Tag Archives: Mr. Schuester

I LOVE YOU, MIKE CHANG! – A Recap of Glee’s “Asian F”

[ (Mildly) Important Note About the The Vampire Diaries Recap for “Disturbing Behavior”:  Hey Folks!  I suspect some of you might be scouring the home page in search of my most recent TVD recap.  All I can say is, IT’S COMING!  I was feeling a bit under the weather last night, and decided it would be best to publish a thorough recap a bit late, rather than publish a shoddy recap on time.  I promise to make it up to you, by adding plenty of extra yummy pics and GIFS into the mix! 😉  I hope you can forgive me.  The recap should be up by early this evening (probably 8 or 9ish) Eastern Standard time.  See you then, Fangbangers!]

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Would it be inappropriate for me to ask you to have my babies?  It would?  Well, could you just flash your abs at me then?

Oh, dear, sweet, Mike Chang.  You started off Season 1 as the Mysterious, Possibly Mute, Dancing Guy . . .  a guy who . . . except for during the instrumental portion of songs . . . remained largely in the background.  Then came Season 2, and our introduction to those glorious specimens of nature known as YOUR ABS.

You started dating Tina . . . and we started taking notice . . . but mostly just of your midsection.

Yes, I pasted the Abs Picture again . . . just in case you forgot what they looked like, when I pasted them two sentences ago.  You got a problem with that? 

But, now Season 3 is here . . . . Asian F has aired . . . and though it would be illegal in many states, I suspect there are many women out there, over legal drinking age, who would very much like to “Asian F” you, if  you catch my drift. 😉

So, strap on those dancing shoes, because this ode to New Directions most woefully under-appreciated club members is about to begin . . .

Finn is happy . . .

And so is his spirit animal . . .

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Be Cool, Mike Chang!

That’s right, Mike Chang!  You kick that poopyhead, Bad Influence Boyfriend!  You kick him HARD! 

Mike Chang’s dad is mad as hell.  And he’s not going to take it anymore!

“This is my mad face, which, coincidentally, is not all that different from my happy face.  Emotions are for losers . . . and people who score A minuses on their high school exams.” 

His son is on a path toward destruction!  He’s dating a vampire . . . well, at least someone who sometimes dresses like one!

Damon Salvatore finds this extremely insulting . . . 

He’s in GLEE CLUB.  And worst of all, he took a chemistry test, and received an A minus . . . an ASIAN F!  At this rate, Mike will NEVER get into Harvard!

Oh, the horror! 

Papa Chang thinks Mike might be ON DRUGS  . . . and begs Principal Figgins to force him to submit to drug tests each week.  He also wants him to . . . wait for it . . . QUIT GLEE CLUB. (NOOOOOOOOOO!)

Poor Mike!  He’s horrified of the idea of losing the part of his life, that he values most.  He promises his dad that he will do better . . . pay for a chemistry tutor, and never Asian F again (Well, at least not THAT kind of Asian F.)

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But the problem, of course, is that Mike has A LOT on his plate right now.  He’s going to Glee club practice.  He’s spending extra hours at the school helping Mr. Schue run Booty Camp.  He’s on the football team.  He’s teaching the football team to dance, as part of Coach Beiste’s requirement that they all audition for the school play.

And, perhaps, most importantly (for purposes of this episode, anyway) Mike has decided to audition for the role of Riff in the school’s production of West Side Story.  It’s a dancing part, of course.  But it’s also . . . wait for it . . . a singing part.  And we all know that singing isn’t necessarily a talent that comes naturally to Mike Chang . . .

“I’m really good at sex though.” 

Will Mike be able to juggle it all, while earning straight A’s (NOT A minuses!), AND earn the role of his dreams?  Mike decides to dance on it.  In what was my opinion, the most moving part of the episode, Mike heads alone to the dance studio rips off his shirt, to reveal a super tight, arms bearing tank top (but no abs, unfortunately), and dances his frustrations, hopes and dreams in total and complete silence.

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*insert stripper music, and lewd whistles here*

Then, he has imaginary conversations, both with his father — who values scholastic achievement above all else — and his girlfriend — who encourages his passion for dance, and the arts.  Bolstered by the power he gets from his dancing, Mike finally feels capable of unburdening himself, and telling the two people he admires most, exactly how he feels . . . Well, technically, he only does it in his mind .  . . but it’s certainly a start . .  .

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Damn straight, Tina!

And though Mike has been double booked (He is supposed to be learning chemistry right now), our hero, though a bit late, DOES, ultimately decide to audition for the role of Riff.  He does so, with one of the character’s token solos, a toe-tapping, finger-snapping number entitled “Cool,” which showcases both his trademark dance moves, and his raspy, yet surprisingly sexy, singing voice.

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“Yeah . . . I know . . . I’m awesome.  You totally want to get with this.”

Accompanying him on his audition are some pretty goofy-looking dancing football players.  (So, now we know where Mike has slacked.)

OK guys . . . you just keep doing the hokey pokey.  And I swear, nobody is going to ever find out that I never actually taught you to dance.”

But hey, nobody’s perfect . . .

After the audition, Mike returns to the comfort of the dance studio.  It is there where he encounters his mother.  Upon noticing that he had missed his appointment with his chemistry tutor, she had arrived at the school to make sure he was OK.  UH OH!  Busted!

Tired of hiding his true self, Mike finally comes clean to his mother.  He doesn’t want to be a doctor, engineer or astrophysicist, when he grows up.  Wait for it . . . Mike wants to be . . . a professional dancer.  The notion that Mike would end up coming clean to someone in his family about his true desires was not necessarily shocking or unexpected.  What WAS shocking, however, was his mother’s response.

Mike’s mother admits that she was not as courageous as her son was, and gave up her own dreams to do what was expected of her.  She does not want that for her son.  And so Mike’s mother promises to support Mike’s dreams.  “But what about Papa Chang?”  You might ask.

“When you get the part [of Riff], we will tell him together,” Mama Chang tells her son.

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“OK . . . cool, now while I have you here.  I guess it’s also time I told you that I’ve fallen in love with a TV Recapper . . .”

And just in case you weren’t already reaching for the Kleenex at this point in the scene, there’s more!  Mike asks his mother what dream SHE gave up during her childhood.  As it turns out, she too wanted to be a dancer, but never had the wherewithal to take lessons.  “Well, I’ve been told that I’m a pretty good teacher unless you are a football player,” says Mike.

Then .  . . wait for it . . . he SLOW DANCES WITH HIS MOM!

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All together now . . . AWWWWW!

“I’m not crying . . . It’s just raining on my face.” 

But Mike wasn’t the only Gleek dancing his way to  success and satisfaction this week . . .

Brittany Runs the World (well . . . at least the gym)

I’ve decided I want to be Brittany S. Pearce for Halloween this year, and use the outfit she’s wearing here as my costume .  . . Now, if only the costume came with her legs . . . 

I told you Brittany is running for class president, last week, didn’t I?  What I didn’t tell you is that she’s running a ROCKING CAMPAIGN, one based on the notion that the student council, up to this point, has been a predominately Man’s World.  And this, in her opinion is why the “economy” of the school is going down the toilet . . . I’m sorry.  I mean, the “magical poop-stealing water chair.”

Give me back my poop, B*tch! 

So, the usually daft Brittany, in a rare show of genius, plans an all-female flash mob that begins in the halls of McKinley High, and ends in the school gym.

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And you know the darn thing is a unanimous success, when you see the faculty (even Sue Sylvester!) doing their own nerdy chair-dances, as they watch her boogie down . . .

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Speaking of (slightly nerdy) teachers . . .

More Adventures in Bad Parenting (Emma Pillsbury Edition)

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Have you ever wondered why Emma Pillsbury is . . . the way she is?  You know . . . perpetually virginal, scared of her own shadow, and OCD-tastic?

Well, Will kind of wants to know too.  After all, he would eventually like to marry this girl, and maybe even (GASP) actually bone her.

(Welcome to the ONLY man in the world, who doesn’t appear the least bit freaked out by his girlfriend’s Secret Wedding Magazine stash.   And this is despite his having, pretty much, the WORST FIRST WIFE EVER!).

Two Words:  Fake . . . Pregnancy.

In furtherance of his ultimate dual goal of getting both married and laid, Will requests to be introduced to Emma’s parents.  The Schue undoubtedly knows from experience that the mere asking of this question sometimes has the result of causing marriage-intent women’s panties to immediately fly off their bodies, at warp speed.  But Emma is not one of those women.  In fact, she is SO dead set against this idea, that she lies and claims that her parents are DEAD, despite Will having HEARD her talk to them on the phone the night before.

“They are ghosts.  I have ghost parents,” Emma offers feebly.

Will is crushed.  He’s convinced that Emma doesn’t want him to meet her parents, because she’s ASHAMED OF Will, his freakish hair, odd attachment to underage girls and boys, teacher’s salary, and inability to say, “Have Mercyyyyy,” like that guy from Full House.

Remember him? 

Will turns to Beiste for help with his quandary, but she is too enamored with her MASSIVE BOWL OF CREAMY DISGUSTING PASTA to offer much in the way of advice.

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“We deliver!”

However, in between mouthfuls of mush, she does manage to tell Will that he’s dreamy, and a catch, and should INTRODUCE HIMSELF TO EMMA’S PARENTS . . .

Wait . . . WHAT?!

Oh, no Will . . . no, no no!  Just say NO!  Hasn’t being on this show for three seasons taught you that 9 out of 10 parents on Glee (and on most teen shows, for that matter) are ASSHATS and weirdos?

(Kurt’s dad and stepmom, and Mike’s mom, so far, seem to be the only exceptions to this rule.)

But Will doesn’t listen to my screams at the television.  And why should he?  He’s a MORON! He’s stubborn.

“Moi?”

So, Will invites Emma’s parents to his house on a night when he and Emma are SUPPOSED to be having a Romantic Dinner.  (Really Will?  And you think this is going to HELP you get laid?)  Emma is mortified, and pleads with Will to put an end to these shenanigans, ASAP.  So, Will asks HER, “Are you ashamed of me?”

(She’s not, Will.  BUT I AM!)

Emma then admits what most of us have probably known all along.  Emma isn’t ashamed of Will at all.  She’s ashamed of HER parents.  And here’s why:  One of them was on the show, Happy Days.  They are . . . wait for it . . . GINGER SUPREMACISTS.

Huh?

I know weird right . . . of all the strange deviant things the writers could have come up with for Emma’s parents, THIS is what they choose?  People who hate those who don’t have red hair?  SERIOUSLY?  Oh, and they are emotionally abusive too, which helps add some poignancy to the plotline but not much..

Well, they certainly LOOK evil . . .

All snarkery aside, when Emma’s mom, mocked Emma’s incessant silverware cleaning at the table, by calling her “Freaky Deaky,” and telling the rest of the table that she has a “case of the Cleanies,” you could tell just how much it tore Emma apart.  Kudos to Jayma Mays for adding some real legitimacy and depth, to what could have been a REALLY ridiculous story, with her impressive acting ability.  My heart really went out to Emma in this scene.

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And Will too, creepy as he may be, most of the time won some major points from me for standing up to Emma’s parents, calling them out on their racism, and emotionally abusive treatment of their daughter.  He also, more or less told them that Emma is a wonderful human being, OCD and all.

Later that night, Will finds Emma frantically rubbing her hands together compulsively before bed.  It is clear that Emma’s recent run-in with the parental units has made her OCD that much worse.  Will, of course, feels incredibly guilty (AS HE SHOULD!)  And though not a particularly religious man, he kneels down to pray with Emma, when she admits that doing so gives her comfort at her most out of control moments.

WILL: “Dear Lord, please allow me to have sex again, before I’m old enough to require a little blue pill to help me get it up.” 

And its a sweet, quiet scene . . . until Will starts singing Coldplay’s Fix You, which, though well intentioned, could be interpreted as a bit condescending, not to mention kind of contrary to the notion of Will loving Emma, exactly as she is.

I mean, yeah, Emma’s is clearly uncomfortable with her condition, and it prevents her from HAVING AWESOME SEX making the most of her life.  But still, in light of what just happened, wouldn’t it have been nicer for Will to sing something a bit more comforting?  I know, the Glee cast has already covered Bruno Mars’ “Just the Way You Are.”  But hey, Billy Joel sang a song with that title too!

Also, I never particularly cared for Will’s “falsetto voice.”  The songs he sings on a lower register tend to be a bit less  . . . how do I put this kindly . . . annoying.  (For example, his renditions of “Tell Me Something Good,” and “Bust a Move,” remain some of my favorite Glee singles.  His version of “Kiss” by Prince . . . not so much.)  Other than that . . . um . . .  GREAT SONG!

