When Boob Tube Meets Silver Screen – 5 films that could probably “cut it” on the small screen

This past Friday, IGN Entertainment released THIS trailer, to promote an upcoming television series, based on the popular, and EXTREMELY profitable, Harry Potter book and film franchise . . .

Of course, if you recall, this past Friday was also April Fools’ Day.  And the above – trailer for the new FX series, The Aurors, set to premiere this summer, ended up being a FAKE (not to mention a Big Fat F-YOU to Wizard Lovers, EVERYWHERE)!

And yet, you have to admit, if a series like this actually DID air on FX, there’s a good chance it would be fairly successful.  After all, The Aurors, has all the ingredients for a television ratings darling, including:

(1) an allegiance to the Harry Potter brand, and the massive geek-chic cult following that comes along with it;

“When I wave my magic wand, millions of dollars in advertising revenue will appear, right before your VERY EYES!”

(2) a savvy nod to the world’s current obsession with All Things Supernatural;

(3) action adventure; and

Might I suggest some prune juice, Harry.  I hear it helps with your . . . condition.

(4) that Crime Procedural Mumbo Jumbo, which tends to bore the STUFFING out of me, but seems to be genuinely popular among most of the American viewing public (as evidenced by the success of the 85,000 versions of Law and Order and CSI currently clogging our television sets).

Don’t shoot!  I swear, I didn’t mean it!

This got me to thinking about other popular films that have the potential to make the transition from the Big Screen to Your Screen.   And so, without further adieu, here are my top five picks (in no particular order) for movies I’d like to see take that oh-so-dangerous small-screen leap  .  . .

1) Inception

I don’t think I’ve ever had as many in-depth, and complicated, conversations about a film, as I have had about this psychological action thriller.  The idea of being able to enter people’s dreams, and by doing so, altering their perception of reality, is just so inherently intriguing and ripe for discussion.  And for a television show revolving around a crack team of insanely attractive and ridiculously well-dressed, “dream engineers” — hired to basically control people’s minds from the inside-out — the possibilities are literally endless.  

Episodes can revolve around a different “dream hijacking” each week, or can slowly unravel an extensive “dream heist” throughout the course of the season.  Of course, at the show’s core would be the brilliant, but deeply troubled, Dream Makers, each of whom has their own extensive backstory, as well as specific, but complicated, rationalizations for choosing this, admittedly morally ambiguous, career path.

Speaking of morally ambiguous career paths . . .

2) The Town

Back in September, I fell in love with a film about a small town called Charlestown, Massachusetts, where children were raised to be bank robbers, con artists, and criminals, with the same intensity and efficiency that other towns invest in growing bankers, doctors, and lawyers.  Everybody loves a “brooding bad boy with a good heart” (especially when he takes his shirt off often).  And The Town had a whole cast of both Brooding Bad Boys and Hard-Nosed, but still hot, Cops to love.  Most notably, it had THIS GUY . . .

Oh, yeah!  That’s Ben Affleck!  And, upon seeing this picture, I totally took back, all those jokes I made about that awful Gigli movie.  Because THIS guy could ABSOLUTELY kick my ass!  Let’s find  a “kinder, gentler” picture.   Shall we?

That’s better!

And THIS guy . . .

A television series based on The Town would boast an extremely unique location, the likes of which has never before been depicted on television.  It would also undoubtedly feature a cast of scorching hot twenty and early-thirty somethings, each with their own idiosyncrasies, family dramas, romantic subplots etc.  And of course, the crime capers depicted in each episode would put the ones in those Ocean’s Eleven movies to SHAME!

Speaking of Ocean’s Eleven (and one of it’s stars, i.e. Matt Damon) . . .

3) The Adjustment Bureau

Ever wonder if the Universe has a specific plan in store for you?  The Adjustment Bureau was a romantic drama / action flick that dealt with the question of “fate” and “circumstance” in a way that  absolutely caters to the self-absorbed and egocentric world in which we live. 

Yes, Joe and Jane Average Citizen, SOMEONE “up there” has BIG PLANS for YOU . .  . and for your life.  In fact, you can find those plans in a BOOK, filled with multi-colored SQUIGGLY LINES that resemble those mazes they put on the back of Happy Meals at McDonalds.  (Those of you who saw the movie, know what I mean by this . . .)

Not only that, the world is crawling with Cute Men in Funny Little Hats who’s LIFE’S MISSION is to make sure that YOU reach your destiny . . .

And there’s a good chance that one of those “Cute Men in Funny Little Hats” probably looks a lot like Roger Sterling from Mad Men.

Because all of us like to believe we were put on this earth for a “reason,” and because we all find the idea of Cute Men in Funny Little Hats chasing us around the City all day, monitoring our every move, oddly appealing (or mildly creepy, whichever you prefer), a television series revolving around the titular Adjustment Bureau would likely be a fun-filled hour of escapist fantasy for the masses.

  Like the Inception series suggested above, The Adjustment Bureau series would work well as either a serial drama, in which a different “guest star’s” fate was adjusted each week, or a long-running storyline, in which the future of a particularly Important Person (like the politician Matt Damon played in the film) is systematically modified in every episode to achieve a specific goal. 

