Tag Archives: Plan B

Party on, Team Delena! – My Top Ten Damon and Elena Moments from The First Half of The Vampire Diaries’ Second Season

Shortly after The Vampire Diaries aired its first Season Finale, I “came out of the closet” on this very blog, as a firm and vehement supporter of Team Delena, or, as I like to call it “The TVD Mother Ship.”  I then went on to cement my fangirl allegiance to this fabulous television couple, by analyzing their ten most sizzling Season 1 moments. 

Well, now we are nearly halfway done with Season TWO of The Vampire Diaries.  With eleven new episodes under our belt, and an interminably LONG mid-season hiatus staring us down, like an unfed Stefan Salvatore . . .

 . . . I thought it was high time we revisited this topic again!  Wouldn’t you agree?

Source

(I’ll take that as a “Yes!”)

Admittedly, it hasn’t exactly been the easiest of seasons for us Delena fans.  For one thing, there was that whole “Damon sort of/ kind of temporarily killed Elena’s little brother” thing that happened in the season premiere  . . .

The aforementioned event not only forced us to endure OODLES of annoying smack talk from Stelena fans the world over, it also royally PISSED OFF ELENA (understandably so).  As a result, Damon (and the rest of us) were subjected to Elena’s “Poopy PussFace” virtually nonstop, for at least the first three episodes . . .

 

Suffice it to say that Poopy PussFace and Happy Couples generally do not mix . . .

And yet, we’re talking about a couple that’s one-half vampire here.  And when you’re already undead, what doesn’t kill you, only makes you MORE AWESOME . . . 

For me, the fact that Damon and Elena endured the unfathomable angst and drama of the “Jeremy Neck Snap,” and yet STILL managed to muster up all the fire, energy, and super sexy moments they shared, during the first half of Season 2, only serves to show the sheer strength of their relationship.  Because when two people can survive something like THAT, and still manage to constantly eye f*ck eachother, and invade one another’s personal space like nobody’s business . . . now, that’s a couple who’s playing FOR KEEPS!

And now that I’m off my soap box, we can start this post in earnest. 

So, without further adieu, I bring to you, my Top Ten Delena moments from the first half of Season 2 of The Vamprie Diaries . . .

[Note:  As you probably know by now, the CW is SUPER finicky about its clip embedding.  So, when you see the YouTube screens, simply click on the internal links included within them.  That should direct you to the Delena-filled video you desire. 🙂  Sorry for the inconvenience!]

10. Pillow Talk

Episode: “By the Light of the Moon” – 2 X 11

Setting the Scene:

After returning from a “Kamikaze Death Mission,” which involved attempting to give herself up to the EEEEEEVIL Santa Klaus, in order to save the people she loves from certain death, Elena seems determined to put herself in harms way, yet again.  But when she tries to leave home with the stolen Moonstone, in order to “rescue” Stefan from Katherine’s Hot Sex Den, Elena is shocked to find that Bonnie (at Damon’s bidding) has charmed the windows and doors, thereby making Elena a prisoner in her own home.

Enter a very glib Damon Salvatore, who seems very much looking forward to a day filled with gloating, flirting, and, if all goes well, a friendly game of Tonsil Hockey with his good pal / hostage, Elena Gilbert.

Potent Quotables:

DAMON: (After being on the receiving end of one of Captive Elena’s infamous Death Stares) “Awwww come on, Pouty!  At least give me two points for ingenuity.”

ELENA:  “Do you think this is funny?”

DAMON: “Yes, Elena.  I find hilarity in the lengths I have to go to to repeatedly save your life.”

And later  . . .

DAMON: (To Jeremy, when the latter inquires as to where Bonnie is) “She’s on moonstone duty, and I’m on (inclines head toward Elena) Elena Patrol.”

Still later  . . .

DAMON: (To Elena, after being called away by Alaric, on yet another Team Bad Ass Mission) “You should get out.  Enjoy the sun.  Oh . . . wait . . . You Can’t.”

ELENA: *throws pillow at his head*

Why it made the list:

This small scene truly represents the lighthearted, fun nature of the Damon and Elena relationship.  For me, this is one of things that differentiates Delena from Stelena.  When Elena is with Stefan, she is definitely sweet and romantic, but nearly always, serious.  Damon brings out a certain feistiness in Elena.   He makes her blood boil.  And from my experience, when a guy makes you hot emotionally and mentally, he makes you hot sexually, as well . . .

Stefan tends to act tentative and cautious when he’s around Elena.  It’s almost as if he’s afraid he’s going to break her, or something.  Damon has no such qualms about giving back to Elena, whatever she dishes it out, be it a witty barb, or flying fist, or a pillow.  Damon respects Elena.  She is his equal, and he finds that incredibly sexy.  Check out the way Damon’s eyes light up, when he sees Elena for the first time in this scene.  Watch how he plops on the couch, and places an arm around her, as if the pair are out on a date, and not on “House Arrest.”

But, perhaps, more important than how Damon behaves, and what he says, is how he acts and what he does.  Damon obviously feels it is his duty to protect Elena.  He shows that in this scene, by willingly going on Elena Patrol.  After all, Damon knows that Elena would do the same thing to protect HIM, if he was in danger. 

Damon and Elena can banter and snipe at one another all day long.  But that doesn’t obscure the fact that these are two people who care deeply for eachother, and are each unconditionally willing to sacrifice their own lives for the other’s safety.

