Tag Archives: Masquerade

Were you prepared for THIS? – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Homecoming”

Source

It looks like someone just found out Charlie’s Angels was canceled . . .

Howdy, Fangbangers!  Well, it looks like we have bit, staked, compelled, danced, and de-hearted our way through another mid-season finale of The Vampire Diaries.  And man, was this episode a doozy!  For me, “Homecoming” struck me very much as the unofficial sequel / bookend to one of my favorite TVD episodes, of all time.  Of course, I’m referring to the epic “Masquerade.”

Source

Think about it.  Both episodes featured a major black tie optional event at the Lockwood Mansion.  Both episodes featured a plan, concocted by the Scooby Gang to take down a significant enemy, in which most of the main characters played a significant role.

Both episodes contained a number of shocking twists, turns, and fake outs, as the show wound its way toward its epic conclusion.  And both episodes offered up some doppelganger hijinks, which resulted in Elena being absent for a key portion of the action.

Source

Of course, there was one very important difference between “Masquerade” and “Homecoming.”  In “Masquerade,” the Scooby Gang’s ultimate goal was to KILL Katherine (or at least entomb her for a few million years).  But in “Homecoming,” Katherine ended up being, arguably the most important secret weapon the Scooby Gang had against their REAL enemy . . . Klaus.

Source

So, slip into your favorite dress or suit, and choke back a few bags of blood.  Because it’s time to attend “Homecoming” . . .

(Andre, as always . . . the screencaps were amazing!  Thank you!)

The Body

White Oak Daggers .  . . all the BEST Originals are wearing them.”

We begin this episode, with Stefan calling his boyfriend, Klaus, from La Casa de Rich and Awesome, to inform him that his Daddy’s dead, and to ask him what he wants to do with the body.

“I’ve been missing our nightly phone sex chats, Klaus.  You haven’t forsaken me for that Teeny Bopper Wolf, Tyler, have you?

The fact that this episode both begins and ends with a phone call involving the care and maintenance of Original corpses is just one of the many brilliant touches to this multi-faceted little gem of an episode.   Another interesting irony of this scene?  Stefan’s words actually end up being TRUE, by the episode’s end.

But, since we are just at the beginning, let’s try not to get too much ahead of ourselves here . . .

As it turns out, Stefan’s phone call to Klaus is actually the SECOND STEP, in the longest, most drawn out, Scooby Gang plan to murder its Big Bad . . . EVER.    We flash back a bit, at this point, to just about twenty or so minutes earlier, during which our stalwart crew engages in one of its trademark Pow Wows of Sexiness and Plot Explanation.  (We haven’t had one of THESE in a while.)

During this exchange, we learn that, Stefan is the only person who could successfully lure Klaus back to Mystic Falls, with the promise of Mikael’s death.  However, since Stefan has been compelled to obey, and be more or less honest with the Original Hybrid, Mikael must ACTUALLY be dead, in order for him to make this phone call.

So, Mikael graciously allows Elena to stake him, since, as a human, she is the only one who can do so with White Oak Ash Temporary Murder Weapon, without meeting her maker, herself.  Elena quickly does the deed, without much fuss.

“Oooh, yeah.  A little to the left.  That feels good.”

Then, Stefan makes his phone call, during which a very depressed, and clearly conflicted Rebekah, confirms the existence of her father’s corpse to Klaus.

“Well, of course it’s him!  How many thousand year-old vampires named Mikael do YOU know?”

Did I mention that Mikael’s “Big Bad Klaus Killing Weapon,” is nothing but another, slightly more phallic stylish, looking dagger?  Yeah . . . that disappointed me too.  I was hoping for some gruesome, gory, step-by-step dismemberment process, or something equally sexy or complex.  Not a an ornately hand-crafted wooden weiner  .  . .  So, much for Originals being “hard to kill.”

“Did someone say, ‘hard?’ 😉

Oh, and the worst part?  ANYONE (including your grandma), can hold and wield this dagger.  So, it doesn’t even possess any cool, non-Original vampire-murdering properties, like its slightly smaller predecessor.  LAME!

Just a small quibble . . .  I’ll return to Positivity Town, now.  Thank you, very much . . .

The Bonding

In a show of false bravado, Rebekah paints her toenails, as she waits for her Bad Dad to wake up, so that he can head off to kill her Big Bad Bro.

“You know, I haven’t had a good pedicure, since 1921.  THANKS Klaus!”

You know, I have to say, out of all the characters on the show, Rebekah wins the dubious award this week, for Character Whose Life Sucks the Most.  I mean, imagine helping your dad — who you’ve been taught to hate, your entire life — to kill your brother, because that brother killed your mother, and, to some extent, your ENTIRE FAMILY.  I mean, it’s not exactly the type of situation they make Hallmark cards for . . .

13

What the f*&k are Hallmark cards?”

“Nothing you say matters to me,” says Rebekah, as her father returns to the living, though both vampires in the room, know this to be a lie.

No matter how awful our family members might be (and Rebekah’s are clearly the most awful of all), we are always subconsciously seeking their approval . . .

Mikael then asks where his precious peni$ dagger is hiding.  And Rebekah responds that Elena has it, the unspoken implication of that statement being, “I want to make sure you don’t try to impregnate kill me with it, you A$$HAT!”

“Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.”

Mikael, ever the warm and loving soul he is, promises Rebekah that he wouldn’t use that dagger to kill Rebekah . . . only her mother-killing brother.  “And [Klaus] will die for what he did,” explains Rebekah calmly. “But you did this to us, when you turned us into vampires.  YOU destroyed our family, not him.”

So, THERE!”

These were pretty strong words coming from Rebekah . . .  words that make me wonder how many thousands of years she must have spent in therapy to come to this very conclusion. 🙂  And while, Rebekah’s accusations clearly impact her father, I can’t help but wonder whether Rebekah too easily brushes aside her brother’s evil acts, as the mere result of his being an Original .  . .

Because yes, we are ALL a product of our families.  And Mikael’s behavior toward Klaus definitely scarred him for life, as we saw in last week’s “Ordinary People.”  Of course, Klaus would NOT have had all this power, to do all these bad things, had it not been for the spell that turned him into a vampire in the first place.  On the other hand, there are plenty of vampires who have bad dads, but don’t behave like Klaus . . . Caroline, being the most notable one.

Take THAT, fellow Bad Dad Vamps!”

But to some extent, Klaus’ own siblings, Rebekah and Elijah prove this point as well.  Because while both are generally pretty scary indiviuals, neither of them is Klaus . . .

“Yeah, I know.  I’m bad ass.”

This super intriguing scene, is followed by a super dull one, during which Bonnie mopes a bit about the fact that her ex-boyfriend would rather bang dead chicks than her.

“I know it might be fun to take time out of your busy Klaus-killing, Damon flirting schedule to talk about our feeeeelings.”

However, lest you think this TVD moment was nothing more than a two-minute waste of your precious pre-hiatus air time, I’d like to propose that this scene was actually MILDLY important, in that it hinted at the episode’s theme.

When Elena encourages Bonnie to open up and discuss her feelings about her Tragic Break-up with Jer Bear, Bonnie refuses, due to the fact that Elena is Jeremy’s brother, and will love him unconditionally, no matter what.

“Awww . . .”

“So, what,” you might be thinking.  “Jeremy wasn’t even IN this episode!  What do his Ghost F*&ker tendencies have to do with “Homecoming.”  Ahhh . . . true.  But the key word in Bonnie’s statement isn’t “Jeremy,” it’s “brother.”

Source

Do you see where I’m going with this?  Meanwhile, back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome . . .

The Contingency Plan

Honestly, this picture has nothing to do with this section of the recap at all.  Consider this my way of expressing my own personal dissatisfaction at the lack of Damon shirtlessness, of late . . .

Damon and Elena are having sex making out making wolfsbane grenades, while Elena cautions Damon about the fact that more than half of the members of their Kill Klaus Team are untrustworthy vampire douchebags.  Fortunately, Damon is well aware of this fact, which is why he has a Super Top Secret Kill Klaus Contingency Plan.  HOORAY!

But before Damon can reveal, anymore, Ripper Stefan stops by to borrow a tie.  Apparently,  all Stefan’s regular ties are lame.  I love how becoming a Ripper has seemed to awaken Stefan’s latent fashion sense gene.  (Have you notice, his hair has improved, since he went “bad?”)  Now, since Stefan believes himself to be Season , Damon, he also apparently, wants to raid Damon’s Season 1 wardrobe  . . .

“Might you be so kind as to lend me a pair of boxer briefs?”

And yet, I’ve actually never seen Damon OR Stefan wear any sort of tie that wasn’t black . . . So much for pushing the fashion envelope!  Now, Klaus on the other hand, there’s a guy, who probably has some crazy ass ties . . .

“I once wore this tie, made entirely out of champagne glasses.”

Anywhoo, Elena seems to be in a pretty sassy, Katherine-esque mood, of late (an aspect of this episode, which will prove to come in very handy later).  So, she helpfully suggests that Stefan stay home from the dance, since he seems incapable of properly dressing his new evil self.

“I’m sorry, Stefan.  Damon no longer has any ties.  We’ve ruined all of them during our hard core screwing, fighting and biting sessions . . .”

Stefan jabs right back at his ex-girlfriend, reminding her that he has been compelled to protect her . . . and that her track record, both for BIG PLANS, and school dances . . . well . . . it pretty much sucks.

(Technically, this is true.  All three dances that Elena attended with Stefan, ended with her almost getting killed.  There was, however, one dance that ended decidedly better . . .)

In fact, Stefan “worries,” that without his company, Elena might find herself murdered by the homecoming queen.  Touche, Stefan .  . . touche!

“What’s that supposed to mean?  You think I’m not hot enough to win homecoming queen?”

Quick to stick up for his soon-to-be girlfriend, Damon helpfully reminds Stefan that, since he’s Klaus’ bitch, HE’S the one more likely to inadvertently screw up the Gang’s plans, with his compulsive (and compelled) honesty, when it comes to responding to Klaus’ questions and requests.

But Stefan retorts that only ONE person in the room has illustrated a habit for letting HER humanity get in the way of their plans . . .

“Ooh, what do we have here . . . Stefan Salvatore’s number? DELETE!”

Ahh . . . humanity.  If brotherhood is the theme of this episode, “humanity” is it’s buzzword, both in it’s literal, and its more metaphoric sense . . .

All Hail Evil Blood Sluts

Over at the school, two NON humans, Caroline and Tyler are glittering-up the gym together.  (Unfortunately, this is not a euphemism for sex.)

Source

Tyler suggests they ditch the glitter and go eat some people who genuinely enjoy being chewed on by vampires.   (Hmmm . . . hickeys from Damon and Tyler?  YES PLEASE!)

“Or I could just spray glitter all over your boobs.  Take your pick.”

Prissy Caroline is APPALLED by ths concept — overtly sexual as it may be — and chastizes Tyler for hanging out with, and being adversely influenced by, as Caroline calls her, That Evil Blood Slut Rebekah.

Source

“OH HELL TO THE NO!”

Tyler promptly moves himself even further into the dog house, by telling Caroline how That Evil Blood Slut Rebekah is going to the Homecoming Dance with Matt, as per his suggestion.  Caroline, apparently, thinks Matt is just too sweet and innocent to dance with an Evil Blood Slut.  (Really, Caroline?  Because he wasn’t so “sweet and innocent,” when he conspired with your mother to KILL YOU!)

Don’t think we forgot!

“Is this some weird family component of the sire thing?”  Caroline asks, frustratedly.

And I’ve gotta say, I simply adored Tyler’s response.  “I’ve got glitter all over my hands .  . . If I’m sired to anyone, it’s you.”

I guess that’s what they call it, nowadays . . . siring. 😉

(So, basically, becoming a Ripper has made Stefan a better dresser.  And becoming Klaus’ b*tch has made Tyler funnier.  In conclusion, EVIL IS AWESOME!)