High concept mind benders, philosophical discussions, and crime capers aren’t your thing?  Fear not!  I have two more prospective television series ideas that might be more to your liking . . .

4) Adventureland

This past summer, I rented this fun coming-of-adulthood “period piece” (The film took place in 1987.)  about a recent-college grad, (played by The Social Network’s Jesse Eisenberg) who, without any immediate prospects for his future, was forced to take a summer job at a small-town amusement park.  Working the “ring toss” with Jesse, was none other than Twilight’s Kristen Stewart (playing a character who kind of, but not exactly, resembled Bella Swan), and 2010’s Sexiest Man Alive, himself, Ryan Reynolds . . .

Yes, I DO find every excuse to put pictures of hot, half-naked men in my blog.  Thank you for noticing!

In addition to having an all-star cast of up-and-coming actors, intriguing characters, and some stellar script writing to its credit, Adventureland boasted a refreshingly fun sense of time and place. 

As an 80’s baby, who spent most of the decade clad in Care Bears underwear, I’ve always been a bit jealous of those folks who actually got to experience this admittedly awesome decade as teenagers, and early 20-somethings.  From the killer music, to the amazing made-for-teen movies (John Hughes anyone?), to the care free days spent making out and getting high behind the Tilt-a-Whirl at your local theme park, the 80’s just seems like it was a great time to “come of age.”

An Adventureland television series would allow us to do just that!  Along with its “youngish” (and indubitably attractive), cast of characters, viewers could “travel back in time” each week, and experience the slings and arrows of early adulthood, all while enjoying a kickass soundtrack, drinking some cheap beer, and riding that old broken down Ferris Wheel for the 25,000th time . . .

5) Scream

At first blush, this one might seem like an odd choice for a television series.  After all, half of the fun of watching horror movies, like Scream, is seeing the characters get killed off, one-by-one, in increasingly gruesome (not to mention, patently ridiculous) ways, while trying to figure out who the killer is, right?  So, how does that translate to an entire season of small screen viewing, you ask?   And I say, how does it NOT?

“Do you like SCARY movies television shows?”

Think about it.  What is the BIGGEST, MOST SHOCKING, thing that can ever happen to your favorite television drama?  The one thing that’s CERTAIN to get ratings buzz for your favorite program, and ensure that EVERYBODY will be talking about what they saw the next day . . .  Of course, I’m referring to the DEATH OF A MAIN CHARACTER.  On most shows, this Major Television Viewing Event only happens about once or twice every season (typically, around sweeps week). 

But imagine the fun and excitement of MAIN CHARACTER DEATHS (along with “fun” Celebrity Guest Star Cameo Deaths”) occurring EVERY SINGLE WEEK!  Nobody is safe!  Everyone is a suspect!  And everyone is at risk! 

The “killer’s identity” would presumably be revealed in the Season Finale.   Or, perhaps, the mystery could be carried over into subsequent seasons, with new cast members regularly replacing the “old dead” onces.  Sure, it’s a gimic!  But look how long they’ve taken to reveal that darn MOTHER on How I Met Your Mother? 

OK . . . just keep smiling and pretend you actually know who “The Mother” is . . .

 If they can do it, so can WE!

So, there you have it folks, five sure-fire television success stories, based on five popular films.  So, which movies would YOU most like to see transition to the small screen?

[www.juliekushner.com]

Anatomy of a Trailer: Black Swan

Of all the film trailers invading my television screen, lately, the one that intrigues me most is the trailer for Black Swan, starring Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.  Not only is there already Oscar Buzz surrounding the film’s two stars, there is also much tongue wagging about an “agressive, ecstasy-fueled, sex scene” rumored to take place between them, during in the film.  And you know how much I love my Aggressive Ecstasy-Fueled Sex Scenes!

Aside from that, the trailer for this intense psychological thriller, about a ballerina who (possibly?) loses her mind during rehearsals for a performance of Swan Lake, looks pretty darn amazing.  Let’s check it out, shall we?

:14 – “I had the craziest dream last night . . . about a girl who was turned into a swan.  But her prince falls for the wrong girl.  And . . . she kills herself.”

Hey!  Way to spoil the ending of the movie, Natalie!

:21

Ooh!  This scene reminds me of a scene from another movie.  Does anybody else remember Center Stage?

 I’m guessing this movie is going to be ten times better than that one.  I’ve actually seen Center Stage about 15 times.  I also own the DVD, and have the film’s soundtrack in high rotation on my iPod.

:23 – “He promised to feature me more this season.”

That’s Vincent Cassel.  He, or somebody who looks just like him, played the Bad Guy in every action film I’ve ever seen.  He was also the only cool part of that Ocean Twelve movie aside from the INSANELY HOT CAST.  I highly recommend watching the film on mute.  It’s a much better experience.  Trust me.  (Click on the embedded link below, to see what I mean.)

:25 – “He should.  You’ve been there long enough.”