9.  It’s Too Late to Apologize . . .

Episode: “Plan B” – 2 X 6

Setting the Scene:

Katherine’s plans to use Boy Toy Mason and the Moonstone as her keys to wriggle off the top of Santa Klaus’ “Most Likely to Be Gutted Like a Fish” list, were thwarted when Stefan, Elena and the Scooby Gang stole the Moonstone, and Damon murdered Mason in a vengeance- fueled rage . . . 

But Damon REALLY effed things up, when he called Katherine to gloat about it.  Katherine, who was definitely not used to losing, decided to make ELENA pay for Damon’s crimes, by compelling Useless Aunt Jenna to try to off herself with a kitchen carving knife. 

Up until this point, Stefan and Elena had “fake” broken up, in order to keep Katherine from using Elena as a pawn in her Dirty Little Games.  But, since Katherine went after Useless Aunt Jenna anyway, Elena tearfully decides that she needed to break up with Stefan for real.  Damon witnesses the heart-wrenching breakup scene, and feels deeply responsible for the unhappiness of his brother, and the woman he loves.

Potent Quotables:

DAMON: (Calls out to Elena, as she is rushing out the door) “Elena!”

ELENA:  *turns and looks at Damon*

DAMON: (Near tears) “I riled Katherine up.  I wasn’t thinking . . . I DIDN’T THINK . . .”

ELENA: “It doesn’t matter, Damon.  She won.  Katherine won.”

Why it made the list:

This scene truly exemplifies how much Damon has grown as a character, since we met him in early Season 1.  Here’s a guy who’s love interest has just BROKEN UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND.  He should be OVER THE MOON.  Now’s his chance to SWOOP IN AND MAKE HIS MOVE.  But Damon isn’t happy about Elena’s breakup with Stefan at all.  In fact, he’s devastated over it.  He feels guilty about the pain his hubris and rage have unwittingly caused his brother, the possible one true love of his life, and her family.

When Damon calls to Elena in this scene, he is almost in tears.  Her being in pain, causes him twice as much pain.  And though few words are exchanged between Damon and Elena in this scene, volumes are implied.  With his sad eyes, Damon tells Elena he is sorry for the part he played, not only in Jenna’s compelled suicide attempt, but in Elena’s breakup with Stefan too. 

In turn, Elena looks at Damon with compassion and forgiveness.  She does not blame Damon for what happened to Jenna, or what happened between her and Stefan.  As far as Elena is concerned, this is her fight, and her’s alone.  And yet, she can’t help but be touched by Damon’s remorse, as it is a surefire sign of his growing humanity – something she not too long ago feared that he might have lost forever.

8. Paradise by the Dashboard Light

Episode: “Bad Moon Rising” – 2 X 3

Setting the Scene:

Elena is still UBER pissed at Damon for the whole “Jeremy Neck Snap” thing.  But, Damon and Alaric are going on a Werewolf Research Roadtrip to Duke, and Elena desperately wants to tag along.  She hopes to collect some intel from the school, as to why the heck she looks exactly like Katherine.  Despite her supposed anger at Damon, sexual tensions between the Bad Boy Vamp and the Good Girl are super high, throughout the trip.  Could this mean that Elena is starting to forgive Damon for his recent sins?  Or is she merely using him to get the information she needs, as Katherine did 140 some odd years ago?

Potent Quotables:

DAMON: “You are not going to be able to hate me forever.”

And later . . .

DAMON: “You have every right to hate me.  I understand.  You hated me before, and we became friends.  It would suck, if that was gone forever.  So, is it?  Have I lost you forever?”

Why it made the list:

Even though Elena tells Damon at the end of this scene, that he has lost her forever, we can tell, based on the way she looks at him, and acts around him, that this is not true.  Elena was so angry with Damon for “killing” Jeremy, at this point in the season, that she desperately wanted to hurt him.  And she did so by toying with his affections for her, and using them to get information about Katherine. 

But remember, boys and girls, Nina Dobrev, may be an actress, but ELENA isn’t.  And her body language . . . ((1) the way she stared deeply into Damon’s eyes when he cornered her by the car; (2) the way her breath caught when he leaned close to her; (3) her obvious feelings of gratitude toward Damon, when he gave her the Petrova Book; (4) and the way she took a pause to ponder what Damon said about how their friendship — having initially grown from hatred — would likely be able to sprout from that same place again) . . . well, it doesn’t lie.

It’s also worth noting the extensive amount of thought Damon has obviously given his relationship with Elena, even at this early stage of the season.  He obviously values her, not just as a prospective love interest, but as a friend, and fellow partner in crime,  And Damon would rather be friends with Elena than nothing at all . . . Given how much in love with her he obviously is, and the very selfish things he has done in the past, his willingness to maintain a completely platonic relationship with the woman he loves says volumes about his growing character . . .

7. The Face Rape

Episode: “The Return” 2 X 1

Setting the Scene:

The season premiere pretty much seemed like it comprised Damon’s WORST DAY EVER!  First, he learned that the woman he kissed on Elena’s porch was NOT actually Elena, but rather the EEEEEEEVIL Katherine, who had spurned Damon all those years ago.  When Damon confronts Elena about the faux-kiss, not only does she have no memory of the event occuring, she acts as though kissing Damon Salvatore would be the most awful thing in the world that could happen to her.  (MORON!)

Damon gets rejected AGAIN, when, after a rousing bout of sex with Katherine . . .

 . . . SHE tells him that SHE never loved him, and was only using him to get into his brother Stefan’s pants, all those years ago . . .

So, Damon responds by doing what most boys do, when they get rejected, multiple times, by multiple women, within the same 24-hour period . . . he gets TOTALLY WASTED!

But then . . . rather than drunk dialing (or drunk texting or drunk e-mailing) Elena, like most boys would do, Damon takes his humiliation one step further, by showing up in her bedroom uninvited . . .

