Tag Archives: Kill or Be Killed

Party on, Team Delena! – My Top Ten Damon and Elena Moments from The First Half of The Vampire Diaries’ Second Season

Shortly after The Vampire Diaries aired its first Season Finale, I “came out of the closet” on this very blog, as a firm and vehement supporter of Team Delena, or, as I like to call it “The TVD Mother Ship.”  I then went on to cement my fangirl allegiance to this fabulous television couple, by analyzing their ten most sizzling Season 1 moments. 

Well, now we are nearly halfway done with Season TWO of The Vampire Diaries.  With eleven new episodes under our belt, and an interminably LONG mid-season hiatus staring us down, like an unfed Stefan Salvatore . . .

 . . . I thought it was high time we revisited this topic again!  Wouldn’t you agree?

Source

(I’ll take that as a “Yes!”)

Admittedly, it hasn’t exactly been the easiest of seasons for us Delena fans.  For one thing, there was that whole “Damon sort of/ kind of temporarily killed Elena’s little brother” thing that happened in the season premiere  . . .

The aforementioned event not only forced us to endure OODLES of annoying smack talk from Stelena fans the world over, it also royally PISSED OFF ELENA (understandably so).  As a result, Damon (and the rest of us) were subjected to Elena’s “Poopy PussFace” virtually nonstop, for at least the first three episodes . . .

 

Suffice it to say that Poopy PussFace and Happy Couples generally do not mix . . .

And yet, we’re talking about a couple that’s one-half vampire here.  And when you’re already undead, what doesn’t kill you, only makes you MORE AWESOME . . . 

For me, the fact that Damon and Elena endured the unfathomable angst and drama of the “Jeremy Neck Snap,” and yet STILL managed to muster up all the fire, energy, and super sexy moments they shared, during the first half of Season 2, only serves to show the sheer strength of their relationship.  Because when two people can survive something like THAT, and still manage to constantly eye f*ck eachother, and invade one another’s personal space like nobody’s business . . . now, that’s a couple who’s playing FOR KEEPS!

And now that I’m off my soap box, we can start this post in earnest. 

So, without further adieu, I bring to you, my Top Ten Delena moments from the first half of Season 2 of The Vamprie Diaries . . .

[Note:  As you probably know by now, the CW is SUPER finicky about its clip embedding.  So, when you see the YouTube screens, simply click on the internal links included within them.  That should direct you to the Delena-filled video you desire. 🙂  Sorry for the inconvenience!]

10. Pillow Talk

Episode: “By the Light of the Moon” – 2 X 11

Setting the Scene:

After returning from a “Kamikaze Death Mission,” which involved attempting to give herself up to the EEEEEEVIL Santa Klaus, in order to save the people she loves from certain death, Elena seems determined to put herself in harms way, yet again.  But when she tries to leave home with the stolen Moonstone, in order to “rescue” Stefan from Katherine’s Hot Sex Den, Elena is shocked to find that Bonnie (at Damon’s bidding) has charmed the windows and doors, thereby making Elena a prisoner in her own home.

Enter a very glib Damon Salvatore, who seems very much looking forward to a day filled with gloating, flirting, and, if all goes well, a friendly game of Tonsil Hockey with his good pal / hostage, Elena Gilbert.

Potent Quotables:

DAMON: (After being on the receiving end of one of Captive Elena’s infamous Death Stares) “Awwww come on, Pouty!  At least give me two points for ingenuity.”

ELENA:  “Do you think this is funny?”

DAMON: “Yes, Elena.  I find hilarity in the lengths I have to go to to repeatedly save your life.”

And later  . . .

DAMON: (To Jeremy, when the latter inquires as to where Bonnie is) “She’s on moonstone duty, and I’m on (inclines head toward Elena) Elena Patrol.”

Still later  . . .

DAMON: (To Elena, after being called away by Alaric, on yet another Team Bad Ass Mission) “You should get out.  Enjoy the sun.  Oh . . . wait . . . You Can’t.”

ELENA: *throws pillow at his head*

Why it made the list:

This small scene truly represents the lighthearted, fun nature of the Damon and Elena relationship.  For me, this is one of things that differentiates Delena from Stelena.  When Elena is with Stefan, she is definitely sweet and romantic, but nearly always, serious.  Damon brings out a certain feistiness in Elena.   He makes her blood boil.  And from my experience, when a guy makes you hot emotionally and mentally, he makes you hot sexually, as well . . .

Stefan tends to act tentative and cautious when he’s around Elena.  It’s almost as if he’s afraid he’s going to break her, or something.  Damon has no such qualms about giving back to Elena, whatever she dishes it out, be it a witty barb, or flying fist, or a pillow.  Damon respects Elena.  She is his equal, and he finds that incredibly sexy.  Check out the way Damon’s eyes light up, when he sees Elena for the first time in this scene.  Watch how he plops on the couch, and places an arm around her, as if the pair are out on a date, and not on “House Arrest.”

But, perhaps, more important than how Damon behaves, and what he says, is how he acts and what he does.  Damon obviously feels it is his duty to protect Elena.  He shows that in this scene, by willingly going on Elena Patrol.  After all, Damon knows that Elena would do the same thing to protect HIM, if he was in danger. 

Damon and Elena can banter and snipe at one another all day long.  But that doesn’t obscure the fact that these are two people who care deeply for eachother, and are each unconditionally willing to sacrifice their own lives for the other’s safety.

