The One Where Jesse Conveniently Turns Evil, and Everybody Keeps Saying the Word “Funky” – A Recap of Glee’s “Funk”

Awww, I’m sorry Jesse St. James!  Drawing on your face like that was immature and wrong (not to mention, bad for your complexion).  You know what else is “immature and wrong?”  Quitting the school you just transferred to a week or so ago, because people were “mean to you” there, and cracking eggs on your ex-girlfriend’s head because YOUR FRIENDS told you to . .  . Guess that means, we’re even.  Here’s hoping your face breaks out from all the scribbling I did on it . . .

Don’t you hate it when your boyfriend transfers schools to get away from you, and then breaks up with you in front of ALL of your friends, by singing a Queen cover song, that not-so-subtly implies you were just another notch on the bedpost for him?  Yeah, we really feel for you Rachel!  But whatever you do, PLEASE don’t break out the Suicidal Beanie Baby dress again!

You and that lamb on your head have so much to live for!

There was a lot of talk amongst Glee fans this week, about how the show’s producers switched this week’s episode, “Funk” with last week’s “Theatricality,” so that the Gaga-themed episode would coincide with the American Idol Finale.  Many attributed that random switcheroo to the off-putting weirdness that ultimately developed into what I would hereby like to refer to as “Jesse-gate.”  However, seeing as Jesse didn’t appear AT ALL in “Theatricality.”   And, in the episode prior to that, he was being all sorts of sweet to Rachel, and even told Ms. Corcoran he cared about the head Gleek, I’m not sure that switch was completely to blame here.  Simon Cowell agrees with me . . .

 . . . but Randy and Paula clearly don’t.  (Hey Paula!  You’re not even on Idol any more!  You no longer get a say in these types of disputes!)

Exploring Jesse-gate

As I’ve already suggested above, this week’s installlment of Glee opens with our Glee kids’ nemesis, Vocal Adrenaline, breaking into their auditorium.   The purpose of the break-in, you ask?  Well, it appears that Vocal Adrenaline heard a rumor that New Directions was poised to beat them at Regionals, and wanted to psych out their biggest competition.  This also gave Vocal Adrenaline’s not-so-former star, Jesse St. James the opportunity to be a poorly constructed plot device inform the Glee kids that he was back working for the enemy, and that he and Rachel were totally dunzo.  And just in case Jesse’s big speech wasn’t enough to nail the final coffin into his temporary relationship, he had to go and do this . . .

Careful Jesse!  Something tells me microphones aren’t the ONLY thing that girl has had in her mouth, recently . . .

Now, don’t get me wrong, “Another One Bites the Dust” was good.  It just wasn’t my favorite Vocal Adrenaline performance.  For that, I’d have to go with “Highway to Hell.”  In this song’s defense, the fact that I was shouting four letter words at Jesse the entire time the group was performing, probably didn’t help matters . . .

As if this whole abusive and completely illogical scene wasn’t hard enough to watch, later on in the episode, Rachel receives a call from Jesse, telling her to meet him the parking lot.  She runs out all happy and slow motion style, which, by the way, I DON’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL, seeing as the dude COMPLETELY humiliated her just moments earlier.  And that’s when THIS happens . . .

There were two things (aside from the obvious, of course) that really irked me about the “Rachel egging scene.”  First, how FRIGGIN OLD do those Vocal Adrenaline kids look?  Aside from Jesse, these guys seriously look to be pushing about middle age!  It’s like that Chinese Olympic gymnast controversy in reverse.

“Yeah, if you believe those Vocal Adrenaline ‘kids’ are 16, then we’re 45!”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m ALL FOR twenty-something’s playing teens . . .

 (Yes, I’m looking at you, my sexy Puck Man!)  However, when your “high school kids” look like they are about ready to register for AARP benefits, THAT is a problem!

My second issue with the scene came into play when Jesse said “I loved you” to Rachel, before cracking that egg on her head.  Jesse, what exactly did Rachel DO to make you NOT “love” her anymore?  I mean come on!  The beanie baby dress wasn’t THAT bad!

Hmm .  .  . then again . . .

Will Schuester has a cute butt.  Alert the media!

 I guess one positive (depending on how you felt about this particular plotline) of Rachel getting her heart stomped on by the conveniently turned-evil, Jesse, was that it inspired Will to seek revenge on Sue Sylvester.  His maniacal plan of genius?  To get her to FALL IN LOVE with him . . .

