When Boob Tube Meets Silver Screen – 5 films that could probably “cut it” on the small screen

This past Friday, IGN Entertainment released THIS trailer, to promote an upcoming television series, based on the popular, and EXTREMELY profitable, Harry Potter book and film franchise . . .

Of course, if you recall, this past Friday was also April Fools’ Day.  And the above – trailer for the new FX series, The Aurors, set to premiere this summer, ended up being a FAKE (not to mention a Big Fat F-YOU to Wizard Lovers, EVERYWHERE)!

And yet, you have to admit, if a series like this actually DID air on FX, there’s a good chance it would be fairly successful.  After all, The Aurors, has all the ingredients for a television ratings darling, including:

(1) an allegiance to the Harry Potter brand, and the massive geek-chic cult following that comes along with it;

“When I wave my magic wand, millions of dollars in advertising revenue will appear, right before your VERY EYES!”

(2) a savvy nod to the world’s current obsession with All Things Supernatural;

(3) action adventure; and

Might I suggest some prune juice, Harry.  I hear it helps with your . . . condition.

(4) that Crime Procedural Mumbo Jumbo, which tends to bore the STUFFING out of me, but seems to be genuinely popular among most of the American viewing public (as evidenced by the success of the 85,000 versions of Law and Order and CSI currently clogging our television sets).

Don’t shoot!  I swear, I didn’t mean it!

This got me to thinking about other popular films that have the potential to make the transition from the Big Screen to Your Screen.   And so, without further adieu, here are my top five picks (in no particular order) for movies I’d like to see take that oh-so-dangerous small-screen leap  .  . .

1) Inception

I don’t think I’ve ever had as many in-depth, and complicated, conversations about a film, as I have had about this psychological action thriller.  The idea of being able to enter people’s dreams, and by doing so, altering their perception of reality, is just so inherently intriguing and ripe for discussion.  And for a television show revolving around a crack team of insanely attractive and ridiculously well-dressed, “dream engineers” — hired to basically control people’s minds from the inside-out — the possibilities are literally endless.  

Episodes can revolve around a different “dream hijacking” each week, or can slowly unravel an extensive “dream heist” throughout the course of the season.  Of course, at the show’s core would be the brilliant, but deeply troubled, Dream Makers, each of whom has their own extensive backstory, as well as specific, but complicated, rationalizations for choosing this, admittedly morally ambiguous, career path.

Speaking of morally ambiguous career paths . . .

2) The Town

Back in September, I fell in love with a film about a small town called Charlestown, Massachusetts, where children were raised to be bank robbers, con artists, and criminals, with the same intensity and efficiency that other towns invest in growing bankers, doctors, and lawyers.  Everybody loves a “brooding bad boy with a good heart” (especially when he takes his shirt off often).  And The Town had a whole cast of both Brooding Bad Boys and Hard-Nosed, but still hot, Cops to love.  Most notably, it had THIS GUY . . .

Oh, yeah!  That’s Ben Affleck!  And, upon seeing this picture, I totally took back, all those jokes I made about that awful Gigli movie.  Because THIS guy could ABSOLUTELY kick my ass!  Let’s find  a “kinder, gentler” picture.   Shall we?

That’s better!

And THIS guy . . .

A television series based on The Town would boast an extremely unique location, the likes of which has never before been depicted on television.  It would also undoubtedly feature a cast of scorching hot twenty and early-thirty somethings, each with their own idiosyncrasies, family dramas, romantic subplots etc.  And of course, the crime capers depicted in each episode would put the ones in those Ocean’s Eleven movies to SHAME!

Speaking of Ocean’s Eleven (and one of it’s stars, i.e. Matt Damon) . . .

3) The Adjustment Bureau

Ever wonder if the Universe has a specific plan in store for you?  The Adjustment Bureau was a romantic drama / action flick that dealt with the question of “fate” and “circumstance” in a way that  absolutely caters to the self-absorbed and egocentric world in which we live. 

Yes, Joe and Jane Average Citizen, SOMEONE “up there” has BIG PLANS for YOU . .  . and for your life.  In fact, you can find those plans in a BOOK, filled with multi-colored SQUIGGLY LINES that resemble those mazes they put on the back of Happy Meals at McDonalds.  (Those of you who saw the movie, know what I mean by this . . .)

Not only that, the world is crawling with Cute Men in Funny Little Hats who’s LIFE’S MISSION is to make sure that YOU reach your destiny . . .

And there’s a good chance that one of those “Cute Men in Funny Little Hats” probably looks a lot like Roger Sterling from Mad Men.

Because all of us like to believe we were put on this earth for a “reason,” and because we all find the idea of Cute Men in Funny Little Hats chasing us around the City all day, monitoring our every move, oddly appealing (or mildly creepy, whichever you prefer), a television series revolving around the titular Adjustment Bureau would likely be a fun-filled hour of escapist fantasy for the masses.

  Like the Inception series suggested above, The Adjustment Bureau series would work well as either a serial drama, in which a different “guest star’s” fate was adjusted each week, or a long-running storyline, in which the future of a particularly Important Person (like the politician Matt Damon played in the film) is systematically modified in every episode to achieve a specific goal. 

High concept mind benders, philosophical discussions, and crime capers aren’t your thing?  Fear not!  I have two more prospective television series ideas that might be more to your liking . . .

4) Adventureland

This past summer, I rented this fun coming-of-adulthood “period piece” (The film took place in 1987.)  about a recent-college grad, (played by The Social Network’s Jesse Eisenberg) who, without any immediate prospects for his future, was forced to take a summer job at a small-town amusement park.  Working the “ring toss” with Jesse, was none other than Twilight’s Kristen Stewart (playing a character who kind of, but not exactly, resembled Bella Swan), and 2010’s Sexiest Man Alive, himself, Ryan Reynolds . . .

Yes, I DO find every excuse to put pictures of hot, half-naked men in my blog.  Thank you for noticing!

In addition to having an all-star cast of up-and-coming actors, intriguing characters, and some stellar script writing to its credit, Adventureland boasted a refreshingly fun sense of time and place. 

As an 80’s baby, who spent most of the decade clad in Care Bears underwear, I’ve always been a bit jealous of those folks who actually got to experience this admittedly awesome decade as teenagers, and early 20-somethings.  From the killer music, to the amazing made-for-teen movies (John Hughes anyone?), to the care free days spent making out and getting high behind the Tilt-a-Whirl at your local theme park, the 80’s just seems like it was a great time to “come of age.”

An Adventureland television series would allow us to do just that!  Along with its “youngish” (and indubitably attractive), cast of characters, viewers could “travel back in time” each week, and experience the slings and arrows of early adulthood, all while enjoying a kickass soundtrack, drinking some cheap beer, and riding that old broken down Ferris Wheel for the 25,000th time . . .

5) Scream

At first blush, this one might seem like an odd choice for a television series.  After all, half of the fun of watching horror movies, like Scream, is seeing the characters get killed off, one-by-one, in increasingly gruesome (not to mention, patently ridiculous) ways, while trying to figure out who the killer is, right?  So, how does that translate to an entire season of small screen viewing, you ask?   And I say, how does it NOT?

“Do you like SCARY movies television shows?”

Think about it.  What is the BIGGEST, MOST SHOCKING, thing that can ever happen to your favorite television drama?  The one thing that’s CERTAIN to get ratings buzz for your favorite program, and ensure that EVERYBODY will be talking about what they saw the next day . . .  Of course, I’m referring to the DEATH OF A MAIN CHARACTER.  On most shows, this Major Television Viewing Event only happens about once or twice every season (typically, around sweeps week). 

But imagine the fun and excitement of MAIN CHARACTER DEATHS (along with “fun” Celebrity Guest Star Cameo Deaths”) occurring EVERY SINGLE WEEK!  Nobody is safe!  Everyone is a suspect!  And everyone is at risk! 

The “killer’s identity” would presumably be revealed in the Season Finale.   Or, perhaps, the mystery could be carried over into subsequent seasons, with new cast members regularly replacing the “old dead” onces.  Sure, it’s a gimic!  But look how long they’ve taken to reveal that darn MOTHER on How I Met Your Mother? 