Meanwhile, back at school .  . .

Divas Never Win (And Winners Never Diva)

“Remember when I used to be the most well-liked girl in Glee club . . . That was nice while it lasted.” 

Mercedes new Bad Influence Boyfriend, Shane, has been Lady Macbeth-ing her to shun all her friends, in pursuit of the role of Maria in West Side Story.  He puffs up Mercedes head with a lot of hot air, by telling her that the Glee club doesn’t appreciate her talents.

I couldn’t help but notice that both Mercedes and Bad Influence Boyfriend are eating tater tots in this scene.  Ahhh . . . memories. 

And that she is more like the part Beyonce played in Dreamgirls, even though she thinks of herself as the part Jennifer Hudson played.  (Umm . . . Shane . . . wait . . . wasn’t Jennifer Hudson the STAR of Dreamgirls?  Didn’t she WIN AN OSCAR FOR IT?  And wasn’t her character supposed to be . . . THE BEST SINGER IN THE GROUP?)

I mean, I get it . . . Effie in dreamgirls was a character whose talent her producers and bandmates didn’t appreciate, due to her weight . . . but still, BAD ANALOGY SHANE!  Oh, and maybe I’m stereotyping here.  But somehow I have difficulty envisioning this big burly football player going all gaga over the musical version of a chick flick . . . Just sayin’

Anywhoo, Mercedes has been a bit under the weather lately.  She is nauseous, weak, fatigued, and sore.  (Thank the lord, Amber Riley confirmed that her character is not preggars, because I REALLY can’t handle another BABY TALE!)  And because of this, she’s been a bit lax in her Glee practice and booty camp attendance.

So, of course, the increasingly screechy Will is quick to call her out on this fact at Booty Camp.  (Why is Will telling off his students becoming a weekly event on this show?)  If Mercedes expects to get support from her fellow Gleeks for her plight, she is sorely mistaken.  The recently returned to New Directions’ Santana (Mr. Schue’s candidate for screeching in Episode 1), is quick to call Mercedes out on her “laziness,” and poor eating habits.

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(Read Santana’s lips in this GIF.   Doesn’t it kind of look like she’s telling Mercedes to f*&k off?)

Tired of being (what she considers) picked on by her friends and supposed mentor, and bolstered by Bad Influence Boyfriend, Mercedes chooses to sing the soulful song “Spotlight” for her Maria audition.

Her performance impresses all of the casting directors (Beiste, Emma and Artie) greatly.  And so Mercedes begins to believe she may have a shot at being the Beyonce character in Dreamgirls, after all!

Torn between casting Rachel or Mercedes in the role of Maria, the casting directors decide to hold . . . you guessed it  .  .  . a diva off to see which “Maria” is best for the part.

SURPRISE!

Feeling like she is destined to end up in the shadow of Rachel’s spotlight, once again, Mercedes acts out in Booty Camp class, when Will berates her for not being able to successfully perform the “Widowmaker” dance move.    She accuses Will of playing favorites with Rachel, at the rest of the club’s expense.

Will is so outraged by this accusation that he offers Mercedes an ultimatum: “Shape up, or you are out of the Glee club for good.”

These harsh words inspire Mercedes to have . . . you guessed it .  . . a Dreamgirls’ Dream Sequence, with Mercedes in the role of Effie, and the rest of the Glee Club members (sans Rachel), as .  . . well . . . slightly meaner and more flashily dressed versions of themselves, I guess.  The Dream Sequence — which is based on the scene in the movie, where Effie is kicked out of the Dreamgirls for her purportedly bad behavior, when, unbeknownst to everyone else in the group, she is only acting that way because she is pregnant — pretty much features the entire cast telling Mercedes off and ditching her ass to the tune of Dreamgirls‘ “It’s All Over.”

On the day of the Diva Off, a nervous Mercedes and Rachel stand at opposite ends of the stage, with their respective boyfriends waiting in the wings to offer them support.  The song they both sing is “Out Here on My Own,” from Fame.  And though the song is not necessarily my favorite, and sounds a bit too much like the recently performed “Spotlight,” for my taste, both contenders do an admirable job performing it, with Mercedes edging out Rachel ever-so-slightly, during the parts of the song that require belting.

“I am quite the belter . . .” 

(In a way, this song was custom-made for Mercedes’ deep sultry voice, and enviably powerful pipes, thereby putting the softer, sweeter-voiced Rachel at a distinct disadvantage.)

Sorry!  That’s just how I feel. 

Rachel comes out of the audition,  certain that she has lost the role to Mercedes.  Fearing that not having the lead in the school play will make getting into that fancy New York performing arts school she covets, near impossible, Rachel impulsively vies for another after school activity to put on her resume . . . coincidentally . . . or  not-so-coincidentally . . . it’s the same after-school activity for which Kurt is campaigning (who has recently graciously accepted his boyfriend’s decision to try out for the lead in the play as well, and is even surprisingly supportive of his decision).

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“Don’t worry.  I promise it’s not a gun.” 

Kurt is crushed that his bestie would betray him in this way Not to mention surprised.  I mean, don’t you have to be POPULAR to win class president.  Most of the school HATES Rachel!.   And he is not exactly shy about telling her exactly how she feels, ” —-”  Even Finn, who, himself is no stranger to selfish behavior, seems appalled by Rachel’s lack of sensitivity.   He doesn’t even know if he’s going to vote for her!  (And now she’s probably only going to get one vote . . . her own.)

Oops!

When it comes time to choose who gets to play Maria, the show’s casting directors (lamely) decide to cast BOTH women in the role, each person gets the part for a week.  Though frustrating from a plot perspective, it seems like a fair deal for both girls, and Rachel, for her part, accepts the offer fairly readily.   But NOT MERCEDES!  Recognizing that she probably had the better audition (a point about which Rachel doesn’t necessarily disagree), Mercedes becomes convinced that the directors cast both girls, in order to protect Rachel’s feelings.

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And so she THROWS A TEMPER TANTRUM, and quits the show ALTOGETHER .  . .

. . . thereby giving Rachel the part by default.

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!  Or maybe not . . . toward the end of the episode, Mercedes approaches the director of the virtually singer-less (save the tone deaf, Sugar Motta) SECOND school Glee club, Shelby Corcoran, of being admitted into HER club, where, by default she will undoubtedly become it’s version of Rachel Berry.

The power-hungry Rachel then decides to continue to run for class president ANYWAY, despite the fact that she now has FULL reigns to the lead in the School Play, and a solid chance of getting into the ollege of her dreams, while her “friend” Kurt is still struggling to find HIS ticket to admission.  (Yeah . . . she’s kind of a b*tch . . .)

“Ooh!  You’re so BAD!” 

And the part goes to . . .

In the final moments of the episode, we FINALLY get to see who got the parts in the West Side Story  musical.   And though, the results are not all that surprising (After all, for the most part, the only people we saw rehearse all got the parts for which they rehearsed), it was still uplifting to see the looks on those Gleeks faces when they learned their school play dreams had come true . . .

I loved seeing Kurt sweetly hug Blaine, upon seeing that he was rewarded the lead role of Tony.  (Kurt ended up landing the part of Officer Krupke . . .  not bad!)

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And Santana’s adorable little understated (but obviously thrilled) smile, upon seeing that she got the part of Anita, was countered with a HUGE EMBRACE by an ecstatic Brittany.  (Have I mentioned yet today how much I ADORE these two.)

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Mike Chang’s winning the role of Riff brought tears to my eyes for about the third time, during the hour.

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And Rachel’s win of the part of Maria, though bittersweet, was not entirely unexpected, or unwanted.

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(Remember when Blaine and Rachel drunk kissed last season, during the “Blame it On the Alcohol,” episode?  Oh yeah!  We are going to get some more of that!)

So, that was Glee, in a nutshell.  I must say, I share many Gleeks admiration for this touching, and well-acted episode, which I feel truly harkened back to the show’s Season 1, heydey.  Mercedes, Will, and Rachel kind of pissed me off, though . . .

“Et tu Recapper?”

Tune in next MONTH, when Quinn makes a play for Baby Beth, Puck makes a play for Shelby . . .

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 . . . and Mercedes and Santana shoot for ALTERNA-GLEE CLUB super-stardom.  You can check out the trailer for the next episode, which is entitled “Pot O’Gold,” here:

So, my Gleekies, what did you think of “Asian F?”  Was it all you hoped for in a Glee episode and more?  Or did you find it to be a bit overhyped?  Are you as much in love with Mike Chang  (and his abs) as I am?  Do you think Mercedes is a bigger diva than Rachel?  And, perhaps least importantly, which Glee kid do you think Mr. Schue is going to freak out on in Episode 4?

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Feel free to sound off in the comment section below.  And please,  take your time . . . we have a loooong hiatus ahead of us . . .

[www.juliekushner.com] [Fangirls Forever]

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Show Me Your Horn, Baby! – A Recap of Glee’s “I Am Unicorn”

“Now, Brittany, I understand that sex sells.   But don’t you think that using a picture of me with a giant stick coming out of my head is a bit  . . . um . . . horn-y, for a high school campaign?” 

Greetings Gleeks!  This week’s episode was all about embracing who you are, and being yourself unless you are a goth-looking skank, or a bad-dancing mechanic, then this episode was about being someone more socially acceptable.  Though admittedly light on musical numbers (there were only three, and all of them were show tunes), “I Am Unicorn,” was filled with a ton of heart, a sh*tload of unicorns, and some REALLY, REALLY big horns . . .


“It’s not the size of your horn, but where you stick it how you use it that really matters.”

Let’s review, shall we?

Because I’ve Always Personally Been Curious About the Bathroom Habits of Mythical Creatures

 

It starts off just like any other morning at McKinley High.  Kurt is primping and prepping in front of his locker, and making googly eyes at the wallet-sized snapshot of Blaine that hangs therein, when Brittany arrives.  Brittany has great news.  Apparently, Kurt is the Biggest Unicorn in the entire SCHOOL!

What is a unicorn, you ask?  Well, according to Brittany, a unicorn is a horse who got a horn for doing a good deed.  Then, he poops out cotton candy, until his horn falls off, and becomes a zebra.  Wait . . . what?  Did I really just type that?

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Apparently, I did . . . 

As bizarre as this all sounds, in Brittany’s Little World, being told that you poop cotton candy is a compliment of the highest order!  Brittany is so impressed with Kurt’s individuality and ability to survive insurmountable odds, that she wishes to become his campaign manager for Student Council President.  Brittany believes that her popularity, coupled with the fact that she is kind of slutty, can help the Mythical Creature Kurt to win a ton of votes.

And so, she invites herself over to his house to go over poster ideas.  A skeptical Kurt asks Brittany why SHE didn’t want to run for Student Council herself.  To this, she responds that she’s not smart enough.

This made me sad . . . (almost sad enough to poop cotton candy).

Fortunately, I manage to restrain myself (and took some Immodium) for the sake of continuing this recap.

After school, Brittany heads over to Kurts house, to show him his new campaign posters.  And they are, pretty much, the most awesome campaign posters I have EVER SEEN!  And yet, one can’t help but notice that they have a bit of a “theme” to them . . .

Kurt, who is currently clad in his tight green henley shirt, and sailor’s cap, is just appalled by how “GAY” the posters are.  He says that he’d prefer a more neutral campaign poster, like THIS one . . .

Ummm . .  . Kurt?  I hate to break it to you, but your poster doesn’t exactly scream “I like to bang chicks,” either.  It also says “winning” on it, a word that has been forever ruined by Charlie Sheen . . . just sayin’. 

And besides Kurt, Brittany’s campaign strategy is AMAZING.  It involves giving everybody at school Big Pink Sparkly Glitter Bags with minature versions of Tinky Winky in them.  And who doesn’t love Tinky Winky?

Now THAT’S a teletubby who knows how to accessorize!

When Brittany (with Santana’s help) begins the process of putting her posters up all around school, Kurt freaks out and starts ripping them down (more on why later).  His ungrateful reaction stuns and deeply hurts Brittany, who now believes she has failed her precious unicorn.  That is until Santana comes to the rescue, with her surprisingly sweet, and heartfelt, pep talk.  (How adorable are these two?)

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Santana tells Brittany that her campaign is brilliant . . . that there is no one like her . . and that she IS the unicorn.


And what’s great about the speech, is that it’s so NOT the typical type of thing the usually-caustic Santana would say. But Brittany brings out a sort of protective, and almost maternal, kindness in Santana that few other people get the chance to see.

