Tag Archives: liam and hayden

Daydream Believer – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “Strange Frequencies”

haha scott impaled

Love hurts . . .

Those wacky head shrinking Dredd Doctors are at it again, Werebangers! For the second episode in a row they are hard at work, forcing our Scooby Gang to confront their darkest fears and kinkiest sex fantasies, one CGI’ed hallucination at a time.

Question: Why they are doing this, when it seemingly has no conceivable link to their ultimate plan to craft the ultimate teenage chimera murder machine?

Answer: Because mentally torturing teens is hilarious, obviously . . .

nodding oh yeah

Also because when the characters are spending 98% of their screen time battling Big Bads each week, the most convenient type of character development is not the kind which is deftly drawn out through dialogue, facial and body language (Zzzzzzzzz, bo-ring!), but the kind that is beat into viewers brains with a sledge hammer and ground into a fine paste.

Let’s psychoanalyze, shall we?

[As always, special thanks to Andre, whose screencaps are always so spectacular, that I sometimes find myself wondering whether the episode he watched was better than the one I did.]

Playing Hard to Get Versus Just Getting Hard

When we last left Evil Theo and Stiles, Evil Theo had just saved Stiles life from a guy who liked to eat electric wires so much! It was like he was a hormonal female, and the wires were his favorite brand of potato chips for that special time of month (You can’t eat just one!).

“Hey, speaking of dead teens with effed up teeth, how about that douchebag you impaled a couple of weeks back. His chompers were insane, am-I-right?” Evil Theo brings up conversationally.

impaled

“Grrrrr, Evil Theo,” fumes Stiles. “It makes me totally furious that you would know about my deep dark past of two days ago, because I totally hate your guts, and aren’t at all interested in ripping off your clothes to have sex with you. So, you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to throw your Adonis body hard against this chain link fence, grip your strong muscular shoulders in my fingertips, press my face millimeters from yours, and show you just how not attracted to you I actually am.”

better now kissnow kiss cartoon

“This is spectacular! Everyone on this show wants me!” Theo exclaims to himself, laughing maniacally, as he thumbs the lettering on his ‘I am Evil’ t-shirt. “After I murder a litter of puppies, engage in some light devil worshipping, suffocate some adorable babies, and have intense animalistic sex with Kira and Malia, I am totally going to come back and have my way with Stiles.”

now kiss

“OK, so here’s the deal. I won’ t tell Scott you are a murderer, if you don’t tell him I’m a murderer,” Theo offers his new boyfriend.   “And just to make sure our mutual friend isn’t at all suspicious of us, we should (1) never play ‘Never Have I Ever’ with Scott at a party, just in case he’s tempted to say “Never have I ever murdered a hot teenage boy with weird teeth, in which case we would both have to drink, obviously, because no one can lie during ‘Never Have I Ever’. It’s the law. (2) Bring him this dead body to fondle, as we know how much virtuous Scott loves to manhandle the bodies of the recently deceased.”

“Awesome ideas, Theo!” Stiles responds. “Let’s also put some sunglasses on Dead-y over here, so we can drive around Beacon Hills with him in the back seat, and pretend he’s still alive, Weekend at Bernies’ style.”

Weekend-at-BerniesMeanwhile, Liam is trying to charm his love interest, Hayden (I tried so hard not to learn her name, but then the Dredd Doctors said it about 85 times this episode, just to screw with my plans), by telling her she is a science experiment gone horribly wrong. Now, if a line like that isn’t enough to make your panties drop, ladies, you must be dead inside!

hayden wait

get away

Then, Liam doubles down on the seduction techniques, by transforming into monster, and trying to chew Hayden’s face off . . .

Hayden is unimpressed . . . possibly because she is legitimately dead inside . . . because the Dredd Doctors made her that way. So, she punches Liam in the face and runs away.

scared face punch

These two are going to be the best couple ever!

face plant

Habeas Corpus (Translation: “You should have the body.”)

Scott is thrilled that Evil Theo and Stiles have brought him a brand new sexy chimera body to play with.

