Pitting two well-established super villains against one another is a tantalizing prospect for any horror series writer (copyright permitting, of course). For one thing, it pretty much guarantees that your story will have double the body count, and triple the gore factor, of any single-villain horror tale. For another, it gives you the opportunity to try your hand at answering a question over which fanboys and comic book nerds, the world over, have been arguing for decades: Which Bad Ass, is Badder Ass? Whose Super Villain is the Super Villainiest One of All?
Of course, there are drawbacks to this type of story (as anyone who has ever seen Freddy versus Jason or Alien versus Predator will tell you). For one thing, in a tale of two antagonists, its hard to find a character to root for. And this makes the ultimate conclusion of the Battle Royale seem somehow less important. In fact, there’s probably a part of you that’s hoping the two villains will BOTH blow one another away, simultaneously, just to put the nameless, faceless victims of the story out of their misery. For another, having your Big Bad get its ass handed to it by another Big Bad emasculates it, making all of its Evil Deeds seem just a smidge less impressive in hindsight.
“Now, you tell me.”
Such are the benefits and drawbacks of “The Overlooked,” an episode, which was undoubtedly action packed . . .
. . . and yet, in pitting the Alpha Pack against The Darach, inadvertently relegated Scott and his Scooby Gang to supporting character roles in their own story.
And yet, despite its flaws, the episode did feature some spectacular acting by Dylan O’Brien, a cool heroic turn by Mama McCall, and a crazy-action sequence featuring none other than a “chemically-enhanced” version of PETER HALE!
So, shoot yourself up with some epinephrine, warm up the crash cart, and hide your ambulance keys from the Barefoot Lady, because it’s time to check in on “The Overlooked.”
[As always, special thanks to Andre, the wisest, most talented screencapper in all the land, who, just like the rest of us, desperately hopes not to be unconscious the next time Stiles’ lips find his mouth . . .]
It was a dark and stormy night . . .
The trouble with Druids is that their ritual sacrificing of people who fall into stereotypical categories really tends to f*&k with Mother Nature. And when Mother Nature gets f*&ked she liked to f*&k back. And so we open the episode with one of those freak storms that only seem to take place in television series. You know . . . the ones with torrential downpours from which no one ever seems to get wet, unless it’s plot convenient for them to do so?
Anywhoo Freak!Storm appears to be causing some trouble at everyone’s favorite hospital. So, it’s up to Mama McCall to tell everyone how to do their jobs . . . which makes sense, since she seems to be the only one who actually works there . . .
“I really don’t get paid enough for this sh*t.”
I like how that random George Costanza from Seinfeld-looking doctor KNOWS that he’s left his patient Cora Hale (a.k.a the only chick in the world for whom one of the symptoms of having a concussion is spewing black tar on the floor at regular five-minute intervals) to die in an abandoned hospital. And he doesn’t really give two craps about it, because his recently remodeled basement at home might be flooded . . .
George Costanza doesn’t care about you . . .
I’m no medical expert, but I’d think in most flooded hospitals, the near-death black-goo pukers would be the first to be evacuated, no?
“I should really stop eating liquorice . . .”
Speaking of black goo pukers? Don’t you just hate it when their existence inadvertently causes you to awkwardly run into your sociopathic ex boyfriend, who once turned your son into a werewolf, and who used to occasionally wander around killing people in what sort of looked like a mutant gorilla suit?
“Hey, remember how you took me out for dinner at The Olive Garden, and then told my son you would eat my face off? Good times!”
Damn you, Cora Hale! You ruin everything, including recently washed floors . . .
“Just because I murdered a third of your town, and occasionally look like Lord Voldemort, doesn’t mean you should stop rubbing my Magic Coochie for good luck . . .”
Sensing that she’s about to get dumped by the guy with the best abdominals in Beacon Hills, Jenny the Darach teeters into Derek Hale’s loft, wearing the least sensible shoes for a triple-human sacrifice I have ever seen . . .
“Beauty is painful . . . coincidentally, so is getting murdered by me.”
(Seriously girl! Your garroting forty-somethings, not walking the runway on America’s Top Model. Get yourself a nice pair of comfy flats from Payless. And call it a day. Simple shoes would probably clash less with your “murder face” anyway . . .)
Anywhoo, Jenny is trying to tell Derek that, regardless of what his high school friends might tell him, she does not occasionally sport a face that looks like cottage cheese with strawberries mashed in it. (It’s impolite for a male to comment on how a female looks without makeup, anyway, right?) Oh, and the whole “Multiple Murderer Thing”? That’s a lie too . . .
