Tag Archives: nate

“This site is cursed!” – A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “Stolen Kisses”

[Hey there, Werebangers!  Your recap for Teen Wolf’s “Battlefield” is on its way!  It should be posted by early evening, at the latest.  Thanks for your patience! :)]

Welcome back, my Pretties!  This week on Pretty Little Liars, Caleb and Aria both learn how “the other half lives” (and by “other half,” I mean “stinking filthy rich half”), Hanna reads a lot of really big words from a bunch of really little note cards, everybody and their brother hit on Emily, and a whole lot of people experience . . . wait for it . . . “stolen kisses.”

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P.S. WRREEEEEEENNN!!!! (Dude sure does get around, doesn’t he?)

Let’s review, shall we?

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“The Great Fitzy” by Ezra . . . Fitzgerald?

Ahh, Fitzy.

Technically, we’ve known the guy since the pilot episode.  And yet, he is still such an enigma.  I mean, sure, we know he writes crappy poetry . . . enjoys bike riding, while wearing scandalously short shorts . . .

On second thought, maybe not so short . . .

. . . keeps hairy limes in his fridge . . .

. . .  and has a psychopathic ex-girlfriend named Jackie, who occasionally makes him utter serial killer lines like this . . .

But what else do we REALLY know about this ex-high school English teacher, turned ex-college professor turned . . . future “journalist?”

Actually, this week we got to add quite a few important pieces of information to our dossier entitled “Fitzy.”  For instance:

(1) Interesting Fitzy Fact Number 1: His last name is actually “Fitzgerald.”

You know, like the guy who wrote “The Great Gatsby,” i.e. the book about all the rich, shallow and snooty people now a movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio.  This actually brings me to my next point . . .

(2) Interesting Fitzy Fact Number 2:  He’s actually filthy rich . . . or, at least, his parents are . . .

It looks like everyone’s favorite former teacher, has been holding out a bit on Aria  . . . dining on Ramen Noodles with her, and slurping generic brand soda, when they could have been eating caviar (which is, in his defense, is gross, anyway) and sipping champagne.  At least this kind-of / sort of explains, the unemployed guy’s recent penchant for expensive antique cameras, and fancy cars (though, of course, the jury is still out on those). . . .

Oh, and remember that time that Fitzy picked up Aria in a limousine for their “first date” to the Philadelphia museum?  Suddenly, that’s making a whole lot more sense too . . .

Of course, the discovery Fitzy’s flush finances brings about an even more interesting question.  Why does he live like such a poor slob, when he can live like a royal?  Yeah . . . about that . . .

(3) Interesting Fitzy Fact Number 3: Fitzy’s Mommy is the Rich B*tch Mom Archetype from Every Movie or TV Show You Have Ever Seen . . .

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.  Rich Boy / Girl falls in love with Not-so-Rich Girl / Boy, but Rich Boy / Girl’s parents don’t approve of the relationship.  So, they try to sabotage it in the only way they know how, by throwing money at the problem.  It’s pretty much the least original relationship storyline ever.

And yet, this particular tale of upper class meets upper-middle class “star crossed lovers” has much less to do with why Fitzy’s family sucks so bad, and more to do with what it says about Fitzy and Aria as human beings.  Those of us (myself included), who have occasionally criticized Fitzy for lacking a bit of a backbone, were undoubtedly pleasantly surprised this week, when he immediately stood up to his mother on Aria’s behalf, even if that meant shunning wealth and a family connection.  So, often in these type of stories, we see the “rich love interest” caving to his or her callous family’s demands.  Not so here.

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On another positive note, those of us who have occasionally criticized Aria for being a bit self-absorbed, were also pleasantly surprised to see her taking to heart some of the not entirely untrue criticisms Fitzy’s mom lodged at her, during the art benefit.  After all, while Fitzy did personally choose to continue to pursue a relationship with Aria, despite the risks it held for his teaching career, it must be said that had he never met or dated Aria, he’d still likely be teaching English at Rosewood.  Though it came from a judgmental and manipulative source, it was refreshing seeing Aria maturely evaluate the role she is playing in Fitzy’s life.  It shows just how much she really cares about him.

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You know, these two crazy kids  . . . well, this one crazy kid, and this other crazy adult . . . might just make it after all . . .

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A third refreshing turn of events in this storyline.   For once, Papa Montgomery actually wasn’t a total douchenozzle!  Way to be a decent dad, by reminding your daughter that she plays a positive role in her boyfriend’s life, despite the fact that said boyfriend is someone you, personally, hate.

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I’m still glad Mama Montgomery is dumping your ass for the American Pie Guy though . . .

In other relationship news . . .

If you wanna know, if she loves you so, it’s in her . . . flask?

Why is Emily’s Lost Night at the Gravesite storyline, suddenly becoming the gay girl’s version of the Hangover movies?

