The Dark and Twisty Sisters with Scalpels — Reunited, and it feels SO GOOD!
Welcome back, my fellow Greysies! Man, I missed you! I missed THIS SHOW! I missed all the sexy . . . and all the SEX . . . and all the nakedness . . .
Never . . . gets . . . old.
I missed all the snappy one liners . . . and the tears I inevitably shed, during EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.
Note: That is not ME, crying . . . just in case you got confused there.
But most of all, I missed MY CRISTINA YANG! The real one . . . not the troubled zombie-esque doppelganger with whom we have spent the first half of the season. Well, let me tell you something . . . CRISTINA’S BACK, BABY!
You all know who we have to thank for that, right?
(Man, if we knew all it would take to snap Cristina out of her funk, was having her holding a smelly fish for ten seconds, we would have given her one a LOOOOOOOOONG time ago!)
But I’m getting off track . . . So, let’s get on with the recap, OK?
Three Sex Scenes for the Price of ONE!
Say what you want about the Grey’s writers. But they SURE do know their audience! After a month of Grey’s sex withdrawal, our pals at Seattle Grace rewarded our patience, with not one, not two, but THREE sex scenes, within the first TWO MINUTES of the episode! How’s THAT for ambitious? I mean, I’ve seen pornos with less action than that . . .
“Oh, Mr. Pizza Delivery Man! Your MEATBALLS are the biggest in town!”
And we aren’t talking plain old vanilla sex, either. Take our first couple, Meredith and Derek, for instance. They start the episode fighting over Cristina’s “healing process.” But just when it looks like Derek might win the fight, Meredith goes in for a sucker punch. “I’m ovulating,” she tells him.
“Ugggggghhhhh,” replies Derek, rolling his eyes like a petulant teen, as he reluctantly takes off his boxers under the blankets. (You would think his wife just asked him to clean the toilet, or something!)
Given his SUPER enthusiastic response, Meredith is faced with the near impossible challenge of pretending she DOESN’T want to have sex with PATRICK DEMPSEY, in order to preserve her dignity! “I can’t even look at you, right now,” Meredith fibs.
“Fine! Then turn over,” retorts Derek.
And under the covers they both go . . .
“Who has two hands, and just had Doggy Style Sex on prime time television. THIS GIRL!”
Unfortunately, due to those pesky censors, ABC wasn’t able to show us the actual MerDer sex footage. BUT I CAN! Wanna see?
Our second sex scene belonged to a decidedly FORWARD FACING Owen and Cristina. (I posted their “money shots” above, for your viewing pleasure.) Unlike Meredith and Derek, Owen and Cristina didn’t screw like dogs . . . more like bunnies . . .
Apparently, holding a fish for ten seconds, not only cures PTSD and depression, it also does wonders for your SEX LIFE! Cristina is just basking in the glow of
fish sex with Owen — so much so that she decides to spend the day sightseeing! Owen would love to come (See what I did there?). However, he has a JOB to do, and a faux wedding to witness (more on that later) . . .
We cut to Sloan and Lexie doing it. Like the two couples before them, they exchanged some cuddles and post-coital talk, after doing the deed. But honestly, I can’t remember a word of what they said, as I was completely mesmerized by Eric Dane’s massive arm muscles, at the time . . .
But you know who WASN’T having sex? Callie!
Nope . . . not even THAT kind of sex . . .
If you recall, at the end of the last episode, Arizona returned to the U.S. to be with Callie. And a VERY PISSED OFF Callie slammed the door in her face. So, you can imagine Callie’s surprise, when she stomped out of her apartment the following morning to find Arizona STILL THERE! Apparently, girlfriend woke up early, got some coffee, and resumed her vigil outside Callie’s home. “Go back to Malawi,” Callie tells the former love of her life coldly, as she walks right past her.
“Ummm . . . OK . . . but can you let me in your apartment first? That frappuccino made me really have to pee.”
In other, “not getting laid” news, Teddy was awkwardly waiting at court to marry her new Husband for Medical Insurance Purposes, Noel from Felcity. (I’m sure he has another name on this show. I just refuse to acknowledge it, because he will forever be NOEL to me . . .)
“So . . . Noel . . . do you like scary movies?”
Owen arrives as the necessary Wedding Witness. (This made me feel kind of sad for Noel, who apparently had no friends to ask, which is strange, because I know Felicity totally would have come!) After he chastizes Teddy a bit about the obvious dangers of marrying the killer from Scream 3, Owen reluctantly does his part in the impromptu ceremony. Far from your typical bridezilla, a harried Teddy rushes the officiant to hurry up the wedding proceedings, so she can go to work.
“Can you tell me how to get to the Space Needle, Mini McDreamy?”
