually make amends with one another, when Tommen begs Cersei for help him to become a stronger ruler. Now, Cersei, herself, is far from someone I would call, the ideal queen. (I’d still vote for her over Donald Trump though.) But hey, if Cersei can get Tommen to do something on this show aside from play with his pussy, that would be a big help, plotline wise.

father mother

Pussy CAT . . . I mean . . . obviously, I meant his pussy cat. 😉

tommen with cat

Dungeons and Dragons and Drunk Dwarves, Oh My!

what am i nuts

A word of advice for any of you out there planning on adopting some pet dragons from your local animal shelter. Dragons don’t like being chained up! In fact, chaining up your dragons will give them a permanent case of the sads.

sad drag

And you don’t want your pet dragons to be sad, do you? So, what if they eat you, the second they find themselves unharnessed? Isn’t it worth losing your head (which you weren’t using anyway) and other random body parts, for the love of fire-breathing reptiles?

With Mereen in utter turmoil and Dany nowhere to be found, Drunk Tyrion somehow gets the “amazing” idea to free Dany’s dragons, in the hope that this will make the recently conquered land appear more formidable to its enemies.

drink and know things

“The dragons will like me,” insists Tyrion, when questioned as to whether he’s the least bit worried that he is about to become dragon food, during his noble Free the Reptiles quest. “Everybody likes me. I’m small, and snarky, and I get all the best one-liners on the show!”

Tyrion sure seems confident enough, when he’s chatting with his fellow councilmen, but when he’s alone with the two not-so-baby dragons in the dark, with nothing but a small torch to protect him, it’s clear that the dwarf is beginning to doubt himself.


“I’m here to help you. Please don’t eat the help,” Tyrion pleads, as he gently removes the shackles from the first dragon.

And, wouldn’t you know it, the darn thing actually doesn’t eat Tyrion, when he has the chance!

But then something really amazing happens! The second dragon, actually bends his neck toward Tyrion to HELP the dwarf remove HIS shackles too. It’s a downright sweet, and almost loyal, puppy-like thing for a dragon to do.

Could this mean that the long-held fan theory that Tyrion has Targaryen blood is actually true? Or do dragons just really find drunk men the size of small children to be just as hilarious as the rest of us do?

Whatever the reason that the dragons are merciful to Tyrion, the deceptively courageous dwarf isn’t about to engage in a repeat performance anytime soon. “Next time I decide to do something like that, please punch me in the face,” the littlest Lannister insists to Varys, as he leaves the now-free dragons behind him.



Well, I’ll drink to that!

Burgers for the Blind Beggar

follow me

Another day, another beat-down for Blind Arya by that b*tchy red head who works with her at Burgerless White Castle. But this time, something different happens afterwards. Jaagen Hgar offers Arya food, a bed, and her sight back, but only if she reveals her “true name.”

beat up by ging

“I have no name. I am nobody,” Arya continually insists, like the good little student / Possible Scientologist she has become. “Except, Tom Cruise. I might be him.”

“Well played, Arya Wan Kenobie, A++,” responds Jaagen. “For your efforts, come back to Burgerless White Castle with me for the night. I can’t feed you a burger, because we are burgerless, obviously. But I’ll feed you a dead rat, and some folks tell me that the two taste exactly the same.

Way to give up your originality for a Scooby Snack, Arya! Your brutally murdered parents must be so proud!

It’s a Dog Eat Baby World Out There!

Ramsey Bolton is bummed. Having been a bastard child all his life, he’s always been the Jan Brady of his frightening family.

Ramsey Snow


But then he learns that his father’s wife has given him a legitimate male heir to the throne! This demotes Ramsey even further down the Bolton pedigree. Now, he’s no better than Cousin Friggin Oliver! And nobody likes a Cousin Oliver!


So Ramsey does what any vaguely ignored child would do in his situation . . . he brutally stabs his father in the gut, then feeds his step mother and brand new little half brother to hungry dogs.

dead roose

“I prefer to be an only child,” explains Ramsey, in apparent justification for his unspeakable actions.

