Tag Archives: Katherine Pearce

Never Cry Werewolf – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Plan B”

Believe it or not, this is a REAL movie poster, from an ACTUAL MOVIE, starring Nina Dobrev  . . . and . . . one very non- Taylor Kinney looking werewolf, who is in SERIOUS need of dental insurance.  The internet is a strange and wonderful place . . .

Holy crap!  Let me say that again . . . HOLY CRAP!  Could this show get ANY MORE INSANE?  I mean, I don’t think I’ve gasped or OMG’ed more in a single hour since . . . well . . . since the Season 1 Finale of The Vampire Diaries!  And to think, this episode was supposed to be the “tame one,” leading up to the TOTAL BLOODBATH that will be next week’s “Masquerade!”

But, before we begin our weekly recap, I would like everyone to please take a moment of silence for Mason’s Family Jewels.

After all, our “Big Scary Werewolf” ended up being nothing more than a “Poor Little Lovesick Puppy,” didn’t he?

We’ll miss you, Mason Lockwood . . . you Little Weiner, YOU!

So Much Hot Sex, So Little Time . . .

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, TVD writers, for giving me TWO sex scenes for the price of ONE . . . and all within the first five minutes of this episode.  Talk about EFFICIENCY!

Granted, NEITHER of these sex scenes were the “Damon and Elena” sex scene I’ve been hoping and praying for, every Thursday night, for 1.25 seasons now . . .

 . . . but they were still PRETTY DARN SPICY!

The episode opens with Elena “gazing” not “staring” at Stefan, in a state of post-coital / pre-coital bliss. (Vampires . . . they’ve got STAMINA!).  Still tingly from all the hot fangy loving, Elena still can’t help but worry a bit over whether Katherine will find out their Big Ole Fight, was a Big Ole Fake. 

Meanwhile, Katherine is whispering sweet nothings into a naked Mason’s Big Dog Ears.

“Give me you’re Big Jewels!  I want to grab and squeeze Jewels!  Let me fondle your Wolfy Jewels!”

Yes, boys and girls!  Our girl Katherine has a bit of a one-track mind, it seems.  But Mason, to his credit, doesn’t fall for Katherine’s Little Vampire Games . . . at least, not entirely. 

Despite Katherine’s promises to the contrary, Mason isn’t quite certain that he and the Evil One will live “Happily Ever After,” once he turns over the Moonstone.  In fact, Mason seems a bit concerned that, once he turns over his Fancy Family Jewels, Sexy Times with Katherine will be OVER, with a capital O . . .

 . . . and that would make him one SAD PUPPY.  (Not to mention, give him a WICKED case of these . . .)

As us wily TVD fan’s know, Mason’s right to be skeptical of Katherine’s true intentions.  After all,  she was the one that orchestrated the activation of Mason’s “werewolf curse” to begin with.  You know . . . by compelling that Carrot Top-looking guy to go all Crazy Insane-o on Mason’s ass . . .

SCARY!

So, rather than turn over his Family Jewels right away, Mason decides to . . . hide them in a tight cavernous hole, where the Sun Don’t Shine . . .

Ummm . . . I meant that vervain and snake-filled WELL . . . on the Lockwood Property.  You dirty-minded creatures, you!

And the Newest Recruit to the Salvatore Detective Agency is . . .

 . . . MINI GILBERT!  YAY!

Those of you (like me) who felt it was HIGH TIME that The Littlest Gilbert stopped mourning his Dead Vampire Girlfriends / getting the stuffing beaten out of him, and joined his sister’s Scooby Gang, got their wish this week.  The very brave (or incredibly stupid, depending on how you look at it) boy had precisely NO QUALMS about dropping by La Casa de Rich and Awesome, and paying a visit to the VERY SAME PERSON who actually killed him, during the Season 2 premiere . . .

Yes, go ahead.  By all means, complain that the above picture is inaccurate, because Damon was actually wearing a shirt, during this scene . . . I DARE YOU! 🙂

Using the knowledge he learned last week, during Sexy Times with Tyler, as leverage to gain acceptance into the Salvatore Detective Agency  . . .

 . . . Jeremy shares with Damon valuable information about both the “werewolf curse” and the Lockwood Family Jewels.  But Damon, being Damon, is much more interested in Elena.

Specifically, Damon wants to know if Elena thinks he’s sexy whether Elena knows what Jeremy is currently doing here at La Casa de Rich and Awesome.  When Jeremy admits that Elena would NOT want her little brother playing with the likes of Naughty Bad Influence Damon, the Sexy Vampire snarks, “You’re a Gilbert.  You can’t help yourself . . . especially when it comes to ME.

Damon then allows Jeremy entrance into La Casa de Rich and Awesome, and, by extension the Scooby Gang.  (Just call him Scrappy Doo!)

“Mini Gilbert, reporting for duty, SIR!”

The Worst Kept Secret EVER reveals itself . . . TWICE

Over at the Lockwood Mansion, where seemingly EVERY snooty town-related event is held (What . . . no Mystic Falls Convention Center?), approximately half the TVD cast is prepping for next week’s MAJOR game-changing episode entitled “Masquerade the town’s annual Masquerade Ball.  There, Useless Aunt Jenna . . .

 . . . (who was surprisingly significantly less USELESS this week, and actually functioned as a MAJOR plot point) . . .

I know, crazy, right?

 . . . approaches Stefan about coming to the Gilbert house that evening for another rousing game of Pictionary Family Dinner.  In keeping up with his Fake Fight Story, Stefan tells Jenna, that he’d prefer not to come, because he and Elena are taking a “pause.”

PAUSE!

Useless Aunt Jenna then informs Stefan that . . . “That’s not what it sounded like last night.”

OK . . . am I the only one who would find the concept of my aunt / guardian telling my boyfriend how INSANELY LOUD he and I are when we screw, REALLY CREEPY?

“At least now I know what to buy Aunt Jenna for her birthday . . . earplugs . . . REALLY BIG earplugs.”

Oh, and while we are on the subject . . . Elena  . . .

YOU GO, GIRL!

Meanwhile, Bonnie  . . .

 . . . confronts Elena about the cold shoulder she has received from her former bud, ever since the Little Witch started being a BIG b*tch her whole “Vampire Hatred” kick . . . a habit that even extended to the Witch’s former Bestie, Caroline.

“You don’t want to talk to me anymore, Bonnie?  FINE!  But I am SO not letting you borrow my new lipstick!”

