Tag Archives: making out with stepsister

Hot Summer Nights – The TV Sex-y Awards!

Well, summer’s definitely here, folks!  It’s almost 90 degrees outside, where I’m from.  And I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty hot and bothered.   So I figured, what better way to beat the heat OUTSIDE, than to steam things up INSIDE, where at least an air conditioner, and a few systematically placed ice cubes, can cool you off?

A few days ago, my blogging buddy, Amy, over at Imaginary Men, hosted something she lovingly referred to as the TV Boyfriend Olympics.  During said “Olympics,” Amy and a “distinguished panel of judges” voted on the best television scenes, featuring the TV stars we LOVED to watch get together and almost get together.  The sheer awesomeness of her post, and the undeniable guilty pleasure I had “judging” the scenes, gave me an idea . . .

So, this morning, while many of you were probably out on the beach, working on your tans, I was INSIDE, culling through hours of hot television sex scenes, in search of the most notable ones. (Or rather, the most notable that DIDN’T require me to register with YouTube as someone who likes “dirty” videos.  I’m pretty sure YouTube sends THAT registry list to the government  . . .)  It was a tough job, but someone had to do it . . .

So, without further adieu, here are my picks for the first annual TV Sex-y Awards.

The “Most Bizarre Place to Get Lucky” Award goes to . . . (drumroll please)

KATE AND SAWYER on LOST for “Bear Cage Sex.”

Don’t you hate it when you are trapped on on an island you THINK is deserted, but it actually ends up being filled with a weird group of Others who throw you in a cage, and force you to eat nothing but massive looking dog food crackers shaped like fish?  Kate and Sawyer actually don’t seem to hate it all that much . . . In a few moments, you will understand why.

Honestly?  I don’t understand how these two DIDN’T end up together, at the end of the series.  Can you imagine JACK SHEPARD doing it in cage?  He’d probably be too concerned with how many bacterial infections you could get from those steel bars, to really get in the mood.

“When is the last time you think they windexed those?  That dude with the beard just didn’t look very clean.  Maybe they’d be willing to give us some paper towels to put down first . . .”

The “Best Use of Camera Effects to Simulate Sex, Without Upsetting the Censors” Award goes to . . .

CHUCK and BLAIR on GOSSIP GIRL for “Limo Sex”

I remember literally drooling the first time I watched this scene, which took place during Season 1 of Gossip Girl.  In it, Chuck takes a highly vulnerable Blair to a Gentleman’s Club he wishes to purchase.  Once there, the typically buttoned-up and straight-laced, Blair surprises him, by getting up on stage and performing a tasteful, but highly provocative, strip tease.  During the limo ride home, the pair do it for the first time. 

Upon watching the scene again, I was surprised by how little the producers actually showed, sex-wise.  In fact,  when compared to many of the others scenes shown here, this one was surprisingly tame.  And yet, something about the scene made it seem deliciously X-rated.  I’m thinking it was the jump cuts and old-school video effects that caused us fans to imagine a raunchiness that wasn’t necessarily there.  Watch and you’ll see what I mean . . .

The “Best First Time” Award goes to . . .

PACEY and JOEYon DAWSON’S CREEK for “High School Ski Trip Sex”

I’m pretty sure the scene I’m about to show you RUINED virginity loss for young women everywhere.  Most first sexual encounters are awkward, painful and uncomfortable.  Joey’s and Pacey’s was PURE PERFECTION. 

After watching an entire season of longing looks and “Will they?  Won’t they?”  Followed by ANOTHER season of coupledom that was frequently marred by petty fights and the annoying romantic advances of boring hangers on (cough, cough Dawson cough), it was REALLY nice to see Joey and Pacey finally able to get some unadulterated loving.  And as for Joey’s pre-sex speech?  Well, foreplay just doesn’t get much better than that!

The “Most Realistic First Time” Award goes to . . .

SETH and SUMMER on THE O.C. for “Not-So-Hot at Having Sex”

He was desperately in love with her since the sixth grade.  She . . . thought he was a major loser . . . But then, he seemingly moved on.  And the thought of Seth dating another girl stirred up feelings in Summer that she didn’t know she had.  Remember how I said earlier that most “first times” are awkward, painful, and uncomfortable?  So was their’s . . .

The “Most Uncomfortable to Watch Sex Scene” Award goes to . . .

MEREDITH and GEORGE on GREY’S ANATOMY in “There’s No Crying in Sex!”

Speaking of awkward . . . how would you like it if you finally got the chance to do it with the girl or guy of your dreams?   But then, the mere thought of consummating a relationship with you made the object of your desire burst into tears .  . . and not tears of joy, either . . .

Note:  Asking someone if they are “almost done,” during sexual activity?  NOT A TURN ON!

The “Dirtiest (and not in a good way) Sex” Award goes to . . .

