Tag Archives: Katerina

A Poison Kind of Love – Ten Deliciously Naughty Moments, Starring The Vampire Diaries’ Katherine Petrova

Source: Petrova GIFS, original home of ALL the lovely screencaps you see here, unless otherwise noted. 

If you’ve read this blog before, you probably know that I have an almost unhealthy obsession withThe CW’s The Vampire Diaries.  And that obsession leads me to dedicate an awful lot of computer space to analyzing the richly complex, and ever evolving, characters on that show.

“Good lord!  That’s a lot of Shirtless Damon pictures!”

For the most part, I’d like to think that I have a pretty good handle on most of the main characters of the show, in terms of their various motivations, fears, and insecurities . . . what makes them tick . . . and what turns them on . . .

This turns ME on . . .

So does this . . . 

However, there is one character that has always been a bit of an enigma to me.  Vampire Katherine Pearce, a.k.a. Katerina Petrova, a.k.a the Petrova Doppelganger #2, a.k.a. The Kat, a.k.a “You’re not Elena,” is a walking contradiction, in skinny jeans and stiletto heels . . .


She is charming, yet coldly calculating . . .

 . . . ladylike, yet monstrous . . .

 . . . loves others fiercely,  yet is incredibly selfish . . .

 . . . desires constant companionship, yet trusts no one . . .

. . . seems vulnerable, but is remarkably strong . . .

 . . . comes off as vapid and shallow, but is actually incredibly logical and intelligent . . .

 . . . is willing to help Elena defeat her enemies, but also might want her dead . . .

 . . . claims to adore both Salvatore Brothers, yet takes great pleasure in causing them pain.

For these reasons (and because my friends, Serendipity, natalie robertson, and Brittany-Marie suggested it), I have decided to dedicate this post to Vampire Katherine, in hopes of coming a bit closer to understanding this enigmatic character.  What follows are my Top Ten Favorite Vampire Katherine Moments from the first two Seasons of The Vampire Diairies.  After sharing each scene with you, I will take a few moments to tell you why that particular scene made the list, and analyze what I THINK that scene says about Katherine, as a character.  Sound good?


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I love you too, Katherine.  Now, let’s get started . . .

(By the way, regarding the videos, though I have provided links to all of them for you to enjoy, unfortunately, the CW won’t let me directly embed them in this post.  Those BASTARDS!  But if you want to watch them, all you have to do, is double click on the internal link that comes up in the center of the YouTube screen, after you press “Play.”  Now, that’s not so bad, is it?)

10. Katherine (posing as Elena) tosses Stefan in the bushes.

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Episode: “Know Thy Enemy” – 2.17

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “Nice dress.  Mind if I borrow it?”

KATHERINE: (to Damon, on the phone) “You’ve got some serious explaining to do to the [Anti-Vampire] Council about John being not-so-dead.”

KATHERINE: “Where the hell is she [Elena]?”

KATHERINE: “Sorry Stef, but I can’t have you following me.”

Why it Made the List:

OK.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love my Steffy.  But as a staunch Delena fan, I would be lying if I said I didn’t get a teensy thrill watching “Elena” call Damon on the phone, and then proceed to toss Stefan in the bushes.

By now, we’ve experienced a few moments in this series, in which Katherine has come face-to-face with her doppelganger, while attempting to impersonate her.  However, the jarring effect it has on me, whenever I see it on screen, still hasn’t worn off.

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This scene showcases Katherine at her naughtiest.  In under 2 minutes, we see her successfully: knock out Elena and possibly steal her clothing (though from the looks of it, Katherine is already wearing a purple dress, by the time she arrives), impersonate Elena with both brothers (though with Damon, only by phone), stab Stefan with vervain, toss him the bushes, and drive off in his car, all without messing up her hair or makeup!  Now, that’s impressive!

Though, admittedly, not quite as impressive, as pulling out two hearts at once . . . ELIJAH!

What it says about Katherine: 

At first glance, you might thing this scene actually says very little about Katherine, apart from the fact that she can, pretty much, NEVER EVER be trusted.  I mean, one minute she’s telling the Salvatore Brother’s she’s on their team, the next she’s vervaining them, and throwing them in bushes . . .

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She is also “Elena” for much of the scene.  And yet, I was able to mine quite a bit from this short fun scene.  First, it shows us a very nice contrast between Elena and Katherine.  Here is Elena speaking eloquently and humbly on her deceased mother’s behalf at a charity auction, and here is Katherine wreaking havoc on the lives of many, and enjoying it.

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Katherine’s competitive Mean Girl spirit comes out to play full force, when she gleefully, faux politely, comments on Elena’s outfit, before  strangling her, and ripping it off.  (We’ll see Katherine’s “fashion sense” come into play in another scene I have posted for you, further up on the list.)

Something tells me if Vampire Katherine went to high school with Regina George . . . she would have eaten her.

Then we see Katherine TRYING to impersonate Elena, but she doesn’t quite pull it off.  For starters, she’s wearing more eye makeup than Elena would ever wear.  She’s also a little funnier and snarkier than Elena is, with her comment on the phone to Damon about John being “not-so-much” dead.

And I actually think it is THIS comment that finally gives Katherine away to Stefan.  Not just because it’s funny (though that would have clued ME in).

Don’t worry, Elena.   I’m sure Damon will teach you how to make jokes, one day . . . among other things. 😉

But because that’s just NOT the way Elena thinks.  Elena would see a man fall down the steps (even a man she’s sort of / kind of hates like Uncle Father / John), and wonder if he’s in pain, or needs to be taken to a hospital, or something.  It doesn’t matter that she KNOWS he wears Ring of Immortality.  This would still be her first instinct, as a caring human being.  She WOULDN’T be thinking about what impact it would have on the Anti-Vampire Council, when they see him miraculously come back to life.

“Dammit!  I should have known better!” 

We also see a glimpse, even amidst all her scheming, of Katherine’s genuine affection for Stefan.  One could argue her “apology” to Stefan was just more faux polite meanness on Katherine’s part.  But I actually saw some regret there, as she drove away in her car.  After all, this WASN’T her plan, it was Isabel’s (who, under compulsion, ended up screwing her over in a BIG way, by turning her over to Klaus)

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“You made me THROW HIM IN A BUSH!  You are seriously messing with my game, b*tch!”

And had it been her plan, she might have done things a bit differently.  Plus, she called Stefan, “Stef,” which is seriously adorable . . .

9. Katherine bites (and compels) Stefan, for the first time.

Episode: “Lost Girls” – 1.06

Potent quotables:

ELENA:  “So, he [Damon] stole her from you, not the other way around?”

STEFAN: “Turns out, she wasn’t ours to steal.”

In flashback . . .

STEFAN: “I will love you forever.”

KATHERINE: “Forever is a very long time, you know.”

STEFAN: “Not long enough.”

And the next day . .  .

STEFAN: “Your face . . . it was like a demon.”

KATHERINE: “But you’re not afraid.”

STEFAN: “Get away from me.”

KATHERINE: “It doesn’t change the way you feel about me.  You will not tell anyone.  We will go on exactly as we have.”

STEFAN: (under compulsion) “Yes, we will go on.”

KATHERINE: “You have no idea of the future I have planned for us Stefan . . . you, me, and Damon.  No rules.”

Why it Made the List:

Even though Katherine and Elena are played by the same actress, Katherine’s sexual chemistry with Stefan REALLY IS much hotter  different than his chemistry with Elena.  This was a gorgeous sex scene, straight out of a Harlequin Romance Novel!

And yet, as gorgeous, and perfect as it was, there was something raw, and animalstic about Stefan’s and Katherine’s obvious need for one another, that was incredibly erotic.

