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Let’s Have Some Fun with The Vampire Diaries’ Promotional Posters!

Aside from being an amazing show, with stellar writing, and a talented, not to mention, sublimely sexy, cast, The Vampire Diaries is also known for its INGENIOUS marketing strategies.  Every few months, the CW marketing department releases a few new fabulous posters to promote the show.  These posters tend to feature one or more of the cast members in a sexually suggestive pose, adorned by both the TVD logo, and a titillating tagline, which hints a bit at what’s to come on the show. 

Here are a few of my favorite promotional posters, from The Vampire Diaries’ recent past . . .

In honor of the upcoming mid-season premiere of The Vampire Diaries, the CW has released three NEW posters, one featuring each of the show’s three main characters.  The first poster was released around the time that the show’s mid-season finale, “By the Light of the Moon” aired.  Elena was the focus of that poster. 

Its tagline,  “Death is a sacrifice Elena is not willing to make,” was a not-so-subtle reference to the dangerous deal Elena made with Elijah, in order to release Stefan from the Underground Tomb, where he and Katherine were heretofore trapped.  (It also probably referred to “The Sacrifice,” the title of Season 2’s tenth episode.)

The second new promotional poster was released in early January 2011.  I’m pleased to report, that it featured my FAVORITE character, Damon Salvatore, in a mesmerizing EXTREME CLOSEUP! 

As for its tagline, “Look out Damon, your emotions are showing,” it refers to Damon’s increasing inability to “turn off his emotions,” particularly when it comes to the people he loves (Stefan and Elena), and the friends, who have helped him along the way.  Could these not-so-hidden emotions impact his relationship with Elena, in the upcoming episodes?  Will Damon’s “forgotten” declaration of love to his brother’s girlfriend, be “remembered,” once again?  (MAN, I HOPE SO!)

The third installment of this new poster series, features Stefan Salvatore.  According to interviews with Paul Wesley, himself, his tagline,  “There’s a reason he always gets the girl,” refers to Stefan’s nefarious, almost Damon-like past, and the one woman in it who deemed him capable of redemption. 

This can only mean two things, TVD fans: (1) more flashbacks to 1864; and (2) DARK STEFAN RETURNS!

But why must Elena, Damon, and Stefan be the only cast members of The Vampire Diaries to get their own promotional posters?  What about the rest of the cast?  Honestly, I think this is a travesty of justice!  For this reason, I have decided to create MY OWN posters for some of the OTHER residents of Mystic Falls . . .

Here’s one for our favorite Baby Werewolf, Tyler Lockwood . . .

Not creative enough for you?  Perhaps, this one will be more to your liking . . .

But what about Tyler’s new Gal Friday, Caroline?  Surely SHE deserves a poster too!

In fact, I don’t think one poster is enough for Caroline Forbes.  After all, Vampire Barbie isn’t just a character, she’s a commodity to be “played with” by fangirls (and adoring boys) EVERYWHERE!

Having already covered, Tyler and Caroline, I would be remiss not to create a poster for the third point of that aforementioned Love Triangle.  Of course, I’m referring to the Cute but Clueless, Matt Donovan . . .

Speaking of Clueless, what about Aunt Jenna?  Doesn’t SHE deserve some poster love too?

While we are on the subject of Jenna, what about her dashing History Teacher Turned Vampire Slayer Boyfriend, Alaric Saltzman?  Surely, Damon’s bromantic buddy, and favorite weapons enthusiast is worthy of a poster all his own.  Isn’t he?

Hmmm . . . I think I’m missing a new couple here . . . Oh, I KNOW!  It’s Mini Gilbert and Bonnie the Teenage Witch!

But enough about all these Good Guys, I need some VILLAIN posters!   Let’s start with the biggest villain of them all . . . ROSE!  (Hey, she interferes with my Delena Mother Ship!  That makes her a BIG BAD VILLAIN, OK?)

But, you know, there are villains I ACTUALLY LIKE on this show.  And one of them is Kickass Vampire Katherine.  Granted, unlike the other cast members for whom I’ve created posters, Katherine HAS already been featured in promotions before.  (See the poster featuring her and Stefan, above).  Nevertheless, this Tomb-Dwelling Femme Fatale has never had her OWN poster . . . until now . . .

(It’s a Full House reference . . . just in case you missed it.)

Another villain we all love to hate, is the mysterious OLD VAMP, Elijah.  He’s smart, intense, wryly humorous, and scary as ALL HELL!  So, I for one, think it’s high time, he got inducted into our TVD Poster Hall of Fame . . .

Well, that about does it for the villains, we KNOW.  But what about the ones we haven’t met yet . . .  You all know who I’m talking about, right?  I’ll give you a hint, he’s a vampire who’s name rhymes with “mouse.” 😉

So, there you have it.  Now ALL of the main cast members of The Vampire Diaries have their own promotional posters, just in time for mid-season premiere . . .

Well . . . almost everyone . . . 

Speaking of “The Descent,” I am proud to report that my blogging pals, Amy from Imaginary Men and Cherie from My Spidey Sense is Tingling, will be LIVE BLOGGING the entire episode!  Be sure to check back here, later this week (probably this Tuesday or Wednesday) to find out how YOU can join in with the fangirly festivities. 

See you then, my fellow FANGBANGERS!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Promotional Posters, The Vampire Diaries

Kick off 2011 right, with these 10 Sexy Chuck & Blair Moments from Gossip Girl’s Fourth Season!

Happy New Year, Gossip Girl fans (and, perhaps, more importantly, Chair fans)! 2011 is a brand new year for us fangirls and television lovers!  And just because our favorite shows are still in Hibernation Mode, doesn’t mean we have to be!  So, rather than nursing our hangovers, and moping about how another year has gone by, I thought it might be nice to spend the first day of the new year with our favorite pair of Upper East Siders . . .

That’s right, boys and girls!  It’s Chuck and Blair day, here at TV Recappers Anonymous.  And have I got some smoking hot Chair Moments for YOU!

What follows are my picks for the Top Ten Chuck and Blair moments from the first half of Gossip Girl’s Fourth Season . . .

(Note:  As always, many of these video clips have not been properly embedded, due to CW copyright restrictions.  But you can view them ALL, in their Sexy CB Glory, by simply clicking on the internal links. ;))

10. Chuck sniffs Blair’s “Pie”

 Episode: 4 x 05 – “Goodbye, Columbia”

Setting the Scene:   Chuck has just declared war on Blair, once again.  This time, the breach of peace is Much Ado about Eva, Chuck’s Hooker in Peasant’s Clothing, Ex-Girlfriend.  Blair sent her snoozy temporary replacement packing, with the help of a few carefully placed rumors, and an unmatched ability to plant seeds of doubt in Chuck’s head, as to his Sweet Tart’s supposed “virtue.”  Since Chuck and academics are like oil and water, Blair mistakenly believes that she will be able to protect herself from battle, by hiding out on campus at Columbia University, where she is currently matriculating.  But Chuck has other ideas . . .

Potent Quotables:

CHUCK:  “Mmmmm . . . I almost forgot how much I used to enjoy your pie.”