 Potent Quotables:

ELENA: “Thanks for . . . umm . . . looking out for us . . . for me.”

DAMON:  “You’re surprised that I thought you would kiss me back.  You can’t imagine that I would believe that you would want to . . . that what we’ve been doing here means something.  You’re the liar, Elena.  There is something going on between the two of us. and you know it.  And you are lying to me, and you are lying to Stefan, and most importantly, you are lying to yourself.”

ELENA – “You are better than this . . . I care about you . . . I do . . . I care about you.”

Why it made the list:

Some of you might be wondering why, as a Delena fan, I would possibly include this painful, relationship-shattering scene in my countdown.  But here’s the thing . . . while horrible and painful, this scene between Damon and Elena is important to Delena fandom, as it is the very first time BOTH Damon and Elena express their feelings for one another.  That’s right, I said BOTH . . . because Elena DOES admit to caring about Damon in this very scene.

Instinctively, Elena understands the pain Damon has undergone in this episode.  And she knows that he is coping with it, in a self destructive way.  She fears for him, and, at least initially, tries to take care of him, as a mother might take care of an unruly child. 

But Damon, drunk and bitter, as he may be, sees Elena’s care and concern for what it is . . . the underpinings of love.  When Damon confronts Elena with HER feelings toward him, she is clearly not ready to accept them mentally.  But emotionally, we see something click inside Elena.  And had Damon been more sober, had he gone for a sweet and gentle kiss, as opposed to the Face Rape, had he NOT lashed out at Jeremy in anger, there’s no telling what COULD have happened between Damon and Elena in this scene . . .

6. Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Episode: “Kill or Be Killed” – 2 X 5

Setting the Scene:

Wolfy Mason MAJORLY screwed over Stefan and Damon, by outing them as vampires to Caroline’s mom, Sheriff Forbes.  The vampire-hating Sheriff then shot up Damon and Stefan, and locked them in a dungeon for interrogation.

The Sheriff is just about to stake the uncooperative vampires, when her own daughter arrives and outs HERSELF as a vampire to her mother. 

The distraction allows Damon to get the upper hand, and an opportunity to finish off Sheriff Forbes . . . but he doesn’t.  “Relax, you’re my friend,” he tells her sweetly.

Rather than murder the Ole’ Battle Axe, Damon decides to keep her entombed, until the vervain ingested has left her system.  This way, they can compel her to forget what had gone down.  And they all live happily ever after.  (Well . . . not Mason . . . but that’s another story entirely . . .)

Potent Quotables:

ELENA:  “What you did for Caroline’s Mom . . . that’s the Damon who was my friend.”

DAMON: “Hey  . . . Stefan didn’t drink the People Blood . . . if you’re curious.  But he needs to.  And deep down, you know it.”

Why it made the list:

This scene really marks the first time we see Elena admitting that she is starting to forgive Damon for what he has done to Jeremy.  By telling Damon that he has done something honorable — something that reminds her of their former friendship — Elena is acknowledging that she no longer sees Damon as lacking humanity, and she no longer “hates” him.  Elena appreciates the sacrifice of pride Damon made on Caroline’s behalf, and the way in which he still considers Caroline’s mother “a friend,” despite the fact that she tried to have him killed.  If Damon can forgive someone like Caroline’s mom for what she did to him, shouldn’t Elena be able to forgive Damon for what he did to Jeremy?

5. Break Me, Stake Me, Anyway You Want Me

Episode: “Brave New World” – 2 X 2

Setting the Scene:

Caroline has just turned vamp, after having fed on Damon’s blood, prior to being smothered to death by Katherine.  Remembering what happened to Vicki Donovan, Damon views the tempestuous Caroline as a major liability to his way of life.  And so he plans to remove the “un” from Caroline’s “undead” status . . .

Potent Quotables:

ELENA: (about Caroline) “Damon, she’s my friend!”

DAMON:  “Whatever happens, it’s on YOU.”

Why it made the list:

Like the previous example, here we see Damon making a personal sacrifice, based on his strong belief in the power of friendship.  Despite the fact that Damon sees Vampire Caroline as a liability — a danger to herself and others — Damon decides not to harm her, because doing so would hurt ELENA.  Last season, we learned about how important trust is to Damon Salvatore.  This season, we learn how much he also values friendship. 

Oh, and did you notice the heavy sexualized breathing and eye f*cking Damon and Elena were doing, as she thrust her body into his, in order to deflect that phallic stake from Caroline?  SUPER HOT!

4. Shot Through the Heart

Episode: “Bad Moon Rising” – 2 X 3

Setting the Scene:

While searching through Isobel’s office at Duke University, Damon and Elena encounter one of her former students, the VERY ambitious Vanessa.  Vanessa recognizes both Damon and Elena (Katherine?) from Isobel’s research, and doesn’t trust the pair as far as she can throw them.  Did I mention girlfriend is REALLY handy with a crossbow?

Potent Quotables:

DAMON:  “Pull it out . .  I can’t reach it Elena.  Just pull the damn thing out.  It hurts . . .”

ELENA: “You are not going to kill her.  You touch her, and, I swear, I will never speak to you again.”

DAMON:  “What makes you think that has any power over me?  Because I took an arrow in the back for you?  You are severely overestimating yourself.

ELENA: “Right . . . I forgot that I was speaking to a psychotic mind, who snaps and kills people.”

DAMON:  “You are trying to manipulate me.”

ELENA: “If by manipulate you mean ‘tell the truth’ . . . then fine . . . GUILTY.”

