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You did WHAT???!!!- A Recap of the Grey’s Anatomy Season Premiere “With You I’m Born Again”

Can you believe that Grey’s Anatomy kicked off its SEVENTH SEASON this week?  That means the show is almost SIX YEARS OLD?  That’s not a Baby Show anymore.  It’s a BIG KID Show.  It’s a friggin FIRST GRADER!  And as for those of you who, like me, have watched Grey’s since its inception . . . seriously . . . how OLD are you feeling right NOW?

“I remember back when this show started, I still had all my REAL teeth!”

A lot can change in six years.  And, as fans of Grey’s Anatomy, it’s highly likely that WE have personally experienced many changes, ourselves, both in our personal and professional lifes, since the show began.  But while gradual change is commonplace, throughout the course of a human lifetime, nothing brings about quick, groundbreaking, whirlwind change, like the experience of personal trauma.  And nothing says “personal trauma” like the mass murder of your friends and colleagues by a GUN-TOTING, CRAZED, LUNATIC!

So, without further adieu, let’s take a quick look at the ways in which our favorite Seattle Grace pals have changed, since we last saw them . . .

 GO SPEED RACER! GO!

It seems that the experience of getting stalked by a Wackjob, having been the indirect cause of 18 deaths, and being shot and nearly killed, himself, has given Seattle Grace’s McDreamiest surgeon a NEED FOR SPEED . . .

(Just not Speed, like in the Keanu Reeves movie . . . because I sincerely doubt Seattle’s “greatest surgeon” would ever deign to ride a BUS.)

When the episode first opens, Meredith has to go bail Derek out of the Pokey, following his recent tango with the law.  The crime?  Reckless Endangerment — a criminal charge that almost was, but wasn’t, filed, because the Seattle Cops “worship” McDreamy (a.k.a. have big juicy Man Crushes on him).

Who DOESN’T?

All, I’ve gotta say, is that it is a darn good thing Post-It Wifey, Meredith, bails Derek out when she does.  Because, from the looks of it, our favorite surgeon was looking like a pretty strong contender for a rousing prison game of “Who dropped the soap?”

It’s a contact sport.

Still smelling of “Jailhouse Rock,” Derek, who is scheduled to return to work as Chief of Staff that day, heads directly to his favorite speech-giving location (The Stairwell of Power), and . . .

. . . QUITS HIS JOB AS CHIEF . . .

. . .  thereby passing the “Chief-ly” baton back to THIS GUY . . .

 . . . Old / New Chief Webber, who responded to the news by  .  . . going into his new office, and reenacting scenes from the film, Boogie Nights.

I know some fans took McDreamy’s decision to relinquish his chiefly duties as a sign of this “Toxic Impulsivity” he’s contracted since the shooting.  However, for the most part, I think his decision was a sound one.  As a surgeon, Derek is AWESOME!  As a chief .  . . not so much.  

While acting as Chief last season, Derek seemed much less like the McDreamy we had grown to love for five years, and much more like . . . McPoopyhead.

Besides, Derek simply didn’t have TIME to be Chief, not with his upcoming Crazy Insano Surgery of the Week — a surgery that I will lovingly refer to as the “Face Off.”

Yes, boys and girls!  Under the guise of removing a massive inoperable brain tumor  (Aren’t they ALWAYS massive and inoperable when Derek is involved?  Has this guy EVER operated on something “operable?”), Derek, along with his stalwart crew, literally REMOVES SOME TEENAGER’S FACE, by CUTTING IT STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE.  And it is gross . . .  Fortunately, we don’t have to sit through too much of it, however. 

Because, after six seasons, I think our Grey’s writers have FINALLY learned what us fans have known since Season 1.  Namely, if we wanted to watch medical mysteries, we’d turn on House.  But we don’t.  We watch Grey’s for the hot men, the funny one-liners, and the juicy sex scenes.  And though it was, admittedly, a bit light on the “sex” for my taste, what we wanted was, more or less, what we got, in this Season Premiere.