First she was in Jenna’s car, then she was at some diner, now, apparently she was sucking face at Paige’s house, then she may or may not have helped dig up her ex best friend’s grave.  For a girl who was roofied to the point of almost unconsciousness, Emily Fields sure was a busy little beaver, wasn’t she?  (No pun intended.)

Anywhoo, when Emily tries to apologizes to Paige for inadvertently drugging her into a jealous cupcake spitting rage with her Flask of Truth, she learns that Paige has been keeping a Very Big Secret from her.  Apparently, on the Night that Shall Not Be Named but we are going to keep bringing it up anyway, Emily found herself on Paige’s doorstep, drugged out of her mind.  This of course, did not stop Emily from sticking her tongue down Paige’s throat.  And it certainly didn’t stop Paige from letting Emily stick her tongue down Paige’s throat, even though, afterward she felt incredibly guilty for doing so . . .

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I know a lot of fans were kind of harsh on Paige for letting Emily make out with her, when she was so clearly not in her right state of mind.  And, as many of you know, I’m far from Paige’s biggest fan, especially after the whole “Trying to Drown Emily” thing.

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*dunk, gurgle, gurgle, glug*

That said, anyone who has experienced unrequited crushing can certainly relate to how difficult it would be to stop the object of your affection from kissing you, when its something you’ve wanted for so long.

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Now, I think I’d feel much differently about the situation, had Paige and Emily done more than kiss that night.  But simply allowing an inebriated person to make out with you, is not a crime.  Anyone who’s been to a high school or college party can tell you that.

However, Paige’s decision to hide this important information from Emily for as long as she did is a bit suspect in my eyes.  Also suspect?  Emily’s rationale that because she made out with Paige while nearly unconscious, she must secretly looooooove her.

I mean, don’t get me wrong.  I’m a firm believer in the fact that people shouldn’t use alcohol as an excuse for bad behavior.  Being drunk might lower your inhibitions, but it doesn’t completely deprive you of control of your own mind, and bodily functions.  (Well, at least most bodily functions . . .)

People who do things while drunk should not be excused from taking responsibility for them when sober.

That said, I think it’s safe to say Emily was more than just “drunk” on the night in question.  And because of her state, things happened to her over which she clearly had no control.  We know that a sober Emily would never have left her PLL friends to get into a car with not-blind Jenna.  And she certainly wouldn’t have chosen to hover over Ali’s open, recently robbed, grave with a shovel.  So, maybe, just maybe, Emily should take her actions on the Lost Night with a grain of salt . . .

“I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gravedigger, but she ain’t messin’ with no corpsey corpse .  . .”

Then again, had she done that, us fans wouldn’t have been treated to this awesome Olympic quality late night synchronized swimming session  . . .

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Step aside, Michael Phelps!

Meanwhile . . .

In which Nate gets creepier, Toby gets madder, and Caleb gets a WHOLE lot richer . . .

The obvious serial killer psychosis of Maya’s supposed cousin Nate continues to both intrigue and frighten me.  If you recall, it was Nate’s idea that Emily probably acted out her subconscious desires while under the influence.

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And while, as I said, his statement wasn’t entirely incorrect, Nate’s assertion that people who do “bad things” in their dreams, are the same as people who do bad things in real life sounded like a guy trying to justify his own bad acts . . . his own “murderous” acts, perhaps?

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I mean, really, who besides a killer could argue that thinking about killing somebody is just as bad as actually killing somebody?

In other creepy Nate says news, Nate memorably noted that he could “totally see himself” committing murder,  when he saw Garrett that day at the hospital, even going as far as saying that the Police Boy was “better of dead.”  Once again, Nate seems to be attempting to rationalize away murder as something “anybody could do.”

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Couple that with the guy skulking around Emily’s and Maya’s lakehouse, and hijacking Emily’s personal memories of Maya as his own (“OH!  We used to do that too!”), and we are starting to get a pretty frightening picture of who this guy might be . . .

In light of the PLL girl’s recent discovery that Maya was seen getting into Police Boy’s Police Car on the day of her death, and the hints we’ve received lately, both from Mona, and Maya herself,  that she “knew” a secret about Ali’s death, I have a new theory about Maya’s last moments.  Wanna hear it?

Sure you do!

OK . . . so now I’m thinking that Maya found out about Ali having a murderous twin who really killed Alison, and decided to bring that information to the cops, hence her secret rendezvous with Police Boy Garrett.  The only problem was that secret camp stalker boy Nate, saw these two together, and assumed they were hooking up.  So, Nate kills Maya in a jealous rage, and is only too relieved when the deed is pinned on the police boy he hates . . .

Sounds pretty plausible, right?

Speaking of rages, Abs Toby is PISSED at Spencer for unwittingly making him a fellow Obstructer (Is that a real word?) of Justice regarding that whole “hit and run” thing that happened with Drunken Jason and his car . . . especially, now that Drunken Jason seems to be MIA . . .

Fortunately, for Spencer, she has another boy toy, with which to buy her time.  And it’s . . . wait for it . .  . CALEB!