“I really hope that bastard, Naked Garbage Man, doesn’t take this one from me, like he took all the other ones,” Scott pouts. “I mean, seriously. What’s a guy got to do to keep a corpse as a pet around here?”

scott dog dish“Stiles and I will babysit the body for you tonight, while we have sex in the car outside,” Evil Theo offers generously.

“What?” Scott asks, confused.

yet another scott face

“I said Stiles and I will babysit the body for you tonight, and Naked Garbage Man will have nowhere to hide,” Evil Theo covers cleverly.

“We will also keep the video camera on my cell phone trained on the body, so we can see who tries to take it. I am offering to use my cell phone to film this eight-hour snuff film, because even though I want everyone to believe I’m dirt poor, my cell phone has an insane unlimited data plan,” explains Stiles.

Stiles and Scott conveniently leave Evil Theo alone for a few minutes, so he can yell at one of the Dredd Doctors for not keeping him in the loop on the whole Naked Garbage Man thing. “Inconsequential,” the Dredd Doctor repeats over and over again to Theo’s lecture.

loop

chatting with dreddyWhy? No reason. It’s just a cool word . . .

Back on the spinoff show Baby Wolf and Friends, Hayden’s car has mysteriously broken down, and the radio in it will only play one channel: It’s All Dredd Doctors, All the Time. Now, the Dredd Doctors may be totally awesome at Frankenscience and giving people hallucinations that are thinly veiled metaphors for their life, but they suck at other stuff . . . like talking. This makes them horrible disc jockeys for the radio station to which Hayden is being forced to listen.

radio

First of all, the Dredd Doctors are nearly impossible to understand most of the time . . . they sound like I imagine Darth Vader would sound . . . if he was lying at the bottom of the ocean underneath something very heavy.

darth vader

“Hey, I resemble that remark.”

And then, when you do manage to hear what they are saying, it’s almost always something totally lame. (The word “inconsequential” notwithstanding.) Here’s what they say on Hayden’s radio: “Hayden . . . Hayden . . . Hayden . . . (wait for it) . . . Hayden.”

And “Your condition improves.”

Fortunately, Liam hops on top of her car, and bashes in the window, to free her from the mind-numbing nonsense of bad radio.

running tog

So, to recap, Hayden and Liam repeatedly punch one another in the face. And when they aren’t doing that, they are destroying one another’s private property on a regular basis. How can you not ship these two?

make up for

(Recapper’s note: In all seriousness, I actually do ship these two, which I think makes me a terrible person . . .)

Speaking of terrible people . . .

Child Abuse is Adorable!

Kira’s been calling out sick lately from Scott’s Scooby Games, because she might be possessed like Stiles was a season or so ago, and doesn’t want it to interfere with her friends’ Fight Against Evil, which makes her super considerate as far as possessed people go . . .

Kira’s parents aren’t satisfied though, and decide to trick her into going to school on the weekend, so Kira’s mom can try to impale her with a katana. At first, Kira doesn’t fight back, because it’s her mom, and she’s like, old and stuff. But then, Kira’s mom is all “Come at me, BIATCH!”

fight mewtfmom

She starts really coming at Kira hard, and getting all stabby with her.

they fight howduken

So, eventually Kira starts to fight back, and knocks the sword out of her mom’s hand. Kira’s mom immediately crumbles in the corner, looking totally horrified and insulted that her daughter had the nerve to defend herself against her mother’s TRYING TO KILL HER. HOW DARE SHE? She should have just rolled over and died, dammit.

Kira’s mom blames the kitsune on Kira’s violent behavior. But, personally, I blame her parents being assholes . . .

cowering

Later that night, Kira’s mom gets back at Kira for the whole defending herself thing, by sticking a bunch of needles in her back. She says it’s to help “balance” the power between Kira’s human self and her foxy self. But if I wanted balance, I’d buy myself a scale, not impale myself multiple times over just for fun . . .

sad kira

Kira starts to cry, and Kira’s mom asks her if she’s in pain. “DUH! OBVIOUSLY, SHE’S GOT ABOUT 85,000 NEEDLES IN HER BACK!”