It’s the first thing this psychopath ever said with which I actually agreed . . . ONLY CHILDREN RULE!

Reek, No More! (Because you can shower in the snow!)

Sansa, Podrick and Brienne are headed to Castle Black, where they hope that Sansa’s half sibling, Jon Snow, will lend her protection from the Boltons’ murderous intents and generalized rapey grossness. Theon’s invited too, but he’s not coming. “I cannot make amends to your family for the things I’ve done,” he admits.

crying theon

(Fortunately, for Theon, most of Sansa’s family has already been brutally murdered, so there isn’t really anybody left alive to judge him for his crimes.)

Nonetheless, Theon wishes to leave Sansa and Co., and, instead, return home to his own awful family who hates him so. But hey, at least the Greyjoys aren’t as bad as the Lannisters or the Boltons. Don’t get me wrong, GOTers, they are almost as bad, but only bad enough to receive the Bronze Medal of Despicability, not Silver or Gold.


The good thing about being a guy formerly known as Reek, and traveling to a water-logged town like the one of his birth, is that there are always a multitude of new and exciting places to shower. This means, you can always prevent yourself from smelling like a barnyard animal, when trying to charm the ladies, which is super important, if you ever want to get laid ever again, in spite of the whole “no cock and balls” thing . . .

The Bridge of Kerplop

on the bridgee

Back at Theon’s birth home, Balon Greyjoy is being a dick to his daughter, as per usual. When he tires of doing that, he decides to go for a walk on the most poorly constructed bridge of all time, in the midst of what appears to be a pretty bad storm, since Greyjoys are SUPER SMART! It is there that his own brother unceremoniously tosses the old dude off the bridge into the watery depths, because, much like most of the characters on this show, Balon’s brother is a terrible person.

Then again, maybe he just wanted to prove the long-held rumor that really, really, ridiculously old men could fly?

You Know Nothing About Vampires and Zombies, Jon Snow!

rise wolf

Speaking of really, really ridiculously old people, Melissandre has agreed to help bring Jon Snow back from the dead. In about two seconds of screentime, we know exactly why! Apparently, in this world, “awaking the dead” involves flirtatiously wetting all their erogenous zones with a washcloth, and cutting their hair. Sounds like a blast to me!

wash and waaiting

Though, in all honesty, I can’t imagine how actor Kit Harrington managed to keep a straight “dead” face through it all. I mean, seriously could you imagine how many takes it would muster to complete that scene, if poor Kit were the least bit ticklish to the touch . . . or worse, if he got a Corpse Boner? Rigor Mortis anyone?

she can do it

Anywhoo, when Melissandre is finished haphazardly bathing Dead Jon, and he still seems dead as a doornail (though cleaner and with a way better haircut than he’s had in four seasons) she dejectedly goes back to her room to take off her necklace and re-Golden Girl herself. Tormund, Davos and Edd stick around a bit longer, but, eventually they too give up hope that Dead Jon will come back to life as an evil zombie, who will murder them all in their sleep. So, they head to bed as well.

But then, Ghost, who has been rudely napping throughout this entire, vaguely pornographic, resurrection, abruptly awakens and stares at his human alter ego, Jon Snow. Could this mean that . . .?

Yep, it can! Seconds later, JON SNOW IS ALIVE and gasping for air. The only problem is that he’s super super pale. Do you think they have tanning beds over at Castle Black?


“I don’t know about you, but I could really go for some White Castle burgers right about now.”

Until next time, Westeros!

[Shameless self promotion alert: Do you like stories with snark? Romance? Friendship? Awkward sexual encounters? Vengeance? Drag queens? Puppies with two wheels for back legs? If so, please feel free to check out my new novel, Snarky Goes to Hollywood. It’s only a $1 on Kindle, Folks … the same amount of money you occasionally give homeless people on the street, when you can no longer avoid making eye contact with them .]

Cross posted at Happy Nice Time People.com.









Filed under Game of Thrones, Uncategorized