GOSSIP GIRL:  “Better batten down the hatches, B.  It looks like your Island in the Storm was just hit by a Bass 5 Hurricane.”

Why it Made the List:  Nothing turns Chuck and Blair on more than a good-old fashioned War of Wits.  And this most recent war between Chuck and Blair was no exception.  Observe the way Chuck’s and Blair’s breathing quickens, when they come within a few feet of one another, how their eyes dilate, and the way they repeatedly look at each others’ lips, as they banter with one another.  These are textbook signs of sexual attraction. 

Let’s not forget the extremely lewd and naughty way, Chuck “sniffs” Blair’s pie.  It doesn’t take Freud to figure out what part of the female anatomy that pie represents, or what it means for Chuck’s nose to be in it!  In addition to being a sexually significant food in general, pie is a highly symbolic dessert to Chuck’s and Blair’s relationship, in particular. 

For Blair, food is an indulgence, one that is directly tied to sexual attraction.  Later on in the season, we see Blair attempting to combat her romantic feelings for Chuck, by compulsively scarfing down macaroons.  Even later in the season, Blair sends Chuck a pie, to symbolize their continued “friendship” with one another, in spite of a recent breakup. 

But food also plays a darker role in Blair’s life.  A long-time sufferer of bulimia, pie represents Blair’s struggles with her body image, and sense of self.  For Blair, Chuck is like pie.  He is seductive, delicious, and makes her hungry for more.   But he is also dangerous, and potentially hazardous to her health.  And just like with that decadent dessert, once Blair starts induling in Chuck, she often can’t stop . . .

9.  The Peace Treaty

 Episode: 4 x 07 – “War at the Roses”

Setting the Scene:   A few surprisingly eloquent words of warning from Raccoon Zombie Jenny, in the previous episode, caused Chuck and Blair to rethink the mutually destructive nature of the war they had waged against one another.  As a result, at the end of that episode, Chuck and Blair informally agreed to a “truce,” via a late night handshake (more on that later).  But Chuck’s and Blair’s friends, Nate and Serena, know that a mere handshake is not enough to put out the wildfires perpetually raging between these two soulmates.  And so, Nate and Serena stage an intervention of sorts, and attempt to broker a formalized peace treaty between the warring factions.

Potent Quotables:

NATE:  “Sooner or later, one of you is going to press the other’s button.  And we are going to end up with nothing but cockroaches.”

CHUCK:  “I have no objection to order in the kingdom.   Let the negotiations begin.”

And much, much later . . .

BLAIR:  “Actually, there is one more point I want to negotiate . . . in private.  Attorneys are dismissed.”

Why it Made the List:  For what was supposed to be a “serious” negotation of a formalized legal agreement, this meeting between Chuck and Blair was pretty darn funny.  Kudos to all parties involved, for not breaking into hysterical laughter, or even smirking, as Chuck and Blair discussed which of them was entitled to attend fashion week in Paris, who had access to which strip clubs, and whether Chuck was allowed bed the hostesses at local restaurants that Blair frequented.

All kidding aside, however, this peace treaty showcased some SERIOUSLY sexually tense moments between Chuck and Blair!  Observe Chuck’s body language, throughout the negotiations.  His fists and jaw are clenched.  His nostrils are flared.  His lips are pursed.  He’s uncharacteristically figety.  Chuck Bass is like a BULL IN HEAT!  And as for the slow and seductive way that Blair pours and drinks that water from her wine class, while licking her lips — her eyes closed in exaggerated ecstasy?  Well, it doesn’t get much more sexual than THAT!

8. Reunited in Paris

 Episode: 4 x 02 – “Double Identity”

Setting the Scene:   After engaging in bestiality with a Raccoon Zombie, and breaking the heart of the love of his life, Chuck escaped to Prague, where he was shot.  To add insult to nearly mortal injury, the engagement ring he had initially purchased for Blair, stolen right out from under his bleeding body.  Chuck was then “rescued,” by some blonde chick named Snoozy Eva. 

So, filled with Self Hatred was Chuck at the time, that he allowed the world to believe he was dead, and began gallivanting around Europe with Snoozy, under the alias, Henry Prince.  Blair, who was vacationing in Paris at the time, learned of his whereabouts from Serena.  The Queen B then tracked the Bass-tard down at a Paris train station, in order to deliver to him an important message . . .

Potent Quotables:

BLAIR:  “Changing your name doesn’t change who you are.”

CHUCK:  “It’s a start . . . a chance to live simply, earn people’s respect, maybe become a person someone could love.”

BLAIR:  “Someone did love you . . . And you owe it to her — and everyone else you are leaving behind –not to run away, which is what you are doing  . . .”

CHUCK:  “Your world would be easier, if I didn’t come back.”

BLAIR:  “That’s true.  But it wouldn’t be my world, without you in it.”

Why it Made the List:  After spending an entire summer wondering whether Chuck Bass was dead or alive, and then suffering through nearly TWO full episodes, without a single moment of interaction between my favorite GG pair, this sweet and quietly heartbreaking scene between Chuck and Blair went a long way toward alleviating my painful symptoms of CB withdrawal.  The fact that Blair would be willing to rescue Chuck from his own demons, and convince him to come back to New York City, and reclaim his identity, despite all the pain he had caused her, said volumes about Blair’s strength of character.  It also provided me with an ounce of hope for the pair’s future together . . .

And the longing, tear-filled, looks Chuck and Blair exchanged with one another, when she returned to him the engagement ring he thought was gone for ever?  Priceless (not to mention, highly symbolic)!

7. The Truce

 Episode:  4 x 06 – “Easy J”

Setting the Scene:  Earlier on in this post, I made reference to a scene in which Chuck visits Blair late at night, at her home.  Chuck arrives, waving the proverbial white flag of peace, after the war between them had escalated to such a point, that both of their lives were at stake.  Blair is hestitant to trust Chuck’s offer at first.  After all, he has lied to her, and hurt her, so many times in the past.  And yet, as Chuck continues to plead his case, the cast iron shell that has formed around Blair’s heart, since the whole Raccoon Zombie Incident, begins to show signs of breaking . . .

Potent Quotables:

CHUCK:  “Look, we can keep blaming each other for what happened that night.  Or we can admit a harder truth.  It was no one’s fault.  It was fate — a tragedy . . .  Ware holding on to the pain, because it’s all we have left.  We don’t have to, we have a choice.”

BLAIR:  “Truce . . . you can see yourself out.”

CHUCK:  “I know the way . . .”

Why it Made the List:  Sure, at times, Chuck and Blair can act like children, with their tendency toward name-calling, silly games, and petty fights.  But, when it comes right down to it, these are two old souls, both of whom are wise beyond their years, in so many ways.  I loved the maturity with which Chuck and Blair were able to evaluate their past relationship in this intimate moment.  It wasn’t about who was right or wrong, or who was to blame for what happened to them.  Things simply didn’t work out between them last season.  So, why rehash the painful memories?

In this scene, Chuck and Blair took their first tentative steps toward overcoming their past, and building a future together.  They came to a mutual understanding that who they were yesterday, doesn’t necessarily have to be who they are tomorrow. 

