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Fishing, Fistulas and Fake Marriages – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Adrift and at Peace”

Cristina really wanted to catch a fish.  So, Derek threw one at her . . .

This week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy featured two marriage proposals, two (sort of) couple reunions, two hot new cast members, and one REALLY BIG FISH!

Not bad for a single hour of television, right?  Let’s recap!

 There’s No CRYING in Fishing!

When the episode opens, Meredith is nagging Derek about his decision to take Cristina fishing, on his day off.  While Meredith might very well be concerned about Cristina’s emotional state, her PTSD, how gosh darn frustrating and annoying her character has become since The Shooting, and her sudden inability to practice medicine, she seems most worried about Cristina’s bodily functions.  “There’s no bathroom,” whines Meredith.

Clearly, in addition to all the other things PTSD has done to Cristina, it has also made her incontinent . . .

Don’t leave home without them . . .

Ignoring Meredith’s plaintive potty pleas, Derek takes Cristina out on the lake for an exciting afternoon of sitting in a boat and stroking poles.  Cristina tries to impress Derek with all of her newly acquired fishing knowledge.  But Derek basically tells her to shut the hell up.

“Be quiet, or I will CUT YOU!  I’ve done time in the pokey, you know . . .”

Then Cristina catches a BIG FISH . . .

 . . . which makes her cry . . .

“I just pooped in my pants.”

 . . . and makes Derek smile.

“Haha, Owen has to sleep with Poopy Pants tonight!”

Luckily, the moment was captured on camera!

Because, who wouldn’t want to remember a thing like that?  (ME!)

Apparently, Cristina’s dramatic tears are supposed to represent progress in her “Journey Back to Mental Health” or something . . . At least, that’s what Meredith and Derek think . . .

Then again, they aren’t the ones who have to sleep with Poopy Pants . . .

“Thanks a lot, A$$holes!”

Speaking of A$$holes . . .

Wanna Play the Blame Game?

Meredith and Owen have been bickering like an old married couple, because Meredith thinks Owen is “letting Cristina fall apart, and doing nothing about it” (which he is).  And Owen thinks Meredith is a “reckless suicidal wackadoo, who asked a psychotic gunman to shoot her” (which she also is).  Owen even goes so far as to kick Meredith out of his ER!  There is obviously some angry sexual tension here.  But if the writers of this show ever make Meredith and Owen cheat on their respective spouses, and hookup, I will be SUPER PISSED! 

Just sayin’ . . .

Sex with you makes me sad!

Do I have to break out the Rubber Duckie again?

If there was a book of things you should never say to your lover . . .

 . . . “Sex with you makes me sad,” would be on the first page . . . and “while I’m having sex with you, I think about [insert name here] would be on the second.  Nevertheless, these are the words Callie and Sloan exchange with one another, after a morning of sharing hot showers.  After, Callie kicks Sloan out of the shower . . .

 . . . and he “recovers” . . .

 . . . Dr. McSteamy becomes determined to win back Lexie, a girl who doesn’t get sad from screwing him.  First, Sloan does Lexie a sexual medical favor, in exchange for her agreeing to get a drink with him at Joe’s.  Lexie doesn’t really want to go out with Sloan.  So, she tells Avery to interrupt the date, and make an excuse as to why she must leave.

(Unfortunately, Avery was dressed at the time . . .)

Then, Sloan chats with a patient, who started to date her now-husband, because he kissed her while “bowling” ( not a sexual euphemism, sadly), and was a “Really Good Kisser.”

So, when Lexie arrives at the bar, and starts babbling on-and-on about why she can’t date Mark again, he does this .  . .

And, suddenly, Lexie is in luuuuuuuuuuuve again.  Then, Avery arrives . . .

Sorry, Avery!  It looks like you’re stuck with me! 🙂

Eat My Door, Arizona!

“And no, that is NOT a euphemism for sexual favors either . . .”

Callie’s still feeling like crap this week, because her girlfriend, Arizona, dumped her for Africa.  And because she wants to let everyone know that she’s “Still Awesome,” Callie commandeers Alex to help her perform a new non-invasive type of hip surgery on a patient, who has a majorly annoying wife . . .

Alex and Callie rock the surgery . . .

But Alex still wants to specialize in Pediatrics.  So, he turns down Callie’s offer to train him as a Bone Specialist.

Callie:  “Why are doctors who like kids always dumping my ass?”

Speaking of doctors who like kids and dump Callie’s ass, Arizona shows up at Callie’s door toward the end of the episode.  But, rather than apologize for breaking her heart and leaving her ass that the airport, Arizona just tells Callie she missed her a lot, and decided to leave Africa, because not having sex with Callie “made her sad.”

“That’s all you’ve got to say for yourself, B*tch?”

So, Callie slams the door in Arizona’s face, and goes back to rubbing her duckie . . . solo . . .

Marry Me, Noel Crane!

“What will Felicity say?”

Nice Guy, Noel Crane from that old show Felicity has a pretty bad tumor, and has maxed out his health insurance  .  . .

So, he asks his girlfriend, who is NOT named Felicity, to marry him, so that he can get her PPO.  (That’s not a sexual euphemism either . . . sorry!)  NotFelicity ultimately turns Noel Crane down because she is a heinous b*tch. 

Teddy, who is feeling kind of crappy about the whole “Cristina has PTSD” thing, and recognizes that her own character has been generally unlikeable for quite some time now tries to get the hospital to take on Noel Crane’s treatment pro bono.

But THIS GUY says “NO.”

“You can hate me if you want, but I’ve got my SAG card now . . . and no one is taking that away from me.”

So, Teddy asks Noel Crane to marry her and use her health insurance.  Noel Crane says “Yes” . . .

(Somewhere in TV Land, Felicity Porter is crying her eyes out . . .)

“This is worse than the time I got that bad haircut, and everyone stopped watching my show . . .”

In other, New Hot Cast Member news . . .

Greetings, Nurse Panty Dropper!

Making sponge baths fun for TWELVE YEARS!

Bailey is still obsessed with fistulas, ever since Mandy Moore croaked from them . . .

 (well . . . not really . . . but on this show she did!).  Now, Bailey’s got her residents investigating various ways to prevent fistulas.  But they are taking WAY too long in doing so.  So, Bailey gets an idea . . .

After seeing how awed the residents are by watching Bailey extract a gallbladder through a patient’s mouth . . .

 . . . Bailey asks Lexie if she would like the opportunity to do the same thing on her own.  Lexie says she wants it about as much as she used to want a pony when she was a kid . . . In other words, she wants it A LOT!  April (who now has a new hair color, which makes her look like kind of like those old Strawberry Shortcake dolls) . . .

 . . . brags that she worked hard when she was a kid, and actually got herself a pony . . .

April’s Little Pony

Anyway, Bailey tells her “pony-loving” Fistula Research Crew that the resident who’s patient doesn’t get fistulas will win the opportunity to pull a gallbladder out of somebody’s mouth . . .

But NONE of the residents can prevent the fistulas!  You know who DOES prevent the fistulas though?  THIS GUY . . .

I’m talking about hot half naked guy on the left with the BIG Hose!  (Unfortunately, he was dressed at the time . . .)

When Bailey asks Nurse Panty Dropper (that’s my new name for the dude pictured above), why he insisted on removing a patient’s “tube,” despite Lexie’s request that he leave it in for two more days, Nurse Panty Dropper replies that he is not just a “Pretty Face” he is a Majorly Hot Body too!  In fact, Nurse Panty Dropper has been removing tubes from patients for twelve years, and they never got fistulas. 

In other words, “Butt Out, BAILEY!  I’ve got this sh*t under control!”

Upon reviewing Nurse Panty Dropper’s records, Bailey learns that he ALWAYS removes the tube in question after THREE DAYS, instead of FIVE.  And it is this early tube removal that apparently prevents fistulas.  GO FIGURE!

Bailey is very happy!

“I CURED FISTULAS!”  She shouts triumphantly, interrupting the Chief’s board meeting to share the happy news.  (Ummmm . . . actually Bailey, Nurse Panty Dropper cured fistulas, you just kind of watched . . .)

Bailey is so thankful for Nurse Panty Dropper and his Hot Bod of Sin miraculous medical techniques, that when he asks her out on a date, she says, “OK . . . because you gave me Day 3.”

“And because I’m very handsome,” adds Nurse Panty Dropper.

Bailey nods shyly at Nurse Panty Dropper’s assessment.  Then she butt wiggles away, so he can get a nice shot of her rearview.  And why the heck not?  She’s just had the BEST DAY EVER!

Well, that was “Adrift and at Peace” in a nutshell.  And . . . since there are no new episodes of Grey’s Anatomy until January . . .

 . . . I leave you with this promo, to wet your whistle for what’s to come . . .

See you next year!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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When the going gets tough, the tough get WASTED! – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Slow Night, So Long”

For me, tonight’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy was all about friendship.  After all, EVERYBODY needs friends!  Friends are the people who will quietly support you, when you need it most . . .

They will not judge you for making mistakes, but are still there to pick up the pieces, after the damage has been done.

Friends are willing to misbehave with you . .  . especially, when that misbehavior is for a good cause.

They will hold your hair back for you, when you puke . . .

And sometimes . . . just sometimes . . . your friends will give you the Best F*&k of Your LIFE!

So, without further adieu, let’s reconnect with some friends, throw back a few shots, and settle in for a “Slow Night, So Long.”

Cristina Gets a New Job, and the Seattle Grace Attendings Get a NIGHT LIFE!