I also liked how they didn’t romanticize Baby’s First Vampire Neck Bite.  As sensual as the sex scene that proceeded it was, Katherine’s vamping out, and chomping down on Stefan’s neck, was horrifying, and extremely UGLY.

Plus, you know me.  I love a good compulsion scene.  And this one was as good as they come!

What it says about Katherine:

Before I discuss what these scene says about Katherine, please allow me to take a moment to tell you what it says about Stefan.  He’s a BIG FAT LIAR!

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It’s pretty obvious from this scene that we just witnessed the FIRST time that Katherine bit / compelled Stefan.  And he told her he loved her BEFORE all that happened, not after.  Plus, if you listen to the words of Katherine’s compulsion, she DID NOT, I repeat, DID NOT, tell Stefan he was in love with her, but rather that her being a vampire wouldn’t change the way he already felt about her.

“I’m really sorry I told you that your face looked like a demon, earlier.  Please don’t let that prevent you from continuing to have sex with me.” 

We can contrast this to Damon’s compulsion of Andie the following season, in which he DID explicitly compel Andie to fall in love with him.  Not that he needed to do so.  I mean, this IS Damon we are talking about here.

OK.  Back to Katherine.  Once again, I really think we are seeing the Big Bad Kat exhibit some raw and real affection for the younger Salvatore Brother here.  When Stefan first tells Katherine he loves her, she looks surprised and a bit taken aback.

There’s a part of her that seems to WONDER whether Stefan would still love her, if he knew WHAT she was.  But then he starts kissing her neck, and she gets so caught up in the throes of passion, that she loses all rational thought.  The camera focuses on her face, so we can see that happen to her.  And there’s nothing cold or calculating about it.

In fact, I THINK it’s her passion, as opposed to any rational decision on Katherine’s part, that causes her to vamp out and bite Stefan, in the first place.  We’ve seen Stefan react similiarly the first time things got hot and heavy between him and Elena.

And when the morning comes, Katherine DOESN’T compel Stefan right away, though she could.  She wants to assess his true feelings for her, first.  Her line, “But you’re not afraid,” is clearly NOT one of compulsion, since Stefan is obviously still VERY MUCH afraid of her, after she says it.

And it’s not until she KNOWS for sure, that Stefan WON’T be able to love her as she is naturally, that she compels away his fear.  This is also the moment she chooses to reveal her threesome fantasy to him.

Sure, it’s selfish and a bit misguided for Katherine to believe that she could have two brothers in love with her for all eternity, and NOT have them hate one another because of it.  It’s also an oddly childish way for a 500-year old to think.  All feelings of love and passion aside, at her core, Katherine is a spoiled brat.  And she will probably always be one . . .

8. Katherine dances seductively with Stefan  / murders Slutty Girl #1 at the Masquerade Ball.

Episode: “Masquerade” – 2.07

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “Dance with me.”

STEFAN: “No.”

KATHERINE: “Fine, than tell me who I should kill.  Him?  Mmm.  She looks delicious.”

KATHERINE: (about Jenna) “Lucky girl . . . clumsy . . . how does one, stab one’s self?”

KATHERINE: (after being told Stefan won’t give her the moonstone) “I’ve got a better plan.  How about you fetch it, and I will try not to kill anyone in the meantime.”

KATHERINE: “I love your necklace. Oh, it’s twisted . . . here.  (breaks Amy’s spinal cord) Paralyzed from the waist down . . . and dead.  The moonstone, Stefan.  Tick, tock.”

Why it Made the List:

Remember when I told you, we’d get to see Katherine have a second Mean Girls moment in this post.  Well, here it is!  Poor Amy Slutty Girl #1.  She never did get the knot out of that necklace of hers . . .

And we thought Katherine was bad news, when she was just tossing people into bushes, controlling their minds, and eating their necks.  Killing random extras in front of hundreds of party guests, just reaches a whole new level of mean!  What was great about this scene was how TOTALLY unexpected it was.

Here I was enjoying the witty mean-spirited banter and sexy dancing of Stefan and Katherine, when, BAM, someone gets their spinal cord ripped out.  I literally gasped out loud, when it happened.  I also kind of found the scene funny, in a sick, twisted way.  Does that make me a bad person?

What it says about Katherine:

Damon once told Katherine that he’s better than her at the enigmatic one-liners.  That’s probably true.  Because no one beats Damon when it comes to engimatic one-liners.

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OK . . . maybe that line was more literal, than enigmatic.  But you know what I mean.

But Katherine definitely gives Damon a run for his money in the “Isn’t murder hilarious?” quip department.  This vampire has a comeback for everything.  And, if you are speaking to her (and she hasn’t killed you yet) chances are she will lodge her zinger at you, before you’ve even formed your snarky comment.  You can just imagine how helpful having this kind of skill could be in your day-to-day life.

“Yes, I’m bad ass.  And I know it.  That’s why I wiggle my tushy when I walk.” 

Two things struck me about Katherine in this episode.  The first is how smart and oddly nerdy she is.  And I’m not just saying that, because Katherine seems to have a medical school knowledge of the paralyzing effect spinal cord-ripping has on the human body.  Unlike Damon, Katherine isn’t exactly a fly by the seat of her pants, kind of girl.  She’s a BIG planner . . . someone who painstakingly maps out her moves about 18 steps in advance.  And this almost compulsive need to manipulate and control everything and everybody in her orbit, made Katherine’s downfall at the end of the hour, all the more shocking and satisfying.

The second thing I noticed about Katherine is how MUCH fun she has being naughty.  Up until that Moonstone made her choke, Katherine was having a GREAT time during this episode.  She LOVED flirting and dancing with Stefan.

She LOVED compelling Matt to kill Tyler.  She loved taunting her boys inside the Lockwood mansion.  And I think, a part of her even loved being STABBED, because she knew it was hurting Elena.

In many ways, Katherine is the ultimate feminist.  She is comfortable in her skin, and confident in her sexuality.  And with one important exception (Klaus), she NEVER allows men to control her.  Unlike Damon and Stefan, who have both shown a certain tendency toward self-loathing, Katherine is someone who LOVES herself  and her eternal existence unconditionally, evil warts and all.

7. Katherine gets drunk on tequila and rocks out in Alaric’s apartment.

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Episode – “Klaus” – 2.19

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: (to AlarKlaus)  “Wanna drink?  Come on!  It might loosen you up!”

Why it Made the List:

Man, this scene was fun to watch!  Up until this point, we’ve only seen Katherine be either scheming and calculating, or victimized, as she had been by Klaus, pretty much, up until this point in the episode.  So, it was fun to see our girl Kat be a little uncharacteristically goofy here . . . getting wasted, and unself-consciously dancing with a lamp!  (And she’s a pretty good dancer too!  Almost as good as . . . well . .  . you know . . .)

I also loved the part when AlarKlaus arrived home, and Katherine had to pretend to be sober, so that Klaus wouldn’t know how happy she was about Damon having secretly slipped her some vervain, so that the Original Vamp could no longer mind-control her into obedience.

“Uh oh!  Dad’s home.  Hide the booze!”

“I’m not feeling so good.  I hope I don’t puke on Alaric’s couch.”

Anyone who’s ever had to fake sober for the parental units, after a fun night of underaged drinking can relate to Katherine in this scene.  And, on top of that, she’s gotta pretend to be compelled, or he’ll TORTURE her.  That’s a lot of complicating thinking to do, after you’ve downed half a bottle of tequila and, quite possibly,  copulated with a light fixture!

What it says about Katherine:

I mentioned after the last scene that Katherine loves herself unconditionally.  But she also loves LIFE (even though, technically, she’s not alive anymore . . . at least, not in the traditional sense).  I mean, here is a girl who is TRAPPED by the same guy who she’s been running from for 500 years.  And though she’s now free from his mind control, she STILL CAN’T LEAVE!  And she STILL has to pretend to be compelled by him, and submit to his torture.