Unfortunately for Jenny, Scott and Stiles get to the loft first. And they are about to SERIOUSLY ruin Jenny’s chances of ever using her magic coochie on the brooding Alpha Wolf again.
“Say hello to My Little Mistletoe!”
“I’m melting . . . I’m melting!”
To say Derek doesn’t take the news of his girlfriend’s supernatural plastic surgery well is an understatement . . .
You mean you are UGLY? How DARE you try to seduce me with Magic Coochie? Derek Hale doesn’t date Ugly People . . . only Attractive Sociopaths.
The only thing that keeps Derek from squeezing Jenny’s neck until her faux-pretty little head pops off of it, is Stiles’ tearful plea that they let her help him locate his missing father . . .
See? Derek does care about Stiles, even though the writers sometimes seem to forget this . . .
But first, there’s the little matter of Cora and her “Black is the New Brown” vomit, which just so happens to be caused by . . . wait for it . . . mistletoe.
Saving Cora Hale . . . Fail.
The Scooby Crew heads to the hospital with the Worst English Teacher Ever(!) and Derek in one car, and Scott and Stiles bringing up the rear. (Yes, I intentionally made that sound dirty.).
Jenny continues to try to explain herself to Derek, not realizing that the WORST way to get to Derek’s heart is by talking. I mean, this is a guy who considers three successive grunts a dramatic monologue . . .
In the other car, Stiles notes that Jenny seems a bit too calm for a woman recently exposed as the second coming of Lord Voldemort. He doesn’t trust her.
Well good. At least someone on this show is still using their brain as something other than a mushy substance inside your head that keeps your ears warm.
On second thought . . .
When the gang arrives at the hospital, it’s raining. And no one has an umbrella. But only Stiles’ hair seems to actually get wet . . . Perhaps, all supernatural creatures come installed with their own internal blow dryers . . .
Speaking of supernatural weapons, I particularly enjoy the scene in the elevator, where everyone is trying to put on their best Menacing Game Faces. It’s a good thing Scott’s mom leaves her bat in the back seat of their car, otherwise human Stiles would probably have to use his wet t-shirt as a weapon. That would be just awful, wouldn’t it? 😉
The crew arrives at Cora’s hospital room to find it empty . . .
Then Peter slides in with a Very Special Announcement . . .
You’ve really got to hand it to Peter Hale. He may no longer look like a big scary gorilla. But the dude still knows how to make an entrance . . .
Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time for another brawl between our Scooby Gang, and . . . that Shrek-Looking Thing that Used to be Ethan and Aiden . . ..
“What happened to my second pair of pants?”
Scott, being Scott, tries to appeal to the Massively Large lunk’s human side. “Ethan / Aiden STOP!” He cries.
“Let’s talk about how strangling me makes you feel?”
“What the f*&k is wrong with this kid?”
But it’s not really Scott their after . . . at least not this time . . . it’s Lord Voldemort-ette Jenny!
Don’t get them wrong, the Scooby Gang would love to see Jenny dead too. But that would put a big red X on their plan to rescue Stiles’ dad from potential Druid Sacrifice . . .
Unfortunately, this little friendly exchange between wolves gives the Druid just enough time to escape.
But wait! Here comes Foot Fungus Lady, and her Blind Friend Who Talks Too Much! It’s like a supernatural Teen Wolf villain reunion!
If only Kanaima Jackson was here, we could throw a Party of Evil!
Kali tries to attack Jenny in the elevator. So Jenny, forgetting Kali is a woman (a common mistake on this show) attempts to defeat her by giving her blue balls . . .
Outside on the hospital floor, Mama McCall runs into Deucalion, and instantly calls him out as “The Bad Guy.”
If this was a sitcom, a comment like that would make Mama McCall adorable and hilarious. It would also probably garner her a Big Bad Boyfriend . . .
But because this is a teen horror show, a comment like that wins Mama McCall nothing but a giant nametag on her back that says, “Hello, my name is: Your Next Victim.”
“If this is your idea of foreplay, it sucks.“
And the award for Best Non-Medical Use of Epinephrine in a Television Series goes to . . .
Reunited with Jenny, the Scooby Crew begins in-fighting about what exactly they should do with her.
Peter advocates torture. Now THAT would have been fun to watch. Scott advocates ceding to her demands. (Typical Scott . . .)
“True Alphas are SUCH a pain in the ass . . .”
Stiles is just pissed at Derek for once again letting his weiner cause him to f*&k things up so royally.