And yet, how much had really changed between them?  The obvious electrical current of sexual energy that spread through Chuck’s and Blair’s bodies, as they shook their hands in “truce,” belied their promises to one another that they would never again give in to their mutual romantic desires . . .

 

6. The Threesome

 Episode:  4 x 08 – “Juliet Doesn’t Live Here Anymore”

Setting the Scene:  After an intense session of mindblowingly Hot Hate Sex at the end of the previous episode (more on that later), Blair awakens to a VERY happy ending in her bedroom.  Count on Cockblock Serena to come barging into the bedroom and spoil the moment, just so that she can babble on (and on and on) about the not particularly interesting “relationship” problems she is currently having with Professor Hot Bod . . .

Potent Quotables:

GOSSIP GIRL:   “Morning, Upper East Siders.  I hope you had a Good Night Sleep, or at least a Good Night’s Play!”

BLAIR: (while trying to hide her obvious arousal, and Chuck’s “head,” from Serena) “I hate it when the duvet pops up like that.”

CHUCK:  “This comforter blocks out so much noise, they could sell it at Bose.”

Why it Made the List:  Simply put:  watching Blair try to give solid “friendly relationship” advice, while, at the same time, fending off Chuck’s amorous advances, beneath the sheets (which were obviously giving her a tremendous amount of pleasure!) was just good naughty fun!  All of us felt Blair’s pain!  We ALL wanted Serena to get the heck out of that bedroom FAST, so that Chuck and Blair could finish whatever it was they were doing, before she entered . . .

And NOTHING is hotter than Ed Westwick, when he’s sporting Post Sex Bedhead, while discussing the sound quality of comforters . . .

5.  The Breakup

 Episode:  4 x 09 – “The Witches of Bushwick”

Setting the Scene: Chuck and Blair have just been publicly outed as a couple at the Saints and Sinners Ball, after weeks of keeping their affair a secret.  The outing had the unintended effect of bolstering Chuck’s public image as a naughtily decadent Bad Boy Entrepreneur with a soft spot for a delicate debutant.  Apparently, when it comes to hotel moguls, contradictions are sexy!  The outing was decidedly less lucky for Blair, who lost the opportunity to be spokesperson for a feminist-based foundation, Girls Inc., as a result of it. 

Chuck sees what happened as evidence that the couple can overcome any obstacle, as long as they are together.  But Blair is not so sure . . .

Potent Quotables:

CHUCK:  “I love you.”

BLAIR:  “I love you too . . . I don’t expect you to wait.”

CHUCK:  “If two people are meant to be together, eventually they will find their way back.”

BLAIR:  “Do you really believe that?”

CHUCK:  “I do.”

BLAIR:  “So do I.”

Why it Made the List:  Sure, it was maddening, and incredibly frustrating, that after three episodes of build up, intense conversations, and incredibly hot sex (all of which seemed to support the notion that these are two people who are MEANT to be TOGETHER), Chuck and Blair broke up, over something as seemingly insignficant as Blair not getting a dumb internship.  And yet, in this very special moment, Blair and Chuck BOTH admitted that they were in love with one another.  Beyond that, Chuck’s words to Blair about people who are meant to be with one another, eventually finding their way back into one another’s arms, seemed incredibly prophetic of an eventual PERMANENT union for this couple.  Don’t you think?

4. Hate Sex

 Episode: 4 x 07 – “War at the Roses”

Setting the Scene: The short-term ceasefire in the war between Chuck and Blair came to an unexpected end, after a highly embarrassing video, featuring Blair drunkenly singing at a karaoke bar, was exposed to all of New York high society on her twentieth birthday.  An enraged Blair immediately accused Chuck of leaking the video, since he was (she believed) the only person aware of its existence.  After all, permanent disavowal of this video was an important part of the peace treaty between Chuck and Blair.

Chuck — who would never even think of releasing such a video to the publi — was highly offended that Blair would believe he would do so.  (As it turns out, the video was discovered and subsequently publicized by Dopey Dan).  After the party, Chuck confronts Blair in private, to let her know, in no uncertain terms, that the war between them is back on . . .

Potent Quotables:

CHUCK:  “I’ve realized we are not friends.  Friends have to like each other.  And after what happened tonight, I could never like you.”

BLAIR:  “Every nerve ending in my body is electrified by hatred.”

CHUCK:  “There is a fiery pit of hate burning inside me, ready to explode.”

BLAIR:  “So, it’s settled then.”

CHUCK:  “We’re settled.”

 Why it Made the List:  OMG!  This scene was HOT with a capital “H!”  When you really thing about it, feelings of hatred, and those of intense and passionate love are not all that far removed from one another, are they?  Both have the ability to cloud your mind, and keep you from thinking rationally.  Both have a tendency to get you hot under the collar.   Both light a fire in your heart, that threatens to explode your insides.  And, perhaps most importantly, both can drive you completely insane!

The moment Chuck and Blair move toward one another, and begin to describe their mutual feelings of hatred, we all know the sex is inevitable.  Like Chuck and Blair, our bodies fill with the heat of anticipation.  As for the animalistic manner in which Chuck and Blair angrily have their way with one another on top of that piano — ripping eachother’s clothing off, as they teeter on the brink between insanity and intense pleasure — well . . . it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen on television before!

 

3. Chuck and Blair Exposed

 Episode:  4 x 09 – “The Witches of Bushwick”

Setting the Scene:  When Chuck’s publicist informs him that his new do-gooder image is bad for business, Blair suggests that he throw a Saints and Sinners Ball, to show the world what a bad boy he really is.   Mistakenly believing that their coupledom would undermine Chuck’s womanizing mystique, Chuck and Blair decide to keep their budding relationship a secret. 

And yet, when Chuck utters a certain phrase to Blair during sex (more on that later), Blair finds herself unable to think about anything else.  (Did he mean it?  Is it true?)  So, Blair shows up at the party, risking everything to ascertain Chuck’s feelings for her once and for all . . .  Little do Chuck and Blair, know that both of their secrets are just moments away from being exposed . . .

Potent Quotables:

BLAIR:  “I heard what you said . . . three one syllable words that, under the circumstances, you may or may not have meant.”

CHUCK:  “Do you want me to have meant them?”

BLAIR:  “If they were true, I would want to know.”

CHUCK:  “I meant it Blair, with all my heart . . . Are you going to say something?”

BLAIR:  “I will . . . I mean . . . I do.”

CHUCK:  “I understand the consequences, but I am willing to pay them . . . I say, we go up in flames together?”

Why it Made the List:  This very special scene is all about risks.  When Chuck and Blair meet one another on that balcony at the Saints and Sinners Ball, they are putting everything on the line for one another:  their lives, their livelihoods, their reputations, their pride, their self-respect, and their hearts.  The fact that the conversation between them takes place high above the ground, only heightens the dangerousness of this moment. 