 . . . only so he could DUMP her before her Cheerleading Cheerios were set to compete in Nationals.  This whole plotline was BIZARRE on SO MANY LEVELS.  For one thing, it seemed so ENTIRELY out of character for Will to even CONCEIVE of pulling this off, let alone actually do it.  For another, Sue just doesn’t strike me as the type of gal who would fall in love, over little more than a few good butt wiggles and some free protein powder, particularly with the guy she seemed so intent on MURDERING in EVERY OTHER EPISODE.  On a positive note, the plot device did bring us THIS . . .

Thanks MikkoBayani!

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve EVER seen as tight and adorable an ASS as the one Matthew Morrison was showing off in this scene.  I know some pretty fit girls who couldn’t pull off wearing THOSE pants . . .   Then again, should I have expected anything less from this guy?

Eventually, Sue succumbs to the Charms of the Hot Ass, and agrees to go on a date with Will.  But then he pulls a Jesse, and stands her up.  And suddenly, Sue is so heartbroken that the guy she hates,  hates her back, that she holes up in her house, and cancels Cheerleading Nationals.  The Cheerios got pretty torn up over it, which, in itself, provided for some light comedy, in the form of Brittany’s inside out cheerleading uniform and ridiculous “I’m sad” hair-do.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t manage a screencap on that one.  So you will just have to take my word for it. 

Ultimately, Will apologizes to Sue.  She gets out of bed, and goes on to win Nationals with her Cheerios.  And they all lived happily ever after?

Funk Master Puck is SOOOO NOT a Loser!

In order to retaliate for Vocal Adrenaline’s acts of violence against the Gleeks, Puck and Finn decide to put their differences aside and band together to get revenge.  Their plan?  Slash the tires of the ENTIRE Vocal Adrenaline team, all of whom just so happen to drive identical Range Rovers with super obnoxious “Voc Ad” vanity plates.  (Man, what a perk!  No wonder these 40-year olds don’t want to graduate!)

In a surprising show of decency, Bad Mommy Corcoran . . .

 . . . gives up the opportunity to have Puck and Finn expelled from school, provided they pay for the damages they caused.  So, these two Bad Ass Dudes get jobs working at Sheets’ N’ Things, working for none-other-than the Former Mrs. Schuester . . .

 . . . who kind of seems like she has the hots for Finn, because he looks like her Ex-Husband did when HE was 27 16.  Pretty random, right?  But at least it gave us the opportunity to see this . . .

Thanks bangbangxo!

“Losers” never looked so pretty!  Later, Finn and Puck perform together AGAIN (along with Mercedes) in the Glee choir room.  This time, instead of a Beck song, they choose one by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch . . .

 . . . and during the number, Puck got so excited, he started HUMPING THE FLOOR!

And while it wasn’t a BAD performance, it just didn’t feel true to its roots.  After all, when covering a song sung by a former underwear model, isn’t shirtlessness kind of required?  To prove my point, here is the music video for the ORIGINAL “Good Vibrations.”

Thanks highwishs!

Quinn Febray and the Case of the Disappearing, than Reappearing, than Disappearing Again, Baby Bump

Someone once said that you could judge how well the stock market would do in a given year, based solely on what length of women’s skirts was in fashion at the time.  Using that same logic, I’ve come to believe that you can judge the success of a Glee episode based solely on (1) the size of Quinn’s baby bump that week; and (2) which Glee cast member she was bunking with at the time.  This week, Quinn’s baby bump was fairly small for her solo number “It’s a Man’s, Man’s Man’s World.”  Then it looked insanely large / about to pop during the finale number, “Give up the Funk.” 

Watch and compare for yourselves . . .

Thanks Mr. GleeMusicTV3!

(Oh, and in the words of Artie . . . the “Unwed Motherhood” Backup Dancers?  “Kind of disturbing . . .”)

Thanks again MikkoBayani!

Oh, and Quinn is randomly living with MERCEDES now . . . her fourth home since the season began.  Make of that what you will!

That’s all she wrote folks!  Tune in next week for the Season Finale, when, given the recent trend in their personalities, Jesse and his Middle-Aged Vocal  Adrenaline team mates will probably start devil worshipping and try to offer Rachel up as a human sacrifice .  . .