While her husband is busy witnessing a sham wedding, Cristina heads off to sight see. She finds this super hot bike rider — who looks like a clone of how Patrick Dempsey probably looked about ten years ago — and asks him for directions to the Space Needle. “First time in Seattle, eh?” He flirts.
(It’s OK, Cristina. I’ve lived right outside New York City all my life, and NEVER been inside the Empire State Building. Landmarks are for tourists, DAMMIT!)
“Ummm . . . OK,” Cristina deadpans, knowing full well, that if this was a romantic comedy, she would have immediately started babbling on about her whole traumatic experience to this stranger. (They then would have undoubtedly fallen in love. And then, at the end of the movie, he would have proposed to her . . . at the top of the Space Needle, of course!)
Sleepless in Seattle Grace — Coming soon to a theater near you!
Mini McDreamy kindly directs Cristina to the Space Needle. However, when a series of ambulences pass by the pair, sirens wailing, she follows them instead. Poor Mini Mac watches her go, dumbfounded, because he has clearly stepped onto the wrong show . . .
As it turns out, there was a massive shooting at a local college. Cristina comes on the scene, just as one of the injured is taken into an ambulance. “You need to crack his chest,” she yells instinctively at the EMT’s hovering over the stretcher . . .
“You’ve been replaced.”
Back at the hospital, Arizona Robbins is officially having the WORST DAY EVER! For one thing, she’s majorly jetlagged. For another, her girlfriend won’t take her back.
Callie never even let her PEE at the apartment. Then Chief Webber tells her she can’t have her old job back, because that Super Douche Dr. Stark has replaced her as Head of Pediatrics. But in a few moments, both Arizona and Dr. Webber will have much more important things to worry about than Arizona’s relationship and employment status . . .
Deja Vu . . .
In the lobby of the hospital, we find the entire Seattle Grace staff huddled around a television, sobbing. News has just broken about the campus shooting at the local college. An indeterminate number of students and faculty have been injured, and they are headed to Seattle Grace for treatment.
Like a general preparing his troops for battle, Chief Webber delivers a solemn and inspirational speech to his tearful and highly emotional staff, as they await the arrival of the ambulances. His speech was so touching and powerful, it brought tears to my eyes, when I heard it during the episode promo. It brought tears to them again, during the episode itself. And it made me cry a third time, when I rewatched the promo to get them all down on paper to use in this recap.
Here’s what he said: “We are going to have feelings today, and there is no shame in that. What we went through six months ago, is what they are going through right now, which makes them our brothers and sisters.”
As the ambulences arrive, we are introduced, one-by-one, to the patients that will be the focus of the episode. The first is a 15-year old certified genius, who has been shot in the stomach and leg. The second is a professor, who has fallen from a four-story window, while trying to help his students escape.
The third is a policeman who disarmed the shooter, but was shot himself, in the process. In the ambulence with that victim was the police chief who royally effed up the handling of the Seattle Grace shooting, six months prior. (Remember, how many times those Keystone cops of his had that nutjob in their sights, and let him get AWAY?)
Police Chief FAIL!
But, in all seriousness, it was hard to hate on the Police Chief, when he seemed so genuinely concerned as to the well-being of the younger cop. In addition to his obviously having a fatherly type relationship with this policeman, the Police Chief has other reasons for wanting his employee to survive this accident. Apparently, this patient is the only one who will actually be able to identify the Shooter . . .
And yet, it’s the inhabitants of the fourth ambulence, that really cause all the fans mouths to drop open . . .
Remember that guy who Cristina witnessed being carried into the ambulence, during the first few moments of the episode? Well, as it turns out, she didn’t just TELL the EMTs to crack his chest. She did it for them!
Since Cristina’s hands are inside the patient’s body cavity, Teddy, who will be the lead attending on the surgery, allows her former protege to participate in the operation. But just in case Doppelganger Zombie Cristina rears her ugly head again, Teddy wisely requests that Dr. Avery scrub in as well . . .
“All State, BABY!”
The mood of the episode, lightens just a bit, as we are taken inside another OR, where Douchebag Stark and Karev are operating on the 15-year old prodigy. Psycho Stark seems absolutely intent on sawing off the poor teen’s leg! He claims this is because she has other life threatening injuries. This is despite the fact that the other unnamed doctor on the scene, informs Stark that these other injuries are under control . . .
Ummm . . . Dr. Giggles? Just because you are operating on a minor, doesn’t mean you should treat surgery like a game of Operation . . .
“But the game told me to remove the LEG BONE! If I don’t remove it, I’LL LOSE!”