(Yeah, I know . . . I know, acupuncture is supposed to be about pressure points, and it’s generally not supposed to be painful. But considering this woman just tried to kill her barely legal daughter a few moments ago, excuse me for being a bit suspicious.)

I actually felt kind of vindicated when Kitsu-Kira, took all those damn needles out of her back, used them to make the number 115 on the headboard of her bed, and escaped, leaving her asshat parents to think about what they’d done.   Hopefully fox Kira was smart enough to call Child Services on her way out the door . . .

115

In Which Every Supporting Character in Beacon Hills is Gay (and wants to sleep with Mason)

i got thisWatch out, Evil Theo. You’ve got competition in the Sex Pot Department. Mason’s been macking it with so many chimeras and wolves lately, his tongue probably has rabies.

He gets another one this week. This time it’s the boyfriend of the chimera he made out with a couple weeks ago, before the latter was brutally murdered. (AWK-WARD!) Mason flirts with him long enough to realize, by golly, he’s a super healing chimera too!

Hey Mason, do you have any chimera in you?

No? Do you want some?

I love you like you’re my sister . . . who I may have murdered, coincidentally.

his eyes yelOutside on Sexy Stakeout, Evil Theo and Stiles eye f*&k one another so hard that if one of them was a woman she’d probably be pregnant by now. Evil Theo is trying to convince Stiles that murdering people is totally cool, if they are douchebags like Donovan and the guy who ate electric wires all the time. “See, I killed Electric Wire Eater, and my eyes didn’t even turn Murderer Blue. That’s God’s way of saying he approves,” Theo explains.

Or it’s because you are not an actual werewolf, but a chimera, made by science, and, therefore, not bound by wolf law . . .

“Yeah . . . I have to admit killing Donovan was kind of fun, especially when all that blood poured out of his mouth like a geyser, and it kind of looked like chocolate . . . a chocolate geyser,” Stiles admits.

more impale“You remind me so much of my sister, who I pushed off a bridge, so she broke her leg and fell near a lake. And then I watched as she died of hypothermia,” says Theo.

a little help

“Um? A little help here? I’m dying, kind of?”

closeup evil face

“Not really feeling up to it, to be honest. It looks a little chilly down there.”

“WHAT??!!!” Stiles asks incredulously.

mistrust“I said I really want us to be friends. And you are hot. So, I’ll always protect you, and occasionally bone your brains out.”

“That second thing you said, didn’t sound at all like the first thing you said,” Stiles muses suspiciously.

car flirt

“Do you smell something burning?” Theo asks, quick to change the subject.

Speaking of burning . . .

The Scooby Gang (and new chimera, Hayden) all gather at the school. They have this ridiculous idea that they are going to trap the Dredd Doctors there by using high frequency dog whistles or something. Parrish is there too, because he has no friends his own age, and finds all girls over the age of 18, so crusty, old and gross.

“Hey Scott, I know you are supposed to be like my were-dad or something, but I think it’s kind of mean that you are dangling my new girlfriend in front of a bunch of psycho killers, and making her wear a sign on her back that says ‘Please brutally murder me,’” Liam admits.

liam doesn't like it“Don’t sass me, boy,” Scott lectures. “This is an excellent plan. Trust me, nothing will go wrong.”

“You’re right, Wolf Daddy. I’m sorry,” capitulates Liam.

cuddlingFive seconds later, everything goes straight to hell . . .

The Dangers of Kinky Sex Without a Safe Word

It’s Dredd Doctor Hallucination time! Let’s start with the sexy ones and work our way back, OK?

Anybody who has ever watched the trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey knows that all weird sex should come with a safe word, to make it stop when things get too intense. Ideally, that word should be something you wouldn’t normally say during sex anyway, like “Ohhh,” or “Ahhh,” or “Owwww,” or “Are you almost done? Big Brother starts in five minutes.”

Parrish and Scott clearly didn’t get the memo about the safe words . . .

Parrish is sitting outside the school in his cop car, fondling his Lydia playing card, when Lydia herself appears in the flesh. Now, THAT is a great magic trick!

macking it

We know something is off about this soon-to-be sex scene immediately, because (1) Lydia is wearing a completely different outfit than the one she had on a few minutes ago; and (2) Lydia is ravaging Parrish like he is a juicy steak, and she has been on an all kale smoothie diet for weeks.