Speaking of That Evil Blood Slut / Barbie Klaus, she’s over at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, wearing her token red dress, we got a peak at last week . . . a dress that looks oddly similar to the one Caroline ends up wearing . .  . both to this dance, and to the “Masquerade.”

“I look WAY better in this than that chick I ate, who was wearing it last.”

Elena approaches Rebekah from behind, and attempts to bond with the super depressed Lady Vamp.  When Rebekah admits that this is her first Homecoming Dance, since she and Klaus have always been too busy running from Mikael to do anything resembling a real high school experience, Elena gallantly thanks her for helping the Scooby Gang KILL KLAUS.

Source

Then Elena offers Rebekah her old Original Witch necklace,  as a token of her affection and friendship, before LITERALLY STABBING HER IN THE BACK with that trusty white oak ash dagger!

“I’m sorry, I can’t leave anything to chance either,” says Elena, as Rebekah falls to the floor . . . just slightly more undead than usual.

“Does this stake in my back make my ass look big?”

OUCH!  Even Damon thought that was cold, as he wrapped the dead chick up in a blanket or rug, or something.  Talk about Katherine-esque!

Source

Nevertheless, Stefan’s words have caused Elena to worry about whether her humanity WILL screw up the Kill Klaus plan.  Knowing Elena’s track record of SH*TTY PLANS gone awry, Damon can’t actually disagree with her.  But he can promise her that, she won’t screw THIS plan up, since, from this point on she will no longer have any part in it.

“Do you trust me?” Damon asks.

“Yes,” Elena replies, unequivocally . . . which, if you know these two at all, you know is a pretty HUGE step in the progression of their relationship, both as friends and, MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, for me, anyway, as lovers .  . .

“Then, you have nothing to worry about,” Damon replies.

Eeeek, did you REALLY have to say that, Damon?  Now, you’ve pretty much ensured that both you AND Elena will have something very significant to worry about, by the episode’s end  . . .

The Flood

One thing ALL the seniors at Mystic Falls High are going to have to worry about, is natural disasters.  After a flood magically appears probably because Klaus made it so at the school, the students find themselves without a suitable locale for their dance that night.  But, no biggies, Tyler can hold it at his house. . . .  You know, because that’s what filthy rich people DO, when the going gets tough .  . . they invite an entire student body into their living room.

That said, “Tyler’s” generous gesture reminded me a little bit of Logan Echoll’s “Alterna-Prom” bid, on Veronica Mars.

If you watched the show, you know exactly to what I’m referring.  If not, you can  just skip this comment, entirely . . .

Meanwhile, back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Matt too finds himself in need of a contingency plan . .  . considering that his “Original” Date, is a bit “DEAD” at the moment.  (Man!  That sucks, Rebekah.  Here’s hoping you stick around long enough to go to NEXT year’s Homecoming . . . though, I doubt it.)  Have no fear, Matt.  “ELENA” can be your date.

“Aww man!  Now I have to take ANOTHER hot girl to the dance.  My life sucks!  I so wish I was back at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls.”

Initially, I was annoyed by this development, since I REALLY wanted Elena and Damon to go to the dance as dates.  And yet, considering that “ELENA” was actually Ka . . . well, more on this later . . .

Source

The Wake

“I’m picturing all of you naked right now.  It helps that I’m not wearing any pants.”

Wow, “Tyler” throws a rockin, Homecoming Dance. .  .  complete with My Morning Jacket, providing the music for the evening, and more people in attendance than could possibly attend Mystic Falls High, EVER . . . especially considering the death rate at that school.  This, of course, makes Caroline FURIOUS.  She can’t date a guy who’s a better party planner than she is?  What would SHE contribute to the relationship?

“Aside from the obvious, of course.”

Of course, as Tyler admits, he didn’t actually plan this party .  . .  Klaus did.  And it’s not a Homecoming Dance, it’s more like a WAKE .  . . for Mikael . . . an event for which Klaus has been preparing for a thousand years.   (Hmm . . . interesting . . . is this your clever way of telling us that the members of the band, My Morning Jacket, are vampires? ;))

Odd though it was, Klaus’ wake for Mikael sure beat the one Matt through for Vicki, which more or less consisted of this . . .

Meanwhile, “Elena” and Matt arrive at the dance.  And Matt wonders out loud whether their attending together is “weird.”  “Elena” then tells Matt to “act normal,” and “not tell anyone” . . . a rather obvious indication that doppelganger hijinks have just ensued, for those who are paying attention . . . (Wow, lately Matt has been more involved in the Kill Klaus games than Caroline.  What exactly is this show coming to?)

The Cannibal

Klaus and Stefan make their first encounter, since the whole “Emotions Flip Switch” thing.  Klaus promises Stefan that, by way of saying thanks for delivering Mikael to him, Klaus will grant him freedom from his own compulsion, upon Mikael’s death.

(Awww!  How generous of Klaus!  Personally, I would have settled for a Wii Entertainment System, and one of those fun little “Just Dance” games.)  Then, Klaus and Stefan make out . . . Just kidding!

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Damon and Mikael are shooting the breeze, and discussing Mikael’s all vampire diet.  Apparently, Mikael’s decision to hunt “the predator,” instead of the prey, stems, in a weird way, from his guilt for creating the vampire population to begin with.  Talk about eating your feelings!

This conversation is interrupted upon Stefan’s entrance, and instruction that Mikael’s “body” must be delivered to Klaus.  Damon responds that Stefan is no longer a part of the plan.  And then Mikael EATS HIM

Nom, Nom, Nom . . . tastes like Ripper.”

. . . well, really he just gnaws on his neck, a little bit.

I love how horrified Damon looked by the prospect of someone SNACKING ON HIS BROTHER, particularly given how many women and men, his brother has similarly snacked on.

My brother is going to have one hell of an ugly hickey . . .”

Damon suggests to Mikael that a neck breaking would have been a more humane way to temporarily take him out of commission.  I don’t know, I think the Vampire Hickey Method was great . . . It sure beats all those boring stakings, we’ve witnessed, of late . . .

“You wouldn’t feel that way, if I shoved this up your ass.”

The Betrayal

Back at the party, Klaus and Tyler are doing the whole “Hybrid / Sire” bonding thing, when Klaus lets Tyler in on a little secret . . . he has Baby Hybrid brothers, now!  And they are all at the party, waiting patiently to kill Tyler’s friends and lover.  Now, THAT’s sibling rivalry, for you.  But Klaus is not a total douchebag (just about 99.9999% of one).

“Don’t worry, Tylerpoo.  You will always be my favorite.”

Klaus then (1) compels Tyler’s mother to go to church, and PRAY for the Scooby Gang; and (2) he gives Tyler the opportunity to warn his friends about what’s about to go down, likely figuring that, by the time they try to do something about it, it will be too late, anyway  .  . .

Tyler then brings Caroline to one of his twenty or so BEDROOMS to have wild, hot, and dirty sex, YAY to talk about what “Caroline’s friends” are planning to do to Klaus.  Caroline claims she doesn’t know.  Actually, for once, she’s not lying.  But, she tells Tyler, that, even if she DID know, she wouldn’t tell him, because, as Klaus’ sire he’s Team Evil, now, and, therefore, can’t be trusted.  Tyler responds to this by .  . . VERVAINING HER IN THE NECK!

Would this be a bad time to ask, if I could borrow fifty bucks?  No?  Gee, thanks!”

Talk about COLD.  Apparently, this is a very bad day for Vampire Barbies.  It’s an OK day for Human Ken dolls, though.  Tyler finds Matt and commandeers his help to do what he, as Klaus’ bitch, literally no longer can: (1) bring Caroline to safety; and (2) warn the rest of the Scooby Gang that the Big Bad Hybrid, has brought some Big Bad Reinforcements, along to the party with him.

“Listen, Matt.  I’m going to do something very nice for you.  I am going to allow you to fondle my unconscious girlfriend.  I mean, that’s what friends are for, right?”

The Battle Royale

Here’s another important scene for you, that seems fairly useless, on first watch.  Klaus sees “Elena,” and stops by to metaphorically whip out his member to her, and remind her what a SUPER EVIL SUPER VILLAIN, he is.  When Klaus notes that “Elena,” seems nervous, she replies, “No, I just don’t like you.”

BAZINGA!”

Oooh . . . SASSY!  Klaus then warns Faux-lena that, whatever plan the Scooby Gang has cooked up against him, it’s going to fail, miserably, because . . . well . . . because clearly, while Klaus has been away on Hybrid business, he’s also been watching Seasons 1 and 2 of The Vampire Diaries on DVD.  There’s actually a bit more to this conversation.  But we don’t get to hear it yet, because we are busy watching Damon de-heart some newbie hybrid security guard.

“I hope you enjoyed your two seconds of screen time, Klaus’ extra!”

Our hero then enters the Lockwood house to find Klaus’ bitch, Tyler, on his way out . . .Wall  Slams and Bite Fights Galore ensue.  It’s kind of sexy, actually.

“Hey, Ty . . . mind if I throw a breath mint in their, before we finish fighting?  That’s pretty rank.”

Then Bonnie has to ruin tthe Glorious Tamon Moment with her Witchy Migraine making fingers, which she uses to make Tyler pass out.

Wow, I guess he’s REALLY not a fan of My Morning Jacket . . .”

And another one down . . . another one down .  . . another one bites the dust.

“I’m practicing my Thriller Dance.  What do you think?”

They really are just dropping like flies, this week, aren’t they?  I had to laugh when Damon bitched at Bonnie for Witch Migraining Damon, in addition to Tyler.

Dammit!  I have a Bonnie in my ear!”

Silly Damon!  Haven’t you learned by now, Bonnie’s going to take every single possible opportunity to torture you, at every chance she gets?

This is also the part of the story, where we learn that DAMON is the one holding the pretty, pretty Originals-killing peni$ dagger, since HE is the only vampire still standing with “permission” to enter the Lockwood mansion . . .

The Showdown

The moment we’ve all been waiting for finally arrives, when Klaus finds himself face-to-face with Mikael . . . having instructed his hybrids to bring the rest of the party outside, in preparation for this epic confrontation.  Of course, said confrontation would seem a whole lot more epic, if Mikael could actually cross the threshhold into the Lockwood Mansion.

“Might I be invited in for a bite to eat? I’ve brought this delicious doppelganger tart for you to try.”

Now, the Big Bad Pair are just standing a few feet away from one another, having a pissing contest.  Mikael goads Klaus a bit, reminding him what a coward he is, and explaining to him that, while those trusty hybrids were sired by Klaus, they could still be compelled to rip him to shreds, by Original Mikael . . .

Gay for Klaus . . . but ZOMBIES for Mikael.

Oh, and it seems Mikael has an ace up his sleeve . . . Elena . . . at knifepoint.  Hello, Blood Bag!  This pissing contest just got REAL . . .

You know, I talk a lot on this website about Ugly Cry Faces, but you know who has a GORGEOUS Cry Face, Joseph Morgan  . . . in fact, in the GORGEOUS Cry Face department, Joseph gives Ian a REAL run for his money!

HAWWWWT!

Klaus really gets those waterworks flowing, when Mikael starts telling him how nobody really cares about him, and that he can only earn loyalty by controlling it.

Source

Well, that’s only partly true, Mikael, I happen to know a lot of TVD fans, who care about Klaus, a whole bunch.

Klaus doesn’t really believe that Mikael would kill Elena, since she’s the lead female character on The Vampire Diaries his “ace in the hole.”  And decides to call his bluff.  Mikael then, tells Klaus that his impulses are what keep him from being great.  And so . . . MIKAEL KILLS ELENA  . . . on impulse, of course (which, I would have been a lot more shocked by, if there was actually a chance in hell that she would actually die).

O Face Alert!”

