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Burning Up for Your Love – A Recap of Teen Wolf’s “The Fox and The Wolf”

the photo

Memories, like the corners of my mind . . . misty water-colored memories, of the way we were . . . before you got burned alive by grandma, and had to wear toilet paper around your head . . . and I accidentally got you possessed by an evil fox spirit . . . and killed you with my big ole sword .  . . and you came back to terrorize the entire cast of Teen Wolf . . .

Hey there, Werebangers!  This week’s installment of TeenWolf took us back in time to 1943, in order to finally “unwrap the bandages” on the Nogitsune’s sort-of origin story.  Turns out our evil villain was simply following orders from Kira’s mom????!

worst

“I’m kind of The Worst.”

We also learned that the Nogitsune’s tendency to possess attractive likeable boys with good hearts didn’t start with Stiles.

my balls

“Hey Kira’s mom?  Wanna play with my balls?”

But hey, now that we see what happened to the Nogitsune’s previous host, I’m starting to think our loveable hero has it easy.  At least Stiles gets to keep his pretty face for all his troubles  . . .

stiles upward looking

 A face that’s too pretty to be wrapped in Charmin. . .

It wasn’t my favorite episode of Teen Wolf.  I’m not going to lie.  While I appreciated the cinematic beauty and standalone-quality “The Fox and The Wolf” offered, I’ve never been one for flashback episodes that are focused almost entirely on supporting cast members.  While I feel like the episode was important to Season 3B in its reveal of the Nogitsune’s “humble beginnings,” and its finally tying the ever- pervasive theme of Japanese internment camps (and the Nemeton, for that matter) to the Story Proper, part of me feels like the narrative could have been condensed to one or two scenes, leaving more time to focus on the present-day dilemmas of our Scooby Gang, as they prepare to wage war against the Nogitsune.

let me out big

(I mean, Dylan O’Brien literally had no lines in the entire episode.  All he got to do during the entire hour was wave at the camera for two seconds.  What the f*&k was that about?)

Nevertheless, I appreciated Arden Cho’s impressive efforts in an episode that fell almost entirely on her shoulders, as she tackled the dual role of both Kira, and a younger version of her nearly 900-year old mother (Now , that’s some GOOD plastic surgery!).  And hey, I like looking at pretty soldier boys as much as the next girl.  So, who am I to complain?

handsome thank you

Let’s review, shall we?

nodding oh yeah

[As always, special thanks to Andre my screencapper, for whom I would totally steal a baseball, if we were ever stuck in an internment camp together.]

Why I’ll Never Look at a Bottle the Same Way Again . . .

head snappy

excedrin

Let me start by saying that the Nogitsune will likely go down in history as my favorite Teen Wolf villain ever.  He’s crafty.  He’s terrifying.  He took Dylan O’Brien’s acting to a whole other level . . .

dont trust the fox

But one of the things that always pissed me off about him was his insistence on spouting off those annoying childish riddles.  He’s like the only kid in your elementary school class who still found knock-knock jokes funny after age 5, and continued to spout them off annoyingly to anybody who would listen all through middle school.

gay dancing riddler

But now we know that the Nogitsune’s reliance on riddles is merely ironic.  He’s just making fun of his first (scratch that second  .  . . ) victim (who was kind of an asshat, anyway, truth be told).  And that makes him SO much cooler . . .

YOLO

“YOLO!”

The episode opens in 1943.  Two mildly attractive soldiers are disposing of dead bodies.  One of them keeps trying to annoyingly pepper his comrade, who is clearly unamused, with stupid riddles.

Q: “What has teeth, but doesn’t bite?”

A “A comb.”

Q:“What has a neck but no head?”

A: “A bottle”

What has two hands

“OK. I’ve got one.  What has two thumbs, a really bad sense of humor, and is about to be killed in the most ironically awful way possible? THIS GUYYYYY!”

Then Mr. Toilet Paper Head himself appears out of nowhere in the middle of the field.  Non-joke loving comrade tries to shoot him to no avail.  In fact, Mr. Toilet Paper Head wrenches his gun from the put-upon shoulder and shoots him, multiple times, in the chest.

a hug

“Kiss me, Sweetheart.”

Bad Riddle Teller tries to run, but it isn’t long before Mr. Toilet Paper Head Nogitsune’s got him by the throat as well.  “What’s got a neck, but no head?”  He asks slyly, before decapitating the annoying soldier, and holding his blood dripping face toward his disembodied corpse.

holding the head

potato head

Now, that may very well have been the first riddle I actually enjoyed.  Does that make me a bad person?

nodding oh yeah

Probably . . .

The Older the Tail, The Stronger the Oni

Having broken free from the nuthouse, a slightly sleep-deprived, but still sexy scary Stiles pays a visit to everybody’s current favorite history professor, Kira’s dad.  Why is it that history professors are constantly put in mortal danger on these supernatural teen shows?  Did all the writers of these television series flunk history, back in high school?  Because, personally, I did fine in history.  If I wrote a teen television series, it would be the math teachers, who’d be in serious trouble . . .

feeling kind of dead

kind of dead

reading lessons

“Oh, hello Stiles.  Let me guess.  You want me to teach you how to read again.”

books bad

“No way!  Books are bad!  I hate you and your stupid books.”