Sometime during the sex act, Lydia’s makeup comes off, and she starts to look a little rough . . .

do you think im prettyJust kidding! Parrish completely burns off her face with his Naked Garbage Man hotness. Fortunately, Lydia doesn’t seem to mind a bit . . . Talk about a ride or die, girl!

not liking thisClearly the Dredd Doctors have tapped into both Parrish’s guilt at desiring a high schooler, and his fear that he may be an Evil Naked Garbage Man, who burns kids bodies on a big ole tree, just for fun . . .

All this self-awareness really pisses off Parrish, as we will see in just a bit.

Elsewhere in sexual guilt land, Scott is beating himself up over the fact that he’s totally turned off by Kira, now that she’s constantly wearing that dorky fox costume, and is kind of evil . . .

So, of course, his Dredd Doctor Fantasy involves rough kinky sex with Kira that ends in his own demise.

more impale haha die sonBut what a way to go, am I right, boys?

The Trap Queens

The girls’ Dredd Doctor fears are a bit more shallow then the boys, which is saying a lot considering what you’ve just read above.

Malia spent eight years of her life as a coyote, living in a town covered in coyote traps placed by her own father, so of course, her fear would look something like this . . .

great trapLydia is a really good kisser, so her fear involves the ripping out of her tongue . . .

her tongue gorryJust kidding, I think the loss of tongue fear comes from Lydia worrying that she will never truly be able to harness her banshee power (i.e. her scream) in a way that can actually help her friends. And if that’s the case, then she might as well not have that power at all . . .

In which the most likeable character on the show is murdered, a.k.a Stiles’ jeep

So, remember how I told you that Parrish was really angry that the Dredd Doctors called him out, via hallucination, for being a creeper. (Not to mention the terrible case of these, he undoubtedly received . . .)

blue ballsWell, Parrish’s anger ended up being bad news for Evil Theo, who got punched in the face. Worse news for Stiles, who got smushed under his car, when Parrish knocked it over. But it was the worst news for Stiles’ poor jeep, Roscoe, which Parrish burned to death.

awesome punch great stiles(I wonder if Theo would consider THIS justifiable homicide . . . you know . . . due to the whole blue balls thing. Not to say that the blue balls were Roscoe’s fault, or anything . . . )

Speaking of Evil Theo, he rescues Stiles from the burning car, saving his life A-GAIN, while Naked Garbage Man Parrish conveniently gets away with yet another chimera body completely unnoticed . . .

gotcha boddyAm I being naïve to think, Stiles may be able to revive Roscoe for one more car accident . . . just for old times sake?

Just in case I am, R.I.P. Roscoe. You will truly be missed.   I always liked you better than Scott . . .

In which Scott shows himself to suck just as much at fishing as he does at regular life

When Scott and friends are all done daydreaming, they learn that the Dredd Doctors have kidnapped Liam and Hayden . . . oops.

we screwed up

You see, that’s the thing about bait. In order for it to work, you actually have to keep it attached to the fishing line, not just throw it to the fish, and hope they come onto your line out of the goodness of their hearts . . .

kidnapedWell . . . THAT happened . . .

Having a slightly better day than her son is Scott’s mom. Not only did she have a pretty adorable flirt session with Sheriff Stilinski (Take that, Lydia’s mom!), she also figured out the relationship between the chimeras. As it turns out, all of them had surgical procedures in which dead people’s body parts were attached to there’s, making them real chimeras/ wuzzles before they became fake monstery ones.

figure it out tog

Scott’s mom is feeling pretty darn good about herself, when she arrives home from work. So, of course, Jeff Davis has to crap on that . . .

dead body screamUntil next time, Werebangers!

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Scott versus The Paperback – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “Required Reading”

cant read at all

Throughout the seasons of Teen Wolf, Scott McCall and his wolfpack have battled numerous formidable enemies . . . and the Alpha Pack, which was totally lame, obviously.  They have fought Evil Alphas, Kanaimas, Daraches, Berserkers, and a really grumpy-old man, always ultimately reigning victorious.

funny face grandpa

But now, Scott McCall must face down a new evil, one much more terrifying than all the rest.  And that evil is . .  . a paperback novel at a fourth-grade reading level!

