Heebie Jeebies, Creepy Crawlies, and Hot Abs – A Recap of Glee’s “The Rocky Horror Glee Show”

I have to say, the Glee producers took a decidedly big risk in choosing the theme for this week’s show. 

For one thing, The Rocky Horror Picture Show itself is an “acquired taste.”  It’s got its fans.  It’s got its haters.  And it’s got a good portion of Glee’s fanbase, who have never seen it at all . . .

The show is also pretty raunchy.  (All the characters that aren’t actually “doing it” on-screen, are impliedly getting busy off of it.)

Did I mention that the fans of the show are SERIOUSLY hard core?  You mess with what made them fall in love with this show, and they will make you live to regret it!  (I mean, these guys throw toast at people . . . for fun.)

Hopefully, they don’t throw the Grilled Cheesus . . .

All that being said, I think Glee did an admirable, if slightly imperfect, tribute to a musical classic this week.  And for that, they deserve a round of applause . . .

And . . . let’s face it . . . the multitude of Half-Naked Dudes didn’t hurt either . . .

Did you ever notice, how the writers of Glee find an excuse to show Chord Overstreet more or less naked in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE?  Not that we’re complaining . . .

Let’s “Time Warp” back to the beginning of the episode, shall we?

School Musical = Foreplay?

Someone should really instruct the federal government to watch this week’s episode of Glee.  After all, it includes within it, the solution to ALL of the nation’s healthcare problems!  I mean, who the heck needs medicine at all, when you’ve got Uncle Jesse from Full House catering to your physical, emotional, and psychological needs?

Having already raised TWO Olsen twins, there’s nothing this guy can’t do . . .

Well, at least, this is what Will’s lunch meeting with Emma suggests.  Just a few dates with Uncle Jesse Carl, and our OCD Poster Child, now, not only no longer needs to cut the crusts off her sandwiches, or wear plastic bags on her hands in public, she also apparently enjoys “playing dress up” and watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show, amidst a filthy theater of costumed “Toast Throwers!”

Emma shows Will how to do the “Time Warp” . . . again.

This marked change in Emma inspires Will to do something daring: namely, use his students to try lure Emma back into his arms (and, hopefully, his bed).

. . . because using kids to get sex . . . well . . . THAT’s not creepy at all . . .

So, that afternoon, Will informs his Glee kids that they will be performing The Rocky Horror Picture Show for their school musical production.  The proceeds from the show will be used to break Puck out of juvie (come back, Puck, COME BACK!) fund the club’s trip to the National Glee Club Competition in New York City!

In “brilliantly creative” and “not-at-all stereotypical” casting news, Will wants Finn and Rachel to play the dorky male and female leads, Brad and Janet;

He also wants Artie to play . .  . wait for it . . . the Guy in the Wheelchair . . .

I’m shocked!

 Will also hopes that Kurt will play the Very Flamboyant and Sexually Ambiguous Villain, Dr. Frankenfurter . . .

“Flamboyant?  Moi?”

Unfortunately, Kurt is totally not down with dressing in drag (He ends up being cast as a surprisingly convincing Riff Raff.)

 And so, who offers to take the part, but . . .

MIKE CHANG? 

Woah!  Color me impressed!  It looks like Uncle Jesse Dr. Carl has not only cured Emma of OCD, he has also broke Tina’s Dancing “Hot Patootie” of a Boyfriend out of his chronic, nearly mute, Glee Club laziness . . .

I am already picturing those abs encased in a tight leather leotard . . . Mmmmm!

Oh and Puck Sam will play the Hot Brainless Robot, who everybody desperately wants to screw, Rocky “The Creature.”

If You Can Dream It, Be It, Buddy . . .

With all those “innovative casting decisions” behind him, Will hands the club permission slips, to be signed by their parents, and sends them on their way.  And with that, Will’s dastardly plans to steal Emma from Uncle Jesse, have officially been set in motion . . .

Body Conscious

“I have no idea what’s going on in this script.  And, not in a cool, Inception way,” remarks Finn, as he and Rachel run through their lines, as Brad and Janet.

“Oh come on!  The Leo character was TOTALLY dreaming!  How else would you explain his kids not aging or changing their clothes for 10 years?”

