“A lesson in whhaaaat? From the cast of whoooooo? DON, this damn phone don’t work and neither do I!”
Whether we are still kids, or just kids at heart, there are times in all of our lives, when we could stand to be reminded of the importance of minding our proverbial “Ps and Qs.” And in this most recent Mad Men episode, EVERYONE fell a bit short on the Etiquette Scale.
Let’s revisit, shall we?
Lesson One: When you have nothing nice to say, it’s best to say nothing at all . . .
In the opening moments of the episode, Don receives a phone call from the New York Times. Apparently, one of Don’s competitors at another advertising company(Cutler, Gleason, and Chauough), has been talking smack about him.
(Riiiiiight! Because THAT’S what top New York Times reporters cover on the front page of their paper, Word Wars between anonymous Ad men.)
The reporter wonders whether Don has a response to his competitors’ snide remarks. If Don was POLITE, he would simply say, “No Comment.” However, because Don is . . .
. . . he, instead replies, “Never heard of him.”
Lesson 2 – Be flexible. There is no shame in compromising to get the job done.
“Compromise is for pussies!”
Later, at a meeting of the SCDP partners, Pete mentions that he has scored a meeting with Honda, where SCDP will have the opportunity to pitch the well established Japanese corporation a campaign for their motorcycle account.
Rumor has it that Honda is dissatisfied with their current representation by Massive Ad Agency, Grey. The “catch” is that each competing agency will get just $3,000 to create a mock pitch for Honda. Most of the partners are THRILLED . . .
. . . but Roger is NOT!
A World War II vet, who lost a lot of friends to the Japanese war effort, Roger REFUSES to represent a Japanese company, no matter how lucrative such representation could potentially BE for SCDP. This is because Roger is . . .
“Why don’t we just bring Doctor Lyle Evans in here?” Roger quips.
* * * *
Please forgive me this slight departure from your regularly scheduled recap, while I wax poetic on Roger’s so-called “historical reference.”
Who the heck is Doctor Lyle Evans? If you didn’t catch the reference, fear not, because the rest of the staff of SCDP didn’t either. Seeing as I was still about two decades away from being born, back in 1965, I just shrugged the name off, assuming it referred to some villainous doc, who worked for the enemy back in World War II. (I was never exactly what you would call a “History Buff,” anyway . . .
But, apparently, there was much more to it than that. You see, the interesting thing about Dr. Lyle Evans, is that he DOES NOT EXIST!
OK. There’s probably SOMEONE out there named Dr. Lyle Evans, but he’s certainly not a historical figure. Evidently, Matt Weiner dropped the name into the script to have a little fun with those crazy Mad Men fans who like to look up every single historical reference they hear on the show. It WORKED! Google and Twitter trends for the mysterious “Dr. Lyle Evans” went through the ROOF, Sunday night!
Tsk, tsk, Matt Weiner!
I hearby dub you . . .
We now return to our regularly scheduled recap . . .
* * * *
Lesson 3 – Before making drastic changes to your appearance, always consult with your elders . . .
Felicity’s Keri Russell learned THIS lesson the hard way . . . So did Sally Draper.
OK. I REALLY don’t like this Nurse Phoebe chick! I didn’t like her when she was Reed on Grey’s Anatomy . . .
. . . and I DON’T like her now! Apparently, neither does Sally Draper. Because when Nurse Phoebe was babysitting the little Drapers, over at Don’s house, while Don was out on a date, Sally did something to ensure that Phoebe would NEVER be invited back into Don’s apartment again! She did THIS . . .
She then asked Phoebe whether she and Don were doing The Nasty together. Well, if they WERE, they won’t be NOW!
When Don got back from his Dull Ass Date with Boring Bethany at Benihana’s . . .
. . . (where he learned that his advertising rivals from Cutler would be competing with SCDP for the Honda account), he fired Nurse Phoebe on the spot!
Lesson 4 – Use your words, not your fists, B*tch (especially on YOUR KIDS)!!!!
The SLAP heard round the world . . .
While Don blamed Nurse Phoebe for the whole “Sally Hair Fiasco,” Betty blamed EVERYBODY BUT HERSELF! Poor, poor, Betty! Apparently, the whole world is conspiring to make your life miserable. Your daughter’s rebellious actions have nothing to do with her inner turmoil over her grandfather’s death or her parents’ divorce, they are all about YOU. Everything is about YOU! YOU, YOU, YOU!
“Me? Ahhh, my favorite subject.”
Betty slaps Poor Troubled Sally so hard, it looks for a moment like her teeth might fall right out of her mouth! And although Hen-pecked Henry and Disaffected Don look appalled by her behavior, both do astonishingly little to help the crying ten-year old, whose just been physically abused. “Betty,” Henry whispers half-heartedly.
“Well, gosh, I’d love to help ya, Sally. But I don’t wanna get beat up by a girl . . . AGAIN!”
Sally dashes to her room, and Don scampers out the door like a coward. Then, Betty, clearly the wronged one, whines to Henry about how much she wants to MURDER Don!
WOAH! Take it easy there . . .
Lesson 5 – Be respectful of that which makes others “different”
“I really don’t understand why people think I’m racist. Can’t a guy wear a mud mask without ridicule? I hear helps clean the pores!”
The time has come for the men of SCDP to hold their meeting with the good folks at Honda. Preparations have been made. “The Chrysanthemum and the Sword” has been not read. White flowers (which signify death in Japanese culture) have been hidden. Gifts have been purchased, including expensive bottles of booze. Old Fogey Roger has been sent off on a loooonnng lunch, and told precisely nada about what is set to occur.
Things go pretty well . . . at first. Pleasantries are exchanged and translated. Joan’s assets are admired. “How does she not fall over?” One of the business men inquires “cutely” in Japanese.