That’s right!  Hanna’s ex-beau has been logging in some serious bonding time with Rosewood favorite super sleuth, as the two worked together to crack the code of Maya’s website.  (Even though we all know the password was “IMMD,” anyway!)  Truth be told,  Caleb and Spencer used to not really have all that much in common, considering that Spencer spent her spare time in country clubs, and Caleb slept in the school library.  But now that Caleb wears $400 sweaters, and drives some fancy schmancy car, they, apparently, have plenty to talk about .  . .

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Now, in Caleb’s defense, he promises that the reason he’s helping Spencer crack Maya’s code (that sounds a little dirty) is to protect Hanna.

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But as we all know, on PLL, good intentions always seem to lead to making out with someone you shouldn’t . . .

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 . . . which leads me to . . .

Now, Mona won’t have to “Miss (Her) Dolls”

It’s a bit ironic that while Spencer is spending quality time with Hanna’s ex beau, Hanna ends up locking lips with one of Spencer’s.  It all stars when Doctor Sexy Pants Wren approaches Hanna with the “bad” news that Mona is going to be relocated to another nuthouse, if Hanna doesn’t speak on her behalf.

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Sheesh!  Hanna really must be the most forgiving person ON THE PLANET.  I mean, if someone tried to ruin my life, and kill ME, you could be damn sure, I wouldn’t be appearing before some medical board in a suit, talking about how much I wanted to keep that person living down the street from me, as opposed to “far, far away” where she belongs.

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I don’t know, I think brown rat asses are kind of cute!

Nevertheless, Hanna’s initially rehearsed, but, eventually extemporaneous, plea to allow Mona to stay at Radley, was oddly sweet and touching .  . .

. . . you know . . . if you ignore completely the fact that Mona is a TOTAL PSYCHOPATH . . .

After the speech is over, Wren comes to Hanna to share with her the good news.  Crazy Town Mona is HERE TO STAY!  Umm, yay?

Well, Hanna certainly seems thrilled with the results of her presentation . . . so, thrilled, in fact, that she plants a big juicy wet smooch on Wren’s lips.

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Ahhh . . . well, I certainly can’t blame anyone for making out with that adorable, delectable Brit.  And if a relationship with Hanna, means more Wren on my TV screen, then, of course, I’m all for it.

But I have to say, I think Wren has much more chemistry with Spencer . . .

And Hanna has much more chemistry with Caleb . . .

. . . than Wren and Hanna do with one another.  Does anyone else agree?

And the Password to Maya’s Super Morbid Secret Site is . . . ummm . . .

As I hinted at earlier, this week was also the week we finally got a peek at Maya’s password-locked website, which ended up somewhat of a cross between a private YouTube account,  and a Facebook page,  filled as it was with quirky, cute, video diaries, and a whole lot of pictures of Emily and Maya together.  At this point, I suspect the series has really only scratched the surface of what sort of easter eggs the Masssugar.com site has in regard to Maya’s secrets / final days on Earth.

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Of course, we got the obligatory, Morbid / Unintentionally Frightening videos you always see on the type of shows where the main characters are investigating the personal thoughts of the recently deceased.  For example, Maya eerily predicting that her own website was “cursed,” and her ironic proclamation that she’s “always losing things.”

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But I suspect the video that will become most important is the one of a frightened and tearful Maya (dressed in the same outfit she was wearing shortly after she came home from “camp”) talking about no longer being afraid,  and finally revealing her secrets.

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The question is WHAT secrets was she planning to reveal.  Were they the ones about her stalker Nate?  Or were they the one’s about Ali and her secret crazy twin?  And were those secrets dangerous enough, that someone would kill her rather than risk having them revealed?

The plot . . . it thickens.

Speaking of thick, like many fans (including my awesome pal Sassy Fran, who did a kickass video blog of the episode this week), I was kind of annoyed at my PLL girls for pretty blatantly ignoring some of Mona’s most important coded clues from last week, i.e. Maya Knew, and PW: IMMD.  Since Caleb got into Maya’s site through “back door” methods, we never did get to find out whether either of these were the password for Maya’s site.

I suspect Marlene King and Co. are waiting for a later episode to reveal the importance of these clues.  That said, since Mona DID mention them last week, and most fans picked up on them, almost immediately thereafter, I think the writers were remiss in not, at least, acknowledging there existence.

But hey, what I do I know?  I’m just a lazy recapper . . .

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Anywhoo, that was “Stolen Kisses” in a nutshell.  Next week on PLL . . .

As Scooby Doo would say, “Ruh ROH!”

Until next time, my Pretties!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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There will be blood . . . and DOLLS – A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “Crazy”

Hello, my Pretties! Things have really been heating up lately in Rosewood, where the Ouija Boards are bloody, the mom’s are “slutty,” the dolls know everyone’s secrets, and no one seems to stay dead for very long . . .

So, break into your local loony bin, screw on your trusty decoder ring, and speak loud enough for the ugly dolls with the screw top heads to hear you, because it’s time for another Really Exciting Caper About Pastries . . . otherwise known as a “recap.”  (See what I did there?)