That’s enough to put ANYBODY in a bad mood.  But not Katherine!  It just makes her want to DANCE!

6. Katherine flirts  with and antagonizes BOTH brothers / tells Stefan she’s been stalking him for the past century.

Episode: “Masquerade” – 2.07

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “The three of us together.  Just like old times, the brother who loved me too much, and the one who didn’t love me enough.”

DAMON: “And the evil slut vampire, who only loved herself.”

KATHERINE: “What happened to you, Damon?  You used to be so sweet and polite.”

DAMON: “Oh that Damon died a LONG time ago!”

KATHERINE: “Good.  He was a bore.”

KATHERINE: “Does Elena enjoy having both of you worship at her altar?”

KATHERINE: “Everything I feel, Elena feels.  So, go ahead.  Or better yet, kiss me Damon.  She’ll feel that too!”

KATHERINE: “We could play charades!”

KATHERINE: (to Damon) “Have I mentioned how inconvenient your little obsession with me has been.”

DAMON: “You and me, both.”

KATHERINE: “In 1987, you were in Chicago, at a concert of all places, with that wench, Lexie.  Come on, Stefan, don’t look so surprised.  Of course, I checked in on you over the years.  You were standing in the front row dancing all night.  You were watching Bon Jovi, and I was
watching you
.”

Why it Made the List:

Man, the back and forth between Katherine and Damon was EPIC in this season!  When it comes to barbs, that really hit where it hurts, these two are actually pretty evenly matched.  (Hence the INSANELY long “Potent Quotables” section for this scene, above.)  In the season finale, Damon told Elena that, had she met him in 1864, she would have really liked him.  You have to wonder if Katherine had first met this “mean, impolite” Damon in present day, whether she would have developed stronger feelings for HIM!

Speaking of Elena, my only complaint about this scene is that Damon DIDN’T take Katherine’s advice and kiss her, so that Elena would feel it.  I just would have LOVED to see the expression on her face, when she suddenly experienced the BEST KISS OF HER LIFE, without even opening her mouth.

As a psychology minor, I also really loved the dynamics between these three individuals that was on display here.  How Damon was all bitter, and snarky, because Katherine had rejected him for Stefan.  How Stefan was all business, trying to goad Katherine into giving up information about her plans.  And how Katherine was annoyed by the lack of affect her sexuality was seeming to have on Stefan, and kept trying her hardest to get under his skin.

And of course, Katherine’s surprise take down by her supposed ally, Witch Lucy, was darn pretty amazing too! 😉

What it says about Katherine:

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“Locked alone” in a room with her two ex-lovers, with nothing to do but “talk,” Katherine gradually lets her defenses down, and begins to reveal parts of her true self, that she might not want her lust objects / nemeses to see.  Though on the surface, Katherine’s just toying with the boys, and continuing to play her game, certain vulnerabilities begin to shine through.  We see her jealousy, at the fact that Elena may very well have replaced Katherine in BOTH the brother’s hearts, as the main object of their affection.

We see Katherine’s frustration at the fact that Stefan doesn’t seem to be responding to her advances the way he used to, and continues to ask her questions that she doesn’t want to answer.

We see Katherine’s vulnerability when, unwilling to admit to Stefan that she faked her own death, because she’s been running from Klaus and Elijah for 500 years, the Petrova Doppelganger ramps her flirt quotient up to about 50, when she launches into a kind of romantic, but also oddly creepy, description of how she’s been STALKING Stefan since 1864.

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Oh, and by the way, I can’t really picture Stefan dancing to Bon Jovi.  Can you?

5. Katherine rescues Damon, and tells Elena it’s OK to “love them both.”

Episode: “As I Lay Dying” – 2.22

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE:  “Well, it’s me you should be thanking.  I mean . . . I’m the one who brought the cure.”

KATHERINE: (to Elena) “I thought you were dead.”

ELENA: “I was.”

DAMON: (to Katherine) “You got free.”

KATHERINE: “Yep . . . finally.”

DAMON: “And you still came here.”

KATHERINE: “I owed you one.”

ELENA: “Where’s Stefan?”

KATHERINE: “Are you sure you care?”

KATHERINE: “He’s paying for this.  He gave himself over to Klaus.   I wouldn’t expect him anytime soon . . . He just sacrificed everything to save his brother . . . including you.  It’s a good thing you have Damon to keep you company.  Oh, it’s OK to love them both.  I did!”

Why it Made the List:

What it says about Katherine:

For someone who claims to have always ONLY loved Stefan, Katherine REALLY went out of her way to save Damon’s life, when she just as easily could have saved herself, and left him to rot.  Sure, according to Katherine, she’s only doing this because she OWES Damon, for giving her the vervain, back when she was trapped at Klaus’.  But WE all know, that Katherine isn’t exactly a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch your back,” kind of girl.”  And Damon knows it too.

And for someone who is typically SO selfish, it was really refreshing to see Katherine acting so protective and maternal to Damon, while she was feeding him the cure.  Watching her lovingly cup Damon’s face, you can see the sort of elusive softness about her, that drove Damon WILD for so many centuries.

Katherine’s always been jealous of Elena, and the boys’ newfound affection for HER . . . an affection that she feels she has claim too.  But she also sees herself in Elena, and, I think, in her way, is trying to give her a little sage advice from an elder who’s been there.  Katherine wants Elena to admit her love for Damon, and stop holding herself out as the holier than thou human she still thinks she is.  The question that remains, of course, is whether Elena will take Katherine’s “advice” next season, and submit to her desires . . .

4. Katherine tells Stefan she came back for him.

Episode: “The Return” – 2.01

Potent quotables:

STEFAN: “You haven’t changed at all, have you?”

KATHERINE: “But you have.  You’re stronger . . . meaner . . . sexy.”

STEFAN: “Don’t flirt with me Katherine.  I’m not Damon.  I haven’t spent 145 years obsessed with you.”

KATHERINE: “Based on your choice of women, I’d say otherwise . . . though, I’ll admit, it does bother me that you’ve fallen in love with someone else.”

STEFAN: “I was never in love with you, Katherine.  You compelled me.   None of my feelings were real.”

KATHERINE: “Believe what you want, Stefan.  But I know the truth.   And, deep down, so do you.”

STEFAN: “Well the truth is that you are the same lying, selfish, manipulative b*tch that you have always been.  So, whatever it is that brought you here, let’s just get on with it and leave town.  Because, if you don’t, I will hunt you down, and I will rip your heart out.

KATHERINE: “You want to know why I’m here, Stefan.  I came back for you.”

STEFAN: “Well, the problem Katherine, is that I HATE YOU.”

KATHERINE: (stabs Stefan with a candlestick) “You hate me, huh?  That sounds like the beginning of a love story, not the end of one.”

Why it Made the List:

This was really the first time in the series that us fans were treated to the off-the-charts chemistry that Stefan and Katherine STILL have, in the present day, despite having been apart for 145-years.  Every word, look and touch, oozes sexuality, and unresolved feelings of angry sexual frustration.

Stefan is different around Katherine than he is around anyone else.  He’s meaner, tougher, and more inclined toward harsh words sexual innuendo.  A darkness emerges from him, that we otherwise never see, at least not while he’s on the wagon.  Katherine sees it.  And she knows that when he says he never loved her, he doth protest WAY too much.

If Stefan REALLY didn’t love Katherine, he wouldn’t get so hot and bothered every time he was around her.  She wouldn’t be able to bring out the worst in him (or the best, depending on how you view things .  . . I’m of course, in the latter camp.)