OK . . . just keep smiling and pretend you actually know who “The Mother” is . . .

 If they can do it, so can WE!

So, there you have it folks, five sure-fire television success stories, based on five popular films.  So, which movies would YOU most like to see transition to the small screen?

[www.juliekushner.com]

The Vampire Diaries Eyecon Convention Day 3, Part 2 – Tyler and Jeremy Reunited!

Hi there, my fellow Fangbangers!  Welcome back to my third, and final, installment of The Vampire Diaries Eyecon coverage!  Today, we will be digging DEEP into the twisted minds of Steven R. McQueen (a.k.a Jeremy “Mini” Gilbert) and Michael Trevino (a.k.a. Tyler “Teen Wolf” Lockwood).  So, get out your shovels, fangirls!

(For those of you interested in additional Eyecon coverage, feel free to check out my “recap” of Paul Wesley’s Q&A, here and my, admittedly gushing, recounting of Ian Somerhalder’s Q&A, here.)

This particular blog post is dedicated to my FAVORITE Trevino Fangirl and Forwood / Taroline Shipper, Cherie over at My Spidey Sense is Tingling.  Definitely check out her blog for the most comprehensive, and best-written, Forwood-related TVD coverage on the ENTIRE internet.  I promise you, this is not an exaggeration.

So, are you ready for some juicy tidbits, and crazy Trevino / McQueen hijinks? 

Awesome!  Then, let’s get started . . .

Michael Trevino and Steven R. McQueen seem to work a lot of their press junkets and conference Q&A sessions together.  Having watched this dynamic duo in action, I can definitely see why!  On the show, Tyler and Jeremy may be forever teetering between being at one another’s throats . . .

. . . and bonding over their respective sometimes – broody natures, artistic talents, and the recent losses of both of their fathers.

But in real life, the relationship between these guys isn’t nearly as angst-y.  They are bromantic buddies, plain and simple. 

That definitely comes across when you see these two interact with one another.  Watching Michael’s and Steven’s easygoing banter on stage, as they jovially tease one another, and exchange inside jokes, you can tell that these actors are genuinely enjoying eachother’s company, as well as the company of their fans.  The laidback and inclusive atmosphere, made this Q&A session feel more like an evening spent sharing beers with friends, than a formal press junket.  And, for me, that is a VERY good thing!

So, how close are Michael’s and Steven’s personalities to the characters they play on the show?

Steven actually seems fairly different from Jeremy.  Whereas Jeremy seems quiet, kind of serious, and a bit of a loner, Steven is extremely outgoing, energetically animated, and gregarious . . . sort of a Class Clown type.  And yet, according to Steven, he and Jeremy actually share some similar interests.  Like his television doppelganger, Steven LOVES comic books and all things- animation. 

Of the two, I’d say Michael Trevino has more in common with his character . . . at least, the kinder, gentler, version of his character that we have come to know and love in Season 2.  A bit more reserved than Steven, but equally engaging with fans, Trevino shares Tyler’s pensive and mysterious nature. 

Every once in a while, Michael will get this grin on his face.  And you just know that there’s this hilarious running dialogue going through his head, which he’s not quite ready to share with the world.  Trevino also shares Tyler’s sly wit and dry sense of humor.

In terms of interests, Trevino is a HUGE television buff!  He loves watching True Blood, Dexter and anything with strong characters, intriguing plots, and a bit of gore.  But he DOESN’T like movies about vampires who sparkle . . .

My apologies, Edward Cullen!

Here’s what the pair had to say, on the following titillating topics . . .

Regarding their characters . . .

Not surprisingly, both actors had some pretty eloquent things to say about the roles they have been inhabiting for the past two years.   As for Steven, he notes that, in addition to getting both physically, and emotionally, beaten down, more than ANY character on this show . . .

 . . .  Jeremy has also genuinely evolved and matured throughout the course of the series.  “He finally seems to be finding himself, and getting what he wants out of life,” Steven explained excitedly. 

(Note: You can tell, by the way he talks about his character, that Steven REALLY doesn’t enjoy being TVD’s Resident Punching Bag.  So, I hope for his sake, and ours, that this aspect of Jeremy’s life will change very soon.)

When asked about Jeremy’s suicide attempt / thwarted vampire conversion in the Season 1 finale, Steven had this to say:

“[After Vicki and Anna died so soon after his parents’ untimely deaths] Jeremy felt like he literally had the Kiss of Death.  Everyone he loved seemed to die on him . . . He felt like a monster.  So, he wanted to physically become one.”

But Jeremy Gilbert wasn’t the only character to undergo a MAJOR transformation throughout the course of The Vampire Diaries.  Aside from literally transforming into a WEREWOLF, Tyler Lockwood also seems to have transformed as an individual. 

 The Tyler of Season 2 of The Vampire Diaries allows himself to trust and care for others in a way that Season 1 Tyler never could.  Suddenly, this character seems more real, and more vulnerable than ever before.  Ironically, the act of undergoing a werewolf transformation has made Tyler more human.

But don’t take my word for it!  Let Michael Trevino tell you himself . . .

“I don’t think anybody was really a fan of Tyler in Season 1,” Trevino notes.  “I know I wasn’t a fan of Tyler, then.  He was a jerk!”

“But then Season 2 came around, and you started to learn more about this guy, and why he is the way he is . . .  His father abuses him.  He feels alone.  And then he’s got this Werewolf Gene to deal with.  Things start happening to him that he doesn’t understand.  And fans began to relate to him, and develop some sympathy for him, because of what he’s going through now.  So, let’s love Tyler!”

(Oh, don’t worry Trevino . . . we DO!)

Regarding shirtlessness . . .

Speaking of those jaw-dropping moments on the show, when male cast members suddenly become clothing-challenged . . .

. . . these last few episodes of the season should DEFINITELY prove interesting for Mini Gilbert, since they promise a possible SEX SCENE between him and Bonnie . . .

“Awwwww YEAHHHH!”  Trevino exclaimed, in an uncharacteristically exuberant moment, when this little tidbit of information was revealed.  (So, either Trevino is a BIG Jonnie fan, or he REALLY likes to see Steven without his shirt on!)

But Steven won’t be the only TVD actor bearing his skin, in the final episodes of the Season.  Another Full Moon is on the horizon, and it promises to bring about Tyler’s return.  You know what that means, Forwood Fans!  Were-Tyler will be making a Very Naked comeback!  (Hopefully Coed Naked . . . if you catch my drift.)

Regarding their characters’ love lives . . .

Well, I already told you that Bonnie and Jeremy were probably going to DO IT this season.  So, it’s safe to say that these two will still be going strong, when TVD returns from its hiatus on April 7th. 

When Steven was asked to choose between his character’s two previous star-crossed lovers, the ever-diplomatic McQueen hedged his bets (though most of the fans in the room, seemed to overwhelmingly support Team Anna). 

The actor was more talkative about Jeremy’s new relationship with Bonnie.  “You know, every time Jeremy gets a love interest, she dies.  So, when I got the script, and saw that I was paired with Bonnie, I thought.  ‘She’s a series regular witch!  She can do all sorts of magical things!  So, she’s probably safe!  Geez, I wonder if I’m the one who’s in trouble now!”

Steven also noted how much he loved working with Katerina Graham.  “She’s a very talented actress and a really great person.  We really enjoy working together.”

But what about Tyler’s once blooming, but now halted, romantic relationship with Caroline?

Unfortunately, Trevino couldn’t really say very much about that, out of fear of spoiling upcoming episodes.  However, he did admit that he enjoyed the supernatural connection that Tyler and Caroline share, and the way in which these two characters relate with one another. 

In fact, when asked why fans should join Team Tyler versus Team Matt, Trevino seemed a bit surprised that this should be such a difficult choice!  “Uh ohhhh,” groaned Steven, playfully slapping Trevino on the back, when the question was asked.

In support of Team Tyler, Trevino had this brief, but effective, response.  “Where’s Matt?”  He snarked, noting his on-screen best-buddy’s / romantic nemesis’ absence from Eyecon.

