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A Good Day to Be an Underdog – A Recap of The Vampire Diaries’ “We all go a little mad sometimes”

So many really great pornos started just like this.  Except, if this was a porno, Damon would be wearing a fireman’s hat or a Superman cape . . . and nothing else . . .

“We all go a little mad sometimes,” Fangbangers.  It’s a movie quote that I thought originated from the 90’s horror classic, Scream.

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But apparently, it’s even older than that . . . like, Psycho OLD . . .

The promos for this week’s episode (and its title) were misleading . . . in a good way.  What many of us thought would be a rather annoying episode about Elena’s Trip to Wacky Town  . . .

. . . actually ended up being less about our female protagonist’s episode-long psychosis, and more about the series‘ underdogs finally getting their time to shine, whether that meant getting the girl, saving the day, or making yet another hybrid’s head into a Pez dispenser, just to add some ink to their arm tattoos   . . .

Then again, whether Damon and Klaus could actually be considered underdogs on this show, is likely a point of contention among fans . . .

Nonetheless, “We all go a little mad sometimes,” was definitely a “game changer: of an episode, more of one, perhaps, than any of the episodes that preceded it, this season.  So, hold on to your heads, your hearts, and your sunscreen rings, because it’s time for another TVD-cap . . .

Why you should always think twice, before stabbing people in the carotid artery . . .

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JEREMY: “If you didn’t want me to make you waffles for breakfast, you could have just said so.”

You know what sucks about hallucinating that every single person you know looks exactly like That Dude You Killed?

“I must just have one of those faces . . .”

Well, aside from the obvious, there’s a really good chance, you’ll end up murdering your baby brother in the kitchen, by jabbing a steak knife into his carotid artery.

Sh*t happens . . .

First of all, you’ve really got to hand it to Elena Gilbert.  I mean, I’ve heard of people who sleep walk, sleep talk, sleep eat, even sleep drive, but Sleep Kill?  Now, that’s impressive . . .

The episode begins with Elena awakening from a bad dream, and heading to the kitchen for a hot drink, only to find Hotty the Ex Vampire Slayer, standing before her all broody and bloody.  For a guy who got knifed in voice box, Dead Connor sure is chatty. He’s yammering on and on to Elena about how he has a brother, and how he died in an unmarked grave, and Boo Hoo Hoo WAHHHH.

Could you really blame Elena for wanting to shut him up again, by poking a fork in his kneck, like a chef testing how well his meat is cooked?  Except, there’s one slight problem.  Connor doesn’t exist anymore.  And Mini Gilbert just so happens to be standing in his place . . .

“If you people don’t stop poking holes in my body, every time you go temporarily insane, or are just in a really bad mood, I’m going to compel myself back to Denver . . .”

That makes a whopping THREE deaths for Jeremy, who had his neck snapped by Damon, in Season 2, and was shot by Sheriff Forbes at the end of that same season.  This new death, at the hands of his own sister, doesn’t quite land Jeremy in Alaric territory . . . I mean, that guy died like 580 times .  . .

. . . and lord knows how many times Rebekah and Elijah have met the sharp end of that White Oak stake.

However, it still gives Mystic Falls’ resident Scrappy Doo a one up on his sister, who, so far, has only croaked twice . . .which, on this show, is like a walk in the park . . .

While Elena waits for her brother’s Ugly Ass Ring of Immortality to kick in, she calls Damon for moral support.  After all, if anyone knows what it feels like to temporarily kill Jeremy Gilbert, it’s Damon.

Also, Saint Stefan’s vampire buzzkill ways, coupled with a few recent fibs on his part, not to mention the surprise resurgence of his obviously sexual relationship with one Klausipoo (Come on, those two aren’t fooling ANYBODY!) have been enough to move the younger Salvatore brother down one notch on Elena’s Emergency Contacts list . . .

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STEFAN: *whistles uncomfortably*

But then Damon calls Stefan to come over . . . I think because the poor blue-eyed vamp has become so used to getting denied nookie on this show that he’s started to cockblock himself . . .

Except Elena doesn’t want to talk to Stefan, she wants to have We Both Killed Jeremy Gilbert Once, But that Doesn’t Necessarily Make Us Bad People Sex with Damon! take a shower, thank you very much!

 

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This would be a great commercial for dishwasher detergent.  “Look NO DISHPAN HANDS!”

Unfortunately, for Elena, once she’s alone again, her hallucinations start kicking back into high gear.  What’s a baby vamp to do?

“Eat my feelings?”

Elsewhere in Mystic Falls . . .

There Ain’t No Party Like a Headless Hybrid Party . . .

