Tag Archives: Sandra Bullock

Oscars 2012 – Who SHOULD Co-Host? (Five Suggestions)

(It occurred to me, while I was doing research for this post — which, mind you, I had been planning to write since LAST NIGHT — that everybody and their mother already beat me to this idea.  There go my delusions of “originality!  But, am I going to let that stop me from reinventing the wheel?  HECK NO!)

Unless you’ve been living under a rock this past week, you are probably already aware of the following: (1) the 83rd Annual Academy Awards aired this past Sunday; (2) Anne Hathaway and James Franco co-hosted the show; (3) for their efforts, they received HORRIBLE  humiliatingly bad  resoundingly negative  not very good mixed reviews.

ANNE:  “Lay off, OK?!  It wasn’t my fault!  James was stoned off his ass, and sleeping backstage, the ENTIRE TIME!  You think I kept saying ‘WOOOOOHOOO!’ for every presenter, because I’m just some a dorky fangirl, who can’t keep her sh*t together?  NO!  I was trying to WAKE THAT MOTHERF&*KER UP!”

JAMES: “Yo, Anne could you quiet down!  I can’t concentrate on my tweeting, with you yelling like that . . .That and I’m SERIOUSLY hungover!”

While the execution may have been flawed, I still believe that the Academy’s idea of choosing two fresh, yet familiar, faces to host the year’s most prestigious award show this year, was an inspired one.  For this reason, I have tasked myself with coming up with five celebrity pairings, each of whom, I believe, would be well-suited for the admittedly formidable challenge of Oscar Hosting.  So, without further adieu, here are my selections (in no particular order):

(1) Sandra Bullock and Robert Downey Jr.

Americans love a good survival story.  And there are no two bigger survivors in Hollywood than Sandra Bullock and Robert Downey Jr.  She endured a painful divorce from a TOTAL wanker (who cheated on her with some tatted-up Nazi skank uggo) won an Oscar, and adopted a baby boy, all in the SAME YEAR!  He battled drug and alcohol addiction throughout the first thirty or so years of his life.  He then spent four years rotating in and out of jail on drug charges, only to become clean in 2001.  Since then, Robert Downey Jr.’s career experienced a remarkable resurgence – one which made available to him a treasure trove of roles any actor would sell their soul for.

But none of this would matter, if Sandra and Robert weren’t the kind of people we could stand to watch on television for three hours straight, without getting nauseous.  Fortunately, both celebrities possess inherent charm, poise, intelligence, dry wit, and my personal favorite, matching self-depracating senses of humor.  All of the aforementioned qualities, in my opinion are ESSENTIAL for a good Oscar host.  But don’t take my word for it.  See for yourself!

Did I mention Robert Downey Jr. looks wicked HOT in a tux? 😉

(2) George Clooney and Matt Damon

Nobody does Hollywood Royalty, like George Clooney and Matt Damon.  Having starred in four movies together, and having endured countless hours of interviews and press junkets, sitting side-by-side with one another, these two seriously sexy men, have a bromance that is simply unparallelled in the movie industry (well . . . except for, perhaps, the bromance between Matt Damon and Ben Affleck).   

Everybody loves Matt and George.  And they love eachother.  The wry barbs, adorable smirks, witty banter, and mild to moderately homoerotic ass slaps that would inevitably result, if these two were to host the Oscars together, would certainly be worth enduring a few lame acceptance speeches and stale musical performances for, right?

Oh, and if they could do a reprise of the “I’m F*&king Matt Damon” song, so much the better.  (I’m sure the censors would just LOVE that!)

(3) Tina Fey and Jon Hamm

To succeed as an Oscar host, it is not enough to simply be likeable, or funny, or charming, you also have to have good material.  And solid material requires GOOD WRITING.  So, what better person to host the Oscars than one of the best comedic writers in the industry?  Having spent years, writing for Saturday Night Live, and now 30 Rock, Tina Fey definitely has what it takes to write a solid Oscar monologue.  Plus, her stand-up comedic experience has made her a whiz at ad-libbing.  Of course, this is a crucial skill to have on Oscar night, when the teleprompter goes down, or the microphone stops working, or Melissa Leo drops the F-bomb . . .

As for Jon Hamm,  well the man is gorgeous, for one thing . . . and surprisingly modest, especially considering just how gorgeous he is.  Jon is also a real stand-up guy — one who’s not afraid to be goofy, or make a bit of an ass of himself.  He even knows how to DANCE (sort of).    Being able to boogie certainly can’t hurt, especially if you are an Oscar host saddled with a ridiculously cheesy musical number . . .

