Shut up and SING! It’s almost time for Season 2 of Glee!

 

If last Sunday’s Gleek-tastic Emmy opener put you in the mood to watch your favorite show about singing and dancing teens, Glee, well then you’ve come to the right blog post.  Unfortunately, I don’t have quite enough clout in the entertainment world (read: “no clout at all”) to show you episodes from the show’s groundbreaking Second Season, which is set to premiere Tuesday, September 21st, at 8 p.m. on Fox.

However, I DO have plenty of mildly spoilerish intel about the new season, complete with a few pretty pictures, and some relevant YouTube videos. These should tide you over, while you eagerly await the season premiere.

So, what are we waiting for?  Let’s get GLEEK-Y!

For starters, here’s the new promo for the show, which aired just a few days ago on Fox. 

Pretty cool, right?  Now, let’s breakdown what we’ve learned about Season 2 so far . . .

The Episodes

Season 2 of Glee is slated to have 22 episodes.  The first few episodes will air on Tuesday at 8 p.m on Fox.  These early episodes will culminate in a SPECIAL extended episode, which will air following Superbowl XLV.

Following that episode, Glee will move to the much coveted Wednesday at 9 p.m. timeslot.  And, you know what that means?  More sex, drugs, and violence ALLOWED by the censors!

Yes, PLEASE!

So far, the producers of Glee have released titles for the first THREE episodes of Season 2, along with brief synopses of each.  In the first episode, entitled Audition, New Directions will be forced, due to more budget cuts, to bring on additional members — a task that will cause tension between on-again, off-again couple, Rachel and Finn.

Two auditioners likely to “make the cut,” are foreign exchange student Sunshine Corzan, played by YouTube sensation and master songstress of the Philippines, Charice (more on her later)  . . .

 Newbie Sunshine duking it out with Rachel Berry in the school bathroom, to the tune of Beyonce and Lady Gaga’s Telephone.

. . . and transfer student / football jock, Sam Evans (played by Chord Overstreet) . . .

Just like another one of our favorite Gleeks, it appears that Sam’s “talents” will be discovered in the shower.  How convenient for those of us scouring the net for shirtless shots of the actor to use in future recaps.  Just saying . . .

Sam is described by producers as being a protege and eventual rival of Finn’s.  It is also rumored that he may be an upcoming MAJOR love interest for one Kurt Hummel.

The second episode is entitled “Britney / Brittany.”  This one will obviously be the much talked about “Britney Spears-themed episode,” comprised entirely of songs by the aforementioned artist, and featuring a cameo appearance by Spears herself.

Heather Morris (as Brittany) posing with Britney Spears — I can see a resemblance.  Can’t you?

The show’s third episode, entitled “Faith,” will be religous-themed, and feature songs including R.E.M’s “Losing my Religion” . . .

 . . . and Barbara Streisand’s “Papa Can You Hear Me.”

Other episodes airing this Season will include a Rocky Horror Picture Show – themed episode .  . .

 .  . . during which the cast of New Directions will undoubtedly perform the Time Warp dance.

Another episode will feature the cast singing entirely ORIGINAL songs.  There will also be a second Madonna-themed episode.

In the Season 2 finale, the cast will head to  New York City, to compete in the national Glee club competition.  There, they will most likely perform Jay Z and Alicia Keys’ anthem to the Big Apple, “Empire State of Mind.”

“New Directions” for our original Gleeks

If the scoop about Kurt’s new love interest enticed you, there is plenty more where that came from!  Speaking of Kurt, Mike O’Malley, who warmed everybody’s hearts with his performance as Kurt’s Dad, Burt Hummel, has been upgraded to season regular status . . .

. . . as have our two favorite “mean girl” Cheerios (and possible lovers?) Heather Morris (Brittany) and Naya Rivera (Santana) . . .

Our favorite love square, starring Rachel, Finn,  Quinn and Puck, is said to be in full effect next year.  However, a NEW love TRIANGLE will ALSO invade the Glee club.   This one will star, the loveable Artie, quirky goth, Tina, and awesome dancer, Mike Chang.

Sources say that when the season opens, Tina will be dating MIKE, having dumped Artie, due to his poor social skills and frequently rude comments.

New Cast Members and Guest Stars

Earlier in this article, I mentioned the cast additions of Chord Overstreet . . .

 . . . and Charice.

What I DIDN’T mention was that Charice’s character’s singing voice will be SO impressive, that it will enable her to make a play for Rachel Berry’s crown as Queen Bee of New Directions.  Listen to her sing this rather impressive cover of Beyonce’s “Halo” (a song which just so happened to be performed on the show, by Lea Michele’s Rachel Berry last season), and compare for yourself.

Another addition to the cast will be John Stamos . . .

John will be playing that dentist boyfriend of Emma Pillsbury, Carl Howell, who was briefly mentioned last season.

Although I sincerely doubt John will be singing on the show, fans of the oh-so-cheesetastic 90’s sitcom Full House, will likely remember that he CAN, in fact, sing.  This will become evident in the VERY retro clip, below.

Also featured in Season 2 will be Cheyenne Jackson, who’s character will replace Idina Menzel’s Shelby Corcoran as the coach for New Directions’ rivals, Vocal Adrenaline.  Since I am nothing without my journalistic integrity, I’ve decided it is absolutely imperative that I provide you with a picture of Cheyenne in his underwear . . .

You’re welcome.

I will not, however, be providing you with an equally scantily clad photograph of our next new cast member.  Dot Jones will appear as McKinley High’s new football coach, and rival to BOTH Sue and Will Schuester, Shannon Beiste.

Beware of THE BEISTE!

Other Glee guest stars will include Carol Burnett . . .

. . . who will play Mommy to, none other than, Sue Sylvester . . .

Speaking of Sue, Javier Bardem will guest star as one of her exes.

Woah!  Maybe I should start wearing track suits.

Susan Boyle will also guest star as the Singing Lunch Lady.

New Music

Look for songs by Billy Joel . . .

. . . Coldplay . . .

 . . . Paul McCartney . . .

 . . . Courtney Love . . .

 . . .  and Led Zeppelin . . .

. . . to be featured on the show.

Oh, and just in case you CAN’T wait until September 21st to get your Glee fix, the Complete First Season of Glee DVD set will be available for purchase on September 14th.  

You can preorder it (at reduced cost) here.

Of course, September 14th is still over a week away.  Is that too many Glee-less days, for you?  If so, worry not.  Glee: The Beginning, a young adult novel said to function as a prequel for the series, is available in stores, RIGHT NOW!

You can order it, by clicking here.

Not much of a reader?   Low on cash?  That’s OK.  I’ve got something for you too.  To conclude this Glee-themed post, I have provided, for your viewing pleasure, a video of that fabulous Journey Medley, performed by the New Directions, during the Season 1 finale.  And, just in case, you didn’t see it when it first aired, you can find a picturesque recap of the entire episode right here.

Well, that’s all I’ve got, for now.  See you on September 21st!  Until then, happy Gleek-ing out!

[www.juliekushner.com]

Anatomy of the PERFECT Emmy Opener

I know, I know!  By now, most of you have probably ALREADY seen Jimmy Fallon and Company’s surprisingly catchy cover of Bruce Springstein’s classic Anthem to Athleticism, “Born to Run,” which kickstarted the broadcast of this past Sunday’s 2010 Emmy Awards.  However, believe me, when I tell you that it deserves a second viewing.  Only then, can you truly capture EVERY single delicious morsel of its hand-clapping, booty-shaking, celebrity-crooning, awesomeness!  Fortunately, TV Recappers Anonymous is here to help you to break it all down . . .