BURN!  You’ve gotta love passive aggressive moms who make not-so-subtle comments about your being OLD.  Barbara Hershey may be looking pretty evil now.   But I cried like a baby when her character died in Beaches. 

Then again, I was REALLY young the first time I watched Beaches, so it’s possible I was just upset that my favorite Fluffy Bear stuffed animal got lost under my bed.

:26 –

That’s the face I made when I lost my Fluffy Bear Barbara Hershey died in Beaches.

:32 –

As far as directors / producers go, Darren Aronofsky is pretty A-list.  Those of you who (like me) had nightmares for weeks, after watching Requiem for a Dream (a movie that doubled as the most effective DON’T DO DRUGS PSA I have EVER seen!), can think him for that. 

He also directed the Oscar award-winning The Wrestler, starring Mickey Rourke. 

But, just in case reading this has made you overly jealous of Darren Aronofsky, he just recently divorced Rachel Weisz.  

So, at least we know he’s not perfect  .  . .

:39 – “I’m Lily.”

That’s Mila Kunis.  She’s awesome.  Some of you might remember her as Jason Segal’s love interest in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. 

Others might enjoy her “voice,” as Meg, in The Family Guy. 

But, for me, Mila will always be the shallow, self-absorbed (but still oddly likeable) Jackie from That 70’s Show. 

Jackie spent most of the show in an on and off relationship with Ashton Kutcher’s dim-witted character, Michael. 

But, sometimes, she fooled around with Danny Masterson’s Hyde. 

And then, randomly, the writers made her end up with Wilmer Valderrama’s Fez?

WTF!

:44 –

Both Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman were rumored to have lost 20 pounds a piece to better “embody the bodies” of ballerinas.  Honestly, they were both so thin to begin with, I’m not sure how that is scientifically possible!

:45 – “I watch the way she moves, sensual.  SHE’S not faking it.”

OOOH!   Burned again, Natalie!  TWICE in one trailer!

:57 – “Feel my touch.  Respond to it.”

YES, PLEASE!

1:00 – “Someone’s hot for teacher.”

Hot for Teacher = An excellent Van Halen song (and music video) . . .

1:23 –

Rough sex?

1:12 “They made me your understudy.”

For those who haven’t read up on the film, the basic premise is this:  Natalie Portman’s character, Nina, is cast as the lead in Swan Lake, a part which requires the dancer to assume the roles of both the innocent White Swan, and the seductive Black Swan.  While Natalie’s Nina seems ideal to play the White Swan, her new nemesis, Lily (Mila Kunis) better embodies the darkness of the Black Swan.  As an understudy, Lily is quite literally, Nina’s doppelganger.  And you know how much I LOVE doppelgangers . . .

1:19 Let the Doppelganger Hijinks Crazed Lunacy and Latent Lesbianism ensue . . .

By the way, if you look closely, you’ll notice that the girl in black is NOT Mila Kunis, it’s Natalie Portman.  But wait . . . so is the girl in white.  I’m confused!

1:27 – Ladies, here’s the image you can use to get your boyfriends to go see this film with you.  I have four words for you (and them) “Ecstasy-Fueled Hate Sex.”

1:25 – Look!  It’s Winona Ryder!

1:28 – Not your best look Natalie . . . I’m not going to lie.

1:35 – Here, Natalie does her best impression of Kevin from the Home Alone movies . . .

1:36 – *Sings* Paranoia, paranoia, everybody’s coming to get me . . . and ruin my artwork.

1:39 – “What happened to my sweet girl?”

Sweet Girl is not home right now.  But if you leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message, she’ll get right back to you as soon as she finishes breaking mirrors, freaking the f*ck out, and going on a murderous rampage as soon as possible.

1:53 –

First of all . . . ewwwww!

Second of all, don’t you hate it when you start growing black swan feathers out of your back?  Then again, maybe that’s just an ingrown hair . . .

1:54 – Visine – It gets the red out.

Black Swan swims into theaters December 3^rd.  Will YOU see it?

[www.juliekushner.com]

Blair Waldorf GOES INSANE! a.k.a. The Trailer for the New Film, “The Roommate”

As a Gossip Girl fan, in general, and a Leighton Meester fan, specifically, I was quite amused to find this trailer for the upcoming film, The Roommate — a movie in which Leighton Meester seems to play an insanely psychotic college-aged killer.  In other words, this is a movie about what would probably happen to Blair Waldorf, if she got dumped by Chuck Bass, and screwed over one too many times by that Evil Hobag, Jenny Humphrey . . . .

Although the promotional materials for the film, never say it explicitly, I am fairly certain that this film has two main sources.  First, it is at least partially based on the 1992 thriller Single White Female, which starred Bridget Fonda and Jennifer Jason Leigh. 

(I will post the trailer for the original film at the bottom of this article, for your viewing pleasure.  But, for now, just compare the posters for both films.  As you can see, they are virtually identical.)

Another likely source for this film is the young-adult novel “The Roommate,” which was part of Francine Pascal’s popular, Sweet Valley series.

The above book came out after Single White Female.  However, some say that the former inspired the latter.