Speaking of sex, after successfully performing the “Face Off,”  Derek, still reeking of blood and guts, was suddenly SUPER HORNY.  And so, he accosted Post-It Wife Meredith in the on-call room, and prepared to “Do the Deed.”  “Let’s make babies like the one you miscarried last season, but forgot to tell me about, ” whispered Derek in Meredith’s ear, as he feverishly removed his scrubs, and proceeded on to Grope Fest 2010.

Then his beeper went off . . .

“Seriously, BEEPER!  Are you effing kidding me?”

Apparently, Face Off Boy was in pain . . . Because, having your face sawed in half?  Kind of painful.  No . . . scratch that.  VERY PAINFUL.  And yet, after a few kind words from Derek, Face Off Boy is just fine . . .

 

That’s OK, Monkey.  I didn’t buy it either.   Apparently, Derek has become some kind of Super Hero, since last season.

After stopping Face Off Boy’s Excruciating Pain in under a minute, off dashes our Super Hero to save a woman from a burning building drive 125 mph in a 50 mph zone, en route to a wedding where he is supposed to be Best Man (more on that later).  Except, this time, when Derek gets arrested for Reckless Endangerment, Meredith LEAVES HIS ASS IN JAIL, and goes to the wedding, BY HERSELF!

It looks like Derek’s new prison friends are going to get a chance to play “Who dropped the soap?” with him after all!

Just a little going away present for our favorite Doctor, locked away in the Big Dog House.  You never know when such things might come in handy . . .

Still Dark and Twisty, after ALL THESE YEARS . . .

While Derek was busy speeding the streets, quitting his job, cutting peoples’ faces off, being a Super Hero, and hiding the soap, Meredith was  . . . well . . . she wasn’t doing much of anything actually, because Dr. Andrew Perkins . . .

a.k.a. McSexyShrinko

 . . . had not yet cleared her to perform surgery.  McSexyShrinko felt that Meredith had still not properly owned up to her inner demons, following The Shooting.  And one of those demons (though McSexyShrinko couldn’t have possibly known this, because she didn’t tell him), was the pregancy and subsequent miscarriage Meredith endured, during the traumatic event.

An “awkward position” to be in.

Believing that Derek has been through too much in recent months to cope with the loss of a baby as well, Meredith has borne the pain and burden of this secret, on her own skinny shoulders.  And, though she would never admit to it, it is obviously eating her up inside.

Yet, with all she is going through, Meredith finds it in her heart, to be there for her best friend, Christina, during the latter’s time of need.  Despite her initial misgivings about their relationship, and her belief that the pair was jumping into marriage so soon after The Shooting, Meredith ultimately gives Christina away at her wedding to Owen.  And when Christina nervously asks her best friend, if Owen is OK, prior to the wedding, Our Plucky Protagonist sweetly replies, “He’s perfect.  He is just perfect.”

And if a statement like that coming from an Avowed Cynic, like Meredith, doesn’t warm your heart, I don’t know what will!

Speaking of Christina . . .

Here Comes the Bride .  . . All Dressed in  . . . RED?

Aside from the fact that she is getting married to the guy we just saw her BREAK UP WITH at the end of last season, because she believed him to be “just not that into [her],” and more into SOMEONE ELSE . . .

. . . the main differences we notice in Christina, during the Season Premiere, are that she (1) doesn’t seem to care AT ALL that she, like Meredith, hasn’t yet been cleared for surgery; and (2) spends almost the entire episode READING BRIDAL MAGAZINES.

Later, in a groundbreaking session with Dr. Perkins, we learn that Christina is focusing on these magazines, in an effort to force herself into the proverbial box in her head that she has labeled: “The Simple Girl.” 

“I went to school with women like this,” notes Christina, “Women who only wanted to marry the guy, and wear the pretty dress.  I used to pity them.  But I’ve realized that, in life, you can either be a Simple Girl, or you can be  . . . Me.  But Simple Girls are never forced to perform surgeries with guns to their heads.”