“Actually, sir, I fall over all the time. That’s why I always try to have Japanese business men in front of me, to break my fall.”
But then Roger comes, and screws everything up.
Pissed that he’s been lied to, and that his opinion has been blatantly ignored by his colleagues, an uncharacteristically belligerant Roger starts hurling insults at the Japanese businessmen, left and right. “They won’t know it’s over until we drop a bomb on them . . . twice,” jokes Roger, insensitively.
“We don’t want your JAP CRAP!” He says later.
Now, Roger, there’s no need to be . . .
After the meeting ends abruptly, Roger whines some more about the Japanese and World War II. Don berates Roger for acting unprofessionally, and killing the Honda account, all for something that happened twenty years prior. Pete takes the lecture session one step further, accusing Roger of being . . .
. . . and sabotaging Pete’s ability to gain accounts, so that Roger can maintain financial supremacy over the company. Roger tries to deck Pete, but Don intervenes.
Sure, Don! NOW YOU INTERVENE! What about when the recipient of the fist was your own DAUGHTER? You weren’t so tough then, were you?
Lesson 6 – Keep your hands to yourself, but not IN yourself . . . At least, not when others might see you do it.
For actress Kiernan Shipka’s sake, I’m hoping she’s too young an actress to think to ask what her “motivation” is for scenes like this one. I’m also hoping that when she’s a teenager, Kiernan’s friends never dig out DVDs of this episode for blackmail purposes . . .
Speaking of Miss Sally Draper, she’s up late at a sleepover party, watching what looks to be the LEAST sexy television show on the planet . . .
I don’t know, Sally. These guys just don’t do it for me . . .
. . . when she starts digging for gold underneath her nightgown.
She doesn’t find any.
(OK. I’m no Betty prude. I get that kids Sally’s age experiment with their bodies. I also get that it’s normal and natural for them to do that . . . hopefully, IN PRIVATE. But I REALLY didn’t need to watch this, and would have preferred the producers opted not to show it. It made me feel uncomfortable, and dirty, in a way that soap can’t wash . . .)
Apparently, Sally’s friend’s mom felt the same way, when she walked in on Sally’s “Gold Rush.” After having a little freak out, the lady immediately drove Sally home, interrupting Betty and Henry’s own sex session, to inform them that their kid was a sexual deviant. As per usual, Mommy Dearest makes this all about herself. After threatening to chop Sally’s fingers off . . .
. . . Betty moans to Henry in bed about how UNPOPULAR Sally’s actions are going to make Betty with the other mothers.
“Now I’ll NEVER be prom queen!”
Concerned that Sally’s willingness to play fast and loose with her flower, might ultimately result in her becoming . . .
. . . Betty reluctantly considers Henry’s idea that Sally start seeing a therapist.
“My daughter MUST be certifiably insane! Where on Earth would she learn to pleasure herself on the couch? Who DOES that?”
Ultimately, Betty suggests the therapy idea to Don, and he eventually agrees to it.
Then, of course, when the therapist calls Don to confirm Sally’s appointment, the Lovely Miss Blankenship greets him, in his small office, with the paper thin walls . . .
. . . screeching, “DON, YOUR DAUGHTER’S PSYCHIATRIST IS ON THE PHONE!”
Oh, Miss Blankenship . . . You are most certainly . . .
How Don hasn’t fired you yet, is BEYOND ME!
Lesson 7 – Honesty is always the best policy . . . unless you’re in advertising.
Just when it seems as though all hope is lost for SCDP to win over the Honda campaign . . .
Don reconsiders his newfound knowledge of Japanese business, and comes up with an idea to sabotage his competitors, while, at the same time, potentially saving the account.
Recognizing that neither SCDP nor its main competitor, Cutler, have the funds necessary to produce a full advertising campaign for Honda, Don decides to make Cutler THINK that SCDP is breaking Honda’s rules and paying for a television campaign out-of-pocket. The underlying assumption is that, by doing this, SCDP will goad Cutler into breaking the rules, thereby, shooting themselves in the foot. Not to mention, potentially bankrupting themselves. A few “clandestine” meetings, a fake filming session, and some carefully placed words later, the trap is set.
On the morning of the presentations, Cutler, as expected, goes forward with presenting Honda the television campaign, in violation of the prescribed rules for the advertising competition. When Don enters the office, he expresses feigned outrage at Honda for entertaining such a blatant rule violation, and returns the $3,000, refusing to make any sort of presentation at all. Interestingly enough, the Honda CEO likes Don’s attitude, he, himself, being somewhat of a . . .
And so, even though Honda ends up keeping their motorcycle account with Grey. They ultimately decide to throw SCDP a bone, by allowing the agency to represent their “small” car business.
Well, played, Don! You . . .
The episode concludes with, among other things, Don sharing some Sake with the joyless Marketing Research Lady . . .
During this meeting, he learns that she is NOT married, and is only pretending to be, because, OF COURSE, once men learn Marketing Research Lady is single, they DEFINITELY won’t be able to control themselves around her. . .
I think we all know where THIS is heading . . .
Here we GO AGAIN!
Also, Betty speaks briefly with Sally’s new therapist, Dr. Edna . . .
. . . who seems pretty cool . . .
Betty even agrees to visit the therapist, herself, a few times, in accordance with Sally’s “treatment.”
At the very end of the episode, Sally, accompanied by the Most Fabulous Housekeeper / Caretaker who ever lived, Carla . . .
. . . heads off to visit Dr. Edna for the first time. We’re rooting for you, Sally! Because the world REALLY doesn’t need ANOTHER Betty Draper . . .
Well, that’s all I’ve got for this episode, folks! Special thanks go out to Roger Hargreaves, and the spectacular Little Miss and Mister Men series, for helping me to illustrate this recap.
See you next week!