The way I see it, Burlesque, the upcoming movie / musical starring Christina Aguilera, in her big screen debut, will either be truly spectacular . . .
. . . or ridiculously bad.
The film follows Ali (Aquilera), as she escapes from whatever podunk town she came from, and heads off to Hollywood with big dreams and little cash.
View from a dirty bus window.
She finds a job as a waitress at a struggling night club, called Burlesque Lounge, run by Tess (Cher). And . . . well, I’ll let you see for yourself . . .
:32 – “When you are putting on your makeup, it is like you’re an artist. But instead of painting a canvas, you are painting a face.”
. . . or, in Cher’s case, a face made of canvas.
So, after seeing Cher in this trailer, I’ve come to two conclusions: (1) She looks pretty good. Her face really hasn’t changed that much since the 90’s . . .
(2) The reason Cher’s face hasn’t changed since the 90’s, is that it hasn’t moved since then. Did you watch that scene where she was putting on her makeup? I felt like I was watching an expert ventriloquist!
Bet you can’t guess which one is real?
:49 – “Great enthusiasm, terrible timing.”
It looks like Stanley Tucci will be playing the role of the “man behind the older woman” . . .
and the “staunch supporter / behind the scenes mentor” of the younger one.
It’s The Devil Wears Prada all over again.
:57 – Kristen Bell is in this movie!
I heart her, even when she plays mean and unlikeable characters . . .
. . . and it seems like she will be playing one here too.
1:02 – “The question is, do you have the talent? Because you’re on . . .”
Hey, that was Cam Gigandet!
What? You don’t remember CAM? Sure you do! He was the douche responsible for Marissa Cooper’s death on The O.C. . . .
. . . and the douche who wanted to beat Sean Farris to a pulp in Never Back Down . . .
. . . and the douche who wanted to eat Bella in Twilight . . .
In fact, Cam’s “Douching Schedule” was SO uncompromising, that he rarely had time to put on a shirt . . .
. . . which is why I love him!
1:12 – “What happened to all the great dancers in L.A.?”
“They’re all Dancing with the Stars.“
I think this was meant to be somewhat of an inside joke, as Dancing with the Stars’ Julianne Houghis said to have signed on to this film.
It seems a little odd that they didn’t put her in the trailer, though.
1:17 – “What is she doing up there?”
The Genie in a Bottle dance, perhaps?
1:27 – “Nobody can tell you. You gotta make me believe that you belong on that stage. That it’s yours, and that nobody can take it from you. Now you want to show me something? Show me THAT!”
WOW, Cher, I’m so inspired now!
I might even start taking violin lessons — on a tiny violin, kind of like the one I heard playing in the background, during that speech you just made.
1:46 – And there are those infamous Aguilera pipes we’ve come to know so well. . .
Too bad she’s dressed like a bachelor party stripper . . .
1:48 – OMG! It’s Alan Cummings!
This guy kinda scares me. But I can’t remember why . . .
Now I remember . . .
1:51 – McSteamy ALERT! McSteamy ALERT!
Hold on to your panties, ladies. Because they are about to fall . . .
2:07 – “Clearly, one of us has underestimated the other.”
Oooh! I smell a Cat Fight! And I don’t know about you, but my money is on Veronica Mars!
She’s small, but scrappy. Then again . . .
This could actually be a real toss up.
2:16 – Aww Cam! I knew you wouldn’t let me down!
2:24 – “Alice? Well, welcome to Wonderland.”
Burlesque dances into theaters on November 24, 2010 (Thanksgiving). Will YOU see it?
[WARNING: This is going to be a kind of mean, and VERY angry, post about the Season Finale of Grey’s Anatomy. So, if you LOVED this episode, then what I’m about to say is just going to make YOU very angry. And YOU will be very tempted, to leave mean comments here — comments that will make ME very sad . . .
. . . Plus, I’ll probaby delete them. But, of course, we are BOTH entitled to our opinions. So, if you were a big fan of the finale, you might want to stay away from this post, for both of our sakes. But, before you go, let me just say that, for six seasons, I have truly LOVED Grey’s Anatomy, which is why this episode hurt my heart so very much.]
OK . . . here goes nothing . . .
You know how people always talk about BIG TWISTS and DEATHS during SEASON FINALES of popular programs that air during MAY SWEEPS? Then, you probably also know that, whenever fans of a show engage in such discussions, there is always someone who jokes that, “Haha, I think X is going to come by and SHOOT THE ENTIRE CAST!”
They aren’t really SERIOUS, when they say this, of course. Because no show would ever SHOOT THE ENTIRE CAST, right? That would just put the whole show in jeopardy, wouldn’t it?
Ummmm . . . yeah . . . they basically did that on tonight’s two-hour long Grey’s Anatomy episode entitled “Sanctuary / Death and all his Friends”. . . or, as I like to call it, “We’d really enjoy making our fans miserable for two hours, in order to gain ratings and publicity.”
She LOOKS so nice and SWEET. I just don’t understand . . .
I don’t think I’ve ever been so TORTURED by a television show or movie in my entire life. And I’m someone who ACTUALLY LIKES slasher films!
I LOVE the Scream series . . . well, at least the first one . . . and parts of the third . . . and the beginning of the second.
I’m really torn between being impressed by how truly shocking and upsetting this episode was . . .
(The entire cast did an amazing job tonight, with some very difficult scenes. There truly wasn’t a weak performance in the bunch. This is one of the few NICE things I’m going to say here. So enjoy it while it lasts.)
. . . and REALLY INFURIATED at the writers for seemingly DESPISING the show’s fans enough to put them through this! (I think I’m going to go with INFURIATED, thank you very much!)
That was me, after the episode ended. A rabid racoon . . .
Just to give you an idea of how plagued with terror and misery this episode truly was . . .
(It had more blood, gore and torture in it than SAW, or Hostel.)
. . . here’s just a brief list of some of the things that occured. SPOILERS if you haven’t seen this, OBVIOUSLY! (And if you care about your heart at all, maybe you shouldn’t watch it . . .)
Gary Clark . . .
makes Freddy Krueger . . . .
look like Betty White . . .
(1) Dr. Reed got shot in the head and DIED!
(2) Dr. Percy got shot in the stomach (Or was it his back? I couldn’t tell, because I was watching through my fingers, while shaking and crying hysterically). Anyway, he bled disgustingly and painfully for two hours, until, ultimately, he suffered a seemingly never-ending, and agonizing death. (Oh, and I think this was the MOST lines this guy has ever had on this show, since he started here, about a season ago . . . Figures, right?)
During that time, he continually told Bailey . . .
and Mandy Moore . . .
(She was a guest star in this episode. She did a great job. This clearly isn’t her fault!)
. . . to tell Reed he loved her, because he never got to tell her himself, before he died. But . . . um . . . Percy? You’re going to see her WAY SOONER than Bailey and Mandy Moore. Because, congratulations, she’s dead, just like you!
(3) Derek . . .
was SHOT in the chest, right in the center of the hospital. (You know, right near that HUGE OPEN WINDOW . . . where the SWAT TEAM, or the HELICOPTER, could have easily taken out the SHOOTER?)
Then Cristina . . .
. . . and Dr. “Hotness” Avery . . .
(One of the few bright points of this episode was that he saved the day! And he actually had a decent amount of lines, for a change.)
. . . operated on him. Then the CRAZY LUNATIC SHOOTER held a gun to everyone’s head and told them to stop operating. So, they stopped, and the monitor flatlines, and Meredith . . .
(Why have I chosen to show her in a wedding dress, you ask? You see, I’m trying in vain to cheer myself up after this insanely upsetting episode!)