We are instantly flashed back to an evening a few months’ prior, when Owen arrives at Christina’s home, to find her frantic, panic-stricken, and unusually vulnerable.  “You’re late,” she insists.

 “I don’t want to be alone anymore,” says Christina tearfully, as Owen scoots next to her on the couch, and tries in vain to comfort her.

“You don’t have to be alone ever again.  Let me stay,” offers Owen.

And then he does this . . .

It’s a simple and sweet moment.  One that truly reflects these two characters and the often silent connection they have with one another.  Sure, “not wanting to be alone” isn’t the healthiest reason to marry someone.  But I’ve certainly heard worse .  . .

And the wedding?  Well, it was pretty awesome.  From the adoring way, Owen looked at Christina . . .

“Please lord, don’t let me end up like that Dr. Burke guy.  It’s HARD to get a job in Hollywood as a redhead!”

“Be afraid Ginger Boy!  Be VERY afraid!”

 . . .to Christina’s red dress (because white dresses are “offensive and vaguely racist,” according to Christina)

 . . . to how touched the couple’s colleagues were by the moment . . .

 . . . everything was, as Meredith said, perfect.

Sure, it’s a long shot.  It’s ALWAYS a long shot.  But, who’s to say these two Crazy Kids won’t be able to stick it out for the long haul?

Oh . . . and just in case you were concerned?  Owen and Teddy are TOTALLY DUNZO.  And Teddy has (rather conveniently, I might add) found a NEW MAN.  Actually, I think you might know him . . .

It’s Dr. McSexyShrinko!

Speaking of couples that are TOTALLY DUNZO . . .

The Opposite of Bad Ass

Lexie’s and Alex’s coupledom started going down hill when Alex called out Izzie’s name during sex bleeding to death, from a  bullet wound.  Considering that Izzie has already been MIA for half a season now, and LEXIE was the one saving Alex’s life at the time, I would say this was a pretty classic case of The Boy Who Doesn’t Know Where His Bread is Buttered . . .

Warning:  The loaf of bread has NOT BEEN BUTTERED BY IZZIE!  Jackass!

Things went from bad to worse, when Alex decided to keep his bullet from The Shooting lodged in his stomach, so he could use it to pick up chicks.

Yes, we CAN blame Alex for being a tool.  But can we REALLY blame all those chicks for banging him, when he looks like THIS? 

So, apparently, we can now expect many more episodes, during which a Shirtless Alex walks around the hospital, letting random slutty nurses rub his belly, and finger his scars.

But the final nail in the coffin was when Lexie had a PTSD freak-out in the hospital, and Wimpy Alex just WALKED AWAY, like a b*tch!  “I’ve had enough crazy for one lifetime,” Alex tells McSexyShrinko, when questioned about the incident.

Well, considering that Alex’s first girlfriend gave him an STD . . .

 . . . his second one ended up being a TOTAL Nutbag . . .

and his third girlfriend cheated on him with a DEAD GUY . . .

I guess I’d be inclined to agree!

And yet, I couldn’t help but cheer, when Alex tried to hit on Lexie at Owen’s and Christina’s wedding and she COMPLETELY TOLD HIM OFF!

“You may think that you are Bad Ass, because you lived.  But I’m the reason you lived.  And while you were sitting on that operating table DYING, you were calling out the name of your ex-wife who left you.  I’d say, that’s the opposite of Bad Ass.”

I think Alex just pooped his pants.

Did I mention that, unlike Alex, Dr. Mark “McSteamy” Sloan has TOTALLY been looking out for / trying to take care of Lexie this ENTIRE TIME . . .

 . . . or that Jackson Avery is approximately her age, single, and, is now a Series Regular?

Oh, Alex!  You are SO YESTERDAY’S SCREW!

In other news . . .

Good Times Ahead for “Calzona”

After an entire episode during which Arizona worried that Callie would either propose marriage, or start bugging her about “making babies” again, Doctor Blondie was TOTALLY relieved, when Callie finally revealed was that she simply wanted Arizona to live with her on a more permanent basis.   