4 4 derek zooland

As a recapper who regularly joked about the thinly-veiled illiteracy of Scott and his wolf pack, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel mildly vindicated by the fact that Jeff Davis and co made this into an actual plot point.  Let’s put it this way, of all the main characters in this series, the only one who was actually able to finish that crappy dimestore novel without taking a break for “naptime,” was the one who spent half her young life, eating roadkill and sh*tting in the woods . . .

deer eat

But what really made Dredd Doctors: A Novel so horrifying, at least to our characters, was not that it was simply “too hard” for our heroes to comprehend (because it was!), it was the memories that attempting to read it brought to the surface of each of the main characters’ minds . . . (none of which actually had to do with the Dredd Doctors, like they were supposed to . . . but hey, why mess with a formula that works, in order to do something as silly as advance plot , right?)

nodding oh yeah

That’s right Werebangers. “Required Reading” was this season’s “Motel California,” and “Party Guessed.” Like these two previous episodes, which, in my mind were two of the strongest in the series’ history, “Required Reading” utilized (though not quite as successfully as its predecessors) a mixture of hallucination and repressed memory to illuminate aspects of our characters’ (like Lydia and Stiles) psyche that wouldn’t necessarily be evident at first blush.

hallucinating

They also made Scott look like an even bigger doofus than usual. . .

no idea what im doing

Let’s review, shall we?

[As always a special thanks to Andre for all the awesome screencaps you see here.  Without them, this recap would probably as much fun to read as Dredd Doctors: A Novel .  . .]

Digging up those HOLES

The cops find eight holes dug up on the football field, and Sheriff Stilinski thinks they each represent new chimeras, i.e just enough freaks of the week for each new episode of this season.  “Though in some episodes, we will probably have to double up on freaks, so everyone on Team Chimera gets a chance to play,” the Sheriff Muses.

I, on the other hand, think Shia LeBeouff dug up those holes, as part of his juvenile delinquent sentence, after he was falsely accused of stealing some sneakers that fell on his head .. .

digging holes

holes

The Sheriff and Malia then helpfully recap our past freaks of the week, by literally X’ing out pictures of their faces with red marker a la Emily Thorne from Revenge.  Excluded from this board is that creepy black-faced guy from the premiere, because he is not an attractive Abercrombie-model looking teenager, and Teen Wolf, therefore, would like you to forget he existed.  Or, if not forget he existed, at least forget what he looked like . . .

Donovan is hot and young enough looking to be included in this list though!

impaled

Sheriff S wants to put an X over his nemesis’ face, but can’t because he hasn’t seen is corpse yet.  And he hasn’t seen his corpse yet, because our Friendly Neighborhood Naked Garbage man has already converted it to Evil Tree Fertilizer.  “Every horror movie ever has taught me that ‘no dead body’ equals ‘no dead teenager,” Sheriff S helpfully offers.

no sharpie

“That’s generally true, except for those situations where said dead teenager, gets made into a shishkabob by a falling ladder part, and his innards erupt into a puddle of grey goo,” mutters Stiles under his breath.

on the board

“What?”  Sheriff S and Malia ask.

“I said ‘I’m really hungry for shishkabobs, and I love you too,” replies Stiles.

Then Stiles pees in his pants, because his continued guilt over this asshat’s death is essential to the plot, even though it was totally done in self-defense, and if his dad had watched him do it, he probably would have cheered him on . . .

on the board

ep 8 stiles dad hug fyeah

Briefly during this scene, the characters pose the question of what the chimeras have in common, that makes the Dredd Doctors seek them out, when they are still human.  My theory . . . they’ve all had organs removed  / transplanted.  But more on that in a bit . . .

Punch me if you are horny, baby

orgy face

“Oh, I know, it hurts so good, baby! So good!”

