Tag Archives: Miss Jacobs

Where the Falls Meets the Creek: Damon and Elena versus Pacey and Joey

Through these long winter hiatus months, since I can’t watch TV, I tend to spend A LOT of time talking about it.  Recently, one television-related conversation, in particular, has been cropping up among my friends on a fairly regular basis.  Not surprisingly, the conversation involves my two FAVORITE shows of all time: The Vampire Diaries and Dawson’s Creek, and my two FAVORITE TV Couples of all time, Damon and Elena and Pacey and Joey.  Coincidentally, both of these aforementioned shows, and ALL FOUR of the aforementioned characters, were produced and penned by THIS GUY . . .

Basically, what my pals and I have been discussing ad nauseum of late, are the many ways in which Damon’s and Elena’s relationship in The Vampire Diaries seems to be following the same trajectory as Pacey’s and Joey’s relationship followed in Dawson’s Creek.  (Truth be told, we are all kind of hoping this means that both stories will have the SAME conclusion.  *hint, hint, wink, wink*)

 And so, to commemorate the many conversations that have characterized my TV-less month,  I’ve decided to put all of our collective thoughts on this topic down on paper screen.  But before I do so, special thanks must be paid to three very special folks, in particular, who helped make this post happen. (So, if you absolutely hate it . . . BLAME THEM! ;)).  A big hug goes out to the Always Brilliant Amy, who once wrote a post similar to this, and who never fails to catch my random Dawson’s references, whenever they pop up in daily conversation (which is quite often); the Always Awesome Cherie who analyzes TV couples like nobody’s business; and Madeleine, who’s insightful comment to one of my posts caused me to go on a tirade that ended up being the genesis for the post you are reading now.

Howdy, Fellow Fangirls!

So, without further adieu, I bring to you . . . “Where the Falls Meets the Creek” . . .

Elena and Joey – Because Everyone Loves a Spunky Orphan!

Both Elena and Joey grew up in small towns that were rich in tradition, and characterized by WAY TOO MANY community gatherings.  At relatively early ages, both girls were orphaned, due to tragic circumstances (OK . . . that was kind of redundant.  Extra points to anyone who can come up with a not “tragic circumstance” that results in someone becoming an orphan).  As a result of said orphan status, both Elena and Joey were raised (at least through their teenage years) by not particularly maternal (useless) 20-something female family members, who, though “nice people,” would much rather be boinking their current Flavor of the Month Boyfriend than raising a teenage girl . . .

As a result of said parentage (or lack thereof), both Elena and Joey became mature beyond their years, highly self-sufficient, spunky, and a bit moody.  Speaking of said moodiness, neither girl is averse to sporting a Poopy PussFace, when things aren’t going her way . . .

 

Damon and Pacey – Because Black Sheeps have never been so SEXY (or so much fun)!

Both Damon and Pacey are “Bad Boys” in their own right.  Though admittedly, Damon’s murderous bloodsucking ways FAR edge out, Pacey’s “bad grades and back talking” in the naughty department. 

Pacey . . . being a “Bad Ass”

Damon and Pacey were both Black Sheep in their respective families.  Their parents were constantly comparing them to their fairer haired, more well-behaved counterparts.  For Damon, that meant being expected to measure up to his brother, Stefan . . .

For Pacey, it was his over-achieving best friend, Dawson . . .

Rather than brood and sulk about these unfair comparisons, Damon and Pacey combatted them with snarkiness, sarcasm, charm, good senses of humor, and matching general “Ughhhh .  . . who cares?” attitudes toward life.

The Love Triangles

When both The Vampire Diaries and Dawson’s Creek first began, both Damon and Pacey had to take a romantic “backseat” to the fair-haired boys to which they were always compared, when it came to the female objects of their respective desires.  Elena started dating Stefan, around the second episode of The Vampire Diaries . . .

 . . . and though Joey and Dawson didn’t actually become a “couple” until the Season 1 Finale of Dawson’s Creek, it was clear, throughout most of the early episodes, that these two had it bad for one another . . .

