Tag Archives: Madonna

Shut up and SING! It’s almost time for Season 2 of Glee!

 

If last Sunday’s Gleek-tastic Emmy opener put you in the mood to watch your favorite show about singing and dancing teens, Glee, well then you’ve come to the right blog post.  Unfortunately, I don’t have quite enough clout in the entertainment world (read: “no clout at all”) to show you episodes from the show’s groundbreaking Second Season, which is set to premiere Tuesday, September 21st, at 8 p.m. on Fox.

However, I DO have plenty of mildly spoilerish intel about the new season, complete with a few pretty pictures, and some relevant YouTube videos. These should tide you over, while you eagerly await the season premiere.

So, what are we waiting for?  Let’s get GLEEK-Y!

For starters, here’s the new promo for the show, which aired just a few days ago on Fox. 

Pretty cool, right?  Now, let’s breakdown what we’ve learned about Season 2 so far . . .

The Episodes

Season 2 of Glee is slated to have 22 episodes.  The first few episodes will air on Tuesday at 8 p.m on Fox.  These early episodes will culminate in a SPECIAL extended episode, which will air following Superbowl XLV.

Following that episode, Glee will move to the much coveted Wednesday at 9 p.m. timeslot.  And, you know what that means?  More sex, drugs, and violence ALLOWED by the censors!

Yes, PLEASE!

So far, the producers of Glee have released titles for the first THREE episodes of Season 2, along with brief synopses of each.  In the first episode, entitled Audition, New Directions will be forced, due to more budget cuts, to bring on additional members — a task that will cause tension between on-again, off-again couple, Rachel and Finn.

Two auditioners likely to “make the cut,” are foreign exchange student Sunshine Corzan, played by YouTube sensation and master songstress of the Philippines, Charice (more on her later)  . . .

 Newbie Sunshine duking it out with Rachel Berry in the school bathroom, to the tune of Beyonce and Lady Gaga’s Telephone.

. . . and transfer student / football jock, Sam Evans (played by Chord Overstreet) . . .

Just like another one of our favorite Gleeks, it appears that Sam’s “talents” will be discovered in the shower.  How convenient for those of us scouring the net for shirtless shots of the actor to use in future recaps.  Just saying . . .

Sam is described by producers as being a protege and eventual rival of Finn’s.  It is also rumored that he may be an upcoming MAJOR love interest for one Kurt Hummel.

The second episode is entitled “Britney / Brittany.”  This one will obviously be the much talked about “Britney Spears-themed episode,” comprised entirely of songs by the aforementioned artist, and featuring a cameo appearance by Spears herself.

Heather Morris (as Brittany) posing with Britney Spears — I can see a resemblance.  Can’t you?

The show’s third episode, entitled “Faith,” will be religous-themed, and feature songs including R.E.M’s “Losing my Religion” . . .

 . . . and Barbara Streisand’s “Papa Can You Hear Me.”

Other episodes airing this Season will include a Rocky Horror Picture Show – themed episode .  . .

 .  . . during which the cast of New Directions will undoubtedly perform the Time Warp dance.

Another episode will feature the cast singing entirely ORIGINAL songs.  There will also be a second Madonna-themed episode.

In the Season 2 finale, the cast will head to  New York City, to compete in the national Glee club competition.  There, they will most likely perform Jay Z and Alicia Keys’ anthem to the Big Apple, “Empire State of Mind.”

“New Directions” for our original Gleeks

If the scoop about Kurt’s new love interest enticed you, there is plenty more where that came from!  Speaking of Kurt, Mike O’Malley, who warmed everybody’s hearts with his performance as Kurt’s Dad, Burt Hummel, has been upgraded to season regular status . . .

. . . as have our two favorite “mean girl” Cheerios (and possible lovers?) Heather Morris (Brittany) and Naya Rivera (Santana) . . .

Our favorite love square, starring Rachel, Finn,  Quinn and Puck, is said to be in full effect next year.  However, a NEW love TRIANGLE will ALSO invade the Glee club.   This one will star, the loveable Artie, quirky goth, Tina, and awesome dancer, Mike Chang.

Sources say that when the season opens, Tina will be dating MIKE, having dumped Artie, due to his poor social skills and frequently rude comments.

New Cast Members and Guest Stars

Earlier in this article, I mentioned the cast additions of Chord Overstreet . . .

