[Hey folks! My Teen Wolf recap for “Raving” has been a bit delayed. (Real life has intruded :(.) But not to worry! I will definitely try to have it up within the next 24 hours.]
Hey there, my Pretties! I know it’s been a while . . .
But coming to the party late, is better than not showing up at all, right?
Anyway, this week’s episode of PLL was all about Fitzy’s nuts, Paige’s cupcakes, Police Boy Garrett’s flowers, and Lucas’ little blue pills. (And we all know what little blue pills are REALLY for, don’t we?)
It all sounds a little dirty, when you put it that way, doesn’t it? So put on your favorite black hoodie, take a big gulp from that skeevy old flask you’ve been hiding in your closet, and write a nice letter to that lady in the coma, because it’s time for another Pretty Little Recap . . .
Fitzy finds his nuts, again!
Poor, little Fitzy! It sure is hard out their for unemployed teacher . . . forced by circumstances (sort of?) beyond his control to eat furry limes out of his fridge, and mooch off of his underage girlfriend. And while Aria tries her best to be supportive . . .
(Once again, a completely harmless sentence that sounds totally kinky, when taken out of context.)
Fitzy is still feeling a wee bit low. And he will NOT, I repeat NOT eat that tasty sandwich Aria bought for him. The man has PRIDE, after all . . . and hairy limes.
Aria doesn’t get it. So, she wants to feed her man, every once in a while. What’s the big deal? But clever Spencer knows better. She’s dated “The Poor” before. Remember Alex?
(If not, that’s OK. The writers don’t seem to remember him, either.)
Spencer accuses Aria of “baby squirreling” Fitzy, and consequently taking away his nuts . . .
Now, being baby squirreled is something that Aria can understand. She didn’t like it very much when Fitzy did it to her . . .
So, how does she respond? By, making Fitzy take her to her enemy Not-Blind-Anymore Jenna’s birthday party, of course! You know, because nothing says “I feel like a grown man,” like attending a high school birthday party, where everyone is dressed up like characters from Alice in Wonderland!
So, you can’t really blame Fitzy for overcompensating a bit, by forking over some serious cash he doesn’t have, on a massively expensive old school camera for Aria, who has suddenly become a real photography aficionado. (First it’s writing, then pottery, now photography. What’s next Aria, underwater basket weaving?) Though, you can blame him for bad gift wrapping. Come on, Fitzy! A brown paper bag? That’s what you use to “gift” the cheap malt liquor your 18-year old cousin with the mustache, bought with his fake ID . . . not an antique item that would have easily cost two months of your old teaching salary. No wonder, Aria thought the darn camera fell off the back of some truck!
Aria tells Fitzy he doesn’t need to buy her fancy things, just to prove to her what big nuts he has. She likes him just the way he is, unemployed and poor, but good enough looking that he may just get hired at the strip club, where Magic Mike was filmed . . .
That’s when Fitzy gives Aria the good news. He’s a WORKING MAN, now . . . but not at the strip club, unfortunately for us . . .
That’s right, My Pretties, our main man Fitz is a real live “journalist.” It makes sense. I mean, someone has to cover all those murders that seem to happen around his girlfriend on a daily basis! It might as well be Fitzy . . .
Everyone’s favorite former teacher wants to celebrate his re-entrance into the world of having health insurance with a nice romantic dinner. (Ease up on the spending, buddy! Journalists don’t get paid that much!) But Aria has a better idea. Why not leave Fitzy at the kiddie party, while she breaks into the photography studio, where the newly “EVIL” Lucas is hiding his not-so-secret cemetery porn pics, and blue roofies?
Oh girlfriend, you’re lucky that you’re pretty . . . that’s all I’ve gotta say . . .
But since we’re on the subject of Lucas . . .
Creepy!Lucas is creepy . . .
Awww man! Down the shame spiral my once second favorite male character on this show (second only to WREEENNNNNN!) continues to go. Not only is he involved in shady online gambling activities, sneaking into people’s grandma’s houses uninvited, luring people out in shady-looking boats in the middle of the night, skulking around town in the middle of the night like a serial killer, and setting fires in school . . .
. . . now, he’s prospectively taking creepy pictures of the Pretty Little Liars, getting fired from photography studios for stealing, trying to break into said photography studios in the middle of the night (good thing Aria got there first!), and storing massive horse pill roofies that cause “temporary amnesia” in his backpack. At this rate, in a few weeks, they are going to blame Lucas for the start of World Wars I and II. Who cares if he wasn’t alive back then?
So, is Lucas as eeeevvvill as the writers seem dead set on making him out to be? I’m going to take a wild guess and say, “No.” Because really, at this point, having Lucas be the “new A” would be about as surprising as having Mona be the old one . . .
Oops! Did I write that out loud?
OK, so now we’ve covered Ezria and Lucas. So, I guess we should talk about good ole’ Hanna Marin.
Sad!Hanna is sad . . .
So, what happens this week with Hanna? Not much . . . to be honest. She’s been dumped, and she’s bummed . . .
We’ve all been there. And it sucks. So, we can totally understand Hanna wanting to skip school, stay home, chow down on some Chubby Hubby Ice Cream, and listen to sad songs. But the whole “not able to work a zipper” thing? That’s something she really should get checked out. It could be a medical condition . . .
My lingering concerns about Hanna’s motor skills notwithstanding, I was annoyed at the rest of the characters (particularly her own mother) for repeatedly giving Hanna grief about her choice of outfit . . .
For the record, I thought she looked awesome! It was one of my favorite outfits she’s worn on the show, actually. (My own fashion tendencies, have always veered more toward Preppy!Spencer, and ComfyCasual! Emily, than their more fashion-forward counterparts, Aria and Hanna.)