 

From Frenemies to Friends (with some SERIOUS SEXUAL TENSION en route)

Though the Blonde Boys had Elena’s and Joey’s hearts, early on in their respective series, the Brooding Brunettes seemed to take up a LOT OF THEIR sexual energy.  Elena and Joey each expressed some pretty passionate feelings of anger toward Damon and Pacey, during the first few episodes of their shows.  As for Damon and Pacey  . . . well . . . they were just acting like HORN DOGS, plain and simple!  And yet, it’s possible that our Bad Boys suspected even then, that their time for romance was just around the corner.  After all, as Vampire Katherine says, “Hate . . . That sounds like the beginning of a love story.  Not the end of one.”

Eventually, Our Boys’ persistence paid off, and they both became friends with their Dreamgirls . . .

 

They’re Bringing Sexy Back

Now, friendships are great and all, but they don’t keep you warm at night.  Our Boys have NEEDS!  So, while Damon and Pacey waited for Elena and Joey to come to their senses, they engaged in sexy times with others.  First, they each hopped into bed with an “Older” Woman.  For Pacey, it was his English Teacher Miss Jacobs.  For Damon, it was his former fling, that OLD AS HECK Vampire, Katherine, who, you guessed it, bore a startling resemblance to Elena . . .

But when those sexual relationships fizzled, it was time to move on to the “Friends with Benefits.”

Both Damon and Pacey were “lucky” enough to find female friends with punky haircuts, who were willing to offer them No Frills Sex, while they both waited for the girls they REALLY wanted.  For Damon it was the ALSO OLD AS HECK, Vampire Rose, for Pacey, it was gal pal, Jen Lindley . . .

I Get By With a Little Dancing Help from my Hot Friends . . .

Though they may have been “getting jiggy” with other girls, Elena and Joey were never far from Damon’s and Pacey’s minds.  And when both females needed a dancing partner in a pinch, each male suitor was right there, and waiting to boogy.  For Joey, she needed Pacey’s dancing feet to help her land a ballroom dancing-related college scholarship.  And though they both had two left feet, the chemistry between the pair on the dance floor, was simply undeniable . . .

As for Damon, he stepped in as Elena’s dance partner, during the Miss Mystic Falls pageant, while Stefan was off on a bloodaholic rampage . . .

Cue the Sexy Mating Dance . . . 

On the dance floor, a technically flawless Damon and Elena circled one another, like a pair of very dignified wild animals in heat.  And the highly sexualized way in which they looked at one another, was enough to melt your TV screen . . .

Given the pair’s mad dancing skills, it’s really a wonder Elena didn’t actually win the Miss Mystic Falls competition.  Then again, losing the competition put Elena in good company.  After all, a certain Miss Josephine Potter ALSO garnered the second place spot in HER race for the Miss Capeside crown . . .

 

Don’t MESS with the GIRLFRIEND of a Brooding Bad Boy!

When Damon and Pacey weren’t sweeping Elena and Joey off their respective feet, they were kicking the crap out of others, to defend their honor.  When some D-bag bully had the NERVE to deface Joey’s high school mural, Pacey THREW HIM OVER A CAR!

(This video may look long.  But, fortunately, the fight scene is right at the beginning.  So, enjoy!)

As for Damon, he was even willing to beat up a GIRL to defend Elena’s honor!  It’s just kind of strange that the GIRL ended up being Elena’s biological mother, and someone with whom he used to do the horizontal mambo . . .

“I love you so much, even the drool on your pillow is sexy!”

Beating the crap out of people to defend your lover’s honor can be tiring.  But do Damon and Pacey just get under their covers, and go to sleep when the fighting’s all over?  HECK NO!  Instead, they simply sit back, relax, and let Elena and Joey do all the sleeping for them . . .

Bad Boys Drink Their Feelings . . .

Despite all the sleep-watching, ass-whooping, and screwing Damon and Pacey do, in hopes of forgetting their respective heartaches, sometimes the pain of unrequited love STILL gets to be too much.  And when that happens, Damon and Pacey do what ANY self-respecting Bad Boy would do, in such a situation:  They get sh*t-faced, and self-destructively pour their hearts out to the women they love . . .

(Normally, I’d include Damon’s drunken confessional here too.  However, as you’ll see in a bit, Damon’s drunk speech to Elena is SO INTENSE that it belongs in another category entirely . . .)

“If at first you don’t succeed, Face Rape again  . . .”