Hamm demonstrated both his comedic timing, and his chemistry with Tina Fey, during the actor’s guest stint on 30 Rock.  But it is the couple’s adorable debut as 2009 Emmy Presenters that really convinces me that these two have what it takes to be amazing 2012 Oscar hosts.

(4) Nathan Lane and Jane Lynch

The Oscars are nothing if not theatrical.  And my next two celebrities have theatricality up to their expertly plucked eyebrows!  Nathan Lane is comedic actor, who got his start on Broadway, and has brought his larger-than-life persona and musical talents to films ranging from The Bird Cage to The Lion King to The Producers.  You can’t help but laugh, everytime Nathan Lane is working his magic on the stage or screen.  He also looks pretty amazing in drag . . . which is a HUGE PLUS, during the Awards season.

Jane Lynch has also had a long-standing comedic film career that began on the stage.  Of course, now, we know her best as the prickly and unabashedly evil cheerleading coach, Sue Sylvester, on Glee.  Can you just imagine all the delightfully evil barbs targeted against Hollywood’s A-listers, Jane could get away with at the Oscars, if they were spoken in the context of an “As Sue Sees It” News Broadcast?

(Oh, and if Nathan and Jane could, at some point, during the ceremony belt out a duet to my favorite Disney tune “Hakuna Matata,” I would be a VERY HAPPY CAMPER!)

(5) Rico Rodriguez and Sofia Vergara

You want YOUNG Oscars, Academy?  Well, it doesn’t get much younger than Rico Rodriguez!  This pint-sized tot from Modern Family has already earned his stripes, both hosting Red Carpet Events, and tackling press junkets and interviews like a champ. 

See what I mean?  Dude brings the funny!  And he brings it HARD!  Book him NOW, before puberty hits!

It should be noted that Rico has fantastic chemistry with his TV mommy — the smokin sexy, Sofia Vergara.  Vergara’s sassy sensibility and adorable accent make absolutely everything she says hilarious.  Case in point:

Oscar telecasts, as we all know, have a tendency to get a bit long and dry, particularly during their final hours.   What better way to spice things up a bit, than with a little sultry Latin Flavor?

And, hey, even if things DON’T go well for these two as hosts, you could probably get at least an hour’s worth of material out of jokes about Rico’s age and height, and one about Sofia’s accent and bountiful . . . busom.  You can’t say that about Steve Martin or Billy Crystal!

So, there you have it, my top five picks to host the 2012 Oscars.  What are YOURS?

[www.juliekushner.com]

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“We’re Not in Coyote Ugly anymore, Toto!” – A Brief Look at the Pilot for USA Network’s Covert Affairs

“We’re tough!  We’re (relatively) young.  We’re pretty.  One of us is pretending to be blind.  Welcome to the CIA, bitches!”

Tonight, I checked out the pilot episode for USA’s new spy drama, Covert Affairs, on Hulu.comThe show stars Piper Perabo as 28-year old CIA newbie, Annie Walker.  Some of you out there may remember Perabo from her starring role in this  . . .

(Don’t you like how I was supposed to show you a video of Piper Perabo from Coyote Ugly; and I ended up showing you the ONE and ONLY clip in the ENTIRE movie, that featured the Hot Aussie Dude shirtless and dancing?  Yeah . . . I thought you would.)

Oh, hello again, Shirtless Adam Garcia!  Thanks for stopping by.  But I should probably go back to talking about Covert Affairs now . . .

In terms of characterization, Perabo’s Annie Walker is pretty much EXACTLY what you’d expect from a leading lady in this type of show.  She’s tough, but knows how to turn on the dainty charm, when necessary.  She was burned by an old relationship that abruptly ended, and is, therefore, perpetually single, which worries the heck out of her family and friends.  She walks and talks like a supermodel, but can throw out clever one-liners worthy of the Fat Guy in sitcoms.  She’s “brand new” at her job, but is already “the best her employers have ever seen.” 

Oh, and she prefers to track down international spies and dangerous crime lords, while clad in teeny tiny skirts and ungodly high designer heels . . . (Who doesn’t, right?)  One of her colleagues on the show puts it best when he says she “fits the male fantasy profile perfectly.”

“Does this shade of mascara clash with my gun?”

Starring alongside Perabo, as Walker’s colleage and Guy Friday a.k.a. “the funny friend she is NOT attracted to” is Christopher Gorham, who you may remember as THIS GUY  . . .

 . . . wait . . . that probably didn’t help you at all, did it?  Let’s try again.  THIS GUY . . .

That’s right, boys and girls, it’s HENRY from UGLY BETTY!

Henry . . . er . . . I mean Christopher . . .  plays Augie Doggie . . .