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Deputy Douchey – Bloodhound

Remember the good ole days of PLL .  . . back when Mama Marin was just a lonely lady in need of love, and Deputy Douchey was sniffing around the house for a side of sex with his Murder Investigation?

Well, apparently, not much has changed since then.  Mama Marin is still taking innumerable “business trips” and skirting around with “silver foxes,” who love dairy products. Meanwhile, Deputy Douchey continues to skulk around the Marin front porch, hunting for “clues.”  This time around Vampire Douchey wants Hanna’s blood . . . literally. 

“Invite me in, so I can drink from your pretty neck . . . er . . . I mean have sex with your mom, and take a shower in your bathroom . . . er, I mean continue to botch  a three-seasons old murder investigation beyond repair .  . . er, I mean . . .  just let me in, blondie!”

Apparently, the Corpse Bracelet that freed Police Boy Garrett for a life of soap-on-a-rope, communal toilets, and avoiding men named Bubba, contained SOMEONE’S O-type blood . . . And we all know who has O negative type blood?  Approximately seven percent of the world’s population?  Hanna Marin.  So, she must be Ali’s killer, right?

Yeah, I didn’t think so either.  But then again, I never attended the Rosewood Academy for Lame Ass Cops Who Always Bark Up the Wrong Tree.  I do have a theory about who’s blood is on that bracelet though.  I could tell you about it, but I’d rather show you, first ..  .

A few weeks back, many of us wondered why Mona randomly decided to steal  Hanna’s tweezers, and use them to prick her own finger.

That’s true, Spencer.  But after the folks over at ABC Family decided to rehash that ick-worthy scene in their “previously on” recap, this week, I’m thinking Mona’s penchant for self-mutilation, might be a bit more purposeful.    In fact, I’m willing to bet . . . um . . . no amount of money at all my honor as a recapper that Miss Mona also has the sort-of-rare O-negative blood type.

These two did used to share everything, after all!

Now, of course, most of us know, by now, that Mona didn’t actually kill Ali.  But still it’s a little strange that a known psychopath like that wasn’t the first on Deputy Douchey’s suspect list, once Police Boy Garrett was unshackled.  I guess it’s just more fun for Deputy Douchey to hang out around the Marin house than inside the Nut House, where the girls aren’t as pretty, and the bathroom towels aren’t as soft . . .

Anyway, Hanna is understandably freaked out by the whole Bloody Bracelet thing.  After all, it wouldn’t be the first time the A Team has tampered with evidence to make one of the PLL’s look guilty of murder.  In fact, Hanna is SO upset about the possibility of a Prison Prom, that she does the unthinkable . . . and goes to CLASS EARLY . . .

Oh, the horror!

If it looks like an Ali, and talks like an Ali, it must be . .  . a Cece?

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While Hanna is sitting in homeroom, undoubtedly contemplating how to convert an orange prison jumpsuit, into a stylish summer party dress, the rest of the PLL’s are getting some morning java over at what has suddenly become The Only Coffee Shop in Rosewood.  (What, no Starbucks?) Upon arriving the girls hear a very familiar voice spout off a very familiar quote . . .

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When the threesome confront this very Ali-like species, she claims to be all BFF with the dead chick, having spent an “intense” summer with her, back in Cape May. During that summer, Cece dated Ali’s brother (Facelift Vampire Jason) and, apparently, did little else but talk to Ali about the PLL girls, considering the seemingly encyclopedic- knowledge she has about the foursome . . .

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Seriously, girlfriend knows everything from Hanna’s issues with shoplifting, to Emily’s sexual orientation, to how Emily likes her coffee.  Heck, I bet she even knows Hanna’s blood type.  Everyone knows Hanna’s bloodtype.  It must be published in the Rosewood Blood Type Gazette. It’s almost as if Cece is actually an older Ali from an alternate universe, in which Ali didn’t die, who has traveled back in time to prevent her own death in this timeline, only she ended up getting here about a year too late . . .

Yeah, yeah . . . I know!  It’s totally not that type of show.  But you have to admit, it would be pretty cool, if it was . . .

Many fans of the show immediately assumed that the mysterious Cece is part of the A-team, some fans even going as far as to pinpoint her as the Blonde Wearing the Weird Sunshine Mask in last season’s finale . . .

I don’t know.  Right now, I’m leaning more toward Cece being Ali’s muse, someone she admired, and eventually became, at least in terms of her personality and mannerisms.   The way I see it, “Cece Drake” was just another alter ego Ali embodied, while in Rosewood, just like Vivian Darkbloom was her alter ego outside of Rosewood . . .

You see, despite the foursome considering Ali their “friend,” I don’t think they ever REALLY knew her at all  (They don’t even know she has a crazy psycho twin sister.).  Ali only let them see what she wanted them to see . . .a pretty, popular, manipulative girl, who always had an answer for anything.  When deep down, I’m guessing she was someone much more troubled, complex, and “intense.”