Let’s re-watch, shall we?

:11 – The first step in creating the PERFECT Emmy Opener is to commandeer the cast of a new hit show to star in it with you.  If that cast just so happens to be a bunch of attractive twenty-somethings, who can sing and dance like nobody’s business, so much the better!

:38 – Now you’re going to need a gimic to tie it all together.  You can’t just have a bunch of people singing on stage for NO REASON, can you?

That will work!

:42 –  Cue the cutesy title card . . .

:57 – Anything starring Tina Fey is an automatic success.  So, it’s best to sign her up early.  Her schedule always fills up fast.

1:15 – Now, everybody pretends they DON’T watch reality television.  However, secretly, they all LOVE it.  So, a reality show-themed punchline is always sure to win a few laughs.

Bad-dancing, bad hair-having, babymaker, Kate Goselin is a TRIPLE THREAT (at least, in terms of living punchlines)!

1:34 – Every opening Emmy number needs its hotness quotient fulfilled . . .

A Booty Shaking Jon Hamm?  YES, PLEASE!

1:48 – How about a Booty Shaking Jon Hamm doing the “hippity hop” with Betty White?

1:53 – Or, perhaps, a Booty Shaking Jon Hamm BUTT HUMPING Betty White?

Even better!

2:11 – Let’s throw in a shot of Jimmy Fallon getting slushied, shall we?

2:15 – But who can we have throwing the Slushie at Jimmy?  I know . . . Jane Lynch, in her bright red track suit-wearing excellence, of course!

2:24 – Let’s Slushie Tina Fey TOO, for good measure!

2:44 – Throw in the most loveable former – Lostie on the PLANET, Jorge Garcia . . .

2:52 – . . . and a certain VERY lucky star of The Vampire Diaries (who gets to lock lips with IAN SOMERHALDER and PAUL WESLEY, on a daily basis) .  . .

3:01 –  . . . oh, and that guy from The Soup TOO!

3:44 – We all KNEW Nina Dobrev could sing . . .

 . . . she was in that American Mall musical, back in the day . . .

3:47 – Wait a minute . . . HURLEY can sing TOO?

4:05 – And Don Draper can sing?  (Am I the only one that can’t sing?)

Nice hat, Chris Colfer.

4:17 – TINA:  “Are there pants for this?”

Is that The Grinch costume?

4:23 – Tim Gunn makes EVERYTHING work!

4:26 – Let’s throw in an ode to a classic album cover . . .

Nice BUNS!

4:28 – OK, everyone . . . strike a pose!

It’s time for this baby to go LIVE!

5:02 – Randy Jackson says, “That’s cool, DAWG!”

5:20 – Show us your most adorable dance moves .  . .

6:00 – Are you ready for the BIG finish?

6:03 – The crowd GOES WILD!  They LOVED IT . . .

6:06 –  . . . even THIS GUY . . .

Now, THAT’S how you create the PERFECT Emmy opener.  Any questions?

[www.juliekushner.com]

A Very, Very, VERY Sentimental Journey – A Recap of Glee’s Season Finale “Journey”

I’m not going to say that the The Sopranos finale was the first time I heard about or listened to the band, Journey, but it was pretty darn close.  Just in case you were curious, THIS is Journey . . .

Is it just me, or does the one on the far right bear a striking resemblance to Sue Sylvester?

Yet, now, between that controversial fade-to-black “Tony Soprano loves onion rings.  Let’s listen to Don’t Stop Believing, before we sort of, kind of, quite possibly die” series finale, and Glee‘s Journey extravaganza at Regionals, the aforementioned 80’s hairband has officially become the Lords of the Primetime Finale!  And having watched this season’s final episode of Glee (appropriately entitled “Journey”), I can certainly see why . . .

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Cry, Cry (and cry, and cry, and cry) . . . AGAIN!

The episode began with a SHOCKING revelation! 

Well . . . at least . . . it would have been shocking, if it wasn’t revealed during the episode promos.  You see, the winner of the Regional Glee Club competition was to be decided by a panel of four “celebrity judges.”  (Why four?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to have an ODD number of judges, in the event of a tiebreaker?) 

WHO is the fourth judge, you ask?  None other than THIS lovely lady . . .

 . . . who, seemingly, hates the Glee kids’ little singing and dancing butts.  This, of course, complicates matters, seeing as, Glee must “place” at Regionals, in order to retain school funding for their club.

Understandably, hearing that news bums out our Glee kids, who have already spent a majority of the second half of this season bummed out about something or other.  Lucky for Quinn, she gets to escape to Hot Porno Flashback land — specifically, the time when she and a still Mohawk-ed Puck did the nasty in her bedroom, while she was drunk on wine coolers.  Of course, she was still wearing her cheerleading uniform at the time.  Obviously, Quinn is too young to remember Monica Lewinsky, and the important life lesson she taught us, back in the day: “Sex acts are for the NAKED ONLY.  Clothes just get in the way, and, eventually get you into trouble.”

“I did NOT have sexual relations with that cheerleader!”

While the Glee kids are at Mr. Schuester’s house for pizza, they all cry about how much they will miss Glee club, once it’s gone.  Will tries to keep his composure during the meeting, for the kids’ sake.  However, later, while driving alone in his car, Will hears “Don’t Stop Believing,” and can no longer fight his emotions.    Kudos to Matthew Morrison for making this scene raw and real, and not feeling the need to “cry pretty.”  Because, let me tell you, for a cute guy, that was some UGLY ASS crying  . . .

“I don’t understand, he was eating onion rings, and everything was FINE!  Then it just ENDED, without explanation!  If only Meadow Soprano was better at parallel parking, things might have been different!

Upon witnessing this heartfelt, teary scene, I couldn’t help but be reminded of ANOTHER male actor, who is also highly adept at UGLY CRY FACE . . .

“I wish they played Journey music, when Joey Potter dumped ME.  It would have helped to ease my pain!”

Then, because it’s the season finale, and ALL Would-Be Couples must make out in the season finale they truly believe they can lead the Glee Club to greatness, Finn and Rachel decide to makeout in the middle of the high school hallway.

Just moments later, having been energized and inspired by his Ugly Face Cry, Mr. Schuester informs the kids that they will be doing a Journey medley at Regionals . . .  because the “journey is more important than the destination,” or something like that.  We all know how insufferably cheesy Mr. Schue can get, when it’s time for him to reveal the “Lesson of the Day.”

“Hey look!   It’s Will Schuester’s Dad, Mr. Rogers!  It all makes so much sense now.”

Welcome to Regionals, Baby!

As promised, at the Regionals competition, OUR Glee group, New Directions, sings a Journey medley containing, three songs: “Faithfully,” “Anyway You Want It,” and, of course, the song that first made this show legendary, “Don’t Stop Believing.”  The entire performance was phenomenal, and certainly exceeded all of MY expectations.  Even Finn’s awkward dancing was slightly less irksome tonight.  (Props to the script writers for not-so-subtly pointing out how VERY BAD he actually is.)  Oh, and you know who FINALLY got a solo?  THIS Guy . . .

I know, I know.  That was a totally lame excuse to include a Shirtless Mark Salling pic in this recap.  But, COME ON, this is my last opportunity to do this ALL SUMMER!  You can’t honestly blame me for trying to make the best of it.

