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This Means WAR!!!! – A Recap of Gossip Girl’s “A Touch of Eva”

Although Chuck’s utterance of the above-referenced line saddens me, as it represents yet another setback, in a series of increasingly dark turns that his relationship with Blair, has taken since last season, I am mildly comforted by the image of a very sexy Ed Westwick, decked out in yummy army fatigues . . .

See?  Every Chuck Cloud DOES have a silver lining!

Tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl was a bit of an emotional roller coaster for us Chuck and Blair fans.  On one hand, after WEEKS of minimal contact between the two, the pair finally had an abundance of tension-filled scenes together.

However, most of those scenes featured (1) Blair trying to sabotage Eva, and (2) Chuck vehemently defending his new Angelic Whore to the only woman he ever truly loved.

Then, Eva FINALLY left town . . . FOR GOOD!

But . . . as is usually the case in such situations . . . the GG writers decided to use this episode to make the almost universally despised French woman LESS annoying and MORE sympathetic — thereby, making us all feel just the teensiest bit guilty for having hated her for all these weeks.

And yet, Chuck DID confront Blair, desperate to find out if she still loved him. . .

And she said  . . . NO!

However, perhaps, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here.  Let’s take  a step back, and see how it all went down, shall we?  But first, let’s get the less interesting simpler storylines out of the way . . .

Rags to B*tches

When the episode begins, we learn that Nate is starting to have some doubts about his new girlfriend, Juliet.  Mind you, these doubts did NOT stem from Juliet’s Hamilton House shenanigans, last week.  After all, aggressively  crapping on the reputations of Nate’s ex-girlfriends, through lies and deceit, is completely normal behavior in GG Land.  In fact, it’s encouraged!

Congratulations, Juliet!  You are officially EXACTLY like every other female on this show . . .

What really raised Nate’s eyebrows was how Juliet kept canceling out on dates with him, because she . . . HAD TO STUDY!

“Studying?  Nobody does that on THIS show!  Your new girlfriend is TOTALLY a serial killer, Nate.”

Fortunately for Nate, hiring a private detective is entirely unnecessary on this show, as each character’s every single solitary move is chronicled on Gossip Girl. 

(Wait, did you say EVERY cast member?  Even Vanessa?  This site must be the most boring read EVER!)

Daily itinerary:

8 a.m. Dress in hideously mismatched thrift store outfit

8:30 a.m – 10 a.m. Frequent artsy fartsy coffee shop

10 a.m. – 4 p.m. Attend fake classes

4 p.m. to 5 p.m. – Frequent ANOTHER artsy fartsy coffee shop, which smells like dirty hippies

5 p.m. to 10 p.m. – Pretend to study, while nagging and fondling, Dan Humphrey

10:15 p.m.  – Bedtime!

So, anyway, Nate cyberstalks Juliet on Gossip Girl, and learns that, during a time that she had SAID she was studying at home, she was actually spotted emerging from a subway station ACROSS TOWN!

Wait . . . someone on this show actually TAKES PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION?  Oh the humanity!

Because stalking his “loving girlfriend” on the internet isn’t enough, Trusting Nate decides to take things one step further, by stealing her cell phone.  Conveniently, Juliet has recently received a text message from the mysterious “Ben,” which states “I need to see you.”

Umm . . . are we supposed to believe that “Ben” is the same guy Juliet was hitting on at the prison last week?  Wow!  Who knew prisons had such great cell phone plans?  Now THAT’S our tax dollars at work!

Rather then stewing in silence for a few episodes, or exacting revenge, as men on this show tend to do, Nate actually does the mature thing, and confronts Juliet about her implied infidelities.

When Juliet fumbles with an explanation for the call, Nate tells Juliet that the reason she hates Serena so much is that she is Bat Sh*t Crazy just like her!

Later, a humbled Juliet, not wanting to get dumped, comes clean to Nate.  She is NOT cheating.  Rather “Ben” is her “troubled brother” who she is currently giving conjugal visits to on a daily basis “not ready to talk about.”  However, she promises, that he will “not come between [her and Nate].” 

Nate, whose own drawers are just FILLED with dirty family laundry . . .

Let’s get DIRRRRRTY!

. . . is thrilled to hear this wonderful news!  (Now, he can finally come clean about all those bastard children he sired during his Spring Break in Nicaragua!)

To reward Nate for not dumping his ass, Juliet offers to FINALLY let Pretty Boy see her apartment!

