Tag Archives: love triangles

The Vampire Diaries’ Love Bites: Who’s YOUR favorite “ship”?

My blogger pal, Cherie, who gave me the fabulous idea for this post, once said, that TV Couple Fangirling for women, is like Sports Team Fandom for men . . . and other women . . .  I guess.

  After all, both pasttimes involve obsessive television watching, and vicarious living through people we admire.  So what if Sports Team Fans analyze plays and stats, while we analyze longing looks and kisses?  It all comes from the heart!

Therefore, in the spirit of Team Fandom, I would like to take this time out to pay homage to the various couples, and prospective couples, that populate what has quickly become my favorite television show, The Vampire Diaries.  After all, vampires, werewolves, ugly rings, and random parties aside, at its core, TVD is a show about interpersonal relationships.  And while EVERY relationship in this show is unique and special, I’d like to focus on a choice few that really spark my interest.  They are: (1) Damon and Elena; (2) Stefan and Elena; (3) Stefan and Katherine; (4) Damon and Katherine; (5) Damon and Bonnie; (6) Stefan and Caroline; and (8) Jeremy and Tyler.

So, without further adieu, LET THE SHIPPER GAMES BEGIN!

Damon and Elena – Team Delena

The players: 

DAMON

He is a 160 some odd-year old vampire, who just had his heart broken, by the woman he has loved and pined over for about 150-years!  He tends to mask his feelings of heartbreak and loneliness with humor, sarcasm, an “I don’t care” attitude, and the excessive consumption of liquids, both alcohol and otherwise.  Lest that lead you to believe that Damon is a one-note character — trust me, he is NOT!

Damon is a guy who loved life, and loves undeath even more.  He believes in living both to the fullest.  And he is not afraid of breaking the rules . . . or bashing them in with a sledge hammer . . .  to do it. 

Damon is also a good friend, who is unfailingly loyal, and more than willing to do whatever it takes to help you out of a bad situation.  Many struggle with the dark sides of their humanity.  Damon is fine with his!  It’s the “light side” that’s taken him some getting used to . . .

ELENA

She was a cheerleader and popular party gal, who began to question her fun- loving ways, when both of her parents were killed in a tragic accident.  She is maternal, almost to a fault, and fiercely protective of the people she loves.  Elena is a strong and intelligent woman, unfailingly honest, and more than a bit spunky.  If you get out of line, she’s not at all afraid to put you in your place.  And yet, she is also a hopeless romantic — one of the few people left in this world who still believes in True Love.

Their story:

Those of you who have read this blog before, know that I have a soft spot in my heart for Damon and Elena, or, as I like to call them Delena.  In fact, I have written an ENTIRE blog post dedicated to solely to the evolution of their relationship.  Because I have limited space, I’d rather not repeat myself too much here.  Please go read my other post! 🙂

Suffice it to say that, throughout Season 1, we watched this pair evolve from wary strangers . . . to friends . . .to people who kept calling themselves “friends,” but were so OBVIOUSLY in love with one another, it’s not even funny . . . to enemies (who are still pretty much in love with eachother).  And, just recently, they have begun their journey back to friendship again. 

Trust is the foundation of Damon’s and Elena’s relationship. When trust is high, like when Damon saved Elena from a car accident with a vampire, or when he, on two occasions, refused to compel her, even though he had the opportunity, Damon and Elena are on fire.  But when it is low, like when Damon tried to kill Elena’s brother Jeremy (OOPS!) . . .

 . . . well, let’s just say, things can get a bit dicey between these two.

Why you should ship them?

Read my other post!  Read my other post!   Damon and Elena are two sides of the same coin.  Both are good souls, who are hiding a portion of themselves to protect their hearts.  He hides his light.  She hides her darkness. 

Because of this, the pair have an innate understanding of one another — one that doesn’t require words.  A smouldering sexy look can say volumes!  It is this special connection they have to one another, that allowed Elena to see Damon’s humanity, even when Damon’s own brother could not. 

As if that wasn’t enough, being with Damon allows Elena to let her guard down.  With him, she can be silly and fun-loving.  She can be herself.  Did I mention these two are INSANELY HOT together?  Or that the electricity between them can power an ENTIRE CITY?  

Don’t believe me?  Check out this fan video, and see for yourself.

Stefan and Elena – Team Stelena

The players:

(Note: For a description of Elena, see above)

STEFAN

As far as vampires go, he’s about as “gentlemanly” as they come.  Up until recently, he has prided himself on sticking an exclusively “No Human” diet.  That means, all woodland creatures, ALL THE TIME!

For many years, Stefan hated the part of himself that thrived on blood.  His penchant toward self-hatred and self-sacrifice some caused problems for him toward the middle of season 1, when he developed a very nasty addiction to to human blood, after years of abstaining. 

Lately, however, Stefan has begun to come to terms with who and what he is.   He’s even started to have a bit of fun with it.

Just like that OTHER vampire, from those OTHER books, who shall remain nameless, Stefan is quite the sensitive bloodsucker.  He cares about the people around him, and will sacrifice anything to protect them from harm.  Stefan is a bit more serious-minded than his brother Damon.  As such, he tends to be more rule-abiding, and more inclined to avoid violence whenever possible.  And yet, Stefan has a definite darkside.  Mess with his brother, or with his girl, and Dark Stefan will DEFINITELY come out to play.

“Heeeeeeeeeeere’s Steffy!”

Their story:

From the moment they met, Stefan and Elena had an instant connection and attraction.  They practically couldn’t resist being together.   Considering Stefan is undead, he and Elena actually had quite the traditional initial courtship.  However, the pair started to run into problems, when Elena learned that Stefan was keeping secrets from her, about his true identity, his origins, and his VERY old flame.

But the pair ultimately survived these obstacles.  And it was a good thing, too!  Elena needed Stefan to save her life, on many occasions.  And Stefan needed Elena to help him battle his human blood addiction.  Now, with Vampire Katherine back, they need eachother more than ever .  . .

Why ship them?

Stefan and Elena are SO MUCH ALIKE!  They are both sensitive, and fiercely protective of the ones they love.  They are both good souls, who despise violence, and avoid evil at all costs.  They even both keep diaries, for heaven sakes!  Not to mention, everytime these two make love, it is the sexiest, sweetest, softcore porn you have EVER SEEN.!

Check them out!

Stefan and Katherine – Team Kefan

The players:

(Note: For a description of Stefan, see above.)

KATHERINE

Katherine’s been a vampire for a LOOOONG time.  And no one does it better than she does.  Katherine loves every part of being undead, the blood-drinking, the immortality, the super-human strength, the ability to control minds . . .  all of it. 

 She’s a girl who’s not afraid to use her assets to get what she wants, and is more than willing to cheat, manipulate, steal, kill, or screw to do it.  As Damon once said of Katherine, she LOVES to play games.  And she is quite the player . . .

Their story:

Katherine first met Stefan back in 1864, when she began residing in his parents’ house, after the supposed “death” of her parents (which probably happened about 100 years prior).  Almost immediately, the two became engaged in a whirlwind courtship.  Despite the fact that Katherine was carrying on a relationship with Damon at the same the time, she swears to, this day, that her love for Stefan was real. 

When Stefan first found out that Katherine was a vampire, he was disgusted.  And so, to keep their relationship going, Katherine began to compel Stefan, even going as far as to feed her his blood, during their hot sex sessions.  When Katherine is found out by the town as a vampire, she is hunted by Stefan’s own father, a “pillar of the community.”  Stefan is shot, while trying to saving Katherine’s life.   However, because he unwittingly fed on her blood during his lifetime, he ultimately transitions into a vampire.  The change happens shortly after Katherine’s disappearance.

Now, Katherine is back.  She claims that she has returned, solely to rekindle her relationship with Stefan, who she “always loved.”  But is she telling the truth?

Why ship them?

“You hate me, Stefan?  That sounds like the beginning of a love story, not the end of one.”

Nothing says loving like Hot Hate Sex, and these two are destined to have it at some point during the series (preferably sooner, than later).  Pardon me for saying, but am I the only one that thinks Stefan “doth protest too much” when he says he never truly loved Katherine?  She was his first love.  And your first love is something you never really get over . . .

Sure, she’s more than a little evil.  But, if you know this show, you know that no character is ALL good, or ALL bad.  I suspect there is more to Katherine than meets the eye . . .

Aside from that, have you SEEN these two together lately?  They are hardcore HOT!   As you know, Stefan and Katherine are both vampires.  In fact, she’s older and stronger than he is.  This allows Stefan to be “harder and tougher” (wink, wink) when handling Katherine, than he is with Elena.  He can let his guard down with Katherine, because he never has to worry about “hurting or breaking” her.