Immediately, after New Directions finishes its performance, Quinn’s estranged mother approaches her, and tells her VERY pregnant daughter that she wants her back in her life.

I would love to say that Mama Fabray’s “change of heart” came from a completely unselfish place.  However, I imagine it had a lot to do with the fact that Daddy Fabray ran off with some “tattooed freak.”

Sound familiar?

Speaking of Jesse James, or, rather, Jesse St. James, while Quinn is being rushed off to the hospital to give birth (her water breaks, while she is reuniting with her mother),  Jesse and his EVIL crew, Vocal Adrenaline, perform their medley of songs by Queen.  We actually only get to hear “Bohemian Rhapsody.”  However, we can assume that, at some point, the group performed “Another One Bites the Dust,” also by Queen, seeing as we heard that one in last week’s episode.  Personally, I would have preferred to see this uptight bunch rock out to “Fat Bottomed Girls”  . . . but that’s just me.

I realize that Jonathan Groff is supposed to be this “big time” Broadway star, so I’m going to chalk this up to his interpretation of the “Jesse” character.  However, it must be said that this dude makes some truly WEIRD and PISSED OFF faces, when he sings and dances . . .

The Constipated Pianist

 “Bohemian Rhapsody” is a notoriously LONG song, that has about a MILLION different parts to it.  However, either Vocal Adrenaline are the World’s Slowest Singers, or Quinn gave birth to Mutant Speedy Pop Out Baby (It would certainly explain Quinn’s rapidly expanding, decreasing, and expanding again waistline).  Because, while Vocal Adrenaline was singing, New Directions had time to:

 (1) drive Quinn to the hospital;

(2) watch her go into labor and give birth;

 (3) complete all the legal paper work necessary to process an impromptu adoption (more on that later);

(4) drive back to the competition in perfect hair and makeup; and

(5) be ready and waiting on stage for the award announcements.

But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here.  You see, the writers brilliantly (or disturbingly, depending on how you feel about these sort of things) juxtaposed Quinn’s giving birth . . .

“They’ve only been singing for about two minutes.  You have PLENTY of time to give me an epidural!”

 . . . with Vocal Adrenaline’s preformance of “Bohemian Rhapsody.”  So when Quinn gave birth to Baby Beth . . .

 . . . Vocal Adrenaline symbolically “gave birth” to Jesse . . .

EWWWWWWWWW!

 . . . which left me wondering, which Vocal Adrenaline star was lucky enough to play the “afterbirth?”

“I’m melting!  I’m melting!”

Speaking of that heartless witch of a Vocal Adrenaline coach, Shelby Corcoran, Rachel approaches her biological mom after the competition, and suggests she “team coach” New Directions with Will.  But Shelby HATES the idea.  She wants to have a NEW KID, so she has absolutely NO TIME to waste on her VERY VERY OLD ONE.  So, of course, Quinn and Puck HAVE to give Shelby their kid, because screwing up ONE childhood, is clearly not enough for this broad!

“I’ll get you my Quinney!  And your Baby Beth too!”

And the Winner Isn’t . . .

Meanwhile, Sue Sylvester and her panel of “celebrity” judges . . .

Yeah, I was confused too  . . .

 .  . . duke it out amongst themselves to determine who should win Regionals.  Surprisingly, Sue keeps her mouth shut through most of the deliberations, except to deflect some insults thrown her way by the other judges, Olivia Newton John, Josh Groban, and that random news guy from one of the early episodes, Rod Remmington.  And when Sue Sylvester is the NICEST one in the room, you know you’ve got a pretty unlikeable bunch.    The other three judges seem split exactly down the middle, with Olivia Newton John preferring the porn-name sounding “Aural Intensity,” who performed a cover of one of her songs, Rod enjoying Jesse and his Vocal Adrenaline kids, and Josh seeming to prefer OUR New Directions kids.

Soon after deliberations are complete, we learn that New Directions finished THIRD in the competition, with Vocal Adrenaline bringing in the win.  Of course, the kids are crushed, believing their Glee club dreams are finished . . .

A Kiss, Two Songs, A Truce, MUCH MORE Tears . . .

Back at school, Will finds ex-girlfriend Emma (now dating a dentist) screaming at Principal Figgins about his decision to disband Glee club.  (Not that Principal F has made ANY decisions this year, without someone’s hand up his ass, making his mouth move . . . I’ve seen slugs with more gumption than this guy!)  Will sees this exchange, and apparently finds it SUPER HOT, because he promptly tells Emma he loves her, and makes out with her because that’s what ALL Would-Be Couples do during season finales he really cares.

His mouth still wet from Emma’s super sanitized spit, Will enters the school auditorium to find his entire Glee club sitting before him.  In a scene that ACTUALLY had ME crying, the kids tell Will how much he has meant to them as a teacher.  They further explain that, even if there is no more Glee Club, Will’s lessons will always be in their hearts. The crew then sing “To Sir With Love.” And, by the time, they are finished, there is truly not a dry eye in the house.

Not even the eyes of Sue Sylvester!

Through flashbacks, we find out that, in a surprising show of decency, Sue HAD actually voted for New Directions to win at Regionals (which makes it all the more confusing that they LOST, especially considering that (1) Josh Groban also seemed to be on board with them winning; and (2) the other two judges each had a different favorite candidate.)

Feeling a bit guilty about the loss of New Directions, Sue strong-arms Principal Figgins (see what I mean about the hand up the butt?) into reinstating Glee club for ANOTHER YEAR!

Upon hearing the good news, Will decides to call a temporary truce with Sue!

 

Take note, Middle East!  If THEY can do it, so can YOU!

Will is so happy, he sings “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” with Puck, which was touching and sweet, if not exactly “manly.”

“Hey, Puck!  When we’re done here, do you wanna go shopping with me?  There are these ruby red slippers at the new mall that I’ve just been DYING to try on.  It’s right up the yellow brick road . . .”

So, there you have it, folks.  Our first season of Glee has come and gone, and a long, hot Glee-less summer awaits.  Something tells me, I’m going to be singing to myself A LOT more in the coming months . . .

See ya next year, fellow Gleeks!

The One Where Jesse Conveniently Turns Evil, and Everybody Keeps Saying the Word “Funky” – A Recap of Glee’s “Funk”

Awww, I’m sorry Jesse St. James!  Drawing on your face like that was immature and wrong (not to mention, bad for your complexion).  You know what else is “immature and wrong?”  Quitting the school you just transferred to a week or so ago, because people were “mean to you” there, and cracking eggs on your ex-girlfriend’s head because YOUR FRIENDS told you to . .  . Guess that means, we’re even.  Here’s hoping your face breaks out from all the scribbling I did on it . . .

Don’t you hate it when your boyfriend transfers schools to get away from you, and then breaks up with you in front of ALL of your friends, by singing a Queen cover song, that not-so-subtly implies you were just another notch on the bedpost for him?  Yeah, we really feel for you Rachel!  But whatever you do, PLEASE don’t break out the Suicidal Beanie Baby dress again!

You and that lamb on your head have so much to live for!

There was a lot of talk amongst Glee fans this week, about how the show’s producers switched this week’s episode, “Funk” with last week’s “Theatricality,” so that the Gaga-themed episode would coincide with the American Idol Finale.  Many attributed that random switcheroo to the off-putting weirdness that ultimately developed into what I would hereby like to refer to as “Jesse-gate.”  However, seeing as Jesse didn’t appear AT ALL in “Theatricality.”   And, in the episode prior to that, he was being all sorts of sweet to Rachel, and even told Ms. Corcoran he cared about the head Gleek, I’m not sure that switch was completely to blame here.  Simon Cowell agrees with me . . .