When Elena tells Bonnie that her fight with Stefan is a fake one, Bonnie admits that she had NO IDEA the two were even fighting.  *cough* bad friend *cough*  Although Bonnie is not quite ready to Re-Friend Caroline yet, she does seem amenable to making a go at things with Elena again . . . And, all I have to say, is it’s ABOUT DAMN TIME!

Vampy Mama Drama

 Speaking of Caroline, she’s been busy babysitting her vampire-despising Mommy, while the mother/daughter pair wait for the vervain to leave the latter’s system.   This way,  Mama Dearest can be brainwashed into forgetting how her vampire daughter “Did not Shoot the Sheriff, but definitely ATE the Deputy . . .”

At first, Mama Forbes wants nothing to do with her Undead Daughter.  However, as Caroline explains to her mother her new way of life, i.e. drinking blood bags, filched from hospitals, and sucking on the occasional bunny . . .

 . . . Mama Forbes begins to recognize what US fans have already known for about three episodes now . . . Namely, that Vampire Caroline is WAY COOLER, and MUCH LESS ANNOYING than human Caroline ever was!

It’s Time for Yet Another Pow Wow of Sexiness and Plot Explanation . . .

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Damon’s Bromantic Buddy, Alaric . . .

. . .  has arrived bearing a very nerdy box filled with snoozy information about werewolf lore.  Apparently, according to some lame Aztec Ritual, when it comes to Moonstones, only he (or she) who “made the curse, can break the curse.” 

 Wait . . . isn’t that kind of like, “Who smelt it, dealt it?”

 Ultimately, the Salvatore Detective Agency concludes that, if they want to get to Mason, they have to get his Family Jewels first.  This sounds like a job for . . . Tyler’s hot little lover MINI GILBERT.

When Elena and Stefan find out about Jeremy’s involvement in Damon’s grand plan, they are both majorly pissed.  Elena tells Jeremy not to trust Damon.  Stefan, for his part, gives Damon a Big Ole Bitch Slap . . .

 But these protestations are to no avail.  Scrappy Doo is already on the case!  And there’s nothing anybody can do about it!  (SO THERE!)

After talking to Tyler, Jeremy learns that the almost-wolf has already given Mason back his balls Family Jewels.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  So, the Salvatore Detective Agency decides to put in a pinch hitter, or should I say .  . .  a “witch hitter.”

Bonnie watches the porno in Mason’s Mind . . . and likes it!

When Little Witch Bonnie bumps into Mason, she is nearly bowled over by an exceedingly graphic image of the Wolf doing the horizontal mambo with, what appears to be, her best friend, Elena.

How’d YOU like to watch your best friend “do it?”

So, to show her Bestie just how “loyal” she is, Bonnie gets the brilliant (and by “brilliant” I mean “random and bizarre”) idea to rat Elena out to Stefan, who’s guts Bonnie just so happens to hate.

Fortunately, for Elena, Stefan immediately realizes that the vision Bonnie viewed in Mason’s head was NOT of Elena boinking the wolf, but of Katherine . . .

“You mean my EVIL GENIUS plan to break you two lovebirds up didn’t work?  Dammit!”

After a brief powwow, the Salvatore Detective Agency approach Bonnie and ask for her help.

Specifically, they want Bonnie to give Mason one of her trademark MASSIVE HEADACHES, in order to convince him to give up information about the Moonstone’s location.  Though initially skeptical of the plan, Bonnie ultimately agrees to help.  So, while Mason is incapacitated by a massive migraine, Salvatore Squared use the opportunity to knock him unsconscious, shove him their car, and drive him to La Casa de Rich and Awesome for an intense session of torture interrogation.

At “La Casa,” Bonnie does one of her Jedi Mind Tricks on an unconscious Mason, and finds out that he hid the Moonstone in that Aforementioned Very Special Place. 

Again, I mean . . .THE WELL!  (Will you stop it!)

Bonnie then texts that information to Stefan, who double times it there with Elena. 

After an awkward exchange, “former friends” Bonnie and Caroline decide to head to the well too, “just in case” Elena and Stefan need help . . .

“Hey, Judgy,” Damon calls after Bonnie, as she leaves the house.  “Thank you!”

(And that was the moment that all Bamon shippers simultaneously cheered the fact that Damon FINALLY has a pet name for Bonnie, which doesn’t include the word “witch” or anything that rhymes with it . . .)

All’s Well that Ends . . . Kinda Bloody and Gross

As Elena looks on nervously, Stefan lowers himself into the well.  He’s down there for all of a minute, when the vamp starts screaming like a little girl.  It turns out, Mason distrusted his “lover” Katherine, with his balls Family Jewels SO MUCH, that he filled the whole darn well with vervain!

Not a moment too soon, Bonnie and Caroline come to Elena’s rescue . . .

Quickly, the girls attach Elena to the well’s pulley system, and lower her into the well.  There she finds a VERY GORY looking Stefan, and sends him back up to land via pulley.  Now alone in the well, Elena finds a box containing Mason’s Family Jewels . . .

. . .  too bad it is covered in SNAKES!

All three girls scream like . . . well . . . like girls . .  . as they lift Elena to the surface, just seconds before she is turned into snake food.  Then, as a blood thirsty Caroline turns her head, and Bonnie looks on in horror, Elena cures Stefan’s ailments, once again, by feeding her his blood.

Farewell to Wolfy

While Stefan is busy slurping some Tasty Elena Soup, Damon and Jeremy are at La Casa playing Good Cop / Bad Cop (Bet you can’t guess, who’s who?) with a now conscious, but still chained-to-a-chair Mason.

That’s one HOT BAD Cop!

So, Damon starts poking Mason with his HUGE HARD, and VERY WARM stick, while peppering him with questions about Katherine and her true motives behind wanting the Moonstone.  Unfortunately, all that prodding only turns Mason on . . .

“Hit me Baby.  One more Time!”

 It doesn’t actually convince him to talk.  Fortunately, Scrappy Doo Jeremy has brought along wolfsbane, which is, apparently, the werewolf equivalent of vervain.  (Who said The Vampire Diaries isn’t educational?) 

So, Damon shoves the stuff down the poor dog’s throat.

“STOP!  You are ruining my DIET!  Wolfsbane is SO FATTENING!  What will become of my girlish figure?”

Ultimately, it is not the Big STICK, but the BIG PLANT that finally gets Mason to talk.  The problem is, for all his bluster, the Dude actually has VERY LITTLE to say.  He genuinely loves Katherine!  And he only wanted the Moonstone because SHE told him, it would free him of the werewolf curse. 

“Now, I get it!  You’re just STUPID!”  Damon exclaims.

DING!  DING!  DING!  That’s right, Damon!  Vanna, tell him what he’s won . .