Anywhoo, when Mama Marin finds out that Hanna’s been skipping school, she forces her to work at some lame church clothes drive thingy . . .
As bored as Hanna felt, being there, is how I felt watching it. So, Hanna thumbed through, and made faces at some old clothes? So, Mama Marin met some random dude who flirted with her? BOOO-RRRRING . . .
Then again, from the looks of next week’s promo, it seems like the whole “church” thing is going to become increasingly important to the whole “A Team” story line, in the weeks to come. So, maybe the writers will make me eat my words . . .
In slightly more relevant news . . .
Police Boy Garrett has sloppy handwriting / bad taste in flowers . . .
Of all the various storylines this week, Spencer’s was he one that interested me the most . . . probably because it seems the most pertinent to the current mystery. After seeing the Big Bad Hoodie lurking around Police Boy Garrett’s house, at the same time the latter’s mother was being pulled out in a stretcher . . .
the liars, well . . . really more Spencer, than anyone else . . . begin to suspect that the “A” team somehow orchestrated the Police Boy’s mommy’s COMA just to get him out of jail on temporary leave.
I don’t know . . . that sounds a bit too awful to be believable to me . . . even for “A.”
Nevertheless, Super Sleuth Spencer heads to the hospital to check out what exactly the Police Boy actually does during his so-called “sympathy leave” from jail. While there, Spencer has a run-in with Deputy Douchey . . .
. . . and makes snarky comments about the Police Boy’s choice in floral arrangements for the coma lady . . .
You know what they say, Spencer. If you make fun of someone’s flowers, you take away their nuts . . .just saying!
Spencer’s suspicion is instantly piqued when she sees Police Boy slip a card into the carnations for the coma lady. I mean, that just seems like an insensitive thing to do, right? That would be like writing a letter to Blind Jenna . . . oh wait . . . nevermind.
When uber-Shady Nate (more on him later) throws a little temper tantrum at the sight of Police Boy Garrett out of jail, Spencer sees an opportunity to get into Police Boy’s mom’s hospital room, and takes it. Smart Girl!
But when Spencer gets around to reading the card in the flowers, it actually contains a really sweet and poignant statement (though, I know toddlers with better handwriting than That Guy) . . . something about never giving up on his mother, because SHE never gave up on him, despite his possibly being a mass murderer of teenage girls. Now, Spencer feels like crap, for doubting the mama’s boy, that is until she finds the piece of paper in Coma Lady’s hand . . .
Yes, who is this mysterious “April Rose” who supposedly has proof of Police Boy Garrett’s innocence in the murders of Ali, and possibly Maya too?
And who wrote the note, because it sure as heck wasn’t Garrett’s mom! Many have speculated on “April Rose” actually being some kind of code name for Aria . . . partly because of this . . .
And partly because, as we learned in a previous episode “Rose” is Ella Montgomery’s maiden name. However, I’m still not sure the writers of the show have the guts to make “A” one of the core four. We all saw what happened last season, right? So, as much as I’d love to see PLL veer off on this kind of original path, away from the books on which it was originally based. I’m not getting my hopes up . . .
On the other hand, Maya’s death . . . now, that’s completely uncharted territory . . .
Roofied!Paige likes cupcakes, and why Nate sucks / might be a secret psycho killer . . .
Blah, blah, blah, Jenna’s Sight Birthday Party Blah! What I wanted was another creepy party, where A tortures the girls. What I got was a lot of really ugly hats, and Alice in Wonderland . . .
You can’t use “blind” as an excuse anymore, Jenna!
Heck, half the PLL girls didn’t even attend the party. And the other half, left long before it was over. So, why was the party important? Well, it basically comprised Emily’s storyline for the episode . . . a storyline that involved her attempting to rekindle relations with Paige through
ridiculously obvious product placement the Katy Perry movie . . .
. . . and ended with Emily having to bail on Paige to work the event, and serve cupcakes. We got to learn a little more about Paige, this week. As it turns out, she’s not just the once-closeted gay girl, who tried to drown her crush. She’s also the once-closeted gay girl, who drinks from old dirty flasks that secretly contain roofies, gorges on cupcakes at parties . . .
Apparently, she also eats old pennies . . .
. . . gets jealous when gay girls talk to straight boys, makes an ass of herself in public, and ends up in a hospital with alcohol poisoning. But hey, at least her hair looks better now!
Actually, I think the whole point of this storyline had much less to do with Paige and Emily as a couple, and more to do with the fact that SOMEONE had obviously roofied Emily’s flask, the night she wound up at the cemetery, moments after Ali’s corpse had just been dug up. After all, Paige had (stupidly) drunk from the same flask, and look what happened to her?
In other news, I think Nate isn’t really Maya’s cousin. In fact, I think he killed her. Just sayin . . .
Just hear me out here. I get that Nate claims to be Maya’s “cousin” who “loved her” and is all “righteously indignant” about the fact that Garrett got out of jail to see his mom, while Maya is (supposedly) dead? But something just doesn’t ring true about him . . . like, for example, the way he didn’t know Maya’s parents’ address, something a COUSIN would surely know, particularly following the death of a family member. For another, his whole story about Maya hanging out in the water with the rest of the “guys” sounds a lot less like a “family story” and a lot more like a “camp story.” You know, as in “True North” camp? The camp where Maya was STALKED by a guy, and chose to leave town rather than return?
He also talks about Maya as if she’s a lover, as opposed to a cousin. And the way he was oozing about how “captivating” Jenna was? This guy just screams stalker / psycho killer. I’d like to be wrong. But somehow, I don’t think I am. I have one word of advice for you, Emily. Take your roofied flask, and RUN from this guy . . . far and fast . . .
Until next time, my Pretties!