9.  It’s Too Late to Apologize . . .

Episode: “Plan B” – 2 X 6

Setting the Scene:

Katherine’s plans to use Boy Toy Mason and the Moonstone as her keys to wriggle off the top of Santa Klaus’ “Most Likely to Be Gutted Like a Fish” list, were thwarted when Stefan, Elena and the Scooby Gang stole the Moonstone, and Damon murdered Mason in a vengeance- fueled rage . . . 

But Damon REALLY effed things up, when he called Katherine to gloat about it.  Katherine, who was definitely not used to losing, decided to make ELENA pay for Damon’s crimes, by compelling Useless Aunt Jenna to try to off herself with a kitchen carving knife. 

Up until this point, Stefan and Elena had “fake” broken up, in order to keep Katherine from using Elena as a pawn in her Dirty Little Games.  But, since Katherine went after Useless Aunt Jenna anyway, Elena tearfully decides that she needed to break up with Stefan for real.  Damon witnesses the heart-wrenching breakup scene, and feels deeply responsible for the unhappiness of his brother, and the woman he loves.

Potent Quotables:

DAMON: (Calls out to Elena, as she is rushing out the door) “Elena!”

ELENA:  *turns and looks at Damon*

DAMON: (Near tears) “I riled Katherine up.  I wasn’t thinking . . . I DIDN’T THINK . . .”

ELENA: “It doesn’t matter, Damon.  She won.  Katherine won.”

Why it made the list:

This scene truly exemplifies how much Damon has grown as a character, since we met him in early Season 1.  Here’s a guy who’s love interest has just BROKEN UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND.  He should be OVER THE MOON.  Now’s his chance to SWOOP IN AND MAKE HIS MOVE.  But Damon isn’t happy about Elena’s breakup with Stefan at all.  In fact, he’s devastated over it.  He feels guilty about the pain his hubris and rage have unwittingly caused his brother, the possible one true love of his life, and her family.

When Damon calls to Elena in this scene, he is almost in tears.  Her being in pain, causes him twice as much pain.  And though few words are exchanged between Damon and Elena in this scene, volumes are implied.  With his sad eyes, Damon tells Elena he is sorry for the part he played, not only in Jenna’s compelled suicide attempt, but in Elena’s breakup with Stefan too. 

In turn, Elena looks at Damon with compassion and forgiveness.  She does not blame Damon for what happened to Jenna, or what happened between her and Stefan.  As far as Elena is concerned, this is her fight, and her’s alone.  And yet, she can’t help but be touched by Damon’s remorse, as it is a surefire sign of his growing humanity – something she not too long ago feared that he might have lost forever.

8. Paradise by the Dashboard Light

Episode: “Bad Moon Rising” – 2 X 3

Setting the Scene:

Elena is still UBER pissed at Damon for the whole “Jeremy Neck Snap” thing.  But, Damon and Alaric are going on a Werewolf Research Roadtrip to Duke, and Elena desperately wants to tag along.  She hopes to collect some intel from the school, as to why the heck she looks exactly like Katherine.  Despite her supposed anger at Damon, sexual tensions between the Bad Boy Vamp and the Good Girl are super high, throughout the trip.  Could this mean that Elena is starting to forgive Damon for his recent sins?  Or is she merely using him to get the information she needs, as Katherine did 140 some odd years ago?

Potent Quotables:

DAMON: “You are not going to be able to hate me forever.”

And later . . .

DAMON: “You have every right to hate me.  I understand.  You hated me before, and we became friends.  It would suck, if that was gone forever.  So, is it?  Have I lost you forever?”

Why it made the list:

Even though Elena tells Damon at the end of this scene, that he has lost her forever, we can tell, based on the way she looks at him, and acts around him, that this is not true.  Elena was so angry with Damon for “killing” Jeremy, at this point in the season, that she desperately wanted to hurt him.  And she did so by toying with his affections for her, and using them to get information about Katherine. 

But remember, boys and girls, Nina Dobrev, may be an actress, but ELENA isn’t.  And her body language . . . ((1) the way she stared deeply into Damon’s eyes when he cornered her by the car; (2) the way her breath caught when he leaned close to her; (3) her obvious feelings of gratitude toward Damon, when he gave her the Petrova Book; (4) and the way she took a pause to ponder what Damon said about how their friendship — having initially grown from hatred — would likely be able to sprout from that same place again) . . . well, it doesn’t lie.

It’s also worth noting the extensive amount of thought Damon has obviously given his relationship with Elena, even at this early stage of the season.  He obviously values her, not just as a prospective love interest, but as a friend, and fellow partner in crime,  And Damon would rather be friends with Elena than nothing at all . . . Given how much in love with her he obviously is, and the very selfish things he has done in the past, his willingness to maintain a completely platonic relationship with the woman he loves says volumes about his growing character . . .

7. The Face Rape

Episode: “The Return” 2 X 1

Setting the Scene:

The season premiere pretty much seemed like it comprised Damon’s WORST DAY EVER!  First, he learned that the woman he kissed on Elena’s porch was NOT actually Elena, but rather the EEEEEEEVIL Katherine, who had spurned Damon all those years ago.  When Damon confronts Elena about the faux-kiss, not only does she have no memory of the event occuring, she acts as though kissing Damon Salvatore would be the most awful thing in the world that could happen to her.  (MORON!)

Damon gets rejected AGAIN, when, after a rousing bout of sex with Katherine . . .