 . . . but Randy and Paula clearly don’t.  (Hey Paula!  You’re not even on Idol any more!  You no longer get a say in these types of disputes!)

Exploring Jesse-gate

As I’ve already suggested above, this week’s installlment of Glee opens with our Glee kids’ nemesis, Vocal Adrenaline, breaking into their auditorium.   The purpose of the break-in, you ask?  Well, it appears that Vocal Adrenaline heard a rumor that New Directions was poised to beat them at Regionals, and wanted to psych out their biggest competition.  This also gave Vocal Adrenaline’s not-so-former star, Jesse St. James the opportunity to be a poorly constructed plot device inform the Glee kids that he was back working for the enemy, and that he and Rachel were totally dunzo.  And just in case Jesse’s big speech wasn’t enough to nail the final coffin into his temporary relationship, he had to go and do this . . .

Careful Jesse!  Something tells me microphones aren’t the ONLY thing that girl has had in her mouth, recently . . .

Now, don’t get me wrong, “Another One Bites the Dust” was good.  It just wasn’t my favorite Vocal Adrenaline performance.  For that, I’d have to go with “Highway to Hell.”  In this song’s defense, the fact that I was shouting four letter words at Jesse the entire time the group was performing, probably didn’t help matters . . .

As if this whole abusive and completely illogical scene wasn’t hard enough to watch, later on in the episode, Rachel receives a call from Jesse, telling her to meet him the parking lot.  She runs out all happy and slow motion style, which, by the way, I DON’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL, seeing as the dude COMPLETELY humiliated her just moments earlier.  And that’s when THIS happens . . .

There were two things (aside from the obvious, of course) that really irked me about the “Rachel egging scene.”  First, how FRIGGIN OLD do those Vocal Adrenaline kids look?  Aside from Jesse, these guys seriously look to be pushing about middle age!  It’s like that Chinese Olympic gymnast controversy in reverse.

“Yeah, if you believe those Vocal Adrenaline ‘kids’ are 16, then we’re 45!”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m ALL FOR twenty-something’s playing teens . . .

 (Yes, I’m looking at you, my sexy Puck Man!)  However, when your “high school kids” look like they are about ready to register for AARP benefits, THAT is a problem!

My second issue with the scene came into play when Jesse said “I loved you” to Rachel, before cracking that egg on her head.  Jesse, what exactly did Rachel DO to make you NOT “love” her anymore?  I mean come on!  The beanie baby dress wasn’t THAT bad!

Hmm .  .  . then again . . .

Will Schuester has a cute butt.  Alert the media!

 I guess one positive (depending on how you felt about this particular plotline) of Rachel getting her heart stomped on by the conveniently turned-evil, Jesse, was that it inspired Will to seek revenge on Sue Sylvester.  His maniacal plan of genius?  To get her to FALL IN LOVE with him . . .

 . . . only so he could DUMP her before her Cheerleading Cheerios were set to compete in Nationals.  This whole plotline was BIZARRE on SO MANY LEVELS.  For one thing, it seemed so ENTIRELY out of character for Will to even CONCEIVE of pulling this off, let alone actually do it.  For another, Sue just doesn’t strike me as the type of gal who would fall in love, over little more than a few good butt wiggles and some free protein powder, particularly with the guy she seemed so intent on MURDERING in EVERY OTHER EPISODE.  On a positive note, the plot device did bring us THIS . . .

Thanks MikkoBayani!

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve EVER seen as tight and adorable an ASS as the one Matthew Morrison was showing off in this scene.  I know some pretty fit girls who couldn’t pull off wearing THOSE pants . . .   Then again, should I have expected anything less from this guy?

Eventually, Sue succumbs to the Charms of the Hot Ass, and agrees to go on a date with Will.  But then he pulls a Jesse, and stands her up.  And suddenly, Sue is so heartbroken that the guy she hates,  hates her back, that she holes up in her house, and cancels Cheerleading Nationals.  The Cheerios got pretty torn up over it, which, in itself, provided for some light comedy, in the form of Brittany’s inside out cheerleading uniform and ridiculous “I’m sad” hair-do.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t manage a screencap on that one.  So you will just have to take my word for it. 

Ultimately, Will apologizes to Sue.  She gets out of bed, and goes on to win Nationals with her Cheerios.  And they all lived happily ever after?

Funk Master Puck is SOOOO NOT a Loser!

In order to retaliate for Vocal Adrenaline’s acts of violence against the Gleeks, Puck and Finn decide to put their differences aside and band together to get revenge.  Their plan?  Slash the tires of the ENTIRE Vocal Adrenaline team, all of whom just so happen to drive identical Range Rovers with super obnoxious “Voc Ad” vanity plates.  (Man, what a perk!  No wonder these 40-year olds don’t want to graduate!)

In a surprising show of decency, Bad Mommy Corcoran . . .

 . . . gives up the opportunity to have Puck and Finn expelled from school, provided they pay for the damages they caused.  So, these two Bad Ass Dudes get jobs working at Sheets’ N’ Things, working for none-other-than the Former Mrs. Schuester . . .

 . . . who kind of seems like she has the hots for Finn, because he looks like her Ex-Husband did when HE was 27 16.  Pretty random, right?  But at least it gave us the opportunity to see this . . .

Thanks bangbangxo!

“Losers” never looked so pretty!  Later, Finn and Puck perform together AGAIN (along with Mercedes) in the Glee choir room.  This time, instead of a Beck song, they choose one by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch . . .

 . . . and during the number, Puck got so excited, he started HUMPING THE FLOOR!

And while it wasn’t a BAD performance, it just didn’t feel true to its roots.  After all, when covering a song sung by a former underwear model, isn’t shirtlessness kind of required?  To prove my point, here is the music video for the ORIGINAL “Good Vibrations.”

Thanks highwishs!

Quinn Febray and the Case of the Disappearing, than Reappearing, than Disappearing Again, Baby Bump

Someone once said that you could judge how well the stock market would do in a given year, based solely on what length of women’s skirts was in fashion at the time.  Using that same logic, I’ve come to believe that you can judge the success of a Glee episode based solely on (1) the size of Quinn’s baby bump that week; and (2) which Glee cast member she was bunking with at the time.  This week, Quinn’s baby bump was fairly small for her solo number “It’s a Man’s, Man’s Man’s World.”  Then it looked insanely large / about to pop during the finale number, “Give up the Funk.” 

Watch and compare for yourselves . . .

Thanks Mr. GleeMusicTV3!

(Oh, and in the words of Artie . . . the “Unwed Motherhood” Backup Dancers?  “Kind of disturbing . . .”)

Thanks again MikkoBayani!

Oh, and Quinn is randomly living with MERCEDES now . . . her fourth home since the season began.  Make of that what you will!

That’s all she wrote folks!  Tune in next week for the Season Finale, when, given the recent trend in their personalities, Jesse and his Middle-Aged Vocal  Adrenaline team mates will probably start devil worshipping and try to offer Rachel up as a human sacrifice .  . .

All snarky comments aside, I CAN’T WAIT!  My Gleeks better WIN THIS THING!

