Impending Apocalypse notwithstanding, our Mystic Falls Scooby Gang seemed to be having a pretty good day, in this week’s “The Walking Dead.” Old friends were reunited . . .
Old scores were settled . . .
And lots of liquor was imbibed . . .
Not for Bonnie, though. Her day kind of sucked. Apparently, all dark magic expression and no play, make Bonnie one dead witch . . .
And let’s not forget Silas. In the course of a single hour, the guy went from being Caroline to Stefan to Alaric to a statue of Alaric, stolen from Madame Tussaud’s museum of frozen celebrities . . .
He kind of looks like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle . . .
Let’s review, shall we?
The Homicidal Maniac Workout Plan
Personally, I’ve always really admired Elena Gilbert’s dedication to fitness . . .
I mean, here is a girl, who, as a human, took down a supernaturally strong, ridiculously buff, vampire hunter, just because she was REALLY PISSED OFF.
This is one scrappy special snowflake! Throughout the course of the series, quite a few episodes have been dedicated to Elena’s take-no-prisoners workout regimen. I smell an exercise video in the works!
This week, Elena begins the episode in workout mode once again. She’s breaking cement blocks with her feet, and doing chin-ups on the ceiling.
Stefan hopes all this exercise will make Elena forget she wants to murder Katherine . . .
Yeah . . . not so much . . .
Caroline is on Distract Elena Duty too. But instead of fitness, she opts to involve Elena the Orphan in Graduation Invitation Stamping?
Great idea, Caroline. Reminding Elena that her family members are dead, and can’t attend her graduation, when some of those family members are dead because of Katherine, is DEFINITELY going to keep Elena from wanting to kill Katherine.
The Scooby Gang really should have considered putting Damon on distract Elena duty . . .
Just saying . . .
Meanwhile over in the Forest Where Bad Things Always Happen . . .
Stuck on You
Bonnie and Katherine each have something one another want. Katherine has a big ugly rock from Silas’ grave. Bonnie has the power to make Katherine invincible. (Sounds like a fair trade to me!)
Not trusting that Katherine will give up her precious Big Ugly Rock, on her own volition, Bonnie does a spell that physically links Katherine and Bonnie together. This means neither can go more than 25 feet from the other, without being shocked, like a dog running up against one of those electric fences. It’s kind of like a Restraining Order in Reverse.
Now, personally, if I was Katherine, I would have used this to my advantage . . . and told Bonnie I hid the big ugly rock at a five-star hotel in Aruba.
This way, at least I’d get a good vacation out of the deal . . . even if it meant having to share a hotel bed with someone who probably mutters in Latin, and suffers from bloody noses, in her sleep . . .
“Can you ask room service to bring up some extra tissues?”
Instead, Katherine just gives up the Big Ugly Rock. Lame! You’re going soft on us, Kitty Kat . . .
Silly Rabbit, Blood Bags are for Vampires . . .
When I was a kid, I always assumed that the real reason you left cookies and milk for the fat guy in the red suit, on Christmas Eve, was so that, after he broke into your home through your chimney, he’d be full and happy enough not to make off with your valuables and eat the family pet. Pretty morbid huh?
For the same reason, I always thought that taking the blood bags out of Mystic Falls Hospital was a terrible idea. You’re not protecting the hospital from hungry vampires, you’re just taking away their cookies. And when Silas doesn’t have his cookies (particularly when he needs them to Bring About the Apocalypse in 24 hours), he’s just going to change his face into the pretty nurse from the reception desk, and eat all your patients.
Now, you’ve got this whole stockpile of blood bags, and no one to use it on, except the population of vampires you were hiding it from in the first place.
Let that be a lesson to you about leaving Santa his cookies, Lizard Forbes . . .
You Can’t Get Blood from a Stone . . . or Can You?
It’s getting mighty windy at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls . . .
This couldn’t have something to do with the whole Drop the Veil / Apocalypse thingy, would it?