Half naked, Parrish and Lydia, get hot and sweaty together to pop music under the guise of “jujitsu training.”  The lessons don’t go particularly well, because every time Parrish tries to disarm and take down Lydia, she feels the need to sigh amorously and nuzzle her head into his neck.  And he feels the need to take a break so he can sniff her hair and fondle her breasts.

marrish 1

Apparently, all this foreplay somehow managed to transform Lydia into the badass ninja we saw in the season opener.  I suspect this is because Parrish transferred his ninja powers to the banshee by infusing them into her boobs, while the two were getting to second base .  . .

marrish 2

Mid nipple tease, Lydia gets a Dredd Doctor flashback of some sort, which totally turns her off to future sex acts . . . er . . . I mean “martial arts training” with Parrish.

Don’t worry, Parrish.  I hear bursting into flames on top of a corpse encrusted evil tree is a great cure for blue balls . . . better than cold showers and a self-inflicted hand job, even!

phoenix parrish

blue balls

Scott McCall’s Book Club for Kids Who Can’t Read Good

cant read kira

words disappear

Scott’s entire Scooby Gang meet to read the Dredd Doctor book together, while laying on top of one another on the couch, because apparently reading is contact sport in Scott McCall’s world.  It’s also exhausting, obviously, because after reading exactly two pages a piece, everyone falls asleep.  I suspect this is because most of the crew’s idea of “reading” is doing this . . .

https://youtu.be/O35j9pKAmmo

(Kira, at least has an excuse, according to Mason, because foxes are like soooo illiterate.  Everyone else is just dumb and/or lazy.)

sleepin stiles sleepin

Once the group is safely comatose, Theo helpfully changes into his “I am Evil” t-shirt, grows a black mustache from his baby face, so he can twirl it malevolently, and creeps up to Kira’s bedroom, so he can leer over her for a few minutes like a child molester, and tape her sleep talking with his iPhone.

creeper watch

“Hey Scott,” Theo says to his new/old pal the next morning.  “You don’t know this, but while you were passed out last night after an excruciating  twenty minutes spent sounding out the word ‘Doctor,’ I went up to your girlfriend’s bedroom and dry humped her while she was unconscious.  Does that bother you at all?”

taping

“No, should it?”  Scott inquires, clearly confused.

(Other things that confuse, Scott: sneakers that come with shoe-laces instead of Velcro, double-sided tape, and doors that have the word “Push” written on them, even though they have handles . . .)

“Cool, well, I also taped her pillow talk, and then typed what she said into Google Translate.  It turns out her and her fox costume want to murder us all!”

kira mode

“Dude, you are so racist.  Not every phrase in Japanese automatically means, ‘I want to murder you all.  Only like 95 % of them do!’” Scott retorts.

“Did you hear me, Scott?  I said I found it on Google Translate.  And Google Translate never ever takes sentences out of context, or attributes to them American meanings that don’t jive with what they actually mean in other countries!”  Theo argues.

“Oh . . . well, in that case, I hate Kira now.  She is evil, and we are totally breaking up,” responds Scott.

ephemeral

“Then, you won’t mind if I have sex with her then, me being secretly evil, and really sh*tty at hiding it and all?  I think we’d be a good love match.”  Theo muses

“Didn’t you already have sex with her last night?”  Scott asks.

“No, we just dry humped . . .” Theo offers.

“OK then, be my guest,” replies Scott.

“Thanks, you are the best!” Theo responds, before heading off to the gym to corrupt and steal Stiles’ girlfriend too!

Obligatory Shirtless Scene in 3 . . . 2 . . .

takes off evil shirt

In the school gym, Theo sees Malia coming to visit him, and quickly disrobes, so that he can hypnotize her into submission with his sexy man nipples.

theo shirt off

“I think I’m supposed to be having a conversation with you about how I’m lying to my boyfriend about how my mom, the desert wolf, killed my adoptive mom, but I am too intoxicated by the smell of your man musk, and the way your pecs look covered in sweat to really concentrate on what’s being said in this scene,” says Malia.

watchin

“Mwah-hahahaha,” Theo laughs evilly, wishing he didn’t have to be naked for Malia, so he could put on his ‘I am Evil’ shirt again.  (How else will Teen Wolf fans realize this guy is up to no good, if they aren’t reminded of it every three seconds?)