This carefree quality extends to every interaction the pair have with one another.  When Stefan is with Katherine, he is tough, sarcastic, and, sometimes downright mean.  But, BOY is he FUN!

Damon and Katherine – Team Kamon

The players:

(Note: Descriptions of BOTH Katherine and Damon can be found above)

Their story:

Like Stefan, Damon met, and began dating, Katherine back in 1864.  But, unlike Stefan, Damon had a bit less trouble coping with the news that Katherine was a vampire.  Although he swears that she never compelled him, we learned, in a recent flashback, that this was not, in fact the case.  Nevertheless, we can assume that Damon was more open to the dark side of Katherine’s nature than Stefan was, during that time.

Damon was so crushed when he thought that Katherine had burned to death, that he wanted to die himself, rather than make the final transition to vampire. 

Though he slept with many women throughout the years, Katherine was Damon’s only true love until he met Elena.  He pined for her endlessly, and risked everything to break into that underground tomb and rescue her, even if it meant unleashing 30-some odd hungry vampires onto Mystic Falls.

When Damon found out Katherine wasn’t in that tomb, he launched himself, headfirst, into a downward spiral of drunkeness and despair.  And when Katherine returned, and rejected his love, he did something far worse . . .

Why ship them?

If Elena is the female Stefan.  Than Damon is the male Katherine.  These two are exactly alike.  They LOVE being vampires.  They love “living,” and they are not afraid to get a little messy to get what they want. 

Oh, and they LOVE, LOVE, LOVE long, hot, clothes-ripping, earth-shattering, forget-your-name afterwards SEX!

Damon and Bonnie – Team Bamon

The players:

(Note: For a description of Damon, see above.)

BONNIE

Bonnie led a pretty normal life.  That is, until recently, when she found out her best friend was dating a vampire, and that she was a witch.  Throughout Season 1, we’ve watched her learn to use her powers to help her friends.  She opened the tomb thought to contain Katherine, upon Damon’s request.  And, recently, she charmed a ring that would allow new vampire Caroline to be able to walk in the sun.

But Bonnie took the death of her grandmother, caused indirectly by the tomb opening spell, which the pair performed together, very badly.  She took her anger out on Elena, and began to REALLY despise vampires.  With her new found powers, she is now quite the headache for Damon and Stefan, both literally, and figuratively.

Their story:

To say that Bonnie’s and Damon’s relationship is an antagonistic one is a total understatement.  Ever since Bonnie’s grandmother died from over-exertion, opening that tomb for Damon, she has thwarted him at every turn.  She’s tricked him into believing a magical weapon against him was harmless, before giving it to his enemies.  She gives him massive headaches with her magical mind meld.

She even tried to SET HIM ON FIRE!

And yet, when it comes to helping their mutual friends, Elena and Caroline, Bonnie is big enough to put aside her personal feelings, even if that means making some very dangerous deals with the devil . . .

Why ship them?

Remember what Katherine said about “Hate being the beginning of a love story?”  I think that might very well apply here.  Damon and Bonnie are both very PASSIONATE people.  That passion comes out when they fight with eachother.  Bonnie is a worthy adversary of Damon’s.  And she will definitely keep him from getting out of line, even if she has to kill him to do it.

Stefan and Caroline – Team Staroline

The players:

(Note: For a description of Stefan, see above.)

CAROLINE

Like Bonnie, when we first meet Caroline, she seems pretty normal, all things considered.  She’s blonde, pretty, popular, and a cheerleader.  She’s also a bit of a Mean Girl, a tad neurotic, and has major issues with jealousy.  Of all the characters on the show, Caroline has probably undergone the biggest transformation, since her first appearance in the pilot episode.

Throughout the show’s brief run so far, we have watched a seemingly vapid, and often whiny, Caroline transition from a b*tchy alpha teen, to a mind-altered victim of Damon’s whims . . .

  . . . to a loving girlfriend . . .

 . . . to a kickass vampire, willing to sacrifice real love, and her relationship with her mother, to protect the lives of the people she cares about.

Their story:

Believe it or not, it was Caroline, not Elena, who first noticed Stefan, when he arrived as a “new student” at Mystic Falls high.   It was she who did the initial research about him, which she shared with Elena, during the pilot episode.  After that, the pair developed a sweet, if tentative, friendship.  But lately, that friendship has blossomed into something more special.

When Caroline woke up alone in a hospital, a new vampire, confused and frightened by her new abilities, she needed guidance.  And Stefan was there to give it to her.  He saved Caroline from death by staking.  He then, gradually, taught her how to live among humans. 

Stefan taught Caroline to hunt.  He protected her from a werewolf attack.  And, of course, he gave her advice on life and love.  “I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” Stefan whispered to Caroline, on her first fateful night as a vampire.

And, so far, he hasn’t . . .

Why ship them?

Like Katherine, Caroline brings out something in Stefan, that Elena can’t.  And that something is good old-fashioned goofiness.  Ever since he’s started paling around with Caroline, Stefan smiles and jokes more.  These two are comfortable around one another.  They have an easygoing relationship, and often exchange light- hearted and witty banter.  Caroline and Stefan find eachother’s flaws endearing — a trait that is VERY important, when embarking on a long-term relationship.

And besides, we all know that some of the BEST loves spring from friendship . . .

Jeremy and Tyler – Team Jyler

The players:

JEREMY

Can we really blame Jeremy for “switching teams,” after he’s had such TREMENDOUSLY bad luck with women?  First his mom dies.  Then his girlfriend, Vicki, gets turned to a vampire.  Then she dies.  Then he meets another vampire, Anna.

He quickly falls in love with her.  And the two begin a romantic, and, eventually, sexual relationship.  Then, you guessed it, SHE DIES!

Initially, Jeremy’s Big Sis Elena kept him mainly in the dark about all things supernatural.  But lately, she’s been letting Jeremy in on a few secrets.  And she BETTER!  Because supernatural creatures seem to keep TRYING TO KILL HIM!

In terms of personality, I guess you can describe Jeremy as being a bit Emo, but in a good way.  He’s still a hopeless romantic, despite all the obstacles that have been thrown his way.  Jeremy is also an artist, with a penchant for drawing vampires and werewolves.  (Gee, I wonder why?)  He used to be into drugs a bit, but we think that’s over and done with now. 

In short, Jeremy is basically a good kid, who’s gotten a REALLY raw deal, lately.  If anyone deserves some happiness on this show, it’s him.

TYLER

When we first met Tyler, he seemed like kind of a dick.  He was a druggie, and a bully.  He had rage issues, and like to beat the crap out of people, especially Jeremy. 

But lately, the writers have engendered in us fans some sympathy for the character.  Tyler had an abusive dad, who recently died.  He also has this Werewolf Curse hanging over his head. 

Lately, Tyler has shown an ability to care for people.  He saved Stefan and Caroline from a werewolf attack.  And he has bonded with Uncle Mason, and with Jeremy.  In short, Tyler got a long way to go, but the dude’s got potential.

Their story:

Jeremy and Tyler got off to kind of a rough start.  They hung out in the same social circle, but weren’t friends, by any means.  The fact that they both were in love with the same girl, certainly didn’t help matters.

Tyler and Jeremy have come to physical blows with one another on more one occasion, with the stronger Tyler usually having the upper hand.  And yet, in the way that “manly men” do, the pair always seem to come to an understanding with one another, when all is said and done. 

Jeremy sees a bit of himself in Tyler, as both men are no strangers to pain and alienation.  “You don’t have to be like this,” Jeremy said to Tyler once, after an argument.  (We’d like to think that’s true.)

Just recently, Jeremy comforted Tyler, regarding the loss of his father.  In return, Tyler invited Jeremy to his home, and confided in him about his family’s Werewolf Curse.  One might even consider these two friends.  Or, perhaps, something more . . .

Why ship them?

In the words of Jerry MacGuire, I think these two “complete” one another.  Tyler is strong, where Jeremy is vulnerable.  Jeremy is sensitive, while Tyler is crass, and tends to hide his true feelings. 

These two men share similar experiences, when it comes to loss and rejection.  Like Damon and Elena, they have this unique unspoken connection with one another.  Jeremy and Tyler are two VERY intense individuals.  And when they fight . . . well . . . it’s kinda hot.

So, there you have it, the EIGHT main “ships” from The Vampire Diaries.  Which one are YOU on?  And what do you think are that ship’s chances are of “staying afloat” this season?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Television Super Couples, The Vampire Diaries

This Means WAR!!!! – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “A Touch of Eva”

Although Chuck’s utterance of the above-referenced line saddens me, as it represents yet another setback, in a series of increasingly dark turns that his relationship with Blair, has taken since last season, I am mildly comforted by the image of a very sexy Ed Westwick, decked out in yummy army fatigues . . .