Why it made the list:

This Delena scene was FUN with a capital “F,” and sexy with a capital “S.”  The obvious analogies to sex that were made as Elena was ejecting that LARGE BOW from Damon’s back would be totally comical, if both parties weren’t obviously so turned on by them.  I loved how Damon saved Elena’s life here, ONCE AGAIN.  And, yet, she still found time to berate him, and basically call him a psychopath.  Most guys would be infuriated by this, but Damon was clearly enjoying the back and forth of it all.  With Elena pissed at him, the banter was likely one of the things he missed most.

When Damon and Elena are done thrusting their large members at one another, they get into a surprisingly deep discussion of manipulation and the sexual and emotional power each member of the pair has over the other.  Later, we learn that Elena might have been using this power to her advantage,  But at this moment, Damon doesn’t seem to mind being used one bit. . .

3. The Lover’s Quarrel

Episode:  “The Sacrifice” – 2 X 10

Setting the Scene:

Damon and Elena return together from Elena’s Suicide Road Trip to Meet Santa Klaus.  Once home, they learn that Doofus Stefan inadvertently got himself “stuck” in Katherine’s Hot Sex Den.  Elena immediately wants to rush the tomb and save Stefan from Hot Sex with Katherine.  But Damon would rather Team Delena have their own Hot Sex first . . .

Potent Quotables:

ELENA:  “How could you let this happen?”

DAMON:  “What are you talking about? I was too busy saving YOU from your kamikaze mission!  It was the right call, Elena.”

ELENA:  “Right call?  How is any of this the right call?”

ELENA: “Damon, let go of me!  LET GO OF ME . . . Let go of me.  Please!”

DAMON:  “Are you done?”

And later:

STEFAN:  (To Damon)  “Promise me .  . . whatever happens . . . you will protect her.”

DAMON:  “Promise.”

Why it made the list:

Aside from the obvious groping, thrusting, heavy breathing, and personal space invasion (all of which was AWESOME, by the way), what stuck out most for me about this scene was the way Damon and Elena effortlessly assumed a sort of husband and wife dynamic with one another.  Stefan hadn’t even been trapped for 10 minutes, and already Damon and Elena were bickering like an old married couple.  For me, this scene provided a very nice glimpse into what I have no doubt will be the future of our Delena pairing: namely, clever partnerships, followed by heated arguments — arguments which will inevitably devolve into the most mind-blowing makeup sex known to man . . .

2. The Fiercest Foreplay

Episode: “The Sacrifice” – 2 X 10

Setting the Scene:

Remember earlier, when I referenced Elena’s Suicide Road Trip to Meet Santa Klaus?  Well, Damon found out about the Mission from Tattletale Rose and he was NOT HAPPY . . . (He WAS very horny though . . .)

Potent Quotables:

DAMON:  “I said we are leaving .  . . You do not get to make decisions, anymore.”

ELENA:  “When have I ever made a decision?  You and Stefan do that for me . . . Now this is my decision.

DAMON:  “Who’s going to save your life, while you are out there making ‘decisions’?”

ELENA:  “You are not listening to me, Damon.  I do not want to be saved, not if it means that Klaus is going to kill every person that I love.”

DAMON:  “Get your ass out the door, before I throw you over my shoulder, and carry you out myself.”

Why it made the list:

Elena’s body language is the most intriguing aspect of this scene.  By the time we get to episode 11, we already know how Damon feels for Elena.  He has made his feelings known on more than one occasion.  Yet, while we have gotten inklings of Elena’s sexual attraction to Damon before, never have they been this pronounced.  Watch how Elena inclines her head toward Damon, as if waiting for a kiss.  Watch the passion burn inside of her, as they lock eyes, and she feels the heat from his strong grasp surge through her body.  For the first time, Damon and Elena seem equally engaged in their struggle for emotional, mental, and sexual domination.  He clearly wants it, but, now so does SHE . . .

Let’s not forget, from a mental perspective, that Damon and Elena are both basically there for the SAME reason.  They want to save EACH OTHER from certain death.  In her struggles, Elena is trying desperately to prove to Damon, that she is not just the weak little nyphette, everyone assumes her to be.  She can act rashly, to save the people she loves,  just as easily as Damon can.  D

espite Damon’s words to the contrary, somewhere in those struggles, he begins to see that Elena might actually have a point.  Elena’sMarytr-Like Hero Complex might just directly match up with Damon’s.  And that’s a super hot prospect for both of the parties involved . . .

1. I Put a Spell on You (a.k.a. Damon Tells Elena He Loves Her)

Episode: “Rose” – 2 X 8

Setting the Scene:

Stefan and Damon (but mostly Damon) have just brought Elena back home, after she was kidnapped by Rose and Dead Trevor, and ALMOST re: kidnapped by EEEEEVIL Elijah . . .

During the kidnapping, Elijah removed Elena’s vervain necklace so that he could compel her to tell him where the precious Moonstone was currently hiding.  Somehow, during the staking of Elijah and all the fighting, and vampire fast running, Damon was able to retrieve Elena’s vervain necklace.  And so, Damon’s come through Elena’s window to return it to her . . . but not before he tells her something VERY IMPORTANT!

Potent Quotables:

DAMON:  “I just have to say something . . . Because what I am about to say is probably the most selfish thing I have ever said in my life . . . I just need to say this once.  You just need to hear it.  I love you, Elena.  And it’s because I love you that I can’t be selfish with you.  And why you can’t know this.  I don’t deserve you.  But my brother does. (*He moves to kiss Elena on the lips, rethinks it, and goes for the forehead*) I wish you didn’t have to forget this.  But you do.”