He knocks over a few books with his long, oddly erotic fingertips,  as he opines the location of Kira’s mom’s hidden tails . . .  the tails that, when broken create the Darth Vadery-looking Oni, the Oni that are out to murder Nogitsu-Stiles, but, so far, haven’t been all that successful.

the tale

have a tail

It appears that a Kitsune obtains a new tail for every 100 years of life, and Kira’s mom has already lost seven of hers attempting to eradicate Nogitsu-Stiles.  But there is one left.  And it’s the oldest, and therefore, strongest, one of all . . .

darth vader

When Kira’s dad won’t willingly give up the location of Tail number 8, Nogitsu-Stiles makes him swallow a bug, which gross, but an entirely effective method of torture.

gulp

I mean, I’d auction off my first born to not suffer the indignity of having to choke on bugs in front of a sexy evil Dylan O’Brien.  So embarrassing. . .

Picture Perfect

Last week, we saw Stiles’ first possible sex partner escape the Loony Bin, in order to offer up a photograph as payment to Scott McCall, the one person with access to the knowledge Kira needs to turn back into a coyote forever.  (Hey Kira, are you sure this is what you really want?  Because, last I checked coyotes, only got to screw other coyotes . . .in other words, no more Stiles Sex for you!)

sexing

coyote

This week, we see Scott studying the photograph recently retrieved from the Nogitsune’s pocket.  The woman in the photograph looks just like Kira, herself, though the black and white photo was clearly taken before Kira’s birth, and the man in it is unknown to her.  Suspecting the photograph is of her a relative of hers, Kira takes Scott to the high school for a long-overdue confrontation with her parents.

help daddy

By the time they arrive, Kira’s mom is already there, helping her husband un-choke on a bug.

hack pooey

“I don’t get it.  He wanted me to talk, but then he made me swallow a bug so that I couldn’t.  He must really hate books.”

Kira’s mom immediately cops to being the woman in the picture, and the true reason for the Nogitsune’s appearance in Mystic Falls.

stupid bitch chasing the ghost

In other words, it’s HER fault Stiles might die.  KILL HER!!!!!!

4 8 thendie hoyt full dead

Reap What You Sow . . .

Back in flashback era, we see Kira’s mom stealing apple crates and baseballs from soldiers at olden-day Eichen House, and are SOOOOO not amused.  That Stiles killing biatch!

less apples

gotcha balls

“I’ve really got you by the balls!”

Present day repercussions aside, we learn that Kira’s mom was actually a bit of a Robin Hood, stealing from the soldiers to give to the hungry and deprived in her WW2 Japanese Internment Camp.  She even stole a baseball for a little boy, something that would have seemed out of character in her cold-hard, present-day incarnation.

broken katana

“I eat small children for breakfast.”

A grandma type warns Kira’s mom, who is about 800 years old at the time, that she is “young and reckless” and itching for a beatdown, if she doesn’t become more careful about what and when she steals.   Kira ‘s mom just blows her off.  After all, what do people who age naturally know about getting ahead in the world?

dont mess with granny

“Botox is for pussies.”

Especially, Granny here.  She does nothing to save her friends in the internment camp but sit around and play that wanna-be chess game, Go.  And Go has absolutely nothing to do with defeating the villains of this season . . . or does it?

game of go

Besides, Kira’s mom will never get caught . .  . not as long as she keeps boning the enemy. . .

love story

dropped the ball

Someone’s balls are about to drop about to drop the ball.

Save Stiles

Back at jail, Papa Stilinski breaks Derek and Papa Argent out of jail in the hopes that they will help rescue his son from Evil Fox Mind Control.  With a couple of brain scans in his arsenal, Papa Stilinski reveals what many Werebangers have already surmised, that Stiles’ supposed brain legions were nothing more than a trick perpetrated by the Nogitsune to break down Stiles’ emotional defenses to mind control.    He’s not brain damaged!  He’s just possessed.  SOOOOO MUCH BETTER, right?

brain scan

This is your brain on Nogitsune. .  . Kind of looks like a frog, doesn’t it?

glee frog

Kira and Scott want to save Stiles too, but Kira’s mom insists that murdering him is their only way out?  Why?  Because that’s what she had to do LAST TIME . . .

The Ring of Fire

When the entire internment camp comes down with pneumonia, and the medics find themselves without the medication required to cure it, Kira and her American boyfriend discover that the army doctor and those two dorky soliders who died in the beginning of the episode, have been selling the stuff on the black market at the expense of their patients.

44 mad eric

The little kid with the baseball dies and his dad is furious.

dead kid

sad daddy

The entire internment camp readies itself for revolution.  Of course, angry sick prisoners with sticks are no match for well-armed soldiers, right?  Unless, of course, one of those well-armed soldiers messes with grandma . . .

beating ladies

not cool romeo

NO ONE BEATS UP GRANNY (the secret werewolf), AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!