Karev knows there is a way to save the girl’s leg, without causing her any additional medical harm; and he tells Stark as much. But Dr. Giggles blows him off. Fortunately, Arizona is watching the event from the cheap seats, and sides with Karev. An affronted Dr. Giggles pouts, and calls Arizona unprofessional, telling her she no longer has any authority at this hospital. “Body block him, Karev,” shouts Arizona, as she dashes off to get scrub-in approval.
As Karev continues his standoff with the squirrelly Dr. Giggles, Arizona commandeers Callie to help with the surgery . . .
When Callie hears Karev’s side of the story, she immediately kicks Dr. Giggles out of the OR, and takes over. “In this hospital, we take shootings, very personally,” explains Callie.
Once Giggles is gone, Callie sends a triumphant Karev to help other patients in need. “Yesssss, that’s cool! My work here is done. ALL STATE, BABY!” He shouts, pumping his fist, as he struts out of the OR, in true Alpha Male Frat Boy Fashion. (LOVE HIM!)
Meanwhile Sniveling Dr. Giggles whines to Dr. Webber about being kicked out of his OWN OR . . .
But Webber (who was TOTALLY my hero this week, by the way), absolutely OWNED the bastard, by shutting him up for good, with THIS gem of a line, “Go be a DOCTOR! People are DYING! GO SAVE A LIFE, NOWWWW!”
Back in the OR, Arizona was taking advantage of her Captive Audience Surgical Moment with Callie, to grovel her way back into Callie’s Pretty Pink Pantalones. Callie DEFINITELY wasn’t having it . . . But you know what she WAS having? REALLY HUGE HOOP EARRINGS . . .
OK . . . maybe I was exaggerating their size just a bit. But was I the only one bothered by this? I mean, I know how often I lose MY hoop earrings! So, if my body is lying on an operating table, chopped in HALF, I sure as heck don’t want my doctor wearing those, while she’s sewing me back up. The only hoops I want in my body cavity are the ones that were there to begin with! Just sayin’ . . .
Anyway, Callie and Arizona ended up saving the prodigy’s leg. Their relationship? Not so much . . . When Arizona tells Callie that she “loves her” and “crossed the whole world to be with her,” Callie retorts with, “There are two of us in this relationship . . . you came back, but I didn’t.”
It was harsh moment for the pair, but one bursting with truth and revelations from both parties. To be honest, I’m not quite sure who’s side I’m on here. I sort of feel bad for both of them. Am I the only one?
“I was the wife in that waiting room.”
Speaking of surgical relationship squabbles, Meredith and Derek were having one of their own, as they performed brain surgery on the professor who fell from the four-story window. Meredith kept excusing herself to update the patient’s wife on his progress.
This deeply annoyed Derek, who saw the repeated interruptions as an unnecessary hinderance to the surgical procedure. “Since when are you more interested in updating the wife in the waiting room, than doing this?” Derek inquires coldly.
“Since I was the wife in the waiting room!” Meredith exclaims. “You and Cristina are so busy supporting eachother. Have you even noticed that I went through a trauma too?”
Meredith reminds Derek that being “the wife in the waiting room,” was so traumatic to her, six months ago that she came into the OR, and asked that The Shooter take her life instead of Derek’s. Meredith’s speech touches Derek at his core. Finally, he understands the extent of what his wife has endured. Derek is so overwhelmed with emotion, that he must take a moment to collect his thoughts, before continuing on with the surgery.
Outside in the lobby, Meredith leads the Professor’s wife and other patient’s family members to the center of the hospital (where the Seattle Grace Shooting took place, by the way). From there, the family members can see the hospital parking lot, where thousands of college students are standing together holding candles, and singing their school’s alma mater. (Oh yeah . . . this scene made me cry too . . .just in case there was any doubt.)
Though it was not without its complications, the professor’s surgery is a success. So elated is the Professor’s Wife with this news that she gives Derek a big hug! Later, Derek embraces Meredith, in a sweet apology, for his douchiness to her throughout the episode. “You’ve been holding everyone up all along. You amaze me,” he whispers in her ear.
Derek has some additional good news for Meredith. Cristina is PERFORMING SURGERY AGAIN!
Getting Closure . . .
Although Cristina’s story of catharsis and healing was undoubtedly the most significant of the episode, it was far from the only one. Other characters were also able to obtain peace and closure, as a result of this second tragic, but ultimately triumphant event. For Bailey, this came from her being able to save a young man named Chuck from dying of a wound that was startlingly similar to the one Charles Percy suffered during the Seattle Grace shooting . . .
So, overwhelmed with emotion is Bailey, by the obvious similarities between the two patients and their conditions, that she repeatedly calls this new patient “Charles” instead of “Chuck.” Charles Percy may have died, but Chuck will hopefully lead a long life, thanks to Bailey’s strength and perseverence . . .