But it looks like the joke is really on Mikael, because, moments later, as Damon pops up inside the house, with his peni$ dagger, Elena comes back from the dead . . . Oh, wait . . . that’s KATHERINE!  And she’s holding those wolfsbane grenades we saw Damon and Elena making at the beginning of the episode.  “Ba-boom,” she says, gleefully, as she blasts those Baby Vamp Teen Wolves.

SUCKAS!”

“Baby you’re a fiiiiiiirework.  Come on show them whaaat you’re worth . . . without limbs.”

Things start happening pretty fast, then.  Damon BEGINS to stake Klaus, actually getting as far, as to have the knife in his chest (Honestly, I’m not sure, how he didn’t die instantly from that.  Peni$ Dagger officially sucks.)  But then STEFAN tackles Damon to the ground.   OUCH!

This causes the Peni$ Dagger to fall to the ground, and Klaus to get it.  Klaus then rushes out of the house, and stabs Mikael, causing him to burst into flames .  . .  (Well, that’s one way to clean up a dead body.)

It looks like one of those commercials for Tums antacids. 

Wow, nice knowing ya, Mikael, you were . . . not nearly as bad ass, as I hoped you would be.

You do have an excellent tan for a vampire, though . . .

Then, Klaus, who oddly enough, like his brother Elijah, seems to be a man of his word, at least, to some extent, generously frees Stefan from his compulsion, giving him the opportunity to face what he has done, should he ever decide to turn back on his emotions.

I’ll never forget you, Klaus . . . (unless you compel me to do so, which, under the circumstances, I probably wouldn’t  mind that much).”

But . . . will he?  More on that in just a bit . . .

The Break-up

Caroline awakens in some random Bedroom.

“I’m so glad that pesky vervaining didn’t mess up my hair or makeup.  I may win prom queen yet . . .”

Soon after, Tyler pops in, braced for a lecture.

“Well, this is awkward.”

As expected, Caroline is quick to scold Tyler for vervaining his girlfriend to keep her out of danger, as opposed to . . . oh . . . I don’t know, telling her to go home and watch Dancing with the Stars, or something.  But Tyler didn’t do that, because he KNOWS Caroline, and KNOWS that she would never be able to willingly leave the house, knowing that her friends are in danger.  In other words, Tyler stabbed his girlfriend FOR HER OWN GOOD.  (How very Damon from “The Last Dance,” of him.)

Caroline then admits that she is having issues with the fact that Tyler seems so very cool with being gay for Klaus.  So, Tyler, does his best to explain to Caroline why this is so.  And, for the record, I think he makes a pretty good argument . . . a selfish argument, sure.  But a good one.

You see, for Tyler, the coolest thing about being a hybrid, is that he can change into a werewolf at will,  or, not at all, if that’s what he chooses.  This means,  he never has to endure the painful transformation we witnessed him and Caroline experiencing together, last season.

So, what if Tyler is destined to spend the rest of eternity as Klaus’ b*tch?  At least that won’t result in him having to crack all his bones every month, while dirty, naked, and smoking hot, looking?  It’s a pretty fair trade, as far as Tyler is concerned . . .

I’ll drink to that.”

Tyler hopes that Caroline will forgive him his Klaus’ b*tchness, just as she forgave his killing that random slutty chick, back in the “Masquerade,” when their relationship truly began, his monthly werewolf-ness, that whole, “left her locked in the cage a few minutes too long,” thing, the “shooting” Stefan thing, and the almost killing Damon thing.  But, nope, apparently, GAY FOR KLAUS is the straw that breaks the Hybrid’s back.

All it takes from Tyler, is one look at Caroline’s face, and he knows the two are dunzo . . .

“One goodbye f*&K?”

“Think about it, and get back to me later . . .”

Honestly, I’m a bit surprised at Caroline, who is usually SO much less judgmental.  After all, Katherine didn’t NEED compulsion OR a sire relationship, back in early Season 2, when she forced the Vampire Barbie to spy on her own best friends, Elena and Stefan, and bring news back to her.  You would think that she, of all people, could understand the notion of being forced to do the bidding of those who are significantly more powerful than you . . .

In addition, to being a Forwood fan, who just LOOOOOVES watching these two crazy kids get naked on a regular basis, I’m upset by the Forwood breakup, because I suspect it will be what throws Tyler off the rails into full-fledged villainy, just when we were starting to examine the complex layers of his character.  Being Klaus’ b*tch is one thing . . . but being the Robin to Klaus’ Batman, is quite the other . . .

“No me gusta!”

Source

The Comfort (and the Cockblock)

“Is it hot in here, or is it just us?”

We get our Delena scene a little early this week, in that it’s the second to the last scene, as opposed to the usual last one.  And, while I was hoping for something a bit more substantial (like a kiss, or a love declaration) given this is a pre-hiatus episode, I’m still fairly content with what we got.

We find poor Damon by the fire, brooding, angry, and incredibly distraught over the fact that Klaus is still alive.  After all, despite having seemingly thought of EVERYTHING, and corrected all the mistakes of Plans Past, Damon and his gang still lost.  More adorable soulful crying ensues.

Fortunately, for Damon, Elena knows him well enough to know exactly what he needs, cupping his face, and comforting him, in a way that is sweet, romantic, and above all, surprisingly optimistic, given all that’s happened.  The biggest development in the Delena relationship this week, is the creation of this “we” Elena refers to.  Elena used to use Damon’s name every chance that she got, typically as a means for lecturing him, or setting his own motives and desires apart from her own.

But now, Elena views her and Damon as a unit, a team . . . a couple(?)  “WE will survive this,” Elena assures Damon, as she strokes his cheeks.

Source

“He’s never coming back, you know.  We’ve lost him, for good,” Damon says bitterly about his brother.

“Then we’ll let him go,” replies Elena.

Source

My,  my, my, have the tables turned!  Back during “The Birthday,” Damon was telling Elena that Stefan wasn’t going to come back to himself in her lifetime.  He was instructing her to let go.

Then, gradually, as the season progressed, Elena gave Damon hope that his brother would eventually return to himself.   But now, it’s Elena who seems willing to be free of Stefan, while Damon is still mourning his brother’s loss .  . .

Source

It seems odd that all of this is going down, just moments after Stefan’s been given freedom from Klaus’ compulsion.  But, hey, I’m a Delena fan.  Who am I to complain about a thing like that?

Speaking of me being a Delena fan . . . WE WERE COCKBLOCKED AGAIN!  AGAIN, TVD WRITERS!  Why do you hate us, so?  Damon’s and Elena’s faces were inches apart.  They were clearly about to kiss, when, RING RING RING, it’s friggin Katherine!

“Should I throw my phone in the fire, too?”

(And I never thought I’d say that about Katherine.)  Now, she’s two for two on her cockblock attempts.

Source

What Katherine says to Damon on the phone is fairly insignificant.  What IS significant about the scene, though, is who is in the car with him . . .

The REAL Deal

“You know, a few weeks back, you’re brother banged me in this car.  And, if you want to feel closer to him, that might be a good way to do it.  Just sayin’.”

“He still doesn’t know where it all went wrong,” says Katherine, frustratedly.

“He doesn’t need to know,” replies Stefan.

“I’m a little carsick.  Would you mind opening the window, so I don’t puke blood all over your face?”

When then flashback a bit, to learn that, during their meeting, Klaus told “Elena,” that, if Klaus died, the hybrids would be compelled to kill Damon.”  Katherine then went to La Casa de Rich and Awesome to wake him up, and tell him what was about to go down.  She instructed Stefan to turn back on his emotions and FEEL something for his brother, who Katherine loved, just as much as she loved Stefan.  (I KNEW IT!)

Source

And so, Stefan is able to fight compulsion, once again, in order to do the unthinkable . . . allow Klaus to kill Mikael and win, in order to save his brother’s life.

“If he comes back to himself . . . it won’t be because he loves me, it will be because he loves you.”

Source

How tragic it is that it was this action that caused Damon to see his brother as irredeemable?

I find it interesting that Katherine views “humanity” as a vampires’ greatest weakness . . .

Source

. . .  while, Klaus believes that weakness to be “love.”

Personally, I think a vampire’s greatest weakness is sh*tty planning abilities . . .

Katherine instructs Stefan to turn his emotions back on fully (now, apparently, they are only on half mast), because she likes the “old him” better.  But Stefan isn’t quite ready to do that, and I can’t say I mind.  After all, like I said, Ripper Stefan is funnier than regular Stefan.  He also has better hair and is a better dresser.  In fact, I’ve been waiting for Stefan to be a VOLUNTARY Ripper for nine episodes.  And now, it looks like we will finally get just that.

Speaking of Stefan, now it’s HIS turn to have a contingency plan . . .

The Aftermath

“Whaaaaaaaaazzzzupppp!”

Just like in the beginning of the episode, Stefan calls Klaus again, this time to “thank him,” for his freedom.  Klaus is smug, and tells Stefan he’s very welcome, with a big goofy grin on his face. Then he opens his little coffin storage container, and finds it EMPTY!

“You know, I’ve been wearing this black getup for about three episodes, now.  Do you think Damon has any shirts he can lend me?”

(Now, I’m just wondering how Stefan managed to move all those coffins, and when, between being staked and eaten, all those times, he’s had time to do so!)

“We . . . are . . . family.  I got all my sisters with me . . . except one.”

“I’m still waiting for my homecoming date.  Do you think he stood me up?”

Anywhoo . . . remember how I said Ripper Stefan has better one liners than his more angelic counterpart?  Well, his last two lines pre-hiatus, might be his best ever.  “As someone who has been one step ahead of everyone for 1000 years, were you prepared for THIS?” Stefan asks with a smirk, as Klaus hangs up the phone.

GAME ON!

As for the promo for TVD’s post-hiatus episode, ‘The New Deal,” I’ve only been able to find the shortened U.S. promo for it, so far.  And, honestly, it feels like a bit of a cop out, considering that about 10 of those precious 20 seconds are spent on the DATE, and scenes from THIS episode.  Nonetheless, here you go . . .

I’m sure they’ll give us something more substantial soon.  But, for now, since it seems we have quite a few TVD-less weeks ahead of us, let’s discuss the first half of the Season a bit, in the comment section, OK?  What are your thoughts, on Mikael’s less-than-monumental demise?

“Goodbye, Cruel World . . . again . . . for good . . . maybe.”

On Forwood’s tragic breakup?

“Why couldn’t I just have said yes to the Goodbye F*&K?  Dammit!”

On Delena becoming a “we?”

On Katherine becoming Stefan’s conscience?

Oh, and how long exactly do you think it’s going to take Stefan to open those precious little coffin lids, most notably Elijah’s?

Because, it looks from the promo, like he takes his sweet time doing it, while our friends in Mystic Falls remain sitting ducks for Klaus?  I don’t know.  If it were me, I’d be de-daggering those family members so fast, my head would spin . . .

But, hey, who are we to judge, right?

Until next time, Fangbangers . . .

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

37 Comments

Filed under The Vampire Diaries

A Poison Kind of Love – Ten Deliciously Naughty Moments, Starring The Vampire Diaries’ Katherine Petrova

Source: Petrova GIFS, original home of ALL the lovely screencaps you see here, unless otherwise noted. 

If you’ve read this blog before, you probably know that I have an almost unhealthy obsession withThe CW’s The Vampire Diaries.  And that obsession leads me to dedicate an awful lot of computer space to analyzing the richly complex, and ever evolving, characters on that show.

“Good lord!  That’s a lot of Shirtless Damon pictures!”

For the most part, I’d like to think that I have a pretty good handle on most of the main characters of the show, in terms of their various motivations, fears, and insecurities . . . what makes them tick . . . and what turns them on . . .

This turns ME on . . .

So does this . . . 

However, there is one character that has always been a bit of an enigma to me.  Vampire Katherine Pearce, a.k.a. Katerina Petrova, a.k.a the Petrova Doppelganger #2, a.k.a. The Kat, a.k.a “You’re not Elena,” is a walking contradiction, in skinny jeans and stiletto heels . . .