“Low Blow, MAN!”

Regarding their favorite scenes from the show . . .

 Steven LOVED the scene in which Jeremy, upon first learning that Anna was a vampire, cut his hand, in order to tempt her with his blood.  The plan worked, of course.  And what resulted was a highly erotic episode of mutual handgasming (TM Cherie).  Was it any wonder, that after this, the couple soon ended up in bed together?

Both Steven and Trevino really enjoyed acting in their infamous Bottle-Breaking Fight Scene from Season 1.  “It was just so well choreographed, and cool to take part in,” explains Trevino.

Speaking of well-choreographed fight scenes, Trevino’s favorite episode of the show was Masquerade, in which he, Matt, and, ultimately, Caroline, engaged in a rather Matrix-esque battle of epic proportions.

“What about your first werewolf transformation, [in “By the Light of the Moon”]?”  Steven inquires of Michael.

“Oh, yeah, of course!  That was awesome,” recalls Trevino. 

Indeed!

Regarding what it’s like to play a supernatural creature (versus a human surrounded by them) . . .

When asked whether he would prefer to be a vampire or werewolf, Trevino emphatically said “WEREWOLF!”  He loves the strength and masculinity inherent in this man/ beast amalgamation, and the intensity of the transformation, as it is portrayed on the show. 

But what about Steven?  As we all know, Jeremy is one of the few remaining humans in the regular cast.  Does McQueen ever wish he got to play a more powerful being . . . one who . . . maybe DIDN’T get his ass kicked so often. 

“The way I see it, there are two [male] vampires in the main cast and one werewolf.  But there is only one of ME!  So, I figure they will keep me around for a while.  And I want to keep my job, PLEASE!”  Steven pleaded.

(Hmmm . . . notice how he didn’t mention MATT, as a fellow human.  Interesting . . .  Was that just a slip-up on Steven’s part?  Or should Zach Roerig be worried?)

“He said, what?  Awww, crap!”

Regarding past films, in which they were featured . . .

Hey, did you know that Michael Trevino and Steven R. McQueen BOTH enjoyed stints on Disney films with questionable, and possibly sexually suggestive, titles? 

Trevino starred in Cow Belles . . .

 . . . where he had the opportunity to “touch a lot of teet” . . .

McQueen starred in the high school time-traveling tale, Minutemen . .  .

. . . alongside Chelsea Staub, with whom he had recently broken up.  “It was kind of an awkward experience for me [working so closely with an ex],” Steven admits.  “There was no touching of Cow Belles on the set, not even for a ‘minute.'”

Regarding possible future movie projects . . .

Of all the cast members interviewed, Trevino was the only one who seemed to have a possible feature film in the can.  “It’s a homage to John Hughes, and has a breakfast club sort of feel,” he notes.

“We shot it in Detroit.  Hopefully, something comes of it.”

After a bit of digging, I learned that the film to which Trevino is referring is called The Lowenfish Party.  Based on the IMDB synopsis, it DOES sound VERY Breakfast Club-esque, which is DEFINITELY not a bad thing!  Hmm, I wonder if Michael will play the loveable and jocky, Emilio Estevez character . . .

. . . or the Bad Ass, Judd Nelson one?

I guess we will just have to wait and see!

Speaking of films, Steven was asked whether he would ever consider playing his grandfather, Steve McQueen, in a biopic about the accomplished actor’s life . . .

“No, I think that would hit too close to home for me,” admitted Steven.  “Besides, he and I are so very different.”

Regarding the Best On-Set Prank . . .

So, remember that scene in The Return when Uncle / Father John (played by David Anders) was in his hospital bed, clad in patient-garb?

Well, apparently, when he got up to go to the bathroom, one of the crew members rubbed Hershey Kisses in his hospital bed, to make him think he “had an accident.”  (Ewww!)

Take that, BAD DAD!

Regarding cast members from Glee . . .

When asked about his friendship with Mark Salling, the gorgeous actor who plays Puck on Glee .  . .

. . . Trevino noted that he met him once, at the Superbowl.  “[Mark] seems like a pretty cool guy.”

However, Trevino did admit, above the snarky guffaws of McQueen, that he has “a lot of good friends in the Glee cast.”

Hmmm . . . I wonder who he’s talking about here?   Certainly not, his girlfriend, Jenna Ushkowitz (who plays Tina Cohen Chang on the show), right! 😉

Regarding Steven R. McQueen’s Possible Singing Career, Lack of Twitter, and Various Tattoos?

When asked if he would ever be interested in starting a singing career, like his very talented younger brother, Jessarae (who performed at the convention), Steven said, emphatically, “No.” 

“You know, when my brother first started singing, I felt very competitive  . . . and I wanted to see if I could sing too.  So, I put out a video on YouTube . . . and . . . well . . . many people who saw it, told me I should keep my Day Job.”

Well, fangirls, I found that video.  So, you can judge for yourself . . .

Upon being asked why he doesn’t have a Twitter account, Steven responded, “This may sound lazy, but there are a lot of fake accounts out there in my name.  And they seem to do all the work for me!” 

(Funny answer, though I kind of doubt that’s the REAL reason, don’t you?)

By the way, did you know that Steven has a tattoo representing his mommy on his chest?  (She was in the audience at the convention.  How sweet is that?)  Or that he has a happy face on his body that he put there, himself?  (Is that sanitary?)

Now you do!

Well, that’s all I’ve got, folks!  Thanks so much for taking this little journey to Mystic Falls with me!  It was truly an amazing experience . . . one I undoubtedly will remember for the rest of my life. 

Oh, and special thanks go out to my Amazing, Super Fun, Talented, and Witty Blogger Pal Amy over at Imaginary Men for LITERALLY taking this journey with me.  Believe me when I say, I NEVER would have done this, if it wasn’t for her.

See you all, April 7th, for the BIG TVD Return!  🙂

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

 

The Vampire Diaries Eyecon Day 3 – a.k.a. My Hot Date with Damon Salvatore

Welcome back, Fangbangers!  So, I just got back from Eyecon’s The Vampire Diaries‘ convention, last night.  And I am still reeling over all the BODILY CONTACT I got to have with the stars of the show!

(Yeah, this TOTALLY didn’t happen to me at the convention.  But it COULD HAVE!)

In case you missed it, yesterday’s Eyecon-themed post was all about THIS GUY . . .

That’s right, fanboys and fangirls!  On Saturday, I got to spend a good portion of the day listening to Paul Wesley chat about his life and career (but, mostly, I just stared at his midsection, and waited for his navy blue hoodie to make an “accidental” abs-revealing move upward, as he answered fans’ questions).

Today, it’s all about THIS GUY!

There are simply NO WORDS to describe how intensely erotic exciting it was to spend the day in such close proximity to a man I would really love to sleep with admire so intensely, for his top-notch body work ethic, unmatched talent for making my panties drop to the floor every time he’s on screen deftly exposing the  heart of any character he plays, and genuine dedication to hot on-screen sex making the world a better place.

If it is at all possible, Ian is about ten times better looking, not to mention, more charming and eloquent, than he appears both in interviews and on-screen.  When I got the chance to actually meet him face-to-face, even though I spent most of those Very Meaningful 30-seconds doing this . . .

 . . . and even though he had already posed for about a BILLION other photographs with equally smitten fangirls, he still managed to make me feel like I was the only girl in the room with him.  (Oh, and I got to touch his BARE ARM!)

But, obviously, you didn’t click on this post to hear about ME . . .

Obviously, you want to learn more about HIM!  So, what are we waiting for?  Let’s get IAN-ED . . .

Regarding his charitable work, and the Ian Somerhalder Foundation . . .

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be a monkey more in my entire life . . .

Ian takes his dedication to the environment, in general, and his Foundation, specifically, extremely seriously.  When the Q&A session first opened, he brought on stage with him a very precocious little lady named Devon Haas, who will be heading up the ISF Kids Army . . .

“Just because you are a kid, doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice,” said young Devon.