Sorry sexy American boyfriend.  It looks like this Bud is for you!

ill take that

“I’ll take that.”

dont ruin his balls

“Don’t ruin his balls!”

fire crotch a whole

“This takes the term fire crotch to a whole new level.”

why did she hit that one

“Why did she waste my flaming beer on the only nice soldier in this episode?”

feeling hot hot hot

my pretty face

“Give me back my pretty face!”

Then, Kira’s mom gets shot a couple times, and decides to play dead long enough to get shipped off to pasture with the other actually dead bodies, including her boyfriend’s.

not sexy

not an orgy - Copy

Back in the present day, Allison cries to Stiles’ dad in the elevator at the hospital, for no conceivable reason.

got the sads

“I’ve got the sads.”

hugsies al

“And I’ve got a really inappropriate boner.”

But it fits the mood, and Papa Stilinski is relatively sweet about it (especially considering that HE is the one with the possessed son).  So, we don’t think much of it . . .

Nogitsune Rising . . .

Back in Beacon Hills, the Nogitsune makes his next move, right from the bedroom of his host . . .

hi dad

“Where the magic happens . . .”

But in 1943, the Nogitsune has not yet arrived, because Kira’s mom has yet to call it.

sleepy kira

“Catching a quick nap, before I do something REAALLLLLLY stupid.”

Then, she does call him, unwittingly offering up to the trickster spirit an entire truck filled with the bodies of potential hosts.

nogitsune teeth

“It keeps my burnt crispy skin Charmin soft.”

But only one has a toilet paper head!  And boy is Nogitsu-Burned-Up American Boyfriend Pissed Off!

Putting Humpty Dumpty Back Together Again . . .

Nogitsu-Boyfriend responds to his girlfriend’s call to action, by killing, not only those jerky soldiers, but also Kira’s mom’s internment camp friends.  Talk about biting the hand that feeds you with your gross pointy teeth!

teeth

Realizing that she pretty much brought about the deaths of everyone who croaked in this episode, Kira decides to take down her Nogitsu-Boyfriend once and for all.  And she does it with the big fat sword under her bed that nobody thought to find, despite the fact that (1) she lived in an internment camp, which was inspected daily for contraband, and (2) her internment camp friends REALLY could have used it during the revolution they lost miserably earlier in the episode . . .

dying nogi

yah

“Grandma, what big teeth you have.”

Long story short, Kira’s mom stabs Nogitsu-Reese with her big fat sword, and the help of the Wolf Granny responsible for burning him to a crisp.  She shatters her big fat sword in the process.

But then, just in case Kira’s mom hasn’t done enough stupid things in the context of this episode, she decides to do something REALLLLLLLLY stupid.

draco malfoy facepalm

A fly comes out of Nogitsu-Boyfriend’s mouth.  Now, let’s guess what Kira’s mom does with the evil fly.

holding fly

“My precious.”

Does she

(1)    Crush it with her fingers

(2)    Squash it with her heel.

(3)    Keep it alive, put it in a jar, and bury it underneath an ALL POWERFUL SUPERNATURAL TREE.

Did you guess 3?  Of course, you did.  Because you know that being really friggin old doesn’t necessarily make you smart.

fireflies

“This is a souvenir of my sex life.”

Back in the present day, Kira uses her electric fingers to put her mom’s Big Fat Nogitsu-Killing Sword back together.  Then, her and Scott rush off to “save” Stiles, by chopping up his insides with the largest sushi knife in the world.  Let’s just hope Kira is smart enough to bring along some bug spray . . .

big stick

Meanwhile, the rest of the Scooby Gang has found a little gift in Stiles room.  It’s a chess set with all the Teen Wolf characters helpfully labeled.  Derek is the king, of course.

on the board

looknig at the pieces

derek dream 1

“I’m the King of the Woooooorllld!”

(I smell another Kung Fu Fighting scene to the tune of Mortal Kombat at Derek’s house!)

hello folks

“You know, you really ought to consider getting more furniture in here.  At least a bed . . .”

Everyone else is pretty much pawns.  And Isaac’s already out of play.  Sorry Isaac.  It looks like having Allison grab your ass has done little to improve your chances for longevity on this show.

isaac scarf

It all sounds pretty ominous.  But what does it mean?

ephemeral

Only Nogitsu-Stiles knows .  . . and Jeff Davis, of course.

gives me joy

 

Until next time, Werebangers!

winky stiles

 

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A Lesson in Etiquette from the Cast of Mad Men and the Mister Men Series – A Recap of Mad Men’s “The Chrysanthemum and the Sword”

“A lesson in whhaaaat?  From the cast of whoooooo?  DON, this damn phone don’t work and neither do I!”

Whether we are still kids, or just kids at heart, there are times in all of our lives, when we could stand to be reminded of the importance of minding our proverbial “Ps and Qs.”  And in this most recent Mad Men episode, EVERYONE fell a bit short on the Etiquette Scale. 

Let’s revisit, shall we?

Lesson One:  When you have nothing nice to say, it’s best to say nothing at all . . .