Now, obviously, The Roommate will be FAR from Oscar-winning material.  However, it DOES boast a highly attractive cast — one chocked with stars from various CW shows.  Also, the trailer is kind of unintentionally hilarious, in that cheesy, teen-slasher film, kind of way.  So, I decided to post it here, for your enjoyment:

Let’s break it down, shall we?

:14 – “You’re in room 316.”

Playing the role of lead protagonist “Sara” is Minka Kelly, who you might know better as Lyla Garrity from Friday Night Lights.  Minka is also dating Yankee, Derek Jeter, and was voted Sexiest Woman Alive in 2010.  (So, if you’re itching to see this film with your boyfriend, those last two facts will probably be major selling points on its behalf.)

:19 – “I’m your roommate, Rebecca.”

And here is Blair Waldorf herself, Leighton Meester, in the role of Psycho Stalker, Rebecca.  Am I being a total traitor to Gossip Girl kind if I say, I really like her hair this way?  (For those of you who don’t watch the show, Blair Waldorf’s hair is dark brown, and does not contain any of “Rebecca’s” highlights.)

:29 – “I want to show you the big city.”

Here, “Sara” and “Rebecca” are taking that oh-so-cliched “let’s hold the camera, and take the picture ourselves” shot.  I love how their’s (of course) comes out flawless.  Meanwhile, when I take pictures like these, I tend to look like something out of a horror movie . . .

:34 – “What should we name it?”

Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the best screenshot of this scene.  But, I can tell you that it features an ADORABLE black kitten.  Now, from what I’ve heard, the adorable furry little animals in both Single White Female (a puppy), and “The Roommate” (a kitten) didn’t fare too well in their respective stories . . . 

Perhaps, I should mention that I LOVE animals.  So, if anything bad happens to this kitten in this film . . . well . . .

Just saying . . .

:38 – “We’re HOT!”

Here’s Ally Michalka, who you might have seen on the new CW show, Hellcats.  You may also remember her from the critically acclaimed Disney sitcom, Phil of the Future.  Even though her character’s name in the film is “Tracey,” I’ve heard that the role she plays here can be likened to that of the Jessica Wakefield character in the Sweet Valley books.  Well, I can definitely see a resemblance . . .

“Jessica” is the drawing on the left.

Leighton doesn’t look too pleased about Ally’s presence in her dorm room.  Perhaps, that’s because Ally reminds her of Jenny Humphrey . . .

:44 – “Dude, I see that guy checking you out!”

It’s Cam Gigandet from The O.C., Twilight and the upcoming film Burlesque!  You don’t recognize him? 

How about now? 😉 

It appears that Cam will be playing Sara’s love interest Stephen in the film . . .

Unfortunately, the boyfriends in these types of films tend to fair just as badly as the furry little creatures.  So, I’ll say it again, writers.  If you hurt Cam . . .

:52 – (Oooooooh Spooky!)

Just like her alter ego, Blair Waldorf, “Rebecca” appears to wear a full face of makeup to bed.  Girl!  Do you have any idea how bad that is for your complexion?

:57  – “I’m her ONLY friend?”

What about Serena, Nate, Chuck, and Gossip Girl?

“Frienderz?”  Seriously?  What this screenshot tells me is that this film has been sitting in the can for awhile.  For copyright protection purposes, the film writers have obviously chosen to use a fake “Friendster,” to symbolize online social networking in college.  It’s telling that they did this, as opposed to using a website with the word “Face” in it, if you catch my drift .  . .

1:09 – “It was never a home, when I lived here.”

Doesn’t that look like the Waldorf Mansion?  What are the odds?

1:12 – “She’s taking her medication?” 

Woah!  Eleanor Waldorf just got a VERY drastic dye job, and some serious color contacts! 

Mid-life crisis much?

1:27 *Insert music from Psycho here*

Taking a shower in a teen-slasher movie ALWAYS makes you a liability.  So, here’s a rule of thumb for those of you who happen to find yourselves in one: Stay dirty, stay ALIVE!

1:29 – “You’re a BAD INFLUENCE on her!”

This was probably the most disturbing image in the entire trailer (aside from the one that alluded to Kitty Murder, of course).  Is it just me, or does Leighton kind of look like that little girl from The Ring in this screenshot?

1:46 – “I GOT RID OF THEM ALL!”

Come ON!  When Blair Waldorf gets mad, she ruins your reputation.  She doesn’t douse you with kerosene, and SET YOU ON FIRE!

Or does she?

1:56 – Ummmmmm . . . .  OK?

2:02 – That is SO NOT CHUCK BASS!

Actually, I think that’s Matt Lanter from the new 90210.    But let’s check to make sure . . .

Yeah . . . it’s the same guy.

2:03 –  Nice knowing you NotChuckBass!

At least it looks like he went out with a BANG!

2:28 – “Somebody’s been sleeping in MY bed . . . and she’s STILL HERE!”

Coincidentally, this is ANOTHER image that should help support your case, if you want your boyfriend to take you to see this movie . . .

Rounding out the cast of this film are . . .