Tyler, Hayley, and the rest of their Wacky Woof Pack have apparently spent the night repeatedly toasting to the life of That Random Hybrid that Got Blown Up Last Week, but not to the life of That Random Hybrid Who Got His Head Chopped Off Two Weeks Ago, thus proving that, much like high school, every Wacky Woof Pack has it’s jocks that people actually care about, and its mathletes that they don’t.  Sucks to be you, Headless Hybrid Number 22!

Then, Hayley does this thing where she seductively feeds Tyler booze from her finger.  And I guess it’s supposed to be sexy.  But as anyone who’s actually been up all night partying knows, all-night partiers’ fingers are the last places you want to be licking (well, almost the last places), because you have no idea where they’ve been . . .

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“Contrary to popular belief, my mouth is NOT your sink.”

Caroline comes flouncing in at that moment in a huff to engage in the ex-girlfriend ritual of “returning ex-boyfriend’s belongings in a box.”

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I don’t know . . . taking the time to pack your exes crap in a box, just so you can hand deliver it to him . . . it seems like a lot of work to me.  Personally, I like to throw all my ex-boyfriends’ sh*t in my cat’s litterbox, and let her do the rest of the dirty work.  But that’s just me . . .

“I knew my hat smelled funny.”

It sure makes Klaus happy though, who just so “happens” to walk in at the moment all this is going down.  The Original Hybrid wastes absolutely no time giving Caroline those trademark googly eyes that say, “When you’re done playing FedEx Delivery Girl with Tyler, come play Naughty Nurse with me.”

But it looks like the joke might be on Klaus.  Because, the minute the blonde vamp exits stage right, Hayley and Caroline are patting one another on the back for a ruse well-played, and Tyler and Caroline are tonguing one another, like it’s their job.  (Be careful, Caroline.   Tyler’s tongue just had Hayley’s all-night party finger all over it.  Can you say, Germ Party?)

 

Turns out, the whole scene was just a ruse to throw Klaus off the gangs’ Master Plan to free all the hybrids from their Master’s Sire Bond.  In fact, one hybrid named Chris is already a success story.  Sorry Chris.  We all know what happens to hybrids who get a name that isn’t “Tyler,” don’t we?

Enjoy having a name, and partying with Sexy Finger-Sucking Hayley, while you can.  Because it looks like you just got a first class, one-way ticket to the Hybrid Pez Head Hall of Fame . . .

Adventures in Babysitting Elena Gilbert . . .

After paying his hybrids a visit, Klaus calls his boyfriend Stefan for a quick booty call.  I can’t tell you exactly what he says.  But I suppose it goes something like this:

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“Hey my Ripper Stud!  How’s it hanging?  Has your not-nearly-as-good-in-the-sack-as-me girlfriend started going all loony tunes from killing a vampire hunter yet?  She has?  So, in other words, both my love interests’ significant others are misbehaving, and making me look gooooood.  This must be my lucky day! Pull down your pants.  I’m coming over.”

Klaus explains to Stefan that part of the Curse of the Five is that, when a vampire kills one of them, the dead hunters spirit haunts that vampire until he or she offs herself . . . you know, permanently.  Klaus wants Stefan to lend him Elena to make sure she doesn’t rid the show of it’s main female protagonist.  Stefan is understandably leery of his boyfriend’s promise.  After all, we all know what happened the last time Klaus “borrowed,” Elena . . .

Unfortunately, for Stefan, Elena chooses this exact moment to mistake Damon for Dead!Connor.  And, within minutes, the latter rushes right into Klaus’ waiting arms . . .

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All of the sudden, this show just became one of those “zany” sitcoms, where the main character loses the kid he’s babysitting for, and has to go on all these CRAZY adventures, to find the kid, before The Parents get home . . .

A Christmas Carol – Mystic Falls Edition

Klaus locks Elena in one of those elegant-looking dungeons that all civilized super villains seem to have built into their homes.  It’s there that Crazy!Elena starts morphing into Mystic Falls’ version of Ebenezer Scrooge.  And just in time for the holidays!

We’ve already seen Elena be visited by the Ghost of Vampire Present, a.k.a Hot!Dead Connor. But now it’s time for Elena to get a glimpse into her vampire future, a.k.a Katherine.  I have to say, though I was initially annoyed that the writers took the time to bring back Elena’s Vixen Doppelganger, only to have her be little more than a figment of Schizo!Elena’s warped imagination, I kind of enjoyed watching Nina Dobrev so expertly turn her own alter ego to mush, with some awesomely biting insults.

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It’s hard being That Girl in the show or the movie, with whom all the hot supernatural creatures are madly in love, who always seems to need saving, and who is inadvertently responsible for most, if not all, of the untimely deaths in the series.  Because, as much as female fans might want to be you, a lot of them will also want to shove pointy objects up your ass, or, at the very least, feed you lard, and make your face break out in lots of pimples.  Just ask Bella Swan and Sookie Stackhouse . . .