Speaking of intense . . .

Cece Drake – Murderess of Unicorns, Torturer of The Blind . . .

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You may not have killed it Cece, but you sure did get it drunk, and steal its virginity . . .

Over at the dress shop where Cece works, Maya’s stalker / murderer “cousin” Nate has commandeered the lethally naive Emily to help her get a “nice” first-date gift for Not-Blind-Anymore Jenna.  Who the heck buys first date gifts, anyway . . . especially in high school?  Where I come from, if your new high school boyfriend lets you share a few of his Dollar Menu McDonald’s fries, before feeling you up in the backseat of his parent’s car, he’s considered a “good guy.”

Truth be told, if an 18-year old buys you a scarf for your first date, like the one Nate ended up buying Jenna, there’s a pretty good chance he’s either (a) gay as a rainbow float in a pride parade; or (b) planning to use it to strangle you, and string you up on the ceiling, after he’s chopped off all your limbs, and glued them together to make a coat rack . . .

Don’t even get me started on how Nate “magically” remembered the earrings Emily bought Maya mere days before her death, because he used them them to cut out her eyeballs “saw them in a photograph.”  Seriously?  This guy is like American Psycho for Dummies.

Unfortunately, Emily is not exactly the sharpest tool in the Pretty Little Liars tool chest, and realizes precisely none of this.

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(Understandable . . . but you should be well acquainted, by now, with what “psycho” feels like.)

Emily does, however, notice Cece totally giving her some serious f*&k me eyes, as the latter pulls her aside, and asks her why she hates the idea of Nate dating Jenna so much, when she and he clearly don’t bat for the same teams . . .

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We all know Emily was seriously crushing on Ali, back in the day.  So, it’s absolutely no surprise that she’d be more than a bit intrigued by the 1.o version. Anywhoo, Cece suggests that Emily be honest with Nate about what an evil wench Not Blind Jenna is.  Emily actually takes that advice.  But it totally backfires, when Nate finds the fact that Not Blind Jenna recently dated a suspected serial killer to be “charming” and “endearing,” as opposed to “suspicious” and “creepy.”  He would, wouldn’t he?

When Emily reveals this “bad news” to Cece, during one of their late night tete-a-tetes (Hopefully, the first of many.  Girlfriend is TOTALLY hilarious, in a Regina George from Mean Girls kind of way.) . . .

 . . . Cece takes matters into her own hands by calling the recently-blind girl on the phone and threatening to scratch her eyes out, if she doesn’t stay away from the “sweet, mild-mannered” Nate . . .

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If that line was delivered to any other blind girl, that would be totally offensive.  But because it was Jenna I actually think it was kind of awesome.  Plus, it was SUCH an Ali Thing to do.  Emily seems to be a mixture of impressed by Cece’s moxie, and frightened by her seeming complete lack of morals  / empathy, and tells her as much.  But then Cece gives her a flirty nickname, and all is right between them again . . .

Sorry Paige.  I think you’ve just been replaced . . . again.

History repeating?

Now that that’s done, let’s get that “Adult Storyline” out of the way, shall we?

Mama Montgomery is dating the guy from American Pie . . . and HE GAVE HER PASTRIES!

This week, after debating on whether to accept dating and fashion advice from her daughter, who never leaves home without a deadly weapon in her earlobe . . .

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(No wonder they made her take her earrings off in the insane asylum!)

 .  . . Mama Montgomery heads out for a “hot date” with the same dull pastor dude, who Mama Marin was flirting with last week.

Eating ice cream in the park?  That’s not a hot date.  That’s a five-year old’s birthday party . . .

Fortunately, that ends early.  So, she winds making a late night of it, with that dude who played little Stifler, in the straight-to-video versions of American Pie . . .

You go, ELLA!  Except . . . well . . . I wouldn’t eat those pastries, if I were you.  (You don’t know where they’ve been .  . .)

In other news . . .

Spencer Hastings – Honors Student, Loyal Friend, Evil Genius?

I’m sure I’m not the only one, who finds it weird, that Spencer seems to have more fun cyberstalking Cece Drake, and creating a creepy database on Dead Ali than humping Abs Toby, like a “normal” teenage girl would . . .

Then again, I guess she’s kind of preoccupied with rescuing her super hot half-brother from drunken hit-and-runs, and lying about it to the cops . . .

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I hate to say this, but these two have awesome chemistry, and not necessarily in a “healthy sibling” way, either.

Better amp up your game, Tobster, or you’re going to lose this one . . .

Now, that’s more like it!

Last but certainly not least . . .

It’s those damn dolls again . . .

Off with her head!

Poor Hanna.  It seems like Deputy Douchey, isn’t the PRICK she has to deal with this week . . .

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Apparently, someone needs to do a better job sanding their Ouiji Board.  (Ouch!)  Also, the Marin’s should seriously invest in a home security system.  I mean this place has more unwanted guests than a subway station in a bad neighborhood, after 2 a.m.