Elena may have her humanity back, but she’s still being a heinous b*tch. She tells Rebekah that she’s not her friend. And she refuses to apologize to Caroline for calling her repulsive last week. At least Humanity Free Elena liked to party . . .
Homicidal Elena just plays darts, and pretends the board is Katherine’s face . . .
Someone get this girl a Midol please, because this Vampire Period has gone on way too long . . .
When the power goes out in Mystic Falls, starting from the three points where all those people died, the Scooby Gang figures out that Bonnie is triggering the “Expression Triangle” and dropping the veil, BEFORE the Full Moon. They race to the center of the triangle to find her, which, of course happens to be right in that magical place they never go . . . SCHOOL.
Elena can give two craps about Bonnie and her Apocalypse Schmocalypse.
She just wants to kill Katherine. But then she finds out Bonnie is WITH Katherine. And she’s ready to go in, all guns blazing.
Warrior Princess Mode Activated . . .
She even provides the Gang with a key piece of information, which helps them to get underground where the spell is occurring. Who knew Elena had such an intimate knowledge of the school’s underground passageways? It looks like someone’s been spending science class making out in the boiler room . . . You go, Elena!
Underground, Bonnie’s hugging a rock and making it bleed.
Personally, I prefer my magic tricks to be of the Cute Fluffy Rabbit Pulled Out of a Hat variety. But that’s just me. Anywhoo, I guess the veil is down now. At least around Mystic Falls . . .
Back upstairs, Damon tells Elena that she isn’t allowed to play in the Stop Bonnie / Potentially Kill Katherine games.
So, she stakes his ass.
This is becoming a highly abusive relationship . . .
Fortunately, Damon gets a helping hand from a surprising source . . .
Whether you are Team Delena, Team Stelena, or Team Klaroline chances are you are still on Team Badass . . .
This bromance knows no bounds. And the fact that Matt Davis’s “other” show has recently been canceled, means that this relationship just might live to see another season . . .
How sweet of Alaric to keep a watch over his errant vampire buddy from the Great Beyond!
Alaric helpfully explains that, at this point, the “Veil” to the “Other Side” is only down around Mystic Falls. This means that while, theoretically speaking, every supernatural dead creature CAN cross over to the Land of the Living, only those still on contract with the CW actually do it . . .
Sorry Megan Fox. That doesn’t include you.
And while Damon is thrilled to see his long lost buddy, he can’t help but be a wee bit skeptical. After all, Silas has been wandering around impersonating literally everybody by Damon’s mother. So, why wouldn’t he impersonate Alaric too?
Alaric is a bit hurt that Damon would accuse him of being Silas. But he’s more than ready to prove he’s the Real Deal. Would Silas know about the duo’s Secret Alcoholic’s liquor stash at the high school?
“It’s really YOUUUUU!”
Actually, I hate to break it to you Damon. But . . . yeah . . . Silas would totally know about Locker 42. That’s what he does! He gets into people’s heads, and uses their inner most thoughts against them.
So, while I’m totally with Damon in wanting Alaric to be real. There are some things that happened later in the episode, which made me question the veracity of this reunion. Let’s just leave it at that.
Meanwhile, over at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, Matt and Rebekah are trying to have a Romantic Candlelight Apocalypse Dinner, when they get cockblocked into engaging in an Undead Family Reunion of their own . . .
That Kol. He really is one perpetually pissed off dude, isn’t he? He makes Big Brother Santa Klaus look downright congenial . . .
“Thanks for making me look good, Kol.”
Theoretically speaking, the untimely death of Jer Bear, should have rendered Kol free of that pesky “Unfinished Business” that seems to plague so many miserable ghosts these days. But nooooo! Kol has to get greedy and kill Elena. He even makes a shiv out of a liquor bottle and stabs Matt just for sh*ts and giggles . . .
“Why is everybody always making me bleed?”
Rebekah quickly jumps to offer Matt some of her vampire blood. But Matt politely declines. “My position as the sole human character left on this show, makes me so much less likely to get killed off. So, I’m going to stay away from the Big Bad Vampire Juice, if you don’t mind,” he explains.