“I want you to move in with me. I love you, and you have a drawer . . . and a toothbrush . . . and I want you to have a whole dresser and a whole . . .blow-dryer. Or something.. more romantic than that or .  . .something,” mumbles Callie adorably.”

And, just in case some of you out there, missed it, the exchange looked something like this:

and, when Arizona happily accepted Callie’s Proposal of Cohabitation, it looked like THIS . . .

“Blow Dryer” GIF and Calzona PicSpam provided courtesy of: http://fuckyeahcallieandarizona.tumblr.com/

It’s SO HARD to SAY GOODBYE .  . . to  the Gas Man

Oh, Ben!  Dear, Sweet, Miranda Bailey-loving, anesthesiologist, Ben!  We hardly knew ye!  But, already, we loved ye!  We loved the way you made Bailey happy, giddy, and smiley. 

We loved the way you got her to blissfully sing in the elevator, after the two of you FINALLY did the deed.  In short, you were a godsend for our favorite Nazi!

Sure, we always knew that, eventually, you would have to leave.  Really, we did.  But that didn’t make it any easier to watch Miranda dump you.

Yes, you just so happened to be golfing while a young man died in Miranda’s arms.  But that wasn’t your fault!  And yes, Miranda now feels that she is “busy with the tape and the glue”  that are holding her fragile life together.  So, Sweet, Perfect, Ben seems like “too much for her right now.” 

 But, does it REALLY need to be SO HARD?  Does the breakup need to feel so permanent?  After all, glue dries.  Tape peels.  And relationships .  . . well . . . sometimes . . . they heal just not when one of the involved parties has already signed on to work on yet another Shondra Rhimes Medical Drama.

Gas Man, you will certainly be missed.  And maybe, just maybe, we will find it in our hearts to check you out on that OTHER show, which shall remain nameless.  But, for right now, at least, I can’t do that.  Call me, Dark and Twisty if you want, but I’m still a little bitter . . . 

I guess my glue just hasn’t dried yet.

Well, there you have it folks — Grey’s Anatomy Season 7 is officially upon us.  Are you as psyched as I am?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Physician Assisted Suicide are NOT FUNNY AT ALL – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Suicide is Painless”

Depression hurts.  Television recaps don’t have to  . . .

I’m going to be honest.  I’ve been putting off writing this week’s Grey’s Anatomy recap.  The episode aired two days ago now, and I’ve been staring at blank screen. 

It’s not that the episode wasn’t a good one.  It was.  It’s just that when I write these recaps, I like to try to make them a little bit funny.  And, really, there is NOTHING FUNNY about patients dying of cancer, or physician-assisted suicide, or PTSD, or war flashbacks involving explosions, punctured cartoid arteries, and lost limbs.  Sure, I could TRY to make some jokes about these things.  But that would probably just make me look like a total Poopyhead .  . .

 . . . and NO ONE likes a Poopyhead.

Then again, this past week, I had precisely the same problem with the most recent episode of Lost (Dead wives during the late 19th century, and philosophical discussions about Heaven and Hell / Good and Evil are not really funny EITHER!)  But my recap of THAT EPISODE remains my most popular blog posting to date.  So, I’ve decided to suck it up, and give it the “old college try.” 

Below, please find some of my thoughts on this “Very Special” episode of Grey’s Anatomy.  I’ll try not to bring you down too much . . .

What I Liked About The Episode . . .

(1)

Sara Gilbert was spectacular as this episode’s fairly big-name guest star.  Her performance as a young woman dying of cancer, who has made the decision to end her life through physician-assisted suicide, was understated, moving, and beautifully heartbreaking.  Gilbert transformed herself so much for the role, that you could almost forget she was once tomboy goth Darlene from Roseanne . . .

 . . . almost.