So, yeah, this happened.  And not only does it mean that the A Team is LITERALLY out for Hanna’s blood, it also means they (1) can STILL break into Hanna’s house (which they seem to do, at least once a week anyway); (2) know that Hanna put the Ouiji board marker thinky in Ali’s coffin, after she and Mona had a “sighting” of the blonde teen, shortly after playing the popular occult game.

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A very freaked out Hanna decides to sneak into the nut house to visit Mona, and ask her about the whole Ouiji board thing.  The only problem is that Hanna is now Persona Non Grata at the place, after THIS happened . . .

That’s where Aria comes in . . .

Now, Aria and Mona have never exactly been close.  So, you can understand why the initial meeting between them is a bit . . . tense . . .

But psycho or not, on some level Mona DOES seem to have some fondness for Hanna (even if it’s fondness of the “If I can’t have her, no one can” vein).   And when Hanna sneaks into the hospital later, Mona is decidedly more cooperative. First, she reminds Hanna of a little code the two of them made up together, on that fateful day, when Ali’s dad freaked out on poor Hanna for giving the Dilaurentis’ false hope about their daughter being alive .  . .

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I imagine, when former Mean Girl Hanna first heard about this code, she assumed it would be a fun way to bully those less popular than herself.  But, as it turns out, Mona has bigger plans for her Slut Code.  We find this out when she rushes off to a freaky children’s ward in the sanitarium . . . I imagine this is where they put all the creepy kids from horror movies, like that chick from The Ring . . . and that kid from The Sixth Sense . . . and the Children of the Corn (once they get out of “the corn” that is) . . .

Anywhoo, Janel Parrish, who plays Mona is positively brilliant in this impressively complex scene, in which she embodies the dual role of a psychotic murmuring nonsensical nursery rhymes, while compulsively brushing a dolls hair, and a genius mastermind, who is seemingly performing A’s bidding, while, at the same time, secretly cluing in an old friend to some Very Important Information . . .

Upon arriving home from the Nut House, Hanna and the rest of the girls put together the code Maya provided for them.  As it turns out, Mona’s “Where were we . . .” statement, apparently provides the address for a website with Maya’s photograph on it.  http://www.masssugar.com.  And though the girls still hadn’t cracked it’s password, by the end of the episode, many fans have suggested that Mona’s final statement prior to leaving the children’s ward: “Please wait, I miss my dolls,” states the answer to that riddle plainly:

PW: IMMD

As for the ward being “not safe” . . . well, we now know, based on the last scene of the episode,that the dolls in the children’s ward were bugged with recorders. And Mona likely led Aria and Hanna there, under the Malevolent A Team’s instructions to catch them making incriminating statements that could be used to pin Ali’s murder on them.

But what about “Maya Knew?”  What exactly did she know, and could that information possibly have gotten her killed?

I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to find out . . .

Until then, My Pretties!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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The Baby Squirreling of Ezra Fitz – A Recap of Pretty Little Liars’ “That Girl is Poison”

 

[Hey folks!  My Teen Wolf recap for “Raving” has been a bit delayed.  (Real life has intruded :(.)  But not to worry!  I will definitely try to have it up within the next 24 hours.]

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Hey there, my Pretties!  I know it’s been a while .  . .

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But coming to the party late, is better than not showing up at all, right?

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Anyway, this week’s episode of PLL was all about Fitzy’s nuts, Paige’s cupcakes, Police Boy Garrett’s flowers, and Lucas’ little blue pills.  (And we all know what little blue pills are REALLY for, don’t we?)

It all sounds a little dirty, when you put it that way, doesn’t it?  So put on your favorite black hoodie, take a big gulp from that skeevy old flask you’ve been hiding in your closet, and write a nice letter to that lady in the coma, because it’s time for another Pretty Little Recap . . .

Fitzy finds his nuts, again!

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Poor, little Fitzy!  It sure is hard out their for unemployed teacher . . . forced by circumstances (sort of?) beyond his control to eat furry limes out of his fridge, and mooch off of his underage girlfriend.  And while Aria tries her best to be supportive . . .

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(Once again, a completely harmless sentence that sounds totally kinky, when taken out of context.)

Fitzy is still feeling a wee bit low.  And he will NOT, I repeat NOT eat that tasty sandwich Aria bought for him.  The man has PRIDE, after all . . .  and hairy limes.

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Aria doesn’t get it.  So, she wants to feed her man, every once in a while.  What’s the big deal?  But clever Spencer knows better.  She’s dated “The Poor” before.  Remember Alex?

(If not, that’s OK.  The writers don’t seem to remember him, either.)

Spencer accuses Aria of “baby squirreling” Fitzy, and consequently taking away his nuts . . .

Now, being baby squirreled is something that Aria can understand.  She didn’t like it very much when Fitzy did it to her . . .