See?  Every Chuck Cloud DOES have a silver lining!

Tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl was a bit of an emotional roller coaster for us Chuck and Blair fans.  On one hand, after WEEKS of minimal contact between the two, the pair finally had an abundance of tension-filled scenes together.

However, most of those scenes featured (1) Blair trying to sabotage Eva, and (2) Chuck vehemently defending his new Angelic Whore to the only woman he ever truly loved.

Then, Eva FINALLY left town . . . FOR GOOD!

But . . . as is usually the case in such situations . . . the GG writers decided to use this episode to make the almost universally despised French woman LESS annoying and MORE sympathetic — thereby, making us all feel just the teensiest bit guilty for having hated her for all these weeks.

And yet, Chuck DID confront Blair, desperate to find out if she still loved him. . .

And she said  . . . NO!

However, perhaps, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here.  Let’s take  a step back, and see how it all went down, shall we?  But first, let’s get the less interesting simpler storylines out of the way . . .

Rags to B*tches

When the episode begins, we learn that Nate is starting to have some doubts about his new girlfriend, Juliet.  Mind you, these doubts did NOT stem from Juliet’s Hamilton House shenanigans, last week.  After all, aggressively  crapping on the reputations of Nate’s ex-girlfriends, through lies and deceit, is completely normal behavior in GG Land.  In fact, it’s encouraged!

Congratulations, Juliet!  You are officially EXACTLY like every other female on this show . . .

What really raised Nate’s eyebrows was how Juliet kept canceling out on dates with him, because she . . . HAD TO STUDY!

“Studying?  Nobody does that on THIS show!  Your new girlfriend is TOTALLY a serial killer, Nate.”

Fortunately for Nate, hiring a private detective is entirely unnecessary on this show, as each character’s every single solitary move is chronicled on Gossip Girl. 

(Wait, did you say EVERY cast member?  Even Vanessa?  This site must be the most boring read EVER!)

Daily itinerary:

8 a.m. Dress in hideously mismatched thrift store outfit

8:30 a.m – 10 a.m. Frequent artsy fartsy coffee shop

10 a.m. – 4 p.m. Attend fake classes

4 p.m. to 5 p.m. – Frequent ANOTHER artsy fartsy coffee shop, which smells like dirty hippies

5 p.m. to 10 p.m. – Pretend to study, while nagging and fondling, Dan Humphrey

10:15 p.m.  – Bedtime!

So, anyway, Nate cyberstalks Juliet on Gossip Girl, and learns that, during a time that she had SAID she was studying at home, she was actually spotted emerging from a subway station ACROSS TOWN!

Wait . . . someone on this show actually TAKES PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION?  Oh the humanity!

Because stalking his “loving girlfriend” on the internet isn’t enough, Trusting Nate decides to take things one step further, by stealing her cell phone.  Conveniently, Juliet has recently received a text message from the mysterious “Ben,” which states “I need to see you.”

Umm . . . are we supposed to believe that “Ben” is the same guy Juliet was hitting on at the prison last week?  Wow!  Who knew prisons had such great cell phone plans?  Now THAT’S our tax dollars at work!

Rather then stewing in silence for a few episodes, or exacting revenge, as men on this show tend to do, Nate actually does the mature thing, and confronts Juliet about her implied infidelities.

When Juliet fumbles with an explanation for the call, Nate tells Juliet that the reason she hates Serena so much is that she is Bat Sh*t Crazy just like her!

Later, a humbled Juliet, not wanting to get dumped, comes clean to Nate.  She is NOT cheating.  Rather “Ben” is her “troubled brother” who she is currently giving conjugal visits to on a daily basis “not ready to talk about.”  However, she promises, that he will “not come between [her and Nate].” 

Nate, whose own drawers are just FILLED with dirty family laundry . . .

Let’s get DIRRRRRTY!

. . . is thrilled to hear this wonderful news!  (Now, he can finally come clean about all those bastard children he sired during his Spring Break in Nicaragua!)

To reward Nate for not dumping his ass, Juliet offers to FINALLY let Pretty Boy see her apartment!

WALL OF CRAZY, HERE WE COME!

But, alas, Juliet doesn’t bring Nate to her Dumpy Psycho Serial Killer Apartment from Hell.

Instead, Juliet pays off the doorman at some fancy apartment complex, to give Juliet the keys to a temporarily vacant place.  Given all the creepiness that this entails, it seems kind of fitting that the last shot of the “happy couple” is of them making out “behind bars.”

Here We Go Again . . .

Oh for Heaven’s sake, will the boredom EVER end?

Is it just me, or have Dan and Vanessa been having some variation of the same storyline together for FOUR SEASONS!  Here’s how it goes . . . Judgy Vanessa nags Dopey Dan about something he’s doing lately, which doesn’t meet up to her high moral standards (Past Examples:  Hanging out too much with various members of the Upper East Side Crew, acting “too rich,” not telling his parents some lame deep dark secret he has, being a Male ho).  This week, it was Dan’s failure to properly grieve over the loss of Baby Milo.

Then, as a result of all the nagging, Dan will inevitably grow moody . . .

“Hey, you say ‘moody,’ I say ‘brooding and edgy'”

. . . and run straight into the arms of Slutty Serena . . .

. . . who for about two minutes (or until the next commercial break, which ever comes first) will decide she “loves him.”  During that short time span, Serena will string Dan along on a tight leash, like the disobedient dog he is . . .

 . . . or pour ketchup on him and eat him . . . depending on her mood.

Then, Vanessa will take Dan back because she has no other options truly loves him.  After all, her lashing out at Dan was only as a result of that suffocating love she feels for him.  So, yeah, that was basically what happened with Dan and Vanessa AGAIN this week.  Any questions?

Oh, and this should tell you just how much I dislike Dan and Vanessa as a couple . . . This week, I ACTUALLY found myself rooting for the romantic re-pairing of . . . SIBLINGS Serena and Dan!

I KNOW, I KNOW!  Clearly, I need my head examined . . .  Then again, as Blair says, “Anything to head off the nightmare of Humphrey-Abrams Offspring!”

Now THOSE would be some BORING ASS babies!

And now . .  on to the REALLY juicy stuff . . . 😉

Hi Ho!  Hi Ho!  It’s out with “New” Chuck we go!

“Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in!” 

The above words were spoken by the always iconic film character, Michael Corleone, during the much lambasted third installment of the otherwise brillant Godfather film series.  I imagine that our Chuck Bass was feeling much the same way as the aforementioned fictional Mafia Kingpin this week.  After all, ever since his “unforunate accident,” Chuck has been trying desperately hard to “be good” (whatever that means). 

It’s not as though this has all been some ruse on Chuck’s part to get Blair back (although, honestly, we all kind of wish it was).  Nope.  Chuck REALLY seems to want to change.  He wants to be the type of guy who has no secrets, who doesn’t engage in petty gossip or revenge plots, and who genuinely enjoys attending charity functions with his bland girlfriend.

Yet, while he smiles, and plays the part, to the best of his ability, Chuck never really seems to be enjoying himself.  This ideal he’s painted in his head of who he should be, it just isn’t him.  Fortunately (or “unfortunately” depending on how you look at it) Chuck’s “devilish” Upper East Side pals are there to remind him of this, at every turn. 

As the episode opens, we, along with a distraught Blair, watch live streams from Gossip Girl, of Chuck giving his new Gal Pal Eva obscenely an expensive watch from Cartier . . .

 . . . and obscene amounts of money to charity . . .

No one seems to be able to believe that this “Innocent” and Slightly Dull Blondie has single-handedly been able to surgically remove Chuck’s sizeable Mean Streak (not to mention his sense of humor — The guy hasn’t had a single fun one liner, since the season started).  Even Juliet can’t believe it, and she hasn’t been around all that long!  During a double date breakfast, that includes Nate and Juliet, and Chuck and Eva, Juliet asks Eva how she feels about Chuck’s sordid past.

“Well compared to Lord Voldemort, he’s not so bad!”

“Old Chuck, New Chuck, Bad Chuck, Good Chuck . . . How much wood could a woodCHUCK CHUCK if a woodCHUCK could CHUCK wood? .  . it’s all part of the same journey,” offers Eva, who clearly believes she has just walked into an audition for the role of a princess in a Disney cartoon.

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall.  Who’s the lamest of them all?”

Determined to bring this seemingly perfect b*tch down, Blair does what any self respecting character on this show would do, she STALKS her!