Plus, she’s right.  Those posters rock! And Kurt rose to the top of my Poopy List for denigrating them . . .


Take THAT
Hummel!

Speaking of maternal influences . . .

Two Glee Clubs (for the price of one), One Baby (for the price of hair dye)

“Awww . . . see that little piece of hair sticking up on the side?  That’s Baby’s first Mohawk!”

Did anyone else find it fishy that Shelby Corcoran, Vocal Adrenaline’s first coach, arrived at McKinley High to run a second Glee Club it doesn’t need, right around the time that Dustin Ghoulsby, Vocal Adrenaline’s second coach (a.k.a. the HOT one) . . .

 . . . was purportedly fired from his position, leaving New Direction’s main rival without a supervisor?  Here’s hoping this isn’t another one of those annoying Vocal Adrenaline SPY plotlines.  After all, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time such a thing has happened . . .

 . . . or the second, for that matter . . .

Anywhoo, just as many of us suspected, tone deaf, self-diagnosed Asperger’s sufferer, Sugar Motta, didn’t take being rejected by the New Directions lying down.  Instead, she had her daddy pay for the school to start a WHOLE NEW Glee club, one where she will be the star.

“And we shall call our selves ‘Mr. Motta’s Strangled Cats,’ because our unique sound will be similar to that of animals dying.’

Nevermind the fact that NOBODY at McKinley High, save for the people ALREADY IN GLEE CLUB, have any interest in show choir (in fact, most of them HATE show choir . . . and want to throw slushees at it).  Also, nevermind the fact that McKinley High never seems to have any money for the after-school clubs it ALREADY has . . .

In Shelby’s defense, she doesn’t seem particularly interested in coaching show choir, at all.  She’d much rather spend her time flirting with Mr. Schue, apologizing for abandoning singing more random duets with her Bio Daughter, Rachel, and taunting Puck and Quinn with the baby they gave up for adoption this past year.

Nothing says, I’m sorry I crippled you with self-doubt, Daughter, by skipping town, right when we were starting to get close, like dramatically holding hands, during a musical number . . .

While I’m still not buying Shelby as being a warm and / or maternal individual, she IS a good musical coach.  And her advice to Rachel that she should sing West Side Story’s “Somewhere,” during her audition for the aforementioned play, as opposed to the well-worn, and, obnoxiously conceited (not to mention, Rachel already sang it in another episode) “I Feel Pretty,” was solid.  I also feel like this duet was WAY more story- appropriate, and pleasing to the ears, than that admittedly bizarre duet that the mother/daughter duo did to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face,” during Shelby’s last appearance on the show . . .

You can listen to “Somewhere” in its entirety, by clicking below . . .

After possibly saving her biological daughter from a lifetime of therapy, Shelby schedules a visit with Puck and the now-skankified Quinn to discuss their possibly becoming a part of THEIR biological daughter’s life.

“Just because I now look like Frenchie from Grease, and have a ridiculous Minnie Mouse bow in my head, doesn’t mean you should keep me from seeing my child.” 

Shelby gives Puck and Quinn an ultimatum.  They can be part of their daughter’s life, provided they agree to look like they came out of a J Crew catalogue at all times.  (I know, I know, that wasn’t she said.  But I’m trying to prove a point here.)

Those of you who have read my Glee-caps before probably know that I’ve been SERIOUSLY missing my darling Puck-ster, ever since the odious Lauren Zizes hijacked his personality (and his balls), last season.

No comment. 

So, the fact that I was treated to a deliciously poignant Puck-centric scene this week, really did mean a lot to me.

Puck visits Shelby at her own home, so that his in-person pleas to be able to see his daughter Beth cannot be ignored.  “I’ll do anything to prove to you that I can be her life.  Please, just give me a chance,” Puck exclaims earnestly.  He even comes bearing some surprisingly impressive (It’s better than I can do, anyway) artwork for the child . . .

Who doesn’t love a good Clown Pig? 

Eventually, Puck’s surprising politeness, and adorableness crack Shelby’s hard facade.  She eventually lets Puck hold (and spend some quality time) with his daughter, with whom anyone could tell he is already enamored . . .

Now, Baby’s got a REAL Mohawk! 

As for Quinn, she’s busy helping the Skanks stuff small girls’ heads in toilets, so they can steal their lunch money  .  . .

Fun! 

New Congressional Hopeful, Sue, immediately recognizes Quinn’s estrangement from . . . well . .  . everything and everybody.  And so, she decides to explot her, in order to undermine Glee club, as per usual bolster her Congressional campaignSue asks Quinn to star in her “The Arts Ate My Life” campaign promo.  And Quinn agrees, provided Sue puts couches under the bleachers, so that Quinn doesn’t have to strain her now emphyzema-filled ASS, while she’s busy trying to “be bad.”

“Doesn’t wearing a hat like that make your head sweat?”

No longer content to just shame Mr. Schue’s program, Sue has to go and humiliate Mr. Schue himself, by having Quinn confront him about how “Glee club ruined her life,” on video . . .

Though Sue’s manipulation of the situation is not particularly surprising, Mr. Schue’s reaction to the event definitely is . . .  He proceeds to scream right back in Quinn’s face, dishing her out some incredibly tough love about how she is basically a spoiled brat, who perpetually plays the Victim Card, whenever things don’t go her way.

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SING IT, Sista!

He also claims that she has no one to blame but herself for her own misfortune.  (Well . . . in Quinn’s defense, that’s not entirely true.  Quinn’s teenage pregnancy was also Puck’s fault . . .at least a little bit. After all, eggs alone do not a baby make, right?)

They do make for a mean omlette though . . .

The harsh speech definitely has its intended effect on Quinn, who runs out of the room in tears, declining to complete the promotional spot.  However, a real change in the character doesn’t occur until SHE, like Puck before her, visits Shelby in her classroom, to talk about the possibility of HER seeing Beth . . .

*sniffle, sniffle* “I’ve just got all these FEELINGS!” 

 Shelby is mildly sympathetic to her plight (after all, she apparently, also had a nervous breakdown and shaved her head after giving up Rachel).  “Stop punishing yourself for things you did when you were a child . . . er  . . . I mean . . last year . . . says Shelby, sympathetically.  However, the former Vocal Adrenaline coach is still not prepared to waver on this issue:  “No Pink Hair Bleachy Back to Blondie = No Baby.”

The next day, at Mr. Schue’s Mandatory Booty Dance Camp for Horrible Glee Club Dancers, (Hello Finn and Kurt) . . .

 . . . Mr. Schue has just completed teaching Finn the complex wonders of the box step, when Quinn enters the room.  Once again, she is clad in her “pure” white dress, and boring blonde hair, a.k.a. back to being the Stepford Wife everybody always wanted her to be . . .


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Quinn asks to be accepted back in Glee club.  And Mr. Schue, (who really was kind of an asshat to her anyway) “graciously” accepts.  Puck is in Bad Dancing Class too.  And he is looking at Quinn with stars in his eyes, thrilled that, he can once again begin boning someone, who isn’t as awful as Lauren Zizes . . . while wearing condoms, of course that the two of them will now be able to see their baby and become a part of her life . . . together.

BUT WAIT!  There’s a twist!

Apparently, Quinn’s meteoric “Return to Normalcy” (it took less than two episodes, after all . . . which is kind of disappointing, I must say) is not entirely for the reasons everybody thinks.  With a maniacal laugh, and bleached mustache twirl, a disturbingly determined Quinn reveals ot a horrified Puck that she is going to do whatever it takes to get full custody of Beth, even if it means having to give up her pre-existing spot in “Jem and the Holograms.” pretending that she’s NOT having a nervous breakdown . . ., which she most definitely is . . .

“Is this the part where your head starts spinning around and spewing out green stuff?” 

Meanwhile, elsewhere on campus . . .

The Perfect Camille (but not the perfect Tony)

“So, guys, how about that Packers game, last night?  That final play was really something, wasn’t it?  Did you notice how cute his butt looked in . . . oops .  . . I did it again, didn’t I?” 

McKinley High’s production of West Side Story will be produced by Emma Pillsbury, Coach Beiste (who eats an entire chicken at EVERY MEAL), Artie Abrams, and NOT MR. SCHUE .  . .

 . . . because he has to focus on winning Nationals . . .

Auditioning for roles in the play will be Kurt (of course), Mr. I-Have-Magically-Become-a-Junior-Even-Though-I-Started-The-Show-Older-Than-Kurt Blaine, and NOT FINN . . .

. . .  because he will be busy trying to become a less sucky dancer . . .

“You put your right foot in.  You put your right foot out.  You put your right foot in, and you shake it all about.  You do the Hokey Pokey . . .”

 . . . and working at Burt Hummel’s car shop as a mechanic . . . which Rachel Berry is trying not to judge him for . . . but she TOTALLY is judging him . . . only because she thinks he is “better than that” and, therefore, should follow her around like a puppy dog in New York for the rest of his life, as she pursues her dream to become the next Barbara Streisand.

RACHEL: “If I have to hit you with this big stick thingy to get you to listen to reason, I will.”

FINN: “It’s called a tire iron.”

RACHEL: “Whatever, my on-staff chauffeur will be servicing my cars, when I grow up . . .” 

Kurt, for some reason, thinks that the perfect audition song for the role of a macho former-gang member / alpha male named Tony is a Barbara Streisand song, in which he calls himself the “perfect Camille,” prances around the stage in short pants, and flips around some monkey bar contraption like a female gymnast . . .

The song he performs is called, “The Greatest Star,” and you can watch his audition, in its entirety, here:

But then Kurt overhears the show’s directors and producers discussing how Kurt might not appear manly enough to play Tony.  So, he decides to remedy their opinion by GETTING INTO TIGHTS, AND ROLLING AROUND ON A MATTRESS WITH RACHEL BERRY, WHILE SPOUTING SHAKESPEARE MONOLOGUES ABOUT BIRDS?

The results of his second impromptu audition are unsatisfying to say the least.  (But, HILARIOUS!)

It’s Kurt’s devastating realization that he will never get to star in an action movie, or play the romantic lead in a movie about a pro wrestler . . . or a football player . . . or any male character that would feel out of place wearing a pink ascot, that makes him freak out on poor Brittany for pasting those Big Gay Posters, featuring a very horn-y Kurt throughout school . . .

That is, until, he has a talk with his Trusty Old Dad . . .

“Cue the Full House music son.   It’s time for the lesson of the day.” 

Burt tells Kurt, “SURPRISE!  You’re GAY!”

 

“Like . . . really gay  . . . like singing like Diana Ross and owning a Chocolate Factory, gay.”

“Excuse me, Burt.  Did you just call me, Willy Wonka, gay?  I’m NOT gay.  I just really like children and candy . . .  I might be a pedophile, though . . .”

Burt tells Kurt that, if he wants to be a star, he is going to have to chart his own career path, and create his own roles.  And to do this, he must embrace his Big Gay Unicorny self.  So, Kurt decides to do just that.

But it’s too late, because Brittany has already decided (thanks to Santana) that SHE’S a unicorn too.  And she’s going to run for Student Council President against Kurt.

 (And it seems pretty obvious that, mentally challenged or not, she’s TOTALLY going to kick his ass, so . . .)

But that’s OK!  Because, Kurt might still get the role of Tony.  After all,  there’s no one really talented enough to take the role in his place . . .

Well . . . there’s Blaine, but he wouldn’t audition for Tony.  After all, he’s a JUNIOR right?  And a junior wouldn’t want to step on a senior’s toes right?  RIGHT?

OK . . . OK . . . so Blaine’s rendition of “Something’s Coming,” a song that Tony (not someone named Camille) ACTUALLY sings in West Side Story, was pretty darn amazing.  And Blaine’s a pretty manly looking (and acting) guy . . .

 . . . well . . . at least when he wants to be!

But that doesn’t mean the producers are going to GIVE him the role of Tony over Kurt, does it?

Yeah, sorry Kurt!  You’re totally screwed . . .

Until next time, Gleeks!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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Bite into that BIG Apple! It’s Time for Nationals! – A Recap of Glee’s Season 2 Finale “New York”

“Man, it is really hard to find a bathroom in this city!  Every place you try to go, they say you have to buy something first.  No wonder there is so much public urination in the Big Apple!’

Greetings Gleeks!  After weeks of speculation, the moment we’ve been waiting for all season, has finally come and gone.  The Glee kids came, saw, and conquered New York City . . . or at least a squeaky clean, sparkly, neutered version of it.  Speaking of neutered . . .

“Where the heck did my balls go?  I know I had them earlier in the season, back when I was in JUVIE.  Is it possible that when I was taking a shower in the communal . . . ?  Uh oh!”

