(The following post will eventually be cross-posted at Agony Booth.com. Please check out all the cool movie reviews and TV recaps they have there!)
Given the company’s recent decision to shift their business model away from previously-released films, and toward more original programming, I suspect we will be seeing a lot more “television series” like Easy on Netflix, in the near future. The show itself — an eight-episode compilation of VERY loosely related stories, each involving some aspect of sex and romantic relationships in the 21st century — struck me more as a slyly disguised abbreviated pilot season for the entertainment platform, than an actual comprehensive Season 1 of an ongoing television series.
Each episode features an attractive, more or less likeable, cast of B minus / C+ list Hollywood actors going about the sexy business of their respective upper middle-class lives. Orlando Bloom, New Girl’s Jake Johnson, and Dave Franco are probably the most recognizable faces you will see in Easy, which should give you an idea of the level of “star power” you will find here. Though there are definitely other faces and voices you will recognize. In fact, I think most of the fun of Easy is trying to pinpoint the failed television series or supporting role in a romantic comedy that has caused you to remember the visage of a particular Easy cast mate.
That being said, you’ve got to imagine that the good folks at Netflix created Easy under the assumption that one or more of the episodes would receive a more favorable review by critics than the others, and that cast and storyline can get its own show. (One cast of characters finds themselves at the forefront of two episodes in the series, while the rest of the work-a-day schlubs only get one a-piece). And hey, if none of the episodes end up being well-reviewed, well there is always the option for an Easy: Season 2, with an entirely different cast and story lines.
As for the individual episodes themselves, I found most of them, if not particularly memorable, at least pleasant and inoffensive enough (except for one episode, in particular, which featured, WAY too much female body hair for my liking. But I think that’s just a matter of personal preference. Maybe y’all really like looking at body hair, while sitting on your couch eating your Saturday morning cereal breakfast!) I certainly didn’t despise any of the characters featured in Easy. And there definitely wasn’t an episode of the series I watched, where I found myself saying, “Wow, this is so awful. I have to turn this off.”
If anything, part of me wishes some of the episodes were MORE controversial. I didn’t particularly feel like Easy had anything new and groundbreaking to say about sex and romance in the 21st century. In fact, in a post- Sex and the City age, I feel like most sex-related topics, including many of the topics covered in this series, have become part of the television mainstream.
So what sex topics are covered in Easy? You may be wondering. Well, in one episode, a forty-something husband and father struggles with the fact that his wife has recently become the breadwinner in the family, and that makes him feel sexually emasculated. In another, a lesbian couple tries to navigate a budding sexual relationship, despite the fact that the two lovers have vastly different recreational interests. In a third episode, a happily married couple attempts to spice up their relationship, by using a Tinder-type dating app to find themselves a companion for experimentation with menage a trois. In a fourth tale, a middle-aged graphic novelist famed for detailing his sexual escapades in his works is nonplussed, when his most recent, millennial, lover documents her rendezvous with him in a slightly more modern, and definitely more invasive, form of media. In still a fifth story, one half of a Spanish couple –who speak mainly in subtitles throughout the episode– (GASP!) has an extramarital affair with an old flame.
These are all topics that, had they been featured in a television series, say ten, or maybe even five years ago, may have seemed taboo, or at least titillating, but now, come across as commonplace, at best, and a bit ho-hum, at worst.
Ironically, probably the best story of the bunch, which also happens to be the one featured twice in the series, is also the most chaste, sexually speaking. It’s the one about two brothers, one straight-laced, the other a stoner, who decide to open a bootleg bar and brewery together, much to the dismay of the more conservative brother’s very pregnant wife.
Easy
In sum, while I wouldn’t recommend you drop everything this instant, and binge-watch Easy in its entirety (I’m sure you have much more exciting things to do with your Saturday nights, like laundry or toilet bowl cleaning, for example.), it may be worth a try, if for no other reason than to brush up on your character actor recognition skills, and to try and predict which of the eight of the episodes is destined to become Netflix’s next original series . . .
KURT: “I’m taking your pulse, to make sure that evil slushie didn’t kill you.”
BLAINE: “Last time I checked, I didn’t have a pulse in my ass . . .”
Greetings, fellow Gleeks! This week, Glee paid homage to the King of Pop, through a series of MJ-inspired ballads and dance numbers. Also this week, we experienced our first-ever slushie maiming, three college acceptance announcements (I’m sorry . . . one acceptance . . . two “finalists.”), two couples’ reunion-via-duet, and one Crazy Cellist War. So, gulp down your Rock Salt Slushie, slap a tape recorder onto your under boob, grab your crotch, and yell, “HEE-HEEEE,” because it’s time for another Gleecap . . .
Because the school library is the absolute best place to spontaneously break out in song
Santana and the rest of the Troubletones are talking about how bummed out they are that, unlike the rest of their New Directions buddies, they never got to perform a Michael Jackson song for a crowd. So, Blaine, the kind soul that he is, decides to make it up to them, by singing MJ’s classic “Wanna Be Startin’ Something,” mainly by himself, while the rest of the gang dances around him, and sings backup. (Hmmm . . . correct me if I’m wrong here, but wasn’t THIS precisely why the Troubletones defected from the New Directions in the first place . . . because they were ALWAYS singing backup to the likes of folks like Rachel and Blaine?)
Nice going, Mr. Sexy Pants!
Anyway, Blaine takes his little crotch-grabbing conga line through the library, where he picks up the rest of the Glee kids en route to the auditorium. There things get super cutesy, with the name “Michael” in lights, magically appearing on stage behind them, and every Glee kid clad in iconic Michael Jackson wear, from various periods in his life.
By now we’ve seen Glee do the whole “fashion tribute” thing, a few times during it’s “artist themed” episodes. But I think it works particularly well here, because Michael Jackson was surprisingly fashion iconic for a dude. He’s also been a mainstay in the music world for roughly forty years. So, these costumes function as a sort of history lesson for some of us, and a trip down memory lane, for others . . .
In fact, dare I say it, but I almost found the costumes in this musical number more memorable than the performance itself? Check it out . . .
Sexy Blaine is “too high to get over” and “too low to get under.” So, it looks like we are going to have to *clears throat* go right through him, if you catch my drift . . .
Oh dear, sweet, NAIVE, Finchel! Last week, we found our stalwart Finn Hudson in a bit of a teen-life crisis. Everything he thought he knew and loved about his life, was in danger of slipping through his fingers. The FUTURE was looming, large and terrifying, over his potato-shaped head. And try as he might, he couldn’t run from it. So, instead, he grabbed tightly to the only piece of his crumbling world that still made sense. In a moment of romantic impulsivity, mixed with just a twinge of desperation, Finn Hudson proposed to Rachel Berry . . .
And Rachel said . . . .
. . . well, apparently, she said absolutely nothing . . . ZERO, ZILCH, ZIPPO. (In fact, this is probably the first time in Rachel’s entire life, that she was left speechless . . . sans monologue and/or power ballad.)
To this cavernous Void of Speech and Song, Finn apparently responded (in a male version of the voice of that creepy girl from The Ring movies) “THREE DAYS.” *shivers*
For those who aren’t horror movie fans, in The Ring movies, if you watch a certain video tape in which a creepy chick crawls out of a well, once that video is over, that same chick calls you to tell you you are going to die in seven days. Annnd . . . then she kills you.
In the Finchel version, Rachel has three days to respond to Finn’s proposal, or he will make her choke on the engagement ring . . . never to sing again. JUST KIDDING! He just needs an answer, thank you very much. Unfortunately for him, Rachel’s still not quite ready to respond.
Golly, I wonder why? It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that she is seventeen, has minimal dating experience, and wants to be FAMOUS, now could it? “You don’t need to marry me to keep me from straying,” Rachel promises him. “There is only you, until I go to college, and meet the next Ryan Gosling. Then, all bets are off.”
Finn agrees to call off the creepy chick from The Ring, and give Rachel some more time to decide her entire future. That’s very generous of him . . .
No More Mr. Nice Gay!
Now, the Glee kids are hanging out at the Only Coffee Shop in Lima talking about . . . wait for it . . . Michael Jackson. They decide to go around in a circle, and share their favorite MJ memories, which, considering they were all still in the womb, during most of the guy’s career, should be an impressive batch of stories. Rachel admits that she doesn’t “get” Michael Jackson, bascially, because he doesn’t sing show tunes. So, the rest of the Glee club promptly proceed to browbeat her for this admission. No sense, angering MJ’s estate, when they so kindly offered Ryan Murphy and Co., MJ’s entire song catalogue, right?
This Michael Jackson Informercial is interrupted by Big Bad Sebastian Warbler. Remember him? The Lobster from The Little Mermaid?
The guy who seemed to have a big ole crush on Blaine, and wasn’t afraid to bulldoze right over Poor Kurt, in order to show it? Well, the Lobster’s motives for this little flirtation are now being severely called into question.
We are told that Sebastian learned of New Directions plans to do another Michael Jackson medley, by calling Blaine, under the guise of his needing help getting a wine stain out of his jacket. (I don’t know, Kurt. It sounds like phone sex to me . . . Jackets were definitely removed, at least.) I loved Blaine’s sheepish facial expression, after being called out on this. You would think that a guy who looks like Darren Criss would be used to the constant flirtations of men and women. But Blaine was clearly so taken aback by Sebastian’s faux show of interest in him, that it led him to miss ALL the red flags about this guy.
I haven’t decided yet, if I find this charming, or just really, really stupid . . .
Anywhoo, now Sebastian says that the WARBLERS will also be doing an MJ medley. This, of course, prompts Santana to go a little Lima Heights Adjacent on the Lobster’s ass.
So, the Lobster retorts by making a comment about all of Santana’s relatives in prison.
At first, I found this piece of dialogue to be a little racist. Then, I realized (based on Santana’s reaction) that her family members actually are supposed to be in prison. And I’m still not sure, if that made the joke more racist, or less . . .
Anywhoo . . . Sebastian says that he’s captain of the Warblers now, and is tired of playing nice. Then, he butt wiggles toward the exit, while the rest of the Glee kids, even the typically unflappable Santana, watch him go, open-mouthed, and more than a bit frightened. And now, we are probably NEVER going to learn how to get wine stains out of suit jackets. DAMMIT!
Two Glee Clubs, both alike in dignity . . .