Of course, it doesn’t take long, before Blair hits, what she believes to be “pay dirt.”  She spies Eva at Cartier exchanging Chuck’s gifted watch for cash.  Immediately, Blair goes running off to the Empire Hotel to rat out the girlfriend of the boy she supposedly “no longer cares about.” 

Chuck confronts Eva about the watch.  However, before she can answer, his maitre d comes to Eva’s rescue.  He admits that Eva gave the cash from the watch to him, so that he could help pay the mortgage for a close relative, who was at risk of losing her home.

  (Color me impressed.  I didn’t know the writers on Gossip Girl were aware there was a recession happening, at all!)

And you all know what this means for our girl Blair, right?

ONE!

Not one to give up so easily, Blair commandeers Serena and Dan to help her dig up some cyber dirt on the elusive Eva.

While Serena and Dan listen in from the comfort of La Casa de Waldorf, a wired-up Blair confronts Eva at a puppy adoption charity event.  Once there, she expertly plies the gal for information . . .

Why does this whole scenario seem so familiar to me?

Oh yeah . . . now, I remember!

The stupid guileless Eva keeps babbling on and on about her life, when finally, she reaches the part about her fateful rescue of Chuck Bass.  Apparently, Eva found Chuck in Prolovka, the Red Light District of Prague.  Searching the term “Prolovka” on the Internet, eventually leads Nate and Serena to find Eva’s HOOKER WEBSITE!

Blair, once again, is thrilled . . .

She can’t wait to go to Chuck’s charity gala, and break the bad news to him.  (What a good “friend!”)

Unfortunately for Blair, the news gets to Chuck, before she has a chance to tell him.  Chuck immediately confronts Eva, who comes clean about the whole thing . . .

So, at the gala, when Blair tries to break the news to Chuck, he totally blows her off!

Then, just to prove how cool he is with the whole “Happy Hooker as Girlfriend” thing . . .

“What’s good enough for Richard Gere, is good enough for Chuck Bass!”

 Chuck announces at the gala that he plans to give Eva FIVE MILLION DOLLARS . . .

 . . . to donate to the charity of her choice. 

TWO, Blair!

Desperate times call for desperate measures.  If Blair can’t find a dark truth about Eva F*cks Alot to make Chuck dump her, well, then, she’s just going to make something up!  Blair gets her shot, when she finds a manilla envelope containing Chuck’s personal effects.  Said effects had conveniently just been recovered from Prague, despite his accident having pccurred months ago. 

 Blair takes the envelope from Chuck’s maitre d, and swipes his passport.  She then tells Chuck that she found his passport in Eva’s bag.  Thus, proving, once and for all, that Eva KNEW who Chuck Bass was when she rescued him.  (And, therefore, was probably using him for money.)

When Chuck hears this, he is outraged.  He lashes out at Eva, who agrees to leave, without explicitly denying Chuck’s allegations.  And yet, when Chuck learns of the existence of the envelope containing the passport, from Lily, he knows he’s been played by Blair, and that Eva had been honest with him all along.  (Well . . . except for the whole “sleeping with guys for money” thing.)

Chuck rushes to stop Eva from leaving, but her decision has already been made.  “Please don’t leave me.  Everybody leaves me,” Chuck whines like the petulant five year old he can sometimes be.

“No, not everyone leave you . . . only your Whore of a Mother, the Girlfriend you cheated on with a Slutty Zombie Raccoon, and the Slutty Disney Princess you accused of being a Golddigger,” replies Eva.  (Well, that’s what she should have said anyway.)

After Eva leaves, Chuck rushes to confront Blair.  “Do you hate me so much, that you can’t stand to see me happy?”  He inquires.  “Is it possible that you still love me?”

(SAY YES, BLAIR!  YES!  YES!  YES!)

There is silence, as Blair and Chuck regard one another, the tension palpable, the love and history between them still a definite presence in the room.  And then, Blair says something, that literally makes me throw my shoe at my television.

You’re going to pay for that, GOSSIP GIRL!

“How could I still love you after what you did?”  Blair inquires.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

THREE!  You are so OUT, Blair!

Chuck blanches at Blair’s hurtful responds.  When he gathers up the courage to speak again, his voice sounds hoarse, as he chokes back his own tears.  “You brought me back to my worst self,” he whispers.  “This means WAR!”

“War, OK .  . . so . . . is Hot Hate Sex is completely out of the question, now?”

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Degrassi: The Boiling Point (Because Canadian Teens are People Too!)

The cast of Degrassi: The Next Generation . . . NONE of these people are actually on the show anymore.  Seriously.

Once upon a time (the early 2000s) in a land far, far, away (Canada), a bunch of folks got together and created a half-hour television program called Degrassi: The Next Generation.  It was a show about high school kids (well . . . actually, they started out in junior high), one which starred actors and actresses who were ACTUALLY teenagers  . . .

 . . . as opposed to the 35- and 40-year olds who typically starred in teen television dramas at that time.

Meet the first 16-year old to ever suffer from menopause . . .

And the first 17-year old to experience erectile dysfunction disorder.

But what most of us fans of the show DIDN’T know, was that Degrassi wasn’t exactly NEW.  It was actually a revamp of a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY old show (from the 1980s) that ALSO featured high school kids.  Except THEY looked like THIS . . .

Woah!  Scary!

 . . . and had HAIR like THIS . . .

How exactly did one sleep at night, with hair like THAT?  Wouldn’t it puncture holes in the bedroom wall, in the middle of the night?

Throughout the years, the NEW Degrassi grew more and more popular.  And as its cast aged (into their LATE teens, mind you, not their LATE fifties like those OTHER shows), its storylines became more and more provocative.  Degrassi began to tackle REAL issues that REAL teens faced everyday, like . . .

Rape;

Self-mutilation;

Mental illness;

Addiction to Prescription Pain Medication;

School Shootings; and

Zombies.

Due largely to the success of the show, and the innate talents of its stars, many Degrassi: The Next Generation cast members went on to become big stars in .  . . wait for it . . . THE UNITED STATES.  For example, you may remember Darcy Edwards (played by Shenae Grimes), the “good little Christian girl” . . .

“OMG!  You just CURSED!  You are SO going to hell!”

 . . . turned Skanky Ho / Internet Porn Star . . .

 . . . or, as you NOW know her, Annie from the NEW 90210.

Then, there was Little Jimmy (played by Aubrey Graham), the Rich Kid Jock . . .

 . . . who was tragically confined to a wheel chair, after being shot in the back by a psycho.  But you might know him better as kickass rapper dude, Drake . . .

And who could forget my personal favorite?  Baby Mama Mia.

 She doesn’t look familiar to you?  Perhaps you’d recognize her more, if she was attached to the lips of some VERY HOT VAMPIRES . . .

It’s Nina Dobrev!  Or as you know her better, Elena Gilbert of The Vampire Diaries!

Can I get a, “Hell yeah!”

Unfortunately, soon after the departure of these folks (along with most of the rest of the show’s original cast) came an inevitable drop in the show’s ratings . . .

Coming up on its tenth season, Degrassi: The Next Generation was staring down cancellation.  To stay afloat, it needed a MIRACLE!  It needed a HAIL MARY!

Hail, Mary!

So the producers of Degrassi came up with a plan . . .

Why not spice things up a bit, by changing the show’s format to one that’s already proven successful?  Why not make Degrassi into . . .  a SOAP OPERA!

So what if HALF of the longest running soap operas on television have been CANCELED within the past two years?

Clearly, this is an AMAZING and FAILSAFE idea!

And so, starting this week, Degrassi: The Next Generation has traded in its weekly airings for daily ones.  This summer, a half-hour episode of the series will air every weekday at 9 p.m. on TeenNick for six weeks.  This television viewing event is being referred to by advertisers as THE BOILING POINT . . . though I’m not quire sure why . . .

(Maybe watching it gives you hot flashes . . .)

The promo is pretty cool though!

THE BOILING POINT kicked off early this week, with a two-hour special entitled Degrassi Takes Manhattan.  The series got off to a good start, at least in terms of “shock value,” if not exactly for “good plotting” or “good acting.”  During the special, two characters who had precisely NOTHING to do with one another for the ENTIRE ten years they were on the program together (Spinner and Emma), inexplicably declared their “love” for one another, and got married . . .

“And you are . . .?”

(Man!  That drunken Vegas Toronto casino sex must have been REALLY GOOD . . .)

Then, an, admittedly very attractive, brother / sister duo (Declan and Fiona) engaged in a very public, disturbingly sexy, MAKEOUT session with eachother!

“So, Declan.  What do you think we should name our three-headed kids?”

But then, things kind of went downhill .  . .