Times Square:  The One Place Where You Can Still Buy Tickets to See Cats

“These tickets all say ‘SUCKER’ on them.  Ooh, maybe that’s one of the Cats’ Names!”

The episode begins with the Glee kids arriving in the usually bustling (and sometimes pretty scary) Times Square.  Although Times Square is typically, by far, the busiest part of Manhattan, the Glee kids find the area eerily void of humanity (AND DIRT!).  Seeing this reminded me of the opening dream sequence of that Really Bad Tom Cruise Movie (well . . . at least I thought it was really bad).  You know  . . . the one where he goes to Times Square, and learns that he’s the Only Man Left on Earth.  Talk about a HORROR FILM!

“L. Ron Hubbard predicted this would happen.”

Anyway, the Glee kids all start belting out “New York, New York,” on the steps near the TKTS Broadway ticket booth.  And I cringe inwardly, waiting for one of them to get mugged.  Then Rachel actually DOES . . . well, sort of.  Standing in front of the rest of the Glee Club, Little Miss Barbra Streisand 2.0 excitedly informs her pals that she got them all tickets to see “Broadway’s Longest Running Show . . . Cats.”  It is then up to Quinn, of all people, to break it to Rachel that the show has actually been off Broadway for ELEVEN YEARS!

 

“Oh, Febray!  Say it ain’t so!”

(By the way, was anybody else bugged by the fact that RACHEL, the Human Broadway Show Encyclopedia — who usually spends at least 5 minutes per episode spouting out useless facts about the Great White Way — DIDN’T know Cats was dunzo, but QUINN did?)

Anyway, the kids quickly head to the hotel, where Cheapskate Mr. Schue only manages to secure them TWO ROOMS (which has GOT to make the Bathroom Situation an absolute NIGHTMARE!).   Oh, and I’m pretty sure the “self-sacrificing teacher” somehow managed to get a room all to himself. (Real nice, right?)

“Well, if I roomed with the kids, I couldn’t watch 8 hours of hotel porn, now could I?”

I have to giggle a little bit when Puck and Zizes try to get served at the hotel bar (They order a Manhattan, har de har har.), and the bartender actually QUESTIONS whether these two are of drinking age.  This, of course, is despite the fact that both Puck and Lauren each look about 35-years old, and, by Glee’s timeline, have probably been chugging back shots of tequilla, since they were twelve . . .

PUCK:  “Hey Sweet Cheeks, what time are you getting off from work?  I’m sharing a hotel room (and two double beds) with five other guys.   We can show you a REAL good time . . . and my girlfriend can watch.”

As if Mr. Schue hasn’t already proved himself to be the Worst Chaperone EVER, he then decides to lock the Glee kids in a SINGLE hotel room, so that THEY can pen the songs they SHOULD have come up with weeks ago for the National Competition, which is less than 24 hours away.  Meanwhile, HE goes off to promote Matthew Morrison’s upcoming album pursue his Broadway Dreams . . .

“On stage, we call this an ‘Inspired Performance.’  In the potty, we call this a Bad Bout of Constipation.”

 A Stagehand happens to catch Will Schuester performing “Matthew Morrison’s Hit Single ‘We’ve Got Tonight'”  on an empty stage, in the theater where April Rhodes’ CrossRhodes (not to be confused with the terrible Britney Spears film of the same name) is set to debut.  Stagehand is quick to compliment Will on his “obvious talent.”  He then tries to sell Schue some leftover tickets to Cats . . .

“They say there’s a sucker born every minute.  When’s your birthday?”

Nothing Says Loving Like a Street-side Serenade Outside Sardi’s

ARTIE:  “Just think, at this time last night, real, honest to goodness, hookers could have been occupying this very spot.”

SAM:  “Hey Puck!  Put down the friggin accordion!  You’re TOTALLY destroying our game!”

PUCK:  “What?  I want the ladies to know I’m good with my fingers!”

Cooped up in the hotel room, Artie and Brittany offer up THEIR suggestion for an Original Song the Glee kids can sing at Nationals.  It’s called “My Cup.” 

I can’t be the only viewer who found this song a little dirty, right?  I mean, come on . . . “In the middle of the night, I’m in bed alone.  Don’t care if you’re paper, glass, or Styrofoam” ????

Santana TOTALLY gets it!

You can listen to this masterpiece (emphasis on the “master”) in its entirety, HERE:

Though Britney and Artie are the first ones to suggest an actual song, it’s QUINN  . . .

(She of the “Last week, I said I was going to do something evil to Finn, and ruin Nationals for the Glee kids, when all I actually did was cut my hair short and scowl a lot.”)

 . . . who comes up with the most INSPIRED performance idea.  Bad Apple Quinn easily convinces the Glee kids to disobey Will’s wishes and spend the night running rampant around the city, instead of working on their Original Songs.  “We don’t have to write Original Songs,” says Quinn.  “New York City will write them for us.” 

(You know, I hate to break this to you, Quinn, but I’ve been trying to get New York City to write my next novel, for about a year now.  The City is just too damn lazy!)

Reality Checks notwithstanding, the Glee kids frolic around Central Park, while rocking out to an inspired “I Love New York / New York, New York” Mashup.

(Just out of curiosity, does anybody else agree with me that THIS mashup, along with Kurt’s and Rachel’s later duet from Wicked, would have, ultimately, been better choices, as Nationals performance numbers, than the songs the Glee kids actually ended up singing?)

Back in the boys’ hotel room, Finn, once again, suggests that Rachel and him singing a duet together would be a great strategy for getting in Rachel’s panties winning Nationals.  The rest of the boys agree, and egg Finn on to invite Rachel out on a romantic New York Date .  “You know, like the ones in those romantic comedies, that make men grow a vagina, if they watch them all the way through,” Puck adds.

Did Puck just really say “vagina” on Fox?  (And did I just type it . . . twice.)

 (Taking this statement into consideration, one can’t help but wonder whether this is what happened to Puck, after he went on his first date with Lauren Zizes to see “Something Borrowed,” starring Kate Hudson.) 

Speaking of girly movies, when Finn texts Rachel to ask her out on their Romantic Date, she looks like she’s trapped in the “Girl Bonding Montage” of a Chick Flick, herself . . .

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RACHEL: “If one of you ends up getting a Makeover to Increase Your Self Esteem, I’m SO jumping off the Empire State Building . . . Oh, wait . . . Quinn actually DOES that, in the next scene?  Just kidding!”

Finn takes Rachel out to explore the sights of New York.

“I guess going skinny dipping is out of the question, huh?”

The pair end up at Sardi’s for dinner, causing me to wonder what kind of High Class Paper Route Finn runs at home, because that place is NOT CHEAP!

“I hope you like washing dishes.  Because that’s how I’ve arranged to pay for this meal.”

“Seriously?  Now, instead of having Jazz Hands on stage tomorrow, I’m going to have Dish Pan Ones!”

At Sardi’s, Rachel encounters her idol, Barbra Streisand Patti Lupone (I guess Barbra was busy?).  Lo and behold, Patti has some Sage Advice for Rachel.  She tells her to . . . wait for it . . . “Follow [Her] Dreams.”

Oh my goodness!  I have never heard such inspiring words before.  My life will never be the same again.  Thank you, Glee!

Outside Sardi’s, Rachel tells Finn that the only thing that would make this night more perfect, would be if the pair were serenaded.  So, of course, Finn’s posse magically appears, and starts singing “Bella Notte” to the Happy Couple . . .

 You can LISTEN to the song, in its entirety, here:

Personally, I would have liked the scene much better, if the Boys started singing the Lady and the Tramp Song, back at Sardi’s, while Rachel and Finn were playing meatball hockey with their noses, and accidentally making out with one another, thanks to one Very Mischevious Strand of Spaghetti . . .

 Speaking of making out, while the Boys are still singing, Finn tries to plant a wet one on Rachel.  But, alas, Finn’s Love Interest of the Week runs away, because she ate some bad Chicken Carbonara has to go “Follow Her Dreams” . . . or something.  And because they have NO TACT WHATSOEVER, Finn’s boys actually continue to serenade him, even after he’s been FLAT OUT REJECTED . . .

AW-KWARD!

(Needless to say, at the exact same moment when this is happening, about 200 men, forced to watch Glee at home with their girlfriends, spontaneously sprout vaginas . . .)

 A Stagehand Saves the Day: Part 2 (Electric Boogaloo)

“We’re not in Lima, anymore, Toto . . . er . . . I mean, Rachel.”

Kurt wakes Rachel up the following morning, so that the pair can have Breakfast at Tiffany’s (or, perhaps, more accurately, breakfast OUTSIDE of Tiffany’s).  The aforementioned exchange made me wonder if Mr. Schue had followed the concierge’s advice, and assigned rooms based on “sexual orientation,” after all . . .

(Then again, had he done that, Santana would have been sleeping with the guys . . .)

Anyway, Rachel confesses to Kurt that she and Finn love eachother.  However, she knows she’s destined to go to school in NYC and be on Broadway, and blah, blah, blah, Boyfriend Emergency, blah. 

So, Kurt comes up with the “inspired idea” of breaking into the theater where the pair’s favorite Broadway Show, Wicked (Remember when they sang the duet to “Defying Gravity” together?  Ah, memories!), is performed.  This way, Rachel can see what she might end up missing in the long run, if she starts dating the Finn-ster  and actually ends up dating him for longer than a two-week period, this time . . . 

“But we’ll get in trouble,” Rachel squeaks.

Have no fear, Little Berry, SUPER STAGEHAND is here to let you Live Out Your Broadway Dreams (provided your dreams only last fifteen minutes) . . .

“Ta-da!”

With Super Stagehand’s permission, Kurt and Rachel perform a GORGEOUS duet to Wicked’s “For Good,” with the set of the play, flanking them on all sides . . .

“Woah, Kurt, how much hair product did you use this morning?  I’m worried your Snookie Poof will set this set on fire!”

“Hey!  I resemble that remark!”

You can watch Kurt’s and Rachel’s impromptu performance, here:

At the end of the duet, Rachel seems to have made her  “Sophie’s Choice” . . .

 Meanwhile  . . .

Quinn Cuts Her Hair, Will Cuts the Chord . . . on his Dreams

Back in the hotel room, Quinn has a mini freakout, because her, Santana and Brittany “don’t have a chance at true love.”  Umm  . . . Quinn?  You’ve been single for LESS ONE EPISODE.  You are act like a heinous bitch, about 95% of the time  Please allow me to serenade you, with my tiny violin, regarding your Tragic Lack of True Love . . .

 As for Brittany and Santana “not having love,” well, the former just dumped her boyfriend for calling her “stupid.”  And the latter is faux-dating her fellow beard, Karofsky . . .

So, take that QUINN! 

My personal annoyance with Quinn, notwithstanding, Brittany and Santana are surprisingly sensitive to their erstwhile-pal.  They even attempt to bolster her foul mood, by treating her to a ridiculously overpriced New York haircut.  And, as much as I dislike Quinn, I have to say, girlfriend looks quite fierce in her new do’ . . .

 

Downstairs at the hotel bar, Mr. Schue meets up with Vocal Adrenaline coach, Dustin Ghoulsby . . .

. . . (who, unfortunately, is wearing a bit more clothes in the scene, than he is in the above picture).  Dustin has conveniently heard through the grapevine that Schue plans to leave teaching to pursue his Broadway Dreams.  Dustin thinks that’s a fab idea, remarking how much HE would love to stop teaching Show Choir, considering how much he DESPISES his students.  “But I love my students,” Will remarks, as I throw up a bit in my mouth.

Insert shallow attempt at humor here  (I’ve got nothing.)

Will’s undying love for his underage students notwithstanding (See how I just made something Sickeningly Sweet and Innocent sound Disgustingly Inappropriate?), Dustin immediately rushes to go rat out Will to his students. 

However, when Will arrives at the hotel room to collect the Glee kids for the Nationals competition, rather than bitch him out for NOT GIVING TWO CRAPS ABOUT THEM, THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE NEW YORK TRIP, they actually encourage Will to give Broadway a try.  And yet, Will (who has clearly never met Patti Lupone) is not about to give up his  love of teens for something as insignificant as a Once-in-a-Lifetime Opportunity at Fame and Fortune.  Andhe  tells his kids as much. 

(So, much for leaving us with a Cliffhanger, Glee writers!)

Happy to have their Steadfast Mr. Schue for at least one more season, the Glee kids join their teacher in a Big Fat Group Hug.  Puck enters the embrace first . . . because he has a vagina.  (Ummm . . . yeah, I’ve used this word WAY too many times in this recap.  It’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable, to be honest.)