The Glee kids decide to settle their score with the Warbler’s like adults . . . or, rather, like gang leaders and / or people who spend way too much time watching West Side Story. They decide to meet their nemeses in an abandoned parking lot. (Yeah, because THAT’s a safe place to play!) Clad in leather jackets and scowls, the Glee kids, duel dance and sing, against the Warblers, in an approximate recreation of the music video for Michael Jackson’s “Bad.”
Toward the end of the song, the groups broke off into pairs of two. And from that point on, I couldn’t stop watching Sebastian and Santana, who were paired off against one another. I know their character’s are gay. But I just can’t get over the sexual chemistry Naya Rivera and Grant Gustin have with one another. It’s positively electric, and it emanates from them, every time they share a scene together. (More on that, later.)
Speaking of Santana, I was happy to see her get a solo in this number, since “Bad” is oddly well-suited to her voice. My one gripe about the number, is that Puck wasn’t given more to do. You know . . . the former bully, who wears a mohawk, and spent time in juvie. Wouldn’t you think this whole “gang homage” would have been right up his alley?
Additionally, I’m always of fan of Glee putting it’s own spin on popular songs, as opposed to merely recreating them. And I think that the inclusion of Mark Salling’s raspy baritone into this number, could have made “Bad” something really special.
It’s not until the end of the song that things start to go really . . . for lack of a better term . . . bad. We see one of the Warblers hand Sebastian a brown paper bag containing an orange slushie. Sebastian aims to throw it at Kurt, but Blaine dives in the way. Instantly he crumbles on the floor, yelping and screaming, as the rest of the Warblers slink away.
Like, I suspect, many of you, at first, I found Blaine’s dramatic response to having his leather jacket and face dirtied, a bit over-the-top. I even recall laughing at him, a bit. Then, I found out the slushie actually scratched his cornea. So, I felt like crap. Thanks Glee!
Artie CAN WALK (and wear REALLY tight pants)!
You know who else felt like crap about Blaine’s eye injury? Artie. He’s tired of being pushed around by bullies, and rich kids wearing Hogwarts uniforms. He wants justice, dammit. He wants to crack some SKULLS AND SOME CORNEAS!
But Schue says, NO! Better to roll over and play dead . . . you know, kind of like Mr. Schue does himself, whenever he’s brow-beaten by his ex wife, or Sue Sylvester, or Principal Figgins, or the six year old who sells him girl scout cookies, or the neighbor’s chihuahua . . .
Artie is just SO MAD that he GETS UP AND STORMS OFF, with Mike Chang, close behind him . . .
Wait . . . WHAT????!!!!
Ooooh . . . now I get it . . . it’s a DAYDREAM SEQUENCE, also known as a near perfect visual recreation of Michael and Janet Jackson’s “Scream,” with Artie playing Michael, and Mike, oddly enough, playing Janet . . . even down to the hairdo.
For those familiar with the video, seeing it recreated in this way was really cool. (Though, I suspect those who weren’t familiar with the original video, it just looked . . . weird.) That said, I love that they gave Harry Shum, Jr. a solo in this one. His voice has improved by leaps and bounds, since the series began. I just wish the producers strayed from the original video, a bit more, to allow him to do more of his trademark dancing . . .
So, I guess Quinn’s . . . like smart . . . or something.
While lurking through the Glee message boards, I noticed that the pairing of Rachel Berry and Quinn Febray is extremely popular among a segment of the fandom.
And those shippers were undoubtedly squealing with joy, when Rachel met Quinn in the ladies room, in order to get advice about that whole “Finn proposed to me,” thing.
Now, I’ve gotta say, this wasn’t exactly Rachel’s most thoughtful moment. I mean, correct me, if I’m wrong, but didn’t Finn LEAVE Quinn for Rachel MULTIPLE TIMES . . . the last one occuring very recently. Didn’t she worry that hearing this might . . . I don’t know . . . hurt Quinn’s feelings, a little bit.
After all, it’s one thing for your first love to move on, and fall in love with someone else. It’s quite another for him to MARRY that someone else . . . And that brand of heartache is certainly not something one expects to have to deal with, while still in high school. Then again, it could be argued that no one should have to deal with pregnancy in high school either, and yet many young women do every year, including Quinn . . .
That said, Quinn was surprisingly SUPER adult about the whole thing . . . more adult than I suspect I would be. Rather than calling Rachel out for her insensitivity, Quinn kindly and gently, but firmly, offers her some pretty sound advice. “You have an amazing life ahead of you,” she tells her frenemy. “You can finally get what you want, what you always dreamed of. Don’t throw it away.”
She also tells her to DUMP Finn, and leave high school completely behind. Well . . . that might be a bit like throwing the Finn baby out with the bathwater. But in terms of the marriage proposal, I think Quinn’s got a point. If Rachel sacrifices her own dreams to be with Finn, she will eventually come to resent him for it.
Quinn then announces to Rachel (and, eventually, the rest of the Glee club) that she got into Yale. Wow, I remember, a few episodes back, when Quinn mentioned she was applying to Yale (but only because she felt she wasn’t a good enough singer to get into NYATA (also known as the Glee equivalent of whereever it was the kids from the original 90210 went to college), I actually started laughing, because the character never struck me as being particularly smart.
Sorry!
But apparently, the whole time Quinn was getting (1) knocked up, (2) kicked out of her house, (3) giving birth, (4) trying to steal her baby, and (5) hanging out in the bathroom with a group of girls called “The Skanks” she was also getting Straight A’s.
Who knew?
Quinn’s solo this week “Never Can Say Goodbye” . . .
. . . which she sings to Rachel, and, of course, to all the Glee men she’s boned in the past.
I’ll admit, it wasn’t my favorite number of the episode (or even my favorite Dianna Agron performance). But, hey, at least she looked really pretty doing it!
Goodbye Quinn! We sure will miss your sometimes-crazy ass!
I LOVE BURT HUMMEL!
Burt Hummel is PURE awesomesauce! He came all the way down to McKinley High, in the middle of the day, just to give Kurt his mail. That’s right, Kiddies, the NYATA admissions letters are FINALLY HERE. And Kurt’s is REALLY SMALL, which, many college hopefuls can tell you, tends not to be a good sign. While he was opening that letter, I was so worried that you would think it was me about to get my dreams crushed, not him.
But wait . . . it’s not a rejection at all. He’s a NYATA finalist! Kurt’s ecstatic, of course. But Burt seems even more thrilled. “They hurt you, and tried to bring you down, but you beat them all,” Burt tells his son, while choked up with pride. “I’m so proud to be your dad. They can never take this away from you. You won.”
And . . . now my mascara is running all over my face. Thanks Burt! (What can I say, I’m always a big sucker for those father / son moments . . .
Speaking of winning . . .
Sam SCORES!
Continuing on his quest to get back inside Mercedes panties, Sam gets her to meet him in the auditorium, where he ropes her into singing, MJ’s soft, sweet, and sensual, “Human Nature.”
The performance itself was a fairly bare-bones one. But I was impressed by how nicely Chord Overstreet’s and Amber Riley’s voices complemented one another. The duet also highlighted the couple’s romantic chemistry. And Sam must have been doing something right, because this number ended in a much-more-than-friendly kiss.
Sorry Shane! It looks like your guest star days as Mercedes’ arm candy are numbered . . .
“Gee, sorry about your eye, Blaine. Let me sing you a song about this rat I know . . .”
Meanwhile, at Blaine’s house, he’s in bed, rocking an eye patch (and awaiting the surgery that took his character conveniently out of commission, while Darren Criss starred in “How to Succeed in Business” on Broadway). Blaine looks like a really cute gay pirate, but you can tell he’s seriously bummed about it. Cue the entrance of Finchel and Kurt to lift his spirits, by singing him a song about how they Blaine him, no matter what he looks like . . . even if he just so happens to look like a garbage-eating, subway crawling, disease-infested rat.
OK . . . this rat is actually kind of cute. But still!
That’s right, folks. Michael Jackson wrote the song “Ben” about a rat. And now Kurt is singing it to his boyfriend . . .
2Cellos or Not 2Cellos . . .
Meanwhile, Santana has broken into La Casa de Warbler, home of Blaine’s former friends, who have since turned on him, like a bunch of . . . dare I say it . . . rats. She confronts Sebastian for round two of their hot hate sex, disguised as dancing and singing angry duel for Blaine’s honor. Sebastian excuses his fellow Warblers, telling them he doesn’t want them to see him make a girl cry. But we all know it’s really because he doesn’t want them to see him cry in pure orgasmic ecstasy.
In a room filled with a maze of chairs, fueled by the sounds of the two super talented, but-so-intense-they-are-a-bit-scary, cellists from the group 2Cellos, Sebastian and Santana tease and taunt one another, as they chase eachother around the room to the tune of Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal.” Like, I suspect, many of you, I watched this number on YouTube, long before I saw it, in the actual episode. And yet, it still remains, by far, my favorite musical number of the hour.
For starters, the performance a truly original take on MJ’s original song, bolstered by the sultry intensity of Naya Rivera’s vocals. But, more importantly (for me, anyway), the complex and heated subtext between Sebastian and Santana, as they joust in more ways then one, pulling and prodding one another to the song’s ecstatic crescendo, adds layers to both the music and MJ’s words that I didn’t even know existed.
Did I mention that Sebastian openly admits to Santana that he put rock salt in that ill-fated slushie that ended up in Blaine’s corneas.
ROCK SALT! (That’s really awful. And it makes me feel even worse for laughing at Blaine, when he first went down, early on in the episode.) Considering that Dalton Academy was a school to which Kurt originally transferred, largely for it’s “no tolerance for violence” policy, POURING ROCK SALT IN SOMEONE’S FACE, just so they can’t compete in a SINGING COMPETITION sure seems like it would grounds for expulsion, don’t you think? (Possibly even jail time.)
And though Sebastian seems to have absolutely no remorse for nearly blinding his almost-boyfriend, ultimately, it’s Santana, who has the last laugh. Why? Because she got the whole thing on tape, by attaching a bug . . . to her “underboob” . . . naturally . . .
Don’t want Finchel to get married? Blame Rachel’s mailman . . .