If you’re like me, you might have often wondered how, throughout seven seasons of Grey’s Anatomy, the main cast never ONCE seemed to work different shifts from one another.  Initially, I figured that either one of two things was occurring: (1) the cast all worked at the hospital for 23.5 hours (The last half an hour was always spent either at Meredith’s house, or at Joe’s bar.); or (2) at 7 p.m. sharp, the ENTIRE cast left Seattle Grace; at which point, the hospital was immediately overrun by  . . . UGLY DOCTORS. 

The HORROR!

This week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy provided me with a third, more rational, rational explanation.  It appears that, on occasion, the staff at Seattle Grace does work alternating shifts.  We just don’t often get to see it . . .

On this particular night, all the attendings were off duty, having worked the Day Shift.  So while the “Adults” headed to Joe’s Bar to drink some “Early Onset Alzheimers” shots, and get nice and sh*tfaced . . .

 . . . the “Kids” (i.e. the residents) were forced to put in some serious time at the hospital.

Upon arriving at Joe’s bar, the attendings quickly learned that Joe had hired a new bartender . . . one who has clearly never been to a frat party, or tapped a keg before.

“When Owen asked Cristina to ‘Give Him Head,’ this wasn’t exactly what he had in mind . . .”

 
Do you remember when a newly PTSD’ed Cristina asked Owen if he would still love her, if she was a plumber?

I wonder if his answer applied to “bartender,” as well . . .

It was nice seeing Seattle Grace’s typically “serious” attendings let their hair down for once.  I liked seeing a very tipsy Bailey talk about relationships, and how important it was for her to find a man who “knew about fistulas.”

Fistula?  I barely know ya!

And I cringed at Teddy’s exploits with online dating . . .

Match.conned

And yet, while the older doctors were knocking back a few drinks and marveling at Cristina Yang’s superb bartending skills (or lack thereof), there was work to be done at the hospital . . .

Alex Karev is a Peds GOD /  Dr. Stark is a Peds AssHat

“Hey!  I resemble that remark.”

Last week, Alex and April had to suffer the terror that was working with the EEEEEEVVVILLL Doctor Stark.  Now it is Meredith’s turn.  While Stark is out enjoying a nice dinner, Meredith is coping with a young patient, who is experiencing severe stomach pains.  The patient’s mother, who is a nurse at Seattle Grace, knows from personal experience that these type of pains aren’t normal, following the procedure the child just underwent.  So, she requests that Meredith contact Dr. Stark ASAP.

However, when Dr. Stark does arrive, he explains away the pains the child is experiencing, as being due to “gas.”  Honestly, it’s not all that surprising that a windbag like Stark would make such a flippant diagnosis — especially, given his unofficial middle name.

And yet, after Dr. Stark leaves, the child’s pains continue.  So, Meredith decides to run some tests on the child to definitively rule out “gas,” before calling Stark again.  The only problem is the lab technician is backed up, and isn’t able to get the results back to Meredith in a timely fashion.   So, the patient’s mother rats Meredith out to the Chief.

“What you talkin’ about Meredith?”

Fortunately, for the young patient, the Chief rips the technician a new one.  And, VOILA!  The test results become immediately available.  “That’s how you get things done at night!”  The Chief exclaims triumphantly.

Unfortunately, however, the test results show the child needs surgery.   And Dr. Stark, of course, cannot or will not answer his phone.  So, Meredith wisely consults with New Peds GOD, Alex on the case . . .

Alex Karev – King of the Tiny Humans!

So, together, Alex and Meredith assemble their OWN OR Team, and conduct surgery on the child BY THEMSELVES! (“Because that’s how you get things done at night!”)  The surgery ends up going swimmingly, of course.  And the Chief swells with the prides of knowing that his “kids have grown up.”

The Big Guy even has it in him to laugh hysterically at Dr. Douche, as the latter reams Meredith and Alex a new one, for having the NERVE to perform a surgery on their own, without waiting for him to swoop in, and take credit for their hard work , like he did last time . . .

“And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for THOSE DARN KIDS!”

On Drunk Dialing, and Taking that “Maiden Voyage”

“Does EVERYBODY on this show know I’m a virgin?  Now, I’m NEVER going to get LAID!”

Poor April!  It’s bad enough she has to live with Alex, and see him EVERY day, after the couple’s Botched Sex Attempt.  Now, it seems she’s being bombared with talk of happy couples, at every turn!  It all starts with her encountering a pair of Teens in Love, who have Krazy Glued their arms together, upon hearing that the boy’s family is about to move to a different state.

Just because it’s called Krazy Glue, doesn’t mean you have to use it to do  “Crazy Things.”

Having obviously had no experience in these sort of manners, April has no idea how to “unstick” the “happy couple.”  She seeks the suggestions of her colleagues (well . . . except  forAlex), and tries multiple solutions, but to no avail.  But leave it to a drunken Bailey to save the day!  “Just mix a little soap and warm water in with the Acetone,” slurs Bailey matter-of-factly.  “Works like a charm.”

“You may not know this, but I was quite Freaky Deaky, in my day.”

Later, while April is caring for an enebriated Bailey, and trying to keep her from “drunk dialing” her ex . . .

“You’d drunk dial too, if this man had screwed YOU!”

. . . Bailey decides that “medical” advice is not the only thing that April needs, she needs relationship advice too.  “You are a virgin,” Bailey reminds an embarrassed April for about the 500th time this season.  “And Alex Karev is not the boy you want to take your Maiden Voyage with.”

(Maiden Voyage, huh?  Is that what the cool kids are calling it nowadays?)

 That’s so very true, Bailey.  After all, a “Maiden Voyage” with Alex is like a “Maiden Voyage” on the Titanic.   And we all know how THAT ended . . .

OOPS!

An uninhibited Bailey goes on to wax nostalgic about her past relationship with Ben “the Gas Man,” how strongly she felt for him, and what a ROCKSTAR he was in the sack.  Bailey assures April that she too will one day find some one who she loves enough to “be glued to” forever.  

Of course, this is Grey’s Anatomy we are talking about here.  So, I suspect Bailey is correct in her assessment of April. 

And yet, based on what I’ve read, a new love interest is in store for Bailey as well . . . 

Well, hello there, Mr. Daniel Sunjata.  I look forward to getting to know YOU better VERY SOON . . .

Well . . . that’s definitely a start!

Speaking of Men Who Look Good With Their Shirts Off . . .

Mark Sloan — Callie’s “new roommate,” since her breakup with Arizona — has been encouraging Callie to cope with her breakup, by indulging in some “Sexual Sorbet.”

Is that a banana in your sherbert, or are you just happy to see me?

Deciding to take her best friend’s advice, at Joe’s Bar, Callie approaches a woman, who has been eyeing her all night . . .

Unfortunately, the woman in question ended up only being interested in Callie’s hair style, not her body. 

So, when a vulnerable and toasted Callie arrives home that night, she gets herself the next best thing to Sexual Sorbet . . .

A Banana Surprise!

Speaking of OTHER Men Who Look Good With Their Shirts Off . . .

With the exception of a brief shot of Avery waking up from Night Terrors, during the opening moments of the episode, Dr. Hotness kept his clothes on for most of the hour . . .

However, he DID almost single-handedly save the life of one of a pair of brothers, who, brilliantly tried to “out drive” an oncoming train. He also made some headway toward a new relationship with his crush Lexie.

“When I asked you to ‘open your heart to me,’ this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind . . .”

You see, I mentioned before that Avery saved ONE brother from being killed, as a result of a Horrific Train Accident.  What I didn’t mention was that the other one died.  In discussing, how the surviving brother, and his parents, would cope with that loss, Avery indirectly admitted that his Night Terrors and “acting out” of late have been the result of his own Survivor’s Guilt following The Shooting.

Way to recognize your true feelings Dr. Hotness . . . how very In Treatment of you!

In Other News . . .

Dr. McDreamy may NOT have won People Magazine’s  Sexiest Man Alive for 2010 . . .

 . . . but he did win a grant to begin his Alzheimer’s research!  He also proved himself to be a very good friend to Cristina, silently supporting the ALREADY FIRED errant bartender, as she did WAY TOO MANY shots with some random dudes from a Bachelor Party . . .

 . . . and danced around the bar like a TOTAL HO BAG!

In fact, Derek silently watched and protected a Drunk and Clearly Vulnerable Cristina (who REALLY NEEDS TO BE IN THERAPY!  HELLO!),  until Owen arrived at the bar to literally carry his wife home.

Once home, it was Owen’s turn to support Cristina and her “new religion,” by helping her “pray to porcelain God.”

Ummm, Cristina?  I hate to break this to you, but . . . that’s not a pillow . . .

Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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“What’s up, Doc?” – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “These Arms of Mine”

“This soup tastes funny . . .”

This week on Grey’s, Meredith’s Voiceover had her trachea accidentally eaten by a Person Who Shall Not Be Named. *cough Alex cough*  And so, while Meredith’s Voiceover’s  new trachea was incubating, our Grey’s writers had to come up with another Artificial Story-Framing Device to use during the episode.  Their solution?  This . . .

As we all know (and have been told TIME and TIME AGAIN), Seattle Grace and the doctors and nurses who work there, have all suffered, as a result of The Shooting.

As with all major tragedies, The Shooting left scars on everyone who experienced it.  Some of those scars are easily seen  . . .

 . . . while others are more hidden.

Yet, ever the businessman, Chief Webber would like to gloss over all of those scars with a swift coat of cheery yellow paint, and put a “fresh face” on Seattle Grace — one that is shiny and new.

“Get those ugly extras in the white lab coats OUT OF MY SHOT!  What do you think this is . . . a HOSPITAL?”

And so, Chief Webber invites a documentary film crew inside his hospital, to show the world what a “warm and sunshiney” place Seattle Grace can be!