Damon and Pacey are both highly romantic creatures, who KNOW unequivocally, when they are in love.  For romantic sexual beings like these, it’s incredibly hard to cope, when the object of your affection OBVIOUSLY feels the same way you do, but is blind to her feelings of love, due to circumstances beyond your control.  When such situations occur, Brooding Bad Boys like Damon and Pacey take the bull by the horns, and confront the women they love, with a strong and forceful kiss on the lips, thereby FORCING the females to take stock in their own feelings.  And yet, there’s a Right and a Wrong way to do such things. 

Hint:  Drunk and Self-Destructive Damon (see description above) did it the WRONG WAY . . .

But my Main Man Pacey . . . well . . . he’s got Sexy Face Rape down to science!

You GO BOY!

True Love Requires Patience and Self-Sacrifice

Now sober, a contemplative Damon decides to once again, let Elena know how he feels about her.  However, in contrast to the selfish Take-No-Prisoners Face Rape we witnessed earlier, this time, Damon’s second declaration is all about patience and self-sacrifice.  Wrongly Convinced that Elena is better off with Stefan, Damon speaks to Elena in a manner that is completely and heartbreakingly selfless.  After all, not only does our lovestruck vampire tell Elena that, even though he loves her, he shouldn’t be with her, for her own good, he also MAKES HER FORGET what he has said, so that she is not faced with making a choice that he feels may ultimately put her in danger . . .

Pacey’s second declaration of love for Joey is also more gentle than his first, and similarly tinged with self-sacrifice.  Rather than going in for a second Face Rape, Pacey actually gives Joey ten seconds to stop the kiss, if she decides that she does not return his affections (well . . . not really . . . but at least he tried).

“I have to protect her.  No matter what the cost”

Lest we forget how all this got started, I call your attention to Season 3, Episode 1 of Dawson’s Creek, during which Dawson, who has just rebuffed Joey’s sexual advances for some ridiculously moronic reason that I don’t recall, asks Pacey to “look out for her”  on his behalf.  Pacey, being the loyal friend that he is and not nearly as big of a Mental Midget as Dawson “reluctantly” agrees to the request . . .

Later, in that same episode, Pacey and Joey share an exchange that we now know marked the beginning of their official courtship . . .

By the way, you know who else, aside from me, is a HUGE Dawson’s Creek fan?  Vampire Katherine.

This is probably why warning bells went off in HER head for Stefan, when he made THIS bonehead (but brilliant, as far as Delena fans are concerned) move at the end of Season 2, Episode 11 of The Vampire Diaries . . .

If Dawson’s Creek is any indication, Delena fans will one day look back at Stefan’s request as the genesis for more or THIS . . .

and this . . .

 . . . which will, hopefully, eventually lead to some of THIS . . .

 . . . and THIS . . .

 . . . and EVENTUALLY THIS . . .

(Only THIS time, Elena will be on the bottom, NOT Katherine ;))

Sorry Boys!  One thing we’ve all learned about history, is that it’s doomed to repeat itself . . . And one thing we’ve learned about True Love . . .

 . . . is that it conquers all!

Well, that’s all I’ve got.  See you on the flipside, my fellow Delena and PJ fans!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Damon and Elena, Dawson's Creek, Delena, Pacey and Joey, Television Super Couples, The Vampire Diaries

An Obvious Lack of Impulse Control: A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “The Jenna Thing”

“I SEE YOU!  Just kidding .  . . I can’t REALLY see you!  (Or can I?)”

Summer television watching is all about guilty pleasures.  And, in its own ABC Family-approved way, Pretty Little Liars has quickly proven itself to be both undeniably “pleasurable,” and as insanely “GUILTY” as its four main characters are currently feeling.  During this week’s installment of the series, the girls banded together to face a new enemy, just as an old one reentered their lives.  Oh, and did I mention that this was the episode where everybody started randomly MAKING OUT with one another?

“I was hungry.  So, I thought it might be a good idea to eat your face . . .”

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

Deputy Douchey Strikes Back!

It’s only been two episodes, and I’ve already had just about all I can stomach of Deputy Douchey here.  (He has a real name, by the way.  I’ve just purposely chosen not to learn it.)  Seriously, how many cops do you know that would actually openly admit to screwing the mother of a murder suspect, just to get information on a case?