So, while loving Vampire Diaries means, at least to some extent, loving Elena Gilbert, we all also hate her a little bit too.  And the part of us that hates her, got a real kick out of hearing our complaints about the character emerge directly from the mouth of Katherine Petrova . . .

In which I hope Professor Boo Radley doesn’t end up being this Silas Guy (because then I won’t be able to call him Professor Boo Radley anymore) . . .

Our Scooby Gang always seems to be searching for some “cure,” don’t they?  Just last week, they were hunting for a cure for vampirism, now they are seeking out a Cure for Crazy.  Their Pal Bon-Bon suggests that Professor Boo Radley might be just the guy to give them the answers they are seeking.

Worst Show and Tell EVER!

For the second time this season, we are subjected to another one of Boo Radley’s boring lectures about the occult . . .

.  . . except this one is about a seriously pissed-off dude named Silas, who literally lives under a rock.  It also raises some questions.  Could this Big Bad Silas guy be “the cure” to vampirism everyone is talking about?  Is Professor Boo Radley his alter ego, a la Clark Kent and Super Man?  Does this mean, I’m going to actually have to start listening to Professor Boo Radley, when he talks instead of sleeping, or taking a bathroom break, because his words might actually be important to the show’s mythology?  Man, I hope not . . .

As Matt cleverly pointed out, during his random chat with Damon at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls (Damon is still ordering drinks for Alaric, by the way.  How adorable is that?) . . .

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 . . . anyone who knows anything in this town is just assumed creepy, until proven otherwise.  And Professor Boo Radley sure does seem to know a lot about The Five.  Not only was he IN CAHOOTS with Hot!Connor, he also seemed to have been IN CAHOOTS! with that wackadoodle Pastor Young from the premiere episode.  Did I mention it was Professor Boo Radley, who conveniently clued in the rest of the Scooby Gang to the information they needed to secure Jeremy Gilbert’s status as a new vampire hunter?

Something smells fishy about Professor Boo Radley, and it’s not just all that gel he uses in his hair, or that his hippy dippy candlelit office probably reeks of patchouli.  It’s something else . ..  something BAAAAAAD . . .

In which we continue our trend of senselessly murdering hybrids, and Caroline takes her turn as the romantic lead . . .

Armed with the information they received about The Five, the Scooby Gang formulates a new two-pronged Save Elena plan.  First, free her from Klaus clutches, with the help of no-longer-sired-to-Klaus-hybrid Chris.  Then, get Jeremy to kill a vampire, thereby activating himself as a new member of The Five, and simultaneously breaking the hold DeadHOT! Connor has on Nutzo!Elena before she kills herself . . . again.

The first part seems like it should be easy.  After all, with Scooby Gang sympathizer Chris guarding her door, all Stefan really has to do is walk right in and free Elena, right.  Except, like I said, Stefan  is the Worst Babysitter in the World!

So, of course, two minutes after Stefan walks through that dungeon door, Elena is all, “Stefan, when did you turn into a hot bald black man who’s trying to kill me? AHHHHHHHH!”

She runs out.  And he loses her, AGAIN . . .

I know I shouldn’t be laughing at Stefan’s pain, and Elena’s psychoses, but I totally am . . .

Over at the Only Bar / Social Establishment in Mystic Falls, Klaus flirts some more with Caroline.  And she uses her feminine wiles to get the Original Hybrid on board with the Scooby Gang’s plan to “activate Jeremy” and “save Elena.”

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Whether your Team Klaroline or Team Forwood, you have to admit, Candice Accola and Joseph Morgan are fun to watch on screen together.  Their chemistry is just so different than the one that exists between Caroline and Tyler, that it makes this new love triangle, which could come off as stale or cliche with lesser actors, something fresh and interesting . . .

That said, I couldn’t have been the only one rolling my eyes, when Klaus told Caroline that if Tyler was still sired to him, the baby hybrid would never hurt the Vampire Barbie.  REALLY?  Says the guy who, just last season, used his sire bond to get Tyler to POISON CAROLINE WITH HIS SALIVA and almost kill her, just so Klaus could come to her rescue?

Here’s some advice, Klaus:  when trying to woo your lady love, play toward your strengths: buying expensive jewelery and dresses, offering up exotic vacations, doing that panty-dropping smirk thing you do, drawing ponies . . .

Save the “Honorable Guy / Hero” stuff for your adversary, Tyler, because it just doesn’t work for you . . .