Katherine is different when she’s around Stefan too.  But we’ll get to that in the next section . . . 😉

What it says about Katherine:

Have you ever crushed on a guy so hard that you found that you couldn’t be yourself around him?  You might be a real big talker, but when you get around him, you clam up.  You might be soft spoken, but when you get around him you find yourself talking obnoxiously loud, for no reason, whatsoever.  You might consider yourself a strong, and self-assured woman, but come to inches from him, and suddenly you’re a giggly little girl.

Though some of it might be purposeful on her part, I think that last example describes Katherine in this scene.  For a kickass vampire who eats people like it’s her job, Katherine is surprisingly kittenish and vulnerable around Stefan.  She laughs, giggles, and twirls her hair, which is something you don’t see when she’s around Damon.

When she sees that her flirtation is not having the desired impact, she gets very upset.  Though Katherine tried to brush off Stefan’s claims that he never loved her, you could tell that it deeply affected Katherine.  She immediately got pouty, and their might have even been a little tear peaking through her heavily mascara-ed eyelid.  And then when Stefan says he hates her, she loses all her cool, stabs him, and rushes off like a petulant child.  It’s kind of cute, in a weird way . . .

The fact that Katherine ultimately ended up having lied about her true reason for returning to Mystic Falls does nothing to belittle the obvious affect Stefan’s presence has on her in this scene.

3. Katherine has Dream Tomb Sex with Stefan.

Episode: “By the Light of the Moon” – 2.11

Potent quotables:

STEFAN:  “The pleasure I get watching you suffer, is greater than any pain I will ever feel.”

KATHERINE: “It’s stuffy.  I’ve been in this dress for days.  Wanna help me get out of it?”

And later . . .

KATHERINE:  “Come on, Stefan.  Don’t be such a grump.  We’re here together.  We may as well make the best out of it.  Do you really think Damon is going to rush to get you out?  He’s got what he wants.  Elena . . . Hey . . . given what’s most certainly going on out there, I’d say you’re free to do whatever you want in here.   Nobody will EVER know .  . .”

STEFAN:  (growls) “Stay out of my head.”

KATHERINE: “Maybe I can do eternity in here, after all!”

Why it Made the List:

Aside from this scene being a TOTAL tease, because the CW trailer made it look like these two were going to have real, honest-to-goodness FULL ON SEX, it was still pretty awesome.  Because, remember, a vampire can affect what you SEE in a dream, but it can’t really affect how you behave in it.  There was a part of Stefan that couldn’t resist Katherine, and that part made this scene SUPER HOT!

Plus, let’s face it. It was REALLY funny, seeing Stefan shoot up from his “bed” at the end of the scene, all freaked out, and trying to hide his Very Happy Man Part. 😉

What it says about Katherine:

Honestly?  Not much.  After all, this was Stefan’s dream, and Katherine’s manipulation of it.  She had all the control, and held all the cards.  This was Katherine at her very best and most powerful.  She was embracing her sexuality, and using it as a weapon of the most dangerous kind . . . a weapon of the HEART.  It’s nothing we haven’t seen before from her, personality-wise . . .

But you know what DOES say something about Katherine?  THIS deleted scene . . .

For the record, just because the producers of TVD decided to delete this scene DOESN’T mean I will ever stop considering it canon.  And because it takes place in Katherine’s dream, and because her defenses are completely down while she is in it, we get to see Katherine at her most raw and truthful.  Stefan COULD NOT have made up those lines that Katherine said in that dream.  They came directly from her heart.

Here we see Katherine admit that not only has Katherine been STALKING Stefan over the years, she has also never stopped loving him, much as Damon never stopped loving her.  I mentioned in my preview of this post that Katherine loves fiercely, and we can see it here.  Through all the stakings, stranglings, tricks and tomb-trappings . . . despite all the evidence that Stefan’s heart may very well belong to another, Katherine still harbors hope in her heart that Stefan will one day return her love again.

She claims she’s willing to change to get that love back.  And she’s willing to wait for it FOREVER.  And as we know, according to Katherine, forever is a VERY LONG TIME . . .

2.  Katherine has almost-sex with Damon, before breaking his heart . . . AGAIN.

Episode: “The Return” – 2.01

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “What, no goodbye kiss?”

DAMON: “Why don’t I kill you instead?  What are you doing here?”

KATHERINE: “Nostalgia, curiosity, etc.”

DAMON: “I’m better at the enigmatic one-liners Katherine, what are you up to?”

KATHERINE: “Trust me, Damon.  When I’m up to something, you’ll know it.  Come on . . . kiss me, or kill  me . . . We both know that you are only
capable of one . . . (after pushing him to the floor, and straddling him) . . . My sweet, innocent, Damon.”

DAMON: “Wait  . . . brief pause . . . I have a question.  Answer it and it’s back to fireworks, and rockets red glare.  Answer it right . . . I’ll forget the last 145 years I’ve spent missing you.  I’ll forget how much I loved you.  I’ll forget everything, and we can start all over.  This can be our defining moment . . . We have time.  That’s the beauty of eternity.  I just need the truth.  Just once.

KATHERINE: “Just stop . . . I already know your question, and it’s answer.  The truth is, I’ve never loved you.  It was always Stefan.”

Why it Made the List:

As the hardcore Damon (and Delena) lover that I am, I should really HATE this scene.  I should hate Katherine for doing this to Damon, knowing, full well, how much it hurts him, what it causes him to do (the Jeremy Neck Snap Incident), and the impact that it has on his relationship with Elena for the ENTIRE first third of the second season.

But still, I can’t help but LOVE this scene.  For one thing, it’s one of the sexiest sex scenes we have on TVD.  It’s hard, angry and edgy . . . which, is just how I like my sex scenes.  (I’m not quite sure what that says about ME!)

And, of course, the acting on both Nina’s and Ian’s part was absolutely flawless here.

In the deleted scene we saw Katherine say that she would be willing to wait forever for Stefan to love her again.  Here, we see that Damon is just as patient, and just as hopeless of a romantic as Katherine is.  (A much more JADED soul than I would say he’s just as pathetic.)  We know the havoc Katherine has wreaked on Damon’s heart for the last 145 years.  And we recall the grudge he held against Stefan for wrongs HE committed that long ago.  So, it’s surprising, and a bit heartening, to see Damon, desperately beg Katherine to, just once, say that she loved him, even if it’s a lie, so that he can go right back to loving her again, like nothing ever happened.

I was also surprised to see Damon STOP SEX to ask Katherine about her feelings for him, knowing that doing so would inevitably spoil the mood.  This is undoubtedly a different Damon than the one we saw boning nameless sorority chicks, compelling Caroline to be his meal / love slave, and breaking Vicki’s neck on a whim.  This Damon is a lovesick puppy dog.  And, suddenly, it’s 1864 all over again . . .

When Katherine breaks Damon’s heart yet again, by telling him that she never loved him, our heart breaks too, in a very big way.  Never before has Damon Salvatore been so vulnerable, and so sympathetic.  So, it’s a real shame  that he had to go and break Jeremy neck after that, thereby destroying all that good will he had engendered in us, as fans.  (Don’t worry, Damon.  I still love you, you Big Ole Psychopath!)

What it says about Katherine:

I’ve actually given this one a lot of thought.  And I’m still not 100% sure I’ve come to a definite conclusion.  I kept wondering WHY Katherine couldn’t just tell Damon she loved him.  After all, that was always her big plan, wasn’t it?  To keep Damon and Stefan by her side, forever.  By telling Damon that she loved him, she would, at least, be guaranteed ONE of the two.

And it’s not as though Katherine DOESN’T love Damon.  She DOES, though probably not as much as she loves Stefan.  We’ve seen it in her decision to turn him, back in 1864, and her decision to rescue him, in present day.  And we KNOW she loves HAVING SEX with him.

So, why not just tell Damon what he wants to hear?