“You can stand under my umbrella . . . ella . . . ella . . . hey . . . hey . . . hey . . . under my umbrella . . .”

(Speaking of “sunny”  . . . you know . . . this show has been on the air for seven seasons, and, during that time, I don’t recall ONCE seeing it rain!  Did I mention the show takes place in Seattle?  You know, the “Rainy City?”  Where it rains, on average, 158 days per year?)

One of the few times I someone got wet watching on Grey’s Anatomy . . .

Good weather notwithstanding, it is tough to paint a “happy face” on a place, where phrases like the one below are so often included in daily conversation . . .

But that doesn’t mean that Chief Webber isn’t going to try . . .

So, scrub in Grey’s fans!  It’s time to take a little walk on the “Road to Recovery.”

Alex Karev’s Greatest Hits

By far, my favorite storyline of the episode went to Alex Karev.  His patient-of-the-week was a nine-year old girl named Lily, who had a large tumor obstructing her trachea. 

She also had an obsession with Camp Rock 2, and a terrible case of Bieber Fever . . .

It is important to note that Justin Chambers (the actor who plays Alex) has five kids, ranging in age from 8 to 17, four of whom are girls.  So, when Lily couldn’t take her iPOD into the MRI machine with her, and Alex started singing Camp Rock 2’s “Wouldn’t Change a Thing” to the her, so she wouldn’t be nervous during the procedure, I couldn’t help but wonder whether the actor had done this before . . .

Lily’s MRI results show that her tumor has grown so large that she will die, if her trachea isn’t removed.  Unfortunately, the removal of the trachea is, in itself, an often-fatal procedure.

Fortunately, as per usual, Alex and the Seattle Graceans have come up with a Groundbreaking Medical Procedure that could save Lily’s life.  The procedure involves growing a new healthy trachea, using Lily’s own cells. 

Just heat those little buggers up in a microwave and, voila!  You’ve got yourself a BRAND NEW Chia Trachea!

Tra-tra-tra TRACHEA!

For a guy who can be a REAL douche when it comes to dealing with adults, our Alex sure is a softy when it comes to working with kids!

And, although Alex says he’s only sleeping at the hospital to water Lily’s Chia Trachea, it seems pretty obvious that the real reason he’s there, is so that the little girl won’t feel so alone.

All I know, is if I was in fourth grade right now, I would TOTALLY bring that Adorable Doc in for Show-and-Tell, just like Lily did . . .

I’d probably have him wear less clothes, though . . .

Lexie Grey – Renegade Outlaw

While Alex is spending all of his time in the hospital, Lexie is spending most of hers right outside of it.  You see, ever since The Shooting, Chief Webber has significantly “enhanced” the security at Seattle Grace.  One of these new “enhanced” security procedures requires all staff and vistors entering the hospital to submit to a full body scan and metal detector check.  As for the doctors and nurses, they must also show the security guards their Picture ID Badges, upon entering the hospital.

The problem is that Lexie’s ID picture looks like this . . .

 . . . and she now looks like this . . .

So, rather than do the logical thing, and ask the Chief to have a new ID picture taken, Lexie spends most of the episode fighting with the security guards –trying desperately to convince them that she’s the same person as the blonde in the picture.

Eventually, Lexie  gets fed up with arguing, and runs past the guards into the hospital.  Lexie’s breach of protocol causes the ENTIRE hospital to go into lockdown.  This “innocent” rebellion results in major problems for one of Lexie’s colleagues Dr. Hotness Jackson Avery.

Jackson’s Emotional Breakdown

Jackson is rolling a patient with respiratory problems into surgery, when the automatic procedures associated with the lockdown result in his being trapped in a small glass vestibule, without any medical equipment.  Undoubtedly, having his own PTSD-fueled flashback to the day of The Shooting, Jackson begins to scream, pound ferociously on the glass doors, and doggedly  administer CPR to his patient, who is now frantically gasping for air.

The event frightens Jackson so much, that even when the doors reopen, and other doctors are allowed into the room, Jackson, now hysterically crying continues pounding uselessly on his patient’s chest.

On camera, an embarrassed and grief-stricken Jackson admits just how hard on him The Shooting, specifically, his loss of two friends and colleagues during it has been . . .

Finally, at the end of the episode, The Chief takes his head out of his ass long enough to order the removal of Seattle Grace’s short-lived and utterly ridiculous security system from the premises.  Goodbye and GOOD RIDDENS, I say!

Hello to Arms

I had literally a TON of ideas for jokes to put in the caption underneath this picture, all of which would make me look like a total douche, and none of which were the least bit appropriate.  Therefore, feel free to insert your own Inappropriate Joke About People With No Arms here . . .[ ]

I’m a totally terrible person, aren’t I?

Remember that picture at the top of this recap, featuring the caption about someone’s brains being on the floor?  Yeah . . . that was THIS GUY . . .

The bad news is . . . he’s dead obviously.   The good news is, he’s an organ donor with pretty arms.  That second part makes our Attendings pretty darn happy, because it will provide them with the opportunity to perform . . .you guessed it . . . a NEW Groundbreaking Medical Procedure. 

(That’s TWO Groundbreaking Medical Procedures in one episode, for those of you keeping score . . .)

“Hey, remember when No Arm Guy’s wife stole a baby from the stomach of that chick on Private Practice?  That was AWESOME!”

So, the trio of Super Docs (actually, it ends up being Callie, who does most of the work), plan to extract Dead Guy’s arms, and put them on No Arms Guy.  (Dead Guy isn’t really using them, anyway. . .).  There’s just one slight problem . . .

“Nicole” is not No Arms Guy’s Wife’s name . . . AWKWARD!

Honestly?  I wasn’t as surprised by the couple being so cool with taking the arms, despite the tattoo, as I was by the fact that all the doctors thought that they wouldn’t be.  After all, in the “What Would Rather” game, I’m pretty sure “Have a Random Tattoo” would win out over “Have No Arms” EVERY TIME . . .

Now, usually the actual “surgery” parts of Grey’s episodes bore the stuffing out of me.  But I have to say, this arm surgery was pretty darn cool to watch.  The way they literally sawed off Dead Guy’s arms, and wheeled them down the hospital corridor — the disembodied fingers wiggling, as the gurney lurched and bumped its way toward the OR — was like something out of a horror movie!

And then, the way the arms turned, pink, once they were reconnected to the Patient Formerly Known as No Arms Guy’s body, was so VERY Frankenstein . . .

 . . . or, it would be, if the original Frankenstein movie wasn’t in black-and-white . . .

I also liked the little epilogue part, where we learned that the Patient Formerly Known As No Arms Guy tattooed the word “Thank you” next to Nicole’s name.  That was sweet.  It was nice of Crazy Lady from Private Practice and the Patient Formerly Known As No Arms Guy to remember that, even though the arms belonged to Dead Guy, originally, it was his wife, Nicole, who actually agreed to donate them — thereby, making this whole thing possible . . .

LOOOOOOOONG Distance Relationship

Ummmm . . . what’s up with the Fugly Hat?  You’re going to Africa, not the Easter Parade.”

Sometimes, spending time fixing Tiny Humans really pays off.  Arizona learned this, when she won the prestigious Carter Madison grant.   Said grant would allow her to go to Africa, and facilitate the process of ensuring that the children there receive top-quality medical treatment. 

While some of Arizona’s colleagues were pleased to hear about the honor she received  .  . .

(The increasingly opportunistic Chief Webber treated Arizona like she was his prize poodle, who had just won Best in Show at the Purina Dog C0mpetition.  I kept waiting for him to pat her on the head, and give her a biscuit . . .)

 . . . others were less than enthused . . .

Callie, for one, couldn’t understand why ANYONE would possibly give up Earth-shattering sex with her (YAY!), in exchange for something as mundane as The Opportunity of a Lifetime (Snooze!).

Fortunately for Arizona, Callie decided, at the last minute to come to Africa with Arizona. 

See?  Sometimes you CAN have your pound cake, and eat it out too!

Miranda Bailey can’t win . . .

You know, everytime I see Miranda Bailey on my screen lately, I want to reach out and give her a hug.  Let’s review, shall we?  Her husband left her, her boyfriend ditched her for a spinoff .  . .

. . . Dr. Percy died in her arms . . . and now . . . our girl is FINALLY ready to go out and have a drink with her buds . . .

 . . . when she finds out that SHE KILLED MANDY MOORE!

It all started when Mary, the girl attached to the colostomy bag, who braved The Shooting with Bailey, returned to Seattle Grace, with her husband in tow.

 Mary plans to have Dr. Bailey complete a medical procedure, which she had never gotten to perform during Mary’s first visit to the hospital, for obvious reasons.  The procedure is a routine colostomy reversal, one that should have Mary in and out of the OR in about an hour.  Dr. Bailey, having grown attached to Mary, during The Shooting, is eager to finish the procedure.  She hopes that it will provide them both with some much needed closure on a difficult chapter in their lives.

While Bailey preps Mary for surgery, the two chat like old girlfriends.  We learn that Mary and her husband, realizing that life is short, blew through their entire savings, and traveled the world, in the months following the shooting.

 

We also hear Mary tell the documentary film crew that she hopes to “have lots of babies.”

The procedure itself goes off without a hitch.  We see Dr. Bailey give Mary’s adorable husband (played by Ryan Devlin) the good news.  Dr. Bailey, still on a high from her friend’s successful surgery, tells the documentary crew that she is plans to treat herself to a drink after work — something, which, surely she has earned.

Unfortunately, this wouldn’t be Grey’s Anatomy if there wasn’t at least one maudlin moment in the episode.  And this moment belonged to poor Mary, who, we later learn, never woke up from surgery.