Shortly thereafter, in a scene that upset me more than I thought it would, Sort-of Anonymous Hybrid Chris runs into Klaus, just moments after helping Team Scooby and paving the way toward his freedom.  The Original Hybrid stabs the poor guy, and then steps aside while Sweet Little Jeremy hacks off the head of yet another hybrid, in order to . . . wait for it . . . SAVE ELENA . . . the only difference is that, unlike the first one he killed, this one was genuinely a nice guy.  Too bad the writers had to go and give him a name . . .

I know a lot of people were disappointed in Tyler for throwing that glass at the wall in anger, upon learning that, not only had he pretty much hand delivered his fellow pack member to certain death, but that Caroline agreed to go on a date with Klaus, in order to ensure that it would happen.  But personally, I think that anger was kind of justified, under the circumstances.  Old Season 1 Tyler probably would have broken a heck of a lot worse than a wine glass, had that happened to him . . .

In which Damon Salvatore saves the day (AND quotes an 80’s movie), all in the same hour!

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Damon uses his expert knowledge of Elena to conclude that her wackadoodle self ran off to Wickory Bridge, i.e. “the place where it all began.”  But before he can find her, we get a fun little scene where The Ghost of Elena’s Vampire Present (Hot!DEAD! Connor), and the Ghost of Elena’s Evil! Vampire Future (Missing! Vampire Katherine) team up with the Ghost of Elena’s Not-So-Vampire Past (Mommy!) team up for a fun little game I like to call “Get Elena to kill herself.”

Now, if Connor Ghost was creepy, and Katherine Ghost was intellectually satisfying, Mommy Ghost was just frigging hilarious, though,  I suspect the last was not entirely intentional.  Come on . . . the blank expression she had on her face . . . the Stepford Wife smile . . . her complete lack of irony, as she told Elena, “Hey, you were an awesome human daughter, but as a vampire, you suck.  You should totally throw yourself off the bridge, honey, and join your underwater parents, whose corpses might still be there.  It’s what a Good Daughter would do . . .

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“Hmmm . . . I wonder what I’m having for dinner tonight.  I’m so tired of fish.”

Dramatic music blares in the background, as Elena stares over the bridge, and THROWS AWAY HER SUNSCREEN RING . . .

Now, that’s just a waste of perfectly good jewelry, not to mention environmentally unsound.  Just think about all the fish with insanely small heads who might choke on that ring . . .

Fortunately, Yummy Damon appears just moments after Jeremy chopped off Poor Chris’ head, thereby breaking the Suicide Spell on Elena FOREVER . . . or, at least, until the show comes up with another Spell That Puts Elena’s Life in Danger . . .

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The two of them exchange A LOOK . . . you know, the one.  It’s a look that says.

DAMON: “Hey sexy.  I’m so glad your still dead, but not, you know . . . DEAD, DEAD.  I’d really like to have sex with you right here on this bridge, where you keep almost dying.”

ELENA: “Hey hot stuff.  I’m so glad you came to see me at the exact same spot where I chose Stefan over you, and was punished for doing so by DYING.  Also, I’d really like to have sex with you right on this bridge, because why not?

Then, the SUN COMES UP, which would normally be poignant and romantic . . . a metaphor for LIFE AND HOPE, except . . .

Well . . . this is a dead chick we’re talking about who just threw her sunscreen ring in river, so . . . OOPS.

Worry not, it’s Damon to the rescue!  He grabs Elena, and jumps into the water with her like Superman, saving her supernatural jewelry, just like he saved her vervain necklace, back in the day.

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Except, this time, Elena is SUPER APPRECIATIVE .  . . so appreciative that when Damon comes to see her in her bedroom the following morning she . . . wait for it . . .

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. . . fondles his . . . fingers.

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DARN . . . so close, right?  But wait . . . there’s more.

“It’s not you, it’s me . . . and my vampire sex urges for your older brother.”

Elena and Stefan have a heart to heart on the porch, after self-sacrificing brother extraordinaire Damon finally came clean to Elena about the whole “vampire cure” thing.  But for those of us who assumed we’d be subjected to YET another Stelena makeup scene, BOY were we wrong.  In a confession that literally caused my jaw to drop, Elena admitted to Stefan that her feelings for DAMON were growing stronger, and that she was not the same person with whom Stefan fell in love.

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And in a confession that dropped my jaw further, Stefan AGREED.

And then, they BROKE UP!

Holy crap!  For four years, Delena fans have been waiting for Elena to FINALLY recognize and give in to her romantic feelings for Damon.  But we never expected it to happen like this . . . It all just seemed so . . .matter-of-fact?

In a way, it’s the perfect time for the writers to explore the Delena relationship.  Not only does it give a nice nod to how Damon and Elena came together in the book series, it also makes sense.  While Stefan’s adoration of Elena remains largely fixated on the person she was . . . Damon has shown her, time and time, again, this season, that he loves, not only the young woman she was, but also the vampire she’s becoming . . .  His love is without condition or judgment.