 . . . and Charice.

What I DIDN’T mention was that Charice’s character’s singing voice will be SO impressive, that it will enable her to make a play for Rachel Berry’s crown as Queen Bee of New Directions.  Listen to her sing this rather impressive cover of Beyonce’s “Halo” (a song which just so happened to be performed on the show, by Lea Michele’s Rachel Berry last season), and compare for yourself.

Another addition to the cast will be John Stamos . . .

John will be playing that dentist boyfriend of Emma Pillsbury, Carl Howell, who was briefly mentioned last season.

Although I sincerely doubt John will be singing on the show, fans of the oh-so-cheesetastic 90’s sitcom Full House, will likely remember that he CAN, in fact, sing.  This will become evident in the VERY retro clip, below.

Also featured in Season 2 will be Cheyenne Jackson, who’s character will replace Idina Menzel’s Shelby Corcoran as the coach for New Directions’ rivals, Vocal Adrenaline.  Since I am nothing without my journalistic integrity, I’ve decided it is absolutely imperative that I provide you with a picture of Cheyenne in his underwear . . .

You’re welcome.

I will not, however, be providing you with an equally scantily clad photograph of our next new cast member.  Dot Jones will appear as McKinley High’s new football coach, and rival to BOTH Sue and Will Schuester, Shannon Beiste.

Beware of THE BEISTE!

Other Glee guest stars will include Carol Burnett . . .

. . . who will play Mommy to, none other than, Sue Sylvester . . .

Speaking of Sue, Javier Bardem will guest star as one of her exes.

Woah!  Maybe I should start wearing track suits.

Susan Boyle will also guest star as the Singing Lunch Lady.

New Music

Look for songs by Billy Joel . . .

. . . Coldplay . . .

 . . . Paul McCartney . . .

 . . . Courtney Love . . .

 . . .  and Led Zeppelin . . .

. . . to be featured on the show.

Oh, and just in case you CAN’T wait until September 21st to get your Glee fix, the Complete First Season of Glee DVD set will be available for purchase on September 14th.  

You can preorder it (at reduced cost) here.

Of course, September 14th is still over a week away.  Is that too many Glee-less days, for you?  If so, worry not.  Glee: The Beginning, a young adult novel said to function as a prequel for the series, is available in stores, RIGHT NOW!

You can order it, by clicking here.

Not much of a reader?   Low on cash?  That’s OK.  I’ve got something for you too.  To conclude this Glee-themed post, I have provided, for your viewing pleasure, a video of that fabulous Journey Medley, performed by the New Directions, during the Season 1 finale.  And, just in case, you didn’t see it when it first aired, you can find a picturesque recap of the entire episode right here.

Well, that’s all I’ve got, for now.  See you on September 21st!  Until then, happy Gleek-ing out!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Glee, Spoilers and Sneak Peaks

Fraternizing with the Enemy – A Recap of Glee’s “Hell-o”

Well HELLO there, fellow Gleeks!  Welcome to my very first Glee recap, or, perhaps, more appropriately, Gleecap.  Last night’s return to McKinley High, after a WAY TOO LONG hiatus, was jam-packed with: head-bopping tunes, oodles of teen angst, love triangles, and rivalries, with a heaping helping of track suit-wearing, rufie slipping, vogue-ing  SUE SYLVESTER thrown in for good measure!

So, tie on those dancing shoes, put that “L” symbol on your forehead, and give yourself a triple slushie facial, because we are about to get started . . .

The More Things Change . . .

So, when we last left our Glee kids, they had just won Sectionals, and had seemingly been elevated to “cool status,” as a result.  Finn and Rachel were dating.  And Sue Sylvester had been suspended for repeatedly trying to sabatoge the efforts of Glee coach, Will Schuester.  It only took about 10 minutes for the writers to undo ALL OF THAT!  First, the Glee kids got slushied . . .

 . . . then Sue Sylvester got reinstated at the school, by putting a rufie in the Principal’s drink, thereby causing THIS to happen . . .

(I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.)

Now, the Glee kids MUST win Regionals or they LOSE their club.  (Sound familiar?)

To further complicate matters, Finn (having recently been emasculated by Pregnant Quinn, who is now dating Baby Daddy Puck) is feeling smothered by New GF Rachel.  He also seems to have lost his Mojo.