 Oh, and just so you know, Deputy Douchey, NO KIDS want to hear their mother being described as “HOT” in a sexual context!  And kids especially don’t want to hear this from a guy who is NOT their dad, but is still doing their mom, while the kids are sleeping under the same roof.

What’s with teen dramas always featuring these slimey, corrupt, and total inept cops?  As if repeatedly breaking up their keg parties wasn’t enough of a reason for teens to hate their “Friendly Neighborhood Policemen.”

I have a little proposition for you ABC Fam (I feel like the you and I are close enough now, that I can shorten your name, without fear of repercussion.)  Whoever the “big baddie” ends up being in this story, let’s have him or her KILL Deputy Douchey, PRONTO.  This way, I won’t have to see him on my screen anymore.  Then, the youth of America might have a bit less Cop Angst, as a result.  EVERYBODY WINS! 

So, anyway, Deputy Douchey stops by the school and gets our four main protagonists hauled down to the principal’s office.  This was kind of a big deal, as these don’t really seem like the type of girls used to spending extensive time in the High School equivalent of Maximum Security Prison.  Well, except maybe for Aria.  She did after all, used to have that “REBEL” pink stripe in her hair!  Oh, and Hanna, because she steals sunglasses from shopping malls.  Perhaps, it’s more accurate to say that Emily and Spencer don’t really seem like the type of girls used to spending extensive time in the principal’s office.

While the girls are headed toward their doom, they receive a text from the infamous “A.”  “Dead Girls Walking,” it says. 

Really A?  All that buildup, and you couldn’t come up with a better line than THAT?  You really HAVE been dead too long!

In the principal’s office, Deputy Douchey starts peppering the girls with accusatory questions.  And at this point, I’m just yelling at my television screen.  “LAWYER UP!  LAWYER UP!  Don’t say ANOTHER WORD! ”

Of the entire foursome, only Spencer is wise enough to at least inquire as to whether the girls should consider getting a lawyer.  And yet, after Douchey’s LAME assertion that this is “not an interrogation,” she just keeps right on answering his questions like everyone else.  It soon becomes pretty obvious that Douchey thinks the girls are at least accomplices, if not outright suspects, in Alli’s murder. 

Douchey subtly alludes to the fact that the girls were drinking alcohol the night of the accident, a fact they had kept from the police when they had initially given their statements the previous year.  He then not-so-subtly suggests that the girls’s stories sound rehearsed, and that they know someone who might have wanted Alli dead . . . This line of questioning causes the girls to immediately think about the infamous “Jenna Thing.”

Creepy Jenna and Her Insanely Loud “Cane of Destruction”

If you recall, during last week’s episode, the girls were shocked to find Jenna Cavanaugh in attendance at Alli’s funeral.  This week, we find out, her appearance wasn’t just a one time visit.  Apparently, she is back in town and attending high school with the girls.  Jenna had previously left school, upon becoming blind, over a year ago.  To make matters freakier, Jenna just keeps randomly popping up wherever the girls happen to be.

Did I mention she has the LOUDEST CANE EVER?  Two times, thanks to that massive cane, the girls HEARD Jenna coming, before they SAW her.  The first time, they were in a fairly empty diner, so it kind of made sense. 

But the second time, they were seated in a crowded and chatty HIGH SCHOOL LUNCHROOM.  But, man, was that cane LOUD!  Its sound was so INTENSE that it dwarfed any other sound within listening range, and rendered the world completely silent, in awe of it.  Understandably, every time the girls heard the Cane of Destruction, they noticeably panicked.  You know what the whole thing kind of reminded me of?  This . . .

Despite the girls’ obvious fear of Jenna and her Cane of Destruction, Aria decides to invite her to their lunchtable.  The problem is, everyone is too afraid that Jenna’s Cane will devour them whole, to actually talk to Jenna.  To Creepy Jenna’s credit, she prevents the scene from entering into silent movie territory, by carrying on an ENTIRE CONVERSATION WITH HERSELF.  “Everybody is so quiet.  This used to be the fun table.  What happened to you girls?”  Jenna inquires.

But no one answers her, so she continues talking.  “Alli visited me at the hospital once.  You know, everyone misunderstood Allison, but I knew exactly who she was.”