It is accepting of Elena’s new-found impulses and flaws.  And while Elena is learning to accept her new self, she needs to be with the kind of man who can accept her too . . .

If I had to express one gripe about the way all this went down, it would be that, in the context of the season, it seemed to come a bit out of left field.  I mean, sure, Delena fans have all spent long hours analyzing scenes that show Elena fighting her unresolved passions for Damon.  But if we are to believe now that Elena feels MORE passionate about Damon, since becoming a vampire, I would have liked to have seen a scene or two, before she made her confession, which illustrated this . . .

Because aside from that one that one scene at the frat party . . .

. . . and a very short scene, in which Elena appeared to be checking out Damon’s shlong, we haven’t really gotten much of that so far this season.

Then again, I strongly suspect that the best is yet to come.  After all, anyone who’s ever had a secret crush knows that it’s when you actually verbalize it to your friends that it becomes the most real.  Suddenly, those feelings are out there in the world, and “playing it cool.” is simply no longer an option.

Just in time for the Miss Mystic Falls pageant. . .

Until next time, Fangbangers!

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“I Prefer MY Men Dark, Broody, and a Little Bit Evil.”. . . My Picks for TV’s Top Ten Brooding Bad Boys

 

What good girl doesn’t secretly want a bad boy by her side to rescue her from the monotony of a life spent being well-behaved?  Now, in the real world, dating a guy like this is the quickest way to a broken heart — if you’re lucky — and a black eye, the slammer or the morgue — if you’re not.  But in TV land, the girls who win the hearts of the baddest baddies fare quite well, actually (not to mention have the best sex lives)! 

 For girls like me, who are desperate to experience the thrills of the darkside, without any of the risks or guilt attached, TV Brooding Bad Boys are our salvation.    And because I am so grateful to these fictional bad asses, who’s mere existence has managed to keep me on the straight and narrow all these years, I have decided to pay tribute to some of the best ones in this post . . . 10 to be exact.  (They are in no particular order. although I may have saved the best for last.  After all, playing favorites with bad boys is the surest way to get burned . . . literally.)

1) Don Draper – Executive Bad Boy

TV Show: Man Men

Who plays him?  Jon Hamm

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Let’s see.  He accidentally killed the REAL Don Draper, and then stole his identity.  Now, he smokes and drinks like a fish (and usually drives afterward).  He also cheats on his (soon-to-be ex) wife . . . ALOT, sometimes with married women, sometimes with coworkers and/or his kids’ teachers, and sometimes with random flight attendants he meets on business trips.

Why he’s broody?   On occasion, Don actually feels guilty about all the sleeping around he does (It’s rare, but it happens).  He also had a miserable childhood, with a drunken dad who abused him mentally and physically, and a prostitute biological mom who named him after a private part.  To top things off, Don’s wife can be a real cold b*tch sometimes.  And despite being model gorgeous, she actually strikes me as a kind of snoozy lay.

Why we love him anyway?  Don Draper is nothing, if not flawed.  But he is also a brilliant ad man, with a keen sense of business acumen.  When he wants to be, Don is actually a pretty great dad to his kids.  But Don’s “parenting” goes beyond the walls of his home.  The advertising executive’s paternal nature extends to his younger colleagues, particularly Peggy Olson, whose ambition and intellect he encourages, and whose career got a jump start, thanks to his willingness to put his own job on the line for her.

2) James “Sawyer” Ford – Castaway Con Artist Bad Boy

TV Show: Lost

Who plays him?  Josh Holloway

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Sawyer made his living as a con man who bilked little old ladies out of their pension checks, and slightly younger ladies out of their inheritances and hard-earned dough.  On the island, he initially kept to himself (aside from the occasional fist fight).  Left to his own devices, he survived by hoarding his fellow castaways possessions (including some very pricey drugs, and quite an impressive weapons stash).  He also used Shannon’s painful and highly traumatic asthma attack as an excuse to get Kate to kiss him for the first time.  It was hot, but kind of heartless too . . .

Why he’s broody?  Like Don Draper, Sawyer had a pretty f-ed up childhood.  When Sawyer was a little kid, a con man bilked his parents out of their life savings.  Sawyer’s father became so depressed as a result, that he killed Sawyer’s mother before turning the gun on himself.  To make matters worse, Sawyer is stranded on a deserted island where he is constantly fending off the unwelcome advances of Polar Bears, sadistic birds, black smoke, and those wackadoo Others.  Oh, and did I mention the object of his desires keeps ditching him to make out with this lame ass pompous doctor?  You’d be pretty pissed off too . . . I bet!