Blair risks her future as a public feminist figure, by coming to see Chuck at the Saints and Sinners Ball.  And then, she risks her pride by asking him if he meant it, when he told her that he loved her during sex.  In turn, Chuck puts his own heart on the metaphoric table between them, when he admits to Blair that he DOES, in fact, love her — not knowing for sure whether she returns those feelings.  When Blair does respond affirmatively to Chuck’s claims of love, she does so, by saying those two special words, “I do,” almost as if she is completing wedding vows.  (How’s THAT for foreshadowing?)

Moments later, when Blair’s and Chuck’s relationship is exposed to the party — rather than shunning one another, to protect their respective reputations — both Blair and Chuck decide to embrace public scrutiny, and “go down in flames together.”  By doing this, Chuck and Blair take the ultimate leap of faith for one another, and prove that, when it comes to the many things in both of their lives that are important, their relationship comes first.

2. “Friendly” Sex

 Episode: 4 x 08 – “Juliet Doesn’t Live Here Anymore”

Setting the Scene:  Chuck and Blair have just reached the end of a VERY GOOD DAY!   Not only have they each gotten laid MULTIPLE times by one another, they’ve also protected a mutual friend, and ensured the takedown of a mutual enemy.  As Chuck and Blair sit quietly in her living room, sharing a drink together, they are feeling tired, but happy, and oddly invigorated.  Chuck and Blair have just been reminded of what a great team they make, when they are able to put aside their differences, and work toward a common goal.  In this triumphant moment, anything seems possible . . . even friendship.

Potent Quotables:

BLAIR:  “Sometimes, I think a takedown is better than sex . . . Well, it’s an endorphin rush.  Plus it makes me think of old times.  I really appreciate you stepping up tonight.”

CHUCK:  “Maybe that’s because that’s what we are,  friends.”

BLAIR:  “Who knew it would take a public takedown and tons of hate sex for us to get here?”

CHUCK:  “Well . . . I should get going.  Good night, Waldorf.”

BLAIR:  “Same to you, Bass.”

Why it Made the List:  As Chuck and Blair are reminded of what a good team they are, we are reminded as well.  Though on the surface, they seem very different, Chuck and Blair are really so much alike!  Both can be sly, manipulative, and mean-spirited.  But they are also loyal friends, who are willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that one of their own doesn’t get hurt. 

Can Chuck and Blair ever really be just friends?  The beginning of the scene suggests that they can!  Observe the easy and effortless way in which they relate to one another — shifting easily between joking banter, and sweet compliments.  Remember that Chuck and Blair started out as friends, and partners-in-crime, back during Season 1 of Gossip Girl.  These are two individuals know what makes each another tick.  They are comfortable with one another.

And yet, when Chuck and Blair move close to one another, and share a gentle hug, all thoughts of friendship go out the window.  The sexual chemistry between them is undeniable.  Observe the way Blair gently places her hand on Chuck’s cheek, the intense looks that are exchanged, and the depth of feeling behind each movement.  Behold the power of that kiss!

Granted, Chuck and Blair have been having sex throughout this ENTIRE episode.  So, what makes this time different?  You see, this is the first time, in the course of the hour, that Chuck and Blair make LOVE!  All the romantic elements are there: the gentle way the room is lit, the soft crackle of the fireplace before them, the soft femininity of Blair’s floral dress, the way Chuck CARRIES BLAIR ACROSS THE THRESHOLD into her bedroom, like the pair of newlyweds they are destined to someday be.    When it comes to television love scenes, they don’t get much better than this!

1. Chuck Says “I Love You” During Sex

 Episode:  4 x 09 – “The Witches of Bushwick”

Setting the Scene:  Chuck has just learned that he needs to reaffirm his Bad Boy image, in order to reclaim his hotel mogul status.  According to his publicist, this means dropping all ties to Good Girl Debutant Blair.  Likewise, Blair is informed by the head of the feminist foundation Girls, Inc. that she is in the running to become the organization’s spokesperson, but only if she disassociates from the rebellious Chuck.  Chuck and Blair meet in her bedroom, in order to plot a plan certain to save both of their careers.  But it’s hard to talk business, when both parties are feeling so very hot and bothered . . .

Potent Quotables:

CHUCK:  “There is something alluring about an angel drawn to the darkside.”

BLAIR:  “Or a devil redeemed.”

CHUCK:  “An impeccable plan.”

BLAIR:  “This really is a beautiful friendship.”

CHUCK:  “I love poplin.”

BLAIR:  “I love condemnation.”

CHUCK:  “I love you.”

Why it Made the List:  This scene was just pure perfection, on so many levels!  Porn stars have NOTHING on Chuck and Blair, in terms of sheer sexuality.  I adored the way, Chuck and Blair were able to help one another with their respective business problems, without letting all the dull talk get in the way of their sexual activity, even for a single second! 

The breathless way the Chuck and Blair talked to one another, their barely muted moans, as they undressed eachother and fell into bed together, the way Blair’s eyes rolled back in her head, when Chuck kissed her neck . . . it was enough to drive a Chair fan CRAZY!

When Chuck finally got caught up in the throes of passion, and told Blair he loved her, I literally squealed with JOY!  Blair may have doubted the veracity of Chuck’s claim — because he said it while in the throes of passion — but us Chair fans never did!  Like Blair, Chuck is the kind of person who keeps his feelings closely guarded, no matter what he’s doing at the time. 

The Chuck we know would never let himself get carried away during sex.  He would never say those three words, unless he absolutely meant them.  This is why it took Chuck being completely blissed out, and in the moment, for him to reveal the feelings for Blair that he had heretofore kept hidden.  This is the image of a man in deep and serious love.  And, as far as I’m concerned, nothing can be sexier . . .

Well, there you have it.  Ten Slyly Seductive and Super Sexual Scenes between Gossip Girl‘s “It Couple,” Chuck and Blair.  Which one was YOUR favorite?

New episodes of Gossip Girl will begin airing on Janury 24, 2011.  Until then, XOXO!

P.S. Be sure to check out my pals at Chuck and Blair the Perfect Pair blog, if you haven’t done so already.  The site’s late-breaking Chair news, gorgeous photography, and captivating content are sure to provide you with everything you need to satisfy your Chair fix, during this interminably long GG hiatus.

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Chuck and Blair, Gossip Girl, Television Super Couples, Top Ten Lists

The Many Faces of The Vampire Diaries’ Damon Salvatore

Now, I’m not going to name any names, but there are a number of actors out there, who appear to be capable of expressing only ONE emotion, using ONE facial expression.  Freddie Prince Jr., Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, that Creepy guy from the Erectile Dysfunction commercials . . .

“Bueller?  Bueller?”

Fortunately for us TVD fans, Ian Somerhalder is NOT one of those actors!  In fact, as Damon Salvatore, Ian Somerhalder has portrayed a wider range of emotions in 1.5 seasons of The Vampire Diaries,  than some actors twice his age have exhibited throughout their ENTIRE CAREERS!  I think that deserves a round of applause.  Don’t you?

In celebration of his work, I thought it might be fun to pay a little tribute to some of my favorite “Faces of Damon Salvatore.” 

OK, I know it’s supposed to be a “FACE” post, but how could I possibly write a blog entry about Damon Salvatore, without including AT LEAST one BODY SHOT?