“Dear USPS . . . YOU SUCK! I’d send this letter to you by mail, but, knowing you guys, you will probably never ever receive it”
Poor Rachel has become a victim of a government bureaucracy she can’t control. It seems that everyone in the world has gotten their college acceptance letters, except for her. So, of course, she assumes the worst. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” Rachel cries to bestie Kurt, in the locker area, when she learns his good news about NYATA. “Everyone has a plan, but me.”
He gets an orchestra to accompany the two of them, as they sing, “Can’t Stop Loving You.” It’s a gorgeous rendition . . . if you are a big fan of mushy ballads. Rachel sure seems genuinely in love, when she finally gives Finn the “yes,” he’s been waiting for since last week.
But, as much as I believe Rachel loves Finn, I can’t help but think that — at least, at this very moment — she sees marrying him as a sort of consolation prize.
. . . that deer-in-headlights look she gets in her eyes, when Kurt asks if she told Finn the good news, definitely seems to confirm my suspicions . . .
“Gulp.”
Because singing loudly at somebody, is the perfect revenge for their RAPING OF YOUR EYEBALL . . .
So, I bet you were wondering what Santana ended up doing with that CRIMINAL CONFESSION of Sebastians. As it turns out, she GAVE IT BACK TO HIM.
That’s right, kiddies. Apparently, New Directions idea of “taking the high road,” means avenging their friend’s injury by PERFORMING FOR THEIR ENEMIES . . .
My sentiments exactly! But perform they do, to the tune of Michael Jackson’s “Black and White,” complete with the video’s trademark Scary Face Morphing Technology. The rest of the Warblers (except for Sebastian) join in the fun. Of course, Blaine can’t play along . . . you know . . . BECAUSE HE ONLY HAS ONE EYE!!!!!!
But hey, it’s all about “teaching the villain” a lesson in goodness, right?
Greetings, Upper East Siders! So far, this season of Gossip Girl has been quite the bittersweet one for us Chair fans. On the sweet side, we have Chuck and Blair displaying just as much love, adoration, and passion for one another, as they always have. Each time they were together on screen was more electric than the one before.
Even when Chuck and Blair were apart from one another, it was clear that they were never far from one another’s minds. Donut Dan Humphrey, perhaps, said it best, when he said of the pair, “You two have some strange force field effect on eachother. Physicists should study it.”
All of the amazing things Chuck did this season . . . from adopting Monkey, to becoming active in local charities, to sacrificing his own happiness for Blair’s . . . Donut Dan’s . . . and even that cyborg asshat, Louis-bot’s . . . he did them out of love for, and in honor of, one very special Queen B.
As for Blair, her continued doubts about her relationship with Louis, and whether the so-called fairytale ending she had finally earned was all it was cracked up to be, all seemed to lead her back to Chuck Bass. It was his face, she sought out, at the end of nearly every episode. It was his voice she needed to hear on the phone. It was his hand, she wanted to caress her face, when all hope seemed lost . . .
What’s amazing about seeing Chuck and Blair together in Season 5, is how much they both have grown, both as individuals, and as a couple, since Gossip Girl premiered, back in 2007. Both have had their hearts broken, more times than they can count. Their experiences have made them somewhat less impulsive than they used to be, and less willing to give their hearts to others, out of fear that their love won’t be returned.
But these same experiences have also made them kinder, gentler, more selfless people. Chuck and Blair started the series as headstrong, manipulative, somewhat selfish individuals. Now, they are adults, who are ready to enter into a mature, honest, and intimate relationship with one another, and maybe even start a family together.
It sounds pretty perfect, right? But, alas, all was not well in Chair-land this season. First of all, we were saddled with that marble-mouthed, personality-free cyborg, Louis-bot . . . the only character capable of uniting Chair and Dair fans in mutual hatred.
He ate up precious Chair screen time with his inexplicable verbiage, lame schemes, and ridiculous 8:54 apologies for whatever odious thing he did to Blair that week.
Due to his presence, and the existence of his evil spawn inside Blair’s belly, Chuck and Blair were frustratingly tentative, throughout most of the season, about sharing their true feelings for one another.
And when Chuck and Blair finally did receive their much awaited, and deserved happy reunion, it was ripped away by a nearly fatal car crash. Thus proving that these two long-time lovers are just as starcrossed, as they always have been.
I guess some things never change . . .
But the holidays are not a time for regrets, complaints, or petty accusations. They are time for spreading happiness, limo sex and for giving and receiving love and bar-mitzvah sex.
And in that spirit, I proudly present to you, my dear Chair fans, my picks of the Top Ten Chuck and Blair Moments from Season 5, so far . . .
10. “I wanted to move on, to give you the happy life that you deserve.”
Episode: “Rhodes to Perdition” – 5 x 9
Setting the Scene:
Blair’s realization that Chuck has returned the engagement ring he once bought for her, causes our Queen B to have some shocking and disheartening revelations about herself, and her relationship with Chuck . . .
Video:
Potent Quotables:
CHUCK: “Dr. Kirby thought you were upset I returned the ring.”
BLAIR: “He has too many PhD’s. They cancel each other out and make him a moron.”
CHUCK: “I returned it because you asked me to let you go . . . I wanted to move on to give you the happy life you deserve.”
BLAIR: “All this time, I’ve blamed you for pulling me into the dark. But I was wrong. It was me who brought out your dark side. And now that I’m with Louis, I’ve done the same to him. I’m sorry.”
Why it made the list:
It is quite fitting that Blair begins this scene tasting cakes, as pastries have always played a major role in Chuck’s and Blair’s sex life . . .
Blair claims that she can’t enjoy her cakes because Louis-bot has lost his sweetness. How do you lose something you never had? However, I can’t help but wonder whether it is her fear that she has lost Chuck’s love for good that is messing with her appetite. After all, he always did like to eat her pies!
It’s interesting how Blair initially tries to deflect the seriousness of the conversation through casual banter, and witty insults. Conversation avoidance is typically Chuck’s forte. But, in this instance, it is Chuck who demands a serious conversation between Blair and him. He knows that Blair was hurt by his confession that he returned her ring, and feels more than a bit guilty about causing her pain. But I also think a part of him is a teensy bit hopeful. Deep down, Chuck likely recognizes that the reason Blair got so upset over the fact that Chuck returned the ring is that she is not over him.
I’m awed by Chuck’s maturity throughout this scene, and how honest he is with Blair about his feelings. Chuck has no desire to manipulate Blair’s feelings for him, as he has done in the past. He only wants her to be happy, even if that secretly makes him miserable. Chuck knows that no matter how many rings he leaves on the doorstep of Harry Winston to get stolen by homeless people he will always love Blair, more than life itself.
But, at this point, Chuck believes that Blair can only be happy with Louis. And so, he says what he needs to say, to ensure that happiness. It’s the type of blatant self-sacrifice we will see from Chuck, again and again this season . . .
But Blair misconstrues Chuck’s words terribly, interpreting them in a way Chuck never imagined that she would. She begins to blame herself for Chuck’s and Louis-bot’s foibles. And the anguish on her face, is mirrored by Chuck, the moment he realizes he has unwittingly caused her to feel this way. It’s a sad scene . . . one that represents just how star-crossed Chuck and Blair truly are. But it also illustrates their unbreakable bond, and how invested these two individuals are in eachother’s feelings and emotions.
9. Those pesky match-making squirrels . . .
Episode: “Memoirs of an Invisible Dan” – 5 x 4
Setting the Scene:
Reunited for the first time, since Blair announced that she was pregnant with Louis-bot’s spawn, Chuck and Blair undoubtedly worry that things might be awkward between them. So, Chuck’s best friend, Monkey, plots with a few Chair-shipping squirrels to help break the ice . . .
BLAIR: “Isn’t Humphrey becoming quite the drama queen?”
CHUCK: “Isn’t that usually your role?”
BLAIR: “I prefer drama princess now.”
CHUCK: “How are you, by the way?”
BLAIR: “I’m OK. Thanks for asking.”
CHUCK: “I’m sorry . . . squirrels. Should we?”
Why it made the list:
With all the heartache and angsty moments these two have endured over the years, it’s nice, every once in a while, to see a light-hearted, dare I say, cute moment between them. I remember watching the pregnancy reveal in 5 X 3, and wondering how Chuck and Blair would react to one another, when they saw eachother again. Would they be cold? Awkward? Distant?
It was refreshing to see Chuck and Blair be so completely at ease with one another, despite the obvious subtext between them. And I applauded the pair for being able to make, what could have been a terribly uncomfortable moment, oddly normal, filled as it was with easy jokes, friendly familiarity, witty familiarity, and, of course, mild flirting. Already, Blair is starting to notice that Chuck has matured, in his staunch refusal to reveal Dan’s secret. She’s clearly impressed with him . . .
And yet, once again, as in the prior scene, it’s Chuck that brings the conversation to a deeper level. He places an affectionate hand on Blair’s arm, as he asks her how she’s doing, with a look in his eyes that is a mixture of concerned and loving. The pregnant and subconsciously maternal Blair, gently moves her hands toward her stomach, before she replies, a subtle implication that she knows exactly to what he’s referring.
When Blair thanks Chuck for asking, on the surface, it’s a banal response, one that anyone would make, if someone asked them how they were doing. But the look Blair gives Chuck when she says it, shows that she is expressing gratitude, not just for Chuck’s words, but that he has the courage to resume their relationship, and continue to support her, even though she is carrying another man’s child. We’ll see that gratitude expressed again, in a more significant way, later on in the season.
Everyone’s favorite guest star, Monkey, has been a secret Chair fan, ever since he comforted Chuck, after his fateful encounter with Blair at the end of episode 3. So, it is no surprise that the canine Bass is a little schemer, just like his owner. It’s certainly no accident that he went after those squirrels, in such a way that Chuck would have to pull Blair close to him, in order to hold on to the leash, and keep his pregnant lover from falling on the concrete.
Thanks to Monkey, Chuck literally sweeps Blair off her feet, in such a way that the two are both smiling, blushing, and eye-goggling eachother, long after Monkey has been set back on the straight and narrow. Chuck Bass is always so cool, calm, and collected. This is why some of my favorite Chair scenes arise when Chuck seems to lose his composure. The shy, and goofy way a red-faced Chuck mumbled a shy apology over the squirrels, warmed my heart, because it shows just how smitten he still is with Blair, even after all these years.
Blair may have wanted Chuck to murder those butterflies in his stomach, back in Season 1. But here we are, four seasons later. And they are clearly alive and well . . .