“What can I say?  I’m a fool for love!  (I also have really nice abs . . .)”

Having finally convinced himself, that he had gotten all the information he could get out of Mason, Damon “benevolently” tells Jeremy that the little guy’s work for the Salvatore  Detective  Agency has been completed.   He can go home now

.  But Jeremy doesn’t want to go home.  He wants to stay and make sure Damon doesn’t convert “Stupid Mason” into doggie kibble.

Damon’s not too keen on insubordination amongst his employees.  And so, he gently reminds Jeremy what is expected of him . . .

“SERIOUSLY?  I can’t have ONE single episode, where I don’t get my ass kicked?  Just ONE!  That’s all I ask  . .”

“Suck it up or LEAVE!” Damon tells Jeremy, in no uncertain terms.

And . . . since Mini Gilbert has never been much of a SUCKER . . . he chooses the latter . . .

With Mini Gilbert gone, Damon turns his attention back to a now very frightened Mason.  “I look at you, and I see myself . . . only less dashing, and less intelligent,” Damon explains cordially.

Truer words were never spoken . . .

“I love her,” Mason wimpers pathetically. 

Damon’s face softens.  For a single moment, he looks at his captive, with pity and understanding.  “I’ve been where you are.  Katherine will rip your heart out.”

“Let me do it for her,” he concludes.

And then . . . Damon STABS MASON IN THE HEART, KILLING HIM, before wrapping him in a fancy Oriental Rug, like a Pig-in-a-Blanket . . . or, rather . . . a BIG FAT HOT DOG.

Who said romance was dead?

Thrilled with the rush of his kill, and high on vengeance, Damon then makes a decision he will literally regret forever.  (You see, that’s one of the downsides of immortality.  A complete inability to EVER escape from yourself.) 

After texting Tyler’s Mom from Mason’s phone, to explain Mason’s upcoming ETERNAL absence, Damon can’t resist calling up Katherine to gloat about her now-dead boyfriend.  As can be expected, Katherine does NOT take losing well . . .

“Awwww MAN!  Why didn’t I get to kill Old Yeller Mason ?  No FAIR!”

Yet, despite her OBVIOUS ire, Katherine manages to keep her cool on the phone.  “Do you honestly think I don’t have a Plan B?”  She inquires cooly.  “Send my love to Stefan,”  Katherine concludes, before hanging up the phone.

“We are SO screwed . . .”

While Damon and Stefan are fretting over Katherine’s cryptic words, Caroline is back in the dungeon, excitedly recounting for her mother, her recent adventures in “Well Rescue.”  To Caroline’s complete surprise, her mother TOTALLY shares in her excitement, fanginess and all.

“You’ve become such a strong and confident person,” says Liz Forbes, paying her daughter the first compliment the two have exchanged, since the series began.  “You don’t have to take my memories away.  Just tell them you compelled me . . . You can trust me.”

“I know I can trust you,” says Caroline tearfully.  “But you will never be able to trust them [Stefan and Damon],” she concludes.

Realizing that the vervain has now completely left her mother’s system, Caroline begins to compel her mother to forget the past few days, and believe, instead, that she has spent them home with the flu.  “And then everything went back to normal.  And I started to ignore you again,” finishes Caroline, thereby erasing ALL of the progress these two had made in their relationship throughout this ordeal.

Kind of sucks, right?

On a positive note, Caroline’s complete loyalty to Stefan and Damon show’s a good deal of growth and self-sacrifice, on her part.  Additionally, Caroline’s ability to bond with her mother, even for just a short while, demonstrates a maturity in Caroline we haven’t seen up to this point.  She’s going to be OK, that Baby Vamp!

Vampire Katherine’s Revenge

“I’ll get you my pretty, and you’re Useless Aunt Jenna TOO!”

Elena returns home to find Alaric and Useless Aunt Jenna still preparing dinner.  Elena relays her busy day to Alaric, while Jenna chats to SOMEONE on the phone.  Jenna then absentmindedly hands Elena the telephone, and walks away.

In that special sing-song voice utilized by all Super Villains when they are monologuing about their dastardly deeds, Katherine begins to explain to Elena how she KNOWS about her “fake breakup” with Stefan.  (And, honestly, who did those two think they were fooling?  They couldn’t even trick moronic Aunt Jenna into thinking they were broken up, for crying out loud!)

Speaking of Useless Aunt Jenna . . .  I’m about to feel momentarily guilty about ranking on her during all these episodes .  . .but . . .only momentarily  . .. of course.  I suspect I’ll be over it, by next week .  . . maybe earlier

You see, not only did Katherine realize what Elena was doing with Stefan, she also figured out that Elena was protecting her Aunt, by putting vervain in her perfume and her tea.  So Katherine, posing as Elena, convinced Aunt Jenna not to use all that “protection stuff,” thus making the woman her unwitting slave.

Sure enough, Elena twirls around to find Aunt Jenna stabbing herself in the chest with a carving knife.

Breakdowns and Breakups

I know this is probably an inappropriate time to bring this up, but  . . . Is it just me, or is Mini Gilbert looking ALL KINDS of hot, lately?

At the hospital, Jeremy comforts an inconsolate Elena, who feels completely responsible for what happened to Aunt Jenna.  (Auntie’s fine by the way . . . At least, for now.)  “It’s going to be OK,” Jeremy whispers in his Big Sister’s ear sweetly. 

“No . . . It’s not,” she says dejectedly.

“I don’t know how, but she is going to pay,” responds Mini Gilbert, with determination.

GO GET HER, SCRAPPY DOO!

Upon leaving the hospital, a still tearful Elena heads directly to La Casa de Rich and Awesome.  There, she finds Stefan, shaking and quietly crying by the fireplace. 

(By the way, kudos to both Nina and Paul for a remarkable job, on what was undoubtedly an extremely difficult scene.)

 

“Stefan, I’m so sorry,” whispers Elena, her face red and raw from crying.  “We were stupid sneaking around.  We did this.  Jenna is in the hospital.  Jeremy can be next.  This is because we didn’t listen to her.”

Stefan is full-on crying now.  “I know what you’re going to say,” he says softly.  “Please, don’t say it.”

“I’ve been so selfish, because I love you so much.  It’s over.  It has to be,” concludes Elena, before running from the room.

A distraught Damon stops Elena at the door. 

 Of course, Damon loves Elena.  Of course, he wants to be with her.  But, like many of us staunch Damon and Elena fans watching at home, Damon didn’t want this.   For things to end between Stefan and Elena, in this way, seems crueler somehow, than if they betrayed one another, or simply fell out of love.  Because this is the type of heartbreak you don’t move on from.  