 

 

Oh My Gaga! – A Recap of Glee’s “Theatricality”

  

OK.  I have a bit of a confession to make  . . . Here it goes . . . I’m not exactly a huge fan of Lady Gaga.  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that I don’t think she’s sublimely talented.  I DO!  Much like her predecessor, Madonna, Lady Gaga is a masterful self-marketer.  The girl is constantly reinventing herself.  She, therefore, can keep her music relevant, in a fast-paced, quick-change, ADHD world.  She even made Hello Kitty, cool again!

It’s just that . . . how do I put this kindly . . . that girl scares the STUFFING OUT OF ME!  I think it started when she made that bizarro Paparazzi video.  You know, the one where she dressed up like a depraved, totally effed up, version of Minnie Mouse  . . .

. . . and KILLED an eyepatch-wearing Alexander Skarsgard!

I DON’T UNDERSTAND!  I thought vampires were supposed to be IMMUNE to poison!

In fact, up until last night ;), the ONLY version of Poker Face residing on my iPod was Chris Daughtry’s acoustic cover of the song (which, if you’ve never heard it before, is AWESOME, in my humble opinion.)

This was all, of course, BEFORE I watched last night’s episode of Glee, which, I’ll admit, left me a bit “gaga” for Gaga.  Let’s recap, shall we?

Tina Dresses “Goth” / Has Parents Who Hate Kristen Stewart .  . .

When the episode begins, Principal Figgins is berating Tina, for what he describes as her “goth vampire” style of dressing.  Now, I’m going to have to disagree with him here.  I wouldn’t classify Tina’s look as goth or vampire!  It’s actually more ’80’s punk, than anything else . . .

Discrepancy aside, the opening scene was pure WIN for me, because it (1) gave the often-underused Jenna Ushkowitz an opportunity to show off her comedic chops; (2) exposed Principal Figgin’s deep-seated fear of vampires (This will undoubtedly come in handy later.) . . .

 . . . and (3) included some light Kristen Stewart bashing (“My parents think Kristen Stewart is a bitch,” says Tina)

 .  . . which, as far as I’m concerned, NEVER gets old!  (Just keep on toking, Bella Swan!)

Anyway, Mr. Schuester . . .

 . . . inspired by his outrage over Principal Figgins refusal to let Tina dress the way she wants (Speaking of which, don’t YOU wish that you had a cute teacher to personally accompany YOU, and hold YOUR hand, everytime YOU got in trouble?), decides to give the Gleeks a Gaga-inspired assignment.  In order to complete the assignment, the crew would be required to (1) dress-up really weird; and (2) sing a song by This Week’s Musical Sponsor either Lady Gaga or Kiss.

Rachel Confronts Her Bio Mom / Wears a Dress Made of Suicidal Beanie Babies . . .

While spying on their chief rivals, Vocal Adrenaline . . .

 (which reminds me, WHERE WAS JESSE THIS WEEK?  And, no, you can’t say, “on vacation,” like you did to explain his absence two weeks ago, Glee!  Because NO ONE gets that much off time in high school!  Not even local celebrities who recently transferred into the school, solely to bring about a mother / daughter reunion.  You know what?  I smell a little neglect here!  I’m calling CHILD SERVICES!”)

See? He’s wandering the streets of New York City ALONE! And probably panhandling!  And quite possibly getting involved in prostitution!  Have his parents no shame?

 . . . but I digress . . .

So, while Rachel, Quinn and Mercedes are spying on Vocal Adrenaline’s sectional rehearsals, they catch it’s coach randomly belting out her own rendition of Barbara Streisand’s Funny Girl to show off illustrate to her students the importance of theatricality.  Upon hearing the song, Rachel instantly recognizes Shelby’s voice as that of her mother (who she recently heard singing on a tape Jesse gave her).  Rachel then immediately confronts Shelby, informing her, right in front of her class, that she is in fact, her daughter.

That would certainly explain the uncanny resemblance . . .

And I have to say, for someone who went through the trouble of having one of her prize students SWITCH SCHOOLS to make sure Rachel learned her true identity, Shelby didn’t seem all that happy to have been found.  In fact, on first meeting, Shelby was downright COLD to Rachel, refusing to sit in the same row as her in the auditorium, while the two engaged in their first “heart-to-heart.”

What a TOTAL WITCH!

Rachel is so distraught over the awkward encounter, that she comes to school wearing a dress made of STAPLED BEANIE BABIES. (Stuffed animal abuse, anyone?) .  The outfit is so hideous, that not even the beanie babies want to be a part of it.  They’s rather jump to their DEATHS, instead. 

 “Annnnnd  . . . we have a jumper!”  Kurt quips, as a frog beanie baby successfully escapes Rachel’s dress, only to, mere moments later, meet an untimely death on the choir room floor!

R.I.P. “Legs!”  We hardly knew, ye!

After the rest of the group is done bashing on Poor Rachel, the Girls (and Kurt) peform their portion of Mr. Schuester’s assignment, a fun and flashy cover of Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.”   And while I couldn’t find a clip of the crew performing the song on the show, I was able to find a decent recording of the Glee cast performing the number LIVE on Tour in Los Angeles.  (Just take what you see, and imagine it with MORE cast close-ups, and a bit less “shaky cam.”)

(Thanks so much for sharing this with us, YuckFoutube!)

I think my favorite part of the whole song is when Kurt (Chris Colfer) belts out, “Because I’m a freak, BABY!”  (Classic!)

You might have noticed, that in the video, Lea Michelle, who plays Rachel, is wearing an outfit that is decidedly NOT the Suicidal Beanie Baby Dress I screencapped for you, above.  That is because, in the scene following her performance, Mommy Not-So-Dearest, Shelby, actually does something NICE for a change, by hooking Rachel up with a Gaga-inspired outfit that doesn’t include on it a bevy of warning labels, about babies accidentally swallowing foreign objects . . .

You know, if it didn’t have that weapon-esque jagged edge sticking out the side of it, I might ACTUALLY wear something like this . . .

After receiving some REALLY BAD advice from Mr. Schuester, Witchy Shelby decides to, more or less, “break-up” with her long lost daughter.  Her rationale for doing so seemed really warped to me . . . something about Rachel being TOO OLD to start a relationship with.  (Ummm, yeah, because 16 is positively ANCIENT!) 

Happy Sweet 16, Rachel!  Did you remember to put on your Depends?

However, I’m thinking that Shelby’s asshat actions were little more than a plot device, aimed toward ensuring that Mother and Daughter have an emotional and permanent reunion, come Season Finale time.  Therefore, I will refrain from calling Shelby too many evil names, just yet . . .

As a parting, “I’m sorry for being the Worst Mother Ever,” gift, Shelby offers Rachel a cup . . . with a star on it . . . for in case she gets “thisty.”

I know, I know . . . It didn’t look like this . . . I’m trying to make a not-so-subtle point here, OK?

You see, if Shelby DOESN’T reunite with Rachel in the Season Finale, I’m willing to bet that the next time “Thirsty Rachel” uses her “star cup,” is on her twenty-first birthday, when she totes it along with her, in her purse, on her bar crawl.  And with each of the 21 shots she pours into it, she will raise her glass, and SING, in an increasingly inebriated manner “F-U Mommy!”

My personal anger at Shelby aside, I must admit that the Mother-Daughter duet to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” was the second most poignant moment in the entire episode.  (I’ll get to the MOST poignant, in just a bit.)  Aside from Idina Menzel and Lea Michelle having the most beautiful voices ON THE PLANET, I just loved how many layers this song had.  And how deft the two accomplished actresses were at subtly revealing them. 