In the opening moments of the episode, Don receives a phone call from the New York Times.  Apparently, one of Don’s competitors at another advertising company(Cutler, Gleason, and Chauough), has been talking smack about him. 

(Riiiiiight! Because THAT’S what top New York Times reporters cover on the front page of their paper, Word Wars between anonymous Ad men.) 

The reporter wonders whether Don has a response to his competitors’  snide remarks.  If Don was POLITE, he would simply say, “No Comment.”  However, because Don is . . .

 . . . he, instead replies, “Never heard of him.” 

Lesson 2 – Be flexible.  There is no shame in compromising to get the job done.

“Compromise is for pussies!”

Later, at a meeting of the SCDP partners, Pete mentions that he has scored a meeting with Honda, where SCDP will have the opportunity to pitch the well established Japanese corporation a campaign for their motorcycle account.

Rumor has it that Honda is dissatisfied with their current representation by Massive Ad Agency, Grey.  The “catch” is that each competing agency will get just $3,000 to create a mock pitch for Honda.  Most of the partners are THRILLED . . .

. . . but Roger is NOT!

A World War II vet, who lost a lot of friends to the Japanese war effort, Roger REFUSES to represent a Japanese company, no matter how lucrative such representation could potentially BE for SCDP.  This is because Roger is . . .

“Why don’t we just bring Doctor Lyle Evans in here?”  Roger quips.

“Huh?”

*         *         *           *

Please forgive me this slight departure from your regularly scheduled recap, while I wax poetic on Roger’s so-called “historical reference.”

Who the heck is Doctor Lyle Evans?  If you didn’t catch the reference, fear not, because the rest of the staff of SCDP didn’t either.  Seeing as I was still about two decades away from being born, back in 1965, I just shrugged the name off, assuming it referred to some villainous doc, who worked for the enemy back in World War II.  (I was never exactly what you would call a “History Buff,” anyway . . .

But, apparently, there was much more to it than that.  You see, the interesting thing about Dr. Lyle Evans, is that he DOES NOT EXIST! 

OK.  There’s probably SOMEONE out there named Dr. Lyle Evans, but he’s certainly not a historical figure.  Evidently, Matt Weiner dropped the name into the script to have a little fun with those crazy Mad Men fans who like to look up every single historical reference they hear on the show.  It WORKED!  Google and Twitter trends for the mysterious “Dr. Lyle Evans” went through the ROOF, Sunday night!

Tsk, tsk, Matt Weiner!

I hearby dub you . . .

We now return to our regularly scheduled recap . . .

*      *      *      *

Lesson 3 – Before making drastic changes to your appearance, always consult with your elders . . .

Felicity’s Keri Russell learned THIS lesson the hard way . . . So did Sally Draper.

OK.  I REALLY don’t like this Nurse Phoebe chick!  I didn’t like her when she was Reed on Grey’s Anatomy . . .

 . . . and I DON’T like her now!  Apparently, neither does Sally Draper.  Because when Nurse Phoebe was babysitting the little Drapers, over at Don’s house, while Don was out on a date, Sally did something to ensure that Phoebe would NEVER be invited back into Don’s apartment again!  She did THIS . . .

She then asked Phoebe whether she and Don were doing The Nasty together.   Well, if they WERE, they won’t be NOW! 

When Don got back from his Dull Ass Date with Boring Bethany at Benihana’s . . .

 . . . (where he learned that his advertising rivals from Cutler would be competing with SCDP for the Honda account), he fired Nurse Phoebe on the spot!

Lesson 4 – Use your words, not your fists, B*tch (especially on YOUR KIDS)!!!!

The SLAP heard round the world . . .

While Don blamed Nurse Phoebe for the whole “Sally Hair Fiasco,” Betty blamed EVERYBODY BUT HERSELF!  Poor, poor, Betty!  Apparently, the whole world is conspiring to make your life miserable.  Your daughter’s rebellious actions have nothing to do with her inner turmoil over her grandfather’s death or her parents’ divorce, they are all about YOU.  Everything is about YOU!  YOU, YOU, YOU!

“Me?  Ahhh, my favorite subject.”

Betty slaps Poor Troubled Sally so hard, it looks for a moment like her teeth might fall right out of her mouth!  And although Hen-pecked Henry and Disaffected Don look appalled by her behavior, both do astonishingly little to help the crying ten-year old, whose just been physically abused.  “Betty,” Henry whispers half-heartedly.

“Well, gosh, I’d love to help ya, Sally.  But I don’t wanna get beat up by a girl . . . AGAIN!”

Sally dashes to her room, and Don scampers out the door like a coward.  Then, Betty, clearly the wronged one, whines to Henry about how much she wants to MURDER Don!

WOAH!  Take it easy there . . .

Lesson 5 – Be respectful of that which makes others “different”

“I really don’t understand why people think I’m racist.  Can’t a guy wear a mud mask without ridicule?  I hear helps clean the pores!”