All snarky comments aside, I CAN’T WAIT!  My Gleeks better WIN THIS THING!

 

 

Too DIVA-licious? – A Recap of Glee’s “The Power of Madonna”

“Psst!  Sue!  I don’t really know how to tell you this . . . but your HIGH BEAMS are showing . . .”

Could there ever POSSIBLY be such a thing as TOO MUCH MADONNA?  The Verdict is still out for me on that one.  But one thing is for sure, Glee definitely put this question to the test,  during last night’s episode .  . . With a total of EIGHT musical numbers from the Madonna catalogue, and countless other Madge songs blaring in the background throughout the episode, there was literally little room for anything else during the hour.  In fact, the plot took SUCH a backseat during “The Power of Madonna,” that I felt less like I was watching a musical teen dramedy, and more like I was at concert featuring my favorite Madonna cover band . . .

In terms of the musical numbers, Glee TOTALLY outdid itself last night!  I have NO DOUBT that the show’s inevitable Madonna-themed album will remain in high rotation on my iPod for perpetuity.  And, as if that wasn’t enough, some of the costumes and choreography on these numbers were (dare I say it) BETTER than the original music videos on which they were based!  Here were my four fave performances of the evening . . .

1) Express Yourself

The first singing number of the evening, was a Girl Power-Infused, Pastel-Colored, Beltfest, that would have made the Divine Miss Madonna, herself, PROUD!  Sure the “rationale” behind the song, “BOYS are MEAN, GIRLS RULE!” was a bit cliche and juvenile, but the flawless performances by our female Gleeks, more than made up for this.  Once again, while, unfortunately, I can’t show you the musical number in its entirety, you can at least listen to it, HERE . . .

2) The Borderline / Open Your Heart Mash-up

While, the on-screen chemistry between Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff is admittedly sizzling, there is just something about the screentime she shares with Cory Monteith, that is incredibly honest and sweet.  Plus, now that these two have that sort of “unrequited love” thing going for them again, I may just have to go back to rooting for this couple to “re-couple.”  The “story” behind the mash-up, is that Rachel has just admitted to Finn that she is still dating Jesse St. James, star of Vocal Adrenaline, and the Gleeks’ arch rival.  Finn sort of/ kind of tries to be supportive, but more or less just ends up sulking.  (After all, don’t all boys only want what they can’t have?) 

 I imagine the number was supposed to be a sort of dream sequence, taking place jointly in the minds of both characters.  Otherwise, the Madonna music video-attired class mates bustling around in the background, and the LOUD SINGING IN THE LIBRARY  .  .  .

 (Really Glee?  Again?  McKinley High doesn’t have other places for its students to break into song . . . like, say . . . THE BATHROOM )

. . . would just be completely bizarre.  You can listen to the lovey-dovey, brooding fabulousness HERE . . .

3) Like a Virgin

Not to toot my own horn or anything  . . .

. . . But I TOTALLY called the use of this song, the minute Emma “came out” as a “Big Ole Virgin,” during last week’s episode.  In terms of a natural and seemless meshing between storyline and singing, “Like A Virgin” clearly won the award last night.  Three virginal Gleeks: Rachel, Finn, and Emma, all decided to do the DEED last night, with their respective sort-of significant others Jesse, Santana, and Will.  Only Finn actually did it.  (But he lied to Rachel, and said he didn’t.)  Conversely, Rachel DIDN’T DO IT, but told Finn that she did. 

Emma also didn’t do it (not quite sure WHY though . . . of the three relationships on-screen, this one seemed the healthiest, Will’s Man Sluttiness aside).  However, she DID decide to get “counseling” for her problem.  (I’m assuming when she says “problem,” she’s referring to her OCD, and not her Virginity, as the latter is SIGNIFICANTLY easier to “kick” than the former . . . just saying.  Also, it would kind of be a dick move on Will’s part, to refer Emma to a counselor, just so he could get laid . . . ).  Anyway, here’s the song . . .

4) Like a Prayer

Sure, the finale ensemble number had no correlation to the episode’s storylines whatsoever.  But, in this case, it sort of didn’t have to.  It just worked.  I LOVED how Kurt and Mercedes got oodles of solos, during this episode.  After all, my girl Mercedes kind of had a point when she griped that, lately, all they have been letting her character do is “belt the high notes at the end.”  (Something tells me — with these two now on the Cheerios, and a romantic storyline for Kurt on the horizon — that we are going to be seeing a lot more of this dynamic duo, in the coming weeks.) 