Billy Zane (Titanic),

Cherilyn Wilson (the new 90210)

Daneel Harris (One Tree Hill)

Lauren Storm (Flight 29 Down), and

Katerina Graham (The Vampire Diaries)

Oh, and before you go, I recommend you check out the below trailer for Single White Female.  Aside from the film being ridiculously dated (the “computer” scene will definitely make you giggle), it’s actually quite fun to try and count the NUMEROUS similarities between this trailer, and the one you just watched above.

The Roommate stalks into theaters Februrary 4, 2011.  Will YOU see it?

[www.juliekushner.com]

Anatomy of a Trailer: Scream 4 (Contains Possible Spoilers)

I can’t believe it’s been 14 years since the first Scream movie came out in theaters!  It seems like only yesterday that I was sneaking into the movie theater to see it on opening night, having sneakily purchased tickets to some more “family friendly fare.”

That’s right!  Just like, I suspect, many of you, I wasn’t yet 17 when the first Scream came out in theaters . . .

(You know, I’ll never, for the life of me, understand why horror films, like this one, scrabble for the “Hard R” rating, when probably more than half of their movie viewing population has to be dropped off at the theater by their parents, because they don’t have their drivers licenses yet.  I mean, I get that it’s supposed to be this big “Status Symbol” to be “Rated R,” as a horror film.  Yet, all that Big Bad Letter really does is end up getting a lot of Movie Ticket Takers fired, for not properly ID-ing their patrons.)

“I swear, boss.  He totally looked 17 to me!”

But I digress.  There I was, underage, hanging with a bunch of my friends, and viewing Scream for the first time.  I remember when the movie started, seeing Drew Barrymore on the screen  (who was kind of a “big deal” at the time), and kind of rolling my eyes a bit.  “They aren’t going to kill Drew!”  I whispered to whoever was sitting next to me.  “Her face is on the movie poster.  And her name is one of ‘top billed.'”

 

And then they gutted her like a fish, in the first five minutes . . .

I was HORRIFIED . . . but, at the same time, very impressed.  I knew, right then, that I was witnessing the start of something pretty amazing.  As far as “horror movie cliches” were concerned, all bets were off!  We were all going to be in for quite a ride . . .

I saw the next two films in the trilogy on their opening nights as well.  And while neither had quite the shock value of the first installment  (The minute Jada Pinkett Smith walked into that movie theater at the beginning of Scream 2, I knew not to get too attached to her character . . .

 . . . ditto for Buffy the Vampire Slayer . . .)

 . . . I still found both films to be enjoyable, witty, and surprisingly well-written.

So, I was intrigued, when I started hearing buzz around the internet that the first film of a new Scream trilogy would be “stabbing” its way into theaters in 2011.  Like the first film, Scream 4 will be penned by Kevin Williamson (writer of none other than my current FAVORITE television show, The Vampire Diaries) . . .

 . . . and directed by, that denizen of horror himself, Wes Craven. 

As the poster for the film suggests, the new tagline for Scream 4 is “New Decade, New Rules.”  At this year’s Scream Awards, Wes Craven promised us a movie for  the “next generation” of horror fans.  Here, the same, now- tired, old rules, won’t necessarily apply.  You know what that means, don’t you?  Oh yeah . . . the Ghostface Killer is TOTALLY iPhone-ready.

“Psycho Serial Killer?  There’s an app for that!”

Sure, Scream 4 may be ready for the “next generation of horror movie fans,” but, the question remains, is it ready for us?   After all, in this new culture, of leaked scripts, pirated films, screencapped trailers, and endless film analysis on message boards and blogs, it is REALLY hard to keep a secret, and even harder to genuinely surprise fans.  Because, now, not only are horror movie goers more savvy, as Craven, himself suggested, they are also more well-informed.

For example, we NOW know that when an actress boasts a “cameo” in a horror film, and her character doesn’t have a “name” on the movie’s IMDB page , we can probably expect her to show up in one scene, die a quick but gruesome death, and never be seen again . . .

Usually a lover of all things spoilery, I personally found myself a bit disappointed when, after merely viewing the film’s teaser trailer and perusing the message boards, I already pieced together what will probably be the opening murder sequence (including the “fakeout” that will likely come with it). 

And . . . well . . . why don’t I let you watch for yourself . . .

Now that’s a trailer chocked full of spoilery information, if I’ve ever seen one! 

I’m just going to share a few screencaps with you that I found particularly instructive.  However, you can find ALL the screencaps for this trailer here.  (Special thanks to CNE20, who was kind enough to post these!)

Oh, and for all you Spoilerphobes out there, this would be a good time to STOP READING!

:12 “Welcome home, Sydney!  You’re a survivor, aren’t you, Sydney?  What good is it being a survivor, if everyone around you is DEAD!”

Yes, boys and girls, Scream queen, Neve Campbell (now 37), will be reprising her role as the much-abused Sydney Prescott.  After all this poor woman has been through, you would think she would FINALLY suck it up, and cancel her landline.  Cell phones, Sydney!  They are all the rage these days . . . not to mention that having them makes it much easier to RUN AWAY from the Psycho Serial Killer who always seems to be INSIDE YOUR HOUSE!