With Devon’s help, Ian and his Foundation will be tackling all sorts of important environmental and world issues, such as helping Earthquake victims, promoting the use of clean and green technology, protecting the rainforest, and rescuing animals the world over from homelessness, hunger, and cruel mistreatment.  “I love all animals,” said Somerhalder.  “I believe that the more compassion we have for animals, the better place this world will be . . .”

As proof of his dedication to making the world a better place and his belief that young people have a voice, when asked by two young girls, how they could get their charitable organization off-the-ground and running, Ian offered to PERSONALLY help them to do that.  During the Convention, a boatload of TVD-themed memorabilia, signed by Ian himself, was auctioned off to raise money for the Foundation.  Most notable amongst these auction items was a kind of freaky looking adorable baby doll dressed and crafted to look just like Damon Salvatore. 

Interested in knowing how much it costs to have Ian Somerhalder’s baby?  It sold for . . . wait for it . . . $3,000.

OK . . . so, baby dolls aren’t exactly what I personally prefer to spend my hard-earned dollar bills on.  I prefer to spend them attending conventions, where you get the opportunity to fondle the arms of hot celebrities. But hey, it’s for a good cause, right?  Did I mention that the lucky winner got to hug and kiss Ian, AND pose with him for a “family portrait.”  $3,000 is suddenly starting to sound not-so-expensive, after all . . .

Regarding Damon Salvatore, a.k.a. The Hottest Vampire on the Planet . . .

Ian opened up the question portion of the afternoon, by personally thanking fans for loving Damon Salvatore so much, and for having the insight and empathetic ability to move past his “slight flaws.”  (i.e. a tendency to bite people’s heads off, shameless womanizing, and, possibly, VERY advanced alcoholism)

“So, what if it’s only 7 a.m.?   I was thirsty . . . and I ran out of Soccer Mom!  Don’t judge me!”

Having started off the series seeming like your run-of-the-mill, super gorgeous, and back breakingly funny, 160 something-year old sociopath, Damon Salvatore has grown into this extremely complex and suprisingly emotional character, one who is capable of loving another human being, and making genuine sacrifices in service to that love. 

Ian, who believes that all acting is about searching for the “truth” behind a character’s words and motivations, enjoys the difficult, and sometimes emotionally exhausting, work of peeling back the layers on Damon’s character.  

So what’s next for Damon Salvatore? Both Paul and Ian, have suggested, not entirely in jest, a switch between the basic roles Damon and his brother will play in Elena’s life, in the upcoming season.

“Yes, Damon will become Stefan.  Stefan will become Damon.  And Elena will become very confused.  She’ll wake up in bed one morning, turn over and say, ‘Woah!  What are YOU doing here?'”

(Umm . . . I think she’ll manage to get over THAT little “bout of confusion,” JUST FINE!  Don’t you?)

Speaking of Paul, Ian complimented his TV brother for, not just knowing Stefan inside-and-out, but also possessing a deep understanding of Damon’s machinations and inner workings.  “Paul has just been waiting to jump into Damon’s skin, and shed Stefan’s,” Ian hints.  “He genuinely wants to be able to bite someone’s head off.”

Now, I know Ian and Paul both referred to this whole “Body Swap Scenario” in their respective Q&A sessions, more or less, in jest.  But, now that I think about it, this actually wouldn’t be a bad plotline . . . provided it was only temporary, of course!

Regarding his favorite scene to film . . .

I was positively THRILLED to hear that Ian’s favorite scene to film on TVD was also one of my own!  Of course, I am referring to the fabulous scene in which Damon and soon-to-be vampire Vicki Donovan “frolicked” (his word, not mine) around the Salvatore Mansion in their undies, to the scintillating sound of “Enjoy the Silence.”  Though filming the scene was bittersweet for Ian, who adored working with Kayla Ewell (the actress who played Vicki Donovan), and knew that this was the Beginning of the End for her character, he loved the hidden complexities of this deceptively simple moment between two extremely damaged individuals. 

“On one hand, you have this fun, funny, and incredibly sexy scene,” Ian explains (though I must admit I am ad-libbing a bit here).  “But then, when you think about it, it’s incredibly dark.  Vicki is just so broken.  And Damon knows what he is about to do to her.”

Regarding biting people . . .

As all TVD fans know, a whole lot of “biting” goes on in this show!  What you may not have noticed, however, is how that “biting” has evolved since the pilot episode.  According to Ian, the costume department used to provide the actors playing vampires with very short fangs.  And, in order for those fangs to be caught on film, the actors had to take really LARGE exaggerated bites out of their victims.

Having to do this take-after-take irked both Ian and Paul to no end (not to mention REALLY hurt their mouths).  “Can’t we have longer fangs, so that we can take smaller bites, like normal vampires do?”  Ian quipped to the producers of the show.

By Season 2, Ian and Paul had their wish.  Their fangs were longer.  And their neck bites were . . . more “realistic” looking.

Regarding flashbacks . . .

When asked which time period, he would most like to experience, via Salvatore Brother’s Flashback, Ian suggested the roaring twenties.  “I would love to see Damon in a speakeasy, drinking illegal liquor, and sucking on flappers,” Ian noted.

I smell a Boardwalk Empire crossover episode!

Damon Salvatore meet Al Capone.

Regarding the Hillywood Parody . . .

While discussing the much-talked-about Vampire Diaries Parody that has been making its way around the YouTube circuit, Ian noted how impressed he was with the show’s producers’ impressive ability to understand, and be able to convey, the subtle nuances of the show (WAYYY Too-Small-Season 1-Fangs, included).  “You could tell they [the Hilly girls] just put so much time and effort into it, and it really paid off,” Ian noted. 

As for his favorite scene in the parody?   “The part where ‘Katherine’ is stuck in the tomb, and she’s got her face up against the glass,” Ian explained.  “That was hilarious.”

Regarding upcoming film roles . . .

Those of you who were hoping to get a glimpse of Ian Somerhalder’s baby blues on the big screen, may have to wait a little while longer.  Unfortunately, Ian doesn’t have any movies coming out this year.  (Note: No mention was made, during the Q&A, of the film entitled Cradlewood, that remains listed on Ian’s IMDB page.) 

“All of us on the show would LOVE to find a great movie that fits into our busy schedule,” Ian noted, a bit wistfully.  “But shooting nine months out of the year, and for 15 hours a day, makes it difficult to do that.  That’s just the nature of series work.”

As for Ian’s dream film role.   “I would love to find a part that is as different from Damon Salvatore as possible.   I’m very intrigued by underdogs . . . people who triumph over seemingly insurmountable odds to achieve success.  I think everyone can relate to that, in some way,” Ian explains.

(Now, of course, I think Ian would be AMAZING in ANY role he plays.  And yet . . . I DO think it MIGHT be a bit difficult for him to land the role of one of those prized Underdog Characters, considering he looks like THIS . . .

But, hey!  You never know!

Regarding that Naked Dancing scene from Rules of Attraction  . . .

Speaking of movies . . . remember that AWESOME scene in Rules of Attraction, where Ian dances half-naked on a bed in a room at the Ritz Carlton to George Michael’s “Faith?” 

“That was actually the most improvized scene EVER,” Ian recalls.  I was filming a few scenes with Faye Dunaway (She played Ian’s mother in the film) in a restaurant at the Ritz, when Roger Avary (the director of Rules of Attraction) came up to me and said, ‘You are going to strip naked and dance on a bed.’  I thought he was kidding . . . He wasn’t.  So, I’m on this bed, and they are BLASTING .  . . Faith . . . and I just start doing it.  Then, when it was all over, I walked through the lobby of the Ritz Carlton in my underwear because I could!  It was awesome.”

(Man, if only the Ritz Carlton knew he was coming!  They could have charged people extra to stay there!  I bet they would have made a MINT!))

Regarding beginning a career in acting . . .

Ian in the shortlived television series, “Young Americans.”

When asked by a teen what someone should do, if they are interested in “breaking into The Biz,” Ian suggested that the most important thing that an actor can do is get an education.  Once they have a working framework of knowledge, aspiring actors and actresses can get their feet wet, by joining local theater groups, and scouting out local casting offices.   “It’s a tough business.  Sometimes, it can break you down.  But it’s a rewarding career too.  And it never gets easier,” Ian explains.  “In fact, if you ever think that acting is easy, you are not doing it right.”