April . . .
. . . who was undoubtedly still experiencing some feelings of guilt over the way she froze — and was generally unable to act — during the Seattle Grace Shooting, was given the opportunity to take charge of this situation. When all the ORs in the hospital were booked, Owen assigned April to run an improptu trauma center in the hospital. Because we ALL remember how kick ass she was in trauma training, right?
Well, apparently, she kicks ass at it in real life too, as she showed us this week! This just proves, once again that April Kepner is TOTALLY the New George O’Malley, both in terms of social awkwardness, and trauma prowess . . .
During the Seattle Grace Shooting, Lexie and Sloan operated on a very wounded Alex, using only the bare minimum of surgical tools that were available to them. When faced with virtually the same situation once again, Mark made sure to allow Lexie to do the surgical cutting, so that she could prove to herself that she was capable of doing so a second time. Toward the end of the episode, a grateful Lexie tells Mark she loves him. He’s obviously thrilled!
I predict MANY more hours of bunny sex in this couple’s future . . .
“Your Patient is the Shooter.”
When the policeman finally awakens, and offers a description of the shooter, we learn, much to our chagrin, that it is the patient on which Teddy, Yang, and Avery are currently operating. Floored by the notion that the three of them will be “wasting” an excessive amount of hospital resources — which could be used on other patients– to save the life of the person who caused all the casualties, in the first place, Avery storms out of the OR . . . (He does that A LOT, doesn’t he?)
Teddy thanks Cristina for staying to complete the surgery. “I know it can’t have been an easy decision,” says the Cardio God.
“You know what, though? It was,” explains Cristina thoughtfully!
(Can I just reiterate how ELATED I am that our girl is back?)
As for Avery, he somewhat softens his position on whether the hospital should expend resources on saving the shooter’s life, when he hears Alex talk of his schizophrenic brother trying to shoot his sister. “If he got hurt doing it, I’d want the doctors to do everything they could to save his life. No matter what, he’s still my brother,” Alex explains.
I know he’s a MAJOR ass, sometimes, but I’m still in love with Alex Karev . . .
Avery takes Alex’s words to heart, when he comforts the mother of the Shooter, by gently explaining to her that her son is still alive, and all efforts are being taken to save him . . .
I know he’s a MAJOR ass sometimes, but I’m still in love with Jackson Avery too! (Notice a pattern here?)
As the rest of the staff wrap up their surgeries, the doctors come to watch Cristina and Teddy finish operating on the Shooter . . .
As they watch, Webber explains to them, that of the 26 patients that were brought to the hospital, as a result of this second shooting, there were NO casualties. Upon hearing this, the whole staff immediately erupts into tears that are a mixture of happiness for the triumphs of the day, and despair for the losses of six months prior. Shortly thereafter, they all start LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY, in order to obtain a much needed cathartic emotional release after an unbearably stressful. Dr. Stark, however, is NOT amused . . .
“I HATE THIS PLACE,” he whines, storming out as the rest of the staff continues to chuckle at his expense.
The “fun” continues, when Dr. Webber tells Arizona that he was lying to her before. She CAN come back to Seattle Grace . . . provided she works under Dr. Stark. The look on Arizona’s face when he gives her the news is PRICELESS!
“Webber say WHAT?”
After the final surgery of the day, an exhausted Teddy reluctantly heads to Joe’s Bar (which is the only bar in Seattle, apparently), to fill out medical insurance paper work with her new husband, Noel Crane . . .
But Noel, ever the charmer, convinces her to share a celebratory drink with him first. “You saved MY life today,” he explains sweetly, “and that deserves a toast.”
(OK . . . so I’m going to give these two three episodes tops, before they are doing the horizontal mambo together. Anyone care to wager with me?)
But the best scene of all came at the very end of the episode, when best friends Cristina and Meredith — both clad in scrubs (as they SHOULD BE!) — reunited, after taking a LONG and very PAINFUL break from one another.
“Wanna get a drink?” Cristina asks congenially, as if no time or recriminations have passed between them at all.”
“Yeah . . . but not a real drink, since I’m trying to get pregnant. And I read that drinking when your pregnant results in your baby having three heads, and sixteen toes,” replies Meredith conversationally.
“How about some crack cocaine then?” Cristina retorts, as the pair walk off into the night together, and the screen fades to black.
Yep . . . Meredith and Cristina . . . still dark and twisty after all these years . . .
Well, that’s all she wrote, Greysies! Be sure to tune in next week, to watch Bailey get some LONG OVERDUE sex action from THIS GUY!
Is it Thursday yet?