Take this first week of episodes, for example.  It featured the following plotlines  . . .

THIS couple is NOT pregnant . . .

THIS girl is NOT getting a boob job  . . .

THIS girl did NOT try to commit suicide (ugly ass headband, notwithstanding).

If this keeps up, they may have to change Degrassi’s infamous tagline from “It Goes There” to “It Goes  . . . Where?”

I mean, really!  Fake pregnancies to win ELECTIONS?  Rumors about someone getting a boob job, when she is actually getting LASIK EYE SURGERY?  Could THIS be the same program that brought us this shocking scene?

OR this one?

Then again, maybe I’m being too harsh.  It IS early in the season, yet.  And maybe things will start to pick up, as the weeks wear on . . .  Here’s hoping . . .

So, I have to ask.  Have YOU been watching THE BOILING POINT?  If so, what do you think so far?

[Degrassi’s THE BOILING POINT airs weeknights at 9 p.m. on TeenNick this summer]

 

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OMFG? Not so much . . . – The Top Ten “Been There, Seen That” Teen Television Cliches (Part 2 of 2)

A couple of days ago, I came up with a list of the top ten plotline cliches featured in teen-oriented television dramas.  In the first installment of this blog entry, I posted the first five of these cliches.  That list included: (1) the Pregnancy Plotline; (2) the Death of a Peripheral Character Plotline; (3) the Student / Teacher Relationship Plotline; (4) the Cheating on a Test  / Plagiarism Plotline; and, finally, (5) the “Bad Influence” Plotline.

This installment will focus on the following popular Teen Television Cliches: (1) the Love Triangle; (2) the Summer in Europe; (3) the Love / Hate Relationship; (4) the School Ski Trip; and, of course (5) the Prom.  So, without further adieu, what do you say we take off our creative thinking caps, embrace conformity, and get started?

1) “Can’t we all just . . . have a threesome, instead?” – The Love Triangle Plotline

The Storyline:  Girl meets boy.  Boy is attractive. 

Boy is also nice and sweet, albeit a tad boring (and, sometimes, a bit of a whiny b*tch). 

Or, conversely, Boy is total douche; 

but Girl’s parents love him;

He looks “good on paper.”

and Boy is sure to make Girl a very wealthy, but very bored, housewife, some time in the not-so-distant future, if she plays her cards right.

But then . . . Other Boy magically appears.

Unlike the original Boy, Other Boy is a little dangerous . . .

Maybe he’s from the wrong side of the proverbial “tracks” . . .

Or, perhaps he has a reputation for being a bit of male slut . . .

 . . . or a criminal.

 Or maybe he has a bit of a mean streak, so Girl isn’t sure she can really trust him.

But there is just something about the way Other Boy makes Girl feel . . .

She smiles and laughs more when she’s around him. 

(Click the internal link to watch.)

He makes her more fun!

And Other Boy continues to believe in Girl, and support her, long after everyone else has seemingly abandoned her (including the original Boy).

So, what’s a Girl to do, when she wants them both?

Who does she choose?  Well, that depends on the season . . . the Television Season, that is . . .

Examples: Joey, Pacey, and Dawson (Dawson’s Creek); Veronica, Logan, and Duncan (Veronica Mars); Marissa, Ryan, and Luke (The O.C.); Elena, Damon, and Stefan (The Vampire Diaries); Rory, Jesse, and Dean (Gilmore Girls); Blair, Chuck, and Nate (Gossip Girl); Peyton, Lucas, and Nate (One Tree Hill); Emma, Sean, and Peter (Degrassi: The Next Generation); Felicity, Ben, and Noel (Felicity); Casey, Cappie, and Evan (Greek); Lyla, Tim, and Jason (Friday Night Lights)

Why it’s a cliche?  Three words (One of them is a contraction).  Because . . . It’s . . . AWESOME!

When it comes to successful teen drama plotlines, The Love Triangle, is a surefire WIN!  After all, what girl wouldn’t want to have two totally hot guys, who are complete opposites of one another fighting over her!  Aside from allowing female fans to vicariously fulfill their deepest fantasies, Love Triangles provide the added benefit of making Teen Television watching a TEAM SPORT!  Boys have football and basketball.  Girls have  THIS . . .

Yes, boys and girls, choosing sides in a Love Triangle War is SERIOUS business!  (Girls have been shot over WAY less!)  Don’t believe me?  Check out the sheer intensity of THESE fan-fueled debates  . . .

About Blair, Chuck and Nate

About Elena, Damon, and Stefan

About Felicity, Ben, and Noel . . .

(The above video debate between these two twenty-somethings kind of goes off the rails, after the first five minutes.  But I love their obvious enthusiasm for a show that’s been off the air now for nearly a decade!  I also love their accents . . . and the very impressive “Portrait of Ben” one of them created.  Scott Speedman, himself, would be proud!)

2) “Go to Europe . . . because no one could possibly ‘find themselves’ in the States!”  – The Summer in Europe Plotline

“When in France, do as the French do . . . French kiss!”

(Here we go again!  Internal link clicking time!)

The Storyline: It’s close to the end of the Season.  Our female protagonist’s life is a mess!  It’s just jam packed with unresolved love triangles, family issues, and massive blowout fights with former friends.  And what better way is there to deal with all of your problems, than to run away from them?  So, our female protagonist jaunts off to Europe (usually Paris), leaving pining boys and cliffhangers in her wake . . .

 Once there, our female protagonist sees the sights . . .

and miraculously FINDS HERSELF!  When she comes back, she’s a COMPLETELY different person, than when she left.  Who knows?  She might even have a new completely random, doesn’t belong on the show at all boyfriend!

Examples: Serena and Blair (Gossip Girl); Joey Potter (Dawson’s Creek); Brenda and Donna (90210); Holly (What I Like About You)

Why it’s a Cliche?  The main character’s temporary departure from his or her home base is a great way to bring about a Teen Television Drama’s summer hiatus.  If us fans are forced to spend an ENTIRE summer away from our beloved gang of characters, at least we can sleep better knowing that they aren’t hanging out with one another EITHER!  Plus, filming a scene or two “across the pond” makes for a great excuse for the show’s writers to say to their producer, “I’d like an all expense paid European vacation, please.  What!  It’s for THE SHOW!”

A summer in another country is also a pretty good excuse to suddenly change the entire personality and demeanor of a character, without any rational explanation whatsoever .  . .

“I got my new girlfriend and a frontal lobe lobotomy in Prague.  Doesn’t everybody?

3) “He Loves Me  . . . He Hates My Guts . . . He Loves Me . . .” – The Love/ Hate Relationship Plotline

The Storyline: He’s a playboy, and a real ladies man.  But he comes across as mean, and kind of shallow.  She’s a Type A personality, who comes across as cold and a bit uptight. 

They butt heads from the moment they first appear on screen together.  They fight, and call eachother names.  They insult one another, and play nasty tricks on eachother. 

But there is a passion boiling beneath the surface, that both he and she are trying desperately to deny. 

At the time, he and she are both involved with other people.  Their significant others notice the sexual tension laced beneath their supposed hatred, and try in vain to ignore it.  But the tension only grows.  Jealous and longing looks become prevalent.  Lingering touches, and moments of out-of-character “niceness,” between the two make each member of the pair begin to question their feelings. 

The guy in this scenario typically recognizes his feelings for her first. 

(You know the drill . . .)

But he usually keeps this to himself, out of fear of being ridiculed by the new object of his desires.  Then the two are placed in a dramatic situation.  Suddenly their mutual passion for one another overtakes them.  And they both give in to their desires.

Examples: Joey and Pacey (Dawson’s Creek); Buffy and Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer); Veronica and Logan (Veronica Mars); Seth and Summer (The O.C. – sort of . . . well . . . she hated him); Elena and Damon (The Vampire Diaries); Blair and Chuck (Gossip Girl)

Why it’s a Cliche?  You know how everyone always talks about how hot Makeup Sex is?  A couple fights, and then they make up.  All that angst and sexual energy, built up from all that red-faced arguing, is just kindling for the inevitable Orgasmic Fire of “Getting Back Together.”  And THAT’S from a fight that might last a day!  You can just imagine how hot Makeup Sex would be if the couple fought nonstop for TWO SEASONS!

4) “When the temperatures get COLD, the action gets HOT!” – The Ski Trip Plotline

The Storyline:  I’m going to be honest, this one was less of a “storyline” and more of a “plot convention.”  (Hey!  YOU try to come up with ten of these things . . . It’s not as easy as it looks.)  But did you ever notice how virtually EVERY teen drama features at least one ski trip?  BIG THINGS always happen on ski trips too!  People get drunk, get laid, get raped, or cheat on their significant other!   And someone ALWAYS hurts their foot, and conveniently can’t ski!