VAMPIRE BILL and SOOKIE on TRUE BLOOD in “Doing It with the Dead Sex”

Remember how I told you Dr. Jack Shepard from Lost would be too finicky to engage in Bear Cage Sex with Kate?  Well, you could just imagine how he’d feel, when faced with the prospect of banging a naked corpse in a cemetery, especially when said corpse had just spent the last several hours buried in the dirt.  In this next scene, Sookie, believing her beloved Vampire Bill to have died permanently in a fire, heads to his gravesite to pay her last respects.  It is there that she has a rather “unexpected” encounter . . .

The “Undead Dudes Make the Best Lovers”  Award goes to . . .

ELENA and STEFAN on THE VAMPIRE DIARIES in “I Love You, Even if You Are Old and Fangy, Sex”

My squeamish thoughts regarding the last video might give you the mistaken impression that I think sex with vampires is gross and wrong.  TOTALLY UNTRUE!  Sex with vampires can be unbelievably hot, particularly when the vampire in question has Hypnotic Arms of Steel, like Stefan Salvatore.  Watch and be entranced . . .

(This one is un-embedded, unfortunately.  Just click the internal link to see it.)

The “So Hot, We Wish it Wasn’t Incest” Award goes to . . .

BOONE and SHANNON on LOST in “Step-Sibling Sex”

You know who else plays a vampire on The Vampire Diaries?  THIS GUY . . .

Unfortunately, the sex scenes he’s been in on that show, so far, have almost universally involved, compulsion, violence, and girls that were NOT Elena.  But to hold a a TV Sex-y Award “show” and NOT include the Sex Master himself, Ian Somerhalder, would be pure sacrilege.  So, I figured, the least I could do was show a scene where he got it on with his sister.  Just TRY not to be aroused by this one . . . I DARE YOU!

The “Sex Scene That Made Me Hungry” Award goes to . . .

SERENA and NATE on GOSSIP GIRL in “Do You Really Expect Me To Put That in My Mouth? Sex”

“I can’t believe I ate the WHOLE thing!”

You see, to me, food and sex DON’T mix.  In fact, food is what you abstain from a few hours BEFORE sex, to avoid unfortunate incidents and “Pudgy Tummy.”  But, then again, I’m not Serena and Nate.  Is it wrong that, when I was watching this scene, I was paying more attention to the waffles and strawberries the couple was eating, than I was to the couple themselves?  Because, let me tell you, those were some JUICY strawberries . . .

(Yet another poopy non-embedder.  Click that link!  You won’t regret it!)

And, finally, The “Best Post-Coital Conversation” Award goes to . . .

LOGAN and VERONICA on VERONICA MARS in “We Just Did It.  Now Let’s Chat About Hookers Sex”

It’s fitting that the last award of the day would go to an “After Sex” scene.  And if any couple deserves a moment to lie together peacefully and spoon, its Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls.  Fans of Veronica Mars know that this couple’s “epic” relationship was most certainly never dull.  When these two weren’t bashing in the headlights on one another’s cars, getting eachother suspended for drug use on school grounds, protecting eachother from mobsters, rapists and serial killers, breaking eachother out of jail, and testifying in court against people who killed their friends, Veronica and Logan were just an ordinary couple looking for some “alone time.” 

Unfortunately, the show was only three seasons long.   And Veronica and Logan were “coupled” for less than half of it.  This didn’t leave much time for these two to do those “normal things” that most couples do.  That’s what makes the quiet and contemplative moment that the pair shares in this scene so special . . .

Well, there you have it folks.  This year’s First Annual TV Sex-y Awards has officially came and went.  I think I’m going to take a cold shower now . . .

 

 

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Filed under Sex on Television, Television Super Couples, Top Ten Lists

Ian Somerhalder – Ladies’ Man, Man’s Man, Shirtless Man, Dancing Man (A YouTube Extravaganza!)

 

Here at TV Recappers Anonymous, we love ALL of our sexy television and movie men.  But, admittedly, some of them get more love than others.  Lately, Ian Somerhalder has been getting the MOST love of them all!  Right now, you probably know him best as Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries

On that show, he is the “big bad,” quite possibly sociopathic, definitely vampiric, 160 plus-year old, older brother to Paul Wesley’s Stefan Salvatore.

In his role as Damon Salvatore, Ian plays a man with a serious thirst for blood, a penchant for the ladies, and a soft spot for one Elena Gilbert.

Did I mention he owns a mansion, and enjoys dancing around it half naked?

  (Click the internal link below, to view the video)

Now while all of this is FABULOUS for us fans,  The Vampire Diaries only airs once a week.  In fact, there are only TWO more episodes in the season.  Very soon, Somerhalder fans will be faced with a summer-long draught of open-shirted, brow-furrowed, snarky commenting, fabulous dancing goodness.  After all, there are only SO MANY Damon Salvatore fan videos you can watch on YouTube!

This is where I come in . . . You see, believe it or not, before The Vampire Diaries, Ian Somerhalder was actually in OTHER STUFF!