She is charming, yet coldly calculating . . .

 . . . ladylike, yet monstrous . . .

 . . . loves others fiercely,  yet is incredibly selfish . . .

 . . . desires constant companionship, yet trusts no one . . .

. . . seems vulnerable, but is remarkably strong . . .

 . . . comes off as vapid and shallow, but is actually incredibly logical and intelligent . . .

 . . . is willing to help Elena defeat her enemies, but also might want her dead . . .

 . . . claims to adore both Salvatore Brothers, yet takes great pleasure in causing them pain.

For these reasons (and because my friends, Serendipity, natalie robertson, and Brittany-Marie suggested it), I have decided to dedicate this post to Vampire Katherine, in hopes of coming a bit closer to understanding this enigmatic character.  What follows are my Top Ten Favorite Vampire Katherine Moments from the first two Seasons of The Vampire Diairies.  After sharing each scene with you, I will take a few moments to tell you why that particular scene made the list, and analyze what I THINK that scene says about Katherine, as a character.  Sound good?


Source

I love you too, Katherine.  Now, let’s get started . . .

(By the way, regarding the videos, though I have provided links to all of them for you to enjoy, unfortunately, the CW won’t let me directly embed them in this post.  Those BASTARDS!  But if you want to watch them, all you have to do, is double click on the internal link that comes up in the center of the YouTube screen, after you press “Play.”  Now, that’s not so bad, is it?)

10. Katherine (posing as Elena) tosses Stefan in the bushes.

Source

Episode: “Know Thy Enemy” – 2.17

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “Nice dress.  Mind if I borrow it?”

KATHERINE: (to Damon, on the phone) “You’ve got some serious explaining to do to the [Anti-Vampire] Council about John being not-so-dead.”

KATHERINE: “Where the hell is she [Elena]?”

KATHERINE: “Sorry Stef, but I can’t have you following me.”

Why it Made the List:

OK.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love my Steffy.  But as a staunch Delena fan, I would be lying if I said I didn’t get a teensy thrill watching “Elena” call Damon on the phone, and then proceed to toss Stefan in the bushes.

By now, we’ve experienced a few moments in this series, in which Katherine has come face-to-face with her doppelganger, while attempting to impersonate her.  However, the jarring effect it has on me, whenever I see it on screen, still hasn’t worn off.

Source

This scene showcases Katherine at her naughtiest.  In under 2 minutes, we see her successfully: knock out Elena and possibly steal her clothing (though from the looks of it, Katherine is already wearing a purple dress, by the time she arrives), impersonate Elena with both brothers (though with Damon, only by phone), stab Stefan with vervain, toss him the bushes, and drive off in his car, all without messing up her hair or makeup!  Now, that’s impressive!

Though, admittedly, not quite as impressive, as pulling out two hearts at once . . . ELIJAH!

What it says about Katherine: 

At first glance, you might thing this scene actually says very little about Katherine, apart from the fact that she can, pretty much, NEVER EVER be trusted.  I mean, one minute she’s telling the Salvatore Brother’s she’s on their team, the next she’s vervaining them, and throwing them in bushes . . .

Source

She is also “Elena” for much of the scene.  And yet, I was able to mine quite a bit from this short fun scene.  First, it shows us a very nice contrast between Elena and Katherine.  Here is Elena speaking eloquently and humbly on her deceased mother’s behalf at a charity auction, and here is Katherine wreaking havoc on the lives of many, and enjoying it.

Source

Katherine’s competitive Mean Girl spirit comes out to play full force, when she gleefully, faux politely, comments on Elena’s outfit, before  strangling her, and ripping it off.  (We’ll see Katherine’s “fashion sense” come into play in another scene I have posted for you, further up on the list.)

Something tells me if Vampire Katherine went to high school with Regina George . . . she would have eaten her.

Then we see Katherine TRYING to impersonate Elena, but she doesn’t quite pull it off.  For starters, she’s wearing more eye makeup than Elena would ever wear.  She’s also a little funnier and snarkier than Elena is, with her comment on the phone to Damon about John being “not-so-much” dead.

And I actually think it is THIS comment that finally gives Katherine away to Stefan.  Not just because it’s funny (though that would have clued ME in).

Don’t worry, Elena.   I’m sure Damon will teach you how to make jokes, one day . . . among other things. 😉

But because that’s just NOT the way Elena thinks.  Elena would see a man fall down the steps (even a man she’s sort of / kind of hates like Uncle Father / John), and wonder if he’s in pain, or needs to be taken to a hospital, or something.  It doesn’t matter that she KNOWS he wears Ring of Immortality.  This would still be her first instinct, as a caring human being.  She WOULDN’T be thinking about what impact it would have on the Anti-Vampire Council, when they see him miraculously come back to life.

“Dammit!  I should have known better!” 

We also see a glimpse, even amidst all her scheming, of Katherine’s genuine affection for Stefan.  One could argue her “apology” to Stefan was just more faux polite meanness on Katherine’s part.  But I actually saw some regret there, as she drove away in her car.  After all, this WASN’T her plan, it was Isabel’s (who, under compulsion, ended up screwing her over in a BIG way, by turning her over to Klaus)

Source

“You made me THROW HIM IN A BUSH!  You are seriously messing with my game, b*tch!”

And had it been her plan, she might have done things a bit differently.  Plus, she called Stefan, “Stef,” which is seriously adorable . . .

9. Katherine bites (and compels) Stefan, for the first time.

Episode: “Lost Girls” – 1.06

Potent quotables:

ELENA:  “So, he [Damon] stole her from you, not the other way around?”

STEFAN: “Turns out, she wasn’t ours to steal.”

In flashback . . .

STEFAN: “I will love you forever.”

KATHERINE: “Forever is a very long time, you know.”

STEFAN: “Not long enough.”

And the next day . .  .

STEFAN: “Your face . . . it was like a demon.”

KATHERINE: “But you’re not afraid.”

STEFAN: “Get away from me.”

KATHERINE: “It doesn’t change the way you feel about me.  You will not tell anyone.  We will go on exactly as we have.”

STEFAN: (under compulsion) “Yes, we will go on.”

KATHERINE: “You have no idea of the future I have planned for us Stefan . . . you, me, and Damon.  No rules.”

Why it Made the List:

Even though Katherine and Elena are played by the same actress, Katherine’s sexual chemistry with Stefan REALLY IS much hotter  different than his chemistry with Elena.  This was a gorgeous sex scene, straight out of a Harlequin Romance Novel!

And yet, as gorgeous, and perfect as it was, there was something raw, and animalstic about Stefan’s and Katherine’s obvious need for one another, that was incredibly erotic.

I also liked how they didn’t romanticize Baby’s First Vampire Neck Bite.  As sensual as the sex scene that proceeded it was, Katherine’s vamping out, and chomping down on Stefan’s neck, was horrifying, and extremely UGLY.

Plus, you know me.  I love a good compulsion scene.  And this one was as good as they come!

What it says about Katherine:

Before I discuss what these scene says about Katherine, please allow me to take a moment to tell you what it says about Stefan.  He’s a BIG FAT LIAR!

Source

It’s pretty obvious from this scene that we just witnessed the FIRST time that Katherine bit / compelled Stefan.  And he told her he loved her BEFORE all that happened, not after.  Plus, if you listen to the words of Katherine’s compulsion, she DID NOT, I repeat, DID NOT, tell Stefan he was in love with her, but rather that her being a vampire wouldn’t change the way he already felt about her.

“I’m really sorry I told you that your face looked like a demon, earlier.  Please don’t let that prevent you from continuing to have sex with me.” 

We can contrast this to Damon’s compulsion of Andie the following season, in which he DID explicitly compel Andie to fall in love with him.  Not that he needed to do so.  I mean, this IS Damon we are talking about here.

OK.  Back to Katherine.  Once again, I really think we are seeing the Big Bad Kat exhibit some raw and real affection for the younger Salvatore Brother here.  When Stefan first tells Katherine he loves her, she looks surprised and a bit taken aback.

There’s a part of her that seems to WONDER whether Stefan would still love her, if he knew WHAT she was.  But then he starts kissing her neck, and she gets so caught up in the throes of passion, that she loses all rational thought.  The camera focuses on her face, so we can see that happen to her.  And there’s nothing cold or calculating about it.

In fact, I THINK it’s her passion, as opposed to any rational decision on Katherine’s part, that causes her to vamp out and bite Stefan, in the first place.  We’ve seen Stefan react similiarly the first time things got hot and heavy between him and Elena.

And when the morning comes, Katherine DOESN’T compel Stefan right away, though she could.  She wants to assess his true feelings for her, first.  Her line, “But you’re not afraid,” is clearly NOT one of compulsion, since Stefan is obviously still VERY MUCH afraid of her, after she says it.

And it’s not until she KNOWS for sure, that Stefan WON’T be able to love her as she is naturally, that she compels away his fear.  This is also the moment she chooses to reveal her threesome fantasy to him.

Sure, it’s selfish and a bit misguided for Katherine to believe that she could have two brothers in love with her for all eternity, and NOT have them hate one another because of it.  It’s also an oddly childish way for a 500-year old to think.  All feelings of love and passion aside, at her core, Katherine is a spoiled brat.  And she will probably always be one . . .

8. Katherine dances seductively with Stefan  / murders Slutty Girl #1 at the Masquerade Ball.

Episode: “Masquerade” – 2.07

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “Dance with me.”

STEFAN: “No.”

KATHERINE: “Fine, than tell me who I should kill.  Him?  Mmm.  She looks delicious.”

KATHERINE: (about Jenna) “Lucky girl . . . clumsy . . . how does one, stab one’s self?”

KATHERINE: (after being told Stefan won’t give her the moonstone) “I’ve got a better plan.  How about you fetch it, and I will try not to kill anyone in the meantime.”

KATHERINE: “I love your necklace. Oh, it’s twisted . . . here.  (breaks Amy’s spinal cord) Paralyzed from the waist down . . . and dead.  The moonstone, Stefan.  Tick, tock.”

Why it Made the List:

Remember when I told you, we’d get to see Katherine have a second Mean Girls moment in this post.  Well, here it is!  Poor Amy Slutty Girl #1.  She never did get the knot out of that necklace of hers . . .

And we thought Katherine was bad news, when she was just tossing people into bushes, controlling their minds, and eating their necks.  Killing random extras in front of hundreds of party guests, just reaches a whole new level of mean!  What was great about this scene was how TOTALLY unexpected it was.

Here I was enjoying the witty mean-spirited banter and sexy dancing of Stefan and Katherine, when, BAM, someone gets their spinal cord ripped out.  I literally gasped out loud, when it happened.  I also kind of found the scene funny, in a sick, twisted way.  Does that make me a bad person?

What it says about Katherine:

Damon once told Katherine that he’s better than her at the enigmatic one-liners.  That’s probably true.  Because no one beats Damon when it comes to engimatic one-liners.

Source

OK . . . maybe that line was more literal, than enigmatic.  But you know what I mean.

But Katherine definitely gives Damon a run for his money in the “Isn’t murder hilarious?” quip department.  This vampire has a comeback for everything.  And, if you are speaking to her (and she hasn’t killed you yet) chances are she will lodge her zinger at you, before you’ve even formed your snarky comment.  You can just imagine how helpful having this kind of skill could be in your day-to-day life.

“Yes, I’m bad ass.  And I know it.  That’s why I wiggle my tushy when I walk.” 

Two things struck me about Katherine in this episode.  The first is how smart and oddly nerdy she is.  And I’m not just saying that, because Katherine seems to have a medical school knowledge of the paralyzing effect spinal cord-ripping has on the human body.  Unlike Damon, Katherine isn’t exactly a fly by the seat of her pants, kind of girl.  She’s a BIG planner . . . someone who painstakingly maps out her moves about 18 steps in advance.  And this almost compulsive need to manipulate and control everything and everybody in her orbit, made Katherine’s downfall at the end of the hour, all the more shocking and satisfying.