. . . who’s in the room at the time, cries hysterically and screams bloody murder. Because, after all, it WOULD HAVE BEEN BLOODY MURDER! But ultimately we find out, they were only fooling (haha – April Fools! Seriously? Was that really necessary?) They finish the operation, and he survives.
(4) About 10 random people we don’t know get shot and die. Some of them bleed disgustingly on camera.
(5) Meredith finds out she is pregnant at the beginning of the episode, and is (surprisingly, especially for her) really happy about it . . .
But then she miscarries from stress, while operating on Owen. (We’ll get to him later). Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, she never gets to tell Derek about the pregnancy.
(6) Both Alex . . .
(There I go, trying to cheer myself up, again . . .)
and Owen (who was in the ARMY, and, you would think, would be a bit better at handling TRAUMA situations, like this one, but Noooooo . . .) . . .
. . . get shot, and bleed disgustingly, but don’t die.
(7) Bailey gets dragged out from underneath a bed and ALMOST gets shot, but doesn’t, because she tells the shooter she’s a nurse. Don’t ask. Speaking of Bailey, where the HECK was her boyfriend during this episode?
Maybe he was hanging out with that useless swat team for two hours . . .
(Remove the “S” in their name and replace it with a “T,” because that’s about how effective they were at protecting our beloved characters)
( 8 ) Lexie . . .
. . . almost gets shot, but the Keystone SWAT team get to the shooter first. They only barely wound him, of course. And he gets to walk around killing people for another hour, while the T SWAT Team scratches its ONE collective brain, and wonders where he went. But, hey, he didn’t shoot Lexie!
(9) April . . .
. . . almost gets shot, but she starts babbling about her personal life to the Killer. So, he decides to let her go. (I loved how this Killer got to be sensitive and emotional, when it was convenient for the plot, and cold-blooded, nuts, and Supernaturally EVIL, when it wasn’t. When Derek told him, “You seem like a good man,” I would have actually laughed my ass off, if the whole thing wasn’t so incredibly disturbing and sad.)
(10) Christina almost gets shot like 5 times during the episode!
(11) Meredith ASKS to be shot, to save Derek, but the shooter leaves when he thinks Derek is dead.
(12) Old Chief Webber . . .
. . . who’s outside of the hospital when the episode begins, goes in and CONFRONTS the killer (Note: Those 20 or so idiot cops still haven’t found this guy, since the last time they barely wounded him. Webber finds him IMMEDIATELY, no problem!) Killer is GOING to shoot Chief, but only has one bullet left, and FINALLY shoots himself, which we all wish he did before this episode aired, to put us out of our misery. Oh, but Chief DOESN’T fall off the wagon, even after Killer RANDOMLY offers him a flask.
Ummm, yay?
(13) Arizona and Callie get back together, and FINALLY agree to start a family. . .
. . . because the writers had to add something good to the two hours, so that their entire fanbase didn’t slit their wrists. (Not that the writers would care — since they seem to hate us ALL. They just didn’t want to get sued . . .)
When the promos “spoiled” us fans, informing us, in no uncertain terms, that this episode would have a shooter, we all knew it was going to be that loony tunes, Gary Clark, who lost his wife a few episodes ago. And we might have even understood him coming after Derek, under the circumstances. It wouldn’t be JUSTIFIED, mind you. But it would be MILDLY understandable.
However, since when does killing 80 people (OK, it wasn’t 80, but it SURE felt like it was), constitute and “eye for an eye?” (Yes, Gary Clark actually used THAT biblical saying as an explanation for his MULTITUDE of murders. If bibles could cry, they’d be bawling right now . . .)
We’ve seen this guy for two episodes prior to this. And, given what we saw, his sudden psychopath tendencies, just didn’t make sense to me. A completely random crazy person, would have been a more realistic option as shooter, in my opinion. But seeing as this was a ploy for ratings . . . ANYTHING GOES!
Generally, I try to find “the positive” in episodes that I recap, even ones I don’t particularly care for. But this was just too much! If I didn’t care so much about these characters, having watched them grow and change over six seasons, I would stop watching this show, just because of this episode. The writers were just plain cruel tonight. And this was completely uncalled for, in my opinion.
Bash me, for saying this if you want, fellow Grey’s fans, but I’m pissed off . . . and, like I said, I might need therapy now. So, thanks Shondra Rhimes!
But to end this post on a high note, here’s a cute picture of a kitten, to make us all feel better . . .
These are two ACTUAL screencaps. Both were taken from the first FIVE MINUTES of Thursday night’s Grey’s Anatomy. You’re welcome.
After last week’s cringe-tastic, surgery heavy, UGLY episode . . . thanks to which, I will never view this image in the same way EVER again . . .
. . . it was really nice to see Grey’s getting back to it’s roots this week — You know, surgery-lite; mushy-gushy relationship stuff / shirtless men HEAVY. I don’t know about you, but I tend to prefer my Grey’s simple and super girly. And a girly Grey’s was exactly what I got!
“Give me an E – S -T -R- O -G -E-N! What’s that spell?”
Couples really took center stage during this episode of Grey’s. Heck, even this week’s medical mysteries featured “couples” of some sort. Well . . . except for ONE medical mystery . . .
WOAH! This Disney Chick can ACT . . . so well that I can almost forgive her for that Princess Protection Program movie . . .
. . . ALMOST.
So, what are we waiting for? Let’s get on with this girly boink-fest!
We’re Having a Party . . . Everybody’s Slutty!
The episode began with a PARTY at the Mer and Der House! It was a party to celebrate McDreamy!
For what reason, I am not entirely sure . . . for being Chief, I guess. The only problem was . . . it wasn’t a very good fiesta. Karev, perhaps, said it best when he remarked, “This party blows.”
For one thing, everyone looked all stuffy and uncomfortable, in their suits and “business casual” dresswear, i.e. dowdy dresses, that don’t show anything above the knee. Who the heck has house parties like this? Your grandpa, that’s who! And that’s when it suddenly occurred to me. Our Greysies are getting OLD!
It’s TRUE! Meredith proved it, when she said, “At my parties, we drank tequila and danced on tables!”
And that was true . . FIVE SEASONS AGO . . .
Remember the Boozy Slutty Dysfunctional Meredith of Season 1? Good times!
But it’s not true now! The one good thing about the party, was that it offered us this lovely picture, of our suave and suited Grey’s men, sipping scotch and poring over floor plans . . .
How very Ocean’s 11 of them! Not this Ocean’s 11, mind you . . .
. . . more like this one . . .
See what I mean . . . about the OLD?
Anyway, things improved quickly, when we LEFT the party and were delivered NOT ONE, BUT TWO, shirtless prelude-to sex scenes . . . The first one was between Bailey and her latelyMIA Gas Man . . .
Remember him? If you didn’t before, I bet you won’t forget him NOW!
The second scene, not-so-surprisingly, featured Mark “I-Get-More-Play-Than-A Slot-Machine-In-Vegas” Sloan.
What was surprising, was who he was with. It wasn’t his current girlfriend, Teddy, nor his ex-girlfriend, Lexie. Nor was he with his “friends with benefits” gal pal, the recently single, Callie. Nope, Sloan was with . . .
. . . that annoying pixie-haired Mercy Wester chick, who hasn’t been around for half the season?
Ummm . . . yeah, so McSteamy is coming out of the shower all steamy, after what was probably a fairly tepid round of lovemaking with Slutty but Boring Doc Reed, when, who walks in and catches them post-coitus?