Shocking, I know!  The purpose of this blog entry today, is to help guide YOU toward Ian Somerhalder YouTube Nirvana.  This way, once The Vampire Diaries is on hiatus (after you’ve broken the virtual “Play” button on your “Damon and Vicki Dancing Webclip,” and after you have watched every single Damon Salvatore fan video known to man), you have some other places to look, in order to satisfy your Somerhalder-sized cravings . . .

Young Americans (2000)

This short-lived WB series (pre-CW) about an all-boys boarding school wasn’t around that long.  In fact, the show (a spinoff of the popular teen drama Dawson’s Creek), only lasted about eight episodes.  And yet, in that brief amount of time, it managed to REALLY push the envelope with some surprisingly risque storylines.  Most notably (of course, otherwise why would I include it here?) was the plotline involving Ian Somerhalder’s character, Hamilton Fleming, the All-American son of the school’s dean.  In the pilot episode, he meets a “boy” named Jake Pratt.  The two quickly bond and become friends.

The problem?  Heretofore straight Hamilton soon finds himself attracted to Jake, who Hamilton thinks is gay (Jake tried to kiss him near the end of the first episode).  So, of course, Hamilton begins to wonder whether he is gay too. 

Hamilton may very well be gay.  But here’s the thing: Jake is a GIRL!  For reasons that I never quite understood (something about getting revenge against her absentee mother) “Jake” a.k.a. Jacqueline posed as a boy to attend the all-boy school.  In the below scene, which was highly reminiscent of the prom scene in that old 80’s flick, Just One of the Guys . . .

(This film is VERY dated.  But it’s a good Netflix rental, if you’re ever in the mood for a gender-bending good time . . .)

 . . . Jacqueline finally comes clean to Hamilton about her . . . um . . . sex.

This exchange actually occurs during the fourth episode of the show.  So I really haven’t spoiled all that much for you.  What’s nice is that, on YouTube, someone was kind enough to distill the entire series into ONLY the Jake and Hamilton parts from each episode, and post them online.   So you can see the couple’s ENTIRE story in under a half-hour’s time.  Somerhalder’s excellent acting skills and the “Jake” character’s androgeny makes these clips WAY more erotic than they should be .  . . It’s definitely worth a look-see, in my opinion.

The Rules of Attraction (2002)

This film, which was based on a very jaded and dark, but oddly insightful, novel about college life, written by Bret Easton Ellis (Less than Zero, American Psycho), featured a fairly impressive cast of hot up-and-coming early twenty-something actors, most notably: Dawson’s Creek‘s James van der Beek, playing a decidedly un-Dawson like role . . .

(Joey Potter would not approve.)

 . . . Jessica Biel . . .

 . . . and Kate Bosworth (who, coincidentally, also starred in Young Americans with Ian Somerhalder)

Here, Ian plays the bisexual and sexually frustrated Paul Denton, a man who seemingly has only two favorite pasttimes: sex and dancing.  Lucky for him (and us), he gets to do both throughout the movie .  . .

Unfortunately, for my purposes at least, the creators of The Rules of Attraction don’t allow embedding on ANY of their original webclips on YouTube.  However, there are literally a TON of them out there.  Just type “Ian Somerhalder” or “Paul Denton”  and “Rules of Attraction,” and you are bound to find them all.  Not surprisingly, most of my favorites of these  involve a shirtless Somerhalder dancing and jumping on a hotel bed in his boxer briefs.

Remind you of anything?

Lost (2004 -)

Those of you who have read this blog before, know that I am a big fan of early Lost episodes, particularly those from the show’s first season.  Of course, THIS GUY had a lot to do with that . . .

Boone Carlyle was everything you’d want in a guy.  Kind-hearted, loyal, intelligent, brave, resourceful,well-to-do, athletic, and dead sexy.  So, of course, the Lost writers had to crush him with a plane and kill him near the end of Season 1.  But before that happened, we got to watch him, through flashbacks, engage in a VERY inappropriate sexual relationship with his younger stepsister, Shannon.

And, you know what?  As much as you REALLY didn’t want to like these two together (Aside from being his relative, Shannon was a manipulative bitch, who basically treated Boone like crap his whole life, and used his feelings for her to con him out of $50 grand.), you just couldn’t get away from the fact that they were both so DAMN HOT!  The chemistry between Maggie Grace and Ian Somerhalder was so smoldering, they practically burnt a hole in your television, every time they were on screen together.  Watch this clip, if you don’t believe me . . .

Need more?  Type “Boone and Shannon” and “Lost” into your YouTube search bar, and you will find plenty more where that came from . . .

That’s all for now, Somerhalder fans.  Just a little something to whet your appetite during those long HOT Vampire Diaries – less months. 

Happy YouTubing!

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Filed under Ian Somerhalder, Lost, Rules of Attraction, The Vampire Diaries, Young Americans