Regarding a possible future in politics . . .

So, are we destined to have a President Ian Somerhalder in the years to come?  Not, if Ian has anything to say about it.  “My Foundation sponsors would KILL me if I ever decided to get into politics.  It would make their lives SO much more difficult than they are now,” Ian jokes.  “But, seriously, I have no desire to enter the political arena.  I know my place in this world.  And I feel it is to reach people through my foundation and through sharing my craft.”

Regarding pancakes and civil war reenactments . . .

Did you know that Ian makes AWESOME pancakes?

Or, that he used to do Civil War Reenactments as a kid?

Now, you DO!

Regarding supernatural powers . . .

For the final question of the afternoon, Ian was asked which of Damon’s supernatural vampire powers he would most like to possess.  His reply?  Compulsion.  “With that power, I could make anybody do exactly what I wanted them to do . . . which is a pretty tricky prospect,” Ian conjectured.

And yet, Ian wouldn’t use those powers to do the same Naughty Things most of us would probably use them for . . .

“Well, maybe a little bit,” Ian admits sheepishly.

But, predominately, Ian would use his compulsion powers for GOOD, not evil.  “I would want to go to all the political leaders, and heads of state, and stop them from making such terrible choices about the way this country is run,” he insisted.

You see, my fellow Fangbangers, THIS is why Ian Somerhalder — despite being a breathtakingly beautiful, rich and famous actor — is a much better person than I am.  Ian TRULY wants to SAVE THE WORLD . . . I just want to see it naked.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for today, folks.

For my next and final bit of Eyecon reporting, I will be covering the Michael Trevino and Steven R. McQueen Q&A session, which also took place on the third day of the convention.  See you then!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

An Obvious Lack of Impulse Control: A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “The Jenna Thing”

“I SEE YOU!  Just kidding .  . . I can’t REALLY see you!  (Or can I?)”

Summer television watching is all about guilty pleasures.  And, in its own ABC Family-approved way, Pretty Little Liars has quickly proven itself to be both undeniably “pleasurable,” and as insanely “GUILTY” as its four main characters are currently feeling.  During this week’s installment of the series, the girls banded together to face a new enemy, just as an old one reentered their lives.  Oh, and did I mention that this was the episode where everybody started randomly MAKING OUT with one another?

“I was hungry.  So, I thought it might be a good idea to eat your face . . .”

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

Deputy Douchey Strikes Back!

It’s only been two episodes, and I’ve already had just about all I can stomach of Deputy Douchey here.  (He has a real name, by the way.  I’ve just purposely chosen not to learn it.)  Seriously, how many cops do you know that would actually openly admit to screwing the mother of a murder suspect, just to get information on a case?

 Oh, and just so you know, Deputy Douchey, NO KIDS want to hear their mother being described as “HOT” in a sexual context!  And kids especially don’t want to hear this from a guy who is NOT their dad, but is still doing their mom, while the kids are sleeping under the same roof.

What’s with teen dramas always featuring these slimey, corrupt, and total inept cops?  As if repeatedly breaking up their keg parties wasn’t enough of a reason for teens to hate their “Friendly Neighborhood Policemen.”

I have a little proposition for you ABC Fam (I feel like the you and I are close enough now, that I can shorten your name, without fear of repercussion.)  Whoever the “big baddie” ends up being in this story, let’s have him or her KILL Deputy Douchey, PRONTO.  This way, I won’t have to see him on my screen anymore.  Then, the youth of America might have a bit less Cop Angst, as a result.  EVERYBODY WINS! 

So, anyway, Deputy Douchey stops by the school and gets our four main protagonists hauled down to the principal’s office.  This was kind of a big deal, as these don’t really seem like the type of girls used to spending extensive time in the High School equivalent of Maximum Security Prison.  Well, except maybe for Aria.  She did after all, used to have that “REBEL” pink stripe in her hair!  Oh, and Hanna, because she steals sunglasses from shopping malls.  Perhaps, it’s more accurate to say that Emily and Spencer don’t really seem like the type of girls used to spending extensive time in the principal’s office.

While the girls are headed toward their doom, they receive a text from the infamous “A.”  “Dead Girls Walking,” it says. 

Really A?  All that buildup, and you couldn’t come up with a better line than THAT?  You really HAVE been dead too long!

In the principal’s office, Deputy Douchey starts peppering the girls with accusatory questions.  And at this point, I’m just yelling at my television screen.  “LAWYER UP!  LAWYER UP!  Don’t say ANOTHER WORD! ”

Of the entire foursome, only Spencer is wise enough to at least inquire as to whether the girls should consider getting a lawyer.  And yet, after Douchey’s LAME assertion that this is “not an interrogation,” she just keeps right on answering his questions like everyone else.  It soon becomes pretty obvious that Douchey thinks the girls are at least accomplices, if not outright suspects, in Alli’s murder. 

Douchey subtly alludes to the fact that the girls were drinking alcohol the night of the accident, a fact they had kept from the police when they had initially given their statements the previous year.  He then not-so-subtly suggests that the girls’s stories sound rehearsed, and that they know someone who might have wanted Alli dead . . . This line of questioning causes the girls to immediately think about the infamous “Jenna Thing.”

Creepy Jenna and Her Insanely Loud “Cane of Destruction”

If you recall, during last week’s episode, the girls were shocked to find Jenna Cavanaugh in attendance at Alli’s funeral.  This week, we find out, her appearance wasn’t just a one time visit.  Apparently, she is back in town and attending high school with the girls.  Jenna had previously left school, upon becoming blind, over a year ago.  To make matters freakier, Jenna just keeps randomly popping up wherever the girls happen to be.

Did I mention she has the LOUDEST CANE EVER?  Two times, thanks to that massive cane, the girls HEARD Jenna coming, before they SAW her.  The first time, they were in a fairly empty diner, so it kind of made sense. 

But the second time, they were seated in a crowded and chatty HIGH SCHOOL LUNCHROOM.  But, man, was that cane LOUD!  Its sound was so INTENSE that it dwarfed any other sound within listening range, and rendered the world completely silent, in awe of it.  Understandably, every time the girls heard the Cane of Destruction, they noticeably panicked.  You know what the whole thing kind of reminded me of?  This . . .

Despite the girls’ obvious fear of Jenna and her Cane of Destruction, Aria decides to invite her to their lunchtable.  The problem is, everyone is too afraid that Jenna’s Cane will devour them whole, to actually talk to Jenna.  To Creepy Jenna’s credit, she prevents the scene from entering into silent movie territory, by carrying on an ENTIRE CONVERSATION WITH HERSELF.  “Everybody is so quiet.  This used to be the fun table.  What happened to you girls?”  Jenna inquires.

But no one answers her, so she continues talking.  “Alli visited me at the hospital once.  You know, everyone misunderstood Allison, but I knew exactly who she was.”

It’s Flashback Time Again . . .

Suddenly, we are flashed back to Emily’s room, a little over a year ago.  The girls are giggling and trying on clothes, when Alli suddenly goes apesh&t, convinced that some dude named Toby Cavanaugh (Jenna’s brother?) is ogling them in their undies through the bedroom window.  (I thought Emily’s room was on the second floor?)  The girls suggest going to the cops, but Alli has a better idea.  “Let’s light a stink bomb, and throw it in his garage hidey hole!”  She says, more or less.

By the way, am I the only one who NEVER learned how to make a stink bomb in high school?  How come this prissy biatch, Alli, immediately knew exactly how to do this, and I still can’t do it, to this day!  NO FAIR! 

Well, in all fairness, (1) Alli’s dead, so I shouldn’t really be envying HER at all; and (2) apparently, as it turns out, Alli was no stink bomb expert.  The “bomb” she made ended up blowing up Toby Cavanaugh’s hidey hole, apparently, while Jenna was inside of it.  As it was July 4th, and there were REAL fireworks going on outside, no one in town noticed or heard the explosion.   (Too bad Jenna’s Cane of Destruction wasn’t there at the time to warn them, because they DEFINITELY would have heard that. ) 

 Ultimately, the girls vowed to keep what happened a secret  forever.  Hence . . . “The Jenna Thing.”