Oh, and are any of you ACTUALLY buying that Jesse St. James transferred schools and joined the Gleeks, just to be with Rachel (who he really just met), and not to please his Nazi Vocal Adrenaline Glee Coach, Ms. Corcoran?

A close (and very smart) friend of mine commented on how IDIOTIC Will Schuester was for BLINDLY going along with this.  And I think she has a point.  On the other hand, in a SANE world, who in their right mind would go so far as to TRANSFER SCHOOLS just to commit an undercover Glee Sting Operation for your coach?  REAL PEOPLE in the REAL WORLD simply wouldn’t even consider this an option to be concerned about.  Then again, this IS a school where teachers rufie their principals, so that they can blast Madonna through the speakers during school hours . . .

 . . . so maybe Mr. Schuester should have seen this one coming . . .

Speaking of Shady Glee Narc D-Bags, in addition to seeing Kurt and Mercedes in the forefront, during the final song, it was nice to see Jesse St. James withering away in the background.  Two weeks and that dude is already starting to grate on my nerves .  . .

In other news, we FINALLY learned the source of Sue Sylvester’s obsession with berating Will’s hair.  Apparently, following the release of Madonna’s 1986 True Blue album, Sue, then “age 6” (I’m thinking more like “age 16”), tried to bleach her hair and had a terrible accident, as a result.  This Hair Catastrophe has forced Sue to keep her hair short, ever since.  So, when it comes to Will’s highly-gelled coiff, Sue is simply jealous.  While this surely sucks for Sue, I can’t help but agree with Will, that her current ‘do is TOTALLY Florence Henderson!

A Very Brady Haircut!

Well, that’s all I’ve got!  See ya next week, Gleeks!

Fraternizing with the Enemy – A Recap of Glee’s “Hell-o”

Well HELLO there, fellow Gleeks!  Welcome to my very first Glee recap, or, perhaps, more appropriately, Gleecap.  Last night’s return to McKinley High, after a WAY TOO LONG hiatus, was jam-packed with: head-bopping tunes, oodles of teen angst, love triangles, and rivalries, with a heaping helping of track suit-wearing, rufie slipping, vogue-ing  SUE SYLVESTER thrown in for good measure!

So, tie on those dancing shoes, put that “L” symbol on your forehead, and give yourself a triple slushie facial, because we are about to get started . . .

The More Things Change . . .

So, when we last left our Glee kids, they had just won Sectionals, and had seemingly been elevated to “cool status,” as a result.  Finn and Rachel were dating.  And Sue Sylvester had been suspended for repeatedly trying to sabatoge the efforts of Glee coach, Will Schuester.  It only took about 10 minutes for the writers to undo ALL OF THAT!  First, the Glee kids got slushied . . .

 . . . then Sue Sylvester got reinstated at the school, by putting a rufie in the Principal’s drink, thereby causing THIS to happen . . .

(I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.)

Now, the Glee kids MUST win Regionals or they LOSE their club.  (Sound familiar?)

To further complicate matters, Finn (having recently been emasculated by Pregnant Quinn, who is now dating Baby Daddy Puck) is feeling smothered by New GF Rachel.  He also seems to have lost his Mojo.

The good news?  Mr. Schuester helps Finn get his Mojo back, by having him sing a song!   Hello, I Love You, by the Doors, to be exact.

The bad news?  This new-found confidence, along with the receipt of some puppy dog eyes from the scheming Brittany and Santana . . .

 . . . cause Finn to dump poor Rachel. 

But fear not, Gleeks, because when Rachel is dissed, she doesn’t get mad, she gets SINGY.  And what does our girl decide to sing?  None other than my favorite Angst Anthem, of course!  (The song  is a frequent companion of mine during late night elliptical workouts.)  It’s All American Reject’s Gives You Hell!

And while I can’t show you this awesomely cathartic vent-fest in its entirety (The clip is not yet on YouTube), I CAN let you bask in the fabulousness of the SONG portion . . .

This is a LIBRARY, NOT CARNEGIE HALL!