And Damon . . . well . . . he feels partly responsible for what happened to his brother, and the woman of his dreams.

“When I rang Katherine up . . . I didn’t think that,” he fumbles, uncertain of how to continue.

“Damon, she won.  Katherine won,” replies Elena sadly, before closing the door.

Katherine’s Plan B

In a shocking final twist, we learn that Katherine needs a werewolf to make use of the Moonstone in the way she sees fit.  And so, without Mason as her pawn, Katherine is required to find another prospective werewolf to help complete her plan.  And that werewolf will be THIS GUY . . .

You guessed it . . . it’s Tyler.  But in order for Tyler to become a werewolf, he’s gotta commit murder.  And if Katherine has her way, he will kill . . . Big Ole Blue Eyes himself, Matt.

In the final moments of the episode, we see Katherine compelling a glazey eyed Matt (just as Damon compelled that now-dead Connor guy, and Katherine,  compelled that Carrot Top guy, before him) to pick a fight with Tyler, and not to back down until Tyler kills him.

First Aunt Jenna, now Matt . . . Oh my!

In most places, being clueless is a liability.   But, apparently, in Mystic Falls, it can be DEADLY . . .

[www.juliekushner.com]

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“Stronger, Meaner . . . SEXY!” – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ Season 2 Premiere “The Return”

I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch
Oh the bitch is back
Stone cold sober as a matter of fact
I can bitch, I can bitch
`Cause I’m better than you
It’s the way that I move
The things that I do

                                            –– lyrics from Elton John’s oh-so-apropos-to-this-episode song, “The Bitch is Back”

*      *       *       *

“But you’re different.  Stronger, meaner . . . SEXY!”

These iconic words were uttered by Katherine at around the halfway point of The Vampire Diaries Season Premiere episode, “The Return.”  And, while they were certainly accurate, regarding the person to whom they refer [Stefan], if this episode is any indication, I would extend the comment to the ENTIRE Second Season of The Vampire Diaries.  After all, “The Return” was ALL of those adjectives, rolled into one deliciously bloody package.  STRONGER . . .

MEANER . . .

and most definitely SEXY!

But before I begin recapping this AMAZING episode, perhaps we should get some “academic” stuff out of the way, first.  If you are a “fangbanger” (i.e. LOVER of all things VAMPIRE) like I am, you probably already know that this genre comes with RULES.  And each vampire story — be it a television show, or a movie, or a book — tweaks those rules a little bit, to meet its needs.   Here are some examples:

Rule:  All vampires must act suspiciously Mormon . . .

Rule:  All vampires must act definitively NOT Mormon!

Understanding the vampire RULES of a particular story is important because it will help you understand the story itself.  It also might help you to predict what comes next.  And being able to predict what comes next, makes you SMART.  Kind of like THIS GUY . . .

The Vampire Diaries’ RULES were of particular importance to this episode  – perhaps, more so than any episode of the show that has aired so far.  So, without further adieu.  Here are our RULES:

1) The Ugly Ass Ring of (sort of) Immortality

For whatever reason, The Vampire Diaries has put much emphasis on this . . . the ugliest ring I have EVER SEEN!  This is the kind of ring that, if a kid found it in his cereal box, it would probably make him cry . . .

In fact, I’m convinced that the reason that people tend not to DIE when they are wearing this ring, is that they wouldn’t want to be caught DEAD IN IT!  (Sorry, Papa Gilbert!)  Ugly Ass Ring protects the wearer from death by any supernatural being, regardless of whether the death itself contained within it any sort of supernatural element.  So, for example, Ugly Ass Ring would protect you from Damon, and his penchant for breaking people’s necks . . .

. . . or HUNGRY Stefan, and his tendency toward the Accidental Draining of Humans . . .

. . . or Katherine and her love of (staking, hand chopping, pillow smothering, strangling, carotid artery devouring, etc.)

But, it would not protect you from drowning (again, sorry Papa Gilbert!) or from Useless Aunt Jenna BORING you to death . . .

(Note:  Ugly Ass Ring is not to be confused with “Sunscreen Ring,” which Damon, Stefan, Katherine, and seemingly EVERY vampire on the show wears to enable them to walk in the sun.  Clearly, there was a HUGE sale on Sunscreen Rings back at Vamp-Mart!  Ugly Ass Rings, however, are exceedingly rare.)

2) The Healing Powers of Vampire Blood

If ingested prior to, or shortly after injury, Vampire Blood can heal you, or, possibly, SAVE YOUR LIFE!

But it only lasts about 24 hours.  After that, you get hurt?  Get dead?  YOU’RE SCREWED!

3) Turning into a vampire . . .

If you’ve ingested vampire blood, and then DIE the same day — OR you ingest vampire blood at or near the time of your death — you WILL become a vampire.  Once that happens, you have THREE DAYS to feed on human blood, or you will die . . . for good, this time.

So, now that we’ve all got our RULES down, LET’S START THE SHOW!

“911.  What’s your emergency?”

Season 2 picks up literally right where Season 1 ended.  However, it replays the events from a slightly different perspective, so that fans can fill in the gaps of what actually went on here.  Again, we see Damon kiss Katherine, thinking she’s Elena . . .

. . . which is interrupted by LAME and Useless Aunt Jenna’s arrival.   She also INVITES Katherine inside!  (MORON!)  Useless Aunt Jenna then conveniently leaves to “talk to the fire chief,” or something else random like that.  Katherine explains this to Uncle / Father / Whatever John Gilbert, before CHOPPING HIS FINGERS OFF AND STAKING HIM IN THE TUMMY!

That’s ONE way to dispose of the Ugly Ass Ring . . .

Cut to Elena chatting with Stefan about how her “stuff” got stolen (by Katherine).  She wants Stefan to pick her up at the house and take her to the hospital to check on Caroline.  But when Elena enters the house she finds THIS . . .

Elena attempts to staunch John’s bleeding, while calling for an ambulance.  However, she SHOULD be calling for THIS GIRL, instead . . .

 John whispers something to Elena.  She can’t hear him, so she asks him to repeat himself.  “BEHIND YOU!”  He repeats, echoing what fans have been yelling at their television screens during the ENTIRE 911 call!

Elena then rushes up to Jeremy’s bedroom and finds him, as Season 1 left him, OD’ed on pills, passed out, and with a smidgeon of Vampire Anna’s blood in his system.  (IS HE DEAD?  HAS HE TURNED VAMP?) 

Elena screams his name a few times, and shakes him.  At first he is unresponsive.  However, after what seemed like WAY TOO LONG, he awakens, gasping loudly for air.

