So, you peed your pants at the end of the episode. So WHAT? You’re still pretty cool in my book . . .
If you’re like me, you’ve probably been following Degrassi’s The Boiling Point on Teen Nick this summer. And if you HAVE been following the show, you know that it’s season finale, entitled “All Falls Down,” aired tonight. Although the final episode didn’t push the envelope quite as far as I would have liked, I thought it was a fitting end to a surprisingly well-written, and enjoyable season.
Sure, it got off to a rather slow and awkward start . . .
“I don’t really know you that well. But you and I are both getting too old to be on this show. So, what do you say we get married, and ride off into the sunset together?”
. . . but somewhere around the halfway point, the show really hit its stride. And, before I knew it, I was hooked . . .
First transgender teen character on television? AWESOME!
So without further adieu, let’s take a look back on how it all ended, shall we?
Sav and Holly J. – Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
*playing guitar and singing off key* “You’re my one, my only . . . [Insert your name here].”
Remember a couple of seasons ago when Sav was dating Anya . . .
. . . and she was mad at him, because he wouldn’t introduce her to his parents (even though they had been dating for six months), because she wasn’t a Muslim? No? Well, it happened. And to make it up to Anya, Sav serenaded her with the cheesiest, most ear-splittingly bad song, EVER! And it worked! Why? Because Sav is such a STUD MUFFIN . . .obviously.
Well . . . now, Sav and Anya are splitsville . . .
. . . and Sav has started making goo goo eyes, at Anya’s once B.F.F., Holly J . . .
. . . who . . . up until a few episodes ago . . . was swapping spit with THIS GUY . . .
. . . who once made out with his SISTER . . .
. . . who looks like THIS . . .
Hair: The Musical called . . . they want that outfit back . . .
. . . and is currently best friends with Holly J.
But I digress . . . so Holly J. and Sav are sort of / kind of together. And at Vegas Night, Sav shows his affection for Holly J. by . . . you guessed it . . . SINGING A CRAPPY SONG to her in front of the entire student body . . . a song that sounds suspiciously similar to the “Anya Song.”
It WORKS . . . AGAIN !
What is wrong with these girls?
Anyway, Holly J. gives thanks to Sav and his magical musical charms, by changing into a totally tarty outfit, and stripping for him in an abandoned classroom.
AND . . . then . . . just when things are starting to get exciting . . . the cops come and spoil EVERYTHING . . . (No money shot today!)
I’m thinking the public indecency charge is not going to look so hot on Holly J.’s Yale application. Just saying . . . I blame Stud Muffin Sav and his hypnotic (and by “hypnotic,” I mean “awful”) voice.
But believe it or not, the cops didn’t break up Degrassi’s Vegas Night due to a Sav-induced noise violation. So, why did they come, you ask? Well . . . we’ll get to that in a bit. We’ve got other slutty fish to fry first . . .
Some like it hot . . . in the Boiler Room
“I did a BAD, BAD thing . . .”
OK. So, where was I during high school, that no one EVER invited ME to the hottest room in the building to get “nekkid” with the cool kids?
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Bianca!
So, Drew, the Dumb Jock with a Heart of Gold, but NO self control WHATSOEVER . . .
Keep a bun on that weiner, boy!
. . . was dating the smart, but super self-absorbed and slightly promiscuous, Alli . . .
Except the “slightly” part of her promiscuousness was, apparently, not enough for Drew. So, HE eventually succumbed to the charms of SUPER SLUT from SLUTTY SLUTVILLE, Bianca . . .
. . . who inexplicably wears ugly ACID WASH mom jeans from 1982 . . .
. . . and once ALMOST got it on with Drew’s transgender step-bro, Adam . . .
Not only is Bianca a TOTAL HO, she also has a HUGE MOUTH (which, probably helped things along significantly in the Boiler Room, while these two were going at it).
At Vegas Night, Big Mouth Bianca tells Drew’s girl, Alli, about the illicit hookup. And then, when Drew tries to say the two just kissed, Bianca CORRECTS him, alluding to the fact that SHE kissed Drew . . . DOWN BELOW.