Has Kat somehow developed a morality bone we don’t know about?  Does she feel GUILTY about sleeping with Damon, and letting him think she loves him THE MOST, when she loves Stefan more?  (I mean, he was just going to ask, if she EVER loved him, not if she ONLY loves him.  So, what’s the big deal?)  Was Katherine, perhaps, so overwhelmed by Damon’s outpouring of emotion that she couldn’t, in good conscience, sleep with him, knowing how much more it would mean to him than her?  Did she do it, to somehow garner Stefan’s affections?

Or was there a darker reason for Katherine’s actions?  Did she somehow know that doing this would send Damon over the edge, and take a measure of sick pleasure in causing him pain?  I’m inclined to think one of the former, less evil, explanations is more likely.  But I’m not sure.  What do YOU think?

1. Katherine (posing as Elena) kisses Damon, chops off Uncle/Father John’s fingers, and (seemingly) kills him.

Episode: “Founder’s Day” – 1.22

Potent quotables:

FAUXLENA: “What are you doing here?”

DAMON: “A failed and feeble attempt at doing the right thing.

DAMON: “You know, I came to this town, wanting to destroy it, and tonight, I found myself wanting to protect it.  How does that happen?  I’m not a hero, Elena.  I don’t do good.  It’s not in me.

FAUXLENA: “Maybe it is.”

DAMON: “No, that’s reserved for my brother . . . and you . . . and Bonnie.  Even though she has every reason to hate me, she still helped Stefan to
save me.

FAUXLENA: “Why do you sound so surprised?”

DAMON: “Because she did it for you, which means that somewhere along the way, you decided that I was worth saving.  And I wanted to thank you for that.”

And later . . .

UNCLE / FATHER JOHN: (after his fingers are cut off) “Katherine?”

KATHERINE: “Hello John . . . Goodbye, John.”

Why it Made the List:

Oh my lord, was this the most SHOCKING TWIST EVER, on a television show.  Here, us Delena fans were waiting for an ENTIRE season for Damon and Elena to kiss.  So, this scene comes, near the end of the finale.  And we get this brilliant heartfelt speech by Damon (so, heartfelt, in fact, that this made my Top Ten Delena Moments of Season 1 list, despite the fact that ELENA WASN’T EVEN IN THE SCENE.)

Then it ACTUALLY HAPPENS!  THEY KISS!  And it starts off tentative, with a chaste kiss on the cheek.  But then, suddenly, “Elena” gives in to her desires, and it isn’t so tenative, anymore.  It’s AWESOME and REAL.  Except . . . it isn’t  . . . not really, anyway.

Source

Because, suddenly, “Elena” is vamping out at the kitchen counter, chopping off UNCLE / FATHER JOHN’S FINGERS, and trying to KILL HIM!  I mean, HOLY CRAP!

 

And as disappointed as I was, that I was going to have to wait an ENTIRE EXTRA SEASON for Damon and Elena to ACTUALLY kiss ( it didn’t happen until the Season 2 finale), the final moments of “Founder’s Day” were still an exhilarating wild ride. And I loved every second of it . . . (Well . . . except for the part where Useless Aunt Jenna cock blocked Fauxlena and Damon. That SUCKED!

If looks could kill, Useless Aunt Jenna, you would have died an
ENTIRE season earlier than you actually did, from the collective glares of
Delena fans, during this very moment.

What it says about Katherine:

What’s interesting about this scene is that, the first time you watch it, you assume it’s Elena.  And you are so caught up in the drama of her heart-to-heart with Damon, and her subsequent one with Uncle / Father John, that you don’t notice how ODD she is acting.  Watching the scene a second time, really allows you to capture the brilliance of the show’s writing, of Nina Dobrev’s acting, and, most importantly (for our purposes anyway), of VAMPIRE KATHERINE.

Katherine’s been out of the loop for a VERY LONG TIME.  And when she arrives on Elena Gilbert’s porch, after having stolen her clothing and personal belongings  (She didn’t think to straighten her hair, though.  A surefire sign of Katherine, if there ever was one.), she has very little idea of what she’s getting herself into.

Suddenly, there’s Damon on the porch, “sweet innocent, Damon” as she once called him.  He’s babbling on about not being a hero, and not being a good person, but wanting to save the town, anyway.  And Katherine’s clearly confused by how much THIS Damon has changed.  After all, we know she’s checked in on Stefan over the years.  But we can’t be too sure, whether she has done the same with Damon.  It’s very possible that she hasn’t.  She’s also noticing that Damon seems EXTREMELY enamored with her . . . only she’s NOT herself, she’s Elena.  And that confuses Katherine too.

So, while Elena, at least at this point in the series, would probably be talking Damon’s EAR off about how he IS good person, and he CAN be a better man, if he just tries, etc. etc., Katherine’s suspiciously quiet.  She responds vaguely and generally to Damon’s inquiries, so as not to give herself away.  And when he kisses her, she’s undoubtedly, surprised, but decides to go with it anyway, because she’s Katherine.

After Useless Aunt Jenna breaks up the fun, and invites the vampire into her home, Katherine’s evasive tactics work once again, when she simply tells her doppelganger’s guardian that she “doesn’t want to talk” about The Kiss.  But when Kat talks to Uncle / Father John, that’s when things get REALLY interesting.  Because Katherine HAS a history with John.  She KNOWS the story he’s telling, even though Elena doesn’t.  So, she’s biding her time, waiting for a moment to strike.  And she picks a great one, right when Uncle / Father John’s defenses are at their weakest, because he believes his biological daughter is finally giving him the time of day.

And it all just goes to show you that those who dare to underestimate Vampire Katherine do so at their peril.  Take note, Salvatores and Originals.  Because something tells me The Kat will return in Season 3, and she will do so with a VENGEANCE!

Well, that’s all I’ve got on Vampire Katherine.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Special thanks again to the Petrova-Gifs Tumblr, for the excellent gifs.  And see you on Thursday, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

 

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Filed under Nina Dobrev, The Vampire Diaries, Top Ten Lists

The Doppelicious Duo and a (barely there) Naked Damon – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Katerina”

ELENA:  Oh Stefan . . . It was awful!  I was busy trying to get information from Katherine about all this Doppelganger Stuff, when . . . all of the sudden . . . Damon . . . he . . . he . . .he . . . F$%KED ROSE!  *cries uncontrollably*

STEFAN:  Wait .  . . who’s Rose, again?

ELENA:  I know!  Right?

This week, on The Vampire Diaries, we made some new “friends” (most of whom were dead by the end of the episode), learned about Katherine’s origins as well as Klaus’s Evil Master Plan, and we saw some NAKED DAMON . . .

“Well, hello there, ladies!  My name is Naked Damon.  I’m a lot like regular Damon, except I’m . . . you know . . . naked and stuff.”

 . . . or at least we would have if SOMEONE wasn’t rubbing up on him, and REPEATEDLY BLOCKING OUR VIEW!

Ummm . . . Rosie . . . can I call you, Rosie?   I know you are new here.  And, perhaps, you don’t really know how these things work.  So, let me let you in on a little secret . . .cock blocking Team Delena the camera from Naked Damon, is not exactly going to endear you to fans, if you catch my drift.

So, without further adieu, let’s step WAY back in time, and review what we’ve learned.  Shall we?

It’s 1490 in Bulgaria.  Do you know where your Kat is?

The episode opens with a very human Kat giving birth to a baby (Thereby, setting into motion the chain of events that would result in Elena’s birth — roughly 500 years later – and, by extension, making possible the existence of a  television series we lovingly refer to as The Vampire Diaries).

“You’re welcome!”