The time has come for the men of SCDP to hold their meeting with the good folks at Honda.  Preparations have been made.  “The Chrysanthemum and the Sword” has been not read.  White flowers (which signify death in Japanese culture) have been hidden.  Gifts have been purchased, including expensive bottles of booze.  Old Fogey Roger has been sent off on a loooonnng lunch, and told precisely nada about what is set to occur.

Things go pretty well . . . at first.  Pleasantries are exchanged and translated.  Joan’s assets are admired.  “How does she not fall over?”  One of the business men inquires “cutely” in Japanese.

“Actually, sir, I fall over all the time.  That’s why I always try to have Japanese business men in front of me, to break my fall.”

But then Roger comes, and screws everything up.

Pissed that he’s been lied to, and that his opinion has been blatantly ignored by his colleagues, an uncharacteristically belligerant Roger starts hurling insults at the Japanese businessmen, left and right.  “They won’t know it’s over until we drop a bomb on them . . . twice,” jokes Roger, insensitively.

“We don’t want your JAP CRAP!”  He says later. 

Now, Roger, there’s no need to be . . .

After the meeting ends abruptly, Roger whines some more about the Japanese and World War II.  Don berates Roger for acting unprofessionally, and killing the Honda account, all for something that happened twenty years prior.  Pete takes the lecture session one step further, accusing Roger of being . . .

 . . . and sabotaging Pete’s ability to gain accounts, so that Roger can maintain financial supremacy over the company.  Roger tries to deck Pete, but Don intervenes. 

 Sure, Don!  NOW YOU INTERVENE!  What about when the recipient of the fist was your own DAUGHTER?   You weren’t so tough then, were you?

Lesson 6 – Keep your hands to yourself, but not IN yourself . . . At least, not when others might see you do it.

For actress Kiernan Shipka’s sake, I’m hoping she’s too young an actress to think to ask what her “motivation” is for scenes like this one.  I’m also hoping that when she’s a teenager, Kiernan’s friends never dig out DVDs of this episode for blackmail purposes . . .

Speaking of Miss Sally Draper, she’s up late at a sleepover party, watching what looks to be the LEAST sexy television show on the planet . . .

I don’t know, Sally.  These guys just don’t do it for me . . .

 . . . when she starts digging for gold underneath her nightgown. 

She doesn’t find any.

(OK.  I’m no Betty prude.  I get that kids Sally’s age experiment with their bodies.  I also get that it’s normal and natural for them to do that . . . hopefully, IN PRIVATE.  But I REALLY didn’t need to watch this, and would have preferred the producers opted not to show it.  It made me feel uncomfortable, and dirty, in a way that soap can’t wash . . .)

Apparently, Sally’s friend’s mom felt the same way, when she walked in on Sally’s “Gold Rush.”    After having a little freak out, the lady immediately drove Sally home, interrupting Betty and Henry’s own sex session, to inform them that their kid was a sexual deviant.  As per usual, Mommy Dearest makes this all about herself.  After threatening to chop Sally’s fingers off . . .

How pleasant!

 . . . Betty moans to Henry in bed about how UNPOPULAR Sally’s actions are going to make Betty with the other mothers.

“Now I’ll NEVER be prom queen!”

Concerned that Sally’s willingness to play fast and loose with her flower, might ultimately result in her becoming . . .

. . . Betty reluctantly considers Henry’s idea that Sally start seeing a therapist. 

“My daughter MUST be certifiably insane!  Where on Earth would she learn to pleasure herself on the couch?  Who DOES that?”

Ultimately, Betty suggests the therapy idea to Don, and he eventually agrees to it. 

Then, of course, when the therapist calls Don to confirm Sally’s appointment, the Lovely Miss Blankenship greets him, in his small office, with the paper thin walls . . .

 . . .  screeching, “DON, YOUR DAUGHTER’S PSYCHIATRIST IS ON THE PHONE!”

Oh, Miss Blankenship . . . You are most certainly . . .

How Don hasn’t fired you yet, is BEYOND ME!

Lesson 7 – Honesty is always the best policy . . . unless you’re in advertising.

Just when it seems as though all hope is lost for SCDP to win over the Honda campaign . . .

Don reconsiders his newfound knowledge of Japanese business, and comes up with an idea to sabotage his competitors, while, at the same time, potentially saving the account.

Recognizing that neither SCDP nor its main competitor, Cutler, have the funds necessary to produce a full advertising campaign for Honda, Don decides to make Cutler THINK that SCDP is breaking Honda’s rules and paying for a television campaign out-of-pocket.  The underlying assumption is that, by doing this, SCDP will goad Cutler into breaking the rules, thereby, shooting themselves in the foot.  Not to mention, potentially bankrupting themselves.  A few “clandestine” meetings, a fake filming session, and some carefully placed words later, the trap is set. 

 On the morning of the presentations, Cutler, as expected, goes forward with presenting Honda the television campaign, in violation of the prescribed rules for the advertising competition.  When Don enters the office, he expresses feigned outrage at Honda for entertaining such a blatant rule violation, and returns the $3,000, refusing to make any sort of presentation at all.  Interestingly enough, the Honda CEO likes Don’s attitude, he, himself, being somewhat of a  . . .