Anywhoo enough about vaginas (DAMN!  I did it again.), it’s NATIONALS TIME!

The Big Kiss . . . and The Even Bigger Kiss Off . . .

RACHEL:  “Finn, is that GUM, in your mouth?  How many times have I told you not to chew GUM on stage?  It’s unprofessional.”

FINN: *blows bubble in Rachel’s mouth*

 At the Nationals Competition, Some Random Girls’ Choir, wearing short slutty dresses, performs Usher’s 2004 hit, “Yeah.”  And while their singing is “OK,” the dancing is ridiculous, and reminds me a bit of the Glee kids’ bizarre lunchroom dance to Salt n’ Pepa’s “Push It,” back in Season 1 . . .

You can listen to the song, here:

In the bathroom at Lincoln Center, Rachel and Sunshine Corazon come full circle from their Season 2, Episode 1, Potty Sing Off . . .

.  . . when Rachel, upon hearing Sunshine RALPH in the toilet, finally apologizes for sending her to a crackhouse for Glee club auditions. When Rachel learns that Sunshine HATES Vocal Adrenaline, and is petrified of performing in front of the crowd(Can I smell a transfer BACK to New Directions for Sunshine in Season 3), the newly reformed diva even goes so far as to offer to give Sunshine the “thumbs up sign” when she’s on stage, so the youngun won’t be nervous.   “But don’t you want to win?”  Sunshine inquires, without the snarky edge she COULD have used with that line . . .

“How was the old crackhouse, by the way?  I’ve been meaning to get back there for a refill, but I’ve been so busy not preparing for Nationals, that I haven’t really had the chance.”

“Guys like us have to stick together,” Rachel replies, pulling Sunshine in for a hug.  (All together now, “AWWWWW!”)

Sunshine performs an original song entitled “As Long as You’re There.”  And, while her voice is amazing, I must admit, I was mighty underwhelmed by herVocal Adrenaline backup dancers, who basically did the same dance to this WILDLY DIFFERENT number, as they did last year to “Bohemian Rhapsody during Regionals. 

But don’t take my word for it.  Watch the performance here, and judge for yourself . . .

During New Direction’s performance, a Smouldering Jesse St. Douchey-But -Still-Hot-James arrives, sneaking into a conveniently empty seat next to Schue to watch the show. 

“I’m here to collect my payment for hitting on Rachel, and not helping you prepare for Nationals at all.”

Though Jesse claims to be only interested in the performance, it’s pretty obvious he’s there, because he’s still in love with Rachel.  And Schue glibly calls him on that fact. 

(So, am I the only one that’s still kind of rooting for Jesse?  What can I say?  I have a thing for Raging Asshats!)

Asshat Lovin’ = Good Lovin’

The first New Directions Number is an Original Song written by Finn, called “Pretending.”  Not surprisingly, it’s a Finchel Duet. 

“Pretending” sounds and looks pretty much like every other Finchel Duet we’ve seen since Season 1, from the “Walking Slowly Toward One Another from Opposite Sides of the Room” Bit to the “Staring Intently Into One Another’s Eyes While Holding Hands, and Making Teary Constipated Facial Expressions at Eachother” Bit.  The only difference HERE is the ending, in which Finn (despite Rachel having reiterated her “I’ve got to follow my dreams” dumping of him, prior to the start of the performance) abruptly shoves his tongue down Rachel’s throat.

The audience is stunned into silence. (probably because they skipped last week’s episode, and thought Finn was still dating Quinn).  After a few moments of uncomfortable awkwardness, Schue offers the couple a tepid Slow Clap off the stage.  Poor Jesse looks heartbroken.  But hey, that’s what you get for making breakfast on your girlfriend’s head in Season 1 . . .

Watch “Pretending” and the Controversial Kiss that Ended it All here:

“Pretending” was followed up by another Original Song.  This one was entitled “Light Up The World.”  And, while it was peppier, and definitely more fun to watch, than “Pretending,” I didn’t find the song itself particularly memorable, or the dancing that accompanied the song all that different from what we saw at Regionals with “Loser Like Me.” 

You can check out “Light Up The World,” here:

The Big Shock of the Evening (though, considering the meh performances, it actually didn’t seem all that shocking) is that New Directions doesn’t end up placing in the Top Ten at Nationals.  (It comes in twelfth.) 

Oh, the humanity!

Though everyone is pretty bummed about the loss, no one takes it harder than Santana.  The former Cheerio has a little Lima Heights Adjacent Style Freakout in the dressing room.

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Once she is back home from New York, Santana even goes as far as to create a Yellow Cardigan- wearing-Rachel Voodoo Doll to torture.  (Many of the Glee kids, Santana included, blame the loss on how mediocre they performed the inappropriateness of the on-stage Finchel Kiss.)

So, of course, it is up to Brittany to cheer Santana up.  During a very sweet little locker scene, Brittany tells Santana how much she loves her (but just as a friend .  . . for now, at least), and how lucky the two of them are to have found “family” in their fellow Glee clubbers.  Brittany’s surprisingly wise words do wonders for Santana’s spirits.  And Santana tells Brittany as much . . .

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I, for one, adore these two togther, and very much look forward to the mature progression of their relationship in Season 3. 

Speaking of couples I adore, Kurt and Blaine finally exchanged “I LOVE YOU’S,” this week!

As dramatic as the multiple Finchel Moments were in this episode, I loved the quiet sweetness of this single Klaine moment.  No over-acted overtures, extravagant gestures, or big speeches were necessary.  This was just another day for Kurt and Blaine. 

The couple was just having coffee together, sharing stories, and enjoying one another’s company.  And then, seemingly out of no where, Blaine said it . . . the three words that Kurt undoubtedly has been wanting to hear, since he first met the guy, earlier this season. 

It was perfect!  Kudos to Darren Criss and Chris Colfer for the understated elegance of this memorable moment.

Oh, yeah, and I almost forgot, Finn and Rachel got back together.  (SUPRISE!)  After all that hemming and hawing about “following her dreams,” it turns out Rachel has an ENTIRE YEAR LEFT OF HIGH SCHOOL, before she even has to think of applying to NYU.  Talk about an hour’s worth of unnecessary drama! 

That being said, the couple’s second kiss on the floor of the library was way more adorable and genuine, than their overblown stage one, at least, in my opinion . . .

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Speaking of couples, you know who else is secretly dating in Glee Club World because heaven forbid any of these folks date someone who isn’t remotely involved in the show choir ? SAMCEDES!

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Hmmm . . .  it could work! 🙂 

And, there you have it folks!  Two seasons of Glee down, and hopefully, at least a few more to go.  So . . . how did you like the finale?  Did you think the Glee kids deserved to win Nationals?  Are you down with Samcedes?  Feel free to sound off in the comment section below . . . 

Have a great summer, my Gleekies!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Bye, Bye Birdie! Hello Nationals! – A Recap of Glee’s “Original Songs”

KURT:  “Here lies My Virginity, which you will be taking from me, about twenty minutes after the final credits roll on this episode.”

BLAINE: “That’s your Virginity?  I didn’t expect it to look so .  . . small.”

KURT:  “If you don’t like it, I’d be more than happy to give it to Karofsky.”

BLAINE:  “No . . . NO!  It’s beautiful!  I’ll take it!”

Talk about a JAM-PACKED Glee episode!  This week’s installment featured, no less than TWELVE SONGS (I’m still not sure how they managed to squeeze a plot in there!), a Regionals Competition, a funeral, a Sue Sylvester knockout, and possibly one of the most eagerly anticipated makeout sessions this show has EVER SEEN!

So much drama . . . so much music . . . so much trouty mouth, and big ass . . . heart!  We better get started now, or we will be here ALL NIGHT!

(Note:  All the YouTube Videos with the words “pixtiny.com” on the bottom, are not fully embedded.  So, just click on the internal links to view them.  The rest of the videos I included should play directly from this site.)

Kurt . . . is . . . in MIS-ERY!  (And there’s only one person who could comfort him.)

“That’s MEEEEEEEE!”

The episode begins at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Dalton Academy, where the Warblers are, once again, bopping around their choir room awkwardly, like this . . .

(Seriously, these guys REALLY need to rethink their choreography!)

 . . . while their fearless leader, Harry Potter Blaine No-Last-Name-Yet, leads them in a rousing rendition of Maroon 5’s Misery, a song who’s original version has been in high rotation on my iPod FOREVER since it was released last summer.  Misery is pretty much your basic run-of-the-mill Warbler fare.  It doesn’t look or sound too different from When I Get You Alone or Bills, Bills, Bills or any other ditty we’ve heard come out of Blaine’s luscious lips, this season (more on THOSE later).  But since I absolutely adore this song, they get a Free Pass on that from me . . . 

Now, while I may have given the Warblers a Free Pass on Misery, Kurt most certainly did not.  I actually gave a little standing ovation from my couch, when Young Hummel finally called out the love of his life for being the Rachel Berry of Dalton Academy.  “Your solos are breathtaking . . . they are also .  . . numerous.  Sometimes I feel less like I’m part of the Warblers, and more like a backup singer for Blaine and the Pips,” Kurt snarks.

“Oh, NO you didn’t!”

Oh, yes, Mr. Schue!  HE WENT THERE!  And, can I just say, it’s ABOUT DAMN TIME!  Blaine looked a bit shocked at being called out in this way.  But, to his credit, he neither denied what Kurt said, nor issued any sort of rebuttal.  In fact, he actually seemed fairly impressed that SOMEONE in his group would have the guts to say this to him . .  .

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DADDY LIKE!

But, alas, all is not well in Hogwarts Dalton Land!  Voldemort has arrived!  The Warbler’s prized little mascot, Pavarotti, seems to have flapped his little yellow wings for the very last time . . .

“WTF Glee!  You can’t kill me off, NOW!  I was just two tweets away from getting my SAG card!  Now I have to wait for them to make Angry Birds into a movie . . .

I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I did actually shed a tear or two for Pavarotti.  This, when you think about it, is kind of ridiculous, considering the bird in question only actually appeared on-screen twice throughout the entire season.  The rest of the time, he was nothing more than a yellow cotton ball in a Burberry-covered cage . . .  And yet,  Kurt has carried around that cage for half a season now!   In fact, I’m pretty sure if there was a “Warbler Kurt” Doll, it would come with Pavarotti, as an accessory.  So, when that little yellow cotton ball died, a part of Kurt died right along with it . . .

“I wish the Will Doll came with an accessory!”

Stricken with grief over the unexpected loss of Pavarotti, Kurt interrupts a Warbler song meeting, and requests that he be allowed to sing a song in the dead bird’s honor.  The song he chooses is the Beatles’ “Blackbird.”  Admittedly, this is a strange choice of song for two reasons: (1) Pavarotti was obviously not “black,” he was “yellow;” and (2) when it was originally written, the song “Blackbird” was meant to serve as a metaphor for the Civil Rights Movement, as opposed to being taken  . . . um .  . . literally.  And yet, considering the alternatives, I think this was the best song choice Kurt could have made.  Because if he had, instead, started belting out “Bye Bye Birdie” a la Sal Romano from Mad Men, THAT would have been super inappropriate . .  .

And yet . . . at the same time . . . REALLY FUNNY!

Did I mention that Kurt showed up to sing his tweet-alicious solo, dressed like a cross between Elvis, Johnny Cash, and Christian Siriano from Project Runway?

Fierce!”

Of course, the song was beautiful!  As we learned from his rendition of “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” a few months back, Chris Colfer interprets Beatles songs like no other.  But, for me, the most amazing thing about this number, was the way Blaine responded to it. 

 Most of us wait our entire lives to have someone look at us, with the kind of love and admiration that was on display here.  I must admit, watching Blaine come to the realization that he was now, and had always been, totally and completely in love with Kurt, was enough to melt my snarky, cynical, and almost criminally unromantic heart . . .

Prepare to be awwwwwwwwww-ed!

Shortly thereafter, the Warblers’ hold their meeting regarding which two songs Blaine they will perform at Regionals.  At the meeting, Kurt shocks everyone, by suggesting that, instead of Blaine singing both songs all by himself (while the rest of the group does the Pee-Pee Dance behind him and hums) why not include  . . .  a duet?

Blaine then pipes in and suggests that he sing the duet with . . . Kurt.

The Warblers’ put it to a vote.  And, since none of these Cute Musical Robots have been programmed to do anything aside from hum, do the pee-pee dance, and agree with everything Blaine says, they almost unanimously vote to let Blaine and Kurt du-et with eachother. .  .  (Get it?  Du-et?   Sounds like do  . . . nevermind.)