WALL OF CRAZY, HERE WE COME!

But, alas, Juliet doesn’t bring Nate to her Dumpy Psycho Serial Killer Apartment from Hell.

Instead, Juliet pays off the doorman at some fancy apartment complex, to give Juliet the keys to a temporarily vacant place.  Given all the creepiness that this entails, it seems kind of fitting that the last shot of the “happy couple” is of them making out “behind bars.”

Here We Go Again . . .

Oh for Heaven’s sake, will the boredom EVER end?

Is it just me, or have Dan and Vanessa been having some variation of the same storyline together for FOUR SEASONS!  Here’s how it goes . . . Judgy Vanessa nags Dopey Dan about something he’s doing lately, which doesn’t meet up to her high moral standards (Past Examples:  Hanging out too much with various members of the Upper East Side Crew, acting “too rich,” not telling his parents some lame deep dark secret he has, being a Male ho).  This week, it was Dan’s failure to properly grieve over the loss of Baby Milo.

Then, as a result of all the nagging, Dan will inevitably grow moody . . .

“Hey, you say ‘moody,’ I say ‘brooding and edgy'”

. . . and run straight into the arms of Slutty Serena . . .

. . . who for about two minutes (or until the next commercial break, which ever comes first) will decide she “loves him.”  During that short time span, Serena will string Dan along on a tight leash, like the disobedient dog he is . . .

 . . . or pour ketchup on him and eat him . . . depending on her mood.

Then, Vanessa will take Dan back because she has no other options truly loves him.  After all, her lashing out at Dan was only as a result of that suffocating love she feels for him.  So, yeah, that was basically what happened with Dan and Vanessa AGAIN this week.  Any questions?

Oh, and this should tell you just how much I dislike Dan and Vanessa as a couple . . . This week, I ACTUALLY found myself rooting for the romantic re-pairing of . . . SIBLINGS Serena and Dan!

I KNOW, I KNOW!  Clearly, I need my head examined . . .  Then again, as Blair says, “Anything to head off the nightmare of Humphrey-Abrams Offspring!”

Now THOSE would be some BORING ASS babies!

And now . .  on to the REALLY juicy stuff . . . 😉

Hi Ho!  Hi Ho!  It’s out with “New” Chuck we go!

“Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in!” 

The above words were spoken by the always iconic film character, Michael Corleone, during the much lambasted third installment of the otherwise brillant Godfather film series.  I imagine that our Chuck Bass was feeling much the same way as the aforementioned fictional Mafia Kingpin this week.  After all, ever since his “unforunate accident,” Chuck has been trying desperately hard to “be good” (whatever that means). 

It’s not as though this has all been some ruse on Chuck’s part to get Blair back (although, honestly, we all kind of wish it was).  Nope.  Chuck REALLY seems to want to change.  He wants to be the type of guy who has no secrets, who doesn’t engage in petty gossip or revenge plots, and who genuinely enjoys attending charity functions with his bland girlfriend.

Yet, while he smiles, and plays the part, to the best of his ability, Chuck never really seems to be enjoying himself.  This ideal he’s painted in his head of who he should be, it just isn’t him.  Fortunately (or “unfortunately” depending on how you look at it) Chuck’s “devilish” Upper East Side pals are there to remind him of this, at every turn. 

As the episode opens, we, along with a distraught Blair, watch live streams from Gossip Girl, of Chuck giving his new Gal Pal Eva obscenely an expensive watch from Cartier . . .

 . . . and obscene amounts of money to charity . . .

No one seems to be able to believe that this “Innocent” and Slightly Dull Blondie has single-handedly been able to surgically remove Chuck’s sizeable Mean Streak (not to mention his sense of humor — The guy hasn’t had a single fun one liner, since the season started).  Even Juliet can’t believe it, and she hasn’t been around all that long!  During a double date breakfast, that includes Nate and Juliet, and Chuck and Eva, Juliet asks Eva how she feels about Chuck’s sordid past.

“Well compared to Lord Voldemort, he’s not so bad!”

“Old Chuck, New Chuck, Bad Chuck, Good Chuck . . . How much wood could a woodCHUCK CHUCK if a woodCHUCK could CHUCK wood? .  . it’s all part of the same journey,” offers Eva, who clearly believes she has just walked into an audition for the role of a princess in a Disney cartoon.

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall.  Who’s the lamest of them all?”

Determined to bring this seemingly perfect b*tch down, Blair does what any self respecting character on this show would do, she STALKS her!