Cue the title card, which I am told is NEW, but looks more or less the same to me.  (I think they just added a blood drip, and took the old flower away.)

The CW Graphics Department:  Changing the way you view The Vampire Diaries . . . one missing flower at a time . . .

“You mean, I’m NOT a vampire?  Damn!”

Stefan arrives just as Uncle / Father / Whatever John is being carted off into the ambulance.  Elena rushes to Stefan telling him what SHE thinks happened — that one of the Tomb Vampires (a.k.a. Hidey Hole Vamps) followed her home, and staked Uncle / Father / Whatever for sh&ts and giggles.  Elena then takes Stefan into Jeremy’s room, where Stefan does some sort of creepy Jedi Mind Trick on him, to make sure he’s not a vampire.  (Why not just check his pulse?)  “He’s fine,” Dr. Stefan confirms.

“You mean, I’m not a vampire?  Damn!”  Jeremy pouts, reminding us just how young the character actually is. (And, in the process, making all fans over the age of 20, feel just a little dirty for lusting after him, in his new tan and floppy hairdo).

Elena can’t understand, for the LIFE of her, why ANYONE would want to be undead, and she tells Jeremy as much . . . RIGHT IN FRONT OF STEFAN.  (Ummm . . . yeah . . . way to be a supportive girlfriend, Fangbanger!)

Apparently, Elena only likes SPECIFIC portions of “vampire” inside of her . . .

Dr. Stefan explains to Jeremy that he didn’t take enough pills to off himself (SUICIDE FAIL!).  The “Kinder Gentler Vamp” then slaps Jeremy around a bit for talking back to Mommy and not eating his peas at dinner to convince him not to attempt SUICIDE THE SEQUEL.  Sure, Anna’s blood saved Jeremy’s life once.  But after a few hours, it will be gone from his system.  And next time, he might not be so lucky.  Mommy and Daddy Stefan and Elena ultimately decide to GROUND Jeremy.  Then, Elena heads off to the hospital alone, to check on Caroline.

“Does this mean I won’t get Christmas presents from Santa?”

“You’ve GOT to be KIDDING ME!”

“Ex-Girlfriend-Look-Alike-Who-I-REALLY-Want-to-Bang say WHAT?”

Back at the hospital, Matt and Bonnie are waiting outside Caroline’s room comforting one another . . .

 . . . while a surprisingly sensitive Damon comforts Caroline’s mom . . .

Which one is the cougar?

Then Elena comes, and Matt and Caroline’s mom inexplicably disappear (as both are wont to do, whenever anything good happens on this show).  Damon taunts Bonnie a bit about her inability to cure Caroline through witchiness.  He suggests that HE can heal Caroline by feeding her.  “The blood will be out of her system in a day,” explained Damon, nonchalantly.  (There go those RULES again .  . .)

Elena is skeptical about the whole thing, but Bonnie agrees with Damon.

 Then, Damon asks Bonnie if they can have “a TRUCE” and Bonnie says, “No!”

(Saying no to Damon?  That girl’s got some CAJONES!  Clearly, she’s never seen him do the Eye Thing . . .)

 Speaking of the Eye Thing, after Bonnie leaves, Damon lays a strong heaping helping of the stuff on Elena.  His fingers deftly grabbing hold of her tiny wrist, Damon propositions Elena to talk about “The Kiss that Made the Whole World Drool.”

“Listen, I know this is a bad time to discuss this, but I really think we should talk about what happened last night on the porch.”

(Oh, Damon.  You kissed a girl, and you actually want to TALK about it?  Boy, you ARE SMITTEN!  You are so DEEP in SMIT, it is not even funny. — Special thanks to Amy, for the “Deep in Smit” line ;)).

Elena, who of course, has NO CLUE what Damon is talking about, blows him off. 

“I know you want to forget about it, but I CAN’T!”  Damon stage whispers.

(Tsk, tsk . . . he’s like a needy pre-teen girlfriend.  Poor Damon!)

But just when we are about to have fun, Useless Aunt Jenna arrives, to spoil things again . . .

It’s Dr. Feel Bored!

Elena asks Jenna where she’s been.  When Jenna starts explaining how she SPOKE to Elena earlier (about her lame fire department errand), and Elena looks dumbfounded, Damon finally puts two and two together.  “You have GOT to be KIDDING ME!”  He exclaims, as the realization that he has just been Katherine-d, reaches his  skull . . .

“At least I fooled ONE of you . . .”

Stefan is at the Gilbert home babysitting Jeremy, when “Elena” returns (but WE know it’s actually Katherine, because she’s got big curly “F*ck Me” hair, and wears A LOT of eye makeup).

Stefan asks “Elena” about how Caroline is doing.  She says, “Not good,” and pulls him in for a hug.  Suddenly Stefan is TOTALLY vamped out, and has pushed Katherine against the wall.  (Unlike his brother, Stefan KNOWS his Straight Hair from his F*ck Me Hair!)

“Elena’s rollers don’t make curls that big.  And I would know, because I have borrowed them on MANY occasions . . .”

But the older, stronger, Katherine eventually gets the best of Stefan, and flips him to the ground like a WWF wrestler, disappearing just as Damon and Elena arrive back at the house.

Where do I know this facial expression from?

Yep!  That’s the one!

“What happened?”  A still clueless Elena inquires.

“Katherine happened,” explains Damon.

“If Katherine wants you dead, there is ZERO you can do about it!”

After heading upstairs to explain everything that is going on to Jeremy, Elena returns to the living room for the First Salvatore Summit of Season 2!

This small scene had some of the BEST quotes in the WHOLE episode!  So, please forgive me, if this section reads more like a script, than a recap.

“Katherine was in the house.  That means she’s been invited in by my Useless Aunt Jenna.  What do we do?”  Elena asks, nervously.

“MOVE preferably to mine and Stefan’s La Casa de Rich and Awesome,”  Damon snarks.  “Listen, if Katherine wants you dead you will be dead.  And there’s zero you can do about it.  But you’re NOT dead.  So, clearly, she has other plans.”

“Actually, Elena, I just stopped by to see if you would give me dance lessons.  And to ask whether you would mind terribly, if I ruined your ENTIRE life.”

But Stefan’s not really thinking about Homeland Security, right now.  He’s more concerned with GIRLFRIEND security.  Stefan wants to know what Katherine meant when she said, “At least I fooled one of you.”

Damon very proudly admits to falling for Katherine’s evil Elena Faking tricks, if only to lay this gem on his little brother.  “Just to prevent any more frown lines from forming on your very crowded forehead.  We kissed.”