Examples:

Dawson’s Creek:

Jenn hurts her foot, gets wasted, and almost screws Gay Jack. 

Pacey and Joey do it for the first time!

Boy Meets World:

Cory hurts his foot too!  And makes out with Linda Cardellini!

Other fabulous shows featuring wild and crazy teen ski trips include Degrassi: Next Generation (Darcy gets date raped), and What I Like About You (Holly comes to terms with her feelings for Vince).

Precisely NONE of these characters were ever shown ACTUALLY skiing . . .

Why it’s a Cliche?  There’s just something about being away from home and your parents . . . about sleeping in a log cabin, right next to the fire.  You relax.  You let your guard down.  You get a little slutty and make bad choices.  (Except in the case of Pacey and Joey . . . that choice was GOOD!)  Plus, it’s WAY cheaper to film on location in some fake ski lodge than say . . . taking your entire cast and crew to Europe.

5) “Question:  What happened at Prom?  Answer: EVERYTHING!” – The Prom Plotline

The Storyline: It’s the event of the WHOLE season!  The entire cast will be in attendance!  But not everybody is going with the person they WANT to be going with. 

 A couple will break up.  A couple will get back together. 

Someone will win prom queen. 

 

Someone’s heart will be broken. 

A couple will finally do it. 

Another couple will ALMOST do it, but decide to wait . . . Oh, and someone will get wasted and make an ass of herself.

Examples: Dawson’s Creek, The O.C., 90210, Veronica Mars, Gossip Girl

Why it’s a Cliche?  For every high school girl, the Prom is the culminating social event of her entire pre-college academic career.  Even the most jaded of high school students (and I, myself, was already pretty jaded by that time) can’t help but dream of having the perfect dress, the perfect limo, the perfect Prom date, and the perfect slow dance.  For most of us, with all that build up and preparation, Prom itself ends up being pretty anti-climactic.  (The Post Prom Beach Trip, on the other hand . . . now, THAT ROCKED!).  But if we CAN’T have the perfect Prom, at least we can get the joy of seeing our television friends experience it for us.

So, there you have it – Ten Trashtastic Teen Television Cliches for your viewing pleasure!  Doesn’t it all make you feel OLD?

 

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Filed under 90210, Boy Meets World, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson's Creek, Degrassi: The Next Generation, Felicity, Gossip Girl, Greek, nostalgia, teen dramas, Television Super Couples, The O.C., The Vampire Diaries, Top Ten Lists, Veronica Mars, What I Like About You

Dr. Bloodsucking Psychopath and Mr. Congeniality – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries “Miss Mystic Falls”

It’s official.  The Vampire Diaries has become my FAVORITE show of this season!  VD continues to amaze and shock me each week, with its sharp writing, solid acting, and unpredictable plot twists (the latter being kind of a big deal for me, because I tend to predict EVERYTHING!)  Not to mention, the writers of The Vampire Diaries continue to dream up new and inventive ways to show off Paul Wesley’s insanely hot arms and Ian Somerhalder’s insanely hot face!

All right, enough of this gushy stuff!  After all, “Miss Mystic Falls” was probably the LEAST warm and fuzzy episode of the entire season!  When promos for the episode suggested the exposure of Stefan’s dark side, they weren’t kidding!  The heretofore “kindler, gentler” Salvatore wasn’t just dark this week, he was downright terrifying!

Kudos to Paul Wesley for genuinely scaring the stuffing out of me tonight.  This guy made Norman Bates look like Mister Rodgers  . . .

So, without further adieu, what do you say, we stop gabbing and BITE into this awesome episode?

A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends . . .

The opening moments of “Miss Mystic Falls” were filled with awkward exchanges and a generalized sentiment of mistrust.  First there was Vampire Anna . . .

 . . . who visited Damon on the pretense of apologizing for the whole “Stefan getting chained up and tortured, two weeks ago” thing.  But really, the whole purpose of the exchange, I THINK, was to let us viewers know that the writers have decided to scrap the whole Hidey Hole Vampires storyline.  (Good Call, VD!)  Anna explains that MOST of the aforementioned vamps skipped down last week, and therefore, could not have been responsible for the recent “blood bank” robbery that is now rocking Mystic Falls.  Damon sees Anna’s speech as the plot device it clearly is, and refuses to accept her apology. YOU GO, BOY!

Dear BFF Elena,

The good news is, I’m back.  The bad news is, I’ve decided to hate your guts . . .

Hugs and kisses!

Bonnie

Back at school, Bonnie, who has been largely MIA of late, runs into Elena in the parking lot.  These two haven’t seen one another since that time when Elena got Bonnie and her Granny to do that spell to seal up the Hidey Hole Vampire Tomb, the performance of which actually ended up killing Poor Granny.  Oh yeah, and it didn’t even work!  The vampires ended up escaping the tomb, anyway.  Insensitive Elena apparently decided to inform Bonnie of this fact, just days after she had to bury her own grandmother!

“What?  Who WOULDN’T want to know that their favorite relative had to die to further along a failed plotline?”

Given all that, I can’t really blame Bonnie for being icy to Elena, or for hating on the Salvatore brothers for the role they played in Granny’s demise.  I CAN, however, blame her for those weird bangs she was rocking during this episode.  Not cute!  Fortunately, for the girls, Caroline . . .

 . . . interrupts this love fest, to inform Elena that both she and Caroline are part of the Mystic Falls Founder’s Day Court, and are to compete in the “Miss Mystic Falls” pageant this year.  Elena had completely forgotten about the event, having only signed up for it to please her now-dead adoptive Mommy.

Meanwhile, Creepy Uncle John . . .

 . . . blackmails Damon.  Telling him that he will expose the Salvatore brothers as vampires UNLESS Damon agrees to help Creepy Uncle John find some weird ” invention” that a vampire stole from his ancestor, back during Civil War times.  Who stole the “invention,” you ask?  Vampire Pearl, of course!

As if poor Damon wasn’t having a crappy enough day, he returns home to find Stefan (despite his claims of being clean) leaning ravenously over an entire freezer, filled with blood stolen from the local blood bank!  Not cool!  Stefan, of course, promises Damon that he has everything “under control.”  However, when Elena calls to ask him to act as her escort for the pageant, he blatantly lies to her about his “drinking” — a very un-Stefan like thing to do.  Later, at school, Stefan comes very close to eating a teen with a bloody knee, and even attacks Alaric . . .

 . . . when the latter accidentally gets in his way.

The Thrill of Almost Touching, The Agony of Almost Eating . . .

Moments before the Mystic Falls pageant is set to begin, Damon, who has become convinced that Stefan’s new addiction will put them all at risk, informs Elena that Stefan is still consuming human blood.  When Stefan arrives on the scene, Elena confronts him about his lies.  Stefan responds by getting all pissy and wall-punchy . . . He then runs away, like a little bitch, leaving Elena to fend for herself during the pageant ceremonies . . .

“So, I’ve been behaving like a TOTAL ASS throughout this entire episode.  So, what?   I still look super sexy with my shirt off.  And NO ONE can take that away from me!”

When it comes time for Elena to be escorted at the pageant, Damon jumps in at the last minute to be her Knight and Shining Vampire.  And even though we all knew that this was going to happen, from watching the previews, I’m quite certain that the entire female VD watching population SQUEALED with joy when he appeared at the end of that staircase. 

Stefan’s bad behavior these past few episodes, has only further illustrated how much of a better match Damon is for Elena.  Need more proof?  Just check out the sultry and longing looks these two give one another during the “first dance” A.K.A “the prey circling, animal mating ritual.”  When Elena performs this “ritual” with Stefan during rehearsals, it seems stiff and awkward.  With Damon, it is PURE SEX!

“What?  Did you think I WASN’T going to find some excuse to include this picture in my recap AGAIN?  You clearly don’t know me at all . . .”

Despite all this sexiness, Elena actually DIDN’T become Miss Mystic Falls.  Caroline did .  . .

 . . . which was nice, because she CLEARLY wanted it so much more than Elena did.  However, it makes me worried for her, because Elena usually beats her at everything

Have you ever had someone who was always really nasty to you, and then, all the sudden, they started acting really nice?  So, you figured you must be DYING of some disease you didn’t know about, because that would be the ONLY way to rationally explain this person’s sudden change in behavior?   This is kind of how I think Caroline should feel about the world . . .  Seeing as VD is set to have two additional major deaths prior to the conclusion of Season 1, if I were Caroline, I would be getting myself on that All-Vervain diet, STAT!