After watching his wife spend months in a coma, Mary’s husband is ultimately forced to terminate her life support.   In a heart-wrenching scene toward the end of the episode, we see Bailey break down and cry over Mary’s death, in an empty hospital room . . .

Well THAT was completely unnecessary, Grey’s!

“Being a Hero Has Its Price.”

Although Meredith and Cristina didn’t have their own “medical” storyline this week  (Cristina, after all, is still on her way too long “I don’t do surgery” PTSD/depression kick.), we did get to see a lot of them both, during the “interview” portion of the episode.  Meredith remarks to the interviewer about how close her and Cristina are — a fact which Derek readily confirms.  “Dr. Yang and my wife sometimes have sleepovers . . . in my bed  . . . with me in it.”

That’s HOT!

But when Meredith calls Cristina “her hero” for saving Derek’s life, during The Shooting, Cristina breaks down, and has to stop the interview.  She later returns to complete the interview, after she has composed herself.  “What did you take away from all of this?”  The interviewer asks Cristina.

“Being a hero has its price,” replies Cristina sadly.

Indeed . . .

But, that’s kind of a depressing way to end a recap.  And I always like to end my recaps on a HAPPY note.  So, let’s try this ending on for size . . .

Ahhhh . . . much better!

See you next week!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Let’s Play Doctor! – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Almost Grown”

Remember when you were a kid, and you used to play doctor . . .  or teacher, or lawyer, or whatever “grown-up” job you happened to be coveting at the time? (For me, it was “firefighter,” but only because I really wanted my own Cute Red Firetruck . . . and, of course, those adorable Dalmations that always seemed to come with it. )

So, you’d put on your tiny lab coat, or hard hat, or your Mom’s suit jacket.  Then, you’d get up in front of your friends or parents, and bluster on with confidence, speaking precisely the way you thought a “grown-up” with that job would sound. 

 

But, eventually, you’d get bored playing dress-up, and go back to watching cartoons . . .

Well, that’s kind of what it felt like our Seattle Grace residents and attendings were doing this week: playing dress-up.  They were pretending to be more mature and responsible than they actually were.  They did this, knowing full well that, if they screwed up, couldn’t perform, or just plain got bored, the “real” grown-ups would be right behind them, waiting to pick up the pieces . . .

The only difference was that Seattle Grace isn’t some kid’s playroom, it’s a HOSPITAL.  And when the “kids” screw up, patients can . . . you know . . . die and stuff.

OOPS!

So, while I applauded the concept of “Residents Play Attendings Day,” and “Attendings Play Chief Day” as a teaching tool, it wouldn’t exactly inspire confidence in me, as a prospective hospital patient.  In other words . . . Seattle Grace?  You be sure to call me, the next time your hospital is “playing dress-up,” and I will try very hard not to become critically ill, on that day . . .

“Doctor McDoody, reporting for DUTY!”

My own personal reservations aside, SOME of our doctors fared quite well in their role-playing, while others seemed desperately in need of training wheels.   Grey’s fans?  Get out your trusty red pens, because it’s time to grade our “students” . . .

THE RESIDENTS

Alex Karev – B+

Good Ole’ Alex.  Here’s a guy who has AWFUL social skills, some serious issues, when it comes to dealing with authority figures, and is almost aggressively immature.  Yet, despite all of these things (or, perhaps, because, of them) he is positively AWESOME at dealing with kids . . .

Anyone else remember this scene?  Because I do . . . A LOT . . . especially at night . . . when I’m DREAMING . . .

Yet, despite Karev’s obvious talent for Pediatrics, his chosen specialty, at least, for now, is “Plastics.”   And why not?  “Plastics” is exactly the type of specialty people would associate with someone like Alex — someone who, on the surface, is shallow, superficial, and “just in it for the money;”  someone who wants to fondle boobies for a living; someone who looks like this . . .

(No offense to all you Plastic Surgeons out there, by the way.  I’m sure you are all really nice people.  Nice people . . . who are certainly smarter and more successful than I am, and, I suspect, better looking too . . .)

So, when Alex’s first case as “Faux Attending” is a Pediatric Breast Reduction, he’s understandably OVER THE MOON about it!  (It’s like a two-for-one special on Alex’s Specialties!)  As Alex is walking down that hospital corridor, envisioning his patient, he’s probably picturing some hot leggy 18-year old model-type, with boobs the size of watermelons . . . someone like Barbie . . . or Jessica Rabbit.

Instead, he gets This Guy . . .

Alex’s patient is 13-years old.  He suffers from a rare glandular problem, which produces an excess amount of estrogen in his system.  (His father suffers from the same condition, making it, presumably, genetic.)  The condition results in the teen having “man boobs,” which have nothing to do with his being out-of-shape, or overweight.  In fact, the patient is quite thin.

What’s unique about this case (aside from the obvious, of course), is that Alex’s patient is NOT the one who needs “managing.”  The teen is GUNG HO about the surgery!  He’s tired of being called Boobie, and having bras taped to his locker.  (Man, middle schoolers can be AWFUL, can’t they?)  He is about to start high school.  And he wants to do it, without having two large bulls eyes taped to his chest . . . literally.

But his parents are concerned.  They think he’s too young to have such major reconstructive surgery.  Furthermore, they don’t see the boobs as being any sort of hinderance to their son’s masculinity or teenage lifestyle.  (In other words, the boy’s parents . . . are TOTAL BOOBS, themselves.)

 And when the boy’s mother learns that Alex, and not Dr. Sloan, will be performing the surgery, she decides immediately to take her child home.  So, Alex, knowing the MAJOR ass kicking this poor kid is about to take, the minute he takes off his shirt for Freshman gym, immediately rushes to Mommy and Daddy (a.k.a. Arizona and Sloan) for help.

(And it was this initial decisiveness, and this alone, that kept Alex from getting an A in my book.)

However, just as the boy’s parents are signing his discharge papers, Alex performs a Hail Mary!

In his own, special, very blunt way, Alex tells the kid’s mother, in no uncertain terms, why her son should be entitled to make his own choice, regarding getting the surgery.  Alex also explains what will likely happen to the kid, if he is not allowed to do so. 

Ultimately, as a result of Alex’s Tough Love, the boy’s parents relent.  And Alex performs the breast reduction surgery, flawlessly.

Well played, Dr. Evil Spawn! 🙂

Meredith Grey – A –

 

Initially, Meredith and Jackson shared a patient, during their “Attending for a Day” game.  She was an older patient, who required SERIOUS brain surgery.  She also had a very ornery partner, who, as it turns out, was rightfully skeptical of Meredith’s and Jackson’s surgical capabilities.  Said girlfriend was also a former teacher . . . and probably the MEANEST teacher her students ever had!

“Don’t sass me, Young Lady, or I will have you expelled so fast, your head will spin!”

Since both “Faux Attendings” couldn’t both carve up the lady’s noggin, Derek decided to engage the pair  in a little “friendly competition,” to determine which candidate was more worthy of wielding a scalpel.

Weirdly enough, the competition involved “egg carving,” which, I guess, is a cross between pumpkin carving . . .

 . . . and that ridiculous “Egg Baby” assignment that they make teens complete in High School Health Class . . .

EGG BROKEN  = FAIL?  I guess nothing preaches abstinence like punishing teens for an “accidental hatching.”

Meredith, hustled by Jackson’s hotness “Scrambled Eggs” routine . . .

. . .  becomes overconfident.  She, therefore, does a piss poor job on her egg carving . . .

“Don’t look at me, I’m HIDEOUS!”

As a result, Meredith loses the opportunity to conduct the solo brain surgery. 

Given that information alone, you may be wondering why she received such a high grade from me.  Well, you see, while the first brain surgery was going on, Lexie called on Meredith to perform another emergency surgery, one which she ultimately completed ALL BY HERSELF, and completely WITHOUT DEREK’S help or supervision. 

Of course, at the time, Lexie didn’t know her patient neeeded brain surgery.   So, it was up to Meredith to diagnose the patient first, which she did, in a matter of seconds, thus saving the patient’s life.  The surgery went swimmingly, which is why Meredith is our top scoring resident, today!  You GO GIRL!

Now, Jackson on the other hand . . .

Jackson Avery – C –

What an EGG HEAD!

The only reason Jackson didn’t get an F today, was because he’s a TOTAL Edward Scissorhands, when it comes to carving eggs.

He also looks like this . . .

That being said, Jackson really sucked the big one, this week!  First he completely botched the brain surgery, forcing Derek to step in and save the day at the last minute.  Then, until Derek stopped him, he was going to TELL THE PATIENT about it, which would have, not only freaked her out, but would have probably resulted in a major lawsuit against Seattle Grace.  And we all KNOW what happened the last time they had a law suit on their hands . . .

April Kepner – C+

We can’t really blame April for doing pretty much exactly what was expected of her . . . no more . . . no less.  But we can blame her for an obvious lack of confidence, and a seeming inability to think for herself.  She was also rather annoying, this week.  And, surely, we can blame her for that.

In April’s defense, she didn’t really get much in the way of guidance on her case.  (Although, wasn’t that kind of the point of this whole excercise?)  After all, for a good three-quarters of the episode, April’s “partner,” Cristina, seemed so quiet and disaffected, the patient in question, thought she was autistic . . .

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, END THIS SUPER-FRUSTRATING PTSD STORYLINE NOW!!!!

April’s and Cristina’s patient is a sweet and refreshingly optimistic older man, who is facing down certain death, if he doesn’t get a lung transplant, ASAP.