 . . . SHE tells him that SHE never loved him, and was only using him to get into his brother Stefan’s pants, all those years ago . . .

So, Damon responds by doing what most boys do, when they get rejected, multiple times, by multiple women, within the same 24-hour period . . . he gets TOTALLY WASTED!

But then . . . rather than drunk dialing (or drunk texting or drunk e-mailing) Elena, like most boys would do, Damon takes his humiliation one step further, by showing up in her bedroom uninvited . . .

 Potent Quotables:

ELENA: “Thanks for . . . umm . . . looking out for us . . . for me.”

DAMON:  “You’re surprised that I thought you would kiss me back.  You can’t imagine that I would believe that you would want to . . . that what we’ve been doing here means something.  You’re the liar, Elena.  There is something going on between the two of us. and you know it.  And you are lying to me, and you are lying to Stefan, and most importantly, you are lying to yourself.”

ELENA – “You are better than this . . . I care about you . . . I do . . . I care about you.”

Why it made the list:

Some of you might be wondering why, as a Delena fan, I would possibly include this painful, relationship-shattering scene in my countdown.  But here’s the thing . . . while horrible and painful, this scene between Damon and Elena is important to Delena fandom, as it is the very first time BOTH Damon and Elena express their feelings for one another.  That’s right, I said BOTH . . . because Elena DOES admit to caring about Damon in this very scene.

Instinctively, Elena understands the pain Damon has undergone in this episode.  And she knows that he is coping with it, in a self destructive way.  She fears for him, and, at least initially, tries to take care of him, as a mother might take care of an unruly child. 

But Damon, drunk and bitter, as he may be, sees Elena’s care and concern for what it is . . . the underpinings of love.  When Damon confronts Elena with HER feelings toward him, she is clearly not ready to accept them mentally.  But emotionally, we see something click inside Elena.  And had Damon been more sober, had he gone for a sweet and gentle kiss, as opposed to the Face Rape, had he NOT lashed out at Jeremy in anger, there’s no telling what COULD have happened between Damon and Elena in this scene . . .

6. Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Episode: “Kill or Be Killed” – 2 X 5

Setting the Scene:

Wolfy Mason MAJORLY screwed over Stefan and Damon, by outing them as vampires to Caroline’s mom, Sheriff Forbes.  The vampire-hating Sheriff then shot up Damon and Stefan, and locked them in a dungeon for interrogation.

The Sheriff is just about to stake the uncooperative vampires, when her own daughter arrives and outs HERSELF as a vampire to her mother. 

The distraction allows Damon to get the upper hand, and an opportunity to finish off Sheriff Forbes . . . but he doesn’t.  “Relax, you’re my friend,” he tells her sweetly.

Rather than murder the Ole’ Battle Axe, Damon decides to keep her entombed, until the vervain ingested has left her system.  This way, they can compel her to forget what had gone down.  And they all live happily ever after.  (Well . . . not Mason . . . but that’s another story entirely . . .)

Potent Quotables:

ELENA:  “What you did for Caroline’s Mom . . . that’s the Damon who was my friend.”

DAMON: “Hey  . . . Stefan didn’t drink the People Blood . . . if you’re curious.  But he needs to.  And deep down, you know it.”

Why it made the list:

This scene really marks the first time we see Elena admitting that she is starting to forgive Damon for what he has done to Jeremy.  By telling Damon that he has done something honorable — something that reminds her of their former friendship — Elena is acknowledging that she no longer sees Damon as lacking humanity, and she no longer “hates” him.  Elena appreciates the sacrifice of pride Damon made on Caroline’s behalf, and the way in which he still considers Caroline’s mother “a friend,” despite the fact that she tried to have him killed.  If Damon can forgive someone like Caroline’s mom for what she did to him, shouldn’t Elena be able to forgive Damon for what he did to Jeremy?

5. Break Me, Stake Me, Anyway You Want Me

Episode: “Brave New World” – 2 X 2

Setting the Scene:

Caroline has just turned vamp, after having fed on Damon’s blood, prior to being smothered to death by Katherine.  Remembering what happened to Vicki Donovan, Damon views the tempestuous Caroline as a major liability to his way of life.  And so he plans to remove the “un” from Caroline’s “undead” status . . .

Potent Quotables:

ELENA: (about Caroline) “Damon, she’s my friend!”

DAMON:  “Whatever happens, it’s on YOU.”

Why it made the list:

Like the previous example, here we see Damon making a personal sacrifice, based on his strong belief in the power of friendship.  Despite the fact that Damon sees Vampire Caroline as a liability — a danger to herself and others — Damon decides not to harm her, because doing so would hurt ELENA.  Last season, we learned about how important trust is to Damon Salvatore.  This season, we learn how much he also values friendship. 

Oh, and did you notice the heavy sexualized breathing and eye f*cking Damon and Elena were doing, as she thrust her body into his, in order to deflect that phallic stake from Caroline?  SUPER HOT!

4. Shot Through the Heart

Episode: “Bad Moon Rising” – 2 X 3

Setting the Scene:

While searching through Isobel’s office at Duke University, Damon and Elena encounter one of her former students, the VERY ambitious Vanessa.  Vanessa recognizes both Damon and Elena (Katherine?) from Isobel’s research, and doesn’t trust the pair as far as she can throw them.  Did I mention girlfriend is REALLY handy with a crossbow?

Potent Quotables:

DAMON:  “Pull it out . .  I can’t reach it Elena.  Just pull the damn thing out.  It hurts . . .”

