This week on Once Upon a Time, come to the dark side — we have murder. And puppies. And murderous puppies. But we should warn you that sometimes, if you’re a little too murdery, sometimes your mother will ground you for life. Just ask Young Cruella De Vil.
Tag Archives: Prince Charming
The Wishy Washy Wishing Star – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s “Fall”
Still suffering from a tryptophan-induced post-Thanksgiving food coma? This
kind of fillery pre-cursor to the important episode action-packed installment of everybody’s favorite show guest-starring those wacky kids from Frozen has just what you need to wake you right out of your Turkey Hangover.
It has snappy one liners . . .
Hot people tearfully kissing . . .
Magical hats that vacuum up the show’s most obnoxious characters . . .
And certain-death situations from which people get rescued at the last possible second for no other reason than that they are just so gosh darn cute
and because Disney has contractually required that they survive at least until Frozen 2: Electric Boogaloo. . .
Also, we learned valuable lessons about the temperamental nature of magical jewelry and the importance of wearing safety goggles.
Yes, I’m talking about safety goggles. You know, those hideous clear plastic boxes you wore in your high school chemistry class? The ones that made even your most attractive classmates look positively ridiculous and left tell-tale pink raccoon circles around your eyes for hours after you took them off?
Yeah, I’m pretty sure those things would have been much more effective in protecting the sweet residents of Storybrooke from the spell of “Falling Glass That Gets in Your Eyes and Makes You an Asshole” than basically anything the cast did during this episode to try to protect themselves.
But hey, let’s be honest. We didn’t really want our heroes to win this time, did we? After all, nothing says good TV like an asshole Snow White and a douchey Prince Charming ripping one another to shreds.
I’m getting ahead of myself again, aren’t I? Let’s review.
You can check out the rest of this recap here.
The Firestarter – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s “The Snow Queen”
<a href=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/blowing.gif”><img class=”size-full wp-image-25931 aligncenter” src=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/blowing.gif” alt=”blowing” width=”500″ height=”281″ /></a>
In a season that’s been all about snow monsters, people who shoot ice out of their fingers, and women who accidentally/on purpose get turned into popsicles, “The Snow Queen” was a nice, refreshing, change of pace. Why, you ask? Because this was an hour of television that brought the heat, in more ways than one . . .
Now, unless you own an ice cream shop or a ski lodge, or just find the refrigerator in your home to be a huge waste of space, the ability to shoot icicles from your finger is pretty much one of the least useful super powers ever.
<a href=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/ouat-4.3-ice-cream.jpg”><img class=”aligncenter wp-image-24834 size-full” src=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/ouat-4.3-ice-cream.jpg” alt=”Gluten free, death full!” width=”587″ height=”280″ /></a>
(Almost as unhelpful in life as “being able to tell when people are lying <del datetime=”2014-11-10T03:14:15+00:00″>except for when its plot convenient for you not to be able to tell.</del>”)
Shooting firebolts from your fingers on the other hand, now THAT is pure awesomesauce.
<p style=”text-align: center;”><a href=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/finger-magic.jpg”><img class=”alignnone size-full wp-image-25347″ src=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/finger-magic.jpg” alt=”finger magic” width=”599″ height=”337″ /></a></p>
Consider this for a moment. In a single episode, we saw Emma’s magical hot fingers used to warm baby bottles . . .
. . . convert dull tap water into sparkling . . .
. . . provide an inexpensive form of mood lighting . . .
. . . offer demolition and remodeling services . . .
. . . and redirect traffic.
<p style=”text-align: center;”><a href=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/haha-snow1.gif”><img class=”alignnone size-full wp-image-25952″ src=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/haha-snow1.gif” alt=”haha snow” width=”500″ height=”240″ /></a></p>
Also bringing the heat, this week, Regina and Robin, who taught all of us the very important lesson that, while cheaters never win, they still can be really awesome kissers.