Back in Whiny Bitch Land, Hungry Stefan is still brooding over his recent fight with Elena, when he encounters, pageant contestant, Amber, innocently catching some air.  Stefan forcefully drags Amber into the woods with him.  He then compels her to stand still and act blissfully calm, as he describes, emotionlessly, and in graphic detail, his overwhelming desire to rip her neck open and devour her whole .  . . 

Awww!  How Sweet!

 . . . and I’m thinking, “This is Stefan!  He’s not ACTUALLY going to bite her.” 

Stefan then compels Amber to run, and she does.  And I think, “Phew!”

But then . . . Stefan does his fast Running Man Vampire thing, and HE BITES HER!  Not just a little, either.  Stefan bites Amber right on her carotid artery.  You know . . . that part of your neck, which, if it bleeds, makes you . . . like . . . DIE . . . and stuff.  Fortunately, it’s DAMON TO THE RESCUE!

UNFORTUNATELY, Stefan throws Damon INTO A TREE and KNOCKS HIM OUT!  But then Bonnie appears, out of no where, and does that creepy, possessed, eyes-rolled-back in her head thing, she likes to do, every once in a while, on this show.  Suddenly, Stefan gets this really bad headache (from looking at Bonnie’s bad bangs?).  So, he lets go of Amber, in search of some Vampire-Sized Advil . . .

Later that evening, Stefan and Elena fight over his addiction, and Stefan THROWS ELENA AGAINST A WALL!  Elena hugs Stefan, telling him that everything is going to be all right. And, just when I’m thinking I’ve walked in on a “Bad After-School Special About an Abusive Relationships” . . .

 . . .Elena STABS STEFAN IN THE BACK!!!!! 

Then Damon magically appears. 

He helps Elena carry an unconscious, and, slightly evil, Stefan (who, I hate to say it, STILL looks kind of sexy, wearing that now, appropriately-titled, “wife beater”) . . .

 . . . into a sort of “holding pen,” where they will undoubtedly attempt to force him into Human Blood Withdrawal.  (Poor Stefan!  Always tied up or incarcerated, it seems . . . both in the books and on TV).  Damon offers to take Elena home, but she refuses.  In the final moments of the episode, the pair sit together in silence, forced to endure the suffering of the man they both love . . .

In Other News . . .

1) Jeremy reconnected with Anna (and, like Bonnie, got a kind of sucky-looking 90’s era haircut . . )

2) Pearl and Damon teamed up against Creepy Uncle John (hereinafter “CUJ”).  To cement their bond, Pearl handed over to Damon the “invention”  CUJ was looking for.  Surprise, surprise!   It appears to be YET ANOTHER magical piece of jewelry . . . The only difference here, is that no one has any clue what this one is actually supposed to DO!

That’s all for now, VDers!  Tune in next week, when Elena and Damon become overwhelmed with passion for one another and start making out hardcore on the staircase of the Salvatore home. 

OK, OK, I’m lying . . . for NOW . . . but IT’S COMING.  I CAN FEEL IT!

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Hey, remember that show Party of Five? Do you think Dr. Jack Shepard does?

 

Matthew Fox IS Dr. Jack Shephard.  And I am pretty sure he will continue to BE Dr. Jack Shephard, for better or worse,  LONG after Lost airs its season finale.  However, when the first season of Lost aired, back in 2004, I found that I couldn’t look at “Jack” without thinking, “Hey, isn’t that the guy from that show I used to watch back when I was a kid?  The one with all the hot orphans?”

Dude, you’re just burying your dad NOW?  Hasn’t he been dead since 1994?

For those of you unfamiliar with the show, Party of Five was an hour-long drama that aired during the mid through late nineties.  The show revolved around the five Salinger siblings, who were forced to raise one another, after both of their parents were killed in a tragic drunk driving accident.  The clan included, early twenty-something Charlie Salinger (Matthew Fox), teens Julia and Bailey, young violin prodigy Claudia, and baby Owen.  

The acting on Party of Five was top notch.  It is no wonder that many of these “child stars” went on to have major movie and film careers.

Aside from Mathew Fox, there was . . .

the adorable Scott Wolf, who now stars in ABC’s show V;

Is it just me, or does this guy never age?  According to IMDB, he’s in his 40s now, and could probably STILL play a high schooler (well . . . maybe college).

Neve Campbell, who you might remember from the Scream movies;

Lacey Chabert of Mean Girls fame;

Ghost Whisperer Jennifer Love Hewitt; and

Jeremy London, who I always confuse with his twin brother, Jason.  He used to be pretty big in the ’90s. Now, I think, he just does a lot of Lifetime movies . . .

As a child, who was still a bit young to understand the true tragedy that had actually befallen the Salingers, I remember thinking about how much fun it would be to live in a house run by teenagers.  To eat pizza every night for dinner.  To sleep in a tent in the living room, like the Claudia character did (I was about that character’s age, at the time the show aired, so her living arrangements made TOTAL sense to me).  To not always have to clean up after myself (but, if you absolutely HAD to do chores, there would inevitably be singing and dancing involved). . .

Plus, I was an only child.  So I would have killed for a cool older sister, like Julia, to emulate, or a cool older brother like Bailey to pal around with.  And if I couldn’t be Claudia, and have Bailey for a big brother, I would have loved to date him like the shy bookish girl-next-door, Sarah Reeves.  I had a HUGE crush on Scott Wolf back then.  And even though I was closest in age to the Claudia character, Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Sarah reminded me most of myself.

Like most teen dramas, the show dealt with the typical issues that young adults face during their adolescence: friends, dating, academics, puberty, peer pressure, etc.  However, it also had added layers of complexity, involving the unique challenges associated with raising a family at a very young age.  Additionally, there were a couple of really powerful episodes, during the first season, that addressed the death of the Salinger parents, and how each character coped when forced to come face-to-face with the drunk driver who killed them.

Because you tend to watch television shows very differently in your pre-teens than in your twenties, I took the liberty of Netflixing the first season of Party of Five a few months back.  I am pleased to report it has withstood the test of time.  If anything, I appreciated the show more, upon second viewing, because I better understood its dramatic subtext and complex character relationships.

Like most shows, Party of Five went off the rails a bit in its final couple of seasons.  In my opinion, it became WAY too maudlin.  This is not to say that Charlie’s cancer storyline, and Bailey’s battles with alcoholism, weren’t well written.  They just weren’t exactly a joy to watch.  Plus, there was that oddly funny, but completely out-of-place plotline, involving the youngest child Owen, and his newfound penchant for cross-dressing.  I guess the show’s writers inserted the story as a means of comic relief, but I sort of didn’t get it . . .

Lackluster final seasons aside, Party of Five was a major player on my ’90s television viewing roster, which is why I decided to give it a shout out here.  And, who knows, maybe clips from the show will pop up in a Lost Dr. Jack Shepard flashback, sometime soon?  Boy would Entertainment Weekly’s Doc Jensen have a field day with that!

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Dawson’s Creek’s Pacey and Joey: The Fictional Television Super Couple That Ruined Me for All of My Future Relationships

           In honor of that not-so-fabulous upcoming February Holiday that shall remain nameless, I decided to pay tribute to one of my favorite television couples of all time.  Yes, boys and girls, before she met a man named Tom Cruise, before the “couch-jumping incident,” before Suri and scientology, Katie Holmes was just a girl named Joey Potter who fell in love with a boy named Pacey Witter.

              What follows is the Cliff Notes version (clips that make you go “awww” included) of the aforementioned couple’s relationship, which was carried out during the course of the show’s six seasons.  Special thanks go out to all the folks that posted these very special clips on YouTube, thus making my homage all the more complete . . .

 Season 1

            Like all great television couples, Pacey Witter and Joey Potter began the series hating each other.  Well, perhaps “hate” is too strong of a word.  But the two definitely didn’t exactly enjoy one other’s company . . . at least at first. 

                 When we first meet Joey, she is a shy and bookish tomboy from the wrong side of the Creek.  With a mother who died of cancer when Joey was only thirteen and a father in prison for drug trafficking, Miss Potter’s idea of a good time is climbing a ladder into the bedroom of her childhood pal, Dawson Leery (with whom she is secretly in love) crawling into his bed, and spending the evening watching old Steven Spielberg movies.

            Pacey is Dawson’s other best pal.  Son of the alcoholic local police chief, and the youngest of five children, Pacey begins the series as a skirt-chasing underachiever, who uses humor and sarcasm to hide his insecurities. At this point in the series, Pacey is best known for having a brief and highly inappropriate sexual relationship with his English teacher.