Unfortunately, Mr. Schuester clearly didn’t love this rendition as much as I did, because he sent Rachel back to the drawing board, in search of a more “appropriate” song for Regionals.  Rachel heads to the library, where she encounters Jesse St. James, the star songster of Vocal Adrenaline, i.e. New Directions’ main competition in the event.  (Interestingly enough, St. James, is played by none other than Jonathan Groff, Lea Michele’s costar in the musical Spring Awakening). 

St. James kind of comes off as a condescending prick – a guy who speaks only in dramatic monologues, and “gives impromptu concerts to the homeless.”  And yet, the chemistry between these two is pretty palpable, particularly when they randomly decide to sing a duet together right there in the LIBRARY!

 . . . complete with violin accompaniment!

I should mention that Lionel Richie’s Hello was a song I always hated.  Mainly because the video for  it featured that really creepy ceramic Lionel Richie HEAD . . .

But to Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff’s credit, their rendition TOTALLY ROCKED!

St. James then asks Rachel out on a date.  So, when the wishy-washy Finn . . .

I see the resemblance.  Don’t you?

 . . . decides he wants Rachel back, she has a good excuse to say, “NO!”

Unfortunately for Rachel, Finn is a total Gossip Girl . . .

 . . . and blabs to everyone about Rachel “singing with the enemy.”  So, the rest of the bitchy Glee clubbers, give her an ultimatum: Dump St. James or you’re OUT OF THE CLUB!

Rachel rushes to St. James to tell him its over, but soon gets caught up in another super sexy moment with him.  After Jesse promises to keep their relationship a secret, the pair share a firey kiss.  And then firey turns SERIOUSLY DISTURBING, when we see that, unbeknownst to Rachel, Vocal Adrenaline’s EEVIL Glee Coach, Ms. Corcoran (played by Rent’s Idina Menzel) . . .

 is watching the pair and spurring St. James on, with the verve and intensity of a handicapper at a horse race!

Virgin Girls, Slutty Boys, and Recycled Songs

Speaking of horses, Mr. Schuester must be HUNG like one (bad transition, I know) because he was just drawing in the ladies from all over the place this week!

First, there was his new girlfriend, OCD Emma . . .

 . . . who Will macked on immediately after deciding to end his marriage, in the mid-season finale episode.  It turns out that Emma never quite got around to cashing in her V card. (I bet you can guess who’s going to be singing Like a Virgin in next week’s Madonna-themed episode!)  Will grudgingly agrees to “take things slow.”  However, a few minutes later he is seen getting all hot and heavy with Ms. Corcoran, his competition, and a woman he JUST MET!

Perhaps this was because, Vocal Adrenaline’s fan-tabulous rendition of Highway to Hell, got Mr. Schuester all hot, bothered, and ready to sin.

To further complicate matters, EEVIL Terri . . .

. . . intruded on Emma’s preparations for a romantic evening with Will to inform her that their New Couple’s song, previously belonged to the Old Couple.  Specifically, Neil Diamond’s Hello also happened to be Terri and Will’s prom song.

(OK, I GET that “hello” was the theme of this episode.  But did they really have to include this LAME ASS song in it, just to prove that point?  There have GOT to be better HELLO songs out there!  SERIOUSLY!)  

 Apparently, despite Will being a former Glee Club Member and a current Glee Coach, the dude has the World’s Dullest Taste in Music!  (Then again, what do you expect from a guy whose ENTIRE movie collection consists of only TWO movies, one of which is Armageddon?)

Bad taste in movies, bad taste in music, bad taste in WIVES, and a cheater (though Emma doesn’t know that, yet) – these are all GREAT reasons to dump a Dude.  But Emma ACTUALLY dumps Will, because she feels he needs the opportunity to learn what it is like to be single for a change.  I agree!

Appropriately, this Hello- themed episode of Glee concluded with a song entitled Hello, Goodbye.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!

As a sly way to promote next-week’s Madonna-themed epi, after the credits rolled, we were treated to an “interesting” video featuring Sue Sylvester, paying homage to the Queen of Pop, by vogue-ing.

And while Jane Lynch was certainly amusing here, the FUNNIEST part of the video, for me, anyway, were the confused and mocking looks on the Glee kids’ (who were also in the video) faces, as Lynch hammed it up for the camera . . .

OK, now I must REALLY say goodbye to Hell-o!  Until next week, Gleeks!