The good news?  Mr. Schuester helps Finn get his Mojo back, by having him sing a song!   Hello, I Love You, by the Doors, to be exact.

The bad news?  This new-found confidence, along with the receipt of some puppy dog eyes from the scheming Brittany and Santana . . .

 . . . cause Finn to dump poor Rachel. 

But fear not, Gleeks, because when Rachel is dissed, she doesn’t get mad, she gets SINGY.  And what does our girl decide to sing?  None other than my favorite Angst Anthem, of course!  (The song  is a frequent companion of mine during late night elliptical workouts.)  It’s All American Reject’s Gives You Hell!

And while I can’t show you this awesomely cathartic vent-fest in its entirety (The clip is not yet on YouTube), I CAN let you bask in the fabulousness of the SONG portion . . .

This is a LIBRARY, NOT CARNEGIE HALL!

Unfortunately, Mr. Schuester clearly didn’t love this rendition as much as I did, because he sent Rachel back to the drawing board, in search of a more “appropriate” song for Regionals.  Rachel heads to the library, where she encounters Jesse St. James, the star songster of Vocal Adrenaline, i.e. New Directions’ main competition in the event.  (Interestingly enough, St. James, is played by none other than Jonathan Groff, Lea Michele’s costar in the musical Spring Awakening). 

St. James kind of comes off as a condescending prick – a guy who speaks only in dramatic monologues, and “gives impromptu concerts to the homeless.”  And yet, the chemistry between these two is pretty palpable, particularly when they randomly decide to sing a duet together right there in the LIBRARY!

 . . . complete with violin accompaniment!

I should mention that Lionel Richie’s Hello was a song I always hated.  Mainly because the video for  it featured that really creepy ceramic Lionel Richie HEAD . . .

But to Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff’s credit, their rendition TOTALLY ROCKED!

St. James then asks Rachel out on a date.  So, when the wishy-washy Finn . . .

I see the resemblance.  Don’t you?

 . . . decides he wants Rachel back, she has a good excuse to say, “NO!”

Unfortunately for Rachel, Finn is a total Gossip Girl . . .

 . . . and blabs to everyone about Rachel “singing with the enemy.”  So, the rest of the bitchy Glee clubbers, give her an ultimatum: Dump St. James or you’re OUT OF THE CLUB!

Rachel rushes to St. James to tell him its over, but soon gets caught up in another super sexy moment with him.  After Jesse promises to keep their relationship a secret, the pair share a firey kiss.  And then firey turns SERIOUSLY DISTURBING, when we see that, unbeknownst to Rachel, Vocal Adrenaline’s EEVIL Glee Coach, Ms. Corcoran (played by Rent’s Idina Menzel) . . .

 is watching the pair and spurring St. James on, with the verve and intensity of a handicapper at a horse race!

Virgin Girls, Slutty Boys, and Recycled Songs

Speaking of horses, Mr. Schuester must be HUNG like one (bad transition, I know) because he was just drawing in the ladies from all over the place this week!

First, there was his new girlfriend, OCD Emma . . .

 . . . who Will macked on immediately after deciding to end his marriage, in the mid-season finale episode.  It turns out that Emma never quite got around to cashing in her V card. (I bet you can guess who’s going to be singing Like a Virgin in next week’s Madonna-themed episode!)  Will grudgingly agrees to “take things slow.”  However, a few minutes later he is seen getting all hot and heavy with Ms. Corcoran, his competition, and a woman he JUST MET!

Perhaps this was because, Vocal Adrenaline’s fan-tabulous rendition of Highway to Hell, got Mr. Schuester all hot, bothered, and ready to sin.

To further complicate matters, EEVIL Terri . . .

. . . intruded on Emma’s preparations for a romantic evening with Will to inform her that their New Couple’s song, previously belonged to the Old Couple.  Specifically, Neil Diamond’s Hello also happened to be Terri and Will’s prom song.

(OK, I GET that “hello” was the theme of this episode.  But did they really have to include this LAME ASS song in it, just to prove that point?  There have GOT to be better HELLO songs out there!  SERIOUSLY!)  

 Apparently, despite Will being a former Glee Club Member and a current Glee Coach, the dude has the World’s Dullest Taste in Music!  (Then again, what do you expect from a guy whose ENTIRE movie collection consists of only TWO movies, one of which is Armageddon?)