You guessed it, his current girlfriend TEDDY! To Sloan’s credit, he doesn’t do that thing you see in romantic comedies, where the guy gets caught in the act of cheating, and he starts jumping around like a jack rabbit, sputtering, “It’s NOT what you think!” (When it always is exactly THAT!)
Instead, he INVITES TEDDY TO JOIN THEM!
Way to go McSteamy! You may be a mental midget when it comes to the ways of women, but you sure are COOL!
Unfortunately, the producers cut away from the scene, before we can find out if Teddy accepts the proposition, but I’m thinking . . . NOT! Truth be told, Teddy is only interested in one threesome, and one threesome only . . . this one.
News Flash Cristina Yang, Owen is Just Not That Into You . . .
Hey, Yang! Wanna join my book club? We’re reading one that you will LOVE!
Speaking of the World’s Most Unhappy Threesome Ever, while Teddy is being cheated on by Mark, Owen is impulsively asking a drunk Cristina to move in with him, “because my therapist said it was a good idea.” Now if that’s not a ringing endorsement for romance, folks, I don’t know what is!
Cristina instantly AGREES to this lame proposition, and I start to wonder whether the majority of her brain cells are housed in her scrubs. After all, it seems like such an uncharacteristically DUMB move on the part of a woman who, normally, is one of the most intelligent characters on this show. Then again, it wouldn’t be the first time that a man made Cristina do less than brilliant things . . .
EEEVILL!
Meredith overhears this exchange, and is again faced with the moral crisis she dealt with last week. You see, Meredith is convinced that Owen’s failure to follow Cristina’s wishes, and help Teddy keep her job, was incontrovertible evidence that Owen is secretly in love with Teddy.
“I LOVE YOU . . . so I tried to get you fired. My therapist said it was a good idea . . .”
So, on one hand, she owes it to her BFF Cristina to let her know that her boyfriend is a poopy head . . .
. . . and, like all poopy, deserves to be unceremoniously dumped. On the other hand, the information she learned about Owen, came from Derek, and the confidentiality requirements associated with Post-It Note Marriages, are SERIOUS!
Nothing says loving like Sticky Paper, purchased in a 150-note multicolored pack (2 for $3.00!) at CVS . . .
So, Meredith decides to play King Solomon and split the baby . . .
. . . instead of outright telling Cristina about her poopy head boyfriend, she drops annoyingly coy hints of his emotional infidelity, throughout the episode. Initially, Cristina, who has always been a “shoot the messenger” type gal, gets pissed at Meredith, and denies that such infidelity exists. However, with the seeds of doubt successfully planted, and love triangles seeming to haunt her wherever she goes, Christina starts to question the nature of her relationship with Owen.
Ultimately, in a really great scene, Meredith confronts Owen about his feelings for Teddy. Meredith explains to Owen, that if he is a “good guy,” he will come clean to Cristina about his throwing Teddy under the bus, when her job was on the line, and then lying about it. In true Grey’s fashion, Teddy, of course, overhears all of this. But to her credit, no trace of a sh&t-eating grin can be found on her face, upon hearing the good news.
Nor does she break into song, belting out, “You really LIKE me! You think I’m SEXY! You want to DATE me!”
Color me impressed. Ultimately, Owen confesses his lie to Cristina. And when she outright asks him whether he is in love with Teddy, he says, articulately, “I don’t know.” (Perhaps he should get a new therapist. Because, clearly, the one he has now is not doing a good job, writing his “lines” for him.)
At the end of the episode, in a scene highly reminiscent of early Grey’s, a torn-up Cristina crawls into bed with Meredith and admits that she and Owen are no longer moving in together. Meredith changes the subject, but does so in a sweet way, by showing Cristina the plans for her and Derek’s house in the woods, where there is a separate room for Cristina to crash whenever she find herself in need of a hug . . .
Awww!
Relationships are like ducks . . .
Things were going significantly better for new couple, Alex and Lexie, this week, at least, on the surface. After expending WAY too much mental energy on the recent sexual rendezvous of her ex- Sloan, especially, for a person who claims to be “over him,” Lexie decides it might be a good idea to issue Alex an ultimatum on the state of their sort-of relationship. And, while normally, such an ultimatum, would have sent Alex running for the hills . . .
Running shirtless . . . (Oh come on, as if a picture like that EVER needs a proper recap tie-in to be included!)
. . . New and Improved Alex responds by making out with Lexie in public AGAIN. Once they are done swapping spit with one another, he tells her. “Yeah, we are a thing. Whatever.” (OK, I’m thinking that Owen’s inarticulate therapist is writing Alex’s lines too. How about you?)
Later, when Meredith questions Alex about the nature of his relationship with Lexie, he explains that he is acting like . . . a duck.
Because ducks are sexy . . . (Awesome pic “borrowed” from marginalnotes btw)
Although the metaphor was, admittedly, a bit unclear, I think Alex was referring to the whole, “If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it’s probably a duck” thing. In other words, act like you are in a healthy relationship, and soon you will actually find yourself in one. Ummm . . . yeah, I’m not so sure about that, Alex . . .
And apparently, Lexie isn’t so sure either. When Mark professes his love to her, at the end of the episode, Lexie doesn’t immediately jump his bones, but she doesn’t put up much of a fight either. “I have a boyfriend,” says Lexie, half-heartedly.
“But I’m telling you that you could have a husband,” replies Most-Articulate-Male-of-this-Episode, Mark (maybe more like a Dad than a husband, but, like Alex says, “Whatever”).
It’s definitely a May – December Romance. But in terms of “couple names,” “Sexie” TOTALLY kicks “Lalex”‘s butt!
So they’ve got that going for them, at least.
The Medical Stuff
You know what was really interesting about this week’s three “medical mysteries?” They all got SOLVED!
. . . and NOBODY DIED!
. . . and that burn victim chick got her hair back!
It was the happiest hospital day EVER at Seattle Grace! First, we got to meet an awesome star from Happy Days!
“What? You were expecting, The Fonz?”
It’s Mommy Marion Ross! She still looks pretty good! And, apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought so! In a series of events that ONLY happens on TV, Marion Ross’s character, Betty, is in the hospital, getting . . . something done . . . not sure what . . . when she runs into Cute Old Dude Henry, her long lost love, who she hasn’t seen in 50-years.
They are eachother’s “one that got a way.” Now, with no more obstacles standing between them (because all of those obstacles, unfortunately, are now DEAD), Betty and Henry decide to move in together (once they get out of the hospital, of course), and give their relationship a go. I know, it sounds kind of lame, but it was actually really sweet. And Cute Old Dude Henry had a voice that sounded like it narrated fairy tales for a living, so that made it even sweeter . . .
We also got to meet a burn victim in the hospital, who was supposed to get a hair regrafting (she had lost most of it in a car explosion), when she learns that she has an infection on her arm, and needs her fingers amputated. At first, the doctors tell her that her infection will prevent her from getting the hair regrafting operation. But then, they decide, RISKS be damned, HAIR IS IMPORTANT!
And so they do the grafting during the hand amputation. Of course, had Burn Victim Girl appeared in ANY OTHER episode, aside from this one, this would have been a perfect opportunity for the writers to senselessly kill her off, and manipulate us fans into tears. ( And we know how Grey’s LOVES the tears!) However, Burn Victim Girl was lucky, because she got to star in an episode entitled “Shiny HAPPY People.” And because HAPPY people tend to be, more often than not, ALIVE, she got to live too!
Finally, in what was the best “medical mystery” of the episode, Demi Lovato . . .
HEY! What did I say about referring to that film again?
Sorry . . . Demi Lovato . . .