Why we love him anyway?  Sawyer may be a con artist, and a thief . . . and he sure likes to beat the sh&t out of people!  But he looks GREAT with his shirt off!

As the seasons of Lost progressed, Sawyer also proved himself to be an excellent leader, and a staunch protector of those he loved, most notably, Kate, Juliette, and, yes, even Hurley.  He even stopped beating people up so much.  (Well, at least he was more selective about it.)  Oh, and the nicknames!  I loved all those nicknames!

3) Noah “Puck” Puckerman – Mohawk-Wearing Bully Bad Boy

TV Show: Glee

Who plays him?  Mark Salling

Why he’s a Bad Boy?   At the start of the show, Puck was your basic jock bully (with a mohawk, of course).  He LOVED tossing slushees in the faces of the Glee kids, and tossing nerds in the dumpster.  He also got it on with a quite a few of his mom’s friends.  But Puck’s worst offense, by far was screwing “Celibacy Club President Quinn,” while she was dating his friend.  He also kept their rendezvous a secret, even after Quinn became pregnant, and Finn agreed to take responsibility for Puck’s baby . . .

Why he’s broody?  You know, I could explain it to you.  However this video says it better, than I ever could . . .

Why we love him anyway?  Ummm . . . did you WATCH that video?  Did it not make you fall in love with Puck, and make you want to give birth to all of  his mohawk-wearing babies?  By the end of Season 1, Puck came a long way toward redeeming himself.  Not only did he stop throwing nerds into dumpsters, he also became really close with the Glee kids, most notably Rachel and Mercedes.  And when it came down to it, Puck really stood by Quinn, and supported her throughout her pregnancy, even going so far as to stand by her side, as she gave birth.  Now if that’s not a Redeemed Brooding Bad Boy, I don’t know what is!

4) Chuck Bass – Upper East Side Bad Boy

TV Show: Gossip Girl

Who plays him?  Ed Westwick

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Oh, Chuck!  How are you a bad boy?  Let me count the ways.  Before you met Blair Waldorf, you bedded so many random women, that you made Don Draper, Sawyer, and Puck look like priests. 

You tried to date rape Jenny Humphrey in the pilot episode (an incident we ALL wanted to forget about, and almost did, until you repeated the feat during the Season 3 finale.)  Along with Blair Waldorf and the rest of your Scooby gang, you have schemed (and succeeded) to ruin the lives of MANY of Manhattan’s elite, sometimes even those in your own social circle.  And you’ve callously broken Blair’s heart a few more times than us fans would have liked . . .

Why he’s broody?  Despite being born into privilege, Chuck hasn’t had the easiest life.  His mother died giving birth to him (or so he thought).  And Chuck’s father blamed him for his mother’s absence all his life, constantly denigrating the young man’s worth and ability.  Then his father died, which always sucks. 

On the romantic side of things, particularly in the earlier episodes, Chuck constantly found his love for Blair unrequited or blatantly ignored.  And once he FINALLY got her, Chuck had to keep screwing things up.  So  he lost her, over and over again, due to his own insecurities, hubris, and fragile ego.

Why we love him anyway?  He’s Chuck Bass!  The only man who can refer to himself in the third person constantly, without it ever becoming annoying.  And as cold and callous as he may sometimes seem, Chuck LOVES Blair, possibly more than any television character has ever loved another.  He loves her unconditionally, despite her flaws and idiosyncrasies.  Chuck is always willing to sacrifice his own happiness for Blair’s, as he does in this adorable scene.

(Click the internal link to watch.)

5) Ryan Atwood – “Bad Boy from the Wrong Side of the Tracks”

TV Show: The O.C.

Who plays him?  Benjamin McKenzie

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Ryan hails from Chino.  Based on what the show’s writers would have you believe, growing up in Chino makes you automatically bad news.  During the pilot episode of the show, Ryan got himself involved in a teensy bit of grand theft auto.  (It wasn’t really his fault, but still . . . .).

  Oh, and believe it or not, Ryan likes to beat the sh&t out of people EVEN MORE than Puck and Sawyer!  In fact, I’m pretty sure he did it at least once during every single  episode of The O.C!  If I recall, toward the end of the show’s run, he even got into cage fighting for a while, so that he could get PAID to beat the sh*t out of people.  Smart business move, Ryan!

Why is he broody?  NOBODY does broody like Ryan Atwood!  Don’t believe me?  Check out this clip from the show’s pilot episode . . .

This guy is the epitome of the strong, silent and ANGRY type.  And with good reason!  Growing up poor with an absentee father, a drunk mother, and a delinquent brother, Ryan didn’t have many opportunities growing up.  At least, that is, until saintly public defender, Sandy Cohen, took him into his home and under his wing . . .