Why it made the list:

Gosh, how could this scene NOT make the list?  It was by far the most beautiful, romantic, enticing, and heartbreaking moments I have ever experienced on television.  I doubt even the staunchest Stelena fans didn’t tear up, as they watched Damon give Elena his heartfelt speech, chastely kiss her on the cheek, and cry softly, as he compeled her to forget the entire life-changing moment.

What’s so ironic about this scene, is that everything Damon says, seems to contradict what’s actually happening on the screen.  Here is Damon saying he’s about to do something selfish.  Yet, by keeping his love for Elena a secret from her, because he feels unworthy of any feelings she might have for him in return, Damon is performing the most selfless act imaginable. 

 Damon tells Elena that he does not deserve her.  And yet, his willingness to give up his own happiness, for her safety, and the happiness of his brother, shows Damon to be more than worthy of Elena’s love.

Time and time again, this season, Damon has reiterated his desire to protect Elena, and keep her safe and happy, above all else.  And if that’s not humanity, embodied in the form of True Love, than humanity simply doesn’t exist . . .

And, there you have it:  My Top Ten Delena Moments of the first half of Season 2.  What were YOURS?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Filed under Damon and Elena, Delena, Television Super Couples, The Vampire Diaries, Top Ten Lists

Never Cry Werewolf – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “Plan B”

Believe it or not, this is a REAL movie poster, from an ACTUAL MOVIE, starring Nina Dobrev  . . . and . . . one very non- Taylor Kinney looking werewolf, who is in SERIOUS need of dental insurance.  The internet is a strange and wonderful place . . .

Holy crap!  Let me say that again . . . HOLY CRAP!  Could this show get ANY MORE INSANE?  I mean, I don’t think I’ve gasped or OMG’ed more in a single hour since . . . well . . . since the Season 1 Finale of The Vampire Diaries!  And to think, this episode was supposed to be the “tame one,” leading up to the TOTAL BLOODBATH that will be next week’s “Masquerade!”

But, before we begin our weekly recap, I would like everyone to please take a moment of silence for Mason’s Family Jewels.

After all, our “Big Scary Werewolf” ended up being nothing more than a “Poor Little Lovesick Puppy,” didn’t he?

We’ll miss you, Mason Lockwood . . . you Little Weiner, YOU!

So Much Hot Sex, So Little Time . . .

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, TVD writers, for giving me TWO sex scenes for the price of ONE . . . and all within the first five minutes of this episode.  Talk about EFFICIENCY!

Granted, NEITHER of these sex scenes were the “Damon and Elena” sex scene I’ve been hoping and praying for, every Thursday night, for 1.25 seasons now . . .

 . . . but they were still PRETTY DARN SPICY!

The episode opens with Elena “gazing” not “staring” at Stefan, in a state of post-coital / pre-coital bliss. (Vampires . . . they’ve got STAMINA!).  Still tingly from all the hot fangy loving, Elena still can’t help but worry a bit over whether Katherine will find out their Big Ole Fight, was a Big Ole Fake. 

Meanwhile, Katherine is whispering sweet nothings into a naked Mason’s Big Dog Ears.

“Give me you’re Big Jewels!  I want to grab and squeeze Jewels!  Let me fondle your Wolfy Jewels!”

Yes, boys and girls!  Our girl Katherine has a bit of a one-track mind, it seems.  But Mason, to his credit, doesn’t fall for Katherine’s Little Vampire Games . . . at least, not entirely. 

Despite Katherine’s promises to the contrary, Mason isn’t quite certain that he and the Evil One will live “Happily Ever After,” once he turns over the Moonstone.  In fact, Mason seems a bit concerned that, once he turns over his Fancy Family Jewels, Sexy Times with Katherine will be OVER, with a capital O . . .

 . . . and that would make him one SAD PUPPY.  (Not to mention, give him a WICKED case of these . . .)

As us wily TVD fan’s know, Mason’s right to be skeptical of Katherine’s true intentions.  After all,  she was the one that orchestrated the activation of Mason’s “werewolf curse” to begin with.  You know . . . by compelling that Carrot Top-looking guy to go all Crazy Insane-o on Mason’s ass . . .

SCARY!

So, rather than turn over his Family Jewels right away, Mason decides to . . . hide them in a tight cavernous hole, where the Sun Don’t Shine . . .

Ummm . . . I meant that vervain and snake-filled WELL . . . on the Lockwood Property.  You dirty-minded creatures, you!

And the Newest Recruit to the Salvatore Detective Agency is . . .

 . . . MINI GILBERT!  YAY!

Those of you (like me) who felt it was HIGH TIME that The Littlest Gilbert stopped mourning his Dead Vampire Girlfriends / getting the stuffing beaten out of him, and joined his sister’s Scooby Gang, got their wish this week.  The very brave (or incredibly stupid, depending on how you look at it) boy had precisely NO QUALMS about dropping by La Casa de Rich and Awesome, and paying a visit to the VERY SAME PERSON who actually killed him, during the Season 2 premiere . . .

Yes, go ahead.  By all means, complain that the above picture is inaccurate, because Damon was actually wearing a shirt, during this scene . . . I DARE YOU! 🙂

Using the knowledge he learned last week, during Sexy Times with Tyler, as leverage to gain acceptance into the Salvatore Detective Agency  . . .

 . . . Jeremy shares with Damon valuable information about both the “werewolf curse” and the Lockwood Family Jewels.  But Damon, being Damon, is much more interested in Elena.