ELENA: “You are not going to kill her.  You touch her, and, I swear, I will never speak to you again.”

DAMON:  “What makes you think that has any power over me?  Because I took an arrow in the back for you?  You are severely overestimating yourself.

ELENA: “Right . . . I forgot that I was speaking to a psychotic mind, who snaps and kills people.”

DAMON:  “You are trying to manipulate me.”

ELENA: “If by manipulate you mean ‘tell the truth’ . . . then fine . . . GUILTY.”

Why it made the list:

This Delena scene was FUN with a capital “F,” and sexy with a capital “S.”  The obvious analogies to sex that were made as Elena was ejecting that LARGE BOW from Damon’s back would be totally comical, if both parties weren’t obviously so turned on by them.  I loved how Damon saved Elena’s life here, ONCE AGAIN.  And, yet, she still found time to berate him, and basically call him a psychopath.  Most guys would be infuriated by this, but Damon was clearly enjoying the back and forth of it all.  With Elena pissed at him, the banter was likely one of the things he missed most.

When Damon and Elena are done thrusting their large members at one another, they get into a surprisingly deep discussion of manipulation and the sexual and emotional power each member of the pair has over the other.  Later, we learn that Elena might have been using this power to her advantage,  But at this moment, Damon doesn’t seem to mind being used one bit. . .

3. The Lover’s Quarrel

Episode:  “The Sacrifice” – 2 X 10

Setting the Scene:

Damon and Elena return together from Elena’s Suicide Road Trip to Meet Santa Klaus.  Once home, they learn that Doofus Stefan inadvertently got himself “stuck” in Katherine’s Hot Sex Den.  Elena immediately wants to rush the tomb and save Stefan from Hot Sex with Katherine.  But Damon would rather Team Delena have their own Hot Sex first . . .

Potent Quotables:

ELENA:  “How could you let this happen?”

DAMON:  “What are you talking about? I was too busy saving YOU from your kamikaze mission!  It was the right call, Elena.”

ELENA:  “Right call?  How is any of this the right call?”

ELENA: “Damon, let go of me!  LET GO OF ME . . . Let go of me.  Please!”

DAMON:  “Are you done?”

And later:

STEFAN:  (To Damon)  “Promise me .  . . whatever happens . . . you will protect her.”

DAMON:  “Promise.”

Why it made the list:

Aside from the obvious groping, thrusting, heavy breathing, and personal space invasion (all of which was AWESOME, by the way), what stuck out most for me about this scene was the way Damon and Elena effortlessly assumed a sort of husband and wife dynamic with one another.  Stefan hadn’t even been trapped for 10 minutes, and already Damon and Elena were bickering like an old married couple.  For me, this scene provided a very nice glimpse into what I have no doubt will be the future of our Delena pairing: namely, clever partnerships, followed by heated arguments — arguments which will inevitably devolve into the most mind-blowing makeup sex known to man . . .

2. The Fiercest Foreplay

Episode: “The Sacrifice” – 2 X 10

Setting the Scene:

Remember earlier, when I referenced Elena’s Suicide Road Trip to Meet Santa Klaus?  Well, Damon found out about the Mission from Tattletale Rose and he was NOT HAPPY . . . (He WAS very horny though . . .)

Potent Quotables:

DAMON:  “I said we are leaving .  . . You do not get to make decisions, anymore.”

ELENA:  “When have I ever made a decision?  You and Stefan do that for me . . . Now this is my decision.

DAMON:  “Who’s going to save your life, while you are out there making ‘decisions’?”

ELENA:  “You are not listening to me, Damon.  I do not want to be saved, not if it means that Klaus is going to kill every person that I love.”

DAMON:  “Get your ass out the door, before I throw you over my shoulder, and carry you out myself.”

Why it made the list:

Elena’s body language is the most intriguing aspect of this scene.  By the time we get to episode 11, we already know how Damon feels for Elena.  He has made his feelings known on more than one occasion.  Yet, while we have gotten inklings of Elena’s sexual attraction to Damon before, never have they been this pronounced.  Watch how Elena inclines her head toward Damon, as if waiting for a kiss.  Watch the passion burn inside of her, as they lock eyes, and she feels the heat from his strong grasp surge through her body.  For the first time, Damon and Elena seem equally engaged in their struggle for emotional, mental, and sexual domination.  He clearly wants it, but, now so does SHE . . .

Let’s not forget, from a mental perspective, that Damon and Elena are both basically there for the SAME reason.  They want to save EACH OTHER from certain death.  In her struggles, Elena is trying desperately to prove to Damon, that she is not just the weak little nyphette, everyone assumes her to be.  She can act rashly, to save the people she loves,  just as easily as Damon can.  D

espite Damon’s words to the contrary, somewhere in those struggles, he begins to see that Elena might actually have a point.  Elena’sMarytr-Like Hero Complex might just directly match up with Damon’s.  And that’s a super hot prospect for both of the parties involved . . .

1. I Put a Spell on You (a.k.a. Damon Tells Elena He Loves Her)

Episode: “Rose” – 2 X 8

Setting the Scene:

Stefan and Damon (but mostly Damon) have just brought Elena back home, after she was kidnapped by Rose and Dead Trevor, and ALMOST re: kidnapped by EEEEEVIL Elijah . . .