:18 – “All you can do is WATCH!”

Anna Paquin (Soookeh! of  True Blood) and Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) have both publicly admitted to having “cameos” in this film.  (We all know what THAT means!)  Many “experts” have posited that the first “murder” of the film, will not be a “real” murder, but actually a scene from the fictional Scream-like series, Stab (featured prominently in Scream 2 and 3), which Anna’s and Kristen’s characters will be watching at home on DVD.  These same experts suggest that Anna and Kristen, like Drew Barrymore and Jada Pinkett Smith, before them, will be the new film’s first REAL victims.  This scene here, which features Anna, turning off a DVD, while a frightened Kristen looks on, would seem to suggest as much . . .

:19 – “Ahhhhhhhh!”

Golly gee!  For two girls credited as having “cameos” in the film, Lucy Hale (Pretty Little Liars) and Shenae Grimes (90210) sure got a lot of face time in the teaser trailer!  Many suspect that this is because these two will be stars of the Stab installment that Anna and Kristen are watching, in the film’s opening scene. 

(Note to Kevin Williamson:  It is not too late to CHANGE THIS!  In fact, if this is the actual concept for the opening sequence, and you want to REALLY shock fans, as you have done consistently in the past, you probably SHOULD!)

:21 – “Modern fans have become savvy to the rules of the originals.  I mean, there are still rules, but the rules have changed.”

OMG, Rory Culkin!  My, have you grown!  (I bet you’re taller than Macauley Culkin now . . . and Kieran Culkin, for that matter.)  It looks as though Rory will be inhabiting the “Horror Film Geek”  role, previously inhabited by Jamie Kennedy (who played “Randy Meeks”), in the first two films.

:50 – “Go ahead, if you have the guts!”

This highly controversial, and much discussed, screencap features Courtney Cox, seemingly about to get gutted by the Ghostface Killer.  Could the makers of this trailer be brave enough (or stupid enough, depending on how you look at it) to forecast the death of Gale Weathers –one of the three MAIN CHARACTERS from the original trilogy — so early in the film’s promotional campaign?  (Or will someone come to to her rescue, at the last minute, as is usually the case in these type of movie situations?)

:54 – “Well, it’s time for someone new to die.”

Here’s Rory Culkin again, along with Hayden Panettiere and Marielle Jaffe.  These three will likely function as the “Scooby Gang” to lead player, Emma Robert’s “Jill.”  Hayden will be playing Kirby Reed, “Jill’s” best friend.  The “best friend” moniker should keep her safe for at least the first half of the film.

Marielle will be playing “Olivia,” who, based on this  scene alone, looks and sounds like kind of a b*tch.  Since b*tches never fare particularly well in this genre, I’m guessing “Olivia” will be a goner, fairly early on . . .

:58 – “These aren’t just random killings.”

David Arquette (who I am liking SO MUCH LESS NOW, especially after his ridiculous drunken T.M.I. rant on Howard Stern) will be reprising his role as Deputy Dewey.  Also donning the dorky Rent-A-Cop uniform in this film, will be the adorable Adam Brody . . .

(Seth Cohen is a cop?)

 . . . and the very cuddly, Anthony Anderson . . .

1:00 – iPhone product placement alert!

I said it before, but it bears repeating.  Between the killer videotaping his murders, and the cast members running around with iPhones, it does seem that new technologies will play a major role in the new trilogy.

1:01 –  Emma Roberts alert!

Although she looks like she’s in a pretty tough spot right now, I’m thinking that Emma Roberts, who has been tauted by producers as “the NEW Sydney Prescott” (she plays Sydney’s cousin, in the film), will probably be around for a while.  In other words, if you happen to be watching the film, and really have to pee, the scenes where “Jill” is in “peril” are the best time to go . . .  At least, this way, you won’t risk missing a “cool death scene.”

1:16 – “I hear you like horror movies.”

              “It’s for you.”

I know I showed these two already.  However, this line was the only one in the trailer that actually made me giggle out loud.   It also seemed a bit cheesy, by Scream standards.  This only supports my hypothesis that all scenes featuring Shenae and Lucy are meant to come from the fictional Stab series.  Of course, I could be wrong . . . (I still kind of hope I am.)

Scream 4 scares into theaters April 15, 2011.  Will YOU see it?

[www.juliekushner.com]

Sookie Stackhouse is getting MARRIED?! — Just kidding . . . It’s just the trailer for her new film, “The Romantics.”

So, did you guys see that new episode of True Blood?

You know, the one where Sookie . . .

 dumps Vampire Bill . . .

 . . . and runs off to marry some guy who works in upper level management at this fancy Las Vegas casino . . .

 .  . . a guy who can take his shirt off IN THE SUN . . . without getting burned?

Unfortunately, Vegas Casino Guy might still be in love with Joey Potter . . .

Because, who ISN’T still in love with Joey Potter?  We all know HE is . . .

 . . . and THIS GUY definitely is . . .