Had Katherine’s parents known then, what wonderful things would ultimately result from the birth of their grandchild, they might have been a bit kinder to its mother.  Unfortunately, there was no CW in Bulgaria, back in 1490.  Therefore, all Katherine’s parents could see was their Big Slut Daughter, who got herself knocked up, without first managing to obtain the Wedding Ring that would make such a condition acceptable.  So, the PARENTS FROM HELL took Katherine’s baby away, and threw their poor teenage daughter’s ass out into the cold.  (Wow.  I can’t believe I just used the word “poor” to describe THIS GIRL . . .)

Weird . . .

Back in the Present Day . . .

Elena rings the doorbell at La Casa de Rich and Awesome.  Answering the door is Damon, who is, presumably, seeing Elena for the first time, since he made his HEARTFELT, BUT COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN, CONFESSION OF LOVE to her, last week . . .

Kickass picspam brought to you by The Vampire Diaries Tumblr.

Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy this moment while it lasts.  Because this will be the ONLY TIME DAMON AND ELENA INTERACT THE ENTIRE EPISODE!

After exchanging some smouldering looks with Damon, Elena quickly enters La Casa.  And, so, the weekly Pow Wow of Sexiness and Plot Explanation ensues, starring Elena, Damon, Stefan, and Evil Man Stealer! Newbie Rose.

It goes a little something like this . . .

STEFAN:  Some Big Bad Vampire named Klaus is the villain trying to kill you this week, Elena.

DAMON:  But he’s probably not real, anyway.

ROSE: Yes, he is.

DAMON:  No, he’s not.

ROSE: Yes, he is.

DAMON:  Remember last week, when I told you I loved you, Elena?  Please remember because EVERYBODY wants you to remember REALLY BADLY.

ELENA:  I do remember.  And I love you too, Honey Bun!

ELENA:  I’m bored.  Off to class!  Toodles!

“OK, is it just me, or was that TOTALLY unhelpful?”

Little do Stefan and Damon know . . .

 . . . that Elena has plans of her own, ones that don’t involve freaking out about some Big Scary Boogeyman Vampire with a Dorky Name.  Elena wants to talk to Katherine, and get the real scoop on why all those Old Fogey Vampires want her dead.  So, she enlists Caroline to help her get into the tomb. 

Honestly, you would think that Caroline would put up more of a fight over this.  Especially considering that, just two episodes ago, she and the Scooby Gang spent AN ENTIRE NIGHT trying to get Katherine into the tomb, so the Evil Vamp wouldn’t KILL ALL THEIR FRIENDS.  But no.  Caroline seems more concerned about whether Papa Stefan will yell at her and, possibly, ground her, if he finds out she deliberately disobeyed him.

“Dark Stefan is NO JOKE, Elena!  You should see what he does to those cute little defenseless bunnies . . .”

Remember back in Season 1, when the gang spent an entire episode opening the tomb, and the sheer effort of it, KILLED Poor Grandma Bennett?

“Yeah . . . that SUCKED!”

Well, Damon must have used a MUCH cheaper lock.  Because, to open the tomb this time, our girl Caroline simply has to  lift up the door of the tomb, and move it out of the way.  And yet, despite how INSANELY easy the tomb is to open, we are told that Katherine is completely incapable of leaving it, because she is agoraphobic some witchiness around the tomb keeps all vampires who enter inside it until the plot deems it convenient for them to be let out FOREVER.

Moments, after the tomb is opened, Katherine hobbles toward its exit.

We know immediately that “Tomb Life” hasn’t been easy on Katherine, because (1) the foundation she’s wearing on her face is about two shades lighter than the rest of her body (A Common Beginner’s Makeup Application Mistake, by the way); (2) her non-waterproof mascara has run, giving her raccoon eyes; and (3) she now talks all weird and whispery, like a little kid impersonating a very old lady.

Fortunately for Katherine, Elena has come bearing gifts.  She’s brought over that Big Ole Book containing Katherine’s family history, as well as some blood in an empty Poland Spring bottle, along with one of those little sippy cups that Mom’s use to give their babies cough medicine.

As it turns out, Elena wants to play a “little game” with Katherine.  Knowing the Old Vamp has not eaten in two episodes, and is starting to look slightly blood-orexic, Elena decides to give Katherine a sippy cup full of blood, for every Klaus-related fact the bloodsucker shares.  Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, right?

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Mystic Falls . . .

. . . high school has just let out for the day.  And so, Jeremy decides to commence Shameless Flirting with Bonnie Part 3.  He sees an opening, when Little Miss Klutz conveniently drops all her books on the floor.

“My Dear Maiden, it looks like you have dropped your school books.  This sounds like a job for .  . . MINI GILBERT!”

Of course, rather than offer to take the darn things off Bonnie’s hands, and carry them for her, Jeremy simply retrieves the books, and shoves them back into the witch’s wimpy arms.  (Future Boyfriend FAIL!)  Jeremy then invites Bonnie to play pool with him at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls.  This is when Bonnie really turns on the charm.  “Ewww Gross!  You’re my best friend’s brother!”  She tells him, more or less.

“Ooh, I love it when they treat me like crap.  Hit me, baby.  One more time!”

However, recognizing that the rest of the cast obviously has other plans, Bonnie ultimately decides to reconsider Jeremy’s offer.  So what if she’s bad at pool?  Jeremy is more than willing to help Bonnie learn her way around balls and a stick!  Speaking of “learning to drive stick,” remember this?

*Sigh*

Anyway, Jeremy’s chances of getting Bonnie in the sack seem to be REALLY looking up . . . that is, until the NEW GUY comes along.

Ahhh . . . another new character has found their way to Mystic Falls.  You know what I like to do with new characters on this show?  Find compromising pictures of them as child stars, from the early 90’s, and post them on the internet . . .

Well, hello there.  Little Richie from Family Matters!  My, have you grown!

So, New Guy Luka wants to find the school’s main office.  He introduces himself to Jeremy, who politely shakes his hand, and Bonnie, who’s so obviously hot for the guy, she nearly detaches her jaw, and swallows him whole.

“Hi Luka, my name is BoneMe . . . er . . . um . . . I mean Bonnie.”

Eager to size up his competition (and probably more even eager to separate the New Guy from the Carniverous Bonnie), Jeremy “gallantly” offers to personally direct Luka to the school’s main office.  However, before doing so, he instructs Bonnie to meet him over at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls a little later.

So, Bonnie heads to the Only Bar / Social Estabishment at Mystic Falls to wait for Jeremy.  And, who should she meet there, but . . .

George Clooney?

Just kidding, it’s Luka and his dad, Jonas .  . .

Not that Jonas . . .

That’s the ONE!

Unfortunately, Papa Jonas TOTALLY pisses on his son’s game, by making some uncomfortable references to the Bennett Family’s Salem Witchy Roots. 

“OMG!  My dad is SUCH an Urkel!”

When Jeremy FINALLY arrives to retrieve Bonnie for their “date,” the Little Witch actually seems relieved to be free of Jonas and his hot son.  However, just moments later, while Jeremy is generously tutoring Bonnie in the art of fondling sticks handling a pool cue . . .

Luka butts in AGAIN.  As it turns out,  the New Guy very much wants to f*ck Bonnie, play against the winner of Bonnie’s and Jeremy’s friendly pool game.

“You know what they say . . . once you go 8-ball, you NEVER GO BACK!”

Now, unless Bonnie is the Best Pool Hustler in the World, I’m assuming she didn’t win her game against Jeremy.  So, it kind of surprised me to see a normally possessive Jeremy playing with his balls alone (um . . . I was referring to pool balls, of course), while Bonnie cuddled inside a booth with Luka, who’s father had presumably left the bar, sometime during the commercial break.

Eventually, a pissed off Jeremy leaves the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, without Bonnie, and without his balls . . .

But Bonnie doesn’t really seem to notice . . .