Bad taste in movies, bad taste in music, bad taste in WIVES, and a cheater (though Emma doesn’t know that, yet) – these are all GREAT reasons to dump a Dude.  But Emma ACTUALLY dumps Will, because she feels he needs the opportunity to learn what it is like to be single for a change.  I agree!

Appropriately, this Hello- themed episode of Glee concluded with a song entitled Hello, Goodbye.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!

As a sly way to promote next-week’s Madonna-themed epi, after the credits rolled, we were treated to an “interesting” video featuring Sue Sylvester, paying homage to the Queen of Pop, by vogue-ing.

And while Jane Lynch was certainly amusing here, the FUNNIEST part of the video, for me, anyway, were the confused and mocking looks on the Glee kids’ (who were also in the video) faces, as Lynch hammed it up for the camera . . .

OK, now I must REALLY say goodbye to Hell-o!  Until next week, Gleeks!

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A Six-Year Old’s Take on the Film, Dirty Dancing . . . (My Retro-spective)

The first time I saw the movie Dirty Dancing, I was six-years old.  My mom had rented it from the video store, and decided to let me watch it with her.  I was excited, because it was my first ever PG-13 movie.  So, I was absolutely certain it would be filled with all sorts of naughty grown-up stuff (like curses and sex!), the likes of which I had never seen before!

In actuality, Dirty Dancing had a disappointingly minimal amount of curses (like 15, 20 tops . . . I know, because I counted).  And while there was adult content, I was too young to understand most of it.  (I’ll get to that later . . .). 

Despite all of this, I was a fan of the movie, almost instantaneously, because the Dad in it, Jerry Orbach, looked kind of like my dad.  And sort of acted and sounded like him too . . .

I hated Baby’s sister, though!  She seemed like a total poopyhead!

 So, I was kind of happy that, by the end of the movie, you find out that she’s a TERRIBLE dancer and singer, and nobody in her family really likes her.  (That’s what you get for being a poopyhead, after all.)

Oh, yeah, and Baby’s sister didn’t get ANY of the boys!  Not even that nerdy hotel manager’s son, Neil, or that rapist waiter, Robby.

Speaking of Robby, that whole rape/ abortion storyline completely flew over my 6-year old head.  When the cast started talking about how, “Penny got knocked up by Robby, the creep,”  I thought they just meant that he punched her or something.  But she didn’t have a black eye, or anything!  Weird!

So, why couldn’t she dance at the show?  And why did they have to pay all that money for a doctor with a dirty knife to cut her?  Why couldn’t she just put a bandaid on her boo boo, and have her mommy kiss it to make it better?

Newman from Seinfeld was in the movie too, and he did MAGIC TRICKS!  He even cut Baby in half!

Who knew mailmen had magical powers?

When I was six, I thought it was really funny that, in order to get into the hotel employees’ dance party, Baby had to carry a watermelon. 

But it didn’t make a lot of sense to me that she would have to do this, because none of the hotel employees at the party even ate the watermelons she brought!  And no one there seemed particularly hungry . . . for food, at least.

Then the BEST part of the movie started!  Baby and Johnny started DANCING!  Except that, for some reason, the characters decided not to dance to cool music, like Madonna . . .

or New Kids on the Block.

Oh, give me a break!  I was six.  I didn’t know any better . . .

Instead, they danced to “Old People” music — like the kind Mom and Dad made me listen to in the car when we went out to dinner on weekends.

But that was OK, because Baby and Johnny got to dance in COOL places!  Like on a log that reminded me of the balance beam at gymnastics parties . . .

 . . . and in the POOL

 .  . . and on the FLOOR!

And Baby’s mom NEVER even yelled at her for getting her jeans dirty!

Plus, watching Dirty Dancing made me less embarrassed about being ticklish . . .

Then Baby had a sleepover with Johnny, and she got in trouble with her Daddy, because sleepover parties are supposed to be ONLY with girls!  Silly!

Then, at the end of the summer, there was a Big Dance at the hotel, and Johnny said, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”

Suddenly, all of the hotel employees appeared out of no where!  (Where did they come from?)  They did this awesome dance to the song  “I’ve Had the Time of My Life,” which they all knew PERFECTLY, even though they never, ever practiced. . .

