Separating the Men (and the Women) from the Babies – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Hook Line and Sinner”

This week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy was all about making choices.  The episode also featured a lot of “baby talk” . . .

  . . . and not nearly enough shirtlessness and/or sex for my taste . . .

A Shirtless Justin Chambers is a TERRIBLE thing to waste!

As is a Shirtless Jesse Williams, for that matter!

What choices did our characters make this week?  Let’s analyze, shall we?

To Grandpa, or Not to Grandpa . . .

In the past, Mark Sloan has been known throughout Seattle Grace as the Resident Man Child, a walking Mid-Life Crisis in Scrubs, if you will.  The moments he wasn’t in the operating room (and, let’s face it, we almost NEVER see this guy operate), Mark could typically be found trolling for women . . . .

 . . . making sexually suggestive (and slightly creepy) comments to anyone who would listen,

“Hey baby, did I ever tell you about the big yacht I own?  It’s IN MY PANTS!”

 . . . and starring in sex tapes with actresses and call girls . . .

(Oh, wait . . . that last one only happened in REAL life)

However, lately, viewers have begun to notice a “softer side” of Mark Sloan.  During the last few episodes, Mark has been toying with the idea of settling  into a serious relationship, and starting a family.  This idea was first brought to the forefront a few episodes back, when Mark’s long lost 18-year old daughter, who he heretofore never knew existed, arrived on the scene and announced she was pregnant.

Mark and his daughter (Little Sloan) had previously discussed Mark raising his grandchild on his daughter’s behalf.  However, Little Sloan got cold feet, and decided to put the baby up for adoption.  In the opening scenes of this episode, Little Sloan arrives on Mark’s doorstep about to give birth.   Fortunately for Little Sloan, Mark lives in Doctor Central.   So, she didn’t even need to go to the hospital to deliver her baby.   Dr. Teddy Altman . . .

 . . . (who Sloan just so happened to be screwing, while his daughter’s water was breaking all over his Welcome Mat), delivered the child, with nothing more than a pair of scissors and a bunch of towels.  Once the baby was born, a highly hormonal Little Sloan began to have second thoughts about giving it up for adoption. 

And despite the fact that Little Sloan had Bad Mommy written all over her (Her idea of “baby gifts” was a messy purse filled with enough lame dollar store doodads to LITERALLY choke a baby!  These “bite-sized” toys might as well have had “Swallow Me and Die” written on their surfaces), Big Sloan seemed to think it was a GREAT idea!  He was thrilled at the prospect of being able to have a grandchild in his life.  Fortunately, Arizona stepped in to show him the error of his ways. 

In a heart-wrenching scene, Mark is forced to hand the child over to his new adoptive parents.  Once it is all over, he and his daughter vow to remain a part of one another’s lives.  So, it seems as though Seattle Grace’s most immature resident may have FINALLY grown up.  (Oh, and did I mention that Little Sloan was significantly less annoying this week, than she has been in past episodes?)

Oh Baby or No Baby . . .

Speaking of Arizona . . .

 . . . she and Callie seemed to be having baby issues of their own this week, since Callie wants to have a child, and Arizona doesn’t.  Throughout the episode, Callie tried a number of tactics to get Arizona aboard the Baby Train.

First Callie tried guided imagery.  “Picture a beautiful baby,” she prodded.

“I’m picturing a trip to Spain, a glass of Sangria, and you in a bikini,” replied Arizona.  “Oh, wait.   We can’t go to Spain . . . or DRINK, because of the BABY!”

Callie then tried to psychoanalyze Arizona, patronizingly explaining to her that the real reason Arizona didn’t want a child was that she was afraid it would get sick and die, like Arizona’s own brother, or the babies she treats at the hospital each day.  Arizona is offended by Callie’s insinuations.  “I’m not broken.   . .  I just don’t want a child,” Arizona explains, before storming out of the room.

And even though the couple seemingly made up at the episode’s conclusion, I am not entirely sure that this is something they will be able to overcome, in the long term.

To Be a D-Bag, or NOT to be a D-Bag . . .

Remember all those times, when Seattle Grace was in financial trouble, and Derek self-righteously lectured Chief Webber on the importance of not letting the interests of money and prestige override the need for a comfortable work environment, where doctors can work together as a team?  Remember that “Back to School” episide, where Derek tried to demonstrate that Seattle Grace was, above all, a “teaching hospital”?  Well, it appears, that “power corrupts,” because the Derek of this week’s episode has completely turned his back on everything he once believed.