<a href=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/more-makeout.gif”><img class=”wp-image-25928 size-full” src=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/more-makeout.gif” alt=”more makeout” width=”245″ height=”150″ /></a> Game of Bones
<p style=”text-align: left;”>More importantly, amidst all of this “hot stuff,” the titular Snow Queen finally got her own backstory. And, holy heck, was it a heart breaker (heart freezer?) One that arguably sets her apart as one of the most sympathetic villains in <em>Once</em> history, played with devastating vulnerability and an understated and, dare I say, chilly, grace by Elizabeth Mitchell.</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”><a href=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/cant-love.gif”><img class=”alignnone size-full wp-image-25922″ src=”http://happynicetimepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/cant-love.gif” alt=”cant love” width=”245″ height=”240″ /></a></p>
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Let’s review, shall we?</p>
You can check out the rest of the recap here.
A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s “Breaking Glass”
Did you hear the one about the sassy, sarcastic, blonde teen with trust issues, and her best friend Lily, who tragically kept secrets that ended up prematurely ending their friendship?
No? Me neither . . .
This entirely new and original premise,
which featured soooo much lesbian sexual tension between two presumably heterosexual teens that I thought I had accidentally switched channels and started watching LOGO, formed the basis for this week’s Very Special Life Lesson Masquerading as Flashback on Once Upon a Time.
(It also made me crave a crossover episode of Once and Veronica Mars, during which Young Emma and Veronica casually debate the merits of leather versus denim jackets, and Captain Hook and Logan take the old yacht for a spin, get totally wasted on rum, and proceed to spend the next seven or so hours practicing their broody-but-sensitive longing looks at an unseen camera.)
Hey, it could happen!
Meanwhile, back in the present day, Emma and Regina ironed out their differences by generously sharing in heaping helpings of one another’s “Glorious Finger Magic.”
Hook and Charming each got the opportunity to do a little Dr. Phil-ing on their lady loves . . .
Elsa learned that handcuffs can, in fact, be recreational . . .
And Regina got royally screwed by a piece of Glass . . . but not in a good way.
Let’s review, shall we?
[You can check out the rest of this recap here.]
Under the Snow Globe – A Recap of Once Upon a Time’s “White Out”
“You get a snowman . . . and you get a snowman . . . and you get a snowman. You ALL GET SNOWMEN!”
Another week, another snow-themed Once episode . . . this show is starting to wreak some major havoc on my Seasonal Affective Disorder . . .
This week, the residents of Storybrooke find themselves trapped inside their small community which I’m pretty sure The Curse prevents them from actually leaving anyway, not to mention freezing their magically delicious tushies off, when a vengeful Elsa encases them inside a town-wide wall of ice. Elsa is bargaining that this oh-so-clever hostage-taking maneuver will force the fairytale characters to give up the goods on where her perky ginger little sister is hiding . . .
Clearly, this Frozen princess has been spending her free time in Arendelle watching non-Disney approved shows on that Other Network of Which We Dare Not Speak Its Name . . .
For shame, Elsa! For shame!
Meanwhile, over in Fairytale Land, Prince Charming sports a hideous perm . . .
Thus proving, once and for all that, contrary to popular belief, (1) Fairytale characters are not immune to having Bad Hair Days; and (2) sometimes those Bad Hair Days have the unintended effect of making them look like chorus members from the Broadway Revival of Rock of Ages . . .
Also, this week on Once, Snow White learned how to change a light bulb . . .
Emma and Hook got one step closer to their much awaited THIRD DATE . . .
Henry got one step closer to no longer being able to hide that he’s going through puberty. . .
“I used to hide a book of fairytales under my mattress. Now, it’s an iPad and internet porn . . . lots and lots of internet porn.”
And Little Bo Peep showed the world that the darkest of warlords are the ones that wear the poofiest skirts and the biggest bloomers . . .possibly to protect against Little Bo Poops . . .
Let’s review, shall we?
You can read the rest of my recap of Season 4, Episode 2 of OUAT here . . .
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