The question at hand is whether the patient is healthy enough to even be deemed a viable transplant candidate.  He has a host of medical problems, including possible renal failure and a fungal infection.  He also lacks a strong family support system.

April is confused as to what to do about this patient.  And so she makes her “scared, confused, and slightly annoyed face,” which may very well be the only facial expression the character has in her arsenal . . .

So, April asks Cristina what she should do.  Cristina tells April that she should convene a board panel, to determine whether the patient should be on the transplant list.  So, April convenes a panel.  But she doesn’t know what to say to the board. 

So, she asks Cristina AGAIN!  Cristina tells her that, if Teddy thought the patient was a viable candidate, she probably would have already convened a panel.  Therefore, Teddy probably thinks the patient is not a good transplant candidate.  So, April tells the panel the patient is a bad candidate because .  . . umm . . . ummm . . . because  . . . he  . . . um . . . is old . . . and ummm . . . has uh. . . no family and friends . . . and ummm . . . is sick . . . and ummm . . . will uh . . . probably like die anyway . .  . or . . . something.

OK . . . now I’m scared, confused and slightly annoyed . . . 

Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the Future of Medicine!

Christina Yang – C

Cristina spent most of the episode wandering around dazedly like some sort of PTSD zombie (kind of like she has been for five episodes now).  However, unlike the patient in her care, SHE is (relatively) young, healthy, financially solvent, and actually HAS a support system. 

Specifically, Cristina has Meredith to bolster her confidence.  She has the Chief, Derek, and Teddy to give her the tough love, she so desperately needs now.  And she has her husband, Owen, to hold her, and tell her, “No matter what happens today, you and I are going home together.”

She also has this patient, who, inexplicably, sees something in Cristina that NONE OF US FANS have seen in her for five episodes now: namely, hope.  “Please don’t let me die.  I WANT TO LIVE!”  The patient pleads to a seemingly disaffected Cristina.

And so, at the very last minute, Cristina, like Alex before her, performs a Hail Mary!

She tells the skeptical panel that she has seen 27 transplant cases, and, in all of them, the will to live was the most important factor in the patient’s survival.  Healthwise, this patient may be borderline, but his will to live is strong.  “So, if you give this patient lungs, they will not go to waste, because he will LIVE,” concludes Cristina.

And the board AGREES, because they agree to put the Loveable Old Guy, on the lung transplant list. 

“You were a surgeon today, Yang,” says Teddy (These were the b*tchy doctor’s only kind words the ENTIRE episode, by the way).

And then, Cristina does something she hasn’t done in five episodes . . . she SMILES!

Please LORD, let this be the start of a new trend . . .

Lexie – A –

Poor Lexie!  She is the hospital’s ONLY third-year resident.  Everyone else, apparently is either a fourth-year or an intern.  (Man this hospital is POOR!  Maybe they should spend that “MILLION DOLLARS” hiring some new doctors.)

So, instead of being “Attending for a Day,” Lexie got to be “Everybody’s B*tch.”  But, she was REALLY good at it!  Lexie did everybody’s grunt work flawlessly.  She memorized her patient’s charts.  And, perhaps most importantly, she knew enough to call for help, when she had gotten in over her head.  In other words, this third-year kicked most of the fourth-year’s ASSES! *cough Avery, April, Cristina cough*

You go, GIRL!

THE ATTENDINGS

If you thought the residents did a BAD JOB of playing attendings . . . well, the attendings, did an EVEN WORSE job playing “Chief.”

“Heck, I could have told you that was going to happen!  I was a Bad Chief for an ENTIRE SEASON!”

Apparently, Seattle Grace, which (1) dropped in the rankings from 1 to 13 two seasons ago, and hasn’t come back since; (2) had to cut half its staff last season, because it was so POOR; (3) had to merge with another hospital last season, because it was so POOR; (4) lost 12 doctors in a freak shooting; and (5) has, recently, become known as the hospital you go to when you want to “be shot to death by psychos,” now has a surplus of . . .

“ONE MILLION DOLLARS!”

Yeah . . . I didn’t understand it either .  . .

Nevertheless, the Chief wanted each Attending to explain to him why his or her department should get the money.  As for the presentations, themselves?  Well, let’s just say they were . . . interesting.

Mark Sloan . . .

 . . . argued for a state-of-the-art Plastic Surgery facility, the money earned from which could be used to build a state-of-the-art Burn Victim Unit.  Now, this wasn’t necessarily a bad idea. 

What was BAD, was Sloan’s explanation as to why this would be good for the hospital.  In short, Sloan told the Chief that he should get $1 million dollars, so that he can throw himself into his work.  This way, he can forget about the fact that he’s not getting laid regularly, anymore . . .

SERIOUSLY?

Grade: C

Callie Torres . . .

Had Callie dressed like THIS to her presentation, the Chief might have taken her more seriously . . .

. . . who spent the whole day using immature tactics to psych out her “friends” about their presentations, spent hers talking about what a “Bad Lesbian” she is, and how much better of a lesbian Arizona is than her.  Honestly, I don’t even remember what idea she pitched . . .

Grade: F

Teddy Altman . . .

 . . . spent half the meeting with her nose buried in her note cards, mumbling on and on about stem cell research (Zzzzzzzzzzzz).  She spent the other half of the meeting bad mouthing her colleagues, and their respective specialties.

She also, apparently, forgot to brush her hair, before the meeting.  B*tches never prosper, Teddy!

Grade: D

Arizona Robbins . . .

 . . . spent so much time tossing around tissues, and promising that she wasn’t going to cry, that I can’t even remember how she planned to use the money to save the “Tiny Humans.”  And, honestly, who out there doesn’t think it’s “important to care for Tiny Humans?”

Aside from HIM . . .

How can ANYONE flub up a presentation, who’s sole purpose is to reiterate something with which EVERYONE ALREADY AGREES?

Grade: C-

Derek Shepard . . .

 . . . fared slightly better, by appealing to the Chief’s love for Meredith’s mother, and his paternal relationship with Meredith, herself.  Derek wants to use the money toward research of a cure for Alzheimers. 

 I liked what Derek said about real cures coming, not from pure science, but from indiviual doctors, and their belief in the futures of much-loved prospective patients, like Meredith. 

What I didn’t like, was that Derek’s plan was just a teensy bit selfish.  I also  didn’t like that Meredith misplaces her keys once, and forgets what day of the week it is (after working 13-hour shifts EVERY DAY, getting four hours of sleep a night, and literally spending 24-7 with ALL THE PEOPLE SHE WORKS WITH) and genius Dr. Derek immediately assumes the early 30-something has Alzheimers . . .

Derek . . . it’s called “BEING TIRED,” get used to it . . .

Grade: B –

Miranda Bailey . . .

 . . .immediately recognized this whole “Surplus Thing” for the Crock of Sh*t it really was.  And so, she suggested spending money on realistic day-to-day things the hospital actually needed: the replacement of broken and out-of-date machines, and a new nurse on the night shift. 

Chief Webber, who is often known for having his head up his ass in the clouds, chastized Bailey for her lack of creativity.  Yet, I thought she had the best (certainly, the most practical) plan out of EVERYBODY!

Grade: A

Owen Hunt . . .

 . . . was clearly the emotional favorite of the evening.  His discussion of The Shooting, and how a number of the lives lost could have been saved, had the doctors’ on staff received Trauma Training (most notably the initially maligned, but posthumously loved, Dr. Percy . . .)

 . . . undoubtedly brought tears to the eyes of many Grey’s fans.  And, perhaps, psychologically, receiving such training would be cathartic for the doctors at the hospital.  If nothing else, it would provide them with confidence of knowing that, if such a catastrophe were to happen again, they would have the tools necessary to handle it. 

So, I understand why Owen ultimately won the grant . . .

 And yet, I can’t help but wonder if this is the best use for money that the struggling hospital so DESPERATELY needs for other things (like a Night Nurse and new medical equipment).  

Don’t get me wrong, The Shooting was certainly awful.  Yet, what are the chances really of lightning striking twice in the same place?

Then again, this is Seattle.  And, if we’ve learned anything, during the past seven seasons, it’s that this hospital tends to be a really magnet for All that is Stormy and Electric!

Grade: A –

Here’s hoping that Chief Webber’s ominous prophecy, at the end of the episode, that “there are about to be some major changes [at this hospital]” doesn’t signify the coming of yet another Major Storm . . . 

[www.juliekushner.com]

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You’re not a weirdo, you’re “special!” – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Superfreak”

Who doesn’t like to start their day with a good old-fashioned threesome?

“You’re not a weirdo.  You’re special.”

“He’s not dumb.  He’s special.”

“She’s not ugly.  She’s just special.”

“They are doing bizarre things, because they are special.”

The above lines were frequently uttered in my childhood home, whenever I would make a derogatory or insensitive comment about someone or something that I found dissatisfactorily different.  I presume these responses were intended to make grow into a more open-minded tolerant adult.  And, eventually, I guess they did.  Initially, however, their only effect was to make me subconsciously despise the word “special.”

This week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy was all about the things that make us “special.”  So, without further adieu, let’s let our Freak Flags fly, and take a look back at this “very special” episode.

“I’m Not G.I. Jane.  I’m Attachment Barbie!”

Before I begin, please enjoy this pictoral representation of the above statement.

=

but . . .

Poor Dr. Teddy! FINALLY, she had found herself a Hot and Smart Boyfriend . . .

 . . . who wasn’t hung up on another girl . . . ahem . . .

 . . .  ahem . . .

. . . He even provided her with FREE THERAPY!

OK . . . mostly just Sex Therapy, but still . . .

Then, just when she’s really starting to like him, HE LEAVES!