For what seemed like the umpteenth time in the past few seasons, ANOTHER “Cardio God” entered the hallowed halls of Seattle Grace.  And, once again, the typically tough-as-nails, Cristina Yang, turned into a puddle of sycophantic mush around him.  Karev was right when he said she treated well-renown doctors like trading cards . . .

Collect them all!

At least Cristina is not afraid to ADMIT her flaws.  (I loved when she called herself a Cardiothoracic Whore!)  This, unfortunately, is more than I can say for Derek . . . 

Apparently, Seattle Grace is still in need of a Head of Cardiologogy.  And while, Teddy, who has been performing the job on temporary contract, would seem to be the most likely choice for the job, the prospect of getting a bigger name (in this case, “Dr. Evans”) to fill the position, put dollar signs in McDreamy’s puppy dog eyes.

In Derek’s defense, a skittish Teddy was screwing up all over the place, this week, sneezing on patients and failing to recognize that they were suffering from sepsis, before operating on them.  And, yes, the DULL Dr. Evans did seem like a “good surgeon.”  However, he was a Crappy Teacher, forcing Cristina to sit on the sidelines and watch a surgery she had scrubbed in on, while he performed the entire thing on his own.  Not to mention that the absence of the well-liked Teddy would have certainly caused a good deal of upheaval amongst many of the doctors — most notably, Mark Sloan who she is currently screwing.  Under normal circumstances, a doctor’s popularity and good teaching skills should not be the sole reasons for her getting a job.  However, for a Chief who got HIS job on a platform of “education and togetherness,” such reasons should certainly be persuasive ones.

Fortunately, for Teddy, she ultimately got to keep her job.  However, at the end of the episode, when Old Chief Webber makes a point to congratulate Shepherd on his decision to award loyalty over prestige, Derek defiantly admits that he had originally offered Dr. Evans the job, not Teddy.  However, Dr. Evans passed on it.  I’m not a fan of what “chiefing” is doing to Derek’s character  . . . Here’s hoping that Old Chief Webber resumes his post REALLY SOON!

“Sober up quick, Chief McBoozy!  We need YOU!”

To Threesome, or Not to Threesome . .  .

In other D-baggyish news, Owen came VERY close to cheating on Cristina, by almost making out with a vulnerable Teddy, in an admittedly sweet elevator scene.  Interestingly enough, THESE actions are NOT the ones with which I take issue.  After all, Owen ultimately DID NOT cheat (only because his pager went off . . . but still).  And, Owen and Teddy do have chemistry and a strong history together, so I can understand his moment of weakness. 

What I COULD NOT abide, was what Owen did NEXT.  In a highly uncharacteristic move, Cristina plays the Girlfriend Card with Owen, asking that he plead Teddy’s case to McDreamy, so she can keep her job.  Owen AGREES to do this.  However, once he gets inside the Chief’s office, he pleads DR. EVANS’s case instead, asserting that Teddy would be “just fine” if Derek didn’t choose her for the position.  One could argue that Owen truly believed that Dr. Evan was the “better man” for the job.  However, I think this had more to do with Owen’s own concerns that he won’t be strong enough to not make out with Teddy, the next time the two of them are stuck in an elevator . . .  And, if that ‘s the case, that seriously SUCKS for BOTH Teddy and Cristina!

To Grow Some Balls or NOT to Grow Some Balls . . .

In still MORE D-bag news, Alex treated his sort-of girlfriend Lexie like total crap this entire episode, berating her, making fun of her, and STEALING her surgeries.  When Lexie solves a medical mystery and ALMOST allows Alex to steal her thunder, it takes a tough love speech from Bailey (Doesn’t it always?), for Lexie to finally realize that she is being mistreated.  At the end of the episode, Lexie confronts Alex, by giving him a serious “I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR” – type talking to. 

Alex seems impressed.  He even gives Lexie a beer.  And you KNOW how boys hate parting with their beer.  But was it too little, to late?

Finally, in Bat-Sh&t Crazy News . . .

 . . . April continued to awkwardly fawn over the married Dr. Shepherd, much like the creepy school girl she played in that Glee episode a few months back . . .