[By the way, inspiration for this post came to me by way of two FABULOUS posts, courtesy of my blogging pal, Cherie.  Fellow TVD fans should be sure to check out her Damon Salvatore Mixtape, as well as her kickass post regarding the Sartorial Stylings of Stefan Salvatore (a term trademarked by the Always Brilliant Amy, over at Imaginary Men).]

So, what do you say, we stop yapping, and start getting some serious “face time” with our favorite vampire? 

Face #1 – Flirty Damon, a.k.a. “Eye-Thing” Damon

No HUMAN girl could resist the charms of Damon Salvatore, when he’s working his Flirt Magic on you.  And if his smile alone, hasn’t already melted your heart, his “Eye Thing” most certainly will . . .

When we get to see him:  Flirty Damon usually makes an appearance, when he’s trying to get something he wants out of someone of the “female persuasion.” 

Early on in Season 1, Flirty Damon came out to play ALL THE TIME, with practically EVERY lovely lady on the show, from Elena to Caroline to Bonnie to Vicki to Aunt Jenna to Matt’s Slutty Mom.  Heck, I think he may have even come on to Alaric a few times . . .

And yet, ever since Damon has come to realize his true feelings for Elena, we can’t help but notice that Playboy Damon has been a bit less playful, of late.  Love can do that to a vamp, sometimes . . .

Why we love him:  Isn’t it obvious?  We love Flirty Damon because he’s FUN and SEXY AS HELL!  Besides, a guy who will flirt with anything that moves, will surely flirt with us!  Right?  *nods head, hopefully*

What it says about his character:  Damon’s flirty nature definitely gives him an air of confidence.  This is a guy who’s hot, and KNOWS IT!  Damon is not afraid to use his charm and good looks to get what he wants.  Aside from purely strategic reasons, Damon likes to flirt, because it’s FUN!  He enjoys spending time with women.  And he loves the attention they give him.

However, as we’ve come to learn in Season 2, there is a bit of falseness to Damon’s flirting.  When Damon REALLY loves and cares about someone, he finds it much more difficult to flirt with her.  Because, while lust may be a game for Damon, LOVE is serious business for him . . . 

Flirty Damon Video Tribute:

Thanks sxylilrckstar!

Face #2 – Drinking Damon

When Damon says he likes to drink “Bloody Marys,” he means that quite literally.  Nice knowing ya, girls named Mary!

When we get to see him:   ALL THE TIME!  (Have you ever noticed how Damon drinks both BLOOD and ALCOHOL, in just about every episode?)

Why we love him:  Just because Damon is a vampire, doesn’t mean he can’t get wasted, just like everybody else.

And when Damon gets drunk (like most of us), it lowers his inhibitions . . .

Sure, sometimes that loss of inhibitions makes Damon do BAD things (like kill Vicki, and almost kill Jeremy).  But it also makes him do GOOD things, like bond with Alaric, or have heart-to-hearts with his brother, or slur out hilarious drunken jokes, or let Elena know how much he really cares for her.

What it says about his character:  Damon has always been one to try and “turn off” his feelings — something that being a vampire allows him to at least pretend to do, on certain occasions.  Don’t forget that this is a vampire with 140 some-odd years of pain and heartbreak to overcome!  He would LOVE to “turn off” his feelings of hurt and anger, over having pined over the same woman for a century-and-a-half, only to find out that she never loved him.  He would LOVE to “turn off” his feelings of betrayal over his brother’s decision to force him to become a vampire, so he wouldn’t have to go through eternity alone.  And he would LOVE to “turn off” his  love for Elena, a woman for whom he cares so deeply, and yet feels he does not deserve.

Damon drinks in hopes of dulling his pain, in a way that just “being a vampire” no longer can.  Ironically, however, Damon’s drinking has the opposite effect of what he intends.   It actually seems to make him MORE emotional, and, therefore, more likely to reveal his feelings to the very same people he wishes to hide them from.

Drinking Damon Video Tribute:

(click on the embedded link)

Face #3 – Compelling Damon

Yes, Master!

When we get to see him:  The power to compel is pretty much the BEST SUPERPOWER EVER!  Just imagine the possibilities.  Throughout the show, we have seen Damon use his compulsion power for a number of reasons . . .

To be naughty (and get laid) .  . .

As part of a Master Plan to vanquish enemies . . . and . . . most recently . . .

To make the ultimate sacrifice for the woman he loves.

Why we love him:  This is going to sound totally shallow Then again, most of this post is totally shallow, but did you ever notice how, every time Damon compels someone on TVD, we get to see this AWESOME CLOSE-UP of his EYES?

*Sigh*

On a (slightly) more intellectual level, there is something very frightening, yet, at the same time, intriguing, about falling into someone’s eyes, and allowing them to have total control over you.  I think the “compulsion” aspect of vampires is part of what fascinates so many people about them.  They also tend to be REALLY hot. 

What it says about his character:  Damon’s compulsion ability adds an extra layer of danger to a character that’s already pretty darn dangerous.  (I mean, this guy snaps necks, with the same ease that most people break twigs.)  Human beings are in danger around Damon — not only because he can literally kill them with his bare hands, but because he has the power to basically make them do his bidding, at a moment’s notice.

Damon’s compulsion of Elena was a really turning point in our understanding of his character, because it was the first time, Damon compelled another human being, for completely selfless reasons.  He truly believed that making Elena forget that he loves her would be in her best interest.  Delena fans obviously VEHEMENTLY disagree . . .

Naughty Compelling Damon Video Tribute:

(click the embedded link)

Nice (and heartbreaking) Compelling Damon Video Tribute:

(You know the drill!)

Face #4- Enraged Damon, a.k.a. “Crazy-Eyes Damon”

“You wouldn’t like me, when I’m angry!”

When we get to see him:  In early Season 1, Damon reserved his Crazy-Eyes for his brother, Stefan.  Once Stefan and Damon put their differences aside, however, Crazy-Eyed Damon came out to play, whenever someone (generally a supernatural being) threatened him, or the people he cares about.  This includes the Hidey Hole Vamps of Season 1, as well as Uncle John, Mason and Tyler Lockwood, Katherine, and the Originals, so far in Season 2.

“Mason, you’re looking a little tired.  Why don’t you lay down, and take a load off?”

Why we love him:  Anger can be REALLY sexy, sometimes!  Even at his calmest, Damon is a force to be reckoned with.  But when he’s MAD?  That man is unstoppable!  He’s strong, virile, masculine, and SUPER hot.  In short, he’s best damn bodyguard a girl could ever ask for!

“I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!”

What it says about his character:  On one hand, Damon’s rage, is a source of strength for him.  It allows him to defeat his enemies rather easily.  Yet, untenable anger can also be a liability.  When Damon “Hulks Ou,t” he tends to lose all sense of logical reasoning and control.  A perfect example of this can be found in Episode 1 of Season 2, when Damon lashed out at Jeremy, after being rejected by Elena.  If not kept under control, Damon’s rage can cause him to hurt the ones he loves.  It also might allow those who are more in control of their emotions (like, for example, The Originals) to get the best of him.

Enraged Damon Video Tribute:

 

Thanks Musicgal777!