Baby even did THE LIFT without falling on her face!  So, of course, her Daddy had to forgive her about the whole “sleepover” thing . . .

And they all lived happily ever after . . .

When we finished watching the movie, I asked my Mom if I could take “Dirty Dancing lessons.”  She didn’t like that idea too much.  So, signed me up for jazz instead.  In hindsight, jazz dancing probaby wasn’t as much fun as “dirty dancing” would have been . . .

But I did get to wear pretty shoes . . .

After that first viewing, I went on to watch Dirty Dancing at least 20 more times, as I’m sure a lot of little girls from my generation did.  However, just in case you haven’t seen the film, you can check out this really awful old-school trailer for it (complete with cheesy film-announcer narration).  If you are one of those people who think that trailers give away the major plot points in movies today, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

They just don’t make ’em like THAT anymore . . .

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Filed under Awesome 80s movies, Dirty Dancing, Movie Trailer Recaplets

At First Bite: An Excerpt from Hollywood Warlock – A Novel by Julie Kushner

Chapter 1

At First Bite

The mood on the set of At First Bite, the much anticipated prequel to the critically acclaimed The Vampire Chronicles, was undoubtedly one of anticipation.  After all, filming was to start in just a few short minutes on what cast and crew knew would be a surefire blockbuster.  Heck, with the world economy in the crapper, and people’s lives going down the toilet right along with it, who wasn’t in need of a little supernatural escapist fantasy?  And what better way to escape than into the arms of a dangerous undead blood sucker?  The marketing department often joked that the tagline for the film should be “Recessions Bite, and So Does He.”

            Frenetic energy reverberated around the set, as everyone prepared for the film’s pivotal first scene, in which Vampire Lestrange encounters the naïve yet strong-willed heroine, Rebecca.  The prop department was busy strategically splattering “blood” (an odorous mixture of tomato paste, chocolate syrup, and lord knows what else) on the walls and floor, while white lab-coat wearing makeup specialists fussed over a highly realistic dismembered plastic corpse.  As a cumulative result of these activities, the sound stage bore greater resemblance to an Emergency Room surgery gone horribly awry than the filming locale for a high-budget action/horror flick set during the Victorian era. 

The rendezvous between the film’s two leads was to occur just moments after Lestrange, unbeknownst to Rebecca, had turned her sister Mary into a vampire.  The only problem was that film’s star, Justin Warlock, was still in his trailer, and no one seemed capable or willing to get him onto the set.

            “He’s doing what?  You’re kidding right?  Oh, I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”

            Kate McElwain paced back and forth in front of the craft services cart, barely able to contain her rage, as her agent tried in vain to prevent her from bodily removing her costar from his trailer.  Given her mood, he quickly decided honesty of the non-sugar coated variety would be the best approach.

            “Sweetie, you know Justin Warlock has always had a reputation for being a bit . . . How do I say it kindly?  Promiscuous.  But the boy brings box office, so we just have to bite our tongues.”

            “You bite your tongue.  I’m going to bite his balls off with those fake vampire fangs!” 

            Although touted by Entertainment Weekly as one of the “Top Ten New Faces to Watch in Hollywood This Year,” Kate McElwain, at 22, was already somewhat of an industry veteran.  Daughter of long-time soap opera starlet, Marlene McElwain, Kate practically grew up on film and television sets.  In fact, her career began when she was just eight months old, and was chosen, along with another baby who looked remarkably similar to her, to play the newborn daughter of her mother’s character on Days of Our Lives.

            As Kate got older, she had little trouble landing modeling gigs and commercials, due to her uncanny resemblance to her mother.  “It’s almost as if we created a time machine, went back about 25 years, retrieved Marlene from the past and brought her back here to repeat her career,” Marlene’s manager proclaimed about Kate.  With her petite frame, strawberry blond hair, pouty pink lips, and deep piercing blue eyes, Kate was the picture of naivety and innocence. 

As such, even though Kate was hardly a teenager, she was often cast to play “damsel in distress” types much younger than herself.  In fact, her role in At First Bite was no different.  Given Kate’s penchant for innocent roles, those who met her in her personal life were often surprised and amused to learn that she had the mouth of a truck driver and a temper to match.