 So, why not Vegas Casino Guy too?

Also, during this episode . . . Sookie finds out she has a FAIRY Godsister . . .

 But the little fairy just keeps whining about having to give up Puck’s baby for adoption . . .

. . . and about losing Sectionals to this TOTAL  A -hole, Jesse James . . .

 . . . Sorry . . . I mean Jesse ST. James . . .

It’s a pretty bizarre episode.  You see, not only has Sookie dumped Vampire Bill.  She’s also kicked to the curb, her two best friends, Tara . . .

 . . .  and Sam . . .

 . . . and replaced them with TWO NEW best friends:  Frodo Baggins . . .

(who promised he’d lend her a ring to use for the wedding, but hasn’t been seen or heard from since ) . . .

and Seth Cohen . . .

(who’s deathly afraid of vampires, but REALLY wants Sookie to join his Comic Book Club) . . .

Oh, and that mean girl from 27 Dresses is there too . . .

She knew that Sookie really wanted to wear Gram’s old wedding dress to her wedding . . .

. . . but thought the fabric would look much better as a TABLECLOTH for her apartment . . .

So, she STOLE it from Sookie’s closet, and had it “altered.”

And I have NO IDEA what heck Murphy Brown was doing in this episode!

*      *       *      *

So, basically, there’s this movie coming out this weekend, called “The Romantics.” It stars ALMOST all of the people I just mentioned (Anna Paquin, Josh Duhamel, Katie Holmes, Dianna Agron, Elijah Wood, Adam Brody, Malin Ackerman, and Candice Bergen).  In other words, it has the BEST CAST IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!

Unfortunately, the trailer for the film is kind of dull . . .

So, I’m more than a bit torn as to whether I am willing to pay the price of admission, to go see it.  The film is actually based on a book of the same name, by a guy named Galt Niederhoffer.  (Try to say THAT name three times fast!)

The book (which I haven’t read yet) is about a group of friends who attended Yale University together.  

They reunite, six years after graduation, to attend the wedding of TWO members of their elite social circle: Lila (played by Anna Paquin) and Tom (played by Josh Duhamel).  Tensions quickly rise within the wedding party, due to the fact that the Maid of Honor, Joey Potter Laura, ALSO used to date Tom.  Obviously, these two still have some unresolved feelings for one another.  

OMG!  Really?   Because I TOTALLY never saw that one coming . . .

  The rest of the film’s cast will play Lila’s mother (Candice Bergen), her little sister (Dianna Agron), and her various friends (Elijah Wood, Adam Brody, Malin Ackerman), respectively.  Rounding out the cast are Jeremy Strong , who actually attended Yale in real life (probably around the same time his fictional character did) . . .

.  . . and Rebecca Lawrence . . .

On the surface, The Romantics has a pretty promising premise . . . an indie film mashup of The Big Chill . . .

St. Elmo’s Fire . . .

. . . My Best Friend’s Wedding . . .

. . . and every chick flick ever made . . .

Yet . . . I don’t know.  Something about the trailer just seemed a little . . . dry . . . to me.  But, perhaps, I should let you judge for yourself . . .

Were you as underwhelmed by this trailer as I was (DESPITE the overwhelming awesomeness of the cast)?  Or did you catch something in it that made you want to immediately gorge on the film, like a hungry vampire chomping on a fairy?

The Romantics walks down the aisle September 10th, in New York and L.A..  However, it will “honeymoon” in wide release, shortly thereafter.  Will YOU see it?

[www.juliekushner.com]

Anatomy of a Trailer – Burlesque

The way I see it, Burlesque, the upcoming movie / musical starring Christina Aguilera, in her big screen debut, will either be truly spectacular . . .

 . . . or ridiculously bad.

The film follows Ali (Aquilera), as she escapes from whatever podunk town she came from, and heads off to Hollywood with big dreams and little cash.

View from a dirty bus window.

She finds a job as a waitress at a struggling night club, called Burlesque Lounge, run by Tess (Cher).  And . . . well, I’ll let you see for yourself .  . .

:32 – “When you are putting on your makeup, it is like you’re an artist.  But instead of painting a canvas, you are painting a face.”

 . . . or, in Cher’s case, a face made of canvas.

So, after seeing Cher in this trailer, I’ve come to two conclusions: (1) She looks pretty good.  Her face really hasn’t changed that much since the 90’s . . .

(2) The reason Cher’s face hasn’t changed since the 90’s, is that it hasn’t moved since then.  Did you watch that scene where she was putting on her makeup?  I felt like I was watching an expert ventriloquist!

Bet you can’t guess which one is real?

:49 – “Great enthusiasm, terrible timing.”

It looks like Stanley Tucci will be playing the role of the “man behind the older woman” . . .

 and the “staunch supporter / behind the scenes mentor” of the younger one. 

It’s The Devil Wears Prada all over again.

:57 – Kristen Bell is in this movie!

I heart her, even when she plays mean and unlikeable characters . . .

  . . . and it seems like she will be playing one here too.

1:02 – “The question is, do you have the talent?  Because you’re on . . .”