. . . enters the hospital as a teen diagnosed with schizophrenia, who was admitted to the hospital after, literally, trying to claw her eyes out! Everyone at the hospital thinks she’s a TOTAL nutjob, except this guy . . .
Sigh!
Who, instead, assumes she must have some extremely rare disease. (After all, those have been conveniently traveling around Grey’s in search of likeable guest stars patients since Season 1). Alex runs some initial tests on the teen, and comes up empty handed. He then confronts his girlfriend with the photographic memory, Lexie-pedia, with his patient’s symptoms. Intially, she can’t remember where, in the many medical books she has memorized, she saw the disease. “Lexie-pedia is FROZEN!” Alex complains. (I LOVE HIM!)
But then Lexie remembers that the disease can be found in some obscure medical journal from 2004 with a light green cover. In the next scene, we watch as Alex outfits the teen in this weird scary head gear, that makes her look like Johnny Five from those old Short Circuit films . . .
As if, on cue, Demi’s eyes go all buggy, and she freaks out. So, of course, this was all Karev needed to diagnose her as having a small hole in her inner ear, that allowed her to hear everything that was going on inside her body. YUCK! Apparently, all this rare disease takes to cure, is a brief operation where the hole is plugged up. After the operation, we know that Demi is sane again, because she is wearing a bandage around her head that looks like a really stylish headband . . .
Dear Demi,
Now that your “sane,” I’d really like my headband back.
XOXO
Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl
In Other News . . .
. . . Callie and Arizona shared an impromptu sexy makeout session in the elevator . . .
Ooh, la, la!
But accomplished precisely NOTHING in terms of their relationship . . .
Boo, la, la 😦
Oh, and the Gas Man . . .
This pic NEVER gets old . . .
. . . told Bailey . . .
. . . that even though he sometimes flirts with random nurses, he saves all the GOOD flirting for her . . .
So, there you have it, “Shiny Happy People,” in a nutshell. This was the LAST new episode of Grey’s before the show airs it’s purportedly “game-changing” two-hour season finale (with the hours entitled “Sanctuary” and “Death and all of His Friends,” respectively) next week. Media sites have teased that the final two episodes of Season 6, will feature nothing less than a SHOOTING and a fairly major character death. Here’s a sneak peak at the promo . . .
Thanks for the video, adam9316!
I’ll admit it. I’m afraid . . . very afraid! See you next week!
This week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy was all about making choices. The episode also featured a lot of “baby talk” . . .
. . . and not nearly enough shirtlessness and/or sex for my taste . . .
A Shirtless Justin Chambers is a TERRIBLE thing to waste!
As is a Shirtless Jesse Williams, for that matter!
What choices did our characters make this week? Let’s analyze, shall we?
To Grandpa, or Not to Grandpa . . .
In the past, Mark Sloan has been known throughout Seattle Grace as the Resident Man Child, a walking Mid-Life Crisis in Scrubs, if you will. The moments he wasn’t in the operating room (and, let’s face it, we almost NEVER see this guy operate), Mark could typically be found trolling for women . . . .
. . . making sexually suggestive (and slightly creepy) comments to anyone who would listen,
“Hey baby, did I ever tell you about the big yacht I own? It’s IN MY PANTS!”
. . . and starring in sex tapes with actresses and call girls . . .
(Oh, wait . . . that last one only happened in REAL life)
However, lately, viewers have begun to notice a “softer side” of Mark Sloan. During the last few episodes, Mark has been toying with the idea of settling into a serious relationship, and starting a family. This idea was first brought to the forefront a few episodes back, when Mark’s long lost 18-year old daughter, who he heretofore never knew existed, arrived on the scene and announced she was pregnant.
Mark and his daughter (Little Sloan) had previously discussed Mark raising his grandchild on his daughter’s behalf. However, Little Sloan got cold feet, and decided to put the baby up for adoption. In the opening scenes of this episode, Little Sloan arrives on Mark’s doorstep about to give birth. Fortunately for Little Sloan, Mark lives in Doctor Central. So, she didn’t even need to go to the hospital to deliver her baby. Dr. Teddy Altman . . .
. . . (who Sloan just so happened to be screwing, while his daughter’s water was breaking all over his Welcome Mat), delivered the child, with nothing more than a pair of scissors and a bunch of towels. Once the baby was born, a highly hormonal Little Sloan began to have second thoughts about giving it up for adoption.
And despite the fact that Little Sloan had Bad Mommy written all over her (Her idea of “baby gifts” was a messy purse filled with enough lame dollar store doodads to LITERALLY choke a baby! These “bite-sized” toys might as well have had “Swallow Me and Die” written on their surfaces), Big Sloan seemed to think it was a GREAT idea! He was thrilled at the prospect of being able to have a grandchild in his life. Fortunately, Arizona stepped in to show him the error of his ways.
In a heart-wrenching scene, Mark is forced to hand the child over to his new adoptive parents. Once it is all over, he and his daughter vow to remain a part of one another’s lives. So, it seems as though Seattle Grace’s most immature resident may have FINALLY grown up. (Oh, and did I mention that Little Sloan was significantly less annoying this week, than she has been in past episodes?)
Oh Baby or No Baby . . .
Speaking of Arizona . . .
. . . she and Callie seemed to be having baby issues of their own this week, since Callie wants to have a child, and Arizona doesn’t. Throughout the episode, Callie tried a number of tactics to get Arizona aboard the Baby Train.
First Callie tried guided imagery. “Picture a beautiful baby,” she prodded.
“I’m picturing a trip to Spain, a glass of Sangria, and you in a bikini,” replied Arizona. “Oh, wait. We can’t go to Spain . . . or DRINK, because of the BABY!”
Callie then tried to psychoanalyze Arizona, patronizingly explaining to her that the real reason Arizona didn’t want a child was that she was afraid it would get sick and die, like Arizona’s own brother, or the babies she treats at the hospital each day. Arizona is offended by Callie’s insinuations. “I’m not broken. . . I just don’t want a child,” Arizona explains, before storming out of the room.
And even though the couple seemingly made up at the episode’s conclusion, I am not entirely sure that this is something they will be able to overcome, in the long term.
To Be a D-Bag, or NOT to be a D-Bag . . .
Remember all those times, when Seattle Grace was in financial trouble, and Derek self-righteously lectured Chief Webber on the importance of not letting the interests of money and prestige override the need for a comfortable work environment, where doctors can work together as a team? Remember that “Back to School” episide, where Derek tried to demonstrate that Seattle Grace was, above all, a “teaching hospital”? Well, it appears, that “power corrupts,” because the Derek of this week’s episode has completely turned his back on everything he once believed.
For what seemed like the umpteenth time in the past few seasons, ANOTHER “Cardio God” entered the hallowed halls of Seattle Grace. And, once again, the typically tough-as-nails, Cristina Yang, turned into a puddle of sycophantic mush around him. Karev was right when he said she treated well-renown doctors like trading cards . . .
Collect them all!
At least Cristina is not afraid to ADMIT her flaws. (I loved when she called herself a Cardiothoracic Whore!) This, unfortunately, is more than I can say for Derek . . .
Apparently, Seattle Grace is still in need of a Head of Cardiologogy. And while, Teddy, who has been performing the job on temporary contract, would seem to be the most likely choice for the job, the prospect of getting a bigger name (in this case, “Dr. Evans”) to fill the position, put dollar signs in McDreamy’s puppy dog eyes.