I LOVED how Dr. Avery, a.k.a. Dr. Hotness . . .

 . . . totally called her out on her freak show behavior, not to mention skewered her with a few spot on impersonations.  “Oh, Chief Shepherd, you can spank me if I’m wrong. And I DO hope I’m wrong!”  He mimicked.

(Could somebody in the writing staff PLEASE give the funny and adorably sexy Jesse Williams more to do on this show?  A storyline?  A relationship?  A surgery?  ANYTHING AT ALL?  Need I remind you what he looks like with his shirt off?)

Anyway, methinks the slow boil of Bat Sh&t Crazy April is about to bubble over REALLY soon.  So, Derek should definitely hide his meat cleavers  . . .

 . . . and his BUNNIES . . .

 . . . both in the literal AND the metaphoric sense.  You can spank me if I’m wrong.  And I DO hope I’m wrong . . .

 

 

 

 

Another Bloody 12-Step Program – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries “Under Control”

“Dude, I am NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!  The last thing I remember is going into a tattoo parlor and asking for some pegasus wings on my back . . . OH CRAP!  REAL WINGS!  How the f&*k did these get here?  Damon’s NEVER going to let me live this one down . . .”

Tonight’s installment of The Vampire Diaries featured an in-town party,

LOTS of booze,

SOME making out,

SOME brawling,

and a heaping helping of Julie Cooper-Nichol Melinda Clarke.

In short, it reminded me A LOT of this OTHER show I used to watch . . .

“Welcome to The VD, BITCH!”

Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

The Things We Cannot Change . . .

When we last left Stefan, he found himself hooked on . . .

 . . . having tasted his girlfriend, Elena’s, during a particularly weak moment.  When we see Stefan, this week, he is struggling to quit the stuff cold turkey.  His brilliant plan for achieving this goal?  LOTS of sweaty pull-ups  . . . which, again, I think, was only included in the episode, so that we got the opportunity to see Paul Wesley look like this . . .

 . . . and AGAIN, I’m OK with that!

Unfortunately, for Stefan, his brother, Damon, is a TOTAL enabler . . .

 . . . and SMOKIN’ HOT (just saying).  So, Damon, who is a pretty big blood drinker himself, continues to randomly leave vials and glasses of the “red stuff” all around the mansion, where these two dapper drinkers currently reside.  “Why can’t you just get blood from a blood bank, like the rest of us?”  Damon inquires.

Now THIS development is very interesting to me . . . You see, I was always under the impression, that while Damon occasionally imbibed a “soccer mom” or two from vials of blood stolen from a hospital or blood bank, human skin was his “glass” of choice.  Perhaps, I always assumed this, because many scenes in The Vampire Diaries book series, featured a super sexy Damon compelling a young innocent lass to offer up her body for feeding.  The act of “drinking” these females was always overtly sexual.  And Book Damon, to his credit, always left the bitten ladies in bed asleep, with no memory of the event, except for some VERY SWEET DREAMS!

Truthfully, this has ALWAYS been a fantasy of mine!  And I was more than a bit disappointed when Damon admitted he hadn’t “had a human in years.”  It also raises an interesting point.  If Damon and the other vamps, drinks solely from blood banks, and Stefan repeatedly goes out into the woods to eat Bambi’s mother . . .

 . . . and other assorted forest creatures, heretofore alive and well, wouldn’t that make Stefan more of a killer than his brother? 

Also, we noticed, throughout the episode, how DANGEROUS Stefan’s newfound cravings for human blood were causing him to become.  EVERYONE suddenly became a target .  . . even Elena.  Given that, wouldn’t Stefan’s imbibing of blood bank blood make him less harmful to the people he cared about, not more?  The only possible explanation I could think of as to why we should be rooting AGAINST Stefan becoming a HUMAN blood sucker, is that his LOOOOONG absense from the stuff, has made him . . .

 . . . in terms of blood drinking, almost as if he was a NEWBORN vampire once again.  And we learned, from Vicki Donovan a few episodes ago, just how DANGEROUS those newbies could be . . .

“Oh, BITE ME!  On second thought, let me BITE YOU . . . HARD!”

Most of the episode’s A-storyline featured Stefan trying to get a handle on his blood drinking by getting as wasted as possible on alcohol!