Leaves?  To go where?  I mean, I understand that Dr. Perkins is a recurring guest star “Trauma Specialist,” who was only hired to help the doctors at Seattle Grace transition back into performing surgeries, following the shooting.  But where does he live?  Timbuktu? 

 Do you mean to tell me that there are NO “Trauma Specialists” practicing in the entire West Coast?  Somehow, I find that very hard to believe .  . .  I mean, California alone is filled with enough “special” “traumatized” folks to keep doctors like Andrew Perkins busy for YEARS!

So, WHAT if he doesn’t work in the hospital anymore?  Can’t ANYBODY on this show sustain a healthy relationship with someone who has found *gasp* employment elsewhere?  Haven’t these people ever heard of the phrase “don’t poo, where you eat?”

(OK . . . I’m done ranting now.  I apologize.  I guess Teddy wasn’t the only one who got “attached” to Doctor Perkins.)

Anyway . . . at the end of the episode the soon-to-be absent Dr. Andrew, more or less, diagnoses Teddy as being “Relationship Retarded,” and chronically self-sabotaging regarding the men to whom she finds herself attracted.  Awwwww, how romantic!

“You had me at ‘Retarded!'”

“You Stink . . .”

“. . . but, hey, at least you’re hot!”

Lately, it  seems as though the men of Seattle Grace have been having issues with “personal hygiene.”  Last week, Derek Shepard arrived at work smelling like pee . . .

This week, Alex . . .

. . . wandered the hospital halls, reeking like Smelly Gym Socks . . .

You see, Alex smelled bad, because he was sweaty.  And he was sweaty, because he was using Seattle Grace as his personal gym — running up and down its stairwell, like Rocky . . .

And he was running the stairs like Rocky, because he was afraid of elevators.  And he was afraid of elevators, because he just saw that AWFUL M. Night Shamalamadingdong movie where the Devil hung out in one he almost bled to death in one.

Of course, only one man was smart enough to put all of this together, and figure out Alex’s Deep Dark Secret, THIS GUY . . .

Chief Webber – The Stink Detective

After solving the horrible Smell Crime, Chief Webber decided to “cure” Alex, by making him ride the elevators with him over and over, again, up and down, until he was “not scared, just bored.” 

Yes, Average American Citizen, when you are shelling out thousands of bucks a year to the healthcare industry, THIS is what you are paying for, Rich Surgeons riding elevators, over and over again, until they get “bored” . . .

 

It just warms my heart to know that my money is being spent to help “those in need” . . .

Lesson of the Day . . .

When trying to get unwelcome visitors to leave your apartment . . .

 .  . . just have Crazy Dirty Sex right in front of them  . . .

PicSpam provided by http://fuckyeahcallieandarizona.tumblr.com/

 (Then again, that might actually make them stay LONGER . . .).

Yeah, I’m sorry Callie and Arizona.  Once again, you had a lame and insignificant storyline this week.  But hey, isn’t Wild and Crazy PDA in front of the Mr. and Mrs. PTSD better than fighting over paint swatches?

Yeah, I thought so too . . .

If at first you don’t succeed, screw someone else . . .

When you work at Seattle Grace, a lot can happen in a single hour.  One minute you can be stalking pining over the Girl of Your Dreams . . .

The next you can be boning your best friend’s REALLY ANNOYING baby sister . . .

. . . while the Girl of Your Dreams (who was probably about to tell you that she still loves you) watches . . .

 . . . all because some patient’s wife told you that “Sometimes love just ain’t enough.”

(Ummm . . . Mark . . . just because it’s the title of an 80’s song, doesn’t make it Good Advice . . .)

So About that Patient . . .

There are a lot of things I could have said / jokes I could have made about this week’s Medical Marvel of the Week — a man with a rare form of HPV that caused his entire body to be covered with warts, giving him what looked like trees for hands. 

(Needless to say, if someone in the Grey’s Anatomy makeup department ever wanted to get into doing horror films after Grey’s went off the air, this would be the picture on the top page of the portfolio).

However, kinder, gentler, friends of mine warned me that HPV is a very REAL disease, and that making such jokes would be inappropriate . . .

So, to make a long story short.  He looked gross.  He made Lexie gag.  A spider randomly crawled out of his arm during surgery.  It made the apparently arachniphobic Bailey scream like a little girl.  They couldn’t fix him.  His wife left his ass.  So much for a happy ending . . .

And that “Other” Patient . . .

Through the course of this show, our Seattle Grace residents have dealt with men who swallowed Barbie heads, insane psycho killers, people who have sex with ghosts, someone with a 10-foot pole up his spine, and, most recently, a real life Tree Man.  Taking all that into consideration, it was a bit unbelievable that these same people would be so shocked, appalled, and freaked out by something as mundane and dull as a 27-year old virgin.

You know who shocked me MORE?  Her fiance!  And no, it’s not just because the actor who played him, Omar Gooding . . .

. . . just so happens to be the little brother of a MAJORLY FAMOUS actor with the same last name . . .

. . . or because he used to be on this very random show I used to watch on Nickelodeon when I was a kid . . .

 . . . I’m talking about the fact that the character was NOT a virgin, and yet, was willing to abstain from sex for TWO WHOLE YEARS . . .

. . . all because his girlfriend wanted to wait until marriage.  I mean, THAT’S GOTTA qualify you for Sainthood or something, right?

In fact, it was this guy’s superhuman fortitude, and NOT his fiance’s virgin status, that made me cringe, when I found out what was “wrong” with the girl in question. 

Fellow TV Watchers, have you ever noticed on television that, right before a character learns something from another character that’s going to DEMORALIZE his or her significant other, the character receiving the information always says “Anything you say to me, you can say in front of my [signficant other].”

I’m sorry, but that has to be the STUPIDEST thing to say EVER!  Word to the wise, secret keepers, when someone tells you they’d like to tell you something in private, DO IT!  Don’t try to be a hero!  If you do, you may just end up without a sidekick . . .

As it turns out, the “virginal” soon-to-be bride was experiencing medical complications, as a result of . . . swallowing a condom.

Well, understandably, hearing this made Mr. I Haven’t Had Sex in Two Years to Appease My Virginal Girlfriend’s blue balls EXPLODE!

However, in hindsight, he needn’t have gotten so riled up.  After all, his fiance had only swallowed the condom, while attempting to practice the fine art of giving him oral sex putting on a condom with her teeth . . .

OPEN WIDE!

Just a word to the wise Bride-to-Be, on your BIG Wedding Night, USE YOUR HANDS!

As it turns out, Bride-to-Be isn’t the only late twenty-something virgin in Seattle, Dr. April is one too . . .

 . . . and when the residents find out about it, at one of their late night alcoholic functions . . .

 . . . they give poor April a really hard time about it . . .

“Ummmm . . . April, if you ever need someone to ‘Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before,’ I am totally your guy . . . Would it help you to know that I just showered?”

April stands up for herself.  And in one of those Slightly Overdramatic Character Exposition Monologues that Grey’s has become so known for over the past five years, the 28-year old virgin proceeds to tell all of the show’s main characters what’s wrong with EACH OF THEM!

Clearly impressed, Meredith tells April that she is “liking [her] more and more.”

Are YOU?

“You are flaming out . . . It is NOT OK.”

Christina Yang is contemplating a serious career change, one that involves poo and plungers . . .

Talk about a “Game Changer.”  Christina Yang is definitely the last character we would expect to see like this.  When we see her this week, she is needy, vulnerable, and unable to sleep alone.  But more disturbing, is her new apathy toward toward medicine in general, and surgery, specifically.

It is very hard to watch this “New Christina,” who has been put on Derek’s rotation, but only because he demanded it (“If she goes, I go!”  He said to the rest of the board.)  She continually feigns lack of knowledge of surgical procedures, and when she does get inside the OR, she freezes AGAIN!

“Would you still love me, if I wasn’t a surgeon?”  Christina asks Owen, in one of their sweet little cuddle sessions we’ve come to expect from this season.  (These two are the NEW Meredith and Derek, it seems).

HELL NO, BITCH!  I would love you if you were a plumber . . .

 . . . but would YOU love you if you weren’t a surgeon?”  Owen replies.

“I don’t know . . . maybe,” Christina answer’s dolefully.

Toward the end of the episode, Derek commandeers her in an empty OR.  “You are flaming out,  And as someone who cares about you, it is not OK,” he tells her.

Derek admits to Christina that she is not someone he initially would have chosen as a friend mainly because she can be such a heinous bitch, sometimes.  And yet, here she is — his wife’s best friend / Twisted Sister, the woman who saved his life.  She is like family. 

And so, Derek stays with Christina.  He guides her through the surgical procedure she conducted on him on the fateful day that changed both of their lives forever.  She performs the surgery again . . . this time on a dummy.

It’s depressing . . . but oddly poignant.

Speaking of Twisted Sisters . . .

I know all you Private Practice fans out there ADORE Amelia Shepherd, but BOY did she bug me!  And no, it wasnt just because she unwittingly ruined Mark and Lexie’s chance at happiness.  Nor was it because her definition of love was bringing Derek a Tumor Patient she banged on the airplane on the way over . . .

No.  She bugged me because she was ANNOYING, and INSENSITIVE.  She said mean things about Christina, like that she was a “learning disabled” “dud.”  And she somehow managed to make the trauma Derek suffered as a result of the shooting ALL ABOUT HER!

“Why didn’t you call me?  Why didn’t you tell me?  Why haven’t you visited me?  MEMEMEMEMEMEME?”