In Derek’s defense, a skittish Teddy was screwing up all over the place, this week, sneezing on patients and failing to recognize that they were suffering from sepsis, before operating on them. And, yes, the DULL Dr. Evans did seem like a “good surgeon.” However, he was a Crappy Teacher, forcing Cristina to sit on the sidelines and watch a surgery she had scrubbed in on, while he performed the entire thing on his own. Not to mention that the absence of the well-liked Teddy would have certainly caused a good deal of upheaval amongst many of the doctors — most notably, Mark Sloan who she is currently screwing. Under normal circumstances, a doctor’s popularity and good teaching skills should not be the sole reasons for her getting a job. However, for a Chief who got HIS job on a platform of “education and togetherness,” such reasons should certainly be persuasive ones.
Fortunately, for Teddy, she ultimately got to keep her job. However, at the end of the episode, when Old Chief Webber makes a point to congratulate Shepherd on his decision to award loyalty over prestige, Derek defiantly admits that he had originally offered Dr. Evans the job, not Teddy. However, Dr. Evans passed on it. I’m not a fan of what “chiefing” is doing to Derek’s character . . . Here’s hoping that Old Chief Webber resumes his post REALLY SOON!
“Sober up quick, Chief McBoozy! We need YOU!”
To Threesome, or Not to Threesome . . .
In other D-baggyish news, Owen came VERY close to cheating on Cristina, by almost making out with a vulnerable Teddy, in an admittedly sweet elevator scene. Interestingly enough, THESE actions are NOT the ones with which I take issue. After all, Owen ultimately DID NOT cheat (only because his pager went off . . . but still). And, Owen and Teddy do have chemistry and a strong history together, so I can understand his moment of weakness.
What I COULD NOT abide, was what Owen did NEXT. In a highly uncharacteristic move, Cristina plays the Girlfriend Card with Owen, asking that he plead Teddy’s case to McDreamy, so she can keep her job. Owen AGREES to do this. However, once he gets inside the Chief’s office, he pleads DR. EVANS’s case instead, asserting that Teddy would be “just fine” if Derek didn’t choose her for the position. One could argue that Owen truly believed that Dr. Evan was the “better man” for the job. However, I think this had more to do with Owen’s own concerns that he won’t be strong enough to not make out with Teddy, the next time the two of them are stuck in an elevator . . . And, if that ‘s the case, that seriously SUCKS for BOTH Teddy and Cristina!
To Grow Some Balls or NOT to Grow Some Balls . . .
In still MORE D-bag news, Alex treated his sort-of girlfriend Lexie like total crap this entire episode, berating her, making fun of her, and STEALING her surgeries. When Lexie solves a medical mystery and ALMOST allows Alex to steal her thunder, it takes a tough love speech from Bailey (Doesn’t it always?), for Lexie to finally realize that she is being mistreated. At the end of the episode, Lexie confronts Alex, by giving him a serious “I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR” – type talking to.
Alex seems impressed. He even gives Lexie a beer. And you KNOW how boys hate parting with their beer. But was it too little, to late?
Finally, in Bat-Sh&t Crazy News . . .
. . . April continued to awkwardly fawn over the married Dr. Shepherd, much like the creepy school girl she played in that Glee episode a few months back . . .
I LOVED how Dr. Avery, a.k.a. Dr. Hotness . . .
. . . totally called her out on her freak show behavior, not to mention skewered her with a few spot on impersonations. “Oh, Chief Shepherd, you can spank me if I’m wrong. And I DO hope I’m wrong!” He mimicked.
(Could somebody in the writing staff PLEASE give the funny and adorably sexy Jesse Williams more to do on this show? A storyline? A relationship? A surgery? ANYTHING AT ALL? Need I remind you what he looks like with his shirt off?)
Anyway, methinks the slow boil of Bat Sh&t Crazy April is about to bubble over REALLY soon. So, Derek should definitely hide his meat cleavers . . .
. . . and his BUNNIES . . .
. . . both in the literal AND the metaphoric sense. You can spank me if I’m wrong. And I DO hope I’m wrong . . .
Hey boys and girls! This week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy has been brought to you by the letter “B.”
B is for . . .
Baby,
Bromance,
Brothers (who BEAT eachother up),
Bereavement,
Broken,
Banging (even though you are both hung up on other people), and
Bat-sh*t Crazy!
Let’s revisit, shall we?
Baby Talk (and Talk, and Talk, and Talk . . .)
Man, was there A LOT of talk about babies during this episode! The Grey’s Anatomy writers certainly know how to take a “theme” and beat it to death, don’t they? Let’s see . . . BABIES . . . Derek wants one . . .
and Meredith doesn’t (because she is afraid she will be a Bad Mommy), but then she changes her mind, and decides she wants one after all. . .
Callie ALSO wants one (and has been TALKING about it nonstop for about FOUR episodes now, which is REALLY grating on my nerves), but Arizona still doesn’t.
Bailey HAS one, but he seems to disappear and reappear at the writers’ convenience.
And Little Sloan, who I was REALLY REALLY hoping thought was gone for good, is HAVING one, right on McSteamy’s doorstep, at the episode’s conclusion. Ummm . . . yeah, there’s not really much more I want to say on this topic. Put a fork in it, Grey’s. IT’S DONE!
The Bro-mantic Adventures of Mer and Karev . . .
Grey’s Anatomy has always been a show about relationships, with a little medicine thrown in for good measure. Obviously, the relationships that receive the most screen time tend to be the romantic ones, like the relationship between Meredith and McDreamy.
On occasion, Grey’s will also treat us to platonic GIRL-friendships, like the relationship between Meredith and Christina.
But what often gets short shrift on this show are the bromances – those fist-bumping, noogie-giving, non-emotive grunting, platonic relationships between DUDES. And THAT is what we got treated to during “Sympathy for the Parents.” Yes, technically, Meredith is a GIRL, but her relationship with Alex Karev (which continues to be one of my favorite dynamics on the show) is much more bromantic than anything else.
“So, how about those Yankees?”
Meredith and Karev relate to one another in that special monosyllabic way that only DUDES can. Without a word exchanged, Karev knew that in order to resolve her inner turmoil about having kids, Meredith needed to be told that she was nothing like her mother. Just as Karev needed to be told that HE was nothing like his father. And when Karev’s brother appeared at Seattle Grace out of no where, and EVERYONE was prying into Karev’s home life, Meredith, Queen of the Dysfunctional Family Club, knew to stay out of his way. In her own, quiet, and non-judgmental way, Meredith supported Karev throughout this episode, subtly steering him toward the betterment of his relationship with his estranged brother.
Brotherly Love and Bizarre Belly Buttons
That is NOT a weiner . . .
By far, the best and most intriguing storyline of the evening went to Resident Badass Hottie, Alex Karev.
Mmmmmmmmmmm . . . yummy!
Who knew he had a cute younger brother and a sister, both of whom he hadn’t seen in seven years? Who knew he was a foster kid, with an abusive dad and mentally ill mom? Who knew he spent some time in juvie for stealing food, because his family was starving? When Alex’s younger brother, Aaron, arrives on the scene, with an umbilical hernia that requires surgery, and no health insurance to boot, all of these little known facts rise to the surface. And yet, Alex still managed to become a doctor and send checks home to his family every month. In the words of Miranda Bailey, “I am impressed” (and a little turned on).
Playing the part of Alex’s blue collar baby bro, Jake McLaughlin did a fabulous job of making his character instantly likeable and relatable. He somehow managed to be both farm-boy polite and intensely masculine, at the same time. When Christina called Aaron “Angel Spawn” to Karev’s “Evil Spawn,” you, as the viewer, totally understood why.