Back in the present day, the girls are still silently not-at-all enjoying their lunch with Creepy Jenna, when “A” texts them the following, “I wish she could see the guilty looks on all of your faces.”  (OK “A,” that was a little funnier than “Dead Girls Walking” comment.  But not by much . . . Keep trying.)

Aria and Ezra Sitting in a Car.  Are They Kissing?  Yes They ARE!

Unlike some other teen dramas, the girls in Pretty Little Liars actually ATTEND classes, and we actually get to SEE THEM DO IT!

Shocking, I know!  Toward the beginning of the episode, Aria approaches Ezra / Mr. Fitz and asks him to sign a “Transfer Request” form.  She wants out of his English class.  Now, I should note that I was pleasantly surprised by Aria’s maturity and intelligence here.  SO MANY TIMES, I have watched films and shows featuring the student / teacher romance aspect.  And SO MANY TIMES I wondered why neither party to the affair thought to do this very same thing . . .

Yes, I’m looking at you Pacey Witter and Miss Jacobs! 

Mr. Fitz tries to convince Aria that they can both keep their emotions in check while in the classroom, but Aria’s not buying it, and neither are we.  Ultimately, Mr. Fitz relents and signs the Transfer Request.  And while I was applauding Aria for her righteous behavior, I couldn’t keep from wondering HOW exactly she planned to convince the administration to switch her to another English class, after only two short days.  Surely, “I’ve recently boned the teacher in a bar bathroom,” does not appear on the “Reasons for Transfer” portion of the request form . . .

That being said, it’s not exactly surprising that Aria’s Transfer Request is denied.  The sympathetic and loving looks Aria and Ezra silently share, after Aria passes him the declined request form and returns to her seat, are both beautiful and heartbreaking.  Brilliant performance here, on the part of both actors. 

That afternoon, Aria and her mother are heading to see the classic film It Happened One Night, when they run into, who else, but Mr. Fitz!

So, of course, Aria’s mom, in that humiliating way that only mom’s of teenagers can, invites Mr. Fitz to watch the movie with her and her daughter.  The awkwardness and sexual tension between soon-to-be-couple, Aria and Ezra, is palpable from the moment the lights dim and the film starts rolling.  The fact that these two don’t start screwing one another, right on top of Aria’s mother, is a pure miracle!

A few days later, Aria is walking home umbrella-less in the pouring rain when, who just so happens to drive by and see her?  Ezra Fitz of course!  (WOW, stalker much?) 

Ezra hesitates for a few seconds, before letting a wet Aria dash into his way-too-nice-to-be-bought-on-a young-teacher’s-salary car.  This time, the pair drop all appearances of “keeping their emotions in check” and go at it like bunnies.  The result is even hotter than you can imagine!

When Aria arrives home all wet (both inside and out), and smelling of New Car Sex, her father is there waiting for her.  “Something is going on with you,” he points out accusatorily.

But fear not!  Aria’s Daddy DID NOT figure out that Aria was boffing her English teacher in a car in the rain.  He simply wanted to talk about the only subject in which he has shown any actual interest since his first appearance on the show, namely, himself.

In a lame speech that sounded highly reminiscent of the mea culpas made by every politician who has ever screwed around SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME, Aria’s dad blabbed on and on, about how he still loves Aria’s mom, and how his brief indiscretion is over, and how he simply let his emotions get the best of him. 

 (Yeah, buddy, you let something get the best of you, all right.  But I honestly don’t think it was your “emotions.”  Unless you happen to be one of those rare and special men who hide your “emotions” between your legs.)

Fortunately, for Aria’s Daddy, Aria is still high on endorphins and massive Os, so she actually buys into his crap.  Then again, Teacher F*cker Girl is not exactly one to judge now, is she?  Toward the end of the episode, Aria joins her family for some bonding over Chinese Food.  After all, wontons and fortune cookies have the power to make everything all right with the world . . .

That is, of course, until Aria receives yet another cryptic text message from “A.”  It says:  “When students kiss teachers, someone gets hurt.  And that’s a promise I’ll KEEP!”

Wacking Balls, Overachieving, and Homewrecking . . . Just Another Day in the Life of Spencer.

Spencer’s is definitely that uptight snooty girl, about whom all the high school boys would say, “That b&tch needs to get laid.”

(Fortunately, based on what we’ve seen of her during this episode, it looks like she might soon get EXACTLY that.)

After wacking off some field hockey “balls,” Spencer heads to dinner with her family, where she is ignored by her father, demeaned by her sister, and shamelessly flirted with by her sister’s fiance, Wren.  Back at home, Wren comes to Spencer’s room to apologize to her, because she has the bad luck of being saddled with such a crappy family.  He then randomly picks up an architectural book, and makes some cheesy comment about “appreciating beauty.”  All the while, Wren is staring at Spencer like she’s a Tootsie Pop that he can’t wait to lick a few times, before really biting into . . .

Before you know it, these two are making out hardcore!

Surprisingly, it’s the much younger Spencer, who puts an end to the spit-swapping session.  “We can’t do this,”she cautions.

And Wren, who is cute, but obviously not exactly the “faithful type,” stops.  And yet, he doesn’t look at all guilty for the “whole cheating thing.”  Rather, he looks pissed at “Prude Spencer” for making him stop, before he could round second base.  It’s television moments like this that make me FEAR marriage . . .

Except, seeing as Wren’s fiance Melissa was outside the door witnessing this whole exchange, and Wren was seen leaving the residence the following morning with packed boxes, it doesn’t look like “marriage” is something we are going to have to worry about here . . .

Maya the Lesbianator (Everything She Touches Turns to Gay!)

Despite having a “boyfriend back home,” Maya seems pretty darn desperate to get into Emily’s pants!  As soon as she arrives on screen, she’s rubbing up against her at every opportunity, insisting that the two share hot cocoa, and spooning Emily in her sleep, while not-so-subtly grazing her boobs, in the middle of the night. 

Oh, that ‘s right, Maya is “sleeping over at Emily’s” for a few days, in an attempt to free herself from the depressing black hole that is the “Dead Girl’s home” her parents stupidly purchased (probably off some scam website).

But just when it seemed as though Emily was giving in to the Passions of the Maya, she received .  . . you guessed it . . .a text message from “A,” this one said: “Did you get a goodnight kiss?  Here’s one from me, XO.”  (You know, for a straight girl, Emily sure kisses a lot of ladies, not all of them necessarily still living.  Kinky!)

In the final moments of the episode, Spencer is out jogging, when she comes across Blind (?) Jenna, sitting on a park bench.  Apparently, Jenna is using a talk-to-text computer to deliver text messages to cell phones.  “Send text now,” commands Jenna, as she offers a sinister, if unseeing, look at Spencer.

Could Jenna be the mysterious “A” that has been torturing the girls for the past two episodes?

Tune in next week to find out . . . Until then, don’t let the Cane of Destruction hit you where the Good Lord split you . . .

Anatomy of a Trailer: Eclipse – Twilight Saga, Part 3 (Now includes NEW second trailer . . .)

I tried not to blog about this.  Really.  But it simply refused to be ignored.  So, here I am . . .

I can’t believe they are already releasing another one of these movies!  I feel as though I literally just saw the last one in theaters.  New Moon (based on Book 2 of the Twilight series) was, in my opinion, one of the most unintentionally hilarious films of all time.  

The cheesy 360-degree rotating camera shots to represent Bella’s months of “depression;”

the cartoonish CGI Wolfman graphics;

 the obligatory topless shots of those male strippers  Jacob and his wolfpack; and

the way Edward’s disembodied head would appear in the clouds, every time Bella was about to do something “bad.”

“Don’t do it, Bella!”

All of these gems made me, and the rest of the people in my theater, laugh out loud, multiple times, throughout the film.  In short, I enjoyed New Moon, but probably not for the reasons that I was supposed to enjoy it . . .