Beks heads off in search of a first aid kit . . . a HUMAN one.
Doppelganger Hijinx Etcetera
Katherine asks for slack on her Bonnie leash to investigate a noise she hears in the basement. Surprise! It’s Elena. So, are these two kicking the sh*t out of one another going to become like a weekly thing?
Meanwhile, Bonnie’s down the hall, screaming and moaning, because Elena is hurting her “feelings twin.” That’s what you get for linking yourself to someone who everyone wants dead, Bon-Bon. It’s the reason she wanted invincibility in the first, place, HELLO!
Plus, since Bonnie already used that Big Ugly Rock to bring down the veil. She doesn’t really need to be linked to Death Trap Kat, anymore, now does she?
While “Caroline” convinces Bonnie to break the link, Stefan heads off to intervene on yet another fight between his two ex girlfriends that has absolutely nothing to do with him . . .
“When did everybody stop loving me?”
Homicidal Maniac Elena is not the least bit amused with Stefan for ruining her murder games. And the fact that he did it to prevent Elena from inadvertently killing Bonnie does little to diminish girlfriend’s rage. “Dead Bonnie, meh,” Elena shrugs the idea off. “Here, Stefan. Have a date with my fist.”
Now, Elena, if you keep beating up your boyfriends they won’t worship the ground you walk on, anymore! (Who am I kidding? It’s your show. They will ALWAYS worship the ground you walk on . . .)
Meanwhile, back at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, Rebekah finds Caroline in a bit of a psychological pickle . . .
But wait . . . isn’t Caroline with Bonnie?
SILAS, YOU RAT BASTARD! You’ve done it again!
So, while Beks is gently breaking Real Caroline out of her Silas-induced Mind-Mush . . .
Bonnie is being taunted by FAKE CAROLINE / REAL SILAS. Who dances around her in a circle, turning into a different face, every five seconds. Silas helpfully explains to Bonnie that the ugly Uncle Fester / Voldemort mug was nothing more than just a ruse, to make Bonnie believe he couldn’t get into her head anymore. You know what that means, don’t you Fangbangers? Silas is hot. Just like everybody else on this show. SURPRISE!
Just once I’d like for there to be a villain on this show whose truly hideously deformed. It might make for a nice change of pace, you know?
I hear this guy is available . . .
Silas also throws in a piece of mythology we all might have forgotten about . . . The Hunters Curse. Theoretically, Silas should have been suffering from it, after he drained Jer Bear of Blood.
And yet, it makes sense that the Beautiful Mind Guy, who gets into people’s brains and impersonates others, like it’s his job, would be able to easily defeat a curse that involves . . . someone getting into your brain and impersonating someone else . . .
So, much for that useless piece of mythology . . . Silas hears Damon in the distance. So, he decides to turn into Alaric, and make Bonnie believe she’s suffocating. Like I said, it’s a bad day for Bon-Bon . . .
Meanwhile, over at the Special Snowflake Cemetery for dead Gilberts . . .
Welcome back, Jer Bear!
Unable to murder Katherine, Elena is stuck with dealing with those pesky emotions, she’s been trying to bury for a third of the season . . .
Uhhh . . . Elena? Not to be insensitive or anything, but haven’t you only been feeling like “this” for the past two minutes? Before that you were all . . .
Fortunately, for Elena, yet another distraction is conveniently heading her way . . .
Yes, that’s the nice thing about impending death, it prevents you from being depressed about the deaths of others. And Suicidal Elena seems more than ready to meet her Maker. After all, most of her friends and family are already on the “Other Side.” At least they were, until that whole “veil dropping thing” that happened about five minutes ago . . .
Hey, remember back last season, when Kol and Jer Bear were batting cage buddies?
Those were the days, huh? Now, Kol is in a murderous rage all the time, and Jer Bear is . . . well . . . doing this . . .