8. Blair and Chuck attend couple’s therapy
Episode: “Rhodes to Perdition” – 5 x 9
Setting the Scene:
In complete denial of the obvious-to-everyone-else-but-her fact that the reason her relationship with Louis-bot is failing so miserably, is that she is head-over-heels in love with Chuck, Blair tags along on one of Chuck’s therapy sessions. While there, she hopes to unlock the mystery of why Chuck is so awesome, and Louis-bot is so awful . . .
Video:
Potent Quotables:
BLAIR: “I was a teenage bulimic and my father came out when I was fifteen. This isn’t my first analysis.”
SHRINK: “Are you saying that you want your fiancé to be more like Chuck?”
BLAIR: “No! More like the man Chuck’s become. Like Louis used to be when Chuck was like Louis is now.”
SHRINK: “If you don’t mind me saying so, you seem confused.”
And later . . .
CHUCK: “But I did let go of you, Blair . . . if you don’t believe me, call on Harry Winston. The night of The Spectator launch, I left the engagement ring I bought you on the doorstep and walked away.”
Why it made the list:
At first, this scene seems as though it’s going to be played mainly for laughs. Chuck, clearly aware of how patently ridiculous it is that his non-girlfriend has decided to attend therapy with him, teases and taunts Blair, by using most of his therapy time to wax poetic about Monkey’s self-pleasuring tendencies. (Any hope of Monkey getting a love interest, next season, Josh Schwartz?) And yet something tells me Chuck’s real therapy sessions are much more juicy, and decidedly Blair-centric.
From Chuck’s perspective, it’s interesting that he refrains for as long as possible from telling Blair about returning her ring, presumably because he knows it will hurt her feelings. And yet, when he is finally goaded into revealing this pertinent information, he seems both surprised and cowed, by how much his confession affected her. It’s almost as if, a part of Chuck believed that Blair wouldn’t care at all about the ring, because he doesn’t yet consider himself worthy of her love.
As for Blair, she never expected that Chuck’s transformation had anything to do with letting go of her. And the mistaken realization that Chuck might truly be over her, devastates her in a way that she never expected. Leighton Meester is spectacular in this scene. Her body stiffens in shock, as her eyes well up with tears. It’s almost as if she’s experienced the death of a loved one. But what she’s really experiencing is what she believes to be the death of love.
Blair tries to act casual about this discovery, when she excuses herself. But the way her voice cracks, as she escapes the room, says everything about what’s going on in her head and heart. She’s not fooling anybody, least of all, herself . . .
7. “Do you think you could love another man’s child?”
Episode: “Riding in Town Cars with Boys” – 5 x 10
Setting the Scene:
Hiding away in Brooklyn, so that those nosy paparazzi won’t realize that her pregnant fingers are now too fat for her wedding ring, Blair struggles over why she can’t commit to her robot fiance. Seeking closure or perhaps an opportunity to escape this sham of a marriage, Blair calls the one man, who can help her get in touch with her true emotions: Chuck Bass . . .
Video:
Potent Quotables:
BLAIR: “I need your advice. It seems as you’ve found your way, I’ve lost mine.”
CHUCK: “I didn’t think Blair Waldorf could get lost.”
BLAIR: “Neither did I, but I’m so lost I wound up in Brooklyn.”
CHUCK: “There are worse places. This isn’t something Humphrey can help you with?”
BLAIR: “No . . . only you . . . Do you think you could love another man’s child?”
CHUCK: “Why are you asking me this?”
BLAIR: “I’m paralyzed. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. You have to help me.”
CHUCK: “I can’t make this decision for you, Blair. You’re the one who has to live with it.”
BLAIR: “But, what’s the right choice, Chuck?”
CHUCK: “I can’t imagine it would be a mistake to marry the father of your child. Right?”
Why it made the list:
What’s interesting about this scene, is that it takes place entirely over the telephone. So much of Chuck’s and Blair’s relationship is conveyed through their body language, and facial expressions. When they are face-to-face with one another, knowing what is truly in eachother’s hearts comes easily to Chuck and Blair. It is second nature to them.
But while on the phone, Chuck and Blair cannot look in eachother’s eyes when they speak. They can’t touch one another. They can’t see how eachother or standing, or read the tears in eachother’s eyes, or the devastation in eachother’s posture. And this causes them to have a miscommunication of tragically epic proportions.
However, as viewers, we get to see Chuck and Blair, as they engage in this conversation. And this gives us the unique opportunity to read the subtext of their words, which they, themselves, cannot see. For example, Blair’s voice, when she asks Chuck for help, and jokes about being in Brooklyn, is deceptively subtle, and lighthearted, though we know, from the way she is seated on the couch, that it is taking all her will, not to break down.
Chuck responds in an equally light-hearted fashion. But the sad look in his eyes, when he speaks shows fans how hard it is for him to carry on a casual conversation with someone he loves more than life itself, and yet knows he cannot have. When Blair asks Chuck if he could love another man’s child, we see how nervous she is . . . and how tentative. This is incredibly hard for her. We know what she wants Chuck’s answer to be, even if she’s not ready to admit that to herself.
As for Chuck, on one hand, his heart swells from hearing this question. It is the one Chuck has secretly wanted Blair to ask him, ever since she told him she was pregnant back in Episode 3. On the other hand, a part of him feels as though fate is playing a trick on him, as though it is too good to be true. “Why are you asking me this?” He asks, with just a hint of nervous accusation in his voice.
This is when Blair breaks, she admits to being paralyzed, and torn up by fear and indecision. She needs Chuck to give her the permission to leave her marriage, and save her from herself. Now, Chuck can clearly hear the anguish in Blair’s voice, and it hurts his heart. It takes all his will not to hang up the phone, rush over to Brooklyn, take her in his arms, and never let go. And, perhaps, if Chuck could look Blair in the eyes, and see his love mirrored back in her, that’s exactly what he would have done.
But he doesn’t see her. And a voice in his head is nagging him to keep his feelings to himself. He doesn’t know yet, how much Blair still loves him. He worries that she will resent him, if he takes her away from the father of her child. So, he says what he thinks is the “right” thing to say . . . He gives her up. Even though he has to bite his quivering lip, when he finishes speaking to keep from breaking down.
Now, Chuck and Blair are both more lost than before. But, fortunately, not for long . . .
6. Blair tells Chuck she’s pregnant / helps him to feel again
After sacrificing his own happiness, so Blair could marry Louis-bot, Chuck escaped to Los Angeles, hoping to lose himself in booze and beautiful women. But the old tricks, don’t seem to work for Chuck now, as he finds himself shockingly devoid of the ability to experience any sort of human emotion. He reacts by throwing himself into increasingly dangerous situations, hoping that the physical pain he suffers will somehow translate into an emotional one. But Chuck isn’t experiencing physical pain, either.
Chuck’s new bestie, Humpty Humphrey, has spent the entire episode, trying to get him to feel something. However, in the end, only Blair Waldorf holds the key that unlocks Chuck’s heart . . .
Video:
Potent Quotables:
BLAIR: “I need to talk to you.”
CHUCK: “I thought we said everything we needed to say, last time we saw each other.”
BLAIR: “Chuck . . .”
CHUCK: “Is this another misguided attempt by Dan to get me to feel something?”
BLAIR: “I’m pregnant. It’s Louis’. I didn’t want you to find out from someone else, and wonder if the baby was yours.”
CHUCK: “That’s very considerate.”
BLAIR: “Yes . . . well . . . if I know anything about Chuck Bass, it’s that fatherhood isn’t part of the lifestyle.”
CHUCK: “You must have been very relieved when you realized you weren’t carrying my offspring. It certainly would have derailed your fairytale.”
BLAIR: “This fairytale is complicated.”
CHUCK: “Blair, meet my dog, Monkey.”
BLAIR: “I saw Gossip Girl. I thought you got rid of him.”
CHUCK: “I just sent him to get fixed. I thought it was the responsible thing to do.”
And later . . .
BLAIR: “There is a part of me that really wanted it to be yours.”
Why it made the list:
In the telephone scene, Chuck and Blair spoke volumes to one another. But they could see one another, and, therefore, missed the painful emotions behind the words. Conversely, in this scene, up until the very end, Chuck and Blair actually say very little to one another. The conversation is polite, cordial, and even a bit cold. If a conversation like this was done over the phone, it could have singlehandedly wrecked Chuck’s and Blair’s relationship. But because Chuck and Blair can see one another, and know what eachother are feeling, during the conversation, it actually strengthens the bond between them.
When this scene first aired, it was the first time Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick had shared the screen together, since the season 4 finale. Chair fans waited with baited breath for the couple to reunite, over the long summer hiatus, and through the first two epsiodes of the season. It made their actual reunion that much more epic, emotionally-charged, and meaningful than it perhaps would be, otherwise.
When Chuck first lays eyes on Blair, his eyes widen, as if he doesn’t quite believe she’s really there. Though they’ve spent months apart, it is quite clear, in that first moment that Chuck’s and Blair’s love for one another hasn’t diminished. “I thought we said everything we needed to say the last time we saw eachother,” Chuck says, coldly.
He’s protecting his heart. He doesn’t want Blair to hurt him again. Blair’s utterance of his name in response, is a plea, that he take down his walls, and open his heart, so that he can really hear what she has to say. It melts him a bit. But his guard is still up. He still thinks her presence in his apartment is too good to be true. He thinks it’s a ploy or a trick of some sort.
But that all changes, when Blair admits tearfully that she’s pregnant, and that the baby is not his. He’s clearly heartbroken, as is she. They know how one another are feeling. And yet, they still exchange cold pleasantries, maintaining the falsehood that Blair still wants her fantasy life with Louis-bot, and Chuck still wants to live life as a perpetual bachelor.
Once again, this conversation is in danger of ending very badly for Chair. But in comes Number One Chair fan, Monkey, at just the right moment. His presence makes Blair realize how much Chuck has changed, and it softens both of their hearts. Because, really, who could be angry, in the presence of an adorable dog. I think it’s the presence of Monkey, that enables Blair to make the heartfelt admission that ensures the future of Chair, “There’s a part of me that really wanted it to be yours.”
Clearly, Chuck feels the same way. You can see it in his eyes. But he says nothing. Instead, he bids Blair a polite goodbye, and waits for her to depart, so that he can finally breakdown. Blair’s confession has awakened Chuck’s ability to experience pain and emotion. She’s saved his soul, and broken his heart, in a single moment. Fortunately, Monkey is there to pick up the pieces . . .