Specifically, Damon wants to know if Elena thinks he’s sexy whether Elena knows what Jeremy is currently doing here at La Casa de Rich and Awesome.  When Jeremy admits that Elena would NOT want her little brother playing with the likes of Naughty Bad Influence Damon, the Sexy Vampire snarks, “You’re a Gilbert.  You can’t help yourself . . . especially when it comes to ME.

Damon then allows Jeremy entrance into La Casa de Rich and Awesome, and, by extension the Scooby Gang.  (Just call him Scrappy Doo!)

“Mini Gilbert, reporting for duty, SIR!”

The Worst Kept Secret EVER reveals itself . . . TWICE

Over at the Lockwood Mansion, where seemingly EVERY snooty town-related event is held (What . . . no Mystic Falls Convention Center?), approximately half the TVD cast is prepping for next week’s MAJOR game-changing episode entitled “Masquerade the town’s annual Masquerade Ball.  There, Useless Aunt Jenna . . .

 . . . (who was surprisingly significantly less USELESS this week, and actually functioned as a MAJOR plot point) . . .

I know, crazy, right?

 . . . approaches Stefan about coming to the Gilbert house that evening for another rousing game of Pictionary Family Dinner.  In keeping up with his Fake Fight Story, Stefan tells Jenna, that he’d prefer not to come, because he and Elena are taking a “pause.”

PAUSE!

Useless Aunt Jenna then informs Stefan that . . . “That’s not what it sounded like last night.”

OK . . . am I the only one who would find the concept of my aunt / guardian telling my boyfriend how INSANELY LOUD he and I are when we screw, REALLY CREEPY?

“At least now I know what to buy Aunt Jenna for her birthday . . . earplugs . . . REALLY BIG earplugs.”

Oh, and while we are on the subject . . . Elena  . . .

YOU GO, GIRL!

Meanwhile, Bonnie  . . .

 . . . confronts Elena about the cold shoulder she has received from her former bud, ever since the Little Witch started being a BIG b*tch her whole “Vampire Hatred” kick . . . a habit that even extended to the Witch’s former Bestie, Caroline.

“You don’t want to talk to me anymore, Bonnie?  FINE!  But I am SO not letting you borrow my new lipstick!”

When Elena tells Bonnie that her fight with Stefan is a fake one, Bonnie admits that she had NO IDEA the two were even fighting.  *cough* bad friend *cough*  Although Bonnie is not quite ready to Re-Friend Caroline yet, she does seem amenable to making a go at things with Elena again . . . And, all I have to say, is it’s ABOUT DAMN TIME!

Vampy Mama Drama

 Speaking of Caroline, she’s been busy babysitting her vampire-despising Mommy, while the mother/daughter pair wait for the vervain to leave the latter’s system.   This way,  Mama Dearest can be brainwashed into forgetting how her vampire daughter “Did not Shoot the Sheriff, but definitely ATE the Deputy . . .”

At first, Mama Forbes wants nothing to do with her Undead Daughter.  However, as Caroline explains to her mother her new way of life, i.e. drinking blood bags, filched from hospitals, and sucking on the occasional bunny . . .

 . . . Mama Forbes begins to recognize what US fans have already known for about three episodes now . . . Namely, that Vampire Caroline is WAY COOLER, and MUCH LESS ANNOYING than human Caroline ever was!

It’s Time for Yet Another Pow Wow of Sexiness and Plot Explanation . . .

Back at La Casa de Rich and Awesome, Damon’s Bromantic Buddy, Alaric . . .

. . .  has arrived bearing a very nerdy box filled with snoozy information about werewolf lore.  Apparently, according to some lame Aztec Ritual, when it comes to Moonstones, only he (or she) who “made the curse, can break the curse.” 

 Wait . . . isn’t that kind of like, “Who smelt it, dealt it?”

 Ultimately, the Salvatore Detective Agency concludes that, if they want to get to Mason, they have to get his Family Jewels first.  This sounds like a job for . . . Tyler’s hot little lover MINI GILBERT.

When Elena and Stefan find out about Jeremy’s involvement in Damon’s grand plan, they are both majorly pissed.  Elena tells Jeremy not to trust Damon.  Stefan, for his part, gives Damon a Big Ole Bitch Slap . . .

 But these protestations are to no avail.  Scrappy Doo is already on the case!  And there’s nothing anybody can do about it!  (SO THERE!)

After talking to Tyler, Jeremy learns that the almost-wolf has already given Mason back his balls Family Jewels.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  So, the Salvatore Detective Agency decides to put in a pinch hitter, or should I say .  . .  a “witch hitter.”

Bonnie watches the porno in Mason’s Mind . . . and likes it!

When Little Witch Bonnie bumps into Mason, she is nearly bowled over by an exceedingly graphic image of the Wolf doing the horizontal mambo with, what appears to be, her best friend, Elena.

How’d YOU like to watch your best friend “do it?”

So, to show her Bestie just how “loyal” she is, Bonnie gets the brilliant (and by “brilliant” I mean “random and bizarre”) idea to rat Elena out to Stefan, who’s guts Bonnie just so happens to hate.

Fortunately, for Elena, Stefan immediately realizes that the vision Bonnie viewed in Mason’s head was NOT of Elena boinking the wolf, but of Katherine . . .

“You mean my EVIL GENIUS plan to break you two lovebirds up didn’t work?  Dammit!”

After a brief powwow, the Salvatore Detective Agency approach Bonnie and ask for her help.

Specifically, they want Bonnie to give Mason one of her trademark MASSIVE HEADACHES, in order to convince him to give up information about the Moonstone’s location.  Though initially skeptical of the plan, Bonnie ultimately agrees to help.  So, while Mason is incapacitated by a massive migraine, Salvatore Squared use the opportunity to knock him unsconscious, shove him their car, and drive him to La Casa de Rich and Awesome for an intense session of torture interrogation.