Somewhere underground, the creator of the 12-Step Program is rolling over in his grave.  Unless of course, HE is a vampire too!  If so, he probably doesn’t mind as much . . .

The result of all this DRINKING, is that Stefan, as Damon says, becomes sort of “fun,” for a change.  He compels the D.J. at the party to switch from the snoozy orchestral music he is playing, to the song Falling by Phoenix (which you may have recognized as the song from those cadillac commercials . . .)

Don’t get me wrong, this is a good song, and all.  But I, personally, think it would have been WAY FUNNIER if Stefan “requested” that the DJ play a song by Vampire Weekend.

The song, “A Punk,” for example, would have been FABULOUS for this venue . . .

All the while, Stefan was telling Elena and Damon he had things “under control.”  However, we could tell that this wasn’t the case at all when he (1) got all veiny, wrinkled, and puffy eye baggy, when things got hot and heavy with Elena in her bedroom; and (2) twice almost killed that random dude for having the NERVE to knock into and be rude to Elena at the party (which was kind of hot, I have to admit).  But “rock bottom” for our pal Stefan had to be when Julie Cooper Nichol Matt’s Slutty Mom . . .

 . . . got a massive cut on her head.  In a move that was both incredibly creepy, and intensely sexy, at the same time, Stefan placed his hand gently on Julie Cooper Nichol’s Matt’s Slutty Mom’s wound, rubbed it with his fingers, and then proceeded to amorously lick his hand like a VERY DIRTY cat.

“Mmmmmm . . . Julie Cooper Nichol Matt’s Slutty Mom Guts . . . DELICIOUS!”

At the end of the episode, Stefan gives in to temptation, chugging down a blood-filled tumbler that his brother strategically left on the bar for him.  And again — I have to ask — is this necessarily a bad thing?

The Senseless Death That Was Neither Particularly Senseless, Nor Deadly .  . .

So, at the beginning of the episode, this guy shows up at Elena’s doorstep, and I IMMEDIATELY don’t like him, because he walks with his hands clasped between his legs, like a VERY MEAN AND SCARY principal I used to have in elementary school (RIP Princi  – PAL).  Apparently, this guy is Uncle John Gilbert — a man who once slept with . . .

Aunt Jenna, and MAY have slept with . . .

Elena’s biological mom, Isabel.  WOAH!  What are you telling me, VD?   Elena’s UNCLE did the deed with both Elena’s AUNT and Elena’s MOM?

Incest much?  It took me a few takes to remember that Aunt Jenna is the sister of Elena’s adoptive mom, Uncle John is Elena’s adoptive dad’s brother, and NONE of these people are at all related to Elena’s biological mom!  This makes the whole situation less gross . . . but only slightly.  It still strikes me as a bit “too close for comfort,” if you know what I mean . . .

Anyway, Uncle John immediately starts making trouble in Mystic Falls.  First, he threatens to take Elena’s deceased father’s office, which Elena and Jeremy inherited in their parents’ will, away from them.  THEN he reveals to the town council that a bunch of blood banks are reporting stolen vials of blood and missing employees, prospectively exposing all the vampires in Mystic Falls, not to mention cutting off their nutrition supply.  Uncle John then reveals to Damon that he knows EVERYTHING about the Salvatore brothers, including that they are vampires, and that they were responsible for opening the underground tomb containing Mama Pearl . . .

 . . . and the other Hidey Hole Vamps.  Damon takes quick action, like the Rambo Bad Ass, he is!

Our Main Man breaks Uncle John’s neck and tosses him off the balcony, before I could even utter the word “Douchebag.”  And I must admit, I CHEERED LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL, when it happened (maybe it was all those principal memories, getting the best of me).  “UNCLE JOHN, it gives me GREAT PLEASURE to bestow upon you the SENSELESS DEATH AWARD!”  I literally said, out loud, as I watched the scene.

 So, as you can imagine, I was just and confused and PISSED as Damon, when Uncle John showed back up at the party, alive and unharmed . . .

“He’s BAAACK!”

As it turns out, Uncle John was conveniently wearing that Can’t Be Killed Ring, also owned by Snoozy Alaric . . .

 . . . who, I must admit, I ENJOYED for the second week in a row, as he continued his awesome post-face punch Bromance with Hot Vamp Damon.

Apparently, like Alaric, Uncle John got the ring from Elena’s Surprisingly Slutty Biological Mom!