Oops. . .  sorry, I mean . . . Auggie Anderson, a young CIA officer who was blinded in a freak accident on the job.  He now exists solely to provide Annie Walker with unlimited support / platonic friendship / semi-witty banter, and, therefore, will never get his own storyline.  Oh, and every other sentence out of his mouth is BLIND joke.  I guess this is OK though, because he’s BLIND.  Did I mention that he’s BLIND?  BLIND. 

What’s the matter? Am I annoying you with my constant and repetitive references to the character’s non-seeing nature?  Try listening to that for AN HOUR . . .

Also starring in Covert Affairs is SANDY COHEN from The O.C.!

Yep.  That’s Peter Gallagher . . . known best for his massively furry caterpillar eyebrows, and “middle-aged dude” sexiness.  (Those of you who are a little bit older might also remember Peter as the Coma Guy that Sandra Bullock crushed on in While You Were Sleeping.)

“OMG!  Unconscious guys are SO HOT!”

Here, Gallagher changes things up a bit, by playing precisely the type of guy that Sandy Cohen would HATE. Gallagher’s CIA director, Arthur Campbell, is a total stuffed-shirt — one with the rare ability to deliver cliched, but highly emotional, lines like, “We will track him down, so help me God,” in a manner completely devoid of any human emotion whatsoever. 

Gallagher’s wife, and Annie and Auggie’s direct superior, is Joan Gallagher, played by Kari Matchett.

As is typical with these type of “newbie learns the ropes” -themed dramas, Joan comes off, at least in the pilot, as kind of a cold-hearted b&tch.  But of course, you KNOW that, eventually, assuming the show doesn’t get canceled first we will get to see her softer side.  I also presume that she will ultimately end up taking on a sort of “parental” type role in Annie’s life, despite the two looking remarkably similar in age.

Also featured in the pilot was Anne Dudek, who you might remember as the woman who played Betty Draper’s friend, and fellow Desperate Housewife, Francine, on AMC’s Mad Men.

Dudek plays Danielle Brooks, Annie’s older and well-meaning, if slightly judgmental, and totally clueless, sister, in whose poolhouse Annie inexplicably lives.

Annie’s mysteriously disappearing ex, seen mostly through flashbacks, is THIS GUY . ..

Eion Bailey.  (He’s a little hairy for my taste, but I’ll take him.  With a name like “Eion,” it has to be good!)

Rounding out the main cast, at least in terms of the pilot episode, is Eric Lively.

And if, for any reason, you are thinking that the actor looks a lot like what you imagine Serena from Gossip Girl would look like as a man, you are absolutely right . . .

Eric is Blake Lively’s older brother.  He plays a womanizing senior CIA agent, named Conrad Sheehan III.

 (By the way, why is it that every time a television character has a number after their name, to signify their “wealthy roots,” it always seems to be 3?  Can’t rich people count past that number?)

 Conrad’s entire role seems to revolve around flirting mercilessly with Annie.  He acts like he’s “important,” and, yet, never seems to do any actual CIA work.  According to Wikipedia, Eric’s character will eventually be replaced by that dude from Heroes,  Sendhil Ramamurthy . . .

 . . . although I’m not sure why.

OK, I get it now . . .

All snark and shirtlessness aside, this was actually a pretty enjoyable pilot episode.  It moved briskly, and kept my interest throughout its over an hour-long running time.  Cliched aspects of her character aside, Perabo’s Annie Walker was surprisingly likeable and interesting to watch on screen.  And for a newbie, she seemed to pull off the heavy duty action sequences required of her quite well

 (It’s really nice to know that all that dancing on the bar Perabo did during Coyote Ugly wasn’t all for naught.)

Granted, the episode was not without its shortcomings.  For starters, some of the Washington D.C. set designs were fake as hell.  For example, clearly, the show’s producers have never rode the D.C. Metro.  Here’s a hint:  It’s actually REALLY CLEAN!

In the producers defense, those who’ve ridden subways in practically any other city might never have guessed this.  But if I found this picture on Google, this multi-million dollar show ABOUT THE CIA, should have been able to find it too.  If not the cleanliness, they could have at least mimicked the D.C. Metro’s trademark waffle ceilings . . .

And, of course, the so-called plot twists in this pilot aren’t exactly “jaw dropping.”  In fact, if you are like me, you will probably pick up on all of them WAY before Annie does.  And seeing as SHE picks up on them WAY BEFORE the rest of the CIA, that really doesn’t say much about our nation’s “intelligence,” now does it?

But all that aside, Covert Affairs is an entertaining hour.  One I wouldn’t mind adding to my weekly television watching rotation . . . at least on a temporary basis.

Covert Affairs airs Tuesday nights at 10 p.m. on the USA Network.  You can watch the trailer for the show here:

And its pilot episode, here.

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