So, the now- heartbroken, still slightly- promiscious, Alli heads off to the Boiler Room with Big Bully, Small Willy, Owen . . .
. . . who offers her $50 bucks (Is that play money, or does Canadian cash actually look like that?) to kiss HIM . . . DOWN BELOW. But, like I said, Alli is only SLIGHTLY promiscuous. And, while she DOES want to make Drew jealous, the “Nether Region Kissing thing” is a no-go for her. So, Alli tells Big Bully, Small Willy, Owen, “Thanks, but no thanks.”
Then he tries to RAPE HER!
Fortunately, Dumb Jock with the Heart of Gold, but NO Self Control, Drew comes to her rescue!
But then Drew’s MOM, who is some “big important” school superintendent, or something . . .
. . . comes to the Boiler Room, finds the pair together, and automatically assumes that Slightly Promiscious Alli seduced her poor little innocent son, Drew. YIKES!
But that STILL doesn’t explain why the cops were at Degrassi . . . Not to worry. This will . . .
Here’s barfing at you, kid . . .
Smart, sensitive, slightly emo lovebirds, Eli and Clare, have TRULY been the REAL lovestory of this season.
Episode after episode, we have rooted for them, as they overcame eachother’s respective baggage (He sort of / kind of had a role in his ex-girlfriend’s death. She’s massively uptight, and her last boyfriend dumped her for a prettier, but much less intelligent, blonde.), and tentatively moved toward a surprisingly sexy romantic relationship.
Eli and Clare studying French . . . kissing.
But while Clare and Eli were moving deeper into one another’s pants, Eli was still grappling with the fact that his ass was getting kicked fairly regularly by his Nemesis, Trailer Trash Fitzy . . .
Eli and Fitz have been sparring for most of the season — with Eli using his wits to get the better of Dumb Bunny Fitz, and Fitz responding by repeatedly kneeing Poor Eli in the nuts. In an effort to evoke a truce between the two, the usually smart Clare inexplicably agrees to go to Vegas Night as Fitz’s date.
Ummm . . . riiiiiight, because the IDEAL way to stop your boyfriend from hating his nemesis, is to DATE that nemesis.
Understandably, Eli is pissed. He wants Clare to put some Ipecac in Fitz’s drink to make him puke. She refuses. So, at Vegas Night, Eli spikes Fitz’s drink with the “puke juice” himself, and tricks Clare into getting Fitz to drink it.
Infuriated and still smelling like vomit, Fitz goes to his locker, and gets a knife . . .
. . . and then THIS happens . . .
. . . just kidding . . . but wouldn’t that have been AWESOME?
What actually happens is that Clare sees Fitz with the knife, and rushes to tell Principal Simpson. THAT’S how the cops end up coming to the school, and finding Half Naked Holly J humping Sav in an abandoned classroom. And THAT’S how Drew’s superintendent (or something) mom ended up in the boiler room, where she found Slightly Promiscuous Alli doing precisely nothing but crying, and, yet, jumped to conclusions about her sluttiness, anyway.
Meanwhile, Fitz lunged at Eli with a knife . . .
. . . but never ended up stabbing him. Fitz DID make Eli piss his pants though. One bodily function deserves another, I guess. Now, they are even! Plus, Eli, my favorite character of the season, will live on to brood, smoulder, and drive around town in his cool hearse, another day . . .
Ultimately, Fitz was arrested. Principal Simpson then told his four once-favorite students that he was mad at them, and planned to make their lives miserable . . .
To prove it to them, he grabbed Fitz’s knife, and did THIS . . .
Kidding again! Sorry, I couldn’t help myself . . .
Well . . . there you have it. That was the Season Finale of Degrassi’s Boiling Point in a nutshell. What did you think of the episode? Did you enjoy the Boiling Point? Do you plan to watch Degrassi next season? Are you as much of Emo Eli fan as I am? All good questions . . .