Things get even more confusing, when Rachel informs Finn that he will be performing the scene on stage in his underwear.  (This just became like every bad dream, I have ever had . . .)

“I can’t be on stage in my Tighty Whities,” squeaks Finn.

Wait . . . Finn wears Tighty Whities?  In my dreams, I always kind of pictured him as a Boxer Guy . . .

Immediately recognizing that her boyfriend suffers from “Body Issues,” Rachel comforts him by telling him that he is the “Hottest Boy in School.” 

Hottest Boy in School . . . Third Hottest Boy in Glee Club . . . same difference, right?

As Sue Sees It . . .

Honestly, I would watch my local news SO MUCH MORE OFTEN, if it contained a segment like Sue’s Corner.  These little segments never fail to make me giggle like a school girl when I watch them.  “Halloween is a time when Little Boys to dress like Little Girls; Little Girls dress like Whores; and [both] brow beat hard working American families into giving them food,” she begins.

“We’ve lost the true meaning of Halloween . . . FEAR.”

Be afraid.  Be VERY afraid . . .

Sue concludes the segment, by advising Mommies to tell their kids that Daddy is a “Brain-Eating Zombie” who just whispered to Mommy that the kids “look delicious.”

After the segment, Sue is visited in her office by two  guys that look like insurance claim adjusters, but are actually Barry Bostwick and Meatloaf. (These guys played Brad and Eddie, respectively, in the original Rocky Horror Picture Show movie).

Apparently, Bostwick and Meatloaf also head up the Local News.  They inform Sue that they are aware that her high school’s Glee club will be putting on a very controversial Rocky Horror performance at the school.  Therefore, they would like her to write a “hard-hitting” news piece on the subject . . .

And so, with a Local Emmy on her mind and evil in her heart, Sue approaches Will about helping him out with the play. 

Will responds by reluctantly asking her to play the Criminologist in the production.  How fitting!

Hot Patootie!

Sue’s “assistance” comes in handy, almost immediately.  When Mike Chang’s parents tell their child they are “so not cool” with him wearing makeup and playing a tranny in the school play, Sue commandeers Uncle Jesse to help out . . .

Yes, because having a 40-something year old leather clad man seduce teenagers on stage is not inappropriate or creepy at ALL!

A skeptical (not to mention insanely jealous) Will insists that Carl audition before getting the role.  Apparently, Dr. Carl isn’t just an expert in cleaning teeth and curing OCD, the dude can also SING AND DANCE.  Using his signature Jesse and the Rippers’ style, Dr. Carl performs a rousing interpretation of Rocky Horror’s “Hot Patootie,” (sung by Meatloaf, in the original production) while joyfully spinning his girlfriend Emma around the classroom.

“I am SO screwed!”

A very huffy Will remarks that, since Carl will be playing Dr. Frankenfurter, he should have to audition with one of his songs.   But Carl staunchly refuses to cross dress.  And so, he will play “Eddie” instead. 

But who will play Dr. Frankenfurter?

“I’ll do it Mr. Schue,” remarks Mercedes.

Recalling the “if you can dream it, be it,” line from the show, Mercedes explains that she has always wanted to play the lead in a school play, and playing Dr. Frankenfurter would give her the perfect opportunity.  YOU GO, GIRL!

In the next scene, we get to watch Mercedes perform Dr. Frankenfurter’s iconic “Sweet Transvestite” dressed in full Frankenfurter garb.  I must admit, I was a bit skeptical at first of a women playing the part of a male crossdresser.  However, I must say that her interpretation of the song was pretty ingenious. 

“It’s astounding!”

The songs new “PG” lyrics, however, left a bit to be desired.  “Sin-sational Pennsylvania?”  Come ON, writers!  What exactly made it acceptable to use the word “transvestite,” but NOT the word “transsexual.” 

*sighs*  PRUDES!

Speaking of Prudes . . .

After the rehearsal, Will confronts Emma (who he has hired on as the show’s Sex Toy Costume Designer) about how wrong Carl is for the role of Eddie.  The conversation evolves into a discussion about Sam, and how uncomfortable he is in the barely-there tight gold undies he is forced to wear as Rocky.  Will’s solution.  “I can play Rocky!”