Of course, it doesn’t take long, before Blair hits, what she believes to be “pay dirt.”  She spies Eva at Cartier exchanging Chuck’s gifted watch for cash.  Immediately, Blair goes running off to the Empire Hotel to rat out the girlfriend of the boy she supposedly “no longer cares about.” 

Chuck confronts Eva about the watch.  However, before she can answer, his maitre d comes to Eva’s rescue.  He admits that Eva gave the cash from the watch to him, so that he could help pay the mortgage for a close relative, who was at risk of losing her home.

  (Color me impressed.  I didn’t know the writers on Gossip Girl were aware there was a recession happening, at all!)

And you all know what this means for our girl Blair, right?

ONE!

Not one to give up so easily, Blair commandeers Serena and Dan to help her dig up some cyber dirt on the elusive Eva.

While Serena and Dan listen in from the comfort of La Casa de Waldorf, a wired-up Blair confronts Eva at a puppy adoption charity event.  Once there, she expertly plies the gal for information . . .

Why does this whole scenario seem so familiar to me?

Oh yeah . . . now, I remember!

The stupid guileless Eva keeps babbling on and on about her life, when finally, she reaches the part about her fateful rescue of Chuck Bass.  Apparently, Eva found Chuck in Prolovka, the Red Light District of Prague.  Searching the term “Prolovka” on the Internet, eventually leads Nate and Serena to find Eva’s HOOKER WEBSITE!

Blair, once again, is thrilled . . .

She can’t wait to go to Chuck’s charity gala, and break the bad news to him.  (What a good “friend!”)

Unfortunately for Blair, the news gets to Chuck, before she has a chance to tell him.  Chuck immediately confronts Eva, who comes clean about the whole thing . . .

So, at the gala, when Blair tries to break the news to Chuck, he totally blows her off!

Then, just to prove how cool he is with the whole “Happy Hooker as Girlfriend” thing . . .

“What’s good enough for Richard Gere, is good enough for Chuck Bass!”

 Chuck announces at the gala that he plans to give Eva FIVE MILLION DOLLARS . . .

 . . . to donate to the charity of her choice. 

TWO, Blair!

Desperate times call for desperate measures.  If Blair can’t find a dark truth about Eva F*cks Alot to make Chuck dump her, well, then, she’s just going to make something up!  Blair gets her shot, when she finds a manilla envelope containing Chuck’s personal effects.  Said effects had conveniently just been recovered from Prague, despite his accident having pccurred months ago. 

 Blair takes the envelope from Chuck’s maitre d, and swipes his passport.  She then tells Chuck that she found his passport in Eva’s bag.  Thus, proving, once and for all, that Eva KNEW who Chuck Bass was when she rescued him.  (And, therefore, was probably using him for money.)

When Chuck hears this, he is outraged.  He lashes out at Eva, who agrees to leave, without explicitly denying Chuck’s allegations.  And yet, when Chuck learns of the existence of the envelope containing the passport, from Lily, he knows he’s been played by Blair, and that Eva had been honest with him all along.  (Well . . . except for the whole “sleeping with guys for money” thing.)

Chuck rushes to stop Eva from leaving, but her decision has already been made.  “Please don’t leave me.  Everybody leaves me,” Chuck whines like the petulant five year old he can sometimes be.

“No, not everyone leave you . . . only your Whore of a Mother, the Girlfriend you cheated on with a Slutty Zombie Raccoon, and the Slutty Disney Princess you accused of being a Golddigger,” replies Eva.  (Well, that’s what she should have said anyway.)

After Eva leaves, Chuck rushes to confront Blair.  “Do you hate me so much, that you can’t stand to see me happy?”  He inquires.  “Is it possible that you still love me?”

(SAY YES, BLAIR!  YES!  YES!  YES!)

There is silence, as Blair and Chuck regard one another, the tension palpable, the love and history between them still a definite presence in the room.  And then, Blair says something, that literally makes me throw my shoe at my television.

You’re going to pay for that, GOSSIP GIRL!

“How could I still love you after what you did?”  Blair inquires.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

THREE!  You are so OUT, Blair!

Chuck blanches at Blair’s hurtful responds.  When he gathers up the courage to speak again, his voice sounds hoarse, as he chokes back his own tears.  “You brought me back to my worst self,” he whispers.  “This means WAR!”

“War, OK .  . . so . . . is Hot Hate Sex is completely out of the question, now?”