“HEY!  I DO NOT HAVE WRINKLES!  I engage in a thorough cleansing and moisturing regimen on my face EVERY NIGHT, using six different creams . . .”

But, just in case, Stefan was unclear as to what Damon meant, Damon willingly elaborated.  “Two lips pucker and they .  . . (makes kissy noises).”

Now THOSE are lips MADE for kissing!

Stefan vampire lunges at Damon, but Elena stops the brawl, by explaining that SHE would NEVER kiss Damon.  (Nevermind, that she ALMOST kissed him, about 6 times last season . . .)

DENIAL, ain’t just a river in Egypt, Elena!

Once all the COCK fighting is done . . .

 . . . the next item on the agenda is figuring out what Katherine WANTS.

“She’s Katherine.   She loves to play games,” offers Damon. 

His proffered solution?  “Ignore the bitch . . .  then, we’ll stake her .  . . rip her head off . . . something poetic . . .”

(Ummmm .  . . and what kind of effed up POETRY is that, Damon?)

Elena’s and Stefan’s idea is a bit more cogent.   They figure, since Katherine tried to KILL Uncle / Father / Whatever John, he must know her motive.   So, off AGAIN to the hospital they go.

There, we learn that (1) Caroline’s alive (at least, for now); and

 . . . she has BAD taste in television.

I guess it would be too “meta” for her to watch The Vampire Diaries.

“I will turn you into a vampire, and watch you hate yourself more than you already do.”

“Uncle John, your lipstick is a bit smudged.  Mind if I fix it for you?”

Once Uncle John is done freaking out at the sight of his own biological daughter, who he THINKS is Katherine, Elena returns his Ugly Ass Ring, to what looks like his re-attached fingers?  Perhaps, Elena neatly packed them in brown doggie bag, before carting John off in the ambulance?  (She can be very maternal that way.)  Otherwise, I’m not quite sure how they got back . . .

“Look MA!  No hands!”

Uncle John, who’s basically IGNORED Elena her whole life (not to mention, LEFT her with USELESS AUNT JENNA!), suddenly decides he’s Father of the Year, and, therefore, deserves a say in his daughter’s life.  He starts talking smack on Stefan.  “Kill me, or get out!  Because I can’t stand the sight of you with MY daughter!”  He grandstands, looking SUPER manly, in his wimpy plastic hospital gown.

But Elena isn’t having ANY of it.    “You see the world with such hatred.  It is going to get you killed,” she seethes, before storming out and leaving her Bio Dad alone with an angry vampire.

That’s when Stefan does this . . .

“Tastes like chicken.”

After forcing a nice heaping portion of Type Vampire Blood down Uncle John’s throat, Stefan explains that if John doesn’t leave town within 24 hours (There’s that RULE again.), “I will turn you into a vampire, and watch you hate yourself more than you already do.”

(Sidenote:  It’s interesting to see this New Stefan, who has learned, since last season, to dole out his rage in a more controlled and effective manner.  No more munching on pageant princesses, when the hunger gets to be too much.  Also, Stefan’s comment to Uncle John about self-loathing, is a bit ironic — seeing as how, last season, Stefan was the most self-loathing vampire ON THE PLANET.  He used to believe that part of himself made him a monster.  Now he sees that he can use it to protect those he loves and get what he wants.  This scene is a perfect example of that.)

When Stefan admitted to Elena what he did, I expected her to be pissed and judgy.  But she was CLEARLY turned on by the whole thing . . .

“I’m totally undressing you with my eyes now, Stefan.”

Aren’t we all, Elena.  Aren’t we all . . .

“We haven’t officially met.  I’m Katherine.”

Meanwhile, the ENTIRE rest of the town seems to be at the Mayor’s mansion for the former Mayor Lockwood’s pre-funeral party(?), post-funeral party(?) . . . Whatever, it was, most of the guests were dressed more like they were going to hoedown,then to the home of a once prominent community figure.  Particularly, THIS GUY . . .

 . . . Mason Lockwood, who has many times been referred to as the “black sheep” of the Lockwood family, because he . . . likes surfing . . .

So, it was surprising to see this “black sheep” dressed in ALL WHITE.  Seriously, his outfit looked like the pajamas they make patients wear in mental hospitals.  (Note to Taylor Kinney’s wardrobe designer:  Was NOT a fan of Mason’s duds.  HOWEVER, I do have some pictoral suggestions, as to how you can remedy this problem.  Wanna see?)

Now, isn’t that much better?

At the mansion, Bonnie and Damon are busy engaging in Witty Eventually-We-Will-Screw Repartee.

“So, Bonnie, do you generally prefer to be on top, or on bottom?”

Damon taunts Bonnie, bragging about how he saved Caroline’s life.  This was the same life that Bonnie had put at risk, by handing over to Uncle John the Supernatural Dog Whistle thing that made Were Tyler swerve off the road, tossing Caroline’s body, rag doll style from the car.  Bonnie doesn’t like hearing the truth about herself.  So, she uses her witchy powers to shoot a large slushie in Damon’s mouth . . .

“At least she didn’t throw it in my face, like the do to all those Glee kids!”

 . . . giving him a massive case of BRAIN FREEZE!

At the exact same time, KATHERINE is entering the mansion, because TYLER invited her in, thinking she was Elena.  Bonnie also thinks she’s Elena.  So, she starts whining to the vamp about Damon, in such a way that you just KNOW she already has the hots for him.  “He just makes me sooooo UGGHHHH!”  She gripes.  (How many times have we heard THAT line in teen shows?  “UGHHHHHH” clearly = horny)

Bonnie also conveniently explains to Katherine how Caroline has Damon’s vamp blood in her system for a few more hours.  (Important later.)  But when Bonnie touches Katherine, her spidey sense tells her , “That’s one EVIL Bitch!”

“That’s my name.  Don’t wear it out.”

Bonnie’s suspicions are confirmed when she calls Elena on her cell phone, while Katherine is still in her line of sight, and Elena answers.  Bonnie tries to escape, but it’s too late.  “We haven’t met yet.   I’m Katherine,” says the vampire politely, before shoving Bonnie up against a wall and choking her.

Bonnie once again uses her inner Slushie to temporarily gain control, but Katherine regains it easily.  Finally, Bonnie is forced to spell the doors open, exposing Katherine to the rest of Mystic Falls.  And so, she is forced to behave.  How boring.  Fortunately, Stefan has arrived, to make things interesting for her (and us . . .)

“Wanna play with me?”