So, when I heard that Summit Entertainment had released a new trailer for Eclipse, the third book in the Twilight Saga, curiosity (and my odd sense of humor) got the best of me.  I simply had to watch it. 

Well, color me impressed.  It’s a pretty good trailer, actually.  Granted, there wasn’t a lot of action in it.  However, I think the producers did a nice job of establishing in a relatively short amount of time (90 seconds) the immensity and increasing urgency of Bella’s choice, and the impact it will have on the people she loves. 

Let’s take a look . . .

 :13 – Say what you will about the Twilight movies, but the location shots in them are absolutely breathtaking.  The book and movie are both supposed to take place in the fictional town of Forks, Washington.  However, the film was shot mostly in and around Portland, Oregon.  Who knew Oregon was so gorgeous?

 :20 – I never officially came down one way or the other on the Team Edward versus Team Jacob debate.  However, I will say that Edward and Bella have an ideal height differential on their side.  In case you were curious (because I was):  Both Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner are in the mid to upper range of 5 feet, while Robert Pattinson is a lean 6’1”.  So, if Bella ever wants to wear heels, Edward is definitely her guy . . . 

(Then again, in the book, Wolf Jacob is supposed to be about 7 feet tall.  So, who knows?)

 :27 – I’m not quite sold on Dakota Fanning as Jane yet.  Based on my interpretation of the books, the Jane character has “pretty, but creepy looking” child star written all over her (Actors that fall into this category include: Haley Joe Osment in The Sixth Sense, that girl from The Ring movies, and those twin girls in The Shining. )

“Come play with us.”

At 16, Dakota has aged out of “pretty, but creepy looking,” I’m afraid.  She looks like a real teenager now! 

 

Perhaps Movie Jane would be scarier, if she didn’t talk so darn much!  Dakota sounds like she has a bit of a cold, in this scene . . .

:34 – Is it just me, or does Robert Pattinson look a tad constipated, here?

:37 thru :39 – I like that they included Bella’s parents in this trailer.  By choosing to become a vampire, Bella isn’t just giving up a boy, she’s giving up her whole human life.  The books often give this part of her decision short shrift.

:43 – Jacob: “You don’t have to change for me, Bella.”  (A solid argument for Team Jacob.)

1:10 – Here is our first look at Bryce Dallas Howard as the new Vampire Victoria.  As many of you know, Howard replaced the original Victoria, Rachel Lefevre, in the series, as a result of “scheduling conflicts.”   It sounds like a bunch of hooey to me. 

Personally, I think Summit probably wanted to cash in on the movie’s success and bring in a bigger name.  Don’t get me wrong, I like Bryce Dallas Howard.  I think she’s a talented actress.  I’m just not sure she’s right for this role.  She just looks too nice  and sane to play this menacing, woman-on-a-rampage, character.  Her hair even looks tamer than the original Victoria’s!

1:14 – Edward: “I will protect you, no matter what.” 

Feminists beware.  Twilight is not exactly a “girl power” series.  Until the final book, Bella mostly inhabits a damsel-in-distress type role.  Throught the book, the films, and this trailer, there is tons of talk about protecting Bella.  This is fine, I guess.  However,  it would be nice, if  our heroine fought back on her own, every once in a while.

1:19 – Obligatory Taylor Lautner Shirtless shot . . .

(He still looks pretty good, but slightly less buff in this trailer than in the last film.  No?)

1:22 – Jacob:  “I will fight for you, until your heart stops beating.” 

Based on the YouTube comments for this video, the aforementioned line was a big hit with Team Jacob fans.  I’ll admit that in the context of the film, and given Bella’s impending choice, the line is a moderately romantic one. 

However, as a stand alone, it’s more than a little disturbing.  For a second there, I thought I was watching one of those Lifetime movies.  Specifically, the ones where the wife-beater / lunatic guy chases some B-list actress (Tori Spelling?)  around the house with a knife and says, “If I can’t have you,  NO ONE CAN!”

Eclipse hits theaters June 30, 2010.  Will YOU see it?

P.S.  For all you Twilight fans out there, it looks like Summit Entertainment has recently released a new trailer for Eclipse.  Unlike the sort of lovey-dovey first one, this trailer focuses more on the action / horror elements of the upcoming film.  Let me just say, I think it is TEN TIMES better than the first trailer!   Parts of it are downright scary, and the special effects and CGI graphics seem much improved from the first and second installments of the series.   And I’m not exactly a “Twihard” girl, so when I say it, I mean it. 

Rather than make this post any longer than it already is, I’ll simply let the new trailer speak for itself . . .

At First Bite: An Excerpt from Hollywood Warlock – A Novel by Julie Kushner

Chapter 1

At First Bite

The mood on the set of At First Bite, the much anticipated prequel to the critically acclaimed The Vampire Chronicles, was undoubtedly one of anticipation.  After all, filming was to start in just a few short minutes on what cast and crew knew would be a surefire blockbuster.  Heck, with the world economy in the crapper, and people’s lives going down the toilet right along with it, who wasn’t in need of a little supernatural escapist fantasy?  And what better way to escape than into the arms of a dangerous undead blood sucker?  The marketing department often joked that the tagline for the film should be “Recessions Bite, and So Does He.”

            Frenetic energy reverberated around the set, as everyone prepared for the film’s pivotal first scene, in which Vampire Lestrange encounters the naïve yet strong-willed heroine, Rebecca.  The prop department was busy strategically splattering “blood” (an odorous mixture of tomato paste, chocolate syrup, and lord knows what else) on the walls and floor, while white lab-coat wearing makeup specialists fussed over a highly realistic dismembered plastic corpse.  As a cumulative result of these activities, the sound stage bore greater resemblance to an Emergency Room surgery gone horribly awry than the filming locale for a high-budget action/horror flick set during the Victorian era. 

The rendezvous between the film’s two leads was to occur just moments after Lestrange, unbeknownst to Rebecca, had turned her sister Mary into a vampire.  The only problem was that film’s star, Justin Warlock, was still in his trailer, and no one seemed capable or willing to get him onto the set.

            “He’s doing what?  You’re kidding right?  Oh, I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”

            Kate McElwain paced back and forth in front of the craft services cart, barely able to contain her rage, as her agent tried in vain to prevent her from bodily removing her costar from his trailer.  Given her mood, he quickly decided honesty of the non-sugar coated variety would be the best approach.

            “Sweetie, you know Justin Warlock has always had a reputation for being a bit . . . How do I say it kindly?  Promiscuous.  But the boy brings box office, so we just have to bite our tongues.”

            “You bite your tongue.  I’m going to bite his balls off with those fake vampire fangs!” 

            Although touted by Entertainment Weekly as one of the “Top Ten New Faces to Watch in Hollywood This Year,” Kate McElwain, at 22, was already somewhat of an industry veteran.  Daughter of long-time soap opera starlet, Marlene McElwain, Kate practically grew up on film and television sets.  In fact, her career began when she was just eight months old, and was chosen, along with another baby who looked remarkably similar to her, to play the newborn daughter of her mother’s character on Days of Our Lives.

            As Kate got older, she had little trouble landing modeling gigs and commercials, due to her uncanny resemblance to her mother.  “It’s almost as if we created a time machine, went back about 25 years, retrieved Marlene from the past and brought her back here to repeat her career,” Marlene’s manager proclaimed about Kate.  With her petite frame, strawberry blond hair, pouty pink lips, and deep piercing blue eyes, Kate was the picture of naivety and innocence. 

As such, even though Kate was hardly a teenager, she was often cast to play “damsel in distress” types much younger than herself.  In fact, her role in At First Bite was no different.  Given Kate’s penchant for innocent roles, those who met her in her personal life were often surprised and amused to learn that she had the mouth of a truck driver and a temper to match.

“I mean, seriously, we haven’t even started filming yet, and already he’s missing call times because he’s diddling extras in his trailer?” Kate griped.  “Why doesn’t anyone just go get him, for Christ sake?”

“From what I’ve heard, no one interrupts Justin Warlock while he is ‘otherwise engaged,” the agent replied coyly.