“I mean, seriously, we haven’t even started filming yet, and already he’s missing call times because he’s diddling extras in his trailer?” Kate griped.  “Why doesn’t anyone just go get him, for Christ sake?”

“From what I’ve heard, no one interrupts Justin Warlock while he is ‘otherwise engaged,” the agent replied coyly.

Kate had never actually met Justin in person; although, she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t familiar with his career and reputation.  First discovered by his agent at a shopping mall at the age of 16, 25-year old Justin Warlock made a career out of playing the leading man in romantic comedies and Nicholas Sparks-esque dramas.  In addition to being a consistent fixture on People Magazine’s Sexiest Male List, Warlock was also a notorious playboy.  In fact, since starring in his first feature film at 18-years old, Justin has been romantically linked with every single one of his costars.  However, none of these romantic relationships had been rumored to last long after the movie premiere.

“Screw that!” Kate exclaimed, “Justin Warlock’s no supernatural being.  He’s just a dick who can’t keep it in his pants long enough to get to work on time.  I don’t see what everyone’s so fucking afraid of!”  And with that, she stalked off, leaving her agent to shake his head at his client’s tempestuousness.

Typically, by the time filming commenced, lead actors had already met one another at least a half a dozen times to conduct script read-throughs and navigate press junkets.  However, At First Bite’s Director expressly prohibited his on-screen duo from meeting prior to filming the first scene.  Rather, he desired their initial reactions to one another to be “fresh and unfettered.”  According to the Director, an actor’s and actress’s meeting on the first day of filming should be like a virgin bride’s first encounter with her husband on her wedding night, charged with anxiety and anticipation.  Kate thought that idea was a bunch of crap.  She was no virgin, and she was quite certain Justin wasn’t one either.  But far be it for her to mess with the Director’s “vision.”

Right now, vision or no vision, Kate was ready to have a little chat with El Director about her MIA costar.  When Kate approached “the man in charge,” he was hard at work on the Friday edition of the New York Times Crossword puzzle.  His tongue cradled his upper lip in concentration, as he struggled over one of the tougher clues.  The 40ish gentleman, whose salt and pepper hair, olive complexion and finely muscled physique gave him a George Clooney-type appeal, did not seem at all perturbed that his film was not running on schedule.  In fact, he seemed the picture of relaxation.

“Umm . . . Leo?”

The Director looked up from his puzzle and offered Kate a winning smile.  “Miss McElwain.  You look troubled.  Please, have a seat,” he said, patting a chair next to his own.  “How can I ease your spirits?”

Kate sat gingerly in the chair next to her Director.  Although it was going to take all of the inner strength she could muster, the young actress desperately wanted to appear diplomatic, knowing it was far too early in the game to piss off her boss by appearing too pushy.

“Well,” she started, “I am very eager to begin shooting our first scene.”

The Director laughed, a hearty Santa Claus “Ho, Ho, Ho,” which seemed incongruous with his lean-muscled frame.  “Ahhh, me too, me too,” chortled the Director, “It’s high time we popped that cherry.”

Ughh, more creepy virgin bride references.  Please, just kill me now.  Kate thought, but forced herself to remain courteous.  “Right . . . so the thing is, I was kind of wondering if you knew whether our ‘star’ would be making an appearance on set any time soon?”

“You think I should go get him, right?”  The Director responded, looking at Kate slyly.  “Yeah, I guess I should get him,” he rose from his seat and offered Kate his hand to help her out of the chair, “Come with me?”

Kate had no desire to go anywhere near that trailer, but again she recognized she had to be polite.  “Sure,” she said and followed the Director toward the trailers.  At least something was finally getting done. 

As they approached Justin’s trailer, Kate and the Director could hear the distinct sounds of sex coming from inside the doorway.  Kate was disgusted, but the Director simply appeared amused.  He glanced back at Kate.  “On second thought, why don’t you wait outside,” he said, before quickly climbing the steps and rapping on the door.  There was a brief pause, a few nervous shrieks and a hustle of activity, before the door opened a crack and the Director escaped inside, abruptly shutting the door behind him.

Kate was seething, as she waited outside the trailer alone, her foot tapping incessantly up and down, her arms wrapped tightly across her chest.  After a few moments, the door to the trailer opened.  Four women, all rather cheap-looking in Kate’s estimation, climbed out into the daylight, in various states of undress, each with the same lovesick grins on their faces, and dopey looks in their eyes.  If Kate hadn’t been too nervous about shooting to eat breakfast that morning, she probably would have puked right then and there.