            Episode 11 – Double Date

            In Season 1, Pacey and Joey have little to do with one another, aside from the exchange of a few nasty barbs here and there.  After all, as I mentioned, Pacey is busy diddling the Teacher and Joey is coping with her unrequited feelings for Dawson.  And yet, in Episode 11, we see the first signs that things between the two may be about to change.  Forced to work together on an extra credit science project involving the mating habits of snails, Pacey and Joey find that they (gasp) actually enjoy one another’s company. 

             After a trip that the two take to the local pond gets hot and heavy, Pacey starts to think he may even have feelings for Joey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxsUNUp-lqI

            Suddenly jonesing for some Joey-loving, Pacey confronts Dawson, while the latter is at a carnival pursuing his crush, Jen Lindley.  Young Witter asks Dawson for permission to pursue Joey.  After Dawson gives his OK (which he later reneges upon), Pacey tries to kiss Joey, but is rebuffed.  As it turns out, she likes him as a friend, but does not return his affections . . . yet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPUX6TwUAYg

Season 3

            Most of Season 2 deals with the dramatic rise and fall of the relationship between Joey and Dawson (snooze), while Pacey is involved in a tumultuous fling with the annoyingly perky, and neurotically brainy Andie (double snooze).  However, at the end of that Season, Joey dumps Dawson, after he forces her to turn her own father over to the cops for dealing cocaine once again.  (A pretty good reason to dump someone, right?)

            Episode 36 – Like a Virgin 

               Despite that, as Season 3 opens, Joey throws herself at Dawson, hoping to give their relationship another shot.  And yet, Dumb Ass Dawson inexplicably denies her access to his manly parts.  After totally embarrassing the woman he supposedly still loves, Dawson goes to his best friend Pacey, now newly single after his girlfriend Andie was shipped off to the funny farm, and asks him to “look out for Joey.”  (Note to all of you men out there:  It is a BAD idea to have your hotter, sexier, funnier, and more charming best friend take care of the woman you love, while you are busy figuring out your issues.)

             Bad news for Dawson, but great news for us, because now the relationship between Pacey and Joey can truly begin in earnest.  The chemistry between the prospective couple is already evident in this heartfelt scene between them at the conclusion of the episode.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33_RzuieC6I

            Episode 44 – Four to Tango

            So, while Dawson is busy contemplating his navel, Pacey and Joey begin to develop a friendship.  In search of a college scholarship, Joey commandeers Pacey to partner up with her in a ballroom dancing class.  Pacey agrees to do this for Joey in exchange for her tutoring him in math.  Unbeknownst to Joey, Pacey, at this time, is engaging in a “friends with benefits” sort of relationship with the slutty Jen Lindley.

            Unfortunately, slutty equals sloppy, for Pacey and Jen.  And when Dawson finds a condom wrapper on the floor of his bedroom, shortly after Pacey has left, the former becomes convinced that Pacey is having an affair with Joey.  Hilarity ensues when the four confront each other at a ballroom dancing class.  There, Jen begins to suspect that romantic feelings are developing between Joey and Pacey.  She, therefore, breaks things off with her former sex toy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtBtO6fM3EE

Episode 47 – A Weekend in the Country

               In this almost sickeningly sweet episode, Pacey rallies the Capeside Scooby Gang to help Joey and her family to run a newly-opened bed and breakfast.  Much to Joey’s chagrin, he even contacts a famous hotel reviewer to drop in on the place.  Thanks mostly to Pacey, the bed and breakfast receives a favorable review.

              That night, Jen’s grandmother tells the Scooby Gang a story about the love of her life.  She explains that if a person truly loves someone, he or she could be content simply sitting for hours and watching that person sleep.  At the episode’s conclusion, Pacey returns to the B&B to find Joey fast asleep on the couch.  I think you can guess what happens . . . (No, not that . . . he actually just watches her sleep.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rSpeozS8pM&feature=related

Episode 48 – Valentine’s Day Massacre

                In this episode, Pacey once again rallies the Scooby Gang around him, only this time it is to attend a keg party thrown by one of Capeside High’s resident assholes.  When the party gets busted, the whole crew is thrown in the drunk tank.  As Joey scolds Dawson for his uncharacteristically bad behavior that night, a highly inebriated Pacey interrupts her, jealously chastising the pair for their agonizing on-again, off-again relationship, before puking in a nearby toilet.

            In the following scene, Pacey admits to his older brother that Joey is the kind of beautiful that “gives you butterflies.”  At the end of the episode, Pacey stops by Joey’s house.  But instead of telling her how he feels about her, he simply offers to teach her how to drive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1j-ouKoUKrc

Episode 50 – Crime and Punishment

               In this episode, the budding artist Joey is selected to paint a mural to be displayed at Capeside High School.  When one of Capeside High’s resident assholes (coincidentally the same asshole who threw the party in Episode 48) defaces the mural, Pacey beats the crap out of him.  He then rents Joey a wall in town so that she has an outlet for her artistic expression.  Seriously, how many of your significant others would be willing to buy you a wall?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNTdsm5Vu3w&feature=PlayList&p=590783AAD5312C95&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=3

Episode 52 – Cinderella Story

               When a romantic weekend with a random college guy goes horribly awry, a heartbroken Joey calls Pacey in the middle of the night to rescue her.  On the drive home, Joey admits that Pacey and Dawson are the only two people in the world who really “know [Joey].”  Overcome with emotion, Pacey abruptly pulls the car off the road, and plants a hot wet one on an unsuspecting Joey.  Sparks fly . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3tXZNN_7H8&feature=PlayList&p=590783AAD5312C95&index=4&playnext=2&playnext_from=PL

Episode 54 – Stolen Kisses

              When the Scooby Gang travels to Dawson’s aunt’s house for Spring Break, Pacey finds himself overwhelmed by the vast amount of history that exists between childhood friends and former lovers, Dawson and Joey.  When he leaves the house in a huff, Joey runs after him.  Joey then admits that Pacey’s touch “makes her feel alive.”  Allowing her ten seconds to stop him, Pacey grabs Joey and the two share a passionate kiss with one another, before being discovered by Dawson’s aunt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j22v3cvZ_XU&feature=PlayList&p=590783AAD5312C95&index=7

            Later that night, Joey and Pacey discuss the difficulties inherent in their relationship.  And yet, despite the problems they know it will cause in their social circle, Joey and Pacey find themselves overtaken by passion for one another.  This time, Joey grabs Pacey and kisses him!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_ArKz1plLA&NR=1

Episode 57 – The Anti Prom

            Pacey and Joey’s new-found bliss is short-lived, however, and shortly after Stolen Kisses, the two break it off, in hopes of salvaging their now-broken respective relationships with a hurt Dawson.  At an alternative prom that the Scooby Gang puts together so that their homosexual friend, Jack, can attend with his boyfriend, Pacey and Joey share a heart-wrenching slow dance.  The fire between them becomes instantly apparent to everyone, including Dawson.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtkd7YS4Gg8

Episode 58 – True Love

              Unable to cope with the loss of his relationship with Joey, Pacey decides to run away, choosing to spend the summer at sea on his boat, aptly named “True Love.”  Joey is torn between spending the summer rebuilding her friendship with Dawson (zzzzzzz), and following her heart with Pacey (Yippeee!!!).  In the final moments of the episode, she makes her choice . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaYyK63YSS0&NR=1

Duh!

Season 4

            Episode 72 – A Winter’s Tale

            Joey and Pacey spend most of Season 4 as a couple.  However, as is the case with most television couples, the actual relationship is never nearly as exciting as the build up.  And yet, despite all this, Season 4 contains within it, one of the best Joey and Pacey moments of the whole series.  This scene effectively defines and encapsulates the pair’s entire relationship.  In this episode, Joey and Pacey finally decide to do the deed on a school ski trip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lg1L3ZS5EQ

             Is it any wonder, that despite nearly two entire seasons apart (Season’s 5 and 6 were probably the show’s weakest, in my humble opinion), these two crazy kids got back together in the Series Finale?   I was going to include a clip of this as well.  However, seeing as most of the finale episode was fairly maudlin (a big chunk of time was spent coping with Jen’s untimely death), I decided the hot and steamy sex scene was a nicer place to end.  Wouldn’t you agree?

            Suffice it to say that, in my mind at least, Pacey and Joey lived happily ever after. (Coincidentally, in my mind, Tom Cruise eternally remains Lieutenant Daniel Kaffee, his character from A Few Good Men.  A nice and naively idealistic place, that mind of mine . . .). 

           Of course, all I got out of this relationship was a whole lot of baggage and a bunch of YouTube clips to fawn over.  Happy V-day to me! 🙂

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Filed under Dawson's Creek, Television Super Couples