On the surface, “Poker Face” is a light and fun song that uses the game of poker, as a thinly veiled metaphor for sexuality.  Shelby and Rachel have fun with this bawdy side to the song, smiling and winking at one another, during the particularly risque parts.  (Example: “I’m bluffin’ with my muffin . . .”)

On a deeper level, “Poker Face” is a song about hiding one’s true emotions, in order to protect onesself, a tactic we all use every once in a while, both in poker, and in life.  When Rachel sings the line, “She don’t wanna love nobody,” you can see the sadness in her face, as she recognizes her mother’s inability to provide her with the affection she needs.

Later when the women are singing, “I’m marvelous,” to one another,  we all know that isn’t really true, and that they are just saving face.  It’s heartbreaking to watch, yet beautiful at the same time.

Finn Experiments with Makeup / Calls Kurt the F- Word / Gets His Ass Handed to Him By Kurt’s Dad / Wears a Red Shower Curtain

Speaking of Misguided Mommies, Finn’s TOTALLY put him on the spot, by dragging him, eyes closed, to La Casa de Burt and Kurt, and informing him that he would be moving in there, RIGHT IN FRONT of Kurt and his dad!  To make matters even more awkward, Finn and Kurt were going to be sharing a room together . . . at age 16.  (A house with two-and-a-half-baths and NO GUEST ROOM!  What’s up with that, Burt?)

Then again, it does work for SOME people, I guess . . .

Back at school, Finn and the Glee boys get all decked out in full Kiss regalia and sing “Shout it Out Loud.”  A song I had NEVER heard before. 

Up until last night, I was familiar with precisely ONE Kiss song:  “Rock and Roll All Night.”  Now, I know two more (I’ll get to the second one in a bit).  Thanks for the education, Glee!

Finn and Kurt continue to bicker throughout most of the episode, regarding the respective merits of conformity versus individuality.  However, the poopy really hits the fan when Finn describes Kurt’s room decorations as “faggy,” and Kurt’s dad, Burt, overhears him.  Remember when I said, the scene between Shelby and Rachel was the SECOND most poignant scene in this episode?  Well, this was the first . . .

Kurt stands in the corner, arms wrapped protectively across his chest, barely holding back his tears, as he watches his “Man’s Man” father stand up for him, for the first time.  Burt tells Finn that by using those words, he is implying that homosexuality is something shameful and wrong.  Kurt flinches, as Burt explains that, when he was Finn’s age, he too used the term in a similarly derogatory manner.  Burt then expresses his disappointment in Finn, and unceremoniously kicks him out of the house, explaining, “I can’t have your poison here.”

After a cowed Finn stalks off, Burt turns to Kurt and tells him “[Your room] looks great.”

In a moment that got me all teary, Burt then places his hand on Kurt’s shoulder.  Kurt grabs it for a second, in silent thanks, then lets it go, as his father exits the room.  As far as I’m concerned, both Mike O’Malley, who plays Burt, and Chris Colfer, deserve Emmys for this scene.

To prove his loyalty to Kurt, and show that he’s learned his lesson about tolerating individuality, Finn protects Kurt from a couple of guys I will hereinafter refer to as “The Mean Boys” . . . (One of whom talks and gesticulates like a Poor Man’s Jerry Seinfeld . . .)

“What’s the deal with the name Lady Gaga?  I just don’t get it.  Is she a lady or a baby?”

Did I mention Finn stood up to the Mean Boys, while dressed like this?

Remember earlier, when I said that the “Minnie Mouse” costume was the most disturbing Lady Gaga costume EVER?  I stand corrected . . .

Puck Acts Like a Chauvinist / Feels Guilty About It / Sings a Sweet Song / Still Kind of Acts Like a Chauvinist / But Looks Really Hot Doing It

Awww, Puck!  Sweet ignornant Puck!  Don’t you know that naming your child after a brand of hard liquor pretty much guarantees that she will become an alcoholic later in life?

I mean, you might as well abandon her for 16-years, and then pop back into her life, only to give her a “Star Cup,” before leaving again . . .

Oooh, she looks really mad!  She might even send the Flying Monkeys after me!

Rather than be “thrilled” by Puck’s choice of baby name, as he suspected she would be, Quinn tells her Baby Daddy, in no uncertain terms, that she is giving up his kid to a family that WON’T name him after something that bears a warning label, specifically geared toward pregnant people.

Puck tries to make it up to her, by explaining that he had a bad home life.  Apparently, his father was too busy being “cool” to spend time with him.  Then, because this is Glee, after all.  He breaks into song.  The song he chooses is yet another Kiss song.  This one was called “Beth.”  And, like I said, I’d never heard another Kiss song, aside from “Rock and Roll all Night,” prior to the airing of this episode.  Except . . . something about this song, sounded SO FAMILIAR to me.  And I couldn’t figure out why.  Then, I remembered . . .

Remember that scene in the movie Role Models (which, if you haven’t seen it, you should skip this next paragraph, because I’m TOTALLY about to spoil the ending)?

It’s the scene after Paul Rudd, Sean William Scott, and those two kids win the LARPing competition (during which they all dressed up like Kiss, by the way . . . IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!)  Anyway, at the Larping After Party (Because you know how wild and crazy those LARPers can get!), Paul Rudd’s character, Danny Donahue, stands on a car, and sings a song to his girlfriend . . . who just so happens to be named BETH.  Yeah, this is the SAME SONG! 

 Glee just taught me all sorts of things I didn’t know, this week!

After the song, Puck approaches a teary-eyed Quinn, and offers to be present when their baby is born (Awww!).  He also DEMANDS that it be named Beth!

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Beth is a FABULOUS name for a baby girl.  But what the heck made Puck think that,  just because he sang ONE sweet song, that Quinn should be REQUIRED to name the baby after it?  Doesn’t SHE have a say in all this?  More importantly, don’t the ADOPTIVE PARENTS, who are going to  . . . you know . . . RAISE THE BABY, have a say?  WTF, Puck?

If you weren’t so sexy, I’d be REALLY mad at you right now!

Oh, and I almost forgot, the Principal ultimately allowed Tina to continue to dress like .  . . whatever it is she normally dresses like  . . . but only after she threatened to suck his blood, vampire style . . .

That’s all she wrote, folks!  In the words of Mr. Schuester, “Next stop, Sectionals!”

 

 

 

Will Schuester and The Case of the Mysterious Glist – A Recap of Glee’s “Bad Reputation”

So, what exactly is a “Glist?”  Well, according to Sue Sylvester, it’s a “weekly ranking of  . . . Glee club members, based on a hotness quotient of sexual promiscuity . . . You get a point for each act of perpetuated depravity.” 

As you can see from the above screencap, in the Glist’s premiere week, Quinn, Santana, and Puck topped the list, with Brittany, Jesse, and Finn, taking positions 4, 5, and 6, respectively.  What you cannot see from this screencap (because I couldn’t find a SINGLE shot that fit everything in), was that Rachel rounded up the rear, with a score of -5!  And Mercedes, Kurt, Tina, and Artie didn’t make the Glist AT ALL!

Which begs the question?  WHO CREATED THE GLIST (and why)?  This was the mystery Will Schuester was tasked with solving at the beginning of this week’s installment of Glee, entitled “Bad Reputation.”  As for the Glee kids, they were less concerned with figuring out who made the Glist, and more concerned with “moving up on it.”  “Maybe if we seen a little more dangerous, people will stop flushing my glasses down the toilet,” suggested Artie, hopefully.