And so, even though Honda ends up keeping their motorcycle account with Grey.  They ultimately decide to throw SCDP a bone, by allowing the agency to represent their “small” car business.

Well, played, Don!  You . . .

The episode concludes with, among other things, Don sharing some Sake with the joyless Marketing Research Lady . . .

During this meeting, he learns that she is NOT married, and is only pretending to be, because, OF COURSE, once men learn Marketing Research Lady is single, they DEFINITELY won’t be able to control themselves around her. . .

I think we all know where THIS is heading . . .

Here we GO AGAIN!

Also, Betty speaks briefly with Sally’s new therapist, Dr. Edna  . . .

.  . . who seems pretty cool . . .

 Betty even agrees to visit the therapist, herself, a few times, in accordance with Sally’s “treatment.”

At the very end of the episode, Sally, accompanied by the Most Fabulous Housekeeper / Caretaker who ever lived, Carla . . .

 . . . heads off to visit Dr. Edna for the first time.  We’re rooting for you, Sally!  Because the world REALLY doesn’t need ANOTHER Betty Draper . . .

Well, that’s all I’ve got for this episode, folks!  Special thanks go out to Roger Hargreaves, and the spectacular Little Miss and Mister Men series, for helping me to illustrate this recap.

See you next week!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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They’re Bringing Sexy Back! YEAH! – A Recap of Grey’s Anatomy’s “Shiny Happy People”

These are two ACTUAL screencaps.   Both were taken from the first FIVE MINUTES of Thursday night’s Grey’s Anatomy.  You’re welcome.

After last week’s cringe-tastic, surgery heavy, UGLY episode . . . thanks to which, I will never view this image in the same way EVER again . . .

. . . it was really nice to see Grey’s getting back to it’s roots this week — You know, surgery-lite;  mushy-gushy relationship stuff / shirtless men HEAVY.  I don’t know about you, but I tend to prefer my Grey’s simple and super girly.  And a girly Grey’s was exactly what I got!

“Give me an E – S -T -R- O -G -E-N!  What’s that spell?”

Couples really took center stage during this episode of Grey’s.  Heck, even this week’s medical mysteries featured “couples” of some sort.  Well . . . except for ONE medical mystery . . .

WOAH!  This Disney Chick can ACT . . .  so well that I can almost forgive her for that Princess Protection Program movie . . .

 . . . ALMOST.

So, what are we waiting for?  Let’s get on with this girly boink-fest!

We’re Having a Party . . . Everybody’s Slutty!

The episode began with a PARTY at the Mer and Der House!  It was a party to celebrate McDreamy!

For what reason, I am not entirely sure . . . for being Chief, I guess.  The only problem was . . . it wasn’t a very good fiesta.  Karev, perhaps, said it best when he remarked, “This party blows.”

For one thing, everyone looked all stuffy and uncomfortable, in their suits and “business casual” dresswear, i.e. dowdy dresses, that don’t show anything above the knee.  Who the heck has house parties like this?  Your grandpa, that’s who!  And that’s when it suddenly occurred to me.  Our Greysies are getting OLD!

It’s TRUE!  Meredith proved it, when she said, “At my parties, we drank tequila and danced on tables!”  

And that was true . .  FIVE SEASONS AGO . . .

Remember the Boozy Slutty Dysfunctional Meredith of Season 1?  Good times!

But it’s not true now!  The one good thing about the party, was that it offered us this lovely picture, of our suave and suited Grey’s men, sipping scotch and poring over floor plans . . .

How very Ocean’s 11 of them!  Not this Ocean’s 11, mind you . . .

 . . . more like this one . . .

See what I mean . . . about the OLD?

Anyway, things improved quickly, when we LEFT the party and were delivered NOT ONE, BUT TWO, shirtless prelude-to sex scenes . . .  The first one was between Bailey and her latelyMIA Gas Man . . .

Remember him?  If you didn’t before, I bet you won’t forget him NOW!

The second scene, not-so-surprisingly, featured Mark “I-Get-More-Play-Than-A Slot-Machine-In-Vegas” Sloan.

What was surprising, was who he was with.  It wasn’t his current girlfriend, Teddy, nor his ex-girlfriend, Lexie.  Nor was he with his “friends with benefits” gal pal, the recently single, Callie.  Nope, Sloan was with . . .

 . . . that annoying pixie-haired Mercy Wester chick, who hasn’t been around for half the season? 

Ummm . . . yeah, so McSteamy is coming out of the shower all steamy, after what was probably a fairly tepid round of lovemaking with Slutty but Boring Doc Reed, when, who walks in and catches them post-coitus? 

You guessed it, his current girlfriend TEDDY!  To Sloan’s credit, he doesn’t do that thing you see in romantic comedies, where the guy gets caught in the act of cheating, and he starts jumping around like a jack rabbit, sputtering, “It’s NOT what you think!”  (When it always is exactly THAT!) 

Instead, he INVITES TEDDY TO JOIN THEM!