The second thing I noticed about Katherine is how MUCH fun she has being naughty.  Up until that Moonstone made her choke, Katherine was having a GREAT time during this episode.  She LOVED flirting and dancing with Stefan.

She LOVED compelling Matt to kill Tyler.  She loved taunting her boys inside the Lockwood mansion.  And I think, a part of her even loved being STABBED, because she knew it was hurting Elena.

In many ways, Katherine is the ultimate feminist.  She is comfortable in her skin, and confident in her sexuality.  And with one important exception (Klaus), she NEVER allows men to control her.  Unlike Damon and Stefan, who have both shown a certain tendency toward self-loathing, Katherine is someone who LOVES herself  and her eternal existence unconditionally, evil warts and all.

7. Katherine gets drunk on tequila and rocks out in Alaric’s apartment.

Source

Episode – “Klaus” – 2.19

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: (to AlarKlaus)  “Wanna drink?  Come on!  It might loosen you up!”

Why it Made the List:

Man, this scene was fun to watch!  Up until this point, we’ve only seen Katherine be either scheming and calculating, or victimized, as she had been by Klaus, pretty much, up until this point in the episode.  So, it was fun to see our girl Kat be a little uncharacteristically goofy here . . . getting wasted, and unself-consciously dancing with a lamp!  (And she’s a pretty good dancer too!  Almost as good as . . . well . .  . you know . . .)

I also loved the part when AlarKlaus arrived home, and Katherine had to pretend to be sober, so that Klaus wouldn’t know how happy she was about Damon having secretly slipped her some vervain, so that the Original Vamp could no longer mind-control her into obedience.

“Uh oh!  Dad’s home.  Hide the booze!”

“I’m not feeling so good.  I hope I don’t puke on Alaric’s couch.”

Anyone who’s ever had to fake sober for the parental units, after a fun night of underaged drinking can relate to Katherine in this scene.  And, on top of that, she’s gotta pretend to be compelled, or he’ll TORTURE her.  That’s a lot of complicating thinking to do, after you’ve downed half a bottle of tequila and, quite possibly,  copulated with a light fixture!

What it says about Katherine:

I mentioned after the last scene that Katherine loves herself unconditionally.  But she also loves LIFE (even though, technically, she’s not alive anymore . . . at least, not in the traditional sense).  I mean, here is a girl who is TRAPPED by the same guy who she’s been running from for 500 years.  And though she’s now free from his mind control, she STILL CAN’T LEAVE!  And she STILL has to pretend to be compelled by him, and submit to his torture.

That’s enough to put ANYBODY in a bad mood.  But not Katherine!  It just makes her want to DANCE!

6. Katherine flirts  with and antagonizes BOTH brothers / tells Stefan she’s been stalking him for the past century.

Episode: “Masquerade” – 2.07

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “The three of us together.  Just like old times, the brother who loved me too much, and the one who didn’t love me enough.”

DAMON: “And the evil slut vampire, who only loved herself.”

KATHERINE: “What happened to you, Damon?  You used to be so sweet and polite.”

DAMON: “Oh that Damon died a LONG time ago!”

KATHERINE: “Good.  He was a bore.”

KATHERINE: “Does Elena enjoy having both of you worship at her altar?”

KATHERINE: “Everything I feel, Elena feels.  So, go ahead.  Or better yet, kiss me Damon.  She’ll feel that too!”

KATHERINE: “We could play charades!”

KATHERINE: (to Damon) “Have I mentioned how inconvenient your little obsession with me has been.”

DAMON: “You and me, both.”

KATHERINE: “In 1987, you were in Chicago, at a concert of all places, with that wench, Lexie.  Come on, Stefan, don’t look so surprised.  Of course, I checked in on you over the years.  You were standing in the front row dancing all night.  You were watching Bon Jovi, and I was
watching you
.”

Why it Made the List:

Man, the back and forth between Katherine and Damon was EPIC in this season!  When it comes to barbs, that really hit where it hurts, these two are actually pretty evenly matched.  (Hence the INSANELY long “Potent Quotables” section for this scene, above.)  In the season finale, Damon told Elena that, had she met him in 1864, she would have really liked him.  You have to wonder if Katherine had first met this “mean, impolite” Damon in present day, whether she would have developed stronger feelings for HIM!

Speaking of Elena, my only complaint about this scene is that Damon DIDN’T take Katherine’s advice and kiss her, so that Elena would feel it.  I just would have LOVED to see the expression on her face, when she suddenly experienced the BEST KISS OF HER LIFE, without even opening her mouth.

As a psychology minor, I also really loved the dynamics between these three individuals that was on display here.  How Damon was all bitter, and snarky, because Katherine had rejected him for Stefan.  How Stefan was all business, trying to goad Katherine into giving up information about her plans.  And how Katherine was annoyed by the lack of affect her sexuality was seeming to have on Stefan, and kept trying her hardest to get under his skin.

And of course, Katherine’s surprise take down by her supposed ally, Witch Lucy, was darn pretty amazing too! 😉

What it says about Katherine:

Source

“Locked alone” in a room with her two ex-lovers, with nothing to do but “talk,” Katherine gradually lets her defenses down, and begins to reveal parts of her true self, that she might not want her lust objects / nemeses to see.  Though on the surface, Katherine’s just toying with the boys, and continuing to play her game, certain vulnerabilities begin to shine through.  We see her jealousy, at the fact that Elena may very well have replaced Katherine in BOTH the brother’s hearts, as the main object of their affection.

We see Katherine’s frustration at the fact that Stefan doesn’t seem to be responding to her advances the way he used to, and continues to ask her questions that she doesn’t want to answer.

We see Katherine’s vulnerability when, unwilling to admit to Stefan that she faked her own death, because she’s been running from Klaus and Elijah for 500 years, the Petrova Doppelganger ramps her flirt quotient up to about 50, when she launches into a kind of romantic, but also oddly creepy, description of how she’s been STALKING Stefan since 1864.

Source

Source

Oh, and by the way, I can’t really picture Stefan dancing to Bon Jovi.  Can you?

5. Katherine rescues Damon, and tells Elena it’s OK to “love them both.”

Episode: “As I Lay Dying” – 2.22

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE:  “Well, it’s me you should be thanking.  I mean . . . I’m the one who brought the cure.”

KATHERINE: (to Elena) “I thought you were dead.”

ELENA: “I was.”

DAMON: (to Katherine) “You got free.”

KATHERINE: “Yep . . . finally.”

DAMON: “And you still came here.”

KATHERINE: “I owed you one.”

ELENA: “Where’s Stefan?”

KATHERINE: “Are you sure you care?”

KATHERINE: “He’s paying for this.  He gave himself over to Klaus.   I wouldn’t expect him anytime soon . . . He just sacrificed everything to save his brother . . . including you.  It’s a good thing you have Damon to keep you company.  Oh, it’s OK to love them both.  I did!”

Why it Made the List:

What it says about Katherine:

For someone who claims to have always ONLY loved Stefan, Katherine REALLY went out of her way to save Damon’s life, when she just as easily could have saved herself, and left him to rot.  Sure, according to Katherine, she’s only doing this because she OWES Damon, for giving her the vervain, back when she was trapped at Klaus’.  But WE all know, that Katherine isn’t exactly a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch your back,” kind of girl.”  And Damon knows it too.

And for someone who is typically SO selfish, it was really refreshing to see Katherine acting so protective and maternal to Damon, while she was feeding him the cure.  Watching her lovingly cup Damon’s face, you can see the sort of elusive softness about her, that drove Damon WILD for so many centuries.

Katherine’s always been jealous of Elena, and the boys’ newfound affection for HER . . . an affection that she feels she has claim too.  But she also sees herself in Elena, and, I think, in her way, is trying to give her a little sage advice from an elder who’s been there.  Katherine wants Elena to admit her love for Damon, and stop holding herself out as the holier than thou human she still thinks she is.  The question that remains, of course, is whether Elena will take Katherine’s “advice” next season, and submit to her desires . . .

4. Katherine tells Stefan she came back for him.

Episode: “The Return” – 2.01

Potent quotables:

STEFAN: “You haven’t changed at all, have you?”

KATHERINE: “But you have.  You’re stronger . . . meaner . . . sexy.”

STEFAN: “Don’t flirt with me Katherine.  I’m not Damon.  I haven’t spent 145 years obsessed with you.”

KATHERINE: “Based on your choice of women, I’d say otherwise . . . though, I’ll admit, it does bother me that you’ve fallen in love with someone else.”

STEFAN: “I was never in love with you, Katherine.  You compelled me.   None of my feelings were real.”

KATHERINE: “Believe what you want, Stefan.  But I know the truth.   And, deep down, so do you.”

STEFAN: “Well the truth is that you are the same lying, selfish, manipulative b*tch that you have always been.  So, whatever it is that brought you here, let’s just get on with it and leave town.  Because, if you don’t, I will hunt you down, and I will rip your heart out.

KATHERINE: “You want to know why I’m here, Stefan.  I came back for you.”

STEFAN: “Well, the problem Katherine, is that I HATE YOU.”

KATHERINE: (stabs Stefan with a candlestick) “You hate me, huh?  That sounds like the beginning of a love story, not the end of one.”

Why it Made the List:

This was really the first time in the series that us fans were treated to the off-the-charts chemistry that Stefan and Katherine STILL have, in the present day, despite having been apart for 145-years.  Every word, look and touch, oozes sexuality, and unresolved feelings of angry sexual frustration.

Stefan is different around Katherine than he is around anyone else.  He’s meaner, tougher, and more inclined toward harsh words sexual innuendo.  A darkness emerges from him, that we otherwise never see, at least not while he’s on the wagon.  Katherine sees it.  And she knows that when he says he never loved her, he doth protest WAY too much.

If Stefan REALLY didn’t love Katherine, he wouldn’t get so hot and bothered every time he was around her.  She wouldn’t be able to bring out the worst in him (or the best, depending on how you view things .  . . I’m of course, in the latter camp.)

Katherine is different when she’s around Stefan too.  But we’ll get to that in the next section . . . 😉

What it says about Katherine:

Have you ever crushed on a guy so hard that you found that you couldn’t be yourself around him?  You might be a real big talker, but when you get around him, you clam up.  You might be soft spoken, but when you get around him you find yourself talking obnoxiously loud, for no reason, whatsoever.  You might consider yourself a strong, and self-assured woman, but come to inches from him, and suddenly you’re a giggly little girl.

Though some of it might be purposeful on her part, I think that last example describes Katherine in this scene.  For a kickass vampire who eats people like it’s her job, Katherine is surprisingly kittenish and vulnerable around Stefan.  She laughs, giggles, and twirls her hair, which is something you don’t see when she’s around Damon.

When she sees that her flirtation is not having the desired impact, she gets very upset.  Though Katherine tried to brush off Stefan’s claims that he never loved her, you could tell that it deeply affected Katherine.  She immediately got pouty, and their might have even been a little tear peaking through her heavily mascara-ed eyelid.  And then when Stefan says he hates her, she loses all her cool, stabs him, and rushes off like a petulant child.  It’s kind of cute, in a weird way . . .

The fact that Katherine ultimately ended up having lied about her true reason for returning to Mystic Falls does nothing to belittle the obvious affect Stefan’s presence has on her in this scene.

3. Katherine has Dream Tomb Sex with Stefan.

Episode: “By the Light of the Moon” – 2.11

Potent quotables:

STEFAN:  “The pleasure I get watching you suffer, is greater than any pain I will ever feel.”

KATHERINE: “It’s stuffy.  I’ve been in this dress for days.  Wanna help me get out of it?”

And later . . .