BLAINE: “If Pavarotti the Animatronic Bird has had more speaking lines than you, this season, please raise your hand.”

While “practicing” for his duet with Blaine, Kurt gets up the courage to ask his soon-to-be-Boy-Toy, why he chose to sing the duet with him, rather than one of the older Warblers.  Blaine then sits down next to Kurt, and looks intently at him, with those big brown teddy bear orbs of his.  “There is a moment,” he begins, when you look at someone, and think, ‘Oh, there you are!  I’ve been looking for you forever.’  Yesterday, when you sang Blackbird, that was a moment for me . . . about you.”

This is the second time, in a single hour, that Blaine managed to give me chills.  The way that Blaine then bent over to kiss Kurt . . .  the way Kurt gently, and then more aggressively, grabbed Blaine’s face with his right hand . . . the way the pair looked at one another in complete awe and wonderment, after it was over, before going back  in for seconds . . . it was all . . .  MAGICAL.  There is just no other way to describe it . . .

WATCH!  I dare you not to be moved . . .

BURT:  “I bet you are glad I gave you that sex talk NOW, aren’t you, son?  Now, give me back my PAMPHLETS!”

Meanwhile, back at McKinley High . . .

Rachel is the Only Berry on Her Family Tree (and Quinn is just a B*tch).

Rachel is still trying to write an original song about something that doesn’t involve head gear.  Her second performance for Finn, is entitled “Only Child.”  In it, Rachel decries the horror, of never being able to sleep in bunk beds, and being the “only Berry on her family tree.” 

Yes, it was a LAME song.  (I, for one, prefer “My Headband.”)  And yet, as an only child, myself . . . I must say, I can relate!  (I always REALLY wanted a bunk bed . .  . before I learned how hard they are to climb to the top of, while inebriated.  Thanks, College!)

While Finn is not-so-subtly telling Rachel, that this is “Strike Two” on the Original Song attempts, Quinn is watching from a distance, plotting a Massive Rachel Take Down of Mean Girls Proportions.  After all, Quinn NEEDS TO BE PROM QUEEN!  And she NEEDS FINN IN ORDER TO DO IT . . . 

(Ughhh!  Can someone please knock this ho-bag up, again?  I’m tired of Evil Quinn, or, as Finn calls her, “Scary Quinn.”  I want Insecure Baby Bump Quinn BACK!)

“My Precious!”

Careful, Quinn!  This guy wanted to be Prom Queen too.   And look what happened to HIM!

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”  That’s the motto Quinn decides to live by, when she supports Rachel’s renewed request that New Directions perform original songs at Regionals.  Quinn even offers to help Rachel come up with a new song!

Except, when the two do finally start to write, and Rachel asks Quinn whether she and Finn are back together, Quinn shows her true colors, by telling Rachel that she is not meant to be with Finn.  Apparently, Quinn has given this A LOT of thought, because she then launches into this whole future scenario for Quinn and Finn.  She becomes a real estate agent in Lima.  Finn takes over Burt Hummel’s car repair business.  And the pair live in town, raising lots of not particularly intelligent Fuinn babies.  

Hey, remember when Quinn dumped Puck, because she thought he was nothing more than a “Lima Loser,” and SHE wanted to leave town with Finn, so she could move on to Bigger and Better Things?  NO?  That’s OK.  Apparently . . . neither does Quinn!

“Like most of the characters on this show, I have a rare disease, which prevents me from having any short term memory whatsoever, beyond the current episode.  Remember Drew Barrymore’s character in 50 First Dates?  I’m kind of like her.”

Upon hearing that she doesn’t fit in with the Finn, and the rest of the Lima Losers, Rachel runs out of the room crying, when she should really be jumping for joy . . .

“YAY for ME and my eventual meteoric rise to fame (and subsequent stint in rehab, at age 21)!”

Inspired by her sadness, Rachel rushes home to write a song for Regionals . . .

Meanwhile, back in the Choir Room .  . .

Trouty Mouth?  Big Ass Heart?   HELL-TO THE NO!

“Back up off me or I’ll EAT YOUR FACE OFF with my Supposedly Mondo Mouth which really isn’t that big, at all!”

Rachel isn’t the only Glee kid attempting to write an original song.  Santana writes one herself, in an attempt to prove to Brittany that, after the latter rejected her for Artie, she is now “safely” back in the closet. 

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Except, the song that Santana chooses, while tauting itself as a “love song” to her “boyfriend,” actually has the unintended effect of proving just how attracted to boys Santana ISN’T.  The song is called “Trouty Mouth.” And its lyrics, more or less, compare poor Sam’s lips to every kind of fish and slimy amphibian featured in a high school science book . . .

“Now, THAT’S offensive!”

For his original song, Puck serenades his lover girl Lauren with yet ANOTHER fat song. 

“You’re DEAD, PUCKERMAN!”

Except, this time, he’s talking about Lauren’s heart . . . her Big ASS Heart.  Admittedly, it’s a sweet song.  The lyrics are REALLY clever.  And Puck’s sultry singing voice, never fails to cause my panties to drop on the floor, every time I hear it.  The only problem is that Lauren Zizes, DOESN’T have a Big Ass Heart . . . at least not from what we’ve seen, which makes this . . . just another thinly-veiled song about her large girth, after all. 

But, hey!  It’s Puck!  And he’s hot!  So, we forgive him!

“I get away with EVERYTHING!”

Then, Mercedes sings “Hell-To the NO!” 

And it’s EXACTLY the kind of awesome song you would except this character to write and sing.  No further explanation is required, really!

Brittany didn’t write an orignal song.  But she informed us that her favorite song of all time is “My Headband” by diva songstress Rachel Berry.  (Woah!  Who’d have thought that Brittany, of all people, would be the character on the show with best memory for stuff that’s happened in past episodes.)

Finally, Will helps the Glee kids brainstorm a song idea based on their collective hatred for Sue Sylvester.

It’s entitled “Loser Like Me.”

It’s Regionals TIME!

The day has come for the New Directions, The Warblers, and Aural Intensity to perform at Regionals.  They will be judged by Kathy Griffin, whose playing some sort of weird amalgamation of Sarah Palin, Christine O’Donnell, and Michelle Bachmann.  You’ve gotta love how Fox (a.k.a. Republican TV), by nature of Glee being one of its most successful shows, was forced to make fun of nearly all of it’s female mascots in a single hour of television!  It’s just too bad Kathy G. wasn’t particularly funny in this role  . . .

“Oops!”

Also judging the competition is Loretta Devine, who appears to be playing some sort of take off on Whoopie Goldberg’s character from those old Sister Act movies.  A cute idea .  . . but . . . also not really funny.

Taking into consideration the seemingly “ultra-conservative” bent of the judges, Aural Intensity, led by none other than Sue Sylvester, perform the song, “Jesus is my Friend,” while holding hands, and morphing into the formation of various religious symbols.

Umm .  . . yeah.  I don’t have much to say about that.

We didn’t get to hear Aural Intensity’s second number, but I strongly suspect it was something off the Sister Act soundtrack . . .

Next up, are the Warblers.  Kurt and Blaine perform a very sweet, and romantically charged, if not particularly energetic, rendition of Hey Monday’s “Candles.”

And then, because, apparently, the world would EXPLODE if the Warblers entered into a competition, wherein Blaine did not get AT LEAST one entire song to himself, Blaine sings Pink’s “Raise Your Glass,” another song in high rotation on my iPod.  (Hey Blaine!  Call me!  We can swap mix tapes!) 

As usual, Darren Criss does a nice job with this song.  And yet, I kind of wish New Directions had sung it instead.  The thing is . . . for me . . . the Warblers . . . with their Pee Pee Dances, and their Hogwarts Jackets . . .  just seem a bit too straight-edge to properly convey the angsty “I Don’t Give a F*&k!” attitude of this Anthem to Outsiders.  But don’t take my word for it . . .

New Directions are up last.  For the first number, Rachel sings the song that Quinn’s evilness, and her unabiding and inexplicable love for Finn have presumably inspired within her, “Get it Right.”

As she sings, Finn watches from backstage, and gives Rachel EXACTLY the same “I can’t live without you” look that Blaine gave Kurt earlier in the episode . . .

Don’t worry, Quinn.  Knowing Finn (and Glee), Douche-Boy will be BACK in love with YOU again in two episodes, tops . . . (Man this love triangle is getting annoying!)

I have to laugh when, about HALF WAY through this number, Kurt turns to Blaine and whispers, “Wow, they are doing Original Songs.”  (Seriously?  It took you THAT LONG to figure this out, Kurt?  Sex with Blaine must be killing your BRAIN!)

“Where am I?  Is this Sectionals?  Why aren’t I on stage?  I’m part of New Directions too!  Aren’t I?”

The Glee kids’ second song is the Sue Sylvester-inspired “Loser Like Me,” which could more or less, be Glee‘s theme song . . . if the show actually had one.   The number even features confetti-filled slushees, and lots of folks making the “L” sign on their foreheads . . .

Back in the audience, Kurt (who, just five minutes ago, DIDN”T EVEN KNOW  thathis friends were performing “Original Songs”) magically has the foresight to pass out props that are completely appropriate for this particular musical number.  Go figure!

“Hey Blaine, I plan to use this on you after the competition.  Pretty kinky, right?”

After virtually no deliberation, and no explanation whatsoever as to which teams come in second and third . .  .  SURPRISE . . . New Directions wins Regionals!!!!

So, Sue punches out the Governor’s Wife on stage, because . . . oh, who the heck knows!

The episode ends with the New Directions hugging an ecstatic and tearful Rachel for her remarkable dual performance, while Kurt and Blaine bury Pavarotti, clasp hands, and walk off together into the sunset to have hours and hours of hot monkey sex in Kurt’s bedroom . . .

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And that’s what you missed, on Glee . . .

Next stop, NATIONALS!  See you then, Gleeks!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Drunk People . . . Singing – A Recap of Glee’s “Blame it On the Alcohol”

Sunglasses = The Ultimate Hangover Accessory

This week’s installment of Glee was kind of like a weekend-long, alcohol-fueled bender.  It was random, plot-free, only mildly coherent, embarrassing, vomit-filled, and, yet . . . at the same time . . . AWESOME!

So, fill up those shot glasses, turn on some Ke$ha, and get ready to make out with someone completely inappropriate, because it’s time for a GLEECAP!

Everybody in the School, Get Tipsy!

When the episode begins, Principal Figgins (or, as I like to call him, The Fig) is, once again, in need of Mr. Schuester’s help.  Apparently, McKinley High’s alcohol content has recently skyrocketed to Charlie Sheen-type levels.  The entire student body is walking around blitzed on Four Loko, cheap beer, and Mike’s Hard Lemonade (a.k.a. The Good Stuff).  To combat this trend, The Fig wants The Schue and his Glee kids to perform a song about “the Dangers of Drinking” at the school’s “Alcohol Awareness Assembly.”

Normally, The Schue would welcome this opportunity!  The problem is that lately he has become DEPRESSED.  And, why not?  He’s lonely and divorced.  The object of his affections is house hunting with her faux-husband, Jesse from Full House (Have MERCY!).  And .  . . well . . . actually, I’m not sure what it is about THIS week that is making Will so much more miserable than usual.  I mean, his life is the same degree of sucky that’s it’s been for about four episodes now!  But it’s important to the plot that he be “depressed.”  So, we’ll deal . . .

Always one to rub Will’s face in things, Sue materializes to tell Will that Alcohol Awareness Week will most certainly send our favorite Spanish Teacher straight to the Drunk Tank.

Now that you mention it Sue, a Rehab-themed episode of Glee would be FABULOUS.  Just imagine all the Special Guest Stars we’d get to see!

But enough about those BORING teachers!  We want to see some GLEE KIDS GET WRECKED!

Rachel Berry’s House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza!

Poor Rachel!  She had such good intentions.  There she is, just minding her own business, trying to create an original song for Regionals, when a (very hot) Mohawked-devil LITERALLY appears on her shoulder, and tries to convince her to throw a party at her house, while her two dads are on vacation.  Rachel initially rebuffs Puck’s offer.  But there’s nothing like a Really Bad Musical Performance to drive our diva heroine straight to the bottle . . .

Truth be told, Rachel’s “Original” single, “My Headband,” probably isn’t going to make it on to the Top 100 Itunes Downloads this week.  And yet SOME might have found it inspiring!

Unfortunately, for Rachel, Finn is more of a pigtail-type guy, and, therefore, doesn’t show Rachel’s ode to headgear the love that it deserves.  Rachel realizes that the reason she can’t come up with an “inspired” original song is that she has no “life experience.”  She has never even TASTED ALCOHOL BEFORE!  And so, our girl decides to throw a house party, after all, and invite “all of her friends” i.e. the Glee Club and Blaine.