After drooling a bit over Elena’s ex and Caroline’s current Guy Friday, Matt  (“UGHHHHH . . . His eyes are SO BLUE!”  She coos.  See what I mean about the UGGHHHHH?), Katherine takes Stefan outside for a little chat.  “You wanna play with me,” she asks flirtatiously.

“How do I play, if I don’t know the rules?”  He inquires.

“No rules, Stefan,” she replies.

After being told he’s stronger, meaner, and sexy, the obviously aroused, Stefan (Can you blame him?  These two are HOT together, with a capital “OT”!), finally remembers he has a girlfriend.  “Don’t flirt with me, Katherine.  I’m not Damon.  I haven’t been pining over you for 145 years.”

“Based on your current choice of girlfriends, I’d say differently,” Katherine demurs (TOUCHE!)

Throughout the whole scene, the two characters are up in one another’s grills so much, you can almost see the steam rising from their bodies.  Katherine explains that she came back for Stefan — that it was always Stefan, and that it hurts that he has fallen for someone else.    Stefan assures her that he never loved her, that everything they had together was as a result of her compulsion on him, and that she is a “lying, selfish, manipulative bitch,” who he hates. (Gee Stefan, why don’t you tell us how you REALLY feel?)

“Hate, huh?   The way I see it, that’s the beginning of a love story, not the end,” posits Katherine, before calmly staking Stefan in the stomach with a poker.

Who knew the phrase “love hurts” could be taken so literally?

“Doppelganger hijinks ensued.”

“A Broody Damon is a Sexy Damon.  Heck, ANY Damon is a Sexy Damon!”

While Team Kefan fans are drooling over the Katherine / Stefan drama OUTSIDE, Team Delena fans are waiting hopefully for their favorite couple to return to their happy place, INSIDE.  Elena approaches Damon all concerned, and shrinky, wanting to “talk about his feelings.”   (Oh sure!  NOW she wants to talk . . .)  Back to being a typical dude, Damon claims he’s just fine.  “Doppelganger hijinks ensued,” and he lived to tell the tale.  (Give this man an “I SURVIVED Doppelganger Hijinks” t-shirt, please.)

But, not knowing when to give up, Elena keeps pushing Damon to open up, claiming that he is “hurt,” and in trying to deny that hurt will do something stupid.  (Gee, foreshadow, much?)

Knowing she’s right, Damon changes the subject to one he’s more interested in, “The Kiss.”  Clearly, all this time, some part of Damon (and some part of US fans) believed that, if Elena was on the porch with Damon that night, SHE would have kissed him too.  And its THAT thought, that keeps Damon going during what has already been a difficult episode for him.  And it’s about to get much worse.  “Why are you so surprised I would kiss you?”  Damon inquires probingly.

“I’m not surprised you kissed me.  I’m surprised you thought I would kiss you back,” responds Elena, without tone or emotion.

Massive hole in Damon’s heart #1

“Now, I’m hurt,” said Damon, sorrowfully, as the fans’ hearts collectively ache right along with his . . .

“I’d fight me!”

After skewering Damon’s most vital organ (at least, aside from his YOU-KNOW-WHAT), Elena heads outside to find Stefan hunched over, and nursing his own puncture wound.  Dr. Stefan, Nurse Elena is now reporting for duty!

Damon arrives outside, just in time to see Elena helping Stefan lift up his shirt, revealing those INSANE abdominals of his.  “Cover up, Fabio!  There’s a crazy ex on the loose!”  Damon needles.

“Hey, Fabio’s got NOTHING on ME!”

“Hey, was STEFAN ever in an “I Can’t Believe it’s NOT Butter,” commercial?   I don’t think so!”

Knowing the start of a Classic Pissing Contest when she sees one, Elena scampers away, and let’s the two “manly men,” duke it out over her LOVE (or lack thereof).  Damon gets in Stefan’s face and taunts him, desperately looking for a fight.

“Come ON!  Fight me!  I’d fight me!”  Damon taunts, shadow boxing like the adorable ten-year old he is deep down.

But Stefan is NO ten year old.  He’s not even a real 18 year old.  Stefan is 162.  And somewhere within the past year, he became “mature.” 

Maturity sucks!  I want to see a fight!

And yet, as much as I was disappointed that Damon and Stefan weren’t going to have a repeat of their classic Pilot Episode throwdown, I was PROUD of Stefan for FINALLY, after an entire season, being able to see the humanity in Damon.  “You kissed [Elena] because you feel something for her.   You care.  It means you are WILLING to feel something.”

Yep, Damon feels something all right . . .

But all joking aside, this was a very Sweet Salvatore Brother moment.  It was a moment when two brothers put aside their differences, and agreed to battle a common enemy, an enemy intent on tearing them apart.  You go BOYS!  (Plus, I’m sure they’ll fight over Elena at some point this season.  So, we haven’t totally missed out. . . . After all, good things come to those who wait.)

Speaking of fights . . . how did you LIKE Tyler tackling his MOM?

It takes a REAL man to fight a Mommy!

Mason explains to Tyler that his untenable rage is a result of the “Curse of Lockwood.”  (a.k.a. Were-curse)  And yet, you know what curse, I think Tyler has?  Curse of the Douchebag, that’s what!

Also on the NOT-Fighting list were Jeremy and Uncle / Father / Whatever John, who engaged in a rationale mature conversation about the merits of vampires (Jeremy was PRO, Uncle John, obviously, CON), whether Papa Gilbert was a vampire lover, the responsibility that comes with knowing supernatural secrets, and why the Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality didn’t save Jeremy’s Pop’s from death (See RULES above . . .).  On first watch, this seemed like a throwaway scene — seeing as Uncle John was skipping town, anyway.  However, I’ve come to view this little scene as one of the most important ones in the episode.  More on that later.

“Kiss me or kill me, which one will it be?”

I know, I know!  Damon never FULLY took his shirt off in THIS, the HOTTEST scene in TVD history.  But I really like this picture.  So, I decided to use it.  You got a problem with that? 🙂

After having what seemed to me like the crappiest day EVER (heart broken, brain frozen, no one to wrestle with), Damon arrives back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome to find Katherine sitting on his couch, in front of the Perpetually Burning Fire (of Damon’s heart).  The two banter back and forth a bit, testing eachother’s boundaries.  Katherine claims she’s leaving.  (LIE!)  Damon calls Katherine old. (BURN!)  Etcetera, etcetera, so on and so forth . . .

Until, Katherine utters her iconic line.  “Kiss me, or kill me, which one will it be?”

That’s when things get REALLY interesting . . .