So, I wasn’t so mad at Derek for being a total Ass to her, despite her having traveled ALL THE WAY FROM PRIVATE PRACTICE to see him.  And yet, I was touched by Derek’s little speech, about always wanting to protect his baby sister from harm.  Apparently, Derek has felt that way, ever since the night when his father was shot, right before his and Amelia’s eyes.  Amelia was only five at the time.

For Derek to tell Amelia about his being shot, would be to admit to his baby sister that the world is a dark and unforgiving place.  And, even though Amelia is clearly an adult now, Derek still isn’t quite ready to do that just yet . . .

So, I guess it ended up being all about HER, after all . . .

So, there you have it fellow Greysies!  Another episode bites the dust.  Next stop, SHIRTLESS AVERY!

*Sigh*  Is it next week yet?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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10 Things I Learned from Watching Grey’s Anatomy’s “Shock to the System”

“Is this going to be on the exam?”

I suspect that there are many of you out there who only watch Grey’s Anatomy for the “mushy-gushy relationship stuff” .  . .

 . . . the bizarro plotlines involving psycho serial killers . . .

 . . . the hot hallucinatory Ghost Sex . . .

. . . and the abundance of Sexy Shirtless Men . . .

(NEWS FLASH:  Nearly Naked Dr. Avery!  Coming Soon to a TV Near You, October 14th!  Never has the invention of HDTV been more appreciated . . .)

And while all of the above are perfectly valid reasons to watch this long-running show, what many fans fail to realize, is that Grey’s Anatomy is also a treasure trove of life lessons for us all!

So, without further adieu, let’s look back at the lessons we learned from this week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy, “Shock to the System.”

1)  If you wish to fake an emotional breakthrough with your shrink, so that he will clear you to return to work (or, at least, trade those LAME anti-depressants he currently has you on, for the AWESOME uppers you’ve been eyeing since you started therapy), bad mascara and crumbly tissues are not enough . . .

Particularly if, even after crying, you still look like you belong in a Banana Republic magazine advertisement . . .

Drastic times call for drastic measures.  And in this situation, Ugly Cry Face is required.  Here are a few examples of what I mean:

Then again, if your name is “Meredith Grey,” and you are on a show called GREY’S Anatomy, you’ll be back at work after two episodes, anyway.  So, you might not even need to resort to this . . .

2) Those who lie down with criminals  . . .

 . . . wake up smelling like pee . . .

(and sometimes unwittingly attract new boyfriends named “Vito.”)

3) It may come as a shock to you, but there are some TV Watchers and (patients at Seattle Grace) . . .

 . . . who stopped watching Grey’s Anatomy after the third season.

Shocking . . . yes . . . but entirely plausible.  As a result of their Grey’s -watching negligence, these individuals may truly believe that Christina Yang is still involved with Dr. Preston Burke . . .

 . . . and that Isaiah Washington was never fired from the show . . .

“Well, THAT was awkward!”

While we are on the subject, here are some other aspects of the show about which these erstwhile Grey’s fans might be confused:

“Who are half these people?”

“Where the heck are George and Izzie?”

 

“So, Callie is a lesbian, now?”

4) When trying to convince your colleagues that you aren’t Bat Sh*t Crazy . . .

 . . . screaming at them “That’s ME, I’m the CRAZY ONE!” and running around the hospital muttering loudly to yourself, “She never saw it coming!  She never saw it coming!”  OMG!  She never saw it coming!” will probably not help your cause. 

Oh . . . and while we are at it . . . just because one of your patients is crying . . .

 . . . doesn’t mean it has to do with YOU and YOUR PROBLEMS.  Strange as it may seem, THE WORLD DOESN’T REVOLVE AROUND YOU!!!!!

Regardless, of what HE might lead you to believe . . .

5) If you play a lesbian couple on a show that predominately caters to straight females . . .

. . . the best you can hope for in a storyline is some comic relief-esque banter involving room decoration and paint swatches.

Thanks for playing!  Better luck next time!

6) If Miranda Bailey is touching your boobies, in the middle of a hospital hallway .  . .

 . . . your secrets WILL come out . . .

. . . even if she has to wrench them from your body with a pair of barely sterilized tweezers!

7) When THIS GUY says you are not ready to do surgeries . . .

 . . . you are NOT READY TO DO SURGERIES!

No “ifs” “ands” or “buts” about it, MISSY!

8 ) Are you single?  Feeling lonely?  Unappreciated by the men (or women) in your life?

Worry not!  Getting the objects of your desire to notice you is EASY!

Just get STRUCK BY LIGHTENING, along with all the men of your dreams!

You’ll be beating them off with a stick in NO TIME!  (No really . . . you’ll probably end up wanting to physically beat them.)

9) If your boyfriend is a shrink, and most of your dates are spent with you just talking, and him just “listening” . . .

 . . .  you’re not in a “relationship,” you’re in “therapy.”  Then again, with healthcare plans being what they are today, WHO CARES? 

But, if he ever sends you a bill for his “services,” it’s probably time for you two to have “the talk.”  (The phrase “quid pro quo” might come in handy . . . just saying.)

And finally . . .

10) If you lost your husband’s baby during a tragic accident . . .

 . . . and haven’t told him yet, just bite the bullet and DO IT!

If he’s anything like Dr. McDreamy, he’ll be totally cool with it!  And if he’s not . . . well . . . you wouldn’t want his Ugly Ass Baby, ANYWAY!

So, there you have it —  Ten Lessons learned from this week’s installment of Grey’s Anatomy.  Consider yourself SCHOOLED!

[www.juliekushner.com]

 

 

 

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You did WHAT???!!!- A Recap of the Grey’s Anatomy Season Premiere “With You I’m Born Again”

Can you believe that Grey’s Anatomy kicked off its SEVENTH SEASON this week?  That means the show is almost SIX YEARS OLD?  That’s not a Baby Show anymore.  It’s a BIG KID Show.  It’s a friggin FIRST GRADER!  And as for those of you who, like me, have watched Grey’s since its inception . . . seriously . . . how OLD are you feeling right NOW?

“I remember back when this show started, I still had all my REAL teeth!”

A lot can change in six years.  And, as fans of Grey’s Anatomy, it’s highly likely that WE have personally experienced many changes, ourselves, both in our personal and professional lifes, since the show began.  But while gradual change is commonplace, throughout the course of a human lifetime, nothing brings about quick, groundbreaking, whirlwind change, like the experience of personal trauma.  And nothing says “personal trauma” like the mass murder of your friends and colleagues by a GUN-TOTING, CRAZED, LUNATIC!

So, without further adieu, let’s take a quick look at the ways in which our favorite Seattle Grace pals have changed, since we last saw them . . .

 GO SPEED RACER! GO!

It seems that the experience of getting stalked by a Wackjob, having been the indirect cause of 18 deaths, and being shot and nearly killed, himself, has given Seattle Grace’s McDreamiest surgeon a NEED FOR SPEED . . .

(Just not Speed, like in the Keanu Reeves movie . . . because I sincerely doubt Seattle’s “greatest surgeon” would ever deign to ride a BUS.)

When the episode first opens, Meredith has to go bail Derek out of the Pokey, following his recent tango with the law.  The crime?  Reckless Endangerment — a criminal charge that almost was, but wasn’t, filed, because the Seattle Cops “worship” McDreamy (a.k.a. have big juicy Man Crushes on him).

Who DOESN’T?

All, I’ve gotta say, is that it is a darn good thing Post-It Wifey, Meredith, bails Derek out when she does.  Because, from the looks of it, our favorite surgeon was looking like a pretty strong contender for a rousing prison game of “Who dropped the soap?”

It’s a contact sport.

Still smelling of “Jailhouse Rock,” Derek, who is scheduled to return to work as Chief of Staff that day, heads directly to his favorite speech-giving location (The Stairwell of Power), and . . .

. . . QUITS HIS JOB AS CHIEF . . .

. . .  thereby passing the “Chief-ly” baton back to THIS GUY . . .

 . . . Old / New Chief Webber, who responded to the news by  .  . . going into his new office, and reenacting scenes from the film, Boogie Nights.

I know some fans took McDreamy’s decision to relinquish his chiefly duties as a sign of this “Toxic Impulsivity” he’s contracted since the shooting.  However, for the most part, I think his decision was a sound one.  As a surgeon, Derek is AWESOME!  As a chief .  . . not so much.  

While acting as Chief last season, Derek seemed much less like the McDreamy we had grown to love for five years, and much more like . . . McPoopyhead.

Besides, Derek simply didn’t have TIME to be Chief, not with his upcoming Crazy Insano Surgery of the Week — a surgery that I will lovingly refer to as the “Face Off.”

Yes, boys and girls!  Under the guise of removing a massive inoperable brain tumor  (Aren’t they ALWAYS massive and inoperable when Derek is involved?  Has this guy EVER operated on something “operable?”), Derek, along with his stalwart crew, literally REMOVES SOME TEENAGER’S FACE, by CUTTING IT STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE.  And it is gross . . .  Fortunately, we don’t have to sit through too much of it, however. 

Because, after six seasons, I think our Grey’s writers have FINALLY learned what us fans have known since Season 1.  Namely, if we wanted to watch medical mysteries, we’d turn on House.  But we don’t.  We watch Grey’s for the hot men, the funny one-liners, and the juicy sex scenes.  And though it was, admittedly, a bit light on the “sex” for my taste, what we wanted was, more or less, what we got, in this Season Premiere.

Speaking of sex, after successfully performing the “Face Off,”  Derek, still reeking of blood and guts, was suddenly SUPER HORNY.  And so, he accosted Post-It Wife Meredith in the on-call room, and prepared to “Do the Deed.”  “Let’s make babies like the one you miscarried last season, but forgot to tell me about, ” whispered Derek in Meredith’s ear, as he feverishly removed his scrubs, and proceeded on to Grope Fest 2010.