KATHERINE:  “Come on, Stefan.  Don’t be such a grump.  We’re here together.  We may as well make the best out of it.  Do you really think Damon is going to rush to get you out?  He’s got what he wants.  Elena . . . Hey . . . given what’s most certainly going on out there, I’d say you’re free to do whatever you want in here.   Nobody will EVER know .  . .”

STEFAN:  (growls) “Stay out of my head.”

KATHERINE: “Maybe I can do eternity in here, after all!”

Why it Made the List:

Aside from this scene being a TOTAL tease, because the CW trailer made it look like these two were going to have real, honest-to-goodness FULL ON SEX, it was still pretty awesome.  Because, remember, a vampire can affect what you SEE in a dream, but it can’t really affect how you behave in it.  There was a part of Stefan that couldn’t resist Katherine, and that part made this scene SUPER HOT!

Plus, let’s face it. It was REALLY funny, seeing Stefan shoot up from his “bed” at the end of the scene, all freaked out, and trying to hide his Very Happy Man Part. 😉

What it says about Katherine:

Honestly?  Not much.  After all, this was Stefan’s dream, and Katherine’s manipulation of it.  She had all the control, and held all the cards.  This was Katherine at her very best and most powerful.  She was embracing her sexuality, and using it as a weapon of the most dangerous kind . . . a weapon of the HEART.  It’s nothing we haven’t seen before from her, personality-wise . . .

But you know what DOES say something about Katherine?  THIS deleted scene . . .

For the record, just because the producers of TVD decided to delete this scene DOESN’T mean I will ever stop considering it canon.  And because it takes place in Katherine’s dream, and because her defenses are completely down while she is in it, we get to see Katherine at her most raw and truthful.  Stefan COULD NOT have made up those lines that Katherine said in that dream.  They came directly from her heart.

Here we see Katherine admit that not only has Katherine been STALKING Stefan over the years, she has also never stopped loving him, much as Damon never stopped loving her.  I mentioned in my preview of this post that Katherine loves fiercely, and we can see it here.  Through all the stakings, stranglings, tricks and tomb-trappings . . . despite all the evidence that Stefan’s heart may very well belong to another, Katherine still harbors hope in her heart that Stefan will one day return her love again.

She claims she’s willing to change to get that love back.  And she’s willing to wait for it FOREVER.  And as we know, according to Katherine, forever is a VERY LONG TIME . . .

2.  Katherine has almost-sex with Damon, before breaking his heart . . . AGAIN.

Episode: “The Return” – 2.01

Potent quotables:

KATHERINE: “What, no goodbye kiss?”

DAMON: “Why don’t I kill you instead?  What are you doing here?”

KATHERINE: “Nostalgia, curiosity, etc.”

DAMON: “I’m better at the enigmatic one-liners Katherine, what are you up to?”

KATHERINE: “Trust me, Damon.  When I’m up to something, you’ll know it.  Come on . . . kiss me, or kill  me . . . We both know that you are only
capable of one . . . (after pushing him to the floor, and straddling him) . . . My sweet, innocent, Damon.”

DAMON: “Wait  . . . brief pause . . . I have a question.  Answer it and it’s back to fireworks, and rockets red glare.  Answer it right . . . I’ll forget the last 145 years I’ve spent missing you.  I’ll forget how much I loved you.  I’ll forget everything, and we can start all over.  This can be our defining moment . . . We have time.  That’s the beauty of eternity.  I just need the truth.  Just once.

KATHERINE: “Just stop . . . I already know your question, and it’s answer.  The truth is, I’ve never loved you.  It was always Stefan.”

Why it Made the List:

As the hardcore Damon (and Delena) lover that I am, I should really HATE this scene.  I should hate Katherine for doing this to Damon, knowing, full well, how much it hurts him, what it causes him to do (the Jeremy Neck Snap Incident), and the impact that it has on his relationship with Elena for the ENTIRE first third of the second season.

But still, I can’t help but LOVE this scene.  For one thing, it’s one of the sexiest sex scenes we have on TVD.  It’s hard, angry and edgy . . . which, is just how I like my sex scenes.  (I’m not quite sure what that says about ME!)

And, of course, the acting on both Nina’s and Ian’s part was absolutely flawless here.

In the deleted scene we saw Katherine say that she would be willing to wait forever for Stefan to love her again.  Here, we see that Damon is just as patient, and just as hopeless of a romantic as Katherine is.  (A much more JADED soul than I would say he’s just as pathetic.)  We know the havoc Katherine has wreaked on Damon’s heart for the last 145 years.  And we recall the grudge he held against Stefan for wrongs HE committed that long ago.  So, it’s surprising, and a bit heartening, to see Damon, desperately beg Katherine to, just once, say that she loved him, even if it’s a lie, so that he can go right back to loving her again, like nothing ever happened.

I was also surprised to see Damon STOP SEX to ask Katherine about her feelings for him, knowing that doing so would inevitably spoil the mood.  This is undoubtedly a different Damon than the one we saw boning nameless sorority chicks, compelling Caroline to be his meal / love slave, and breaking Vicki’s neck on a whim.  This Damon is a lovesick puppy dog.  And, suddenly, it’s 1864 all over again . . .

When Katherine breaks Damon’s heart yet again, by telling him that she never loved him, our heart breaks too, in a very big way.  Never before has Damon Salvatore been so vulnerable, and so sympathetic.  So, it’s a real shame  that he had to go and break Jeremy neck after that, thereby destroying all that good will he had engendered in us, as fans.  (Don’t worry, Damon.  I still love you, you Big Ole Psychopath!)

What it says about Katherine:

I’ve actually given this one a lot of thought.  And I’m still not 100% sure I’ve come to a definite conclusion.  I kept wondering WHY Katherine couldn’t just tell Damon she loved him.  After all, that was always her big plan, wasn’t it?  To keep Damon and Stefan by her side, forever.  By telling Damon that she loved him, she would, at least, be guaranteed ONE of the two.

And it’s not as though Katherine DOESN’T love Damon.  She DOES, though probably not as much as she loves Stefan.  We’ve seen it in her decision to turn him, back in 1864, and her decision to rescue him, in present day.  And we KNOW she loves HAVING SEX with him.

So, why not just tell Damon what he wants to hear?

Has Kat somehow developed a morality bone we don’t know about?  Does she feel GUILTY about sleeping with Damon, and letting him think she loves him THE MOST, when she loves Stefan more?  (I mean, he was just going to ask, if she EVER loved him, not if she ONLY loves him.  So, what’s the big deal?)  Was Katherine, perhaps, so overwhelmed by Damon’s outpouring of emotion that she couldn’t, in good conscience, sleep with him, knowing how much more it would mean to him than her?  Did she do it, to somehow garner Stefan’s affections?

Or was there a darker reason for Katherine’s actions?  Did she somehow know that doing this would send Damon over the edge, and take a measure of sick pleasure in causing him pain?  I’m inclined to think one of the former, less evil, explanations is more likely.  But I’m not sure.  What do YOU think?

1. Katherine (posing as Elena) kisses Damon, chops off Uncle/Father John’s fingers, and (seemingly) kills him.

Episode: “Founder’s Day” – 1.22

Potent quotables:

FAUXLENA: “What are you doing here?”

DAMON: “A failed and feeble attempt at doing the right thing.

DAMON: “You know, I came to this town, wanting to destroy it, and tonight, I found myself wanting to protect it.  How does that happen?  I’m not a hero, Elena.  I don’t do good.  It’s not in me.

FAUXLENA: “Maybe it is.”

DAMON: “No, that’s reserved for my brother . . . and you . . . and Bonnie.  Even though she has every reason to hate me, she still helped Stefan to
save me.

FAUXLENA: “Why do you sound so surprised?”

DAMON: “Because she did it for you, which means that somewhere along the way, you decided that I was worth saving.  And I wanted to thank you for that.”

And later . . .

UNCLE / FATHER JOHN: (after his fingers are cut off) “Katherine?”

KATHERINE: “Hello John . . . Goodbye, John.”

Why it Made the List:

Oh my lord, was this the most SHOCKING TWIST EVER, on a television show.  Here, us Delena fans were waiting for an ENTIRE season for Damon and Elena to kiss.  So, this scene comes, near the end of the finale.  And we get this brilliant heartfelt speech by Damon (so, heartfelt, in fact, that this made my Top Ten Delena Moments of Season 1 list, despite the fact that ELENA WASN’T EVEN IN THE SCENE.)

Then it ACTUALLY HAPPENS!  THEY KISS!  And it starts off tentative, with a chaste kiss on the cheek.  But then, suddenly, “Elena” gives in to her desires, and it isn’t so tenative, anymore.  It’s AWESOME and REAL.  Except . . . it isn’t  . . . not really, anyway.

Source

Because, suddenly, “Elena” is vamping out at the kitchen counter, chopping off UNCLE / FATHER JOHN’S FINGERS, and trying to KILL HIM!  I mean, HOLY CRAP!

 

And as disappointed as I was, that I was going to have to wait an ENTIRE EXTRA SEASON for Damon and Elena to ACTUALLY kiss ( it didn’t happen until the Season 2 finale), the final moments of “Founder’s Day” were still an exhilarating wild ride. And I loved every second of it . . . (Well . . . except for the part where Useless Aunt Jenna cock blocked Fauxlena and Damon. That SUCKED!

If looks could kill, Useless Aunt Jenna, you would have died an
ENTIRE season earlier than you actually did, from the collective glares of
Delena fans, during this very moment.

What it says about Katherine:

What’s interesting about this scene is that, the first time you watch it, you assume it’s Elena.  And you are so caught up in the drama of her heart-to-heart with Damon, and her subsequent one with Uncle / Father John, that you don’t notice how ODD she is acting.  Watching the scene a second time, really allows you to capture the brilliance of the show’s writing, of Nina Dobrev’s acting, and, most importantly (for our purposes anyway), of VAMPIRE KATHERINE.

Katherine’s been out of the loop for a VERY LONG TIME.  And when she arrives on Elena Gilbert’s porch, after having stolen her clothing and personal belongings  (She didn’t think to straighten her hair, though.  A surefire sign of Katherine, if there ever was one.), she has very little idea of what she’s getting herself into.

Suddenly, there’s Damon on the porch, “sweet innocent, Damon” as she once called him.  He’s babbling on about not being a hero, and not being a good person, but wanting to save the town, anyway.  And Katherine’s clearly confused by how much THIS Damon has changed.  After all, we know she’s checked in on Stefan over the years.  But we can’t be too sure, whether she has done the same with Damon.  It’s very possible that she hasn’t.  She’s also noticing that Damon seems EXTREMELY enamored with her . . . only she’s NOT herself, she’s Elena.  And that confuses Katherine too.

So, while Elena, at least at this point in the series, would probably be talking Damon’s EAR off about how he IS good person, and he CAN be a better man, if he just tries, etc. etc., Katherine’s suspiciously quiet.  She responds vaguely and generally to Damon’s inquiries, so as not to give herself away.  And when he kisses her, she’s undoubtedly, surprised, but decides to go with it anyway, because she’s Katherine.

After Useless Aunt Jenna breaks up the fun, and invites the vampire into her home, Katherine’s evasive tactics work once again, when she simply tells her doppelganger’s guardian that she “doesn’t want to talk” about The Kiss.  But when Kat talks to Uncle / Father John, that’s when things get REALLY interesting.  Because Katherine HAS a history with John.  She KNOWS the story he’s telling, even though Elena doesn’t.  So, she’s biding her time, waiting for a moment to strike.  And she picks a great one, right when Uncle / Father John’s defenses are at their weakest, because he believes his biological daughter is finally giving him the time of day.

And it all just goes to show you that those who dare to underestimate Vampire Katherine do so at their peril.  Take note, Salvatores and Originals.  Because something tells me The Kat will return in Season 3, and she will do so with a VENGEANCE!