Except, it actually ends up being Stefan, who breaks Kol’s neck just when he’s about to finish his oh-so-cliched villain line: “Kill me once, shame on me. Kill me twice. . .”
DAMMIT STEFAN! I wanted to hear the end!
Cue the Gilbert Family reunion . . .
No, not that one! More like this one . . .
Back underground . . .
Be Calm . . . Kill . . . SILAS?
Bonnie thinks she’s suffocating.
But Grams pops by to tell her . . .
This episode actually contains within it a surprisingly inspirational message about mind over matter. All these big strong supernatural characters are repeatedly being undermined by the limitations of their own brains. In other words, ending the World’s Apocalypse really comes down to nothing more than good old fashioned “positive thinking.”
And positive thinking is exactly what Bonnie does, when she sees “Alaric” and makes believe he’s turning to stone. And then, that’s precisely what he does . . .
“Kind of feeling a bit stiff here!”
Did I say Alaric? I meant Silas . . .
At least we are meant to assume that it’s Silas. But I’m still skeptical . . . more on why in just a bit . . .
Happy Happy, Joy Joy?
I actually really hope this scene is real, because it was one of my favorites in the episode. Alaric and Damon spend Alaric’s final moments, pre veil re-lift hoisting “Silas'” cemented body into a trunk, and getting toasted on cheap liquor. “I thought you were cutting back,” Damon chides.
“I thought you were going to protect the children,” Alaric retorts.
Touche, Alaric! And when Alaric gives Damon the cure he found in Silas’ pocket, and tells him to “get the girl.” I’m cheering! How sweet! How fitting! How perfect! Especially when you consider how long it took protective pseudo dad Alaric/ Chunky Monkey to come around to the idea of a Delena Courtship . . .
But then I thought: “How do you get something out of the pocket of a person who is encased in cement?”
And then, I started to wonder if the thing encased in cement was really Silas, or just poor Alaric, who can’t seem to catch a break, even on his Dead Guy Holiday?
And if Silas is skulking around Mystic Falls, maybe that thing he gave Damon wasn’t the cure at all, but something else entirely. OR . . . maybe it is the cure. And he’s planning to pretend to be Elena or Stefan, so that when Damon gives the cure to them, he can take it for himself.
But that doesn’t matter, right? Because in order for Silas to do what he plans to do, the veil needs to be COMPLETELY down, not just partially down like it is now . . .
Cue Bonnie’s descent into magic fueled Dark Willow Madness . . .
Down goes the veil. And Bonnie goes tumbling right after it . . .
I wonder if ghosts still get nosebleeds . . .
In happier news, Damon wasn’t the only Salvatore who got to make nice with his Bestie, this week . . .
Good ole, Lexie! Always telling it like it is, and clearly shipping Delena from the great beyond.
Speaking of ships, it makes sense that Lexi would stamp her seal of approval on the Staroline relationship, be it platonic (like Stefan’s and Lexi’s, or otherwise) . . .
Not only are they both blonde, perky, vampire barbie types . . .
Both Lexi and Caroline seem to bring out a surprisingly light-hearted humorous side of Stefan, we don’t often get to see on the show. In short, he actually SMILES when he’s with these two. And even broody Stefan deserves a laugh every once in a while . . .
Now, whether that spells a romantic future for these two in Season 5, remains to be seen. It also depends largely on This Guy . . .
And This Guy. . .
Speaking of romances up for grabs, Beks and Matt get yet another romantic romance cockblocked. This time the culprit is Rebekah’s ancient ex with the distractingly long Fabio hair . . .
“Why do I suddenly feel like I’m on the cover of a bad romance novel?”
And his sexy vampire hunter friends . . .
Oh these three probably had quite the Hot Gay Dance Party over on the other side . . . Kind of wish I was there to see it . . .
But now, it’s all about the VENGEANCE!
Ruh-roh, Scooby Gang! It looks like your graduation party just got a lot more crowded . . .
Until next time, Fangbangers!