5. “You are the lightest thing that ever came into my life.”
Episode: “Rhodes to Perdition” – 5 x 9
Setting the Scene:
Having learned that Chuck’s shocking transformation took place, only after he committed to giving her up for the greater good, Blair has come to the devastating conclusion that she brings out the evil in the men that she dates. Knowing this to be patently false, and unable to allow the woman he loves to be so down on herself, Chuck goes to Blair’s bedroom to comfort her . . . .
CHUCK: “You never pulled me to the dark side, Blair.”
BLAIR: “I appreciate you trying to make me feel better. But I have my answer.”
CHUCK: “You were the lightest thing that ever came into my life.”
BLAIR: “Then, why did it take letting me go to find this whole new side of yourself?”
CHUCK: “I only turned dark and desperate, because I was afraid of losing you. You’re love kept me alive.”
BLAIR: “But you survived without me.”
CHUCK: “The worst thing happened, and I didn’t die. But I had to find a way to move on with my life. I only want you to be happy. I’m just sorry it couldn’t be with me.”
And later . . .
CHUCK: “I’m not the groom.”
Why it made the list:
Many times throughout the series, we’ve seen Blair comfort Chuck, when he needed a hug, a kind word, and a gentle self esteem boost. And though Chuck clearly cares for Blair deeply, and can can be turned into puddy at the sight of her tears, it’s rare that we see him comfort her. It’s not that Chuck isn’t sensitive to Blair needs, or that he doesn’t want to make her feel better, I think he just worries that he doesn’t have the right words to do it. Perhaps, that will change, now that the New and Improved Chuck has come to the Upper East Side . . .
It was heartwarming to see Chuck helping Blair through her devastation, by not letting her go on believing that she was to blame for his darkness or Louis’. In this instance, he knew exactly what to say to cure Blair of her misconception. And the best part about it, was that it was all true. Chuck is a much better person, for having known and loved Blair. She believed in him, supported him, and helped him to become the man he is today. And if Louis-bot wasn’t such an asshat, she’d probably make him a better person too.
It’s not at all surprising that a guest in the home, walking into the situation would assume that Chuck was the groom-to-be. Chuck’s and Blair’s romantic connection to one another is apparent even to strangers. That said, Chuck’s utter dejection when he informed the baker that he wasn’t the groom broke my heart . . .
4. Chuck and Blair play dress-up, and things get RED HOT.
Episode: “The Big Sleep No More” – 5 x 7
Setting the Scene:
Blair just can’t seem to get Chuck’s hot body epic apology out of her mind. Unable to accept the fact that she’s obviously still in love with him, Blair tries to convince herself that Chuck is only pretending to be a better man, so that she will doubt her dull relationship with the Robot Prince. It’s working! Desperate for answers, Blair crashes Chuck’s Sleep No More charity event, and attempts to seduce him. By doing so, she hopes to prove, once and for all, that Chuck Bass is the same sexpot he’s always been. But the problem with seduction is that it is often a two-way street, which begs the question, “Who’s seducing who?”
Video:
Potent Quotables:
BLAIR: “Of course, you knew it was me. Was it my perfume?”
And later . . .
BLAIR: “It looks like we’re stuck . . . together . . . alone . . . amongst the masked and anonymous. Do you remember when we used to play dress-up?”
CHUCK: “How could I forget? Though, I didn’t think this was your kind of entertainment anymore.”
BLAIR: “At least I know I’m safe, locked in here with the New Chuck Bass, who has none of his old urges. I have to admit, I had a hard time believing you, at first. But now I see . . . the therapy, the apology . . . you really have changed. As warm as it’s getting in here, I can sweep the hair from the nape of my neck, without setting you off. It’s such a relief to be able to let my guard down. Oh look! They even have Red Hots. You never could resist. Do you want one?
CHUCK: “No . . . thank you.”
BLAIR: “No one is looking. Even the new Chuck Bass must have some of his darkest desires. Just a taste.”
(They kiss.)
BLAIR: (slaps Chuck) “I knew you were still the same Chuck. You thought by one fake apology, and a few charitable acts, you could get me to question, all the reasons I’m with Louis. But I was right. You are incapable of change.”
CHUCK: “It seems you know me too well.”
BLAIR: “And now, thanks to you, I am more certain than ever, that I chose the right man. Goodbye.”
CHUCK: “Goodbye, Blair.”
Why it made the list:
I suspect some readers might be surprised at how high up on the list this scene appears. After all, one could argue that everything that happens here is an act. Blair is seducing Chuck, because she wants to prove that he is still the Bad Bass she knows and loves. She thinks this will make her feel comfortable entering into her boring relationship with that Gibberish Speaking Cyborg. And, though we don’t know it, at the time the scene first airs, Chuck is playing a part as well. He’s pretending to be seduced by Blair, as a favor to Dorota, who claims it will help Blair find happiness with Louis-bot.
On the other hand, how much of this scene really was acting, and how much was real? It’s fun to try and guess. After all, this certainly isn’t the first time Chuck and Blair have used their sexual powers of manipulation on one another. (Remember the “I love you” wars, of Season 2?)
Sexual chemistry simply can’t be faked. And Chuck and Blair have it in spades, in this scene. Chuck certainly seems hot and bothered by Blair, as she dances around him, rubbing her neck, filling his nose with her scent, and taunting him with red hots. His breathing is labored when he speaks to her, and his voice is decidedly husky. As for Blair, there’s something about the way she stares at Chuck’s mouth that seems to suggest that the seduction act is working it’s magic on her, just as much as it’s working on him.
And the kiss, it seems to take Blair by surprise, even though she’s been working toward it all this time. It’s long. It’s passionate. It’s red hot. And both Chuck and Blair find themselves carried away by it’s intensity, until it becomes all-too-apparent that neither of them are acting, anymore.
Even the slap that follows, and the heated argument that occurs between the pair, seems charged with sexual energy. Watch their body language in the scene . . . the way their faces are flushed, the way their eyes dilate, when they speak to one another. After Blair storms, off, Chuck seems a bit lightheaded, like someone waking up from a trance. He’s not entirely sure what just transpired, but he knows he kind of liked it . . .
Then you remember that Chuck did all this to ensure Blair’s happiness with another man, and it makes you fall in love with him all over again . . .
3. Chuck apologizes to Blair for . . . well . . . EVERYTHING.
Episode: “I am Number Nine” – 5 x 6
Setting the Scene:
While on his Path to Redemption, Chuck decides to apologize to Blair and Chair fans for some of the less-than-loveable things he’s done to her, during the course of their roller coaster relationship . . .
Video:
Potent Quotables:
CHUCK: “I’m not here to apologize about what happened tonight.
BLAIR: “What are you here to apologize for?”
CHUCK: “Everything else. I’m sorry for losing my temper the night you told me that Louis proposed to you. I’m sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State Building. I’m sorry for treating you like property. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you, when I knew I did. Most of all, I’m sorry that I gave up on us, when you never did.”
BLAIR: “Thank you. I hope never giving up on people isn’t going to be my downfall.”
CHUCK: “It’s why you are going to be an amazing mother. You are always there for the people who you love, even when they don’t deserve it.”
BLAIR: “You know, that’s never going to change.”
CHUCK: “It’s OK, if it has to. Starting tonight, I’m going to take care of myself.”
Why it made the list:
This scene was not just a love letter from Chuck to Blair. It was also a love letter from the GG writers to Chair fans. On the surface, this was simply Chuck showing Blair just how much he had changed and grown up, over the years. By admitting, and coming to terms with all the ways in which he has hurt Blair, throughout their relationship, Chuck is saying to the woman he loved, “I am going to change for you. I am willing to accept responsibility for what I have done wrong. And I am ready to become a man, who is worthy of your love, even if you cannot bring yourself to love me in return.”
But peel back the layers, and you can also hear the writers saying to you: “Thank you for sticking by this ship, through thick and thin, even when other fans called you crazy for doing so. We know this couple has accumulated a lot of heavy baggage, over the years. And we aren’t going to insult your intelligence, by sweeping it under the carpet, and pretending that none of it ever happened. Instead, we are going to have Chuck own up to his wrongs, and try to make amends for them, not just by his words, but also through his actions. In short, we are going to reward you, Chair fans. Because, just like Blair, you don’t give up on the things and people you love.”
With the apologies out of the way, Chuck and Blair actually get to share a really sweet moment, where Chuck illustrates his admiration for Blair’s unflinching ability to stick by people she cares deeply about, even when they disappoint her. Like Chuck, we know that this will not be Blair’s downfall, but will ultimately be her salvation. It will keep her strong during the tough road ahead. And the fact that Chuck told Blair that she would be a great mother, at the very moment, when she needed to hear it most . . . well, if that doesn’t warm you’re heart, you’re a soulless vampire . . .
. . . or, possibly an evil cyborg.
2. Chuck’s and Blair’s Tragic Limo Town Car Reunion
Episode: “Riding in Town Cars with Boys” – 5 x 10
Setting the Scene:
In this epic mid-season finale episode, Chuck and Blair have finally come clean to one another about their feelings for eachother. Now, along with Blair’s unborn child, they are finally ready for their much-deserved Happily Ever After. Unfortunately, those pernicious paparazzi have other ideas . . .
BLAIR: “I have to tell Louis, face-to-face that the wedding is off. He deserves at least that.”
CHUCK: “Are you sure you want to do this? I mean . . . a prince . . . a fairytale wedding. This is all you ever wanted.”
BLAIR: “No! You’re all I ever wanted. I love you. I love every part of you. I couldn’t tell Louis that he would never lose me, because it wasn’t true. You’re the one I never want to leave.”
And later . . .
BLAIR: “We can go anywhere. Switzerland has impeccable schools, or maybe Tokyo. They have opening ceremony, and great test scores.”
CHUCK: “Blair, we don’t need to go anywhere. We can raise this baby right here.”
Why it made the list:
I have such mixed emotions about this scene. On one hand, never have I seen such a joyous reunion between two people, as the one between Chuck and Blair. I mean, seriously, Chair fans. When have you ever seen Chuck so adorably giddy?