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  So, how does she respond?  By, making Fitzy take her to her enemy Not-Blind-Anymore Jenna’s birthday party, of course!  You know, because nothing says “I feel like a grown man,” like attending a high school birthday party, where everyone is dressed up like characters from Alice in Wonderland!

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So, you can’t really blame Fitzy for overcompensating a bit, by forking over some serious cash he doesn’t have, on a massively expensive old school camera for Aria, who has suddenly become a real photography aficionado.  (First it’s writing, then pottery, now photography.  What’s next Aria, underwater basket weaving?)  Though, you can blame him for bad gift wrapping.  Come on, Fitzy!  A brown paper bag?  That’s what you use to “gift” the cheap malt liquor your 18-year old cousin with the mustache, bought with his fake ID . . . not an antique item that would have easily cost two months of your old teaching salary.  No wonder, Aria thought the darn camera fell off the back of some truck!

Aria tells Fitzy he doesn’t need to buy her fancy things, just to prove to her what big nuts he has.  She likes him just the way he is, unemployed and poor, but good enough looking that he may just get hired at the strip club, where Magic Mike was filmed . . .

That’s when Fitzy gives Aria the good news.  He’s a WORKING MAN, now . . . but not at the strip club, unfortunately for us . . .

That’s right, My Pretties, our main man Fitz is a real live “journalist.”  It makes sense.  I mean, someone has to cover all those murders that seem to happen around his girlfriend on a daily basis!  It might as well be Fitzy . . .

Everyone’s favorite former teacher wants to celebrate his re-entrance into the world of having health insurance with a nice romantic dinner.  (Ease up on the spending, buddy!  Journalists don’t get paid that much!)  But Aria has a better idea.  Why not leave Fitzy at the kiddie party, while she breaks into the photography studio, where the newly “EVIL” Lucas is hiding his not-so-secret cemetery porn pics, and blue roofies?

Oh girlfriend, you’re lucky that you’re pretty . . . that’s all I’ve gotta say . . .

But since we’re on the subject of Lucas . . .

Creepy!Lucas is creepy . . .

 Awww man!  Down the shame spiral my once second favorite male character on this show (second only to WREEENNNNNN!) continues to go.  Not only is he involved in shady online gambling activities, sneaking into people’s grandma’s houses uninvited, luring people out in shady-looking boats in the middle of the night, skulking around town in the middle of the night like a serial killer, and setting fires in school . . .

 .  . . now, he’s prospectively taking creepy pictures of the Pretty Little Liars, getting fired from photography studios for stealing, trying to break into said photography studios in the middle of the night (good thing Aria got there first!), and storing massive horse pill roofies that cause “temporary amnesia” in his backpack.  At this rate, in a few weeks, they are going to blame Lucas for the start of World Wars I and II.  Who cares if he wasn’t alive back then?

So, is Lucas as eeeevvvill as the writers seem dead set on making him out to be?  I’m going to take a wild guess and say, “No.”  Because really, at this point, having Lucas be the “new A” would be about as surprising as having Mona be the old one . . .

Oops!  Did I write that out loud?

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OK, so now we’ve covered Ezria and Lucas.  So, I guess we should talk about good ole’ Hanna Marin.

Sad!Hanna is sad . . .

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So, what happens this week with Hanna?  Not much . . . to be honest.  She’s been dumped, and she’s bummed . . .

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We’ve all been there.  And it sucks.  So, we can totally understand Hanna wanting to skip school, stay home, chow down on some Chubby Hubby Ice Cream, and listen to sad songs.  But the whole “not able to work a zipper” thing?  That’s something she really should get checked out.  It could be a medical condition . . .

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My lingering concerns about Hanna’s motor skills notwithstanding, I was annoyed at the rest of the characters (particularly her own mother) for repeatedly giving Hanna grief about her choice of outfit . .  .

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For the record, I thought she looked awesome!  It was one of my favorite outfits she’s worn on the show, actually.  (My own fashion tendencies, have always veered more toward Preppy!Spencer, and ComfyCasual! Emily, than their more fashion-forward counterparts, Aria and Hanna.)

Sorry, Hanna!

Anywhoo, when Mama Marin finds out that Hanna’s been skipping school, she forces her to work at some lame church clothes drive thingy . . .

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As bored as Hanna felt, being there, is how I felt watching it.  So, Hanna thumbed through, and made faces at some old clothes?  So, Mama Marin met some random dude who flirted with her?  BOOO-RRRRING . . .

Then again, from the looks of next week’s promo, it seems like the whole “church” thing is going to become increasingly important to the whole “A Team” story line, in the weeks to come.  So, maybe the writers will make me eat my words . . .

In slightly more relevant news . .  .

Police Boy Garrett has sloppy handwriting / bad taste in flowers . . .

Of all the various storylines this week, Spencer’s was he one that interested me the most . . . probably because it seems the most pertinent to the current mystery.  After seeing the Big Bad Hoodie lurking around Police Boy Garrett’s house, at the same time the latter’s mother was being pulled out in a stretcher . . .

the liars, well . . . really more Spencer, than anyone else . . . begin to suspect that the “A” team somehow orchestrated the Police Boy’s mommy’s COMA just to get him out of jail on temporary leave.