[www.juliekushner.com]

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Beware of the Creeper (and DON’T squeeze the grapefruits)! – A Recap of Pretty Little Liar’s “To Kill a Mocking Girl”

“Smile!  I want to take your picture!  This way, I can photocopy it 1000’s of times; wallpaper my bedroom with it; and tongue kiss your image while performing various pagan rituals in the nude.  Sound good to you?”

A few weeks back, when I started watching Pretty Little Liars, I honestly chose it because there wasn’t much else on television at the time.  I figured it would be a guilty pleasure — good for a few laughs and snarky one liners made by me, at the characters’ expense.  But, now, I am three episodes in, and all I can say is . . . WOW!  This show is WAY better than a summer replacement on the “Good Little Christian” cable network, has any right to be . . .

Did I mention it has more attractive, yet VERY creepy, men than an episode of The Bachelorette?

It’s enough to turn a straight girl, gay!

Let’s get on with the recap, shall we?

The Blair Bitches Project

When the episode opens, the girls inexplicably decide it would be a GREAT idea to head out into the dark and creepy woods — very close to where their friend Ali very likely met her demise (assuming she’s actually dead, of course) — in order to “pay tribute to her memory.”  This is undoubtedly because these girls were all too young to have seen The Blair Witch Project.  Therefore, they have no idea just how frightening “dark and creepy woods” can be.  (Consequently, they also probably have never experienced the unique joys of “shaky cam,” or of being able to look up a crying college student’s snot-filled nose on a very big screen.)

Might I interest you in a tissue?

The girls abandon their plans, upon hearing some disturbing noises in the woods, and receiving a highly threatening message from the mysterious “A.”  A says that it is “open season on liars” and that they are “being hunted.”  (It is the sort of message that, upon receipt, a teenage girl would absolutely bring to the cops if: (1) she wasn’t starring on a TV show dependent on her NOT behaving like a logical human being; and (2) the one “cop” in town that could help wasn’t the, quite possibly INSANE, Deputy Douchey.)

“I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!  And teenage murder suspects . . .”

Hanna Goes for a Little Drive . . .

When the episode begins, Hanna wakes up to find that, once again, Deputy Douchey has spent the night in her home, and had his “grapefruits squeezed” by Hanna’s mother.  (Way to go, ABC Family!  That was a nice little euphemism for “third base” you snuck in there.  Don’t think, for a second, that the kiddies watching at home didn’t notice!) 

While I spent a good portion of last week’s recap reviling Deputy Douchey, and his one-note, mustache twirling, “Cop Gone Wrong” villiany, I must admit that he looks pretty darn good without his shirt on . . .

And his grapefruits aren’t half bad either . . .

Deputy Douchey (who, apparently, loves being shirtless so much he’d feel quite at home on an episode of True Blood) taunts Hanna, when she accuses him, in no uncertain terms, of using Hanna’s mother to get the “inside scoop” on Hanna and her friends.  After Douchey leaves the room, Hanna’s mother magically appears.  Wise Hanna explains to her mother that regularly boinking an arresting officer, just so Hanna can beat the petty shoplifting charge with which he saddled her, seems like a wee bit of an overreaction. 

Hanna’s mother explains that she just loves squeezing his grapefruits this is a “touchy subject.”  (Uh huh . . .  “the subject” is not ALL she’s touching, these days.)  While they argue, Creepy Deputy Douchey stands just out of sight, sporting a facial expression suspiciously similar to that of  THIS GUY . . .

Coincidentally, Mini Me is the pet name Deputy Douchey has for his “grapefruits.”

At school, Deputy Douchey interrogates Hanna once again.  But without the other girls as witnesses, his questions take a highly inappropriate, (bordering on sexual harrassment) tone.  He basically insinuates that Hanna MUST have killed Ali, because she used to be a little pudgy and isn’t any more.  And if weight loss isn’t a motive for murder, I don’t know what IS! 

In a surprisingly smart moment for this heretofore kind of dim-witted character, Hanna realizes that Deputy Douchey’s knowledge of her recent “transformation” comes from personal and private items he found in her home (while having his grapefruit squeezed), and not things of public record, like, for example, the school yearbook.  She calls Deputy Douchey out on this, by saying, “Is THAT how most cops crack their cases?” 

You GO, Former Fat Girl!