He’s like a little child, practically bursting out of his seat with happiness. His face is flushed. He’s breathing heavy. He’s babbling. His eyes are wide with excitement. He keeps touching Blair’s face, as if he can’t quite believe she’s real. We’ve waited five seasons to see Chuck like this. And it’s hard not to smile, watching him, even though we all know tragedy is about to strike.
As for Blair, it’s heartening to hear her finally verbalize her feelings for Chuck . . . the one’s we always knew she felt, but could never quite bring herself to say. Up until this point, this season, it’s been Chuck always making the heartfelt speeches, the epic apologies, the eloquent declarations of love. Now it’s Blair telling Chuck she never wants to leave him, planning for their future, talking about starting their family.
In an alternate universe, Chuck and Blair didn’t trade taxi’s with Nate that night. They avoided the paparazzi, arrived back in the Upper East Side, safe and sound, made sweet love in Blair’s bed, and woke up early the next morning to shop for baby furniture. But it our universe, Blair finally noticed the paparazzi stalking her car. And in that moment, the fantasy was shattered.
What’s in store for Chuck and Blair now, remains to be seen . . . But no matter what happens, we can always look back at this moment, and remember them as a young couple, deeply in love, and overjoyed at the prospect of spending the rest of their lives together . . .
And now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for . . . The Number One Chuck and Blair Moment from Season 5, so far is . . . (drumroll please) . . .
1. “I’m going to love your baby as much as I love you.”
After their devastating telephone conversation, during which Chuck could not bring himself to tell Blair to ditch that bastard, Louis-bot, for his sexy self, Blair is completely inconsolate, fearing that she will never be happy again. But Matchmaker Dan has other plans for his friend and the unrequited object of his affection. And those plans involve the one man with the power to give Blair the happiness she deserves . . .
Video:
Potent Quotables:
CHUCK: “Dan arranged it for us.”
BLAIR: “What us?”
CHUCK: “The ‘us’ I should have fought for, when you called. The ‘us’ that is not just you and me, but you, me, and your baby.”
BLAIR: “Then, why did you tell me to choose Louis?”
CHUCK: “I thought it was selfish, if I was the one to tell you to break up your family.”
BLAIR: “That was the moment you chose not to be selfish?”
CHUCK: “Timing has never been our strong suit. I had it all wrong. Just because Louis is the father of your baby does not mean you should be with him. You should be with me.”
BLAIR: “Why?”
CHUCK: “Because I’m going to love your baby as much as I love you.”
And later . . .
BLAIR: “I’ve gotta get out of here.”
CHUCK: “Wait . . . I want to come with you.”
Why it made the list:
This scene truly embodies Chuck’s and Blair’s relationship. It’s as if everything we’ve endured with this couple, over the past five seasons — all the breakups, and makeups, the accusations, and the insinuations, the beautiful speeches, and the smoking hot sexual encounters — has culminated in this single moment. Finally, Chuck is ready to fight for Blair, as he promised he would, during his apology to her in “I Am Number Nine.” Finally, he is saying the things he’s known in his heart, since he fell in love with her, back in high school . . . the things he’s always wanted to say, but never had the courage to do so.
After all his soul searching, Chuck finally feels worthy, not just of Blair, but of Blair’s child, which he will love as if its his own, because it’s part of the woman he loves more than anything in the world. It’s a more honest, mature, and heartfelt, Chuck, then we’ve ever seen before. And it’s this Chuck that takes Blair’s breath away, by saying things to her, that she’s never admitted to herself, that she’s always wanted to hear.
She moves in closer to him, clutching her unborn child, and, in that moment, they cease to be indviduals, and become a unit . . . a family. The fact that Chuck doesn’t want to leave Blair’s side, even though he knows this might make them a more likely target for the paparazzi, is both romantic, and symbolic of this union. Chuck spent so much of these past two seasons apart from Blair. And he doesn’t want to be separated from her, for another minute.
If only the episode ended here, we could sleep better at night, knowing, for certain, that Chuck, Blair, and Blair’s baby lived happily ever after. And though that wasn’t in the cards for our favorite Upper East Side Couple, the fact that a perfect scene like this exists, reminds us Chair fans, that Chuck and Blair are meant to be. They’ve endured hardships, heartbreak, evil cyborgs, bland prostitutes, and so much worse, but it never shook the solid, unbreakable foundation of their love for one another. And that gives us hope for, and certainty in their future . . . together.
If Sue Sylvester and that Kurt Kid show up in this dream, I am SO outta here!
“She works here at Seattle Grace Mercy Death. So, I’m sure she’s pretty much going to go crazy, or get cancer, or shot by a gunman or hit by a truck,” remarks Alex Karev, this week, upon being asked about the prospects of him and his Latest Love Interest making it for the “long haul.”
That’s right, Karev! You have TERRIBLE luck with the Ladies on this Show! And the Ladies on this Show have terrible luck with . . . well . . . EVERYTHING!
Awww . . . remember back when it was just these three . . . and Dead George . . . and Cancer Izzie? Good times!
This “We’re Hot Doctors, So Why Do Our Lives Consistently Suck So Badly?” sentiment was echoed later in the episode, by Meredith Grey, who, in an uncharacteristically (but oh-so-poignant) emotional elevator scene, turned to her Post-It Note Husband Derek, and said, “The universe is so screwed up, and random, and mean.”
Speaking of singing . . . you might have noticed that this was the Musical Episode of Grey’s Anatomy. And WHY was everyone singing, you ask? Well, because CALLIE TORRES was hit by a truck, of course!
Believe it, or not. This actually isn’t as cruel and inappropriate as it sounds! You see, in Callie’s final moments of consciousness, before she LITERALLY left her body (a coping mechanism, employed by her traumatized brain, to cope with the pain of the accident), she managed to utter the word “music.” And it was “music” that enabled Callie’s mind to understand what was happening to her and her unborn child, while being given the opportunity to connect with the people she loved.
Because, if Callie Torres’ Extra Special Vagina Vote wants to see Singing Hallucinations of her Friends, while she’s on the operating table, Callie is going to GET Singing Hallucinations, dammit!
Now . . . the fact that ONE of those hallucinations featured all of the Grey’s couples BONING one another, while happily singing “Running on Sunshine,” as Callie NEARLY BLED TO DEATH on the operating table . . . THAT was cruel and inappropriate!
“I feel like there’s something I should be doing right now . . . besides you . . . and I can’t, for the life of me, remember what it is!”
“HELLO! IT’S ME . . . CALLIE! DYING HERE! You think maybe one of you Strapping Specimens of Men could put it back in your pants long enough to . . . I don’t know . . . save MY LIFE?”
Of course, most of the singing during the episode was brought to the fans, courtesy of Callie, herself. Consequently, this gave actress Sara Ramirez (who has a background in theater, and even won a Tony for her performance in Spamalot, back in 2005) the opportunity to flex her musical pipes for fans, like me, who have never had the chance to hear her sing before. Of all of Sara’s performances during the hour, my favorite, was probably her cover of Brandi Carlile’s “The Story.” Callie sang this uplifting tune in the final moments of the episode, moments before waking up, FOR REAL, and belatedly accepting Arizona’s initially ill-fated marriage proposal.
“I’ll marry you . . . yes.”
As for the rest of the episode, it was kind of a mixed bag for me. Interestingly enough, my favorite moments from the episode were mostly the non-musical ones. These included the marriage proposal acceptance, shown here, and Meredith’s emotional elevator breakdown, shown above. I also adored the quiet moments of friendship and understanding shared between Lexie and Mark during the episode (“I don’t hate you.”), and the less quiet ones between Arizona and Mark. (“You are not nothing.”)
Speaking of Mark Sloan, Eric Dane’s heart-wrenching performance this week was top notch . . . the best I’ve seen from the actor at least, while still wearing all his clothes in a long time.
(Oh . . . and, for the record, his singing voice is pretty awesome too.)
The Arizona / Callie / Mark triangle took a major step in the right direction tonight, with Arizona FINALLY learning to put their baby’s needs first (By the way, it’s a GIRL!), and Mark FINALLY learning to put Callie’s needs first. It was Callie’s and Mark’s respective shifts in ideology that brought about the truce that ultimately binded these heretofore perpetually-at odds-characters together, toward the end of the episode.
A similar ideological shift happened for Lexie, who, upon taking a step outside of her own personal melodrama, for a change, was finally able to, if not necessarily forgive Mark for his “Unfortunate Sperm Donation” . . .
“We were ON A BREAK!”
. . . at least, accept it enough to support him in his Hour of Need.
And it was that acceptance, that ultimately gave Lexie the courage to truly give her budding relationship with the SUPER FLY Jackson Avery a fighting chance to survive, in the long term.
More of THAT, please!
Speaking of Lexie, Chyler Leigh’s rendition of Anna Nalick’s 2 A.M. Breathe, was extremely impressive, especially considering the actress had no musical training before filming this episode. Of all the songs that wound their way into the hour, this one (in my opinion, at least) came about the most naturally, in terms of the episode’s plotline. And, as a result, it seemed the least forced.
Less believable for me was Gyno Lucy (I’m still not feeling this character . . . or her relationship with Karev, for that matter . . . AT ALL!) . . .
Dr. McUselessPlotDevice
. . . and her sudden admission that she was “out of her depth” in taking care of the pregnant Callie. Presumably, Lucy’s temporary bout of Selective Amnesia for Everything She Learned in Medical School only occurred, so that Saint Addison Montgomery could miraculously (and oh-so-conveniently) be flown into town to Save the Day, as per usual.
(By the way, is there something in Kate Walsh’s Private Practice contract that REQUIRES Shondra Rhimes to inexplicably include her about every fourth Grey’s episode for NO REASON WHATSOEVER?)
Oh . . . and don’t even get me started on Teddy’s random and out-of-character outburst directed toward Cristina. Silly Yang! How DARE she have the NERVE to come up with a plan to save Callie’s and her baby’s” lives, without Teddy patting her on the head, and giving her a lollipop, first! “I can’t teach you, anymore,” Teddy huffed, before blowing Cristina a raspberry, sticking her thumb in her mouth, and running out of the room, crying.
First of all, when was the last time Teddy actually TAUGHT Cristina?
“It was . . . no that wasn’t it . . . Well, then it had to be . . . no, that wasn’t it either. Perhaps, it . . . no. I’m stumped.”
While we are on the subject of Teddy, when did Callie’s near death experience suddenly become all about Dr. McMajorStickUpHer Ass’s inferiority complex, and need to be hero worshipped by all people, at all times?