Alex, of course, was none too happy with his Baby Bro for sharing all of this information with his colleagues. Aaron, for his part, was extremely hurt to learn that Alex (1) had gotten married and NOT invited his family to the wedding; (2) had a wife with cancer; and (3) was getting a divorce. The two manly men threw down, right in the middle of Seattle Grace. And I know we were supposed to be upset and saddened by this. But I LOVE a good boyfight (so sexy), and cheered in spite of myself.
Fortunately, Aaron’s surgery goes off without a hitch. And the two brothers ultimately bond with one another, as Alex explains that he needs to stay away from his family in order to continue to support them financially. In a super sweet moment that nearly brought a tear to my eye, Alex told Aaron that Little Bro had turned out to be a “good guy.” Awwww . . .
Bereavement sucks . . .
In the chief medical storyline of the evening, a wife with cancer suffered a stroke that left her in a vegetative state, following surgery. Because she had signed a DNR-type document, Seattle Gracers were forced to pull the plug on this woman, against the wishes of her husband, who refused to accept her death. The whole thing was pretty heartbreaking and intensely hard to watch. So as not to further depress myself, that’s all I’m going to say about that . . .
Broken People Suck Too . . .
When Arizona described Owen as a mopey guy who never smiled, she WASN’T kidding. Owen Hunt spent all of last week’s episode miserable, and all, but about two seconds, of this one (Dude DOES seem to enjoy cooking . . .:)) in the same sorry state. Don’t get me wrong, Kevin McKidd is giving spectularly complex performances week after week. But the writers REALLY NEED to slip some Happy Pills into this character’s coffee, pronto!
When the episode opens, Owen is all distracted, mopey and PTSD-y, after last week’s traumatic war flashback revisit. However, he refuses to talk to Christina about it and balks at the idea of returning to therapy. Teddy, who can sort of relate to what Owen is going through, having worked on the battle field herself, desperately wants to help Owen, but fears intruding on his relationship with Christina. When Christina makes a mistake during surgery, and Owen freaks out on her, Teddy advises Christina not to demand too much from Owen at this time.
Later, when Owen becomes angered over a cooking mishap, and Christina instinctively shrinks from him in fear, Owen finally admits he has a problem and agrees to get help.
Banging a.k.a. “Pounding the Cake”
Sloan and Teddy had some sex during this episode. They repeatedly described it as “mindblowing,” but it kinda looked lukewarm to me. I just don’t see the chemistry between these two. Plus, it’s OBVIOUS that Teddy still has the hots for Owen. And McSteamy remains hung up on Lexie. In other (more important) news, I learned a kickass new euphemism for sex.
“Pounding the cake” . . . I just KNOW this one is going to come in handy one day (possibly during next week’s recap?)
Welcome to Bat-Sh&t Crazytown – Population: April
“I refuse to be ignored, McDreamy.”
OK, so I found April’s behavior during this episode to be completely bizarre. Apparently, many of you felt the same way, because my blog was just crawling with “April and Derek” searches, even before I posted this blog entry (and even before I had watched this episode). Let’s see: there were those eerily creepy wide-eyed stares she gave him every time he passed her way, the evil looks she shot Meredith, whenever the latter and Derek were acting lovey-dovey, the abrupt way she left the room in tears after Derek’s speech to the comatose patient’s husband, and her overly defensive response to Lexie when she was called out on her “crush.”
Now, if this was any other show, my first guess as to what was going on here would be that the Mean Ole Sort-of Married Doctor is having a forbidden affair with his young resident. But I don’t think this is the case here. After all, Shondra Rhimes KNOWS that if she makes Derek into a cheater after ALL this time (with a former MERCY WESTER no less), “Mer and Der” shippers will literally burn down her house!
The next, most logical, explanation would be that April’s character is merely in the throes of innocent puppy love. In such case, the bizarro creepiness element to it all, would be merely the result of bad over-acting. However, I am already familiar with Sarah Drew’s work. And I happen to know that this actress is a Total Pro when it comes to subtly portraying the agony of unrequited love. I watched her do it during teen drama, Everwood, where she played the shy and bookish Hannah, who was suffering from a crush on a boy that she was certain was miles out of her league . . .
And she pulled it off again on Mad Men, as a wife who knows in her heart that she is married to a closeted homosexual, who will never return her romantic affections . . .
Nope. My guess is that Sarah Drew’s bizarre portrayal of April during this episode was intentional. After all, this wouldn’t be the first time, the actress has played the role of a creepy obsessed psycho stalker. Anyone else remember her guest-starring role in Glee as the Bat Sh*t Crazy, Teacher Devouring, Susie Pepper?
Something tells me that THIS storyline is FAR from over . . .
“I am dressed like this, and all you want to do is talk about your ‘feelings’? Seriously?”
Watching Grey’s Anatomy tonight was like reading one of those relationship advice columns they put in the back of fashion magazines: there was tons of psychobabble, a few choice one-liners, and virtually NO ACTION! (Save for a single hot — but way too PG for my taste — Bailey and Gasman smooch, buried at the back end of the episode.)
Playing the part of “Dear Abby” this week was Callie, who, like the aforementioned relationship columnist, sagely dealt out bite-sized morsels of free advice to her colleagues throughout the episode, until she found herself in a lovers’ quandary of her own . . .
So, without further adieu, let’s take a look at the lonelyhearts letters that found their way into Callie’s inbox during this episode . . .
Dear Callie,
My character has been an insufferable hypocritical tool for about a half-dozen episodes now. First, I dumped my significantly younger girlfriend for an inconsequential guest star my daughter. Then, I traveled to Private Practice LA and boinked a friend of mine, but bitched out my ex when she did the same thing. Finally, I continue to berate and threaten my ex’s sort-of new beau for having the gall to screw MY WOMAN, even though I am currently screwing the entire nurse’s staff in the on-call room. How should the writers go about redeeming me to the viewers?
Sincerely,
Dr. McSteamy Turdface
In the episode’s opening moments, Mark Sloan a.k.a McSteamy is working out his pectorals, like a man, and whining about his loneliness, like a cranky toddler. Callie suggests that Sloan find himself an age-appropriate woman, and begin a mature adult relationship with her. She reasons that such a relationship will enable Sloan to, ultimately, get married and produce an army of little baby Sloans, all with excellent hair and a talent for bedding members of the opposite sex.
Sloan sets his sights on Teddy, to whom he has said maybe two words, since she has first appeared on the show.
“Well . . . you’ve f&#ked every other character on this show. I guess it’s my turn . . .”
Initially, the spunky, but highly socially awkward, Teddy literally laughs in Sloan’s face when he asks her out. However, a few choice words from Arizona cause the Cardio God to reconsider. “Mark is like candy,”Arizona offers. “You eat it and then you forget about it.” In other words . . .
Teddy takes Arizona’s advice, and tells Sloan she would like to meet him after work for drinks (and a late night game of “hide the salami”). But Teddy balks again when Sloan suggests “dinner.” After all, dinner with Sloan sounds less like a piece of candy that you suck on and forget, and more like a 16 oz. rib eye steak that’s tough to chew, full of bones, and often ends up stuck in your teeth afterward.
Not a lollipop . . .
At the episode’s conclusion, Sloan makes his third and final offer: lunch. Sloan explains he wants to date Teddy in broad daylight to make sure she is not a vampire, because he would ultimately like to get married and have lots of babies. (Yeah, I didn’t really get it either . . .)
If a man I barely knew asked me out on a first date, by babbling on about marriage and children, you know what my response would be?
But, maybe that’s just me . . . Teddy actually seemed kind of turned on by the whole thing. Go figure!