Later, in a surprisingly smart moment for an even DIMMER-witted character, Hanna’s mom notices Deputy Douchey snooping around Hanna’s stuff, recognizes that she is being played, and kicks him to the curb!   “SQUEEZE YOUR OWN DAMN GRAPEFRUITS, DEPUTY DOUCHEY!”

Speaking of grapefruits . . .

 . . . apparently, Hanna’s boyfriend, Sean, doesn’t want her squeezing his.  At a big keggar party, Hanna brings Sean to some “romantic” shed, straddles him, and starts to unbutton his shirt.  He rebuffs her advances, and calls her desperate.  Then, in a mind-boggling attempt at courtesy, he offers her his jacket before leaving her now-suicidal ass alone. 

To make matters worse, Hannaa gets a text message from A saying that “Hefty Hanna never gets her man.”  Is it any wonder she freaked out, stole the keys to Sean’s car, and crashed it into a tree? 

Well, actually . . . it IS kind of a wonder, because normal people just don’t react that way.  But it sure makes for great TV!

Spencer’s Sister hates Spencer’s guts, but LOVES the Russian Revolution!

Careful Spencer!  We all KNOW what happened the last time this Crazy Chica didn’t get her man . . .

When we last left our good pal, Spencer, she was swapping spit with her sister’s hot fiance, Wren, while, unbeknownst to either of them, Spencer’s sister looked on in horror.

Melissa quickly kicked Wren to the curb.  Now she is playing the guilt card for all its worth, ripping into Spencer every chance she gets, and forcing her parents to cancel all her wedding arrangements for her, because she is “too upset” to do it on her own.  But she did change her Facebook status on her own!  So THAT’s something!  (This reminds me . . . there should really be a separate status on Facebook that says:  Single . .  . because my sister is a better kisser than I am.)

Clearly having seen the One Tree Hill episodes featuring the “Crazy Nanny Carrie” storyline, Spencer knows her sister is NOT one to be messed with.  So she goes to visit Wren in hopes of squeezing his grapefruits getting him to clear her name, regarding the whole “kissing thing.”  (“He started it!”) 

Having been exhiled from La Casa de Uptight and Unfriendly, Wren is now crashing on his friend’s couch.  And he seems . . . different.  Gone are the argyle sweaters  and the too neatly combed hair.  Gone is the heavy British accent. (This actually might not have been intentional on the actor’s part.)  As a result, Wren seems to be an even better match for Spencer than he was before — younger looking and more genuine.

Wren claims he tried to help get Spencer back into her family’s good graces before he left, but to no avail.  “Perhaps my biggest mistake was falling in love with the wrong sister,” he admits. 

 Awwwww!  I was skeptical at first, but the idea of these two together has really grown on me.  I really want it to work out between them . . . even if that means a life spent living in fear of the wrath of Crazy Nanny Carrie  . . .

Later, a stressed out Spencer, who is too busy having sex dreams about Wren to write her OWN paper on the Russian Revolution, heads to her sister’s laptop and steals hers.  Mind you, her sister’s paper is SIX YEARS OLD.  She has graduated COLLEGE and yet her HIGH SCHOOL assignment is still easily accessible form her laptop. 

Now, I’m assuming that Melissa has purchased at least one new laptop between 2004 — when she wrote the paper — and now.  Because I HAD a laptop in 2004 . . . and it looked kind of like this . . .

OK . . . I’m exaggerating  . . . A LOT!  But, needless to say, Spencer’s sister’s laptop looked pretty new.  This means that she had to have LOVED her high school history paper on the Russian Revolution, SO MUCH that she took the time to transfer it over to her new computer all those years later.  Now, I’ll admit, there were one or two papers I wrote in high school that I kept around after graduation.  (There was one in particular about the way the show Dawson’s Creek dealt with loss of virginity among teens about which I was particularly fond.)  But a paper on the Russian Revolution?  COME ON!

We all know THIS little lapse of judgment is going to bite Spencer in the ass very soon.  Don’t we?

Give Me Shelter from the Slut

Speaking of Crazy Ladies, Aria’s got her hands full with quite a doozy of one, herself.  Apparently, Spencer’s father’s mistress, once a student of his, is now a teacher at the same college where he is a professor.  And her office just happens to be right across the hall from Daddy-O. 

“An apple for the teacher?  Or, perhaps, you’d prefer a squeezed grapefruit?”