Riiiiiiiight, because a 30-something half-naked man being seduced by a bunch of half-naked teenagers is not inappropriate or creepy at all!

Emma, who’s clearly a moron agrees with Will that his playing Rocky would be an “amazing” idea!  And so, Will asks her to rehearse Rocky’s main musical number “Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me” with him. 

While Santana and Brittany watch excitedly from a nearby window . . .

 . . . (assuming the voyeuristic roles Magenta and Columbia had in the original show), Will and Emma begin to perform the musical number. 

Emma, for her part, gets “very” into the role of the newly sexually-awakened Janet . . .

When Emma is not ripping Will’s shirt off with her bare hands, or writhing on the desk like a Sex Kitten in Heat, she’s humping Will’s leg like a Happy Dog!  But when the song ends . . . well, that’s when the sparks really fly!

I really hope they don’t expect Rachel to do THAT!

Body Confidence, Part 2

Meanwhile Finn, still VERY concerned about his shirtless stage debut, is obsessively working out in the school gym, with Sam and Artie.  The usually confident Sam now finds himself feeling a bit insecure, having had his shirtless scene ripped away from him by, none other than his OWN teacher!  Finn wonders whether his shirtless part will be taken from him as well.

“Nah, the Brad part is all about being cool with being uncool.  It’s about having confidence in your body, regardless of what it looks like,” explains Sam.

For whatever reason, this inspires Finn to walk around school naked.

Not that we’re complaining!

Principal Figgins, of course, wants to suspend Finn from school for “making half the student body need therapy.”  However, Will convinces Figgins to let Finn off the hook.  “Your reasons for doing this play are murky at best,” notes Figgins. 

(Murky?  Nah!  Everyone knows that Getting the Teacher Laid is the true reason behind ALL high school musicals . . .)

An Abomination

Things go from bad to worse, when Carl interrupts a dress rehearsal, to call Will out for trying to steal Emma away from him. 

And things go from WORSE to . . . WORSER(?), when Finn finds the footage Sue filmed for the local news, which exposes the Glee club’s performance of The Rocky Horror Picture Show as an “abomination,” one which crosses the lines of human decency.

To Will’s horror, he realizes SUE IS RIGHT!

He has been using the Glee Club members as pawns in his Sick Sad Sex Games!  When Will confronts Sue, the pair engage in a surprisingly serious conversation about teens’ exposure to sexuality.  Will argues that his students are already exposed, so why not allow them to embrace it through art?  Sue replies that, as educators, they have a responsibility to protect students from those parts of life that are “Rated NC-17,” even if they can only do so within the four walls of the high school.

Then Will does something REALLY crazy.  He . . . agrees with Sue.

WOW!  This show IS scary!

Will decides to cancel the show.  Of course, this was precisely what the fame-seeking Sue didn’t want.  This leaves her screaming after Will that she “needs her local Emmy,” as he exits stage left . . . OOPS!

“Love can make you do crazy (and really creepy) things.”

Later, Will approaches Emma, and apologizes to her for having such a hot bod and making her rip his clothes off, even though she’s technically still dating the guy from Full House manipulating her emotions.  “You know, I only did this to get close to you.  I guess love can make you do some crazy things,” Will begins.

“I promise not to abuse our feelings for eachother anymore . . . Carl  is making you better . . . So, if I really love you, I need to back off and acknowledge that being with him, for now, is what’s best for you.”

But, is it really?  Emma didn’t look so sure, at the end of this scene . . .

Let’s Do the Time Warp AGAIN!

At the end of the episode, Will apologizes to his students, especially Sam and Finn for being a Creepy Lecher making them feel uncomfortable — and for putting on the show, for all the wrong reasons.  After all, Rocky Horror Picture Show isn’t really about running around half naked and screwing everybody (well . . . actually . . . it kind of is).  It’s about outcasts coming together and rejoicing in that which makes them different!

“In that way The Rocky Horror Picture Show is the perfect show for this club,” concluded Will.

“So, why aren’t we performing it?”  Santana inquires rationally.

“We are.  We just aren’t going to perform it for an audience,” Will replies.

Well .  . . that’s kind of lame!