her face

That Will Teach You to Read Books!

see it

Now is the part of the episode, where our main characters get punished for trying to be scholarly.  First up is Lydia.  While helping a fellow student, who she thinks is a chimera, but who actually just suffers from trichotillomania (Google it!) . . .

hair pull

. .  she flashes back to a time when she accidentally walked into Eichen House to find her grandmother bleeding in a tub, after having supposedly drilled a hole in her own head.  (Though based on the scene where the Dredd Doctors threaten to do the exact same thing to Lydia, Poor Grandma might not be entirely responsible for her own mutilation.)

the grandma drill

“They are coming for us, Lydia.  They are coming for us all,” Grandma warns ominously.

I guess it’s pretty obvious why someone would want to repress an effed up memory like that, am I right?  I mean, seeing your grandma naked?   YIKES!  But also the “hole in head” thing . . .

What’s interesting about this hallucination is that it actually tells us quite a bit about why Lydia might have subconsciously been hiding her own intelligence in the first season or so of the series.  We all assumed she did it to be popular.  But, perhaps, there was a part of Lydia that took her grandmother’s terrifying warning to mean that she should cover up those things that make her different from others (i.e. her genius IQ, her banshee powers, etc) at all costs, or risk being persecuted, or worse, hurt, for it . . .

Speaking of Lydia’s banshee powers, after hearing the name of Liam’s love interest chanted during one of her hallucinations, and seeing the gory operation done by the Dredd Doctors on this week’s nameless freak of the week, Lydia figures out that she is somehow able to tap into the memories of other chimeras.

hearing

So, Lydia inexplicably gets new powers every week that have absolutely nothing to do with her being a banshee, which makes her Super Girl, basically.

In other heartbreaking hallucination news, Stiles remembered a time when his mother, suffering from dementia caused by a brain tumor, tried to jump off a roof, because she was convinced that Stiles, who was only ten at the time, was trying to murder her.  She even attacked Stiles when he tried to confront her.

stiles crying trying to kill

Up until this point, we’ve heard bits and pieces about Stiles’ mother’s illness and subsequent death, while getting hints that Stiles felt somehow guilty or responsible for it.  (A perfect example of this was his hallucination during “Party Guessed.”)  However, this is the first time all those pieces are finally put together.

Clearly, there’s a part of Stiles that subconsciously wonders if his mother was right . . . if there is something in Stiles that is inherently wrong or bad.  This part of Stiles may have been what made him such an easy target for possession by the Nogitsune.  It also may explain why Stiles is so wracked with guilt over the part he played in that dirtbag, Donovan’s, death . .  .

he and mom

In Which Liam Appears to Be On a Completely Different Show Than Everyone Else . . .

While the rest of the cast is suffering from identity crises caused by violent hallucinations, Liam is making googly eyes at new love interest Hayden, while he practices lacrosse, and she inexplicably practices soccer two inches away from him, because, apparently, Beacon Hills High only has one sports field left, after the other one became infested with chimera birthing holes.  Isn’t that . . . like . . . dangerous . . . or something?

kicking ball lacrosse swat wathin

Speaking of dangerous?  I bet you all have been losing sleep at night wondering why Love Interest Hayden “hates” Liam.

You haven’t?  Well, too bad.  Because I’m going to tell you, anyway.  Apparently, Liam got into a fight with someone at school, tried to punch him, and accidentally punched Hayden, so her picture for the sixth grade year book was all jacked up.

nose pic

Why does Mason still have Hayden’s sixth grade yearbook picture on his cell phone after all these years? That’s just weird . . .

I get it.  I mean, it’s totally understandable that Hayden would vow vengeance against Liam for life.  After all, your sixth grade yearbook photo is the most important photograph you will ever take in your entire life . . . aside from your wedding photo, and your graduation from high school photo, and your graduation from college photo, and your “I just had a baby” photo, and your EVERY PHOTO YOU’VE EVER TAKEN AFTER THE AGE OF TEN!