At “La Casa,” Bonnie does one of her Jedi Mind Tricks on an unconscious Mason, and finds out that he hid the Moonstone in that Aforementioned Very Special Place. 

Again, I mean . . .THE WELL!  (Will you stop it!)

Bonnie then texts that information to Stefan, who double times it there with Elena. 

After an awkward exchange, “former friends” Bonnie and Caroline decide to head to the well too, “just in case” Elena and Stefan need help . . .

“Hey, Judgy,” Damon calls after Bonnie, as she leaves the house.  “Thank you!”

(And that was the moment that all Bamon shippers simultaneously cheered the fact that Damon FINALLY has a pet name for Bonnie, which doesn’t include the word “witch” or anything that rhymes with it . . .)

All’s Well that Ends . . . Kinda Bloody and Gross

As Elena looks on nervously, Stefan lowers himself into the well.  He’s down there for all of a minute, when the vamp starts screaming like a little girl.  It turns out, Mason distrusted his “lover” Katherine, with his balls Family Jewels SO MUCH, that he filled the whole darn well with vervain!

Not a moment too soon, Bonnie and Caroline come to Elena’s rescue . . .

Quickly, the girls attach Elena to the well’s pulley system, and lower her into the well.  There she finds a VERY GORY looking Stefan, and sends him back up to land via pulley.  Now alone in the well, Elena finds a box containing Mason’s Family Jewels . . .

. . .  too bad it is covered in SNAKES!

All three girls scream like . . . well . . . like girls . .  . as they lift Elena to the surface, just seconds before she is turned into snake food.  Then, as a blood thirsty Caroline turns her head, and Bonnie looks on in horror, Elena cures Stefan’s ailments, once again, by feeding her his blood.

Farewell to Wolfy

While Stefan is busy slurping some Tasty Elena Soup, Damon and Jeremy are at La Casa playing Good Cop / Bad Cop (Bet you can’t guess, who’s who?) with a now conscious, but still chained-to-a-chair Mason.

That’s one HOT BAD Cop!

So, Damon starts poking Mason with his HUGE HARD, and VERY WARM stick, while peppering him with questions about Katherine and her true motives behind wanting the Moonstone.  Unfortunately, all that prodding only turns Mason on . . .

“Hit me Baby.  One more Time!”

 It doesn’t actually convince him to talk.  Fortunately, Scrappy Doo Jeremy has brought along wolfsbane, which is, apparently, the werewolf equivalent of vervain.  (Who said The Vampire Diaries isn’t educational?) 

So, Damon shoves the stuff down the poor dog’s throat.

“STOP!  You are ruining my DIET!  Wolfsbane is SO FATTENING!  What will become of my girlish figure?”

Ultimately, it is not the Big STICK, but the BIG PLANT that finally gets Mason to talk.  The problem is, for all his bluster, the Dude actually has VERY LITTLE to say.  He genuinely loves Katherine!  And he only wanted the Moonstone because SHE told him, it would free him of the werewolf curse. 

“Now, I get it!  You’re just STUPID!”  Damon exclaims.

DING!  DING!  DING!  That’s right, Damon!  Vanna, tell him what he’s won . .

“What can I say?  I’m a fool for love!  (I also have really nice abs . . .)”

Having finally convinced himself, that he had gotten all the information he could get out of Mason, Damon “benevolently” tells Jeremy that the little guy’s work for the Salvatore  Detective  Agency has been completed.   He can go home now

.  But Jeremy doesn’t want to go home.  He wants to stay and make sure Damon doesn’t convert “Stupid Mason” into doggie kibble.

Damon’s not too keen on insubordination amongst his employees.  And so, he gently reminds Jeremy what is expected of him . . .

“SERIOUSLY?  I can’t have ONE single episode, where I don’t get my ass kicked?  Just ONE!  That’s all I ask  . .”

“Suck it up or LEAVE!” Damon tells Jeremy, in no uncertain terms.

And . . . since Mini Gilbert has never been much of a SUCKER . . . he chooses the latter . . .

With Mini Gilbert gone, Damon turns his attention back to a now very frightened Mason.  “I look at you, and I see myself . . . only less dashing, and less intelligent,” Damon explains cordially.

Truer words were never spoken . . .

“I love her,” Mason wimpers pathetically. 

Damon’s face softens.  For a single moment, he looks at his captive, with pity and understanding.  “I’ve been where you are.  Katherine will rip your heart out.”

“Let me do it for her,” he concludes.

And then . . . Damon STABS MASON IN THE HEART, KILLING HIM, before wrapping him in a fancy Oriental Rug, like a Pig-in-a-Blanket . . . or, rather . . . a BIG FAT HOT DOG.

Who said romance was dead?

Thrilled with the rush of his kill, and high on vengeance, Damon then makes a decision he will literally regret forever.  (You see, that’s one of the downsides of immortality.  A complete inability to EVER escape from yourself.) 

After texting Tyler’s Mom from Mason’s phone, to explain Mason’s upcoming ETERNAL absence, Damon can’t resist calling up Katherine to gloat about her now-dead boyfriend.  As can be expected, Katherine does NOT take losing well . . .

“Awwww MAN!  Why didn’t I get to kill Old Yeller Mason ?  No FAIR!”

Yet, despite her OBVIOUS ire, Katherine manages to keep her cool on the phone.  “Do you honestly think I don’t have a Plan B?”  She inquires cooly.  “Send my love to Stefan,”  Katherine concludes, before hanging up the phone.