During the kidnapping, Elijah removed Elena’s vervain necklace so that he could compel her to tell him where the precious Moonstone was currently hiding.  Somehow, during the staking of Elijah and all the fighting, and vampire fast running, Damon was able to retrieve Elena’s vervain necklace.  And so, Damon’s come through Elena’s window to return it to her . . . but not before he tells her something VERY IMPORTANT!

Potent Quotables:

DAMON:  “I just have to say something . . . Because what I am about to say is probably the most selfish thing I have ever said in my life . . . I just need to say this once.  You just need to hear it.  I love you, Elena.  And it’s because I love you that I can’t be selfish with you.  And why you can’t know this.  I don’t deserve you.  But my brother does. (*He moves to kiss Elena on the lips, rethinks it, and goes for the forehead*) I wish you didn’t have to forget this.  But you do.”

Why it made the list:

Gosh, how could this scene NOT make the list?  It was by far the most beautiful, romantic, enticing, and heartbreaking moments I have ever experienced on television.  I doubt even the staunchest Stelena fans didn’t tear up, as they watched Damon give Elena his heartfelt speech, chastely kiss her on the cheek, and cry softly, as he compeled her to forget the entire life-changing moment.

What’s so ironic about this scene, is that everything Damon says, seems to contradict what’s actually happening on the screen.  Here is Damon saying he’s about to do something selfish.  Yet, by keeping his love for Elena a secret from her, because he feels unworthy of any feelings she might have for him in return, Damon is performing the most selfless act imaginable. 

 Damon tells Elena that he does not deserve her.  And yet, his willingness to give up his own happiness, for her safety, and the happiness of his brother, shows Damon to be more than worthy of Elena’s love.

Time and time again, this season, Damon has reiterated his desire to protect Elena, and keep her safe and happy, above all else.  And if that’s not humanity, embodied in the form of True Love, than humanity simply doesn’t exist . . .

And, there you have it:  My Top Ten Delena Moments of the first half of Season 2.  What were YOURS?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Damon and Elena, Delena, Television Super Couples, The Vampire Diaries, Top Ten Lists

“Hi, Mom!” – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Kill or Be Killed”

“Sheriff Liz Forbes, you just found out your daughter is a vampire, what are you going to do now?”

“Ummm, go underground, and wait for my brainwashing?”

This week on The Vampire Diaries . . .  an “Origins” story was told . . .

 . . . vampires unwittingly found themselves thrown “out of the closet,”

 . . . a mother/ daughter relationship was put to the test . . . and failed miserably;

 . . . a BRAND NEW BROMANCE was born;

Do you hear that?  That’s the sound of half-a-million gay male TVD fans simultaneously typing up Jyler Slash Fanfiction . . .

 . . . and “The Game” was irrecovably changed.

Let’s take a look back at how it all went down, shall we?

“Oh my GOD, you killed JIMMY (wait . . . who’s Jimmy, again)?”

The episode begins with a flashback to a year prior.  The location is Some Random Town, Florida.  Despite the distinct locale, Mason is drinking at a bar that looks suspiciously similar to the Only Bar / Social  Establishment in Mystic Falls (because the same set was used?).  He settles his tab, and stumbles out into the night. 

Some Drunk Loser named “Jimmy” follows him outside.  “Jimmy” looks kind of like that Carrot Top guy.

“Jimmy” immediately attacks Mason, even though Mason repeatedly claims that the two are “friends.”  But Jimmy doesn’t care that Mason is his “friend.”  He just keeps babbling on about Mason being with Jimmy’s girlfriend, some chick named “Marla.”  Mason vehemently denies this.   In fact, upon hearing the suggestion that he and  “Marla” have been having Sexy Wolfy Times together, Mason makes a face like this . . .

Because of this, even though we never get to see “Marla,” I sort of imagined the woman as Marla Hooch from that old movie, A League of Her Own.

a.k.a. Carrot Top’s Jimmy’s sultry GF

Mason begins warning “Jimmy” to back off, or else “very bad things” will happen to him.

“You’re making me angry.  You wouldn’t like me, when I’m angry.”

But Jimmy doesn’t back down.  It’s almost as though some “unseen force” has compelled him not to back down.

History repeating?

Eventually, Mason loses it, and pushes Jimmy to the ground . . . HARD.

Nice knowing ya, Carrot Top Jimmy.

Back in the present day, Mason is explaining to Tyler how Jimmy’s death activated the Lockwood Curse for him.  “Any death caused by your hand will activate the curse,” he restates.

Now, every Full Moon, Mason has to get naked . . .

. . . and chain himself to something HARD (kinky!), or else, he will KILL EVERYTHING IN HIS PATH.

It was a very powerful scene between Uncle and Nephew.  But you know what would have made it even more powerful?  If the exchange was made while the boys were out jogging shirtless . . .

Just a suggestion for next time, Kevin Williamson . . .

Anyway, always a big fan of the quid pro quo, Mason takes this opportunity to inquire after his Family Jewels . . .

And yet, since Tyler still has information he wants from Mason (such as why Mason’s Family Jewels are so very small so important to him), Tyler decides to continue to manhandle the Jewels by himself, for a while longer.  Therefore, he once again, lies to Mason about their whereabouts.

Speaking of Big Fat Liars . . .

“The Truth” is for pussies!

Stefan and Elena are still carrying on their “We’re Going to Pretend to Break Up, So Katherine Doesn’t Eat One of Us” Ruse from last week.  Elena, of the “I only believe in PDA when it will make the boy I pretend to hate, but secretly Luuuuuuuuuuuuve, really jealous” School of Dating . . .