The last scene of the episode features the Glee Kids, in Rocky Horro- themed — but substantially less revealing — clothes, performing the show’s iconic dance number, The Time Warp.

Fun-filled, and care-free, this was probably my favorite musical number of the whole episode (Schuester’s awesome abdominal muscles in “Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me,” notwithstanding). 

I just kind of wish it all  . . . you know . . . amounted to something more. 

While I enjoyed (despite being slighly skeeved out by) Will’s kind-of/ sort-of romantic play for Emma’s heart, I feel like it may have overshadowed the overall theme of the episode a bit.  For example, it would have been nice to have a few more scenes, during which the kids actually performed scenes from the show, even if those scenes had to be neutered to meet Fox’s newfound puritanical standards. 

(I mean, COME ON!  This was the network that brought us The O.C.,  a show where characters said and DID things that were WAY more sexually suggestive than the words “transsexual” and “heavy petting.”)

Need I say more?

On a positive note, the musical numbers this week were a lot of fun!  You can hear a taste of all of them here:

Did I mention, PUCK IS BACK NEXT WEEK?

OHHHHH YEAAHHHH!

See you then!

[www.juliekushner.com]

July 4th Movie Quote Contest (a.k.a. The post my lazy butt came up with at the last minute, because I drank too much on July 4th)

Have you ever noticed how there is nothing AT ALL to watch on television during the entire July 4th weekend?  Case in point:  Earlier this evening, I was flipping through channels in search of decent programming.  The viewing selection on my small screen was SO bad, that I actually watched an infomercial . . . on a motor scooter for the elderly . . . for a full half hour.  It was only 10 p.m.

Four glasses of wine in my belly, and I was actually about to purchase this . . . another two glasses, and I would have bought a spare one for my pet cat.

But you know what DOESN’T suck during July 4th weekend?  MOVIES!

July 4th weekend is a time when film production companies tend to release their highest budget films, in hopes of scoring big at the box office, and, thereby, achieving that much coveted “blockbuster” status.  It is also a time when television networks tend to air some of Hollywood’s most successful blockbusters, during prime time hours.  Networks tend to do this because (1) why bother putting out new content, when everyone is too sunburned and beer-logged to watch it; and (2) the few people who ARE watching are so happy to find something decent on television to watch and so very drunk, they won’t care at all that it’s a movie they have already seen 25 times.

For this reason and because I have had too much to drink to be genuinely creative, I have decided to run a little informal contest / game here at TV Recappers Anonymous.  The winner gets . . . well . . . to be honest, the winner gets nothing, because I don’t have anything to give him or her.

However, having a contest win of any kind under your belt WILL provide you with massive “street cred” on the blogosphere, not to mention something to brag about at all your upcoming July 4th parties!

OK . . . Here’s how the game works.  Got a pen and paper handy?

Good!

I’m going to show you a YouTube video featuring 100 famous movie quotes.  As you watch the video, jot down as many movies and quote-uttering actors as you recognize.  Then, tally up your points.  You get one point for each movie you correctly identify, and one point for each actor. 

And remember NO CHEATING!  If I hear later from your friends that you paused this video and started trolling around IMDB for the answers, I am going to find out your home address, and personally mail this to it . . .

Don’t think I won’t do it, either! 

If you’d like, feel free to comment here on how many points out of the possible 200 you received.  If not, don’t worry, I won’t be insulted . . .

 .  . . well, maybe I’ll be a little insulted.  But I’ll get over it.

This would actually be a pretty cool game to play with your friends on July 4th, assuming the party you are attending is extremely lame.  Additionally, I’m pretty sure there is a way to turn this into a drinking game.  I just haven’t quite figured out how to do it yet.  (Your suggestions in that regard, of course, are welcome too.)

So, without further adieu, here are 100 famous movie quotes in under four minutes . . . Good luck!

(At some point, I MIGHT add a comment to this post that includes the “answers” to this game.  Until then, you are on the honor system.  And remember, I’ll be WATCHING YOU!)

 Happy July 4th, everyone!

The Good, The Bad, and The Zombies – A Vampire Diaries Recap of “Fool Me Once”

There must be something in the water in TV Land this week. On Tuesday’s episode of Lost, there was much talk of “zombies.” Actually, the Lost zombies were not exactly of the “eat brains” variety.  Rather, they fell more into the “spiritually empty” realm of zombie-ism.  But they were zombies, nonetheless.