During this episode, we also learn why Hayden needs money so badly that she’s whoring herself out as a bar wench every night at the local gay club.  Apparently, she had a kidney transplant, and the medication she needs for it costs $200 a bottle, which she hopes to repay her sister, who is footing the bill.

and sis

So, Hayden is incredibly good at kicking balls, and vain, and poor.  “She must be a chimera,” Liam decides for no reason whatsoever, as he heads to the club to eye screw her some more and pay her back for knocking over her glow sticks a few episodes ago.

(Actually, Hayden’s kidney transplant might actually indicate that she’s a chimera, as evidenced by the fact that according to her sister, she’s suddenly no longer taking her medication, yet experiencing no ill effects from it . ..)

Also, there’s the little fact that Hayden’s eyes get all ghostlike under a blacklight . . .

her eyes

Speaking of chimeras, we meet another one at Club Cinema.  (The Dredd Doctors must really like the gays.)  Did you catch him?  He was the one that complained to Hayden that his glo-stick burned out, then proceeded to effect the electricity of the entire town, by repeatedly eating electric wires, everywhere he went.

his face

Dude! Just buy a flashlight, and be done with it . . .

wasnt me

We’ll talk more about this week’s Freak in a moment.

But first . . . we must talk about how much Scott sucked at life, this week . . .

True Alph-Failure

Sleeping on the job again . . .

Sleeping on the job again . . .

While attempting to sign a drop form for his AP-Bio class, Scott, like Malia, Lydia and Stiles before her had a hallucination about a memory from his past.  In the memory, Scott was attacked by a pack of wolves (who murdered his dog, Roxy?) and it caused him to have his first asthma attack.

sad scott dog leash

Unlike his friends’ hallucinations, Scott’s says nothing at all about his psyche.  It merely notes the irony that a wolf attack initially brought on Scott’s asthma, and a wolf bite cured him of it.

Did I say cured him of it?  Because, apparently, much like herpes, Scott’s asthma is back . . .

Immediately sensing through Pack Mind that his Wolf Daddy is having an asthma attack, despite the fact that Scott has never had an asthma attack in the entire time Liam has known him, Liam rushes to offer Scott an inhaler from a classmate.

Of course, Scott is too dumb to save his own life, so Liam has to go all wolfy on his ass to get him to take a puff in front of a ton of students, possibly blowing his cover as a werewolf in the process.

scott and liam wakes up

In other Scott fail news, at the hospital, a Dredd Doctor crushes Scott’s pilfered inhaler, and he proceeds to lay on the floor and take the abuse like a b*tch, forcing Malia and his own human mother to fight his battle for him . . .

malia fight kick bbox grab kick

“We should never have read that book,” Scott exclaims, as he is cowering in the corner of an elevator like a toddler.

Sure, Scott.  Blame “reading” for your problems . . .

Meanwhile, on a roof somewhere . . .

R.I.P. Electric Wire Eating Guy.  We barely knew ye . . .

yellow eye

If Scott is a failure at life, Stiles fails at luck.  I mean, the poor guy can’t even have a good old-fashioned traumatic hallucination from his past, without his life being put in danger once again.  Stiles awakens from the memory of his own mother attacking him to find Electric-Wire Eating guy doing the same thing.

scared stiles

Fortunately, Evil Theo arrives just in time to quickly and brutally murder Electric Wire Eating Guy, like it’s no big thing.  (Take note, Stiles!)  As we know, most werewolves eyes turn perma-blue after they commit a murder, but Theo’s stay gold, indicating that he might be a chimera as well.  “Don’t tell Scott about my chimera murder, and I won’t tell him about yours,” Theo promises Stiles.  “You can trust me.”

attack theo

bloody hand

“But you are wearing an ‘I am Evil’ t-shirt, drinking blood and murdering a tiny puppy with your bare hands while we are having this conversation,” Stiles muses.

“Yeah, but I’m attractive,” responds Theo.  “And everyone knows that hot people are always honest.”

dont say

“Works for me,” replies Stiles, as he shakes the devil’s bloody paw.

And that was “Required Reading” in a nutshell.  Until next time, Werebangers!

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