Why we love him anyway?  Grand theft auto and butt-kicking notwithstanding, let’s face it, for a bad boy Ryan wasn’t .  . . all that bad.  He was sweet and protective of his friends, particularly Seth and Marissa, the latter of whom he got out of more jams than I can even count.  He also had this staunch code of honor and integrity, that he never seemed to waver from, no matter how far he got from his Chino roots. 

Sure, Ryan could be a little stiff and quiet at times . . . . OK .  . . most of the time.  But every once and a while, he would let loose and show his sweet side.  And when that happened, no heart was safe . . .

6) Alex Karev – Dr. McBad Boy

TV Show: Grey’s Anatomy

Who plays him?   Justin Chambers

What makes him a Bad Boy?  OK.  I’m not going to lie.  A lot of times Alex Karev can be kind of a dick, both literally and figuratively.  There was that one time, when he posted all those pictures of Izzie in her undergarments all over the hospital.  And that other time when he unwittingly gave George syphilis, by sleeping with the nurse he had a thing for.  Giving of STD aside, Alex was kind of mean to George in general.  He was always calling him names and denigrating his manhood, whenever he got the chance. 

Oh, and Alex cheated on Izzie . . . like A LOT!

Why he’s broody?  Alex had an abusive father, who beat the crap out of him regularly.  (Anyone else noticing a pattern here?)  He also has really bad luck with the ladies.  His girlfriend Rebecca went all crazy and bipolar on his ass.  The other love of his life, Izzie, cheated on him with a ghost (Oh, I am serious!).  She also got cancer . . . and he married her, thinking she was dying.   But then she went into remission . . . and then she inexplicably dumped his ass.  I think Alex has a right to be a little pissed off at the world?  Don’t you?

Why we love him anyway?  Alex is a fighter.  He speaks his mind, and tells the truth, when no one else has the guts to do it.  Plus, he’s an amazing doctor, who has a fabulous way with kids and teens, in particular.  Unlike some of the other doctors at the hospital, Alex speaks their language, and doesn’t talk down to them.  For that reason, they often trust and respect him.  And for a D-bag, he can be surprisingly sweet and romantic, as illustrated here . . .

7) Eric Northman – Immortal Viking Bad Boy

TV Show: True Blood

Who plays him?  Alexander Skarsgard

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Eric is a very old, and very powerful vampire, who always gets what he wants.  To him, humans are food to be consumed, and toys to be used for his amusement.  Eric is currently involved in the shady and underground business of selling highly addictive vampire blood to humans and other assorted creatures.  He’s betrayed his colleague Bill more times than I can count, in order to get what he wants.  He kidnapped Lafayette and beat him into submission, until the latter agreed to become one of his blood pedaling minions.  Eric also tricked Sookie into drinking his blood so that she would have hot sex dreams about him all the time.  (And that’s a BAD THING?)

Why he’s broody?  In truth, Eric’s not all that broody.   And if he was, he probably wouldn’t admit it.  But he does have a very soft spot for one Sookie Stackhouse, which has heretofore remains unrequited.   And Eric is not a man used to not getting his girl.  At the end of Season 2, we witnessed a vulnerable side to Eric that we hadn’t seen before.   He lost his beloved maker, Godric to the sun, and cried tears of blood to mourn the loss.  Thus, proving that even a “cold blooded” vampire like Eric can suffer from a broken heart.

Why we love him anyway?  Let’s face it.  Eric is just super sexy!  His witty banter with Sookie never fails to make me drool.  Eric also has a great sense of humor, and can lighten even the darkest of moments with his wit and charm.  Plus, Vampire Eric is a really good guy to have on your side, when you are faced with a group of evil supernatural creatures who wish you dead.  And you never know when that might come in handy.  Did I mention he would be an excellent accessory to any bathtub?

8 ) Logan Echolls  – Spoiled Little Rich Bad Boy

TV Show: Veronica Mars

Who plays him?  Jason Dohring

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Logan Echolls takes the term juvenile delinquent to a whole new level.  Like many on this list, Logan enjoys giving a good ass whipping, but that’s not anywhere close to the worst thing on his rap sheet.  Let’s see, during the show’s three seasons he (1) bashed the headlights on Veronica’s car; (2) brought GHB to a party; (3) blew up the local community pool; (4) orchestrated and videotaped “bum fights” for profit; (5) screwed his good friend’s mom and his girlfriend’s enemy; and (6) got himself arrested so he could beat up a known criminal who hurt Veronica. (I’m sure there’s more, but I only have so much blog space . . .)