“We are SO screwed . . .”

While Damon and Stefan are fretting over Katherine’s cryptic words, Caroline is back in the dungeon, excitedly recounting for her mother, her recent adventures in “Well Rescue.”  To Caroline’s complete surprise, her mother TOTALLY shares in her excitement, fanginess and all.

“You’ve become such a strong and confident person,” says Liz Forbes, paying her daughter the first compliment the two have exchanged, since the series began.  “You don’t have to take my memories away.  Just tell them you compelled me . . . You can trust me.”

“I know I can trust you,” says Caroline tearfully.  “But you will never be able to trust them [Stefan and Damon],” she concludes.

Realizing that the vervain has now completely left her mother’s system, Caroline begins to compel her mother to forget the past few days, and believe, instead, that she has spent them home with the flu.  “And then everything went back to normal.  And I started to ignore you again,” finishes Caroline, thereby erasing ALL of the progress these two had made in their relationship throughout this ordeal.

Kind of sucks, right?

On a positive note, Caroline’s complete loyalty to Stefan and Damon show’s a good deal of growth and self-sacrifice, on her part.  Additionally, Caroline’s ability to bond with her mother, even for just a short while, demonstrates a maturity in Caroline we haven’t seen up to this point.  She’s going to be OK, that Baby Vamp!

Vampire Katherine’s Revenge

“I’ll get you my pretty, and you’re Useless Aunt Jenna TOO!”

Elena returns home to find Alaric and Useless Aunt Jenna still preparing dinner.  Elena relays her busy day to Alaric, while Jenna chats to SOMEONE on the phone.  Jenna then absentmindedly hands Elena the telephone, and walks away.

In that special sing-song voice utilized by all Super Villains when they are monologuing about their dastardly deeds, Katherine begins to explain to Elena how she KNOWS about her “fake breakup” with Stefan.  (And, honestly, who did those two think they were fooling?  They couldn’t even trick moronic Aunt Jenna into thinking they were broken up, for crying out loud!)

Speaking of Useless Aunt Jenna . . .  I’m about to feel momentarily guilty about ranking on her during all these episodes .  . .but . . .only momentarily  . .. of course.  I suspect I’ll be over it, by next week .  . . maybe earlier

You see, not only did Katherine realize what Elena was doing with Stefan, she also figured out that Elena was protecting her Aunt, by putting vervain in her perfume and her tea.  So Katherine, posing as Elena, convinced Aunt Jenna not to use all that “protection stuff,” thus making the woman her unwitting slave.

Sure enough, Elena twirls around to find Aunt Jenna stabbing herself in the chest with a carving knife.

Breakdowns and Breakups

I know this is probably an inappropriate time to bring this up, but  . . . Is it just me, or is Mini Gilbert looking ALL KINDS of hot, lately?

At the hospital, Jeremy comforts an inconsolate Elena, who feels completely responsible for what happened to Aunt Jenna.  (Auntie’s fine by the way . . . At least, for now.)  “It’s going to be OK,” Jeremy whispers in his Big Sister’s ear sweetly. 

“No . . . It’s not,” she says dejectedly.

“I don’t know how, but she is going to pay,” responds Mini Gilbert, with determination.

GO GET HER, SCRAPPY DOO!

Upon leaving the hospital, a still tearful Elena heads directly to La Casa de Rich and Awesome.  There, she finds Stefan, shaking and quietly crying by the fireplace. 

(By the way, kudos to both Nina and Paul for a remarkable job, on what was undoubtedly an extremely difficult scene.)

 

“Stefan, I’m so sorry,” whispers Elena, her face red and raw from crying.  “We were stupid sneaking around.  We did this.  Jenna is in the hospital.  Jeremy can be next.  This is because we didn’t listen to her.”

Stefan is full-on crying now.  “I know what you’re going to say,” he says softly.  “Please, don’t say it.”

“I’ve been so selfish, because I love you so much.  It’s over.  It has to be,” concludes Elena, before running from the room.

A distraught Damon stops Elena at the door. 

 Of course, Damon loves Elena.  Of course, he wants to be with her.  But, like many of us staunch Damon and Elena fans watching at home, Damon didn’t want this.   For things to end between Stefan and Elena, in this way, seems crueler somehow, than if they betrayed one another, or simply fell out of love.  Because this is the type of heartbreak you don’t move on from.  

And Damon . . . well . . . he feels partly responsible for what happened to his brother, and the woman of his dreams.

“When I rang Katherine up . . . I didn’t think that,” he fumbles, uncertain of how to continue.

“Damon, she won.  Katherine won,” replies Elena sadly, before closing the door.

Katherine’s Plan B

In a shocking final twist, we learn that Katherine needs a werewolf to make use of the Moonstone in the way she sees fit.  And so, without Mason as her pawn, Katherine is required to find another prospective werewolf to help complete her plan.  And that werewolf will be THIS GUY . . .

You guessed it . . . it’s Tyler.  But in order for Tyler to become a werewolf, he’s gotta commit murder.  And if Katherine has her way, he will kill . . . Big Ole Blue Eyes himself, Matt.

In the final moments of the episode, we see Katherine compelling a glazey eyed Matt (just as Damon compelled that now-dead Connor guy, and Katherine,  compelled that Carrot Top guy, before him) to pick a fight with Tyler, and not to back down until Tyler kills him.

First Aunt Jenna, now Matt . . . Oh my!

In most places, being clueless is a liability.   But, apparently, in Mystic Falls, it can be DEADLY . . .

[www.juliekushner.com]

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