Way to go McSteamy!  You may be a mental midget when it comes to the ways of women, but you sure are COOL!

Unfortunately, the producers cut away from the scene, before we can find out if Teddy accepts the proposition, but I’m thinking . . . NOT!  Truth be told, Teddy is only interested in one threesome, and one threesome only .  . . this one.

News Flash Cristina Yang, Owen is Just Not That Into You . . .

Hey, Yang!  Wanna join my book club?  We’re reading one that you will LOVE!

Speaking of the World’s Most Unhappy Threesome Ever, while Teddy is being cheated on by Mark, Owen is impulsively asking a drunk Cristina to move in with him, “because my therapist said it was a good idea.”  Now if that’s not a ringing endorsement for romance, folks, I don’t know what is! 

Cristina instantly AGREES to this lame proposition, and I start to wonder whether the majority of her brain cells are housed in her scrubs.  After all, it seems like such an uncharacteristically DUMB move on the part of a woman who, normally, is one of the most intelligent characters on this show.  Then again, it wouldn’t be the first time that a man made Cristina do less than brilliant things . . .

EEEVILL!

 Meredith overhears this exchange, and is again faced with the moral crisis she dealt with last week.  You see, Meredith is convinced that Owen’s failure to follow Cristina’s wishes, and help Teddy keep her job, was incontrovertible evidence that Owen is secretly in love with Teddy.

“I LOVE YOU . . . so I tried to get you fired.  My therapist said it was a good idea . . .”

 So, on one hand, she owes it to her BFF Cristina to let her know that her boyfriend is a poopy head .  . .

.  . . and, like all poopy, deserves to be unceremoniously dumped.  On the other hand, the information she learned about Owen, came from Derek, and the confidentiality requirements associated with Post-It Note Marriages, are SERIOUS!

Nothing says loving like Sticky Paper, purchased in a 150-note multicolored pack (2 for $3.00!) at CVS . . .

So, Meredith decides to play King Solomon and split the baby . . .

 . . . instead of outright telling Cristina about her poopy head boyfriend, she drops annoyingly coy hints of his emotional infidelity, throughout the episode.  Initially, Cristina, who has always been a “shoot the messenger” type gal, gets pissed at Meredith, and denies that such infidelity exists.  However, with the seeds of doubt successfully planted, and love triangles seeming to haunt her wherever she goes, Christina starts to question the nature of her relationship with Owen. 

Ultimately, in a really great scene, Meredith confronts Owen about his feelings for Teddy.  Meredith explains to Owen, that if he is a “good guy,” he will come clean to Cristina about his throwing Teddy under the bus, when her job was on the line, and then lying about it.  In true Grey’s fashion, Teddy, of course, overhears all of this.  But to her credit, no trace of a sh&t-eating grin can be found on her face, upon hearing the good news.

Nor does she break into song, belting out, “You really LIKE me!  You think I’m SEXY!  You want to DATE me!”

Color me impressed.  Ultimately, Owen confesses his lie to Cristina.  And when she outright asks him whether he is in love with Teddy, he says, articulately, “I don’t know.”  (Perhaps he should get a new therapist.  Because, clearly, the one he has now is not doing a good job, writing his “lines” for him.)

At the end of the episode, in a scene highly reminiscent of early Grey’s, a torn-up Cristina crawls into bed with Meredith and admits that she and Owen are no longer moving in together.  Meredith changes the subject, but does so in a sweet way, by showing Cristina the plans for her and Derek’s house in the woods, where there is a separate room for Cristina to crash whenever she find herself in need of a hug . . .

Awww!

Relationships are like ducks . . .

Things were going significantly better for new couple, Alex and Lexie, this week, at least, on the surface.  After expending WAY too much mental energy on the recent sexual rendezvous of her ex- Sloan, especially, for a person who claims to be “over him,” Lexie decides it might be a good idea to issue Alex an ultimatum on the state of their sort-of relationship.  And, while normally, such an ultimatum, would have sent Alex running for the hills . . .

Running shirtless .  . . (Oh come on, as if a picture like that EVER needs a proper recap tie-in to be included!)

 . . . New and Improved Alex responds by making out with Lexie in public AGAIN.  Once they are done swapping spit with one another, he tells her.  “Yeah, we are a thing.  Whatever.”  (OK, I’m thinking that Owen’s inarticulate therapist is writing Alex’s lines too.  How about you?)

Later, when Meredith questions Alex about the nature of his relationship with Lexie, he explains that he is acting like . . . a duck.

Because ducks are sexy . . . (Awesome pic “borrowed” from marginalnotes btw)

Although the metaphor was, admittedly, a bit unclear, I think Alex was referring to the whole, “If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it’s probably a duck” thing.  In other words, act like you are in a healthy relationship, and soon you will actually find yourself in one.  Ummm . . . yeah, I’m not so sure about that, Alex . . .

And apparently, Lexie isn’t so sure either.  When Mark professes his love to her, at the end of the episode, Lexie doesn’t immediately jump his bones, but she doesn’t put up much of a fight either.  “I have a boyfriend,” says Lexie, half-heartedly.