Dear Callie,
It has been a LONNNNGGGG time since I last went on a date. To give you a better idea of just how long it has been, I have enclosed a photograph of the outfit I wore on my last date:
In fact, the only person I have ever had sex with in my entire life was my ex-husband. Now I am dating this total studmuffin. Tonight is my THIRD DATE (and you know what that means . . .). Not only do I have no clue how to raise the “sex issue,” I’m also really scared of sleeping with him too soon. After all, he is leaving the show soon to star in a stupid Shondra Rhimes pilotI don’t want to get hurt. What should I do?
Very truly yours,
Frightened of Fornicating
Chandra Wilson was absolutely adorable during this episode: asking Callie to pick up condoms for her, because she was too embarrassed to do it herself, dodging Chief Shephard when he asked her about her lunchtime appointment, and freaking out at the suggestion of getting a Brazilian wax in preparation for her date (I too have had the “surgical field” conversation with my girlfriends. It happens to be quite a divisive issue among the female population.)
At the end of the episode, Bailey and Gasman have their iconic third date at his house. I loved how Gasman called Bailey out on her incessant monologues, and how she tends to use them as a defense mechanism to keep others at bay. I also thoroughly enjoyed the new couple’s sex talk. Sure, it sounded like something directly out of an After-School Special, but these two talented actors made the stilted dialogue work well. What the heck is Shondra Rhimes doing, making us fall for this man, only to steal him away, once we become truly attached to him? Shame on her!
Dear Callie,
I REALLY NEED to win the Harper Avery Award! It’s been kind of a crappy year for me. I just got back from rehab, and my new pipsqueak of a boss keeps kicking me while I’m down, and reminding me of my new lower status in the medical world. If I won the Avery Award, I could rub it in his pretty boy face. How do I get that award, dammit?
Sincerely,
Former Dr. McBoozy (Future Avery Award winner?)
I know it sounds terrible to say this, but the whole massive tumor storyline was neither particulary unique nor interesting. (The actor and actress potraying the husband and wife pair grappling with a terminal illness, did a great job, however). I’m also getting a bit tired of the constant medical one-upmanship aspect of the show.
I’d be a bit concerned if I checked into a hospital where all the doctors ever did was show off their techniques for one another and screw each other in the on-call room, instead of ummm . . . you know, trying to make me healthy? And why does every technique these doctors perform have to be “new” and “never done before.” What happened to the basics of healing?
In short, Owen’s and Richard’s fight to care for the right to operate on the massive tumor patient was lame. As was Derek’s excuse for choosing Owen’s “fly by the seat of my pants” technique for the surgery over Richard’s methodical one. What made this storyline bearable was Cristina Yang.
I love how she played these two men off of one another for her own personal gain. I also enjoyed her little dig at Dr. Hotness Jackson Avery for talking up his grandfather’s purportedly altruistic reasons for creating the award in question. “This has been a message from the Harper Avery Foundation . . .” – classic!
Also, classic was Meredith’s threatening Owen, after she caught him acting jealous of Sloan for dating Teddy, when he is SUPPOSED to be involved with Cristina. “[Christina] is part of my team,” asserted Meredith. “Hurt her and I’ll kick your ass!”
While Meredith proved herself to be a loyal friend to Cristina, she was significantly less of one to her half-sister Lexie. Big Grey merely stared at her sibling, dumbfounded, when Lexie broke down in tears in the bathroom, upon realizing that Sloan was moving on, and that she was not yet over him. Would a pat on the back have been too much to ask for?
Clearly, Meredith never owned one of these, as a child . . .
In other news, Arizona, Perky Patron of all things Pediatric, does not want children EVER, but Callie does, and that biological clock is just ticking away. I smell trouble brewing on the horizon for these two . . .
Does this mean we can’t watch Saturday morning cartoons in bed together anymore?
So what did you think of this episode? Are you happy about the prospective Teddy / Sloan coupling? Will jealousy make Owen reevaluate his feelings for Teddy and Christina? Can Bailey and Gasman possibly make it work when they are on two different television shows? How do YOU prepare your “surgical field” for date three?
Let’s try a bit of free association, shall we? What is the first word that comes to your mind when you think of Valentine’s Day? Is it “love,” “hearts,” “relationships,” “sex?” Or, perhaps your single, and the words you think about instead are “darkness,” “depression,” “drunkeness,” and “binge-eating”?
Actually, the word that comes to my mind is none of the above. Rather, it is “pressure.” For guys, Valentine’s Day inevitably brings with it the pressure to “impress your significant other.” For girls, there is the pressure to “define your relationship.” For singles, there is pressure to “obliterate the evening in as painless a way as possible.”
But it’s not only humans who experience pressure on Valentine’s Day, television shows do too – particularly television shows based primarily on relationships. These shows experience the pressure to be even sappier and mushy-gushier than they normally are. And for an often sappy, mushy-gushy, show like Grey’s Anatomy, that is one tall order!
So, how did the Valentine’s Day-themed installment of Grey’s Anatomy do? Let’s take a close look at the candy conversation hearts that made up this episode, to find out . . .
“Eat Your Heart Out”
Someone once said that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” (And here, I always thought she was referring to heart disease . . . go figure.) However, in this Grey’s episode, it was not the males, but the females , who showed their love through eating.
When the episode opens, McDreamy is informed that one of his first duties as “Nu-Chief” is to attend a hoity toity fundraiser breakfast. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Derek would be expected to take time out of his busy “saving lives” schedule to eat donuts and beg for money, as his “Post-It Wife,” Meredith was expected to go too. And those of you who have seen Meredith know that eating is not exactly her strong suit . . .
At first, Meredith declines to attend the breakfast because she despises food has important surgeries to attend to. Things change when she meets a married couple and their doting waiter, all of whom were seriously injured during a restaurant roof collapse. The waiter slips Karev a $50 to ensure that his bed is placed next to the wife of the couple. That’s one well-paid waiter, if he has spare $50’s lying around his pockets! Just saying . . .)
When he thinks the wife is sleeping, the waiter explains how he has known this woman for 15 years. Apparently, she used to dine alone with him each week, order ing something different from the menu every time. The waiter soon fell in love with this woman.
Unforunately, all is not fair in love and eating. One day, the woman brought her soon-to-be husband to the restaurant as her date. She continued coming back to the restaurant each week, and the waiter was forced to watch the couple’s courtship. It was he who helped the husband to propose by placing the wife’s engagement ring in the crème brule.
Through the years, the waiter watched as the husband began to order food for the wife — the same item each week. Inevitably, the couple’s conversation began to dwindle and lessen. Soon they didn’t speak to one another at all.
When the waiter finally closes his eyes, the wife opens hers and winks at Meredith to let her know that she has heard everything the waiter said. The wife admits that she had also fallen in love with the waiter. That’s why she came back to the restaurant each week. Because complex surgeries are clearly insufficient to occupy the minds of these brilliant doctors, Karev and Meredith begin to make bets as to which party will express their love for one another first, using the $50 the waiter initially gave Karev.
Unfortunately, there is no time for long-winded speeches for these star-crossed foodies. Complications plague both the husband and the waiter and, in an event that only happens on television, the two men are rushed into surgery simultaneously. When inquiring as to their status, the wife admits to Meredith that she waited for the waiter for a long time. But, finally, she made a choice. She chose her husband, and she loved him dearly.
Ultimately, the waiter dies, the husband lives, and, as a result of the wife’s “Choose your husband” speech, Meredith decides to go to the fundraising breakfast after all. (So, a poor waiter had to DIE to convince you to eat a donut. Real nice, Meredith. REAL NICE!)
“At least it was a worthy cause! Mmmmmm . . . donuts!”
“Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve” (And your sleeve on your thigh . . .)