Hey, that was Cam Gigandet!

What?  You don’t remember CAM?  Sure you do!  He was the douche responsible for Marissa Cooper’s death on The O.C.  . . .

 . . . and the douche who wanted to beat Sean Farris to a pulp in Never Back Down .  . .

 . . . and the douche who wanted to eat Bella in Twilight . . .

In fact, Cam’s “Douching Schedule” was SO uncompromising, that he rarely had time to put on a shirt . . .

 .  . . which is why I love him!

1:12 – “What happened to all the great dancers in L.A.?” 

             “They’re all Dancing with the Stars.“

I think this was meant to be somewhat of an inside joke, as Dancing with the Stars’ Julianne Hough is said to have signed on to  this film.

It seems a little odd that they didn’t put her in the trailer, though.

1:17 – “What is she doing up there?”

The Genie in a Bottle dance, perhaps?

1:27 – “Nobody can tell you.  You gotta make me believe that you belong on that stage.  That it’s yours, and that nobody can take it from you.  Now you want to show me something?  Show me THAT!”

WOW, Cher, I’m so inspired now!

I might even start taking violin lessons — on a tiny violin, kind of like the one I heard playing in the background, during that speech you just made.

1:46 – And there are those infamous Aguilera pipes we’ve come to know so well. . .

Too bad she’s dressed like a bachelor party stripper . . .

1:48 – OMG!  It’s Alan Cummings!

This guy kinda scares me.   But I can’t remember why . . .

Now I remember . . .

1:51 – McSteamy ALERT!  McSteamy ALERT!

Hold on to your panties, ladies.  Because they are about to fall . . .

2:07 – “Clearly, one of us has underestimated the other.”

Oooh!  I smell a Cat Fight!  And I don’t know about you, but my money is on Veronica Mars!

She’s small, but scrappy.  Then again . . .

This could actually be a real toss up.

2:16 – Aww Cam!  I knew you wouldn’t let me down!

2:24 – “Alice?  Well, welcome to Wonderland.”

Burlesque dances into theaters on November 24, 2010 (Thanksgiving).  Will YOU see it?

[www.juliekushner.com]

Anatomy of a Trailer – Touchstone Pictures’ “You Again”

OK.  So, a film about a former high school nerd, who is now “all-grown up” and successful, but soon finds herself reverting back to her old ways, when the school bully conveniently re-enters her life?  It’s not exactly the most original movie premise out there.  And yet, with a cast that includes none other than:

 my girl-crush Kristen Bell (of Veronica Mars fame),

Jamie Lee Curtis,

Sigourney Weaver,

Kristin Chenoweth,

Cloris Leachman,

and the always ADORABLE Betty White

 . . . I simply HAD to post this trailer.  So, here it is (special thanks to TrailerDelinquent, over at YouTube, for posting this):

Let’s analyze, shall we . . .

:12 – I’m not sure how I feel about Jaime Lee Curtis and Victor Garber as Kristen Bell’s parents.  Don’t get me wrong, they are both GREAT actors.  It’s just that they are so “dark complected” compared to Bell’s blonde, fair-skinned, look.  Maybe she is supposed have been adopted?

That being said .  . . I’m TOTALLY loving Garber’s “doo-rag” in this dinner scene!

:28 – I was wondering how they would make the super cute Kristen Bell into a convincing nerd, for “flashback scene” purposes.  I don’t have to wonder anymore . . .

Nice job, wardrobe and makeup department!  They even (gasp!) gave my girl highly realistic looking PIMPLES!

:36 – Now, I may be broadcasting my “inner nerd” when I say this, but I think mascots, in general, are pretty awesome . . . Well, maybe not that one.

Now, do you see what I mean about the pimples?

:47 – “Hugsies!”  – UGGHHH!  I already HATE Odette Yustman’s character, and it’s been less than a minute!

:54 – It definitely looks like they photoshopped together ACTUAL high school pictures of Jaime Lee Curtis and Sigourney Weaver to make this fake yearbook picture.  (Devil horns not included, of course.)

1:12 – OH NO!  They DID NOT just allude to a Jamie Lee Curtis “money shot!”

Sheesh!  The woman does ONE movie with Lindsay Lohan . . .

 . . .  and already she’s exposing herself in public.  This is yet another GREAT reason to ban “Lilo” from all future cinematic appearances!

1:16 and 1:48 – For a movie trailer, this has has a surprisingly  good soundtrack!  The first song you hear is “Good Girls Go Bad,” by Cobra Starship.  The second one is Little Jackie’s “The World Should Revolve Around Me.”  Remind me to add these two tracks to my ipod, OK?

2:08 – “Somebody call US Weekly.  Let’s find out who wore it best!”

Sorry Jamie Lee!  I’m going to have to go with Sigourney on this one . . .

2:24 – “I’m also on the Facebook . . . and the Twitter.”  –  I heart Betty White!  I’ll definitely be stalking her on both Facebook AND Twitter, once I finish this post.

 

You Again bullies into theaters on September 24, 2010.  Will YOU see it?