The Glee crew is skeptical at first, as to whether Rachel will truly be able to “throw down” with the rest of them.  And yet, they all ultimately decide to attend, looking forward to the Massive Trainwreck that will inevitably result .  . .

Doesn’t this screenshot kind of look like one of those Sex Hotline ads you usually see on TV at 3am?  Justin sayin’

As expected, the party gets off to a pretty lame start, with Rachel, clad in a what looks like my grandma’s nightgown, pawning off wine coolers on her guests, and threatening to involve them in a game of “Celebrity.”

Oh, Rachel!  Hasn’t having two gay dads taught you ANYTHING about fashion?

Once Puck convinces Rachel to let him break into the liquor cabinet, however, things pick up, rather quickly.

We are treated to a fun little Drunk Party Montage, to the tune of Far East Movement’s G6, as Designated Driver Finn generously gives us all a tutorial on the “Different Types of Drunk People.”  (Who said you couldn’t learn anything from Glee?)

Which type are YOU?

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Angry that Finn has dubbed her Needy Drunk, Rachel sets out to prove how very UN-needy she is, by setting up a game of Spin the Wine Cooler Bottle.  To everyone’s surprise, the hottest kiss of the night actually belongs to . .  RACHEL AND BLAINE?

Sexual orientation aside, these two are actually kind of smokin’ together.  For one thing, they look like FRATERNAL TWINS! (Wait .  . . ewwww . . . nevermind.  That’s not awesome AT ALL!) 

Honestly, am I the only one who thinks Drunk Blaine and Drunk Rachel are WAY MORE FUN, and WAY LESS ANNOYING / JUDGEMENTAL than Sober Blaine and Sober Rachel?  I didn’t think so .  . .

“Your face tastes awesome,” slurs Rachel in Blaine’s ear.  (YAY, Cannibalism!)

After swapping spit and gnawing on one another’s faces for a good twenty seconds, while a dejected Kurt looks on miserably, Rachel and Kurt segway immediately into an impromptu duet of The Human League’s “Don’t You Want Me?” 

Considering how COMPLETELY FUBAR-ed these two individuals supposedly are, the resulting performance is surprisingly good!  See for yourself . . .

Unfortunately, we don’t get to actually see the rest of the party.  However, we can assume that the night went pretty well, when we see Kurt’s dad Burt (who NEVER TAKES OFF HIS BASEBALL CAP, by the way.  What’s up with that?) barge into Kurt’s bedroom the next morning, only to find THIS GUY in there  . . .

“WAY TO GO, KURT!  (My son is a TOTAL PIMP!)”

“The Hair of the Dog that Bit Yo Ass”

Despite the party having taken place on Friday night, the Glee kids are all conveniently still completely hungover by Monday.  (LIGHTWEIGHTS!)  The experience of being hungover has somehow converted Artie into Chris Rock.  So, he informs the rest crew, in a RIDICULOUS accent, that they should all join him for some Bloody Marys, a.k.a. “The  Hair of the Dog that Bit Yo Ass.”

Cut to the once-again inebriated Glee kids performing “Blame it on the Alcohol” for Mr. Schue in the school auditorium, while swaying back and forth on Rotating Red Leather Furniture(?).  Seriously?  What kind of BUDGET does the Glee Club have that they get these type of props?  At my high school, musical performances in the auditorium always featured the exact same scenery:  Hand-Drawn Smiley Faces on Posterboard . . .

The Schue, who apparently has NO SENSE OF SMELL WHATSOEVER, and is also a moron, can’t tell his own students are wasted.  They are just REALLY GOOD ACTORS.  (De-Nial ain’t just a river in Egypt, Schuester!)  And yet, Will wonders whether this Jaime Foxx ditty glorifies drinking a bit TOO much to be performed at the Alcohol Awareness Ceremony.

You be the judge .  . .

The Schue Gets Sloshed

Tired of listening to Will’s nonstop “wah-wahing” about how sucky his life is (Aren’t we ALL?), The Schue’s new bestie, The Beiste, decides to take the Glee Club advisor out for a night of hard drinking, bull riding, and cheesy line dancing.  The pair even get up on stage and sing a duet of that countrified ode to wasted-ness, “One Bourbon, One Shot, One Beer.”

This would all be well and good, except for the fact that Will still has Spanish tests to grade . . .

“Que HAGO Uds.?”  “Yo ESTOY el hermano de Pepe?”  YO NO THINK SO!

After giving all his CLEARLY illiterate Spanish students A+’s on their exams  (I am SO transferring to this school!), Will makes the same fateful mistake many of us unfortunately make after a night of endless boozing and faux-soul searching.  Of course, I am referring to . . . THE DRUNK DIAL!

“Emma?  I luuuuuuuuuuuve youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

As luck would have it, the following morning, when a VERY hungover, also sunglasses wearing (Product Placement much?) Schuester arrives at school and confronts Emma about his belligerent late night phone call, she has no idea what he’s talking about. 

“PHEW!  Now THAT would have been embarrassing . . .”

Then again, maybe he’s NOT so lucky, after all . . .

“You want to put your   . . . WHAT . . . in my . . . WHAT?”

In sober-er news .  . .

Ring Around the Closet . . .

Poor Little Ornery Kurt!  He’s not exactly having the best episode.  First, he made the mistake of STAYING SOBER at Rachel’s party.  So, he had his full faculties, when he had to watch the man of his dreams make out with his new gal pal.  Then, his dad read him the riot act about having Blaine sleep over, despite the fact that the dude was so wasted, Kurt didn’t even get to COP A FEEL!  Kurt accuses his dad of having a double standard, regarding the whole sleepover issue.  “If Finn had PUCK sleepover at the house, you wouldn’t care!”  Kurt whines.

*sigh*  A Finn and Puck sleepover . . . I’ve had dreams about this .   . .

Burt gently reminds Kurt that his analogy is a POOR one.  While Burt wouldn’t care if Finn had PUCK sleepover, he WOULD care if Finn had Quinn or Rachel sleepover.  (Does that mean KURT can have Rachel sleepover, without his dad getting mad?  I mean, it’s only fair, right?) 

“I watched all of Brokeback Mountain.  Now, I don’t know much about gay stuff, but I’m pretty sure something went on in that tent,” Burt notes wryly . . .

*sigh* Memories!

Ultimately, the father / son duo come to a compromise.  Kurt will ask Daddy, before having any possibly gay dudes sleep with him (a.k.a. any guy in Glee Club).  In return, Burt will school himself on the wonders of male-on-male sex, just in case Kurt happens to “have any questions” on the topic.  (Oh, Burt!  I have a WHOLE LIST of really great movies I can recommend for you on this topic.  Just call me, OK?)

But Kurt’s dad is the least of his problems.  Kurt also has to worry about the fact that a ONCE AGAIN drunk (My, they sure fall off the wagon fast on this show!) Rachel has asked Blaine out on a REAL date, post kiss.  And Blaine has accepted!

“And we can play Barbies, and watch The Care Bears Movie, and you can braid my hair, and play with my dollhouse .  . .”

Kurt sees Blaine’s acceptance of a date with Rachel as a blatant rejection of Kurt homosexuality.  Blaine argues that he is just not that into him “confused” about whether he’s into dudes, chicks, or both, and that Kurt should stop chasing after him like a wounded puppy be more understanding.  Then Blaine ends the conversation, just as any straight manly man would, by sticking his tongue out, flipping his hair, and strutting off, in a huff . . .

That night Kurt stops by Rachel’s house to ask stalkerish questions about Blaine, and interrogate her about the Infamous Date the two shared help her clean up the basement, after the big party.  To Kurt’s chagrin, the pair actually had a great time.  Kurt “kindly” tells Rachel that she is destined to a be a perpetual  . . . forgive the expression . . . “Fag Hag” to gay guys pretending to be straight, starting with Blaine.  Now, if I were Rachel, I would of SLAPPED Kurt in the face for saying that to ME!  (Even though, let’s face it, it’s probably true .  . . for Rachel at least.) 

I love how, in this screencap, you can clearly see the bra Brittany was wearing earlier, at the party, hanging on the wall, behind Rachel and Kurt . . . It’s all about the details!

But Rachel, to her credit, refuses to be bullied by Jealous Kurt, and his pronouncements of doom and gloom.  She vows to kiss Blaine sober, thereby proving, once and for all, that the Warbler, is, in fact, in love with her.  After all, she is not about to pass up the opportunity to have “A New Musical Boyfriend” and . . .  eventually, “vaguely Eurasian-looking babies.”  I mean, can you blame her?

The next day, at the coffee shop, as Kurt creepily looks on, Rachel plants another smackeroo on the Blainester .  . .

Blaine’s reaction?  “Yep, I’m gay,” replies the Head Warbler, before exiting the coffee shop.

WOW!  Insensitive much?  Who knew gay guys could be such D-bags?  Fortunately, Rachel takes the rejection in stride.  Besides, being dumped by a gay guy in the middle of Starbucks is GREAT song-writing material.  Even, Rachel’s headband would agree!

Source

I Didn’t Know Vomit Could be That Color . . .

Looks more like Wet Cement . . . actually.

It’s the day of the Alcohol Awareness Assembly, and the Glee kids are unusually nervous about their performance of Ke$ha’s (or, as The Fig calls her “Ke Dollar Sign a”) rousing alcoholic anthem “Tik Tok.”  Fortunately, Rachel has come bearing courage-fabricating “refreshments.”  Said “refreshments” apparently include the REST of the contents of her dads’ liquor cabinet, all poured into one big yummy vat . . . along with cough syrup . . . and some crushed up Oreos . . .

Mmmmm . . .  Yummy!

Led by Ke$ha lookalike Brittany, and her criminally short-shorts, the Glee kids give a performance that starts off rather well, and ends in . . . for lack of a better word, Vomitpalooza 2011.

“Everybody drink responsibly,” slurs Brittany at the end of the performance, before rushing off for an intense session of Oreo Cookie Tossing and Porcelain God Praying.

You can enjoy the Glee kids, in all their pukey splendor, RIGHT HERE . . .

To add insult to vomit-covered injury, the next day, Sue decides to broadcast Will’s drunk dial to Emma across the student loudspeaker, during morning announcements.  (Poor Will!  He must not have very many friends AT ALL, if “Sue’s” name comes anywhere near “Emma’s” in his Cell Phone Contact List.)

Usually, on television shows like this, “Drunk Declarations of Love” are surprisingly romantic, eloquent, and poignant.  Not so here!  Kudos to Glee for showing the world what REAL DRUNK DIALS sound like: disturbing, stalkerish, and incredibly creepy.

  “Bring some wine coolers to my place, and we can get busy together ALL night . . . I rode a bull tonight, and when I was riding it, I was thinking of YOU,” slurs Will into his phone.  (Ummm  .  . . ew?)

“Awwww, you think I look like a Mechanical Bull!   That’s the sweetest thing anybody’s ever said to me!”

But just in case you were worried that our Glee kids and Will would experience repercussions for their bad behavior, worry not!  The Fig LOVED IT!  Thanks to the Glee kids barf, and Will’s humiliation, no one wants to be drunk in school anymore. 

Uhhhh  . . . your welcome?

In fact, The Fig is so grateful to the Glee club for their effort, he gives them all coupons to buy yogurt!  Because that’s the first thing you want to eat, after you’ve vomited up your insides . . . mushy, chunky, globule, yogurt  . . .

That afternoon, at Glee club practice, The Schue makes all the students sign pledges promising to stay sober through Nationals.   However, he also gives the crew his cell phone number, so that, in case they DO end up getting wasted, he can come pick them up from whatever dark alley they decide to shoot heroine in.

Can I get that number too, Will?

And that’s all she wrote!  Be sure to tune in two-weeks from now, when The Schue FINALLY takes a break from whining and complaining about how miserable his life is, in order to rock out to some Prince songs, and bang Gwyneth Paltrow.  Good times!

See ya then!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Just Bieb It! – A Recap of Glee’s “Comeback”

OK. Confession Time!  Before this episode aired, I had NEVER HEARD A JUSTIN BIEBER SONG.  Not one . . . ever.  I’m not sure why this is, exactly.  But I strongly suspect it might have something to do with his hair.  Simply put, it frightens me.

Yeah . . . remember that Chucky doll, they used to make all the horror movies about, back in the 90’s?  (I’m not even going to post a picture of him here, because I plan on getting some sleep tonight.  Thank you very much!)  Well, Bieber’s hair . . . it kind of reminds me of that freaky doll.