(Poor Artie!  Having your glasses flushed down the toilet HAS to suck!  Then again, doesn’t  No Glasses-Artie look a bit like a young Harry Connick, Jr.?)

It’s almost uncanny, right?  They are even wearing the SAME SHIRT!

This week’s episode was all about what it takes to revive (or create) a “bad reputation.”  And while the characters were all struggling with that, in their own way, they were also singing songs.  What songs, you ask? “Awesomely Bad” Songs, of course!  Songs that were once “great” (at least according to Mr. Schuester), but had since fallen into disrepute. Like, for example, Ice, Ice Baby, which was originally sung by this guy . . .

Now we know where Puck has been getting his hair care tips!

Let’s see how everyone did, shall we?

Rachel Berry

Goal: To cast aside her squeaky clean reputation, and move up from last place on the Glist.

What she did: Tricked the three men in her life into starring with her in a music video, in which she was cast as the slutty siren, awakening all three men’s hidden sexual desires for her, in the process.

What she sang:  Run, Joey, Run by David Geddes and Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

I’ll admit that sometimes the “Rachel” character really irks me.  However, she was all kinds of awesome in this episode!  From her flirtatious dalliances with Puck (“Did you know when we were together, people called us Puckleberry?”  “Dating me  . . . gave you a sense of humanity.”) . . .

These two were SO HOT together tonight, that I almost forgot that Puck is with Quinn, and Rachel’s with  . . . that other guy.

. . .to the calculated trickery she employed to get all THREE main Glee guys (Puck, Finn, and Jesse) to star opposite her in what I am pretty sure was the most self-aggrandizing, campiest, music video EVER MADE .  . . and, ending with her angsty belting of Total Eclipse of the Heart, which she sang after all three men promptly deserted her for her selfish behavior.

As far as the Rachel and Jesse “break up,” (which occurred in the last few moments of the episode), I’m not really sure how I felt about it.  On one hand, I’m still pretty positive that Jesse’s REAL reason for transferring to McKinley, was to “narc” out the Glee kids to their main competition, and his former teammates, Vocal Adrenaline.  (Notice how, even though Jesse’s “sole” reason for coming to the school was to “be with Rachel,”  he decided to stay  at the school, even after they broke up?)  And yet, I also believe that as the season progresses, Jesse’s feelings for Rachel will eventually become real.    To further complicate matters, Jonathan Groff’s portrayal of Jesse, which heretofore has come across as a tad overblown and artificial, in my opinion, was significantly more understated and genuine this week.  So, while I wanted to not care about Jesse’s feelings being hurt this week, because I don’t trust him, I found myself caring, in spite of myself . . .

True Love?  Or Truly Convenient Plot Device . . .

Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, Tina and Brittany

Goal: To be featured on the Glist (or, in Brittany’s case, to break the top three)

What they did: Wore ugly pants and sang a cheesy song in the library; admitted to being the source of Sue Sylvester’s public embarrassment

What they sang:  You Can’t Touch This, by M.C. Hammer

So, this episode marks the THIRD time our Glee kids chose to break out into song in, of all places, THE LIBRARY! 

 I’m not exactly sure what made these guys think that wearing balloon pants and singing the Anthem to ’90’s Musical Ridiculousness would up their coolness quotient.  Whatever their thinking was, their plan TOTALLY backfired, when the school librarian loved the performance!  She even  invited the kids to perform the song for her church! 

 Kurt’s plan to admit to Sue that he had posted her private Let’s Get Physical (more on that later) video on YouTube, similarly backfired when she THANKED him for doing so.  However, given Mercedes’ kickass performance of Christina Aguilera’s Beautiful at the school pep rally, and Kurt’s football heroism earlier this season (he won the game for his team by distracting the opposition with his dance to Beyonce’s All the Single Ladies), I can’t imagine these two being invisible at McKinley High School for much longer . . .

Sue Sylvester

Goal: To redeem herself, after having become the school laughingstock

What she did: Made a music video with Olivia Newton John featuring sexy shirtless men!

What she sang: Let’s Get Physical by Olivia Newton John

The first time we see Sue Sylvester in this episode, a miniaturized version of her is shaking her booty and doing the Cabbage Patch, from inside the screen of a laptop computer, to the tune of Olivia Newton John’s Let’s Get Physical.  One of my main gripes with this episode is that WE NEVER GOT TO SEE THE WHOLE VIDEO, which CLEARLY would have been hilarious! 

Apparently, Kurt found the incriminating video amongst Sue’s hormone replacement pills, in a locked drawer in her office.  However, it was Finn’s idea to post the video on YouTube for the world to see.  News of the video spread like wildfire, and Sue soon found herself to be the subject of “slow motion laughter” and public ridicule.  Fortunately for Sue, Olivia Newton John herself got wind of Sue’s dance moves, and decided to remake an updated version of the music video for the song, in which she and Sue ultimately sang alongside one another. 

The music video was a hit!  And, while it was cute, I STILL would have preferred to see Sue’s embarrassing solo jazzercise version all the way through .  . . but that’s just me.

In other news, Emma . . .

 . . . learned of Will’s recent slut-capades with April and that Vocal Adrenaline coach from Sue Sylvester (who apparently rigged his home with hidden cameras?).  And, in a moment of highly uncharacteristic fury, our favorite OCD guidance counselor responded, by publicly berating him for his whorish tendencies.  Now Will has a reputation for being a Man Slut.

And if he wasn’t raking in the ladies before, they will certainly be coming out of the woodwork NOW!  After all, we all know how the ladies LOVE their Man Sluts!

Oh, and you know who ended up being responsible for creating the Glist?

Quinn!  Did you see that one coming?  You SHOULD HAVE!  She was, after all, Number 1 on the list.  Plus, the former Queen Bee’s popularity has taken a serious nosedive, since the whole “teen pregnancy thing” got out.  In a heartfelt moment, Quinn confides in Will about her feelings of loneliness and depression, regarding the loss of her peak social status.  Will comforts her, explaining that high school is only temporary, and “social status” really has more to do with self-confidence than anything else.  And I guess that was supposed to be the “moral of the story”  . . . or something.

All in all, this was a fun episode — probably my favorite one post-hiatus.  It offered the deft plotting, and solid character development, that, honestly, seemed a bit lacking in the last few episodes.  Sure, most of the songs wouldn’t make my “Must Download” list, but perhaps that was the point.  Like the characters in this episode, Glee had a reputation to revive this week, one for good storytelling.  And, in that respect, it certainly succeeded.

Don’t Cry for Me, Sue Sylvester!: A Recap of Glee’s “Home”

  

Glad to see my girl, Mercedes, happy and smiling again!

This week’s installment of Glee might not have been the show’s most GLEE-FUL (Everyone was CRYING during it!), but it was certainly its most heartfelt.  As you can probably gather from the title, the episode’s theme was “home” (and just in case you didn’t get the theme from the title, the entire cast hit you on the head with it, sledgehammer style, by using the word, about every 5 minutes).

The “home” in question, referred to a house, in the literal sense, like the one Mr. Schuester was trying to sublet, pending his divorce.  It also referred to “home” in the more abstract sense, like the inner peace Mercedes had to regain, regarding her body.

“All this talk about HOME is making me HOMESICK, Toto!”

Let’s revisit, shall we? 

There’s No Place Like Inside Will Schuester’s Pants . . .