Well, that’s all I’ve got on Vampire Katherine.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Special thanks again to the Petrova-Gifs Tumblr, for the excellent gifs.  And see you on Thursday, Fangbangers!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

 

14 Comments

Filed under Nina Dobrev, The Vampire Diaries, Top Ten Lists

Do That Tomb Me, One More Time! – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Masquerade”

Don’t you love it when our little Scooby Gang can put aside their differences, and come together to achieve a common goal?  I mean . . . think about it.  EVERYBODY played their part in Katherine’s destruction this week.  Alaric brought the weapons.  Bonnie set the trap.  Caroline led Kat into the trap.  The Salvatores kicked some Major Kat Ass, and Jeremy . . . well . . .  ummm . . .

 . . .  he looked really pretty!

So put on your party masks, everyone . . . it’s time to look back at how our favorite Scooby Crew turned a Mission Impossible into a Mission (mostly) Accomplished!

We ALL Need a Stiff One Sometimes . . .

ALARIC:  “My, what big WOOD you have, Damon!”

DAMON:  “The better to poke you with, My Dear Alaric.”  *does Eye Thing*

When the episode begins, Caroline is in DESPERATE need of a Stiff One.  And Damon kindly obliges . . .

“Phew, I really needed that.”

OK . . . I meant he gave her a DRINK . . . of blood . . . Get your mind out of the gutter!  (Damon’s a one-woman girl, now!  HE BELONGS TO ELENA!  DUH!)

That’s more like it!  (You’re welcome for the Shirtless Damon pic, by the way . . . they’ve been SO LACKING this season!  WTF Writers!)

Anyway, Caroline needed the Stiffy drink, because she had just had a run in with the EVIL KAT.  Apparently, Elena’s Much Cooler Twin Sister cornered the Baby Vamp, while she was skulking around Mystic Falls Only Bar / Social Establishment, and stalking her ex boyfriend, Zombie Matt.

“Must . . . eat . . . brains    be  . . . Random Plot Device   do . . . Katherine’s bidding.”

As per usual, Katherine wants Caroline to “deliver a message” to the Salvatore Detective Agency.  (What’s with all this getting your enemies to deliver your messages for you, Katherine?  Can’t you afford Fed Ex . . . or a good texting plan?)

“What do you MEAN, it’s going to take 3-to-5 business days to get there?  I eat customer service reps, like you for lunch!  No . . . really . . .I do.”

The “message” in question is that Katherine wants the Object-Formerly-Known as-Mason’s-Family-Jewels . . .

 (Sorry Wolfman!)

 . . . delivered to her that night, at Mystic Falls’ Masquerade Ball for the Homeless (?)

(Seriously?  Aside from maybe the Hidey Hole Vamps, how many homeless people do you think actually live in Mystic Falls)

If the Brothers don’t deliver the Jewels to the Big Ball, THE TOWN WILL RAIN BLOOD!

“RAIN?  I didn’t even bring an umbrella!”

Caroline initially suggests that the Salvatore Detective Agency give Katherine what she wants so she will “GO AWAY!”

But Damon doesn’t PLAY that game!  “I’m not giving her my DICK again!”  He exclaims.

Would you, perhaps, consider giving it to ME, then?

Damon then states that HE plans to KILL Katherine (a revelation that would be truly shocking . . . if . . . say . . . you were stuck in an underground tomb somewhere, between this week and last, and, therefore, never saw any of the promos for this episode).  Then Stefan, ever the stereotypical little brother, states that he wants to kill Katherine, instead of Damon!

DAMON: “I’ll wrestle you for it.”

STEFAN:  “Fine . . . take off your shirt.”

Stupidity, Naivety, and, of course, more Uselessness . . .

After last week’s brief brush with plot importance, Aunt Jenna dutifully resumed Chronic Uselessness this week, when she was carried home by Matt, Elena, Alaric and Jeremy, after “accidentally stabbing herself in the abdomen with a knife.” 

(OK . . . could someone please tell me WHY these guys haven’t told Useless Aunt Jenna about the whole “Vampire Thing” yet?  Doesn’t her current status as the girlfriend of the male equivalent of Buffy the Vampire Slayer earn her honorary admission into the Scooby Gang?  We all know she’s just going to keep “walking into the knives,” until she’s taught to do otherwise . . .)

Once alone, Jeremy asks Elena what she plans on doing about the whole “Kat Problem.”  And Elena, taking a page from the Useless Aunt Jenna Book of Problem Solving, replies, “Nothing.”

“I always knew I had all the brains in the family . . .”

Elena honestly believes that, because she broke up with Stefan she can FINALLY start screwing his Hot Brother Katherine will just ride off into the sunset on the coffin she rode in on.  “You are being a F*CKING MORON naive, and you know it!”  Jeremy scolds.

And with that, Mini Gilbert stalks off to La Casa de Rich and Awesome for yet another Pow Wow of Sexiness and Plot Explanation . . .

“I’ll Take ‘Weapons Commonly Used to Kill Vampires’ for $100, Alex”

Over at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Alaric has quite literally opened up his Can of Vampire-Flavored Whup Ass on the rest of the Scooby Gang.  This guy’s got some phallic-shaped weapons that would make even Buffy blush!

DAMON:  “All that vampire slaying, and your hands are still silky smooth!  Do you mind my asking, what kind of moisturizer you use?”

Soon, Bonnie arrives with her . . .  to this day I can never figure out what they call that Witch Book of hers . . . Grimmore . . . Grin More . . . Gremlin? . . . whatever it is, she’s got a Big Book, and Stefan wants her to use it to help kill Katherine.

BONNIE:  “Do you want me to hit her on the head with it?  Because I could do that, you know . . .”

Stefan’s actual plan involves Bonnie performing a spell at the Masquerade Ball for the Homeless (?) that will isolate Katherine from the rest of the party, so that the Brother Vamps can kill her in peace.  Then, Bonnie makes me like her character just a little bit more, by actually agreeing to the plan, without giving anyone a migraine . . .

 . . . or making a single Anti-Vampire comment, in the process.  (It’s a start . . .)

“As long as no one gets hurt,” Judgy Bonnie can’t help but scold.

(In hindsight, this was probably the funniest line in the whole episode.  Seriously!  Who didn’t get hurt at the Masquerade Ball for the Homeless(?))

“Except for Katherine.  Tonight the Kat gets a stake through the heart,” concluded Damon (a line which undoubtedly scared the bejeesus out of all the cats,watching this episode . . . including mine . . . she’s a HUGE TVD fan!)

This isn’t her . . .

My Katherine, what a BIG WITCH you have!

Speaking of Katherine, it looks like she got herself a witch of her own.  And MAN is she TALL!  In fact, Witchy Lucy was SO tall, she made most of the cast look like miniature figurines!  After weeks of seeing the evil vamp threaten her adversaries, with sing-song one-liners and double entendres, it was nice to see Katherine with someone who (at least, at first) actually seemed like friend of hers.

When Lucy inquires as to why Katherine is straightening her hair, she replies conspiratorially, “I’m impersonating my dull as dishwater doppelganger, Elena.”

“She has terrible taste,” scoffs Katherine.

“Except in men!” Lucy replies.

When Katherine flirtatiously asks Lucy to be her “plus one” at the event, I couldn’t help but wonder if these two had ever “experimented” with eachother.  (Come on!  You just KNOW Katherine is the kind of girl who “swings both ways.”)

Everybody Rejects Elena . . . (for once in her life)

“WTF, guys!  You can’t engage in Scooby Games without ME!  You all LOVE ME, and I’m HOT!”

Back at the Gilbert house, Mopey Elena is being SUPER selfish!  She’s letting her breakup with Stefan get in the way of her going to a boozy party TO HELP THE HOMELESS!

She tries to get Zombie Matt to stay home with her (he used to LUUUUUUVVVV her, after all).  But Zombie Matt is on a suicidal mission . . . one which (shockingly) doesn’t involve Elena.  But when Elena finds out that Stefan AND Jeremy went to “help the homeless” too, she gets REALLY pissed!

“I’m glad he’s going,” says Useless Aunt Jenna, of Jeremy.  “He needs to lose the Emo Thing.”

(“Emo Thing,” Jenna?  COME ON!  That is SO Season 1!)

Ultimately, however, it’s Alaric that spills the beans about the Scooby Gang and their Ocean’s 11-esque plan to Kill the Kat, and Save the Elena!

“What can I say?  I’m a sucker for a good Spoiler!”

So Many Dicks, So Little Time . . .

Having watched the episode, I now see that the purpose of that seemingly random scene between Tyler and his mom, was to, more or less, foreshadow what happened to him at the end of the episode.  However, when I first watched it, I was pretty certain it was all about DICKS . . .

“Why so much ‘dick’?  You’ve got something against the word ‘weiner?'”

Tyler apologized for being a DICK . . . Tyler’s mom said Tyler’s dead dad could be a DICK sometimes . . . Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick.  Between all these dicks, and the two Damon used in the opening scenes, I found myself sorely wishing I had created a drinking game around this word, before the episode began . . .

Slutty Amy Meets Her Maker . . .

As if the attempted murder of Useless Aunt Jenna, and the zombification / attempted murder of Matt weren’t enough of an indication, Katherine once again proved herself to be NO JOKE early on in the Masquerade Ball for the Homeless(?).  After a very sexy slow dance with Stefan, Katherine, angered by Stefan’s staunch refusal to give her the Moonstone right away, claimed the episode’s first victim, in a matter of minutes . . .

We barely knew thee, ya big WHORE!

Your dress is “GORG!” swoons Slutty Amy to Vampire Katherine, who she believes to be Elena.  Casting a final defiant look in Stefan’s direction, Katherine casually walks over to the well-meaning, but incredibly dim girl, and snaps her neck.

“OMG!  I can’t believe you just did that!  It makes me so . . . thirsty.”

And the Senseless Death Award goes to . .  .

  . . . wait . . . I already forgot her name . . .

Tyler gets some action (and his first taste of CGI Graphics . . .)

“Hey Matt, is that a murder weapon in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?”

So, here’s the question I have about this whole “compelling thing:”  When a subject is compelled to do something, how long does that suggestion last?  Is Jenna going to keep “accidentally walking into knives?”  Is Matt going to keep trying to get Tyler to kill him, even though Katherine is (at least, temporarily) out of the picture, and the reason for the mission has already been accomplished?

I only ask, because I noticed that, even though Katherine gave Matt the suggestion to provoke Tyler until Tyler killed him, last week, Katherine felt the need to compel him AGAIN, with the same suggestion, at the Masquerade Ball for the Homeless(?). 

Perhaps, she was afraid viewers he would forget?

“God, you are HOT!  Now go away!”  Katherine told Matt, her message having been successfully re-delivered.

So, off went Matt, along with Slutty Sarah . . .

 . . . and Tyler into the “Forbidden Room” a.k.a. “Dad’s Study” to get wasted.  Once the trio is suitably hammered, Matt starts acting like . . . for lack of a better term . . . a TOTAL DICK . . .

Speaking of dicks (AGAIN!), Matt starts calling Tyler’s Dead Dad ONE.  (Talk about speaking ill of the dead, this is the second time this hour that the dearly departed Mayor has been called a part of the male anatomy.)  Matt then randomly pours a bottle of expensive liquor on the carpet, and smashes a picture of Tyler and his father to the ground.  “Remember when your Dad used to slap you around?”  Matt slurringly inquires.

“I’m not going to fight you,”  says Tyler, just as he does EVERYTIME he’s about to fight someone.

Then Matt starts to attack him . . .

The two “go at it” (wink, wink) for a little while, as Slutty Sarah watches with interest.   Then Caroline . . .

 . . . having just completed her Scooby Gang task (more on that, in a bit) . .  . hears the ruckus, using her super sensitive vampire ears.  Off rushes Baby Vamp to kick some ass, and take some names!

In minutes, Caroline has put herself in between the fighting boys.  With little effort at all, she knocks Matt unconscious to the ground.  He’s woozy and wasted, but alive. 