Remember the television show Felicity, where the titular character got dumped, cut her hair short, and single-handedly ruined the series in the process?
Well, apparently, Lexie, who has just been dumped by Mark “the Hypocrite” Sloan, was too busy studying to watch much television. When a newly-single Mark approaches a young blonde doctor to hit on her, he is disturbed to find that the “young blonde” is Lexie. And, you know what? As much as I hate to say it, I actually like her new look . . .
After teasing her about her renegade appearance change (he called her Surgical Barbie), the lone likeable Mercy Wester (or Doctor Hotness, as I like to call him), challenges Lexie not just to change her mousy appearance, but to also change her mousy personality. Coming from someone less attractive, that remark would be considered D-bagishly insensitive. However, coming from Doctor Hotness . . .
. . . .
Sorry . . . I was fantasizing about Doctor Hotness and lost my train of thought. Wait . . . what was I saying?
“Now that you mention it, I can definitely see a resemblance . . .”
Surgical Barbie Lexie gets the opportunity to meet Doctor Hotness’s challenge, when a shy loner dishwasher from the same restaurant where the husband and wife used to dine, comes into the ER with a severed arm. Apparently, the dishwasher was so forgettable that the dude sat armless and unttended to for hours, while his unattached arm lay lifeless in a sink nearby. The dishwasher pleads with Lexie to salvage his arm. “I just want to be normal,” he cries.
When the residents explain that there is no way that the dishwasher’s arm can be salvaged, Lexie uses her photographic memory to call to mind a special procedure whereby a severed body part is fused to another body part until it heals. In a strongly worded speech, Lexie demands that extraordinary measures be taken to save this patient’s arm. “That was definitely not mousy,” commends Doctor Hotness, in what had to be the biggest backhanded compliment a man has ever given a woman.
Unforunately, no good deed goes unpunished. When the desperate-to-be-normal dishwasher wakes up to find that the doctors have attached his arm to his leg, he is absolutely horrified and furious. “You made me into a freak!” He yells.
However, Lexie calms him down by explaining to him that after this surgery, the dishwasher will no longer be ignored like he once was. Instead, he will be “special and unique.” Most importantly, after he sues the pants off the restaurant, he will also be rich.
So, Happy Valentine’s Day to the No-Longer Mousy, Surgical Barbie and the Richly Unique Dishwasher Freak!
“Love Means Never Having to Say I Killed a Patient . . .”
If you recall, at the conclusion of last week’s episode, Nu-Chief McDreamy rehired the formerly fired April, who was let go from Seattle Grace, after making a careless error that resulted in a patient’s death. Now she’s back and is lodged so far up Nu-Chief’s butt, that you can’t tell where one ends and another begins. Naming herself as Shepherd’s unofficial assistant, April follows McDreamy around like a lost puppy — reading him his schedule, picking out his clothing for him, and even going to his home to pick out Meredith’s clothing for her.
When McDreamy calls her out on this, April breaks down, admiting that, since the incident, she has been deathly afraid (no pun intended) to perform surgery. April still hasn’t come to terms with the loss of the patient she killed. In fact, she relives the traumatic experience every day. For that reason, she fears that she is not a good doctor.
Taking on the fatherly role previously held by Old Chief McDrunky (who was completely absent during this episode), McDreamy explains that it is April’s good heart and empathetic soul that make her a good doctor. Awwww!
“My Daddy is MY Valentine!”
In other fatherly news, Pregnant Little Sloan has returned from her stint on Private Practicedangerous operation. As soon as she has returns, she tricks Callie into giving her a free sonogram. Little Sloan then asks Callie for a “piece of paper” proving that her baby is healthy. When Callie demands to know why Little Sloan needs such a document, Little Sloan admits that she plans to give her baby up for adoption.
Callie is horrified that Little Sloan would keep this a secret from Papa McSteamy, and demands that she comes clean to him. Bratty Little Sloan declines to do so. In fact, she only admits her secret, after Callie threatens to tell McSteamy on her own.
Stunned by how attached he has grown to his unborn grandson, McSteamy shocks everyone by offering to raise it himself. Then Callie shocks everyone again by offering to help raise the baby. It’s all a bit . . . shocking.
“Diapers cost HOW MUCH?”
The Gay/Straight baby raising storyline didn’t work on Will and Grace, and probably wouldn’t work here. Shondra Rhimes undoubtedly sensed this (just as she sensed what an annoying character Little Sloan has turned out to be), and proceeded to murder the prospective storyline within a few moments of its presentation. Little Sloan declines her papa’s generous offer and sneaks out of town without even telling him goodbye.
Good riddens, I say!
“Ménage a trois?’
Tired of being given the cold shoulder by Owen, since her unfortunate drunken confession of love for him, Teddy, in a burst of uncharacteristic girlishness, approaches Owen and proceeds to babble uncontrollably about loneliness, puppies and bikini waxes. Ahhh, yes . . . of course! There is no better way to get a boy to like you, than to smother him with girl talk.
Ummm . . . Teddy? If your former boyfriend used to listen to you talking like this, it was only because you were sleeping with him. F.Y.I. No straight guy wants to hear about bikini waxes from a woman who isn’t giving him sex . . .
When this approach doesn’t work (shocker), Teddy tries another one. She approaches Owen and Christina together. (I’m liking this method better already . . .).
However, instead of propositioning them for a threesome (darn), she simply offers them her hand in friendship. While Teddy recognizes that it is nearly impossible to “unring the bell” of a drunken love confession and repair a broken friendship, she vows to “try like hell.”
Because, I really like this character, I hope she succeeds . . . (and, ultimately, gives us fans the threesome we so deserve for putting up with this show for as long as we have).
“Let’s Go Speed Dating!”
Eventually, it must have occurred to Shondra that none of the storylines in this “Valentine’s Day” episode of Grey’s were all that romantic. Recognizing that all of her current couples were either “mature and established” or “in the midst of a breakup,” Shondra succumbed to the pressure and decided to advance a brand new, fledgling, relationship at warp speed . . .
If you recall, last week I was giddy with anticipation for the inevitable coupling of tough-as-nails Bailey with the Sexy McGas Man. After all, there is nothing I love more than to swoon over the first signs of companionate game-playing and torturous unrequited love — both in real life, and on my television screen.
Mmmmmm . . . the longing looks, the heated arguments, the cat and mouse games, the inevitable jealousy when one of the pair finds someone new who is completely wrong for them, the close encounters that almost go there . . . but don’t. And, finally, (after an entire season of will they, won’t they?) a hot and steamy makeout session that devolves into coupledom. It makes me weak in the knees just thinking about it . . .
Unforunately, Shondra Rhimes burst my sexy balloon within seconds of the episode’s opening, by having Gas Man immediately ask Bailey out on a date. When she initially turned him down, I gave a big sigh of relief. “There may be hope for this non-couple/ couple yet,” I thought.
But then stupid Arizona had to go and screw things up! Poopy Head started egging the couple on, like the catty middle school girl she really is. And, to my chagrin, it worked. By the end of the episode, Bailey admits to Mc Gas Man, “I like you.”
She then agrees to go on a date with him. (Hasn’t anyone told Shondra that sometimes the build up is better than the climax?)
Oh well! I guess I will have to rely on my own life for unrequited love and sexual tension. Tomorrow is, after all, Singles Awareness Day . . .
Let's Go Shopping!
Buy Comeuppance!
Buy Hollywood Warlock!
Buy InGENEious!
Buy Life Sucks, Death Bites!
Buy Me and You, Inc.!
Snarky Goes to Hollywood!
The Exquisite Corpse
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