Be careful, Noel from Felicity! Cristina may have to work with her, but YOU’RE the one who’s going to have to evenually take her home!
“I am SO screwed!”
And while I thought it was appropriate and rather cheesy fitting, that the episode climaxed (Yes, I intended for that to sound dirty.), with the entire cast singing The Fray’s “How to Save a Life,” I couldn’t help but wonder why saving Callie’s life REQUIRED the whole cast. I shudder to imagine what the heck was happening to the OTHER 3,000 or so patients DYING in the hospital, while all of Seattle Grace’s finest medical experts were busy enjoying their impromptu karaoke session . . .
“The good news is, if they bring in another Crazed Gunman, he will know exactly where to find us all!”
Speaking of karaoke, I also probably could have done with a FEW less songs packed into the hour. (I mean, you’ve gotta leave SOMETHING over for the sequel, right, Shondra Rhimes?) Because one Kevin McKidd solo is cool. Two is OK . . . but FOUR? I mean . . . let’s face it, Justin Timberlake, he’s definitely NOT!
Though, admittedly, a Dick in the Box cover would have REALLY spiced things up a bit for this episode . . .
Maybe next time, McKidd!
All in all, I thought Grey’s experiment with musicality was an intriguing little exercise, the making of which obviously took a great deal of preparation, courage, and considerable “guts,” on the part of Shondra Rhimes, and her intrepid staff of “Greysies.” And, although the hour wasn’t necessarily positively received by all who viewed it, it certainly sparked more “water cooler” and online conversations about the show, than I’ve heard “through the grapevine” in a while . . .
So, what did YOU think about Grey’s Big Musical Extravaganza? Did it leave you tapping your feet, and begging for more . . .
. . . or holding your ears, and begging for mercy?
Feel free to sound off in the comments section, below.
Well, would you look at that? It’s a gay vampire riding in on a white horse to “save the day!” (Insert sexual euphemism and/or cheesy pun here.)
Did I miss something? Did Valentine’s Day come early this year? Because there sure was a lot of LOVE in this episode. And I’m not just talking sex either. (Sadly, there was none of that.)
I’m talking about that real mushy gushy stuff. The kind of “stuff” that would make you drop someone’s favorite beverage at their doorstep a few minutes before dawn (Hoyt and Jessica); or write a list about why you’d be a good father to their kids (Terry and Arlene – He passed anger management and tamed an armadillo); or babysit a drunk (Andy and Jason); or save a person’s life (Lafayette and Tara); or feel “disturbingly human.” (Sookie and Eric)
So, what you do you say, we get this lovefest started?
Things That Go Growl In The Night . . .
“Mmmm, Eric, your breath smells refreshingly minty. What toothpaste do you use?
“AB – Negative.”
When we last left our good pal Sookie, her and Vampire Jessica were “feeling” Bill. Their “feelings” let them to a crashed car, with a werewolf corpse inside. Operation Werewolf markings were on both the body and vehicle. Despite having little luck previously, Sookie, armed with new intel, decided to take another shot at asking Vampire Eric for help in finding her Bill (or should I say “Beaaal” like she says it). At Fangtasia, Sookie tells Eric about the whole werewolf thing, and initially, he seems unimpressed. “Your obsession with Bill Compton is going to get you killed,” he says matter-of-factly.
But then Sookie, wisely, does the same thing I do whenever I get pulled over by a cop for suspected speeding (not that it happens often, mind you) . . . She cries!
Oh no! Not like THAT! That’s real crying! Ugly crying! That NEVER works . . .
Ahh . . . much better! Good form, Sookie!
Although his facial expression never changes, you can tell that Eric, in his own sexy vampiric way, is highly moved by Sookie’s tears. “Please don’t do that,” he says without affect, “It makes me feel disturbingly . . . human.”
WOO HOO! Sookie and Eric sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S . . .Sorry, got a little carried away for a moment there. I’m back now . . .
Dejected, Sookie leaves Fangtasia with a final plea to Eric that he help her find Bill. At first, it seems as though Eric has no intention of helping Sookie. Once she is out of sight, he crumbles up the paper she gave him with werewolf intel, and tosses it aside. But then . . . suddenly, he’s in Germany, in a Nazi uniform, and guess who’s there?
It’s GODRIC! He’s ALIVE! I mean . . . DEAD . . . I mean . . . undead?
Actually, the answer is none of the above. Godric (played by Allan Hyde) is still very dead-dead, which means this is a World War II flashback. Apparently (as Eric explains to Sookie later), Operation Werewolf had some sort of connection to the Nazis back in the day, but they, like the vampires, were around long before that.
In the flashback, a she-wolf eats an American solider. Eric and Godric come upon her, and Eric attacks the she-wolf. She claims they are on the “same side.” Eric disagrees. (Nice to know my lover isn’t a real Nazi. That would have been a bit of a turnoff, I think . . .)
Like the “Operation” Werewolves in present day, She-Wolf seems a bit hopped up on vampire blood. She begs Eric for a drink. And, although Godric cautions against it, Eric complies. But then She-Wolfs goes apesh*t, and Vampire Eric has to finish her off. Godric doesn’t like that at all, and he gives Eric a real judgy look. Parents . . . they’re no fun at all . . .
Later, Jason comes over to Sookie’s house to play. She tells him how much she misses Bill, and the way he says “Sookeh!” (Great impression, by the way! Way to go Anna P! Bet you and Mr. Moyer were practicing that one in bed!) She then tells him about the existence of werewolves. He’s thrilled! “Does that mean Bigfoot is real too? SANTA?!” He asks, excitedly.
Awww! Jason!! Sweet, hot, dim-witted Jason! I already saw this scene in the promos for the show. But it still made me giggle and squeal like a little school girl the second time around!
When Sookie arrives at work, she finds herself stalked by a real creepy looking werewolf. But he disappears before she can get a good look at his ugly mug. That night, ANOTHER werewolf breaks into Sookie house. Fortunately, Eric comes to the RESCUE!
There were a ton of great scenes in this episode, but I’m pretty sure this second Sookie / Eric scene of the evening was my favorite, for obvious reasons. Eric arrives at Sookie’s door and inquires after the intruder. He then tells her that he lied to her earlier, and comes clean about the whole “Operation Werewolf ” thing. “Why are you telling me this now?” Sookie asks.
“Because circumstances have changed . . . I have no interest in rescuing Bill. In fact, it would be advantageous to me if he were never to return. However, now they are coming after you . . . and I . . .” Eric hesitates, unsure of the proper words. (He seems almost . . . disturbingly human.)
” . . . my objective was to protect you from danger, not increase it. Your life is to valuable to throw away,” he finally concludes.
“What do you want me to do?” Sookie whispers.
“I want you to invite me in, so that I can protect you, and have passionate, primal sex with you. Hopefully both.”
Sookie seems taken aback by his request, a bit angered by his boldness, and more than a little turned on by the sexual proposition (REMEMBER “stamina” is Eric’s middle name).
A much stronger woman than I am (You had me at primal sex, Eric!), Sookie insists she still belongs to Bill. Eric concedes that is true. They talk a bit about the difficulties of Sookie’s relationship with Bill.
Suddenly, Eric gets up in Sookie’s face and demands he be invited in. Sookie begins to argue again, but notes the new insistence in his voice, and ultimately invites him inside. At that same moment, a werewolf enters the home, braced for attack.
Eric bares his fangs, and Sookie grabs her gun and shoots, just as the werewolf begins to pounce . . .
Andy and Jason = BFFs Forever
Cutest couple EVER!
While Sookie and Eric are battling werewolves and flirting shamelessly with one another, another adorable twosome is navigating the waters of a new and beautiful friendship. If you recall, Andy has taken the rap for shooting Eggs, even though Jason ACTUALLY shot him, in order to protect his big cuddly loverboy, Andy.
But now, Andy is being hailed as a hero, an Jason is a bit jealous. The elder Stackhouse copes with his feelings just like everyone else in this town seems to . . . by getting wasted, of course!
“I keep trying to be good and do the right thing,” slurs Jason. “But I always end up doing the wrong thing.”
Andy doesn’t know exactly how to respond to this sudden drunken show of emotion by his bromantic buddy. So, he does what any good boyfriend would do in this situation, he compliments his pal’s good looks. “You’re prettier than most girls!” Andy offers optimistically!
You can say THAT again! Andy!
But Andy doesn’t say it again. Instead, he tells Jason that he could do anything he puts his (admittedly small) mind to, as long as he applies himself. Andy then drags a drunken Jason along with him to a nearby trailer park called “Hot Shot,” where some guy named Calvin Norris is suspected of having a meth lab. While Andy is attempting to chase down the suspect, Jason comes across one of the few girls out there, who may actually be just as pretty as Jason, himself . . .
Jason tries to talk to Miss Pretty (Lindsay Pulpisher, playing the new upcoming role of Crystal Norris), but she runs away before he can get many words in. This gives Jason just enough time to tackle Calvin Norris for Andy and save the day! We knew Andy was right about Jason being pretty. But, it looks like he was also right about that whole “applying himself” thing. Who knew?
Vampire Jessica Makes Bill a Grandpa!
“Crap! I’m a mom! But, how can that be? I thought I was supposed to be a Virgin for all eternity! Is this like Divine Conception, or something?”
Vampire Jessica is a bit distracted. You see, she ate this guy, and fed him her blood. And now he’s rotting and decaying, and stinking up her coffin, not to mention her “dad’s” entire house. So, it’s understandable that she’s not exactly in the mood for nookie. So, when Hoyt arrives at her home, with a six pack of her favorite brand of True Blood, in hopes of reconciling, she’s a bit less than friendly.
To Hoyt’s credit, he gives this really great heartfelt speech to Vampire Jess, about how he understands why she tried to eat his mother, and how the two of them can fight their flawed natures together. Vampire Jess is clearly moved by the speech. But she’s so horrified by the heinous murder she committed, and embarrassed by her stinky home, that she pushes Hoyt away. And I felt so bad for the poor guy, I literally almost cried.
Convinced that her “victim” is “Dead-Dead,” Vampire Jessica begins to make plans for his proper disposal, even going as far as to rent a chainsaw to hack up Dead Guy’s body parts (Mmmmm, yummy!) However, when she returns to the basement that evening, the body is GONE!