It’s Flashback Time Again . . .

Suddenly, we are flashed back to Emily’s room, a little over a year ago.  The girls are giggling and trying on clothes, when Alli suddenly goes apesh&t, convinced that some dude named Toby Cavanaugh (Jenna’s brother?) is ogling them in their undies through the bedroom window.  (I thought Emily’s room was on the second floor?)  The girls suggest going to the cops, but Alli has a better idea.  “Let’s light a stink bomb, and throw it in his garage hidey hole!”  She says, more or less.

By the way, am I the only one who NEVER learned how to make a stink bomb in high school?  How come this prissy biatch, Alli, immediately knew exactly how to do this, and I still can’t do it, to this day!  NO FAIR! 

Well, in all fairness, (1) Alli’s dead, so I shouldn’t really be envying HER at all; and (2) apparently, as it turns out, Alli was no stink bomb expert.  The “bomb” she made ended up blowing up Toby Cavanaugh’s hidey hole, apparently, while Jenna was inside of it.  As it was July 4th, and there were REAL fireworks going on outside, no one in town noticed or heard the explosion.   (Too bad Jenna’s Cane of Destruction wasn’t there at the time to warn them, because they DEFINITELY would have heard that. ) 

 Ultimately, the girls vowed to keep what happened a secret  forever.  Hence . . . “The Jenna Thing.”

Back in the present day, the girls are still silently not-at-all enjoying their lunch with Creepy Jenna, when “A” texts them the following, “I wish she could see the guilty looks on all of your faces.”  (OK “A,” that was a little funnier than “Dead Girls Walking” comment.  But not by much . . . Keep trying.)

Aria and Ezra Sitting in a Car.  Are They Kissing?  Yes They ARE!

Unlike some other teen dramas, the girls in Pretty Little Liars actually ATTEND classes, and we actually get to SEE THEM DO IT!

Shocking, I know!  Toward the beginning of the episode, Aria approaches Ezra / Mr. Fitz and asks him to sign a “Transfer Request” form.  She wants out of his English class.  Now, I should note that I was pleasantly surprised by Aria’s maturity and intelligence here.  SO MANY TIMES, I have watched films and shows featuring the student / teacher romance aspect.  And SO MANY TIMES I wondered why neither party to the affair thought to do this very same thing . . .

Yes, I’m looking at you Pacey Witter and Miss Jacobs! 

Mr. Fitz tries to convince Aria that they can both keep their emotions in check while in the classroom, but Aria’s not buying it, and neither are we.  Ultimately, Mr. Fitz relents and signs the Transfer Request.  And while I was applauding Aria for her righteous behavior, I couldn’t keep from wondering HOW exactly she planned to convince the administration to switch her to another English class, after only two short days.  Surely, “I’ve recently boned the teacher in a bar bathroom,” does not appear on the “Reasons for Transfer” portion of the request form . . .

That being said, it’s not exactly surprising that Aria’s Transfer Request is denied.  The sympathetic and loving looks Aria and Ezra silently share, after Aria passes him the declined request form and returns to her seat, are both beautiful and heartbreaking.  Brilliant performance here, on the part of both actors. 

That afternoon, Aria and her mother are heading to see the classic film It Happened One Night, when they run into, who else, but Mr. Fitz!

So, of course, Aria’s mom, in that humiliating way that only mom’s of teenagers can, invites Mr. Fitz to watch the movie with her and her daughter.  The awkwardness and sexual tension between soon-to-be-couple, Aria and Ezra, is palpable from the moment the lights dim and the film starts rolling.  The fact that these two don’t start screwing one another, right on top of Aria’s mother, is a pure miracle!

A few days later, Aria is walking home umbrella-less in the pouring rain when, who just so happens to drive by and see her?  Ezra Fitz of course!  (WOW, stalker much?) 

Ezra hesitates for a few seconds, before letting a wet Aria dash into his way-too-nice-to-be-bought-on-a young-teacher’s-salary car.  This time, the pair drop all appearances of “keeping their emotions in check” and go at it like bunnies.  The result is even hotter than you can imagine!

When Aria arrives home all wet (both inside and out), and smelling of New Car Sex, her father is there waiting for her.  “Something is going on with you,” he points out accusatorily.