Face #5 – Brood and Smoulder Damon

When we get to see him:  Lately?  Quite often, actually.  Damon first started showing signs of Brood and Smoulder around Mid Season 1, when he first learned that Katherine was NEVER locked in that tomb, he sacrificed so much of himself to open.  As it turned out, Katherine had been alive all along!  She just never cared to see Damon, despite the fact that she was the ONLY person he ever loved . . . well, at least until Elena came along.

This season, Damon’s brooding and smouldering has mostly been over Elena.  Despite his being head-over-heels in love with the girl, for the first few episodes of Season 2, she wouldn’t even give him the time of day, due to the whole “Jeremy Incident.”  Recently, Elena seems to have, at least partially, forgiven him, thanks to his saving her live NUMEROUS TIMES, and to his performing quite a number of selfless acts for her friends.  However, that arguably makes things even more difficult for Damon, who is now frequently treated to a “front-row” seat to the Endless Love Saga that is “Elena and Stefan.”

Why we love him:  Nothing in the world is more relatable than a man suffering the slings and arrows of unrequited love.  There’s something about a guy who suffers heartbreak in silence that is just so endearing.  It makes us want to heal him.  Sexual healing?

What it says about his character:  What Stefan says about his brother is the absolute truth.  Damon’s ability to love, first Katherine, and now, Elena, is the link to his humanity.  His love for Elena, in particular, has caused him to do many brave and selfless things.  Damon’s ability to love and suffer in silence, on one hand, shows tremendous courage and strength, and on the other, a bit of fear.  Remember, Damon has already been rejected by Elena once, and by Katherine multiple times.  Clearly these girls are NUTS!   Although, much of Damon’s decision not to let Elena know his true feelings has to do with his belief that Stefan is “better for her,” a bit of it might also have to do with his unconscious fear of being rejected again.

Brood and Smoulder Damon Video Tribute:

Thanks again schochokeks1189!  (I’ve used your awesome video twice already!)

Face #6 – Smug and Snarky Damon

“Enough with the depressing love stuff, Recapper.  You’re boring me!”

When we get to see him:  Damon Salvatore has the best one-liners on the ENTIRE SHOW!  Never one to spare a friend or family member’s feelings, Damon is always ready with a quick and insulting comeback for even the most banal of remarks.  No matter how sweet or broody Damon gets, that awesome mean streak will (hopefully) never go away!

Why we love him:  Damon is our ID!  He says all the stuff we would LOVE to say to people, but would never dare.  Did I mention the dude is FRIGGIN HILARIOUS?

What it says about his character:  You can’t be snarky, without being smart.  And if his snarkiness is any measure at all, Damon is a GENIUS!  He’s also someone who’s got a genuine passion for life (and undeath).  Damon has a great sense of humor.  He’s not afraid to laugh at himself.  And he’s certainly not afraid to laugh at others!  Sure, some of that mean-spirited bravado is a defense mechanism to hide his pain and heartbreak (see Brood and Smoulder explanation above).  But, in the words of Damon himself, “Ughhh!  Who cares?”

Snarky Damon Video Tribute:

(Don’t let the intro fool you, it’s a Damon video, all the way!)

Thanks dafnoille!

And finally . . . (drumroll please) . . .

Face #7  – Hero Damon

“We’re off to save Elena . . . again.”

When we get to see him:  For a vamp who started the show off as a Big Bad Villain, Damon sure does spend a lot of time being heroic, doesn’t he?  Damon saved Stefan from the Hidey Hole Vamps.   He’s saved Elena from .  . . well . . . everyone.  And without Damon’s blood, Caroline would literally be dead (as opposed to undead).  Now, with the Originals after Elena, and at least one new werewolf in town, I’m guessing  Hero Damon will be sticking around for quite some time.

Why we love him:  Well, geez!  Do I even have to answer that?  Who WOULDN’T want to be rescued by a big manly vampire, who looks like Ian Somerhalder?

What it says about his character:  If Damon’s love for Elena is his link to humanity, than his heroism is evidence of it.  Sure, Damon can do some REALLY bad things to people, but he knows how to protect the ones he loves.  When the people he cares about are in danger, Damon is intensely determined to do whatever it takes to get them out of harms way.  This vampire is definitely not afraid to take some risks and kick some ass, when such things are required of him.  Did I mention, he’s also pretty handy with a stake?

“Is that a big stick in your hand, or are you just happy to see me?”

Hero Damon Video Tribute:

(OK . . . admittedly, this is a Team Badass, a.k.a. Damon and Alaric video.  But it definitely gives off the hard core hero vibe I was seeking.  So enjoy!  – Thanks MoraineEllisande!)

Thank you for your faces, Damon Salvatore!  We love them ALL!

[www.juliekushner.com]

12 Comments

Filed under Ian Somerhalder, The Vampire Diaries

For those who have balls . . . – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Something’s Gotta Give”

Karev stares wistfully at what’s left of his balls, after Avery beat the crap out of him, at Cristina’s House Warming Party . . .

 The way I see it, there are two types of people in this world: (1) those who have balls .  . .

(2) and those who don’t.

Although seemingly simplistic, the above statement is actually much more complex than it looks.  After all, I could talking about balls, in the literal sense . . .

 .  . .  balls, in the anatomic sense . . .

. . . or balls, in the metaphoric sense, as something representative of courage or “guts.”

During this week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy, many of our favorite Seattle Grace-ys got the opportunity to show us their BALLS . . .

 . . . while others just . . . sat around eating frozen yogurt.

It’s never too late to gain the Freshman 15 . . .

 So, without further adieu, what do you say we get these balls rolling, and commence with the recap?

This fun little GIF has been brought to you by the f*ckyeahgreysmcnatomy tumblr.

The New-New Cristina

When the episode opens, we learn that Cristina hasn’t exactly been using her “Surgery Hiatus” time wisely.  In fact, despite having ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD to decorate, following her and Owen’s move into the Old Firehouse, Cristina hasn’t unpacked a SINGLE BOX.  The result of this massive oversight, on Cristina’s part is that her and Owen’s new crib now looks like something out of A&E’s Hoarders. 

(In Cristina’s defense, moving SUCKS!  And I would know, because I’ve done my fair share of it  .  . .)

Speaking of Cristina’s “Surgery Hiatus,” those of you who, like me, were worried that we would have to suffer through yet another episode of “”The Mopey Depressed PTSD Cristina Show,” got a bit of a reprieve this week . . .

“This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the part of Mopey Depressed PTSD Cristina will be played by Crazy, Bad Dancing, I Don’t Give a F*ck Cristina.”

Now . . . before you all start giving me the Stink Eye . . . I KNOW that letting her “id” run wild, compulsively spending money on frivolous things, and impulsively throwing parties and chopping off her friend’s hair, is not a “healthy” way for Cristina to cope with the emotional trauma she suffered, as a result of The Shooting.  But you have to admit that this week’s Cristina was WAY MORE FUN to watch than last week’s, right?

Speaking of People-I-Thought-Would-Be-Annoyingly-Mopey-This-Week-But-Weren’t .  . .

Callie Get’s a New Look . . .