It’s OK, Elena.  Daddy LIKES to watch!

. . . starts pouting about how very, very hard it will be for her, not to be able to smother Stefan with kisses, and grab his tight firm ass, every second of the day.

To appease his whiny girlfriend, Stefan comes up with a code they could use to communicate with eachother, during their public Fake Breakup.  “When I say, ‘I can’t do this, anymore,’ what I really mean is ‘I love you.'”

Oh, that boy is GOOD.

“And when I say, ‘Fine, Whatever,’ it really means ‘I love you too,”’ offers Elena.

OK, I’m sorry, Elena, but that was LAME!  First of all, Stefan already knows you love him almost as much as you love Damon.  Couldn’t you at least have rewarded him by making your code into Dirty Talk?  (Example: “Fine, Whatever” = I would very much like to suck your big vampiric &$#@!”)

Oh, and while we are on the subject, who the heck “breaks up” with someone, by using the words “Fine, Whatever?”

“Ummmm . . . hi, Elena?  This is 1995 calling.  We would like our ‘Fine, Whatever’ back  . . .”

Meanwhile, somewhere across town, Caroline . . .

. . . is trying to convince her absentee Mom, that the reason that she has been moody lately, is because she is “on the rag,” and not because she now occasionally snacks on nurses, ex-boyfriends, and random guys she meets at the school carnival.

Speaking of the aforementioned school carnival, this week’s Town-Related Event-Designed-to-Put-All-the-Main-Characters-in-the-Same-Place-at-the Same-Time is “Volunteer Day.”

(Is it just me, or do these “events” get lamer, every week?  I mean, at least the Founder’s Day stuff was cool.  But cleaning a park?  Seriously?  What’s next, “Take Your Werewolf to Work Day?”)

Do I at least get a free t-shirt?

Adventures in Homoeroticism – Part 1

“I just can’t do this anymore, Mason.”

“Fine, whatever, Stefan . . . Let’s f&*k!”

Did you notice how VERY touchy feely our Sexy TVD boys were this week?  And did you also notice that this “touchy feely-ness” seemed to peak when they were in scenes TOGETHER, and WITHOUT GIRLS.  Here’s our first example of the evening . . .

Stefan gets up close and personal with Mason at Town-Related Event-Designed-to-Put-All-the-Main-Characters-in-the-Same-Place-at-the Same-Time Volunteer Day.  He tells Mason that he is the “nicer brother,” and, as such, he would like to apologize on his “less nice brother’s” behalf for that whole “trying to murder him” thing.

“Oh, come on!  Don’t try to tell me you didn’t enjoy it.”

But Mason is not interested in Stefan’s half-assed apology, nor does he care to come to any sort of “truce” with the Salvatore brothers.  “I made that same offer to your brother, last week.  And he turned it down,” counters Mason.  “Tell your brother to watch his back.”

“Oh no you didn’t, just threaten my Insanely Gorgeous Older Brother, and expect that would be OK with me!”

Mason doesn’t know it yet, but his careless words have acted as an unspoken invitation for Dark Stefan to come out and play . . .

“Heeeeeeeeereeee’s Stefffy!”

Stefan ever so subtly begins to invade Mason’s personal space, so that the pair’s faces are almost touching.  “Well, I guess you will have to wait until a Full Moon then.  Otherwise, you are not as strong, or you would have already killed Damon,” Stefan suggests, venom pouring from his pink puckery lips.

“There’s only one of you . . .

ONE

. . . but there are TWO of us . . .

TWO

. . .  maybe YOU’RE the one who needs to watch his back.”

The now SCHOOLED, Mason, having been promised by Steffy that Damon would stay away from him, reluctantly shook Dark Stefan’s hand and skulked back into the forest, his wolfish tale between his legs.

Then Damon magically appears . . .

Ever the expert at Personal Space Invasion . . .

 . . . Damon wastes no time getting all up in Stefan’s grill about the conversation he just overheard . . .

Dark Stefan, may I have this dance?”

“I don’t wannnnnnt peeeeeaaaace!”  Damon whines petulantly.

“Well, then consider it Opposite Day,” Stefan retorts.

“Do you really think a handshake will make this all go away?”  Damon asks incredulously

“No, I think he is going to try to kill you and me.  Like we don’t have enough problems, already.  So, thanks!”  Stefan replies smartly.

“Oh, you’re very welcome!  Cheers!”

Adventures in Homoeroticism – Part 2

Tired of being left out of all of his sister’s PowWows of Sexiness and Plot Explanation, and unceremoniously rejected from the Salvatore Detective Agency, Jeremy decides to take matters into his own hands.  Elena has already told him that Mason Lockwood is a werewolf, but nobody seems to know yet whether Tyler is one as well.

This sounds like a job for Mini Gilbert!

At the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, Jeremy casually wrangles his way into a sort of / kind of double date at the Lockwood Mansion, along with Tyler, Slutty Amy, and New Girl, Slutty Sarah (played by Majara Walsh) . . .

At the Lockwood Mansion, Slutty Sarah and Slutty Amy dance drunkenly to songs from The Vampire Diaries Soundtrack (specifically, Obsession, by Sky Ferriera – GREAT SONG, by the way), while Tyler and Jeremy give eachother longing looks across the room. 

“Hmmm . . . I wonder if Jeremy has an Endzone Dance as cool as mine.”