Luka rightly apologizes to Bonnie for how TOTALLY creepy his dad acted earlier.  You see, Luka’s dad took one look at Bonnie, and knew immediately that she was a witch.  (And she didn’t even have to give him a Massive Headache, like she usually does!  Go figure!)  Inexplicably, this supposedly made “Jonas” worry that Bonnie would “out” Luka and his dad for their magical powers. 

What magical powers, you ask?  Well, this week, we learned that Luka can . . . play with table salt?

Ummm . . . I hate to break it to you Luka, but that’s pretty much the LAMEST SUPER POWER EVER!  I mean, how exactly do you plan on defeating your enemies?  By giving them High Blood Pressure?  When Bonnie asks whether Luka is a witch, Mr. Persnickety corrects her, by saying he’s a “warlock.”

Was I the only one hoping he would say “wizard?”

What can I say?  I have a thing for guys with really big wands . . .

Katherine’s Story

Back at the tomb, Katherine is still telling her life story, in exchange for little sippy cup-sized sips of blood.  Already, she is looking healthier than she was when the episode began . . . or, at least as “healthy” as a 500-year old corpse can look.  Apparently, after being banished from Bulgaria, Katherine traveled to England and hooked up with Klaus.  (“Hooked up?”  Oooh, does this mean Klaus could be HOT?  *crosses fingers*) 

I should probably mention here, that, although he was mentioned throughout this episode, we never actually got to see Klaus.  And, until we do actually get to see him, this is how I, personally, will be picturing the Big Bad Vamp in my head . . .

Hey!  It could happen!

Despite the fact that Klaus looks suspiciously similar to Vampire Eric Northman, Katherine ultimately decided to dump him.  Don’t get her wrong, it’s not like he wasn’t a good lay or anything . . .

It’s just that he kept trying to use her as an ingredient in his recipe for Moonstone Curse Breaking Stew!  (So, NOT A TURN ON!)  Speaking of that stew, Klaus would now like to include Elena in it, which is why he is currently on the hunt for her. 

Now, just in case your interested in whipping up a batch of the delicious concoction for yourself, here are the ingredients you need to make Moonstone Curse Breaking Stew:

(1) one human Petrova Doppelganger . . .

(2) one werewolf . . .

(3) one vampire . . .

(4) one witch to recite the appropriate spell . . .

(5) and, of course, the Moonstone, itself . . .

How very convenient that the “ingredients list” for Moonstone Curse Breaking stew seems to comprise most of the supporting cast of The Vampire Diaries!

Suddenly, Katherine’s bizarro Season 2 actions make TOTAL sense!  She’s been on a Scavenger Hunt for the Moonstone Breaking Curse ingredients!  But . . . wait a minute . . .  why would Katherine want to help Klaus, if he’s been trying to kill her all these years?  As it turns out, it’s the same reason Rose and Trevor wanted to help Klaus (and his Evil Minion, Elijah) . . . freedom from persecution.

But, perhaps, I’m getting ahead of myself . . .

Back in 1490 England, an on-the-run, a still-human Katherine caught the eye of a familar face . . .

You guys remember Trevor, right?  That Hot Mental Midget who kidnapped Elena, and literally “lost his head,” as a result?  Well, apparently, that dude used to be in love with Katherine.  (Because, as we all know, it is in Nina Dobrev’s contract that every male character on this show, MUST fall in love with one of her two characters, at least once each season).

“What can I say?  My milkshake brings all the vamps to the yard .  . .”

So, Trevor sends Katherine to his vampire buddy Rose’s cottage, assuming that she will be safe from Klaus there.  But Rose isn’t having it.  She wants to take Katherine back to Klaus ASAP.  So Katherine wounds herself fatally, while Rose isn’t looking.  “I’d rather die, than go back to Klaus,” Katherine explains.

“OK . . . now I am deeply hurt.”

Knowing full well that Klaus’ recipe requires the sacrifice of a LIVE Petrova, not a dead one, Rose refuses to let Katherine die.  So, she cuts open her wrist, and shoves her vampiric blood down Katherine’s throat to heal her.  However, since Rose is nowhere NEAR as smart, as I thought she was last week, she walks away AGAIN.  This gives Katherine just enough time to hang herself.

When Katherine reawakens from death (due to having Rose’s blood in her system) she promptly drinks the blood of Rose’s human housemaid.  And POOF, an EVIL VAMPIRE BIATCH is born!

“What’s new, Pussy Kat?”

You see, as I mentioned earlier, the Moonstone Curse Breaking stew requires a live human Petrova doppelganger, since an original Petrova’s sacrifice was what sealed the curse in the first place.  (The Petrova doppelgangers themselves were “created” as part of the original curse, to continually give vampires, and werewolves (?) the opportunity to try and break the curse)  Since Katherine is no longer “living” or “human,” she no longer fits the requirements of the recipe.

Upon returning to Rose’s cottage and learning what happened, a poor lovesick Trevor is kind of hurt that Katherine would rather Go Vamp, than spend a life time as his human pet.  He also recognizes that, thanks to Katherine’s transformation under their watch, he and Rose will now have targets on their backs for the rest of eternity. 

“Oops, did I do that?”

Better you die, than I,” scoffs the uber selfish Katherine, before dashing out of the cottage at new, Super Vamp speed.

In fact, she “runs” all the way back to her birth home in Bulgaria.  When we see her next, it is 1492.  Columbus has sailed the ocean blue, and Katherine has sailed right into THIS . . .

Hey, I have something just like this hanging on MY WALL at home!

That’s right, boys and girls.  Klaus murdered Katherine’s entire family (but obviously, not her baby . . . or else we all wouldn’t be here).  When Katherine assumed she could disobey Klaus, go vamp, and get off scot free, she was WRONG.  You see, Katherine had seriously underestimated Klaus’ penchant for REVENGE. 

We see the seemingly stone-hearted Katherine break down in tears, as she mourns the death of her parents.  I mean, sure, they were A**holes, who took away her kid and kicked her out of the house, when she was still a teenager.  But they were her a**holes.  And for the first time ALL season, I found myself feeling just a smidgeon sorry for Katherine.

I KNOW!  Crazy, right?

“You have a friend?”

While Elena is chilling with Doppelicious, Caroline is busy trying to keep Stefan from figuring out where Elena is, and what she’s doing.  So, Caroline decides to invite Stefan to . . . SURPRISE, SURPRISE . . . the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls.

“Oh, COME ON, Caroline!  This is the best you can do to distract me?  You couldn’t have taken me to a strip club, or something?”

Hoping to keep Stefan’s mind occupied on something other than Elena’s absence, Caroline admits to telling New Werewolf Tyler that she’s a vampire. 

To his credit, Papa Stefan keeps his cool about Caroline’s admission.  However, he can’t help but patronizingly lecture her about what a risk she was taking, by doing that.  In a very sweet moment that totally embodies the relationship these two have with eachother, Caroline wonders why Stefan seems to be always looking out for her.  Stefan admits that Caroline reminds Stefan of an old friend of his.

“You have a friend?”  Caroline snarks.

“Her name is Lexie,” Stefan replies.

Poor Dead Lexie . . . here’s hoping Caroline doesn’t suffer the same miserable fate . . .

Caroline tries to keep stalling Stefan, by admitting that she wants to help Tyler confront his First Full Moon.  However, the always-obsessive Stefan just isn’t having it.  He wants his Elena, and he wants her NOW, DAMMIT!

“Stop yammering, and give me my girlfriend, you B*TCH!”

But the increasingly loyal Caroline holds her ground, explaining to Stefan that while she does consider Stefan a friend, Elena is her friend too.  And she refuses to betray Elena.  Annoyed at not getting his way, Stefan stomps off.  But it doesn’t really matter.  Stefan has already figured out what Elena has done.  And he is PISSED!