Why he’s broody?  Logan’s dad was a famous actor, but also a sadistic psycho killer who slept with and then murdered Logan’s girlfriend, Lily.  Then his mother promptly killed herself.  Logan soon found himself to be a suspect in Lily’s murder.  Once he was cleared of that rap, he became a suspect in some gang member’s murder.  Then, later, he was a rape suspect. 

In fact, every time something bad happened in Logan’s general georgraphic vicinity, he became an automatic suspect.  After just a couple of episodes spent hating her guts, Logan fell in love with Veronica.  The problem was, there almost always seemed to be another guy (Duncan, Piz), another girl (Hannah, Kendall, Parker), another dead body, or another one of Logan’s bullheaded actions, standing in the way of the couple’s happiness.

Why we love him anyway?  Logan and Veronica were made for eachother!  Their witty banter was timeless.  Logan alone had enough one-liners to fill a Joke Bible . . .

 The sexual tension that emerged from Veronica’s and Logan’s once mutual hatred of one another could power cities.  No matter what the current state of their relationship was, Logan was always willing to risk everything to save Veronica, be it his happiness, his future, his life, or his freedom from legal prosecution. 

And what girl wouldn’t want that dedication in a guy?

9) Pacey Witter – Bad Boy from the Creek

TV Show: Dawson’s Creek

Who plays him?  Joshua Jackson

What makes him a Bad Boy?  Pacey was pretty much the worst student ever!  It was a wonder he even graduated!  He was also in many ways the ringleader of the Creek crew.  For the most part, they were pretty straight laced to the point of being kind of boring (I excuse Slutty Jen Lindley from this list of course).  But Pacey was always the one trying to lure them over to the darkside, with parties (gasp), and drinking (double gasp), and ditching school!  (OMG!) 

OK . . . so maybe he isn’t that much of a bad boy.  But I couldn’t imagine doing a “boy list” without including the boy that officially started my TV fangirl career.  And, of course, there was that time he banged his English teacher in the bushes and ended up inadvertently making a sex tape from it . . .

Why is he broody?  Like many of the boys on this list, Pacey is a product of a dysfunctional family — a drunken dad who abuses him, a brother who verbally berates him, and a mother and sisters who ignore him completely.  Due to his poor grades and upbringing, Pacey believes himself to be destined to a life on the Creek, doing menial labor for minimal wage.  To make matters worse, he spends a good portion of Season 3 head over heels in love with Joey Potter, a woman who he believes to be completely out of his league, and who also seems to be very hung up on his best friend, Dippy Dawson.

Why we love him anyway?  Pacey is by far, the kindest hearted, most romantic, sweetest, and most loyal boy on this entire list.  Not only did he beat up boys for his lover, Joey ( most of these guys did that at one time or another), he also took care of her when she needed a friend, taught her to drive, saved her family’s business, bought her a wall, picked her up from a bad date in the middle of the night, and took her on a three month voyage without ever pressuring her into sex.  In short, this man is MY HERO!

10) Damon Salvatore – The “I Like to Bite” Bad Boy

TV Show: The Vampire Diaries

Who plays him?  Ian Somerhalder

What makes him a Bad Boy?  What doesn’t make this guy a bad boy?  He’s a VAMPIRE!  He controls humans’ minds and drinks from them regularly.  He breaks peoples necks for no apparent reason at all.  He made Caroline his feeding vessel and sex slave for a couple of episodes.  

(Click the internal link to watch.)

 He tortured Vicki and made her think his brother, Stefan, was doing it.  Then he killed her. 

(No embedding on this clip either.  You know the drill.)

After that, he turned her into a vampire and she went nuts.  So he had to dispose of the body.  He also continually tries to steal his brother’s girlfriends.  (But we actually really like him for that .  . .)

What makes him broody?  Damon has been pining over the same girl for a century and a half!  (How’s that for dedication!)

So, he risks his undeath to find his dream girl, only to learn that she doesn’t want to be found.  His own brother basically tricked him into becoming a vampire.  And now that same brother is dating a woman who looks exactly like the girl he fell in love with all those years ago.  Did I mention that Damon is in love with this new girl too?

(Here we go again, click away . . .)

Why we love him anyway?  Damon is beautiful and sexy.  He is also strong, intensely masculine, and hilariously funny.  The elder Salvatore Brother really does try to protect Elena in every way he knows how.  Damon knows that Elena can redeem him.  And deep down, he truly wants to be redeemed.  Oh, and he looks really hot with his shirt unbuttoned. . .

So, there you have it, Ten Brooding Bad Boys viewed from the perspective of the blogger that loves them all.  In every life a little darkness must fall.  And if you have to have darkness, at least let it come in the form of a hot sexy man who loves you, like no one else will . . .

Sweet Dreams, fellow Good Girls!

[www.juliekushner.com]

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