Uncle John also claims that HE was the one who sent Elena’s Slutty Mom to Damon, when she wanted to be turned into a vampire.  I’m not quite sure I believe him yet?  But, unfortunately, we will probably find out the truth in future episodes, as this AWFUL DUDE seems like he will be sticking around for a while.  Uncle John already kind of reminds me of a side-character from another show, who I DESPISED, but who never EVER seemed to LEAVE!

Marilyn from Big Love, anyone?

In other news . . .

Vampjer FINALLY Gets a Clue!

If you recall, newly-turned vampire Vicki was STAKED by Stefan, because she tried to kill Elena in a vampiric rage, while the lovelorn Jeremy watched in horror.  At Elena’s request, Damon compelled Jeremy to forget the entire traumatic experience, and believe Vicki had simply run away from home.  And that WAS what he believed — for a while, at least — until he developed a strange fascination with vampires, cultivated by, none other than his SORT-OF Gal Friday, Vampire Anna.

When Vicki was found buried in the forest, the coroner called her death a drug overdose.  “But then why was she buried?  Who buried her?”  Jeremy inquires, and rightly so.

The town council stonewalls Jeremy, when he inquires into the odd circumstances surrounding Vicki’s demise.  Even his sister, Elena, basically tells him to “let it go.”  At the end of the episode, a suspicious Jeremy breaks into Elena’s bedroom and finds her diary.  In it, he reads the whole Bloody Story.  And he is PISSED!

Also . . .

Drunk and Slutty IS as Drunk and Slutty DOES . . .

Still vulnerable from her daughter’s untimely demise, Julie Cooper Nichol Matt’s Slutty Mom gets wasted at the Founder’s Day Kickoff Party, and makes out with her son’s friend, Tyler.

“I totally POKED – HER!”

When Matt . . .

 . . . finds Tyler and his mom en flagrante, he freaks out, and moves to punch Tyler in the face.  But then, Tyler goes all rabid animal crazy on the poor guy’s ass!  And if you’ve read the books, or seen the spoilers, you know why.  Tyler’s dad slaps Tyler in the face HARD for losing his cool — making me feel bad for D-Bag Tyler, for the first time, since he’s been on this show.  And you just KNOW this isn’t the last we will see of THIS storyline . . .

Also, Matt kicks his Slutty Mom out of the house.  But something tells me, that ultimatum is not going to stick . . .

Well, that’s all I’ve got folks!  Tune in next week, when it appears that Sexy Damon (not Stefan) will be escorting Elena to the Founder’s Day Ball.  Let the sexually tense moments and sexual innuendos BEGIN!  Until then . . .

Sayonara, fellow Blood Suckers!

 

Fave TV Couple #2 – Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars – The Ultimate “LoVe” / Hate Saga

In continuing my tribute to the hottest, most swoon-worthy, couples of our pop culture past and present, I have honed in on a pair of characters whose complex relationship generated more heat and passion during their show’s brisk three season run, then some fictional television couples could muster in ten.  (I’m looking at you Ross and Rachel from Friends .  . .)

 

(Sorry guys . . . the truth hurts.)

Critically acclaimed, but tragically under appreciated by the mainstream public, Veronica Mars allowed viewers a glimpse into the day-to-day life of an intelligent, plucky, take-no-prisoners teen heroine who just so happened to be a private investigator.  And while the show’s various mysteries and crime capers were deftly plotted and placed the show a distinct cut above other teen dramas, it was the romance between Kristen Bell’s Veronica Mars and Jason Dohring’s tortured rich kid Logan Echolls that kept fans like me tuning in week after week.

Let us roll the opening credits, and begin at the beginning, shall we?

The Preamble : “A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends . . .”

Interestingly enough, just like Ross and Rachel, this television twosome actually did start off as friends.  (The “hate” part of our tale came a bit later).  As illustrated by flashbacks throughout the first season, before the Pilot episode, Logan and Veronica were both part of the same exclusive clique, Neptune High’s privileged and popular 09ers.  At the time, Veronica was dating Logan’s best friend, Duncan Kane, and Logan was involved with Veronica’s best friend and Duncan’s sister, Lilly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9oePzB6lxE

The foursome’s friendship began to unravel when Veronica informed Lilly that Logan had cheated on her.  Shortly after Lilly dumped Logan, she was brutally murdered.  A heartbroken Logan soon lashes out against Veronica, under the belief that had Lilly not broken up with him, Logan could have saved her on the night she was murdered.