Back in Tomb Town .  . .

Katherine has told Elena that Klaus will most certainly kill her, unless, of course, she goes vamp, like Katherine herself did, all those years ago.  To prove her point, Katherin cuts her wrist and offers it up to Elena to drink . . .

But Elena’s too wimpy to do a cool thing like that.  (I know, I know . . . I love her too . . . but you have to admit, she’s not exactly a Fly By the Seat of Her Pants, kind of Bad Girl). 

“Hey!  I can be BAD.   Just last night, I went to bed without brushing my teeth!”

Stefan arrives, just as Katherine is telling Elena that Klaus will kill everyone she loves, if she doesn’t die at his hand.

Stefan tries to tell Elena that Katherine is a Big Fat Liar, but Katherine won’t let him.  “Face it, Stefan, [Elena] is doomed.  There is nothing you can do to stop it,” she insists.

And yet, there might be SOMETHING they can do . . . It is then that Katherine reveals her hidden bargaining chip, namely, the Moonstone .  . .

Stefan, of course, is FURIOUS that Katherine has once again so thoroughly manipulated him.  “You Manipulative Psychotic B*tch!”  Stefan seethes.

“That’s my name.  Don’t wear it out!”

As it turns out, although Stefan is right about Katherine manipulating the Scooby Gang, he is wrong about her ultimate motive.  You see, contrary to what Stefan thinks, Katherine didn’t take the moonstone to bargain her way out of the tomb.  In fact,  Katherine doesn’t want out of the tomb AT ALL.  Because, the tomb is the only place where Klaus can’t get her.  “[In here] I’ll be the safest Psychotic B*tch in town,” Kat concludes.

On their way home from the tomb, Dr. Stefan, who’s ALWAYS up for the Sharing of Sappy Feelings, forces Elena to open up about what just went down.  “Don’t shut me out,” he pleads with her.

Eventually, a tearful Elena breaks down, admitting that she was wrong in thinking that it was the Salvatore brothers’ arrival in Mystic Falls that put all of Elena’s friends in danger.  “All of this is because of me,” explains Elena sadly.

“Well DUHHHH!”

As nice of a guy as he is, Stefan can’t bring himself to lie to Elena, and tell her that what she just said isn’t true.   Because it TOTALLY is!  So, he just gives her a sweet hug instead . . .

Damon takes another Road Trip . . .

While Elena is engaging in a Battle of Wits with Katherine (and losing terribly), Damon is back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome with Rose.

Of course, like EVERYBODY ELSE ON THIS SHOW, Rose, within minutes of meeting Damon, instantly recognizes his love for Elena.  “I’m not in love with anyone,” Big Fat Liar Damon replies, getting up in Rose’s face just to prove how NOT in love he really is . . .

But enough of this mushy stuff. especially since Elena is not there!  After Rose admits to Damon that she summoned Old Vamp Elijah (who they both mistakenly think is dead) through a vampire friend living in Richmond, Damon suggests a road trip to visit this friend.  Rose gently reminds Damon that, unlike him, SHE does not have an Ugly Ass Sunscreen Ring to help her brave the sun.  This will make travel kind of difficult for her.

Well GEEZ, Rose!  How have you been on Earth 500 years, and never once thought to get yourself an Ugly Ass Sunscreen Ring?  VAMPIRE FAIL!

Nevertheless, Damon and Rose somehow make it to Richmond, without Rose burning to a crisp unfortunately.  There, they find this funky little cyber cafe, that LOOKS like it is completely sun exposed, but actually isn’t.    (Don’t ask.)  There, they meet Slater, Contacter of Elijah . . .

Though Slater is a vampire, he actually more closely resembles that DONKEY THING from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe . . .

He also takes the term “Professional Student” to a whole new level, having earned as many as 18 undergraduate degrees in varying subjects, and a few post-graduate ones, during his vampire life.  To me, Slater comes off as kind of a plot device know-it-all, rattling off to Damon and Rose an explanation as to why Klaus wants to break the Moonstone Curse. 

If you recall from earlier episodes, the Moonstone Curse keeps vampires from being able to travel in sunlight, and keeps werewolves turning wolfish, every full moon.  If one species breaks the curse, his or her whole race is free of it, while the opposing race will be bound by the curse forever. 

Honestly?  I’m not quite sure why it would be SO important for Klaus to break the curse at all, especially since Old Ass Vamps like him and Elijah seem to have no trouble walking in the sun, ANYWAY.  However, I have never been one to sass my elders.  So, I will not judge Klaus.  I’m sure he has good reason for doing what he’s doing.  (That . . . and he’d probably eat me, if he found out I was dissing on his motives).

But you know who I WILL diss on?  Slater.  You know how he contacts the Big Bad Elijah?  He puts ads on CRAIGS LIST!  Umm . . . yeah . . . I can’t really think of anything that says “Cool Vampire” less than Craigs List Old Ass Vampire Wanted posts.  Then again, no one ever said Slater was a Cool Vampire.

“Coolness is overrated, anyway!”

Unfortunately, Slater doesn’t have very much time to prove his “coolness,” because Elijah’s outside “playing with his coins.”

And, for reasons, I don’t quite understand, that causes this to happen . . .

Now exposed to the sun and STILL without Ugly Ass Sunscreen Rings to protect them, Slater and Rose are suddenly in very serious risk of having their faces turn to THIS . . .

But, fortunately, SUPER DAMON is there to rescue them!

Well, at least he’s there to rescue Rose, by picking her up, wrapping her in his coat, and gallantly carrying her to safety.    (Slater, he just kind of leaves alone to rot . . . Oops.)

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Damon is drinking as per usual . . .

And Rose is talking about her feelings, also as per usual.  Somehow this leads to talk of turning off feelings, which leads to Damon and Rose having sex . . .

You see this picture?  It DIDN’T come from this episode.  You wanna now why?  Because we BARELY saw Damon shirtless in this episode, despite the fact that he . . . HAD SEX DURING IT.  You wanna know why?  Because ROSE WAS ALWAYS IN THE WAY!

You can cry all you want, Rose.  It’s not going to get you off my poopy list, any faster . . .

In a state of post coital numbness bliss, Rose and Damon talk about how, despite their assertions to the contrary, vampires can’t really turn off their feelings.  You know what that means, don’t you?

Oh, yeah!  It’s still on, Delena fans!

At the end of the episode, Slater calls Rose, and tells her to tell Damon that they need a witch to break the Moonstone Curse.  Later, we find out that Slater was compelled to say that.  That’s right, boys and girls, Old Ass Vampires Like Elijah can compel younger vampires!

(This kind of makes me wonder why Elijah didn’t use compulsion the first time, he tried to  kidnap Elena and met with vampiric opposition.  But again, I don’t sass my elders, so . . .)

Elijah then compels Poor Slater to kill himself.

And it’s weird.  Because, before he stakes himeslf, Slater KNOWS he’s being compelled to do it.  So, he repeatedly says very Meta things like.  “You’re compelling me to kill myself now.  I don’t really want to kill myself.  But I will, because you are making me.  Here I go . . . killing myself . . . almost dead . . . almost . . . yeah, I’m dead.”

Knowing you’re being compelled, but not being able to fight it . . . Now that’s gotta suck. something FIERCE!

Did I mention that Elijah is in league with Luka’s creepy dad, Jonas the Warlock?

I KNEW I didn’t like that guy for a reason!  Well, I hope you’re still cool, Little Richie from Family Matters . . .

While, there wasn’t NEARLY enough Delena in this episode for it to rank on my list of favorites, it does present some interesting plot points for the rest of the season.  And it’s going to make the upcoming TVD hiatus seem all the more interminable.  Hopefully, however, Naked Damon will help us cope, during this tough time.

[www.juliekushner.com]

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