“On second thought . . . eating brains would be a really good way to reduce my carb intake.”

The “zombies” in tonight’s episode of The Vampire Diaries, however, were a bit more literal-minded. These entombed undead bloodsuckers certainly looked the part, with their vacant stares, cob-webbed attire, and skin falling-offy faces.

“Fool Me Once” was not exactly The Vampire Diaries’ prettiest episode, nor its strongest. There was a lot of bad and ugly here, and not all of it included Katherine’s decrepit, centuries-old, friends.  But there were definitely some highpoints to this, the last episode of the series, before it goes  on a month-long hiatus. So, without further adieu, let us separate the dead from the undead, shall we?

“Living” it Up in Motel Vampire

The episode begins with Elena waking up in a shabby motel room, to find vigilant Vampire Ben McKittrick holding her captive.  Or, at least, he would be vigilant, if he wasn’t fast asleep. A frightened Elena tiptoes toward the door. As you watch her, you just know Hot Bartender Vamp is going to jump out, give her a scare, and prevent her from leaving (the “fake escape,” is, after all, the oldest trick in the horror movie book).

When Ben does jump out for the obligatory scare, he tries to compel Elena to stay captive, by using that mind bendy thing they showed in the trailer. Of course, that ended up being a tease. Elena is still wearing her vervain necklace at the time, and, therefore, is immune to his “charms.”

Creepy Stalker Vamp Anna then jumps out and scolds Ben for his stupidity.  And, I have to say, given that they used such a hot actor to play Ben, I was a bit disappointed with the blandness of his two-episode character arc. (Stefan literally torched Hot Bartender Vamp at the end of this episode, so I’m pretty sure he’s gone for good.) Granted, The Vampire Diaries already has its share of sexy and brooding bad boys, but I think Ben had the potential to be more than Anna’s bumbling sidekick.

“I coulda been a contendah!”

Anyway, after suffering through what was officially the worst date ever, Bonnie is stuck slumming it in Motel De Vamp too. As it turns out, Vampire Anna has decided to use Elena and Bonnie as bait to get the Grinimore from Stefan.  (Is it just me, or is Elena used as “bait” in every single episode?)

With the help of Bonnie’s Witchy Grandma, Stefan finds the motel where Elena and Bonnie are being held captive, and rescues them by performing the heroic act of . . . wait for it . . . opening the window shades. Yeah, apparently, unlike Stefan, Damon, and Anna, D-list Vampire Ben not only cannot venture out doors during daylight, he cannot experience any sunlight whatsoever.

Back safe and sound at Witchy Grandma’s house, the Scooby Gang decides to help Damon to open the tomb, if only to get Creepy Stalker Vampire and her various D-list minions off their back. There is one problem with this.  After having been betrayed by the Scooby Gang in the last episode, Damon basically hates their guts . . . Elena offers to take one for the team, and reestablish with Damon the trust that has been broken between them.

“WOO HOO! YIPPEE! An Elena and Damon scene! I knew there was a reason I watched this show . . .”

It’s Just a Matter of Trust and Fashion Facilitation

One of the worst things about being single (for me anyway), is that there is no one there to help you unzip your dresses and secure the clasps on your bracelets and necklaces. Clearly, Elena Gilbert will never have this problem. In what was, of course, my favorite scene of the evening. Elena comes to Damon with her tail between her legs, ready to grovel.

Elena recognizes that Damon was more hurt by Elena’s betrayal at the cemetery last week than Stefan’s, due to the special connection these two have with one another. “You and I have something,” Elena explains, using as evidence the fact that Damon chose not to compel her when the two went down to Georgia together a couple of episodes ago.

“Who says, I didn’t,” challenges Damon, who gets some glee at seeing Elena flinch at his remark.

In a bold move to earn his respect and trust, Elena removes her vervain necklace, allowing Damon total control over her. Touched by the gesture, Damon moves toward her and takes the necklace. However, instead of tossing it away, he gently reattaches it to Elena’s neck. “I didn’t compel you in Atlanta, because we were having fun.  And I wanted it to be real.  I am trusting you.  Don’t make me regret it,” whispers Damon in Elena’s ear.