Lafayette and Tara Meet Mysterious Men / Decide Life is Worth Living . . .
Surprising precisely NO ONE, Lafayette rescues Tara from her half-hearted pill-swallowing suicide attempt. Hoping to keep her from trying to off herself again, Lafayette takes Tara to a surprisingly classy mental hospital where Lafayette’s (extremely sharp and witty for a crazy gal) mom is currently residing . . .
Lafayette’s mom (Alfre Woodard) tells Lafayette that he was “killed” when he came out as being gay. He claims Tara was “killed” too. “Almost,” replies Tara, quite truthfully.
Neither Lafayette nor Tara say much to Mommy. After all, Lafayette didn’t really want to see her, he just wanted to use her to teach Tara a lesson. Namely, don’t go nuts like my mom, or I’ll lock YOU away too! Lafayette DOES exchange quite a few words with this guy, however . . .
. . . his mother’s caretaker, Jesus (played by Kevin Alejandro).
No, no . . . not that one. (It’s pronounced Hay-soos.)
And based on the close talking and lascivious looks these two were giving one another, you just KNOW they are going to hooking up sometime real soon! It’s HIGH TIME our boy Lafayette got some loving! After all, he hasn’t had Vampire Eric’s blood in a while, and he REALLY needs something new to dance about . . .
Back at Merlotte’s, a mysterious vampire approaches the bar. In hopes of making small talk, Tara tells him that she wants to kill herself. (Very nice, Tara! What a conversationalist you are! It’s a real wonder you’re still single!) Fortunately, for Tara (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), the new vampire dude . . .
. . . who we know from promos is Franklin Mott (played by James Frain), is unperturbed by Tara’s admission. In fact, he’s so unperturbed, that later that night, he holds some drunk dudes upright while Tara kicks the crap out of them for fun. Ahhh . . . young love!
The Family That Shifts Together, Stays Together . . .
“Oh, don’t worry! This is how we greet ALL of our long lost relatives, down in Hickville!”
After being held at gunpoint by a man who ends up being his biological brother, Tommy (Marshall Allman), Sam is led inside a shabby home. There, he reunites with his worse-for-wear mother and father. As it turns out, both Mommy and Tommy Merlotte (well . . . Mickens, actually) are shifters, like Sam, while his father is “normal.”
Sam’s Mommy cries a bit (but the tears are no where near as pretty as Sookie’s, and therefore, are less, effective) about how she didn’t mean to give up Sam and blah, blah, blah . . . Sam’s a bit resentful about being put out to pasture to fend for himself as a child, but remains remarkably polite to his trashy bio parents.
The same cannot be said for Sam’s brother, Tommy, who instantly resents him for intruding on his “happy family.”
But then, suddenly (almost TOO suddenly), Tommy wants to make friends. His olive branch of peace? “Let’s go for a run,” offers Tommy.
Sam immediately takes off his shirt, and I get excited . . .
But then he turns into a dog . . .
Oh well . . . can’t win em all!
Tommy turns into a dog too. But he’s this weird funny looking bull dog thing . . . not cute at all. While the two are out running, a car conveniently swerves into their path.
“Miraculously” Tommy has enough foresight to turn into a bird and fly away before the car can hit him. Sam fares slightly less well, rolling out of the way, just moments before becoming road kill. The bad news is, his brother clearly tried to kill him. The good news is, Sam wound up naked in the bushes, as a result. SO HOT!
Who Knew There Were So Many Good Recipes You Could Make with Blood?
And lastly, we have Vampire Bill and his bloody journey to Mississippi. It looks like Alan Ball has heard our complaints. He seems to be totally intent on making Bill Compton more interesting this season.
Last week, Bon Temps’ Dullest Vamp starred in that hot gay dream with Sam. This week, he BIT OFF SOME DUDE’S EAR! (Now, that’s not very “Southern Gentleman” like, now is it?) Upon finding Vampire Bill looking like an extra in a zombie movie, Big Gay Vampire King Russell Edgington (Denis O’ Hare) . . .
. . . lectures head werewolf Coot (Grant Bowler) on letting his men feed on Vampire Bill. He then disposes of the remaining werewolves (aside from Coot). Finally, in yet another homoerotic scene that would not seem at all out of place on the cover of a romance novel, Russell invites Vampire Bill aboard his massive white steed . . .
Russell brings Vampire Bill back to his bedroom his mansion. It is there that Bill is introduced to Talbot (played by Theo Alexander), Russell’s lover, as well as home decorater, in-house chef, and host extraordinaire.
I haven’t known this character long, but already I ADORE him! In sheer queenishness, Talbot could give Lafayette a real run for his money. Here’s hoping Talbot ditches old fogey Edgington, and heads to Bon Temp for some Lafayette-flavored loving SUPER soon!
While Bill and Russell talk business in a way that is polite, while still filled with thinly veiled threats, Talbot regales them with a four course meal that includes, blood sherbert, blood soup, the blood of some Thai boy, and blood from a woman who eats nothing but Tangerines. Take that lame True Blood bottles from Merlotte’s!
Russell meanwhile has a proposition for Vampire Bill. If Bill spills the information he has on Queen Sophie Anne, Russell will give him the position of Sheriff of Area 2. Apparently, Russell would like to marry Sophie Anne, in order to increase the size of his dominion. He believes that having some blackmail material under his belt, might help him to persuade her to enter into the union. Bill claims he has no information on Sophie Ann. However, Russell begs to differ.
Russell insinuates that Bill initially traveled to Bon Temps on orders from Sophie Anne. We later learn that Russell has hired someone to search Bill’s home back in Bon Temps. There, the searcher finds a drawer full of personal information about Sookie.
Could Bill have seduced Sookie solely on Sophie Anne’s request? Is there whole relationship a LIE? If such a development means Sookie will dump Bill’s ass and run straight into Eric’s arms, I say, BRING IT ON, BABY!
When Bill fails to respond to Russell’s insinuations, the Big Gay Vampire King resorts to threatening Sookie’s life (by sending werewolves to her home perhaps?). That’s when Bill gets angry! It’s also when his maker Lorena magically appears . . .
And Bill responds by doing what fans of the show have wanted him to do to Lorena since she first appeared . . .
He throws a lamp at her head and SETS THE B*TCH ON FIRE!
Dammit, Bill Compton! Stop making me like you so much!
That’s all I’ve got folks. All in all, it was a stellar second episode, in my opinion. Quick-moving, well-plotted, and jam packed with sexually tense Sookie and Eric goodness — exactly how I like my True Blood!
I was a big fan of the original HBO series, Sex and the City (based loosely on a book by Candace Bushnell of the same name), which ran from 1998 through 2004. Aside from being titilatingly naughty, hysterically funny, and breathtakingly sexy, the series had a lot of really insightful things to say about what it meant to be a single woman during the early 21st century.
As I grew older (I was still in high school when the show first aired. So, my friends and I couldn’t talk about, much less do the things shown on the show without blushing), the series became increasingly relevant to my daily life. Even though Sex and the City has been off the air for nearly six years now, I still find myself recalling episodes and quoting lines from the show when discussing dating and relationship problems with my friends and family. Oh, and did I mention it was FILLED with hot naked men?
When the first Sex and the City movie came out in 2008, I’ll admit that I was a bit underwhelmed. Sure, the characters were all there, and the fashion was amazing. Yet, it just seemed to be lacking some of the humor, fun, and light-heartedness of the original series. And let’s face it, there WASN’TNEARLY ENOUGH SEX!!!!
So, when I heard they were making a sequel to the film, in the iconic words of Carrie Bradshaw, herself, “I couldn’t help but wonder,” are the producers of this film simply beating a dead horse (a botoxed horse, clad in Jimmy Choo horseshoes and a Vera Wang saddle, but a dead one nonetheless)?
Take a look at the trailer, and see what you think . . .
Here’s what I saw:
:11 – Growing up just outside New York City, one of the things I always loved about Sex and the City was that, it was, at its core, a love letter to Manhattan. Too many television shows and films nowadays claim to take place in Manhattan, but are actually taped in L.A. or someplace in Canada. I liked being able to watch the show and pick out actual places I’ve been and things I’ve done in NYC. Of course, seeing as I was a student during the entirety of the Sex and the City run, I couldn’t afford most of the places the SATC girls hung out (and, mostly, still can’t).
That being said, I love that this trailer opens with gorgeous aerial shots of NYC, shown to the tune of Jay Z’s and Alicia Keys’ “Empire State of Mind.” The song has become a bit overplayed of late, in my opinion, but it works really well here.
:24 – One of my gripes with the original film was that, over time, the Sex and the City girls became too rich and successful and, as a result, much less relatable. It seems like this trend will continue into the second movie. Why does Carrie need two door men? Isn’t one enough, Mrs. Big?
:33 – Here, it looks as though Charlotte has started her own baking business from her home, which, undoubtedly, will be instantly successful and make her into the next Martha Stewart / Rachael Ray. I doubt any of these women have ever heard the term recession, much less experienced one.
:35 – It appears as though the girls are attending a ritzy New Year’s Eve party in this scene. I can tell because Gidget the Humping Dog (one of the best parts of the first movie, in my opinion) is wearing one of those goofy silver top hats that are acceptable and fashionable precisely once a year, during the hours of 8pm to 12:01 am, and then must be taken off . . . FAST!
:43 – So glad Carrie got to keep her obnoxiously-sized clothing closet from the first film, which is probably bigger than my entire apartment. (Think I am bitter? YES I AM!)
:51 – This looks like another fancy wedding. I wonder who’s getting married this time . . .
:53 – Woo hoo! Samantha Jones is SINGLE AGAIN, and ready to mingle with this hot bartender guy! Does this mean more raunchy sex scenes? Here’s hoping . . .
:57 – Fashion Police Alert! Is it just me, or does Carrie look like a very skinny Magic 8 Ball dressed in an eggplant – colored mumu?
1:02 – And . . . now we are at the airport. Where are we going ladies? (I’ve read rumors that Carrie & Co. travel to Morocco during the film. I’m not sure if they are true.)
1:04 – Now the ladies are riding camels and trekking through the desert? WTF!!! I am hoping this is some sort of bizarre dream sequence. Because, if not, ladies and gentlemen, I think we have just jumped the shark!
Sex and the City 2 hits theaters May 28, 2010. Are YOU going to see it?
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