To make matters worse, this mistress, named Meredith, seems intent on aggressively insinuating herself into Aria’s dad’s life, repeatedly stopping by unannounced whereever Aria’s father might happen to be at the time.  When Aria confronts Meredith, and calls her out on her stalking, Meredith DOESN’T deny it!  In fact, she basically tells Aria that it’s going to keep happening.  Furthermore, she implies that, because Aria is in high school, she can’t do anything about it. 

 Older fans of Pretty Little Liars might recognize the actress who plays Meredith, Amanda Schull, from her starring role in that very adorable dance film from a little while back, Center Stage . . .

Younger fans might remember Schull from the ABC Family Original Movie, Sorority Wars, which aired fairly recently.  In it, interestingly enough, Schull plays the nemesis of Lucy Hale, the girl who plays Aria on Pretty Little Liars.  Apparently, these two are just destined to hate one another on the small screen. 

 Infuriated by this recent turn of events, and by the fact that her mother continues to be kept in the dark about her father’s affair, Aria dashes off to Mr. Ezra Fitz’s apartment (How did she know where he lived?).  In a very sweet, and surprisingly chaste moment, the pair simply stand in silence, and hug one another close.  Aria cries silently, her head buried in Ezra’s chest, as he gently strokes her hair.  (And I am sighing, and getting all girly for the SECOND time, since this episode has begun.  What are you doing to ME, Pretty Little Liars?)

Emily, Two Psychos, and a Probable Lesbian = The Most Intense Love Square EVER!

“DUDE!  Ease up on the vulcan death grip, and I MIGHT let you watch me and Maya make grapefruit juice together . . . emphasis on MIGHT.”

Emily’s storyline was by far the most intense of the evening.  It started innocently enough, with more flirtation, touching and sexual innunedo exchanged between her and Miss “I Have a Boyfriend Back Home” Maya.  When her boyfriend, Ben, invites her to a “parent-free” party, Emily nonchalantly asks Maya to come with.  Ben is obviously annoyed by the invitation, but SEEMS to brush it off (emphasis on “seems”). 

To further complicate matters, Emily keeps getting intense looks from Toby Cavanaugh, older brother to the now-blind Jenna.  Toby was shipped off to boarding school the year before, for setting fire to the Cavanaugh garage, which, if you recall . . .

 . . . Ali did, not him. 

Spencer remembers Toby and Ali having a heated conversation, which implied that Ali had some very detrimental dirt on Toby.  After his conversation with Ali, Toby took the rap for setting the garage fire, even though it seems like he knows that it was the girls who did it.  Toby (pictured up top)  is actually kind of cute, in a “Norman Bates from Psycho” sort of way . . .

Come to think of it, Toby WAS hiding near the SHOWERS during this next scene . . . hmmm.

Later, in the girls locker room, after having taken a shower, Emily hears a noise, and is surprised to find her boyfriend, Ben, there.  In a disturbing, and seemingly out-of-character scene, Ben pushes Emily up against the locker and forces himself on her, ignoring her repeated cries of “NO!”

Out of the shower nowhere, Toby Cavanaugh comes and pushes Bad Beater Boyfriend Ben out of the way, clocking him hard in the nose.  A highly freaked out Emily extricates herself from the brawl and escapes, quickly dumping Ben on her way out.   

Later, at the keg party, a newly single, Emily arrives with Maya as her “date.”  The two enter into a photo booth (Riiiiiight!  Because every kid who throws a party when his parents are out of town, takes the time to rent a “photo booth” for the event . . . paid for with his parent’s credit card, of course.)

One thing leads to another, and, before you know it, these two are making out hard core, while the photo machine just snaps away.  While the pair is still inside, SOMEONE snatches the photographic kissing evidence . . . But who could it be?

Later that night, on her way home, Emily finds Creepy Toby Cavanaugh playing with an old-fashioned camera.  She thanks him from saving her from Bad Beater Boyfriend  Ex-Boyfriend Ben.  Toby says little, but is clearly crushing on our girl, Emily.  Later, blind Jenna, who overheard the exchange, DEMANDS that Toby explain why Emily thanked him.  “It’s not what you THINK!”  Toby insists.

Is it though?  The next scene shows a disembodied hand photocopying Emily’s and Maya’s purloined makeout pictures and plastering them all over his or her entire wall.  Could the wall belong to Toby?

Did I mention that “Dead” Ali’s bracelet has mysteriously appeared in the woods, since the last time the girls visited . . . even though Ali was purportedly buried with it?

Ooh!  This is getting good . . .

 

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