Then, Jeremy accidentally / on purpose exposes his drawings of werewolves to the slutty group.  The girls think the pictures are “icky,” but Tyler takes the bait.  Steam coming out of his ass ears, Tyler excuses himself, and drags Jeremy into a nearby room, where he pushes him up against a wall and makes passionate love to him tries to strangle him.

Poor Jeremy, always in peril . . . kind of like Dawn on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

“GET OUT!  GET OUT!  GET OUT!”

“I know what you are,” gasps Jeremy.

Tyler eventually chills out, and the pair share a heart-to-heart, during which the Not-Yet-Werewolf relays to Jeremy, the ENTIRE Mason Lockwood Storyline, as it has unfolded thus far.

“Woo hoo!  *sings*  I know something Elena doesn’t know!  I know something Elena doesn’t know!”

Unfortunately, while Tyler and Jeremy are busy fondling Mason’s Family Jewels together . . .

. . .  Slutty Amy and Slutty Sarah pop in, and decide that they want to fondle Mason’s Family Jewels too.  In fact, Slutty Sarah would very much like to fondle Mason’s Family Jewels with Jeremy in Tyler’s bedroom.  But Jeremy is not down with that. 

So, Tyler, always up for everyone Sloppy Seconds, chases Slutty Sarah up the staircase and grabs for Mason’s Jewels.  The sudden movement catches Slutty Sarah off guard and she FALLS DOWN THE STEPS!

Is she DEAD?  Will Tyler become a werewolf now?

Unfortunately (Oh, come on!  Don’t get all self-righteous with me.  Slutty Sarah was REALLY annoying!), the answers to both of those questions are a resounding “No.”  Slutty Sarah gets up after a few moments without so much as a scratch on her. 

OK . . . how many of you want to bet that SHE’S not human, EITHER! 

(Is anyone human on this show, anymore?   If they tell me Elena is a Fairy next week, I will be SO PISSED!)

“Hey!  I resemble that remark!”

Never Trust Little Girls Bearing Lemonade . . .

“Sure!  NOW you tell me!”

While Stefan and Elena are having their silly fake fight (which nobody, except maybe Caroline, believe for a second) . . .

“Grrrr!  I’m so mad right now that I could just EAT YOU!”

. . . Mason is busy trying to convince Sheriff Forbes, or “Liz” as everyone was suddenly calling her today, that her good ole buddy Damon Salvatore was a real undead bloodsucker.

Just a minor little quibble here.  If Damon was able to hear EVERYBODY ELSE’S conversations during this episode, why couldn’t he hear THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE?

Mason eventually promises to prove to “Liz” once and for all Damon’s “true colors” (red and black, of course).

Damon first starts to get suspicious when he kindly tries to help Liz with her inability to relate to her daughter, and Liz, more or less, blows him off.

“Is this because I stopped following you on Twitter?”

But the Poo REALLY hits the fan when a suspiciously cute little girl offers Damon  . . . LEMONADE . . . and he DRINKS IT!

Oh, the horror!

Apparently, Mason and Liz had laced the glass with vervain.  The nefarious pair watches as Damon clutches his chest and falls to the ground  — his loyal brother Stefan at his side, helping him to his feet.  Once Damon comes back to himself, he is PISSED!

“I am PISSED!”

Stefan tries to calm down Damon as he rages against that D-bag Mason.  “I’m gonna kill him,” Big Bro seethes.

Stefan .  . . agrees.

“Well HELLO, Dark Stefan!  I didn’t expect to see YOU back so soon!”

“I don’t like it.  He is making threats, and we need to put him down,” says Dark Stefan in his best Tony Soprano voice.

The two corner Mason in the woods, and are about to jump his ass, when shots ring out.  Both Damon and Stefan fall to the ground, each SHOT MULTIPLE TIMES IN THE CHEST!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It was all a RUSE!  The Salvatore Brothers were set up by Wolfy Mason and Evil Liz, and shot with bullets of wood and vervain!

Fortunately, for the boys, Caroline, who is “comforting” Elena about her “break up,” gets suspicious when she sees her mother rushing into the forest, and uses her Super Vampire Hearing to track the vampires to that slave quarters / dungeon Mason had tied himself up in a few weeks back.

“Hey, when we’re done doing this whole ‘Save Your Boyfriends’ thing . . . I just heard there’s a big sale at the Gap.  Wanna go?”

Liz starts peppering a half conscious Damon and a completely unconscious Stefan (yeah . . . because talking to sleeping people is TOTALLY an affective interrogation tactic) about the vampires of Mystic Falls.  When the Sleepyheads don’t answer, Evil Liz and her Police Boy Minion decide to stake their asses.

Outside, Elena and Caroline are arguing.  You see, Caroline has just TOTALLY kicked that Weenie Mason’s ASS, like the HBIC champ she NOW is . . .

 So, Elena figures it’s high time both girls enter the dungeon, guns blazing, to save Elena’s boyfriends a.k.a. Caroline’s Punching Bag and Fellow Bunny Hunter, respectively.  When Caroline refuses to enter the dungeon, out of fear of being exposed as a vamp to her mother, Elena rushes in alone.

Unfortunately, when it comes to Heroic Rescue, mere human Elena is sort of a D-student, so it’s up to Caroline to bail her out.

Within about two seconds, Vamp Caroline has taken a big lethal bite out of Police Boy, and cheerily offered a polite “Hi Mom,” to Evil Liz.