“That was ALL KINDS of hot, Caroline!  I’m stroking my pool stick, just thinking about it.”

Crisis averted . . . or so it seemed . . . but as we learned last week, Katherine always has a Plan B!   “Matt failed.  If Matt fails, I can’t,” utters Slutty Sarah robotically, as she lunges at Tyler with a very sharp letter opener.

“TYLER LOOK OUT!”  Caroline screams, from the floor next to Matt.

Caught off guard, a very freaked out Tyler knocks Slutty Sarah into his deceased father’s desk.  And Slutty Sarah, who, might I remind you, survived BEING PUSHED DOWN AN ENTIRE FLIGHT OF WOODEN STEPS, early on in the season, hits her head and dies instantly.

But, hey . . . at least her death wasn’t SENSELESS, like her friend Amy’s!  Caroline rushes to examine Slutty Sarah’s non-existent pulse, while Tyler hunches over in pain.  That’s when it happens.  Tyler’s eyes begin to bug out, werewolf style . . .

 . . . and THAT was how his curse was ACTIVATED!

After dropping Matt off in the car to “sleep it off,” Caroline returns to check on Tyler, who has broken the news of Slutty Sarah’s death to his mother.  Mommy Dearest takes it surprisingly well.  It kind of makes me wonder how much she knows about the Werewolf Curse, which both her husband, and now her son, have experienced firsthand.  “It was an accident,” she says calmly.  “We’ll take care of it.”

“I’ll deal with Matt,” Caroline says comfortingly to Tyler. 

“Why are you doing all this [for me]?”  Tyler inquires.   “I killed her.  She’s dead.  You have no idea what that means.”

“Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle DEAD!”

“Yes . . . I do,” replies the Undead Triple Homicide Veteran. 

Caroline then calls Tyler’s attention to his heretofore bloody wounds, now healed.  “How did you do that?”  Tyler asks, now staring at the sexy blonde intently.

(Hmmmmm . . .  well . . . Caroline and Tyler would be more interesting together than Caroline and Matt.  That’s for sure!  Just out of curiousity, how bizarre exactly do you think a vampire / werewolf lovechild would look, anyway?)

Here’s a good guess!

The Best Laid Plans

Back in Kill Kat Land, Stefan chastises himself for not killing Kat during the Memory Lane episode, when he had the chance.  Damon, always eager to best his brother, argues that this would NEVER happen to him.  “You loved her for over 140 years.  It could happen . . .”  Stefan warns.

“Whatever happens, I’ve got your back,” says Damon to his Baby Bro.  “Tonight, it [Kat’s Reign of Terror] ends.”

Meanwhile, Mr. I-Am-Incapable-of-Being-Single-and-Therefore-Will-Hit-On/Fall-in-Love-with ANYONE, Jeremy decides that this would be a great opportunity to put the moves on his Big Sister’s sort of/kind of best friend.

“Nice boobs, Bonnie!  Way nicer than Tyler’s .  . . a bit nicer than Anna’s . . . but not quite as nice as Vicki’s”

“You are 100% B*tch Witch.  That is so cool,” remarks Jeremy flirtatiously, as Bonnie puts the finishing touches on her Kathering Binding spell.

Surprise!  Surprise!  If Jeremy had witchy powers, he says he would use them to perform Sex Spells . . .

When did this episode of The Vampire Diaries become the movie Eyes Wide Shut?

[Being a witch] never ends well for people like me,” complains Bonnie morbidly. 

(Talk about KILLING THE MOOD, BONNIE!)

While the pair are talking, Bonnie gets a “feeling” (it’s called being horny) that she has to investigate . . .

The “feeling,” as it turns out, comes from Mini Gilbert fellow witch, Lucy . . .

The plan now set in motion, Jeremy finds Katherine and tells her to meet Stefan and Damon upstairs, where they will supposedly give her the Moonstone.  Next up is Caroline, who finds herself accosted by Katherine for the second time this episode.

“They are trying to kill you,” squeaks Caroline, as her head is pushed into a wall.

“Where’s Bonnie?”  Katherine wisely inquires to a “choked up” Caroline.

“She’s upstairs,” replies Caroline breathlessly.

Katherine drags Caroline upstairs.  Then, the Baby Vamp leads the Old as Sh*t Vamp to a guest bedroom.  Bonnie is not there.  But Stefan and Damon are.  And now, thanks to Bonnie’s spell, Katherine can’t leave!

“I DID IT!”  Caroline squeals with joy, practically jumping up and down at the thought of having bested the vampire who “killed her.”  “Goodbye Kat!”  She says, giving her a cute girly finger wave, before exiting stage left. (LOVE HER!)

While Katherine is distracted by Stefan and his little baby dagger, Damon approaches her from behind with his big BULL of a SHOTGUN! *wink wink*

But this . .. is when things start to go wrong . . .

Down on the ground below, Elena has crashed the party in plain clothes.  Apparently the Debbie Downer has come to pee on all the fun that is the Salvatore Detective Agency Feline Murder Plot . . .

Note:  When I first screencapped this scene from the trailer, I was POSITIVE that it featured Damon and Elena!  Imagine my disappointment to learn that it was Mini Gilbert instead . . .

You don’t need to do this for me,” remarks Little Miss Selfish to her brother, when she learns what the crew has planned in her absence.

“It’s not just about YOU!  NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!  She’s messed with all of us.   She has to be stopped!”  Jeremy explains.

Suddenly, a massive bullet wound appears on Elena’s stomach.

Elena doubles over, in pain!  Bonnie instantly realizes that Katherine’s witch, Lucy, linked the doppelgangers together, so that when Damon and Stefan hurt Katherine, they would also hurt the NEW love of BOTH of their lives, Elena.  Bonnie rushes to find Lucy, while Jeremy tends to Elena . . .

Meanwhile, the battle of Salvatore Brothers versus Katherine rages on!  And as my Blogger Pal Amy (not the Slutty Dead ONE from the show) remarked, it was SUPER KINKY!

There was tons of panting, grunting, thrusting and vamped-out posturing . . .

Phallic weapons were stroked, poked, and prodded into skin that bumped and grinded against other skin. 

There were big STICKS flying everywhere, penetrating EVERYTHING!

“EAT IT!  PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH!  SWALLOW!”

At one point, Katherine straddled Stefan, while Damon approached her from behind, ready to “strike.”

It was AWESOME!

At that moment, Jeremy rushes in to tell the brothers that Katherine and Elena are linked, and that everything Damon and Stefan do to Katherine is also happening to Elena .  . .

Unable to fathom ever physically hurting the woman he has come to care for so deeply — even if it means losing to Katherine — Damon stops fighting immediately.  A worried expression instantly replaces the rage that had covered his face, just seconds before.

Talk about doing a complete 180!  NOW Katherine has begun hurting herself, as Damon and Stefan desperately try to STOP HER!

“Kiss me, Damon!  She’ll feel THAT too!”  Katherine taunts.

(GIRLS, HOW AWESOME WOULD IT HAVE BEEN IF HE ACTUALLY DID IT?)

“What happened Damon, you used to be so polite?”  Katherine continues.

“That guy died a LONG time ago!”  Damon remarks shrewdly.

Like Isobel before her, Katherine instantly can see the extent to which Damon loves Elena, and how that effects Stefan.  She notes how both men are “worshipping at Elena’s alter,” when they used to worship at Katherine’s.

Stefan and Katherine then take a little trip down memory lane.  With Katherine remarking about how she has checked up on Stefan over the years, even going as far as to follow him to a Bon Jovi concert back in the 80’s.  (And you just KNOW Stefan had a  mullet back then!) 

Stefan, for his part, makes the connection between Werewolf George’s need for the moonstone back in 1864, and Katherine’s need for it now.

“You used the moonstone to bargain for your safety,” Stefan notes wisely.  “And you were already free, when we tried to save you.”  He recalls. 

“Yes, your obsession with me was very inconvenient, Damon,” Katherine scoffs.

“You and me both!”  Damon exclaims.

The old ball and chain . . .

Stefan wonders who Katherine has been running from all these years.  But Katherine refuses to answer.  And yet, something tellls me that the Salvatore Detective Agency are about to find out . . .

Meanwhile, Bonnie finds Lucy, who knows she has the Moonstone, and will only break the spell on Elena, if Bonnie gives it up.  Bonnie moves to fight Lucy, but stops, after hearing her say the words, “You can trust me.”

HUH?

In the following scene, Lucy arrives in the War Room, instantly breaking the binding curse on Katherine, and handing her the Moonstone.  But when Lucy hands Katherine the stone, Katherine falls to the ground seizing. 

“You should have told me the other witch involved was a Bennett,” remarks Lucy, as Katherine goes still.

Lucy informs the brothers that the curse is broken, and Elena will heal.   She then goes outside to Bonnie, and tells her the truth.  Lucy was only working for Katherine, because she had a debt that needed repayment.  Katherine had apparently saved her life once. 

But Bonnie is Lucy’s family, so she comes first.  Because Lucy is a Bennett witch too!

“Seeing you was a wake up call,” explains Lucy.  “I have got to stop letting vampires control my life.”

“I have so many questions,” says Bonnie.  “How do I stay out of all this[vampire sh*t]?”

“You are one of the good ones,” Lucy explains.   “Right in the middle is where you need to be.   It was nice meeting you.  You’ll see me again.”  The witch promises before disappearing into the woods.

Then Mini Gilbert MAGICALLY APPEARS .  . .

He gallantly offers the Little Witch a ride home.  Bonnie didn’t even know he had a drivers’ license!  “I’m not a kid anymore,” remarks Scrappy Doo.

Then, the future couple ride off  into the sunset, in Jeremy’s Super Fly Ride . . .

For reasons I didn’t quite understand (not that I’m complaining – Damon and Elena FOR THE WIN!) Elena stays broken up with Stefan, even though the purported reason for their breakup is now out of the picture.  When Stefan confronts her about her decision, Elena rattles off some nonsense about needing to “feel safe.” 

(Riiiight, because being single and alone, when you are a Magnet of Trouble, is WAY safer than having a kickass Body Guard Boyfriend who can snap your attackers’ necks, as easily as he can tie his shoes . . .) 

Umm Stefan?  I hate to be the one to break this to you, but . . .

 . . . quite possibly because she’s into him . . .

“MY TURN!  Cheers!”

(My sincere apologies to Stelena fans, who are undoubtedly cursing me underneath their breaths right now.  Really, I mean you no harm!  I like Stefan.  I DO!  I just like Damon MORE  But, even YOU have to admit, that Breakup Excuse was kind of lame . . .)

Speaking of Damon, he made the awesome decision to NOT kill Katherine, and instead, to lock her up the same tomb she SHOULD have been in all those years ago.  “Death would have been too kind,” growls Damon.  “The writers would also really like the opportunity to bring you back next year around Sweeps Week, and if you were Dead Dead, they couldn’t do that.”

“Elena’s in danger,” Katherine warns from inside the tomb.

“You lie.  You will always lie,” Damon seethes.

“Why do you think I never killed her, when I had the chance?  She’s my doppelganger.  She needs to be protected.”  Katherine adds convincingly.

“Then I’ll protect her,” Damon replies without a second thought, a few choice images, undoubtedly running through his head, and ours as he utters those powerful words  . . .

“And YOU will ROT IN HELL!”  Damon explains decisively, as he locks the tomb.

Damon pointedly ignores Katherine’s screams of “You need me,” as he walks off into the darkness . . .

As it turns out, Damon may have done well to listen a bit better to Kat, for once.  Because, in the final scene of the episode, as Elena walks alone to her car, she is kidnapped by THIS WEIRDO . . .

There you go, Elena.  Yet another Damsel in Distress moment for YOU!  So much for “BEING SAFE!”

[www.juliekushner.com]

19 Comments

Filed under The Vampire Diaries