But fear not!  Aria’s Daddy DID NOT figure out that Aria was boffing her English teacher in a car in the rain.  He simply wanted to talk about the only subject in which he has shown any actual interest since his first appearance on the show, namely, himself.

In a lame speech that sounded highly reminiscent of the mea culpas made by every politician who has ever screwed around SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME, Aria’s dad blabbed on and on, about how he still loves Aria’s mom, and how his brief indiscretion is over, and how he simply let his emotions get the best of him. 

 (Yeah, buddy, you let something get the best of you, all right.  But I honestly don’t think it was your “emotions.”  Unless you happen to be one of those rare and special men who hide your “emotions” between your legs.)

Fortunately, for Aria’s Daddy, Aria is still high on endorphins and massive Os, so she actually buys into his crap.  Then again, Teacher F*cker Girl is not exactly one to judge now, is she?  Toward the end of the episode, Aria joins her family for some bonding over Chinese Food.  After all, wontons and fortune cookies have the power to make everything all right with the world . . .

That is, of course, until Aria receives yet another cryptic text message from “A.”  It says:  “When students kiss teachers, someone gets hurt.  And that’s a promise I’ll KEEP!”

Wacking Balls, Overachieving, and Homewrecking . . . Just Another Day in the Life of Spencer.

Spencer’s is definitely that uptight snooty girl, about whom all the high school boys would say, “That b&tch needs to get laid.”

(Fortunately, based on what we’ve seen of her during this episode, it looks like she might soon get EXACTLY that.)

After wacking off some field hockey “balls,” Spencer heads to dinner with her family, where she is ignored by her father, demeaned by her sister, and shamelessly flirted with by her sister’s fiance, Wren.  Back at home, Wren comes to Spencer’s room to apologize to her, because she has the bad luck of being saddled with such a crappy family.  He then randomly picks up an architectural book, and makes some cheesy comment about “appreciating beauty.”  All the while, Wren is staring at Spencer like she’s a Tootsie Pop that he can’t wait to lick a few times, before really biting into . . .

Before you know it, these two are making out hardcore!

Surprisingly, it’s the much younger Spencer, who puts an end to the spit-swapping session.  “We can’t do this,”she cautions.

And Wren, who is cute, but obviously not exactly the “faithful type,” stops.  And yet, he doesn’t look at all guilty for the “whole cheating thing.”  Rather, he looks pissed at “Prude Spencer” for making him stop, before he could round second base.  It’s television moments like this that make me FEAR marriage . . .

Except, seeing as Wren’s fiance Melissa was outside the door witnessing this whole exchange, and Wren was seen leaving the residence the following morning with packed boxes, it doesn’t look like “marriage” is something we are going to have to worry about here . . .

Maya the Lesbianator (Everything She Touches Turns to Gay!)

Despite having a “boyfriend back home,” Maya seems pretty darn desperate to get into Emily’s pants!  As soon as she arrives on screen, she’s rubbing up against her at every opportunity, insisting that the two share hot cocoa, and spooning Emily in her sleep, while not-so-subtly grazing her boobs, in the middle of the night. 

Oh, that ‘s right, Maya is “sleeping over at Emily’s” for a few days, in an attempt to free herself from the depressing black hole that is the “Dead Girl’s home” her parents stupidly purchased (probably off some scam website).

But just when it seemed as though Emily was giving in to the Passions of the Maya, she received .  . . you guessed it . . .a text message from “A,” this one said: “Did you get a goodnight kiss?  Here’s one from me, XO.”  (You know, for a straight girl, Emily sure kisses a lot of ladies, not all of them necessarily still living.  Kinky!)

In the final moments of the episode, Spencer is out jogging, when she comes across Blind (?) Jenna, sitting on a park bench.  Apparently, Jenna is using a talk-to-text computer to deliver text messages to cell phones.  “Send text now,” commands Jenna, as she offers a sinister, if unseeing, look at Spencer.

Could Jenna be the mysterious “A” that has been torturing the girls for the past two episodes?

Tune in next week to find out . . . Until then, don’t let the Cane of Destruction hit you where the Good Lord split you . . .

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Filed under Pretty Little Liars