Then the Director re-emerged, but this time with the man of the hour himself, Justin Warlock.  The two seemed to be having an uproariously good time, just yucking it up, which only served to make Kate madder.  Simultaneously, they both noticed her glaring at them and, like insolent school boys, guiltily wiped the shit-eating grins from their mugs.  “I’ll meet you both back on set,” called the Director.  He winked at Kate before briskly walking away, leaving the pair all by themselves.  So much for the “wedding night.”

Justin Warlock approached Kate, not with the confident swagger of a guy who just got laid by four women, but rather with the childlike exuberance of an eight-year old chasing after an ice cream truck.  With his tussled sun-kissed sandy brown hair, uncommonly long eyelashes, and obnoxiously adorable nose, the actor appeared to be nothing like the nymphomaniacal Adonis Kate had read about in the tabloids.  And yet, to the actress’s deep discomfort, Justin’s youthful pretty- boy body definitively smelled of sex.  Annoyed, Kate stared at the floor, desperately trying to avoid her costar’s good mood, which was being broadcast like radio waves from his dimpled smile and impossibly straight Crest advertisement white teeth.

“Wow . . . Kate McElwain!  I’ve been dying to meet you, since, like, forever,” announced Justin in the slightly-raspy voice Kate had heard so many times in movies.  He bowed slightly and held his hand out for Kate to shake.  Kate stared at the abhorrent hand as if it was infested with the intermingled juices of cheaply-perfumed floosies (which it probably was), and took a step back.  She would not be won over so easily.

The ingénue looked up at her nemesis, hands clenched, ready for battle.  Her vitriolic words spilled out of her like bullets shot from a tommy gun.  “OK.  Let’s get something straight, right off the bat.  I get that you’re Mister Sexiest Man Alive, and that you have scripts being thrown at you every day from here to Scandinavia, but some of us actually need this job.  So, in the future, if you need to get your cock sucked by one of the members of your bimbo harem, I’d really appreciate it if you did it on your own time.”

Wow, it felt really good to get that off her chest.  Kate took a deep breath.  Then, she looked up at Justin to gauge his reaction to her outburst.  For a moment, he didn’t appear to react at all.  Then, shock registered on his face.  Clearly, he had never been spoken to like that by anyone before, particularly not a woman.  Kate even worried for a second or two that he might hit her.  Instead, he did something even more unexpected.

Gently, Justin clasped Kate’s hand, looking deep into her blue eyes with his rounded blinking emerald green ones, which seemed as though they should belong to a boy much younger than the actor himself.  “Kate, you are absolutely 100% right . . . about everything.  What I did was completely selfish, unreasonably inconsiderate, and just plain stupid.  You deserve better, and I promise to be better from now on.  I am really . . . truly sorry.”

Unprepared for this type of response, Kate was utterly at a loss for words, and could do nothing but stare back into Justin’s eyes.  Even as Justin delivered his “heartfelt” apology, Kate knew that she was being played.  This guy was totally bullshitting her.  He didn’t mean a word of it.  And yet, while her mind was saying “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit,” on autopilot, her body was responding in another way entirely. 

The warmth from Justin’s hand sent tingles up her spine and throughout her body.  Immediately, her mouth became dry and her knees nearly buckled.  Try as she might, she could not pull herself away from Justin’s entrancing stare and her eyes watered at the unblinking effort.  Suddenly, she had this intense impulse to rip off his shirt and run her hands over his muscled abdominals.  She imagined herself kissing his thin lips as he nibbled on her neck. 

Kate longed to touch the firm bulge in Justin’s designer khakis.  Just moments ago, she hated this man, who seemed to stand in the way of her career and was against everything she stood for.  Now, she couldn’t bear to let go of his hand, which, to her embarrassment, she was gripping tightly with her recently manicured nails.

            And yet, as excited as she was by these feelings, they also frightened her to her very core.  After all, Kate wasn’t the type of girl to go gaga over a man as seemingly shallow as Justin Warlock.  In fact, Kate wasn’t the type of girl to go gaga over any man at all.  You see, Kate McElwain was a lesbian.

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