Wow . . . Please excuse me for a moment, while I wipe the drool off my keyboard . . .

The Lamest Party Ever

“Hey, what do you say we play a rollicking game of bingo when we get home?”

Remember shows like The O.C., where there was a party in every episode, and at every party there was at least one fight and one drug overdose? I do, and for that reason, I was massively disappointed by “Duke’s Cemetery Party.” After all, we had all the makings for a truly awesome party here.

For starters, it was at a cemetery filled with vampires.  Second, Tyler was there! And he likes to beat everyone up! Third, Jeremy was there! And he used to like to get wasted ALL THE TIME! Finally, new couple Matt and Caroline were there! Surely, I can count on them for some heavy petting and steamy necking.

What did I get instead? Tyler lecturing Jeremy about how he used to “be cool.” Jeremy moping around in the corner, mooning over Anna.  Sure, Vampire Ben ended up punching Jeremy’s lights out.  But it wasn’t nearly as much fun to watch as you would think.

And how about our hot new love couple: Matt and Caroline? Did they spend the episode heating up the screen with their newfound passion for one another? Not exactly. Instead, they made “Speeches” to each other and had in-depth philosophical conversations about how to make their relationship work. I  felt as though I had inadvertently changed channels away from my hot and sexy teen drama and, had instead found a talk show starring him . . .

This couple showed a lot of promise with their adorably sexy “car kiss” at the end of last weeks episode. However, the fact that they are already psychoanalyzing one another during the second week of their relationship, doesn’t bode well for them . . . AT ALL!

In Other, More Exciting, News . . .

Back at the tomb, Bonnie and her Grandma successfully complete the spell that will open the gates to Vampireland. Damon enters the tomb with Elena, who is accompanying him as, you guessed it, bait. You see, Damon fears that, without Elena, the witches will burn the tomb down with him still inside it. And we soon find out, that’s exactly what Granny plans to do.

When Vampire Anna rushes in after Damon to retrieve her Mommy, Grandma explains to Bonnie that the spell they cast will allow anyone to enter the tomb, but only humans, like Elena, to exit. While Damon is searching for Katherine, Anna finds her now Crypt Keeper-esque Mommy and tries to feed Elena to her. Elena screams out, causing Stefan to run to her rescue.

Now that a vampire they actually like is stuck in the tomb, Bonnie and Grandma are forced to open it for real. When they do, Anna and her mother rush out, as do Stefan and Elena. Unfortunately, an increasingly frantic Damon is still inside searching for Katherine.  Stefan returns to the tomb and drags a reluctant Damon out seconds before it closes.

Anna confesses to a heartbroken Damon that she always knew Katherine wasn’t in that tomb. Apparently, Anna had run into Katherine a few years back, and the latter seemed to have no intention of finding Damon again.  In a surprisingly sweet scene, Stefan returns home with Damon to comfort him over his heartbreak.

The Vampire Diaries = Ageist?

Back at La Casa de Bonnie, Grandma isn’t looking so hot. It seems that this evening of staying up late and casting spells has taken its toll on her.  When Bonnie leaves the room to get her grandmother tea, she returns to find her dead.

This really dusts my doilies! After all, Grandma was the only sensible non-vampire adult in the whole show (unless you count Jenna and Alaric, which I don’t). Not only was she smart, but she was tough as nails. After all, she beat the crap out of Damon using only her mind!Am I supposed to believe that a hardcore witch like this would meet her demise as a result of merely muttering a few words in Latin? Come on The Vampire Diaries, don’t you realize that old people can be fun? Haven’t you ever seen The Golden Girls?

. . or that awesome Snickers Superbowl commercial starring Betty White?

But I digress.  After a few heart-wrenching moments of mourning dear old Grandma, we return to the infamous tomb, which turns out to be not-so-much closed, as a zombie-esque decrepit dude finds out when he merely pushes lightly on the door . . .

Personally, I would have liked to see all the zombies emerge and do The Thriller dance here, because that would have been awesome.  But no such luck . . .

Well, there you have it folks . . . See you on March 25th!