“But I’m telling you that you could have a husband,” replies Most-Articulate-Male-of-this-Episode, Mark (maybe more like a Dad than a husband, but, like Alex says, “Whatever”).

It’s definitely a May – December Romance.  But in terms of “couple names,” “Sexie” TOTALLY kicks “Lalex”‘s butt!

So they’ve got that going for them, at least.

The Medical Stuff

You know what was really interesting about this week’s three “medical mysteries?”  They all got SOLVED!

 . . . and NOBODY DIED!

 . . . and that burn victim chick got her hair back!

It was the happiest hospital day EVER at Seattle Grace!  First, we got to meet an awesome star from Happy Days!

“What?  You were expecting, The Fonz?”

It’s Mommy Marion Ross!  She still looks pretty good!  And, apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought so!  In a series of events that ONLY happens on TV, Marion Ross’s character, Betty, is in the hospital, getting  .  . . something done . . . not sure what . . . when she runs into Cute Old Dude Henry, her long lost love, who she hasn’t seen in 50-years. 

 They are eachother’s “one that got a way.”  Now, with no more obstacles standing between them (because all of those obstacles, unfortunately, are now DEAD), Betty and Henry decide to move in together (once they get out of the hospital, of course), and give their relationship a go.  I know, it sounds kind of lame, but it was actually really sweet.  And Cute Old Dude Henry had a voice that sounded like it narrated fairy tales for a living, so that made it even sweeter . . .

We also got to meet a burn victim in the hospital, who was supposed to get a hair regrafting (she had lost most of it in a car explosion), when she learns that she has an infection on her arm, and needs her fingers amputated.  At first, the doctors tell her that her infection will prevent her from getting the hair regrafting operation.  But then, they decide, RISKS be damned, HAIR IS IMPORTANT! 

And so they do the grafting during the hand amputation.  Of course, had Burn Victim Girl appeared in ANY OTHER episode, aside from this one, this would have been a perfect opportunity for the writers to senselessly kill her off, and manipulate us fans into tears. ( And we know how Grey’s LOVES the tears!)  However, Burn Victim Girl was lucky, because she got to star in an episode entitled “Shiny HAPPY People.”  And because HAPPY people tend to be, more often than not, ALIVE, she got to live too!

Finally, in what was the best “medical mystery” of the episode, Demi Lovato . . .

HEY!  What did I say about referring to that film again?

Sorry . . . Demi Lovato . . .

 . . . enters the hospital as a teen diagnosed with schizophrenia, who was admitted to the hospital after, literally, trying to claw her eyes out!  Everyone at the hospital thinks she’s a TOTAL nutjob, except this guy . . .

Sigh!

Who, instead, assumes she must have some extremely rare disease.  (After all, those have been conveniently traveling around Grey’s in search of likeable guest stars patients since Season 1).  Alex runs some initial tests on the teen, and comes up empty handed.  He then confronts his girlfriend with the photographic memory, Lexie-pedia, with his patient’s symptoms.  Intially, she can’t remember where, in the many medical books she has memorized, she saw the disease.  “Lexie-pedia is FROZEN!”  Alex complains.  (I LOVE HIM!)

But then Lexie remembers that the disease can be found in some obscure medical journal from 2004 with a light green cover.  In the next scene, we watch as Alex outfits the teen in this weird scary head gear, that makes her look like Johnny Five from those old Short Circuit films . . .

As if, on cue, Demi’s eyes go all buggy, and she freaks out.  So, of course, this was all Karev needed to diagnose her as having a small hole in her inner ear, that allowed her to hear everything that was going on inside her body.  YUCK!  Apparently, all this rare disease takes to cure, is a brief operation where the hole is plugged up.  After the operation, we know that Demi is sane again, because she is wearing a bandage around her head that looks like a really stylish headband . . .

Dear Demi,

Now that your “sane,” I’d really like my headband back.

XOXO

Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl

In Other News . . .

 . . . Callie and Arizona shared an impromptu sexy makeout session in the elevator . . .

Ooh, la, la!

But accomplished precisely NOTHING in terms of their relationship . . .

Boo, la, la 😦

Oh, and the Gas Man . . .

This pic NEVER gets old . . .

 . . . told Bailey . . .

 . . . that even though he sometimes flirts with random nurses, he saves all the GOOD flirting for her . . .

Shondra Rhimes, PLEASE don’t make us fall in love with the Gas Man, if you plan to rip him away from us next season, in order to use him on your new pilot!  (Although, I think it might be too late . . . because I’m in love already).

So, there you have it, “Shiny Happy People,” in a nutshell.  This was the LAST new episode of Grey’s before the show airs it’s purportedly “game-changing” two-hour season finale (with the hours entitled “Sanctuary” and “Death and all of His Friends,” respectively) next week.  Media sites have teased that the final two episodes of Season 6, will feature nothing less than a SHOOTING and a fairly major character death.  Here’s a sneak peak at the promo . . .

Thanks for the video, adam9316!

I’ll admit it.  I’m afraid . . . very afraid!  See you next week!

 

 

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