“What’s wrong?  Do I have something in my teeth?”

Cut to a very weak Stefan chowing down on Peter Rabbit . . .

 . . . while Damon finishes off Caroline’s Police Boy . . .

Is it wrong that I find this photograph incredibly erotic?

Caroline then begs her mother to keep her little vampire secret, when Damon refuses, Caroline warns her, “he’ll kill you.”

“So kill me,” Evil Liz says sadly.

Ever the gentleman, Damon moves to oblige his lady, grabbing her by her neck like a rag doll, and pushing her up against the wall.  Everyone screams.  However, they needn’t be so worried.  “Relax, you’re my friend,” says Damon, gently placing Evil Liz back on the floor.

Something tells me that Damon’s definition of “friend” is a bit more expansive than mine . . .

“Did you get some bunny in you?” Caroline sweetly inquires of Stefan, as the Scooby Gang leave the dungeon.

“Yes, I am feeling much better now, thanks,” says Stefan with a smile.

How cute are these two?

After setting Evil Liz up with high thread count sheets, and letting her call in sick to work, Damon tells Liz that she will stay down there for three days until the vervain leaves her system, and then he will compel her to forget that all of this has happened.  Before leaving, Damon sweetly tells Evil Liz that she should be nicer to her vampire daughter.  “My daughter is gone,” says the Wicked Witch.

“You have no idea how wrong you are about that, she’s going to outlive your ass for centuries” Damon concludes.

Now we have seen Damon’s humanity in his self-sacrificing dealings with, not just Elena and Stefan, but also with Caroline and Liz.  His most recent kindness does not go unnoticed by Elena . . .

MOMMY LIKE!

Sometimes Bunnies Just Don’t Cut It . . .

“My Precious!”

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Elena catches Stefan ogling those telltale hospital blood bags that made him go all CRAZZZZZY last season, as if they are nudie magazines.  When Elena looks at him with her trademark judgy eyes, Stefan tells her how Katherine built up a tolerance to vervain, by ingesting a little bit each day.  He believes he can do the same thing with blood.

“I almost died tonight.  This is the only thing that will make me strong enough to defeat Katherine.  If I can’t change, I can’t protect you,” explains Stefan.

“Vampire with an addictive personality, say WHAT?”

Elena storms off, just as she did with Stefan during their fake fight, only this time, the fight is REAL.

Upstairs at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Elena finds a Sad Caroline, who is afraid to go home, because Katherine is waiting for her to rat out Stefan and Elena.

Caroline confesses that Katherine threatened Matt’s life . . .

. . . and that’s when she decided to do Katherine’s bidding.  “I’m really scared of her,” says Caroline.

“You should be,” says Elena, except she doesn’t know exactly why.

Damon arrives home as Elena is heading out.

“Caroline is sleeping on the coach,” Elena whispers to Damon.

“And you?”  He inquires.

“I’m sleeping in your bed going home,” she replies, a bit wistfully, in my opinion.

“What you did for Caroline’s mom,” Elena adds.  “That was the Damon that was my friend.”

WOO HOO!  Delena Fans?  It is SO ON!

Since Elena has shared this VERY IMPORTANT piece of information with Damon (not to mention, gave him a nice eye f&*king for good measure), the Elder Salvatore brother decides to respond in kind.  “Stefan didn’t drink the People Blood.  But he NEEDS to.  And, deep down, you know that,” he concludes.

Elena ponders Damon’s GORGEOUS EYES and big . .  . ahem . . . heart words for a moment, before returning to Stefan.  “I don’t want you to do this alone,” she says to her loving bloodsucker.

After receiving confirmation that he will be able to control himself, upon imbibing just a few drops of human blood per day, Elena gallantly offers Stefan her wrist.  He sucks from it.  It is SUPER HOT!

“It’s you and me, Stefan .  . . always until the writers decide it’s Damon’s turn,” whispers Elena, as her eyes roll back in her head in ecstacy from all that licking and sucking.

In Other News . . .

“Mason can have his Family Jewels.  I still have a Big Stick, and NO ONE is taking that away from me except for maybe Jeremy, if he really wants it.”

Back at Lockwood Mansion, Tyler’s experience almost killing Slutty Sarah has given him a whole new outlook on the Werewolf Curse.  He wants no part of it.  And so, Tyler finally decides to give Mason his Family Jewels.

“Yee haw!  I finally got my balls Moonstone back!”

After rubbing his jewels a bit, Mason decides he’d prefer if someone else rubbed for him, and so he gets into a car with . . . KATHERINE!

“Why do I feel like I’m watching the last five minutes of The Usual Suspects all over again?”

A brief flashback confirms, more or less, that Katherine courted Mason a year back, knowing of the Lockwood curse.  She then, most likely, compelled Jimmy . . .

 . . . to think that Mason cheated with Marla . . .

 . . . and attack him.  It was KATHERINE who wanted the Moonstone all along.  The question is “WHY?”

As the episode concludes, we see Mason and Katherine screwing like bunnies . . .

Not those bunnies . . .

 . . . thus proving that Nina Dobrev is the LUCKIEST ACTRESS IN THE WORLD!  Seriously!  How would you like to get paid somewhere in the neighborhood of 30K an episode to make out with Ian Somerhalder . . .

Paul Wesley . . .

 . . . and Taylor Kinney . . .

Ummm . . . Nina . . . if you ever get tired of this gig, you know who to call! 😉

[www.juliekushner.com]

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