“This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the part of Callie Torres will be played by Minnie Mouse . . .”

Cristina isn’t the only Seattle Grace Doc on “Surgery Hiatus,” this week.  As it turns out, Callie too has decided to take some time off, following her girlfriend Arizona’s decision to go on maternity leave from the show leave Callie’s ass for Africa.  When Callie hears the news from Mark that Cristina has quit the residency program, she rushes to her former roommate’s new casa to talk some sense into her.  Instead, she ends up . . . getting a haircut?

brought to you by f*ckyeahgreysanatomytumblr

I have to admit that Cristina’s maniacal cackling, as she dangled a chunk of Poor Callie’s hair in her face, all the while screaming, “LET’S MAKE LEMONADE,” frightened me a little bit.  However, my initial fear quickly vanished, when a now Hat-Wearing Callie and Crazy, Bad Dancing, I Don’t Give a F*ck Cristina decided to GO TO THE MALL!   

After all, who doesn’t like malls?  Malls are AWESOME!

Cristina and Callie Become Mallrats . . .

The scenes featuring Cristina and Callie at the mall on Grey’s this week, kind of reminded me of that old movie Mallrats . . . or rather, what that movie would be like, if those two poor slacker guys in it were actually female surgeons with LOTS of money to burn . . .

Ostensibly, the duo was at the mall, so that Callie could get her hair fixed, since Cristina had gone all Edwards Scissorhands on it, earlier . . .

However, Cristina uses the time to bask in the very special joys that only unemployment (while married to a rich surgeon) can provide.  During her Mallpisode, Cristina eats highly processed and chemical-laden food, prepared by teenagers.  She also marvels at the “Mall People,” who wander about the premises slowly, and aimlessly, with no particular time schedule to keep, but the ones in their own brains.  Cristina also buys an ENTIRE LIVING ROOM DISPLAY at the Furniture Store!

This just in . . . the Recession is OVER!  Our economy’s troubles have single-handedly been resolved, through the frivolous purchases of one woman.  And that woman is: Cristina Yang – Mall Person!

Did I mention that NuCristina has also decided to throw herself a house party, and invite all her surgeon friends, but NOT tell her new husband?  Cristina Yang – Mall Person has officially become MY IDOL!

Meanwhile, back at Seattle Grace, where people actually have to work for a living . . .

Everybody Hates Teddy . . .

Poor Doctor Altman!  Ever since her Blink-and-You’ll-Miss-It dalliance with that Shrink Guy has ended, she hasn’t had a single storyline that didn’t involve her yelling at someone, or being yelled at by someone.  Teddy kicks off this week, by getting more than her share of the latter. 

It all starts, when Teddy holds a little “information session” at the hospital, regarding her “Miraculous Lung Transplant Patient.”  Unfortuntely, no one gives two darns about that Poor Roy Henley Guy, who, lets face it, is SO LAST WEEK!

“Hey!  Now that’s not very nice!  What’s a guy gotta do to get some sympathy around here.  DIE?”

“Worked for ME!”

Instead, the doctors pepper Teddy with questions about Dr. Yang’s absence, and why she chose to quit the Residency Program.  Leading the Inquisition is Derek, or, as I like to call him, Dr. McJudgy . . .

 

“Hey!  I resemble that remark!”

McJudgy goes as far as to suggest that it is Teddy’s fault that Cristina quit her Residency, because Teddy inadvertently obligated Cristina to care for Roy, who was a very high risk patient, with a rather complex case history.  As if her presumed involvement in Cristina’s quitting didn’t make Teddy unpopular enough, shortly after the information session, the “Cardio God” finds herself having to cater to a VERY IMPORTANT patient, who no one else is allowed to KNOW is even in the hospital . . .

Inexplicably, most of the doctors at the hospital assume that Teddy’s Super Secret Patient is Bono . . .

Unfortunately, it doesn’t end up being anyone nearly as exciting.  It’s just some random Middle Eastern Leader Dude, who’s trying to bring peace to the entire Free World.  Bo-rinnnnggg!

Teddy, who is no Politico, by ANY means, does her best to save Middle Eastern Leader Dude’s life, while catering to the increasingly strange demands and inquiries of his harem colleagues and staff.  While, at first, Teddy butts heads with the Head of Middle Eastern Leader Dude’s Secret Service, the latter ultimately comes to respect Desert Storm Barbie, for her ability to work so well under pressure . . .

There was actually some pretty spicy sexual tension between these two!  And if this was a different show, and /or Teddy was a more well-liked character, we all KNOW that Teddy and the Secret Service Guy would have totally hit the on-call room for some Horizontal Mambo.  But its Grey’s Anatomy, and its Teddy Altman, so they didn’t . . .

Things got a bit more complicated, when Middle Eastern Leader Dude’s Chief Advisor, admitted that Middle Eastern Leader Dude did not just have heart trouble, as previously thought, he had also recently suffered from a brain aneurysm.

“Well, hello there!  My name is Ridiculous Plot Twist.  It is very nice to meet you.”

Now, suddenly, Teddy is forced to call upon her nemesis, Brain Doctor Derek.  The pair must perform surgery on Middle Eastern Leader Dude simultaneously.  How’s THAT for awkward?  Fortunately, this is DEREK we’re talking about, here.  So, of course, everything goes perfectly.  Shortly thereafter, Middle Eastern Leader Dude is free to go back to his country, and Save the World.

(And if you believe that I have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn for $2.  If interested, inquire in the comment section, below . . .)

The Balls are in YOUR Court . . .

Remember a few weeks back, when April was totally and completely in LOVE with Derek Shepherd?  Remember how she would follow him around all the time, like a puppy in heat; and would squeal annoyingly everytime the Married Man did so much as take a dump, unaided? 

Come on, April.  You KNOW its true . . .

Well, those days are gone now.  Because, ever since Alex gave April the Hug Heard Round the World, last week . . .

 . . . it’s been ALL KAREV, ALL THE TIME, as far as this girl is concerned . . .

So, you can imagine how excited April was, upon finding out that both she and Karev were on New Pediatric Doctor Stark’s service together . . .

While spending the day taking care of babies, April can’t help but imagine what it would be like for her and Alex to have a Bundle of Joy of their own . . . one produced by Divine Conception, of course.

Although April and Alex care for many Tiny Humans under Stark’s watch, their main Patient of the Week is a baby in need of a liver transplant . . .

“How many times do I have to tell you?  It’s LISA!  The baby’s name is LISA!  LISA! LISA!  LISA!  Like that chick from The Simpsons . . .”

Aside from REPEATEDLY demanding that the doctors refer to her by name, Lisa’s parents have lots of questions about the manner in which Dr. Stark will chose to conduct the transplant.  However, Dr. Stark can really give two craps about answering these questions.   He’s WAY TOO BUSY bossing getting Karev and April to do his job for him, to do a thing like that. 

To make matters worse, when it comes time to do the transplant, Dr. Stark finds that the liver is TOO BIG for the baby’s body.  And so, he makes the bizarre decision to LEAVE THE BABY OPEN for a few day, while the swelling goes down.  