When the episode begins, the Glee club is homeless, due to Sue Sylvester’s commandeering of the auditorium for use by her Cheerios (of which, by now, half of the Glee kids just so happen to be members).  Ummm . . . to be honest, I’m not sure why this was such an issue.  I always thought the Gleeks held their practice sessions in the music room, you know, the one we always see them practicing in.  Anyway, as a result of this plot device unfortunate circumstance, Mr. Schuester (a.k.a Will) is forced to search for a temporary “home” for his Glee club, and randomly decides that the 1980’s would be a perfect place for them to go (last week, after all, was the Madonna episode). 

So, our favorite Glee coach travels back in time . . . to a roller rink . . . and to a previous episode of the show, guest starring Kristin Chenoweth . . .

Yes, boys and girls, you probably remember Kristin’s guest starring role on Glee, during the first half of the season, as the boozy songstress, April.  Well, now, apparently, April is back, and conveniently in charge of the roller rink that constitutes the “only possible” place for our Gleeks to practice (aside from the music room, of course).  April gallantly lets Will use the roller rink as Glee Club practice space.  She’s also willing to prospectively help him find a subletter for his home.  Why, you ask?  Because April is a girl, and everyone knows that all GIRLS on Glee (except for maybe, Sue Sylvester)desire a coveted spot inside the Schuester pantalones (a spot which is becoming increasingly less exclusive as the weeks progress)!

“Come on inside, ladies.  There’s room in here for EVERYBODY!”

April swings by Will’s place, ostensibly to check out the apartment, but ends up spending the night.  Surprisingly, these two don’t actually do it!

I know, Mr. Monkey, I was shocked too!

However, they did sing a couple of rousing show tunes together, about how lonely they both were.  And nothing says foreplay like SHOW TUNES!

After the foreplay show tunes singing, Will goes into Daddy mode, and self-righteously lectures April on how crappy her life is right now.  (Right, because YOU are the epitome of healthy living, Man Slut Will).  And to his credit, Will Schuester must be REALLY good at singing show tunes, because one talk with him is all it takes for April to decide to clean up her life and head out of town, but not before she buys the Glee club its auditorium, of course .  . .

Our Parents are Dating Eachother, So We Should TOTALLY Date TOO . . .

“You’re so TENSE future step-brother.  Maybe a full body massage would help.”

Speaking of pantalones, I’m not exactly sure what gave Kurt the brilliant idea that, if you have a crush on someone, becoming related to them is the PERFECT way to get them to do it with you (particularly if that person is straight, and you are gay)!  And yet, that was precisely our boy Kurt’s dastardly plan at the beginning of this episode.  We watch as Kurt deftly orchestrates the coupling of his widower father (played by Mike O’Malley) with Finn’s widowed mom.  And, wouldn’t you know it, these two fall completely in love, during the course of a SINGLE EPISODE!

Finn, who sees any “moving on” he and his mother might do, as a direct betrayal of his deceased dad, is not too happy with this new state of affairs.  And he lets both Finn and his mother know it, in no uncertain terms.  I love how when a very hurt Kurt sings “A House is Not a Home” directly to Finn during Glee practice, Puck mouths to Finn “Are you gay?”  (It might have been wise for Kurt to ask Finn this same question, before he started going through all this trouble!)

To further complicate matters, when Kurt and Finn, and their respective parents, all go out to eat together, Kurt’s dad starts talking football with Finn, which makes Kurt, who has always desired a closer relationship with his “man’s man” father, extremely jealous.  But . . . wait . . . isn’t Kurt on the football team too?

Did Kurt not WIN a football game for his school, by distracting the opposing team with his hypnotic “Single Ladies” dance, just a few months ago?

I mean that’s gotta count for something, right?  During the episode, Kurt comes to terms with his relationship with his father, while Finn comes to terms with the loss of his.  Ultimately, Finn allows Kurt’s dad to sit in his father’s sacred chair, while the two bond over a college football game.  Kurt looks on wistfully, but with a new understanding of the situation.

What it takes to be Beautiful . . .

“Just for cheering, not for EATING!”

Poor Mercedes!  The minute Sue Sylvester calls her and Kurt into her office, we just know she’s in for some trouble.   “How do you two not have a show on Bravo?”  Sue inquires, as the spunky pair banters with one another, just seconds before Sue rips their hearts out.  (And, she’s RIGHT!  I would TOTALLY watch a Bravo show starring these two!)

Check out Kurt and Mercedes in Bravo’s new hit show “Girl Talk,” on Thursday nights (right after Project Runway)

In preparation from an upcoming interview with a premiere journalist, Sue Sylvester has given her newest Cheerio an ultimatum: “Lose ten pounds, or you’re off the squad.”

To her credit, Mercedes initially goes about losing the weight the right way, by ordering a healthy lo-cal lunch at the cafeteria.  Unfortunately, Mercedes’ “friends” intervene, giving her “advice,” ranging from the bad to the downright insulting.

“Don’t ruin this for me!” Kurt says.

“Would you rather feel bad and look good, or feel good and look bad?”  Santana asks, after suggesting that Mercedes drink a “meal replacement” shake, that will cause her to instantly regurgitate all her food.

“We like you no matter what you look like,” says Artie (good sentiment, poor delivery)

“I’m pretty sure my cat has been reading my diary,” says Brittany.

(LOVE this girl!  I’m so glad they’ve decided to upgrade her to series regular status.  She totally deserves it.)

 . . . and so does her cat. 

Mercedes soon begins starving herself, to the point where she faints in the lunchroom.  Surprisingly, the only person with anything remotely supportive to say to Mercedes throughout this entire ordeal is Quinn.

In a very touching scene, Quinn visits Mercedes in the nurse’s office, offers her a granola bar, and tells her she is beautiful.  “You’ve always been at home in your body.  I admired that about you,” Quinn counsels.

Having had body issues in the past, and having gained a new understanding about healthy eating, as a result of her pregnancy, Quinn is able to commiserate with Mercedes, and provide her with some good advice.  I love the journey the writers have taken with Quinn this season.  She has certainly come along way from the shallow self-righteous girl we knew from the pilot. 

At the pep rally, Mercedes surprises everyone by giving a heart-warming speech about the importance of feeling comfortable in your own skin.  She then asks the entire student body to join her in a rendition of Christina Aquilera’s Beautiful, that, in my opinion, was by far, the best performance of the evening.  (Then again, maybe that’s just because I’m not a big fan of show tunes.)  You can hear Mercedes, in all her glory, here:

After the performance, a nervous Sue Sylvester . . .

 . . . meets with the journalist, who she is convinced will berate her for the impromptu performance.  And, initially, it seems as though he will do just that.  “The minute I met you, I instantly disliked you . . . Twice you called me Rerun, and I was also beginning to think you were a little racist.”

NOT the journalist!

While the journalist initially had plans to expose Sue for her bad behavior, he was pleasantly surprised by what he saw during the pep rally.  Assuming that Sue had orchestrated the whole thing, he calls her a visionary, and promises to “open doors for her,” by writing a highly laudatory article about the cheerleading coach.  To Sue’s credit, she ACTUALLY looks like she feels kind of guilty about all the undeserved praise she is receiving.  But just like the other few times us viewers have been made privy to Sue’s softer side, I’m sure it won’t last very long . . .

• That’s all folks.  It was definitely not my favorite Glee episode, but it had some good moments.  What did you think?  Are you excited about the prospect of Kurt and Finn as step-brothers?  Were you as shocked as I was that Jesse St. James had NO lines during this episode, and Rachel only had one?  Would you watch a Bravo show starring Mercedes and Kurt?  If you were Brittany’s cat, would you read her diary too?