Then his beeper went off . . .

“Seriously, BEEPER!  Are you effing kidding me?”

Apparently, Face Off Boy was in pain . . . Because, having your face sawed in half?  Kind of painful.  No . . . scratch that.  VERY PAINFUL.  And yet, after a few kind words from Derek, Face Off Boy is just fine . . .

 

That’s OK, Monkey.  I didn’t buy it either.   Apparently, Derek has become some kind of Super Hero, since last season.

After stopping Face Off Boy’s Excruciating Pain in under a minute, off dashes our Super Hero to save a woman from a burning building drive 125 mph in a 50 mph zone, en route to a wedding where he is supposed to be Best Man (more on that later).  Except, this time, when Derek gets arrested for Reckless Endangerment, Meredith LEAVES HIS ASS IN JAIL, and goes to the wedding, BY HERSELF!

It looks like Derek’s new prison friends are going to get a chance to play “Who dropped the soap?” with him after all!

Just a little going away present for our favorite Doctor, locked away in the Big Dog House.  You never know when such things might come in handy . . .

Still Dark and Twisty, after ALL THESE YEARS . . .

While Derek was busy speeding the streets, quitting his job, cutting peoples’ faces off, being a Super Hero, and hiding the soap, Meredith was  . . . well . . . she wasn’t doing much of anything actually, because Dr. Andrew Perkins . . .

a.k.a. McSexyShrinko

 . . . had not yet cleared her to perform surgery.  McSexyShrinko felt that Meredith had still not properly owned up to her inner demons, following The Shooting.  And one of those demons (though McSexyShrinko couldn’t have possibly known this, because she didn’t tell him), was the pregancy and subsequent miscarriage Meredith endured, during the traumatic event.

An “awkward position” to be in.

Believing that Derek has been through too much in recent months to cope with the loss of a baby as well, Meredith has borne the pain and burden of this secret, on her own skinny shoulders.  And, though she would never admit to it, it is obviously eating her up inside.

Yet, with all she is going through, Meredith finds it in her heart, to be there for her best friend, Christina, during the latter’s time of need.  Despite her initial misgivings about their relationship, and her belief that the pair was jumping into marriage so soon after The Shooting, Meredith ultimately gives Christina away at her wedding to Owen.  And when Christina nervously asks her best friend, if Owen is OK, prior to the wedding, Our Plucky Protagonist sweetly replies, “He’s perfect.  He is just perfect.”

And if a statement like that coming from an Avowed Cynic, like Meredith, doesn’t warm your heart, I don’t know what will!

Speaking of Christina . . .

Here Comes the Bride .  . . All Dressed in  . . . RED?

Aside from the fact that she is getting married to the guy we just saw her BREAK UP WITH at the end of last season, because she believed him to be “just not that into [her],” and more into SOMEONE ELSE . . .

. . . the main differences we notice in Christina, during the Season Premiere, are that she (1) doesn’t seem to care AT ALL that she, like Meredith, hasn’t yet been cleared for surgery; and (2) spends almost the entire episode READING BRIDAL MAGAZINES.

Later, in a groundbreaking session with Dr. Perkins, we learn that Christina is focusing on these magazines, in an effort to force herself into the proverbial box in her head that she has labeled: “The Simple Girl.” 

“I went to school with women like this,” notes Christina, “Women who only wanted to marry the guy, and wear the pretty dress.  I used to pity them.  But I’ve realized that, in life, you can either be a Simple Girl, or you can be  . . . Me.  But Simple Girls are never forced to perform surgeries with guns to their heads.”

We are instantly flashed back to an evening a few months’ prior, when Owen arrives at Christina’s home, to find her frantic, panic-stricken, and unusually vulnerable.  “You’re late,” she insists.

 “I don’t want to be alone anymore,” says Christina tearfully, as Owen scoots next to her on the couch, and tries in vain to comfort her.

“You don’t have to be alone ever again.  Let me stay,” offers Owen.

And then he does this . . .

It’s a simple and sweet moment.  One that truly reflects these two characters and the often silent connection they have with one another.  Sure, “not wanting to be alone” isn’t the healthiest reason to marry someone.  But I’ve certainly heard worse .  . .

And the wedding?  Well, it was pretty awesome.  From the adoring way, Owen looked at Christina . . .

“Please lord, don’t let me end up like that Dr. Burke guy.  It’s HARD to get a job in Hollywood as a redhead!”

“Be afraid Ginger Boy!  Be VERY afraid!”

 . . .to Christina’s red dress (because white dresses are “offensive and vaguely racist,” according to Christina)

 . . . to how touched the couple’s colleagues were by the moment . . .

 . . . everything was, as Meredith said, perfect.

Sure, it’s a long shot.  It’s ALWAYS a long shot.  But, who’s to say these two Crazy Kids won’t be able to stick it out for the long haul?

Oh . . . and just in case you were concerned?  Owen and Teddy are TOTALLY DUNZO.  And Teddy has (rather conveniently, I might add) found a NEW MAN.  Actually, I think you might know him . . .

It’s Dr. McSexyShrinko!

Speaking of couples that are TOTALLY DUNZO . . .

The Opposite of Bad Ass

Lexie’s and Alex’s coupledom started going down hill when Alex called out Izzie’s name during sex bleeding to death, from a  bullet wound.  Considering that Izzie has already been MIA for half a season now, and LEXIE was the one saving Alex’s life at the time, I would say this was a pretty classic case of The Boy Who Doesn’t Know Where His Bread is Buttered . . .

Warning:  The loaf of bread has NOT BEEN BUTTERED BY IZZIE!  Jackass!

Things went from bad to worse, when Alex decided to keep his bullet from The Shooting lodged in his stomach, so he could use it to pick up chicks.

Yes, we CAN blame Alex for being a tool.  But can we REALLY blame all those chicks for banging him, when he looks like THIS? 

So, apparently, we can now expect many more episodes, during which a Shirtless Alex walks around the hospital, letting random slutty nurses rub his belly, and finger his scars.

But the final nail in the coffin was when Lexie had a PTSD freak-out in the hospital, and Wimpy Alex just WALKED AWAY, like a b*tch!  “I’ve had enough crazy for one lifetime,” Alex tells McSexyShrinko, when questioned about the incident.

Well, considering that Alex’s first girlfriend gave him an STD . . .

 . . . his second one ended up being a TOTAL Nutbag . . .

and his third girlfriend cheated on him with a DEAD GUY . . .

I guess I’d be inclined to agree!

And yet, I couldn’t help but cheer, when Alex tried to hit on Lexie at Owen’s and Christina’s wedding and she COMPLETELY TOLD HIM OFF!

“You may think that you are Bad Ass, because you lived.  But I’m the reason you lived.  And while you were sitting on that operating table DYING, you were calling out the name of your ex-wife who left you.  I’d say, that’s the opposite of Bad Ass.”

I think Alex just pooped his pants.

Did I mention that, unlike Alex, Dr. Mark “McSteamy” Sloan has TOTALLY been looking out for / trying to take care of Lexie this ENTIRE TIME . . .

 . . . or that Jackson Avery is approximately her age, single, and, is now a Series Regular?

Oh, Alex!  You are SO YESTERDAY’S SCREW!

In other news . . .

Good Times Ahead for “Calzona”

After an entire episode during which Arizona worried that Callie would either propose marriage, or start bugging her about “making babies” again, Doctor Blondie was TOTALLY relieved, when Callie finally revealed was that she simply wanted Arizona to live with her on a more permanent basis.   

“I want you to move in with me. I love you, and you have a drawer . . . and a toothbrush . . . and I want you to have a whole dresser and a whole . . .blow-dryer. Or something.. more romantic than that or .  . .something,” mumbles Callie adorably.”

And, just in case some of you out there, missed it, the exchange looked something like this:

and, when Arizona happily accepted Callie’s Proposal of Cohabitation, it looked like THIS . . .

“Blow Dryer” GIF and Calzona PicSpam provided courtesy of: http://fuckyeahcallieandarizona.tumblr.com/

It’s SO HARD to SAY GOODBYE .  . . to  the Gas Man

Oh, Ben!  Dear, Sweet, Miranda Bailey-loving, anesthesiologist, Ben!  We hardly knew ye!  But, already, we loved ye!  We loved the way you made Bailey happy, giddy, and smiley. 

We loved the way you got her to blissfully sing in the elevator, after the two of you FINALLY did the deed.  In short, you were a godsend for our favorite Nazi!

Sure, we always knew that, eventually, you would have to leave.  Really, we did.  But that didn’t make it any easier to watch Miranda dump you.

Yes, you just so happened to be golfing while a young man died in Miranda’s arms.  But that wasn’t your fault!  And yes, Miranda now feels that she is “busy with the tape and the glue”  that are holding her fragile life together.  So, Sweet, Perfect, Ben seems like “too much for her right now.” 

 But, does it REALLY need to be SO HARD?  Does the breakup need to feel so permanent?  After all, glue dries.  Tape peels.  And relationships .  . . well . . . sometimes . . . they heal just not when one of the involved parties has already signed on to work on yet another Shondra Rhimes Medical Drama.

Gas Man, you will certainly be missed.  And maybe, just maybe, we will find it in our hearts to check you out on that OTHER show, which shall remain nameless.  But, for right now, at least, I can’t do that.  Call me, Dark and Twisty if you want, but I’m still a little bitter . . . 

I guess my glue just hasn’t dried yet.

Well, there you have it folks — Grey’s Anatomy Season 7 is officially upon us.  Are you as psyched as I am?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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