“If you were gay, like half the fandom wanted you to be, none of this would have happened, Derek.”
But wait . . . there’s another problem. Now, Deucalion has Scott’s mom! Surprise!
There you go, Scott. The time has come to let all your friends know what a Special Snowflake you truly are . . .
The crew ultimately decides to help Jenny escape the Alpha Pack, in hopes that she will return the favor by saving Stiles’ dad from Jenny-cide, and Cora from Black Goo-icide. But first they have to get past Shrek Thing. And as Special a Snowflake as Scott might be, he’s not yet special enough to battle two boys who inexplicably insist on wearing one pair of pants.
So, Peter and Scott decide to do what all their favorite former American baseball heroes do, they use performance enhancing drugs. Boys and Girls, DO NOT try this at home . . .
Though, Scott and Peter end up getting their asses kicked AGAIN, by the Alphas, at least the diversion they create in doing so, is enough for the rest of the gang and Jenny Darach to get out of the hospital and into the ambulance that could transport Cora Drools-A-Lot to safety.
“I’ve decided I’m going to lose my virginity in the back of an ambulance with my comatose sort-of girlfriend. When this ambulance is a-rockin, don’t come a-knockin!”
There’s just one problem: The ambulance driver is somewhat “indisposed.”
“Someone call 911! Oh, wait . . . I AM 911. Crap!”
And Foot Fungus Lady took his keys.
(Well, technically, I guess that’s two problems.)
Vomiting Black Goo 2: Electric Boogaloo
“You know, you’re a lot nicer to me than my other crush, Lydia. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you’re always unconscious.”
Back in the abandoned ambulance, Cora has stopped breathing, so Stiles decides to make out with her . . .
Part of me kept waiting for Cora to spew black goo in Stiles’ mouth. Talk about a mood killer! Instead, she coughs a bit, and goes back to bed . . . ALIVE.
This proves that Jenny the Darach isn’t the only character on this show with magic . . . um . . . lips. (Yeah, I went there.)
Stiles warns Cora that the next time he rapes her face, she sure as heck better be awake to enjoy it.
If that was a comment on Stiles’ Facebook page, Lydia would not “like this.”
You’ve been MISTLETOED!
Speaking of romance, back in the hospital Derek and Jenny find themselves trapped in an elevator, because Deucalion forced his hostage, Mama McCall, to flip off the power switch in the hospital . . .
Be strong Derek. Every time your weiner wants to bone her, just remind yourself that beneath the modelesque facade, she’s really Lord Voldemort in lipstick, and a pair of skinny jeans . . .
“Kiss me, baby.”
Since they appear to have some Time to Kill (bad choice of words?), Jenny decides to enlighten Derek with her Origin Story.
(Question: Why, in this day and age, must every super villain require an Origin Story? Sometimes, I miss the Olden Days, when villains just magically appeared, did a bunch of awful sh*t for no logical reason whatsoever, and then died horrible deaths.)
Jenny Blake used to be Julia Baccari, an emissary of Foot Fungus Lady, who the latter liked a bit too much to murder out-right. So, she merely burned her face beyond all recognition and left her to die. How sweet!
“In my emissary’s honor, I vow never to wear shoes or cut my toenails again.”
Fortunately, Foot Fungus just so happened to not-kill Julia right next to the Magical! Tree (i.e. the “Nemeton”) where Derek’s first lovey dovey Paige croaked, a few months early. Basically, it was the blood of Derek’s virginal girlfriend, dripped onto this magical tree, that gave Julia Baccari the power to become Lord Voldemort.
In other words, pretty much everything awful that happened to anybody this entire season is Derek Hale’s fault. Nice going, Hot Stuff!
Then, Jenny starts waxing poetic about this mythological crap, and I start to zone out a bit . . .
But then I force myself to listen, because I know you guys are more intellectual than I am, and actually care about this stuff . . .
Now, in defense of Haley Webb, I should mention that, as much as I bitched about her character, early on in the series, she makes a pretty captivating villain. Delivery of this particular monologue would have died on the lips of some. But Haley really brought it to life. She actually made me give a sh*t about Mistletoe. And for that, I salute her . . .
“Blah, blah, blah, I’m an evil psychopath with feelings . . blah.”
*crickets* “Did someone say pizza? All this talk about murdered ugly people is making me hungry . . .”
So, here’s the story. This guy Balder was a hot God, who all the male Gods wanted to befriend and protect, and all the female Gods wanted to bone . . .