Kate had never actually met Justin in person; although, she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t familiar with his career and reputation.  First discovered by his agent at a shopping mall at the age of 16, 25-year old Justin Warlock made a career out of playing the leading man in romantic comedies and Nicholas Sparks-esque dramas.  In addition to being a consistent fixture on People Magazine’s Sexiest Male List, Warlock was also a notorious playboy.  In fact, since starring in his first feature film at 18-years old, Justin has been romantically linked with every single one of his costars.  However, none of these romantic relationships had been rumored to last long after the movie premiere.

“Screw that!” Kate exclaimed, “Justin Warlock’s no supernatural being.  He’s just a dick who can’t keep it in his pants long enough to get to work on time.  I don’t see what everyone’s so fucking afraid of!”  And with that, she stalked off, leaving her agent to shake his head at his client’s tempestuousness.

Typically, by the time filming commenced, lead actors had already met one another at least a half a dozen times to conduct script read-throughs and navigate press junkets.  However, At First Bite’s Director expressly prohibited his on-screen duo from meeting prior to filming the first scene.  Rather, he desired their initial reactions to one another to be “fresh and unfettered.”  According to the Director, an actor’s and actress’s meeting on the first day of filming should be like a virgin bride’s first encounter with her husband on her wedding night, charged with anxiety and anticipation.  Kate thought that idea was a bunch of crap.  She was no virgin, and she was quite certain Justin wasn’t one either.  But far be it for her to mess with the Director’s “vision.”

Right now, vision or no vision, Kate was ready to have a little chat with El Director about her MIA costar.  When Kate approached “the man in charge,” he was hard at work on the Friday edition of the New York Times Crossword puzzle.  His tongue cradled his upper lip in concentration, as he struggled over one of the tougher clues.  The 40ish gentleman, whose salt and pepper hair, olive complexion and finely muscled physique gave him a George Clooney-type appeal, did not seem at all perturbed that his film was not running on schedule.  In fact, he seemed the picture of relaxation.

“Umm . . . Leo?”

The Director looked up from his puzzle and offered Kate a winning smile.  “Miss McElwain.  You look troubled.  Please, have a seat,” he said, patting a chair next to his own.  “How can I ease your spirits?”

Kate sat gingerly in the chair next to her Director.  Although it was going to take all of the inner strength she could muster, the young actress desperately wanted to appear diplomatic, knowing it was far too early in the game to piss off her boss by appearing too pushy.

“Well,” she started, “I am very eager to begin shooting our first scene.”

The Director laughed, a hearty Santa Claus “Ho, Ho, Ho,” which seemed incongruous with his lean-muscled frame.  “Ahhh, me too, me too,” chortled the Director, “It’s high time we popped that cherry.”

Ughh, more creepy virgin bride references.  Please, just kill me now.  Kate thought, but forced herself to remain courteous.  “Right . . . so the thing is, I was kind of wondering if you knew whether our ‘star’ would be making an appearance on set any time soon?”

“You think I should go get him, right?”  The Director responded, looking at Kate slyly.  “Yeah, I guess I should get him,” he rose from his seat and offered Kate his hand to help her out of the chair, “Come with me?”

Kate had no desire to go anywhere near that trailer, but again she recognized she had to be polite.  “Sure,” she said and followed the Director toward the trailers.  At least something was finally getting done. 

As they approached Justin’s trailer, Kate and the Director could hear the distinct sounds of sex coming from inside the doorway.  Kate was disgusted, but the Director simply appeared amused.  He glanced back at Kate.  “On second thought, why don’t you wait outside,” he said, before quickly climbing the steps and rapping on the door.  There was a brief pause, a few nervous shrieks and a hustle of activity, before the door opened a crack and the Director escaped inside, abruptly shutting the door behind him.

Kate was seething, as she waited outside the trailer alone, her foot tapping incessantly up and down, her arms wrapped tightly across her chest.  After a few moments, the door to the trailer opened.  Four women, all rather cheap-looking in Kate’s estimation, climbed out into the daylight, in various states of undress, each with the same lovesick grins on their faces, and dopey looks in their eyes.  If Kate hadn’t been too nervous about shooting to eat breakfast that morning, she probably would have puked right then and there.

Then the Director re-emerged, but this time with the man of the hour himself, Justin Warlock.  The two seemed to be having an uproariously good time, just yucking it up, which only served to make Kate madder.  Simultaneously, they both noticed her glaring at them and, like insolent school boys, guiltily wiped the shit-eating grins from their mugs.  “I’ll meet you both back on set,” called the Director.  He winked at Kate before briskly walking away, leaving the pair all by themselves.  So much for the “wedding night.”

Justin Warlock approached Kate, not with the confident swagger of a guy who just got laid by four women, but rather with the childlike exuberance of an eight-year old chasing after an ice cream truck.  With his tussled sun-kissed sandy brown hair, uncommonly long eyelashes, and obnoxiously adorable nose, the actor appeared to be nothing like the nymphomaniacal Adonis Kate had read about in the tabloids.  And yet, to the actress’s deep discomfort, Justin’s youthful pretty- boy body definitively smelled of sex.  Annoyed, Kate stared at the floor, desperately trying to avoid her costar’s good mood, which was being broadcast like radio waves from his dimpled smile and impossibly straight Crest advertisement white teeth.

“Wow . . . Kate McElwain!  I’ve been dying to meet you, since, like, forever,” announced Justin in the slightly-raspy voice Kate had heard so many times in movies.  He bowed slightly and held his hand out for Kate to shake.  Kate stared at the abhorrent hand as if it was infested with the intermingled juices of cheaply-perfumed floosies (which it probably was), and took a step back.  She would not be won over so easily.

The ingénue looked up at her nemesis, hands clenched, ready for battle.  Her vitriolic words spilled out of her like bullets shot from a tommy gun.  “OK.  Let’s get something straight, right off the bat.  I get that you’re Mister Sexiest Man Alive, and that you have scripts being thrown at you every day from here to Scandinavia, but some of us actually need this job.  So, in the future, if you need to get your cock sucked by one of the members of your bimbo harem, I’d really appreciate it if you did it on your own time.”

Wow, it felt really good to get that off her chest.  Kate took a deep breath.  Then, she looked up at Justin to gauge his reaction to her outburst.  For a moment, he didn’t appear to react at all.  Then, shock registered on his face.  Clearly, he had never been spoken to like that by anyone before, particularly not a woman.  Kate even worried for a second or two that he might hit her.  Instead, he did something even more unexpected.

Gently, Justin clasped Kate’s hand, looking deep into her blue eyes with his rounded blinking emerald green ones, which seemed as though they should belong to a boy much younger than the actor himself.  “Kate, you are absolutely 100% right . . . about everything.  What I did was completely selfish, unreasonably inconsiderate, and just plain stupid.  You deserve better, and I promise to be better from now on.  I am really . . . truly sorry.”

Unprepared for this type of response, Kate was utterly at a loss for words, and could do nothing but stare back into Justin’s eyes.  Even as Justin delivered his “heartfelt” apology, Kate knew that she was being played.  This guy was totally bullshitting her.  He didn’t mean a word of it.  And yet, while her mind was saying “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit,” on autopilot, her body was responding in another way entirely. 

The warmth from Justin’s hand sent tingles up her spine and throughout her body.  Immediately, her mouth became dry and her knees nearly buckled.  Try as she might, she could not pull herself away from Justin’s entrancing stare and her eyes watered at the unblinking effort.  Suddenly, she had this intense impulse to rip off his shirt and run her hands over his muscled abdominals.  She imagined herself kissing his thin lips as he nibbled on her neck. 

Kate longed to touch the firm bulge in Justin’s designer khakis.  Just moments ago, she hated this man, who seemed to stand in the way of her career and was against everything she stood for.  Now, she couldn’t bear to let go of his hand, which, to her embarrassment, she was gripping tightly with her recently manicured nails.

            And yet, as excited as she was by these feelings, they also frightened her to her very core.  After all, Kate wasn’t the type of girl to go gaga over a man as seemingly shallow as Justin Warlock.  In fact, Kate wasn’t the type of girl to go gaga over any man at all.  You see, Kate McElwain was a lesbian.

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