(2)

Kevin McKidd also did an excellent job portraying Dr. Owen Hunt’s struggles throughout the episode, as a doctor whose PTSD symptoms were re-emerging and once again beginning to adversely affect his work and personal life.  In the character’s highly Lost-esque war flashbacks, you truly experienced the doctor’s anguish and guilt over having submitted to his army superior’s request to let the latter bleed out, following an explosion, after the pair waited for hours, alone in the desert, for help they truly believed would never arrive.  Of course, moments after Hunt’s superior passes on, a helicopter does come.  Hunt is understandably both heartbroken and traumatized.

(3)

Say what you will about Dr. Owen Hunt, but his character has truly brought out the best in Christina Yang, in a way that the pompous and sleezy Dr. Burke never did.

“Shhhh, I’m an ASSHAT.  Don’t tell anyone!”

Formerly known for her hideous bedside manner, and frequent inability to connect with patients on any level, Dr. Yang supported Sara Gilbert’s character in a manner that was uncharacteristically warm, quiet, and appropriately sensitive to the patient’s difficult situation.  Some might have felt her honesty with the character and her husband regarding, the extra tests the hospital conducted on her, was brash and unnecessary.  However, I felt it truly illustrated her respect, and sympathy, for these individuals, as well as for her superior Teddy, who truly believed that what she was doing for her patient was the right thing to do.

(4)

Not-So-In with the “In Crowd”

I LOVED Old Chief Webber’s feeble attempts to fit in with the other residents.  “She’s hot!  I’d totally hit her,” says Old Chief.  (Never have unintentional references to domestic violence been so hilarious!)

(5)

Seriously?  I could watch this guy on the screen for an entire day and not get bored.  Why won’t the writers give him MORE TO DO?  Talk about a waste of awesomeness!  Dr. Avery’s speech to Meredith, which included not one, not two, but THREE mixed Dr. Seuss metaphors was PURE GENIUS . . . not to mention, adorable.  Come on, how many hot guys do you know, who can talk about . . .

and

while still seeming manly?

What I DIDN’T Like About the Episode . . .

(1)  See complaint above re: the writers not giving Dr. Hotness enough to do . . .

 . . . just in case you had forgotten what he looks like.

(2)

McDouche

It seems like every time they redeem a formerly-asshole character (McSteamy and Old Chief), they have to bring another one back down to D-bag status.  Dr. Shepherd’s “Is that all?”  comment when Meredith came to tell him about the complex surgery she was awarded, literally caused steam to come out of my ears.  Then, to make matters worse, he was a TOTAL PRICK to Old Chief and STOLE the complex coveted surgery from Meredith and “Second Shepherd” or whatever it is they call that sweetly dorky attending, nowadays!

And how much punishment did McDreamy receive for his bad behavior?  NONE!  Old Chief responding by giving Derek chiefly advice on how to balance surgeries with administrative work.  He even offered to SIT WITH HIM AT LUNCH.  (Then again, it’s not like Loser Boy has a whole lot of options . . .) 

But what really got my goat was Meredith!  Her surgery was stolen right out from under her nose, and she LAUGHED IT OFF!  I know Dr. Hotness Avery is charming and all, but even WITH his mesmeric Dr. Seussical advice, the OLD MEREDITH would have put a cap in Shepherd’s ASS for treating her that way!

Dark and twisty?  Or Stepford Wifey?

(3)

Dr. Owen HURTS

I know that I praised Kevin McKidd for his performance during this episode.  My beef here is definitely not with him.  I get that the Dr. Hunt character is supposed to be all complex and layered, and stuff.  But come on!  Lighten up a bit, would ya?  Life is good!  Izzie is gone!  This means that you’ve probably just been promoted got a raise!  Take a chill pill dude!  Attend a yoga class, have some sex with Yang . . . whatever it takes!

Speaking of sex . . .

(4)

“Why are we PG?”

Don’t fade to black just before we can get to the good stuff, Grey’s.  If you haven’t figured it out yet, most of your fans tune in for the hot people and the sex (the medical stuff is just gravy . . .).

(5)

Another baby storyline?  Meh . . . See my complaint above.  Lesbian sex is cool too, and might even up the male-viewing quotient.

That’s all folks!  See you next week!

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