At first, it seemed as though Damon would get the battle he was looking for.  Him and Katherine rolled on the floor together for bit, snarling and scratching eachother, testing eachothers’ ability to withstand pain.  But the more they clawed, the hotter they both became.  Suddenly, Damon was straddling Katherine, and kissing her neck and her lips.  And . . . yes . . . I do believe dry humping was involved.  Katherine closed her eyes in ecstacy.  “See?  That’s better,” she whispered, lustfully.

(See what you’re missing, Elena.  I gather STEFAN doesn’t go for rough sex!)

Then Katherine rises from the floor, and the two start fighting again.  Katherine pushes Damon against the wall.  She rips open his shirt.  He rips open hers.   And . . . . we are back to making out and dry humping . . . For a few moments, it REALLY looks like we are going to get an honest to goodness sex scene on the CW.  But then, to everyone’s MASSIVE disappointment, Damon, ever the glutton for punishment, requests a “brief pause.”

“WHAT . . . IS . . . WRONG . . . WITH  . . . YOU?!”

Poor Damon!  Well into his mid 160’s and STILL equating sex with love!  Silly boy!  Katherine is a Trick, and Trix are FOR KIDS!  A very emotional Damon tells Katherine that he will be willing to forget her basically screwing him over for  century and a half, if she just answers ONE question.  And, of course, we ALL know what that question will be . . . )

(LIE, KATHERINE!  LIE LIKE THE WIND — SO YOU CAN GET LAID . . .  and WE can WATCH!)

But Katherine DOESN’T lie.  She tells Damon that she NEVER loved him.  And that it was ALWAYS Stefan that owned her black heart.

The utter pain on Damon’s face in this moment, was enough to literally bring tears to my eyes.  I’m guessing brain freeze sounds like a good alternative to what you are feeling right now, huh Damon?

Massive holes in Damon’s hear #’s 2 through 145. 

“He got his wish.  I hate him!”

With all Damon endured during this episode, was it any wonder he turned toward the bottle?  Wouldn’t YOU?  At the Gilbert house, in Elena’s bedroom, Elena initially tried to comfort Damon, and stop him from being self-destructive.  She’s seen this train wreck coming ALL episode long, ever since Katherine re-entered their lives.  And yet, up until the last moment, she is still trying to avoid it.  Damon calls Elena a liar, for denying her feelings for him (which may very well be true.  But, of coruse, he is going about it ALL WRONG).

Then, in a move filled with heartbreak and desperation, Damon grabs Elena’s face and pulls it in for kiss, struggling with her as she tries to pull away.  The scene functions as a perfect contrast to the slow, sultry and gentle kiss that occurred between Damon and Faux-lena in the Season 1 Finale. 

Now, I’m Team Delena ALWAYS, so I was REALLY looking for something to get me hot in this kiss.  But, admittedly, there was very little.  Damon was too broken and too drunk to really work his mojo with Elena, and melt her heart the way we all KNOW he can.   This was Face Rape . . . plain and simple.  “I care about you.  I do.  I care about you,” Elena admits tearfully.  “But I love Stefan.  It has always been Stefan.”

(And, thus, we bear witness to the SECOND time in the episode, during which someone explicitly chooses Stefan over Damon.)

But this last one causes Damon to break, totally and completely.  After years of pushing aside his emotions, he finally let them win.  He fell in love . . .twice.  And all he got for it was heartbreak and pain.  He wants to turn off his feelings — the Great Vampire Myth, never truly realized.  He wants Elena to hurt the way he hurts.  But how?

And then it happens.  When Jeremy comes into the room, to see what all the commotion is about, we SEE Damon drunkenly rationalizing his next move, in that blurred head of his.  Others may dispute me, but I TRULY believe I saw him eye Jeremy’s hands, which were folded protectively across his chest.  Not just his hands.  His FINGERS. 

Then, Damon grabs Jeremy by the neck.  “You wanna be a vampire?”  He yells in the face of a petrified Jeremy.  “You wanna know what it’s like to turn your feelings off?  It’s really simple.  All you have to do is flip the switch and. . . SNAP,” concludes Damon, twisting Jeremy’s neck in one sharp turn, just as he did to Vicki the previous season.

Damon staggers backward, as Jeremy drops to the floor. Elena rushes to him, holding his hand to feel for a pulse.  Damon looks on sadly for a few moments, before leaving Elena alone to mourn.  (See?  If he REALLY thought Jeremy was dead, I DOUBT he’d be able to leave that calmly — especially in the highly emotional state he was in.)

Alone, a crying Elena looks at Jeremy’s fingers and sees the Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality, which, Uncle John must have given him prior to his departure from Mystic Falls.  Jeremy will live, it seems.  Now, Elena will just have to wait for him to wake up.  And then Stefan magically appears . . .

“I’m serious.  I have no clue when or how he got there.”

While Elena cradles Jeremy in her arms, waiting for him to reawaken, Stefan comforts Elena.  He tries to explain to her that Damon MUST have known that Jeremy was wearing the Ring, or else he couldn’t possibly have done that.  “He didn’t see the ring,” Elena argues tearfully, perfectly illuminating how, in the course of a single episode, these two have completely swapped positions, with respect to Damon’s humanity.  “He doesn’t want to feel anymore.  He wants to be hated.  Well, he got his wish.  I hate him, Stefan.”

Then, suddenly, Jeremy, gasps awake, just as he did early in the episode.  “Damon killed me,” he remarks dumbfoundedly. 

Well . . . technically .  . . yes.  But did he, REALLY?

“Game ON!”

Back at the hospital, Caroline is busy sleeping off a Jersey Shore-induced hangover, when Katherine enters her room.  “Elena?  What are you doing here?”  She asks groggily, seeming more than a bit annoyed at her “friend’s” unwelcome intrustion.

“My name is Katherine.  And I have a message for the Salvatore Brothers . . . GAME ON,”  She says evilly, as she smothers Caroline with her pillow.

There is a brief struggle, and then Caroline falls silent, her head lolling lifelessly onto her shoulder, her face pale and DEAD . . . or VAMPIRIC?  Remember the RULES, boys and girls.  Has it been 24-hours since Damon healed Caroline?  We already know that Bonnie TOLD Katherine about the healing . . .  so the knowledge is definitely there.

  Sure, a dead body belonging to the friend of the woman they both loved would send a message to Stefan and Damon.  But you know what would send a BIGGER message?  Having to BABYSIT a brand new vampire for ALL ETERNITY!  We all remember how much trouble Vicki was .  . . don’t we?

Sweet dreams, fellow Fangbangers! 😉

[www.juliekushner.com]

 

 

 

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