To exacerbate matters, Veronica’s father, who, at the time, was the town Sheriff, accuses Duncan and Lilly’s father of committing the murder.  Refusing to turn against her father, Veronica stands by him, and is ousted from the 09ers as a result.  Newly single and with a lot of extra time on her hands, Veronica quickly develops the tough exterior she needs to help her father start his own private investigation business.

And this is where things stand when we meet Veronica Mars in the Pilot Episode . . .

Season 1:  Nothing Says Loving Like Broken Head Lights. . .

Needless to say, things aren’t exactly copacetic between our two protagonists when the series begins.  As if to exemplify this, in the Pilot episode, Veronica frames Logan for in-school drug use  by planting a bong in his locker.  (Not a very nice thing to do . . .).  Logan retaliates by bashing the crap out of the head lights on Veronica’s car.  (ALSO not a particularly nice thing to do . . .)

Ah young love . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvN5qM1Mp6c&feature=PlayList&p=BA32E7C8D0E5723A&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=17

Things stay fairly chilly between Veronica and Logan until Episode 15 – “Ruskie Business, ” when Logan convinces Veronica to help him find his missing mother, after television footage shows her jumping off a bridge to her death.  Refusing to believe his mother is gone, Logan, with Veronica’s help, tracks a woman using his mother’s name to a 5-star hotel and waits for her to reappear.  When the hotel patron turns out to be Logan’s sister, he is forced to come to terms with his mother’s death, and breaks down in tears, while Veronica attempts to comfort him. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4UQK_dj_lk&feature=related

It is at this moment that their friendship is reborn.  The question is for how long can they stay “just friends?”

Apparently, not for long.  In Episode 18 – Weapons of Class Destruction, Logan rescues Veronica when she is kidnapped and taken to a shady motel by a would-be high school terrorist named Ben (played by Jonathan Taylor Thomas), who ends up being a CIA agent.  Overcome with gratitude for Logan’s unexpected heroism, Veronica impulsively plants a brief kiss on Logan’s mouth.  Embarrassed, the young sleuth turns to run away, but Logan pulls her back.  The two stare at one another intently for a few moments before falling into a hot and steamy makeout session.  Yummy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EftQn2p_Bzk

And just in case, you thought this was just a one time thing . . .

Guess again . . .

In Episode 19 – Hot Dogs, Logan learns that the deceased Lilly slept with gang member Weevil, while the two were dating.  Logan explains to Veronica that he realizes that he loved Lilly more than Lilly loved him.  Veronica moves to comfort him, but Logan gently pushes her away.  “It’s OK.”  He explains.  “You know, it kind of lets me off the hook.  I don’t have to feel guilty anymore . . . about moving on.” 

 And before you know it, Veronica and Logan are necking again.  Given their differing social statuses and the impact their relationship will inevitably have on their mutual friend Duncan, the two decide to begin a relationship in secret . . .   Secret sex = so hot!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQAIGMZ5bJU

But, of course, nothing can stay secret for long.  In the process of making out, the new couple inadvertently walk into a surprise party being thrown for Logan by his dad (and Lilly’s murderer, as we will soon learn).  The jig is officially up for these two.  And, because high schoolers can hold a grudge like no one’s business, the 09er crew does not take news of Logan and Veronica’s new relationship well.  In Logan’s entrance foyer, you can cut the tension with a butter knife.

(It’s a meeting of the Neptune Voyeur Society . . . They like to watch.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fg9WOpkBbE

Logan, being the hard core guy he is, stands up for Veronica against his snooty friends.  “That’s sort of a general invitation,” he scolds.  “If you don’t like my girlfriend, you can start for the rectangle with the round knob.”

And, thus, in a single scene, we have illustrated the three things Logan and Veronica do best: making out, breaking things, and alienating others . ..

Season 2 – “I thought our relationship was Epic . . .”

One of the unfortunate things about this show, is that some of its most intense moments take place off screen.  And that is the situation here.  When the season begins, we learn that Veronica has dumped Logan over the summer and has begun dating Duncan. 

Say what?