So, when I heard Glee was doing a Bieber-themed episode, I was skeptical to say the least.  “Would Justin himself be making an appearance?”  I thought to myself.   “Would I (gasp) have to stare at THE HAIR for AN HOUR?”

The answers to those questions ended up being “No” an “YES,” respectively.  And while this wasn’t exactly my favorite Glee installment, it did offer some genuinely funny moments.  It also gave me a minor appreciation for The Biebster.  (His hair still scares me though . . . A LOT.)

Let’s take a Bieb-alicious look back, at “Comeback,” shall we?

Meet Sam . . . and Sam’s Hair

It’s officially been half a season, since Sam Evans first became a member of Glee club, and since Chord Overstreet joined the cast, as a series regular.  Since then, the Glee writers haven given Sam a few solos, his own love interest, and more shirtless scenes than ANY CHARACTER ON THIS SHOW, including (unfortunately) Puck . . .

But what they haven’t really given him is much of a personality.  And this week’s episode, while not going all the way, definitely took some strides toward remedying that oversight.

When the episode begins, we learn that, in the wake of her firework-inducing, mono-giving, makeout session with Finn (or, as I have taken to calling him, recently, Finndouche, Quinn has grown bored with Sam and his “mad choosing skills.”

Quinn openly scoffs at Sam’s suggestion that the pair go to “Color Me Mine” for Date Night.  Now, as far as hot dates go, “Color Me Mine” probably falls somewhere between “McNugget Happy Meal at McDonalds” and “private jet to the Bahamas.”  But we all know that PUCK got in Quinn’s pants, with nothing more than a few cheap beers, and some mildly kind words . . .

So, yeah, Sam, it’s safe to say that it’s not the POTTERY that’s to blame for your Dating Slump, it’s YOU!  Or maybe it’s not Sam, so much as his TOTAL LACK OF BACKBONE.  When Quinn tells Sam that she got mono, not from kissing Finn, but from giving him mouth-to-mouth when he CHOKED ON A GUMBALL (not the Heimlich, mind you, MOUTH-TO-MOUTH!) . . .

 . . . and Sam pretends to believe it, out of fear of losing his Ho-bag Barbie of a girlfriend, we all can see our blonde friend is just a smidge lacking in the cajones department, if you catch my drift.

That may not have been a GUMBALL, Quinn was carrying in her mouth, in the earlier picture.  Just sayin’.

But our Sam is optimistic!  He believes he can do what it takes to win back Ho-bag Barbie!  He’s ready to make . . . wait for it . . . a COMEBACK.  And that comeback starts with combing his hair into a creepy sidepart, and singing to a bunch of 13-year olds at what was probably LAMEST BAT MITZVAH EVER!

Seeing as Sam’s foray into being a one-man Justin Bieber Cover Band was SO successful with the Training Bra Crowd, he decides to bring his talents to an audience that DOESN’T make him look like a total pedophile when he performs in front of the — namely, Glee club.  So, off Sam heads to the front of the class to perform, Justin Bieber’s “Baby.”  To be honest, I found I couldn’t pay much attention to the song itself, because I found Sam’s (Bieber-esque (?)) dance moves, which were somewhat of a cross between the Robot, a Monkey in Heat, and Every Bad Line Dance You’ve Ever Seen, so oddly mesmerizing . . .

Just . . . cant . . . look . . .away.

Sam’s Scandalously Bad Dancing clearly hypnotizes the Glee Girls too, because the minute he starts performing, they are suddenly fawning all over the guy, and clinging to him, like a bunch of wet rags.  So, of course, Artie, Mike, and Puck want in on The Bieber Experience too.  After all, all three guys have found themselves in a Post V-day slump.  And they are in desperate need of some Bieb Street Cred to get back into their respective ladies’ panties. 

(OK, this is where I cry B.S., MIKE CHANG!  Last week, your girlfriend was so desperately in love with you, that the mere sight of you made her BURST INTO TEARS OF JOY.  NOW, just a few weeks later, you honestly expect me to believe that she has become immune, not just to you, but to YOUR ABS too?)

Did I MISS the episode where Tina went blind?

Unlike the rest of the Glee boys, Finn has no interest in Bieberizing himself (at least, at first).  After all, who needs Bieber Moves, when you’ve got Gassy Infant ones?

So, the rest of the Glee guys perform YET ANOTHER Bieber song for the Glee girls (and Schue).  This time, it’s “Somebody to Love.”  Again, the dance moves are bizarre (and, strangely enough, involve  . . . chalk?  Or maybe that was massive amounts of dandruff, the boys were playing with on stage?  I couldn’t really be sure).  But unlike with Sam’s first performance, this time, it wasn’t the dance moves that kept me from focusing on the music.  It was Puck and his reappearing / disappearing “Bieber Head,” which seemed to switch places with his Mohawk, on and off, throughout the musical number.

Hairy Puck issue aside, the second performance was an especially big hit with Ho-Bag Barbie, Quinn, who IMMEDIATELY decides to dump Finn cold turkey, and go back to her now-Bieberized boyfriend, Sam.  Unfortunately for Quinn, Santana has already dug her claws into that ridiculous mop top head.  Pulling Sam aside, she forces him to admit that he knows about his girlfriend’s affair with Finn.  She also “delicately” offers the Macauley Culkin double her “services”.  “I wants on them Froggy Lips.  And I wants on them NOW,” she coos . . .

Not surprisingly, Sam dumps Ho-Bag Barbie’s ass, ASAP.  And in the character’s final scene, we watch him get “up close and personal” with Santana and “the two rambunctious twins that live on [her] ribcage.”

Personally, I CAN’T WAIT until she gives HIM Mono . . . or whatever Fun Variety Pack of STDs she is currently carrying

Sue-icide is Painless

Sam wasn’t the only Glee cast member in need of a comeback, this week.  After her earth-shattering Cheerios cheerleading championship loss, which resulted in the Glee club getting ALL of the school’s extracurricular club money, Sue is SO depressed, that she actually tries to KILL HERSELF by OD-ing on Gummy vitamins!  When that doesn’t work, she tries BEATING UP GLEE CLUB MEMBERS.  (Can someone tell me how this woman is STILL A TEACHER?)

Emma, being the annoyingly GOOD person that she is, sympathizes with Sue’s plight, and really wants to help.  So, she offers her the MOST AWESOME SELF-HELP PAMPHLET IN THE HISTORY OF SELF-HELP PAMPHLETS!

But when that doesn’t work, she flashes her tits puppy dog eyes at Schue.  And, this somehow convinces him to let Sue join Glee club.

WILL:  If I do this for you, will you divorce Jesse from Full House, and have white-gloved, compulsively-clean, insanely boring sex with me in the Choir room?

EMMA:  DEAL! 

So, of course, Sue uses this opportunity to try and sabatoge the Glee Club, using the oldest trick in the book:  pit the members against one another.  (Zzzzzzzz — Honestly, Sue, I expected something a little more creative from YOU!)  And, so, Sue tells resident divas, and new found besties, Rachel and Mercedes, that each has said that the other has “no talent.”  The result is a “Diva Off” to “Take Me or Leave Me” from the musical Rent. 

It is also, by far, my favorite performance of the episode . . . which is weird for me, seeing as the pieces that come from musicals typically tend to be my least favorite on the show.  (I guess I’m just “uncultured” like that.)

You can check out Rachel and Mercedes, and their fabulous DIVA OFF, right here:

As you may have noticed, Sue’s plan here fails MISERABLY.  And the act of singing, which was initially meant to divide Rachel and Mercedes, actually ends up bringing them EVEN CLOSER . . .

Realizing what Sue tried to do to his Glee Kids, Will punishes her and us with Intense Emotional Manipulation.  Oh yes, boys and girls, we are off to sing “This Little Light of Mine” to sick kids at a hospital, or, as Sue calls it, the House of Sad.  Thanks Glee!  Because, I wasn’t feeling guilty enough about the cracks I made at the prepubescent Bieber’s expense (well, really just The Hair . . . and The Dancing) in this blog.  You had to go and make me feel like an even crappier human being, by making me watch THIS!)

Sue’s journey to the House of Sad inspires her to lead the Glee kids in an “Anthem,” which just so happens to be the theme for the upcoming Reginonals Competition.  She chooses “Sing” from My Chemical Romance.  Now, I know some of your out there were deeply offended that Glee would have the GALL to cover a song by the admittedly fabulous MCR.  But I, for one, was actually pretty happy with this performance.  Then again, maybe that’s just because I like flannel . . . and furry hats.

Speaking of “Interesting” Fashion Choices . . .

Turns out, Lauren Zizes isn’t really all that good of a singer.  But I am a BIG fan of the cheesetastic 80’s inspired outfit she wears, when she performs “I Know What Boys Like,” in front of the crowd, this week . . .

Additionally, I was a HUGE fan of Puck’s suggestion, as to how Lauren could combat her stage fright!  As a result of that suggestion, during Lauren’s admittedly “Meh” musical number, we were treated to the teen’s view of what the Glee crew would look like in their underwear . . .

Aside from the obvious titillation of a shirtless Mike Chang, and SUPRISE, yet another shirtless Sam Evans shot, I’d have to say my FAVORITE underwear choices were a toss up between Finndouche and his Power Ranger Underoos, and Sue’s decidedly uncomfy Catwoman / S&M Mistress of the Darkness getup . . .

Will’s Cutoff Short Shorts (seen toward the left of this screencap) bring up the “rear” (No Pun Intended) for a close third.

In fact, my ONLY complaint, about Lauren’s undie choices, was THIS . . .

There is, most certainly, no way in HELL, that Puck sleeps with a SHIRT ON!  Opportunity for Greatness = Wasted.

Oh, and then THIS happened, which frightened me . . .

All political correctness aside, you have to admit, that is one SCARY screencap!  Also, is that a WEDDING RING on her finger?

In Other Fashion News . . .

“Being Cool” is apparently at the top of Rachel Berry’s “To Do” List, right above THESE ITEMS . . .

AVATAR on Ice Audition, ay?  Now THAT would be a fantastic Glee episode!

So, Rachel pays Britney to dress like HER, so that the unpopular Diva can also become a “trendsetter” by association.  How does one dress like Rachel Berry?   By shopping the Sales Rack of Kids R’ Us, of course!

Rachel’s plan actually WORKS!  And, within days, the entire female student body is rocking the “Sexy Librarian Chic,” look or whatever the heck Rachel calls it . . .

The problem is, however, that no one attributes the TREND to Rachel.  Rather, they ASSUME the style came from Brittany herself.  In fact, they openly mock Rachel for her inability to copy it correctly.  (She wore a reindeer on her sweater, when she should have worn a carousel horse.) 

“When people look at you, they don’t see your clothes.  They see a cat getting its temperature taken . . . and then they hear it screaming,” Brittany helpfully offers, by way of explanation, as to why this anomaly has occurred.

Source

Rachel gets shot down AGAIN this week, when she tries to convince her fellow Gleeks that they should not perform “Sing” at Regionals, because, while flannel and furry hats are cool, they are not cool ENOUGH to beat competitors, like Aural Intensity, the Warblers, and, of course, Vocal Adrenaline.  Rachel thinks the group should instead write their own ORIGINAL music. 

Though he doesn’t have the balls to stick up for Rachel in the Choir room, WHERE IT COUNTS, Finndouche, de-Douchifies himself long enough toward the end of the episode, to tell Rachel and her Minnie Mouse costume, that he believes she has what it takes to write an original song for Regionals, and, ultimately, convince the Glee kids to sing it at the competition. 

“I think you are do for a COMEBACK into my pants,” Finn insists to his Ex, as he walks down the hallway, leaving Rachel to have a Mini-O at the mere notion that this cheating lame-o actually BELIEVES IN HER!

Yeah, I know this picture has nothing to do with what I just wrote.  I just posted it here again, because I think it’s really funny.  Also, Finndouche and I are in a fight . . . So, TAKE THAT, FINNDOUCHE!

All sarcasm aside, Sue announces, during the final moments of the episode, that she will now be acting as Glee coach for New Directions’ competitors, “Aural Intensity”  . . .

(Yeah, because that’s not unrealistic at all!  Sorry . . . sarcasm again!)

As a result, Sue will likely have THEM performing MCR’s “Sing,” considering it was her song choice, after all.  Therefore, I’m thinking that Rachel’s dream to write her own music for the Regional competition is about to come true . . .

And that was “Comeback” in a nutshell.  Did it give YOU the Bieber Fever, or would you prefer that it “GOback” where it came from?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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