“Balder kind of looks like Thor. Why does everyone who is better than me look like Thor?”
. . . who, despite being the god of Mischief (which is pretty much the coolest thing ever to be the god of, with the exception, perhaps, of being the god of Sex), seemed pretty much destined to be the Jan Brady of the gods, in a world of “Marcia, Marcia, Marcias” . . .
So, he follows Balder’s mom, when she’s going on this journey to make all the world’s natural weapons promise not to “hurt” Balder, finds the one potential weapon mom forgot, and promptly uses it to kill the Poor Unfortunate Thor-Lookalike. That weapon? You guessed it . . . mistletoe.
Now, I don’t know about you. But if I had a kid, and someone killed him using a type of tree branch, the last thing I would want to do, is hang that tree branch over my door, and makeout with people under it, for the rest of eternity . . . That just seems really morbid to me . . .
It’s also pretty much ruined mistletoe for me, forever. So, thanks Teen Wolf!
So, how does this relate to old Jenny from the Tree Block? Well, basically she considers the emissaries murdered by the Alphas in their Alpha Pack to be like mistletoe, because both parties were overlooked, and underestimated.
The world’s smallest violin plays for Evil Jenny . . .
Personally, I don’t like the analogy. You know who I think is “overlooked,” Jenny Dearest? All those innocent virgins, and sweet woodland creatures, you murdered just so your face wouldn’t look like 100 slugs died on it . . that’s who!
“I could have been laid by Stiles Stilinski, and his extra large weiner. Instead, I’m sitting here on a mortuary slap. Thanks a lot, Jenny from the Tree!”
Jenny also casually mentioned that a Lunar Eclipse is coming up. Apparently, Lunar Eclipses make werewolves lose all their magical powers.
Hooray for Team Human!
Oooh, wait . . . Jenny the Darach is happy about this too. . . This can’t be good.
We interrupt this Lesson in Norse Mythology, to bring you MAMA MCCALL BEING AWESOME, AND ELECTROCUTING SHREK WITH A CRASH CART . . .
Apparently, Deucalion set her free. This lady may have just officially become my favorite TV mom of all time . . .
A Deal with the Devil(s)
The Argents and Isaac finally arrive at the hospital, and plot with the Scooby Gang to free Jenny from the wrath of the Alphas. When, Papa Argent asks the crew to describe Jenny Blake, he describes her as “dark hair, kind of hot,” to which Allison responds. “Hey, I have brown hair and am kind of hot too!” (It’s always good to be humble Allison.)
And so, a plan was born . . .
Basically, the plan involves Allison impersonating Jenny to draw the Alpha’s out of hospital . . .
ETHAN: “She’s dark haired and hot. But is she Evil Druid Cougar Hot? Or Age Appropriate Werewolf Hunter Hot?”
AIDEN: “I don’t know. I couldn’t stop staring at her boobs.”
“Once again, I waste lots of bullets, and hit absolutely no one . . . This is my design.”
“Kiss my dirty, fungus-ridden feet, Argents!”
. . . while Mama McCall turns the hospital power back on, to get the elevator . . .
“Is it weird that I’m finding this erotic? I really need to get laid?”
. . . where Jenny and Derek are currently trapped, working again. Isaac and Peter will drive the getaway car.
Scott will stand around looking confused. And Stiles will look nervous and teary-eyed, because the writers know he’s super sexy when he cries.
The plan works!
But, of course, there’s a problem . . .
Remember how the Darach was looking for “Guardians” to fill her collection of human sacrifice stereotypes? Well, apparently Mama McCall and Papa Stilinski both fit that bill.
The minute the elevator starts working again, Jenny goes all Cottage Cheese Face on Derek’s ass, and disappears into the night, taking Scott’s mom with her Ugly Ass . . .
“Elevator music makes me sleepy.”
And that’s when Scott, bereft of hope, and severely lacking in creativity, dejectedly decides to accept Deucalion’s offer to join his pack, if only so he can save his, and his best friend’s parental unit.
Stiles, understandably is crushed. Scott is crushed. Jenny’s face is crushed.
But no matter how miserable these folks are, no one is having as bad a day as Mama McCall and Papa Stilinski
The Tree of Life . . . and Death
Hello, Teen Wolf Parental Units, welcome to your new home at Magical!Tree. Relax, enjoy yourselves, and PREPARE TO DIE!
“This is pretty much the most awkward date I have ever been on.”
“I wish I could say the same. But I once went on a pity date with Gerard Argent.”
Next week on Teen Wolf . . .
See ya then, Werebangers!