As it turns out, Logan had kind of a crappy summer. The fact that his dad was being tried for the murder of his former girlfriend certainly didn’t help.  Then, after a drunken evening, he found himself wanted for the murder of a gang member, even though he remembered absolutely nothing about the night in question.  So what does our wise teen do, he burns down the public pool.  Wouldn’t you?

Arson doesn’t exactly sit well with our favorite teen sleuth, so she kicks young Logan to the curb.  But don’t be sad.  This is actually a good thing.  Because like all television couples, Veronica and Logan are at their absolute best when their love is unrequited.  And hence, we had an entire season of dialogue laced with sexual innuendo and longing looks . . .

Foreplay . . .

And it appears that Logan’s Superman complex has not gone away.  In Episode 2.08, Ahoy Mateys, Logan once again comes to Veronica’s rescue when she is attacked by some creepy Irish mob guys in a bar while investigating a case.  He pulls out a gun on their asses and Veronica escapes.  Later, back in the car, Veronica illustrates how much she still cares for Logan when she breaks down in tears.  Contrary to what you might think, she is not crying about being attacked by creepy Irish mob guys (which sure as heck would make ME cry).  Instead, she is crying because she fears that Logan’s heroic antics will get him killed . . .

The sexual tension between Veronica and Logan ALMOST comes to a boiling point in Episode 2.11, Plan B, where the not-so-couple share an intense slow dance with one another.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2_SNNcFGjw

At yet another dance, a drunk Logan confronts Veronica in what may have been the sweetest scene in the entire series.  (Why are guys always sweeter when they are wasted?  Or maybe that is only in my experience . . .).  Anyway, Logan expresses his fear that after graduation, he and Veronica will part ways for good, and will never be able to see eachother again.  He explains that she has basically ruined him for all other girls (which, as women, is always our ultimate goal, anyway).

 “I thought our story was Epic, you know, you and me,” he says. 

And now I have to bend over and retrieve my panties, as they just fell on the floor . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrDx-7FHnGE

Initially, at least, Veronica is not as easily won over as I obviously am.  She freaks out over Logan’s unexpected declaration and runs away before the two can share a kiss.  The following morning, she thinks better of this, and visits Logan at the suite where he is staying.  “I don’t want to lose you from my life either,” she admits. 

Veronica is about to offer to give their relationship another go, when Logan “claims” not to remember his big Epic speech.  To make matters worse, Veronica soon learns that, after she ditched him, he spent the night with a tarty older woman.  She doesn’t take it well . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RhV1RvHOmU&feature=related

Fortunately, tragedy brings the couple back together!  Yay tragedy!  In the series finale, Logan rescues Veronica from a fellow student, who just so happens to be a homicidal maniac who killed a good portion of Logan and Veronica’s classmates by sending their school bus off a cliff.  Nice, right?  But it got these two lovebirds back together, so it was totally worth it . . .  (Man, am I shallow!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plZLSK93VpU

Season 3: Kicking ass and taking names . . .

I’m not going to spend all that much time on Season 3, The College Years.  Suffice it to say, that Veronica and Logan spent a majority of the time mistrusting one another, fighting, breaking up, and dating other people – and not in a good way.  Fortunately, in the Season Finale, the pair, in their own dysfunctional way, imply that they will be getting back together after the series ends.

It all starts with a sex tape being released of Veronica and her new boring boyfriend Piz.  Logan immediately assumes Piz made the tape and beats the crap out of him.  Veronica is understandably pissed off about this, particularly because it turns out that Piz didn’t make the tape at all . . . some jerky connected mafia student did. 

Since Veronica values her life, she is uncharacteristically silent when the real El Director de Porn confronts her.  But Logan doesn’t really care about his life.  Therefore,  he kicks the ass of Veronica’s tormenter for old times sake.  And I’ll be darned if Veronica isn’t happy with the results.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzRT8mUP_ac

“Hey Logan, you got some ketchup on your shirt . . .”

“Oh, that’s not ketchup.  That’s the blood of the D-bag who tried to mess with my girl.”

“OK then . . .”

So, it wasn’t exactly the romantic end we were hoping for.  But, given the unique nature of this relationship, I guess it was kind of par for the course.  It doesn’t make Veronica and Logan’s relationship any less EPIC, as far as I am concerned. 

Unfortunately, the series met its untimely end right here, after Season 3.  But we’ll always have YouTUBE . . .