Stark HOPES that the liver will “fit” inside the body . . . eventually.  (Now, how’s that for a ringing endorsement .  . .)

Of course, Dr. Stark doesn’t tell ANY of this to Lisa’s parents, who assume their little girl is doing just fine.  April and Alex don’t like the situation one bit.  Fortunately, during lunch, the “Brilliant” A**hole Alex comes up with a plan involving his balls . . . or rather, A BALL that Lexie shot at his chest earlier.

Never . . . gets . . . old.

Upon recognizing that Lisa’s liver can be wrapped around this small celluloid ball, without complication — thereby, enabling Dr. Stark to complete the surgery, and close the body cavity, Karev rushes show Dr. Stark what solid BALLS he really has . . .

Unfortunately, for Alex, Stark COMPLETELY blows off the idea . . . at least initially.  Later, while Alex is making his rounds, April learns that Stark has decided to use the “ball” in surgery, after all.  He has also opted to take FULL CREDIT for Alex’s idea!!

Arizona would NEVER do a Mean Ole Thing like that, now, would she, Grey’s fans?

April Gets SCREWED (But Only Metaphorically . . .)

Later that evening, April finds Alex resting in a cot in the on-call room.  Plopping down on the bed next to him, she sweetly tells him how brilliant he was for finding a solution to Lisa’s case, and what a good person she thinks he is.  Of course, this gives the perpetually Self-Destructive Alex the perfect opportunity to prove her wrong . . .

“How DARE you call me a Good Person!  Walk the plank, B*tch!”

Things start off well enough, I guess.  Alex, overcome with emotion that SOMEONE would be willing to show him such kindness after the AWFUL weekend he had (more on that later), pulls April toward him for a deep sweet kiss . . .

Then there is some heavy-petting, and scrubs-removal, and heavy-breathing, and laying down on the bed . . .

Uh OH!  The warning bells are starting to go off here . . .

April did NOT maintain her virginity for 28-years, only to lose it on some dirty cot in the on-call room, during a five-minute break between rounds.  Now, April definitely WANTS to do it with Alex . . . don’t get her wrong.   She’d just like a few moments of quiet kissing to ponder the occasion. 

After all, before she knows it, her virginity will be gone forever.  And she will be waddling (sore, slightly bloody, and feeling a bit used) to the OR, to perform yet another surgery.  So, April politely inquires whether Alex can slow down just a smidge with his Olympic Speed Boning . . .

Well, CLEARLY Alex is a guy who is NOT capable of “keeping it up” for very long, if you catch my drift.  Because the mere suggestion of slowing down, causes Quick Draw McWilly to go TOTALLY Apesh*t on Poor April’s ass! 

“What do you need from me?  You wanna screw, let’s screw.  You don’t, then get out.  I’m not gonna hold your Virgin Hand, and walk you through it, Dammit!  You’re not a child.  I can’t take care of you.  I can’t take care of everybody in this frickin’ place!”

Well, if it were ME laying in that cot, I would have told Alex to take that HAND of his, and shove it up his ASS . . . so, that he could slap the NASTY FACE attached to his HEAD, which was, obviously, already up there . . .

“Hey, something smells funny, up here . . .”

But April is a much nicer person than I am.  So, she just lays on the cot, crying, as the Grade A – A**hole storms out to go kick tiny puppies, or whatever it is that Grade A – Asshole’s do in their spare time . . .

Jackson Avery to the RESCUE!

“I may not be the BEST doctor in this hospital.  But I am certainly the best-LOOKING.  And today, I might have proved myself to be the best FRIEND.”

April is still crying hysterically, by the time she gets to Cristina’s House Warming Party . . .

*sobbing uncontrollably*  “How the hell do two you afford this place?  I work at the exact same job that you do, and yet, I share a BATHROOM with 85,000 castmembers roommates, one of whom just totally ripped me a new one in the on-call room!  It’s not fair, dammit!”

Jackson hasn’t exactly had the best day himself.  Not only has he become the “red-headed stepchild” of the residency program, having screwed up surgery after surgery, since The Shooting.  He also suffered the loss of one of the patients, he was caring for on Bailey’s behalf (through no fault of his own).  So, Jackson sees his best friend April in need.  And hers is a problem he can fix . . . (just not in the way you think ;)). 

OK . . . I know he’s supposed to LOVE Lexie and all, but does anyone else think these two would be pretty darn adorable together?

And “fix it,” Jackson does . . .

Picspam provided by the cahboom tumblr

“OK .  . . I get that I should be all ‘Morally Outraged’ by the sight of two incredibly HOT grown men beating the sh*t out of eachother for ME  . . . but I’m secretly loving ALL OF IT.”

That was AWESOME!  Just like with Cristina, while I logically recognize that Jackson’s uncharacteristically aggressive behavior is sort of a Cry for Help, it’s still CRAZY FUN TO WATCH!  (And let’s face it, Alex the A**hole TOTALLY had it coming . . . )

Speaking of Alex, he later admits to Meredith that he spent the weekend caring for his brother Aaron . . .

 . . . who has just been diagnosed as schizophrenic, after trying to KILL his teenage sister.  Unable to cope with all the family drama, Alex flees, after just a day or two.  And I guess the guilt of not being able to care for his family, caused him to lash out at April. 

*sings*  “Nobody knows . . . the trouble I’ve seen .  . .  nobody knows, the SORROW!”

Yeah . . . OK . . . I’ll admit it . . . your Family Situation really SUCKS, Alex.  But its no excuse to be a DICK to a Nice Virgin.  Just sayin . . .

But Where’s Cristina?

Throughout the episode, Cristina’s friends and colleagues have plotted to confront her at her House Warming Party, and stage an “intervention,” of sorts . . .  The only person who seems to be against that idea is Derek, who himself, is no stranger to “quitting his jobduring Sweeps Week.  Nonetheless, McJudgy is out-ranked and out-numbered.  And so, the Intervention is set to occur.  The only problem is that no one find Cristina . . .

Why?  You ask?  Because Derek has kidnapped her . . . and taken her up to the roof of the apartment, where he can ply her with wine, and discuss . . .  home furnishings?

Yeah . . . I didn’t get it either.

Oh, and I almost forgot about Callie . . .

For those of you who haven’t seen the episode, and are curious about Callie’s Big Change Haircut, here it is . . .

Based on the comments I’ve read on various message boards, I’ve come to the conclusion that most of you LIKE the ‘do.  And, while I don’t necesarily disagree, I do have a question or two for you Grey’s fans out there. 

Here goes . . .  (1) At what age do you become TOO OLD to wear rainbow-colored streaks in your hair?  (2) And if there exists such an age, has Callie passed it?

Did I mention that Callie and Mark are moving in together, because “it’s easier to be single together, than alone?”  I smell ANOTHER Friends with Benefits storyline . . . . don’t you? 

Seriously, Grey’s?  I know they’re cute together and all, but HOW MANY TIMES ARE WE GOING TO GO THERE?

Speaking of “Going There,” the trailer for next week’s installment of Grey’s looks so intriguingly bizarre, that I can’t help, but share it with you . . . So, enjoy!

See you next week!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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