 I don’t know . . . that sounds a bit too awful to be believable to me . . . even for “A.”

Nevertheless, Super Sleuth Spencer heads to the hospital to check out what exactly the Police Boy actually does during his so-called “sympathy leave” from jail.  While there, Spencer has a run-in with Deputy Douchey . . .

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 . . . and makes snarky comments about the Police Boy’s choice in floral arrangements for the coma lady . . .

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You know what they say, Spencer.  If you make fun of someone’s flowers, you take away their nuts . . .just saying!

Spencer’s suspicion is instantly piqued when she sees Police Boy slip a card into the carnations for the coma lady.  I mean, that just seems like an insensitive thing to do, right?  That would be like writing a letter to Blind Jenna . . . oh wait . . . nevermind.

When uber-Shady Nate (more on him later) throws a little temper tantrum at the sight of Police Boy Garrett out of jail, Spencer sees an opportunity to get into Police Boy’s mom’s hospital room, and takes it.  Smart Girl!

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But when Spencer gets around to reading the card in the flowers, it actually contains a really sweet and poignant statement (though, I know toddlers with better handwriting than That Guy) . . . something about never giving up on his mother, because SHE never gave up on him, despite his possibly being a mass murderer of teenage girls.  Now, Spencer feels like crap, for doubting the mama’s boy, that is until she finds the piece of paper in Coma Lady’s hand . . .

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Yes, who is this mysterious “April Rose” who supposedly has proof of Police Boy Garrett’s innocence in the murders of Ali, and possibly Maya too?  And who wrote the note, because it sure as heck wasn’t Garrett’s mom!  Many have speculated on “April Rose” actually being some kind of code name for Aria . . . partly because of this . . .

April

Rose

Is

A

And partly because, as we learned in a previous episode “Rose” is Ella Montgomery’s maiden name.  However, I’m still not sure the writers of the show have the guts to make “A” one of the core four.  We all saw what happened last season, right?  So, as much as I’d love to see PLL veer off on this kind of original path, away from the books on which it was originally based.  I’m not getting my hopes up . . .

On the other hand, Maya’s death . . . now, that’s completely uncharted territory . . .

Roofied!Paige likes cupcakes, and why Nate sucks / might be a secret psycho killer . . .

Blah, blah, blah, Jenna’s Sight Birthday Party Blah!  What I wanted was another creepy party, where A tortures the girls.  What I got was a lot of really ugly hats, and Alice in Wonderland . . .

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You can’t use “blind” as an excuse anymore, Jenna!

Heck, half the PLL girls didn’t even attend the party.  And the other half, left long before it was over.  So, why was the party important?  Well, it basically comprised Emily’s storyline for the episode . . . a storyline that involved her attempting to rekindle relations with Paige through ridiculously obvious product placement the Katy Perry movie . . .

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 . . . and ended with Emily having to bail on Paige to work the event, and serve cupcakes.  We got to learn a little more about Paige, this week.   As it turns out, she’s not just the once-closeted gay girl, who tried to drown her crush.  She’s also the once-closeted gay girl, who drinks from old dirty flasks that secretly contain roofies, gorges on cupcakes at parties . . .

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Apparently, she also eats old pennies . . .

. .  . gets jealous when gay girls talk to straight boys, makes an ass of herself in public, and ends up in a hospital with alcohol poisoning.  But hey, at least her hair looks better now!

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Actually, I think the whole point of this storyline had much less to do with Paige and Emily as a couple, and more to do with the fact that SOMEONE had obviously roofied Emily’s flask, the night she wound up at the cemetery, moments after Ali’s corpse had just been dug up.  After all, Paige had (stupidly) drunk from the same flask, and look what happened to her?

In other news, I think Nate isn’t really Maya’s cousin.  In fact, I think he killed her.  Just sayin . . .

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Just hear me out here.  I get that Nate claims to be Maya’s “cousin” who “loved her” and is all “righteously indignant” about the fact that  Garrett got out of jail to see his mom, while Maya is (supposedly) dead?  But something just doesn’t ring true about him . . . like, for example, the way he didn’t know Maya’s parents’ address, something a COUSIN would surely know, particularly following the death of a family member.  For another, his whole story about Maya hanging out in the water with the rest of the “guys” sounds a lot less like a “family story” and a lot more like a “camp story.”  You know, as in “True North” camp?  The camp where Maya was STALKED by a guy, and chose to leave town rather than return?

He also talks about Maya as if she’s a lover, as opposed to a cousin.  And the way he was oozing about how “captivating” Jenna was?  This guy just screams stalker / psycho killer.  I’d like to be wrong.  But somehow, I don’t think I am.  I have one word of advice for you, Emily.  Take your roofied flask, and RUN from this guy . . . far and fast . . .

Until next time, my Pretties!

[www.juliekushner.com][Fangirls Forever]

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